Tim explains why Americans need to fight about dumb stuff again, finds out he’s named in the Candace Owens vs. Brigitte Macron Lawsuit, warns about the militarization of police in Washington, DC, learns about a strange development at a Florida La Quinta Inn, and tells us all why that establishment is so important to this country. American Royalty Tour🎟 https://punchup.live/TimDillonEthos Protect Your Family With Life Insurance From Ethos. Get your FREE quote today at https://ethos.com/tim Hims ED To Get Simple, Online Access To Personalized, Affordable Care for ED Visit https://hims.com/TIM for your FREE online visit Today! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1Instagram:https://instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Cultural Moments and Food Fights00:09:01
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan episode, the podcast.
I'm going on not too many hours of sleep.
I had a lot of fun with Tony Hinchcliffe and Joe DeRosa last night in Manhattan at the Stand Comedy Club and Restaurant.
Free ad for those dirtbags whom I love, who own that club.
And we had a great time.
Best comedy club food in the world, by the way.
If you haven't been to the Stand Comedy Club and Restaurant owned by two criminals who are endeared to me, go because it is excellent.
The food is excellent.
It is.
And the comedy is happening.
Food is excellent and the comedy is provably going on.
It's there.
It is happening.
And some of it is quite good.
Some of it is quite excellent.
Truly.
And we had fun with DeRosa and Hinchcliffe just talking shit, having fun.
Had a couple of cigarettes, which I no longer do, but the throat.
And tomorrow opening for Louis at Forest Hill Stadium, Louis was very nice to ask me to open for him on his tour.
He's on a crazy tour all over the world with P. Diddy.
And they are touring.
And he asked me to open it up.
And I will.
And I am.
So how about that?
So it's a lot of fun turning our attention to gosh.
No, I'm kidding.
Every week, you know, with this, every week.
I mean, it really is.
I mean, the situation is worsening.
And I don't want to talk about it every week.
But then I feel bad if I don't talk about it.
But who really cares?
I mean, I do a show in front of an inflatable cactus.
I mean, not now.
I have the summer backdrop.
But you know what I mean?
Like, what are we doing here?
But also, you got to say something about it because it's not good.
But I've been saying things about it for a while.
And it doesn't need to be that game.
We don't need to play that game of who was first.
But I have been saying things about it for a while.
Many people in the entertainment industry, the industry that I am in, are now saying things about it like today.
And I'm not saying I was kind of like, I wasn't, I, right after October 7th, was like, take a minute, obviously respond.
You know, I wasn't one of those people either.
I wasn't like on October 8th going crazy in the quad of Columbia campus with like a burqa on screaming and yelling.
I wasn't doing any of that.
I am a rational adult who just kind of like, you know, you wake up, you have an oatmeal, you know, or whatever.
And then you kind of go about your day.
But there's a lot of, you know, killing on the social media now.
Sorry, there is.
And I don't like that.
So I say no, cut it out.
And people say to me, well, you don't understand.
And I don't.
And I actually don't.
So that's the statement.
We got to go back to this country fighting about like the Minnesota Vikings hired a dude to be a cheerleader.
Every fight in America now is existential.
It's not about dumb crap.
We always used to fight about dumb shit that didn't really matter.
Like that fat bitch is trying to get gay marriage overturned, Kim Davis, that court clerk, they tried to make certify a whatever.
Look at this twink jumping around with Minnesota.
Now, by the way, you think this is the biggest problem Minnesota has?
Don't they have like lots of problems?
But anyway, this is the stuff as a country we were like designed to fight about.
We're really good at that.
But now we're fighting about like, is the election valid?
Is the CIA in a war with the president?
Is the president federalizing the police?
Like, are the states going to declare war against the federal government by not letting ICE do whatever?
I'm just saying the problems now are not fun.
They used to be kind of fun.
No, I mean, really, obviously not for everyone.
But we've gotten to a point now where everything we fight about and everything we're having an argument about is of the utmost importance.
And like when everything's at an 11, nothing is.
Really?
So it's like everybody's so tired of everything that we need this.
We need the Minnesota Vikings to do something like this because we need to go back to arguing about something that we can even wrap our heads around.
We can't even wrap our head around half of this.
Like Gabbard's out there, Tulsi Gabbard's out there with RussiaGate.
And that's a real thing, to be sure, but it's hard to wrap your head around that as a person that isn't like familiar with like whatever, the layers of power.
I mean, what?
I mean, we do this every week, you know?
I mean, but at least with this, at least with this, people immediately go, oh, it's a guy doing something a girl did and we don't like it.
We're mad about it.
Thank God.
Thank God we have this and more things like it.
Please, more things like it.
More like food items that we don't like or that are very contentious.
People getting angry about like a food item.
Like I remember years ago, Burger King did a bacon Sunday and people were like, this is over the line, you know?
Things like that that make, you know, cultural conversations and moments.
Yeah, remember the bacon Sunday at Burger King?
People are like, God damn it.
Every now and then, a fast food restaurant puts out something so grotesque.
The KFC double down, there's a history of these.
There are a history of moments where fast food companies push, push it over the line, and it makes us all think about what's going on in our lives and what we've allowed to happen.
You know, I'm not saying Russia Gate's not worthy of looking into.
I'm just saying for the regular person out there, it is easier to see the problem in a bacon Sunday than it is Russia Gate.
They don't understand.
They don't know who John Brennan is or Clapper or Hayden.
Yes, maybe they could all start reading books and they don't know about the Dulles Brothers, but they know that bacon on a Sunday isn't good unless it's like a very weird thing at a fancy restaurant and everyone takes one bite of it and goes, ooh.
But you shouldn't get it through a drive-through.
There's been a long history of these things, the Double Down, the Burger King Bacon Sunday, egregious thing.
So I would like if a fast food restaurant were to do something egregious so that we could start fighting about that, arguing about that, something really like.
You know, it's the falls coming up.
So maybe something, maybe like maybe it's a burger and the bun is like a, is on a, is a, is on a cider donut or something like an apple cider donut or it's a whole pumpkin Sunday where the whole entire pumpkin is filled with ice cream and candy for Halloween.
Something that is so heinous that most people say, wait, stop it now.
Stop it now.
You're trying to kill us.
France Lawsuit Cock Joke00:09:53
You know, it was good that the Minnesota Vikings hired a male.
They should go, they should do all fat cheerleaders.
You know, that nun that was on Tucker, that woman, put her as a cheerleader.
Get the photo of that lovely nun up.
Put her as a cheerleader.
Get people talking is what I'm trying to say here.
By the way, these frogs over in France are mentioning me in the Candace Owens lawsuit.
What did I do?
Is it my fault your wife has a dong?
Who cares?
What is Patrick McDavid?
What did he say to Anthony Weiner?
He's like, you try to get her show you your ding-a-ling.
So what, Brigitte Macrone?
She maybe, maybe allegedly has a ding-a-ling.
So what?
I mentioned in the lawsuit on April 26th, Owens appeared on the Tim Dylan show.
And then they do my whole, he's a comedian, podcaster, actor.
They have a better bio for me in the Candace Owens lawsuit than my agent does, by the way.
The bio in the Candace Owens lawsuit is actually better than anything CAA has done for me.
Tim Dylan started the show by telling Owens he was asked about the series while checking into a hotel and said it has blown up.
Owens replied, oh, everywhere.
I mean, it's the most international thing I've ever done.
So the Macron's are suing Candace and her appearance on my show is in the lawsuit.
I mean, it's just a moment of pride.
If you've been a fan of this show for a while, and a lot of you have, I meet people all the time that have been, you know, listening since 2016 or the beginning.
A lot of people knew, but to think about this, to be named in a lawsuit is a mark of pride.
The president of France's wife is suing Candace Owens, who said she was a man.
And I'm mentioned in that lawsuit.
And that's actually, because you start this business, you don't know where it's going to go.
I didn't know where it was going to go when I started it.
And that's what I'll tell people out there that are young and are walking down an uncertain path to this moment in their life where they realize it's all actually been worth it.
There's a lot of people that are going, am I on the right path?
Are the sacrifices worth it?
And the answer is yes, because I'm sitting before you today named in a lawsuit.
The president of France, his wife, may or may not have a cock.
We're all going to court to figure this out.
We're going to court to figure out whether the president of France's wife has a cock.
We don't know.
We don't know.
No one knows.
And I mentioned in that lawsuit because I helped further the conversation.
And that to me is something special.
Is it a big movie?
Who can't know?
But what?
No.
Who's doing that?
What we're doing is advancing an important conversation in this on this earth.
Does the president of France's wife have a cock or not?
That's what people are thinking about as their kids are laying in a hospital bed.
They're not thinking about how much the bills cost.
They're going, does she have a cock and what's it like?
I mean, I'm just saying it's a proud moment as an American.
Dylan discussed MKUltra and similar programs.
By the way, this is in a lawsuit.
It's truly amazing.
Like I read through it.
I read the pages where I was mentioned.
And it is amazing that this, just take a minute, just zoom out for a minute.
Okay.
Because by the way, and even though I was being facetious about movies, weapons is amazing and Naked Gun is great.
I saw Naked Gun and that's great.
So I am not as blackpilled on movies as I was.
I do believe and I'm working on stuff and other people I know are working on stuff, very talented people.
I think there's a there there's there's there's more to this than just hey, there's people on the internet all the time, which is great.
But there's also the ability to execute and do things well on other platforms.
And I'm not giving up on movies.
I don't think anyone should.
I don't think anyone should, contrary to what I may have said last week.
I'm not always right.
But when we look at how big podcasting has gotten, weirdly, I don't know why this one did it for me, the election and the dumb interviews and CNN.
None of it mattered.
My friends are in arenas and stuff.
That didn't matter.
It was this lawsuit.
I just thought it was very funny.
I just started laughing.
I said, isn't that funny that the president of France and his wife are mentioning my show in a court case about whether his wife has a cock?
And that to me is making it.
That's what it is.
That's what it feels like and it feels good.
I'm in this thing.
I'm in this thing and we're riding till the wheels come off here.
I'm in deep now in this thing of whether or not this man's wife has a cock.
They brought me into it.
They brought me into it.
You start a podcast because you think you're going to have a travelogue on Comedy Central.
That's what I thought.
I was going to get paid to travel around the world and eat things and then make jokes about them on television because that's what every comedian wanted.
Between the years of 2010, I'll give you a little comedy history that no one cares about.
Between the era of 2010 and 2015, most comedians were pursuing a travelogue.
Everybody had been living in hellish apartments in Brooklyn or in, you know, in Los Angeles.
And everybody, their dream was to travel around the country because David Tell had one called Insomniac.
And Bourdain, who wasn't a comedian, obviously had the most famous one called Parts Unknown.
And we were like, what about a funny travel food leisure show?
What about that?
And everybody went to their agent manager and said, hey, man, I really want to just travel.
And I want to do a travelogue because I like food and I like places.
No one had a rationale for why they want.
They were like, I like going places.
I like traveling.
And we were all trying to get travelogue.
So I started a podcast as a, hey, my travelogue was on a tour bus because I was a tour bus guide at the time, making $15 an hour for big bus, getting a lot of complaints.
And then I was like, but this is going to be a travelogue where the bus is going to go to different places.
I'm going to be on top of it doing my analysis.
And it's going to be great.
And I'm going to make like $100,000.
That was my dream.
I was like, I'll make $100,000.
Now I am mentioned in a lawsuit.
The president of France mentioned me in a lawsuit about whether his wife has a cock.
Do you see what can happen out there if you just focus and trust the process?
Really, trust the process, because I thought I would be doing really artistic stuff.
But you have to trust it.
The world will find a place for you.
Many people doubt this.
The world is going to find it.
You don't choose it, by the way.
Everything's they walk around choosing everything.
It's this illusion of our society that you walk around choosing things because you choose like me and my friend just got coffee and you get to choose a little thing.
You know, you know, sweetener?
No.
Down, you know, you get to choose that, you know, but you don't get to choose necessarily how the world sees you or where you fit into the world.
You might walk around going, I'm Kevin Costner.
But guess what?
You're not.
Number one, you're not.
Number two, he just lost a lot of movie money on that dumb movie, whatever it was called, Horizon.
Okay.
And number three, he'd love to be in this lawsuit.
He'd love it.
Kevin Costner would love to be in this lawsuit about whether the president of France's wife has a cock or a pussy or something in between or nothing like a doll.
Kevin Costner Movie Money00:09:22
We don't know.
I got in this going, oh, I'll be, I'll have a show because I was like, I like to curb your enthusiasm.
I go, how funny.
Isn't that funny?
But you got to trust the process.
You end up where you belong.
And this is such an interesting moment here.
It's such an interesting moment to be in a cultural conversation that matters this much to people.
You know, and I know that people are going to not get it.
They're not going to get it.
They're not going to get it.
They go, oh, well, what are you guys doing?
What are you podcasters doing that's going to stand the test of time?
A lot of people are saying that.
What are you, and my answer to that is fascism.
That will, I'm pretty sure that'll last for a few years, but I kid.
I don't love this takeover of the militarized police.
I don't love it.
I do understand we have a crime problem in cities.
I'm not blind to it.
I get it.
I see people all the time and I go, that's a problem.
Not in a racial way.
I'll just see someone who sparks my concern.
Someone who seems like they're on drugs or a shifty looking character, you know.
And I'll say somebody's got to deal with that.
But it's the got to be the cops, right?
We don't need National Guard or do we?
I don't know that we do.
All of the stuff that's happening right now, the militarized police, the, you know, Palantir building the list.
I don't love all of this.
It seems like the precursor to the next thing.
And the next thing might be much worse than this one.
Maybe not.
But what are they, is this state?
Get up.
What is this?
Big Balls got beat up.
Elon Musk's guy got beat up.
And then now we've got the military in D.C. because he tried to help a carjacking victim.
Well, that's your first mistake.
I don't get involved, by the way.
So this guy, Big Balls, Edward Corsetine, he does something heroic.
I think he tries to help a carjacking victim.
Here's why I'll never help anyone.
Ready?
Friend of mine helps a woman getting hassled on the train.
A guy takes out a knife or a box cutter.
I forget.
It doesn't matter.
He slices my friend's face.
My friend then is in court with this guy.
The chick he was helping goes and testifies on behalf of the guy who was roughing her up.
That was all I needed to hear.
A 19-year-old man known as Big Balls, who played a key role in the Doge initiative to shrink the government, was assaulted over the weekend in Washington.
He was assaulted by 10 juveniles near DuPont Circle around 3 a.m. on Sunday, according to a police report.
Two 15-year-olds were arrested as they attempted to flee the scene.
A black iPhone 16 valued at 1,000 was also reported stolen.
President Donald Trump posted a photo on his social media.
Now, I think this kid, not a kid, he's a dude, this guy.
I think he tried to help a carjacking victim, and then he was assaulted by all these children.
Well, that's what happened.
Corsetine told the officers the assailants approached him outside his vehicle while he was with a woman, identified in the report as his significant other, and made a comment about taking him.
Oh.
He told officers that he got the other person into the vehicle just before he was attacked.
So he's at 3 a.m.
He's hanging out outside of his car with a woman.
Supposedly, Elon Musk tweeted, a gang of about a dozen young men tried to assault a woman in her car at night in D.C.
I don't know if that's true, by the way.
Because the Big Balls guy is saying he was standing by his car And he was saying a bunch of kids went up to him and they're like, we're going to steal your car.
Whatever.
The point is, I don't know if he's heroic anymore, though.
But I'm not saying that's, I mean, whatever.
He fought back against these children.
Good for him.
I hate children.
Like violent children running around the cities.
I'm so against that.
I crusaded for years.
Well, not years, but months against those white, that white gang in Arizona, the Gilbert Koons.
Roaming bands of children that are violent are a problem.
And I think they should go to the Ukraine.
And I've said that.
And I don't.
And so now having seen that is what Israel's doing bad.
Put your thinking caps on.
My point is this.
It's a violent city, D.C.
These are violent cities.
The cities are violent, folks.
They're just violent.
What are you going to do?
I don't know that you could have the military.
You got to beef up the police force.
You don't want military.
No one's going to want to visit this country.
Tourism is already dropping.
Vegas hotel rooms are down like 33%.
Nobody wants to be in a city where there's military everywhere.
It's like after 9-11.
It wasn't like great when there was just people like National Guard walking around for years after 9-11.
It gives you this eerie feeling.
I don't think anybody wants to really visit a city where there's just going to be like National Guard everywhere.
I don't, I mean, I mean, this is now, if you visit America, this is what you see, by the way.
Make this louder.
If you visit the United States of America on a summer trip, this is what you get.
What are they doing?
I mean, it really, listen, you need cops, but you got to just have cops.
Kid with the military everywhere in the city.
It's like this country really does have a fascist kind of wet dream where they like, they, they like the idea of the military so much.
Now, we all need a military.
I respect the people in the military.
They've done things that are genuinely heroic.
But like, no one in America fantasized about the military, like saving those girls from the Texas camp.
No one thinks that, like, no one thinks of the military or the National Guard being used in that capacity of like, oh, there's a girl being taken by the river.
Got her.
No one thinks that.
Everyone thinks about like these guys just bashing the skull in of someone on the street.
And everybody, and nobody thinks that that will ever be them.
Like nobody, it's like when all the canceling was going on and the people that were on the, you know, on the top were like getting people fired and trying to get, you know, get their banks to debank them.
And cancel culture is kind of goofy when we think about it now.
But in the height of it, there were people that were losing their livelihoods, their lives.
They couldn't get a bank account.
It was crazy.
They were not able to earn any money.
People wanted them to not be on Uber.
And these were people, these weren't the craziest people in the world.
People had said something on Twitter somebody didn't like, wrote an article someone didn't like.
And all of those people that were wielding that power never imagined that maybe that power would be used on them.
They never thought that.
They were never like, well, maybe if we like get all these people fired, that one day they're going to find a way to take this weapon and turn it back on us and get us fired, which of course happened.
And now you're like, there's people that are applauding like the military in the street and the show of strength.
But does no one imagine that at any given time, the government could just decide that you're an enemy of the state?
Social Media Jail Threats00:08:18
Oh, you don't like...
I mean, here's the other thing.
This thing that's going on in Israel is incredibly unpopular.
They may go to war with Iran again.
There's a great article on foreign policy we're going to go into in a minute.
When you're pursuing a course or you're funding a country to do something that's wildly unpopular, okay, you need to start thinking about quelling the significant protests and civil unrest that you're going to have.
If you throw a bunch of people off Medicare to do that, to give Israel the money to do this, people are going to get pissed.
They're going to be in the streets.
And then you're going to go, what are we going to, how do we handle this?
Bring in the guard.
Bring in the militarized federal takeover of the police.
This is anticipation because people are going to be unhappy.
People are going to be unhappy.
Luigi Mangion is not the beginning and the end of that story.
People are going to act out in violent ways.
I'm not for that.
I don't want it.
Obviously, I don't want it.
But even peaceful protests with slogans that people don't like are going to be considered violent threats and you're going to be serving jail time.
What's going on in the UK right now, and I don't think people know about it, so fucking nuts.
People are going to jail in the UK for a tweet.
It's not a tweet anymore.
It's whatever it's called, an X, a fucking.
People are going to jail in the UK for like social media posts.
They're saying something.
Now, yes, would I like some members of my family to go to jail because of what they read on social media?
Sure.
But as a policy, no.
You know, and I'm not talking about like, go kill someone at that address, like where it's clearly like, okay, okay.
I'll defend a lot.
But when you start doing, you know, we're not even talking about that.
We're talking about people that are voicing an opinion that people might consider anti-immigrant or anti-Semitic going to a jail because of something they wrote.
Get that up.
That is happening all the time in the UK.
And there are, unfortunately, a lot of new hate crime laws being debated here that could end up being that.
Okay?
Here we go.
Let's listen to this.
20 months.
Went on to say that you did not want your money going to immigrants.
20 months.
Facebook post.
Jail.
This offense is so serious that an immediate custodial sentence is unavoidable.
Would you stand, please?
The sentence that I pass has been reduced by one-third to reflect your guilty plea.
Is it beheaded?
The sentence is one of 20 months in prison.
Be beheaded.
You will be beheaded and you will lose all of your followers.
So, 20 months now, the guy said I don't want immigrants raping the kids.
Would i've said that?
No, is it the most articulate thing this?
Well, I may have said it is that.
Hold on, wait a minute, I could just imagine people going.
You actually said it, but no, i'm just quote tweeting it with no what i've.
No, these are not articulate people.
The people that are on the internet are not like articulate people that are really good at like expressing themselves in a way that's always helpful and constructive.
You know, when my aunt has a couple of Percocet and throws down a couple of bottles of White Zinn and goes on Facebook, you know, she's not thinking about if she's going to hurt people with her words.
That's what she's doing.
That's part of the game.
That's part of the game.
You can't throw people in jail for 20 months for going, I don't want my money going to immigrants who are raping the kids.
Now, maybe there's some other things in that post I didn't see, but from what I heard, it's not eloquent, but jail for 20 months because of that?
Dude, as a guy that says crazy shit with sunglasses behind a fucking desk in front of a seasonal backdrop that's printed at a Kinko's, do you think, I mean, this is, this crosses my mind all the time that we can end up being a society like this that will put you in jail for a social media post or something that you say that they don't like, you're not even allowed to watch.
There's things in Britain you're not even allowed to watch on, they will literally say our hate crimes laws prevent you from watching this video.
Now, some of the videos, I get it.
If it's like, I don't know, like a kebab shop owner being burned alive or something, not good.
Okay.
Let's not do that.
But some of them aren't as bad as that.
And you still can't watch those.
You know, you still can't watch those videos.
Obviously, if it's like refugee family tied up to Christmas tree in Sweden and the ornaments are, you know, put into them or something crazy.
Yes.
Yes.
Don't watch.
That one you don't watch.
That one you don't watch.
You know?
You know, like I get that one.
Irish mob attacks halal cart.
We get, yes, there's things we shouldn't be watching.
There's things that aren't good.
But then there's a lot of stuff you just, you got to be able to watch it.
You got to be able to understand that you're an adult and you should be able to, because, because they've already got the cops on the street that are, I mean, that are not cops or that are the military.
They've already got the National Guard on the street.
They already have all your information in DC.
And now they just get to decide what is and isn't over the line.
That should scare everybody.
You're fucking nuts, dude.
If this doesn't scare you, you're nuts.
All of these things that Alex Jones, you know, and I've had Alex on, I like Alex, but all these things that Alex Jones was like worried about when I listened to him in the late 90s, early 2000s are coming to fruition.
And he does, you know, I don't know where he is on all of that stuff, but like, I know he's a big fan of Trump, but like, this is everything Alex Jones always talked about.
Military in the street, the FEMA camp, the tech company that monitors everything, the surveillance.
This is all of that.
I mean, not to sound like a fucking nut.
This is everything of crackhead.
And I don't even mean a crackhead like crack, but a guy smoking weed in a room with a fucking black light and a fucking, you know, insane clown posse tattoo on his arm.
I'm thinking of a very specific guy I was friends with.
But this is everything that that guy would have talked about.
He'd be like, bro, bro, there's going to be military in the street.
They're going to put you in jail for fucking your fucking thoughts, man.
If you just say them, bro, you're going to be in fucking jail.
There's going to be a fucking company that monitors everything you do, bro.
Like, this is literally the wet dream of every conspiracy theorist that has ever lived.
And it's happening now.
La Quinta Hotel Dirtbags00:15:00
And the people you'd think would be upset about it are kind of cheerleading it.
They think it's great.
So isn't that fun?
Isn't that a fun one?
A Miami Laquinta in went viral after video shows weird virtual check-in with remote receptionists.
I will say one thing about the hotel check-in process right now.
It is the least pleasurable thing that you do as an adult outside of a doctor's office.
A hotel check-in for whatever reason is so terrible.
It is so fucking long.
It takes a lot of time.
It's annoying.
You're asked to produce all kinds of things.
You're asked meaningless questions back and forth.
They ask you if you need for them, if they need to explain to you like what an elevator is.
They're completely, completely, usually, not always, but they're like treating you like a child.
And yet they also can't do anything at the thing.
Like you're like, can I extend my this?
Can I do this?
Can I do that?
No, no, no, we can't do any of that.
That's all done through reservations.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I'll pay the lecture.
Can you upgrade the room?
I can't do any of that.
I can't do any of that.
I'm a prisoner.
I am being filmed.
I cannot do anything.
I am at this desk.
I can only check you in to this hotel.
So of all of the different processes that are going to get automated, that one, and it's already happening.
I already know people that show up at these hotels and they have an app on the phone and it opens the door.
It's already going in that direction.
But let's check out this.
This is a virtual hotel check-in, which by the way, right now I'm saying ready?
It's not that bad.
I've had much worse in person.
Let's take a look at this.
Okay.
Two, just in case I lose one.
Yes, I will take it for you.
Just I'll give it the signature, but it says guest signature.
Let me just process your own virtual discussion.
Please wait while we process your registration form.
Please note that we have a strict policy of no smoking, no pets, and no visitors allowed in any of our guest rooms.
Signature must match the one on your ID.
Using your finger, please sign where it says guest signature.
What's so bad about this?
Yeah, what's so bad about that?
He's Indian.
So what?
That's not a high-end hotel.
That's a Laquinta.
It's a cheap hotel.
But I understand what people are saying.
Laquinta saying, we're not hiring an American to do that job.
We're not going to put a physical American in that job.
We're going to have someone do it from another country.
Outlaw that, by the way, if Trump's going to rip all these people out of a high school graduation, outlaw that.
Laquinta shouldn't be able to do that.
And by the way, that was not even that bad either.
But if you're going to be all America first, outlaw that.
Outlaw Laquinta hiring a guy.
He's probably in the next room.
He's like, I'm not in India.
He's like, I'm sitting in the next room.
He's just in an air conditioned room at the La Quinta.
But that shouldn't be allowed.
You shouldn't be able to just hire some dude to sit in India and check fucking people into a La Quinta to go cheat on their wife.
You should have to look at in the eyes of an American citizen at the La Quinta.
You should have to.
You should not be able to dodge the judgment of checking into that.
But by the way, that's not even that fucking bad.
That's not that bad at all.
I've had so much worse check-ins with an actual physical human being standing in front of you.
It's so much worse.
That's fucking fine.
I don't even know what people are pissed off about with that.
That one was fine.
Maybe they're mad that it's not an American job.
What are people mad about here?
Let's see what people are angry about.
I don't even get it.
I don't know what would bother people other than the fact that it is a, this is beyond ridiculous.
That's wild.
Got to keep it local, fam.
Well, that, okay.
The reason for a desk is like having a doorman in an apartment building.
Security.
I wouldn't feel safe in a hotel with staff this lean.
There is no authority.
It's like a bus stop.
It's a La Quinta.
What do you think it is?
You're checking into a La Quinta hotel.
What kind of experience do you think you're going to get?
This is, what do you, do you think, I love when somebody goes security.
You think someone at a La Quinta is going to save you if something bad happens to you?
You think a guy making $7 or $8 an hour at a La Quinta is going to, if a shady character walks into the hotel, best case, they call the cops and run out the back.
They're going to come fucking save you, idiot.
You think life's a movie?
Everybody's a goddamn hero?
I'm against this because that job should go to a dirtbag who lives in our country.
There are dirtbags in our country and they need to work.
This is another problem that no politician wants to talk about because nobody's like, nobody likes calling people dirtbags, but there's a lot of dirtbags in our country that need to do something.
And I'm not saying everyone that works at a La Quinta is a dirtbag, but if you were a dirtbag, this isn't the worst job to have is to check people into a La Quinta.
It's not the worst job.
We've got a lot of people that are not too bright.
They're not really that hardworking.
They've had terrible childhoods.
They're on drugs.
They've had unfortunate circumstances.
And shouldn't they be working at a La Quinta?
Shouldn't women with neck tattoos be working at a La Quinta?
Shouldn't people who just got out of rehab be working at a La Quinta?
Like that's what La Quintas are for.
That's what that whole subterranean level of the American economy is for.
It's so that kind of people that are having a rough go of it have a place.
That's what it's for.
Not everybody's going to thrive and excel.
and not even going to be mentioned in a lawsuit with the president of France's wife.
Some people are going to have it.
Like I, for example, was a failure up until I was, you know, I don't know, my mid-30s.
Now, maybe not a failure in the sense I never worked at a, you know, whatever.
I wasn't like doing meth or something, but I was a drug addict.
I was broke.
I had a house foreclosed on.
I had all this stuff happen to me.
I never worked in a La Quinta, but I had a lot of bad stuff going on.
And I was in that world with a lot of those people.
And they need jobs.
They need things to do.
People that I knew from that world don't, they're never going to get that much further than that.
It doesn't mean they can't have a great life.
It does a little, but it doesn't mean that, you know, they should have like some horrible life, but it means like they need jobs.
They need jobs.
Like these are not people who are going to, you know, do some of the other stuff that we got going on.
They're not starting an app.
Okay.
They're not coming up with their own app.
I'm sorry about that.
I'm sorry they're not coming up with their own app, but they're not.
But that's why a Laquinta exist.
They have a cigarette outside of the La Quinta.
It's not that bad.
And then people that are in that situation, you know, they learn to kind of enjoy it.
They learn that, you know, it's their routine.
They work at the La Quinta.
Google La Quinta, Florida and hit image.
La Quinta, Florida.
I'm not saying all these people live in Florida, but let's just imagine some of them do.
Get up one that looks like a real La Quinta, not one of these resort style ones that don't even exist.
Let's get a real Laquinta.
Go fourth picture, bottom left.
Fourth picture, bottom.
Now it's third picture.
Third picture right there.
Go to the left.
Make that bigger.
This is what a La Quinta looks like.
A real one.
Not like one in the magazines.
This is not the one they put on a website.
This is what a La Quinta really looks like.
Okay.
People go to that.
They go to that hotel to smoke meth or crack and cheat on their wife.
Maybe a closeted gay man will go in there to have sex with someone he pays money to.
Nothing wrong with that.
It's actually kind of hot.
That's what the La Quinta is for.
The La Quinta's not for a family vacation, really, unless you're like fucked.
People who stay at La Quintas, a lot of them are living there.
They're living in the La Quinta half the time.
They're hiding.
They're hiding in a La Quinta, you know, from someone, something, the authorities, or a rival gang, a rival biker gang is trying to get them.
And they go cool down for a couple of days.
They go to a La Quinta.
This is America.
If you want to go to America, you don't go to Manhattan or any of this crap or Palm Beach or the Hamptons.
If you want to go see a message, you don't go to Beverly Hills.
If you want to see America, you go to a La Quinta.
You go to a La Quinta in Florida or the Carolinas, wherever.
Doesn't really matter.
Doesn't really matter.
Go to a La Quinta room, the room of a La Quinta.
Because these are the places that the working class of this country needs to work.
Make that, make that bigger.
Do you see this room?
What are you gonna do in that room but sin?
There's nothing to do in that room except the craziest drugs, the craziest drugs and have crazy sex.
That's not not like pornographic hot sex where, like whoa, look at all the acrobatics.
This is like real bad, real gross, real tough end of life stuff in that room.
End of life stuff where a guy comes and you think he's dead.
He's, he makes a fake like it's bad.
What goes on in that room?
It's bad, but this is a business.
Our country has this.
This is our is a business and people have to work there.
It's not nice maids find not nice things.
Lakinta is named in many, many court cases.
There's many, many legal documents that say the name Lakinta.
I mean, none of this is a surprise, but this is an American tradition.
An American tradition is when you have been flushed down the toilet by our society.
Sorry, people do down the toilet a lot of people.
I've known some of them.
I would have been one of them okay, but I I enjoyed, you know, the uh, the creative arts.
Now, when you're flushed down the toilet in our society.
You don't have a ton of options and one of the options you have is working at one of these chain hotels.
And if we take that away from people i'm being dead serious now and I know people are going to not you're out of touch, shut up.
I'm being honest and actually soulful and kind, because one of the options you have is to work at a Lakinta and have pride and and go.
You know, like the people that work at a Lakinta walked out.
They walk out.
The staff of the Lakinta is people that go.
I was molested as a kid but i'm not molesting kids.
The cycle stops with me.
That's the Lake pledge, the Lakinta Pledge.
When you work, there is I and it says it.
When you check in, it says actually behind the thing, it says I was molested as a child but I don't molest children.
The cycle stops with me.
And then on to the side of the hotel they have frozen foods.
You can heat up little bowls of chili and such um, and then ice cream is always too hard.
It's always been in the freezer too long.
You have to gnaw on it, kind of like like a beaver would gnaw on wood.
It's not good, but that's what the lake.
It's people that have had.
You meet people in this world that the fact that they're on two legs is something?
No yes, have you ever thought you had it hard and then you talk to someone who's had it terrible?
I've met so many people that have had it so bad and they are heroic in the way that they carry themselves because they've made it through such horror and they've been able to get themselves to a point where they work.
I'm not kidding, they work at a grocery store or an or a little inn, not like a inn i'd go to, not like a nice kind of class, but like.
You know what I mean.
I'm just using the word in as a placeholder for another thing.
I don't mean like the inn at Little Washington or any of these stunning properties in Blue Ridge Mountains.
I mean like a a little shitbox thing.
The fact that's the greatness of the greatness of America is not like oh, we're so tough, we got the military in the streets.
The greatness of America is that the children that we have drugged and molested and beaten to death can work in hotels in our country.
Dark Underbelly America00:11:09
It actually is.
It's that's what it is Jesus said it what you've done for the least of us.
You've done also for me.
It's in the bible.
That's what is our country.
Is people that have had it really bad?
cancer clusters, living by power lines, school shootings, molestation, beatings, satanic cults, drugs, gangs, youth violence, all of that.
Those people that have grown up in those, they used to play soccer in fields littered with glass.
Those children, where every scene of their life is like an episode of that Stephen King miniseries, The Stand.
It's always black crows flying over their head and that old woman, Mother Abigail, on the porch going, rats in the corn.
That's all these kids see is an old woman going, rats in the corn.
That is what we build from in our country.
And it's actually amazing that a lot of the, some of those people go on and to do crimes.
Yes, some of them do, but a lot of them don't.
I've met a lot of them and they're like very happy people.
They're much happier than the spoiled cunts I know.
And that'll tell you something.
They're really happy, some of those people.
If you ever met someone, I know people.
I mean, they were passed around.
I mean, it was a rapathon.
And it's not nice when you hear about it.
I know people whose parents did drugs.
I know people whose patients I know someone whose father killed the mother in front of her.
And that, I don't really know that person, but I know, I know, I know someone who knows them.
What I'm saying is a lot of those people have rebuilt.
There's a dark underbelly to this country.
And we can't forget about those people.
Like those are the people that are being replaced by that guy on the iPad.
Bring him up.
Make him big again.
He's, look, look at that lobby.
Show us just that lobby again for a second.
Yeah, see that?
It looked like a hospital.
That is where you can work and you feel pride.
You go, I have a job.
My mother, my father killed my mother in front of me and I have a job today at this La Quinta.
And Sheila called out because she's sick, because the kids got her sick, and I'm filling in for Sheila.
I have a job at the La Quinta on the side of the highway.
And that's why I believe in God because God rewards all those people.
I believe that.
I'm hoping that's where my religion comes from.
I was raised Catholic, but I believe people that suffer through things like that, through the La Quintas and, you know, the theme parks and public school or whatever, you know, whatever horrors people do, walking people around on leashes, not for fun.
I mean, like the government once.
That's bad.
And I think in the afterlife, they get, it's good then.
They get rewarded.
That's the whole game.
When you work at a shit place like this, you then go to heaven.
People like me and my friends that live in nice areas are going to have to like really make an argument as to why they should get into heaven.
I believe that.
I believe I'll be like, well, I did have the Cajun chicken at LaBille Buquet a lot.
And there were other people that were hungry in the world.
I did.
I did.
We're going to have to explain the concept of an appetizer to God, people that I know.
We're going to go, well, we ate a meal before the meal.
Well, because we wanted to try different things.
These people go right to heaven.
If you work at a La Quinta, rats in the corn, black crows flying over your head, you're playing soccer in a field of old glass.
You're living in Florida.
You have a hellish life.
Your brother kills someone and he's in jail and you're visiting your brother in jail.
And you drag yourself into the middle class of this country.
Not the middle class.
I'm sorry.
What am I?
That's you drag yourself into the working poor.
You drag yourself into the working poor after all the horrors, all the horrors.
Epstein, like the Epstein victims, you see these girls that have been treated horribly, terribly by evil people.
And those women, I believe, go right to heaven because they've been through hell on earth.
I should really do more kind of spiritual talking.
It's actually kind of inspiring to many people, myself included, but also the people in the room.
There's only two people in this room, but they're actually being inspired by this.
Makes me wonder if I'm wasting it here, you know, if it shouldn't just be more of a sort of a stadium environment.
But I believe they go right to heaven because they've been through hell on earth, whereas the people that have had it kind of good have to, maybe there's a little bit of purgatory and that's okay.
Like maybe there's a little bit of like, you know what, you guys don't get to go because, you know what I mean?
So heaven's going to be a bunch of people with teardrop tattoos on their face who worked at La Quinta.
And purgatory is going to be lit.
Because purgatory is going to be like a lot of like fun people.
No, but the point here is that when we talk about the American working class, obviously we're not talking about, we're not always talking about people that have had horrible lives.
We're talking about people that have had good lives and their families and whatever.
But there is a segment of people in our country, the poor, generational poverty, people that have experienced really horrible things.
Those people should be able to work in these places.
And not him.
Not him.
And it's not because he's Indian.
It's because he's somewhere else.
If you work at a La Quinta, as that comment said, keep it local, fam.
And you want a little local flavor in the La Quinta.
But this is going to be good.
Let me tell you why.
This is going to work.
People don't want to walk in when they cheat on their wife.
They like there's some guy from Pakistan on an iPad instead of having to see an actual person.
But I think you should have to look in the eyes of an actual person.
So that's what I'm saying.
That was kind of a sermon a little bit.
There was kind of a religious angle to that I think people appreciate because there was sort of a sort of the circle or the fish.
What is it?
Where you make the eight sign?
That's what it comes down to is that, you know, people that have been through it should get to work at an American kind of motor lodge.
Well, they should.
Well, they're not going to be doctors and they're not going to work at Goldman Sachs.
I'm sorry.
But you're not qualified to do that.
They're not qualified to do that.
They're not qualified to do that.
They're qualified to produce a podcast or they're qualified to do this.
This is what they're qualified to do.
I mean, I don't know what to tell you.
No, they're good people and they shouldn't be replaced by foreign workers on iPads.
It's not right.
They're going to be like, Becky's down bad.
They're going to say this at the local tavern.
They're going to go, why is Becky down bad?
She got fired at the La Quinta.
They replaced her with a guy.
They're not going to say guy, but I'm not going to say what they'd really say.
With a guy from India who's now checking people in.
And Becky is now working at the Carls Jr.
And then when Becky leaves the Carls Jr., here's the problem, man.
If you fall from La Quinta, you fall to fast food.
If you fall from fast food, it's tough.
You know, there's not a lot of options out there.
Maybe everyone will just be in ICE.
Maybe that's what it is.
Maybe the end of this country is everyone joins ICE.
Maybe that's the only job now that you can get is ICE.
They've gotten rid of the age limits.
You can be 18 and work for ICE.
So maybe when we've given all the hotel and restaurant jobs to people on an iPad in Pakistan, everyone will just be in ICE.
All these people will be in ICE.
And maybe that's the point.
We just have a huge 300 million person force for ICE.
And we've kicked all the immigrants out except for one.
There's one family of immigrants trying to blend in and everyone's in ICE and we're just trying to get them.
And maybe that's how America ends.
Everyone is in ICE and we all just deport each other back to the countries we came from.
And then five guys, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, fucking Peter Thiel, five guys split up the country five different ways and we all just fucking deport ourselves back to where back to where we where we came from.
It's as fitting an end as any that the only job left in this country is to join a paramilitary deportation force.
That's a fit ending to this place.
That's the only thing now you can do is the only thing that you're qualified to do is storm houses, rip people out and send them back to other countries.
I mean, that's the only job left.
That's the only job fair.
The only job fair to all the schools would be ICE.
Join ICE.
Is there any other jobs?
I want to be a dentist, says one girl.
Shut up.
Join ICE.
You know, there's parents talking to their kids right now, talking to their 13-year-old kids going, you should join ICE.
Make this family proud.
Make this family proud.
I remember when Ellian Gonzalez is this kid, he was deported to Cuba.
There was like a military, a guy with a gun, like pointed at Ellian Gonzalez, this little Cuban kid.
We're sending him back to Cuba.
I'm like, and everyone was horrified by that photo.
Get up the Ellian Gonzalez photo.
Everyone was horrified by this photo of this kid.
He was like clutching his dad.
He was terrified.
Elian Gonzalez Stormtroopers00:01:05
And then like these like stormtroopers came in.
Right.
So here's the famous Ellian Gonzalez photo, right?
This is the famous Ellian Gonzalez photo that made people go, oh my God, how insane is this?
This is probably being used as an ICE recruitment photo, by the way.
This isn't, I, this went from like scaring the whole country to like, oh my God, what have we become?
Now people are cheering this.
They want this.
They want like more of this.
They're like, you're not going to grow up and work in the La Quinta.