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March 5, 2021 - Epoch Times
28:06
How School Closures Impacts Family Life in California | Psychotherapist Dorothy O'Neill
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It's so systemic because the parents are affected by the children failing in school, struggling with isolation, struggling with behaviors that they've never seen before in their own children.
So it creates not only the worry of what's going on with their own children, but the worry that they don't know how to cope.
How about on the teacher's side?
They find it very, very hard to sit on Zoom and to actually do the job that they have been trained for.
Do you think things will go back to normal anytime soon?
I do believe that we've done a good job of turning it around.
But for some reason, we still hear that we're not safe.
And until we start spreading the word that it's okay, we're not going to have people who are anxious or believe that they're still in danger believe that.
It has to come down from the top.
And we have to have the media and outlets telling us that we can start turning it around.
It's been nearly a year since California schools shut down after the state mandated a stay-at-home order.
My guest today is Dorothy O'Neill.
She's a psychotherapist with her own practice.
Today she discusses the unintended psychological impacts of school closures on students, parents, and teachers and how to overcome them.
Welcome to California Insider.
Dorothy, it's great to have you on.
Welcome.
Thank you.
I'm grateful to be here.
It's great to be able to share what's going on.
A lot of people are scared that the state is still shut down.
Schools are shut down.
There are some schools that are open partially.
And families, a lot of families are afraid of actually letting their children come out.
You're a therapist and you have seen on the ground what's going on with these families.
Let us know what's happening.
So in the beginning, I was seeing families who were bringing their children in because they were struggling, but they were still having a sort of an understanding that this was temporary.
And slowly but surely over the year, The increase in the amount of young 12 to 18-year-olds that have been affected by this is overwhelming.
And if it was just the children, that would be one thing.
But it's so systemic because the parents are affected by the children failing in school, struggling with isolation, struggling with behaviors that they've never seen before in their own children.
And so it creates not only the worry of what's going with their own children, but the worry that they don't know how to cope.
So they're dealing with their own emotions.
They're dealing with the children's emotions.
they're dealing with emotions in a relationship, Couples are trying to work together to do the right thing, and not everyone has the same idea of what the right thing is for their kids.
It's been a really tough, tough year.
And so what are they doing about it?
What are these families doing about it?
Well, the families that are bringing their children into therapy, I get to hear what they're doing.
And most of them are trying to balance working at home.
For one young man who's a single parent, he's in purchasing, so he sits on one side of the table with his computer and he has two very small ones on the other side, a 12-year-old and a 6-year-old.
And it's overwhelming for him and for them to actually try and work in the same space.
He has to have them there because if he doesn't have them there, they're not doing their work.
And he's trying to do his work.
So it shortens tempers and it makes the anxiety level for the parent triple from just the worry of their children doing well in school to actually...
Not worrying about whether they're doing well, but worrying about them failing.
Because they literally are.
And I wouldn't say they all are.
But the ones that come through my office are definitely really struggling.
These A students are now F and D students.
The parents have no idea how to bring their grades up.
There is definitely a lack of communication between the teaching profession and the parents.
Some students have We've emailed their teachers and still wait, you know, three weeks later for a response.
The parents then get involved, so now they've got children at home.
They're teaching at home, they're doing their work at home, and now they're having to hunt down their school teachers to get this on the road where their children can be successful.
Yeah, and I've heard that even the school teachers, they have their children at home too, and they're dealing with the same problem.
Oh, absolutely.
And I actually have some school teachers that come to me in my office, too.
And their side is they want to be back in the classroom.
They find it very, very hard to sit on Zoom and to actually do the job that they have been trained for.
I mean, truly, it isn't just one-sided.
It isn't just the children that are suffering, the parents are suffering, and the teachers that want to be back in the classroom are also suffering.
Because I think the teachers sometimes get a bad rap.
There are so many teachers that care about their students.
They do.
They literally come off of those Zoom calls feeling really despondent because they are unable to teach the way they need to teach.
I have one young woman who is a new teacher, teaches kindergarten.
For the first time teaching and she's teaching on Zoom.
Now, if you've ever been in a kindergarten class, you would know they're all over the place and they need so much attention.
They need that interaction.
And here she is teaching on a Zoom screen, which is Not what she wants to do, but what she has to do.
And it is devastating for her.
I have told her that she needs to get with the other teachers and they need to have time together to sort of process how difficult it is for all of them.
I have a PE teacher on Zoom.
So how do they do that?
It's difficult.
It's difficult for them.
They aren't all wanting to stay out of the classroom.
There are a lot of them that want to be in the classroom with their students.
And for the kindergarten teacher, what does she do on Zoom?
What can you do with Zoom?
So I think she's looking at the work they're doing.
They have to show it to her.
But she has to keep a level of education moving forward.
So there's a curriculum that she has to adhere to.
And I think that is one of the most difficult parts of her job.
It isn't that she couldn't modify Teaching them on Zoom if she had to.
It's still overwhelming.
But she has to keep up with the California curriculum.
So they have to meet the benchmark every week.
And to meet that benchmark is hard enough in the classroom.
But to meet that benchmark on Zoom is near on impossible.
And so it takes its toll on her, not just the students.
Is this the reason why the students have so many assignments?
Is it because they have to keep up with this benchmark?
But we haven't really considered that we're in a pandemic and we're teaching through Zoom, so we can't give as many assignments to students.
I do believe that would be part of it, that the older students aren't learning in the classroom.
They're learning on Zoom and they're not getting everything they need.
So the assignments are the work that they're missing in the classroom and the homework assignments.
So it's a very strange situation.
I can't emphasize it enough.
There's no continuity.
Some students, their homework's just being graded as an A. Other students don't have to turn in their homework.
Other students, their homework is being graded according to what they're achieving.
So it's very chaotic in how they are establishing the education.
You mentioned the failing.
The people that were A students now are failing, kids that are A students.
How is that happening?
Why is that happening?
A lot of it is that they're not as focused.
They're having a hard time keeping up with the schoolwork.
What I found by evaluating the amount of work they're being given is they're being given an awful lot of work that would have been covered in the classroom.
So they are on Zoom.
They do all sorts of things on Zoom.
And then the homework and the assignments are The assignments they're being given are quite astronomical.
Some kids have four or five assignments a night after they've been on Zoom.
There sort of is a system going on here.
So they log in in the morning and they're on this Zoom.
And then when they're finished, most of them want to take a nap.
And I think that's because there's no stimulus on a Zoom screen.
It's like staring at a TV. And suddenly they're sort of going downhill in energy.
So now they're napping and then they're waking up from their nap and now they're having to do these projects.
Some of my students are 22 to 30 projects behind that they haven't submitted.
And when I hear those quantities, I... I'm surprised that no one has been on top of the fact that how can any student have that many missing assignments?
But it happens very, very quickly.
It happens in a week or two.
It doesn't happen over a whole semester.
And once they get behind, they lose focus and can never really catch up.
And then it just compounds one week after another of being behind.
And that's when the parents get very, very agitated and concerned and cannot deal with their own anxiety because they don't know how to fix it.
And I do believe that most parents do not go into this wanting their children to fail.
They actually, of course, want them to be successful, but they have no tools to know how to do that.
And where their own emotions are being pushed to the forefront of their children failing, they then feel like they're failing.
So it's a vicious cycle.
And what are the symptoms that these parents see?
Is it that they see, is there a trend where kids are taking naps, a lot of naps, and then they end up not doing their assignments?
Or is there a time when they find them seeing that their grades are getting bad?
Is there a trend to this?
Well, I will say there's a lot of naps.
I've never seen so many children nap so often.
And it's something that, as silly as it sounds as a therapist, I give the parents nap schedules so that we don't have this abundance of napping.
But the parents have the school system to go on to.
So some schools have Canvas, some have Blackboard.
There's all different systems where they can check what their children are doing.
So they do log in and they'll see missed assignments, missed assignments.
And sometimes those missed assignments are because the teacher hasn't entered the assignment.
Sometimes it's because they haven't done the assignment.
So there's sort of a flexibility in there for some parents to think, well, you know, I'll wait.
Or the children are actually telling their parents that they've done the assignment when they haven't.
And that is a big trend I've seen too, is I actually don't call it lying because it sounds like such a harsh word.
It's sort of, I haven't done the assignment, so do I get in trouble because I tell my parents I haven't done it, or shall I get in trouble when they find out I haven't done it?
So it's a really difficult time across the board with kids that were successful.
Was it because the kids had some level of freedom?
They could go to school and do their thing and then they come back and in a few, parents would check their grades later on and now it's become like maybe daily or more frequent to checking on their work?
I think that when they went to school, they were stimulated.
If you're in the classroom and there's a human body in front of you, in the room, moving around, the other students are interacting, people are asking questions, there's that human interaction that no matter how many Zooms you do, you're staring at a screen.
And there is a lack of connection.
So it isn't just the isolation of not being with friends.
It's actually the breakdown of the structure of actually being in a classroom physically with other people.
Because in the classroom you don't know what the student next to you is going to do.
And on Zoom you're just looking at someone's face.
And I believe that that lack of interaction has been part of the reason they're not as stimulated to get their work done.
I do believe the naps are a big part of it.
When they do connect with their friends, it's still on a screen because they're either Instagramming or Facebooking or messaging.
So they're still on a screen.
So there's real no interaction.
And I do believe that's a big part.
And there's no interactions for these kids even outside?
Do they have any time they spend with friends or are they completely isolated?
So I think the isolation is different for each family.
Some families are allowing their kids to do some things, maybe go to the mall, go to the park.
But there are families that are so fearful of this virus and listen to You know, the news and listen to the information that's coming down the pipeline and then become much more fearful to the fact that even the thought of having their child be in a park with another child could bring that virus home.
So there are some that have hardly left the house in this year.
And others that do get some interaction.
The schools are starting to do sports for the first time in a long time, so kids are actually being able to get to some of those activities for the first time.
But definitely there is a true sense of isolation.
What's the impact on these kids that haven't been out for almost a year now?
I would say one of the major factors is they have lost a sense of ability to communicate.
And they are almost shutting down, becoming a little reclusive.
For some of them, because they're on Zoom with me, Some of them.
Some are in the office, some are on Zoom.
But I will say to them, what are you doing?
Especially the ones on Zoom, because they're the ones that aren't leaving the house.
At least the ones that come to therapy, they do get out to come into the room.
But the ones on Zoom, it's going to the kitchen.
You know, cooking, even walking, the dog isn't something that they even get to do.
So their world has become very, very, very small.
And you have to ask yourself then, what are they doing instead of these activities?
And some of those are harmful activities, as in cutting and bulimia.
We've seen more cases.
And also just that losing touch, becoming almost dysphoric, becoming very reclusive.
Can you tell us more about cutting?
What is that?
Well, cutting is a release of anxiety that children and adults use.
They will cut themselves just deep enough not to actually hurt themselves to a degree where they would have to go to the hospital, but enough where pain is generated.
And usually kids will cut themselves in places where no one can see, maybe at the top of the thigh, Maybe in areas maybe on their arm and they wear long t-shirts, so it's hidden.
But it is a form of release from an anxious feeling and it definitely has increased.
What about the parents?
You know, certain people are still very afraid of the chances of getting the virus.
What is the impact on the parents and the fear?
Well, I think the parents have listened to what's been said that if I go around people, I could bring it back.
I could give it to my parents.
Even with wearing a mask and being in social distancing, there are some parents that haven't left the house even, have stayed home for work and have been extremely worried that they would pick up the virus and either get it themselves or give it to a family member.
And in that case, those parents are even more isolated.
And so the children aren't even seeing any form of activity.
And there's a lot of interpersonal battles that take place because of the isolation.
Couples do not understand each other the way they used to.
And then with the schools reopening, certain schools are open part-time.
What's the impact of that on the parents?
I think, depending on how they're opened, I have one parent whose daughter was, she's a, I think, a first grader.
So her school opened on Tuesday and Thursday for one hour.
So she could take her to school from 11 to 12 on Tuesday and Thursday.
Which was not an impactful relief.
It was more of an impactful dread because it was hard enough to stay home and work, but now to drive to the school, drop her child off, wait an hour or drive home and then drive back.
So it really was a little redundant in helping.
If anything, it added more anxiety and more difficulty.
So I don't think the schools opening, some of the ways they've opened have actually relieved the parents.
It's actually put more stress on the parents.
I mean, what we need to do is really open the schools and let the kids go to school Monday through Friday.
And in other countries, other regions, schools are open, right?
Places like Florida and even places like UK where you're from.
Right.
So my nieces and nephews have been in school since June of last year.
Not all of them and not full time, but most of them have been in school.
And my older nieces and nephews who are in university, those are the ones that haven't.
They're the ones that started their first year at uni and have not left or been allowed into the building.
I have one niece who is an art major.
And you need an art studio.
I mean, how can you do your projects at home?
And she is not allowed into the studio to do her work.
And you have to wonder, what has this first year of education been for all of these students?
Is that in the UK? That was in the UK. And that's the university system.
In the elementary system, more students have been in school and more often.
I think one of my nieces has been in most probably full-time.
And some of the others, the younger ones have too.
And one of my nieces is special needs and she has been in full-time.
Do you think the impact is less on people psychologically because of that in UK versus here, California?
I think they've struggled as much.
I would say, if anything, they tend to feel that they are getting some relief.
I think that's the difference, that if you have three or four children, and they're all different ages, but at least three of them Or in full time, you've only got to really worry about one.
Whereas here we have, from kindergarten up, not in the school system.
And now with the impact of the pandemic, it seems like from what we're seeing, it seems that the California government is only focused on the health side of this.
And there's other aspects.
There's the business side of it.
There's the psychological impacts.
What are your thoughts on this?
What do you think they've put enough thought into how they are doing, how they are coming up with policies for the pandemic?
It's hard for me to really say what they should do or shouldn't do or even understand it from how they're seeing this.
However, I do have a friend who works as a teacher's aide and she is in the classroom with the students with three different grades, 12 of them.
And the teacher is in the next room on Zoom.
Now, if the aide can be in the room and has been in the room for months and is okay, hasn't passed on COVID and doesn't have COVID, it seems a little sort of strange to have the teacher in the room next door on a Zoom.
It doesn't make sense.
And I've always said this, that there's no rhyme or reason to what we're doing or the system.
We sort of don't have a universal idea of what works or what doesn't work.
I think, like you were saying, some schools are in, the private schools have gone back.
But there's no real rhyme or reason to why we're doing any of it.
And care, I totally believe that our health is a priority in keeping people safe.
But I'm wondering what safety means.
We know safety of the mental health of these children It's not a top priority.
And the stability of relationships for couples is not a top priority.
And I'm wondering if there would be a better way to balance all of those.
And now, do you think if...
It seems like the vaccine is coming out, but it's not very clear.
Even the people that have vaccines, that have taken the vaccine, some of them are still very concerned about the virus.
Do you think things will go back to normal anytime soon?
From talking to the people that I meet, especially in my practice, many of them want to go back to some form of normal as it was before.
So I only see a few that have the need to sort of believe that this situation is going to go on for years and years and years and that they're going to have to take precautions.
What I see more is the frustration in the fact people just want it over.
They've got to the point where they've done everything they're supposed to do.
They've done everything for work, for their children.
In environments, in restaurants.
And now it's just, when does it end?
It has to stop.
We have to have some kind of normality.
We have to say that we can start going the other way.
But some people still believe that this won't end until 2022.
People that I actually talk to and say that they believe that they will wear masks through 2022.
Why do you think that is?
Well, I think it's some fear-mongering.
And I do believe it's a virus, and I do believe it's a pandemic, and I do believe it's done what they've said it's done, which has taken so many lives.
And I do believe that we've done a good job of turning it around.
But for some reason, we still hear that we're not safe.
And until we start spreading the word that it's okay, we're not going to have people who are anxious or believe that they're still in danger believe that.
It has to come down from the top.
And we have to have the media and outlets telling us that we can start turning it around.
And there are people who are becoming more and more defiant And saying, you know, I'm done.
I just don't want to do this anymore.
And we see states turning it around.
So I think California needs to take a look at the other states and see what an amazing job they're doing and see if we can jump on board with some of the things that they're making work in their states, especially for our children.
Do you have any other thoughts, any other remarks for our audience?
I think that I would say to couples and to parents that it's okay to know that you're anxious.
It's okay to know that it's not easy.
You know, you don't have to be a super parent and you don't have to have a child that's an A student.
It's okay for it not to be okay right now.
Because it is not okay.
But it's okay to say that.
And to actually spend time talking as a family about what it's like for all of you.
Not cover up that it's tough for you or to get to the point where that toughness comes over in feeling anxious.
It's actually okay for all of you to know that it's not okay.
And to sort of cut back on checking the grades until we have a chance to normalize.
Well, thank you.
You're welcome.
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