Fresh & Fit - Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women Debate

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Aug. 20, 2025 - Fresh & Fit

02:34:10

Why Black Men Don't Date Black Women Debate

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	And guys, welcome back to the 305 podcast.
	We got a full cast today.
	We're going to cover slaves while dating globally in the current marketplace being black.
	Let's get into it.
	Let's get into it.
	Let's get into it.
	Fellas, it is Tuesday night.
	It could be anywhere in the world.
	You're watching us here.
	Thank you for watching.
	So without further ado, welcome to the show, people.
	I'll start here.
	Name Adrid for Living.
	do for living and then of course guess last of course so sorry into the mic hi my name is Ashley I'm 27 and I'm in sales my name is Tashana I'm 28 and I'm a teacher all right my name is Liesia I'm 30 and I'm a serial entrepreneur wait Liesia Liesia that's a crazy name okay like you're in asia just saying Hello,
	I am Miss Manassa and I am 42 and I am a therapist.
	I do individual and family therapy.
	Oh, wow.
	Hi, I'm Alexa.
	Guess my age?
	I am a broker and check out my website blackbusinesslists.com new directory.
	All right, business owner boss babe.
	No.
	No.
	What's up?
	What's up?
	Welcome back, bro.
	Welcome back.
	It's been a while.
	It's been a while, but it's been good, man.
	How you been?
	Been maturing, been growing.
	Traveling the world?
	Yeah, been seeing things, you know, I gotta check it out.
	I gotta learn, come back and report home.
	So, um, you know, the break has definitely been, um, we'll say productive.
	It's gonna, it's gonna give us some more value to contribute.
	Do you think just real quick, being a Public Book Board is viable nowadays?, more valuable than dating?
	Well, I mean, I definitely would consider myself a passport bro, and I think that's a very tricky term.
	I think that term is more so used for other people to try to fit it in a box.
	I think the guys that are actually traveling, there's so much variation as to why guys would be traveling, you know what I mean?
	So, and I think everyone that's using that word might have a different understanding of it.
	But for me, it's never been a passport bro.
	I've been traveling since I was a kid.
	But I did see a lot of guys traveling, a lot of guys abroad doing their thing, a lot of Americans.
	Most of the behavior is pretty embarrassing, to be honest with you.
	Sad.
	Yeah, it's pretty sad.
	It's pretty sad, pretty desperate.
	But yeah guys, if you want to travel, I think we're going to get into that type of content later and kind of point guys in the right direction.
	But it's not as simple as, you know, getting on a plane and landing and speaking with the women.
	People don't know who you are maybe from the past videos or the past qualifications.
	No, we ain't going to address that now.
	No, no, no.
	Who is the person right now?
	On a later date.
	On a later date.
	New people that don't know who you are.
	New people?
	I mean, yeah man, I had some times back with Fresh and Myron, the Fresh and Fit podcast when it first started.
	It was a beautiful time, man.
	It was a beautiful year.
	He's a trainer, staff YouTuber.
	slash travel expert code.
	Let's check him on YouTube.
	All that good stuff.
	There you go.
	You know, recruit a lot of ladies.
	A lot of girls.
	You contributed a lot to the show.
	So, Joe, we're still here.
	Welcome back.
	Yeah.
	Dom.
	Yeah.
	Dom Luka, Breaker and Narratus, most dominant black journalist in America.
	Definitely probably one of the most dominant in the West.
	Let's go.
	Also, Dom.
	He's the only person I know that has dreads and a big ass chain that goes to the White House.
	That's why I got the name, Breaker and Narratus.
	There you go.
	And then last but not least, Jeff, Axe Brother Podcast, 10 years in...
	And trauma started to fight therapists.
	And tell them who you are.
	As you stated, my name is Jeff St. James.
	I recently started a podcast called Ask a Brother Podcast.
	Went trending, I believe, July 3.
	And from July 3 till now, we've gained over 21,000 subscribers on YouTube.
	Yeah.
	So, you know, honored and grateful for the opportunity.
	It seems like there's a message that So we got a full cast and certified therapists because we all need therapy here right?
	I know I do.
	Kind of.
	No, we all need therapy.
	Definitely.
	So let's start off the topic for today, the current state of black dating globally.
	Jeff, take lead.
	Okay.
	Current state.
	Yeah, so the current state is actually pretty dismal.
	in terms of the black community specifically, but also in terms of Western countries.
	I think it's pretty obvious for people who've been paying attention.
	Divorce is pretty high.
	Marriage is pretty low.
	It's the a lot of finger pointing about why that is.
	So this particular episode, we decided that one half of the black community, black women, there's a lot of stereotypes about how you all are seen.
	There's a lot of negativity.
	There's a lot of, you know, negative attitudes about how you're seen.
	And I think that this would be a really great opportunity first to give you a voice to actually speak on how does it feel?
	Is it true?
	Is it false?
	Is it a hybrid of both?
	And then also us as men being able to hear your questions and also your grievances.
	And then hopefully we will even expound on, well, how do you feel about black men currently?
	And I think that if we can give space for that, you all will start offering it and then hopefully you'll be open to hearing what it is that we have to say.
	And I do think that as men, when we don't actually ask for y'all opinions, when we don't actually ask for how y'all think, this is what ends up happening.
	It seems like we're just talking at you instead of listening.
	So my hope and goals is that this is just one of many podcasts to come where we start to shift how we see and talk to each other.
	And my lens is I'm not just talking to you all.
	And you all are just talking to me.
	We're talking to all the men and women that look just like us.
	And how we talk to each other shapes how people look at our community.
	If their women don't respect their men, if their men don't respect their women, why would anybody else respect us?
	All right, so that's really the topic for today, and we'll go from there.
	Marcia, who wants to start?
	First question for us.
	What is the first question?
	Oh, it's your question.
	I don't know it yet.
	Do you ask it?
	I have to take out my phone.
	You want to go first?
	My bad.
	In my notes?
	I can see her.
	Oh, I didn't even see her.
	Oh, but my queens.
	Just to turn the volume down on the side, just in case.
	Oh, no.
	It's off.
	It was because I was on the Instagram post.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So my first question for black men is, do you believe black men and black women love each other differently or are we just taught to express our love differently?
	Can you repeat the question?
	Yeah.
	No problem.
	Do you believe black men, I'm sorry, my voice cracking.
	Do you believe black men and black women love each other differently or are we taught to love each like express our love differently that's a good question differently and compare it to who to each other like but male and female or like how a black man expresses his love versus like how a black woman expresses our love like oh gender differences i would think it's more gender than racial with that Like,
	yeah, I think the man's talking about only gender, though.
	Well, y'all said to make the questions about black men.
	Why hell?
	Why are y'all confusing me?
	No, no, I'm not confusing.
	Do you want me to go to question number two?
	What are you saying differently?
	I'm just trying to say if it's like comparing it by races or are you comparing it by races?
	Whatever you feel like you want to but it's your question i mean it's your question so i mean the way that i framed my question was like i guess more gender focused but specifically i don't know how white people love each other i don't even know how we love each other you're talking about black men versus black women that's what i'm saying yeah we're clear okay perfect go ahead you got it first oh oh so uh So just pretty much you're saying black men and black women love each other differently.
	So yeah, the man and the woman loves each other differently is what you're pretty much saying.
	Well, I'm asking like, okay, so I got it.
	I got it.
	I'm saying, do you believe we love each other differently or do you believe we just express it differently?
	I think we love each other differently.
	Also express it.
	I think both can be true.
	Yeah, definitely.
	Because the man, he doesn't express his love the same way a woman would.
	Whether he's black or white, we're not technically really that vocal, especially black men.
	We're less vocal.
	The more we speak, the more insignificant we appear in a woman's eyes a lot of time.
	It depends on a lot of the women.
	A lot of women don't like men that say too much because he has too much time on his hands.
	But a woman, a man wants a woman.
	that talks too much so you can tell her to shut up like you gotta have that balance like you need something like a balance they express themselves from their words and their emotions men they express themselvesves through their actions.
	So it's completely different.
	I do think we love each other differently.
	With Anna, can I follow up on that?
	Do you think we were taught to love each other differently or is it like we are different by nature?
	I think by nature.
	I think it's a nature thing just because if you look even at the beginning of the Bible, Adam and Eve, they had their own set positions when they were brought on earth itself.
	So I think so, yeah.
	Ever since beginning, we all have our own positions.
	I mean, I think definitely instinctively, yeah, we obviously behave differently.
	We bring a different value and energy to all relationships, whether they're personal or family or romantic.
	I think the issue exclusively with the black community, and it's spreading, right?
	And again, I think that's with friends, family, business, as well as romantic.
	I think we're just not being taught how to be well-adjusted human beings in any setting whatsoever.
	But where we suffer the most.
	is the relationships because it's the most emotionally charged and then also it's the most significant.
	Whereas family, you can have those falling outs.
	You're still going to be brothers and sisters, you're still going to be cousins, you're still going to be auntie, uncle, mom, whatever.
	The relationship part, we keep on separating before we figure out how to correct our behavior so we go on to the next relationship and ruin that also.
	And then we keep blaming the other gender and we never would talk anyway.
	I love that.
	What about you, Fresh?
	I'll say this, man.
	So I'm from Barbados and obviously, you know, it's predominantly cheese on bread, black.
	And, you know, I enjoy my black queens over there and here in America.
	The problem is that, like, I think as a guy dating, especially if you're on the way to be successful or on the way up, some of you get jealous of us.
	And let me explain what I mean.
	So for example, let's say I'm doing well for myself and I'm climbing up the ladder.
	Whatever reason you want to challenge me.
	It's competition.
	It's like, why do you compete with your man?
	You get me?
	So for me, I think that's another point as well because we're trying to get to, you know, the top of the ladder.
	And for whatever reason, you guys try to pull us down when we're doing that.
	Also, in the bedroom, I'm trying to smash, right?
	Dog.
	I'm pulling the hair, it comes out.
	That's just crazy to me.
	But then again, dog.
	I'm just saying, bro, keep it real.
	So that's the point I want to put there.
	But again, you know, you guys can do better.
	That's all I'm saying.
	Can I happen to the snow bunnies?
	That wasn't her question.
	They tracked.
	They tracked.
	The tracks don't slip behind the micro lens.
	No, that's not the taping.
	Hold on, hold on.
	I'm going to hold fashion foot to the fire.
	Hold on, hold on.
	That wasn't her question.
	So now I'm going to pose this question.
	Have you ever been loved by a black woman?
	Of course.
	That's, you know, not related to my religion.
	Of course.
	Yeah.
	Are you sure?
	My first girl, I shouldn't like what she was like.
	My second girl was black.
	Huh?
	Snowbunny killer.
	Sorry.
	But the problem is, like, for example.
	I was in my island, right?
	I wanted to leave.
	She's like, don't leave, stay here.
	But it's like, it's all selfish.
	And I can say that for most women, of course.
	But, like, generally speakinging, that in particular was like, okay, I'm trying to do better for myself, excel, and become successful.
	Come to America.
	Thank God I came here.
	Yeah.
	But you want me to stay because you want to be selfish.
	However, I came over here.
	Same shit.
	Oh, don't work late.
	Come party with us.
	No, nigga, I'm trying to be successful.
	So to me, it's like, you're trying to hold me back from my dreams.
	And white women be like, what do you need?
	Hispanics be like, I'll come for you.
	So I'm just saying the cultures are different.
	You got me?
	Hold on.
	But hold on.
	The expectation is different because the white girl doesn't have entitlement to you.
	So you said earlier that you feel feel that black women act as if you're competing with them.
	Well, what's the opposite of competing?
	Working together?
	Team.
	So if they didn't feel like they were on home team, then you only left them the option of being competitive.
	So a lot of black women don't feel that they're on the same team with us, which is why we keep referring to ourselves as black women and black men as opposed to black people.
	So this is the issue with black women.
	So this is why they have an issue when they see us with non-black women, because they feel like there is an entitlement there, because they feel like we're supposed to be home team.
	Okay, so I'm home team, I'm playing the game, you fight against me, that's not teamwork.
	when the last time you been home team i'm just curious okay so i went to the motherland like two weeks ago no it's not like a month ago and i was there with a with a sister like you took one with you you took a woman with you yeah we had a time.
	And she came back here.
	Listen, I'm just saying that that's what I've seen myself personally.
	And other people I know are successful, the same thing.
	I got friends at NBA, NFL same shit But can I give you some stats real quick, just really quick?
	Did you know that the majority of married couples, like black marriages?
	We mainly marry each other.
	It looks like what they show in the media, like, oh, every successful man, they go get them someone outside.
	Actually, if you really look at the numbers, we marry more of each other than outside of the race.
	Yeah.
	But a question for you.
	Is this a successful black man?
	Yes, yes.
	Or you mean the average of black men?
	No.
	So she means it's not famous.
	No, it's both.
	If you can look at both numbers, the only reason why, it's, for some reason, media will only show more of the people who are interracially married.
	Okay.
	Two of our biggest basketball players in the league are married to black women.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but that's in, I mean, isn't a gender?
	Steph Curry, LeBron James?
	No!
	I'm gonna wait, nigga!
	LeBron James!
	You know that nigga does?
	I don't care about him!
	I don't care about his extracurricular activities!
	Right now, Drake came out and told the truth of what happened to LeBron.
	That nigga smashed some bunnies like a yesterday.
	Okay, but he smashed, but he didn't marry him.
	He didn't marry him, broke rein with them.
	He didn't broke rein with them.
	I'm glad that he's choosing the image over anything.
	Let him do that.
	You choose the snowbag.
	Hold on, hold on, one second.
	One second.
	Because with her initial question about if black men and black women express and love the same way and express their love in the same way, the obvious answer is clearly no.
	What I'm more interested in is how that expression, how we're defining love.
	All right.
	And my initial issue and concern, and I'll do both men and women.
	So it don't come off like I'm only targeting one group.
	And what's your name, sir?
	Dom.
	As Dom said pretty eloquently, actually, men tend to view their love through the lens of action service my view like for a lot of men's view is if I'm doing provision protection you know things of that ilk I'm coming home every day I'm loving you all the other stuff that falls outside of that that in their mind that has nothing to do with love so that's for them why they kind of can separate sex versus love because
	that's how he sees it from what he's trying to express Am I saying that's the right way to do it or that's the healthy way to see it?
	I'm just saying that that's how men see it.
	On the flip side, women seem to lean more heavily with the concept of love with it being based on their feelings and emotions.
	So the problem with that is although it's true, both sides, you got to like each other, but you won't always like each other.
	You got to care about each other, but there's moments when you don't care about the other side.
	And the issue is that when you lean too heavily with the feelings and emotions side, you're now going to start making really drastic and harmful decisions.
	So when it comes to expressing love, One way to view this is through the lens of vows.
	When men and women give vows to each other till death do his part and sickness.
	and health, richer or poorer, that seems to be a disconnect with what it is that women are claiming when they say that they love a man.
	Why do we say this?
	If you're saying you love him and then you're giving all these oaths that's holding you to the standard of staying long term till death do us part, but we're having such high divorce rates.
	We're seeing you all leaving.
	Not necessarily just because he is or isn't doing certain things.
	Or let's say he is not doing certain things.
	The concern is from the male side, when we see what you mean by love, what you actually mean is, I love you until I don't.
	So you know what I love is conditional.
	So the issue is men actually don't believe you all are loyal to us.
	We actually believe you're loyal to your feelings about us.
	So just to clarify, that's how men and women are looking at this concept of love.
	So when you're looking at...
	And A, it's not totally accurate.
	It's not real life.
	And you're comparing and contrasting not only to what the media is showing you, but also social media.
	Well, she got this ring.
	Well, if you really loved me, you would do this.
	Well, you should have been able to afford that.
	Or now you're basically saying, I can't even submit or love a man until he makes X. You didn't just come up with that on your own.
	So now your definition of love is not even just being led by your feelings and emotions.
	Now it's being led by external things that has nothing to actually So I'm going to tell you what my personal made-up definition is right here in the moment.
	Yeah.
	Love for me is the ongoing commitment to stay, to serve, to provide and to nurture.
	Period.
	That's love.
	Everything else we're adding are bonuses.
	The ongoing commitment, the intentional decision to continue to serve, to protect, to provide and to nurture.
	That's love.
	everything else we're doing when we're in and out of relationships and putting all these crazy lofty standards on each other Everybody can do that.
	But for me, I think that's a base foundational level that I can clearly see whether she's loving me or not.
	Does that make sense?
	Real quick, she had a disagreement because I get what you're saying.
	You said it's not true how a man's human for feelings earlier?
	Yeah, I was just saying that because I can't speak for everybody.
	I can only speak for myself.
	I just feel like if you actually love somebody for who they are, it's like, oh, it sucks.
	I'm about to say this.
	If I love somebody for who they are, no matter what they do to me, I'm going to continue to love them because I'm not just loving my feelings for you.
	I love you as an individual.
	So if I love you as an individualal, that means I accept you and all your flaws no matter what.
	And despite how I feel, like I'm not too into social media.
	I try not to be because that is kind of like the disruption of relationships and you're constantly comparing yourself to other people.
	And that goes for both.
	So if a man is saying, okay, he can give this to her, but I can't do that for my girl now.
	And I don't need her.
	I don't need whatever you're giving to this woman.
	I don't even know her.
	I don't care what she's doing.
	You know what I'm saying?
	So I feel like.
	For me specifically, I love people for who they are.
	I don't obviously if you upset me or whatever the case is, we're going to have to take our space.
	We have to be alone.
	We need to think before we can come back and be in union together and actually have a conversation.
	But if I don't love you for who you are, first, I'm not going to get myself in feelings about you.
	And then now I'm kind of using my feelings as like a control mechanism in a way.
	And I'm sure we all have been there where it's like, we feel crazy.
	But it's like, if I'm like, and this happened to me recently where it's like, I felt like I was like, I like somebody so much, I was in love.
	But I'm there so deep that I lost myself.
	And then it's like, oh, shit.
	But then it's like, I still love him.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I still love him like to this day.
	Just like who he is as a person.
	So it's like somebody can even talk about him.
	And I will be like, I know, I'm like, he hey, I know.
	He's like, wait, I'm here, baby.
	I still don't know.
	Hold on.
	Just to respond to what she's saying.
	It's important in these conversations where we're talking about things in general, when we're not being specific, to take our own personal experience and project that onto society and everybody else.
	If most women thought like you did, they wouldn't be initiating 70 to 80 percent of the divorces.
	So the reality is you may love people for who they are.
	and be able to accept them and their flaws and their shortcomings and their low points.
	A lot of people are not able to do that.
	Gotcha, bitch.
	Now with men and women, now with men and women, that looks different.
	I don't actually think it's a gendered issue.
	For men, I genuinely do believe the more that we're able to master and lean in on our purpose, our values, and our ability to maintain the commitment that we've offered to her, that is the ultimate form of us being able to show that we love this woman.
	For women, the ability to not be led primarily by her emotions when they are negative, and still be able to show up, still be able to be present, still be able to cook.
	still be able to be nice and nurturing even when she don't want to.
	And have sex.
	Okay?
	That's love.
	A lot, how many men are in marriages and relationships that say it was after she got comfortable or when things are going south or between us the sex decline the intimacy decline so it's not based on your love it's based on your feelings in the moment for when so when you love him this is how you showing all these things but when your feelings change all those things disappear so that's the thing that we're as a man i'm communicating and saying that's why we see it so differently what if you reversed it You
	know what?
	I don't like her right now.
	I don't love her right now.
	So I'm not going to pay the bills right now.
	Nope.
	I'm not going, I know the charge got to be taken now, but I'm not going to take the trash out no more.
	I'm just going to let the trash pile up indefinitely in the house.
	Yeah.
	Till she appreciate me.
	If he started nitpicking and picking all the things that he just decided he's just not going to do anymore, you're going to learn very quickly and feel like this man doesn't love you anymore.
	Men by default, because they're not initiating all of the breakups and divorces, are staying in relationships when they aren't even loved.
	Or happy.
	Right?
	So that's how it just looks a little bit different.
	We can't take our male brain and project it onto women.
	And we can't take our female brain and say, well, this is how I think or this is how I feel.
	So therefore, this is what it is for society.
	We have to talk about in general because I don't want to get into anybody's personal, individual relationships or situations.
	In general, this is how to me, I think men and women tend to express it.
	And when we don't express it, this is how it destroys relationships.
	So real quick, I get what you're saying 100% because you think it's going to be more individual and you're focused on the person.
	But the question is, if that was true, where's your man now?
	You're talking to me.
	Yeah.
	We're not getting in the personal stuff, right?
	No, we're not.
	No, no, no.
	Because he's my DM.
	No, no, she's not.
	He isn't Maya.
	Huh?
	Well, Maya.
	I don't know.
	Maya, what are you trying to say?
	What's up?
	You're trying to go back to Maya?
	Because I get your point, right?
	And I think it's a valid point.
	I'm just saying the person that you love or you fall in love became someone over time.
	And that individual you love, you said, doesn't matter what they do, you'll still love them.
	But where is your man now?
	Oh, I wasn't them talking, honestly, before he cut me off.
	Okay, go ahead.
	I was, I was gonna say that I lost myself and I had to go be alone and actually like, come out of whatever it was, like, and realize what's going on and it doesn't matter how much I love you as an individual.
	Guess who I need to love first and more?
	Me?
	Me.
	So, it doesn't really matter where he is at right now.
	Where am I?
	Ask me where I'm at.
	Where am I mentally?
	Before I get into that because respectfully, he was going through whatever he was going through.
	Okay.
	And I as a man, I know y'all go through a lot and y'all don't like to talk.
	Y'all like to be alone and this, that and third.
	But me as a person, I grew up with both my mother and my father.
	And I've seen my dad in spaces.
	And I know we're not talking personal stuff, but this is my life.
	And my life is going to get to general questions as well.
	But I've seen my dad in spaces where I don't like, you don't see men cry.
	See my dad cry.
	What woman do you know is like, oh my God, I see my black father cry.
	My Rastafar.
	No, that does not happen.
	So when you feel me?
	So it's like, but when you see something like that, you see a man in front of you that is crying in front of you now i have a lot of empathy for men because i know oh my god you're going through this now a lot of women might not have that they might not have a father they might not have a brother i was lucky enough that i had that so i can look at it like okay he's acting that way and low key it has nothing to do with me and he might not open up to me or tell me because he did not he was not raised like i was raised so even though he did whatever he did i i'm sorry but when the dudes be like it's not you it's me sometimes they mean
	it and sometimes men have to go through it but men don't know how to process their emotions and i accept that i don't process it like you some and i'm even gonna say it like that no how no and let me not even say that some men actually don't know how to process their emotions and I know that that's okay some men are not okay with opening up to people and that's okay.
	But if I am with you, the expectations are that you open up to me.
	I open up to you and I want you to feel safe and I want you to feel comfortable so that you can do that.
	You're going through what you go through.
	Men have to be a provider, right?
	So if you're not working, if you're not doing, you're not making money, you're not going to be able to give anybody anything.
	You can't even give anything to yourself.
	So it doesn't, I can love you.
	Yes, but what is my love not going to put money in your pockets?
	And that might affect your attitude now, right?
	So I still love you as a person because I know at the end of the day the way you're treating me has nothing to do with me.
	It has everything to do with whatever you're going through.
	And however, you need to process that because even with me, I was definitely getting emotional and I definitely was acting out of character and I knew that.
	I even said that to him, like, yo, I don't act like this about nobody.
	I don't like people for real.
	Like, so I don't act like this about nobody.
	So if I'm acting like this, I need to take a moment, like, wow, I really like this man.
	I need to take a step back too.
	I need to be by myself and refine myself because if I can allow a man to get me out of my character, I need to figure myself out.
	So it is not just, oh, like, where is he now?
	No, there was, there's more to the story.
	And I even was talking to somebody today about it and it's like, you don't, I said, oh, he didn't want to do this with me.
	He was like, well, maybe he wasn't over this.
	And I'm like, I mean, but it's been this long, I'm telling you goodness.
	So he's broke.
	He was like, oh, he's broke.
	Hold on.
	What's Ashley's question?
	No, because...
	Yeah, it was recent.
	No, no, he was recent.
	I can hear the trauma of what she said.
	No, no, no.
	Can you hear the trauma of him not being able to be a man to provide?
	Oh, God.
	But did you miss the whole thing?
	Because I'm not materialistic at all.
	I'm not materialistic.
	What does he need to provide for?
	Here's what I'm saying.
	everything he needed to do as a man but as a man he can't give you what he thinks he needs to give you right so what but what is it that he needs to give me because he took out my trash he cooked me food he paid whatever he needs to pay for for me i don't get my nails done like that when i do get my nails don't guess who pays for it me if i need him to pay for it i'm sure he would but it's not that it's more like we talk about trauma and depression a man is going through something whether he has money or not again men sometimes do not know how to process their emotion sometimes is the key word all right and
	we're talking about emotions not just and again now it's I'm not telling y'all his history.
	Just tell her legally get a mentor.
	No, no, no.
	You don't care if he got money or not.
	You don't even respect him.
	He need money for me.
	I'm sorry.
	He can't be no broke nigga and no bum nigga.
	That's for sure.
	But I'm just saying, like, I'm not about to sit.
	He was successful.
	So I'm not about to sit here and act like he was not.
	So he bought holes of the stuff and not you.
	No, the fuck.
	I wish a nigga would stop hearing me.
	You're not supposed to be.
	Cause it's not here.
	No, no, no.
	It was not that.
	But it was also like a lot of comparisons to like his previous relationships when he was.
	He was in the NFL.
	And then he like, shit happens.
	Like, what the fuck happens?
	I don't care.
	I don't got time to judge nobody.
	Respectfully.
	And look, we talk about him.
	And my dad almost made it to the NBA.
	And you know what?
	You know what?
	Your parents be telling you stuff and you don't believe nothing they're saying.
	They told me that I did not believe a damn thing they were saying.
	I didn't believe them.
	Because my dad said he was going to make it to the NBA and he did it.
	You gotta look at it this way.
	No, but that's the way we're doing it.
	If we 3% make it, that means a lot.
	I know.
	But he didn't make it because he was and he wouldn't stop.
	So that's another thing.
	But I also look at it like, okay, my dad, his whole entire life, he wants to go to the league.
	He didn't make it to the league.
	And now look, you're sad.
	You go through whatever because you are pushed.
	You wanted something and you didn't get it.
	That's your mental.
	And it's the same thing for any dude that didn't make it.
	Because you just said 3%.
	And it's having to put yourself.
	And this ain't just about him.
	This about a lot of them.
	Okay.
	Having to put yourself.
	And I don't mean to cut you off.
	Just for the sake of what the original question was.
	Excellent question, by the way.
	and then connecting it to what you heard and what you just communicated you're describing and saying that these men emotionally aren't knowing how to process and communicate what they're dealing with right that's one of the things with with women fair legitimate critique right we as men can acknowledge that we've had moments or we may still struggle with learning and figuring out how to communicate our feelings and emotions.
	Our issue is, or my issue is, a lot of women that say that have an assumption that when When you're communicating this man doesn't know how to communicate his emotions He doesn't know how to process them and he doesn't know how to share them The assumption is that every woman that's saying that is that she knows how to handle that I just about to say that yeah The reality is, is most of you do not.
	Because that's why you struggle with handling your emotions and being led by your feelings sometimes.
	Because the same emotions that told you to leave the relationship was the same feelings and emotions that at one point told you to get in it.
	So the initial issue is understanding and recognizing on both sides.
	He doesn't always know how to communicate it.
	He doesn't even know what's happening sometimes.
	Pat, like you said, it's not even always about you.
	And when he has all that going on, and you're right, that he's not talking to somebody that's qualified.
	I don't care if it's male or female.
	When you're not talking to a mentor, life coach, therapist, or social worker that's trained to help you bring those feelings and emotions to the forefront to figure out how it's impacting your behavior, how you're showing up, you bleed that onto the person you're with.
	So as men, we're just damaging and hurting y'all left and right, right?
	Bleeding all over you.
	And then, this is the issue on men's part when it comes to love, we're still expecting you to stay even despite that.
	And that's legit.
	You cannot cut me and then tell me how I should cry.
	Or how long I should be bleeding for.
	Or how long I should be bleeding for.
	Or how long to heal.
	Fair.
	Or how high the hospital bill is either.
	Okay.
	Very specific.
	But you get the gist.
	So, in terms of, so, whether it's, I can't punch you, cut you, or hit you and tell you how to feel about it.
	Right.
	Right?
	I can't tell you how long it is.
	to heal about it but at the same time like i said before this work of understanding how we have to show up to better learn each other's communication styles.
	A lot of ladies are struggling with this piece with men because they're trying to get men to think, process, talk, and emote like they do.
	So it's difference between a man not saying nothing or punching holes in wall.
	But it doesn't mean for him he needs to talk about it every week.
	Sometimes he just needs to know who to talk to about it.
	And most men, in order from a therapeutic lens, they feel better when they hear steps, strategies, and they do it and the things that they do.
	And solutions.
	And then when the things that they try to do, it improves.
	the outcome that's it just real quick just after your point let's say i have issues in the nfl and uh my girl's at the crib she's at the crib right and i'm going through it as a therapist should i console in her my issues and just give her everything pour on her or should i go to the therapist myself and say you know what i need for i need real help from a professional It's a mix.
	And I know everybody wants the cookie color black and white.
	Either tell your girl everything or tell her nothing.
	But that's not a relationship.
	That's not reality.
	And she's also not your therapist.
	No.
	So wise judgment is learning what she can and can't handle.
	Her telling her nothing definitely ain't gonna help you when she never knows what's going on.
	So now oftentimes she may start feeling it and feeling like she's done something wrong.
	When in reality it's like you got so much in your head that she doesn't know.
	She doesn't know what she can do to help.
	It'll get easier for men if we start with, even if I don't know what to say or how to say it, at least tell her what you need from her.
	Okay.
	Yeah, right?
	That's fair.
	So if you start with that and she's showing up in the way she's supposed to when you're ready, because she's still checking in on you, because she's still serving, because she's still loving on you, when it's time and you feel like a lot of guys, they go through it on their own and come up out of it.
	They eventually get over it.
	Isn't it better though to do that?
	Not always.
	Because you're not doing life by yourself.
	If you had a child and you're angry and tense and doing all this stuff and the kid is sensing and feeling this and the parent is never saying and recognizing my kid needs to know what's going on that's causing this and I need to stop making them feel like they're responsible for it.
	Eventually the kid's going to interpret I did something wrong.
	My mom or dad hate me.
	That's how our girlfriends and wives feel.
	Remember, if you are a man and you're supposed to be the leader, but you never lead in the area of emotions.
	Guess who then gets to lead what happens with the rest of this relationship her feelings and emotions Jeff real quick yes what about going to the gym as a man I can burn all my emotions in there work it out back to work and back to life isn't that better better it helps you but it but the gym doesn't solve all issues talking helps but it doesn't solve all issues Every piece that we're pointing to from a male perspective,
	same thing with women, there's no one size, there's no one thing you can do that answers all things in life.
	You have to become a well-rounded, healthy individual, right?
	If I'm just, if you come in for therapy and you experience this, right?
	Right.
	The person that comes in every single week, they're talking, they're sharing, they're crying, and now it's we in month six, and you're still talking, sharing, and crying.
	What you gonna say?
	There's no progress.
	You're not doing the work.
	Oh.
	You're not putting in the work.
	Oh, so communicating apparently isn't sufficient.
	Right.
	It's not that it's not important, just like working out can help you.
	It can decrease a lot of anxiety and get a lot of things out of your body.
	There's still more work you gotta do.
	Right.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	So real quick, Chuck DBG in the chat, man.
	Donna Marco for him.
	20 stuff in the chat, guys.
	Help us get there.
	So real quick, you had a question.
	for us as well, right?
	Good.
	From the Bahamas.
	Too big up to the word.
	Jeez.
	Yes.
	Calling you on everything.
	Good.
	Not calling.
	Insider jokes.
	But my question for the black man is, what influenced your preference when it comes to dating?
	Are they based on love, unhealed wounds, or social?
	Social light conditioning.
	Great question.
	That's amazing.
	That's a great question.
	Don't be first, nigga.
	I think you say unhealed wounds.
	I don't think many men or women would even know if they have unhealed wounds and it's subconsciously, you know, a trait that's going into their dating life.
	But I would say for love, at least for me, be dating for love.
	But that's only if I'm actually actively dating.
	So I have to be in the mood for that, that I want to pursue that.
	If I'm not in the mood to pursue love, I don't.
	I just hold out.
	You know, it's got to be in the mood for love because it's a strong commitment if you want to do it the right way.
	I mean, you can't be the same man that you are outside of relationships.
	that you can be when you're in because you change from being a dominator to a protector.
	So all your traits, a lot of them, they change.
	They go from domination, from conquering, from building I mean to building to protect and so you have to give up a lot with your lifestyle so I have to actively be in the mood for love and when I am I'm seeking it on the qualities of love itself okay damn I don't know how I should answer this um you can talk more personal you talk more what what I think generally speaking that that black guys are dealing with I think probably there's a lot of black men whether they realize
	it or not I think a lot of them end up dating based on acceptance.
	So what happens is for us the bar is extremely high and the requirements are stringent no matter what.
	So what happens is with other cultures, the bar seems like it's lower with the individual female, but then it's higher with her family and her culture.
	If you understand what I'm trying to say.
	So it's like, yeah, the Italian girl, she's digging on me and, you know, she's feeling it and she's she's aggressive and she's motivated and all this other stuff.
	But now what happens is moving forward with that relationship, now you have the difficulty with her in group, her culture, right?
	And her family.
	So, so again, that bar is super high for the black man.
	Now when you're dealing with the black woman, it's reversed.
	The bar is extremely high with her as an individual, but her family expects her to be with you, you know what I'm saying?
	With you, her community, whatever, they expect her to be with you, right?
	So for the black man, it's this constant inner search and longing for acceptance from everybody, right?
	We need acceptance from our peers because black men ain't too easy going with who they chill with, who they will be friends with, right?
	You know what I'm saying?
	So that's tough.
	Then, of course, in the workplace., what industry, how are you going to make your money?
	That's going to be tough.
	So it's always tough for us to get the W. So a lot of times, I think we end up pairing up with who shows us that acceptance.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And then, and then, so we all, I don't even want to, like, we, we, we, we, we're looking to be loved.
	I think all human beings are looking to be loved.
	I just think the level of requirement to equal acceptance for the black man is so goddamn high.
	And we see it with y'all because...
	This nigga be 5'8.
	He drive a Toyota Camry.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And like, she'll fuck with that white boy.
	But the black dude got to be 6'2.
	He got to have a rollie.
	He got to get this bread.
	He got to have swag.
	He got to be exciting.
	He got to be dangerous.
	It's like, damn.
	So, yeah, we just constantly like, man, when are we ever good enough?
	And, you know, who do we have demograph-wise that tells us that we good enough from day one?
	Because most of us ain't got our pops.
	And our pops is probably who would be that person that's like, you good enough because you me.
	So you got to be good enough for your pops.
	In the beginning.
	Yeah, if you're not good enough as you get older, he's going to be disappointed.
	And then you're trying to please your dad.
	But I think black men would be better off if we were trying to appease our fathers rather than literally everyone else we come in contact with on the planet.
	By the way, they're calling you Jeff.
	You knew Kevin Samuels in the chat.
	That's funny.
	Yeah, I knew that was coming.
	Yeah, I knew that was coming.
	So I'll say this, man, personal and general as well.
	So growing up in Barbados, I was kind of like a nerd.
	Still not a nerd.
	And video games, you know, play some sports here and there.
	But the attitude and headaches caused me to go a certain direction.
	Because more often than not, it'd be because I would be going to play checkers or like play games with my friends.
	Oh, you're a nerd.
	Versus the white girls are like, oh, he's cool.
	And to me, it's more of like a direction of, you know what, this is less stress and less pressure on me.
	And then my first girl was white.
	different from me so uh i just in that direction i guess uh it made more sense i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i'm gonna go in there i'm gonna go in there i'm gonna go in there Okay.
	It looks just like, generally speaking, most guys I know from either a successful realm or a regular realm, they often go because of the headaches and grievances because for them it's like, you know what?
	I got stressed in my life for my work.
	I'm stressed at like my occupation.
	I don't do that shit at home.
	So at home, I need peace, quiet, and just like tension.
	And whatever reason, they don't get that from their counterparts of the black community.
	Can I just say one thing?
	Sure.
	Because I have a cousin.
	He has a baby mom and she's Asian.
	Oh, hell no.
	Can I?
	Happy nigga.
	Let me just say, I've never seen a woman talk to her man in such a disgusting tone till I've seen her come to the family barbecue so and then another thing do you think that the reason why you have this outlook is that not only have you um just adopted that mentality i guess from barbados but you've also surrounded yourself by other individuals who feel and think the same way as you so you're like not giving yourself like um like an equal opportunity to even give your race
	a chance because you've already closed your mind off and then you went and surrounded yourself by people who think just like you.
	So there's no one like, nah bro, like, I, because honestly women are the same.
	I have white homegirls, I got black homegirls, purple, yellow, it don't matter.
	And we all have the same grievances.
	I used my little word.
	Okay, we all, we all have are the same grievances we all have the same complaints we all have the same wants needs desire i don't know so it's maybe we express it differently so so just before so i'll say this um you're right It's not the color, it's the person and the individual.
	Because I know girls that are white, that are truly trash and the ghettos hell.
	Here's my thing, though, right?
	I was recently...
	And like, I can see myself actually going to get on her.
	Like, seriously.
	And she's not white.
	So I'm not saying that every girl is like that.
	I'm just saying that like, generally speaking, on a general skill.
	You've been hanging with Myron too.
	Less acceptance.
	I don't have to sound like, but...
	So the general population is saying, oh, well, let me stay clear.
	Well, she's getting nerdy black.
	So you give off the aura that you don't really like black women, so if I've seen you in pop...
	Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
	No, let's just say it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You're bleeding all over the place.
	Again, again, again.
	I told you, my mama's black, my sister's black.
	What did I have to do with that?
	They're white inside, but you're white inside.
	They do not act Like Ratchet But what does it have to do with it?
	Right.
	But you keep categorizing.
	No, no, I'm seeing what the world sees.
	You know what the world sees?
	No, you've seen what the world sees.
	We don't care about the world because the world is full of a lot of people.
	Sorry, the statistics are not clear.
	Stop trying to tell me where you're looking at the world from.
	It's not clear.
	No, I'm a part.
	I need to say something to you.
	Let me explain something to you.
	Let me see what's going on.
	What's going on is I was looking about to have your back, but now you're talking a little bit too crazy for me.
	That's funny.
	But I'm Caribbean.
	She's Caribbean.
	You're Caribbean.
	I'm okay.
	You're Caribbean too.
	You're from what club?
	Like born and raised?
	No.
	So born and raised and lived there is what I'm talking about.
	I ain't talking about Americanized Caribbean.
	I'm talking about born and I live in Africa.
	No, I'm not.
	It's not like that.
	It's not like we say though, but like, like, Caribbean people.
	When I first moved to the States, the people that did not like me the most were the black people.
	Okay.
	Let me talk.
	But did you go to a predominantly black school?
	Or are you straight?
	So naturally, mostly black.
	Of course, are going to do that.
	But thank you.
	You went to predominantly black school.
	And I live in Tampa.
	I grew up in Tampa, right?
	I grew up in Tampa.
	Still, again.
	Now it's the black people still not liking the other black people to the point where now the black people are dating white people.
	I used to date white people and it was okay because I didn't have a choice because all the black people liked the white people.
	And I'm not like, it's no, like, it's just like, I've noticed like with, it's more of like an American thing.
	So you keep saying white, which you just said you like a girl that's black and she was from, she was in Paris and she's from South Africa or wherever you said she was from.
	So the question, it's not about the race at this point now, it's about the culture.
	No, it's not like black women.
	You just don't like American black women.
	That's pretty much mostly the case.
	It's more of like the stick.
	Okay, for example, in this room right here, right, I'm sure you guys are all lovely and amazing.
	And again, you're here talking.
	We're on the same panel.
	If I hated black women, you wouldn't be here.
	Just to be honest with you, right?
	So the point is, I don't hate black women.
	I hate when culture is telling us, hey, this is our women.
	You know, we don't want them either.
	So my point is like, we need to change how we act as people because it makes us all look bad..
	And look, for example, I'm considered a tether because I'm not FBA, because I'm not from America.
	And they're a tether.
	They call us a, what do you call that?
	It's called a tether.
	A tether.
	Yeah.
	Because I'm not a foundational black American.
	I'm like, nigga, I'm black too.
	What the fudge?
	I get pulled over.
	So it's an American term, though.
	Black is an American term.
	So they'll consider me black because I'm not American.
	You get it?
	So to me, it's just like this whole race shit.
	But I'm just saying, it's the individual, not the entire race and culture as well.
	So I heard like 10 different things going on between the men and women and I'm going to try my best based on what I heard and key points that I took away from what a lot of you were stating and then what I think is probably going on.
	You said an excellent point and your point about the tolerance factor, the acceptance factor.
	I don't think you all realize how significant that is when you were younger and you picked the wrong guys that you now know in hindsight weren't good for you.
	there were good guys there the whole time.
	They were...
	Facts.
	Corny.
	Lane.
	Nerds.
	Nerds.
	That was me.
	Predictable.
	God damn, man.
	Just to clarify, for every man that you picked, there was a man you didn't.
	So just peep and catch that for a second.
	For every man that you picked, there was a man that you omitted.
	Or 50.
	Or 50.
	To be fair, right?
	So when you're expecting men that you didn't want, that you didn't take.
	that you didn't go on with to wait around to when you may feel like dating them.
	What human being deserves to live like that?
	There's a segment of black men who actually do like and love black women wanted them.
	I went to school with them and I'm going to give you an example from a y'all gonna hate me now of how horrible I was back in the day in my prime.
	When I was in college, me and my very, very small cohort of guys that was going to a predominantly white institution, the PWI, we ran the school.
	We ran the school.
	We ran all up and through the school.
	All right.
	So for every woman that, and we were sharing the same women.
	We didn't realize it.
	We learned out later on when we talked to them.
	Yo, he messed around with so-and-so.
	So what we learned and observed, there were hundreds of guys that were going to the school we were going to, taking the classes we were going to, and they kept coming back to the very guy, 20%, that wasn't even being in commitments, wasn't even locking it down.
	What's his name?
	The football player that everybody's warning about, Travis.
	Travis.
	Travis.
	This is an excellent example.
	He's cooked.
	Everybody knows the story.
	Everybody's talking about the warning, but nobody's talking about all the women that didn't want him until they learned his name yeah but they still don't want him so what i'm saying is yeah they still don't want him yeah so they want what he got right but the point i'm making is a lot of women dr umar who's going through his own challenges right now he brought up a key point about the finish line that when you were in high school and you did go to college there was an opportunity when you all can
	choose your father's not picking your partner it's sexual liberation you could pick your own partners There were young men who were freshmen like you are.
	We started experiencing this in high school.
	When we were sophomores, the sophomoresore girls wanted to date the juniors.
	When we got to juniors and seniors, they're dating 24-year-old men.
	When we get to college, a lot of men were seeing the same exact thing.
	They were going for the older guys that were in school, the guys that were out of school, or the small subset of men that was in the school that can get all the girls.
	Super cool.
	Right?
	So what we're seeing, a lot of men are seeing, there's a huge pool of men that don't qualify for you.
	You're not interested in them.
	You're not checking for them.
	You want the guy that's fun, that's charismatic, that the other women also want.
	When you, a lot of you did that.
	Not all, but many of you did that.
	So the first issue is a lot of men are reacting and responding based off of where they're getting accepted.
	Where they're getting accepted.
	You all don't know what it's like to not be accepted from 18 to 28.
	What I mean by that is all of you will get attention from men.
	All of you will get pursued.
	All of you have been asked out.
	We are the pursuers.
	We're the initiators of asking and pursuing.
	So when you're the not even checking for you.
	I literally went to a wedding two years ago of a guy whose father won the lottery.
	Nobody knows about it.
	But because he's not the most handsome, charismatic, good-looking, fit dude, he only wanted to date black women.
	And none of them wanted him for his entire 20s.
	Wow.
	He ends up with a white woman.
	And everybody's now saying, see, that's clearly that's all you wanted.
	And I'm going to land.
	So the first issue is you got to acknowledge that many of, not all, but many.
	of the men, it's not even that they have to come from a place of being jaded and hating black women, they just go where they're accepted.
	Number two, the standards.
	When Dr. Umar is saying that a lot of our women, because of trauma, because of their mothers or grandmothers talking about what they went through, and now you got to make your own money and the guy got to make this and make sure did you this or that, although that's coming from a place of love, that's also coming from a place of survivability.
	and risk factors.
	And there's pros and cons to that.
	When I was growing up, and even now, when you go to a Chinese food store and you go in there to order your shrimp egg roll and whatever, who's at the counter and who's in the back cooking?
	They're all related.
	They're all related.
	The men and the women working.
	How many people, not y'all in particular, but how many of our women are talking about he's not a real man unless he can afford, blah, blah, blah.
	Unless he's making X amount.
	So while they're building together, your man has to come like a finished product.
	Hispanic community.
	If a lot of stereotypically, if a lot of the men are doing construction work, working in the fields, working to do labor.
	Are there women stereotypically also working cleaning units she working clean trucks cleaning food doing food trucks so hold on so she working the asian woman working the hispanic woman working and they working with their men with their men either directly for their men or with their men and there's a segment not all of our women but a lot of us are saying our men need to be here and then when you all get degrees and y'all start making y'all money do y'all standards go up or down Hold on.
	Hold on.
	Hold on.
	Hit me.
	I'm landing.
	If your standards, if you keep working and you keep making money and your standards are not going down but up, the pool of men that now meet that, it doesn't matter what his race is.
	The man that makes enough money that all the women in the world are saying they want, most of those men don't want to commit, they don't need to.
	Exactly.
	So that's the issue.
	When part of feminism in the quest of making more money and being sexually liberated is you got to pick who you want it, you got to have sex with who you want it, you get to have children with who you want.
	But the part liberal, not liberalism, but more so feminism left out is there's a consequence for that.
	So when you don't want to build, when you want to focus on only the small minority of guys and your standard is going up over time, you're going to fall into a scenario where your mindset is if I'm not getting with the men that I want.
	It's got to only be because the men hate their women or or because they hate us.
	No, you price out of the market is what it is.
	And that's oftentimes that's what's happening.
	If you all look how you look now, I'm assuming that y'all all are ugly siblings.
	We're all ugly ducklings five years ago, 10 years ago.
	Still would have got a nigga though.
	Yeah, you still would have got one.
	So that's some of the things that are being communicated that I think maybe wasn't being...
	being totally factored in.
	Okay.
	That was well said.
	Real quick.
	Yeah, I'll give you a deep thing in the chat.
	If you don't, donate to the show 300 bucks listen ladies i don't like black women okay let's just keep it all the way at 100 i love black women period but did you p hold on just with what he said and what i just said notice that what he said and what i said was actually the same thing nothing that i just said with those experiences y'all choices
	dating options.
	None of that was about we hate y'all.
	That was just your preferences, his options, who accepted them and what the standards were for what's being asked of these guys as we're both getting older.
	Let her go and let her go.
	No, go ahead.
	You go ahead and then let's go ahead.
	I would prefer you guys use the word settle instead of go where you're appreciated.
	Because for us, the word settle is used.
	And we just go where we're appreciated.
	No, that's not the same thing.
	No, no, no.
	When they were talking about the black and the white school.
	Yeah, but that's not settling, though.
	Let me explain to me what you mean by that.
	Hold on, hold on.
	Let me explain to you what you mean.
	We go as women.
	We go where we're appreciated and they tell you, oh, you settled for this.
	settled for that but when the men go where they're no that's not that's not hold on that's not hold on but that's not what you're saying hold on hold on that's hold on That's not where you're accepted.
	That's at the level that you can maintain commitment.
	Let me hear what she's saying.
	And she's just saying, like, if you, like, okay.
	I'm settling for, you will tell a woman, in other words, she's just like saying, make the language equal for both sides.
	So if you're going to say that a woman is going to settle, like, if I am with a white man because that's what likes me, you're going to say, okay, you're settling for a white man.
	That's what she's trying to say.
	But if you say I'm going with a white woman because that's who likes me, they say, go where you're appreciated.
	That's what she's trying to say.
	So she's saying, you're settling.
	for a white woman and I'm settling for a white man.
	We're settling for less, essentially.
	It's the same thing.
	No, no, no.
	It's not, it's not home, home.
	That's not the same thing though.
	I don't agree.
	Okay, I can't understand.
	It's not the same thing.
	Can I come back to it?
	Because it's going to tie all this together, right?
	So the same, the same way there is a pool of black men that are being overlooked, those same black men, there's a pool of black women that they're overlooking.
	Because let's be real.
	No, currently, let's be real.
	Most people like who don't like them, right?
	So you might be a five, you're looking at a ten.
	Let's be real.
	You can't be mad that all the ten s don't like you, but you're a five.
	And there's probably a five looking at you and you're not looking at them.
	Dudes aren't mad at that, though.
	Dudes generally speaking aren't mad at that, though.
	They understand the game.
	The problem is in school, all the hot-blood girls didn't want us.
	Back then.
	Mike Jones, though, will be back now with some money.
	Now they want us, but they can't get us.
	But high school is not your home.
	So that sounds like insecurity.
	You need to go.
	Hold on one second.
	Hold on one second.
	Hold on one second just about this piece of what you just brought up.
	This is the confusion when it comes to understanding the male experience.
	Exactly.
	And the female experience when it comes to dating and relationships.
	Unless you all are virgins and unless you all have never been in relationships before.
	Oh shit.
	Oh shit.
	You don't know what it's like when it comes to never being desired.
	What you learn and find out later on after your teens and potentially your twenties and how long it takes before you fall off is that your options start to decline.
	There are men that never had options to begin with.
	To begin with.
	This entirely different frame of reference.
	Completely different.
	You cannot take the super successful men and say that's the experience for most men.
	I am screaming at the top of my lungs and trying to tell y'all there are dudes that when you came here, there were dudes that you walk past.
	There were dudes that serviced you.
	There were dudes that do all types of things that are invisible to you.
	They invisible to you.
	That's their life.
	Y'all start experiencing that when physical things start to decline, when you start adding additional things in your life that now are now burdens for the next man.
	Buy your own drinks.
	And you don't typically know.
	And you don't always typically know what the quote unquote invisibility factor is until you get older and you have to start buying your own drinks.
	So I've literally heard women have told me this in therapy sessions.
	You can look it up and go on YouTube and type in women being invisible and you'll start to see the decline.
	The reason why it's so distressing to them is because they went from 18 or 16 to 35 or 40 before they started even experiencing it.
	that oh people ain't asking me out as much There's guys that was never a norm for them ever.
	So what I'm speaking to is there's a segment of men.
	Some of them end up in anger and they lash out at black women.
	They use these podcasts and spaces to talk about how horrible women are.
	There's other men who go where they're appreciated.
	There's other men that go abroad.
	But what I'm saying is, be very mindful and careful.
	If y'all don't want all of you to be viewed and seen in a negative light in front of all black women this, all black women that, I was in an interracial relationship.
	Y'all have been in interracial relationships.
	I don't assume that you hate the black community when you did.
	But there's assumption that when we do it, we do.
	Facts.
	Okay.
	So only if it's horrible though.
	Yeah, so when we as men are hearing what y'all are saying, what we're trying to.
	explain is some of the men that you're describing are, you're totally right.
	What you're saying, the settling, the hatred, the bigotry, the racism, there are men like that.
	i am doing life with men who have never in their life uttered negative words about black women they just went damn near 40 years of their life where black women wasn't checking for them.
	So he has to keep waiting for this unicorn black woman that's going to look past what all the other black women didn't want.
	Or is he going to be accepted?
	Where he's accepted.
	Finally be accepted by the black woman.
	But Umar is saying, I phrase it this way.
	If, with me, use me as an example.
	When I was younger, making less.
	was even skinnier than I was now Do you think I had more options or less options less options less options so that means the same not just black the same women all races and cultures that didn't wasn't checking for me when I started making a little bit more money I got going in my career I'm now spending my time with millionaires and on yachts and getting on air helicopters and doing all sorts of stuff and they're seeing it online the very same women That would not go out with me.
	That I think.
	Who look like you are now wondering why.
	Well, why he go with her?
	Why we never went out?
	Well, why we...
	Unless you think I don't have a memory.
	I distinctly remember asking you out.
	That is an experience, a lived experience that when y'all are framing this discussion, you got to remember that last piece.
	You have something and you have something.
	Yeah, I'm real quick.
	Real quick.
	Guys, we're going to cut YouTube, every other platform of the Rumble.
	We're going to have with the Rumble.
	Link is in the chat.
	Come on with the Rumble, guys.
	We'll end a stream here and get crazy.
	So we can break the rules.
	Yeah, we can say whatever now.
	Oh, just go on for like 10 minutes.
	Huh?
	Oh, okay.
	So hold on, go ahead.
	Hold on.
	I want to address both of them.
	You go first.
	first oh that's what they do all the time all the time hold on let's let alexi go and i don't want to address what both of both of they said real quick before we change subject so okay i'm gonna be a little bit of a devil's advocate okay so the guys are the one who decide who to approach who to pick who to choose right excuse me Guys approach.
	They don't choose.
	They approach.
	I understand what I'm saying.
	Okay.
	You know?
	So, doesn't that say something if the person keeps choosing people that don't choose them the guy or the girl which one the guy i'm talking about the guy so i hear all these experiences oh none of the black girls wanted me what those are the black girls you chose well i have a question so regarding your question are all black women the same no no no no no no i know you're not saying that and i'm intentionally framing the question in that way so
	we wouldn't assume that every black woman he's approaching is the same right hold on think think through what you're saying so when you say well he keeps going for a certain type of woman that they that don't want me ask a better question.
	Okay.
	How or what qualifiers do you are men utilizing to pick and choose?
	Babes.
	Or who, even who to approach?
	Babes, watch how simple this is.
	You know what it's called?
	It's called proximity.
	Yeah.
	Before the internet, you could get the Jordans that you could physically walk in a store and find.
	Yeah.
	If you were a sneakerhead, every sneaker you had, you physically bought.
	When you were in high school.
	You didn't order the approaching.
	The girls in high school, when he was in college.
	Exactly.
	When he was, we don't even approach people at work anymore.
	It's usually proximity.
	And this is why niggas go to the DR. Every single guy or every single black man is only shooting his shot with only fans women is a lie it's not just strippers and only fans women they're changing and you got to remember what did i say about standards going thank you when you get when you start making money or you dated the guy that elevated your lifestyle your standards are not going lower so the average guy you now don't see him on the same level with you i'm gonna just be frank with you if you're not a virgin and
	you had a lengthy body count and you going through some trauma and yet you're seeing the other men across from you as beneath you that's the issue That explains that description is a lot of our women that mean that by default you're average.
	Can you put the word in there?
	Hold on.
	You're by default put the word in there because being with that guy is what you consider settling.
	Why it's not the same as when the brother gets with the chick that accepted him.
	She's not necessarily less.
	She's not necessarily less.
	She's just a chick that accepted, right?
	So I'll give you an anecdotal example that I know all the brothers from inner cities can relate to.
	When you see, when you're on the train or you're on the bus and you see Shorty and you're like, damn.
	And you're looking around and you're over there plotting in your head because you got a cold approach because that's the only way back then.
	Right?
	You finna holler at her, but you don't want to holler at her on the bus because you don't want to get embarrassed.
	So you're like, what stop is she getting off at?
	Because it's about to be my stop.
	And I'm going to have to get back on the train to really go where I'm going.
	Right?
	And then you get off and you try to shoot your shot.
	And she's already giving you that resistance and that attitude.
	And you're like, yo, so what's up?
	You know, I want to take you out.
	I want to go somewhere with you.
	I want to get to know you.
	She's like, how are you going to take me out?
	You ain't even got no car.
	It's like, but Shorty, you don't got no car.
	So then you're like, well, I mean, we could take a cab or something.
	And she's like, a cab?
	And you're like, well, I'm saying we could go to a movie or something.
	She's like, a movie?
	You see what I'm saying?
	Now, in her mind, dealing with you would be settling.
	But in reality, you're on the same goddamn level.
	Now, hold on.
	Let me finish my story.
	Now, when you fall asleep on that goddamn train and you get off at the last stop, and you realize you're in the suburbs and then you meet the white girl
	you're getting off the very same train and she got a car because she's 16 and got a license and daddy bought her one and you see her looking at you and you're like yo why's she looking at me like that and you're like yo I think she's trying to throw some choosy signals and you don't really know how to talk to white girls so you just utter some bullshit you've seen on the sitcom and shorty and she's feeling it and you're like, well, Dan, what's your name?
	Kelly?
	And you're like, oh, worry.
	Well, you know, I live over here.
	And she's like, oh, yeah, that's a bad neighborhood.
	You know, my people told me don't go there.
	You're like, well, you know, I could meet you up here.
	And she's like, I'll go there as long as you're there to protect me.
	That's not settling.
	That she accepted me with the nothing that I had and she was willing to fuck with me and see where it goes.
	Now hold on, one last thing.
	And you're going to like this.
	Because this is in your defense.
	This is in your defense.
	He's absolutely right that women from the black community tend to and other women are doing this more, but we are the trend setters anyway.
	We are the trend setters with problems as well as desirable behaviors.
	We're trying to set us on both.
	So he's right when he says that, yeah, these women are passing up on these good dudes and they choose these particular dudes.
	I personally do not judge or begrudge women for that behavior the same way they shouldn't begrudge us for going where we're accepted because we're doing what we feel is our best bet.
	We're looking at the risk versus reward.
	And we're thinking every time I try to make it work with a sister, I get rejected.
	She tells me I'm not good enough.
	She tells me I'm not enough and I'm willing to become more, but I would get there faster and better if she supported me.
	And if I did, even if it didn't work out, I still would look at sisters differently because they fucking home team.
	But when the white chick will let you borrow her car to get to and from that new job, and when that white chick will let you borrow that money to flip that pack, you see what I'm trying to say, even though it's the wrong thing, she's still trusting you.
	So hold on.
	So we're gamblers.
	Men, we assess in risk, but women assess risk also, but they assess emotional risk, right?
	So when these women are choosing these dudes that's at the finish line already, I don't blame them.
	Because they're looking at it as, where did I see an example of Shorty messing with the dude that was nerdy or wasn't the coolest or wasn't an athlete and later he made good on that investment.
	So she's thinking to herself, I would rather compete with these other bitches to get the nigga that's already finished than compete with the world or take the risk with the world that this dude is going to make it happen.
	So I don't blame them for that.
	Yes, it's a it's a bad investment.
	It's a poor investment.
	But yet and still I see why they're making that in the moment because they want instant gratification.
	So at least if this dude ain't going to commit to me hanging or whatever, at least I'm going to find out now and I could also be the victim..
	Now, if I try with the nerd and it don't, it don't become a nothing burger, I wasted a lot of time.
	So I get sisters with that.
	I get women why they just go for the dude that's already popping.
	What do you say, Alexa?
	Oh, i agree with you andy but the point what i was trying to ask you kind of passed over it so the deciding was you saw her and then she saw you and you tried to speak to her and she was not interested and because of that she was wrong in the whole rest of the story no no i'm just saying it's not wrong it's not wrong it's not wrong it's not wrong we're saying this is the consequences of both sexes what they're doing and what they're experiencing I think at the same time,
	a lot of guys are just delusional as hell too.
	Oh yeah.
	Like a woman.
	No, women are more delusional.
	So don't even think I'm going to be a pick me shit.
	But at the same time, if I want to be a heart surgeon, I can't expect to do it with an experience from Craigslist.
	I gotta expect to go to school.
	I gotta expect to have the qualities.
	You can't really get bad bitches until you get the qualities that they're looking for.
	It's delusional qualities, yeah, but it's qualities that exist.
	So we are men, we know these qualities that they're looking for.
	Why are we wasting our time not becoming the nigga that they want?
	Agreed.
	Instead of chasing them when we can't afford them.
	I agree.
	Like, bro, I was lonely for most of my life.
	I turned 28 until I got successful.
	And I made sure I stayed inside until I had enough to come out and it means something.
	I didn't want to stunt.
	I didn't go to the club until I got in the club getting in VIP.
	I couldn't stand seeing niggas in VIP.
	So I didn't go.
	I went my whole life without partying.
	I went my whole life really without fucking many bitches because I said I don't want these basic ones.
	I want the ones at the top level.
	So I knew what it took.
	And I put myself in a position to get what I wanted.
	But at the same time, it's a lot of dudes that's too delusional, bro.
	And it's like, it's wrong.
	It's a wrong reality.
	But nonetheless, it's the reality we live.
	I was very aware that I can't have the bitches that be in my bed now until I became Dom Lucre.
	Jesus!
	Tell them those assessments!
	Trust them, buddy!
	We got to be honest with our situations, honest with our reality.
	And the same thing for those women, they're the same as 30.
	So they get to have their fun.
	First of all, I just started 30 seconds.
	Well, by definition, you'd be cooked.
	And this is why.
	They won't.
	No, let me speak his truth.
	No, no, let me speak his truth.
	I sat there, because you sat there and you sacrificed so much to get to that point.
	Exactly.
	You want the premiere of the premiere.
	You want the Ruby.
	You want the celebrity chick.
	You want the one that everyone wants.
	You want that premier type of woman and typically a younger woman isn't going to give you much pushback.
	You're making too much money to hear bullshit at me.
	So you don't want no pushback.
	Young girl gonna listen.
	She's able to be molded, which a lot of guys like because you need to reflect him.
	You got to go with his vision because he has it figured out.
	She ain't holding that resentment.
	No, we got a chat coming.
	Mal's Enice.
	Most black women are just more difficult to deal with and lack self-reflection.
	They're delusional about what they think they deserve.
	Most girls of other races self more than black women.
	Anyone wants to comment on this?
	Yeah.
	I would gladly do that.
	Black men got equal.
	Got equal issues.
	The word you used was settle.
	The key word is settle.
	Do you feel special because somebody settles for you?
	No, you're saying, you're saying when he's describing the behavior as difficult to work with, you're saying that only the women that endure that are settling.
	No, no, and he said most girls of other races settle more than black women.
	Oh, that's fine.
	I wouldn't agree.
	I wouldn't agree with that.
	No, whatever.
	What I'm getting at is if you're getting lost in semantics, verbiage, words, and not the outcomes of what we're talking about, what he just said is the key thing that men need to do to get better in this area.
	Stop bitching, stop whining, stop talking about what the wind...
	That's delayed gratification.
	So that's how, as a man, you adjust to the rejection.
	You know, if a 19-year-old white girl wants to sue you, don't come back now.
	Oh, she's saying that on the day.
	Don't come back now.
	She's saying that on the day.
	Don't come back now.
	She's saying that on the day.
	She's saying that on the day.
	Don't come back now.
	She's saying that on the day.
	She's saying that on the day.
	But I think a boss stop bringing something.
	No, I don't want to block them now.
	But she's still right though.
	Hold on.
	no, no.
	No.
	I don't think it's about race, right?
	So his point is, did you say 18 in 19?
	19 years old.
	It's an adult.
	Bar your windows and doors for your daughter.
	No, no.
	We're a little selective when it's adult and when it's 19 year old.
	Yeah.
	The teen thinking they're grown is different.
	The teen thinking they're grown is different than the parent letting them know that they're still a teen.
	Right.
	Go have a NASA.
	Let me ask you.
	It's really back in.
	So his point is valid because I don't think it has to do with white, Asian, black, or whatever.
	What he's saying is that he made a conscious decision to take a step back and be honest with himself in the space that he was in at a certain time.
	So he's saying that I see what I want for my life.
	I see what I want to do.
	So I'm going to achieve those goals.
	As a man, I need to do these things so I can be in these spaces and have options.
	Whereas us women don't have to say, oh, you can't have me.
	You can't.
	Oh, guess what?
	I can have you and your girl.
	You know, so it's like he has those options.
	And I think what he was saying like women are delusional as well.
	I think we're very delusional when it comes to men because we think that we hold ourselves at a high regard, which is fine.
	But I think we're not honest about where we put ourselves.
	And then we have these expectations on men that we don't even have on ourselves as women.
	And that's a problem with us as black women because we expect these men to like, you know, go get the cow, slay the cow, cook it, put it on the grill, do everything else.
	And as women, we're not even cleaning up, doing the dishes, putting stuff away.
	And so it's like, what do you meet in the middle with this man but then it's like you put all these expectations on men and then when it's reversed right it's a problem for us because it's like oh you the man you're supposed to do this you're supposed to do that and for me personally I just don't understand and he can't say what you're supposed to do it's not that he can't say what he's supposed to do because I know we talked about submission for submission for me and I think a lot of women get it misconstrued I have to be I
	have to trust you and you have to make me feel safe to submit to you.
	I have no problem submitting to me.
	But can I say something though?
	Because like so many women have that same response and my thing is., that's not the argument.
	When I say the man is the leader, I'm saying your man is the leader, meaning you chose that nigga.
	So if you're not going to let him lead, you shouldn't have chosen him.
	Just like if you're not going to provide for her, you shouldn't have hollered.
	If you're not going to take care of her and the children, you shouldn't have pregnated her.
	If she's not going to behave and be obedient, then you shouldn't have ever had a baby with her.
	So all it does is it's like, yo, my baby mama's crazy and all this.
	It's like, nigga, you're crazy.
	You put it up in her.
	Yeah.
	So thank you for being honest though.
	That's really good.
	Good of you.
	Real quick, A.A.J.
	Entertainment says, at the end of the day, a man works hard to reach the top 5%.
	Once he gets there, he has access to women all over the world.
	And will choose the most feminine ones, regardless of skin color or race.
	Yeah.
	So, real quick, a personal anecdote from me.
	I have used it a couple times, for y'all that haven't heard.
	When I was 30, prior to 30, I had pretty decent success with dating or whatever.
	But I realized about 28, 29, 30, dating was getting a little harder.
	Expectations was going up.
	People was being a little ruder than before.
	Both sides.
	Men being a little ruder, women being a little ruder.
	I'm just noticing things are changing a little bit.
	Trauma danger.
	Yeah, right?
	They don't dance no more.
	So, I hadn't been on dating apps like that.
	So, I decided at 30 to try to get on dating apps.
	So, when I got on black, be okay.
	Oh!
	Right?
	I didn't know.
	Bro, take that ass.
	Listen, nobody warned me.
	Nobody warned me about what was to come.
	Right?
	i was on now just to clarify i was on bumble and i was on black at the same time bumble was actually how i met my wife really did she actually have good conversation because most women on bumble they open in lines as trash but they got the nerve to say must be able to hold a conversation you can't hold a damnn conversation.
	Hey and hi.
	Well, obviously it worked out.
	So clearly we both did well with that.
	But at the same time, before me and her got serious, when I was on black, I had met her in January of 2020.
	And I was still on black at the time.
	And I had to go see my cousin in Chicago.
	And I had to get on the flight in Philly, had a layover for two hours in Atlanta, and got on the plane and dropped back, ended up in Chicago.
	I forgot that my phone, the app was on.
	So it was tracking my geolocation when I landed in Atlanta for two hours.
	And then when I landed in Chicago and 15 minutes later, got in my cousin's car, turned on my phone, looked at the app and it was about 72 to 74 black women that had initiated contact with me.
	What you said about delusion and not understanding where you are in the dating market for men and women and what you said is hurting us individually and collectively.
	The women who were talking to me like you should be lucky to ask me out.
	They had no idea.
	That was my options after two and a half hours in two different cities.
	So this idea that you get to dictate who I can date, who I can sleep with, who I can marry, who I can have kids with.
	If you're going to be black in this country and I'm going to marry you, you don't get to act like all the other black women that gives the attitude and just disrespect black men and trashes me and embarrass me in front of others.
	You're going to treat me as all the other women who are married are supposed to treat their men.
	That's the standard I was able to uphold to because I had reached, I didn't realize it, but I had apparently reached a level where a lot of women thought I apparently had something to offer.
	But I had to treat her as my equivalent.
	What you're saying as great as it is from as great as what you're saying from men you gotta boss up you gotta be leveled up you gotta be able to have all the women that you want I'm gonna say this as a man I can't talk about how shitty the dating market was when I when I put the shit in it so if I if my body count is rivaling kings If my body count looks like some celebrity body counts.
	And then I'm also talking about the quality of women and this and that.
	Bro, if I'm looking at what happened out there, it's because of me so so just to clarify people can get married people cannot get married when dr umar wants to shame all of us you dating a snow bunny was it snow was it snow bunny yeah yeah yeah he doesn't have my issue this is my issue this is the standard i have to hold myself to and i have to hold these content creators to and all these people who are life coaches as a man You
	cannot come at this black man sleeping with a non-black woman and this man ain't a real black man and this black man, this and this black man, that.
	If you're having kids with black women and you're not marrying them and you're not living.
	them and you're not living with your children.
	You're not doing it.
	You're creating the problem.
	Exactly.
	You're creating the broken homes.
	But guess what, ladies?
	Because I'm an equal offender.
	You can't sleep with all the men that you say are shitty and then say that all black men ain't shit.
	Yeah.
	Okay?
	And you also can't raise these sons yourself and then turn around and criticize and criticize the quality of men when you didn't allow men to raise them.
	So that's a huge problem in the black community is that black women don't know how to fall back and allow the men to raise their children.
	We've never been taught that.
	Because the thing is, is that women don't raise children.
	Unfortunately, contrary to their belief, women don't have the ability to raise children.
	Women nurture children.
	It's not the same.
	They're not the disciplinarians.
	They're not the ones that teach the values and the virtues that are going to make them successful in life.
	They're the ones that teach them the social cures, the mannerisms, right?
	How to be well mannered.
	But that's actually hurting the black community because it's keeping our men subdued, right?
	It's your mother that's going to tell you, but baby, don't go out there causing no trouble.
	Don't go out there and flex too much and overshine the white man.
	And this might happen.
	It's all fair.
	While the black man is the one that's supposed to be teaching his son, you don't have to be worried about whether or not the white man accepts you or employs you because you're about to learn a trade you're about to learn how to make money and make a way with your own hands and your own mind so that because because listen thing black women will sit there and complain that black men don't community build but at the same time they don't support us they don't trust us to make the decisions they don't trust us to protect and protecting is not just physical um threat protect is when we say we don't want you uh wearing hair that ain't yours because
	We're looking at the ramifications of it.
	Protection is when we say we don't want you out here twerking or we don't want you, you know, going to these type of establishments, whatever the case may be.
	Black women have to support us when we make our decision.
	Black men need to be able to make the final call.
	We're going to take what you got to say into consideration, but it's hard to do that when we feel like you're going to fight us on the conclusion that we come to.
	So it's the same thing with my children.
	And again, Jeff, I'm not comparing women to children because we know we said we weren't going to do that, but if I'm entrusted to be the provider as well as the protector, everything falls under my responsibility.
	So I need to have full authority over everyone.
	So when my children come to me and say what they want to do and so on and so forth, I can't be the father that says, I don't even want to hear it.
	I said no and that's that.
	I got to at least hear where they're coming from, hear what they got to say and then I make my final judgment.
	I might give them the option for some type of negotiation.
	I might say, you know what?
	I thought about it.
	I spoke to your mother about it.
	I'm going to let you do this, but it's going to be under these terms.
	You can go, but your ass needs to be back here by this time.
	You're going to call me on the hour every hour or you're going to share your location, whatever the case may be.
	It's got to be under my terms.
	You understand what I'm trying to say?
	And you have to accept that.
	Whatever I give you, you got to accept it.
	So if you want black men to build community, you got to support them.
	We can't go against white supremacy or whatever the thing is that's hurting us.
	Black men cannot fight that thing if our women are not supporting us.
	That only works, though, bro.
	We can't have the infighting.
	But that only works if they quote unquote picked right.
	What do you mean?
	The reason why they're doubting the leadership is because the men that they gave that opportunity to didn't lead.
	I'm not only talking about romantically, though, because I feel like black women step over black men in general.
	Yeah, but not just men that they're not fighting.
	But if they can't do that in the relationship, we can't talk about the community.
	Right.
	Right.
	So my issue is, this goes back to the matriarchy, feminism, patriarchy argument.
	Well, it ain't got nothing to do with us.
	It doesn't.
	But the issue is if your father was supposed to screen out half your body count should have never existed.
	No, I have to.
	I mean, you should have never had that.
	I never had, would never do it.
	So we have two consecutive generations where these women are trying to pick leaders on their own.
	Oh, yeah.
	Cook.
	Right?
	So, never good.
	It only this is me.
	Every man with a microphone you can't listen to.
	Every woman with a microphone you can't listen to.
	I have to look for the outcomes of their lives and if they have a healed perspective of both sexes.
	So, as an example, all these life coaches that's touring and taking y'all money men and women touring y'all filling up the rooms buying tickets and don't get better results that's never been in a long-term successful relationship right i agree call them up my names no what's the matter i'll tell you why because i'm talking about a behavior not a person right so i'm describing a behavior My
	stance is actually not that you got to be married before you allow to talk about this because there's people that's married that's in situations and relationships I do not want.
	There's people who are single and have better healed perspectives of both sexes.
	So my stance is all about what are you promoting and do you have a healed perspective of both sexes regardless of your current situation.
	So that's my starting point.
	So when it comes to leadership as a man, if I'm not willing to be honest, if I'm going to try to lie and make it seem like I've always had it together, when y'all finally find out that I was a fraud, you're not going to listen to me even if I'm telling the truth.
	it's a starting point for guys to be much more authentic and honest behind the microphone and when they're dealing with women on a day-by-day basis because if you let her know what your shortcomings are yeah you let her know whether you want to be with more than one woman if you let her know if you struggle with monogamy if you let her know all these things up front and you're honest and you're trying to grow now she has more information to know if you can truly be a leader and she can hold you accountable what did you what did Ashley say what did all these ladies say but if they're lying up front now we have to roll the
	dice with our feelings emotions our wombs and who's going to be the father of our kid so we can't scream about accountability and legalism leadership if we're not modeling the humility, the authenticity, the transparency, and the vulnerability about saying, I haven't always led well, but this is the direction I'm going.
	This is what I need from you.
	Can you do it yes or no?
	Okay, that's if you want to be serious.
	Real quick.
	I'm just trying to smash.
	They should have a stamp on it for you.
	I got something for you, bro.
	I'm just going to say, like, I have to, like, disagree.
	You were saying, like, pretty much creators are people like me, we're putting trash into the market.
	I don't believe that's true.
	I think I'm a diamond looking for another diamond going through trash.
	If I'm fucking 30 girls and none of them offer to cook, don't clean up or anything, I'm not going to consider them a partner.
	I'm going to go to the next because I have to go through my options.
	It's not my job to fix a hole.
	The hole can fix you.
	Let's go, dog.
	I'll tell you what.
	When I find a woman that do the things I'm looking for, she do the things that align with me, whether I want to or not, I'm settling down because she aligns with my spirit.
	But if you're not finding that, I'm seeking.
	I got a question for you.
	Who's the hole makers?
	Who's hole makers?
	No, no, no, no.
	They're responsible.
	Don't do that.
	Who makes them the hole?
	Who turns them into the hole?
	They're the hole's on their own choice.
	Who's contributing to them becoming the hole?
	It's got nothing to do with me.
	Who is minding that?
	It's got nothing to do with me.
	Listen, you can say that, but we're looking at the outcomes.
	How do I know that if Jeff stops...
	So I can't, I can't, bro, I can't have a body count of 30 and all 30 didn't work out and say they all hoes because I slept with them.
	At some level, I got to acknowledge, did it take me 30 times to figure out what I want?
	Well, they're not hoes because I slept with them.
	They're hoes because they don't do anything but let me sleep with them.
	They got to do more.
	They got to show more.
	So just when you say that, Dom, if the way you're sounding and talking, when I'm talking about we need to lead, we need to change, we need to improve the quality of women that we're even going to do any edition.
	of this shit with, including dick discipline, including who we're giving access to our resources.
	What you're saying is, well, hoes gonna be hoes, and I gotta run through them.
	Well, who's actually leading the community then?
	Because what I'm saying is we need to lead to change what's happening.
	You're saying it needs to stay the same.
	I'm not saying that at all.
	What you're doing and what I did and what he's done and what all these other niggas did is leading towards the same outcome that we're complaining about right now.
	And I'm saying the only way we're gonna get out of this is not that our women have to adapt and change.
	We need to change this.
	Our women only exist because women change, not because of men.
	I wanna try this.
	Let me ask Dom this, because because I agree with both of y'all.
	I see where both of y'all is coming from.
	And I think there's something in the middle of it, right?
	Okay.
	So when I meet women who are like good women, a lot of times it's a deterrent because I know I ain't gonna be I ain't shit.
	I ain't gonna be right then right there.
	You get what I'm trying to say and I don't even want to fuck around waste her time because I know I have the power and the ability to turn her into a slut.
	Yeah.
	She ain't a slut yet.
	I got that.
	You see what I'm saying?
	Like I got the opportunity to make this chick a hoe.
	So the question I want to ask you because I'm not down doubting what you're saying.
	But I've said that before and I didn't mean it.
	I was full of shit.
	I was using that as an excuse to indulge myself.
	And it wasn't until I started going overseas hella frequently in like hella countries, like just too many to count.
	Like literally, I wake up and I'm not even sure what the fuck I'm at, where I was last week.
	And what I realized out there is the good women were in such abundance, raised to two parent household, they're wives.
	You know what I mean?
	Like that's in their DNA, bro.
	They can't they can't not be wives unless a nigga like me does what he's talking about.
	And it put me in a fucked up predicament, because I was like, I should be marrying her.
	I should be marrying her.
	Like I was meeting women and the First thing they did was take me home to their parents and didn't tell me.
	They're like, hey, you wanna come over for dinner?
	I'm like, absolutely.
	And then you get over there and they didn't mention that they and their mom was making dinner and I was watching the game with dad with a bear and I'm like, I'm not here for no good intentions, bro.
	I just wanted to know if she swallowed.
	So, you see what I'm trying to say?
	So, I'm just asking you because I'm not doubting you.
	You might be there.
	I wasn't there yet.
	I'm trying to get there.
	If you were to leave this country right now, I would probably And a woman is coming with all those qualities, all those wife qualities you talk about.
	Are you ready to hang up the jersey?
	You're going to stop?
	Well, I'm not.
	But I'm just because, come on, because I'm back.
	I'm back.
	How old are you?
	I'm 42.
	How old are you, Dun?
	everyone hold you 35 see it's dangerous bro and listen you're right men are the homemakers for sure but here's my point dom is saying i get what you're saying as well on you as well that they're hoes anyway i didn't make them hoes someone else did the nigga tom or or tyrone right so in that sense i can't save these hoes but that's indulging yourself though just like when i sold dope it is when i sold dope i try to justify it in my head i'm not the only one if i don't sell them dope yeah if i don't sell them dope they're gonna get the dope
	anyway hold on hold on hold on and to jeff's point if you want to make a change we have to start with ourselves first however however i'll be honest jeff it's hard this shit ain't changing nigga it's not like criminal activity because y'all don't understand how hard like what when it was so hard for us the expectation prior to feminism was that if i knocked you up i had to marry you
	today y'all not not black women modern women have such low such a low bar of expectation there's no there's no consequences i can have access to your body your womb uh you can get you can get std's like the whole thing all you gotta swallow and just mention that part and that's a Because it wasn't like that.
	The craziest part is I did not have to meet your dad.
	No, man, it wasn't like that.
	I'm not blaming Donald Trump.
	Rappers couldn't even get them to swallow in the 90s, bro.
	They've done it, right?
	But what I'm saying is it's twofold.
	Women are lowering the standards for what I can get access to, but now I have to raise the standard for myself if this is going to change.
	Because there's a thing in psychology called locus of control.
	And it's all about when there's an issue, where do you place the blame?
	Do you tend to look inward and say there's something, the black communities at this state, the daily markets at this state, the qual.
	Am I going to see if the problem is this is what needs to change everybody else or does it have to start with me?
	And what I'm basically rocking and suggesting to all of us, and I'm really talking to men first, I know she just wants to sleep with me.
	I know she has no expectations.
	I know she's going to give it to me on the first night.
	I now I've been doing that in my twenties.
	I'm now teetering in my thirties.
	I'm still doing it.
	At some point I got to make a decision.
	I'm like, well, I can't keep listening to everybody and saying the same thing about how trash it is.
	And I'm contributing to it.
	So if I know all these things up front and I've done them before, all of it is at this point, I just got to look at myself and be like, so what happens if I finally decide?
	All right.
	Let me really try imperfectly to try to love a black woman the right way.
	OK, that's it.
	I'm not saying monogamous for everybody.
	So what I'm suggesting is not everybody go and get married to the state.
	That's what I'm not suggesting.
	What I am suggesting is locking with your one, two or three women that you can afford to be opening up front from the.
	the beginning to make sure they're all on the same page and become strong so that you have the ability to be able to shelter provide and take care of your kingdom.
	Let's go, Jason.
	Let's go.
	Dom's supposed to have three winners.
	I absolutely wait on him.
	But he's fulfilling all the roles that they're cool with.
	And Dom, let me ask you this.
	Yeah, you ever had a chick, right?
	And you smashed in the first 48, right?
	Crime Soft, right?
	And you continue to deal with her, right?
	Oh, good Lord.
	damn girl god damn yo my damn girl What was I saying?
	Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
	You wanna see some ass?
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah, so look, look, look, look.
	And chocolate.
	So look, if it was poisoned, you would have been dead.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	All right, hold on, hold on, back on track.
	All right, right, right.
	All right, so, so, so you, so you, So you got the early clap, right?
	Yeah.
	Not the disease, but he was clapping sheep, yo, right?
	And then you, and look, look, look, look, look, you continue, you continue to deal with her.
	You taking her out, you having a good time or whatever.
	And then she confides in you and admits, hey, look, you know what?
	I didn't even think that you would you would you would be fucking with me like that and you're like what you mean?
	She'd be like well I only fucked you because I thought that's all it was gonna be and I wasn't gonna see you again if I can get a pussy.
	You ever been in that situation?
	Okay so all right so we're all right.
	We're all right in our own way.
	So let's say we're different journeys of the same thing.
	The same thing.
	Different ages too.
	Different ages.
	Different journeys.
	The point is certain guys have that influence and women turn over the trust to them and it's what they do with it.
	And a lot of times what those guys do with it is they put the girl through it and then eventually she starts subconsciously or consciously just accepting yo, this is me and this is the course of it.
	But I think at the same time, we still put too much blame on men.
	So not enough on women.
	Huh?
	Yeah, we put too much blame on men and not enough on women.
	Because tell me a movement that started among men where we decide we need to treat women different.
	They got feminism.
	They literally have a term for it.
	It's happening now.
	But, bro, it's a reaction.
	It's action.
	Don't date feminists?
	That's a reaction.
	This is the thing, though.
	They have movements that we didn't.
	They started it off.
	They initiated the war.
	They are the ones that chose to be different.
	We wanted rights.
	We wanted rights.
	No, we did not.
	We have that right to go.
	You wanted...
	Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
	Because we're talking about history.
	Feminism goes...
	I'm sorry.
	Let me speak.
	Hold on.
	Sorry if you make a mistake here.
	The amount of time between when women had rights and when men got rights is a very small amount of time.
	That is not what I'm about to say.
	What I'm about to say is you're talking about feminism as a whole that started way too long ago.
	Not feminism at all.
	I'm talking about like modern feminism.
	Feminism that started like in the nineties.
	No, even the exception of feminism is a syoph, is what I'm trying to say.
	These are people that funded a movement to divide us.
	So all the rhetoric that you're about to spit to us, it's all lies anyway.
	That's what I'm trying to make.
	I'm not stressing this.
	So they have a movement.
	Yeah, it's all lies to begin with.
	We were all oppressed.
	We were all downtrodden.
	And we were all with minimal rights.
	So let's first clarify that.
	They used to penalize black people for getting married.
	So we know there's always been an agenda to keep us unmarried because that's the one thing that's been effective.
	All the other shit they tried, we still find a way to leap and get above and beyond that shit.
	So let's not talk about feminism as a whole.
	Like, don't use that word.
	Because that's not what you're talking about.
	But what he's saying is they're subscribing to that ideology.
	So it's causing an effect in our relationships which affects our children, which affects our culture.
	So yeah, it's positive.
	Yeah, there's points in history where women as a whole, as a consciousciousness, they say, as a culture, they need to change the way they view men and treat men.
	We never really got to that point until Red Peel came, and that is only so we could survive.
	It was an effect.
	It's an effect of what they've done.
	I feel like I'm.
	Women have changed.
	The same women that would have committed suicide in high school for sharing their nude photos or doing it online for free.
	The status quo has changed for what women view themselves and how they view men.
	They chose to change over time.
	Women started to view their mothers and their grandmothers as miserable because they were not able to go out and fight.
	I hear that.
	I don't want to be inside like grandma.
	I want to get out.
	I want to be free.
	That new mindset, it's a change.
	That's why there's less marriages because the women change.
	It's even proven in Spike Spike Lee's Shirek movie.
	The movie is straight ass, but it had a great premise of how women control everything.
	It was based on this war in Africa where women refused to give men sex and it actually led to the war being ended.
	They did the same thing in Shirek in the movie and it led to the boys stopping like killing each other.
	Yeah, and they tried to do that in Asia too.
	That's what the 4B movement is.
	But it only exemplifies it only exemplifies the fact that women are the ones that are starting these cultures, that starting these trending men.
	Niggas are being less gangster now and doing streaming because streamers get pussy.
	Gangsters, man, you had to be on your shit.
	Niggas are scammers.
	They're scammers because they get pussy.
	Because that's what they wanted from us.
	Whatever they choose is the status quo.
	So We put way too much blame on ourselves.
	We're only reacting to what they want.
	This is their chaos that we exist in as men.
	We're trying to survive.
	Everything you're saying is 100% true.
	And the question is going to be, if the women have changed like you said they have, and to a degree they have, and particularly third and fourth wave feminism, when it's really gone to some extreme components, and you're saying, well, they dictate everything.
	If they're dictating everything, if they're leading in everything, and it's leading to these outcomes.
	My question is twofold.
	Are we going to wait for women collectively to change for the state of the black community to somehow get better?
	Or do we as men need to individually make a change one by one with the women we're going to pursue, with the women we're going to do life with, the women we're going to invest in?
	Because what I'm saying is not when when I'm speaking, I'm not talking about everything's black and white.
	I know there's going to be people that's going to always do what they want to do.
	Men and women.
	What I'm saying is if we want if we want our birth rates to improve, if we want our wedding rates to improve, if we want our relationships to get better, if as men we keep saying, well, the women dictate in the women this.
	That doesn't fly in my house.
	That doesn't fly in my relationships at work in the field that 75 percent women.
	And I am the director.
	They can feel and think whatever they want.
	The women that operate in my space where I'm servicing thousands of clients on a monthly basis.
	You have to get on my program.
	If you're not going to operate in my space, more power to them.
	could do your thing I have to control my sphere of influence of what I got, who I'm responsible for.
	I'm managing multi-million dollar budgets.
	I don't have the time to be led by your feelings and emotions.
	Let's go.
	So what I'm basically suggesting is, yes, their sex, their pussy has all this power, not to the man who has sexual discipline.
	Fantastic.
	Not to the man who's thinking long term about legacy.
	So what I'm suggesting is I was at that stage.
	Well, they letting me.
	This is what they want.
	And I'm seeing the outcomes that I was getting and what they were getting.
	So all I'm saying is everybody could do what they want.
	The reason why our community is going in the direction it has is because the worst women are now leading everything.
	And our other women that are not that bad are being silent and quiet.
	So guess what?
	That's why I'm talking now and saying out loud the things that need to be said about how we voting, how we moving, how we dressing, how we acting as men and as women.
	If I'm going to sit back and wait, well, the women leading this, so I'm going to, they got to.
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	Who the leader?
	Are we being led by men or women's emotions?
	Thank you.
	Are women's feelings and emotions leading this community or is it going to be me?
	We're being led by women's emotions.
	And I agree with you.
	So what I'm saying is, so if that's true and that's where we are, how are we going to fix it?
	If the question is, well, we're going to wait another 40 years for women to fix it.
	Brother, I don't believe it can be fixed.
	Adam was led by Eve's emotions.
	I changed.
	Actually, I changed.
	How about this?
	God gives instruction to Adam, he didn't protect Eve, right?
	Come on, no, listen, no.
	This goes back to the leadership.
	Hold on.
	This goes back to the leadership.
	Hold on.
	Let me finish.
	Let me finish, right?
	Right.
	When God gave the instruction, he gave it to Adam.
	God gave Eve as a gift to Adam.
	So you let her wander off and go do her thing, and then you turn around like, I don't got no responsibility for this.
	Again, when are you going to step up and take the leadership?
	Let me ask you this.
	Was Eve allowed to slap?
	Was Adam allowed to slap the shit out of Eve?
	He might have been.
	They're not allowed to love each other.
	They said, you know what I'm saying?
	Because when she doesn't listen, when she doesn't listen to Adam.
	Okay, so then what is it?
	Is it you have to, so when do you insert your assertiveness and make it to that man that you do?
	You know the truth.
	You know that back in the day, when they started talking crazy and man could put his hands on them, the modern day man that's smart realizes, I'm going to reward the women that listen.
	Thank you.
	I'm not going to deal with the women that don't.
	But if we do that, everybody's getting a passport, bro.
	No.
	No.
	Everybody's getting a passport.
	It's a clarifying.
	It's a clarifying.
	But we say that.
	But if we stop the only fan subscriptions.
	Hello.
	If we, if we, if 100%.
	A man is doing the worst thing he's saying.
	If we stop taking out the women that's displaying one thing but saying we want her to change, Instead of putting all this energy and time into trying to change women, why don't we just reward the women that's doing what we want up front?
	So when we say this to women all time, you pick wrong.
	You pick wrong.
	You should have picked the right guy.
	What I'm saying, bro, is what I'm getting at in terms of personal responsibility is the ultimate form of the number one factor for successful life is when you always blame you.
	Because now you put everything in your control, even when it's not true.
	I don't know.
	I got to look at what you do on this one.
	What you do is you dictating your reality.
	I got to ride with Donald on this one.
	Back to Adam and Eve, right?
	They're not going to support you.
	So listen, I was studying to be a pastor before I came to America, right?
	And what happened was I saw the world for what it was before, sorry, after I came to Miami.
	And Adam and Eve is a good example.
	At the very beginning, God created Adam.
	Out of his rip came Eve.
	God said, there's a compliment to your life, a companion for you, and you're lonely in the garden, take Eve.
	You know what Eve did?
	I'm bored.
	This is boring.
	Oh, a fruit.
	I'm not supposed to eat.
	Fuck God.
	I'm going to go do this shit.
	And you know what happened?
	Adam was like, damn.
	She's kind of bad.
	It tastes good.
	Yeah.
	If God can't, hold on.
	We're talking.
	We're talking.
	If God can't save these holes, we can't either, nigga.
	God can do it.
	So I'm telling you, Jeff, I said it.
	The life we live, bro, is for a reason.
	So, like God comes back.
	Yeah.
	We said, but what else?
	So ask someone who got a bachelor's in Biblical studies.
	I'm going to say this.
	Humanity was not cursed when Eve ate from the tree.
	Thank you.
	She did her own thing.
	Hold on.
	Hold on.
	She did her own thing.
	She went rogue.
	It was only when the leader submitted to her that everything fell apart.
	So when we allow them to dictate what's happening, that's why our community is going in the direction so what i'm saying for the fifth time we as men can keep doing exactly what we're doing and the outcomes that we're seeing is going to be exactly the same if you're not going to change anything as a man stop blaming and saying everything's wrong with the women if you yo that's all i'm saying i agree with you i'm just saying this yo yo if you doing what you're supposed to do as a man i don't care if you married or not if you holding it down for
	the women that's dependent on you married or not You can talk shit about the community because you're doing the fuck you're supposed to do.
	But if you're not being abstinent, you're running through everybody, you got kids that.
	you're not taking care of.
	Stop fucking talking about the women.
	That's all I'm saying.
	Jeff, I'll say this.
	You're correct from a personal standpoint.
	He's right.
	As a man, if you follow that pattern, you'll have a better life, better quality of life and better women.
	But as a nigga in streets, listen, bro.
	Listen, bro.
	Come on.
	We're going to have some chats here, guys.
	Real quick.
	Subscribe to the chats for supporting the show, man.
	Canva says, I peep.
	Okay.
	AJ Entertainment says, What's up, AJ?
	Ladies, be honest.
	Do you think you're competing with other women?
	Real quick.
	Yes, no, yes, no.
	No.
	No?
	No.
	No?
	No.
	Yes.
	Yes?
	No.
	Who cares?
	What's for me is for me.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Hold on.
	Time out.
	How do you?
	Hold on.
	Time out.
	How do you compete with somebody you don't even know exists?
	I don't even know you exist.
	How am I going to compete?
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	No, no.
	Just in general.
	Whoa, whoa.
	Hold on.
	Time out.
	Whoa, whoa.
	Time out.
	Y'all don't know that?
	Hold on.
	Y'all didn't know that?
	Hold on.
	Time out.
	Hold on.
	Y'all really let me...
	I'm definitely competing.
	Man.
	I'm competing.
	I'm competing with...
	No, no.
	His and hers is that question.
	We're struggling with other women around, but...
	No, no.
	No, hold on.
	His and hers is that question.
	Because when we talk about women...
	refusing to settle we talk about women calling dudes dusties talking about he need to be on my level if you can't do x y and z then why do i need you so let me get this straight are men competing absolutely no men are also good how are men not competing that's why i say no i say no because i like you i just like you if i Exactly.
	If I like you, I like you.
	If you like me, you will like me.
	That's because he already won said competition.
	That means he already won said competition.
	He already became the man that you're even attracted to to begin with.
	He has to compete.
	He's competing when he goes to the gym.
	He's competing when he's making money.
	He's competing when he's putting himself in places for people to respect him.
	He's constant.
	He's always competing with other men.
	Why do you think he became what he became?
	For fun?
	Yeah.
	I'll give you this answer.
	Because it was easy.
	Because it was easy.
	So look, me and Dom, right?
	Go to the same club.
	Gorush, right?
	That's me going to Gorush, right?
	Walking at the same time, there's girls there.
	Guess what's happening?
	It's competition.
	You guys do your makeup, right?
	You go out together as girls.
	Guess what's happening?
	You're competing because guess what?
	Your friend next to you?
	Oh.
	But fresh.
	The guys are also competing in that atmosphere.
	Let me get, let me get, let me get, hold on, hold on,
	hold on, hold on, hold on, fresh mention how society sees black women.
	I'm a proof to you that it's drastically different.
	So when I was working in the club, right, when it would get like where it's coming, when it's coming when it's coming up on prime time and the club starts fulling in because you know how like women are never on time?
	Yeah, that part, right?
	So when the women would start coming in more in a more frequent or more frequency.
	So there's some already in the club, but you get to that prime time where they start coming in at the highest frequency and then it's obviously going to slow down a little bit as it gets later.
	Yeah.
	What would happen is there would be black women that would come in first and they would be the only women that would bring food.
	Cray, right?
	They would bring fried chicken and pizza and all kinds of shit to the club.
	It's like, all right, if that's what you want to do, it looks kind of tacky, right?
	So they would sit down, they would already get the first seat.
	Like how you didn't get the seat you wanted because you were late, that type of shit.
	So they would get there first, get the seats they want, right?
	And then other women would start to come in now.
	And when Latino women would come in, they'd be like looking to the left, looking to the right.
	Hmm, where do we sit?
	They kind of like purposely choose to kind of distance themselves.
	But don't think nothing of it yet because there's still plenty of room, right?
	Okay.
	White women would come in.
	They would literally sit as far away from the black women as they physically could.
	And they didn't huddle up and have a discussion and say, all right, so how are we going to do this?
	No, it was instinctive.
	Wherever the black women were, the white women went as far away as they could physically.
	And then the Latin women would come in and they would kind of be like, all right, well, you know.
	Okay, well, we don't want to be too close to the black women, so they kind of put themselves somewhere in the middle.
	They also would distance themselves from the white women, but they would prefer to be closer to the white women than the black women.
	And I'm watching this phenomenon over and over again, four or five nights a week, every week, every month.
	You can't tell me that it's a figment of my imagination, so that means that women are naturally avoiding black women.
	Then I started noticing this shit in public spaces.
	You go to the post office.
	When it's a black cashier, people will literally be like, no, I'll wait.
	They'll wait in line to get to, they'll take a black guy over a black woman, or they'll take a non-black cashier.
	What the fuck is going on?
	This person was in a rush when they were leaving from their car coming across the parking lot.
	Once they got in the shit, they were like, oh, I can wait at this point.
	Because they don't want to deal with that confrontational attitude.
	This is real shit.
	Then when the guys, when we would actually be dancing and doing our thing and trying to get this bread, it would be the black woman that would come up to me and just hold two dollars.
	And I'd be looking at them like, okay, and they'd be like, oh, you gotta work for this.
	And I'd be saying what Jeff just said.
	I'd be like, time out.
	When I got up at 6 a.m. and did my cardio, I worked for this.
	When I was dieting, I worked for this.
	When I was rehearsing for hours, I worked for this when i was sitting behind the screen with the with the dj making my music and making my set and editing all these bells and whistles and the i did the work now i'm here it's time to get paid but when the white women come up they come with a five dollar bill and just ask you what's your name and talk to you respectfully like a human being so there's something going on there Black women expect us to bust our ass to compete
	and prove some shit to them.
	Meanwhile, they come as if they have nothing to prove.
	Whereas the white girl be running around trying to appease you, trying to get your validation, get your approval.
	Am I good enough?
	Am I cool enough?
	So this is serious stuff.
	I'm just telling you from the perspective of a guy, what we experience.
	They're willing to work harder for us and they don't treat us like we have to disprove something, which is sad because that's how society treats black men.
	You're guilty until proven innocent.
	I look shady.
	If they describe me, hey, he got prison tattoos and a prison build.
	But if a white boy got muscles and a tattoo, oh, he got a gym membership.
	So why does the white boy got a gym membership but I built my physique in prison?
	Make it make sense.
	But it doesn't even logically make sense because they took the weights out of prison decades ago.
	But they still have this mentality is what I'm trying to say.
	So this is what we're dealing with with is a uphill battle.
	You gotta work with us, man.
	It's not, this shit is segregation in the shirt club as well?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	And in the club, period, right?
	It's all period.
	When you ask, when you ask that, when that, when that, oh, sock.
	When that question, when that question was posed by AJ, where he asked our women, do they think they're competing?
	And we as men know we have to compete, and our women think they don't.
	Do you think that may be an indication of why there's a disconnect when, whenever we say something that our women are doing that they may need to change, they feel like they don't need to change anything.
	They fight us on it, and we're trying to get you to win.
	What we're suggesting is.
	is not only do we have to compete so does everybody else with what they want in life facts this isn't a black women thing you got to get that out your head as soon as possible the reason why you're least married the least the reason why our baby mom rates are through the roof is because too many of our women are convincing themselves or have been convinced that this is not a competition.
	It's not a competition.
	And how do I know that it's not just black women, but modern women?
	What happens when they get married?
	They let themselves go.
	The competition's over.
	Ma'am, the competition just began.
	Yeah.
	You don't finally get the thing you say you want, and the things that attracted him, you let go of.
	What sense does that make?
	Oh, I'm making all this money.
	Babe, I can finally handle everything.
	She get with me, and I quit my job.
	Exactly.
	Huh?
	Oh, shit.
	You work harder.
	You're supposed to maintain it.
	You work harder.
	You work harder.
	Overtime now.
	Overtime, bro.
	Yep.
	Cut expenses.
	Start investing.
	You don't build yourself to where this man has gotten to walking in and out of the White House.
	She's excited.
	She's like, I think I can trust this dude.
	He's showing all these traits of things that I know I can eat.
	need in a man.
	I get with him.
	And then he said, all right, I'm good now.
	I ain't going to do it no more.
	Bro, you just did the switchroom.
	We are all competing.
	So when I did those two episodes last week and I was getting killed, when I said, no, you don't deserve a good woman.
	Yep.
	And no, you don't deserve a good man.
	I am pointing out the things that he brought up and what we're saying.
	You have to find out what the opposite sex wants and work.
	Get good at it.
	Get good at it.
	Super hard.
	Now, to clarify, if this was a store and you're a store owner and you got products on the shelf and people barely walking in, they looking at it, putting it back on the shelf and half the people ain't even walking in and they go into other stores.
	You don't get to say, well, I'm not in competition with the other stores.
	Well, I know what the value is.
	No, no, no, no.
	The market dictates the value.
	You can't say all these men hate women if they're going to other stores, other countries, other cultures to deal with women.
	It is a competition in terms of femininity.
	in terms of fitness, in terms of your mouth, in terms of your attitude, the the questions that we asked was relating to that So every question you was asking yes or no to was showing how much you do or don't recognize what men value and are looking for in women.
	So if you didn't realize that, that was the test.
	And there's a compromise and a balance because listen, I want you all to hold on, hold on, hold on.
	Who do you think, who, what culture do you think has the most masculine men?
	Can I write a question?
	All right, she thinks black.
	Which culture do you think has the most masculine men?
	Huh?
	Black.
	Which culture do you think has the most masculine men?
	Culture or race?
	Hawaiian.
	Culture or race?
	I don't really believe.
	I was going to say black, but it is indeed a competition because it's literally referred to as races because we're in a race..
	But who do you who's the least masculine men?
	Well, I'm biased.
	I'm always saying black men.
	Okay, who do you think has the least masculine men?
	And you?
	You said Hawaiian.
	Okay, very quick, who's the least masculine men?
	I don't know.
	I never did it.
	Who?
	Not good answer, good answer.
	That part.
	Who's the least masculine man?
	Okay, masculinity's not about race, I ain't about to I didn't ask you that.
	I said what culture or race you think has the least?
	The least masculine men.
	In your opinion.
	I don't know.
	Who you thinking?
	Anything not black.
	Oh, damn.
	All right, Cardi.
	I'm not black.
	Anyway, who got the least masculine men?
	The least masculine?
	Uh-huh.
	I think the least masculine thing to me is a liar.
	what the fuck you got trauma all right you do that let me tell you something in my experience the most masculine men on the planet are arab men i said arab men are arab men and let me tell you why you know there's a balance and there's a compromise because in arab countries the women have the least freedom are we not seeing a correlation here.
	So what I'm trying to say is that women need to understand they got to stop asking for things and not being willing to acknowledge the price.
	You can't ask for a dude to be responsible.
	You're not willing to pay him and give him authority.
	You can't tell me you want a dude to be honest, but you're not willing to be accountable.
	You can't tell me you want a dude to be masculine.
	You're not willing to be feminine.
	You can't say you want a dude to commit to you, but you refuse to cooperate.
	It's like, it go hand in hand.
	If you want a dude to protect you, he got to be able to tell you what you can and can't do because it's part of protecting you.
	You can't say you want a dude to provide for you, but he can't decide what you can and can't buy.
	If you want to buy whatever you want to buy, then you need to make your own money, but you can't do that and then complain, man, I really need a man to pay my bills.
	Shit, I need to get married.
	I'm tired of paying all my bills on my own.
	Well, guess what?
	Part of paying your bills is me being financially responsible.
	And if I'm financially responsible for me, I damn sure ain't gonna let you fuck my money up.
	Make it make sense.
	I absolutely agree.
	So I'm just saying that I think a lot of women don't realize there's a balance there.
	If you want the tallest, sexiest dude, you're gonna have to share him.
	He's not fit to commit to you.
	It just goes hand in hand.
	Okay, so back to the chat for quick.
	That was a very good point, Ayande.
	A-A-J again says, Chuck Andrew Wilson, question for the ladies and guy in the green suit.
	What are women's duties in society?
	Oh, what are women's duties in society?
	Let's one each.
	We'll start here.
	What do you think women's duties are?
	Oh, cool.
	You see that competition?
	Well, I want to learn.
	How is that competitive?
	Okay, so hold on.
	I don't know him.
	No, no.
	Just that you don't know.
	That's Street Fighter.
	That's my house.
	everyday that's a I'm a guy.
	Just that you don't know.
	She don't know.
	What about you?
	I think one of women's duties to society is to nurture.
	Okay, okay, awesome.
	For you?
	I was gonna say the same thing, nurture.
	It's not more, it's true though.
	I would also say, right, because if we're not nurturing, we are like being of service.
	Of service?
	Okay.
	You have to be of service to your man, you have to be of service to the community.
	Help me.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	No, I like what you're saying, because you bake cookies for the kids and you do the thing for the rally and you bring the community together.
	Let's go.
	What about you?
	I think our women, I'm not like, I'm not from here, but I was raised so different.
	No, women in general, gay society.
	Caribbean.
	Yeah, okay.
	So as a Caribbean woman, our role is to take care of the household, that is, cook, clean, the man is to, you know, pay the bills and the woman is to be at home with the kids, cook, clean, the standard.
	But what about, what's the contribution to society though?
	Oh my God, duty to society, take care of your household.
	We're not talking about nurture, we're talking about society, like other people, like being your neighbors.
	Nurture, nurture people, love people, be kind.
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	Okay, okay, no, no.
	That's good.
	That's good.
	We're multiplying.
	Yeah.
	Oh, exactly.
	Yeah.
	We need the babies.
	We need the babies.
	Okay.
	Mother Batrian.
	Go ahead.
	Okay, next one.
	Next one.
	No, it was not set up.
	You set yourself up.
	No, I did not.
	Okay, in the meantime, we're going to do the questions.
	Okay, so real quick, man, the scores.
	Oh, the scores.
	From our previous discussion, what we were trying to see.
	They don't know anything about, but go ahead.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	For the audience, we had to actually ask the ladies beforehand a series of questions, and we did plus ten, minus ten, based on their responses of what most men in general liked.
	You want to read the questions though?
	No, that's too long.
	Okay.
	So, go ahead.
	Real quick.
	Ralph Kuwait says, Black women are the best looking women on Earth.
	They just have horrible attitudes.
	Imagine being the finest fuck., lose to a five simply because you can't control yourself.
	Shame my head, crazy work.
	Hey, hey, go to Africa, bro.
	Go to Africa.
	My white lamb is swinging on dudes.
	Sorry, go to Africa.
	Oh.
	All right, so scores.
	All of them were above 50 out of 100.
	So by default, none of y'all are hopeless and failing.
	You know the average?
	Right.
	You know the average?
	And guys, just for some clarification here, they did a test with some questions before this show started.
	Go check it out on Yande on his channel.
	Ask your brother.
	So go check it out, but these are the results from their questions.
	All right, so...
	Um, mm-hmm.
	The key areas that you got right, that you clearly score very high on, was mind, body, and some extent with the mouth, and some extent with social.
	Femininity was a zero.
	So it like a bad score?
	Meaning like that wasn't registering at all.
	Sorry.
	And body being the lower the scores, the higher.
	I'm sorry.
	Yeah, yeah.
	and past in terms of how much a past matters in your past actions and behaviors of how you carry yourself in terms of a man judging you you for whatever reason thought that that wasn't significant in how men think wait say that again?
	wait say that again?
	it was some question that we asked at the end about like you passed remember I said Oh, you think the past don't matter?
	Because she left it in the...
	Yeah, right, right.
	So...
	You left it on the island.
	That's why she's like, oh, these niggas don't know me.
	No, I'm just like, I was more so from that question.
	I changed my name.
	So that's my 30s because, you know what I'm saying?
	Okay.
	All right.
	So next score.
	This is a tie between Ashley and Aliasha.
	You both had 70 out of 100.
	You both got the same scores when it came to your mindset.
	You both had the same scores in terms of your mouth.
	When it came to your body and how you treated and how you presented, you had a zero.
	It made you want to do whatever the fuck you want to do with my body.
	My pooms.
	My pooms.
	Got what you mean?
	Whereas Ashley saw that there was some significance about men judging you by how you present your body.
	In terms of femininity, You scored, you saw, which is interesting, you're like the most all over the place score because on one end with your body, you had a very low score but when it came to the view of femininity you still saw value in that whereas with you it was flipped where you saw the importance of your image and how you treat your body but femininity wasn't super high in terms of that softness like you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're elevating what you're thinking
	men are seeing but you're lowering down what men are feeling when it's that that feeling of femininity aspect of it each of you has certain skills that was like i can see why she's been with men i can see why she's been in some relationships but i can also see some signs of why some of these scores are a little lower all right at number 80 uh miss miss manassas Miss Manassa, you got 80.
	And in mine, you got two out of three.
	I can't remember what the specific question was.
	It was two out of three that you answered obviously what majority men would think.
	There was one of those three questions where you was like, and I think you put your hand up and put your hand down at one point.
	That mouth, one out of two.
	So one of those, I forget.
	We have to go back through the questions.
	One of those, you was like, that makes sense.
	And the other was like, nope, not at all.
	I do not care.
	When it came to body, you were like the other ladies, you ranked it quite high.
	And then femininity, you also had it at a zero, which is interesting because the way you come off.
	I'm very feminine.
	Your questions are a little...
	They're supposed to be different.
	But they have to be, we can't specify them enough to where you get two in your head.
	But each time we do this exercise, I'm going to try to make the questions better and better to try to get the exact results social in terms of social media and whether or not you're willing to give it up and and all of that you you score high and then last with the past you thought your past matters right so that's why you had a 80 now this score did i get a zero oh my god oh god oh god oh god you got higher than 80 oh yeah I got to do something with this test because
	everybody else I could sense it and I could see it little things here and there where you all got fairly high passing scores.
	But you kept putting your hand up and down so damn much.
	You were at some point, first of all, it says 100, which is crazy.
	Yeah.
	And one of the things I'm wondering, if because of your age and because of where you are in life, you're more open now than where you would have been at a younger point.
	I don't know.
	Because I'm like, if she's getting 100 now.
	I was married very young.
	Okay, okay.
	So if you were married very young, you're in your mid-30s now, and you don't want to stay single forever, the women that want to change that.
	that want to change that their scores got to be super high because they got to be thinking what men think what men want because you you're not 25 anymore you're not 21 anymore so it makes sense to me so you got to be already modest yeah so it comes off like you clearly know what men think you clearly know what men want and you get it but do you care but do you care yeah okay we're scared of you too okay we got uh No, no, the purple one?
	Canva.
	I paid for a maid slash cook, a professional for other needs.
	It's cheaper and my life is peaceful with no annoying lot of-ass entitlement from three or four of them in my house.
	He bribed me for three or four of them, but that's no love.
	He's not paying for me and everything.
	There's a love, right?
	There's a love in that.
	You're paying for that.
	Miles Sennis says, take the wigs out and get in shape and submit to your black man.
	What the fuck?
	Okay.
	Sure.
	I point out the wigs.
	I bet he can't even tell.
	Who got real?
	Exactly.
	Green.
	I can't even tell who got real.
	PMG stacks on YouTube.
	Come learn about silver stacking.
	Don Gillette in the suit.
	spin some support.
	I'm a CCP.
	Peace comes up.
	Shout out to your brother for supporting the show.
	What the fuck?
	He's saying, let's board his silver advice.
	And then...
	Oh, Miles again.
	Mills again says, I'm not saying this for three or four black women, to be honest.
	They need to be in shape with less and obey.
	If they don't do that, then it's over.
	What the heck?
	Can I ask you something quick though?
	Because sometimes black men ask for natural hair, but y'all looking at all the other races and expecting our hair to look like that.
	No, we know.
	No, we know.
	Here's why I said.
	Our hair don't look like that.
	So we know your hair doesn't look like that.
	Here's why I said.
	Every time I've worn my natural hair in this super natural state, a black man is making a comment about it.
	A mean joke.
	A mean joke too.
	Okay.
	Yeah, but hold on.
	Let me ask you this, though.
	Do you normally respond to those men if they said something positive or something otherwise?
	Of course.
	Okay.
	You sure?
	Sometimes they just say what's going to get a reaction from you.
	So I'm doing this podcast.
	Hold on.
	So just to clarify with your example, I just went viral.
	20,000 people like me.
	A whole hell of a lot of people hate me.
	If I went off of those who don't like what I'm trying to do and push, I wouldn't be sitting here with y'all.
	Right.
	If the majority of men are telling y'all this is what we want, when you're entering into that room of 100 men, men and doing things that's only going to give you five of those men that still want you, what we're suggesting is you ain't got to give it up completely.
	Just be mindful that the man you want prefers you.
	He wants you.
	And we're the only men in the world that has to go back and forth with all women about what it is that we're attracted to and what we're longing for and wanting to see.
	Now, y'all, to be fair, are the only y'all definitely maybe the most clearest and most robust women saying about all the ways in which your men are failing you.
	There's some truth to that.
	There's things we need to level up on.
	There's things we need to improve on.
	If we as a man start leveling up on the things you're asking us for, those handful of things, we don't ask for much.
	If the handful of things we're telling you that we want and like and value in our women.
	Can you all potentially stop valuing social media, trends, city girls, and all these other agendas?
	They not.
	But what I'm going to suggest is this, man.
	I've noticed that working in the field as long as I have, being around as many women as I have, they don't do what they do with me just because.
	I have to validate how they're feeling.
	I got to acknowledge what they need.
	I have to meet it.
	I have to do my part.
	And I have to then hold them to that standard.
	What happens is a lot of black men are trying to hold women to a standard when the version of what they need to see in us, we're not doing.
	Right.
	So my only stance is, ladies, y'all did the test.
	Y'all heard the comments.
	Y'all see rent.
	Not the ignorant shit like that.
	But you get the gist that apparently even the corny men, the shy men, the men that's building and not making six figures yet.
	All these variations of men want y'all.
	Even now.
	They really do.
	It would behoove you if you're 30 plus to start to...
	open your eyes to the men that's invisible to you.
	Watch this, watch this.
	Let me show you something.
	You know what's easier than changing your appearance?
	Because this common thread is that men from all different cultures are attracted to black women.
	Majority of them have the boss to approach black women.
	So a lot of times black guys are getting black women by default because we got the heart to talk to you, to approach you, right?
	So let me give you some game that I would I get to women when they're telling me like their man ain't doing what they want him to do and so on and so forth.
	Say, well, like, well, what are you doing?
	And they say, well, I'm telling them this and I'm telling them this.
	Okay, what you're doing is fucking nagging, right?
	You're nagging and complaining.
	So it's like, how many of y'all have children?
	How many of y'all have dogs or pets?
	You'll learn, and these are supposed to be lower intelligent animals, right?
	Because children, they're not fully developed yet.
	And animals, of course, we're superior to them in intelligence and intellect, right?
	The way to get these life forms to do what you want them to do is positive reinforcement.
	So what happens is, if my woman is going to come to me, right?
	And she's going to flirt with me.
	Instead of nag me, she's going to be playful with me and say, listen, I'm not giving you no pussy because you ain't take out the trash or because you ain't do this.
	And that's why you ain't getting no head head tonight.
	Guess who?
	Right?
	I'm running to.
	Right?
	Guess who answered the question.
	You see what I'm trying to say?
	So now what happens is you like, man, I would love for her to have another grievance because she presents it in a way where the reward is already attached to it.
	So now I'm addicted to your complaints and your grievances because she's feminine.
	Exactly, because they're going to come with some, with some stimulation, right?
	But when you're coming with the complaining and the critic, what we're hearing is no matter what I do, you're going to complain anyway.
	No matter what you do, it's never going to be good enough.
	anyway so why am i gonna rush to to to to appease you or satisfy you when there's another that's gonna come around the corner and then also as a man right if i'm a masculine man and i feel like i'm the captain of at least my own ship whether you coming with me or not the moment that i start doing things because you told me to now i can't stomach it now i don't feel right i feel like i'm doing it it's like if somebody if like a dude come to me and he say yo you did this this and this And I know I didn't do that shit.
	But he's coming at me in a threatening way.
	feel like if I explain myself, I feel like I'm copping a plea.
	I feel like I'm giving the impression that you tell me what to do.
	You know what I'm saying?
	A fear of consequence.
	So now my reaction is going to be like, you know what, nigga?
	Let's say I did do it.
	And what, nigga?
	Let's pretend I did fucking do it.
	What you going to do?
	Now I'd rather that approach now because you ain't about to punk me.
	You see what I'm trying to say?
	I think there's a part of y'all brain that...
	Testosterone.
	But I'm telling you how to get the reaction.
	Amigdala?
	Amigdala, yes.
	That's where a couple of women tell y'all what to do.
	it's it's not a good look and then it's not going to be good for you either because let's say he was to be submissive if that's what you want to call it or obedient let's say he was your your box is going to d dry up now.
	Yeah.
	You see what I'm trying to say?
	Because you're like, if I'm calling the shots, then I don't even need you.
	You don't want to be like, you call the shots without me.
	So listen, this has been a great show.
	I think the people here, the women here and the men here, have shared ideas back and forth.
	Thank you, Jeff.
	Thank you, Allende.
	Thank you, Dom.
	And all the lovely ladies here.
	Guys, go follow them on Instagram, our links are down below.
	Allende, where can they find you?
	Oh, damn, man.
	I mean, I guess it's going to be a while, but I still have authentic alphas.
	You can go and watch some vintage stuff.
	It's on YouTube.
	Classic, bro.
	Dom, where can they find you?
	Twitch, Dom Lucre.
	Same for all social media.
	Be all the same.
	Where can they find you?
	Ask a brother podcast on Instagram, TikTok.
	grand tick tock and youtube coming up strong guys also last chat and then again uh real quick yeah yeah last chat i got it here um this is from green eyes my channel is for us to stack silver and gold come support my channel and we stack for youtube support y'all honestly guys getting gold silver now is really good because it's smart what's happening in the economy also guys stream tomorrow Jeff, are you going to be here still?
	I am flying out in the morning.
	Yeah.
	Damn, you can't stay one more day?
	Super early.
	Listen, man, I got a one-year-old at home.
	Congratulations, dang it.
	Well, the chat loves you.

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