Tim visits Tom Segura & Christina Pazsitzky at YMH Studios in Austin. The three discuss trans issues, why Tim was allowed to smoke growing up and the release of his new book ‘Death By Boomers.’Pre-Order ‘Death By Boomers’ By Tim Dillon👉 https://rb.gy/gafn4Live Shows:http://timdilloncomedy.com/#showsBonus episodes:https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshowNetflix special:https://www.netflix.com/watch/81616382SPONSORS:Helix SleepGo to HelixSleep.com/TimD for 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillowsBespoke PostBoxOfAwesome.com & Use Code 'timdillon'Morgan & Morgan:For more information go to forthepeople.com/tim▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo...Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo...#TheTimDillonShowMerch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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The Swimming Locker Room Incident00:14:37
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, two very special guests.
We've been trying to get them for six years.
And I emailed her.
I would text your producer once every couple of weeks for the last several years.
And we finally, we've done it.
We've got it.
We've got it done.
But Tim, you're so fantastic and busy.
That's well, this gentleman is out.
Me and you could have done 90 hours of broadcasting.
We could have started a podcast in the time.
You should.
Yeah, we should.
Like, we could have.
And you're back now from the tour.
I'm back from the tour.
Yeah.
I'm very excited to do this.
You know, we, we, it was never, there are people that you go like, you know, I'm just busy.
Right.
And that's your way of being like, I don't like you.
Right.
But for you, for you, it was real.
Where I was, I really was gone.
And yeah, no, of course.
And I saw it.
It was, you know, occasionally some people asked me to do something.
Yeah.
And they'll be like, I'm like, dude, I'm not in New York.
And then I'll look at my Instagram story.
There's a photo of me holding a bagel on 69 street.
You know what I mean?
Like I'm very, I'm a bad liar.
We're all the same with that shit, though.
Everybody wants to like, you, there's the things you want to do because you like the person or you just click or you're a fan of which we're all that with you.
Like we're going to be able to interview you.
And it's always been fun to watch your, your, your crazy rise in all this shit.
But it is like an art form to be of how to get out of things in this world, in the comedy podcast world.
You're always like, no, the thing is, dude, I'm having ankle surgery.
Yeah.
You're like, what?
Yeah.
I thought you broke your.
I'm like, no, I did, but I found out my ankle's weak too.
So I got to do it.
I use my mother a lot because she's in a mental institution.
That's a good one.
So I just go, what's great is I go, my mother's not doing well.
Now, here's the thing.
My mother's never been doing well.
It's been 30 years of my mother not doing well.
I don't even know what my mother doing well would look like.
You know what I mean?
Like, what would that even be?
She's a morbidly obese schizophrenic.
So if my mother walked to the door of her room and opened it herself, it's a win.
So what's great about that is I just go, you know, my mother's not doing well.
So I'm going to just take some time with her.
Yeah.
I'm just going to tell you.
And everybody has to go like, yeah, I guess.
Of course.
And you love spending time with her.
I love it.
I do it four times a year.
No, I do it as much as I can.
But you know what it is?
She forgets when I'm there a lot.
So I go, is this real?
They've just given her a phone.
Like she got whatever the version of the new Obama phone is.
But it's like, it's a phone they're giving to lunatics.
And she can't turn it on and can't use it.
But it's one of those state programs.
Like, remember when they gave Obama phones out?
They're like, the problem with all these people is that they can't communicate.
But if they had the tools to communicate, they build a network of people.
And, you know, they, you know, I don't know, marshal their resources together.
Or schizophrenia.
Is it like a jitterbug?
Is it like huge numbers?
It's a phone.
She'll never answer.
My aunt texted me her number.
I'll call her now.
There's no way she answers.
There's no way she answers because my aunt.
Please answer.
My aunt texts me, goes, your mother has a phone and doesn't know how to use it.
So I just ignore these texts.
I just go, like, she goes, your mom has a phone.
She doesn't know how to use it.
We're going to have to teach her.
I'm like, well, I'm not doing that.
She's 70.
If she can't use a phone, let's write it off.
Yeah.
Let's see.
There's no way.
Please answer.
What's her name?
Patricia.
You don't have it saved?
I don't have it saved.
She's going to lose it.
She's going to lose it.
There's no way she has this in a month.
She's going to say that one of the black orderlies stole it because she's racist.
Yeah, yeah.
She's a racist person.
My mom was so racist when she died.
My mother was schizophrenic, too.
That's what Tim and I have in common.
And when I went to clean out her apartment, because she was a shut-in for eight years, I met the security guard that would look in on her from time to time.
And I was like, hey, I'm Christina.
I know we've never met because I've never fucking visited my mother.
And I go, I'm Edith's daughter.
And she goes, oh, yeah, Edith.
I remember her.
She goes, she goes, yeah, yeah.
She goes, you know, she was okay to me.
She never called me the N-word.
Oh, geez.
And I was like, that implies that she's been calling other people.
Other people.
Yeah.
Other people.
Yeah, but not her.
Not her.
So that was a win.
I don't think my mother's using the N-word, but she will get.
She'll get there.
But like, I will sit down with her and she'll be like, she'll go, there are too many Muslims in the country.
And I'm like, is that your biggest problem?
You've been immobile for 20 years, pretty much, and you're in this room and all you can do is watch television and scream.
Muslims are bothering you.
But that's the way I get out of things.
And my mother did tell me when I was little, she goes, just tell people I'm dead.
She said that to me.
If you need to get out of something, just tell somebody.
That was one of the nicest things she had.
That ever very nice thing.
Oh, yeah.
It's one of the, I mean, everybody who has kids ends up knowing this, that it is the great cancel clause.
It's like when someone's like, hey, do you want to?
You're like, dude, I got kids.
Right.
And then other parents know it.
They're like, yeah, yeah, but they respect it.
Other people are like, it's code.
Oh, yeah, it's code.
Yeah.
You don't want to do this.
And you're like, yeah, I don't have kids.
Most comedians don't have that.
Like, a lot of comedians have that, but a lot of us unfortunately are single.
There are some of us that go, hey, I'm a pedophile.
I can't do it.
There are some people that can, you know, can I say that?
I can't really, I can't make it Saturday.
Now, do you guys ever get in?
Do you, do your kids have friends whose parents are cool?
Yeah.
Rarely.
Yeah, no, there's like, there's the ones where you're like, here's the thing.
Our bar, if anything, is so high for what it's like to hang out with someone.
That's true.
None of the kids' parents are at the level of like, I'm saying of fun and entertaining as like comedian.
Like the most fun thing about being a comedian really is hanging out with other comedians.
100%.
That's like having dinner, the hangs in the parking lot after the sets.
You're like, I could do this forever.
You do that night after night after night after night.
And then you can hang out with like some kids' parents.
You're like, I want to fucking die.
So your bar for that, you're like, if this person is marginally cool and fun, it's entertaining enough.
Like the worst is children's parties, actually.
I'm going to have to user my kids to like a Chuck E. Cheese.
And then, you know, you have to make chit chat, which is a southern fucking pastime is chit chat, small talk, which I can't do.
I wouldn't put a gun in my mouth.
Right.
Talking about the weather or what are you going to do this summer?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
You know, I like to.
Sounds comedy.
Right.
That's the worst.
Good.
And they're like, yeah.
They just kind of smile and look at you and they're like, got any new stuff?
And you're like, what the fuck are you doing?
Yeah, what is this about?
You got any new stuff?
No, do you think you'll ever have children?
I don't know.
I'm deeply selfish.
Yeah.
This is a problem, I think, when you have children.
Yes.
Yes.
If I had kids, I'd want to spend a lot of time with them like Bert.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'd want to give them the attention.
No, I don't know.
Like, If I found a special guy who wanted to raise kids, I think it's great because comedy, you know, is great.
Success is good.
Money's good.
All those things are good.
But having a family and like, you know, bringing up one or two children to be kind of alt-right, sympathizing, reactionary podcast psychopaths, like really, I'd raise some of the worst people that have ever existed.
Like really bad.
Like really, really bad, inconsiderate people because I'd have money.
So they'd have money.
But they'd also be like, I think very bad people, which excites me a little bit.
It's very fun.
It feels like it would be really fun.
I feel like, you know, you're so aware.
Yeah.
And that's like, it's keeping you from doing it now.
But I think we all know that it's in the cards.
This is going to happen.
I think so.
When you're in your 50s and you're like a low-tee gay.
Because right now you're at your peak.
You've got to get out there and fuck and you've got to go.
And you can't have, you can't be tied down by like having to like worry about like a child dying.
Oh, no, no.
When you can do other things.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't do that.
Don't do it right now.
I wouldn't do it now.
But then later on, it's a good idea to like, you know, you have a child.
Yeah.
And my godson is Chinese, which I love.
I love because it's something different.
Yeah.
Asians are so cute.
They're not only are cute, they are very competent.
They're intelligent, smart.
Do you think that's just innate?
Or is it the same?
It's innate.
He's very cold.
He doesn't attach to his mother or father.
They've commented on this at the school.
He doesn't care when he's dropped off.
He won't even give them a look because they are the master race.
They're like, they are.
They really fucking are.
They really are.
They so are.
Asian kids are so much better than our kids.
No, he's just, he does his own thing.
He doesn't care.
We even had in my school, very small school.
Yeah.
There was a couple.
One of the Asian kids not just had the 4.2 GPA and was a classical trained pianist, but she also was dominant, I think, on the swim team.
And you're like, this is all facets.
This is across the board high performance.
It's incredible.
I want my kid to be a trans athlete.
You know what I mean?
Like, if I had a kid, I'd want them to be embroiled in a massive controversy.
Like, something about, like, because otherwise, why?
Why even have like Leah Thomas's parents are probably really proud, be like, that's my son-daughter.
Fucking everyone up in there.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, I'd want my daughter, son, sundaughter to be kind of one of those people who's like breaking boundaries.
I love, by the way, I don't agree with Leah Thomas taking all these girls' titles, but there is something funny about seeing these exasperated female swimmers who are like at the end of their rope and they're like, I was at the locker room and she had her cock out and no one prepared me for it.
And it's like, yeah, that seems kind of unfair, but it's also very funny.
It's very funny.
It's also funny when they're like, you were the number one or two ranked swimmer.
And then a person came in and blew your records away at the point.
You're like, oh, I'll never catch this.
Never.
Like, it's so far and away.
She's her records.
She was like 700th as a man, which is like an incredible swimmer for sure.
Right.
But switched over, transitioned, and blew, like made world records.
I was on a swim team for many years.
My mother was a swim coach.
Really?
Yes.
And I was a lifeguard.
It's hard to believe now because I've left that path.
But I was a swimmer.
I'm still a very good swimmer.
And I was on a swim team.
And it makes you gay because you blame swimming?
Well, because you're just in a room with cocks the whole time.
So my parents.
That's the first time I really took in Cox.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Yes.
No, I saw this guy, William, who had a fully adult penis at the time.
I didn't, and he was the same age.
And I was like, this is, I'm fucked.
This guy and I didn't see, I hadn't seen, I was on the swim team, I was like eight or nine, and you see pubes.
Yes, I hadn't seen pubes.
On an eight or nine-year-old?
No, no, because there's other older kids.
Oh, now you make teenage.
I was like, what the fuck is this?
Right.
Wow.
So that's so swimming in general is a very weird, crazy gay sport.
And I like shaving your body.
Shaving your body.
I like that it's become the battleground because no one cares about it either.
Nobody cares.
No one cares about swimming at all.
Swimmers have, they're ripped, they have great bodies, but no one really cares.
Occasionally in the Olympics, you go, oh, that's nice.
But I like that it's become this.
No one cares, right?
It's not the thing anyone cares about.
No one gives a shit.
Well, what's great is it's this cultural battleground where people are screaming.
And these people we've never heard from before and never will again are coming out and going, I'm a female swimmer and I deserve respect.
Outside of this, people would have gone, just shut the fuck up.
They would have said that to her.
She would have gone, I'm third ranked in the 100 freestyle.
And they would have gone, shut the fuck up.
You mean nothing because they don't.
But now I think it's funny.
It is, but I mean, I'm probably saying something so stupid and like base, but like, shouldn't you cut your peanut off?
If you fully agree.
And it's more aerodynamic to cut the job.
That's, I don't believe some of these.
Are you going for time or not?
Yeah.
Some of them.
All that drag.
Are we going for time?
I think some people are unsure if they're going to stay the other way.
Oh, that's instead of staying.
They're hedging their bets when they're like, I'm detransitioning in case I want to change my mind later.
Yes.
Wait, does this person take hormones?
Like, did this person take Leah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She took estrogen for sure.
But she's got the hog.
Does she have tits?
Yeah.
She has tits.
Are they good?
They're not great.
Are they smoking?
Like traps.
Most female swimmers have the big shoulders and the lats.
Yes, crazy lats from Butterfly.
Those lats are wild on swimming.
But I love that we're debating this now as a country.
Like, there's going to be a congressman that comes out soon and goes, hey, just cut off the hog.
If you want to be a female swimmer, you've got to cut off your dick.
Yeah.
I mean, I kind of feel like, shouldn't there just be a baseline criterion for being on the women's team?
Yeah.
Like, okay, I understand you identify.
What's Leah Thomas' height and weight?
Can you do that?
She's not trying at all to look like a female.
Accepting Trans People in Sports00:12:46
No, like, no trying.
She's done less work on it than anyone I've ever seen.
She literally just showed up, put a bathing cap on.
Right.
And a onesie.
And like, I'm a woman.
That doesn't seem 6'1.
Her weight is not 132.
No.
At least the Dylan Mulvaney one is trying to be a woman, although be it a psychotic one.
Like a crazy person.
What is the origin of this person of Dylan?
So Dylan was an effeminate gay man who was, I believe, on Broadway or something.
A song.
A singer or an actor or something like that.
And then decided to transition and then did this blog or something where she was like, every day, she's like, I've been a girl for three days.
So it started during COVID.
But you can see what real effort looks like here.
Yes, she for sure loves it.
She loves me.
I mean, some of these guys.
She's trying.
She's trying.
Some of these guys that transition, especially like in their 50s and 60s, you're like, no.
No, it's not.
You got to put it into another gear.
Like, this is not.
There's something about sitting down with your kid and going, if you're going to transition, you got to try.
You got to try.
Like, this family will stand behind you, but you got to try.
Yeah.
You got to get a pussy.
You got to get tips.
You got to look good.
Nails done.
You got to do makeup hair.
Well done.
I would actually say the, you know, some people when they're aging, you're like, hey, you know, just age with the face.
But older dudes who are transitioning, I would say start with the facelift.
Get your face.
You have a big old Bassett hound face.
You look like a droopy dog.
That's true.
Like, I'm abroad.
And you're like, you look like a fucking oil tank or worker.
It's like, you got to pull this shit up.
Shave off a lot of your face.
Like Caitlin Jenner did it.
She did it late in life, but her work looks really good.
She could have a lot of people.
I spent the money to at least go, I'm, you know, I'm trying to like.
Caitlin had, I think, the right type of, this is the way to get people to get on the side of trans people.
She transitioned and then immediately said, I'm against gay marriage and I'm voting for Donald Trump.
She did it.
Immediately.
And that, and by the way, that's exactly it.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know why the trans community hasn't tried that.
Like, just try.
Try to be a little more conservative.
Like, why are there not trans people being like, hey, I like the cops.
You know what I mean?
Like, why aren't trans people being like, actually, the cops serve a vital function in our society.
Yeah.
And I like the cops.
Like, why aren't they?
You got to throw, to get full equality, you got to throw some of your own people under the bus.
Especially when they've already been long dead.
Yeah.
So for me, if I wanted to move in like a nice straight community like you people live in, I would say something like, I'm sure a few of those people at Stonewall were acting up.
You know what I mean?
A few of them needed to.
I get it.
I get why.
So you have to, so the trans people have to like, first of all, they merged with the fat people, which is bad.
Trans did.
Trans people came out and were like, they were like, they're like fat act, and a lot of them are fat.
Yeah.
They have to clean it up because if gay men first look like me, they wouldn't have worked.
Gay men came out looking better than everyone.
Sharp and better.
And then everyone eased into it and then they accepted different types of gay men.
But like this idea that like people have to, it's like the Sam Smith thing.
People like, oh, people are so transphobic.
I'm like, you can't be like, hey, I'm non-binary and I look like a plumber and I'm wearing panties.
You have to be hot.
How much can Americans accept?
Every trans person should be super hot to begin with.
To begin with.
Let's roll out the hot ones first.
Yes.
You know what?
We should all be fooled.
Like you should be like, there's no fucking way.
Right.
Really?
Yeah.
And then be like, oh, wow.
Get us on board with that for a while.
Yeah.
And then introduce everything else.
Well, so yeah.
So like the swimsuit edition, there's a trans lady on that one.
Yeah.
And she kind of works out that blonde.
Super hot.
Super hot.
Yeah, there's a lot of very hot trans people and we're losing that, which is sad.
And she shouldn't fuck with Bud Light.
I think that was the big mistake with Dillon.
Yeah, it was a disaster.
Don't do that.
It was a disaster.
She's pretty blondely.
She's got big tits.
No, not this, not this broad.
That's a trans.
That is.
I don't know if it is, but the one that I know of, they recently put her on is a blonde woman.
Okay.
Big hands.
I think it's just like my perspective is like, hey, when you're like.
I mean, convincing, no?
That's Kim Petra.
She did the song with Sam Smith.
Yeah, I mean, this is the kind, this is what I'm saying.
I want, I like to be to the point where I go like, oh, I fucked this chick.
And then she pulls her dick out and I go, I guess I still will.
You know, like that.
That's exactly right.
You know, that fooled.
I want to be completely.
You want to be thrown.
Yeah.
You want to be thrown.
And I think that is the way to get, especially like, if you're talking about part of the, of the country being transphobic, you got to fucking really fool them.
You got to.
100%.
Because I think people are afraid of teachers turning their kids into 300-pound trans communists.
Maybe they're not worried about their kids being hot trans.
So If literally you had a meeting and went, they're going trans, we can't stop it, but they're going to be hot.
I know.
They're going to be hot.
At least some of the parents would be like, hey, I got a hot trans kid as opposed to like some fat, disgusting trans communist.
Well, same with the non-binaries.
If the non-binary community weren't always obese girls with purple hair and piercings, I might be more on board with them too.
Yes.
Or if those obese girls with purple hair started coming out and going, we don't need welfare.
Get a fucking job, you lazy piece of shit.
Then Republicans would start going, oh, this is.
Yeah, we disagree with that.
They'd start using the pronouns.
They'd be like, we disagree with them.
They are making some interesting points, though.
We do feel a social safety net can lull people into you guys have to have with kids.
You have to have.
A lot of my friends go, Tim, your podcast is funny, but it's so dark sometimes.
Like, you know, I have kids and I want to just think of good thoughts.
And you get lost in the hope because kids, that's all kids are.
It gives you hope.
Kids are nothing but hope.
Yeah.
Because you just see, you see them from being this helpless thing, a blob that can't do anything.
And then this progress that happens and you see them, their personality shape.
And yeah, like the distract, they're your distraction, actually, from the hopeless world that you can, all of a sudden you go, oh no, there's, there's hope in this and them.
But yeah, I mean, I wonder if my parents ever saw me as hope.
It's just such an interesting thing to think about.
Like if my parents were ever like, well, he's gay and he's on cocaine.
He's stealing money.
He's getting fatter and he's enthusiastically supporting the Iraq war.
But he's our beacon of hope.
We love him.
He's hope.
He's, you know what?
I did have this thought yesterday when I was micro dosing on mushrooms is that our generation, the Gen X, we're so proud of how hard we are and how we were bullied and fuck you and you know, pussy this and that.
And then these kids are all about acceptance and love.
And you're just like, well, that is a change for the beauty.
That is a change.
Who knows how that's going to end up in the real world?
How these kids are going to fare creating society and doing things.
But I don't know.
It does feel kind of hopeful, doesn't it?
It does.
I think a lot of the changes that are happening are positive.
And, you know, people obviously being more kind and considerate of each other.
We weren't like that is great.
You know?
That's not as fun.
Well, the worry is, the concern is on, you know, how does that work?
See, a lot of that seems to be getting what you want.
A lot of this culture is about getting what you want.
This person called me the thing I wanted to be called.
And I feel this way because this person is validating me.
Instead of this idea of like, that person should not affect you.
100%.
So I understand that we're trying to create a gentler world, which is good.
But I think part of what we're doing is we're giving people the idea that like their self-concept is reliant on other people.
And isn't that just an illusion ultimately?
Like, yes.
Even if you buy, if you're like, oh, everyone finally called me what I wanted.
And you're like, well, you're never like everyone's never going.
So you got the people that you interact with to do it.
So I guess you just kind of formed your own reality here.
Isn't it kind of an illusion that you're going to have everyone in the because that's not how the world works.
No.
People are going to say what they want to say.
They're going to use terms they want to use.
And look, people are going to accept you or not accept you.
And not accepting you is actually kind of reality, right?
It's reality.
It's like saying, like, I want to get to the point where everybody likes my stand-up or my podcast.
It's not going to happen.
It'll never happen.
So, like, you're just, it feels like a wasted effort in a lot of ways when you see somebody putting so much energy into use the right term for me.
It's exhausting.
It's just an exhausting existence that you have.
And it's annoying.
It's just annoying.
Like, if you put it in your fucking email, you know what I mean?
Like, as your signature, you're like, and by the way, my pronouns are.
It's like, motherfucker, I don't even know you, and you're going to start with that shit.
Yeah, I don't care.
And I wasn't questioning it.
Yeah, we don't.
I wasn't reading your email.
Like, God, I wonder what fucking pronouns this person uses.
It's, it's, I, it's part of like, I think everybody is very, very concerned with how they appear.
Yeah.
And I grew up with a lot of people who didn't care.
And they there was a virtue in not caring.
Yeah.
They didn't care.
And I think that's completely gone.
100%.
So because the millennials came in and they were like, we're strivers, we're achievers.
We like ribbons and bows and we like to be told we're good.
And here's my college essay.
And here's my, these are my LSAT scores, my SATs.
And I'm at the right school with the right people.
I have the right internship.
It was a very checklist type of, you know, these striving, kind of insufferable, exhausting, careerist, you know, driven kind of empty vessels that needed to be filled up with approval all the time.
All the time.
And I felt like that was very exhausting.
And like that to me is those are the people right now who are kind of manufacturing culture.
That's why like everything's a buzzfeed quiz or how fat phobic are you?
Or were you racist to the man on the train or whatever it is?
It's like, because people constantly want to grade themselves and tell everybody how good they're doing.
Yeah.
Right.
You know, and it came from that culture of like wanting to be except, sorry.
No, and it's also in put it like, okay, if you go to a bookstore here in Austin, it'll be like, be inclusive.
Or in San Francisco, you'll see signs that are like, end racism.
You're like, dude, this sign doesn't need to be in this city.
Right.
Put that sign in fucking Mobile, Alabama.
Yeah.
I mean, like, it's all an echo chamber of like high-fiving each other.
Yeah.
If you put that sign in Mobile, Alabama, the guns come out.
Right.
Yeah.
But they hope you have, yeah, but at least it'll be changed.
It's also think about the picture.
Just think about those two words.
Could anything mean less than end racism?
Could anything have less of an action plan than the words end rate?
Like, it's so completely divorced.
It's designed for you to go right on and then move on.
There's nothing specific.
It's like when Gary Van Yarchuck goes, hustle, and you're like, thanks.
There's nothing about it that has any real world implication.
End racism means nothing.
It means nothing.
Stop hate.
Stop hating.
So you always, anyone who's nodding at that, like they, they're not racist to begin with.
Right.
And somebody who is racist just reads that and goes, oh, fuck you.
I hate Russian.
It's not even that they don't even internalize that they're racist.
They're like, they're like, they're like, well, I'm not racist, but I'm like, the Koreans are a problem.
It's never like, you know what I mean?
Performative Racism and Hate Speech00:02:10
Yes.
Yeah.
So much garlic in your food.
I, you know, I take like with our kids, and I know Tom is always like, that's an incorrect thought, Christina.
That's so fucking bizarre.
But I want to raise them more Gen X than anything.
Like, just go out there and be a tiger, dude.
And my kids are going to eat your fucking pussy kids alive.
Yeah.
I thought you were going to say, my kids are going to eat your pussy.
Well, they are.
I'm raising them to do that.
Yeah.
These boys, I'm showing them to wear the clit.
That was wild.
She's like, I'm raising them tigers.
My kids are going to eat you, pussy.
I'm like, this is very interesting.
Fuck yeah.
You're heterosexual.
We know this.
But yeah, like kids are going to know how to munch boxes.
Yeah, for sure.
But I don't know.
I don't buy into all this cultural stuff, too.
I don't know that it's real.
Like you said.
It feels very performative, though, doesn't it?
Like a lot of things today.
It's all performative, and everyone's going to kill each other.
Let me segue because I did write a book and I want to talk about this on this episode because I like both of you and it's going to get better views than the other ones.
That's why I'm bringing it up now.
I wrote a book and Travis will edit the whatever graphic into the thing.
And you have a book, which is fucking awesome.
I do.
It just actually came out in don't show his book.
No, don't show mine.
Show his book.
No, no, but there it is.
There's Tim's.
Mine just got reprinted.
It just got the paperback release just came out.
But this looks awesome.
You're titled Death by Boomers: How the Worst Generation Destroyed the Planet, but First, a Child.
It was an amazing title.
No, it's great.
And what it is, is my father is 70, and my mother is, God only knows where she is.
She may not be with us anymore.
But what I wanted to do before they died was just one more disgraceful moment.
Yeah.
Like a head-hung low moment where I could share all these like horrific stories from growing up with boomers.
And I love boomers.
Boomers are funny.
It's not a woe-is-me book.
Boomers are deeply selfish, narcissistic monsters sent to destroy the earth.
They've destroyed society.
Boomer Narcissism and Family Failure00:09:34
They viewed their children as an obstacle and an impediment to their own success.
For sure.
They were jealous of their children.
They liked when their children failed.
They set their children up in many cases to fail.
They were hateful, horrible people.
They were completely divorced from reality.
They have tangled themselves up in conspiracy theories.
You can find them on Facebook right now.
Oh, yeah.
You know, it's like they're as soon as they got technology, they used it to spread hate and division and fear.
All they believe in is fear-mongering and dividing people because they believe that's how they benefit.
They were the luckiest generation, other than the few of them who died in Vietnam enough.
We've heard about that.
The rest of them had charmed lives with great peacetime, and they were given and inherited this whole country and destroyed it.
And my friend, I mean, my father, you know, when I told him I was like an alcoholic, I was like, I was a drunk.
And I didn't say I'm an alcoholic, but I said to him, like, I'm hanging out at a bar every night.
I'm drinking every night.
And instead of saying, like, you should get help, my father goes, son, like an old man bar has played a role in every Dylan's life.
Wow.
He goes, your Uncle Tommy went to Buckley's.
I used to go to a place called the Bitter Entry.
Like, it was, they're so like my father, I was smoking cigarettes, 13 years old, smoking cigarettes, the front seat of his car.
He let me smoke cigarettes.
And he goes, you know what's good about you?
You never smoke them down to the filter.
He goes, you never smoke him down to the end.
He goes, that's what's good about you.
That's an amazing compliment from a dad.
Yeah.
So these are the type of people.
He got to internalize, like, that is what's good.
Yeah.
He's like, you never smoke them down to the end.
He goes, that's what's good about you.
And I threw him out the window and he goes, you know, and that's like trying to picture like other kids talking about what kids, like what their fucking self-esteem comes from.
And then they get to you.
Because I used to, I didn't do this really good.
Yeah.
I never smoked down on the filters.
Well, I did what the trans kids do now.
I go, if you don't let me smoke, I'm going to kill myself.
That's what the trans kids do.
They go, you give me tits, or I'm out of here.
I would go, you have to let me smoke.
So they were getting divorced.
And my father's like, well, he's just smoking a pack of dick.
It's not a big deal.
I smoked for years and I would just smoke.
My grandmother let me smoke at her house.
And my friend's parents, my friend Ryan's, my friend Ryan was dating a stripper.
He's my friend is in jail now.
He's dating a stripper.
And he's, you know, the, like Indiana's most wanted.
She was on Indiana's most wanted.
So like state troopers came to the house once.
My friend Ryan answered the door and like they were like, and they were like doing identity theft.
They're doing bad stuff.
And the troopers were like, where is she?
And he goes, I don't know what you're talking about.
And they go, listen, if you don't tell us where she is, you're an accomplice.
So like, again, where is she?
And my friend just was there like two seconds and then just looked at the cops and went, she's in the kitchen.
And they come and they take this woman out in cuffs.
And the boomer parents are kind of unfazed.
Yeah.
And literally that night for dinner, we're all sitting there and his mother's like, you know what I want to do?
What about a condo in Naples?
How about Naples, Florida?
I mean, it's gorgeous.
The restaurants are great.
This is after a woman had been taken out of the house and handcuffs.
They were so crazy.
So the book is just a collection of like these stories of these crazy people.
That boomer generation is about like looking at a problem and be like, can we get out of this right now?
And then just change topic.
Yeah.
It was never about like, I feel like that's because they were raised by real fucking Neanderthals, at least emotionally.
You think about it, like a boomer is raised by someone born in like 1910 or something.
Right.
Right.
They had no skill set.
Yeah.
Nothing given to them.
So they just.
There's no emotional life.
No emotions.
They're like dogs.
Well, boomers also have this very interesting victimhood complex.
Like they're always aggrieved.
They're aggrieved.
Like every time you're on the phone with one of them, like, you know, like my aunt, for example, during COVID, she goes, I hope everyone gets this vaccine because I'd like to do some traveling.
And I've worked my whole life.
I'm like, everyone's worked their whole life.
Everyone's worked their whole life.
Who hasn't worked their whole life?
Like, she goes, I've worked my whole life.
Like, I'm like, everyone's worked their whole life, you crazy bitch.
Like, of course, they're fucking, but again, it was all about her.
She's like, I'd like to travel.
What about me?
What about me?
Oh, my God.
I just remember what my dad liked about me.
He goes, you know what's good about you?
Yes.
You're a girl, but you don't talk too much.
Sometimes women are not.
That is a nice conversation.
See, that's nice.
I like that.
You don't come down on the filters.
You're not a chatty broad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My father would say things to me.
He'd give me this advice.
Like we'd be in a car.
He'd be like, son, never overestimate your value.
And then he'd go, he goes, what you do, someone else will do too.
Cool.
He goes, he goes, he would say things like that.
You know, like he would just have these like, very like, you know.
The thing is about these comments too, is if you were to ask your dad or your dad about saying that, they'd be like, what's wrong with that?
It's like they're oblivious to the fact what that means.
For me, my parents used to introduce the three of us to people.
Yeah.
And like, I had two, I have an older sister and a younger sister.
And they would go, my older sister's Maria, they'd be like, this is Maria.
She's an A student.
She's a great athlete.
She's creative.
She dances.
She's like, just like, just full of life.
She's this amazing kid.
And this is Jane.
She's our baby.
She's adorable.
She's sweet.
She's just the most, the cutest little sweetest girl.
And then they would be like, This is Tommy.
He's nice.
I go, is that it?
Like, that's the end of the thing.
You were a man.
You had to stand on your own.
Exactly.
They were just like, well, we, we take care of the girls.
Yeah.
Like, you got to like you're I was an only child and my mother used to like call me in and go, she would call me and she said quietly, she goes, I always wanted another child.
Oh, boy.
And your father didn't give me another child.
Oh, boy.
And I don't know if this marriage is going to work out because I always wanted another child.
I've just always wanted more children.
Yeah.
And he's denied me that.
And I want another child.
And I would just sit there and go, okay.
Thank you.
Thanks for that.
I'd go, all right.
So I love my mother and I do love my mother, but she was a horrible person, but also a lovely person.
Yeah.
She was a great person.
The thing is that when we talk about our parents and we criticize them, we criticize them from a valid place.
Yes.
But people are not one-dimensional.
No.
So you can be like, look, my mom's crazy or horrible, all these things, but that doesn't fully define her.
You still have this stuff.
We used to swim.
She taught me how to swim.
She was a swim coach.
And I swam a mile in the bay when I was six.
And she used to.
She used to get all the neighborhood kids and we'd all like swim at like 5 a.m.
And she would like train them how to be like good swimmers.
And she was really good.
She was really good with that.
She was really good, like an aquatic person.
Yeah.
And she was like very much committed to that.
And then I was an actor and she was committed to that.
From when I was like probably seven, I started acting and I acted till I was about 12.
And she really tried.
And we went and I did.
Did you like it?
I did.
I just never had that big break where it was like, this changes your life.
And me and her went on a tour for like four months with this touring musical, Annie, get your gun.
And she and we would be on the tour bus every night.
And then we toured with a whole production.
And then they put me in an Amstel light shirt.
What's better than that?
Take a look at me and my dad right there.
Look at his face.
I was just, I was singing a song about sucking cock right there.
I was singing a song about sucking dick.
And the cum comes out of the dick.
He was like, this is, you said this was an Irish folk song.
The priest has a big cock.
So, but like, you know, she was with me for that.
Yeah.
And then I started doing drugs and she went insane.
So we went on separate ways, but I still love her.
She went a little nutty.
And I, and I just, at 12 years old, 13 years old, I started using cocaine and smoking weed.
Obviously, weed first.
I'm not nuts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But weed and blow and some Viking.
And my friend's mother was a hooker and sold us drugs and we loved her.
She's in the book.
We love them all.
Did your mom do drugs too?
Never.
She did over-the-counter drugs.
She would take Sudafed and she would drink like prevental cough syrup and tab.
She loved tab soda and prevental, prevental cough syrup.
Oh, oh, coffee.
And like Suda Fed.
And like, she loves an over-the-counter cocktail to just keep her going.
Yeah.
She loved an over-the-counter cocktail.
You did the acting, by the way.
Drug Use and Acting Careers00:08:27
Yeah, I did more of it.
I did a, I did two movies that bit parts in two films that are coming out, which is awesome.
That's great.
One, one, it was an Eli Roth movie called Thanksgiving, which is really cool that's coming out.
And then there's another movie that I'm hoping my scenes in.
I imagine it will be.
I can't say what it is.
It's kind of a big deal movie.
And the director yelled at me and said, what are you doing several times?
But then we eventually got to it.
But that's the process.
Like they're making it.
No, he's like, I don't understand what you're doing.
He's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh, shit.
He's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
And literally next to me was the biggest, one of the biggest stars of our era.
So wait, whatever.
Without podcast, tough guy.
How did you handle that?
Because these are all the things.
It's so stressful.
So, I mean, I don't even know if I can talk about it.
Let me talk about it a little.
Let's talk about it.
And then you guys can edit it out.
No, we're going to talk about it.
Okay.
Because it's not a big deal.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm in the film.
And it's me and this very big director and this very big star.
Before we get to this, were you just offered the part?
Did you audition?
I auditioned.
Okay, so you auditioned and you got the part from that.
I get the part.
Okay.
They said it's going to be like a funny part.
Okay.
Okay.
Maybe I have one joke, but it's not, you know, I get to set.
You don't get a script every day because it's like super hush-hush, you know?
So like then like they come in, they give me my lines and they're like, okay, and you move the book, you slide the book across the table, but not too far, extend it's out of the shot.
Put your hand on the book, but don't cover the title.
You deliver your first line.
He's going to open the door.
Then he's going to hang up the phone.
You look at him.
You deliver your second line.
He interrupts you.
Then you wait, not too soon, not too fast.
You deliver your third line.
It's so high stress.
It's so high straight.
And I'm sitting here, 80 people.
It's one of the biggest movies.
And I'm sitting there.
And a very, very big star who's like brilliant is in this little room with me.
And then another brilliant star is there.
This is the first scene I've done in any film.
Okay?
The number one.
So I'm like, okay.
And I'm trying to remember like the first thing.
I'm like, all the things.
I'm like, the book, the fucking slide the book.
And fuck.
The book.
And I'm like, I slide the book.
And like, so I kept getting the line wrong.
And the director's like kept telling me the line.
He's like, this is the line.
And then I'm like, okay.
And then he goes, he goes, I'm like, all right.
I was like, I was like, I think I said that last time.
He's like, you've never said it.
But maybe next time you'll say it.
And I'm like.
But then he was also being rough with a lot of the other people who are much better.
Okay.
So you've been rough with a lot of people because that's his style.
And I respect that.
I'm no millennial.
I'm like, kick me in the face.
Just make, just put my scene in the film because it did end up good at the end.
And I'm the draw in this film.
I'm the draw.
A lot of people are going to argue that it's the other two.
I'm not saying who they are, but I'm the draw.
So wait.
At what point does he go, what the fuck are you doing?
He came up to me and he goes, hey, hey, what the fuck are you doing?
He goes, I don't really understand what's happening right now.
He's like, you realize you have to do this the same time every way, right?
The same time every time.
This is like a fucking movie.
He's like, I don't get it.
He's like, what is happening right now?
And I'm like, I'm really apologizing.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to do all the things and whatever.
And, you know, so it was very, listen, it was stressful, but I like the pressure.
Yeah.
It was really good.
And he's a great director.
He's made some of the greatest films ever.
I don't mind being shamed in front of.
I just kind of know who this is.
I know.
You have to tell us off, Mike.
I'll tell you off.
Just tell us now.
What if they cut you?
Well, no, I don't think they'll do anything to me.
Here's, I'll tell you.
Okay.
The movie is the Oprah Winfrey story.
Oh, my God.
I believed you.
I was like, nah, dude.
I play Stedman.
No.
It's a very famous group of people.
Come on.
But I signed an NDA.
That's what I'm saying.
Cut it.
Yeah, but I don't want to cut.
If I say it, I don't want to cut it.
All right.
I'm going to say it and then probably not cut it.
Okay.
Oh my big.
That's big.
It's big.
And he we're going to cut it.
We'll cut it out.
And he was rough with other people.
He was rough with everybody that deserved it.
I deserve it.
And I will take it again.
You can hit me.
But it was very stressful.
It's so stressful.
And rough with the big talent, too.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Because it is what it is.
I mean, I don't mean rough.
I don't want to say rough, like passionate.
Everybody's passionate.
No one's saying anything wrong here.
Everyone's passionate and it's a beautiful process.
Well, that's true because there are people that are in comedy that will say crazy shit to you, but you know them so well that you're like, oh, that doesn't even fade.
It was wild because you know what?
I got it by the end to a good place.
And that's what a good director should do is to like make you better.
Yeah.
And that's, and I miss the acting and I'm going to do more acting and I liked it.
And I, and I'm, you know, I'm really excited about it.
Good.
And, you know, I think, I think I did a great job.
And I think at the end, in the beginning, it was hard.
Yeah.
But at the end, I think it all came together.
And that's what counts.
Have you been fired in show business?
I've never been fired per se from a gig.
I don't think.
Like stand-up?
Yeah, I don't think I've been fired.
I mean, I was fired as a writer from Chelsea lately.
That was pretty horrible.
Yeah, I mean, that must be.
Yeah, but that was it.
And especially because I didn't see it coming.
Yeah.
It was one of those where I never had a job.
That's why.
Oh, really?
I never had a gig in com like I never had a job.
Like I had stand-up.
I had the podcast.
I never had a writing job.
I never had any of that.
Well, you're the younger Jen.
That stuff was kind of out of style, no?
Like by the time you were...
People were doing it.
I didn't want to do it.
I never wanted to be really.
I never wanted to do it.
I did a few pilots.
You know, I wrote on a couple pilots for Tel Central, but I never, once I got a taste of it, I was like, I don't want.
And the thing is, the other writers, they try to sell you on it.
So they're like, you should try to do this.
And I was like, because you know why?
There's some semblance of security.
It's like, I can be a comic and be safe.
So they're like indoor cats, right?
Like that's, that's why they're not truly funny because they're not stand-ups.
Well, some of them are really funny.
Some of them.
But they're not all funny.
You're talking about on stage, though.
Yeah.
But they're truly funny on paper.
No, I disagree.
I mean, yes, there are people that are funny writers, joke writers, obviously.
But like, I don't know.
I don't LOL a lot at like late night.
Well, yeah, but that's that, that's that gig.
I'm saying there's hilarious writer, comedy writers that do that write amazing comedy, but you're talking about for the specific show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, what I'm saying is that like some of those writers, they would also, some of them always had like a little bit of stand-up in there.
And they're like, what do you do?
And you go, I do stand up.
And they're like, you really think it's going to, you're going to write it as a stand-up?
Right.
Like, you should try to do it.
Well, it's so rare, I think, you know, when you see all the people that are in the business, a lot of them become writers.
Yeah.
I just felt if I found it kind of boring and I thought stand-up was more exciting and the road was more exciting.
Yeah.
So much better.
Freedom.
Yeah, freedom.
Even when you're not moving a single ticket, it's like there's something about the live performance that is like, so much.
It was just more fun and thrilling and like it kept you going.
Whereas like writers, you know, have these amazing lives.
But I think they're more, you know, some of them, it's, I guess, more exciting than I think or more exhilarating.
I just felt like for me, I like being out there and doing my own thing.
Yeah.
And I have to admit, my ego hated it when the joke I wrote would be said by somebody else on camera.
Writing Jokes for Others to Tell00:10:13
Right.
Oh, that was mine.
Right.
I want that joke.
Well, they're striking now and we're going to see what's happening.
I think it's going to last a minute.
It's going to last a long time.
I am behind the scenes putting it all trying to help because I'm very good friends with David Zaslov, Ted Sarandos.
All of the streamers are like my best friend.
But I support the writers.
But my best friends are the billionaire streamers.
So it's like weird because they're my best friends.
But I see the writer's point.
But like, I am like such, I'm very close with like these people that I love.
Like I love these billionaire.
Like I literally love David Zazlov.
He's like my best friend.
And like, so like sometimes it's so weird because he's like, why are you supporting them?
And I'm like, David, like, I don't know.
Like they're hungry.
And he's like, are they?
And I'm like, I don't know.
I'm in such a hard spot.
You know what I mean?
Are they?
I'm in a hard spot because like I see them picketing.
Yeah.
And I want to, I'm not in the WGA.
Right.
And I want to get out.
And I want to, you know.
March with them.
I want to march with them.
Yeah.
But I'm in the car often with a CEO of a streaming company going to lunch and we talk about how to kill those people.
We do that most of our lunches.
We talk about how to get rid of them.
And here's the thing with AI.
It's like, I think AI is scary, but I also like think it's exciting to like have a robot do all of that work and like have all these people that are doing it now like maybe die.
That to me is like a new, that to me is like a new thing.
It would be so amazing if one of these CEOs with a car gets into one of the picket lines.
By accident?
By accident.
I'm saying it was a total accident.
Well, I think what's going to have to happen is you're going to have to have these, we're going to have to have a meeting of the minds where everybody sits down and basically irons out something that everyone can live with because we can't keep going on like this.
No one in America cares about this at all.
Nobody.
Not one human being cares about this.
I don't know.
I barely care.
The news barely registers.
LA doesn't need to take any more hits.
It's taking a hit.
The weather this winter was not good.
No.
The rain.
Rain, hail, sleet, bad.
Snow, very bad.
All of the good comics have left Los Angeles.
Most of, most of, not all of, a lot of.
Yeah.
Okay.
And really, the two comics left in LA, it's like the same guy.
And the two people that are fighting for dominance of the LA comedy scene right now are literally indistinguishable from each other, which is weird.
And it's me and Matt Reif.
It's the same guy.
And we're talking about the same things.
And so what it really is, is this fight between these two brothers who are the same to try to try to reach these people.
Jesus Christ, is this what Matt looks like with his shirt?
That's what I look like too.
It's these cameras.
You don't have nice cameras.
That's the problem is these fucking cameras.
I tell Rogan too.
Rogan invested all the money in deer antlers and not the cameras because without the camera.
No, but we're very similar.
We look alike.
We're the same type of guy.
And it's weird.
It's weird.
And it's just both of us in LA like fighting for like, who's going to do it?
That's the photo.
Is that a lion?
That's the photo where it's like, so it's hard.
So that's what LA is right now.
It's just me and this guy fighting for supremacy.
Being the same, you know what I mean?
Sure.
My crowd is all women because they're brilliant.
Yeah.
Because they're very smart.
They're into comics.
And they like women like to the takes.
And I did a show at me and Shane Mullen and Big J.
It was an arena.
All women.
All women, yeah.
All women came out in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
All women who voted for Joseph Biden.
That's my audience.
Women who voted for Joseph Biden.
Do you and Matt get along or is it pretty contentious?
No, we get along because it's like, it's contentious because it's always tough to see your doppelganger all the time.
And it's like, no, Matt's actually an awesome dude.
He's a really sweet guy and he's funny and awesome.
And we do look different.
You do.
And so that's good.
I think that's good.
He's so cute.
He's very attractive.
He's a kiss from a movie or is that like a can't?
Kate Beck.
Oh, but I dated her.
And let me tell you something about Kate Beckett.
You go to dinner with her.
I mean, you got to fill the conversation.
You try to talk to her about the Ukraine?
You got another thing coming.
She's got nothing.
It's a joke.
We're all kidding.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Is this real?
This is Matt to Pete.
Yeah.
Comedy people are now, this is truly fucking reality TV show.
Yeah.
Well, it is.
Listen, for once, the comics are getting laid.
I think that's cool.
It's cool.
It's cool to be cool.
It's cool to be cool.
Comedy shouldn't get too cool.
Not too cool.
Not too cool.
It's not good.
No.
It loses.
Colin Quinn said, when comedy gets too cool, it always loses.
For sure.
It makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, for sure.
That's why you got to like, you got to kind of lean, you know.
We all want to be seen a certain way, look good, and all this stuff, but you got to kind of lean into your flaws a little bit if you're a comic.
Well, lean into humanity.
Yeah.
I think humanity is important.
I think technology is obviously very important, but I also think that like the job of a comic is to like kind of remember that human beings exist.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Isn't that profound?
That was really good.
Isn't that profound?
That's the type of shit I say that's the dumbest shit, but it sounds good.
Like I'll be like, the job of a comedian is to remember that human beings exist, you know?
No, but you're right, because it's all, it's those little things, right?
Like taking a shit.
But we don't get to hating yourself.
We don't get to be the coolest.
That's the thing.
No.
You can be kind of cool.
Like, there is kind of, like, yeah, cool enough.
Like, yeah, I want to hang out with that guy.
He's cool.
But you don't get, you're not fucking.
Like, Rogan is very cool.
He's cool.
But what I'm saying is that Keanu Reeves and like John Wick, that's not a comedian.
That's another cool thing.
He's the coolest.
Like Anthony Bourdain was pretty cool.
Yeah, but he wasn't a comic, right?
No, I mean, just like cool in general.
Like, who's the coolest?
I got to be honest with you, and you're probably going to disagree with this as a mother.
I like Casey Anthony.
I like her free spirit.
She's cool.
I like that she has a free spirit.
I like, like, look at, get her out now.
Let's see what she looks like.
Like, I like, I like that smile right there in the second.
That's a fun scene.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's in court.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like her.
I like, I think it's, I like strength.
Sure.
I like female strength.
Do you see a free photo of her?
Like, do we see, can we, I wonder what she looks like.
What is that expression?
I mean, that's like, oopsie.
She's like playing coy.
Oh, there's less of a smile now.
Yeah, well, because she's in this is what she's well, she's right now.
This in that photo, right there, she just remembered she killed her daughter.
That's always a rough moment.
That right there, where is Casey Anthony now?
Like that photo, she goes, Oh shit, I'm there when you're a kid and they take photos in school and they're like, They're like, think and then right now, they're like, Hey, you killed your daughter.
Look at that Disney photo from TMZ.
Look at her.
She's at Disney World.
This is what I think is so cool about her.
Go up is the middle one on top.
So she, somebody goes at her at Disney World.
She's put on a few pounds.
She's looking at kids' toys in Disney World.
This is what I like about her.
She's not letting you shame her because she's out there going, I'm living my best life.
She's still a mother.
Going back to, she's still a mother?
She's still a mother.
Like, did she have kids again?
No.
No, but she looks like consider her a mother at heart.
Yeah.
She's a famous mother.
Could you imagine going to Disney without the kids?
Jesus Christ.
Disney World, I think, in Casey Anthony's defense is really fun for people of all ages.
And I think that's what.
Now, I'm against that.
I've made fun of it.
But like, I think she's really getting the most out of it.
Well, people like to get loaded at Disney World, is what I hear.
There's like five bars there or something.
What is she?
Wow, she's really cool.
Who's that guy?
I think that's her father.
Really, really?
Or maybe not.
Dog's cute.
I bet she's fun to date, though.
Here's the thing with her.
She's just fun.
Yeah, she's a good time.
Anyone who does something like that is also game for other shit.
You know what I mean?
Oh, dude.
I mean, she'll dine in Dash.
Exactly.
Can you imagine?
Be like, exactly.
Hey, the waitress hasn't gotten her check.
Why don't we get out of here?
She's like, that seems inconsiderate.
You're like, Casey?
She's like, all right, I got it.
Exactly.
And there's no sexual favor you can ask that she's going to be like, I'm not that kind of girl.
You're like, she's not saying no to Anal if she put her daughter in a bank.
Exactly.
There's absolutely no way that's happening.
Exactly.
And I do appreciate her.
I mean, there's something about her.
And I hope she becomes an actress or something because I think she's got a lot to give.
Netflix Specials and Fourth of July00:03:47
I want to thank both of you because, you know, you are, you're so funny.
What you've done here is so crazy impressive with all of the different podcasts you guys have.
Thank you.
It's insanely amazing to watch.
You know, it's like, it's, it's amazing.
And it's just amazing.
And I'm down here doing mother shit, which I gave Joe Rogan the money to open.
We don't have to talk about it.
We don't have to talk about it.
He didn't have any money.
And he called me and he said, do you have money?
And I said, I have a little bit.
And I wrote him a check to open that club.
That was super nice of you.
Yeah.
It's really nice of me.
And I don't bring it up a lot.
Yeah.
But I bring it up to humanize him because he did not have any money.
He doesn't have any money.
It's all fake.
It's fake money.
So, but no, it's amazing what you guys have done.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Truly.
It's been fun to watch you.
You know, it was one of the people who I was like, oh man, just stay on the path.
You know, like keep doing what you're doing.
There's nothing like you already made it.
So you just have to like, the only way you can fuck it up is by like stop doing what you're doing.
You know, no, we're going to keep doing stuff.
We're going to keep trying to be funny.
You know, we're going to keep doing all the things that I guess, you know, people do until there's a new thing.
Yeah, then we'll try that.
We'll all try that.
It's a new thing.
But you, you were supposed to be at the CPAP machine, the new movie with Bert Kreischer.
Yes.
The fat machine.
And I wasn't at it.
You weren't at it.
And because I'm doing a lot of work right now with orphans in the Ukraine.
Oh, I didn't know that.
A lot of orphans in the Ukraine are being shipped to Austin, Texas.
And I'm making sure that to get raised in good Christian families.
And I've been working with a lot of the orphaned Ukrainian orphans.
But I love Bert.
I hope the movie does well.
I hope all the movies do well.
All the comedy movies.
Me too.
Sebastian's movie, everybody that's putting movies out.
It helps all of us.
It really does.
To have people go out there and see comedy movies.
And I also hope that you spend more time in Austin than LA.
Come on, man.
Well, I spend a lot.
I mean, I spent, well, everything's a dump except Palm Beach and the Hamptons.