Tim examines Diddy’s arrest, exploding pagers in the Middle East, another attempt on Trump’s life, Venezuelans in Colorado, minivans, Biden in a MAGA hat and what comes after the Costco family.American Royalty Tour🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/SPONSORS:LegacyVisit givelegacy.com and use promo code (TIM) for 10% off.Morgan & MorganFor more information go to forthepeople.com/timHarry’s Razor’sGo To www.harrys.com/DILLON for a $3 Trial Set.▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo...Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo...#TheTimDillonShowMerch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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The Black Epstein Comparison00:04:12
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
Thank you to everybody who is sharing the trailer for the Netflix show.
This is your country, the reimagining of a 90s trash TV show with yours truly as the host.
We really appreciate it.
The trailers had a great response and people are excited about it.
Comes out October 1st.
Our friend, friend of the show, P. Diddy, incarcerated, in jail in Brooklyn.
I mean, what is going on here?
What is going on?
Diddy is locked.
A girl I went to school with was, I think, very close with him and then scrubbed her whole IG in the last couple of days.
Just fun.
Not saying who it is.
I'm no rat, but I'm just saying it's fun.
Other people from school called me.
They were like, that's kind of fun, huh?
And I go, it's a little fun.
It's a little fun.
It's worth noting.
And then she went on a whole thing about Haiti.
Diddy is accused of holding freak offs with male prostitutes.
According to court documents, Sean Diddy Combs' freak offs were arranged by high-ranking supervisors, security household workers and assistants.
So he apparently forced people to do sexual acts, perform sex acts.
Over a thousand bottles of baby oil and lube were found during the raids, which were allegedly used during the freak offs.
Combs would force women to partake.
It would make embarrassing recordings, which he used as blackmail to keep victims quiet.
Combs' team would schedule IV delivery after the days-long freak off so the victims could recover from the physical exertion and drug use.
Well, that's nice.
Combs would even track women's locations and keep track of their medical records.
The video was filmed in Central Park just hours before the rapper was arrested.
So he was in Central Park.
And what was he doing?
Just having fun?
He was just taking it in.
He was just having fun in Central Park.
The last day of freedom.
Wow.
They're going to kill him, I think.
No, they are.
They're clearly going to kill him.
Guards are getting ready to fall asleep as we speak because there's no way that he can go out and say all of the things he knows and talk about all of the people who went to the freak offs.
That is my guess.
My guess is that they're going to take him out.
It's not only my guess.
There are a lot of people that are thinking that he's like the black Epstein.
They got to get rid of him.
He's going to come out and he's going to say, hey, everybody from political figures to big music people to pastors, megachurch people.
Like, I don't think that can go down.
I think what's going to happen is he is going to be going to feel very depressed.
That's my guess: is that P. Diddy is going to feel very depressed and he's going to be sad and he's not going to want to go on anymore.
I don't know.
I can't say for sure, but it seems like an unnecessary risk for all of these people to just allow him to dime on all of them to try to get a lesser sentence, which he will most likely do.
Or his cell phone's going to explode.
That's the other possibility for P. Diddy.
He may.
I'm surprised something didn't explode or I'm surprised that Dildo didn't explode a week ago and take out P. Diddy and exploding dildo to get rid of P. Diddy.
We are now in, it's fully the Marx brothers now.
Exploding Phones and Dildos00:15:58
We have exploding pay.
Israel's got Panini presses blowing up to try to kill Hezbollah.
We have a Caddyshack assassination attempt where the barrel of a gun is sticking out of the bushes on a Palm Beach golf course like a scene from Abbott and Costello.
This is a Marx brothers.
What is the next way they're going to kill Trump with like an exploding cake?
It's getting to be like a Laurel and Hardy 1920s three Stooges slapstick country.
World.
Pagers are blowing up all over Lebanon.
Cell phones, pagers, tablets.
Israel apparently hacking all these devices or planting bombs or what I don't know the I don't really know the I love how America is just really not commenting.
They're like, well, we don't really know.
We got to collect some more information on this.
It's, oh, it's the old exploding pager trick.
Can we show any of these?
We discussed this a few days ago if we can show any of these.
Here's a man shopping.
Yeah, we can show it.
We'll just blur the.
There's a man shopping, and then all of the sudden, his pager explodes.
It's really not that bad from the top.
Well, here's the deal.
Israel certainly has the element of surprise.
And however, they just will not calm down.
Israel will not stop.
They are whiling out.
They will not stop.
And the Middle East is like a Tinderbox.
And Sheikh Nasrallah, the head of the Lebanese, I believe, I'm forgetting Hezbollah is saying this is a declaration of war and they're going to go after Israel.
You know, I mean, I didn't even know Israel could do that.
I didn't even know this was possible to be done.
I didn't even know people still used pagers.
I didn't even know that pagers could explode.
I didn't even know that, I mean, a real supply chain issue here.
I mean, I didn't even know that any of this could happen, that you could be a, that Etcha sketches could blow up.
I mean, I didn't know that this could go down.
But, you know, this is a black mirror episode.
Every day is a new strange episode where it's hard to fully, I guess, Israel has a very secretive cybersecurity division.
I believe it's called 8200 or something.
And Israel's very good at the hacking and whatever.
They have a cybersecurity unit, right?
Unit, and I forget what it is, but it's a unit of people that do this type of thing.
This is what they do.
And I don't know exactly what it's called.
What are you going to?
Israel.gov?
Go somewhere else.
That might be a bit skewed.
Unit 8200 is an Israeli intelligence corpse unit of the Israeli defense, the IDF responsible for clandestine operation.
The unit is composed primarily of 18 to 21-year-old hackers and nerds and fun people that are, I guess, really good at the type of operation that you just witnessed.
And don't get it twisted.
They will get P. Diddy with the exploding dildo and he will not face trial.
There's no way he goes to trial if they can do this.
If they can do this, you almost wonder.
And I mean, again, I don't want to get in.
I don't want to be a start with this here.
It's like, how did Hamas pull this off if they're so good?
Like, if this intelligence unit is so amazing, and I know that, like, Netanyahu doesn't really want any investigation into the intelligence failures of October 7th, but they're so good at certain things.
And I guess other things are just not as great at.
Small amounts of explosives were implanted in beepers that Hezbollah had ordered from a Taiwanese company, according to American and other officials briefed on the operation.
I mean, yeah, here we go.
Let's see it again.
There it is.
By the way, can we just comment on the produce?
Looks nice.
Can we just comment on the produce selection there?
It does look nice.
I don't know.
It doesn't seem like the war is ending, right?
This isn't what happens before war ends.
You don't hack everybody's smartphone and beeper and start blowing everything up, right?
They're going to blow up my sunglasses soon.
You just...
Lebanese health ministry, at least nine dead, 300 injured in walkie-talkie explosions.
Play a little bit of this.
At least nine people are dead.
Hundreds have been wounded.
And that's according to the Lebanese Health Ministry.
That blast was a very good thing.
It was like during a parade in Beirut set off panic in the streets, as you can see here.
That was amid a crowd attending a funeral for Hezbollah fighters.
Early reports indicate the explosions took place in southern Lebanon.
By the way, I'm going, my grandmother sadly passed away.
My last grandparent is gone, and I'm going to a funeral, and I'm wondering if there's going to be exploding devices.
I imagine not, but who knows?
Not everyone in my family loves me.
They're not all thrilled with me.
Let's be honest.
Ryan Ralph, who is...
What is going on with this guy, Ryan Ralph?
Now, you've not been able to find his music.
His song doesn't exist online.
Oh, it doesn't.
God damn it.
Ryan Ralph was arrested in Palm Beach after sticking an assault rifle through the fence while Trump was golfing.
This guy is a lunatic who was really inspired by the Ukraine war, by the way.
So that's interesting.
And which does inspire people, you know?
I get it.
You know, my friend Connor went over there to fight with them.
I get it.
It's a sad story.
Blah, Okay?
I'm not, you know what I mean?
I'm with it.
I get it.
I'm with it.
Ryan Ralph was arrested in Palm Beach because he was trying to kill Trump.
Now, this guy's a madman.
And he's got the barrel of his rifle coming out of the bushes.
Again, like a scene from Caddyshack.
Like, it's a weird, strange thing.
I think he's been interviewed on the news a few times.
And by the way, can you get the quotes from his son to the Daily Mail?
These were the craziest things I have ever heard.
He's like, oh, my dad.
He's like, listen, if he wants to be a martyr, you know, I'm not for it, but we all hate the way these elections go down every four years.
It's the most insane thing that you hear from somebody whose father just tried to like kill the president.
Oren Ralph, his son, he goes, I don't have any comment beyond a character profile of him as a loving and caring father, an honest, hardworking man.
He went on to say, I don't know what's happened in Florida.
I hope things have just been blown out of proportion.
Because from the little I've heard, it doesn't sound like the man I know to do anything crazy.
He's a good father and a great man.
And I hope you can portray him in an honest light.
Then he said like this, he described his father as someone who was not violent, claiming he only had a couple of traffic tickets, but noted that he does hate Trump as every reasonable person does.
Lovely son.
Keep going down.
He goes, I don't like Trump either.
He's my dad, and all he's had is a couple of traffic tickets, as far as I know.
That's crazy.
I know my dad and I love my dad and that's nothing like him.
Oren said that it was the first that he had heard about the incident and didn't even know his dad was in Florida, adding, we had a falling out.
We've gone apart.
So then he comes back, keep going down, because he comes back and he says, he goes, he comes back.
And I read where he was basically like, he quotes South Park and he says like, listen, if my dad wants to be a martyr, that's on him.
Like he is this crazy quote where then he's like, it's just like South Park.
He goes, it's like every four years we vote for a douchebag or a turd stamp.
Like he starts doing a podcast after they tell him like his father almost tried to kill the president.
He's like, listen, we all hate this process.
I think it was this.
Yeah, it might have been the post.
Let's see if we can find it down here.
It was the funniest thing I'd ever heard.
I was like, this is the craziest thing I have ever heard from the son of somebody who, yeah, here we go.
After abruptly hanging up the phone, Oren Ralph sent a long text to the Daily Mail in which he said, if his father wants to be a martyr, that's his choice and complained that voters are exhausted and embarrassed by candidates running for the White House.
Can you imagine?
Keep going.
I pulled the Daily Mail article.
That's where it was.
Yeah.
Can you imagine being told your father just tried to assassinate the president of the United States and then going like, hey, we're not into this.
All this stuff is pretty embarrassing out there, these elections.
It's pretty nuts.
Your father just tried to assassinate the president.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll tell you, he's not the only one.
It's like the craziest thing in the world.
Listen to this.
This is what the guy says after his father tries to kill the president.
I hate this game every four years, and I think we all do.
And if my father wants to be a martyr to how broken and disassociated the process has become from the real problems and practical solutions, then that's his choice.
By the way, can someone arrest this guy?
Can someone arrest him?
I'm not saying that's what he's done or what he's about.
That's just my own rant, being fed up with it for all of my entire adult life, he wrote.
South Park said it best.
Can you imagine his father has tried to assassinate the president?
He's typing this to the Daily Mail.
He's sending a text.
South Park said it best.
Every four years, we're forced to choose between a turd sandwich and a giant douche.
And it all stays fucked in the same ways by different degrees, and we're exhausted and embarrassed by it all.
This is after his father has like tried to kill the president of the United States.
This guy is like doing a pod.
That's what you would say on like a podcast.
That's what you would say.
That's like a rant you would go on on like a podcast.
Not after you've been told your father just tried to kill the president of the United States.
Do we have any of Ryan Ralph, any of his interviews?
He was interviewed by some different news organizations and institutions had him on.
And by the way, you look at this guy.
This is, by the way, this is how you know that people are so ideologically driven in this country that they can no longer recognize a crazy person.
Like the news is so blinded by their hatred for Trump that they no longer recognize this person is a complete psychopath.
And in his interviews, he comes off, he reads crazy.
Thousands upon thousands of people standing here with the Ukrainians.
This made in the square, independent square.
We should have millions of people in the square filling the square from every country around the world.
And why we don't, I don't understand.
I'm here every day with all the flags from all the supporting countries with the memorials for the people that have died.
And, you know, I've had several people come, but just a handful, you know?
So it blows up.
By the way, is it like, is it the CIA now is just as bad as everything else?
Like, like every hotel you go to sucks.
Everything's bad.
Everything you watch sucks.
Like, is that what this is?
Like, is Langley just so bad at everything now that it's just the fully bottom of the barrel where they're just grabbing anyone?
They're like sending this guy over to the Ukraine.
I mean, is this how bad it's getting?
Is it because everything you, everywhere you go, and we've talked about this at nauseum on the show, everything is disappointing and everybody's kind of upset you're there and customer service is dead and client services is over and people don't want you there.
And when you walk in somewhere, people kind of like, you know, begrudgingly tolerate you.
And I'm wondering if the CIA has gotten to that point now where like no one, there's it, you would think that they'd have a better class of Patsy, like a better class of Patsy.
Like say what you want about Oswald, but he was a better class of Patsy than whatever this is.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe.
It's a fun thing to think about.
They're just sitting around in Virginia going, yeah, we don't know.
We don't know.
He's the one.
He's what we got.
He's what we got, you know?
Is there any other interview of him?
Yeah, hold on.
I think he's done some more mainstream things as well.
I mean, this guy is a nut.
And I don't know what they're, I don't know what they're charging him with.
He's going to share a cell with Diddy.
He filed off the number, serial number on his gun.
And then a couple other things.
It's like it's the maximum charge for all those things.
Sure.
Sure.
Here we go.
Here's a couple of different quotes from him right here.
Ruth tried to enlist in the International Legion of Foreign Fighters in Ukraine, but was considered too old.
We need 100,000 people here fighting.
Instead, he became a recruiter.
CBS News senior foreign correspondent Holly Williams was in contact with Ruth for more than a year.
Ruth seemed very sincere, but at times, you know, perhaps somewhat naive.
At one point, he even sent me an audio track of a song that he'd apparently recorded about the carnage caused by the war in Ukraine.
So again, this is just my point.
This guy's a complete lunatic.
He's sending songs to the people that work at CBS News.
Can you imagine this?
And instead of going, hey, this guy's a lunatic.
We should cease all communication with him.
He's actually a massive problem.
Instead of doing that, this woman continues the relationship.
He's a bit naive.
He's a sweet boy, but he's a bit naive.
He certainly did not give the impression of being a hardened fighter.
Naive Relationships Ignored00:12:37
Just last week at the debate with Kamala Harris, President Trump was lukewarm in his support for Ukraine.
Yeah, I mean, again, this has nothing to do.
Why are they, they go right into that?
I love how they go right into that.
They go right into that.
How about the fact that CBS was corresponding for a year with the guy who tried to kill the president of the United States?
Is that worth a mention?
And they go right into the, that Trump was lukewarm for his support of the Ukraine.
They just, they gloss over that.
Yeah, this journalist is, it should, people are blinded by such hatred.
It's like if Fox News was like communicating with a militia member for a year who was like sending them songs about migrants and then tried to kill Kamala, Kamala, whatever.
Like you can't be blinded by rage and hatred to a point where you cannot recognize what's in front of your face, which is a psychopath.
What song did he?
God, I want the song.
So there's flashes of like there, he's tweeted at like Bruno Mars and a couple other people.
Yeah, because he wants a collab.
He wants a collab.
I'd love a Bruno Mars pro-Ukraine song.
This is him?
This is before his Twitter got nuked.
Before he used to be George Galloway, which is an Irish politician.
Okay, Bruno Mars.
I live in Hawaii.
I was in Ukraine for eight months and need help producing a tribute song for Ukraine.
I have all lyrics and some music.
Well, I'm sure Bruno Mars' people were, I'm sure that never got to them.
How exciting.
But that is something that a celebrity might do.
That's not beyond the realm of possibility that Bruno Mars would go out there with this guy.
He did Bono.
He was Bono and Bruno Mars.
Sure.
He's tweeting at the people he thinks are going to bite.
Bono is socially conscious.
I don't know that Bruno Mars is.
Maybe he is.
Maybe he's not.
But I would have loved that.
He's just tweeting at celebrities, musicians, going, let's, you know, we are the world.
We are the Ukraine.
Weiss said we were white nationalists, but we forgot that.
We want Crimea.
It's a land bridge we all love.
Putin's going to invade Poland if we don't have another trillion dollars.
I'm sure it would have rhymed better and whatnot, but Diddy denied bail for sex trafficking, prostitution, and the freak offs.
They're not letting Diddy bail himself out because they know someone's going to kill him.
See, here's what's interesting.
You would think, oh, they're not letting him out because they think people are going to kill him on the outside.
They know that he might survive on the, they're going to kill him on the inside.
They're like, no, no, no, no bail for you.
We'll get to you on the inside.
We want to make sure we get to you on the inside.
Let's talk for a minute about the migrant situation in Aurora, Colorado, because what has been, this is the Wall Street Journal again, by the way, doing great work.
The Wall Street Journal does, I mean, it's so good what they do.
And it's so amazing what they're doing.
And Michelle Hackman, whoever that woman is, who's writing at the Wall Street Journal.
Thank God, because Michelle and the journal has decided to basically correct the record on this Aurora, Colorado.
Don't get a picture up.
It doesn't matter what she looks like.
Go back to the article.
They're correcting the record here because what's going to happen is everybody who is familiar with this story has gotten it wrong because people think that migrants have taken over a building in Aurora, Colorado because of a viral video that went viral.
Do we have the viral video?
Can we get the viral video?
Let's watch the video.
So now, by the way, I want everyone to watch this.
What you're watching is good.
This is not a problem.
The Wall Street Journal is telling you this.
They did not take over a building.
They did not.
The violent Venezuelan prison gang did not take over this building.
It was a routine assassination in one of the units.
It was, they did not take over the building.
It's, it's, this is eight of the 10 men were arrested.
No big deal.
Eight of the 10 violent Venezuelan prison gang members with military grade weaponry who were in the building.
So again, this is the Wall Street Journal writing an article telling people to relax, going, hey, why don't you fucking relax, you racist, because what you thought was a full takeover of a building was not.
It was just 10 violent Venezuelan prison gang members carrying out a routine operation or something they felt needed to be done.
Let's watch this video here.
This is nice.
What's wrong with this?
What is wrong with this?
Why would anyone have a problem with this in their country?
Thank you, Wall Street Journal.
This is nice.
It's a picnic.
It's for a picnic.
Some of the residents are moving out because they're afraid of the Venezuelan gang activity.
Racists!
Everywhere, these people.
By the way, the building itself doesn't look great.
So get up this article.
This is so funny.
Standing on his front stoop, Richard Valen struggled to describe the recent feeling of unease that had settled over him.
It's creeping up here, the evidence of crime, undocumented people around.
The 77-year-old told a Republican campaign volunteer knocked on his door gesturing out at his quiet street 20 minutes north of Denver.
I know it sounds racist, but there's a lot of Spanish.
I don't know if these people will ever blend in, says Velen, a Republican voter and former insurance salesman.
Now, by the way, understand that he is the villain of this article, not the eight Venezuelan gang members with their gun.
Good.
Okay.
These days, the major incident troubling him and many others in his area is the August murder in an apartment building in nearby Aurora.
And now viral video taken minutes before the shooting has aired on a local Fox affiliate showed several Venezuelan men in one of the building's hallways carrying long guns.
People have tied the killing to the violent Venezuelan street gang trend or Aragua, Aregua.
I'm not going to Aradua, maybe.
I don't know how to do it.
But the video taken by someone's doorbell camera inside the building quickly metastasized into exaggerated claims of a gang takeover of the building, the neighborhood, and the entire city.
The Aurora incident and its fallout have heightened existing fears in Colorado and elsewhere that immigrants in the country legally are making communities less safe.
Well, you remember, no one is saying that there were not the guys in the, they didn't, they killed a guy in an apartment building.
I don't understand, when Trump wins again, by the way, when he wins again and people go, how did it happen?
How did it happen?
What about Taylor Swift?
If he wins again, when he might win again, I don't know.
But I want people to remember this article.
I want people to remember that the Wall Street Journal spent their time writing an article saying that the fears of people who lived in this community were completely unfounded and that this situation was being misrepresented.
There are guys in the corridor with guns and they're killing someone, but it's okay.
They didn't take over the whole building.
They didn't take over the whole neighborhood.
It's not that big of a deal.
Former President Donald Trump has used a story of Aurora distorted and amplified by right-wing news outlets to bolster his tough on immigration message in the race against a guy.
Can you imagine thinking this place with people, by the way, can you imagine writing this article thinking it lands?
Can you imagine writing this article thinking it lands?
Who in God's name does this land with?
Participants in a Wall Street Journal poll from late August said Trump would be best able to handle immigration rather than Harris.
Harris hasn't spoken about Aurora, but she was asked, she's never, she's asked about anything, but she was asked about another incident of misinformation around migrants Springfield, Ohio.
There, Haitian immigrants were baselessly accused by Trump and others of stealing and eating.
So this article, the job of this article is basically to come out and go, listen, guys, we understand you're all racists and you don't like the Venezuelan people with the military-grade weaponry in the hallway of the building because you're racist.
But what we would really like you to correct the record, we want to correct the record and say that those people were arrested, eight of 10.
They were arrested.
The people that came into the country in the prison gang that were showing up at the apartment complex to murder someone are they were arrested.
They didn't do what everyone's saying they did.
By the way, nobody thought they took over a town.
But it doesn't mean you're running the town.
To take over a town, by the way, if I say rats have taken over the town, it doesn't mean rats are the mayor.
It means there's a lot of rats in the town.
So if I, and I'm not saying it, but these are prison gang people.
But the point is this.
If I say, you know, pokey shops have taken over the town, it doesn't mean that the mayor is a pokeball with rice.
What it means is that, fuck it, it's always a food example, but what it means is that there's a lot of pokey shops in the town.
Nobody thought that a Venezuelan prison gang was now running the town.
It's a figure of speech, by the way.
But the idea that this like article is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.
They're like, what's the problem?
It was one murder.
It was one murder.
What's the big deal?
Instead of the Wall Street Journal, the article should be: there are clearly problems with migration.
Which candidate best to handle these?
Instead of telling people what they're seeing isn't real.
This never works.
Telling people what they're seeing in front of their face isn't real never works.
Concede the point that there's issues.
There are, show the video again, please.
There's videos.
Concede there's an issue.
Is there not an issue here?
If you lived in this apartment complex, would you not feel like this was an issue?
Well, it's overstated, actually.
They're people with guns in the hallway.
Well, it's actually been amplified.
It's not that big of a deal.
They never took over the whole town.
There's eight or ten people here.
A lot of them have guns in an apartment building.
They shouldn't be in the country.
Well, it's actually kind of exaggerated.
It's not that big of a deal.
Yeah, well, people said that they actually took hostages, but they didn't.
just killed someone.
Minivans as Domestic Burdens00:10:12
What?
We can't eat that.
We are carnivore.
All are carnivore now, Papa.
Oh, yes.
Yes, at least in the beginning, it's easy with fruits and fruits in everyday.
With fresh and cheap at Rema 1000, you always get low prices on fruits and fruits.
1 kg of gullrot for only $19.90, and a whole melon for only $14.90 per kilo.
It's the end of the wallet.
At Rema 1000.
Always low prices.
I'll tell you what needs to happen.
You know who needs to find the minivan?
The Venezuelan prison gangs.
By the way, what about our own criminals?
What about our own hard-working United States criminals that now have to compete with a very vicious gang of people that we're bringing in?
Our own criminals, our own people that have fallen through the cracks that are making a living with stick-ups and drug sales and things like that.
They have to compete with foreign workers coming in, coming into their apartment buildings with guns and killing the people they should be killing.
And frankly, it's disgusting.
The death of the minivan, it was a perfect vehicle.
No, it was not.
The minivan dilemma, it is the least cool vehicle ever designed, yet the most useful, offering the best value for the most the minivan, by the way, destroyed everyone I know's life.
The minivan immediately became like this: why everyone in my generation did not have a clean house until they had to go to therapy for years.
Their parents had this mobile garbage, trash compactor called a minivan that we all were driven around in.
Where when we were children, we would fling dunkaroos and milano cookies and fucking fun dip, and we would throw them all over this car.
And they had like those felt seats or whatever, you know, that cushion seat, and it was like a weird velvet, and it was always sticky with shit.
It looked like that.
Everyone in my generation was damaged irreparably by growing up with minivans, eating in them, fighting with your brothers and sisters and friends in them, having your parents.
It was all part of going through a drive-through, eating the food, throwing the food.
And look at them.
This is the way they looked.
And that's why when my generation of people went to college, their dorms were disgusting.
When they first got girlfriends, their girlfriends went, what the fuck?
How were you raised?
And they were raised in a fucking minivan by boomers that turned it into a disgusting environment on wheels.
The cars you grew up in are the reason you're an animal.
They are.
And if you didn't grow up in a minivan that's filthy, good for you.
But if you did, you're an animal.
The cars you grew up in, the cars that you sat in the back of, that was your example, okay, of what was tolerated and what was not tolerated.
There were certain friends I had where the cars were immaculate.
Most not, but some.
But a lot of my close friends, because the classes, you know, don't really commingle.
Most of my lower middle class dirtbag friends and their dirtbag families had minivans and no one took any pride in a minute.
A minivan was bought to be destroyed.
You hated it.
You hated the fact that you were in it.
It was a roving garage of shit.
And you would see them.
You would get in line at Wendy's and it would be minivan.
My mother had an Ecano line, Ford van.
The minivan wasn't enough.
She needed a big van that had a bed in the back because she would always go and get antiques.
She would pick up furniture that people had left outside of their houses in the hopes that she was going to refurbish it.
But the minivan, I couldn't think of a type of vehicle that did more damage to people than the minivan.
Here's what Dominivan did.
It made everybody a fatty boom batty.
Number one, you don't need that much space.
You don't.
You don't.
You don't need that much space.
The minivan was so that you could go and shop and buy crap, put it in the car.
You could go eat and put leftovers in the car.
Your kids could play with toys in the car.
And everything that should have been reserved for a location that didn't move and wasn't in traffic would be happening in the car.
You could eat in the car.
Everybody, here's your food.
Everybody eat in the car.
Everyone's covered in ketchup.
Great.
Here's some napkins.
There's ketchup all over the thing.
It's sticky.
It's filthy.
It was the worst car and it made the worst people.
It did.
Anyone that grew up in a minivan knows exactly what I'm talking about.
My grandparents never had a minivan.
My grandfather had a, he had a crown Vic.
He had a Cadillac Eldorado.
He had a Crown Vic.
Nobody ate in the car.
You did not eat in the car.
You were not allowed.
As soon as the minivans came around, not only were you allowed to eat in the car, it was actually required.
That's why we got it.
We got it so you could eat your fat, stuff your fat face in the car because we're animals and we got to eat on the way to practice for this thing.
We got to eat on the way to karate and you can't fit in the belt that you're not going to fucking get upgraded to anyway.
You would eat on the way to SIG.
They would pick you up at school in the minivan.
You would go, you would eat, and then they would take you to wherever.
And then they would drop you off and then pick you up.
Eating, eating, eating, always.
Dirty, filthy, toys, toys in the minivan.
Play with these toys.
Play around.
It was a disgusting.
The minivan arrived way back when as a savior when Chrysler under the former Ford Chief Leia Coca's direction first conceived of the design in the late 1970s.
One was the land yacht style station wagon, perhaps in avocado green with faux wood paneling.
Lots of kids could pile into the bench and jump seats while the rear storage accessible by hatch allowed for easy loading.
These cars were somewhat functional, but they didn't seem that safe.
The suburban family's other choice was the full-size van, a big boxy transporter utility vehicle.
Chrysler's minivan would steer clear of those two dead ends and carry American families onto the open roads towards, well, youth, soccer, and mole commerce.
It really did bring innovation.
Ample seating organized in rows with easy access with the ability to stow those seats in favor of a large cargo bag with a set of sliding doors.
So everybody loved these things.
Sales reached 700,000 by the end of the decade as the station wagon all but disappeared and the minivan came in.
People lived in their cars.
They ate in their cars.
The nation where cars stood in for power and freedom, the minivan would mean the opposite.
As a vehicle, it symbolized the burdens of domestic life.
This is true.
It's why you could treat it like shit.
That's why the minivan you could treat like shit because it was a utility vehicle.
It was a vehicle to go literally from point A to point B. You weren't going to stop at the grocery store and get food and go home and cook it.
You were going to drive through a mobile poison factory and kill your children on the way to fucking dropping them off at dance class so your fat daughter could learn how to do the pirouette.
No car represented the decline of this empire more than the minivan.
None.
And no car was beloved by the boomer more than the minivan because they needed space.
Boomers needed space.
There it is.
The Chrysler Town and Country.
Show that one.
That was the high-end one.
Go to the Chrysler Town and Country.
Town and Country Chrysler.
That's kind of nice.
My aunt had that.
This is the old one.
That's the old Chrysler Town and Country.
People would pick you up with that.
They would pick you up at school and they would sit you in that.
And then they would fucking douse you in maple syrup and then bring you to a fucking soccer game.
It is crazy.
If you're driving one of those now, it's like, God.
So what are they being replaced by?
Fentanyl?
SUVs, right?
I mean, what's replacing the minivan?
Suicide?
Just people just checking out?
Human trafficking is Diddy.
The minivan is out.
Diddy trafficking your children is replacing the minivan.
Chrysler is struggling to keep up.
Israel should make all of those blow up, by the way.
You want to impress me?
Blow up the minivans in wherever, Lebanon.
You blow up the minivans in Lebanon.
Impress me.
It's so funny.
Yeah, it really...
Entertaining Chaos at the End00:16:46
Hei Mikkel.
Hei, Gustav skal bli med hjem i dag.
Kan han spise på oss?
Ja, selvfølgelig.
Hver til middag.
Grønnsakssuppe.
What?
Vi kan ikke spise det.
Vi er jo carnivore.
Alle er carnivore nå, pappa.
Å ja.
Ja, det er i hvert fall i utgangspunktet enkelt med frukt og grønt i hverdagen.
Med frisk og billig hos Rema 1000 får du nemlig alltid lave priser på frukt og grønnsaker.
Blant annet 1 kilo guldrott til kun 19,90 og et utvalg hel med lån til bare 14,90 per kilo.
Det er slutsummen på kassalappen som teller hos Rema 1000.
Altid lave priser.
Biden hates her and he hates what they did to him.
Other than Biden being completely out of his mind, I don't know, was he the worst candidate?
Let's look at Biden.
I know you would know about that.
Biden's kind of spry.
Biden's kind of tough, and he's a little spry.
Kind of like him when he comes alive again.
He's like, I know you would know about being old.
You got to remember how much anger Biden has because everything in his life has been horrible.
So he can marshal that anger when he needs to.
He's like, I know you'd know about being old.
He's thinking about his wife being fucking killed in the accident and the kids and the son.
And he's mad.
And then he's thinking about this bitch and Obama and everybody who kicked him out of the fucking.
I mean, he looks good here, but let's see this.
Let's see him put on the Trump hat.
I need that hat.
You want my autograph?
Hell no.
Come on.
I ain't going that far.
Do it.
He loves it.
He loves it.
Biden's fun.
Biden's kind of fun.
Biden's kind of fun.
Biden's like fun now.
No eating dogs and cats.
No Eaton Dawn cats into it.
I'm telling you right now, I want him to do something else.
I don't want to lose him now that he's just not going to be the president.
He's fun.
Now he's fun.
He's better than anyone at the Emmys.
Give him an Emmy.
I want to talk about this Costco family before I get out of here because, you know, it's so interesting.
This Costco family is taking the world by storm.
We don't know anything.
Oh, God, please.
Let me prepare myself before this starts just happening.
It's not played.
It's not fun.
No, it's by the way, everything that I thought the country would turn into, it's somehow worse.
And I like, I'm like hyperbolic.
Like, I like you, listen to my old shit.
It's like, it's like everything's dialed up to an 11, and we're at like a 13 in this country right now.
So I don't even know what these people are or who they are, but they are kind of interesting, and you can't stop watching them.
But it is something's like crazy and wrong.
And they're this family, they're like Costco influencers.
And the dad they got to meet like Gary Vee, and the dad's like the dad goes, I've been following Gary Vee for 10 years.
The dad's clearly been trying to get famous forever.
Okay.
And And he goes, I've been following Gary Vee for 10 years and he's like really responsible for this.
And I'm like, don't even blame this on Gary Vee.
Like, there's no way that Gary Vee even co-signed this.
Like, if this guy went to Gary Vee and was like, so I'm just going to look at the camera, go, double chalk chocolate cookie.
I think Gary Vee would even go, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe you should do something else.
I think Gary Vee would even go, like, maybe that's not the way to do it.
Double chalk talk or cookie.
Like, there's no way that Gary Vee, for all his craziness, co-signed any of this.
This is a complete accident here.
Can you get one up where they dance?
Yeah, give me a sec.
Is YouTube or somebody going to are we going to get in trouble for playing the song Bring the Boom?
Yeah, I mean, they're Costco influencers.
One of my friends' son saw the Rizzler the other day in Long Island.
We bring the boom.
That's what we do.
We bring the boom.
We bring the boom to you.
We bring the boom.
We bring the boom to them.
Why is it good?
Is it because we want death?
Like we long for death in this, like, you know what I mean?
Like, I'm like, why is this kind of entertaining?
Is it like, is it like we just want this civilization to crumble as quickly as possible?
I think that's what it is.
It's like the ultimate just like, well, fuck it.
Because I watch this.
I'm not nearly as disturbed by it as I should be.
I just kind of like you end up kind of just, we bring the boom.
And I go, is it just, it's the, by the way, it's the darkest thing I have ever seen.
There is nothing darker than this.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm serious.
There is nothing darker than this.
We bring the boom.
And they have to the cookies going like this.
The fact that this is kind of entertaining signifies we are at the end.
We are post any type of like, we are postpartum.
We are post-mortem.
Like we are done here.
I watch this stuff and I'm watching them and I'm watching they do the we bring the boom and they're eating these cookies and these things.
And I'm like, why?
This doesn't shock me.
It doesn't disturb me.
It simply is a curiosity.
But I think what it is, and I think the reason for its popularity is we long now kind of openly for some type of nuclear holocaust or a natural disease, like a major natural disaster.
Like there's nothing else that I can glean from the popularity of this other than people are fully subconsciously or consciously wishing for like a black hole to swallow up the universe.
Can you please play more of this?
This is why we fought the Iraq war.
Get the Rizzler.
I don't want the Rizzler, please.
You know the Rizzler's going to jail one day.
Like it's going to be, they're going to be like social media star known as the Rizzler was apprehended after a fight with his girlfriend in the Cheesecake Factory.
I can't understand any of this.
There we go.
Here he is.
The Rizzler is the whole thing, really.
I mean, the other two are great, but the Rizzler is the thing.
Or a double chunk chocolate cookie.
Um, I'm gonna have to give the chicken bake the boom and the double chunk chocolate chocolate a doom.
Can I just ask you a question?
What happens next in society?
You know what I mean?
Like, what exactly would be next here?
What is act two to this?
Like, what does this foretell?
You know, like, this is a, it's just, look at the face.
Can you zoom in on the chunk chocolate cookie guy's face?
What?
This guy is going to kill them all, Chris Benoastile.
There's no way he doesn't kill this whole family.
He's going to bring the boom.
All right.
All right, get him out of here.
I like them, though.
I do like them.
Why do I like them?
That's the problem.
I don't understand why they're, but I think they're good because we fully, like, we've released ourselves from any expectation that anything will ever make sense or that anything will be, even though we're pattern-seeking creatures and we can use reason and logic.
It seems like we're done with that.
And it seems like we're kind of just vibing.
Three Americans tried to overthrow government in the Congo and they were sentenced to death.
And I support it.
We talked about this on the show.
I do support that.
If you go to another country to try to overthrow their government, you will be sentenced to death.
And I'm not saying you should die, but I do support.
I do support the government in the Congo.
Like, I'm not trying to explain this.
It's one of those, what do you think is going to happen stories?
I'm not, again, I'm not for, I don't want them to die, but let's zoom out.
What do you think is going to happen?
And what do you mean you got caught up in the Congo in the wrong thing?
Let's watch some of this here.
Three U.S. citizens were among 37 defendants sentenced to death by a military court on Friday for their role in a failed coup in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
That's in Aurora, Colorado.
We bring the boom.
That's what we do.
We bring the boom.
Trendagua, whatever.
All right, let's keep watching this, please.
Armed men briefly occupied an office of the presidency on May 19th before their leader, U.S.-based Congolese politician Christian Malanga, was killed by security forces.
His son, Marcel Malanga, was among the Americans on trial, along with Marcel's friend, Tyler Thompson, who played high school football with him in Utah.
Both are in their 20s.
The third American, Benjamin Zelman Paloon, was a business associate of Christian Malanga.
All three were found guilty of crypto.
Hey, man, this is when crypto goes bad.
You know that kid, that crypto kid?
Go back to his face.
A business associate?
Yeah, he was like, right.
No, I guarantee you, this is a shitcoin gone wrong.
He's like, no, no, no.
We're going to the Congo.
We're going to have a coin, the Malanga coin.
We get it.
You get it.
He was definitely talking about crypto with the guy that got shot in the attempted coup.
There was no way he was not talking about crypto.
Let's keep going here.
Malanga.
All three were found guilty of criminal conspiracy, terrorism, and other charges and sentenced to death in a ruling read on live TV.
Malanga had previously told the court that his father had threatened to kill him unless he participated.
He also told the court it was his first time visiting Congo at the invitation of his father, whom he had not seen in years.
The Americans are among some 50 people, including U.S., British, Canadian, Belgian, and Congolese citizens standing trial.
The State Department will probably do something here.
They might.
They'll probably do something.
They might get these kids out.
The State Department will probably do something.
I don't know.
Maybe not.
Mitt Romney said something like it was a delicate situation.
Yeah, they're doing something.
You know what they should do, by the way?
They should send over double chocolate chocolate cookie.
Do you want a cookie?
You want a chicken bake?
Send the Congo a couple of chicken bakes so we could get these three kids back.
I'm not trying to celebrate their death.
I'm just saying you can't go to the Congo and try to overthrow a government.
According to NPR, neither of Utah's two Republican senators, Mitt Romney, Mike Lee, have called on the Biden administration to request their release.
I mean, listen, who knows what's going on?
Maybe they're back channeling.
Do the boom dance again.
Firing squad, by the way, which is not nice, but that's what happens if they get in.
Firing squad.
We bring the boom!
That's what we do.
We bring the boom.
We bring the boom to you.
We bring the boom.
We bring the boom to everyone.
We bring the boom.
Your favorite father and son.
Every afternoon on your FYP.
We'll be bringing the boom around the quarter past three.
We bring the boom.
What if you showed this to the people from the Congo?
Wouldn't their hearts be warmed?
They go, what is going on over there?
What's happening?
Just dancing with food?
I don't know.
I don't know what's going on anymore.
I just know that Diddy did nothing wrong.
What if that was what I did?
Like when the Netflix thing came out, like I just became a Diddy truther.
And like my whole, I, I, my whole persona became dedicated to freeing Diddy.
Like my entire persona just became dedicated to freeing Sean Puff Daddy P. Diddy Combs.
I don't know what to say.
I feel bad.
They say Justin Bieber is very upset.
I'm not going to read the indictment.
It's funny in the indictment how it's like Sean Combs, aka Puff Daddy, aka P. Diddy, aka Diddy.
Yeah, well, it's basically they're saying like, you know, there's a lot of technicalities and they want to be like, no, all of that.
Who's ever referencing you?
They mean you.
You know, I don't know what he was involved in.
It sounds like he was doing some type of Epstein-esque behavior.
And he was blackmailing people.
And if that's the case, depending on how high level the people he was blackmailing are, they might get to him.
Somebody might blow up his pager.
Blow up his phone.
I didn't even know that could happen.
I didn't even know it could happen.
Every day you wake up to something completely new.
That's why you have to, you go to bring the boom.
You go to boom or doom because you can't even, you can't even, it's not even real.
And life's not real anymore.
So you're just like, what?
They're like, Israel's blowing up people's pagers in the grocery store.
And you go, we bring the boom.
That's what we do.
You have to.
Where are you going to go?
Where are you going to go anymore?
Life's real.
Reality is not even close to being real.
So you got to bring the boom.
And then you go to just crazy family.
They're bringing the boom and the doom.
They're eating cookies.
You go, I don't know.
I guess that's better than watching a guy's cell phone kill him on a moped.
Double chunk.
I do it pretty good.
Israel blew up my double chunk chocolate cookie.
The IDF, Unit 8200, they put a microscopic bomb in my double chunk chocolate cookie.
TimDylanComedy.com for any of the live engagements, if you want to buy a ticket.