He BROKE FREE from the MATRIX - This HAPPENED | Slightly Clips
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You said seven years ago, which is a significant number if people don't know that.
Seven years ago, I hit rock bottom.
And if you're listening to this and your audio only, this is an audio only podcast.
You can download this.
It says that rock bottom was defined by being weak, anxious, insecure, no direction, snorting drugs, drinking heavily, almost killed by cancer, chasing cheap women.
And we will hit every one of those bullet points and talk about the signs and the symptoms.
But getting into your story, talk to me about seven years ago, you hit rock bottom, but what was your lifestyle?
What led you to a place where you acknowledged, yeah, I'm at the bottom and this is as low as it gets?
Yeah, so basically, when I was at school, I was very athletic and I found a lot of purpose in my sport.
I played high-level soccer, I played very high-level cricket, and that gave me a real genuine, deep meaning and purpose, which I was really passionate about.
And then I went to college, university, what we call in the UK, and I didn't get into the sports teams.
And so I transferred that purpose or I found purpose in going out.
So I loved going out.
I loved, I developed a real appetite to party really hard because I didn't have that same purpose like I did in my athletic endeavors.
And that then transferred across.
So over time, what happened was that excessive living and lifestyle that I developed through late nights and drugs and that being a very key part of my life, that then spiraled into a really unhealthy abyss where I developed basically the catalyst, the pivot point was I got a heart arrhythmia called atrial fibrillation.
And that's when everything else kind of spiraled out of control.
And that's that was kind of the root of those points that you made was really that was the key pivot point.
So one thing I want to take away from dudes is I always say that there's only two people who bring your past against you and that's women and the devil.
But for the boys, the boys are the boys.
And there's nothing wrong with hitting rock bottom, meaning you have to respond to it.
But you mentioned that you had a life, like you were successful, you did accomplish things, you were doing things.
And so like hitting rock bottom doesn't mean you're a loser.
And so my question for you is, is like, what is the benefit or like, what is it that actually inspired you to acknowledge you hit rock bottom?
And I want to, I want to preface this meaning, are you looking back now and you're going, yeah, now that I look back, that was the bottom?
Or was there something that led you to be like, no, I don't think I can get worse than this?
Yeah, it was a it was a collective state of symptoms that was indicative of I am in immense pain right now.
So for me, it was a case of I had the anxiety, I had debilitating health issues, I had the panic attacks, I had the insomnia, I had this myriad of really awful symptoms that made me feel like, wow, like I never got suicidal, but there was points at that rock bottom point where I was like, I was losing faith in it rapidly.
And the point where I really, where it really hit home was when I was on an airplane and I had a panic attack on an aeroplane and I mistaked it for a heart attack.
I didn't know what a panic attack was at the time.
It's the first big one I had.
And I remember this airplane had to be diverted to a different airport because I thought I was having a heart stat.
Was this passenger me um, that was having this very visceral, very animated panic attack and um, I mean, that was the most embarrassing moment of my life, and um, and that when, when we landed, I got into the ambulance, that's really when I was like wow okay, like I, i've really, i've really hit it.
You know that that was bad.
Wow, you know, okay.
So, like I want this to be a conversation because I feel like a lot of people who are watching this were listening to this.
I also want to shout out to the category of the girlfriends, wives, and mothers who, you know, you have that young man or even the older man who you're praying for, who you're rooting for, who you see their potential, right?
You're listening to this, you're watching this, and you know, you're like, I'm with somebody who's hit rock bottom where they don't even recognize it.
They don't even acknowledge it yet.
And so kind of playing on that, I feel like a lot of guys don't get out of their problems or they don't start to get help because just like we have a reputation of not wanting to ask for directions because we have it all figured out.
Let's start with that.
How do you come to a point in your own personal life or like, how did you come to press yourself to admit what I think is humiliating?
You might call it humbling, but in the moment, it doesn't feel good.
It only feels good once you overcome the issues.
Like when you're stuck in them, it's just humiliating.
And it's like to say, hey, like, I need to get help, right?
Like, I mean, I need to help myself.
I need, you know, friends.
I need accountability, whatever it is.
Like, what did you do to actually get yourself to be honest?
I have problems and these problems need solutions because a lot of guys know the problems, but they're just unable to confess to themselves that they've got them.
Right.
It was, it was a, I'll be honest, it was a really lonely time for me because seven years ago, I think we've moved a long way in seven years.
And when I, when I'd hit rock bottom and I was faced with all of those debilitating systems and that state of reality, it wasn't as accepted then.
And I'm talking within the lens of when I was in London and UK, and I appreciate it might be different elsewhere.
But I felt like no one really understood me.
No one really understood mental health, anxiety, and any issues like that.
So I felt like I had to burden a lot of that myself.
I felt the weight of that immensely, really did.
So it became a bit of a solo mission where it kind of instigated this fuel in me around like, wow, I'm going to have to take complete ownership and responsibility of this myself and somehow pull myself out of this with the knowledge that I had.
And at the time, I was incredibly naive.
I didn't really, I had some basic intellect of what I thought health was, but not really compared to now.
And it lit a flame in me to go and really try and figure this out.
And that then sparked a story around like, I then went and tried to confide in doctors and therapists.
I went to all the usual things that you're told to go to.
And invariably, I was let down.
So that is what kind of birth this desire to go to more alternative practices and look kind of below the surface, you know, below what the mainstream would consider the norm.
And that's where I got most of my fulfillment and most of my reward in the sense of getting to that, getting to that better place.
Okay, so let's jump into this because if you're somebody and you're like me, where I feel, I know we all go through stages of grief, stages of loss, and sometimes we are able to correct it.
But other times I've always described depression as when the foundation gets pulled out from under you and you're falling and you can't find the bottom.
And it's the dumbest reference, but the best example of this, I think, is Spy Kids 3D.
If you don't know the movie, fine, whatever.
You don't understand epic Hollywood filmmaking.
But when they fall down a pit, it's an endless dark pit.
And then they're scared for their lives.
But then it's complete darkness and then they never stop falling.
And they're like, wait.
And then eventually it's like joking.
They just start eating while they're falling down the hole and it goes on for minutes and they're just falling and suddenly they're relaxing, having a conversation.
And that's a lot of like what hitting rock bottom can be is that you hit it, but rock bottom feels like there's nowhere left to go and you just feel like you continually fall lower and lower.
And some of us just accept it.
We get used to it.
And so we start living our life.
We start functioning dysfunctionally, which is problematic, which is traumatic.
And I bring this up.
Let's jump into this, these, these bullet points, which I think are, you know, symptoms are there.
You said that these were the, what, this is six, seven, eight.
I think, yeah, I'm so bad at counting, but this is eight, eight things.
You said weak, anxious, insecure, no direction, snorting drugs, drinking heavily, almost killed by cancer, chasing cheap women.
Let's just jump through these.
Explain what you meant by this.
Yeah, so I, this was just a collective of the symptoms to really kind of hit home the state of where I was at.
And so to me, that was indicative of I'm a big believer in the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
And at the same, and then at that point, you are your attention, right?
And I was giving my attention to a lot of unhealthy habits and ways of living that weren't conducive to a harmonious state.
You know, in fact, it was the opposite.
So in my mind, looking back and looking at those different symptoms that you pointed out that I wrote about are indicative of a mindset that was a product of poor conditioning and poor, incredibly poor attention.
So, you know, the anxiety, the insecurity, the drug taking, the excessive drinking, that is, these are all and snorting drugs.
When I was 20, 19, that was somewhat normalized.
You know, we're kind of conditioned to assume, oh, that's what you do when you're a 20-year-old bloke.
You know, you go and have fun, you go and, you know, chase women, you go and live a bit mahedalistically and all the rest of it.
And there isn't, when I was that age, there just wasn't any mentor or anyone that I was listening to or watching or where they were kind of going, are you sure that, you know, you sure that's, you sure that's right?
You're like, you sure you want to do that?
You sure that the outcome of pursuing that path is going to be fruitful for you?
And like, really just holding me accountable and challenging me about those.
And so without that accountability and without that, and without having that intentional environment around you, that's what led me into that spiral abyss.
And I think that's a product of what happens if you don't, and if you live unconsciously and you don't have that awareness, it can get ugly very quickly.
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