July 18, 2019 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
10:42
Every Beta-Male Needs This Chair
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Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGquezRp_6w
Uploader: Slightly Offens*ve
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally ended toxic masculinity by inventing a wooden chair to stop man spreading.
Yes, you heard me right.
The infectious epidemic that is spreading across the country, men opening their legs on subways, trains, and public transportation, which apparently some people still use, is now over.
While some of you have asked me to cover some more serious topics, today is actually quite funny because it is serious for some.
My name is Elijah Schaefer, and welcome back to the daily dose on slightly offensive.
I am always your favorite gay black woman reporting to you live from my studio in Hollywood, California.
So today's story is actually on quite a few different publications, including The Independent UK.
And it matters to people in the UK because very often people in the UK are confused to an extent that I don't even understand.
Now, before I say anything further to all of my fans and viewers who are British or are a part of the United Kingdom, I still love you.
You are part of the very few sane people which still exist on that godforsaken island.
Anyways, this article is called A Student Creates Chair to Put an End to Manspreading.
And while you might have heard the story in the recent hours, you have not heard it from me.
So please pay attention.
It says, we begin right now with this incredible chair.
So you see two chairs right here.
Okay, it looks like we have a chair that has a little like pyramid between it with this ability to spread your legs, which would obviously be the chair men would sit in, since we have something called genitals, which need air and movement.
By the way, if your genitals are squeezed too tightly together between your legs, the heat between your legs can actually cause you to be infertile.
I knew a guy from the 80s who was into rock music and he wore tight pants, women's jeans before they were popular, and it actually caused him to not be able to have children.
Anyways, we see a chair next to it, which looks like a washing board or like one of those things that you use to dredge for fools' gold.
That's probably for the women since they have nothing between their legs but a little slit that goes up.
But let's see what it says.
Manspreading is deeply annoying is the title to this, so we know where this website already begins and stays.
This is themetro.co.uk.
It says, but for all of us irritated women on public transport, it felt like the only way to tackle this maddening act is through deep sighs and passive aggressive leg nudges.
Yeah, women are so oppressed because men open their legs.
Now, man spreading isn't a new topic.
It's just a word that feminists invented to cover something that men biologically need to do in order to feel comfortable on a seat.
But of course, women who use purse spreading, which is where they pick up an entire second row by sticking their purse next to them, no, we don't care about that, even though that's not necessary.
But it says no more.
A student has come up with a proper solution to put an end to man spreading forever.
Thank God, right?
That's what we needed.
I mean, who cares about world hunger, the persecution of gays and predominantly countries that worship that one guy?
Let's talk about things that really matter in Western civilization, like men who have their legs open.
Let's not forget, by the way, that Stephen Crowder did an experiment where he actually took silicone, I think, balls and put them between women's legs, and they had to open their legs when they sat.
Real truthful story.
Well, Lila Laurel, this very alliterative woman, the LL, 23, you know 23 year old, you should listen to them, is a student at the University of Brighton.
She just won the Bellman Award at New Designs in London for her creation.
What is it?
Does it solve polluted water?
Is it somehow changing and bringing back some sort of contraceptive in a country that has a difficulty affording them?
No, it is something even better that we all asked for.
A chair that trains men to stop manspreading.
So it doesn't actually even stop man spreading because you couldn't do that without essentially bringing the entire human species to an extinct position.
But hey, let's start by training men because that's what men need is to be trained against their biological normatives.
Lila also made a chair to encourage women to take up more space, which is the real side of what feminism wants to bring us.
It is really not about stopping anything men are doing.
It's about taking power away from men, taking normatives away from men, and giving them all into the hands of women.
While I'm all for empowering women, I am not for people doing things unnecessarily for the sake of making a scene.
Therefore, training women to take up more space seems kind of counterproductive.
Whatever political spectrum you fall on, I don't really care.
The fact that we'd be asking men to do things that make them more uncomfortable and less susceptible to reproduction, and then asking women to do things that are rather actually annoying because they're not necessary seems rather foolish.
Anyways, it tells us, here's how the chair works.
Thank you for telling us because our eyes looking at the picture here with these very, emasculated men couldn't have helped us with that.
It says, here's how the chair works.
The anti-manspreading chair has legs that narrow in width, forcing the sitter's legs to press into each other.
The woman's chair does the opposite, forcing their legs to be spread widely.
Welcome to postmodernism, where you get an award for training men to fix a problem that doesn't exist and creating a solution by having women do things that are unnecessary for them to do.
What it is is that in this world, we create fake problems, then we create fake solutions for those problems and then give fake awards to people who don't deserve those awards and congratulate them.
This is how a society collapses.
When you begin to stop awarding conquerors and fighters and people who actually develop things that make a country better, and instead you award dancers and musicians, artists, and somewhat postmodern failed art students, you are in a society that is near collapse since you are demeaning and you are trivializing people who actually deserve awards and instead you are awarding people who deserve a slap on the wrist, let alone nothing at all.
It goes on to say that each chair is made from sycamore and cherry wood.
Ooh, someone's against climate change.
And genuinely looks visually pleasing.
So it's great design for the aesthetics as well as the purpose.
So if you're a beta-cucked out male who wants to squeeze your balls and stop having children, at least you can look damn good while doing it.
Thank you, Lila.
Lila tells metros.co.uk she was inspired by her own encounters with man spreading and other women's experiences.
Again, because of your experience, you need to create a solution, not based on actual superlative truth or any types of facts or research or studies.
It's simply based on the fact that you yourself think that something needs to happen and you're so important and your experience is so absolute that we should all listen to you.
Anyways, it says here that I was also hugely inspired by Laura Bates' Everyday Sexism Project, where I read about the struggles and frustrations of women around the world pertaining to men infringing on their space.
Lila tells us.
Of course, we're not talking about men actually infringing on their space.
This is where women are psychotic.
Why do they think that public space is their space?
It's really bizarre.
Now, there's a lot of great women, but these feminist women have lost their mind.
This is not a political issue.
This is a social issue.
These women believe seriously that public space is theirs.
I once lived next to a Korean neighbor who would rent out his house illegally.
He made little like crawl spaces for people to live in.
This was in the hills, by the way, so he ended up getting raided by the ATF, I think, and the FBI or somebody like that.
SWAT teams were there for his illegal activity, but he used to rent out spaces on the public street for his tenants and then would put rocks and stuff in the street so people couldn't park in his tenant spaces.
I once heard him say, look, this is your space.
I rent you space, okay?
Look, this is space for you.
Well, listen, Mr. Chu, this is not space for you, and the public space, Miss Feminist, is not space for you either.
But I like how it goes on to reinforce these very damaging tendencies, which says, I think encouraging women to consider the way in which they move through the world or the space they take up in relation to men is powerful because it is such an intrinsic and huge issue and yet one that perhaps is not always considered.
Yes, people are literally always considering how women move, which is why cars are not solely marketed to men, but there's a thing called a minivan, which is marketed to women.
And before you scream sexism at me, I'm letting you know that there is a lot of thought into how women move, including things like shoes, which change the way that they walk, clothing.
Hmm.
What about spaces?
How about public transportation in general?
I think this is really bizarre because a lot of Uber drivers are actually also women.
Who cares, right?
Because women need more space on public transportation.
These feminist women probably don't even take public transportation.
They probably drive like a Kia, a Kia soul.
She said, I think men have the tendency to command more space and require women to move for them for more than vice versa.
Maybe also because men command more space, because they require more space, because biologically men on average are larger than women, have a larger body mass overall, and actually need to open up their legs, which women don't.
This is where we get into the funny age-old thing where women and men are equal, but they're not.
They are the same.
No, they are not.
Women have equal rights to men, sure, but they are biologically different.
So the rights they need are probably different as well.
We're not talking about basic human rights, but intrinsic societal norms are going to be different.
Anyways, it goes on to close that in order to achieve gender equality.
It is imperative to consider many different aspects of sexism.
And that's why I thought it would be interesting to try to explore political gendered issues around seating.
As with any woman speaking publicly about women's experiences in this world, Lila has been blasted with horrible messages from strangers who are angry about her designs.
Well, I am not angry about her design.
I actually do not care.
I would not buy her design.
Neither would most people.
The only thing that she's going to be seeing her chair in is in her terrible colleges art exhibit while she gets an award that nobody cares about and the world mocks her and laughs at her.
This is where feminists do not understand that their ideas do not work.
The same reason why Netflix in its woke agenda is now losing subscribers for the first time since its launch.
It's the same reason why the movie Unplanned, which talks about someone wanting to keep their pregnancy, which was initially given hardships in its launch and called hateful propaganda in Canada, is now seen to a large surge in ticket sales.
People do not understand what the average citizens of the world in the West would like, nor do they understand the importance of moral absolutism, conservatism, or anything that makes this country valuable.
Instead of actually solving real problems, they complain about things that do not exist and offer us solutions we did not ask for.
But I'm here today to tell you, I do not care.
I'm here to tell you.
Neither probably do you.
But let me know in the comments below what you think about this entire project.
Was it worth the input?
Was it worth covering?
I think it was.
It's always funny here on another episode of Slightly Offensive's Daily Dose.
Favorite gay black woman, Elijah Schaefer.
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