Tim examines the holidays becoming casual, his time, parenting advice, giving the country to tech people, what Americans aspire to be, Middle Eastern insults, Taiwan and country music.American Royalty Tour🎟 https://punchup.live/TimDillonSPONSORS:PrizePicksDownload The App & Use Code ‘TIM’ and get $50 instantly when you play $5HimsGo to Hims.com/TIM for your personalized ED treatment options.▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShowInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=f07ec8ffb2a8490f#TheTimDillonShowMerch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Casual Holiday Vibes00:03:00
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Did it feel like Christmas this year?
Did it feel like it?
It didn't really feel like it.
And I am talking to people with large families and beautiful homes.
This is not one of those like being a bitter guy things.
This is taking the temperature of many different demographics of people.
And across the board, I would say people were kind of feeling the same thing, that it just felt less like Christmas than it had.
And a friend of mine had a theory about that.
And she might be right.
She's not alone in this thought that we put so much energy and emotion into the election that the holidays this year felt kind of like a hangover because the election was such a big emotional, momentous event for people that once we got to the holidays, it's kind of like who cares?
It's kind of become a big ball of who cares.
A lot of people in pajamas and there's being lazy.
People are ordering in.
There's all kinds of articles about that people just don't want the formality of the holidays.
I mean, if you look at your Instagram feed, people are just, you know, they're in pajamas and it's very cash.
The whole thing's very casual.
And maybe that's good.
Maybe that, maybe we should all just live in pajamas.
But it's a very casual holiday now.
And it seems like that seems to be what's been decided by people that it's going to be a casual holiday.
And it's not going to feel formal, which is okay.
I don't know if that's good or bad.
I just know that people seem to be giving up on everything across the board.
I mean, it seems like it.
The food, how they look, the house, the gifts.
It seems like people across the board are kind of giving up on these events and their attitude seems to be so what?
So what?
That's your attitude.
Give the kids some garbage and then sit in your house in a onesie and watch torched on Netflix to roast to 2024, which no one's watching.
I'm just kidding.
Maybe they are.
I'm asking if people are watching it.
Publicly Destroying Ideas00:03:12
Remember, let me be very clear.
If you invite me to do your thing and even the smallest part of me doesn't like it, I'm going to publicly destroy it and make your life a living hell.
Ask the producers to joke or ask these people if even a small part of me, for whatever reason, doesn't even have to be a good reason, finds that my time has been wasted.
Okay, my very valuable time I could spend driving around or looking at houses I have no intention of buying or all the things I spend my time doing.
If I feel even for a second that my time was what I will go on a scorched earth campaign against whatever you have spent years working on, I have no respect for whatever you've done.
I will publicly drag your name through the mud and the name of your family.
Your children will get attacked at school and they will come home bleeding and you will go, what happened?
They go, Tim Dylan said you made a shit movie and I got jumped.
I will direct the anger of this country at you.
All the uncertainty about the drones and whatever, food insecurity or poverty, income inequality.
I will direct it all at you and whatever you've done and wasted my time with.
Be careful.
I hope this doesn't dissuade you from hiring me.
I really hope that.
Because it puts a good amount of pressure on you.
But I will be very clear.
I will be a problem.
I will turn the people in the production against you one by one.
I will start a whisper campaign about things you may or may not have done to an intern in a green room.
I will never stop if I feel even slightly that I'm not being taken care of, that I have been paid unfairly, that my time has been wasted.
Or if I just slightly have creative differences with you.
If I have even the smallest creative difference with you, I will attack the production using sock puppet dummy accounts across the internet.
I will hire people in foreign countries to spam every corner of the internet until the consensus has been reached that you and your project are a failure and should never work again.
If I even feel for a second that you were mean to me at the coffee truck while I was getting my coffee, if you were dismissive of me at the coffee truck, I will begin a nightmarish campaign against you.
It will be like nothing you've ever seen.
CIA level manipulation.
And again, I don't want you to not hire me because of that.
I want you to involve me in what you're doing.
Just make it good and treat me nice.
And that's why I will say Torched was very lovely.
I have no problem with the people at Torched.
The Tech Rift00:15:31
Is it the greatest thing ever?
Hey, you decide.
You decide.
But it was fun to play that dead guy who got shot.
And I like Netflix for doing that.
And thank you.
So I have nothing bad to say about them.
But that's no indication that the next thing I am asked to do will not result in a full, it's the last episode of the year.
So that's, I'm just putting it.
I'm laying my cards on the table.
Okay.
You know?
Much like Amy Schumer did when she found out Nikki Glazer was hosting the Golden Globes, she ordered this drone attack.
This is what's happening right now.
This is the actual reason for the drones.
Amy's got the drones over the Beverly, whatever it's called, the Beverly, where did Whitney come, not Whitney, Whitney Houston, where did she check out in the tub?
That's where they have the Golden Globes, isn't it?
Where Whitney Houston drowned in the tub.
The Beverly Wilshire, no, the Beverly Hilton.
The Hilton family owns it.
And then, yeah, yeah, the Beverly Hilton, where Whitney Houston, the Drown in the Tub is where they have the Golden Globes.
I hope they do like a memorial to her.
They bring out the tub, the Golden Tub.
What if someone sings from Whitney Houston's tub?
Is that how Nikki should start the Golden Globes in Whitney Houston's tub that she drowned in?
And say, hello, everybody.
I've been watching Nikki do her jokes, and she's crushing all over town.
She's one of those comics I really love to watch.
I think she's just amazing.
And we wish her great luck.
And I think she's going to murder it there.
And I will be hosting the Golden Corral Awards where we reward homeless people for their level of creativity and ingenuity during this time.
That's what it is.
There's a rift happening right now on the right, and it involves tech and it involves immigration.
Elon Musk, who just came out in favor of Ozempic and Wigovi, because he's gotten to be a little bit of a fatty bumbati.
And he's saying, wait, those drugs are good.
And we know who is it, don't we?
So we're seeing infighting.
Now there's no one left to fight with.
You got to realize the Trump people like to fight.
The whole thing's about fighting.
The entire ethos of the thing.
Trump is a brawler.
He's a masterful politician, but he's amazing on the ropes.
He punches.
He's great.
He's a fighter who you cannot count out.
He keeps coming back.
But also that also, it spreads throughout the organization and all of the people are trying to curry favor with Trump or emulate Trump by also being very aggressive.
And so here's what's happened.
The Democrats now obviously have lost.
And they seem pretty incapable of mounting any type of, you know, reasonable resistance, whatever you call it, whatever you want to call the, you know, the people that are in opposition to things that Trump wants to do.
The Democratic Party hasn't figured out how to do it because they need to, as I talked about a few weeks ago, burn the witches.
A lot of these media types that are not really good at putting out this message.
It's this weird circular firing squad where every podcast's like, how did this happen?
How did this happen?
Who's to blame?
And they just fight about how it happened.
And they are how it happened.
You are how it happened.
The people talking about how it happened, you're how it happened.
You were the guardians of the message.
You were to bring that.
You were the media surrogates.
You failed.
You did a terrible job.
You're not good at what you do.
You need to fall on the sword.
This is a very Japanese, a beautiful Japanese custom, which looks at, you know, we have a very negative attitude about unaliving here in America, but in certain cultures, they believe it is, you know, somewhat necessary and actually a way to kind of atone.
There was a Japanese guy who fucked up a plane.
The whole plane went down and then he said, Puku, out.
He, you know, because it was great shame.
We're off on a tangent, but the point is, the point is that what I'm saying, I'm not saying everyone in the media should take their own life.
I'm saying you turn the mirror on oneself.
Yes.
Might be good.
Stop fighting.
Well, how did it happen?
Well, it's disinformation.
No, it's you.
You suck and we hate you.
Everyone hates you.
No one believes that anymore, that people can hate them and be right.
People might hate you and be correct.
There's a real theater kid energy that got unleashed in this country and it's infected every part of it.
And as somebody who was a genuine theater kid, meaning I was in real things, not like my high school theater job, I was an actor as a child.
Acting theater, it's a brutal blood sport and it's supposed to be mean.
And the people who make it have to suffer through the indignities of failure to get good.
That's why they're good.
The theater kid energy that got unleashed.
I don't know if it was glee.
I don't know what to blame it on, but it happened around the 2010s.
What started to happen was everything in this country became a recital.
Everything became about, it's about me.
It's about me.
And you were cheered on no matter how big your, how big the chasm was between the talent you thought you had and the talent you actually had.
We had to cheer you on.
We had to clap and say, good job, good for you.
And then, you know, just showing up is 90% of that.
No, it's not.
No, it is not that.
What is that quote?
It's 90%.
It's nothing.
Showing up's almost nothing.
Stay home.
And what happened was it has infected everybody.
It's not only the hordes of talentless garbage people that were forced to endure in entertainment and media.
It's political consultant.
It's just a celebration of mediocrity.
And how dare you suggest anyone is bad at their job?
How dare you suggest anyone is terrible at their job?
That job means so much to them.
They worked so hard.
They didn't.
They didn't.
But it's the theater kid energy.
It's this idea of like, I am here to be, you know, and it's like, you suck.
Some of you are terrible and need to stop.
And no one will tell you.
It's an act of love.
It is an act when your child gets off that stage.
It is an act of love to sit them down and go, honey, this ain't for you.
It is an act of love.
And parents will no longer do it.
I know the biggest losers in the world.
Thank you, Lord.
Somehow I do.
Biggest losers in the world.
Thank you, Jesus.
I know a lot of the biggest losers in the world.
And they're all united by the fact that their parents heap praise on them for nothing.
Oh, you got a flight to San Diego.
Good for you.
Good for you.
We celebrate the mediocrity and it's people's brethren.
Sit your children down and tell them no.
Tell them no.
You are not good at this.
The other people in the thing were better than you in the play.
They were better than you.
I don't know why you're bad at it.
Maybe it's your innate ability or maybe you don't practice.
Maybe you don't take anything seriously.
You're a goofball, but you're not good at this.
And if you keep doing this, you're going to live a lie.
I want you to tell them this.
I don't care if they're nine.
Do you want to live a lie?
Look at me.
Look at me right now.
Do you want to live a lie?
Because you're lying on that stage to everyone.
You're telling them you should be there and you shouldn't be there.
So all these Democrat surrogates who are terrible at what they do, they're annoying.
They're like bad.
People hate.
They're making people hate the Democrats even more because of them.
And they will not exit stage left.
None of these people will leave.
They will not go.
They will not go find honest work.
Go find honest work.
Panera is a great, honest job you should have.
Many of you that are out there in the Democrat media space, you're terrible.
You work at Panera.
You love the working class so much?
Go make French onion soup with them because you suck.
You're bad.
And now, So the Democrats are just fighting about whatever, who to pin this loss on.
The Republicans now have no one to lash out at except themselves.
So it's become a very contentious environment.
Elon and Vivek have one set of things.
Bannon and Vance, I believe, have like another.
Advance is kind of in the middle because he's kind of like, he's a venture capital guy.
He's a VC guy, but he also is kind of this, you know, whatever you want to call it, America first, paleo-conservative, more nationalist side of the ticket, which wants closed borders and a lot of trade restrictions and tariffs.
They want a re-emergence of the American middle class.
And you have Elon and Vivek, who are now in this first big rift.
And it is playing out like this.
The backlash escalated on Thursday when Vivek Ramaswamy in a post on X criticized an American culture that he said venerated mediocrity over excellence.
Well, I agree with him there.
Attributing this as one reason for the influx of foreign tech workers.
So Vivek and Elon are saying that companies like Apple need to recruit and hire foreign workers.
This flies in the face of everything that the paleo-conservative Bannonite wing of the Trump administration has said, which is that we should not be looking outside the borders of this country.
We should be cultivating and developing talent here.
Companies that cannot find American talent or are unwilling to pay American talent, whatever the case may be, should suffer the consequences of it.
Okay.
So Ramaswamy went on to say that he hopes Trump's presidency can start an American culture that prioritizes hard work over laziness.
Tech executives have called for greater access to the widely used immigration visa, arguing that it is necessary to fill high-skilled tech and other specialized jobs.
Elon Musk, who is the co-leader of the Department of Government Efficiency, posted on X yesterday, and a lot of people are not happy about this.
This is the first big rift.
And I don't mean a rift over like, should Matt Gates be able to have a sex party with the 17-year-old?
I mean, this is like, or like, is Tulsi Gabbard, you know, fit for the job?
This is not a rift about a person or confirmation or something.
This is a genuine ideological difference.
So this is the tweet that Musk put out there.
The number of people who are super talented engineers and super motivated in the USA is far too low.
That's Elon Musk.
And he goes, he was born in South Africa.
He's a naturalized citizen, urged people to, quote, think of this like a pro sports team.
If you want your team to win the championship, you need to recruit top talent wherever they may be.
That enables the whole team to win.
Who's the team?
That's the real question, right?
Who's the team?
Here's another question.
And this is just to, do tech people love America?
It's a fair question.
I'm not saying they don't.
I'm asking the question.
Are tech people really excited?
When you've spoken to tech people, I'm asking in your life, are they, do they love America?
Is that their thing?
That they adore this country?
Or do they really, really love tech?
Meaning the things that can be achieved.
A lot of them are talking about going to Mars, living forever, implanting, merging with AI so that AI doesn't defeat us.
But are they in love with America?
And so this is a real question.
Are the tech people using Trump to get what they want, to get government contracts, to get money?
Do they think they can, and by the way, I don't think anyone's going to get one over on Trump.
I think Trump has instincts that you can only have if you're a casino magnet raised in Queens, New York.
Like I believe he has instincts about people that are, they're not, even if the, and I'm not saying it is, but if elements of the tech community are thinking that they're going to get one over on Trump and use Trump, I don't think Trump will allow that to happen.
He doesn't allow himself to be used in that manner.
I think this is becoming the first big rift where we're starting, people are starting to question if the love of Trump and his policies is genuine amongst people in tech, or are they trying to launder their ideas through the MAGA movement?
Does Elon really care?
Do these guys really care?
Do they care about American workers?
Do they care about the country of America more than they care about what they can use this administration potentially to do, to accomplish?
Nerds and American Workers00:14:47
Because people in tech want to do things.
They have ideas.
Those ideas need money.
Those ideas need the permission to happen.
They need contracts.
There is a question here about like, I know tech people.
I've met tech.
They have dinner with tech people.
Very smart, interesting.
They don't talk a lot about America, to be honest.
They just don't.
They don't really talk about, you know, they have, they reference America.
It's referenced.
It's part of something, but it's not their main thing.
They want to terraform other planets.
They want to merge with AI.
They want to live forever.
They want to upload their consciousness to it.
They're not really, they don't go on and on and on about the forgotten middle class, except to say that they should all have UBI.
We should give them all crypto, UBI, or whatever that, whatever Sam Altman's trying to do over there, where he's giving you biometric crypto when you're born so that you don't have to go to work or whatever the case may be.
These are all their ideas.
I mean, Peter Thiel, who owns Andural, this is where I get killed, but Peter Thiel, who cares at this point, right?
Andural, which is Palmerlucky's company, Parmerlucky's a right-wing guy.
They're like making drones.
And then the guy who I forget the name of the CFO of or something of Endurl, who's on the Bilderberg conference, it was saying recently, you could get this article, Bilderberg reinvents themselves for a new age.
It's kind of interesting.
They're modernizing the Bilderberg group, which is, you know, this group of leaders and government and academia, media, private enterprise, all get together and decide which way.
Yeah, that's it, the Guardian.
These people are basically deciding how the Western world should operate and function.
And they're kind of because they've been shrouded in secrecy and conspiracies abound about what they're doing.
And some of them are probably very legitimate.
They're now basically trying to maybe have more of a friendly attitude towards the press and demystify some of what they're doing.
But what caught me in this article here is that if you keep going down, you have this company, Andural, which is a company that makes, here we go, the tech luminary and Donald Trump insider Peter Thiel founded the fast-growing robotics company Andural and the booming surveillance and AI giant Palantir.
His loyal lieutenant Alex Karp, the CEO of Palantir, was voted onto the board of Bilderberg a few years ago.
Karp, who claims his company is, quote, responsible for most of the targeting in Ukraine, recently told the New York Times that the U.S. will very likely soon be fighting a three-front war with China, Russia, and Iran.
That's nice.
Is that, and he's a big Kamala Harris fundraiser, Alex Karp, who is the CEO of Palantir.
My question is, if you're making lots of money with the Ukraine war and you believe that the United States is soon going to be in a three-front war with China and Russia and Iran, which is a terrifying prospect, would probably end all life on earth.
Let's not let that get in the way of the bottom line, but it would kill us all.
Are these people, again, is that a guy?
It's just a question.
Don't be mad at me.
Is that a guy who's really concerned about like the American worker?
Or is this a guy who's made a lot of money in drone warfare who thinks that probably it's an inevitability that we have a major world war?
This is the fight that's going on with elements of the tech community.
And now it's starting to become clear.
And this might be the big fight within the Trump administration is like, are these tech people starting to out themselves?
Now, by the way, this episode gets demonetized.
It's buried.
Watch.
I'm saying, but who knows?
Or am I wrong?
Am I wrong?
And are there just not enough people in this country to do any of these engineering jobs?
And then, you know, well, then that kind of flies in the face of a lot of the stuff that Trump and these guys are talking about, about the need to have America be the primary concern.
Why can't you let my dirtbag friends work as engineers?
Why not?
So what?
They're losers.
You made them losers.
You poisoned us all with food.
You've driven us all insane.
Our families are all destroyed.
We all grew up in broken homes.
Many of us inhaled asbestos.
Some of us ate lead pate chips.
Some of us were members of youth gangs.
Some of us were raped repeatedly by authority figures we were told to trust.
Some of us ate chaloopas a lot.
Why can't you hire us?
Why not?
So what?
We don't know how to work it.
Train us.
Are you saying my friend Ryan's untrainable?
When he gets out of jail, you hire him.
You hire him when he gets out of jail.
Sorry, this is the country you now run.
The country you now run is filled with people that you may find to be unemployable.
I'm sorry about that.
That's part of the reason you were elected.
Many of those people are angry.
But if you cannot turn my friend Ryan in prison right now for math, if you cannot sales, not doing sales, but I think also did a little, but you got to, you know, got to test.
If when he gets out of jail, you cannot get him a job at Apple, then why have a country?
Why have a country?
You should be hiring all of these people that you supposedly care about to work in your precious tech companies.
You should be hiring them.
You should walk in a Waffle House and go, congrats, you all work at Google now.
You all work at Google now.
Put that cigarette out.
Things are getting better.
I'm sorry.
It's just what has to happen.
Vivette goes, our American culture has venerated mediocrity over excellence for way too long.
Yo, of course, of course.
But now you own it.
It's yours.
Yes.
So he goes, a culture that venerates Corey from Boy Meets World or Zach and Slater over Screech and Saved by the Bell or Stefan over Steve Erklin, Family Matters, will not produce the best engineers.
Man, so he's coming out and going, everyone should be a nerd.
Everyone should be an, I'm telling you right now, they listen to this show and I'm telling you right now, the tech people, I predicted this.
More movies like Whiplash, fewer reruns of Friends, more math tutoring, fewer sleepovers, more weekend science competitions, fewer Saturday morning cartoons, more books, less TV, more creating, less chilling.
How about more white people, less Indians?
How about that?
How about more white people, less Indians?
Indians didn't come to this country.
No offense.
But if we're going to critique the country, how about more people that actually came to the country and fought in those wars?
Was there a lot of Indians that fought in the Civil War?
I'm confused.
I just don't know.
It sounds like a racist point, but it's actually not.
It's been made by people like Tucker Carlson and Ann Coulter.
And if they're racist, then I'm racist.
No one's racist no more.
But it's my point.
I understand what he's saying.
I wasn't a fan of Friends.
I liked Frasier.
I understand we need more math competitions and shit like that.
But this is the type of shit that is going to eat that movement from the inside.
He's basically going out there and saying, by the way, we need to import people because no one in this country is up to the task.
So we need generations of people.
What is the sleep?
What a weird move.
No sleepover, less sleepover.
What about smart kids having a sleepover?
This is going to be a big problemo, by the way, for them.
It is, because these people don't give a shit about America.
They just don't.
No offense to these people.
They just don't.
I know them.
They don't care.
They don't care about the country.
It means nothing to them.
Know these little dead-eyed monster kids and and, by the way, god bless them, but they are not excited about America.
They're excited about, like you know, leaving earth.
What gets these people going is this idea that we can leave the planet.
Forget America.
The earth doesn't really interest them earth.
So the reality is you have an Indian guy lecturing Americans, saying that we can't hire any of you.
We need to bring in more Chinese people.
Is that not why people voted for Trump?
So they didn't hear that?
Couldn't they have heard that from Kamala Harris?
Wasn't that the whole point?
Wasn't the whole point of the Kamala Harris campaign was that Americans should just shut up and die in a shed.
And now these guys are kind of aping that, you know?
Wasn't the whole point of her campaign that dumb, I mean, that could have been out of the Democratic playbook.
Americans are stupid and they can't do anything.
We got to bring in other people.
Sorry.
So this is a big issue.
Big issue, okay?
For them.
And DJT, Donnie T, as my friend Chrissy D would say, Donnie T needs to reign this in here because, and I will be in Palm Beach next week, not to see him per se.
But I'm not afraid of you, tech faggots.
My godson is Chinese.
He's Chinese.
He's Chinese.
And we'll drone your shit.
I'm just saying I will be spending a lot of January in Florida.
And here's the deal.
I think Elon and Vivek have some very, very, very, very good ideas about reducing the waste and garbage in government.
And I don't know either one of the person.
I met Elon at a party once in Texas.
I think Elon's got great ideas about free speech.
I think he's incredibly important.
I think he's taken a reputational hit for defending free speech.
I think it's a patriotic and an American value and something that's very, very good.
But whatever this messaging is has to be changed.
You can't go out there and tell people that in order for this country to succeed, we have to love Screech and Urkel.
I mean, I'm not saying we shouldn't have more math and science and more stuff, but like we can also think the hot guy's cool.
The hot guy can also be cool, okay?
No one fights wars to have more nerds.
They fight wars because they want there's an American ideal here.
And the American ideal is not the nerd.
I'm not saying that nerds aren't great.
We love nerds.
Look at what nerds have done for America.
Isn't everything so great?
Isn't it so much better now that you can door dash your Taco Bell?
But I'm saying that this love affair, I mean, who's this Ramaswamy character, God love him, his messaging is off in a big way.
And he's got to change it.
He's got to change it because the reality of the situation is you're pissing in the faces of people in this country who have been here for generations.
That's all.
Sorry.
And if you're going to say that's racist, if you're going to say that's racist, well, then I guess people like Tucker Carlson and Steve Bannon and Ann, and I don't, I will not believe it.
But it's true.
I'm being true.
And Cernovich here, he's right.
The Woodstock generation managed to build that aerospace.
The one before that went to the moon, America was doing great.
Underlying your post is that we were all living in squalor until being rescued by H1 Beast.
And why did everyone want to come here?
Cernovich gets, I'm sorry he won with that tweet.
Vivek, the version of America, the one that used to embody unbridled exceptionalism is exactly what we want to return to.
That's the point about culture, not immigration.
And we want to return to it by importing more Chinese.
And they went at Ann.
When Ann said she would not elect him because he was an Indian, they went at her.
But maybe we listen to a Greenwich, Connecticut wasp bitch every now and then, huh?
What's amazing about this whole show is how not racist it is.
Afraid of the Workforce00:02:52
That's what's amazing about it.
That's actually, they'll study it in the history books because they'll go in.
You know, you go to the Holocaust Museum.
It won't be that important, but they'll come in and everyone will listen on the little things and they'll go listen to this podcast.
And all the little kids look, it sounds really racist.
And they go, no, no, it's not.
It's actually so not racist that we put it in this museum.
But we have an Indian guy.
Sorry.
Indians.
Indian guys here now telling Americans that they're pigs and that they can't do anything.
That's my job, Vivek.
That's my job.
That's Whitey's job.
Sorry.
But no, here's the reality.
The point about mediocrity isn't lost on me and shouldn't be lost on anyone.
But here's the reality.
If your argument is that you cannot get American people to rebuild this country and that it can only be done from outside the borders of this country, you are suspect.
I'm with you on a lot of what you said.
Not on the veneration of Urkel, you freak.
But I'm with you on a lot of what you said.
I opened my show, not even reading these articles.
I opened my show about mediocrity.
I've said it millions of times.
Half of these people just ape what I say.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
What I'm saying is this.
You to hire my dirtbag friends now and you're to fucking hire them, you stupid fuck.
You hire my pig friends.
Hire my pig friends.
Now you hire them now.
You bring them in now, my crooked cop friends, my waddling piggies.
They come in and you yell for them.
He goes, like a pig call.
And you come in and you feed them in troughs at Apple and Google.
You feed them in troughs.
You hired a zombie apocalypse.
He's meth zombie.
You created them.
You own them.
You hire them.
Now you hire them.
Dude, you figure it out.
Figure it out now, the pigs.
You should be afraid of the workforce.
They should terrify you.
The rashes they have.
You should hire people with rashes because they live by chemical plants and they have burns on their body and they can't explain how it happened.
You should hire people who claim that they've been probed by UFOs.
If you can't make them into engineers, get the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck out of here.
This is a big issue.
These are big issues.
These are the big ones, folks.
These are the big ones.
Sometimes we report on the small ones, you know?
Like everyone keeps sending me this, you know, this, oh, this pizza delivery chick stabbed someone.
Prize Picks and Hair00:02:40
All right.
All right.
I know she did.
The point is this.
She's delivering pizza.
Who cares?
The point is this.
There is a fight now in this country.
There is a great fight.
Do we give this country to tech people?
Do we just hand it over to them and see what they do with it?
They're basically saying it's inevitable.
You have to.
You have to.
We run everything anyway.
We control it all.
You have to give it to us.
Okay.
Is that true?
Is that true?
It's very interesting.
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What are these drones?
Why are they all over the place?
Is it us?
Is it Skunkworks?
Is it America?
Are some of them Chinese or whatever?
I speak.
I had lunch with a CI agent the other day for three hours who used to be in the CI.
They're not in it.
Okay.
I had a Pokeball.
And they think maybe some of these are, there's a big war for satellite supremacy where me and us in China are blowing satellites out of the sky.
And she thought one of these Chinese satellites that got blown out of the sky was maybe a navigation system for these drones.
However, these drones are still around.
So maybe it's the United, maybe it's the United States.
The gaslighting in the media is crazy.
They keep going, you're not seeing it.
It's not real.
They keep saying the things you're seeing are just there.
They've always been there.
You're the problem.
You're some New Jersey animal.
You stand on your stoop full of booze and pills and galama.
Calamari, you say galama when you're from that area.
How drone fever spread across New Jersey and beyond.
What the New York Times does now is just their job, and it's always been, but now it's explicit, is just to tell you that what you've seen with your own eyes is actually mass hysteria.
It's some type of overreaction.
It's some type of mass psychosis.
It's not real.
What are they going to do?
Are they going to nuke the inauguration?
Because I might go.
I think I'm invited.
Are they nuking it?
Are the deep CIA freaks going to try to nuke this inauguration?
I'm not.
I don't want it.
Stop with it.
What are they doing?
What are these fucks doing?
By the way, get the drones out of the sky.
It's the holidays.
They don't want them to win.
How far will they go?
We don't know.
I don't know if the Trump team knows how nefarious elements of the people who really dislike him are.
There's some real problems.
And I had lunch with this person who is no longer in this thing, but there's issues.
What are they going to do in the inauguration?
I might go to the, I think I'm going.
Am I in danger by these people?
I don't want to be.
This is the only inauguration I would ever be invited to.
So before you yell at me and go, the political one, hey, I would go to any of them and none of them will invite me.
None of them.
And now maybe I won't get invited because I've opened my big mouth, but I listen.
You got to hire my disgusting, retarded friends, and you have to give them jobs at Apple and Google.
And that's the price you pay.
It's that theater kid energy.
It's like you now have to do a great show.
It's like a movie where you have to do a great show with really untalented kids.
And you get to the high school and they all suck and you just have to grit your teeth because they're all Americans.
They're citizens.
You have to grit your teeth.
And even though they're going to get up and they're going to go, they sound bad.
You got to go, all right, let's fucking let's work at it.
Let's work at it.
You have to hire my disgusting moron friends who cannot, who couldn't run a Dunkin' Donuts, who don't know anything.
They are community college dropouts.
They are slime.
They're the worst of the worst.
They're amoral.
They have no morality.
They're amoral.
Vicious monsters, bloodthirsty little piglets, one and all, drug addled, schizophrenic, nightmare people.
That's your workforce.
It's your country.
You better take them.
You better take them and you better turn them into Chinese people.
That's the goal.
You better take my disgusting friends and turn them into Chinese people.
And if you don't do, it's true.
If you do not turn my disgusting, fat community college dropout legion of skanks, I'll call them my legion of skanks, my friends.
If you do not turn them into quiet Chinese people, what does the VEC think?
Where every show is going to be about Chinese people?
Less friends.
Why isn't everyone on friends Chinese?
Why isn't there a white?
Why isn't all American culture Chinese?
Can you imagine friends?
It's all Chinese people.
Is that fun?
No one talks.
It's quiet?
What's going on with Rachel and Ross?
Who knows?
Who's Rachel?
Who's even Ross?
What's happening?
The guy wants a Boy Meets World to be Chinese people where you sit down and Nicore does math equations and Topanga walks in with her big tits.
He goes, I don't really give a shit.
I'm Chinese.
It seems race.
No, it's not racist.
It's actually not racist.
You have to actually listen to it.
This exhibit in the museum is an hour.
It's an hour.
And by the end of it, you realize how not racist it is.
Do you get it?
Benjamin Netanyahu, by the way, had a very good year.
And they wrote about this.
He had a very good year, even though he's been accused of a genocide and people want to try him at The Hague for war crimes.
He had a very good year.
And I'll tell you right now, this is the power of believing in yourself.
It really is.
It's the power of believing in yourself.
People can say anything they want about you, but the reality is, do you know you?
People can say anything they want about.
Oh, you're a bitch.
Oh, you're fucking, you know what I mean?
Like, oh, you talk so much shit.
Oh, you're doing a genocide to killing children by the minute.
But no matter what they say about you, you know who you are.
You know who you are.
So it's about having the confidence to say it's not a genocide.
It's just a little fire in the desert.
I mean, this guy, they went at him for corruption.
They go at him for bombing hospitals.
All of these things.
And you know what he says?
He goes, you can talk your shit about me.
I know why I bombed that hospital.
So you can talk all the shit you want about me, Jessica.
But like, I don't give a shit because like you don't know what it's like to be me.
Israel's attorney general has ordered the police to open an investigation into the prime minister's wife on suspicion of harassing political opponents.
I cannot believe it.
And a witness in the Israel's leaders' corruption trial.
By the way, can I ask a little question here?
And I'm not trying to be difficult.
Is there anything left over there to kill?
I'm curious.
Who are they still hunting over there?
It's like one cat that they haven't lit on fire.
What is left?
Isn't it all gone?
Isn't it all gone?
I mean, is there, does this end?
This is like that joke I did where I'm like, kill them all until the dead.
And then when dead, kill them again.
I mean, it's like, isn't everything, I mean, again, maybe I'm not the most educated person here.
I would imagine that after a year plus of indiscriminate, large-scale killing, there's not a ton left, right?
It looks, let's get some photos up.
Get some photos up, buddy, of the Gaza for the new year.
Yeah, it just make that bigger.
This seems like the job's kind of done.
No?
Doesn't this seem, but they want to go into Iran.
They want Trump to co-sign preemptive strikes on Iran's nuclear facility.
This is what they want.
And then all these freaks are going, and we're going to be fighting a three-front war.
And here's how much money we'll make if we're going to war.
I'm telling you right now.
I'm telling you right now, we do not need to be in a three-front war with Russia, China, and Iran.
I don't know.
Who do I think we are, by the way?
That we're, that all of these things are going to be like, cool.
I support Taiwan.
And let me tell you how far I'm willing to go.
Okay.
I'm telling you right now how far I'm willing to go for Taiwan.
I don't care.
I will, if China tries to reunify forcibly with Taiwan, okay, I will insult them on this show.
And that's it.
That's where it'll end.
No blood, no treasure.
But I will insult them and it'll be cutting.
It'll be mean.
I'll say nasty things about them.
I'll hurt their feelings.
That's how far I'm willing to go.
I'm willing to hurt China's feelings if they forcibly reunify with Taiwan.
But that's it.
I'm not getting in.
We're not doing this.
We're not going to fight a war with Taiwan.
We need to make chips in America, the vec, so that we don't need to fight a war.
Because if we fight a war with China, it is the end of all life on earth.
I don't know who needs to hear this.
What do you people think it's going to be?
It's the end of all life on earth.
I'm telling you, we cannot do it.
We cannot fight a war with China.
We need to chill it the fuck out.
We need to chill it out.
I'm president.
Here's what I do.
You get Ukraine.
Puts.
You get Ukraine.
Xi, you get Taiwan.
And we're taking Greenland.
We get Greenland because we're going after Greenland now.
Sorry.
I don't want any of it to happen, but we got to start making deals.
And here's the deal.
We cannot fight a war with China.
And if they really want Taiwan, as much as I would feel bad for Taiwan, I don't know what to do.
Does anyone out there know what to do?
I don't know what to do.
China probably likes Taiwan more than I do.
They like really like Taiwan.
I don't even eat Taiwanese food that much.
I don't know a ton of people from Taiwan.
I know they make the chips for the thing.
What I'm saying is this.
I will be sad if China attacks them.
I will say that's terrible.
But I, you know what I mean?
But how much more do we want from me?
Or any of us?
What do you want?
Is that what the Zach doesn't want to hire my disgusting friends?
He wants them to fight China in the South China Sea over Taiwan or something.
I don't know.
I'm just saying, what do people think we're going to do if they invade Taiwan?
What are we going to do?
We're going to fight in the South China Sea.
We've not fought a war like that in a long time.
It's not, we can't do it.
It's not going to work.
So all of these people that think that we have the capability of this shit, they want a blood holocaust here, and they've been trying to get one going.
They've been trying to get one going for years.
They just want everything to end.
I don't know why they want this, but I imagine it has to do with like getting rid of a lot of the population and taking a lot of the money and resources for themselves.
That'd be a guess.
But it's death.
All death if it's us versus China over Taiwan.
Sorry.
They'll sell us to chip.
China will sell us to chips when they take over Taiwan.
I'm doing foreign policy now.
I'm doing it.
China will sell us the chips as well.
China will sell us the chips as well.
And I don't want any instability in the world.
But I'm telling you right now, we cannot fight a war with China.
I would like them to not take over Taiwan, but no one cares what I think.
Except the people that listen to this show.
It doesn't really matter what I think.
We do not, we are not in the position to fight China, Russia, and Taiwan.
Russia's got like 4,400 nuclear warheads.
I don't understand like the world people are living in where they're like, there's no more, like, remember after 9-11 when that, like, Toby Keith had that song, my neck's been red, my collar still blue.
I've always been here.
It's the red, white, and blue.
There's no more of that.
We're not going to be able to play that.
It's not going to work.
Copyright strikes and drone strikes.
But my point is this.
We need to calm down with those patriotic songs that make us think we're going to fight everybody.
There should be a song where it's like, we wish everyone well.
Your sphere of influence is yours.
Do what you will and be a tourist here.
If you want, come here for the holidays.
Do what you want with Crimea.
It's not my business.
By the way, since we've gone to war on, like, it's so funny now, just seeing every white person is like a massive fan of country music somehow because country music was the only place over the last four years of the world craziness that welcomed Whitey.
So now everyone I know is like, whether they're from Greenwich, Connecticut, they're like LARPing is like a huge fan of country music and it's disgusting.
And I like country music and I have a lot of respect for that culture.
But there's something weird about like guys from Connecticut who spend the day golfing really into country music.
It's just the emptiness of this particular culture that we've created.
I'm not saying you can't appreciate country music that if you're a white guy from the Northeast, the only music you can get into is country music.
And there's nothing worse than seeing a guy who played tennis all day at a country Western bar line dancing.
It's a little disgusting.
There's something odd about it.
But it's what happens when one cultural space says, yeah, you can come here and chill and just be white and it's cool.
And then all the other cultural spaces go, you're a demon from hell and we hate you.
Corporate Bland Monoculture00:05:21
And that's why all of these fucking people that I know who have zero overlapping with the country, they're all like, hey, Lord Airman.
And it's like, guys, what's going on here?
What's happening?
I like country.
I love James McMurtry.
I love a lot of these guys, but I mean, he's, you know, not.
But these guys, like these syrupy, like metro-sexual country stars, like Bill Burnham had that great bit about it, you know?
But it's just interesting.
There's something weird about the white culture that isn't functional.
And there's something about when white people start to get confused and start like pretending they're like ranchers.
Like people do it in California.
There is no cowboys in California.
Okay.
Take your ironic cowboy hat off in Malbush doesn't exist.
Okay.
And so you have this like dearth of like any meaningful stuff coming out because what really, I mean, it used to be like we had Nirvana, we had cool shit, but now you just don't see a ton of that.
Right.
So like country music is a genuinely organically American genre of music with incredibly talented people.
The other option seems to be either rap, which is great, or just this kind of pop, corporate, whatever.
So I think if you want anything that has an instrument, like a guitar or any type of, it's country music.
And there's nothing wrong with it.
I'm just saying it's very interesting watching that become the only cultural identity for people that I know from Jersey who leave an Italian restaurant and start blasting country music.
There's something interesting about that.
Many will study it.
Many will write about it.
And they will not credit me.
They will not credit me, will they?
It's hard to do an hour that is as not racist as what I just did.
It's very difficult, actually.
It's actually hard to do an hour like that.
That's not racist like that.
But it's important that we have these fights and that we talk about these things.
And it's interesting.
Culture is interesting and how things move is interesting.
And my friends leaving the golf course and then jamming out the country.
That's something's going on.
It's worth noting.
I'm not saying it's good or bad.
It's worth noting.
You got to notice things and go, huh?
Huh?
Interesting.
Why do they feel some kinship?
Why do they feel like the only soulful music they have is country?
There's no doubt country music's amazing.
I love a lot of it.
Dude, George Strait and fucking Brooks and Dunn, all these people are amazing.
Toby Keith, all these guys, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, whatever.
Who do I really like?
Fucking that Martina McBride.
All these people are great.
They're all great.
It's not a knock at all on country music.
It's just an interesting cultural moment that people are finding that's the only soulful thing left.
It isn't just a real, like a viral marketing campaign.
A lot of other music feels, you know, of course, a lot of the people that I know are finding the least soulful country music, as they would.
That doesn't, but it is interesting.
It's worth noting that that's, but it's always kind of happened.
You've always seen these people like Mohegan's son in Connecticut in like a country Western line dancing park because they don't have any cult.
Connecticut's like a dearth of cult.
They just, Connecticut's just about being really rich or, I don't know.
I don't know what it is, but they don't know what it is either.
Lobster and butter on a roll?
They don't know.
So they're just like, hey, hi, because they have not, you know, I find inauthenticity very offensive.
Most people don't.
Most people love it and they market it and it makes money.
I find it kind of, because what inauthentity often leads to is a problem.
If people have no clue who they are, they have no idea.
This is the thing when you rip culture away from everybody and go, no, we're going to replace it all with one corporate bland monoculture that doesn't serve anyone's needs or make anyone feel connected to their environment or their history.
We're just going to replace it and then you can all go insane at the pace of your choosing.
That's what I find inauthenticity interesting.
So when I just see these guys leaving golf courses and like the only thing they're just really driven to this country stuff, it's kind of interesting.
And you're like, huh, huh.
TimmillaComedy.com.
We've added a Sunday late show in Irvine, Orange County, one of the worst places to do comedy in the world, Orange County.
It's really retarded people.
I'm kidding.
They're good people.
I love Orange County.
I love the boats and stuff.
The Irvine Improv, we've added a late show on Sunday.
Go watch Torch the Year of the Rose, Torching the Year, and hear about stories from 11 months ago that you may or may not have remembered.
But it is funny.
Triangulating Powerful Forces00:01:04
And remember, as I leave, as I go, I would just let a general warning to all who seek to work with me.
You're in the scope of my gun.
If you work with me for any reason, you are in the scope of my gun.
It will be the slightest thing.
You'll go, that guy didn't even seem mad.
It'll be the slightest offense.
The slightest offense will set me off like you have no idea.
I will triangulate a campaign of powerful forces that begin to rob you of the agency you feel like you have.
You feel like you are in control.
You are not.
I will slowly and methodically take everything you care about away.
Your children will be afraid to go to school because the other kids are attacking them because I have said your project has ruined the world.
So just know that.
And by the way, but the, but, but, but here's the flip side of that.