Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - ALFRED NOT ALPHA - F2 Patreon
Aired: 2019-05-10
Duration: 15:22


=== Letting Complaints Roll Off (09:53) ===

[00:00:04]  I am very less me around your girl.
[00:00:07]  Very less me.
[00:00:10]  Remember when she came to the gig, I let her watch whatever show she wanted in the green room?
[00:00:16]  And then complained about it after.
[00:00:18]  But I didn't complain to her.
[00:00:21]  I just complained after.
[00:00:22]  I can probably hear complaints.
[00:00:24]  I'm not sure if I can do it.
[00:00:25]  I thought it was complaining to be honest, but the idea that the fucking bar that you said to yourself.
[00:00:29]  That shit enraged me, son.
[00:00:31]  We in there watching the game, and I come back from the bathroom, and then keeping up with the Kardashians is on.
[00:00:36]  I'm like, oh, word?
[00:00:38]  You just taking over the green room?
[00:00:40]  Is that what's happening right now?
[00:00:41]  Nah, get the fuck out of here.
[00:00:43]  Call Chris Copo right now.
[00:00:45]  Call Chris Copo right now.
[00:00:46]  What game?
[00:00:47]  Baseball?
[00:00:48]  No, it was a basketball game.
[00:00:49]  Trasko, you weren't there.
[00:00:50]  This is at Levity.
[00:00:51]  No, no, it was at Levin.
[00:00:52]  That bitch was Gotham.
[00:00:54]  Wasn't it?
[00:00:54]  Oh, it happened at Gotham, too?
[00:00:56]  No, my girl.
[00:00:56]  No, no, I thought it was Gotham.
[00:00:58]  My girl haven't been to Gotham.
[00:00:59]  That was the girl you're cheating on with.
[00:01:01]  Oh, sir.
[00:01:02]  Oh, you want me to get cooked?
[00:01:03]  You want me to get cooked?
[00:01:05]  Wait till you get with this bitch.
[00:01:14]  I'm going to text her to listen, too.
[00:01:15]  I'm going to get her number.
[00:01:16]  I'm going to be super nice.
[00:01:16]  I'm going to be like, yo, you should listen to the podcast.
[00:01:18]  She's the Patreon.
[00:01:19]  She subscribes.
[00:01:20]  And then I'm going to just...
[00:01:22]  I'm going to go.
[00:01:23]  It's all good.
[00:01:24]  You know what I mean?
[00:01:25]  She's all good in the hood, bro.
[00:01:28]  Keep your woman away from all these savages.
[00:01:30]  It's all good in the hood, guys.
[00:01:31]  That's all I'm trying to say.
[00:01:32]  I just keep that between y'all.
[00:01:34]  Yeah.
[00:01:36]  Bro, Alex, how many times your girl came into the green room and changed the channel?
[00:01:40]  And didn't ask nobody if that was.
[00:01:41]  It was a baseball game.
[00:01:42]  No one gave a fuck about baseball.
[00:01:43]  Yo, Sunshine.
[00:01:44]  And Andrew's on stage.
[00:01:45]  Sunshine.
[00:01:46]  But you asked the people in the green room.
[00:01:48]  You be like, is it okay if I watch this?
[00:01:50]  I'm a guest.
[00:01:51]  Like, the fact that you could feel entitled to change in the channel.
[00:01:53]  You're on stage.
[00:01:55]  Chris is there.
[00:01:57]  I'm pretty sure she asked Chris.
[00:01:58]  Call Chris.
[00:01:59]  Didn't ask.
[00:01:59]  Call Chris.
[00:02:00]  Call Chris.
[00:02:02]  This is good.
[00:02:03]  Alex, you came in there.
[00:02:05]  You act like you was there.
[00:02:06]  I swear to God, I was there for this.
[00:02:08]  Maybe it's a different place, but I was there.
[00:02:09]  This is Levity.
[00:02:10]  Because I remember him looking at me and like, dude.
[00:02:14]  I was like, did this happen?
[00:02:16]  Is this real life?
[00:02:18]  Levity is the one in Nyack, New York.
[00:02:19]  You know that one?
[00:02:20]  Did you come with us that one?
[00:02:21]  I don't know.
[00:02:22]  Maybe Al came.
[00:02:23]  We weren't doing the podcast at the time.
[00:02:24]  We weren't even doing the podcast back then?
[00:02:26]  Oh, so then I was.
[00:02:27]  Are you sure?
[00:02:28]  Yeah, it's an old gig.
[00:02:32]  Scopo.
[00:02:34]  Yo, I got a question.
[00:02:35]  You live on Flagrant 2 right now?
[00:02:37]  It's me.
[00:02:38]  Akash is here.
[00:02:39]  Yo, do you remember when we were doing the gig in Levity Live and Akash brought his girl?
[00:02:45]  Yeah.
[00:02:46]  Did she do anything in the green room that was maybe a little odd?
[00:02:53]  Let's see, I thought she was being able to get shit for this, but fuck it.
[00:02:57]  She did change the channel.
[00:03:01]  From what?
[00:03:01]  From a playoff basketball game?
[00:03:03]  It don't matter what she changed the channel.
[00:03:04]  It's not her channel to change.
[00:03:05]  It's not Scopo's channel to change.
[00:03:07]  It's way more Scopo's than hers.
[00:03:08]  A little bit more.
[00:03:09]  Way more.
[00:03:09]  A little bit more.
[00:03:10]  Way more.
[00:03:12]  She did put on like some real half-life shit or something.
[00:03:16]  That's what's up.
[00:03:17]  Good for her.
[00:03:18]  How are you defending this, fam?
[00:03:19]  You crazy.
[00:03:19]  I'm a defender for sure.
[00:03:22]  Did she ask permission?
[00:03:23]  Did she ask permission, Scopo?
[00:03:24]  No, I know exactly what happened.
[00:03:27]  Tell me.
[00:03:28]  We went to go like talk to people after the show.
[00:03:32]  So she stayed in the green room, but we went to talk to people and then we came back and then it was changed.
[00:03:36]  Oh, nobody's in the green room and she changes the channel.
[00:03:39]  So you change it right back when we get back.
[00:03:43]  You could have changed it, bet.
[00:03:47]  Scopo?
[00:03:48]  You can hear him.
[00:03:51]  Now, now we didn't change it back, right?
[00:03:54]  Thank you so much, Scopo.
[00:03:55]  I love you.
[00:03:57]  Is that it?
[00:04:00]  Peace.
[00:04:00]  So now we could have changed it back, right?
[00:04:04]  But we have so much respect for your girl and we care so much.
[00:04:08]  And I didn't want to create any discomfort for your girl whatsoever between you and her, between anything.
[00:04:15]  I want her to feel welcome and liked around your friends because I care about you.
[00:04:19]  You know what I mean?
[00:04:20]  So I just said, watch that real house.
[00:04:23]  That's the show.
[00:04:26]  But this is what the bare minimum.
[00:04:28]  I know, but this is what makes you a dick is that you've said this story so many times.
[00:04:33]  That shit furied me.
[00:04:34]  That shit furied.
[00:04:35]  I couldn't believe it.
[00:04:36]  It was mind-boggling to me.
[00:04:37]  It was mind-boggling.
[00:04:39]  That's the type of experience that you just let that roll off your shoulder.
[00:04:42]  Yeah, wait, let that go.
[00:04:44]  But the fact that you defended it.
[00:04:46]  Of course, I'm an event that you're talking about.
[00:04:47]  We've told this story so many fucking times on this podcast.
[00:04:50]  Yeah.
[00:04:51]  Wait, we did?
[00:04:52]  Yeah, we did.
[00:04:53]  We never told it.
[00:04:53]  We've heard that.
[00:04:55]  I remember hearing this story about the fucking channel at the Goddamn Comedy Club at least so four times.
[00:05:00]  We have not talked about this in the past.
[00:05:02]  I think we talk about this.
[00:05:02]  That's the first time I think you brought it up with me on the podcast, which is wild.
[00:05:09]  Why are they angry at me, bro?
[00:05:11]  Why are you angry at me?
[00:05:12]  This show is not a bad thing.
[00:05:12]  Why are you angry at her for changing the channel?
[00:05:14]  She's alone.
[00:05:15]  You just described it.
[00:05:17]  She alone, fam.
[00:05:18]  What you watching?
[00:05:19]  Keep the game on.
[00:05:20]  You watching.
[00:05:21]  You out there getting hold of it.
[00:05:22]  Keep the game on.
[00:05:23]  Keep the game on.
[00:05:24]  Enjoy the game.
[00:05:25]  Boy, I can't wait till you get a girl, dog.
[00:05:28]  Let me tell you something.
[00:05:30]  If I bring my girl to your show, do you know what I mean?
[00:05:32]  She's not going to touch the remote.
[00:05:35]  I'm going to say, hey, whatever's on, you just watch that shit.
[00:05:39]  Maybe Akash wants to watch it.
[00:05:41]  That's what I'll say.
[00:05:42]  Really?
[00:05:43]  Dead ass.
[00:05:44]  I seen you with your girl.
[00:05:45]  I seen you with a girl.
[00:05:47]  Okay.
[00:05:47]  I live with you with a girl.
[00:05:48]  That's fair.
[00:05:49]  I seen how you act with a girl.
[00:05:51]  You talking tough right now.
[00:05:53]  I seen how you act with a girl.
[00:05:56]  What you mean?
[00:05:57]  You act like you're not the most whipped motherfucker with a girl.
[00:06:02]  Absolutely.
[00:06:04]  But that's me.
[00:06:05]  That's me with my things.
[00:06:06]  You ain't saying that.
[00:06:08]  I'm not whipped with your things or anybody else's things.
[00:06:13]  I mean, here's the thing.
[00:06:14]  I can't test it because I never put you in a position with your girl where it was awkward.
[00:06:17]  Exactly.
[00:06:18]  There would never be one.
[00:06:18]  Yeah, because I wouldn't do that to you.
[00:06:20]  You wouldn't do what?
[00:06:21]  Make it awkward with you and your girl.
[00:06:23]  Like changing the channel in the green room.
[00:06:26]  Yeah, or like if she changed a channel and I was watching something, I wouldn't hold it in for three years.
[00:06:35]  Akash's really sensitive over here, son.
[00:06:38]  I'm sensitive.
[00:06:39]  You holding on to this for three years.
[00:06:43]  I'm trying to demonstrate how great a guy I am.
[00:06:46]  You're questioning myself.
[00:06:46]  I have to hold it over my head for three years.
[00:06:48]  I never talked to you once about it, right?
[00:06:50]  I never talked to you once about it, right?
[00:06:51]  I never brought it up.
[00:06:52]  What did I want to say?
[00:06:52]  Let it roll.
[00:06:53]  I never brought that down, Troy.
[00:06:54]  Just let it roll.
[00:06:55]  Let me ask you a question.
[00:06:56]  Like that.
[00:06:57]  I hit that little Hezzy.
[00:06:58]  I hit that Hezzy.
[00:07:00]  Listen, I hit that Hezzy.
[00:07:01]  I got that.
[00:07:02]  Listen, no, no, she hit that playoff game with a Hezzy for sure.
[00:07:05]  She won the playoffs.
[00:07:07]  What is it?
[00:07:08]  One?
[00:07:08]  Is three?
[00:07:09]  Then we make an issue?
[00:07:10]  What do you mean?
[00:07:11]  It's not about one.
[00:07:12]  You're failing to see how it is a little bit of an overstep.
[00:07:16]  That's your thing.
[00:07:17]  And you got to defend your girl, so I get it.
[00:07:18]  I 100% get it.
[00:07:20]  But if it wasn't your girl, if it was just like a dude, and if it, you know, matter of fact, if it was like a guy doing a guest spot, he walks in, change the channel.
[00:07:28]  We walk back like, who the fuck said you could stage a channel?
[00:07:32]  Right?
[00:07:33]  So your girl is there and we didn't say that at all.
[00:07:35]  You're here questioning how I am with your girl.
[00:07:37]  And I'm trying to say there's been multiple times where I was nothing but accommodating.
[00:07:42]  That's all I'm trying to say.
[00:07:43]  I'm a great friend.
[00:07:45]  But if you're going to question how good I am, I got to defend myself.
[00:07:48]  I got to show you how accommodating how I want her to feel comfortable at all times because that's my friend's girl.
[00:07:53]  I want her to be comfortable.
[00:07:54]  You say I'm the worst.
[00:07:55]  You doing worse out here.
[00:07:58]  You watch real house hypes.
[00:07:59]  You the worst.
[00:08:04]  Ain't nobody.
[00:08:04]  No, that's not true.
[00:08:05]  For you to say I'd have treated anybody.
[00:08:07]  Of course you treat her differently.
[00:08:08]  That's my girl.
[00:08:08]  And I did.
[00:08:09]  You should let massive oversteps slide.
[00:08:12]  You ain't holding on to no mild overstep for three years.
[00:08:15]  It's a mild overstep.
[00:08:17]  I don't care about that.
[00:08:18]  That's a little bit of an overstep.
[00:08:20]  Alex.
[00:08:20]  No, no.
[00:08:21]  Let it roll.
[00:08:22]  Is that what you said?
[00:08:23]  Okay, bro.
[00:08:23]  Let it roll.
[00:08:24]  Hey, baby, I let it roll right into you.
[00:08:26]  I just rolled it right over to you.
[00:08:28]  It's a little roly-poly.
[00:08:29]  And then we're going to roll it over.
[00:08:31]  See how you don't want to handle it?
[00:08:32]  You know?
[00:08:33]  You've been holding on to shit for a man long.
[00:08:35]  Oh, my God.
[00:08:36]  Three years for a mild overstyle.
[00:08:37]  If you tell me I'm the worst.
[00:08:40]  I kind of see where he's coming from, though.
[00:08:41]  Well, hey, if you can.
[00:08:43]  If you tell me I'm the worst, I got to give you evidence to why I'm not.
[00:08:46]  I got to see where I am.
[00:08:48]  I didn't say I was the best.
[00:08:50]  You said I'm the worst.
[00:08:51]  So I'm here showing you how accommodating I am.
[00:08:53]  You angry at me for accommodating your girl?
[00:08:55]  That's weird.
[00:08:56]  Yeah, it's not like worst case scenario, like he could have brought it up right then and there.
[00:09:00]  That's when he's like the worst.
[00:09:02]  I would never do that.
[00:09:03]  That's the worst.
[00:09:03]  Okay, let me amend it.
[00:09:05]  No, but holding it in for three years, son.
[00:09:07]  Let me hold that.
[00:09:08]  It was just a change of a channel, B. Let me hold.
[00:09:10]  Let me say this.
[00:09:11]  You have to.
[00:09:13]  The significance of that, son.
[00:09:16]  Like, that's what I'm saying.
[00:09:17]  Like, I would have forgotten that shit.
[00:09:19]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:09:20]  Son, my girlfriend.
[00:09:23]  You said that.
[00:09:23]  Yo, you know what we did for the channel wouldn't be changed.
[00:09:26]  We took the remote with us.
[00:09:27]  Wow.
[00:09:28]  The next night.
[00:09:29]  No, I'm just telling you.
[00:09:31]  I'm hanging out here.
[00:09:34]  Holy shit.
[00:09:35]  Yo, in all honesty, in all honesty, it was me trying to defend myself for you saying that I don't make accommodations.
[00:09:41]  Right.
[00:09:41]  No.
[00:09:42]  And you're not the worst ever.
[00:09:43]  But of all my friends that I have.
[00:09:45]  I'm pretty bad.
[00:09:46]  Yeah.
[00:09:48]  I'm okay with pretty bad.
[00:09:50]  You're the worst of my friends.
[00:09:52]  That's better.
[00:09:53]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:09:54]  That's already.
[00:09:56]  That's it.
[00:09:56]  Yeah, that's how I took it.

=== Real Talk About Being Bad (05:24) ===

[00:09:58]  Oh, I'm the worst ever with girls.
[00:10:00]  And I was trying to sell just out of everybody we know.
[00:10:02]  I relish being that.
[00:10:03]  Well, he doesn't talk to everybody.
[00:10:05]  Of course, he's only talking about it.
[00:10:06]  I thought you meant like, I'm just so worst.
[00:10:08]  The worst is a guy who fucks my girl.
[00:10:10]  Come on, you know, I would never do that.
[00:10:16]  No, no joke.
[00:10:18]  Come on.
[00:10:18]  You know, I would never do that.
[00:10:20]  He would never.
[00:10:20]  Any girl that you're with, he's very like.
[00:10:22]  I'm the most, like, even guys I don't even know.
[00:10:25]  That's the only thing I've never done.
[00:10:27]  You're not the worst ever.
[00:10:27]  There's definitely been of all my friends.
[00:10:30]  You're the worst.
[00:10:31]  And I'm going to tell you, when you get a girl.
[00:10:34]  Hey, man.
[00:10:36]  It ain't just going to be me.
[00:10:37]  It's going to be a lot of motherfuckers.
[00:10:38]  We're going to come over and watch some TV.
[00:10:40]  Hey.
[00:10:41]  We're going to come over to watch some TV.
[00:10:43]  Whatever she wants to watch, this bitch can watch.
[00:10:48]  You think I give a fuck?
[00:10:50]  Hey, bitch.
[00:10:50]  Watch whatever you want.
[00:10:51]  We earned it.
[00:10:52]  Hey, bitch, you get one channel.
[00:10:53]  To be honest, I'm going to be honest.
[00:10:55]  She can watch whatever the fuck she wants.
[00:10:57]  I'm going to bring this bitch snacks.
[00:10:58]  Please, thank you.
[00:10:59]  That's a friend.
[00:11:00]  Yeah, that's what's up.
[00:11:02]  What's that mean?
[00:11:02]  Hey, watch what you want, girl.
[00:11:04]  Don't worry about it.
[00:11:05]  I'm talking to fan.
[00:11:06]  Call her bitch.
[00:11:06]  Call her bitch.
[00:11:07]  Get them bitches out.
[00:11:09]  Cut them bitches out while you still can.
[00:11:12]  Oh, I'm well aware.
[00:11:14]  I got a finite time with this bitch calling her bitch.
[00:11:18]  And I'm leaning into this bitch.
[00:11:20]  Get all these bitches out, bro.
[00:11:21]  God damn.
[00:11:22]  Listen.
[00:11:22]  That's your limitations on bitch.
[00:11:24]  No, this bitch needs some bitches, bro.
[00:11:26]  She needs to feel it.
[00:11:27]  This bitch needs to have the expectations set nice and low.
[00:11:31]  You know what I mean?
[00:11:32]  So when it changes, she's appreciative.
[00:11:34]  But also, I just love all these bitches out right now because when you do try to sabotage something, I'll just bring up this Patreon up.
[00:11:40]  Like, you see this guy?
[00:11:42]  This guy that you were listening to called you a bitch all these times.
[00:11:44]  How the hell could you listen to the things he's saying now?
[00:11:47]  This guy doesn't have your best interests at all.
[00:11:49]  Harder guy to work around.
[00:11:52]  I'm three steps ahead, bro.
[00:11:55]  You remember that video?
[00:11:56]  Put that on private.
[00:11:59]  Whatever one of you Patreons is leaking our shit, this episode may be licked.
[00:12:08]  Oh, my God.
[00:12:10]  Nah, but in all seriousness, I think Akash is a great boyfriend, obviously.
[00:12:14]  Fantastic boyfriend.
[00:12:15]  You love your girl very much.
[00:12:16]  For sure.
[00:12:17]  You know, and that's it, bro.
[00:12:23]  You love your girl very much.
[00:12:24]  And that's improvement.
[00:12:25]  Right there.
[00:12:26]  That's it.
[00:12:26]  You defend your girl because you should defend your girl.
[00:12:28]  Got it.
[00:12:29]  That's absolutely sure.
[00:12:30]  And if you're listening right now, Akash's girl.
[00:12:33]  She ain't going to make it this far.
[00:12:34]  She not?
[00:12:35]  All right.
[00:12:35]  Well, you don't hit the punchline.
[00:12:36]  Well, she might not.
[00:12:37]  I'm not going to hit any punchline.
[00:12:38]  I'm just saying, if you're listening, just know that it seemed like we're being aggressive or anything like that.
[00:12:43]  But obviously, I want the best for both of you.
[00:12:45]  Akash is my best friend, so I just want him to be happy.
[00:12:48]  And yeah, that's it, man.
[00:12:50]  That's all.
[00:12:51]  So I love you both.
[00:12:52]  It's a good ending.
[00:12:53]  You know what I mean?
[00:12:53]  Good ending.
[00:12:54]  You're not the worst ever.
[00:12:55]  You're welcome to, that's all I'm saying.
[00:12:57]  I'm not the worst ever.
[00:12:58]  I'm not the worst ever.
[00:13:00]  There's people.
[00:13:00]  What do you think I am?
[00:13:02]  What do you mean?
[00:13:03]  I like being, I like being like the friend.
[00:13:05]  It's like a girl that's like.
[00:13:07]  If you might not get invited to the wedding.
[00:13:08]  Yeah.
[00:13:09]  Like, yo, fam, if you didn't invite me to a wedding, I would be.
[00:13:12]  I gotta fight for this.
[00:13:13]  Son, you realize that your mom would have to call me on some shit?
[00:13:18]  Yo, real talk?
[00:13:20]  If you invite me to, like, your girl shouldn't be at the wedding before me.
[00:13:27]  Like, when you really think about it, like, why is that?
[00:13:30]  I got more of a place at the wedding than your girl.
[00:13:32]  Why is that?
[00:13:32]  I know you longer.
[00:13:35]  That's it?
[00:13:36]  Yeah.
[00:13:37]  So we should all be marrying our moms that shit.
[00:13:39]  You barely fucking your girl.
[00:13:42]  How often y'all fuck?
[00:13:43]  Decent amount.
[00:13:44]  You see?
[00:13:44]  That's where you just too much.
[00:13:46]  That's why I said you could have just parted.
[00:13:48]  That's right there.
[00:13:52]  We could have tabled it right there.
[00:13:53]  There we go now.
[00:13:54]  Yo, what?
[00:13:55]  You tell me.
[00:13:55]  You say all the time your dick is trash.
[00:13:57]  You say all the time.
[00:13:58]  I know.
[00:13:58]  She puts up a trash dick.
[00:14:00]  That's why she likes me.
[00:14:01]  I'll take it.
[00:14:02]  I'll take it.
[00:14:03]  I'll take the L. I'll take the L. I'm just going off of what you say.
[00:14:07]  I'm working on my dad.
[00:14:08]  Your dick is trash.
[00:14:09]  She puts up a trash dick.
[00:14:09]  Okay, that's all I'm saying.
[00:14:11]  And I would never talk about your dick like that.
[00:14:15]  That's me.
[00:14:16]  If we were to get married, I would never talk about your dick like that.
[00:14:19]  I would appreciate all the dick you gave me.
[00:14:22]  Oh, my God.
[00:14:24]  And let me tell you something.
[00:14:26]  If we were giving each other a dick, you'd be at the wedding.
[00:14:31]  Yo, dead ass?
[00:14:32]  You think I won't be at the wedding?
[00:14:34]  You're going to be at the wedding.
[00:14:35]  But, like, how much of a problem is that?
[00:14:36]  I'm going to have to fight for you.
[00:14:37]  I'm going to have to be like, look, this is a really good friend.
[00:14:39]  Like, he's been very helpful to my career.
[00:14:41]  And she'd be like, he's an asshole.
[00:14:42]  Why do you have to be at the wedding?
[00:14:44]  Hold on.
[00:14:45]  It's even a discussion that I might not be at the wedding.
[00:14:47]  It probably will be.
[00:14:48]  I ain't proposed yet, but...
[00:14:50]  Think about it.
[00:14:50]  Think about it.
[00:14:51]  If you're at the bottom of the bed.
[00:14:52]  We got to rethink this proposal, fam.
[00:14:54]  I don't know if she's the one, bro.
[00:14:56]  You think she's the one for us?
[00:14:59]  Real talk.
[00:15:02]  You think she's the one for us?
[00:15:04]  Take the L back, Look.
[00:15:08]  Yo, what's up?
[00:15:09]  This is Akash.
[00:15:10]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:15:12]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrantru.
[00:15:17]  Join the illest community on earth.
[00:15:19]  Unless you're a social justice lawyer, then you're just going to ruin the fun.