Tim talks about his new Netflix show, the DNC, that girl from college, an Italian superyacht sinking and why the Chick-Fil-A streaming service makes perfect sense.American Royalty Tour🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/SPONSORS:Morgan & Morgan:For more information go to forthepeople.com/timNutrafol:Head to Nutrafol.com/men & Use Promo Code TIM.EthosGet Your Free Quote At EthosLife. com/TIMAura FramesAuraFrames.com to get $30-off plus free shipping on their best-selling frame. Go To AuraFrames.com & Use code: TIM.▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo...Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo...#TheTimDillonShowMerch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Nervous About New Netflix Shows00:03:35
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show.
Thank you for listening.
We are here in studio.
Just finished a shoot with Netflix for something coming out on October 1st.
Very excited about that.
I'm not going to say too much about it other than we did shows on, it's not a comedy special.
We did shows on Saturday and Sunday.
And all I will say is that we are resurrecting a genre of television that I feel should come back.
We did everything that we could do.
When you do something and you have a vision, it's now up to people whether they like it or not.
It's not up to me anymore.
We did the thing we came to do.
You know, we brought all of these different elements together.
And now it's up to the people out there if they like it or not.
I think it's a genre of television that should come back.
And I almost wonder, I wonder why it hasn't.
But we did this in under two months.
In under two months, we put together this kind of insane spectacle, this circus, and we shot it.
And it's in editing now.
And the turnaround is going to be very quick.
And it'll be on Netflix, we believe, October 1st.
So we're not going, I'm not going to promote that at nauseum for the next month because there's a lot going on.
But I am just saying that.
And we will get, we will talk more about it.
The working title right now is Tim Dylan, the Holocaust, Another Look.
And just because I think, and that's just the working title.
I want to say a few things about the DNC before we move on to whether a billionaire was killed on his yacht by other billionaires who control the weather.
And I don't want, and again, I don't want people to be nervous about the content on this program.
And some people tell me they're nervous about, you know, I bump into people and they say to me, you know, I would love to get involved here, but I feel like I'm nervous about the content on the program.
I go, I don't get it.
And so this is one of those stories about, you know, potentially people controlling the weather and sinking this yacht that a billionaire was on.
People get really nervous.
People in suits with mortgages who have children in prep schools who secretly listen to the show, who workplaces, who want to give me money, who should be giving me money, get nervous when I start talking about the potential.
I didn't say it happened.
I'm talking about the potential that people are out there maybe controlling the web because I'm just saying it's a very strange thing that happened with this billionaire and this yacht.
And I'm trying to figure it out and put the pieces together in a responsible way.
I want to be responsible.
But I will say a little bit about the DNC.
Political Conventions Lack Reality00:15:43
They're doing a very good job.
Political conventions are not about genuine political facts.
They're not about reality.
They're not about policy.
They're not about a plan of attack.
They're not about governing.
They're not about what will happen when someone's elected.
They are a spectacle.
They are a show.
They are a circus.
They are something that should entertain people, that should capture people's interest.
Show a little bit of this.
You might get what I mean here.
We are here today to officially come with me.
Come on, we're presenting it.
I mean, this seems fun.
Yeah, this is fun.
I mean, it's fun.
It's a concert.
It's a concert.
It's fun.
The Democrats have done a great job basically like the Democratic Party right now is the crazy chick who's like, seems really normal when you bump into her.
You know what I mean?
She's like the chick who's like a full-on psycho.
You know she's not.
Everyone knows she's not.
She's been to jail.
But like you bump into her and she's in Starbucks and she sits down and she's like, how's your family?
And you're like, the last time I saw you, you were, somebody was holding your head.
You were vomiting in the toilet and you were like screaming and you had to be removed from a party by EMTs.
That's the last time we spoke.
And she's like, I know, I had some wild times, but I'm really focused right now.
And it's like, that's what the Democratic Party has done.
Somehow, some way, they've been able to kind of quite convincingly and kind of impressing, it's kind of impressive.
Watch these speeches.
They're not going hard on race.
They're not really going hard on gender.
They're kind of leaving it alone.
They didn't do a roll call of all the genders to start the thing.
Like they, they have kind of marginalized the real crazy elements of the party and they're not putting them front and center.
And you have like Michelle and Barack and all these people and even Hillary did a good job.
And there you have Bill.
See, now, you know, the Democrats are looking like the Republicans of 2016.
The Republicans, when they elected Donald Trump, were very focused.
They were on message.
And it was a big tent.
There was no infighting.
Now the Democrats are doing.
Now, you wouldn't know this.
There are protesters outside the DNC screaming about Gaza and you would not know it because the Democrats have done a great job kind of marginalizing the fringe.
They are the crazy chick that you know from the sorority who has had like 18 abortions, who's overdosed multiple times.
She's been to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.
She's fucked everybody.
She showed up outside people's houses.
She's burned their clothes.
She's done all this crazy shit.
And you bump into her in Starbucks.
She looks really good.
And you go, what happened?
And she's like, yeah, well, I just spent some time getting myself together and you really learn what's important.
You know, my mom got sick or something.
You know, it's one of those things, right?
You ever bump into a psychopath who feels and looks really normal and then you start going, was I overly judgmental?
Was I maybe?
That's what the Democratic Party has done.
This is a party that, you know, was encouraging the wholesale destruction of property for months.
This was a party that was celebrating violence against their political opponents.
This was a party that believes that young children, children, by the way, pre-pubescent children can consent to permanent, life-altering medical procedures.
And they experimented on a good amount of them.
This is a party that for many, many years has promoted the idea that America is in and of itself only a white supremacist nightmare for anyone that isn't a white, straight male and that is an absolute hell to live there.
That's what they've been doing.
But they rightly and very impressively have calmed that down.
This is the party of cancellations and the party of infighting and the party of purity tests and the party of, you know, we know better than you know and, you know, all of that.
And they have brilliantly, all of that is kind of gone.
And the thing about America is people do not have a long memory.
And nobody wants to hear about 2020.
I mean, again, it's the party of, you know, get this vaccine or you're being fired.
But nobody is going to talk about it because it's in the past.
And nobody really, it's one of the reasons the Trump campaign is not doing that well is they seem too focused on the past.
And they're hitting the Democrats for things that are actually people find impressive.
They're like, you pulled a coup, you kicked Biden out and put in her.
But people are going, yeah, so they got something done.
They did something.
So what?
They took this whole guy out and put this bitch in.
It makes the Democrats seem ruthless and competent.
It does not.
It's not a neg.
It's really not a negative.
The Republicans should be the ones going, no, we're ruthless and we're competent and we're going to make things happen.
But instead, it's kind of a very, this stance to have is very whiny, right?
Well, you weren't even supposed to be running against her.
It's like, guys, guys, please.
I loathe victimhood.
I loathe it.
It's my least favorite thing about anybody.
The idea that people want to present themselves as a victim or that somehow they are perpetually aggrieved and they cannot make anything happen.
This to me is the least interesting way to look at life.
It's self-defeating.
I don't mind cynics.
That's different.
Being a cynic, as I am, is healthy, can keep you alive and is good.
Cynics don't get disappointed as often.
Cynics live in reality.
Cynics are always pleasantly surprised.
Victims are constantly getting rolled.
They're constantly, you know, letting the waves smash them into the beach.
They like it.
They have a fetish for it.
They become, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the thing that the Republicans need not do is appear like victims, that they are sad and they feel like they've been treated unfair.
No one wants to hear that you've been treated unfairly.
No one cares.
And Funnel Cake Dad, who again, I loathe the people of the lakes.
I do not like them.
They are boring.
And I don't agree with a lot of what Funnelcake Dad believes, but he did a good job.
Show some of the protesters, by the way.
Are there any videos of the protesters?
Oh, yeah, from the 20th was the big day of protesting.
And his son crying.
People like that.
People want it.
I'm telling you.
Republicans making snide comments about the kid crying because he's proud of his father.
That's not the direction.
I mean, I don't know who's running that campaign over there.
Is Susie Wiles drunk?
Are they drunk over there?
I mean, genuinely asking.
I know some of them listen, but like, is everyone on drugs?
I don't know.
I don't understand.
I'm curious.
You know, I'm truly curious as to like what, there's no message discipline.
They should be, God, the democracy.
I mean, it's crazy.
It is the crazy bitch.
You go, you, you.
tried to give yourself an abortion.
I watched it.
You punched yourself in the stomach.
And she looks at you and she's like, yeah, but that was before I found God.
I started reading a lot about God and it's actually very interesting.
And I realized that I should respect myself.
And you're like, wow.
I mean, I'm telling you, it's what it is.
And now you can only celebrate when the crazy bitch becomes a woman.
Dare I say a lady?
Whether it's true or not, it is an appearance.
And you can only actually be kind of, you can congratulate her.
You could go, wow, you really, you used to suck.
You sucked off like five guys one night.
I know, but that was a time when I like wasn't respecting myself.
And I realized that I was doing that just because I wanted like the, I wanted people to like like me.
I just didn't have any value as a human being.
And you're like, God, making so much sense.
This is, no, it doesn't matter if it's true.
There's people listening to this right now going, yeah, but when they get in office, they're going, yeah, yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter.
We're talking about a political campaign, which it's not going to happen.
None of it's going to happen, what they're saying.
Kamala Harris is running on, this is, I mean, her platform, I'm not even kidding, is the word joy.
Joy.
Be happy.
It has nothing to do with health care.
It has nothing to do.
She said, we're going to stop the food from being expensive, fatty.
You're going to be able to eat for less.
That is what Kamala's platform is.
She wants to put price controls on the food.
Her platform right now, the only policy we know about is essentially a sign in a Vegas restaurant, eat for less.
That's all she said that she's going to let these fatty boombatches into the grocery store.
Kamala's policy is supermarket sweep.
Get up, supermarket sweep, please, and play a little bit of supermarket sweep.
That is Kamala Harris's main policy is just you should be able to run through a supermarket and throw things in your wagon or whatever you call it, basket.
What do they call that?
Cart, cart.
I knew I had it.
Get someone running through.
Get someone running through the thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We got to find someone right.
Okay, there, there you go.
This is, okay, here.
This is the Kamala Harris policy.
The only thing we know, it's the only thing she talked about, because she's going to speak tonight.
It's Thursday.
We're recording this Thursday.
So all we know now is this is her policy.
Patience pays off and she wraps up $100.
Looks like she's not finished with her coffee break.
Of course, while you're in the neighborhood, why not pick up some giant cans of U-Band?
Each one carries a hefty price tag, nearly $8.
Back to Liz at the yogurt machine.
So far, so good.
The Berryberry Raspberry is on the bottom.
I can see the vanilla bean green in the middle.
And she finishes it off with a sweet PTV.
That's right.
This is the Kamala Harris policy is just go run through the grocery store like supermarket sweep and get anything you want and it'll be cheap.
That's all that we know so far.
She's running on a platform of joy.
I'm happy.
Bill Clinton's like, this woman is going to be the president of joy.
Bill Clinton is like a rapist sex criminal.
And he's up there going, this woman, she's bringing joy to everybody.
Here, do we have him?
This guy was like Jeffrey Epstein's closest friend, by the way.
He's up on stage.
But this is how brilliantly they've done such a great job at the, and by the way, let me, before we play this, I will, again, use that analogy.
When you bump into that crazy bitch who has turned her life around, she's going to be short on specifics.
She's not going into detail about how it happened.
You're just going to go, the last time I saw you, you had vomit in your hair.
You were bleeding.
You were literally running around a party, sexually assaulting people, and now you are doing great.
The last time I saw you, you were fired because you took a shit on the floor of a McDonald's to prove a point.
I know I was really out of control.
But when I look back at my behavior, these were all just cries for help.
You know, it's so crazy that they've been able to kind of pull this off.
They're pulling it off.
And I don't know if it's going to last.
We've got months left before the election, but like they, and again, the crazy bitch will just tell you like, you know what?
I lost someone really close to me or my mom got sick or, you know, I just realized that I had value and I should stop acting like this.
Like, and again, you're so thrown by the idea that this bitch doesn't have vomit in her hair anymore.
You're so happy for her.
You're like, I'm happy because if you're not happy for her, you have the problem.
If you're not happy that this drunken, disgusting whore who used to have seizures on the floor of frat houses has turned it around, you have the problem.
So what the Democrats have been able to do quite magically and brilliantly, and guys like David Plutof, who are now involved, are very, very smart.
They're incredibly competent and very, very smart.
And they are able to manufacture an image of a mainstream party.
It's anything but that's what the Trumps need to do.
And I can't see that.
This was a fly sitting on the desk.
I've been told the studio has been professionally exterminated, but it hasn't been.
But my point is this.
My grandfather used to get him right in midair.
Just get him.
He would call them, he would say, get the Jew.
I'm kidding.
That's a joke.
Why is everyone being gross?
What I'm saying is that irrespective, and I don't know if that's a word.
It seems like it is.
Irrespective isn't, but irregardless isn't.
Correct.
Irrespective.
Word.
You got it.
Irrespective of what's going to happen when these people get into the White House.
I don't know what's going to happen.
It could be forced castration.
I don't know.
I don't think what scares me about Kamala is I don't think she believes anything.
She also hasn't come out and said she has any policy.
So usually you say, here's a bunch of shit I'm going to do.
And when you don't do it, people go, hypocrite, you didn't do it.
What if you just say, it's joy?
Kamala Harris Policy Vague00:07:00
I'm selling joy.
Your hands aren't tied down by any specific policy proposals.
You could just go out there, kind of do whatever the fuck you want or what other people want you to do.
So what we have right now is we have a situation where one party has been able to completely remake their image without regard to facts, without regard to policy.
They're being aided by a media that likes them.
This is true.
But what one party has been able to do is come out and say, I know I'm a vomit.
I smelled like vomit the last time you saw me.
I know I'm a dirty whore.
I know I let everyone fuck me.
I know I let everyone come on me.
I know I did Wukaki.
But now I'm in church.
And then all you can say is, okay, I'm happy to see you.
Now I'm working at Geico.
I can't, you're working at Geico now?
The last time I saw you, you were, you had lacerations all over your body.
You were wandering by the bus station.
There was a smell of something yeasty and not good.
I thought you were dying.
And now you're working at Geica.
So there is, they've been able to do it.
Let's see Bill Clinton again, who is a very, as most human traffickers are, affable guy, a friendly, fun guy, who is telling that now, Bill Clinton, what's funny about Bill Clinton is he is a ARPUS, reapist.
Like he's been credibly accused of rape multiple times.
And all these angry women at the Democratic Convention kind of know that.
But again, it's the testament of him being during the height of the me too.
I don't know if Clinton could have even spoken.
But now, I mean, they are, Harvey Weinstein directed this convention.
Like they are coming together in ways that are unreal.
Let's watch.
And then he did something that's really hard for a politician to do.
He voluntarily gave up political power.
That's untrue.
Is he talking about Biden?
Yes.
So just pause that.
So again, that's a complete lie.
But this is what people come to these things to hear is lies.
And Joe Biden was threatened with the 25th Amendment.
They said, Kamala will invoke it and we will remove you from office.
The Obama's in Pelosi.
Cy Hirsch, a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, has written that Biden actually did what Trump was doing.
All the Democrats were like, Trump didn't want to give up power.
And Trump certainly was saying like, I think the election's fucked up.
I don't want to leave.
Biden was doing the same thing.
Biden was going, fuck it.
I don't want to leave.
I'm the president.
They go, you're mentally enfeebled.
And he's going, fuck you.
I'm not going anywhere.
They had to threaten him with the 25th Amendment to get him out.
Now, because they can't have that, Bill Clinton has to come out and go, listen, he voluntarily gave up political power.
Which is a complete lie.
George Washington knew that.
And he did it.
And he set the standard for us serving two terms before it was mandatory.
God, he is on hell's door.
It helped his legacy.
He is on hell's door.
And it will enhance Joe Biden's legacy.
Well, phenomenal.
Bill Clinton, everybody.
I'm amazed.
I'm impressed.
I'm scared.
I get scared when people are able to, the thing about this stage of our declining empire, what tends to scare me the most is competence.
It's actually quite frightening because it's in such short supply and so rare that when you see a group of people that is this competent and this they have an ability to manufacture this narrative, it's a little disturbing.
You almost got to give it to them.
You almost go, well, hey, I mean, think of all the crazy people that you know.
They put them all in one room and got them on the same page.
And that is tough to do.
The Republicans are fighting.
There's a little infighting.
They're kind of blaming each other.
They're coming out on X going, hey, this isn't good.
So there's Hillary.
Hillary looks better than she ever has.
Whatever Drina Crome they're getting, this is the good stuff because she looks good.
And they're probably ahead.
I think the polls are closer than people think.
I think they're probably definitely ahead.
The polls are closer than people think, but it's because they've been able to do, they've been it.
Look, they quieted MHOS daughter down.
She wants to be out in the street screaming about the Palestinian kids that they're barbecuing right now.
She wants to do that.
Look at her.
You think she wants to be in there?
She don't want to be in there.
She wants to be out on the street screaming and yelling about the Palestinian cookout that Israel is having.
Now, the problem is they tell her, they go, now you sit here and you fall in line, tats.
Fall in line.
And they do.
They're going to fall.
This is a great example of falling in line.
And the Republicans haven't lost it yet.
They can still get it back, but they're going to have to enforce some type of conformity.
Trump should be out there throwing the party.
We're the moderates.
We're the ones.
This is what I would do if I were him.
It's hard to do.
You have a hostile media, but you got to go out and go, hear the things we believe.
The platform's actually moderate.
I know people think we're nuts, and that's okay, but the platform's a moderate platform.
We don't want to ban abortion.
We don't hate all gay people.
But then, you know, they also have the far right that will not allow them to do that because the minute that he does that, the far right will do what the far left used to do.
The far left used to ruin any Democrat chance at victory by throwing a fit and causing a fight.
So now you have a very similar thing happening with the far right.
And you have this war happening where Trump needs to come out as the fun candidate.
And I guess, I mean, it is tough after you get shot, but that is the hope because the American people are not craving policy.
It's not what they're craving.
It's, you know, we might not like that.
We might go, why not?
People Crave Joy Not Policy00:11:06
People should care.
But yeah, Great.
Fine.
They don't care.
Kamala Harris is going to be the president of joy.
That's the plan.
Joy.
That's the plan.
You know what I mean?
I mean, that's fully the plan here is joy.
Get a few scenes from Gaza, please.
A few scenes from God.
Let's talk about the joy.
Let's talk about the joy.
I'm just curious.
The president of joy.
This seems less joyful than I would have imagined.
Right.
So, but again, they've done a great job going, we're going to be the president of joy.
Get up, San Francisco, by the way, where Kamala Harris is from.
Get up, California.
Get up, San Francisco.
Right now, don't let Google show you the fucking sailboat or whatever.
Let's see the reality of what it is.
Let's see the actual reality of San Francisco.
And let's just show a picture of the joy.
This is These are the examples of the joy.
People shitting on the street.
People are dying of fentanyl overdoses in a tent.
They're dying on your property.
People are committing suicide en masse.
That is the joy.
We are funding multiple wars all over the world.
That is the joy.
Our own streets are overrun with addicts, with people that are committing crime.
They are killing themselves.
This is the joy that's coming.
This is the joy.
This is California.
The average price of a home in California is what, 900 or something crazy?
It was like a million.
It's a million bucks.
That's the joy.
Hope you got a millie for your crib.
That's the joy.
The median home in LA is 1.2 mil.
The average home is 967.
That's the joy.
Happy, happy joy joy.
That's what it is.
The super rich and then everybody else.
And it's coming soon to a theater near you.
I mean, that's what that's the policy.
That's what it is.
So let's talk about Mike Lynch.
Where is Mike Lynch?
Where is this man?
Where is he?
Where'd he go?
Where'd he go?
Why?
Why, God, why?
You ever call out to God?
Why?
Why, God, why?
Mike Lynch, yacht, latest, tycoon considered selling boat before tragedy as search for daughter Hannah is ongoing.
This sucks.
British tech entrepreneur among five bodies now identified after being recovered from this wreck.
British technology entrepreneur Mike Lynch considered blah, blah, blah.
The search for his 18-year-old daughter continues.
The Italian Coast Guard also confirmed that the bodies of Jonathan Bloomer, his late wife Judith, lawyer Christopher Morvillo, and wife Nita Morvillo were all recovered after being discovered on the vessel the previous day.
However, divers in underwater vehicles are continuing to scour the scene for a fourth day as Mr. Lynch's youngest daughter remains unaccounted for.
It comes as industry sources told the Telegraph Mr. Lynch put the $30 million sailboat up for sale in March, but later changed his mind after he was acquitted of fraud.
He reportedly withdrew it from the market four months later and was going to review the decision in autumn after enjoying the summer.
It says the boat chef was confirmed dead on Monday while a further 15 people survived.
So this whole thing's weird.
So 15 people survived this.
Yeah.
All the important people kind of perished, which was interesting.
Is there anything that we, is there any video that has been made about this that we could play?
Because I've read some things about it.
Yeah, this is just like the search of the next morning or from earlier this morning from BBC.
There was like the latest update.
People are saying that the boat is unsinkable, but they said the Titanic was unsinkable too.
I mean, that's just not.
Yeah, here's the CEO of the boat company.
It's an Italian, but it's subtitled.
Okay, let's watch him.
He's shocked that the boat sank.
Yeah.
The Italians have no idea.
By the way, if it's not a handbag, they have no idea what they're doing.
A ton of things they've done have sunk, by the way.
So that's not like, that doesn't grab me that these people have turned out a lemon here.
You know what I mean?
Like these people are not known for being like great engineers.
They're known for handbags and fascism and great food.
And there's nothing wrong with it.
It's just they're not that.
It's not Germans.
It's not the Japs.
It's the Italians.
That's not moving me, but apparently a lot of people wanted this guy dead, maybe?
I mean, how did he get acquitted?
He was acquitted.
And a lot of people maybe wanted this guy to die.
I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, according to The Economist, he was celebrating on the boat with his attorney and then another one of the witnesses.
And then this water spout came out of nowhere.
And then his business partner and co-defendant died a couple days before in a car accident, like literally like within the last week.
Whoa.
This guy, here we go.
Former co-defendant of British Tycoon missing in luxury yacht sinking dies after being struck by car.
Whoa.
You know, you have a little bit of pride sometimes in the intelligence agencies and stuff because sometimes you think they can't do anything.
And then sometimes they pull off something like this.
And it makes you kind of go, you know what?
You know, at the end of the day, it's like, I don't know why they killed these two.
And I imagine they just, they ran afoul of some people they should not have.
Both Lynch and Chamberlain were acquitted of fraud by a court in San Fran in June following charges related to the sale of autonomy to Hewitt Packard for $11 billion.
Prosecutors had alleged the pair had schemed to inflate autonomy's revenue before selling to HP.
So there was a lot of billionaires angry at them.
Is that the case, seemingly?
A lot of wealthy people not happy.
The good people at HP.
Yeah.
I mean, corporations now are countries.
So corporations have the GDP of countries.
They have the power of countries.
They, I mean, who knows?
Now, obviously, not all corporations do, but I don't know.
Hewitt Packard is a pretty big company.
Maybe they were angry, but also maybe some of the principals that were in the company that felt like they were defrauded were like, we are going to take care of these guys.
It is weird that one of them is struck by a car and then a few days later, this boat sinks.
But does anyone describe the type of weather?
Does anybody come out and say, was it a typhoon that came out of nowhere?
Or was this, has anyone done any work on the weather here?
Because the weather can get incredibly, you know, especially when you're, you know, anybody who's flown in a plane knows immediately something changes in a minute.
And that's just like being on the ocean, being on the ocean in a minute.
Yeah, here's like some security footage that shows the event.
I guess it's called a black swan event.
What's just weird is that no other boats were affected.
So just kind of like finger of God shows this boat.
So here's this.
The finger of God.
Interesting way to say it.
Let's watch this.
Wow.
This is minutes before the super yacht capsizes.
They're in Italy.
So that's the mass right there.
Mediterranean Sea.
It's interesting.
If they could control the weather, are they going to do it for this guy?
Can't they get this guy some other way?
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe it's a fun one where they're like, let's see if we can do this.
You know, that might be a fun one to just go, let's see if we can do it.
Well, he's going on a boat.
Is that it?
This is just an example of a, okay, show this.
This is an example of a black swan.
This is a water spout that happened.
And is a water spout what took this boat down?
Yeah.
Okay.
So this is, for example, folks.
But this is two days before in the same region.
Oh, oh, so this happens.
This is like a trial run, I guess.
Or it's nature.
Well, we don't know.
I don't know.
I'm not trying to say it is or it isn't.
I don't know.
But a lot of people are messaging me going, this is weird.
Now I've seen these before.
It's a water spout.
And so that's the type of...
That's the type of water spout that would fuck up a boat in a major way.
It would have to be a really big one.
Yeah.
But these Italians going, by the way, nothing we've ever done is like, I mean, that's crazy.
I don't know.
More info coming, folks.
We don't know.
I'm agnostic on this.
I don't know.
It's weird that the guy died in a car, that he got struck by a car.
That is weird.
That's weird.
I don't know anything about how you would manipulate a weather event or how you would do something and then blame it on the weather.
What I am excited about is Chick-fil-A's family programming that's coming.
Chick-fil-A is starting a streaming service.
What's going to happen?
I'm right about everything.
I predict everything.
I said Lizzo was going to get thinner and she did because she'd made enough money off the fatties and they had turned on her.
So then now she's getting thinner.
I knew it was coming.
She probably heard the show.
But I knew I can, because when you pay attention to culture, you see it for what it is.
I'm not saying I'm Nostradamus.
Obviously, I'm not.
I'm not even that blind mystic Baba Vanya.
Chick-fil-A Original Entertainment Plans00:15:30
What I am is someone who pays attention and can look at things and go, this is probably, you know, in Miami right now, all of these luxury clothing brands and car companies are building developments.
There is a Bentley Tower in Miami.
There are Aston Martin residences in Miami.
There are Fashion Armani Tower in Miami.
There are more plans for buildings where you will live that are branded with some luxury clothing brand and or, right, the branded towers of Miami.
No one will even build a luxury building in this city without a name brand attached to it.
Dolce Gabbana, Porsche, Bentley.
Corporations associated or known as luxury brands are building their own residences because now you can be a really ridiculous person and go, I live in the Bentley Tower.
I live in the Louis Vuitton residences.
I mean, it's robbing any class, any dignity, any taste from having money.
You can live in the Tiffany building.
Now, why would Chick-fil-A not start a streaming service?
Why wouldn't they?
What would stop them?
Chick-fil-A is an incredibly popular chicken sandwich restaurant.
They cater to middle American people, and they want to do some wholesome reality television for the people that eat at Chick-fil-A.
They don't want to leave it up to Disney or ABC Family or whatever.
Chick-fil-A, A family-friendly game show from Glassman Media, the company behind NBC's The Wall and Michael Sugar Sugar23, which is behind such series as Netflix 13 Reasons Why.
Deadline understands this show has been handed a 10-episode order.
Budgets on the unscripted side are believed to be in the range of $400,000 per half hour.
Sources told us the idea is to launch later this year, and there's also talk of scripted projects and animation.
So they really are going, they want to fill the void that exists right now, they feel, for family-friendly programming at Chick-fil-A.
I'm sorry, at Chick-fil-A.
They want basically for you to eat their food on your couch and then turn on their streaming service.
I'm eating Chick-fil-A.
Think about this.
I'm eating Chick-fil-A.
I'm watching Chick-fil-A.
And then the only thing left for them to do is build houses to live in Chick-fil-A.
Corporate domination in this country has reached the point they are no longer satisfied with you buying their product.
It's not enough.
It is not enough.
It is not.
Oh, you recommended it to a friend?
Fuck you.
Live in it.
We are not satiated by you.
You could eat Chick-fil-A every fucking day.
To them, you are not even a customer until you start watching hours and rotting your brain.
And what are they going to do?
Have fat people do American Ninja Warrior?
Are they going to do morbidly?
What is it?
It's going to be tug of war with two fat families.
Who's eating more Chick-fil-A?
It's tug of war.
It's nugget battle.
Do you want to watch nugget battle?
We've got hours of nugget battle.
I mean, why in God's name?
But this is what they want.
They don't want you to breathe, these people.
It's not enough that you drive an Aston Martin.
You have to live in their building.
You have to join their private club.
You have to be on their app.
It won't be enough.
Chick-fil-A is going to have a streamer and then an app.
And then they're going to partner with like, what is it, D.H. Horton or one of those construction companies?
And they'll start building little Chick-fil-A villages.
Disney already done it.
So they're all copying Disney.
It's not enough.
Disney is the, sadly, the like predominant culture of our country is these fucking ducks and mice and all this crap because we're idiots.
So Disney's taking over everything.
Film, theme parks.
They have little, Chick-fil-A is going to just start to build little villages for fat retards so they can walk around and they will net.
You will.
You'll always be in with it with an.
You'll always be able to grab a sandwich like they'll be in the Chick-fil-a they'll be like.
And what's great about the Chick-fil-a planned communities is you don't have to leave them to get Chick-fil-a.
That's going to be the best thing, because you're only you're only going to be a short walk or, let's be honest drive from a Chick-fil-A.
And then you can eat Chick-fil-A, live in the Chick-fil-A plan community, and then watch Chick-fil-A.
Like, can you imagine sitting on your couch being like, I'm watching Chick-fil-A?
What was the thought process here?
A bunch of executives in a room, they're like, well, we know they're pigs and we know they like watching TV.
So here's what we can do.
And we know that they don't want to see a bunch of trannies.
So if we can do, if we can do some type of like Christian programming reality shows, because they go, they're too stupid.
They go, they're not going to, it's not, we're not making succession here.
They're not going to watch that.
They're too stupid.
They're too stupid.
They're dumb.
So this is the way executives talk.
They go, we fat.
They don't say exactly that, but they're like.
Well, looking at our demographics, the people that really like us and eat us like all the time, outside of college kids, like the families that do, they really like family programming.
And like, they don't like anything with a plot because that's intimidating.
It's a little intimidating for them to follow a plot.
It doesn't really.
So what we would really like, they really like shows like American Gladiators, like things like that.
Like, you know, when they would do the joust and one of them would fall?
That's kind of what we're looking at here.
We're looking at, what about a Love Island Chick-fil-A where they're all morbidly obese instead of like it being attractive people?
It's like Love Island, except they shoot it on Lake Travis in Austin.
It's like this disgusting, just man-made lake that's 90 degrees and there's brain-eating amoebas in it.
And it's just a bunch of like really fat people.
And they're like, I got a rash, but nobody was judgmental about it.
I like it here.
I like being here on Chick-fil-A Island.
I like Chick-fil-A.
Now, partner up with the pig closest to you.
This is not going to be an isolated incident.
These companies that are mega corporations are going to come for every part of your life.
By the way, this is what's not happening in Europe, by the way.
People go, what's the difference?
This is what's not happening.
You're not being assaulted by corporations at every moment of the day, everywhere.
Here's what will be on Chick-fil-A's new streaming service.
Ooh.
Let's see what they got.
Some of it's a rehashing of the deadline article.
Yeah.
Well, they're not going to let you, oh, wait, hold on.
Things like, so they're hiring all these people that have done things like Family Feud.
No, here's what it's going to be.
It's going to be a nice, up, close, and personal look at the people who are devotees of Chick-fil-A.
And it's going to be a fit, you know, it's going to be like, what was it, John and Kate plus eight or the Duggars?
Didn't the Duggars go down for CP?
I think the old.
That's going to be a tough press conference when Chick-fil-A has to come out and say, one of the families involved in our reality programming just went down for CP.
We, of course, CP does not, needless to say, CP does not align with the values of Chick-fil-A.
We don't even have to say that.
Because here's the other thing, by the way.
You know, when you start doing shit like this, you open yourself up.
Like, just sell the goddamn sandwiches.
Someone on one of these reality shows is going to off themself and you're going to have to explain.
Just sell the mac and cheat.
You're opening the door here to a lot of fucking problems.
A lot of problems, by the way.
I mean, you're going to bring people on this streaming service here.
We're looking to produce original entertainment, entertainment, not necessarily about Chick-fil-A products.
By the way, the fact that they have to specify that, the fact that they have to specify it, they have to go, we're looking to produce entertainment.
Now, it's not necessarily going to be about the product.
So they're like, it's not going to be about the sauce.
I know what you're thinking.
It's going to be a show about the sauce.
It's going to be a show about the oompa loompas who work in the Chick-fil-A factory making the sauce.
That's not what it'll be.
Maybe.
We don't know.
But the fact that they have to specify, I want to watch a show about the Polynesian sauce.
We're looking to produce original entertainment, not necessarily about the products or the Chick-fil-A brand.
The entertainment producer role is charged with overseeing the day-to-day creative production of original scripted and unscripted shows produced by Chick-fil-A.
This original programming is intended for Chick-fil-A's soon-to-be-launched play entertainment app.
So again, they want you to eat their food while you watch their app, because the more you watch their shit, the less likely you will be to do other things that would make you go, maybe I shouldn't get that ninth sandwich.
I'm spending 400K per episode.
That's not nothing.
No, they're going to spend a lot of money because they, here's the problem, though.
They don't know what they're doing.
They don't know what they're doing.
Why would they know what they're doing?
They make chicken nuggets.
Why would they, but they don't care.
They don't care.
So they're going to make a bunch of shit that they think people are going to want to watch.
And some people might.
I don't know.
But it's, to me, it's, it's grotesque.
The idea of it is disgust.
This is where America loses me big time when it's not enough to buy the chicken sand.
It's not enough.
It's not enough.
If someone came up to me in the 90s, I used to love Fridays, TGI Fridays, and they said, what if Fridays made a movie?
I'd go, fuck off.
I would stop coming.
I'm here for the Jack Daniels sandwich.
Leave me alone.
Like, what do you mean?
What if Fridays made a movie?
I don't want that.
I don't need it.
Who are the dumb people that there's not enough for them to watch?
There's not enough.
There's not enough on YouTube.
There's not enough on the internet.
There's not enough.
We need more family-friendly programming to watch.
How about the fat family gets out of their house and goes to the park?
How about that?
Throw a ball around.
Do something.
This is the problem with America.
It's one of the major problems.
Corporations roam the land like T-Rexes, just taking a bite out of any part of culture they want.
Someone should tell these people no.
They all dream of being Disney.
Chick-fil-A, when it goes to bed at night, dreams of being Disney World with characters, a little nugget with feet.
I want a picture with the nugget, mommy.
They dream of being Disney because Disney has inserted itself into every part of our diseased culture.
Everything is Disney.
And Chick-fil-A dreams of that.
The report of Chick-fil-A's venture comes at a time of uncertainty for the entertainment industry as studio scale-backed production in search of projects.
Yeah, it's also the worst time.
It's the worst time to do this.
Chick-fil-A scripted programming?
I mean, are we on crack?
Chick-fil-A scripted?
Unscripted is one thing.
Fatty Boom Baddies having tug of war, people falling in the lake, three-legged races, whatever these retards want to watch.
These brain-damaged people that we share this landmass with.
Scripted?
Chick-fil-A scripted programming?
I mean, this is another, this is another horror.
These people are going to make a show.
I like this new show.
What's it on?
Chick-fil-A?
What?
Yeah, I watch my shows on, and I don't mean to do a southern accent here, but I watch my shows on Chick-fil-A.
That's got the best shows.
I used to like Netflix.
Now I like Chick-fil-A.
What?
Yeah, it's good.
There's a new show they're doing on Chick-fil-A.
It's about a detective who investigates whether kids are trans or not.
They never are.
They never are.
They're just hungry.
Now, you're not trans.
You're just hungry.
So I don't have to cut my tips off.
No.
Just have this rap.
Have this chicken nugget.
I mean, this is, can you play a, by the way, go back for a second.
Was that a chick?
Chick-fil-A doesn't really have a man.
What is that thing a day ago?
What is that?
This guy?
Yeah.
No, go up, and it's the third one to the right.
What is that?
Is that the...
Oh, that's from Chicken Run, that claymation movie from the.
Chick-fil-A has nothing to do with that.
No, this is just...
I'm terribly disheartened by this because not only because this will be a problem, Taco Bell's going to start.
They're all going to start.
I'm telling you right now, they're all going to start.
I've seen it in Miami.
Think of the worst looking building you can imagine.
They're worse.
And they are being created by people who have no business building residential structures.
Chick-fil-A has no business making shows.
By the way, we don't need more family-friendly entertainment in America.
We need more families.
We actually don't need more entertainment.
We don't need, we need significantly less, less entertainment.
Take your family somewhere else.
Take them and do stuff with them.
All these people that are pro-family, why do you want to just sit them on a couch and have them watch crap?
Do stuff with them.
I don't know.
Less Family Entertainment Needed00:07:24
Throw a bowl around.
Take them out on the lake.
They need to.
I mean, KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut.
Pizza Hut's dead.
Can you imagine Pizza Hut streaming service just a decaying Pizza Hut has a reality show?
It's just a guy who's locked himself in a pizza hut.
He's on security cam with a gun.
Pizza Hut's thing would be like a live stream.
It would just be like a crazy live stream.
Subway's declining.
Yeah, I mean, Chick-fil-A is, because it's got that brand.
It's got that family-friendly brand.
We're not open on Sunday because of God.
You want to eat on Sunday?
Go home and make your, because Chick-fil-A imagines that like we eat Chick-fil-A through the week, but on Sunday, mom cooks a meal.
That's not what happens.
I'll tell you what mom does on Sunday.
She goes in her room, locks the door, and she drinks.
That's what mom does.
Sunday, mom cooks a good meal and we pray to the Lord.
No, no, no.
On Sunday, mom gets a pack of cigarettes.
She locks herself in a room.
She puts a towel so the smoke doesn't get out of the door and she drinks and she lays in her room and she has a blanket that she, it's like a, with a Native American like pattern and a wolf on it.
And she cocoons herself in that blanket and she smokes weed and cigarettes and that's what she does on Sunday.
And she orders pizza for the house.
Okay.
And she barely comes out of her room.
And when she comes out of her room, she goes, you better clean this up.
It's disgusting.
And then she goes back in her room.
She's not making a fucking nice meal on Sunday, Chick-fil-A.
It's crazy.
It's psychotic.
Companies do not need to be doing, can anyone leave us alone?
Can you be left alone in this country for five minutes?
Can someone leave you alone for five minutes?
Can you not be assaulted being told to watch a show that a chicken sandwich wrote?
My favorite show is the show that the chicken sandwich produces.
Because that's what it literally is.
This is now a chicken sandwich who's going to be directing your entertainment options.
It doesn't bode well for the future of America that the government is doing very little and all of these mega corporations are really like getting innovative and inventive about ways because nobody reigns these people in.
There is nothing.
All these pot, this is why these political conventions are so funny because they get on stage and they're like, it's about the metal clap, but it's not.
It's really about executives at these companies who are never told to chill.
They're never told to chill and they're never, ever, ever, ever threatened or diminished in any way by our government.
They're always catered to by the powers that be.
So they're just so emboldened.
They can do whatever they want.
And I'm telling you, it will not end with the streaming server.
It's going to be Chick-fil-A little home.
It'll be Chick-fil-A planned communities.
And other people have predicted this.
Other people have called this.
Other people have said this stuff.
This isn't me.
This is like everybody that has watched this for years and now it's coming to roost.
Like a lot of people have said like corporations will just own everything.
You will live in their buildings.
But now you're actually seeing like it was like one of those dystopian predictions.
Now it's genuine reality that you're going to live in a Chick-fil-A complex.
We're making Chick-fil-A content.
It's not necessarily about the products, but it might be.
I hope they do something so racist where it's a cartoon where the Polynesian sauce is like, hello, I'm Napoleon's headshots.
And the Polynesian sauce is like just really racist character of a Pacific Islander.
And they're like, God, what are they doing over there?
What are they doing over there at Chick-fil-A?
I do want a Chick-fil-A sandwich now, though.
This is how it works.
This is how they get you.
We're going to try to follow this yachting thing.
I just don't know enough about it.
I don't know enough about it.
But by the way, what a great for Chick-fil-A's first scripted series.
Do the Jews control the weather?
Watch Chick-fil-A.
Wouldn't that be great?
Now that, by the way, if they go in that direction, sign daddy up.
Sign me up.
If Chick-fil-A is like, imagine that, just some like article.
In Chick-fil-A's first attempt at original programming, they do the Mike Lynch story, but they allude to the fact that Jews control the weather and killed Mike Lynch.
And I go, whoa.
Whoa, is that the direction?
If they're going in that direction, sign daddy up.
If they're going to be the first QAnon network, I'm in.
But they're not.
They're going to just do milquetoast crap.
It's going to be like seventh heaven.
But if they start having fun, if they start having fun, then sign me up.
TimDylanComedy.com for all of our dates, lots of places we're going to be.
I'm not going to read them out.
Go to timdylandcomedy.com, but we're in Omaha.
We're in Miami.
We're in Tampa.
We're in Ontario, California.
We're in Madison, Wisconsin.
We're at Displains, Illinois.
We've added a second show in Chicago at the Rivers Casino.
The first one is almost sold out.
I think it's sold out.
You could check.
You still might get some tickets to the first one.
We've added a second show, but we're all over the place.
Miami, Wisconsin, Tampa, Omaha.
We're going to be in Orlando too.
We have other things happening.
They're being announced.
And of course, look for this thing that's going to happen on October 1st, but it will be, we will not share too much about it until the time is right.
Thank you.
R.I.P. Mike Lynch.
R.I.P. Mike Lynch.
R-I-P Mike Lynch.
Didn't know you.
Would have loved to.
Mike Lynch was Britain's first software billionaire.
These are the things that happen.
You get involved with shady people and then they send typhoons after you.
They send the typhoons.
Can you imagine him going, couldn't I have just been poisoned?
What's going on here?
But it could have been genuinely nature.
We don't know.
It seems odd, though, that the other guy died.
I'm going to get a lot of dams about this.
Going to be like, you're missing it.
You're missing it.
And I probably am.
He'd been celebrating his court victory aboard Bayesian, which is usually Bayesian, when the violent gale struck.
Freakishly, just days before the yacht sank, Mr. Lynch's co-defendant, Stephen Chamberlain, also died after being hit by a car.
London is kind of wild.
London is kind of gangster and fun.
It's kind of fun.
Pre-Kamala Harris Speech00:08:10
Remember when our country was fun?
It's not fun anymore.
It's just Chick-fil-A doing nugget battle.
London's fun.
It's international gangsters killing people with fucking typhoons.
That's what you pay for.
That's what you want.
That's what you want.
Our country is like boring.
It's like boring and also insane.
I've always said this.
It's a mixture of boring and insane, which is like the worst mix.
It's like everyone around is insane and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it.
We get it.
We get it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're a lizard.
We get it.
It's like the worst mix.
It's like everything's completely insane and yet at the same time, banal and boring.
Whereas London's kind of fun.
It's sexy.
I was running right now.
I would be on stage going, we're going to kill people with natural disasters and typhoons.
The Democratic National Convention.
Fuck healthcare.
You're not getting it.
No one's getting it.
You don't care about it anyway.
You will read stories about my enemies being killed by gale force hurricane events.
You will not have education.
Education doesn't even matter anyway.
Who cares?
You graduate with a bunch of student loans or you get some job, you pay them back, you're fucked.
We're all fucked.
One thing you will see is me manipulating the weather to kill billionaires I have a problem with.
You'll be entertained by my level of malevolence.
It'll be like a Disney villain.
I'm bringing it back.
Ursula, Maleficent, Scar, real evil, real villains.
Your children will fear me.
I'll tell you this.
I'm not going to come up here and lie and tell you I'm going to bring interest rates down or the cost of food down.
What I am going to do is flood the country with drugs and take some of that illegal money to go all over the world and overthrow governments I don't like.
And that's what I would do.
I'd have like a real convention.
If it was a real convention speech, I'd be so into it.
If it was real, like Kamala Harris is like, I don't know why I'm here and neither do you.
And it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter because we're going to win.
We're winning.
We don't know what we're winning.
Every four years, we come together with this idea that winning is going to matter.
And then we have the same problems four years later that we do right now.
But it doesn't matter.
None of it matters.
My husband's a loser and he's going to live in the White House.
He's a loser like you people.
He's a literal loser like you.
He kicked a reservation in a restaurant.
Tim Walz, like a week ago, was doing like fucking home trivia in Minnesota.
He was hosting trivia, I think.
And he's going to be the vice president.
So if it was fun, that's what I want to see more.
I want to see people having more fun.
So if, you know, that's the thing.
If Kamala gets out, Kamala, Kamala, whatever, and she gets out and she just says, listen, we are going to use the power of the government to manipulate the weather and take my enemies out.
She goes, we're going to kill Putin with another ice age.
We're going to freeze the crops, freeze the crop.
And it would start cheering, freeze the crops.
She's like, Lyme disease was just the beginning.
You have no idea what we're cooking up.
Freeze the crops.
Starve them out.
Starve them out.
You know?
She goes, listen, I understand many of you are upset about what's going on in Gaza.
And here's the reality.
But let's all be really honest with each other right now.
And everyone's like, really silent.
And then she goes, who cares?
And they're like, ah!
People just beg.
Little John's just dancing.
She goes, we don't really care.
You don't care.
You don't really care.
And it was like, ah, you don't really care.
We don't care.
We don't care.
Even M. Hoff's fucking tatted up daughter's like, we don't care.
Because that's what it is.
That's the message discipline they have.
She's like, more poison in the water.
We're poisoning the wells.
Everyone's, everyone's trans now, bitch.
Yeah.
I'd vote for her.
If she did that, God, I would vote for her.
I'll kill him.
I'll kill everyone.
Oh, we're going to kill him with the weather.
Republicans say global warming's not real, but I'll tell you what's real.
Using the weather to kill.
So this is my pre-Kamala Harris speech.
I don't know if she's going to do this.
I don't know if she's going to do this tonight because this is coming out a day before.
I'm recording this Thursday and she's speaking tonight, right?
Yeah.
She can win my vote tonight if she just gets out there and goes, Michael Inch saw it firsthand.
You're out there on a boat and it's a nice sunny day, but guess what?
The sky's darken and you're fucking dead.
You're dead.
I'll fucking kill you.
My husband's a loser.
Joe Biden thought he was going to be up here tonight, but you know what we did?
We sent a tornado right to his fucking house.
And I'll do it to you.
I'll do it to you.
You know?
It'd be interesting.
She just comes out tonight and it's like her and B.B. Netanyahu just start breakdancing.
She's like, you like this?
You like this?
They're just killing it.
They're actually just like actually killing.
It's being broadcast to the protesters and the protesters are like, this is kind of good.
And they start breaking, you know?
Could a dance number heal at all?
Just a crazy dance number?
Like just a crazy, you know what I mean?
Because that's really what she has to say about the Gaza thing.
She's got to go.
It's time not for a ceasefire and it's not time for more fighting.
It's time to not care.
We don't really care.
We don't really care.
We pretend to care, but we don't really care.
The only thing we care about is traffic.
Let's be honest.
Have you ever sat in traffic?
You're trying to get a bagel.
It's crazy.
There's so many people.
Now, traffic is so bad.
We don't really care about little babies being made into soup.
It doesn't affect us.
Traffic affects us.
Why is there so much traffic?
That's what she should do.
Just own it.
Just own it.
She goes, and then she ends like this.
She goes, now, ladies and gentlemen, Republican, Democrat, gay, straight, whoever you love, rich or poor, we're all demons from hell.
We don't care about anything except ourselves.
That's why you're so easy to placate.
That's why it's so easy for me to stand up here and lie to you.
Everyone's crying.
You see the tears coming down people's eyes.
She goes, you had no idea I'd be up here.
Neither did I. Everything's fake and you know it.
We're at the end of a bloody empire and they're coming for us, all of them.
China, Russia, little by little, but we've got a little juice left, don't we, faggots?
Everyone's crying.
Waltz's kids cry.
Everyone's crying.
She goes, we got a little juice left, don't we, faggots?
We've got a lot of guns and a lot of money.
Of course it ends bad, but it doesn't end tonight.
People's heads are exploding.
They're just shooting money guns.
There's blood coming in the thing.
And she goes, it's not going to end tonight because I'm telling you right now, we're all going to hell.
And everyone's like, ah!
All the union.
And if she does that, if she sprays the attendees, they're all covered in blood.
And they're going, ah!
And she ends it by going, we're going to hell.
We're going to hell right now.
You're going to hell.
I'll go to hell.
They go to Bill and Hillary and Bill and Hillary have these little devil hats on.
They go, we're already in hell.
If she does that, I will vote for her because all I've ever wanted is authenticity.