Tim discusses Trump’s escalating conflict with Maduro in Venezuela, how Pete Hegseth may have played a part in committing a war crime, a Sabrina Carpenter song being used in an ICE deportation video, Sydney Sweeney making an appearance on The Tonight Show, and a man who took out both his parents in a Long Island deli. American Royalty Tour🎟 https://punchup.live/TimDillonSPONSORS: Helix Go To https://helixsleep.com/timd For 27% OFF Sitewide! Omaha SteaksGo to https://OmahaSteaks.com to get 50% off sitewide during their Sizzle All the Way Sale. And use code TIM at checkout for an extra $35 off. Minimum purchase may apply. See site for details. A big thanks to our advertiser, Omaha Steaks!Morgan & Morgan Got to https://forthepeople.com/TIM Their Fee is FREE Unless they Win! Aura FramesExclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/TIM. Promo Code TIMShip Station Go To https://shipstation.com & Use Code “TIMDILLON” To Get A 60-Day FREE Trial Kalshi Partners with CNN: https://kalshi.com▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1Instagram:https://instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Tragedy at Long Island Deli00:14:27
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
A young man killed his parents in Long Island in a Long Island delivery.
And I read about this on Long Island.
There is a deli, I believe, in Beth Page, and a young man who was troubled, he had a drug addiction, killed both of his parents.
I believe stabbed them to death in a Long Island deli.
And I don't like hearing that because that's where I grew up.
And I don't like to hear that.
Now, this isn't as rare as you'd think on Long Island.
There's actually a lot of people who do kill their parents.
This is true.
And it's something that just hangs in the air: is that people kill their parents on Long Island?
This is not something that's completely unheard of.
Unfortunately, this does happen.
And, you know, I get it.
Obviously, I would never kill my parents, and I would never want anyone to be killed.
And I would never want anyone's parents to be killed.
And I would certainly never want anyone to be killed in a deli, which should be a place of love and kind of, you know, reflection.
That's what a deli is.
You should be able to kind of eat and kind of reflect on your day, your week, your month, your year, the trajectory of your life, whatever.
I mean, sitting in a deli should be peaceful.
You should not be dealing with a guy who came in to stab his parents.
But just knowing a lot of people on Long Island and knowing kind of you know that whole thing, that whole dynamic.
I'm trying to be very careful about how I say this, but I can understand, and I obviously would never condone it.
Obviously, I mean, I don't know how many disclaimers I need here, but I think that fans and the listeners know what I'm trying to say.
I understand this.
I do not agree with it, but I have met enough people on that island.
You know, I grew up there.
I lived there for many years.
And I get, and here's the other thing people aren't going to like: I get doing both of them.
Because if you kill one of your parents on Long Island, the other one will just become such a cunt.
I mean, gender unimportant.
If you kill one of your parents on Long Island, the other parent will become so insufferable and they will use it as a way, by the way, to constantly, it'll be like you killed them.
Like the one that survives will complain so much.
Not that they even love their significant other that much either.
They will just use it forever.
My son killed my husband.
Like it will, it'll never end.
It will never end.
So I get having to kind of do them both to get rid of both of them because you go, if I kill one of these people, I will never hear the end of it.
Just because of the types of, you know, the personality types.
And now this guy, police said a man and woman were stabbed to death just after 9 a.m. Thursday in the deli they had owned for decades.
A man was taken into custody shortly after.
And while police did not confirm the individual's identity or his relationship to the victims, friends of the shop owner said the man was one of the couple's three sons.
His hands was bloody.
His clothes were bloody, and he was just leaning on his car.
I didn't know anything that happened at the time, but he just sat on his car, said witness Brandon James.
Near the crime scene, the daughter, the owner's daughter was inconsolable.
His friends comforted her inside the deli.
Another man saw the man walk out from the back of the shop.
I just seen the sun walking out.
I mean, this is really, I mean, these quotes, the grammar in these quotes, these Long Island goons that can barely speak.
I just seen the sun walking out.
And he says that I stabbed my parents.
And that was it.
He was very cool, like nothing happened.
I mean, what?
These are the actual quotes from the article.
I just see the sun walking out.
And he says that, hey, I stabbed my parents.
And that was it.
Can you believe this guy?
This guy comes out and he goes, hey, I stabbed my parents.
I stabbed my mama and my papa.
It's so fucked up.
You stab him in a deli, 9 a.m., the smell of bacon on the griddle, the smell of bacon on the griddle.
You've got a bacon, egg, and cheese waiting for you.
And this guy comes in because this was someone's favorite deli.
You know, everyone in Long Island has a deli.
I grew up with great delis.
You know, they're fewer and they're few and far between now.
That doesn't mean there's not a lot of delis, but the ones that I grew up with were truly great.
I don't know anything about this deli.
And I'm sure I'll hear from friends and people that are like, I know the people or I've been to that deli or I whatever.
Or someone will always have a beef.
They'll be like, well, I actually didn't like them that much.
But a Long Island deli in the morning is one of the greatest places you could ever be.
A Long Island deli in the morning is one of the greatest places you can ever be because everyone really, people don't go to a Long Island deli to start the day.
They go to finish the day.
They go to the, it's the end of the day.
If you go to Long Island Deli, hit image of this deli.
Let's see what this deli looks like.
I'm getting hungry.
Was this a, this looks like a little, was this a little bit of an Italian deli?
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of these are Italian delis and they got a little pizza happening as well.
I wonder if they did, yeah, they did breakfast, of course.
That's the thing about a Long Island deli.
You know, when you're in Manhattan or you're in wherever you are and you're in a place, people are getting their egg whites, turkey, hot sauce because they're starting the day and they're going to go make a million dollars and get a wife.
But Long Island delis are where you go to end the day.
You get the caloric intake of the day in one sandwich, and then you go sit in an office and do nothing except read comments on the internet and go insane.
That's the entire day of Long Island.
It's your life.
It's actually not bad.
You eat so much food.
You get once you have finished your breakfast on Long Island, you are done.
You're done.
It's two or three eggs, bacon, American cheese, salt, pepper, ketchup on a roll.
Some people will do a Hungry Man Hero.
That includes a hash brown and ham.
That's a little excessive.
In my opinion, you might get a chocolate milk, a Ronnie Brook Farms, perhaps an Esley Quick.
And a lot of these people chase that with a Siggy, or they'll chase it with a nice big, tall cup of coffee with a lot of coffee creamer.
You might see French vanilla.
French vanilla is a big coffee cream right on the island.
But some people might do a little holiday cookie creamer, a little amaretto, a little hazelnut, whatever floats your boat.
And then you just go sit in an office and read things on the internet that make you insane.
And then you eat lunch.
And then you go home and you sit in your house and you eat again.
And maybe you go out to dinner or to a bar and drink.
And this is it.
So this is a holy sacrament in the morning, the bacon, egg, and cheese in Long Island.
And this guy went in and he stabbed his two parents in the deli.
Mama Mia, let's watch a little bit of this news story here.
Again, this is from, and I had to cover this right up front.
And then we'll get into like, I don't know, what is Pete Hegsteth doing?
He's killing a fisherman there in Venezuela.
But we'll get into that.
We'll get into that.
He just wants to kill people, that guy.
Have you seen that guy's face?
And I think he killed only two people.
Here's the thing.
In America, that's like a thing if you kill a few people.
You got to kill a lot of people for us to turn the other way.
You kill two people?
We're all over that.
You need to kill so many people that frankly, we get kind of like, you know, overwhelmed.
You get overwhelmed if you start.
If they started killing so many people over there in Venezuela, you could find a justification for it.
You get overwhelmed.
You go, yeah, I guess there's a reason they're killing all those people.
But you kill a few people.
It's confusing.
I'm like, why are you doing that?
What's that one boat?
What's that one little tiny boat that he's like, how many drugs are on that little boat?
All right, let's watch this here.
Double murder, Long Island, place of my birth in a deli, no less.
Come on.
It's a Long Island where a man is in custody tonight, accused of brutally stabbing and killing the owners of a beloved deli.
It happened during the breakfast rush.
Now, by the way, by the way, so they've already, they're letting you know what a big deal that breakfast rush is.
He just wants to let you know.
First of all, we've already moved on past the stabbing.
Now we're all going, wow, it's the breakfast rush.
It's the height of the morning.
This is the big Long Island, it's about mornings and nights.
The days are nothing.
The days are kind of nothing.
No matter how much money you have, if you live out in the Hamptons, the days are nothing.
You kind of like wander around an empty beach and take a pill or something.
And if you have no money, the days are nothing because you sit in like a debt collection office and call people and threaten them, even though you also have no money.
Now, so he's saying it's the breakfast rush.
There's hash browns, people are on the grill, and this guy's going to kill people in the morning.
It's crazy.
Go on.
In here, say they believe the alleged killer is the couple's own sons.
News for us, Paisy Chang is live in Beth Page with a horrific turn of events.
Paisy.
Yeah, David, it happened here at ANA Deli, and anybody who has ever been into this deli say that the owners were just amazing people.
If you went in here, you didn't have enough change, you didn't have enough money, they would always just say, forget about it, come back tomorrow.
Come at him, Bob.
It wasn't a big deal.
Very kind, very generous, and they are all trying to make sense of this senseless tragedy.
Crime scene detectives.
Hold on, hold on a minute.
Go back to just go back to see her.
This is to just educate people that don't know where I'm from in my life.
This is where I come from, okay?
Just go back again, please, and just try to freeze it on that Asian woman.
Yeah, see if we can, can we get some light on that so I can see it?
Yeah, just freeze.
Oh, you can't freeze it without.
Damn it.
You have a Carvelle ice cream right next to this Italian deli.
Where I come from, I should be 900 pounds.
You are so, I mean, it's, you're so destroyed every day of your life.
This is a deli that also has pizza.
Do you understand what I mean?
It's like a deli that goes, just also eat pizza while you're here.
Just eat pizza while you're shopping.
And then next to it, there's ice cream.
It's unreal.
And this story, I don't know why this story got me so much.
You know, again, this show has become so big and we talk about so many of these things, blah, buddy, blah, bity, blah.
I'm in D.C. this weekend at the DC improv and I get invited to all these, you know, Christmas things that are going on around Washington.
I really don't think I'm going to go to any of them because I really just, I really just trash these people on the show.
And then it's weird to kind of see them.
If you see them, you're eating a little meatball at some big party or event.
But I also may go, but because the food will be free, but I don't want to be attacked by Kash Patel's girlfriend in D.C. What's her name?
Alexis Wilkins.
I don't want to be attacked by Alexis Wilkins in DC.
I don't want to be attacked by this woman.
Or worse, what if she's singing Christmas songs?
That's even worse.
I don't want to be, you know, I'm like, I'm like, I'm eating a tiny crab cake in the corner and then I'm, I'm, I just, I just, it's Alexis Wilkins.
I see her from the corner of the room and she makes a beeline to me.
I'll just FaceTime Candace Owens and hold my phone up like a cross.
You are repelled.
The State of National Purpose00:09:52
All right, let's go back to this here.
And here's what I mean.
Here's my point.
You can't forget where you came from and where I come from truly is, and I don't say this with any joy, the worst people in the world.
I mean, there is nothing.
This man killed his parents during the breakfast rush.
They are without conscience and they don't care.
Here they are.
Crime scene detectives removing evidence from ANA Deli in Beth Page, a fixture in the community.
Now the scene.
Right next to Bottle Depot.
Do you understand the hell that I come from?
It is an Italian deli.
It is sandwiched in between Carville Ice Cream and Bottle Depot, a place where you buy alcohol, you drink it, and then you die.
I'm telling you right now, you need to understand where I am from and we must celebrate the fact that I have crawled out of that pit.
But kind of also now looking at that stripmole, want to crawl back in it because I have realized meeting all the people I've met and seeing what I've seen, I've kind of realized that as bad as Long Island is, it is the natural state of life.
Long Island is the natural state of life, which is why it's so ugly.
We hate seeing it.
We don't like seeing it because it is life in its natural state, truly, which is like gross and cruel.
And that's what it is.
And that's why I appreciate it now when I go back there.
I appreciate it for what it is, which is just the raw state of what we've done here.
This is the suburbs.
This is what we've done.
This is what society really is.
It's not like some quaint little town.
It's not like a little Gilmore girls town where everybody's like knows each other and, you know, everybody's, oh, I love the soup they make at the organic grocer and we're going to go lentil soup day.
No, that's not what it is.
What civilization really is is Bottle Depot and someone who's killing their parents in the deli.
This is what America is now.
It's the culmination of everything we've ever done.
By the way, when you look around at America, it's the culmination of everything we've ever done.
There are no surprises.
Nothing is shocking.
If you have even the smallest amount of intelligence, there's nothing there's no trend where you go, how did we get here?
Whoa, whoa, wow.
This went left.
No, it didn't.
This went exactly to where it was going to go.
This went to exactly the place that anyone could have protected.
I'm sorry, they could have predicted it was going to go.
The suburban sprawl, the poison, the drugs, the alcohol, the consumerism, the food, the hatred, the division, all of it, all of it across the board.
This is what it looks like.
This is what it looks like.
We have zero national purpose anymore.
The people that are trying to introduce a national purpose are trying to, it's only about dominating the people they disagree with.
The only national purpose that anyone puts forward is to destroy half the country.
That's the only purpose that anyone's put forward, by the way.
Everyone's like, oh, we got a national purpose.
Women shouldn't vote.
Kill gays.
Kill them.
Burn them.
Or the other side, their national purpose is to just infect everybody with whatever madness spell they're under.
So that's the problem in the body politic is that there is no purpose that doesn't involve destroying half of the country.
We don't have one.
We don't have one on any level, by the way.
There's not one thing we can agree.
So the only people in our society who've agreed on anything all run AI companies.
Think about this.
These are the only people who agree on anything are Silicon Valley AI entrepreneurs, and they all agree that we should leave the planet.
And by we, they mean them.
And that's the only people that are in agreement.
Everyone else is like, we just, they're at Bottle Depot.
They're at the Italian deli with pizza, or they're at the Carvelle ice cream.
And if you go get a vanilla, milkshake with chocolate chip and crunchies swirled through the shake.
It's unreal.
But that's what I mean.
You have two sides.
You have one side that wants to dominate the other side.
You have the, you know, both sides want to kill the other side.
And then the only people who've agreed, the only agreement we have in our country right now is in San Francisco, Palo Alto, Menlo Park.
These are the only people that have agreed.
And they've agreed that borders and countries are fake.
They've agreed that governments have no legitimacy to tell them what to do or to limit their products.
They've agreed that the earth as a planet is kind of getting old and maybe it's time to shed that and get out of here.
They've agreed that humanity itself should go away and should be augmented with superior technology so that AI doesn't defeat us.
We must merge with it.
All of those decisions have been made.
They believe we should live in a surveillance state and they believe that we will live in a kind of feudal system where digital money, crypto will reign supreme and that we will have sort of a digital surveillance and police state.
They're all agreed.
They're all agreed.
Everyone else fighting about abortion.
They're fully agreed.
To the left, to the right, it doesn't matter.
They don't care.
So they're the only people in America that have a national purpose.
If you talk to the AI people, they're busy.
They fully have a national purpose.
They have a purpose.
They get it.
Defeat China, be the leader in AI technology, leave the planet, enslave the population.
Fully on board.
They have a purpose.
Everybody else, Bottle Depot, going over to the methadone clinic.
This is the state of the country.
It's everything that we've ever done has led to this.
Every decision that we've ever made, from urban planning to architecture, every level of government, state, local, federal, all of these things add up to what you're looking at right now.
The strip mall where a drug addict stabs two of his parents in the deli that they own.
This is a horrible story, obviously, but everything leads to this.
Everything leads to this.
Let's watch a little bit more here.
They were just hardworking people.
You know, I mean, a staple like in this neighborhood for so long.
Like it's crazy to believe they're not here anymore.
Where's my sandwich?
That's what she wanted to say.
By the way, I know they're dead.
Where's the food?
I've been standing here 45 minutes.
Can one of their children fry an egg?
One of the ones that didn't stab them?
Because I've been here 45 minutes.
By the way, not to be morbid, but this is such a hot topic.
I guarantee you they love like Long Island.
This is such a exciting.
Did you hear?
It's a big thing at the nail salon.
It's going to be a big thing in the schools, the teachers, little coffee clotch.
Bunch of teachers get together in a break room.
Did you hear?
This is gonna be a big story.
Norges ledende frakteavtaler.
Så teknisk sett avbryter vi jo ikke sendinga.
Vi muliggjør sendinga.
Uansett, tilbake til sendinga.
Og husk provfrakta.
Now, a lot of fentanyl comes from China, some of it comes in from Mexico.
There's, I'm sure, there's some coming in from Venezuela.
Casual Tech and Fentanyl00:06:14
Of course, there is.
A regime change war decapitating the government.
I don't know.
I mean, what are we doing?
I mean, nobody knows what we're doing.
I don't think anybody knows what we're doing here.
But I guess Pete Hegseth, our Secretary of War, is kind of denying that he committed a war crime because people are now saying that top Republicans have joined Democrats in demanding answers about the escalating military campaign the Trump administration says is aimed at targeting drug traffickers.
So here's the thing: the remarks came in response to a Washington Post report on Friday that said the Defense Secretary Pete Hegset had given a verbal order to kill everyone aboard boats suspected of smuggling drugs, and that this led a military commander to carry out a second strike to kill those who had initially survived an attack in early September.
Obviously, if that occurred, that would be very serious.
And I agree that that would be an illegal act.
Representative Mike Turner, Republican of Ohio, and former chairman of the Intelligence Committee, said on Face and Asian.
They got to kill people.
This is what the thing is.
The Epstein thing is like an albatross around their neck.
You just can't get rid of it.
They can't shake it.
They're covering up a human trafficking ring.
They can't shake it.
They can't shake it.
So the economy is tough.
There's more layoffs now than at any time since COVID.
The economy is tanking.
People feel very apprehensive about the holiday season, shopping, getting presents for their family.
And by the way, stop.
And don't hear the thing.
Kids get present.
Stop with the adults.
I'm telling you now.
I'm telling you now.
I used to always kind of bemoan what had happened to the holidays, and I still do.
People show up in sweatpants.
People look like shit.
Nobody dresses up.
The food isn't good.
No one cares.
People are, you know, it's just there's no pride in the holidays anymore.
When I grew up, my grandmother, my grandfather, there was pride, and people would dress nicely.
There'd be a formal dinner.
People would sit there.
There would be multiple courses of food, and there would be discussion and conversation and prayer, whatever your rituals are.
But now we don't have that.
We have a lot of people sitting on a couch and snuggies and onesies.
And people all kind of look like they just got out of rehab and they all are on pills.
And they're all just kind of sitting there.
They're all PTSD trauma victims.
I don't know why, but they are because of traffic, because they can't handle traffic.
So everybody's just like sort of a trauma victim whose mind has been wiped.
And they're just eating like Pillsbury dough croissants on a couch from Ikea.
It's filthy.
It's disgusting.
And I, so I've, I bemoan the holidays and now people are actually starting to agree with me.
They're all coming around to this.
They're going, you know, you're right.
You've been saying this for years, but it's true.
People are going, yeah, it doesn't feel like the holidays anymore.
And I'll tell you why.
It's the lack of formality in the country.
It's the lack of formality in the country.
A lot of this is when finance was our industry.
Say what you want about the finance people.
They're crooks.
They're scum.
Whatever.
Sure.
But they wore a suit.
The tech people are very casual and they kind of wear much more casual clothing.
And that has infected.
And they are the people that have the most money now.
And they're the most powerful and they have the political influence.
And that tech aesthetic has infected a lot of the elites, top tier, higher end people.
And they're walking around in jeans and they're walking around without a tie.
And maybe no one is a blazer.
And maybe, so, so now, by the way, it all, right, get, get, what do these people wear?
This is what tech people kind of wear.
I mean, they look right.
They're in hoodies.
They're walking around Stanford.
They're nerds.
They're bums.
Fine.
It's okay.
Look at Bezos.
Look at it.
Look at him.
This guy's one of the wealthiest people in the entire world.
And again, this outfit would be your earth science teacher.
That's what your earth science teacher would look like in 2002.
That's what your earth science teacher would look like.
That guy's one of the wealthiest men in the world.
He doesn't look it.
He looks like an earth science teacher.
Because the tech people exude this kind of casual, because they're casually destroying everything.
It's the whole point.
They don't want to be too, they don't want to dress too formally while they're instituting systems of mass death.
But they're very influential because rich people now are aping them and looking like them.
Now it bleeds all the way down to the point where you're at your Christmas and no one is dressed up and no one looks nice.
And it's very casual.
And I think that that's one of the reasons the holidays have declined.
And I think if you want the holidays to be better, I think you should institute a dress code.
This is something that the Tim Dillon show is actually talking about is actually instituting a dress code into the holiday where people actually, if you're going to go to the trouble of cooking or catering or ordering food or whatever you're going to do, people need to show up to your house.
Performative Cruelty and Chaos00:15:39
They cannot show up in sweatpants and they cannot look like they just got out of the hospital.
They cannot show up in a hospital gown and paper slippers and sit there.
It's not a ward.
It's a home.
But you have a lot of anxiety about how much money people have right now with everything happening.
I think we've had like a million layoffs.
I read that last night.
So here's what you're going to have to do.
You're going to have to kill people.
And they look at Venezuela and they're a good boogeyman because they were socialists and we've never really liked them from Hugo Chavez and he's a communist.
So, and then drugs.
Well, do you want to get stabbed in your deli by your drug addict, son?
What?
So we're going to kill Maduro.
So Venezuela is like a good, that's a good one.
The Middle East is too tricky right now.
Israel and Gaza, that whole thing is, it was too tricky.
And there's a lot of bad PR at in America now with the whole Middle East.
So we got to stay out of the Middle East for a while.
So we're going back to our old bag of tricks, which is South America.
We're going back to South America now because the Middle East got too hot.
When you're selling drugs on a block and the block becomes hot, it means that maybe the police are surveilling it and you got to move your operation.
So what happened in the Middle East was Israel went wild.
They bombed Qatar ally, Qatar.
We had to go, hey, you guys got to chill the fuck out.
Israel was at war with like seven countries.
Saudi Arabia, our boy over there, are the American dollar system kind of, you know, again, partially held up by the Saudi, the petro dollar.
It's like the American monetary system.
There's a lot of internal and external strife right now regarding the last two years in the Middle East.
It's traumatic.
It's traumatic.
But we still need to kill people right now to just show people that we have a functioning government.
There's no way to show anyone that we have a functioning government unless a guy comes on TV and goes, we're killing someone right now.
I know you're unemployed, but watch this.
We're bombing a boat.
This is what people are doing.
They're in their delis waiting to get stabbed by their children and they're watching Fox News and they're watching a boat blow up and they're going, we're still a functioning government.
And I mean, I know it's funny, but this is absolutely true.
It is right now one of the only ways to prove that we're a functioning government is for Pete Hegset to go on TV and go, we're killing someone because of the drugs.
We're blowing up a boat.
Do we have a video of this?
Can we get a video of the boat being blown up?
This is how it is.
This is how it is, folks.
Let's take a look at this.
See?
Look, we're a government.
There it is.
Boomers love this.
Hey, it may not rate with you, you fucking zoomer.
Fuck you.
Fuck you, you millennial narcissist.
A boomer loves a grainy video of a boat being blown up in a country we didn't even know we were mad at.
We didn't even know they were the problem.
We barely even heard of them.
We barely heard of, it's like when the Russian-Ukraine thing happened, Ukraine was our greatest ally, our best friend.
We hadn't even heard of these people.
No one had said anything because it was just Hunter Biden and people getting like contracts and all these like Nepo baby crackheads going to work at Ukrainian gas companies.
I wasn't getting those jobs.
You weren't getting those jobs.
This was Nepo baby, political nepo baby crack addicts having a lot of fun over there in Ikiv, you know, with a gun in a hooker's mouth getting money.
So that's why they didn't talk much about the Ukraine.
And then Russia invaded Ukraine, in my estimation, after we had kind of weirdly been obsessed with the idea of including Ukraine into NATO and then kind of instigating a little bit.
And then Russia, and again, you know, inappropriately, if it makes anyone feel better, invaded the Ukraine.
And it's been a bloody horrible war, which has been egged on by financial interest, weapons manufacturers. in the United States and Europe.
And it's ugly.
But we didn't know much about the Ukraine.
We didn't know that like we owed them like everything in the world.
And that, you know, like there'd be Ukrainian.
Now, by the way, just keep in mind, I'm not a heartless person.
I feel terrible.
I had a comedian on who now lives in Texas who was a Ukrainian.
I felt very bad about what happened.
If I could wave a wand, I'd have the war not happen at all.
But it was very, it's very interesting to me that there's Ukrainian flags all over Beverly Hills, all over LA.
You see them all over everywhere.
And I had no idea how close of a relationship we had with Ukraine.
I just didn't know.
I did not know that.
I didn't know it.
I was surprised by it when I saw all of the Ukrainian flags come out.
And some of these people are probably from Ukraine.
I get it.
I'm not like some psycho.
I just was surprised.
Right now, I'm surprised by how much Venezuela is a threat to us.
Again, I didn't know this.
I'm a relatively intelligent person.
I pay pretty close attention to the news.
It's my job.
I had no idea that like Venezuela was responsible for all of the drugs.
I thought it was like, I don't know, Mexico or China or like any of the countries that we had been told were, but, you know, you can't start bombing boats in China.
11 U.S. warships and 15,000 troops now in Caribbean as Venezuelan tensions escalate.
So here's the thing, folks.
A boomer likes to see a video of a boat getting bombed.
And there's a narrative and he's a socialist and it makes sense.
It fits.
It's casting and it works.
It works.
We need a little bit of something going on and this works.
It's Venezuela.
It's perfect.
It's perfect.
Drugs are a big problem.
Drug addicts are stabbing their parents in Long Island alleys.
We know it's a problem.
And this kind of allows us to do what we do.
The American government, it barely functions.
People got to realize that.
It like doesn't function really.
It closes.
There's, you know, the shutdown happens.
You know, people are in feuds all the time.
Interest groups are fighting over who owns what politician.
I mean, the government is, listen, it's not to say that our country doesn't function.
Our country functions.
But getting legislation passed through the government, this is anyone will tell you this, is like near impossible, unless it's something like the Big Beautiful Bill.
Nobody even knows what that is.
They just know that Sam Altman got a lot of money.
A bunch of people get thrown off Medicare.
ICE gets a lot of money.
And some of these ICE raids are so barbaric and they're so crazy.
And these like 19-year-old college students are being deported to Honduras and they've lived there their whole life.
Again, it's wrong on its face.
Like it shouldn't be happening in the chaotic, insane way that it's happening.
It's, you know, When you look at someone, a grandmother, get handcuffed and zip-tied and thrown into a car by a bunch of masked psychopaths, not only is that wrong, but if the choice becomes that or having no immigration enforcement, a lot of people are just going to go, well, we don't want to be part of this.
We don't want to do this.
So then you have a situation where you have people coming in, you don't know who they are, because you've made immigration regulation synonymous with zip tying children and old women and rushing into high school graduations.
So any enforcement, people are going to go, well, we don't want to be part of that.
So some of these ice rates, I just look at them and I go, long term, what exactly, I mean, now Palantir's gotten in on the game.
Palantir said, we're going to help you deport people.
This is the tech company's game, by the way.
They're going to talk about God.
They're going to get on the, they're going to do what Elon did with Twitter.
He goes, we call it X now, and you can say the N-word.
And we're going to talk about God.
And then we're going to deport people.
And while we're doing all of this, behind the scenes, we're going to create this digital police state.
And you're going to be with it or you're not.
But we're going to placate you with things we think culturally you feel comfortable with.
The truly progressive position on immigration is extreme skepticism, says Alex Karp, a longtime Democrat and the data management company's chief executive.
It's great that he's a longtime Democrat.
You go, what's interesting about the Silicon Valley people is they're all radical libertarians.
None of them actually believe in governments.
None of them believe that the government should be able to tell them what to do.
They're progressive maybe on social policies and economic policy to a degree.
They believe like, you know, they're, maybe they're like whatever, you know, pro gay marriage and there's a lot of women in leadership roles in Silicon Valley or whatever.
But the reality is none of them are progressive in the sense that they believe that any entity outside of their multi-billion dollar and soon to be trillion dollar corporations can regulate them.
They don't want to be regulated.
They don't want anyone telling them what to do.
And this has been that way for a pretty long time.
And they believe that the United States government tax dollars should subsidize their efforts to build a new world that excludes anybody's right to criticize it.
That's what they're doing.
They're building a new world that excludes anyone's right to criticize it.
And here's the thing.
Now they're going, well, let's get into these ICE raids.
Let's start deporting people because what we'll be able to do is we'll be able to curry favor with the United States government.
And they'll help with the war.
You know, they sold a bunch of tech to Israel.
They'll be helping with Venezuela, I'm sure.
Palantir Software is helping U.S. immigration and customs enforcement track undocumented immigrants and deport them faster, according to federal procurement filings and interviews with people who have knowledge of the project and who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive detail.
The thing is, you're never going to get rid of however many millions of people are in America illegally.
You're never going to get rid of them in the span of four years.
So the job of any government, basically, I think, is to enforce immigration.
You're going to have to deport certain people.
Absolutely.
You're going to deport people that have committed crimes.
You're going to deport people that are here for a pretty short amount of time.
But you need to have some way to do it that it isn't pure chaos.
And Marjorie Taylor Greene said that on this show.
The thing you don't want to do is lose the plot completely where people think that all immigration enforcement is cruelty and it's all inhumane.
And because you do need to have a country, you need to have a border.
You need to figure out what rights you should have as a citizen.
And it's harder and harder to do this if you have people living in the shadows that aren't citizens, that are in some weird legal limbo.
And we have an economy, we have a culture, we have all these things where it's hard to assimilate people into these things overnight.
So it causes more disruption.
It radicalizes people.
It pushes people to the political fringes, all the things that people supposedly don't want.
So what you need to do is you need to regulate immigration.
You need to figure out a way that it doesn't, it's the biggest issue everywhere in the world right now in every single country.
Every Western country, every European country, Scandinavian countries, the UK, it's all immigration.
It's all of it.
It's the biggest motivating factor that gets people out to the polls.
And it has to be dealt with.
But when you have this clumsy, you know, kind of somewhat insane over-the-top deportations, people are looking at this and going, you know, and this is, what did they use, this Sabrina Carpenter song?
Yeah.
Play this.
Let's see.
Have you ever tried this one?
I know you are not a touch for.
It's unserious.
It's unserious.
It's childish.
It's cruel.
I think one of the problems with whatever the MAGA movement is evolved into is it's duped their hardcore followers so much that the only thing left now is performative cruelty.
And I think that, you know, when you look at everything from the Epstein stuff to this, this, you know, crackdown on the deep state or whatever this is, all of this stuff has that hasn't happened and hasn't materialized.
And, you know, this blind, unyielding support for everything Israel does and this insane pivot to Venezuela and the fact that, you know, save for a few dissenting voices, we might have had more of a commitment in Iran.
It's unserious.
And I think a lot of people are looking at this and saying, well, the last thing we have left is performative cruelty.
And by the way, it's with the Democrats, the last thing they had left was the kind of performative woke liberal, whatever you want to call it, like that performative gobbledygook of just, you know, like, you know, this holding space crap where, you know, that's the last thing that they have left.
They can't deliver any material change to anyone's life.
They can't get anyone healthcare.
They can't make anyone's life better.
So they're holding space.
Bombing Venezuela and Drugs00:07:58
You know, the Democrats play this game of like these performative kind of word games and land acknowledgements and these weird like, you know, pseudo prayers that they say all the time.
But that's the thing with MAGA, you go, you go, wait a minute.
All of this stuff seems designed to, it's designed to watch on television, but it's not, it doesn't seem real.
Like you look at this Venezuela stuff, this seems, it doesn't seem real.
We'll see if this ceasefire holds.
Now they've also done good things.
They've gotten rid of certain things that I think were good.
I think the DEI stuff was good.
I think closing the border was good.
They've done some good things for sure.
And a lot of people can recognize that any political movement eventually has two parts.
It has the part where there's what's actually happening and then the part, it's the show.
The show.
And when Pete Hagsheth tweets, Franklin targets narco-terrorists.
You know, everyone knows someone with a drug problem.
It's a great narrative.
It's a great narrative.
We're blowing a boat.
People like it.
It's the holidays.
It's December.
It's cold.
People are on their couch.
They're watching TV and they see and they're blowing up a boat.
So let's watch a little bit of this to just see what we're even talking about here.
Tonight, President Trump defending striking a boat allegedly carrying drugs to the U.S. twice in early September.
I want those boats taken out.
And if we have to, we'll attack Orlando also just like we attacked on sea.
And there's very little coming in by sea.
I think we've knocked out over 90% of it.
Two people initially survived.
And the administration says the decision for a second strike, killing all on board, was made by Admiral Frank Bradley.
Today, Defense Secretary Pete Hanks has said even though he watched the first part of the attack live, he moved on to his next meeting before the second strike.
Admiral Bradley made the correct decision to ultimately sink the boat and eliminate the threat.
We have his back and the American people are safer because narco-terrorists know you can't bring drugs through the water.
So you didn't see any survivors, to be clear, after that first strike.
I did not personally see survivors, but I stand because the thing was on fire.
It was exploded in fire and smoke.
You can't see it.
This is called the fog of war.
Right, right.
The fog of what they loved it.
Listen, it's just what we got to do as a country.
It's just what we got to do.
You can't get angry at it.
Can't even get mad at it.
Yes, it's a war crime.
It's whatever.
It's what we do.
It's December.
It's the holidays.
No, it's just what we're going to do.
There's a decision made to just start bombing.
We need to start, but something's got to get bombed.
I mean, truly, when the Epstein stuff's going down and all this stuff is going down, someone up there goes, we need to start bombing someone like now.
We need to pivot people's attention from the economy and the pedophile ring we're covering up to Venezuela.
Let's start blowing up boats.
Who cares?
They're narco-terrorists.
Great.
We'll blow them up and it'll pivot.
And even this is good.
Even this like war crime thing is good because what this allows is everyone can fight about this.
It's just, I've lived through this forever.
I'm sorry that I'm not, I don't feel any way about it.
I mean, you can't, day in and day out, you can't consume this stuff and still care.
There's no way to do it at 40.
You'd have to be so crazy.
You'd have to be so crazy at 40 to still have an emotional investment in that.
It's just what it is.
We're just blowing up.
This is what happens here.
Have you not lived here?
Are you new?
Are you five?
We're blowing stuff up because in narco-terrorists and they're killing your family and fentanyl and crack, whatever is, whatever you really, you know, whatever you need to believe here, whatever works, whatever fits, whatever narrative fits, we're going to do it.
You know?
It's a Bill Hicks joke where he goes, it's like he's a Hitler and whatever you need.
It's like, it's just, it's the, it's just, this is the game we play.
This is the game we play.
It's like a tried and true method, and it really works.
It really, really works.
And kudos.
Forget the morality of it.
It's not what we're here to analyze.
That's not what we're doing.
We're actually just looking at this going, kudos.
Good job.
Who's ever in there pushing this, you know your audience and you know it will work.
And it is working.
In Long Island right now and many suburbs like it, the people whose children haven't killed them are watching Fox News and they are seeing or MSNBC, by the way.
And they're either going, oh, criminal, or they're excited that we're blowing up drug dealers in the middle of the ocean and they're not talking about Epstein and they're not talking about whatever the hell else is in these documents that may or may not come out, redacted or unredacted.
And they're not talking as much about the economy.
And they're not asking to have healthcare.
And they're not asking what Palantir is doing.
And they're not asking why five tech guys in AI control half the American economy in San Francisco.
They're not asking any of that.
They're just watching a boat blow up in the middle of the ocean.
And good, kudos.
Good job.
You know your audience and this is exactly what had to be done.
This is exactly what had to be done.
This is the type of stuff that people like.
Now, there's problems with like Maduro is not really, it's so interesting.
We haven't had a Latin American villain in a while.
So it's like hard because isn't this him dancing?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to get mad at them because they like dance.
See this?
Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's a little hard to get mad at him.
They're dancing.
Right.
See, the Muslim, like the Middle East, they don't dance.
So we don't see like ISIS dancing.
So it's easy.
But when we see him dancing, we're like, I don't know.
He's not fitting into the villain role.
The culture is sexy and there's a lot of dancing and he's wearing a collared shirt.
I don't know.
It's harder.
ISIS, they're all in black robes in a pickup truck with Kalishnikovs.
Easy.
Done.
Done.
I mean, it's like wardrobe, hair, and makeup imperfect.
This is a little difficult.
No one's really afraid of Venezuela.
They don't like that gang trendiagua, which I imagine is no good.
But they don't really, they're not really like, no one's going to bed in this country going, well, Maduro and, you know, he's got to go.
He's got to go.
So their job is to telegraph how important it is.
Intelligence on Venezuelan Boats00:05:54
It's American foreign policy.
They go, you don't know what we know.
And if you knew what we knew, if you had the intelligence, if you knew how many boats were coming in with Venezuelan fentanyl and this guy was like stamping each boat with the M, with his Maduro M before they all left Venezuela and came here, if you knew that, you would understand why we had to blow up this boat and we'll have to blow up more boats and then we'll release all of that footage to entertain you over the holidays.
This is what this is what we need to do as a country.
There's no other way.
There's no other way to pivot people's.
You need war.
You know, domestic policy doesn't work.
Because otherwise, by the way, so here, this is a good, this is a good example of where, this is where the country is at.
Every now and then, I like to check in with Jimmy Fallon's The Tonight Show.
My colleague and I like to see where is the country at?
Where is the United States right now?
I think it's fair to check in.
Now, listen, does it have the viewership it used to?
No.
Does it have the cultural cachet?
Probably not.
But it is on the biggest network.
And it is the big show.
It's the tonight show on NBC.
And this one features Sidney Sweeney, our greatest Nazi star.
And so, kidding, Sydney.
But let's just take a look because we need to understand who are the people who aren't killing their parents.
What are they?
What are they?
What's left for them?
Let's say you're not in Long Island and you're not on drugs and you're not killing your parents in a deli during morning rush, my favorite thing, the breakfast rush.
Because it's such a Long Island.
And he's right.
He's like, there's home fries.
There's eggs going.
There's bacon going.
We got soft rolls.
People are just trying to eat and go back to their house and go to sleep and get on the phone for an hour about their disability.
People want to get on the phone for an hour.
They're going to wait on hold because they're voluntarily disabled.
And they go, I need my money.
I'm disabled.
My friend got injured.
He injured himself with a shopping cart in Home Depot, spent two years not working and got a settlement of like $60,000, which was much less than had he just worked.
But that's not the point.
The laziness, the being a piece of shit is the point.
That's the whole thing about Long Island.
It's like being a piece of shit is the point.
But what if you're just a regular person in America and you, you know, you're not on drugs that were shipped here by Maduro, apparently.
And you're not going to kill your parents while they're making omelets.
What is left for you?
Truly, like, this is a good question.
If you're not a Nazi, if you're not far left communist, if you're not a radical, if you're not going crazy, if you're not some type of anti-social, whatever, like if you're not totally radicalized in some sector of the internet, if you're not a furry, if you're not like a non-binary, sapiosexual furry, or you're not like reading books about Hitler, where are you?
What's left for the mainstream of this country?
Take a look.
This is unbelievably great.
Okay.
All right.
There's three of the hottest dolls right now that are attached to purses.
Yes, yes.
And they're at a fast food where you take your car to get fast food even faster.
A drive-through?
Yes.
What's the Scottish hamburger place?
Sorry, sorry.
As a clown, as a clown.
A clown is a master.
McDonald's?
Yes, yes, yes.
And they're doing.
Yes, but they're also doing a TikTok trend involving numbers.
Everyone says it.
It's not 41.
I can't say that.
No, no, you can say no.
Subtract two, subtract two.
Subtract two, I think, from what you're saying.
No, I can't say that I mean, that's the trend.
Weird.
No, There's a number.
I know, is it?
It's not 66.
I know, but I feel like I'm going to.
No, you can say it.
It's not 68.
I know it's 67.
Yes!
Three Laboobu is doing 6'7 at McDonald's.
All right.
All right.
Serious question.
Why would you not do fentanyl and kill your parents in a deli?
Why would you not, when that is what is being offered as the mainstream entertainment option, when that is being offered, when that is put forth as the mainstream entertainment option, why would people not embrace a life of drugs?
Why Not a Town Hall00:02:04
I mean, why if that was what was out there, why would you not, when I watch that, I feel like I'm on drugs.
I've been sober for 15 years.
When I watch that, I feel as if I am on drugs.
So when reality feels like you are on drugs, why would you not just be on drugs?
You know, CNN is now working with our friends at Calci.
How fun is that?
I won't be impressed until they're with CBS News with our good friend Barry Weiss, who will be moderating a town hall with Erica Kirk, by the way.
How fun is that?
Barry Weiss and Erica Kirk.
CBS News editor-in-chief Barry Weiss sets her on-air debut at Town Hall with Erica Kirk, our friend, the great Barry Weiss.
Everyone.
Friend of the show, Barry Weiss.
I texted her the other day.
I said, come on the show.
Come on the program.
I said, we're in the top 30 in the world, really, on Spotify, top 25 when this thing drops.
Come on the show.
Again, we'd have disagreements, but we'd have a great conversation about our country and world.
And the offers out to Barry and no response, which is sad, but somewhat expected.
But sad.
So she's choosing to do a town hall with Erica Kirk and not Moi.
And not me.
What about it's a town hall with Erica Kirk and then I come on right after dressed like the president of Iran.
Why wouldn't she do a town hall with me and then the president of Iran as well on Zoom?
We kid Barry, friend of the show, Barry Weiss.
Investing in America's Kids00:01:48
Well, there you have it, folks.
I mean, here's what it is.
You know, we didn't even get to Michael and Susan Dell donating a historic.
Let's just get Michael and Susan Dell.
Can we just finish out with Michael and Susan Dell, folks?
$6.2 billion here, Michael and Susan Dell.
I mean, this one, huh?
I mean, these two.
Michael and Susan Delavord.
Let's get some volume on this.
This is really exciting.
Absolutely.
It's a very special moment.
We're making a $6.25 billion investment in America's kids through our charitable funds.
Next year, every American child will be able to get an investment account powered by Invest America.
That's exactly what happens when a child gets even a small financial head start.
Their world expands.
The real power of these accounts is that anyone can contribute.
Parents, relatives, friends, everyone can help shape a child.
It's the eyes.
To philanthropists, companies, community leaders.
It's in the eyes.
If you want to be part of something truly meaningful for our kids, for our communities, for our country, join us.
And to parents and caregivers, stay tuned and get ready to activate your child's account.
Every contribution can grow over the years, just like your child.
Together, we can make possibility something every child can count on.
And that's a future worth investing in.
Give it up.
Michael and Susan Dell, everyone, good people.
And they had a bunch of money left over after purchasing that head for her that they were able to donate $6.5 billion to the children.
Well, the children are our future.
No one believes that.
Not the AI people.
No one believes that.
The children are our future.
Really?
They're killing their parents in Delhi.
So if you're going to invest in anything, invest in a security system for the restaurant you own.