In modern society, men are discouraged from embracing their nature & instead are encouraged to be feminine losers. This leads to a lost generation of kids that grow up with gender specific trauma, broken mental health, and lost potential. Joining Elijah, is Simmo, a professional male-life coach who focuses on helping men reach their potential. He explains what do to in your darkest hour, how to conquer modern society, and become your most confident / refined self with practical steps that are easy to put into your daily routine.Show more All this and more on today's Slightly Offens*ve...
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There are so many better things to do than exercise.
Okay.
I want some.
I was just eating until I'm dead.
Probably hitting rock bottom is literally one of the worst experiences in a man's life from experience because I am a professionally retarded.
I know people don't like that word because it's derogatory, it's rude, but it's very fitting for guys like me.
And if you haven't hit rock bottom yet, I have bad news for you.
You're going to hit it at some point.
It might be in your 40s.
I call it a midlife crisis, but the best thing to do is to prepare for it.
Or if you're stuck in one right now, you probably are going to feel depressed, anxious.
You have nerves, and you're like, how the hell do I get out of this?
And while everyone's talking about transgenders and the economy, you're like, dude, I just don't know how to get up in the morning.
I don't know how to stop being a fat loser.
I don't know how to get women.
I don't know how to feel happy again.
And the advice is pretty rare.
Everyone's got some plan for you, but nothing is really practical.
And my guest today was a professional coach who actually helps men to overcome weakness, not just from something he read in a book, but from experience.
Simmo is joining me on Slightly Offensive for the First Time.
Welcome to the show.
Great to be here, Elijah.
Thanks for having me.
Yeah.
So I'm really excited, man, because I want to get into your story.
I want to get into your background, you know, before even what you do now.
I'm going to bring this up on the screen.
You had tweeted this out specifically.
You said seven years ago, which is a significant number if people don't know that.
Seven years ago, I hit rock bottom.
And if you're listening to this and you're audio only, this is an audio-only podcast.
You can download this.
It says that rock bottom was defined by being weak, anxious, insecure, no direction, snorting drugs, drinking heavily, almost killed by cancer, chasing cheap women.
And we will hit every one of those bullet points and talk about the signs and the symptoms.
But getting into your story, talk to me about seven years ago you hit rock bottom, but what was your lifestyle?
What led you to a place where you acknowledged, yeah, I'm at the bottom and this is as low as it gets.
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Yeah, I'm at the bottom, and this is as low as it gets.
Yeah, so basically, when I was at school, I was very athletic and I found a lot of purpose in my sport.
I played high-level soccer, I played very high-level cricket, and that gave me a real, genuine, deep meaning and purpose, which I was really passionate about.
And then I went to college, university, what we call in the UK, and I didn't get into the sports teams.
And so I transferred that purpose or I found purpose in going out.
So I loved going out.
I loved, I developed a real appetite to party really hard because I didn't have that same purpose like I did in my athletic endeavors.
And that then transferred across.
So over time, what happened was that excessive living and lifestyle that I developed through late nights and drugs and that being a very key part of my life, that then spiraled into a really unhealthy abyss where I developed basically the catalyst, the pivot point was I got a heart arrhythmia called atrial fibrillation.
And that's when everything else kind of spiraled out of control.
And that's kind of the root of those points that you made was really that was the key pivot point.
So one thing I want to take away from dudes is I always said that there's only two people who bring your past against you, and that's women and the devil.
But for the boys, the boys are the boys.
And there's nothing wrong with hitting rock bottom, meaning you have to respond to it.
But you mentioned that you had a life, like you were successful, you did accomplish things, you were doing things.
And so like hitting rock bottom doesn't mean you're a loser.
And so my question for you is: what is the benefit or like, what is it that actually inspired you to acknowledge you hit rock bottom?
And I want to, I want to preface this, meaning, are you looking back now and you're going, yeah, now that I look back, that was the bottom?
Or was there something that led you to be like, no, I don't think I can get worse than this?
Yeah, it was a collective state of symptoms that was indicative of I am in immense pain right now.
So for me, it was a case of I had the anxiety, I had debilitating health issues, I had the panic attacks, I had the insomnia, I had this myriad of really awful symptoms that made me feel like, wow, like I never got suicidal, but there were points at that rock bottom point where I was like, I was losing faith in it rapidly.
And the point where I really hit home was when I was on an aeroplane and I had a panic attack on an aeroplane and I mistaked it for a heart attack.
I didn't know what a panic attack was at the time.
It was the first big one I had.
And I remember this aeroplane had to be diverted to a different airport because I thought I was having a heart attack.
There was this passenger, me, that was having this very visceral, very animated panic attack.
And I mean, that was the most embarrassing moment of my life.
And that when we landed, I got into the ambulance.
That's really when I was like, wow, okay, like I've really, I've really hit it.
You know, that was bad.
Wow.
You know, okay.
So, like, I want this to be a conversation because I feel like a lot of people who are watching this were listening to this.
I also want to shout out to the category of the girlfriends, wives, and mothers who, you know, you have that young man or even the older man who you're praying for, who you're rooting for, who you see their potential, right?
You're listening to this, you're watching this, and you know, you're like, I'm with somebody who's hit rock bottom where they don't even recognize it.
They don't even acknowledge it yet.
And so kind of playing on that, I feel like a lot of guys don't get out of their problems or they don't start to get help because just like we have a reputation of not wanting to ask for directions because we have it all figured out.
Let's start with that.
How do you come to a point in your own personal life or like, how did you come to press yourself to admit what I think is humiliating?
You might call it humbling, but in the moment, it doesn't feel good.
It only feels good once you overcome the issues.
Like when you're stuck in them, it's just humiliating.
And it's like to say, hey, like, I need to get help, right?
Like, I mean, I need to help myself.
I need, you know, friends.
I need accountability, whatever it is.
Like, what did you do to actually get yourself to be honest?
I have problems and these problems need solutions because a lot of guys know the problems, but they're just unable to confess to themselves that they've got them.
Right.
It was, it was a, I'll be honest, it was a really lonely time for me because seven years ago, I think we've moved a long way in seven years.
And when I, when I've hit rock bottom and I was faced with all of those debilitating systems and that state of reality, it wasn't as accepted then.
And I'm talking within the lens of when I was in London and UK and I appreciate it might be different elsewhere.
But I felt like no one really understood me.
No one really understood mental health, anxiety, and any issues like that.
So I felt like I had to burden a lot of that myself.
I felt the weight of that immensely, really did.
So it became a bit of a solo mission where it kind of instigated this fuel in me around like, wow, I'm going to have to take complete ownership and responsibility of this myself and somehow pull myself out of this with the knowledge that I had.
And at the time, I was incredibly naive.
I didn't really, I had some basic intellect of what I thought health was, but not really compared to now.
And it lit a flame in me to go and really try and figure this out.
And that then sparked a story around like, I then went and tried to confide in doctors and therapists.
I went to all the usual things that you're told to go to.
And invariably, I was let down.
So that's, that is what kind of birth this desire to go to more alternative practices and look kind of below the surface, you know, below what the mainstream would consider the norm.
And that's where I got most of my fulfillment and most of my reward in the sense of getting to that, getting to that better place.
Okay, so let's jump into this because if you're if you're somebody and you're like me, where I feel, I know we all go through stages of grief, stages of loss, and sometimes we are able to correct it.
But other times, I've always described depression as when the foundation gets pulled out from under you and you're falling and you can't find the bottom.
And it's the dumbest reference, but the best example of this, I think, is Spy Kids 3D.
If you don't know the movie, fine, whatever.
You don't understand epic Hollywood filmmaking.
But when they fall down a pit, it's an endless dark pit.
And then they're scared for their lives, but then it's complete darkness and then they never stop falling.
And they're like, wait.
And then eventually it's like joking.
They just start eating while they're falling down the hole and it goes on for minutes and they're just falling and suddenly they're relaxing, having a conversation.
And that's a lot of like what hitting rock bottom can be is that you hit it, but rock bottom feels like there's nowhere left to go.
And you just feel like you continually fall lower and lower.
And some of us just accept it.
We get used to it.
And so we start living our life.
We start functioning dysfunctionally, which is problematic, which is traumatic.
And I bring this up.
Let's jump into this, these, these bullet points, which I think are, you know, symptoms are there.
You said that these were the, what, this is six, seven, eight.
I think, yeah, I'm so bad at counting, but this is eight, eight things.
You said weak, anxious, insecure, no direction, snorting drugs, drinking heavily, almost killed by cancer, chasing cheap women.
Let's just jump through these.
Explain what you meant by this.
Yeah, so I, this was just a collective of the symptoms to really kind of hit home the state of where I was at.
And so to me, that was indicative of I'm a big believer in the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
And at the same, and then at that point, you are your attention, right?
And I was giving my attention to a lot of unhealthy habits and ways of living that weren't conducive to a harmonious state.
You know, in fact, it was the opposite.
So in my mind, looking back and looking at those different symptoms that you pointed out that I wrote about are indicative of a mindset that was a product of poor conditioning and poor, incredibly poor attention.
So, you know, the anxiety, the insecurity, the drug taking, the excessive drinking, that is, these are all and snorting drugs.
When I was 20, 19, that was somewhat normalized.
You know, we're kind of conditioned to assume, oh, that's what you do when you're a 20-year-old bloke.
You know, you go and have fun, you go and chase women, you go and live a bit mahedalistically and all the rest of it.
And there isn't, when I was that age, there just wasn't any mentor or anyone that I was listening to or watching or where they were kind of going, are you sure that, you know, you sure that's you sure that's right?
You're like, you sure you want to do that?
You sure that the outcome of pursuing that path is going to be fruitful for you?
And like, really just holding me accountable and challenging me about those.
And so without that accountability and without that, and without having that intentional environment around you, that's what led me into that spiral abyss.
And I think that's a product of what happens if you don't, and if you live unconsciously and you don't have that awareness, it can get ugly very quickly.
Yeah, I think that that's probably why I think when men say they hit rock bottom, it is realizing that it's not an overnight fix.
And that's why people, you know, quit drinking for a couple days or they quit smoking for a day.
And it's like, well, I don't feel different yet.
But one of my recent guests, Carl Benjamin, was explaining that, you know, in the midst of life, sometimes you feel fake when you're doing what's right because you have a fake version of yourself.
And that's what feels real.
It's deception because of the pleasure sensors that are going on in your brain.
And you've got to trust that even if you're wearing the mask of what feels fake, if it's objectively better, it's going to be worth it because eventually it starts to feel natural.
And you have this list here.
I feel all fancy.
I got this new touch screen so now I can zoom technology.
So at 23, you were alone.
You were anxious.
You were insecure.
You were fighting trauma.
You're battling daily panic attacks.
Bro, I don't know about you, but this is you at 23.
This sounds like most Gen Z and millennials and a lot of Gen Xers in Western countries in general are in this position.
Even if they're married or anything, they just, they feel alone.
They're here.
But this is you at 28.
You said surrounded by brotherhood, free of mental illness, started a business, found purpose and confidence.
And this is you here.
And then this is you again.
And so in the midst of this, outside of the individual choices that you made, you mentioned that you ran into some health problems as well.
Like some serious ones over a couple of years.
Explain what happened there.
Yeah.
So, what happened was, I had I was out on a night out in London drinking and doing Coke, and I had a heart arrhythmia called atrial fibrillation that scared the absolute shit out of me.
Where basically, as many of you listening to this or you will know, normally your heart's meant to beat in rhythm in sync.
What happened when you have atrial fibrillation is it speeds up to about 130, 140, and it beats out of sync.
So, you can literally, on a visceral level, feel your heart kind of beating out your chest in a very erratic way, which was which was just incredibly alarming, incredibly alarming, and scared me shitless.
And that kind of set a tone.
I had that, and then the following year, I um got cancer.
Um, so I had like a double whammy in a really short space of time.
But I think what's interesting is uh, I see that now when I when I mention it to people and they're sympathetic, I kind of reject it because I very much take responsibility.
And in some ways, I feel like I deserved it, given what I know about health and my training that I've done and things that I've researched independently myself.
Is when you get certain symptoms like that, and in my case, they were quite extreme.
It's your body's way of being like, whatever you are doing right now is not conducive to good health.
And it's almost like you get these signals.
And because I was in a state of denial and I was so outside of myself, um, and I kind of just did not accept that these could have anything to do with that.
I, um, it kind of uh plagued my mindset.
Whereas now, you know, I'm a lot more sensitive, and I realize whenever you get any form of symptom that looks um sinister or looks a bit wrong, that is your body's way on the environment saying, Look, you need to reconsider what daily inputs you're you're doing in terms of your habits and uh challenging whether they're conducive to healthy, healthy output.
So, so yeah, um, that's kind of the overview, if you want to put it that way.
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All right, well, let's get into your list because I really do agree with you as somebody who I don't consider myself to have like hit rock bottom in my life like a particular time.
I think my life has been a constant solving and figuring out, right?
Because this is what happens with a lot of us is that we run into dead ends.
And maybe it's not a bottom for you.
Maybe it's, you know, you've just turned a wrong corner.
Maybe you've gone down a bad path.
Maybe you've surrounded yourself with the wrong type of people.
And sometimes what you don't realize is that so much of our behavior are predictors and indicators for so many of the things that we can't fix.
Like, we go, oh man, I have so much, you know, and I know it sounds like totally bitching and pussyfooting like some female, but it's true.
It's like, man, I've got so much drama and stuff.
And then you go, well, it's interesting because what do you mean you have problems in your life?
Oh, man, you know, someone else tells me, oh, you know, I've got these girl problems.
I'm always with these, you know, these bad bitches or whatever.
And they're always breaking my heart.
Okay, okay, okay.
Stop for a second.
What do you, what do you do with your friends?
What do you do when you're around people?
It's like, oh, well, I get drunk.
And it's like, okay.
Have you ever hung out with these people when you're not drunk?
Well, no.
Okay, so you don't, so you don't even, you drink when you're around these people and just drinking a problem?
No, it's not.
Okay, but what you do is you drink with these people.
Yes.
Have you ever enjoyed them sober?
No.
How do you know you even like these people?
How do you not know that your choice of drinking may not be a problem because you're not an alcoholic, but what it's doing is it's putting you in environments and around people who are alcoholics, do have problems, who do like to drink, and it's surrounding you with people that are bringing negative energy into your life.
And so maybe it's not the fact that, you know, you're going to die of liver disease why you might want to quit drinking.
It's because of the positive impact because you might want to put yourself around healthier people, people who make changes and work out or have different ways of dealing with stress or coping with life than just getting fucked up and just numbing the brain.
And you came up with a list that I thought was pretty fantastic.
I got to say, it is impressive, my man.
It is.
This is the roadmap to health.
And for the audio-only listeners who are there listening to this on podcasts, on Spotify member, this is mainly an audio podcast.
We are on Rumble.
We are on YouTube.
But if you aren't downloading the audio podcast and you're not joining the fun, and the roadmap to health as a man, we'll start with list one.
These are practical steps.
Why'd you start it out with quitting porn?
Because I believe porn is one of the ultimate masculinity destroyers.
And particularly for men right now, I think it basically conditions the mindset to choose pleasure over pain and discomfort.
And if you compound that over time, it gets really ugly.
The fact that the default mode, if you're bored at home or whether you just want to give yourself a cheap dopamine hit, porn is just so accessible.
And I think we, you know, I could go on a tangent around not only does it stop you from being disciplined and being dedicated, but it also then distorts your reality of women.
Like there's a whole myriad of awful, awful issues that come from watching porn consistently and doing that a lot.
And yeah, I'm a big advocate of getting rid of it.
What do you define as porn?
I mean, is this like, and I bring up this example, right?
I've recently started unfollowing a bunch of meme pages on Instagram because they do these collab posts.
And the boys, you're listening to this, y'all know what the hell I'm talking about.
It's like some ad for some girls page for some OnlyFans.
It's basically nudity.
It's sexual.
It's like sex with clothes on.
And they have this ad.
I mean, hey, I'm not faulting the meme pages.
You got to pay the bills.
But it's like, what is the standard of porn, right?
I mean, like, do you define that as sexual intercourse, nudity, OnlyFans, TikTok, you know, following hot model chicks?
Like, where do you draw the line?
Well, I mean, classically, it's the more graphic sense, isn't it?
It's like porn arb, like the sexual.
But I think there'd be a good argument for getting into like if you're filling your Instagram feeds with models or women that are in bikinis and you're looking at that all the time, you are creating your reality.
And what that's going to do is lull you into this false sense of security that women, you're going to find women that are like that and women do those things.
And it's just, that is so superficial.
It is not reality.
So I think there's a good argument for what you mentioned there around actually that transcending into model pictures, nude photos, anything that's kind of glorifying something that just isn't comparable to real life.
I do agree.
And I know you're not claiming to be a scientist, but how much do you agree with the statement that other people make about how ejaculation drains energy or as the rappers say, when I come, I come to my senses?
I mean, like, do you throw, do you throw masturbation into this?
Like, where is the energy and the mind like getting sucked from?
Is it the graphicness?
Is it the addictive behavior?
Is it the coming itself?
Like, where are we getting our masculinity lowered through this action?
I think it's all of those things.
I think it's all things.
I think it's like your masturbation, consistent masturbation is not healthy for mindset.
And I mean, scientifically, I know that there's a study that shows if you don't masturbate, there was an increase of testosterone by like 40% in a week.
And then it started to taper off.
But just subjectively, just from my own personal experience, putting the science to one side, I find that the longer I go without masturbating, the easier that I find discipline, the easier that I find consistency, like all of these difficult traits that we find hard to muster up become so much easier.
And I think what porn does is it's a catalyst in if you, if, if the default setting when you're in your day or you get back after a hard day at work or you've got some free time at home, if it's to just go on porn and rub one out, that if that over time, like every now and again, there's a better case.
But if that becomes consistent, you're ingraining that into your routine and that becomes a part of your identity.
And that then starts corrupting the dopamine, the reward systems, all the rest of all of the rest of those things that we need, particularly as men, we rely on to get, you know, to get up and get going and really and help kind of spark fuel behind a healthy masculinity.
And I just think porn is really trying to corrupt that.
And we need that right now, particularly right now, because I feel like masculinity is kind of under siege right now.
And I think it's getting a lot of unhealthy press.
And I think, you know, as you've mentioned before, with generations coming through, I think with TikTok and being on screens, you know, outside of just porn and just looking at 30-second reels and getting information through the ways that we are, I think it's creating this very, I think, ugly abyss.
And I'm concerned about the future with people being able to divert their attention intentionally and being conscious around the decisions they're making rather than being at the mercy of their phones and their screens and distraction.
Yeah.
So this is a personal opinion from you.
How true do you feel like the statement is, though, with the reality?
Like, let's say you're banging your girlfriend, your fiancé, your wife.
And of course, I know a lot of the base is Christian.
So a lot of people would say those are morally wrong behaviors, but let's just go bluntly scientifically, right?
With the female.
Some of y'all are gay, probably too, but let's just stick to the females here on this regard.
You know, if you're having sex, some sports players talk about the fact that they literally don't have sex before games.
I don't even know if that's true.
I've just heard that, you know, around or people like don't have sex to focus.
The Bible also talks about, you know, for the Christian audience, that one of the only times it actually permits abstaining from sex and not having sex with your wife or your wife and your husband is if you do it for prayer, basically for focus and connection and to set your heart on spiritual things.
So from your perspective, I mean, like, is it sex in general?
Like, should we be having a different direction?
Because a lot of guys are like, well, I just look at porn because, you know, I don't have a hot chick to bang.
And that's literally what I hear all the time.
Almost be easy not to look at porn because you're married, which is objectively an untrue statement.
And that's been proven scientifically.
That doesn't really change.
It's a drug.
It's an addiction.
It's a problem.
Like, how much should we be focusing on sex overall?
How much should that be a priority?
And does it distract us when we're just putting our energy into that, even when it's morally correct or it's with an actual person?
But yeah, I think, but when it's real and it's with a partner or it's with someone that you have a connection with, I think that's a very different kettle of fish.
And I think that's what that's what concerns me about porn in this culture that we're going into is it's kind of like objectifying women and objectifying a very kind of deep and meaningful experience, right?
I think if men were conditioned to understand that sex is just an extension of being able to bond and connect better with your partner or whoever it is, I think that'd be far more powerful rather than seeing women like we do in porn where they're, you know, being, I guess it depends on what type you watch, but usually it's a very, it's just a very superficial, not real,
not real way of doing it, whether they get it, whether it's aggressive or whatever angle they might take on that.
And I think it's kind of undermining the connection, the connection between the masculine and the feminine right now.
And I think that has, that will have grave consequences if that's then conditioned into a young, impressionable mind, that will get worse and worse.
So but I definitely think rather than masturbating to pixels on a screen, if you've got something real, that's a very different, that's just a very different kettle of fish because that's conducive to what's reality as opposed to if you're on a screen or masturbating it to pixels.
It's just, that's not, that's just not ancestrally consistent with anything we've ever done in our history.
And I feel like whenever the advent of porn or this came out, I think it's just corrupted that.
And I think we need to start advocating more the other way, if that makes sense.
Yeah, like I don't think it was natural for us to be having erotic experiences with our stepsister who got stuck doing laundry.
Yeah, I've seen stuff like that.
Everyone has done it.
Don't deny it.
But it's, I mean, it is true.
With you, look at the fetishes that are out there and the most hyper-looked searches on Pornhub.
It's not natural.
And so, you know, going into the alternatives of not just, okay, quitting porn, because a lot of people talk about when you hit rock bottom, you got to stop doing certain things, which is important, but you focus a lot on the positivity of like starting actions, which I don't see a lot of, you know, I don't really jive well with a lot of these, you know, traditional commentators because they're always talking about what you don't do, what you shouldn't do, what you should stop.
And that's helpful.
But you bring up here that these interesting aspects about lifting weights, about getting sunlight, and nasal breath, which to me already sounds weird.
Why these three things in this order specifically?
Yeah, so lifting weights, I think as a man that used to be quite slim and scrawny myself and very insecure and anxious, and to a man now where I'm more muscly, lean, and a lot stronger, there's been a huge shift in my mindset that comes with that.
When you get big or you feel strong, that then feeds into your mindset.
So you feel more confident, you feel more able.
Okay.
And it just lends itself very well to very aspirational, very positive, proactive traits.
And I think the gym, I think a lot of people confuse it with, oh, it's about, you know, guys that want to just go build muscle.
Well, that's a nice side effect.
But if you're going to the gym every day or three or four times a week, you're building discipline, you're building consistency, you're building dedication.
Okay.
These are three or four incredibly powerful traits that if you then cultivate, you can then manifest in other areas of your life.
And I think, again, for men, I think that is so important right now.
And the other point around sunlight and nasal breathing.
So sunlight, particularly in the morning, is you know, a lot of people, including myself before, really struggled with getting up.
You know, I'd hit that snooze button and I'd just wrestle with the morning, quite frankly.
And there's now, if you get morning sunlight or bright light in the eyes, I know Dr. Professor Andrew Huberman's doing a lot of work around this.
There's another guy called Dr. Jack Cruz that talk a lot about how, and about circadian health, about if you get bright light, it then tells your brain to basically send, instigate the right neurotransmitters and the right hormones, and that sends a positive cascade.
And so you feel more awake, and then that lends itself well into having a more to feeling better in the morning and having a better day.
So that's where the sunlight comes from.
And then the nasal breathing is about your nervous system.
A lot of people right now, men and women, are very in that fight and flight system.
You know, that kind of like, if that's if they're anxious or they're nervous or they're unsettled or there's something in the news that's triggering them or something at home.
A lot of people right now are really in that fight and flight system.
And what nasal breathing does is it helps it helps regulate and balance your nervous system so that rather than being in the fight and flight where you're kind of on edge, you then transfer more across towards what we call the rest and digest systems called the parasympathetic system, which is more conducive to being calm, relaxed, and feeling a lot better and good in yourself.
So nasal breathing, particularly at night, is the most important thing.
I tape my mouth with 3M micropure tape because what nasal breathing does is it helps optimize oxygen flow by about up to 15%.
So if you're not, if you're waking up with a dry mouth in the morning or you're feeling lethargic in the morning, you're not feeling motivated, it may be there's a high chance, odds are that you may be a habitual mouth breather.
And literally, just by closing your mouth and breathing exclusively through your nose, you would feel so much better.
I mean, this is from, there's some science supporting this, but there's also, I mean, subjectively, there's tons of anecdotes.
There's some really good guys in the breath work space, like Dr. Patrick McEwen, that's really bringing this to light and bringing it to the mainstream.
And I think for good reason, because it's incredibly powerful.
Yeah, I do find that to be.
I have like an underbite.
I just like clench my jaws because I did a lot of ecstasy when I was developing when I was my teen years, paired with like a ton of Adderall.
And so I lost a lot of magnesium in my jaws and I have like a hard time just controlling my jaw.
If I do any stimulants, I look like I'm on meth.
Like I literally can take a concerto on Adderall, which I'm still prescribed and I occasionally will take one, like rarely.
I don't have any right now.
And I just look like a tweaker.
Meaning like, you know, it is crazy how these choices really can affect you.
And I am super, super sensitive, but I also noticed that it's good that I breathe through my nose a lot more too.
But my wife, she's began taping her mouth and breathing through her nose because she, you know, just tends to sleep with her mouth open.
And so I find it that it actually has been helping and it's, it's really cool to see.
One of the things that you brought, so those are some positive things to do.
You also brought this up with the health side of things, which is really practical.
And I think this is going to be very unpopular, especially because this is something the boys do.
And everybody knows I also love to drink too.
Like I love a good drink.
I mean, and I love getting rowdy with the boys.
We even had like a drunk, a few months of drunk cast on Saturdays, which is just wild.
And it was like totally fun.
And I don't, I'm not pretending, you know, that it's not fun to drink.
There's not benefits, but you brought this up like right there, just every piece of fitness advice.
And right at number one, your first fitness advice is stop drinking alcohol.
Why you didn't say reduce it?
You just said stop.
Like why did you, why'd you go full force?
Because if you're struggling for motivation or you are wrestling with life in some capacity, I think alcohol is probably the biggest destroyer of motivation and clear and clear thinking.
So I'm not, I'm not anti, I'm not inherently anti-alcohol.
Okay.
I think there's a place for it.
I think you can, it's a great lubricant in social situations.
Of course, it is.
We all know that.
But the point that I was strong with the language there is because a lot of people don't use it intentionally.
There's a big difference between using alcohol intentionally and using it unintentionally.
And I think 95% of people out there use it unintentionally and then they'll spend a couple of days getting hungover or wondering why they're feeling so sapped by life and it's not going forward.
And it's like, yeah, because you keep going to excess and it keeps, and it's a consistent habit that you do every week.
So if you cut it, you then empower yourself with this invigorated sense of belief and motivation.
And it's so powerful.
You know, there's so many stories out there of people that go sober for a month, two, three months.
I went sober for nearly two years and it and it changed my life because it's a fucking sap.
It just like it's a mental sap.
So that's why I do stop, not reduce, because I just wanted to hit home the point that by getting rid of it, ASAP, it would help really skyrocket some of those benefits that we all so desperately crave sometimes.
Right.
And I think one of the best advice I ever heard was how do you quit doing something?
And it's that every time you want to do something that you know you shouldn't do, you just don't do it.
And I know people can read a million and one books.
I mean, there is motivation.
You want to have, you know, you can find out different measures and safety valves and people around you, et cetera, to make sure that that doesn't happen.
But ultimately speaking, it is about taking ownership.
And like I also kicked booze, you know, for the like, not just like for the most part, like I've just like I just cut out pretty much all substances besides coffee right now, which I guess could still say it's a crutch.
And, you know, there are pros and cons for sure.
Like, I don't think it's, it's a cure-all, but I can tell you this, I've been much more consistent in all of my goals, especially my spiritual goals.
I felt much closer to God and much more in tune with just my inner thoughts.
And it's this crazy thing that I've been avoiding for every day of my life.
It's learning how to just be alone with you.
Because sometimes we don't take ownership that a lot of our problems in our life, again, it could be other people could hurt you.
Other things can happen to you.
And I'm not negating or discounting real trauma, real issues, real crime, et cetera, that could happen to you.
But for the most part, like most of our problems, we could stop being such a bitch about it and probably get it over.
There's one thing the Bible warns about above all else.
I don't know.
Do you know this?
The one thing that the Bible warns about that nobody ever discusses is like the one thing that it says it's the most destructive vice to have.
It literally says it doesn't just destroy the fruit of your tree, which is the analogy the scriptures use for good works or to have a successful life.
But it says it actually like destroys the roots of the tree.
It destroys the plant itself.
Do you know what that is?
No.
Bitterness.
Like just, it literally says there's nothing that corrupts the heart of man greater than just holding onto grudges, like just being angry and bitter and destructive.
And it destroys us from the inside.
And that's kind of intuitive because it's pretty apparent that ultimately speaking, you may not drink, you may not smoke, you may not do any of these things, but if you're always like, if you're angry at people and you're holding grudges and you're not moving on, you're not moving forward, and you're not just taking responsibility for what you can change, you won't get ahead.
And you said something similar to this in one of your tweets, actually.
You said, from now, I'm attracting better because I have discovered it all.
I am going to change myself first so that everything can align for me.
I am not going to blame anyone.
I'm going to take responsibility for my life.
The better I become, the better I attract.
What do you mean by that last line?
As in what I mean by that is you create a magnetism when you start making intentional decisions in your life.
And I know that might sound woo-woo to some people and it's like, oh, but I have seen it in myself from going from a victim mindset to a growth mindset where rather than seeing challenges as ways to complain more and blame more, if you start seeing challenges as obstacles to overcome and you use them as and you see them as ways that you can grow and improve yourself, you generate a magnetism.
You'll see things, the universe starts getting behind you and you'll take people come into your life that you didn't think would come into situations will happen.
There'll be a series of events that will unfold that is basically a way of it's a validating way of the fact that you're on a on a on a more intentional, more conscious path that will benefit, will benefit you and provide you more fruits.
And I think that's so important.
So that's what I meant by that is I have noticed in my own journey since doing some self-inquisition and re-evaluating some of the habits I have and whether one serve me or not, the more that I've done that, the more I have noticed this more magnetic energy around being able to manifest some really positive and productive and meaningful things in my life.
So yeah, that's basically, that's basically what I meant by that.
Well, how important is taking ownership when hitting rock bottom in terms of getting out?
And I quote Joe Rogan where he says, you know, eventually when you have friends that are just saying, oh, I can't catch a break.
Oh, life just keeps fucking me in the ass.
Oh, I, I, you know, it's my childhood trauma.
It's this.
Like, you know, at first you feel bad for them and you go, dude, yeah, I get it, man.
And then eventually it can actually become destructive to you too if you stay around people like that, because there's just always an excuse for why they can't get ahead in life.
And so he seems to think that that's one of the most important things, taking ownership and just not making excuses.
But how really effective, not just for a millionaire guy who's all talented and has this giant podcast, but for just the normal person sitting around here.
Like, how much of this is on them versus how much excuses should they be making for why they're not becoming better, doing the most possible with their time here on earth?
It's all on them.
It's all on them.
I mean, I go back to my experience to use it as an example.
All of those shitty, awful, debilitating, destroying issues that I had that we talked about at the start that you outlined was a product of my own actions.
That was a direct result of decisions that I was making.
Obviously, not intentionally.
I was making them with the knowledge that I have.
And I had to have a wake-up call to make me realize that that wasn't what I wanted.
But we are all products of our attention.
We are all products of the actions and decisions that we make every day.
And we must take responsibility and realize that it all comes back to us.
It all comes back to self.
And I think sadly, I think it's getting better, but I think for most people, sadly, they prefer to point fingers and blame because it's easier.
It's easier to try and shift the blame to things outside of you because then you're not taking responsibility.
And actually, the secret lies in you.
You are the one that needs to go and action that and change something if you're wanting to see different outputs.
And it comes back to the quote I said earlier around the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and again and expecting different results.
And I think that Einstein quote was the pivot point for me where I realized I read that and I thought, fuck, like if I keep thinking that I want this better life, but I'm not doing.
So it's like, in order to feel different, you need to do different.
And I, for me, that was a real kind of pivot point because it just made me realize, fuck, I'm going to have to go.
I'm going to have to go away and figure out what these new habits or actions are.
And that's going to be hard.
It's going to be difficult.
I'm not going to like some of it.
It's going to be, it's going to challenge me in new ways that I'm not used to.
But wow, like having come on the other side of that now, like I'm so, so grateful.
It's almost like for me, pain is like a privilege because it helps you grow in much quicker ways than you would otherwise do it.
And I got to tell you guys about something important.
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That's our little dogs or our big dogs.
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But so many of us are hurting our dogs with the food that we give them.
And it's just scary to really think about the fact that there is a product in almost all of their dog food that is causing gut digestion issues.
And those gut digestion issues can be avoided if you could just recognize this and listen to what Dr. Marty has said to identify if it's in your dog's food.
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Let's get back into the show.
Dude, for real, though, one of the things that I love is how quickly you can respond, how confident you are.
Because I speak to so many people on so many different podcasts and just different individuals.
And even if they have large platforms, they're mostly just thin-skinned people.
Like, not my guest, but meaning like they're mostly thin-skinned people in the world themselves.
And so a lot of people in media are, you know, they lack confidence.
You don't lack it.
You know, and it's not toxic levels.
And I hated using toxic confidence.
There's people who fake confidence to try to look bigger or better or be greater than they are.
But true confidence is when you're calm, collected, you know what you think, you say what you mean.
You are who you say you are.
And a lot of us lack confidence.
And I think that's where a lot of people run into a dead end is they don't feel confident in themselves.
They don't feel confident, you know, like, hey, why should I even get out of rock bottom?
Like, what's the point?
Because I don't even know if I can, let alone if I get to the destination I want, can I really live up to the standards that I'm hoping to live up to?
And you created this confidence cheat code.
You said, hey, if what you're lacking is confidence, if what you're lacking is that motivation, you brought up, we already talked about lifting weights, but you brought up some like pretty interesting things that I haven't heard about.
The confidence cheat code is lift weights, set boundaries, cut toxic friends, daily incantations, say no more than yes.
That's say no, just no more than yes.
Don't people appease, resolve childhood trauma.
Can you touch on a couple of these and explain why?
The lifting weights is pretty obvious.
We can watch many podcasts on why lifting weights raises confidence levels, testosterone, et cetera.
But like the rest of these, including daily incantations, because I don't even know what the hell that is.
Yeah, so I mean, cut toxic friends is there's a famous Rumi quote that's that says, you are the you are the result of the five people you spend most time with.
So if you've got friends that love unhealthy habits, the chances are that you're going to be doing unhealthy habits are really high.
And again, that happened in my own journey.
And the quicker you find people that are conducive to more intentional, more conscious living, the quicker that will help upgrade you.
Because obviously, if you've got other people that are aspirational and looking to take the right change and meaningful change, that will really help you rather than it feeling like this is your own journey and your own battle to try and overcome yourself.
So that's a big one.
The daily incantations basically is: it's affirmations on steroids.
So if you don't know what affirmations are, it's like it's saying things or writing things down, being like, I am, I am powerful.
I am in control.
It's whatever it's the, it's the contrary to the self-limiting beliefs that you might have about yourself.
And the great thing about daily incantations that I got from Tony Robbins is it's a more visceral way of being able to reinforce some of those aspirational traits or proactive traits about yourself.
So rather than kind of saying them and intellectualizing them, you're feeling them.
So you're creating like an emotional response where you're in front of a mirror in the morning or whether you're outside and no one can see you or hear you're kind of being like, I am powerful.
I am strong.
And you really, you really create an emotional response.
And that then elevates your state.
So rather than it being an intellectual, like, you know, I am, I am so-and-so, I am, where people will think, oh, this is repetitive bullshit.
The incantations goes, takes you from the intellectual into the into the feeling state.
And that's when you get some real meaningful change.
And I know, I mean, it's something I do with my clients and it's really powerful.
And then the what else did I put on there?
So the people appease, I think, is a big one.
I think too many of us, men and women, if you don't, there's a, I think, I don't, I don't know if it's a quote, but if you don't set your own boundaries, you'll then, people will then set their own for you.
And the point of that being, if you don't, like if you don't want to do certain things and you don't want to get caught up in certain habits or whatever it is, lifestyle issues, then if that's not rooted in something, then invariably it's going to cause issues for you.
And I think that comes back down to values.
And I think I've been on a journey with this myself, but I think too many of us don't think about what's really genuinely important to us and what on a value basis.
And I think by in terms of finding that confidence, if having that compass, I think the compass around like finding that North Star that helps guide us, I think values is a really important part of that.
And I think by not people appeasing and focusing more on what you enjoy, what you like, people that inspire you, help you make you feel better, help empower you to be authentic, like that's when you start seeing meaningful change, like when you start taking that radical ownership of some of those decisions and choices.
So hopefully that wasn't too much waffle.
No, it wasn't.
I love how we just casually be like, yeah, relieve child, resolve childhood trauma.
I think we'll leave that for people to work with you one-on-one.
I do want to bring up one more thing before we jump off, because you do talk a lot about how to raise testosterone levels.
These are all amazing things.
But the last thing that I thought we don't hear about, and I'm a student.
I'm forever a student.
Like I am not a shit talker.
So meaning like I don't shit talk people or myself.
Like I'm not going to sit around here and hold anyone to standards I don't hold myself to or vice versa.
And some people have the opposite of one of those problems.
Either A, they think too highly of themselves and judge everybody else or they're nice to everybody else and they just demean degrade themselves.
And most of us fall somewhere on that spectrum.
I'm more somewhere in the middle.
Like I just, I just try to coast and move on with life and figure it out.
But I also realize that sometimes people have a hard time doing what you call here, which is this weekly audit of your time.
Like actually asking yourself every Sunday, you said, what gave me energy?
What took energy away?
What can I easily eliminate?
What tasks can I automate?
What is my number one goal for the week?
You won't improve unless you take accountability.
So we talked about taking responsibility for your life.
But the idea of not hating other people and not hating yourself, but getting your focus off of those around you, getting your focus onto your own goals and being realistic in your pursuit of improvement, but also being real with yourself and pushing yourself to be better.
Like, what does this daily audit genuinely look like in your life?
And I think everyone in here can hit goals for a day, but like, how do you actually use this to fuel a daily lifestyle or a weekly, monthly, yearly lifestyle to where you actually are hitting your goals long enough terms to really see the results?
Yeah, I think when I hit rock bottom, I didn't have, I wasn't doing anything that was kind of reflecting on what I was doing.
I had no, there was no personal accountability to that.
And I think journaling is the most underrated but powerful way that we can take daily stock around whether the life that we're living is conducive to the life that we want or a life that's healthy.
And I think there's a great journal that I use that I used to use for a long time called the Six Minute Diary.
It's brilliant.
You can get on Amazon, which I think is a great starting point and it helps give you context as to why it's important.
And I think by having these daily stocks, whether it's, you know, five minutes around How things have been, and I know I mentioned those questions.
And then I have the weekly slot that you've just that you just mentioned there that helps just review.
It's like a collective of the daily pulse checks I have at the end of the day.
And then at the end of the week, I then collectively review that.
And then that then becomes a month.
And what you'll find is if you get consistent with that, it then helps bring to the forefront things that are either serving you or not serving you.
So it's almost like a distiller.
I feel like it's like if you put, if your life, for one of a better way of putting it as an analogy, is like dirty water by journaling, it helps like distill it and cleanse it so that your outputs, the propensity of your outputs being more conducive to being healthy and happier and more fulfilling, I think is far greater when you have that personal accountability and you have those pulse checks.
So that weekly check that you mentioned is just one.
There's the daily journaling and then there's the monthly ones as well.
And that ties into, I mean, in my coaching realm, that ties into more around like what goals are we looking towards in terms of three, six, nine a year, three years, five exact, you know, and longer around, and then working back.
And that, the personal daily pulse checks for the journaling and the weekly accountability are just the starting point of that wider picture of how that all ties in.
Right.
And so if people, though, like with at the end of all of this, I wanted to bring you on.
I know we try to make this happen for a while.
It's my fault because it's pretty hard to be independent.
This is a reminder: if you guys want to support the show, don't forget to support at locals, elijaschafer.locals.com.
People love to complain about all the free content that they get, which is one of the amazing parts about the internet.
But those of you guys that support the show member, you can join for free.
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And like I mentioned, we're also going to be integrating an RMTP server, which means I can do extra bits of the live and extra segments, et cetera, for you guys, which is absolutely freaking amazing.
And I love you guys.
But if you want to become a supporter as well, we've got to hit our goals, guys.
We are trying to hit 500 supporters.
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And thanks to you guys, you guys have made it possible.
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And they recently said, FDA, that lucky charms are more healthy for you for breakfast than whole eggs.
So fuck you to everyone who hates us and is trying to ruin our lives.
And thank you to everyone who's supporting on locals.
But I want to throw it over to you.
You're interesting.
You've got good advice.
It's not bullshit.
It is helpful.
So two ways that people can follow you.
One, the public way in terms of what social media, how can they keep track, get daily motivation?
And two, is there anything more deeper if they want to connect with you, get more information about how you can help them?
What are the best ways to learn about that?
I'm only on Twitter.
It's Twitter at your simo.
Everything's on there.
That's my newsletter and all the other ways to go deeper on there.
So yeah, Twitter at your simo.
Yeah, it should be.
I'm going to zoom that in.
So if you're, by the way, if you're listening to audio only, it's at Y-O-U-R-S-I-M-M-O.
It's Y-O-U-R-S-I-M-M-O.
Make sure you check it out.
He is verified.
And to click to make sure that you have the right person that is there.
You see the super Chad Warrior picture and joined August 2021.
So you're doing pretty good.
You just came in 2021 and you're already at 16,000 followers.
That means you're doing something right, my man.
So congratulations on that.
And everybody in the show gets confetti at least one time.
So we're really, really proud of you there.
Anyway, man, I really appreciate Simon you coming on.
And in the future, I'd love to discuss some of these topics ever about some other things, depending on what's going on in culture, what's happening at the time, maybe get you on a panel sometime because we do like sort of healthy debates in terms of like issues on things like, yeah, what is the reason why men are depressed and how they can improve.
They're just conversations.
Some people think antidepressants are the answer.
I happen to disagree, but I try to stay unbiased in all of that.
So I really appreciate you coming on.
Do you have any closing remarks?
No, that's it, mate.
It's been a pleasure.
It really has.
I've thoroughly enjoyed it.
So thanks.
Thanks for the time.
Awesome.
And guys, like I said earlier in the podcast, this is audio only.
So click below, download this, and make sure you follow Simo on all platforms where possible.
My name is Elijah Schaefer.
I hope I'm your top 17 host because this platform is horrible.
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Have a great rest of the week, and may God bless the United States of America.
