Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Young Men Catch A...
Aired: 2019-07-05
Duration: 05:57


=== Kawhi Watch Flagrant Thoughts (01:40) ===

[00:00:04]  What's the most flagrant thought y'all had this week?
[00:00:06]  Well, I'm on Kawhi Watch, bro.
[00:00:10]  I'm on Kawhi Watch.
[00:00:12]  The flagrant thought?
[00:00:12]  The most flagrant thought you had all week?
[00:00:15]  You have a thing where you just don't let me finish thoughts.
[00:00:18]  You be starting your thoughts boring, though.
[00:00:19]  You gotta come up with a hammer.
[00:00:21]  I gotta give him it.
[00:00:22]  I gotta bring him in.
[00:00:23]  You like to spit off context.
[00:00:25]  I gotta bring him down.
[00:00:26]  Thank you, Alkash.
[00:00:28]  I like to work myself back.
[00:00:29]  I think it's time to write about a lot of shit this year, Andrew.
[00:00:34]  Thank you.
[00:00:35]  You've been right about a lot of shit.
[00:00:36]  I gotta give it.
[00:00:36]  I gotta give it a shot.
[00:00:37]  And I'm gonna be right about him saying he's staying in Toronto.
[00:00:40]  I don't know, dog.
[00:00:41]  How much?
[00:00:42]  I don't know.
[00:00:43]  How much you want to bet?
[00:00:44]  I don't know.
[00:00:44]  How much you want to bet?
[00:00:45]  Toronto's doing a lot right now.
[00:00:47]  How much you want to bet?
[00:00:49]  How much you want to bet?
[00:00:51]  What you want to bet?
[00:00:53]  What you want to racks?
[00:00:54]  10 racks?
[00:00:56]  First off, I know who your man's is.
[00:00:58]  Why would I willingly just give you 10 racks?
[00:01:00]  Because that's what I'd be doing.
[00:01:00]  You're just insane.
[00:01:02]  All right, so I guess he said, if you're that confident, you put up 10 racks.
[00:01:05]  That changed my mind.
[00:01:06]  I feel like he could just be saying 10 racks if you back off.
[00:01:10]  I could be on Mount Bluffington right now.
[00:01:12]  You don't know.
[00:01:13]  Possibly.
[00:01:14]  But what do you think about Toronto?
[00:01:15]  Like, you know, there was rumors that they were doing the whole thing where Kawhi didn't went leaks getting out where he was going.
[00:01:21]  Now there's like fucking helicopters chasing his jet on the way home.
[00:01:26]  I don't believe none of that.
[00:01:27]  None of that shit.
[00:01:27]  That shit is fabulous.
[00:01:28]  I think Toronto's doing the fucking most.
[00:01:30]  And I think they might be shooting themselves in the foot right now.
[00:01:32]  I think they got to chill the fuck out.
[00:01:34]  Relax.
[00:01:35]  Toronto's chilling.
[00:01:36]  Everybody's chilling.
[00:01:37]  I still don't see how the thought was flagrant.
[00:01:39]  Yeah, I need a flagrant thought.
[00:01:41]  Like, I need you thinking about some shit, like, really thinking about it.

=== Betty White Backstory (04:12) ===

[00:01:45]  Like, I was looking at this 80-year-old woman's titties today before we came here.
[00:01:48]  I was with her at this point.
[00:01:49]  Well, that's different.
[00:01:50]  And she told me that she wasn't going to fuck this dude that she was going on a date with.
[00:01:54]  She was like, he was 50.
[00:01:55]  Yeah, she was 80.
[00:01:56]  Francis.
[00:01:57]  Name is Francis.
[00:01:58]  I got her number and everything.
[00:01:59]  Matter of fact, I got her card.
[00:02:00]  I tried to get her number.
[00:02:01]  I tried to bag.
[00:02:02]  What's her card?
[00:02:03]  What does she do that she has a card?
[00:02:04]  Let me find out what this bitch do.
[00:02:06]  Trip Matters.
[00:02:07]  She books trips.
[00:02:08]  Ah, travel agent.
[00:02:09]  She, yeah, but like she just had a super rich ass still existing.
[00:02:13]  Son, like, wait, but he's dead.
[00:02:14]  He died 10 years ago.
[00:02:15]  So I was like, what's up?
[00:02:16]  Pussy.
[00:02:17]  You know what else?
[00:02:17]  Died 10 years ago?
[00:02:19]  Pussy.
[00:02:19]  Travel agency.
[00:02:20]  So real talk.
[00:02:21]  She ain't realized it yet.
[00:02:22]  She's the last dinosaur out here.
[00:02:24]  But she came up to me, trashed my outfit.
[00:02:27]  Didn't even know me.
[00:02:28]  She just walked up to me in my diner, not my diner.
[00:02:32]  She was like, she's like, what are those ripped jeans?
[00:02:34]  Why would you wear these ripped jeans?
[00:02:36]  Where do you get that?
[00:02:37]  She's trying to neg you.
[00:02:38]  Son, I think she was trying to neg me.
[00:02:41]  Women do that way more than men.
[00:02:43]  She shit on my shirt.
[00:02:43]  It's like, what's that stupid ass shirt?
[00:02:45]  She goes, my shirt's Ralph Loren.
[00:02:47]  All right, bitch.
[00:02:49]  That's what I said.
[00:02:50]  That's incredibly unimpressive.
[00:02:51]  Oh, Macy's ass, bitch.
[00:02:53]  Macy's ass.
[00:02:53]  She's got a shit, bitch.
[00:02:54]  She probably got it in the 60s when it was like $12.
[00:02:57]  Yo, bro.
[00:02:58]  I kept that shit bitch.
[00:02:59]  It can't even follow.
[00:03:00]  It's Ralph Lorraine, son.
[00:03:03]  She was trying.
[00:03:03]  I think she might have been trying to fuck, and I missed the fucking sign, dude.
[00:03:07]  What's your age?
[00:03:07]  What's your age?
[00:03:08]  The oldest woman I'd fuck.
[00:03:09]  Oldest woman is fucking.
[00:03:09]  92.
[00:03:10]  92.
[00:03:11]  That was very specific.
[00:03:12]  You got a woman in mind?
[00:03:13]  Yeah.
[00:03:14]  You know, there's a 92 woman I'd be like, oldest Betty White.
[00:03:17]  You fuck Betty White?
[00:03:18]  I think I fuck her for the story.
[00:03:20]  Betty White's got to be 90-something.
[00:03:21]  She's internet.
[00:03:22]  Give me your best bets.
[00:03:23]  Go.
[00:03:23]  96.
[00:03:24]  I'd say 93.
[00:03:25]  I'd go 88.
[00:03:26]  97.
[00:03:27]  She's 97?
[00:03:30]  She's 97?
[00:03:31]  Holy.
[00:03:32]  She a treasure, dog.
[00:03:33]  Wow.
[00:03:33]  She was a bad bitch back in the day, too.
[00:03:36]  Yo, you ever see young Betty White?
[00:03:37]  Fuck you.
[00:03:38]  Young Betty White was fucking fire, bro.
[00:03:40]  I don't think they had pictures of young Betty White.
[00:03:42]  I think you're going to see a painting on this.
[00:03:44]  Yo, look it up.
[00:03:45]  Yo, young Betty White?
[00:03:46]  Yo, check out that thing.
[00:03:50]  Sick, bro.
[00:03:52]  Sick, bro.
[00:03:53]  Oh, shit.
[00:03:54]  Young Betty White could get it.
[00:03:55]  She looked like Elvis.
[00:03:57]  Ain't that.
[00:03:58]  Everybody look like Elvis.
[00:03:58]  No, you gotta go younger, not this.
[00:04:00]  This is not that.
[00:04:00]  That's a grown-ass woman, Betty White.
[00:04:02]  We need titties.
[00:04:04]  Them heavy tits.
[00:04:05]  Hold on, hold on.
[00:04:05]  Betty White.
[00:04:06]  Oh.
[00:04:06]  Heavy tits.
[00:04:08]  That's a type.
[00:04:09]  Ooh, okay.
[00:04:11]  Look at the curves.
[00:04:12]  What?
[00:04:12]  What the fuck is that?
[00:04:14]  Sick, bro.
[00:04:15]  Yo, bro.
[00:04:17]  Shit.
[00:04:17]  Betty White was a bad bitch back in the day, dude.
[00:04:21]  My goodness.
[00:04:22]  Nah, nah, that's Betty Brosmer Widener.
[00:04:25]  Same chick.
[00:04:26]  Wait, go there.
[00:04:27]  Same chick.
[00:04:28]  There you go.
[00:04:28]  Yo, Betty White had the same.
[00:04:30]  Dumper, son.
[00:04:31]  What?
[00:04:31]  Betty White is the fucking stage.
[00:04:33]  Dumper, son.
[00:04:34]  What?
[00:04:34]  Look at this.
[00:04:35]  Wow.
[00:04:36]  Some young Betty, bro.
[00:04:37]  Y'all couldn't handle that.
[00:04:39]  Y'all couldn't handle that.
[00:04:40]  You couldn't handle that, Cass.
[00:04:42]  Cas, you couldn't handle that.
[00:04:44]  Nah, I'd take it a ton.
[00:04:45]  Nah, you couldn't handle that.
[00:04:47]  I'll take it a ton.
[00:04:48]  Bro, so even though you're... 97-year-old, I wouldn't have to do it.
[00:04:51]  No, she passed like that in Nigeria.
[00:04:53]  She's past your cutoff.
[00:04:54]  Would you still do it?
[00:04:55]  Say what?
[00:04:55]  She's past your cutoff.
[00:04:56]  Would I fuck Betty White?
[00:04:57]  She's 97, 992.
[00:04:59]  I would do it for the story.
[00:04:59]  I don't know how I'd do it.
[00:05:01]  I don't know.
[00:05:02]  Gently?
[00:05:02]  You think it still gets good from his gentle?
[00:05:04]  Still gets juicy?
[00:05:05]  Say what?
[00:05:05]  There's no way it still gets juicy.
[00:05:06]  Now you gotta hit her with a hack.
[00:05:10]  Throw some Saratoga with that.
[00:05:11]  Y'all ain't never spit shine that bitch.
[00:05:15]  You gotta squeeze some lemon on it.
[00:05:18]  Get that citrus.
[00:05:19]  Gobbles of castor oil.
[00:05:21]  Like a fucking, like an old engine.
[00:05:24]  Just rep that some bitch up.
[00:05:25]  Castor oil.
[00:05:26]  Yes.
[00:05:27]  Some WD-40.
[00:05:28]  Oh, shit.
[00:05:30]  Damn, Betty.
[00:05:31]  Damn, Betty, that's the hit list right here.
[00:05:34]  You could tell she was bad back in the day, bro, bro.
[00:05:36]  All right, that was my most flagrant thought.
[00:05:38]  Having sex with an 80-year-old woman.
[00:05:39]  Go.
[00:05:40]  Damn.
[00:05:40]  Akash.
[00:05:43]  Yo, what's up?
[00:05:44]  This is Akash.
[00:05:45]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:05:47]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2.
[00:05:52]  Join the illest community on earth.
[00:05:54]  Unless you're a social justice warrior, then you're just going to ruin the fun.