The Tim Dillon Show - 380 - The Diaper Spa
Aired: 2024-02-03
Duration: 01:04:43


=== Justin Moon's Funky Walk (14:44) ===

[00:00:05]  Yeah, he's a wonky honky walking down the street.
[00:00:09]  He looks like a jonky cause his arms touch his feet and his pockets are clunky, but he ain't packing heat.
[00:00:18]  Yeah, he's walking funky.
[00:00:20]  In his head, there's a beef.
[00:00:22]  I don't hate it.
[00:00:26]  This is a new artist I've come across.
[00:00:28]  Justin Moon, right?
[00:00:30]  M-O-H-N.
[00:00:31]  He's a new artist, Justin Moon.
[00:00:34]  I'm lucky enough to be able to do what I do for a living.
[00:00:37]  When I find somebody who's an artist, I share what they're doing.
[00:00:43]  Justin M-O-H-N Moan.
[00:00:48]  Really good.
[00:00:49]  Play the other one, too.
[00:00:51]  This is an artist out of, where is it, Pennsylvania?
[00:00:55]  Yeah, Levittown.
[00:00:56]  Levittown, Pennsylvania.
[00:00:58]  And it's someone that I think, I think this guy's coming up.
[00:01:03]  I'm going to say it right now.
[00:01:05]  I'm going to go out on a limb.
[00:01:08]  I will go as far as to say this.
[00:01:12]  I think in the next year, he's going to have, you're going to know more about him than you ever did.
[00:01:18]  Coming up soon.
[00:01:21]  You're not my son, my mom.
[00:01:24]  Cause you're the one.
[00:01:25]  Why'd you go so far out of your way to try to kill me?
[00:01:31]  Mentally, hilly, lily outside of Billy, Billy.
[00:01:35]  They tried to kill me, kill me.
[00:01:37]  They drove through the hilly, hilly.
[00:01:40]  It may sound silly, silly, but really.
[00:01:43]  Spies run our cities, reds and colts roaming freely.
[00:01:46]  Filthy sissies trick to tricky.
[00:01:48]  They the weakness of Achilles.
[00:01:51]  Bad dogs never do feel guilty.
[00:01:53]  They work for the piggy piggy.
[00:01:55]  Make your head feeling dizzy.
[00:01:59]  I mean, part of this family.
[00:02:02]  Just tricking you.
[00:02:05]  The very talented Justin Moone coming out of Levittown, Pennsylvania.
[00:02:14]  He's an artist.
[00:02:15]  He's a composer, writer, singer.
[00:02:20]  Triple threat guy.
[00:02:22]  He's out of Levittown, Pennsylvania, Justin Moone.
[00:02:26]  Taylor Swift in the news.
[00:02:27]  Again, always all the time, Taylor Swift.
[00:02:30]  We can't get away and we wouldn't want to.
[00:02:34]  Why would we want to?
[00:02:35]  There's nothing to get away from.
[00:02:37]  We have it all.
[00:02:38]  We have love.
[00:02:39]  We have intrigue.
[00:02:42]  We have politics dating Travis Kelsey, the Super Bowl, there's sports.
[00:02:49]  I am at the point now where, you know, because now the scuttlebutt is that she's going to one day soon endorse President Biden and the Trump people are figuring out how to counter that.
[00:03:08]  And there's all these lurid conspiracies about, you know, what is happening behind the scenes.
[00:03:18]  So that's where we are.
[00:03:20]  We're all fighting for the affection of Taylor Swift.
[00:03:26]  If you live in this country, you must be blessed, knighted, if you will, by Taylor Swift.
[00:03:39]  So then I guess the people that are, the Trump people are going at her.
[00:03:45]  Risky move.
[00:03:47]  It's a gambit because she's incredibly power.
[00:03:51]  I think we give her the country.
[00:03:53]  Give her the country.
[00:03:54]  Why have an election?
[00:03:56]  Give her the country.
[00:03:57]  She's gotten to that point now.
[00:04:00]  Give it to her.
[00:04:01]  Stop.
[00:04:02]  Let's stop pretending this is a country.
[00:04:06]  Give it to her.
[00:04:07]  How bad can she do?
[00:04:10]  The president's not really running it.
[00:04:13]  Biden's not even awake in the meetings.
[00:04:16]  The wife is sitting in the meetings bringing him back information.
[00:04:19]  So at the end of the day, it's like, how bad could Taylor Swift do?
[00:04:23]  Just give it to her.
[00:04:25]  Ask her.
[00:04:26]  Knock on her door in one of her homes and knock on her door and ask her if she has an interest in being the president of the United States.
[00:04:36]  And if she says no, compel her to be the president.
[00:04:41]  But how about instead of endorsing Biden, run in his place?
[00:04:46]  Run.
[00:04:47]  Run.
[00:04:49]  We don't care that you don't have any experience.
[00:04:54]  It is of no interest to us.
[00:04:57]  We don't care.
[00:04:58]  Just run in his place.
[00:05:00]  And endorsement is wasting her capital.
[00:05:05]  Her social capital right now is so high that in order to fully take advantage of it, she must run.
[00:05:15]  She must run and announce it.
[00:05:17]  Go, I thought about it.
[00:05:20]  And I've decided that the best way to safeguard our democracy is if I run for president.
[00:05:27]  Let her do it.
[00:05:30]  Let her do it.
[00:05:31]  I don't care anymore.
[00:05:34]  If all, let her be the pres, if everyone's just going to talk about this woman every day, all day, which is all anyone does.
[00:05:41]  And now I'm doing it because I've noticed that other people are doing it.
[00:05:44]  What am I going to talk about?
[00:05:46]  You want me to talk about Greek mythology?
[00:05:48]  I'm noticing what's going on around me.
[00:05:51]  What's going on around me is it's a never-ending, all day, every day, discussion of this woman and who she likes, who she doesn't like, who she thinks is going to be a good president.
[00:06:06]  And what's her take on the Barbie Oscar snub?
[00:06:10]  Has she weighed in?
[00:06:12]  Make her the leader of the country.
[00:06:14]  Why not?
[00:06:17]  It seems to follow logically that if you have an unhealthy obsession with this person that's rooted, I don't know in what, but in nostalgia and growing up with her and her making you feel good and the music evoking emotions.
[00:06:36]  She's the greatest, whatever.
[00:06:38]  It's not true.
[00:06:39]  It's not true that she's the greatest entertainer.
[00:06:42]  It's beyond, it's not true, but it doesn't matter because nothing matters.
[00:06:47]  So make her the president.
[00:06:49]  Make her the leader of the United States.
[00:06:52]  America, let her fire nuclear weapons.
[00:06:55]  Let her kill the Palestinians.
[00:06:57]  Let her do it.
[00:06:59]  You know why?
[00:07:00]  Because we need somebody who can put a happy face on some of the policies that people are having trouble with.
[00:07:16]  Let her write a song about Gaza as we bomb them into smithereens, into, you know, as we obliterate it, let her write a song about it and how sad it is.
[00:07:30]  And people go, you know, Taylor wrote that song about how sad it is that they're being bombed and they're dying.
[00:07:39]  I mean, why not?
[00:07:42]  It's an idea.
[00:07:44]  It's certainly an idea to have this lady just take it or just go, we're at this.
[00:07:49]  We are at the point now.
[00:07:52]  We are at the point very soon where we're going to just hand the country over to someone.
[00:08:00]  Someone.
[00:08:01]  We're just going to give it to someone.
[00:08:05]  We're going to kind of say, we're just going to continue to do what we do and you can have it.
[00:08:12]  So before it's China, let it be her.
[00:08:17]  Let it be Taylor Swift.
[00:08:18]  I don't mind that.
[00:08:21]  I do not mind that at all.
[00:08:23]  She challenges Trump.
[00:08:25]  She wins.
[00:08:27]  And, you know, it's just happy.
[00:08:29]  Then, you know, just sit, we're singing songs.
[00:08:33]  Everybody's in love with her.
[00:08:36]  They're happy.
[00:08:37]  We'll still do everything we're doing.
[00:08:39]  We'll ramp it up.
[00:08:40]  It'll get worse.
[00:08:42]  We will, okay, if Taylor Swift is our president, the things we will do, the blood that will spill will be like nothing you've ever seen.
[00:08:53]  And it'll be okay because it'll be the most beloved figure on planet Earth.
[00:09:00]  I wonder if she realizes how much power she has.
[00:09:03]  It's probably got to fuck her up, realizing that she could sway presidential elections, you know, whatever she wants to do.
[00:09:11]  It's got to kind of make her go, wow, I had no idea, but she can.
[00:09:19]  She is now the most important figure in America right now.
[00:09:26]  Taylor Swift.
[00:09:28]  That's it.
[00:09:29]  This is, by the way, this is not any type of exaggeration.
[00:09:35]  Taylor Swift at this moment in time is the most important figure culturally in our country.
[00:09:45]  There's nobody.
[00:09:46]  I don't know how this happened.
[00:09:47]  It happened without my involvement or knowledge.
[00:09:50]  I'm just reacting to it.
[00:09:52]  I'm going with it.
[00:09:55]  I'm asking you to deliver the country to her.
[00:09:57]  Give it to her now.
[00:09:58]  Give it to her.
[00:09:59]  I'm asking you to do it.
[00:10:00]  I'm asking you to do it, please.
[00:10:03]  So that there's a reason that I let her and Travis Kelsey live in a White House and fire drone strikes at our enemies, the Houthis and all these other.
[00:10:14]  Let them do it.
[00:10:15]  Have the CIA come in and say, Madam President, and she'll say, call me Taylor.
[00:10:21]  And that's her new album.
[00:10:22]  Her new album's called Call Me Taylor and Kara Swisher and the rest of these people whose brains have been eaten like fermented alcohol.
[00:10:32]  You know what I mean?
[00:10:33]  Like a fruit rotting.
[00:10:33]  Their brains have gone.
[00:10:34]  They can all go.
[00:10:35]  And you know what?
[00:10:36]  You know what the, you know why her new album is called Call Me Taylor?
[00:10:40]  Because the CIA director came in to give her a briefing, the presidential daily briefing, the PDB.
[00:10:48]  And you know, she just sat there and she was looking so smart.
[00:10:51]  And she just looked at him and she said, call me Taylor.
[00:10:54]  And he was amazed by that because she doesn't even, that's how big she is.
[00:10:58]  She doesn't even need the title.
[00:11:00]  Do it.
[00:11:00]  Give it to her.
[00:11:01]  Give it to her.
[00:11:02]  I will not resist.
[00:11:03]  I will not resist.
[00:11:04]  I will cheerlead for her because we want to live in North Korea.
[00:11:09]  We want it with like all of our loyal this woman, our undying obsession with this woman proves that we really want to live in North Korea.
[00:11:25]  Let's do it.
[00:11:26]  Give it to them.
[00:11:27]  Give it to them.
[00:11:28]  They want the people out there that you see on the Chick-fil-A line that loops around and around and around.
[00:11:37]  It keeps going or the in-and-out line.
[00:11:39]  It goes back blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks.
[00:11:43]  The people that are sitting, that they have the time to sit 45 minutes, an hour and a half for shit food.
[00:11:49]  It's not good.
[00:11:51]  It's not that good.
[00:11:53]  They have two hours to sit and wait for french fries that by the time they get them will be cold because they've been sitting there.
[00:12:04]  Give them what they want.
[00:12:07]  They want gods and they want someone to worship.
[00:12:12]  They want someone to worship.
[00:12:14]  Give them Taylor Swift.
[00:12:16]  Give them Taylor Swift.
[00:12:17]  And then she can, you know, she can really solve a lot of problems that haven't been able to be solved yet.
[00:12:31]  She can fall in and out of love with migrants and the country will react to the migrant crisis based on who she's in love with.
[00:12:39]  So if she's in love with like a North African guy, you know, who came over, it's like, hop, but if she dumps him, no migrants.
[00:12:48]  Then they get kicked the fuck out.
[00:12:50]  Which, by the way, Topeka, Kansas, I love how bad they're doing.
[00:12:53]  They're literally going, give us migrants.
[00:12:56]  Topeka, Kansas is going, we've got nothing left.
[00:13:01]  The main industry that Topeka, Kansas had was the God Hates Fannix Church.
[00:13:06]  That was their main, but it was their main industry.
[00:13:08]  It really was.
[00:13:10]  Their main industry was like hate.
[00:13:12]  That was their main thing, and they've got nothing left.
[00:13:15]  So Topeka, Kansas is basically telling migrants like, hey, we're out here.
[00:13:20]  We've got nothing.
[00:13:21]  This article came out, I guess it was in the Times or something, where Topeka, Kansas is literally advertising for migrants.
[00:13:27]  They're going, please, Kansas Capitol hopes to lure migrants with work authorization.
[00:13:33]  How great is this?
[00:13:34]  You're a migrant.
[00:13:35]  You just got here.
[00:13:36]  And they're like, what about Kansas?
[00:13:37]  And even they know.
[00:13:38]  They're like, oh, I don't know.
[00:13:40]  Yeah, I don't know about Kansas.
[00:13:42]  While many American cities are struggling with large numbers of newly arrived migrants, Topeka is inviting anyone and everyone with permission to work in the U.S. Anyone and everyone.
[00:13:53]  Like a lot of smaller cities, the Kansas Capitol is grappling with near stagnant population growth, an unemployment rate well below the national average, and an unemployment rate well below the national average.
[00:14:05]  According to city and economic development officials, finding people to fill its roughly 6,600 open jobs has been a struggle.
[00:14:13]  So there are 6,600 jobs in Topeka, Kansas that people don't want to fill.
[00:14:23]  They don't want to go.
[00:14:25]  For Topeka Mayor Michael Padilla, a Democrat in a largely Republican state, the effort to attract immigrants along with Americans living in other cities just made sense because Topeka's coming out and going, if you are fucked, that's Topeka, Kansas.
[00:14:44]  And by the way, that could be a good, it's really not a bad way to attract people.

=== Topeka's Immigrant Job Push (15:20) ===

[00:14:49]  It's like, if you are fucked, if it didn't work anywhere else, come here.
[00:14:54]  Did you fail in Austin?
[00:14:56]  Come to Topeka.
[00:14:57]  Did Miami not pan out?
[00:14:59]  Did you not ride the Bitcoin wave of Miami to Star Island?
[00:15:05]  It didn't work out.
[00:15:06]  You don't live next to Jared and Ivanka on Indian Creek Island.
[00:15:09]  Come on down to Topeka, Kansas, work at a food truck.
[00:15:12]  That's nice.
[00:15:13]  You serve a couple of burly lesbians and enchiladas every morning.
[00:15:16]  Come work in a food truck.
[00:15:17]  Put the hash brown in the burrito.
[00:15:19]  Thank you.
[00:15:20]  Come work in a food truck.
[00:15:21]  Learn all about Native American fry bread or whatever the fuck they serve.
[00:15:25]  Come down to Topeka, Kansas, live in hell.
[00:15:28]  And that's nothing wrong with that.
[00:15:30]  Come live in hell.
[00:15:31]  Come work the front desk at the Hilton in Topeka, Kansas.
[00:15:36]  You will wish you were back in fucking, you know, I don't even know where the hell a lot of these people got.
[00:15:43]  Libya, you'll want to go back to Libya when you are standing and working in the last remaining pizza hut in Topeka, Kansas, serving the morbidly obese baseball team at the high school, their fourth pizza in Topeka, Kansas.
[00:16:00]  Come on down.
[00:16:02]  Come on down to Topeka, Kansas, a hollowed out meth hell.
[00:16:07]  And I like Kansas.
[00:16:09]  I'm not saying anything bad about them, really.
[00:16:11]  I'm just stating facts as to what's going on over there.
[00:16:15]  Cities with something going on, they can't have all the migrants in here.
[00:16:19]  They just don't want it.
[00:16:20]  They don't want it.
[00:16:20]  New York's going, we can't do it.
[00:16:22]  Martha's Vineyard's like, hey, man, we're a small island.
[00:16:25]  We can't handle this.
[00:16:26]  Topeka, Kansas, go, we don't care what you did.
[00:16:28]  We don't care what you did in your country.
[00:16:31]  We don't get rape, murder, torch.
[00:16:33]  Come on down, work at a food truck, serve this burly lesbian, a chili dog, so she can go to her fucking shit job working for the energy plant with Topeka, Kansas.
[00:16:43]  Come down to Topeka, Kansas.
[00:16:44]  Our biggest industry was Fred Phelps.
[00:16:47]  He's our national celebrity.
[00:16:49]  And our biggest industry was the God Hates Fags Church.
[00:16:51]  It was our biggest.
[00:16:52]  Come on down to Topeka.
[00:16:54]  And by the way, this is where the migrants should have to go so that we'll stop coming eventually.
[00:17:00]  They'll go, oh, it's bad.
[00:17:02]  They'll go, no, It is not good.
[00:17:04]  It's not the movies.
[00:17:06]  It is not the movies.
[00:17:09]  Have the migrants work at this new diaper cafe that we're opening in Massachusetts.
[00:17:14]  Have the migrants work in the new diaper cafe where adults who have a diaper fetish, a woman is, and by the way, I can't, for example, open a restaurant.
[00:17:24]  I've been trying for so long, but it's so difficult to get a restaurant off the ground.
[00:17:30]  Somehow this bitch has opened, and I kid you not, a diaper spa.
[00:17:34]  She has a diaper spa in a tiny New Hampshire town.
[00:17:38]  So I can't open a restaurant because of red tape and regulation, but this bitch somehow can open a diaper spa for perverts in a tiny little New Hampshire town.
[00:17:52]  A diaper spa, to those of you who don't know, if you're an idiot, you're like some type of prude.
[00:18:00]  An ABDL, an ABDL is an adult baby diaper lover.
[00:18:05]  Adult baby diaper lover.
[00:18:07]  It's a diverse community with various individuals and their unique wants and needs, the owner said.
[00:18:12]  A new spa catering to diaper wearing adults who want to role play as young children and what could go wrong has opened in a small town in New Hampshire, alarming some local rich.
[00:18:22]  Now, by the way, how cheap is it to just open?
[00:18:25]  Maybe that's where I should open a restaurant.
[00:18:27]  I mean, this bitch can just open a diaper colony?
[00:18:32]  The diaper spa in Atkinson, New Hampshire says it is an age play-friendly adult diaper spa.
[00:18:42]  I love the idea of this being someone's dream.
[00:18:45]  You know, like she's like, well, one day I always wanted to hang out my own shingle.
[00:18:51]  Working for yourself is the American dream.
[00:18:54]  And I believed when I grew up, if I worked hard enough and I saved enough money and I believed in myself, I could open up a place where adults who want to wear diapers and pretend to be children could get off.
[00:19:06]  Because it is sexual.
[00:19:07]  This is clearly, she's like, it's, I'll tell you my favorite line in this whole article.
[00:19:12]  It's coming up.
[00:19:13]  The spa is a safe judgment free zone.
[00:19:15]  Well, number one, of course.
[00:19:19]  Wait a minute, really?
[00:19:21]  The diaper spa is judgment-free?
[00:19:24]  Yeah.
[00:19:25]  I like how she just has to reiterate that.
[00:19:27]  She's like, don't worry, this ain't no country club.
[00:19:30]  We're not looking down on anybody here.
[00:19:32]  We're all in diapers.
[00:19:34]  It's a judgment-free zone.
[00:19:36]  By the way, that's how fucking cunty everybody's gotten about everything that she has to specify that.
[00:19:42]  This isn't one of those upscale diaper spas.
[00:19:46]  We're going to have a real laissez-faire attitude.
[00:19:51]  This is a judgment, a safe and judgment-free zone for visitors to pamper themselves with snacks, playtime, storytime, nap time.
[00:20:01]  You take the migrants and you put them in the diaper spa.
[00:20:06]  They have to watch adults in diapers in New Hampshire pretend to be babies.
[00:20:13]  You do this.
[00:20:14]  You publicize it.
[00:20:15]  I'm telling you right now, they will just go to Europe.
[00:20:19]  Just let them go to Paris.
[00:20:21]  We have, in our country, and this is the great thing, we have the means to solve the migrant crisis.
[00:20:29]  We have it.
[00:20:30]  Bring the people in and give them jobs.
[00:20:34]  Make them go to Topeka, Kansas.
[00:20:36]  Send them to a little town in New Hampshire to cradle and rock a 45-year-old pervert in a diaper.
[00:20:44]  Do it.
[00:20:46]  The spa is a judgment-free zone.
[00:20:48]  And this is for people.
[00:20:50]  They're all regular adults.
[00:20:52]  And they want to do playtime, story time, nap time, cuddle time, changing time, changing time.
[00:20:58]  Let the mic, please, God, please, let the migrants have to change a 37-year-old adult.
[00:21:13]  Let make the migrants change the diapers of these people.
[00:21:19]  And then if the migrants stay then, then they are citizens.
[00:21:26]  Oh, see, can you see if the migrants will change the diaper of our very, very, very, very sick people that live here in New Hampshire?
[00:21:40]  If the migrants are willing to change the diapers of these very healthy, but very unhealthy people, they should get to stay.
[00:21:50]  Playtime, nap time, cuddle time, changing time, coloring, nursery rhymes, and sing-alongs.
[00:21:57]  Services advertise include, quote, adult baby diaper lover, nursery spa care at 300 an hour, virtual play dates at 200 an hour, and an all-day premiere spa experience for the little one inside of you for 15 hunch.
[00:22:13]  1500?
[00:22:17]  In the summer, you can play with your water wings in Floatie's poolside, picnic under a tree with your teddy bear, play marbles on the patio, or swing on the front porch, swinging and serve tea to your dollies on the porch in the winter.
[00:22:29]  We can make snow angels, build snowmen, drink hot cocoa from beneath clouds of whipped cream and sprinkles, and decorate gingerbread men or sugar cookies.
[00:22:37]  The spa's website advertises.
[00:22:40]  But now think of this.
[00:22:42]  I'm very disappointed in these people in New Hampshire.
[00:22:45]  Some residents are not happy about this.
[00:22:47]  Can you imagine that some residents are unhappy about this?
[00:22:53]  Some residents are not that happy.
[00:22:56]  This is a little town.
[00:22:58]  It has a population of about 7,000 people.
[00:23:02]  Mother of three, Kayla Gallagher, told the Eagle Tribune that she's concerned because the spa is close to a children's park and fears that it caters to clients with a sexual authentic.
[00:23:11]  What do you mean, Kayla?
[00:23:16]  This is something that I will never be willing to expose my kids to.
[00:23:19]  So now we will no longer be able to use that park.
[00:23:24]  Local resident Mike Vigliata was against the spa for similar reasons.
[00:23:28]  Can you imagine telling Mike Vigliata about this?
[00:23:31]  What's going on over there?
[00:23:33]  They're adults in diapers.
[00:23:36]  They're running around in diapers over there.
[00:23:38]  They're shitting in these diapers.
[00:23:41]  These sick fucks, you got to see where I'm living.
[00:23:44]  I'm living in this place.
[00:23:45]  They got a diapers.
[00:23:47]  It's a spa, but it's for adults who wear these diapers and they shit in them.
[00:23:52]  I kid you not.
[00:23:53]  Vinny, I'm telling you, from my hand to God, there are people in here.
[00:23:58]  They're shitting in their diapers and people are cleaning up.
[00:24:01]  These sick fucks go in there.
[00:24:03]  Vinny, they pay $300 an hour for this.
[00:24:06]  They put on a diaper.
[00:24:07]  They sing them nursery rhymes.
[00:24:09]  Yes, Mike Vigliata.
[00:24:11]  I'm against this.
[00:24:12]  My name is Mike Vigliata.
[00:24:15]  Spa owner, Dr. Colleen Murphy.
[00:24:19]  This is my favorite.
[00:24:20]  She goes, it's all about trauma.
[00:24:22]  By the way, this word, trauma, this is my favorite one.
[00:24:26]  You know, PTSD, trauma, like this is going to be, this was going to be hijacked and used for, I mean, you have no idea what's coming, by the way.
[00:24:40]  The trauma.
[00:24:42]  It's so funny.
[00:24:43]  It's like traumatic.
[00:24:45]  This is trauma.
[00:24:46]  You're getting over childhood trauma.
[00:24:49]  It helps them process whatever trauma it was.
[00:24:52]  A lot of times it's childhood trauma when they were in diapers or just getting out of diapers and they want to feel that safety that they had before it.
[00:25:00]  Listen to this, okay?
[00:25:04]  So there are people now that are upset with this.
[00:25:10]  So people are angry and they're trying to get this shut down or maybe it hasn't opened yet.
[00:25:15]  They're trying to stop it from opening.
[00:25:17]  Okay?
[00:25:17]  So listen to this.
[00:25:18]  This is my favorite one.
[00:25:20]  This is my favorite one.
[00:25:21]  Okay.
[00:25:21]  So this is the woman, Murphy, who's opening the diaper spa.
[00:25:26]  One of the most common misconceptions about adult baby diaper lover is the association with pedophiles, perverts, and sex offenders, she told Fox News.
[00:25:35]  This is not true.
[00:25:36]  And this is my favorite line I have read in any article so far.
[00:25:40]  She goes, and I have never encountered anyone of that nature in my work.
[00:25:44]  Really?
[00:25:45]  Not one?
[00:25:47]  Not one pervert ever.
[00:25:54]  Whilst in a diaper being rocked to sleep in your spa.
[00:26:01]  You've never encountered one pervert, not even one guy, not even one guy in a diaper you thought was sus.
[00:26:07]  Not even one Murphy.
[00:26:10]  It seems like you might be lying.
[00:26:13]  I've never even encountered that.
[00:26:15]  I don't, not in my work or research.
[00:26:17]  But this is a great point.
[00:26:18]  I mean, it's like, let's, this should be, number one, don't shut this down.
[00:26:23]  Make this bigger.
[00:26:24]  Make this bigger because we got a lot of migrants that need work.
[00:26:27]  So do not shut this down.
[00:26:29]  This needs to be, this needs to be the size of like a football stadium.
[00:26:33]  There'll be enough people to fill it.
[00:26:35]  Don't worry about it.
[00:26:36]  You remove the stigma, get them all in there.
[00:26:38]  And the migrants, you go, welcome to America.
[00:26:41]  I'll go down.
[00:26:41]  They're three blocks away from where I am in New York City right now.
[00:26:44]  I will take them right here.
[00:26:45]  Welcome to America.
[00:26:46]  Welcome to, do you want to work at a spa?
[00:26:49]  And they're going, yes, yes, we'll go into a spa.
[00:26:52]  Good, good.
[00:26:52]  Get in the car.
[00:26:53]  We go right to the spa.
[00:26:54]  And it is, we tell them what it is.
[00:26:56]  Now, they're not going to understand it because they come from cultures that are not as advanced as us with our adult diaper lover, baby, cuddle, coddle, you know, with the rattle.
[00:27:08]  We're going to say these are adults because of their trauma, because of their trauma.
[00:27:14]  What's your name, Inez?
[00:27:16]  These are, Inez, let me explain to you what you'll be doing.
[00:27:20]  You're going to be changing you diapers.
[00:27:23]  Oh, that's good.
[00:27:23]  Do you love children?
[00:27:24]  You have a few?
[00:27:26]  Okay.
[00:27:26]  See, Inez, let me just break it down a little bit for you because I know you come from a very simple culture where people just, the only people who wear diapers are babies, right?
[00:27:37]  In El Salvador, pretty much.
[00:27:38]  Right.
[00:27:39]  Or very old people.
[00:27:41]  I understand.
[00:27:41]  Right, right, I guess.
[00:27:43]  Well, we've got something else going on.
[00:27:47]  That's a little different.
[00:27:48]  But I know you're excited to be here and you're a team player.
[00:27:51]  So we just want to let you know that you're going to be serving a very important vital function for adults who are processing their trauma by wearing diapers and shitting in them, okay, while you rock them to sleep and tell them nursery rhymes.
[00:28:08]  Do you know Little Bo Peep?
[00:28:10]  Can you imagine that?
[00:28:11]  You just got to America.
[00:28:13]  You imagine this?
[00:28:14]  You're coming from like San Pedro Sula in Honduras or something, right?
[00:28:18]  You just get to America, okay?
[00:28:20]  You're looking at a guy that looks like me in a diaper who just shit in it.
[00:28:26]  And you're reading him Little Bo Peep.
[00:28:37]  And you're reading him.
[00:28:39]  And you're reading him Little Bo Peep.
[00:28:42]  And you got to think to yourself, how bad was it?
[00:28:47]  How bad was it in Venezuela?
[00:28:51]  You start thinking to yourself, did I have to eat every day?
[00:28:53]  Maybe I was being a little bit ridiculous here, you know?
[00:28:56]  Like maybe that three day a week where we ate three days a week was actually fine.
[00:29:00]  It's intermittent fasting.
[00:29:02]  I mean, that's all the rage.
[00:29:03]  You know, if you're looking at a guy like me in a diaper and you're reading me a nursery rhyme and I have a like a, what do they call them?
[00:29:11]  The nookie?
[00:29:12]  What do they call the thing?
[00:29:13]  Oh, a binky.
[00:29:14]  Is it called a pinky?
[00:29:15]  But what's the real name for it?
[00:29:16]  The thing that babies have.
[00:29:18]  My godson's over it now.
[00:29:19]  He's three.
[00:29:20]  You don't have them anymore at that age.
[00:29:21]  Pacifier.
[00:29:22]  Pacifier, yeah.
[00:29:23]  So if I have a pacifier in my mouth and you're reading me, I don't know.
[00:29:29]  What's another one?
[00:29:29]  There's little bo peep.
[00:29:30]  What's another nursery?
[00:29:31]  Cat in the hat?
[00:29:32]  Like Dr. Smith.
[00:29:32]  That's not a nursery rhyme.
[00:29:34]  Cat in the hats.
[00:29:35]  It's Humpty Dumpty.
[00:29:36]  You're reading me Humpty Dumpty and I'm there in my diaper and I've got a pacifier in my mouth and I'm looking at you and you're from Venezuela or Honduras or any of these places.
[00:29:48]  You got it in your head.
[00:29:51]  Can you imagine like the first call you have with your family and back home?
[00:29:58]  Like the first call you have, you go, oh, how is America?
[00:30:08]  How is America?

=== Diaper Spa Swaddling Debate (03:37) ===

[00:30:09]  You go, oh, they got real problems here.
[00:30:15]  I want to hear Little Bo Peep again.
[00:30:18]  They go, there are grown men in diapers and I have to change them and I have to read them nursery rhymes and then we have music.
[00:30:28]  And what else did it say?
[00:30:29]  It's like, you could have hot cocoa under the stars.
[00:30:32]  Yeah, there's nap time.
[00:30:33]  There's nap time.
[00:30:34]  Yeah, nap time.
[00:30:36]  What else we got?
[00:30:37]  Nap time.
[00:30:38]  All the different things.
[00:30:38]  Anything a child, making snow angels, hot cocoa, decorate gingerbread men.
[00:30:43]  Well, it says you can just, you can relieve yourself at will in your diaper, too.
[00:30:46]  Oh, well, that's the point of it.
[00:30:47]  It's crazy.
[00:30:48]  Well, that's important.
[00:30:49]  I mean, that's, by the way, they don't even have to say that.
[00:30:52]  No, they don't even have to say that.
[00:30:54]  You're in a diaper.
[00:30:54]  You're going, you're going to use the bed.
[00:30:56]  How crazy would it be to wear a diaper and use the, can you imagine that guy who's like, no, I'm into the diaper play, but I don't want to take it that far.
[00:31:06]  It's like, Phil, will you stop going to the bathroom?
[00:31:08]  Just shit in your diaper.
[00:31:10]  Phil, it feels like you're not comfortable enough relieving yourself in your diaper.
[00:31:14]  You keep using the bathroom.
[00:31:15]  Yeah, well, I just, you know, don't like the smell.
[00:31:17]  Phil, Phil.
[00:31:20]  I just want to see these migrants because you got to prove, here's the deal.
[00:31:25]  I'm not against the people that come to this country for better opportunities and a better life.
[00:31:30]  But they have to prove, they have to prove it.
[00:31:35]  And working at the diaper spa is the best way or living in Topeka.
[00:31:43]  They all decide to go to the diaper spa.
[00:31:45]  They go to Topeka for five minutes and go, we'll go to diaper spa.
[00:31:48]  Thank you.
[00:31:48]  We'll go to diaper spa.
[00:31:50]  But it's a way to prove, you have to prove your loyalty now to live in this superpower.
[00:31:55]  And you also got to know where we're headed.
[00:31:58]  We're headed to an interesting place where everyone's going to be getting their trauma out.
[00:32:05]  In different ways.
[00:32:07]  And I'm not trying to shame anyone.
[00:32:10]  Kink shame.
[00:32:12]  What happened to feet?
[00:32:13]  Can't you just lick a toe?
[00:32:15]  You know what I mean?
[00:32:16]  Like, isn't that enough for people?
[00:32:19]  Just lick a toe.
[00:32:20]  God, Jesus.
[00:32:23]  What about polyamory?
[00:32:24]  Can we just do that?
[00:32:25]  Just fuck a bunch of different people.
[00:32:28]  Can we at least settle on that?
[00:32:32]  Can I just request it?
[00:32:35]  We just do that, I guess?
[00:32:38]  Can we stop licking a toe?
[00:32:41]  How about that?
[00:32:42]  You could do feet.
[00:32:43]  You got feet.
[00:32:44]  You don't need to be in a diaper all the time.
[00:32:48]  Can you imagine what's the marriages?
[00:32:51]  This thing is going to.
[00:32:54]  You know, the wife says to the husband, go, you seem really tense.
[00:32:57]  I think you should go to diaper spa.
[00:32:59]  John, John, listen to me.
[00:33:01]  John, I want you to go to diaper spa.
[00:33:04]  I know that's where you've been going.
[00:33:06]  You don't have to hide it.
[00:33:07]  I think you should go.
[00:33:09]  You need some time.
[00:33:10]  Go to diaperspa and be swaddled.
[00:33:14]  You need to be swaddled in diaper spa.
[00:33:18]  I can't.
[00:33:18]  I just can't.
[00:33:19]  I just want to see the looks on these people's faces from El Salvador, wherever they're coming, North Africa, Libya, the Middle East.
[00:33:29]  And when they come in and they're at Diaperspa and they're wiping the ass of a man who looks exactly like me.
[00:33:38]  And I just look at them and I would go, welcome.
[00:33:44]  Welcome in.
[00:33:45]  Welcome in.

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=== Media Misunderstands The Artist (12:54) ===

[00:37:40]  This guy who beheaded his father, we played his music earlier on the show.
[00:37:47]  He's, I think, a rare talent.
[00:37:50]  Can I say that?
[00:37:51]  Can I say he's a QAnon believer accused of beheading federal worker dad smirks in new mugshots as it reveals he waged legal war with government over student loans.
[00:38:03]  Now, I don't want to get in trouble.
[00:38:06]  And we discussed this earlier.
[00:38:09]  And I don't know what we can do here.
[00:38:12]  I just, what can happen here?
[00:38:16]  Can anything happen?
[00:38:18]  I'm asking you about this visual.
[00:38:22]  What can happen now?
[00:38:24]  I don't even want to let them know.
[00:38:26]  I don't want to let the people at the YT.
[00:38:31]  What can happen here?
[00:38:33]  Well, I mean, they've been.
[00:38:34]  Can I just...
[00:38:36]  Should I have a fake head?
[00:38:39]  But even that, I'll get in trouble for that.
[00:38:42]  So we're not allowed to play this video at all.
[00:38:45]  No.
[00:38:47]  Simply because there's a human head in it.
[00:38:50]  Yes.
[00:38:50]  I feel like YouTube is going to win on this one.
[00:38:54]  Like, I feel like it's going to be tough for me to even defend this.
[00:38:57]  Most of what they get upset at, I find them to be a little absurd.
[00:39:01]  But in this case, in this rare instance, I will say that I do believe some caution perhaps is needed.
[00:39:08]  Because there is a human head in the video, and he holds it up.
[00:39:11]  We can't play it.
[00:39:12]  We can play after it.
[00:39:13]  We can play when he's talking, but the first 20 seconds are.
[00:39:16]  Are you sure we can do that?
[00:39:19]  No.
[00:39:20]  I mean, maybe we just all at embargo and him.
[00:39:22]  Yeah, no more.
[00:39:23]  No show.
[00:39:24]  No show.
[00:39:26]  So we can't play any of this?
[00:39:28]  But here's my problem with this.
[00:39:30]  I just, can I, from this man's point of view, This man goes to the trouble to cut his father's head off, which, by the way, is not easy.
[00:39:39]  He used two knives.
[00:39:40]  He used a machete and then a large steak knife, which, by the way, a lot of these knives are dull.
[00:39:44]  They're not great.
[00:39:45]  I'd love a knife sponsor because I do like cutting.
[00:39:49]  Now, he cuts his dad's head off, okay?
[00:39:53]  And he puts it in a bag.
[00:39:55]  And then he goes on for about 14 minutes to make great points about not all of them, but some.
[00:40:04]  Great points about how unaffordable things are.
[00:40:07]  You know, he went to all this trouble.
[00:40:10]  And the idea that we can't play any of this, what he said, he's only 32.
[00:40:15]  He's really given his life.
[00:40:18]  He's given up his life.
[00:40:22]  You know, and we can't, can we read some of it?
[00:40:26]  We can read like transcripts of what he said.
[00:40:28]  Yeah.
[00:40:28]  Look at this.
[00:40:29]  America's white male meltdown starts with Taylor Swift and ends with Justin Mahone, the Philadelphia Inquirer.
[00:40:36]  The thing that's interesting about journalists now, so I'm going to tell you what's happening in journalism.
[00:40:43]  Not that you care.
[00:40:47]  Journalists now, for the most part, are one paycheck away from living on the street.
[00:40:53]  This is true.
[00:40:54]  Journalists now are, they are, their only hope is to go mega viral.
[00:41:01]  So they have to write these crazy articles like American White Male Meltdown starts with Taylor Swift and ends with Justin Moe, like ends with this guy who beheaded his dad.
[00:41:11]  And then they just got the very public meltdown in MAGA world over the pop star reveals a more dangerous, deadly toxicity embedded in our society.
[00:41:19]  So they just have to conflate all these things.
[00:41:22]  So they basically have to be like, if you don't like Taylor Swift or you criticize her or you say that maybe she shouldn't pick our president, you're almost at the phase where you're going to start decapitating members of your own family.
[00:41:37]  And they have to write this.
[00:41:43]  Now, I don't even know what this guy said.
[00:41:45]  I only heard a few of what he said.
[00:41:46]  I shouldn't say he made great points.
[00:41:48]  I didn't listen to the whole 14 minutes.
[00:41:49]  I'm sure he said things I don't agree with.
[00:41:52]  But the whole thing is, I listen to like three things.
[00:41:57]  But I thought he was kind of doing that RFK thing where he's like, you know what I mean?
[00:42:00]  Like State Street, Vanguard, they're taking all our money.
[00:42:04]  That I get, right?
[00:42:07]  So I didn't, I thought he was just doing that kind of, kind of that populist rhetoric, which I can, everyone can get behind.
[00:42:13]  Vanguard, BlackRock.
[00:42:14]  I thought it was more like, fuck, BlackRock.
[00:42:16]  But apparently some of it was racist.
[00:42:18]  I don't know.
[00:42:18]  But so here's what I want.
[00:42:24]  Listen to this, right?
[00:42:25]  A white utopia is nevertheless a fairy tale that lived on in the warped mind of a young man named Justin Moone, retreated into Levittown's labyrinth inside his parents' home on Upper Orchard Drive, won his 2014 degree in agribusiness management from Pennsylvania State University only resulted in a series of occasional Mick jobs.
[00:42:44]  Call center.
[00:42:45]  Well, I mean, it's like these people.
[00:42:50]  Can the media, by the way, can the media ever not like be cunts?
[00:42:55]  Like there's nothing that these people, they're all almost dead, the media.
[00:43:01]  They're starving.
[00:43:02]  They're laying them off left and right.
[00:43:04]  They can't do anything.
[00:43:06]  They have a Mick job.
[00:43:07]  You have a Mick job.
[00:43:08]  You writing for the Philadelphia Inquirer, that is a Mick job.
[00:43:13]  So he calls a Mick Jobs, he goes, only resulted in a series of occasional Mick jobs, call centers, cubicle farms, a Jersey Mike subway shop.
[00:43:21]  So by the way, if you work, just to give you an idea of what the media, what they think of you, if you work at Jersey Mike's and you make sandwiches for a living, the media thinks you are scum.
[00:43:34]  They think you're scum.
[00:43:36]  If you work at a call center, they think you're scum.
[00:43:39]  And if you work at a cubicle farm, whatever that is, data collection.
[00:43:45]  So it's amazing.
[00:43:48]  Over that decade, Moan made it clear what he blamed for the struggles that kept him living in his parents' house in his 30s, affirmative action, which he believed meant he couldn't succeed as an overeducated white man.
[00:44:02]  Overeducated or not, I'm like, well, deal with this.
[00:44:05]  Deal with this.
[00:44:06]  Moan apparently did his own research in an interesting online existence.
[00:44:10]  That included a failed effort to launch a national militia in a YouTube video.
[00:44:16]  In his most recent 14-plus minute production, Moan ranted against BLM, Antifa, Invasion of Immigrants, LGBTQ activists, and an overreaching, all-powerful federal government.
[00:44:30]  So here's what...
[00:44:30]  So you have schizophrenics are going to do crazy things because they are schizophrenics.
[00:44:35]  My mother was a schizophrenic.
[00:44:37]  She never beheaded anyone, by the way, because I'm not saying that mental illness necessarily provides a justification for evil behavior, but I am saying that when your synapses are firing, but they're not quite linking up and you don't have control, you have a mental deficiency in illness, you can get into some bad stuff.
[00:44:58]  And this guy was a psychopath who cut his father's head off.
[00:45:04]  A lot of people are going to do things like this, and a lot of them are going to do it for a myriad of reasons.
[00:45:10]  Some of them are political, social, cultural, whatnot.
[00:45:13]  That, you know, there's going to be these weird manifestos that these people write and then people are going to glom onto them and say this, this one proves.
[00:45:22]  So what is it?
[00:45:22]  You know, this one proves that, you know, if you criticize Black Lives Matter and this guy criticized Black Lives Matter, well, then you're this guy.
[00:45:32]  You're cutting heads off.
[00:45:34]  You just don't know it yet.
[00:45:36]  You just don't know it yet.
[00:45:38]  This is the exact same way they tried to beat Trump last time.
[00:45:43]  The way to beat Trump was to let Trump beat Trump and not go at him, not fight, because when he's up against the ropes, he's great.
[00:45:50]  He's amazing when he's up against the ropes.
[00:45:52]  He's skilled.
[00:45:54]  But towards the end of his term and then after his term ended, he was kind of everybody in his inner circle.
[00:45:58]  They were all fighting with each other and he was kind of, you know, his fan base started to kind of desert him a little bit.
[00:46:04]  They went a little bit to DeSantis.
[00:46:05]  There was certainly more consternation in that world than there was when you go at him and when you start charging him with all these bullshit things, he's able to very easily, you know, he gets the support of his supporters who feel like they're coming to his defense.
[00:46:24]  This is obvious, by the way, you could explain this all to a seven-year-old.
[00:46:28]  The way that they tried to beat Trump last time was to basically say everyone who's voting for him or who's even thinking of voting for him is a neo-Nazi militia member, but they don't know it yet.
[00:46:39]  They don't know it yet.
[00:46:41]  It's not, it's stage one or whatever.
[00:46:43]  It's not detectable.
[00:46:45]  They don't know it yet.
[00:46:47]  But if we ran all the tests, if we did all the diagnostics, we would find out that they are card-carrying members of the American Nazi Party.
[00:46:56]  And that's what they tried to do.
[00:46:57]  And they tried to shame people.
[00:46:59]  They tried to go, aren't you embarrassed?
[00:47:01]  You're a Nazi and don't know it.
[00:47:04]  Aren't you ashamed?
[00:47:05]  You're a Nazi white nationalist.
[00:47:07]  You don't even know it.
[00:47:08]  And then people go, no, man, I'm really just concerned about the border.
[00:47:11]  I think the economy is not great.
[00:47:13]  I don't understand 13-year-olds getting permanent medical operations when they're confused.
[00:47:20]  Maybe they should wait until they get a little older to transition medically into another gen. No, you're a Nazi and you don't know it.
[00:47:28]  And people go, I don't know, man.
[00:47:30]  I don't think so.
[00:47:32]  And this is the tack that they've taken trying to defeat him.
[00:47:36]  It's failed.
[00:47:36]  It always fails.
[00:47:38]  It always fails.
[00:47:41]  He is very good at not playing their game.
[00:47:47]  See, in order to beat someone in a game, they have to play it.
[00:47:52]  This is what the media doesn't realize.
[00:47:53]  This is what the brilliant people in the media who've ran their own business, by the way, into the ground.
[00:47:59]  They've ran their own business into the ground, calling people, he couldn't.
[00:48:05]  He just, he graduated from the University of Pennsylvania, and he only had a stint of Mick Jobs.
[00:48:12]  He only had a stint of Mick Jobs.
[00:48:15]  Okay.
[00:48:16]  So the reality of the situation is in order to be someone in the game, they have to play your game.
[00:48:21]  And Trump doesn't really play that game.
[00:48:22]  He doesn't play the game.
[00:48:23]  He doesn't apologize.
[00:48:24]  He doesn't play the game.
[00:48:25]  The only way that it would work is if he were to play that game and go, I'm sorry, I didn't really mean that.
[00:48:33]  He doesn't play it.
[00:48:36]  So here we go.
[00:48:37]  Philadelphia Inquirer says, I keep coming back to something Moan said in his beheading video, where he declared that the flood of desperate refugees crossing the Rio Grande is actually an invasion from third world countries.
[00:48:48]  They're coming here with health issues.
[00:48:49]  They're uneducated, unemployed, and all they do is commit crime on the street.
[00:48:52]  Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
[00:48:54]  That wasn't the Bucks County beheader.
[00:48:57]  That was Republican Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, who was speaking this week on Fox News and spouting kind of rhetoric that might inspire a Mohan militia.
[00:49:06]  Well, also this week, obviously not every immigrant comes across the border committing crimes.
[00:49:12]  We know that.
[00:49:13]  But by the way, has any politician not been prone to like overstatement?
[00:49:16]  And I perb, that's all they do.
[00:49:18]  That's all they do.
[00:49:19]  This week, there's a video.
[00:49:21]  I don't know if you have it, or certainly a photo of it, of migrants attacking the NYPD.
[00:49:26]  Because we don't know who the fuck these people are that came into America.
[00:49:30]  I do know that they're going to work at the diaper spa.
[00:49:36]  This is literally from NYPD.
[00:49:38]  They're there and the migrants attacked the NYP.
[00:49:42]  Are we saying that none of the migrants will commit any crime?
[00:49:45]  Is that the goal here?
[00:49:48]  And I'm not trying to agree with the guy who beheaded his father.
[00:49:51]  I'm against beheading your parents.
[00:49:54]  Can I go on the record?
[00:49:57]  Can I go on the record and say that I'm against beheading your parents?
[00:50:02]  I'm against it.
[00:50:03]  I'm also against living in Levantown, Pennsylvania.
[00:50:05]  I'm against a lot of it.
[00:50:08]  If my son made that song, play the second song we played, not the first.
[00:50:14]  If my son made this, do you know how far away I'd want to be from him?
[00:50:18]  If I heard this song coming out of my son's room, imagine you have a kid.
[00:50:23]  You're not my son.
[00:50:24]  My mom, because you're the one.
[00:50:27]  Okay.
[00:50:28]  You hear that one day.
[00:50:30]  You're going about your business.
[00:50:31]  You're getting cold cuts.
[00:50:33]  You're getting cold cuts.

=== Shocking Reddit Storylines (12:41) ===

[00:50:35]  What's the Pennsylvania supermarket?
[00:50:36]  I don't know.
[00:50:36]  Don't look it up.
[00:50:37]  It doesn't matter.
[00:50:38]  The point is, whatever Kroger is Ohio, I think.
[00:50:44]  Here's my point.
[00:50:46]  Pennsylvania, you're getting the cold cuts out.
[00:50:49]  You need to get the turkey.
[00:50:49]  You get the cracked pepper turkey boar's head.
[00:50:51]  Can you sponsor me?
[00:50:52]  I'm going to do it for free.
[00:50:54]  I'm going to put it out for free.
[00:50:56]  You get the crack pepper chucky out of the boar's head.
[00:50:59]  You get the sliced white American cheese.
[00:51:01]  Don't be an animal.
[00:51:03]  Get the white.
[00:51:04]  And you put it out.
[00:51:05]  You've got some nice wheat, maybe some wheat.
[00:51:09]  And then you go walk up to your son's room because you want to knock on his door because you're about to make a sandwich, which will be the honey wheat, which is white bread, but it's a different color.
[00:51:21]  It's the same thing.
[00:51:22]  Wheat bread is fake, but that's neither here nor there.
[00:51:25]  You take the honey wheat, you put the turkey on it, some white American cheese, some mayonnaise, some cracked pepper.
[00:51:29]  And maybe if it's the summer, you get some slice of tomato.
[00:51:31]  Don't do tomato in the winter if it's got the white in the middle.
[00:51:34]  Don't do it.
[00:51:34]  And lettuce, number one, is not...
[00:51:36]  The type of lettuce you're going to buy isn't really great for you.
[00:51:39]  Anyway, arugula gets stuck in your teeth.
[00:51:42]  And the lettuce, when it's on a burger or a sandwich, the food just slides off.
[00:51:46]  So stop putting that iceberg lettuce on the burger unless you shred it.
[00:51:50]  Because if you put a wedge of iceberg lettuce on the burger, the whole burger, everything slides off the bun.
[00:51:57]  As you're making your sandwich, which is if you're smart, cracked pepper turkey, white American cheese, mayonnaise, wheat bread, and who knows?
[00:52:10]  Maybe a little avocado, whatever's in season.
[00:52:14]  You walk up to your son's room because you will are also, and you put a little potato salad, a little macaroni salad as well with that.
[00:52:21]  And you've made a nice plate for yourself.
[00:52:23]  And you think, you know what?
[00:52:24]  I love my son.
[00:52:26]  I love my son.
[00:52:27]  And I, you know, he went to Penn State and he worked hard and now he's working at some call center.
[00:52:31]  He's having a rough go of it.
[00:52:33]  But I love him so much.
[00:52:35]  I've just made this meal for myself.
[00:52:36]  I'm going to give it to him.
[00:52:37]  I'm going to offer it to him and I'll make myself another one.
[00:52:39]  I'm going to say, you know what?
[00:52:40]  Do you want it?
[00:52:41]  And you go and you hear this by you go.
[00:52:53]  At that point, when you hear that, you're filled with, oh, there's a coldness in your chest because you realize something very bad.
[00:53:03]  You don't know what it is.
[00:53:05]  But you just, here's what happens when you hear that.
[00:53:06]  You walk right back to your center island, okay?
[00:53:10]  Your center island with granite.
[00:53:12]  Still granite, huh?
[00:53:14]  But granite.
[00:53:16]  And you sit down on your granite center island and you eat the sandwich in silence and you are really terrified because you know this woman came home and found her husband's headless body in the bathroom.
[00:53:32]  And by the way, I wouldn't even try this case.
[00:53:35]  I would just say, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
[00:53:51]  So here's what's interesting about this guy.
[00:53:52]  This guy's kind of like a, what's interesting, he's an interesting archetype person.
[00:53:57]  He seems kind of like a musical theater gay militia guy.
[00:54:01]  Like that seems what he, no, what is this?
[00:54:04]  Like, he's, that's musical theater.
[00:54:06]  He's doing like, you know, silly, silly, come and kill me.
[00:54:11]  The CIA runs all our CDs and this is that.
[00:54:14]  I mean, there's something going on here with this guy that he, but no, when you hear something like that coming out of your son's room, who's however old, 32, you say to yourself, you go, hey, man, I mean, this is like fucked.
[00:54:30]  This is not good.
[00:54:32]  And you got to get, you got to move.
[00:54:35]  Can you play the neighbor?
[00:54:36]  The neighbor had a great reaction to this because the neighbor is basically just like, Judy, let's play Judy's reaction.
[00:54:43]  You just don't wake up in the morning and think, you know, I think I'm going to, I think I'm going to cut his head off.
[00:54:49]  Give me a little something to do today.
[00:54:51]  You know, I can't even believe that that could happen, but it happened.
[00:54:56]  The nearly unspeakable event happened at 7 p.m. Tuesday when Middletown Township police were called to the 100 block of Upper Orchard Drive in the Levitown section to find the victim, 68-year-old Michael Moan, decapitated in the downstairs bedroom.
[00:55:12]  According to court documents, in a nearby bedroom, the victim's head was found in a clear plastic bag set in a cooking pot.
[00:55:21]  It just makes you aware of, you know, the issues that are prevalent in our society.
[00:55:27]  And, you know, it's a horrible, tragic incident.
[00:55:31]  Investigators learn of a video posted to YouTube by the victim's 32-year-old son, Justin, in which he rails at the federal government and lifts his father's severed head to the camera.
[00:55:43]  Tracking his cell phone, police trace Moan to Fort Indiantown Gap, nearly two hours away, driving his father.
[00:55:49]  One of the worst things about this story is the father can't retell the story.
[00:55:54]  You know how great it would be, the father, retelling the story.
[00:55:56]  He was like, my son cut my fucking head off.
[00:56:00]  He cut my head.
[00:56:01]  My son cut my head.
[00:56:04]  I wonder how he did it.
[00:56:05]  I guess he'd killed his dad first.
[00:56:07]  I don't want to get too gruesome here, but he did it.
[00:56:12]  He did it.
[00:56:13]  He did it.
[00:56:14]  He decapitated his father.
[00:56:16]  He cut his father's head off.
[00:56:19]  Can you imagine that?
[00:56:22]  I was sitting down.
[00:56:23]  Somebody today, we're having coffee in Brooklyn.
[00:56:24]  Brooklyn is so severe.
[00:56:26]  Everyone, the energy there.
[00:56:27]  Everybody's like, these white people, you know, this comic, this guy, Jeff, really funny comedian I started with.
[00:56:33]  He used to say that people in Brooklyn all act like extra.
[00:56:36]  Oh, they all dress like extras from the wire season two, like they're all dock workers.
[00:56:41]  It's a car and heart and everything.
[00:56:42]  And all these like people, like the type, the strain of like, you know, intellectual pursuit in Brooklyn, it's all very heavy and severe.
[00:56:53]  And none of these people look like they're having fun.
[00:56:56]  And every coffee shop has like a sign that says end racism.
[00:56:59]  It's like now, now while I'm eating my scone, and you're just sitting there and all these people, they're all reading books or they're on their MacBooks and they're, you know, typing away furiously.
[00:57:09]  And everybody seems angry and mad, right?
[00:57:12]  And I was talking to someone and I was telling them, I'm like, I haven't been around in a bit.
[00:57:17]  Like I've just been on the road a lot and I've lived in LA and on and off, Texas, whatever.
[00:57:22]  And I spent time in Florida, New York, whatever.
[00:57:25]  And even when I'm here, I'm not here.
[00:57:26]  I'm here briefly.
[00:57:27]  And, you know, it's just funny because I forgot how severe that environment could be.
[00:57:38]  And it just seemed like one of those places where they put up the hostage posters and people rip them down.
[00:57:42]  It felt like that's all they did all day.
[00:57:44]  I feel like no one there had a job except putting up hostage posters and ripping them down.
[00:57:48]  I feel like that was the like the Jewish hostage poster goes up and then somebody rips it down.
[00:57:54]  And that's what I felt like it was.
[00:57:56]  And I was reading about this guy while being there.
[00:58:00]  And it was, and I was reading about his behavior.
[00:58:05]  And it was, you know, it was just very, I had to take a walk.
[00:58:08]  I'm like, this is very heavy.
[00:58:10]  I'm in this coffee shop and everybody's heavy and I'm reading about this guy.
[00:58:14]  And it just feels, you know, felt like there was heaviness all over them.
[00:58:19]  But the person I was with was, I was talking to them about this and they were like, I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.
[00:58:28]  It's always someone that says, I go, what, what?
[00:58:30]  What?
[00:58:32]  I just don't understand.
[00:58:33]  I think people really, I think people think that everyone who disagrees with them is capable of this.
[00:58:40]  And that's the problem we have now is that I don't think everyone, I would say everyone in Brooklyn is severe and a bit annoying.
[00:58:47]  I don't think they're all beheading people.
[00:58:49]  I don't think they're all, but it was just interesting the way they said that.
[00:58:52]  They were like, I'm surprised this doesn't happen more.
[00:58:54]  I'm like, you're surprised people don't cut their father's heads off in a bathroom more often.
[00:59:01]  Really?
[00:59:02]  I was kind of surprised at this one.
[00:59:04]  I was kind of shocked at this.
[00:59:06]  You're telling me that you're not surprised.
[00:59:09]  You're like, what's surprising to you about this Brooklyn guy?
[00:59:15]  You're surprised that this isn't happening on the daily?
[00:59:20]  Like every day, somebody's not hacking their dad's head off.
[00:59:23]  How?
[00:59:23]  What kind of world have we created?
[00:59:26]  That someone's like, oh, they had that story where he cut his dad's head off.
[00:59:30]  I'm surprised that doesn't happen on the hour.
[00:59:33]  You go, really?
[00:59:35]  And I don't know if that's something people just saying to seem tough or hard or cynical or I'm like, I don't know, man.
[00:59:41]  Like, I understand a fraction of what he's saying to a degree because I've said versions of it, but it was really rooted in this idea that like, well, yeah, well, he lives in Pennsylvania and he, you know, he's, he doesn't think, you know, he doesn't believe the things I believe.
[00:59:56]  Well, aren't all those people killers?
[00:59:58]  They're all killers.
[00:59:59]  They just don't know it yet.
[01:00:03]  And then the MK Ultra people are like, this guy's been activated, right?
[01:00:06]  That's the other part of the internet.
[01:00:09]  I haven't looked into it.
[01:00:10]  They'll accuse me.
[01:00:11]  They'll be like, he's a cheap.
[01:00:12]  I haven't looked into it.
[01:00:14]  I haven't looked into it, folks.
[01:00:16]  I don't know.
[01:00:17]  I don't know.
[01:00:18]  I close the door on nothing, by the way.
[01:00:22]  The only thing I'm certain of is that Sandy Hook happened.
[01:00:26]  And get me.
[01:00:28]  And get me with my munus.
[01:00:30]  My mud is.
[01:00:32]  No, but I always believe Sandy Hook happened.
[01:00:34]  You know, the only issue I had with Sandy Hook is they were describing it as a really wealthy community.
[01:00:42]  And I was like, oh, it's not Greenwich.
[01:00:44]  That was my main issue was the classification of.
[01:00:48]  But by the way, quick little update on the GG, Gilbert Goons.
[01:00:52]  They're all getting arrested now.
[01:00:55]  We'll cover.
[01:00:56]  I broke the story.
[01:00:57]  I'm responsible for the justice happening, but I'm not taking credit for it because I'm not that guy.
[01:01:03]  I'm not the guy that runs around and goes, hey, look at me.
[01:01:05]  Look at all the good stuff I do.
[01:01:06]  Look at me solving murders in my spare time.
[01:01:10]  No, but I am the person that called national prominence to it and attention.
[01:01:13]  I think many people know that.
[01:01:14]  I think many people know that.
[01:01:17]  And the chips are falling.
[01:01:21]  They're starting to fall.
[01:01:23]  One of the main suspects, they just put their house up for rent, supposedly.
[01:01:28]  I don't know.
[01:01:29]  I check in on this Reddit like five minutes a night.
[01:01:31]  I just read whatever the Reddit says.
[01:01:33]  The people on the Reddit now have gone completely insane.
[01:01:36]  The people in the Reddit now are like, it's kind of like storylines from Breaking Bad on the Reddit.
[01:01:42]  I'm like, guys, I don't, I just read it and I think they've all lost their mind.
[01:01:45]  Like, it's, but they are the ones who got anything going.
[01:01:49]  So they are emboldened by that this citizen sleuth thing, activism, whatever you want to call it, is what got the wheels of justice in motion.
[01:02:02]  So I understand, but then there's people there that have completely lost their minds and they're, they're like, this is deep.
[01:02:07]  This goes to this cartel.
[01:02:08]  It's deep.
[01:02:09]  It's like, no, it's not.
[01:02:10]  What?
[01:02:11]  Cartel?
[01:02:12]  What?
[01:02:14]  Folks.
[01:02:18]  You know, I wonder if any of the goons have listened to my episode with Theo Vaughn.
[01:02:24]  He's got a lot of young fans.
[01:02:26]  My episode is being very well received because it's a great episode.
[01:02:29]  One of the funniest episodes of anything I've ever done.
[01:02:32]  Are the Gilbert Goons listening?
[01:02:35]  Perhaps.
[01:02:36]  TimDylanComedy.com.
[01:02:38]  We have a massive announcement coming up, by the way.
[01:02:39]  We have a massive announcement that I don't even think I can announce.
[01:02:43]  I'm not going to announce it.
[01:02:46]  Go to my website, TimDylanComedy.com and see where I'm performing.
[01:02:49]  I'm not going to read the whole thing.
[01:02:52]  I'm not going to do it.
[01:02:53]  If you're dead dumb, I'm not trying to convince the dumbest people in the world.
[01:02:59]  Like CAA will be like, well, you have to do because some people can't read.
[01:03:03]  I'm like, well, then I don't want that.
[01:03:05]  Well, then they don't have to come.
[01:03:07]  They don't have to come.
[01:03:08]  But if you are blind or something, there's other ways to find out.
[01:03:13]  If you're blind, DM me, I'll tell you where I'm performing.

=== European Tour And New Merch (01:26) ===

[01:03:16]  The point is, I have a huge announcement about a European tour.
[01:03:20]  A big deal.
[01:03:21]  We're going to spend the spring, some of the spring in Europe.
[01:03:26]  And we're doing one of the most amazing iconic venues in the world.
[01:03:30]  I'm very excited about it.
[01:03:32]  But let me just do it to be nice.
[01:03:35]  The pageant.
[01:03:36]  St. Louis, Missouri, Indianapolis, West Nyack, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Foxwoods and Connecticut, Schaumburg, Illinois, Dania Beach, Florida, San Jose, California, Port Chester, New York, Atlantic City, New Jersey.
[01:03:52]  And lots of stuff happening.
[01:03:56]  We've got new merch being announced, kind of really fun.
[01:03:59]  And then we also have a very big European tour announcement, UK as well.
[01:04:06]  So we do appreciate you listening.
[01:04:09]  We're on Patreon every week as well.
[01:04:12]  Give the country to Taylor Swift.
[01:04:14]  Let Taylor Swift be the arbiter of justice for this man who beheaded his father.
[01:04:18]  He should be presented.
[01:04:20]  He should be presented.
[01:04:22]  And Taylor Swift should be head him in the middle of the Super Bowl stadium with Travis Kelsey.
[01:04:28]  And she should hold his head up and she should go, ahead for a head.
[01:04:32]  And everybody goes nuts because why not?
[01:04:37]  Everybody loves Taylor Swift.
[01:04:39]  I bet they're gonna play her music on loop in the diaper spa.