The Tim Dillon Show - 227 - Sober Up
Aired: 2020-11-22
Duration: 01:09:58


=== High Season Disasters (04:51) ===

[00:00:15]  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show.
[00:00:18]  No video this week.
[00:00:21]  We have had a succession of disasters that have prevented us from recording in our usual studio.
[00:00:34]  We are sitting in my backyard in Palm Springs, California during the high season, which is apparently when everybody comes out here to be in the desert during the winter.
[00:00:49]  I like it in the summer when nobody's here and it's 125 degrees.
[00:00:55]  Prevents people from getting too emotional.
[00:00:59]  Really keep the riots at bay when it's 125 degrees.
[00:01:05]  But now it's cool and people are coming back out here.
[00:01:09]  All the desert rats are back out.
[00:01:12]  All the creatures.
[00:01:15]  I had the maid come in, and the guy I usually use brought in a new maid, her and her husband, who did what they call a deep COVID clean, which nobody asked them to do.
[00:01:31]  This is not an urgent care.
[00:01:33]  It's my home.
[00:01:35]  The chemical smell of the deep COVID clean is such that I cannot sit in my home.
[00:01:43]  I don't know if I can sleep here.
[00:01:46]  But it is safe, apparently, from COVID.
[00:01:50]  Ben walked in and his eyes started watering.
[00:01:55]  His throat got scratchy.
[00:01:57]  Yep.
[00:01:58]  I mean, it is, it is, it is bleach.
[00:02:00]  Is it ammonia?
[00:02:01]  What is it?
[00:02:02]  It's Clorox, man.
[00:02:03]  It's that Clorox bleach.
[00:02:06]  The entire fucking house is completely.
[00:02:12]  So, of course, we got to go get candles.
[00:02:18]  And we went and got candles at CVS.
[00:02:22]  And the meth at his CVS is unhappy.
[00:02:27]  I asked her where the candles are.
[00:02:28]  She goes, well, we have Glade plug-ins.
[00:02:30]  I'm like, well, those aren't candles.
[00:02:32]  You know the difference.
[00:02:35]  Don't get an attitude with me.
[00:02:37]  I'm sorry the state took your child.
[00:02:40]  It's not my fault.
[00:02:42]  Candle, like you light with a lighter.
[00:02:44]  You know about lighters, don't you?
[00:02:46]  You know what lighters are.
[00:02:47]  You know how to light things on fire.
[00:02:50]  Candles.
[00:02:51]  So finally, she's like yelling at us.
[00:02:55]  She's like, I told you it's in 23.
[00:02:58]  She's white, by the way.
[00:02:59]  So if I do an accent that sounds black, she was white.
[00:03:02]  We're talking meth.
[00:03:03]  Palm Springs meth.
[00:03:05]  White, and she looked Irish, which wouldn't shock anyone.
[00:03:10]  And she was just like, the candles are on aisle 23.
[00:03:14]  I told you where they were.
[00:03:17]  And I'm like, listen, we're here to get some holiday candles because my maid did a COVID clean and we can't breathe.
[00:03:26]  You know about not breathing, right?
[00:03:30]  That's what the EMT says when they pick your lifeless body off your kitchen floor, you scumbag.
[00:03:38]  She's a rat pig.
[00:03:43]  And that's what we got out here in the high season.
[00:03:46]  We got degenerates.
[00:03:49]  Then we had to go to Dairy Queen because we worked ourselves up in appetite.
[00:03:54]  And then there's a problem in the Dairy Queen.
[00:03:56]  There's a guy in a pickup truck that stalled out screaming onion rings at the top of his lungs, not even in the general direction of the fucking whatever they, what do you even call that in a fast food thing?
[00:04:11]  The drive-through speaker box?
[00:04:14]  Yeah, whatever.
[00:04:15]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:04:15]  He was the one, the one car behind.
[00:04:17]  He's not even, and he's just yelling out of his window at the sky onion rings.
[00:04:23]  Onion rings.
[00:04:25]  Get me onion rings.
[00:04:28]  The car in front of him, the guy's telling the woman every different kind of slushy they have.
[00:04:34]  Every kind of slushy that's available at 11 p.m. at Dairy Queen in Cathedral City, California, right next to the subway drive-through.
[00:04:48]  As Bill Hicks would say, if you need a point of reference, right next to the subway drive-through, because Subway made the very smart decision of letting people get handed a foot-long hero through a window if they didn't want to get out of their car.

=== Building A Media Empire (15:41) ===

[00:05:07]  I mean, I can't breathe.
[00:05:08]  It's so fucked.
[00:05:13]  So don't complain about the sound quality.
[00:05:15]  Don't complain about there's no video.
[00:05:17]  Just fucking let it be.
[00:05:21]  Enjoy life.
[00:05:25]  It's a real, I feel like the last four years, we've all been on drugs.
[00:05:29]  Trump is a drug for the people that love him and for the people that hate him.
[00:05:35]  He's been a drug.
[00:05:37]  Everybody's been hopped up on Trump.
[00:05:40]  The media, Hollywood, his supporters, everybody.
[00:05:47]  And now the party's over and people are still acting like the party's still going on.
[00:05:58]  Like, you know when you used to get fucked up with people in high school and they pretended they were more drunk than they were?
[00:06:04]  Yes, yeah.
[00:06:05]  And you knew that they weren't that fucked up?
[00:06:07]  Or when you would trip out with somebody and they clearly had come down and they're like, I'm still up there, man.
[00:06:13]  And it's like, no, you're not.
[00:06:15]  Get us in a car and drive us somewhere.
[00:06:17]  You're fine.
[00:06:20]  That's what Trump supporters, hardcore Trump supporters, are acting like right now.
[00:06:25]  They're pretending they're still drunk at a party in high school.
[00:06:29]  They're like, dude, I'm fucked up.
[00:06:31]  Dude, we're going to win.
[00:06:33]  We're going to win, bro.
[00:06:34]  Fucking Georgia.
[00:06:36]  Dude, I'm so fucking wrecked right now, bro.
[00:06:40]  Are you right?
[00:06:41]  It's like, you're not wrecked.
[00:06:42]  We know you're not wrecked.
[00:06:44]  You're not drunk anymore.
[00:06:46]  You're not even drunk.
[00:06:48]  You barely had anything to drink.
[00:06:50]  We saw you.
[00:06:52]  You're barely drunk.
[00:06:55]  You can legally drive.
[00:06:56]  You just pretended to fall down.
[00:06:58]  You can legally drive.
[00:07:00]  And that's where we are right now in this great land.
[00:07:04]  We have people.
[00:07:05]  And then there's people even on the other side.
[00:07:07]  Like they're like, he'll never go away.
[00:07:10]  He'll never leave.
[00:07:12]  It's like this shit's all going to end, dude.
[00:07:15]  COVID is going to end.
[00:07:16]  Trump is going to end.
[00:07:18]  And you have to accept the reality where those things are not running your life anymore.
[00:07:24]  And I know that's depressing to many of you because even though you might have loved or hated Trump, he was this sense of stability.
[00:07:32]  You're going to wake up.
[00:07:33]  The president was going to tweet something fucked up.
[00:07:36]  And then there was this plague outside that prevented you from doing anything.
[00:07:42]  Those things are going to come to an end.
[00:07:44]  We're at dinner the other night and people were like, Trump's going to have this big media empire.
[00:07:49]  And I'm like, I'm going on record now.
[00:07:52]  And I could be wrong, but I'm going record on record right now.
[00:07:56]  I don't think he will.
[00:07:58]  I don't think Trump's going to have a massive media empire.
[00:08:02]  It takes a ton of capital.
[00:08:04]  Can you give me a bottle of water from the...
[00:08:06]  Thank you.
[00:08:06]  I'm sorry.
[00:08:07]  I don't want to make you breathe in the fucking.
[00:08:10]  Ben's very sensitive.
[00:08:11]  I spent 10 years doing cocaine, so I can't really smell a ton.
[00:08:15]  But Ben's very like, I can't, I can't understand why they would do this with the chemicals.
[00:08:21]  And I know, I don't understand it either.
[00:08:23]  They were doing a deep COVID clean because apparently they thought this was a fucking hospital.
[00:08:32]  This house is cleaner than a hospital right now.
[00:08:35]  This is cleaner than the ER.
[00:08:38]  Ben, the bottle of water is right there on the bar.
[00:08:40]  You don't need to get, just get the bottle of water on the bar, please, and bring it out here.
[00:08:47]  I called the guy who sent the maids.
[00:08:49]  I'm like, dude, what the fuck?
[00:08:51]  I like this guy, too.
[00:08:54]  But he sent this husband and wife couple, and they're a real fucking problem.
[00:08:59]  The regular maid, it's her birthday, so she went away for the weekend.
[00:09:05]  What was I saying before that?
[00:09:09]  Talking about Trump.
[00:09:12]  He's not going to start a media empire.
[00:09:13]  Well, I mean, he might try.
[00:09:16]  You need a lot of capital to start a media empire.
[00:09:19]  People don't seem to realize that.
[00:09:20]  You need tons and tons of capital.
[00:09:23]  And I just don't think he's going to do it.
[00:09:28]  I could be wrong.
[00:09:29]  I might be wrong.
[00:09:31]  I just don't know.
[00:09:32]  Is he going to start a media empire?
[00:09:34]  People seemed very upset last night when I kind of were telling them like, this is ending.
[00:09:39]  The movie is ending.
[00:09:41]  They were like, no, no, he's not going away.
[00:09:45]  One of the guys at the table goes, he's not going away.
[00:09:48]  He's going to have a media empire.
[00:09:50]  He's going to be bigger than ever.
[00:09:51]  I'm like, are you children?
[00:09:53]  This is like people in high school before they go to college going, dude, we're still going to be best buds forever.
[00:09:58]  You're not.
[00:10:00]  You're probably not.
[00:10:02]  Maybe.
[00:10:03]  Statistically, you're not.
[00:10:06]  Some guy, you know, some guy says to his girlfriend, he's like, even though we're going to different schools, we're still going to fucking love each other.
[00:10:13]  You're not.
[00:10:14]  It's over.
[00:10:16]  Have a few summer fucks.
[00:10:18]  And those are the tweets he's tweeting out right now.
[00:10:20]  That's a few summer fucks because it's ending.
[00:10:25]  Things end.
[00:10:27]  And I think that this has been such a visceral experience for so many people.
[00:10:32]  It has been really, really impactful.
[00:10:35]  And their entire sense of reality is wrapped around this guy and people's reaction to this guy.
[00:10:44]  That the idea of there not being a Donald Trump or it not being like this huge fight every minute of every day, the drama, the excitement.
[00:10:55]  People are, this is like drug addicts coming down.
[00:10:59]  We're coming down.
[00:11:00]  We're being weaned off a drug that we've all been on for four years.
[00:11:05]  And somebody goes at the dinner last night to go, he's going to run again in four years.
[00:11:12]  Are you people nuts?
[00:11:16]  How bad do you need this guy?
[00:11:18]  The oxygen.
[00:11:20]  Trump takes all the oxygen out of the room.
[00:11:24]  He's going to run again.
[00:11:27]  He's going to have a media empire and then he's going to run again.
[00:11:31]  He's not going anywhere.
[00:11:33]  Yeah, he's going to go somewhere.
[00:11:35]  He's going to die eventually.
[00:11:37]  Were you going to handle that?
[00:11:38]  Then somebody at the table goes, I think Ivako will run.
[00:11:41]  There's just no thought that this is coming to an end.
[00:11:48]  Same thing with COVID.
[00:11:50]  It's coming to an end, folks.
[00:11:52]  Not tomorrow, not soon.
[00:11:55]  But eventually it's going to come to an end.
[00:12:00]  We're going to get a vaccine or there's going to be herd immunity and we're going to move on.
[00:12:05]  And I know that that's terrifying.
[00:12:07]  People are like terrified of moving on from these two situations.
[00:12:12]  You talk to people, they don't like, they don't even like to hear that.
[00:12:15]  When I go, COVID's, it's going to end.
[00:12:17]  They go, oh, I don't know about that.
[00:12:19]  I'm like, do you not want it to end?
[00:12:21]  Are you invested in this being the reality forever?
[00:12:24]  Oh, I don't think it'll end.
[00:12:26]  They go, I don't think so.
[00:12:28]  People go, people are going to wear masks forever.
[00:12:30]  Nothing will ever go back to normal.
[00:12:32]  No one will ever leave their house again.
[00:12:34]  This is just the way it fucking is.
[00:12:36]  I'm like, well, in many states, they're leaving their house now.
[00:12:40]  No, this won't end.
[00:12:42]  Trump's going to have a media empire.
[00:12:45]  We'll live in this reality forever.
[00:12:47]  And I'm like, it's, I've been to rehab.
[00:12:49]  I've sobered up off drugs.
[00:12:53]  This is very similar to addict behavior in early sobriety.
[00:13:00]  Early sobriety is all about the idea that you're learning to let go of the things and the people that you had built this life around as a drug addict, needing this drug, the rituals, the people, the places, the things, all of that have to change.
[00:13:24]  Early sobriety.
[00:13:25]  Later on, you get deeper into why you're a fucking addict and you go, fuck me.
[00:13:30]  I should go to a therapist.
[00:13:32]  I got to deal with shit.
[00:13:33]  But early sobriety is all about like, okay, I can't hang out with Bill anymore because he's a problem.
[00:13:42]  So we're in early sobriety right now.
[00:13:45]  A lot of people are sobering up.
[00:13:47]  QAnon is a real rough time now.
[00:13:50]  I just hired a personal trainer.
[00:13:52]  I'm trying to get him into QAnon right now just to get him down a rabbit hole so he doesn't fucking bother me.
[00:13:58]  But I just hired a trainer.
[00:14:00]  I've been told to hire a trainer forever.
[00:14:02]  And I just hired a fucking trainer and I started trying to get him in the queue on the low.
[00:14:06]  Started texting him.
[00:14:07]  I'm like, hey, man, have you heard about this?
[00:14:09]  He's like, yeah, I've been hearing something about that.
[00:14:11]  I'm like, why don't you start reading about that?
[00:14:13]  He's like, so what'd you eat today?
[00:14:14]  I'm like, why don't we talk a little bit about QAnon for a minute?
[00:14:19]  Let's just say there's bigger problems than what I had for breakfast.
[00:14:25]  Let's just try to solve a few riddles that were posted on the internet, sir.
[00:14:33]  Just before we get to the training session, let's talk a little bit about Q.
[00:14:39]  But the QAnon people, I mean, it's going, they're going to sober up like a cult.
[00:14:44]  It's a few years.
[00:14:45]  They're going to be like, yeah, man, I was, you know, they're going to do Netflix documentaries.
[00:14:50]  Like, you know, Leah Remedies talking about Scientology.
[00:14:52]  And by the way, is that even interesting?
[00:14:53]  There's like 25 documentaries about people that used to be in Scientology.
[00:14:57]  Who gives a fuck?
[00:14:58]  Yeah, you thought you were an alien and made $10 million.
[00:15:01]  Why do we have to hear about it forever?
[00:15:03]  Are you people heroes?
[00:15:05]  I don't even understand.
[00:15:06]  I mean, didn't you torture children too?
[00:15:09]  What are you talking about?
[00:15:10]  Why am I even interested in this?
[00:15:12]  It's clearly a cult.
[00:15:13]  We all knew it was a cult.
[00:15:15]  We all thought you were retarded when you were talking about Zenu and an explosion of souls and that this is how you, and auditing, it was clearly a blackmail operation.
[00:15:25]  You tell all your secrets to a guy that records them and then you can't get out.
[00:15:29]  It's blackmail.
[00:15:30]  We know what it is.
[00:15:31]  It's Epstein's Island.
[00:15:32]  We get it.
[00:15:33]  Everyone else gets it.
[00:15:34]  Why does there are 35 documentaries about this?
[00:15:38]  This is like explaining Santa Claus not being real.
[00:15:42]  Yeah, we know that.
[00:15:43]  Nobody's shocked about that.
[00:15:46]  Everyone's like, oh, this is this.
[00:15:48]  Have you seen, have you read Going Clear?
[00:15:50]  Have you seen Going Clear?
[00:15:52]  It's amazing.
[00:15:53]  It's all the scientists that get wrapped up into this cult.
[00:15:55]  Yeah, it's a cult like anything else, like anything else.
[00:15:58]  It's not that interesting.
[00:16:00]  It's only interesting because celebrities are in it.
[00:16:03]  Let's be very clear.
[00:16:05]  No one would give a shit about Scientology if it was poor people only.
[00:16:10]  And a lot of them are broke.
[00:16:12]  But if Tom Cruise wasn't in it, no one would give a shit.
[00:16:16]  They'd be like, oh, yeah, those people believe that, you know, they're all alien life forms that were, yeah, yeah, they're into that.
[00:16:24]  But because like Tom Cruise is in it, everybody's like, well, this is pretty cool.
[00:16:31]  But it's a QA.
[00:16:32]  They're going to have QAnon docs is my point.
[00:16:35]  In a few years, there's going to be somebody talking about that they were in QAnon.
[00:16:38]  They were like, well, I was a follower of Q for years.
[00:16:41]  And then I finally realized that when my husband kidnapped my son because he thought I was selling them the Clintons and he kidnapped my son and he drove him across state lines.
[00:16:54]  I realized the era of my ways.
[00:16:56]  I realized that I shouldn't have been just reading those Q drops every day.
[00:17:00]  I should have been looking for work.
[00:17:02]  It's going to be QAnon docs.
[00:17:04]  All these people whose brains have been fucking toasted in this country at Dairy Queen.
[00:17:10]  What do you think that guy was reading 10 minutes before he was shouting onion rings in the drive-thru?
[00:17:16]  People are just shouting onion rings at the sky.
[00:17:19]  Onion rings.
[00:17:21]  Give me onion rings.
[00:17:23]  Like a child.
[00:17:26]  I just wanted to see like just a fat Hispanic woman walk out with just a bucket of onion rings and start shoving them in his mouth.
[00:17:34]  Just shoving them in his mouth.
[00:17:39]  Let's talk about meat.
[00:17:40]  Dude, they sent me this meat and I loved it.
[00:17:43]  They sent me some really, really good meat and I really appreciate it.
[00:17:46]  They have the best cuts of American beef, wagu and lamb.
[00:17:51]  Wagu, wagyu, wagu, wagyu is how you say it.
[00:17:57]  We're just sobering up right now.
[00:18:01]  And everybody's invested in this idea that nothing's ever going to change.
[00:18:06]  It's so unhealthy.
[00:18:08]  It's so weird that everybody's like figuring out a way to hold on to Trump.
[00:18:13]  I'm like, hey, man, get over it.
[00:18:17]  On both sides, the people that made Trump out to be Hitler think he's going to terrorize them forever.
[00:18:24]  They're convinced that he'll never go away.
[00:18:28]  They'll never get a moment's peace.
[00:18:30]  And they're still going to get to watch Stephen Colbert and John Oliver take down Trump.
[00:18:38]  What a takedown.
[00:18:40]  And they think it's never going to end.
[00:18:44]  I mean, it's true.
[00:18:45]  And by the way, the joke I made last week about Kamala Harris executing the CEO of Patreon is a joke, and it's not based on any inside knowledge I have about an actual event or planned events that was made on our Patreon episode.
[00:19:02]  That wasn't a cue drop.
[00:19:04]  It was a joke.
[00:19:06]  I don't believe at this point there's any military operation planned to take out the CEO of Patreon.
[00:19:14]  Though I don't necessarily think it's completely out of the realm of possibility.
[00:19:22]  But that's just my belief system about that.
[00:19:27]  It's going to end, and then everybody's going to be sitting there and all the people, you know, I talked to my little cousin today, one of the good ones, you know, one of the ones who I would let in my home.
[00:19:41]  And he was saying his dad, he's like a big conservative, very funny guy.
[00:19:44]  He's just so angry about the elect, you know, he's like, they stole it.
[00:19:49]  They stole the election.
[00:19:52]  I don't know what the hell happened with the election.
[00:19:54]  I looked at it and I've talked to some people that have looked at it closer than I have.
[00:19:57]  There's irregularities.
[00:19:58]  There's weirdness.
[00:20:00]  I haven't done a deep dive on the election, folks.
[00:20:03]  I don't think the election is shadier than any previous election, like the one in 2000 where the Supreme Court decided that George W. Bush would be the president.
[00:20:14]  Remember that?
[00:20:15]  I didn't, I didn't, you know, Obama won twice.
[00:20:21]  This is the way it goes.
[00:20:24]  This is like what happens.
[00:20:27]  It's always very close.
[00:20:29]  There's always some type of irregularity.
[00:20:31]  I don't know that it means that there was an Orwellian plot to steal the election from Donald Trump, who if he had won, would be like, yeah, it was great.
[00:20:42]  Democracy in action.
[00:20:44]  If he had won, he'd just come out and go, the people's voice has been heard.

=== Gavin Newsom And Vine (15:41) ===

[00:20:48]  He wouldn't give a shit about anything.
[00:20:52]  And I don't know about the vote counting.
[00:20:54]  From what I understand, the vote counting's done.
[00:20:56]  It's not done in like a back alley by Antifa.
[00:21:01]  I mean, is that who's counting the votes?
[00:21:03]  I don't know.
[00:21:05]  I'm going to get so much hate on this episode.
[00:21:07]  They're like, you don't understand.
[00:21:09]  I'm like, yeah, well, I also don't care.
[00:21:12]  You care.
[00:21:12]  You're an idiot.
[00:21:15]  Before you type that message to me, realize I don't give a shit.
[00:21:18]  You give a shit.
[00:21:19]  Go out.
[00:21:20]  Go do the MAGA march.
[00:21:21]  Go jump around in the street in DC.
[00:21:24]  Do whatever you want.
[00:21:26]  Pound your fist.
[00:21:27]  Make memes.
[00:21:29]  Sing songs.
[00:21:30]  Do group TikTok dances.
[00:21:32]  He lost.
[00:21:34]  I mean, what do you want me to do?
[00:21:38]  Your moment is over.
[00:21:39]  The moment of glory that was fake anyway has ended.
[00:21:45]  The school play is over now, and you must go back to class.
[00:21:49]  You had your moment.
[00:21:51]  You stood in front of everyone and sang, now it's time to go back to class.
[00:21:54]  I don't know what to tell you.
[00:21:59]  I mean, we're sitting with the Nelt kid and the Nelk kids, and one of them was like, fun kids, smart, great.
[00:22:05]  Not as crazy as you'd think, right?
[00:22:08]  You'd think they'd be crazy, but they were actually like smart business people.
[00:22:12]  All of their videos, they're like jumping off roofs into a pool.
[00:22:16]  And then you sit down with them at dinner and they're like, well, if you look at the margins on a lot of the, it's like, what?
[00:22:22]  They're all business people.
[00:22:24]  And yes, they're fun.
[00:22:25]  They have fun.
[00:22:25]  They party.
[00:22:26]  But they're like smart kids, right?
[00:22:29]  Yeah.
[00:22:29]  Like these TikTok kids now.
[00:22:32]  The TikTok kids are now becoming angel investors and they're dumping like money into companies.
[00:22:42]  Like one of them just invested in some dog pet food company that like Chelsea Handler owns part of or something.
[00:22:50]  And they're not like big time angel investors, but they're dumping in like 20 grand or something.
[00:22:57]  And then they're tweeting about it.
[00:22:58]  You know, they're going out and they're being like, hey, I'm so happy to be a part of Wolf or whatever, you know, whatever the fucking company's name is.
[00:23:06]  You know, I mean, because before the TikTok kids, there was something called MagCon.
[00:23:15]  And MagCon was called Meet and Greet Convention.
[00:23:19]  And there was a documentary about it on Netflix called Chasing Cameron.
[00:23:22]  It was about this kid, Cameron Dallas, who I think he's been to rehab a bunch of times.
[00:23:26]  It didn't, he was like a big model.
[00:23:28]  And these were kids that got really big on Vine.
[00:23:31]  Vine was an app where they did six second looping videos.
[00:23:34]  And there were some comedians in New York that were building followings on Vine, not nearly as big as these kids, right?
[00:23:42]  Because all the social media apps are really just for good-looking people.
[00:23:45]  That's the secret.
[00:23:46]  Everyone's like, well, what's the secret?
[00:23:48]  Be good looking.
[00:23:50]  That's the secret.
[00:23:51]  Well, what's the strategy behind?
[00:23:54]  Be good looking.
[00:23:56]  Yeah, but if you post at a certain time, yeah, be hot.
[00:23:59]  Have parents that are good looking.
[00:24:01]  You be good looking.
[00:24:03]  Yeah, but there's got to be another, like, what's the algorithm?
[00:24:06]  Don't look like shit.
[00:24:09]  That's the algorithm.
[00:24:11]  People want to look at you.
[00:24:13]  You've got a shot.
[00:24:15]  I do okay because I'm funny.
[00:24:18]  But the good looking people just do better.
[00:24:21]  Because good-looking people, people just pretend they're funny.
[00:24:25]  They're like, we do comedy.
[00:24:26]  Like all these kids, like we do comedies.
[00:24:27]  You really don't do comedy, but you take your shirt off and you jump around and girls laugh because they don't want to admit how much they want to fuck you.
[00:24:35]  See, have you ever seen two good-looking people on a date, like really good-looking people?
[00:24:39]  They giggle at each other because they just want to fuck.
[00:24:41]  And they can't explain that on a date.
[00:24:44]  They can't say to each other, like, I just want to fuck you.
[00:24:47]  So they're just kind of like laughing at it.
[00:24:49]  They're like, oh, yeah, because they want to fuck each other.
[00:24:52]  You know what I mean?
[00:24:53]  Like, that's the whole energy of the whole thing.
[00:24:55]  So a lot of these young, good-looking social media stars are just goofy and silly.
[00:25:01]  And people are like, oh, he's so funny.
[00:25:03]  It's like, no, they're not that funny.
[00:25:05]  You just want to fuck them.
[00:25:08]  You want to fuck them.
[00:25:09]  That's all.
[00:25:11]  But the Vine stars that did this meet and greet convention, MadCon, all bottomed out.
[00:25:18]  They ended up with very little or nothing.
[00:25:20]  Vine went out of business.
[00:25:24]  They did not parlay their success on that app into anything else.
[00:25:30]  And many of them just kind of like walk around Los Angeles in a beanie and they just look sad because it's all over, right?
[00:25:40]  Now, all these social media manager type people in LA know that.
[00:25:44]  And I'm sure they warn the TikTok kids about the Vine.
[00:25:48]  You know, it's like the ghost or Christmas future.
[00:25:51]  Right, right.
[00:25:52]  You know, it's like, look at that guy.
[00:25:54]  He was once like you.
[00:25:56]  Millions of followers.
[00:25:58]  People loved him.
[00:25:59]  High engagement.
[00:26:00]  You know what he's doing now?
[00:26:02]  Nothing.
[00:26:03]  He's washed up and it's over.
[00:26:05]  He's 21 years old.
[00:26:08]  He's 22.
[00:26:10]  He can finally legally drink.
[00:26:12]  And you know what he's going to do now?
[00:26:13]  He's going to drink himself to death because he's got nothing because he didn't build a business.
[00:26:19]  So what all these kids are trying to do and more power to them is build businesses.
[00:26:25]  But they're 16, right?
[00:26:27]  They're like 19.
[00:26:28]  Some of them, they're 20.
[00:26:29]  They don't know anything about business.
[00:26:31]  So then what these social media guys do is they're like, they start getting business people like the Winklevoss twins.
[00:26:38]  You know the guys that got Facebook taken from them by Mark Zuckerberg?
[00:26:44]  So you got these guys with the TikTok kids doing like podcasts about business.
[00:26:53]  And then they bring in other business strategists.
[00:26:55]  You have like a business strategy.
[00:26:56]  And then you have like a TikTok kid.
[00:26:58]  And listen, I'm not hating on those kids.
[00:27:00]  I get it.
[00:27:01]  I would do the same thing, right?
[00:27:02]  I'd be like, yeah, I want to make money.
[00:27:04]  But like, you just, it's like a guy who's like a business strategist talking about, he's like, here's the thing about capital markets.
[00:27:11]  And then it's like Bryce Hall in a hoodie just staring at him like, yeah, man, just nodding.
[00:27:17]  They're getting like pretty big people.
[00:27:19]  You know, they're like, today on the podcast, we have Bryce Hall and Warren Buffett, and they are going to discuss.
[00:27:25]  And you're like, what the fuck?
[00:27:27]  What is happening?
[00:27:29]  The barstool guy does a podcast with one of the kids.
[00:27:33]  It's called BFFs or whatever.
[00:27:35]  It's probably not that bad.
[00:27:38]  The barstool guy is a remarkably successful guy.
[00:27:41]  I don't know anything about, I mean, I know that I have fans over there and I've gone on shows there and I like everybody there, but I don't, I don't know anything about the genesis of the company.
[00:27:49]  Like my, I know that it, you know, the thing that drove me not to buy stool sports was Saturdays are for the boys.
[00:27:54]  I just don't like, I just don't like slogans, right?
[00:27:58]  Yes or yes.
[00:27:59]  Do I not like slogans?
[00:28:00]  Yes or yes.
[00:28:01]  I just don't like that, right?
[00:28:04]  So, and I knew my friends in Long Island that were posting Saturdays were for the boys were like unemployed.
[00:28:11]  I'm like, no, no day is for the boys.
[00:28:13]  Every day should be for finding gainful employment.
[00:28:18]  You live with your mother.
[00:28:20]  Saturdays are for the boys.
[00:28:22]  Like, I just, that irked me.
[00:28:24]  But I liked that Barstool was like funny, raunchy, non-PC shit.
[00:28:30]  I think a lot of the people there are talented, but I don't know anything.
[00:28:33]  Do you know anything about the origins of Barstool Sports?
[00:28:36]  No, let me see if I have any Wi-Fi.
[00:28:37]  I don't think I do.
[00:28:40]  They are a major player in media, right?
[00:28:43]  Wouldn't you say?
[00:28:44]  Oh, big time.
[00:28:45]  I mean, Caller Daddy, all that stuff.
[00:28:46]  It's huge.
[00:28:49]  And Dave Portnoy is clearly kind of, would you say he's a visionary?
[00:28:53]  Yeah, absolutely.
[00:28:54]  I think so.
[00:28:55]  He's very smart.
[00:28:56]  So he does a podcast with that kid, Josh Richards.
[00:28:59]  And I don't know what they discuss, but everyone's getting into podcasting now.
[00:29:05]  All the TikTok, like everybody's like, hey, let's just talk in a microphone for an hour.
[00:29:11]  Okay, so Barstool Sports was a gambling newspaper in Boston in 2003.
[00:29:17]  It's grown to become an online phenomenon with a cult following of individuals known as Stoolies.
[00:29:22]  So gambling newspaper, interesting.
[00:29:28]  It was a print publication.
[00:29:30]  Yeah.
[00:29:30]  Wow.
[00:29:31]  And did Portnoy start that?
[00:29:33]  Okay.
[00:29:33]  Yeah, that was Dave.
[00:29:35]  What year?
[00:29:36]  2003 in Milton, Massachusetts.
[00:29:39]  Wow.
[00:29:41]  And then it launched on the internet in 07.
[00:29:44]  That's what everybody wants to be Barstool Sports.
[00:29:47]  Like everybody that's creating content seems to want to be like that type of enterprise.
[00:29:53]  Yeah, they want their version of Barstool.
[00:29:55]  And Nelt seems to be the closest ones to it because they've created this culture around partying.
[00:30:02]  And, you know, it's really popular with college kids.
[00:30:05]  But like, that's the whole thing.
[00:30:06]  It's like creating this culture.
[00:30:07]  Barstool Sports created a culture.
[00:30:09]  And that seems to be the most successful.
[00:30:13]  You know, I can't point to anything else.
[00:30:15]  I mean, even so on a much smaller level, you could look at Louis Gomez with the Legion of Skanks.
[00:30:20]  They created a culture, right?
[00:30:21]  Yeah, totally.
[00:30:21]  Skank Fast, you have all those things.
[00:30:24]  But yeah, it's interesting to see that like lighting a cigarette.
[00:30:30]  I mean, it's just, folks, it's a mess today, but what do you want us to do?
[00:30:34]  We're not in the studio.
[00:30:35]  We can barely breathe in the fucking house.
[00:30:37]  Palm Springs has been inundated with just literal drug addicts that are wandering around.
[00:30:42]  Desert homeless are very strange.
[00:30:46]  They all seem to have homes.
[00:30:48]  Like they seem to be kind of okay.
[00:30:51]  It's like the ultimate choosing to be homeless situation out here.
[00:30:54]  I feel like.
[00:30:55]  I don't know why.
[00:30:57]  It's just odd.
[00:30:58]  There's some real creatures roaming the streets.
[00:31:00]  I came out here in July, man.
[00:31:02]  I didn't see a single motherfucker.
[00:31:03]  Well, I came out here when the riots started.
[00:31:05]  When did they start May?
[00:31:06]  Yeah, around mid-June.
[00:31:08]  Dude, I came out here.
[00:31:09]  I thought I was in a nuclear fallout shelter.
[00:31:11]  There was nobody here.
[00:31:12]  I thought I was in one of those towns from the Hills Have Eyes.
[00:31:14]  It just barely existed.
[00:31:16]  They were just created to be bombed.
[00:31:18]  I mean, it was amazing.
[00:31:19]  Now everybody's coming back.
[00:31:21]  All these idiots are like, oh, it's great to be out in the desert in January.
[00:31:24]  It's like, why?
[00:31:27]  Ryan Philippi was on Barcelon Sports, said some nice things about the podcast, which we appreciate.
[00:31:31]  Thank you, Ryan Philippi.
[00:31:33]  What did he call me?
[00:31:34]  A fish out of water in L.A.?
[00:31:35]  That's nice.
[00:31:36]  Yeah, it's like he's a fish out of water.
[00:31:39]  Like for me, I'm like this good-looking, successful guy, so I'm like a fish in water.
[00:31:43]  But he's like a fish out of water.
[00:31:44]  He's like, you know, it's like the elephant man.
[00:31:46]  See the movie The Elephant Man, where the guy wears a paper bag over his head and walks around the grove?
[00:31:52]  It's like Tim Dillon in L.A. He's a fish out of water.
[00:31:55]  We'll see who's a fish out of water when I'm dancing with the D'Amilio twins.
[00:31:59]  You better respect me.
[00:32:01]  I'm kidding.
[00:32:02]  I'm sad we had to cancel the Friendsgiving because I don't want Gavin Newsom to audit me.
[00:32:08]  Gavin Newsom, by the way, at the French laundry, full dinner party, great restaurant.
[00:32:13]  Thomas Keller, one of the greatest chefs in America.
[00:32:17]  They grow all of the produce they eat.
[00:32:19]  I'm not even mad at Newsom.
[00:32:20]  I'm mad at him because I guess he's a hypocrite.
[00:32:23]  But I never get mad at people for being hypocrites because people just are hypocrites.
[00:32:28]  I mean, it's just kind of funny that he was having this dinner party, clearly indoors, with like major health department officials.
[00:32:37]  See, he was at that dinner party.
[00:32:39]  It was like serious health people that are sitting there with Gavin Newsom drinking wine.
[00:32:44]  They're all having a tasting menu.
[00:32:46]  And by the way, the world is literally burning.
[00:32:49]  I mean, the state of California could not be in worse shape.
[00:32:53]  Homelessness, traffic, housing crisis, COVID, economic collapse, problems with the police.
[00:33:04]  And Gavin Newsom is eating a tasting menu at the French laundry.
[00:33:09]  He's eating foie guie.
[00:33:10]  Yeah, it was Dustin Corcoran, CEO of the California Medical Association, and Janus Norman, the group's lobbyist and senior vice president, joined Newsome and several other guests, November 6th at the French Laundry.
[00:33:21]  For what?
[00:33:22]  What was this for?
[00:33:24]  It was a dinner party for Gavin Newsom's annual Fuck the People fundraiser.
[00:33:31]  This was the annual Fuck the People fundraiser where Gavin Newsom and noted and yeah, what was it for?
[00:33:39]  Lobbying on the behalf of California doctors attended a private 50th birthday dinner for their friend Jason Kinney earlier this month.
[00:33:49]  The dinner was held in accordance with state and county guidelines.
[00:33:54]  Huh.
[00:33:55]  The only thing that would have made that funnier was if they were attending Chris DeLia's birthday party.
[00:34:02]  That would be the only thing that was funnier if they were like, Gavin Newsom was attending Chris DeLeah's birthday at the French laundry.
[00:34:11]  That would be the only thing that made it like a better headline.
[00:34:19]  I love that.
[00:34:20]  He's just eating French food elbow to elbow.
[00:34:25]  Did they get COVID tests before they went in?
[00:34:27]  I'm assuming so.
[00:34:28]  Not much details.
[00:34:29]  It's a lot of it's private.
[00:34:31]  But they said it was supposed to be outdoors, but that's clearly indoors.
[00:34:35]  It got cold.
[00:34:36]  It's cold.
[00:34:36]  It gets cold, man.
[00:34:37]  You got to close those doors.
[00:34:44]  Gavin Newsom is just this good-looking kind of, he's a pimp.
[00:34:48]  He's just a pimp of a dude.
[00:34:50]  He used to fuck that shit, Kimberly Guilfoyle on Fox News, who now fucks Donald Trump Jr.
[00:34:58]  She's in it for love, huh?
[00:35:00]  You say that about Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsome?
[00:35:03]  She's in it for love.
[00:35:05]  She's a woman that really likes a deep emotional connection with the guy she's with, huh?
[00:35:12]  That's what I think.
[00:35:13]  I'm just a casual observer of her, and yet that's what I would feel.
[00:35:17]  Kimberly likes a man that's got a little bit of clout.
[00:35:23]  Kim likes some clout.
[00:35:27]  When did he get elected to California?
[00:35:29]  I didn't even pay attention to California before I fucking lived here, and I barely pay attention now.
[00:35:38]  I don't know why their marriage fell apart.
[00:35:42]  Probably because he kept quarantining her.
[00:35:46]  He kept giving her stay-at-home orders, kept issuing her stay-at-home orders and curfews.
[00:35:52]  She said, I've had enough.
[00:35:53]  I want to go fuck Donald Trump Jr. and talk about QAnon.
[00:35:57]  They're like openly promoting QAnon right now.
[00:36:00]  Donald Trump Jr. is just the last thing they have left.
[00:36:03]  They're just openly promoting Q. Dude, Trump's going to, Trump, dude, if the last thing he does, if the military has to walk him out of the Oval Office, he just looks at everybody and he goes, I'm Q, motherfucker.
[00:36:18]  That's the other thing about Trump.
[00:36:20]  He knows a good finale, right?
[00:36:21]  It's all reality TV.
[00:36:23]  So he's got to do something big.
[00:36:25]  That's why he tried to bomb Iran.

=== Trumps Reality TV Finale (08:41) ===

[00:36:30]  What's a big finale?
[00:36:33]  No, he's going to have a media company.
[00:36:36]  So stupid.
[00:36:37]  He's nothing.
[00:36:38]  He's going to leave.
[00:36:40]  He's running again in four years.
[00:36:42]  It's never, it's not going to be over.
[00:36:47]  Dude, I remember the senior year, I had some of the best, some of the most fun I ever had in my life.
[00:36:54]  I remember senior summer hanging out with a lot of, even during senior summer, you started to see the people from your school less and less.
[00:37:04]  By the end of senior summer, you're all kind of saying goodbyes, and it was time for everyone to go away to college except Tim Dillon, who went to Nassau Community College because he was a fucking loser.
[00:37:15]  But it doesn't matter because I podcasted now with Alex Jones and Roseanne.
[00:37:18]  Eat your heart out, bitches.
[00:37:23]  You just love I go back to like give a speech at my school.
[00:37:26]  I'm like, I've sat down with the greatest minds of our generation.
[00:37:30]  I have spoken to the greatest minds, to the minds of people that have shaped our world.
[00:37:36]  How did I do that?
[00:37:38]  How did I do that?
[00:37:40]  Well, I took drugs for a decade, developed what some would call latent schizophrenia, and then started to make connections with people that also had that disease, but were far more successful than me.
[00:37:56]  Okay, kids?
[00:37:57]  So take the student loans and shove them up your ass.
[00:38:02]  But that week when everyone was going to school, it was like the, you know, August, whenever, you knew it was over.
[00:38:10]  You could feel it.
[00:38:12]  Even when people were like, no, man, we're all, we're all going to be.
[00:38:16]  And then, yes.
[00:38:18]  You know what's funny?
[00:38:20]  The first Thanksgiving weekend, everyone comes back.
[00:38:26]  That first Wednesday, it feels a little different.
[00:38:29]  Maybe you're all still friends.
[00:38:31]  You're all still hanging out, probably.
[00:38:33]  But by the next year, by the next Wednesday, when everyone goes out and a lot of people listening are like, what do you mean friends, bars, going out, Thanksgiving?
[00:38:41]  I have no idea what you're talking about.
[00:38:42]  Well, we know.
[00:38:43]  But Wednesday before Thanksgiving, like when it's the next year, it's like sophomore year in college.
[00:38:51]  Like it's been one year.
[00:38:53]  It's you see people, they're like strangers to you and they were like your best friends.
[00:38:57]  And like, oh my God, we have nothing in common.
[00:39:01]  You're gone.
[00:39:02]  You're at another school.
[00:39:03]  You have new friends.
[00:39:04]  You have new experiences.
[00:39:05]  You have, you know, you have new things going on.
[00:39:09]  And I had nothing going.
[00:39:10]  I was so embarrassed because I would go out and I was always funny and people liked me, but I was at a community college.
[00:39:17]  I was like so embarrassed that my friends were coming back from universities.
[00:39:22]  I'm still embarrassed I didn't go to college.
[00:39:25]  And I've done better than all of them.
[00:39:27]  Have I not mentioned who I've sat in rooms with?
[00:39:31]  I mean, I'm a national media figure myself.
[00:39:35]  Candace Owens, Alex Jones, Roseanne.
[00:39:39]  We are your media.
[00:39:42]  You get it?
[00:39:43]  We're the media now.
[00:39:45]  Oh, you don't like it?
[00:39:46]  Tech writer with purple hair?
[00:39:48]  Fuck off.
[00:39:49]  No one cares what you like, you blue-haired freak.
[00:39:53]  Write any article you want.
[00:39:55]  I'm the media, bitch.
[00:39:57]  I am.
[00:39:58]  And Dave Portnoy, Barstool Sports, and me.
[00:40:03]  We're the media.
[00:40:05]  Sorry, we took it over.
[00:40:07]  Okay?
[00:40:08]  You can tell the Sulzberger family at the New York Times to go fuck themselves in their fucking loafers, in their boat shoes.
[00:40:15]  I don't give a fuck.
[00:40:16]  I'm the fucking media.
[00:40:18]  But even though I have a privileged position as a member of our, as a proud member of our new media, I am still kind of embarrassed I didn't go to college.
[00:40:32]  And I think I should be forever.
[00:40:34]  I should be a little embarrassed.
[00:40:36]  Not a lot embarrassed.
[00:40:37]  I know I did cool shit.
[00:40:38]  I sold subprime mortgages.
[00:40:40]  I bought a house.
[00:40:41]  I was in rehab.
[00:40:42]  I get it.
[00:40:43]  I did a cool thing too.
[00:40:45]  But even like little Dan Carney, when he's telling me about Florida State and the whole thing, I feel not you so much because you went to that Christian cult school.
[00:40:54]  But when Dan's talking about Florida State, which is just a party school, it's not really a good school.
[00:40:58]  But I feel like, oh, this is a college experience.
[00:41:00]  I can't relate to that.
[00:41:01]  I really can't, right?
[00:41:03]  So I feel a little almost insecure about it that I didn't go to college, right?
[00:41:07]  Not that I should, I am much smarter than most people who went to college.
[00:41:13]  I didn't even choose to be.
[00:41:14]  You know what I mean?
[00:41:17]  But I still feel a little insecure about it, which I think is a healthy thing.
[00:41:20]  I think it's a healthy thing to feel a little insecure because it keeps me grounded as an all-powerful member of the new media.
[00:41:28]  I need to be a little grounded because I don't want to lose touch with the people.
[00:41:32]  You understand?
[00:41:34]  So I don't like to lose touch with the people.
[00:41:36]  That's why like Roseanne Smokes, for example.
[00:41:38]  She doesn't want to lose touch with the people.
[00:41:42]  But I was very embarrassed when I went to Thanksgiving Eve and I was like at a community college and I had nothing going on and everybody else was at better schools and they were like college.
[00:41:55]  They would like looked like college kids and they came back and I was just kind of like, hey, yeah, I'm the same.
[00:42:01]  You know, nothing's going on in my life.
[00:42:03]  But they're like, what are you up to?
[00:42:05]  I'm like, I don't know.
[00:42:06]  Now did I win a, did I win a debate championship at Nassau Community College?
[00:42:11]  Was it the first gold medal that that school has ever won?
[00:42:14]  Yes.
[00:42:15]  100%.
[00:42:16]  And did I defeat two women?
[00:42:18]  Yes, I did.
[00:42:20]  Yes, I did.
[00:42:21]  In the sport of talking, I defeated two ladies, one white, one Asian, stomped them out at the national tournament in Philadelphia.
[00:42:32]  Stomped on their faces, okay, in my ill-fitting, cheap suit.
[00:42:41]  But I knew it, you know, and then obviously, you know, like, you know, you grow up, you lose touch, you lose touch with people.
[00:42:52]  They're gone.
[00:42:53]  They're just gone.
[00:42:54]  They go away.
[00:42:55]  It doesn't matter what you want.
[00:42:58]  I will say the debate part of college for me was the only thing that even resembled a college experience because when you were on the debate team at Nassau Community College, you got to travel to other colleges that like existed, that were real, and you would debate kids.
[00:43:15]  And then you would get to go to a national tournament at the end of the year.
[00:43:18]  The first one was in Los Angeles, California.
[00:43:21]  Have you heard of this city?
[00:43:23]  Have you heard of this place?
[00:43:25]  It was in Woodland Hills.
[00:43:32]  I stayed at the Woodland Hills Marriott.
[00:43:36]  My debate partner, Kenny, who sold me a house that destroyed my life, but I don't really have any ill will towards him.
[00:43:44]  I still kind of like him because he was fun.
[00:43:47]  That's how much I, that's how much of a, you know, a, what, what word am I looking for?
[00:43:56]  When you say I put a, uh, uh, I put a premium.
[00:44:00]  That's how much of a premium I put on someone being fun.
[00:44:04]  You can sell me a house and destroy a decade of my life.
[00:44:10]  As long as you're fun in a car, we're good.
[00:44:15]  Truly, we're good.
[00:44:16]  So I like him.
[00:44:18]  But Woodland Hills Marriott debate national tournament.
[00:44:24]  Had sex with a woman for the first time.
[00:44:28]  Biological woman.
[00:44:30]  Not W-O-M-X-N, an actual woman with an A. White, not Latinx.
[00:44:41]  Sadly, would have been hot if I got a Latinx.
[00:44:45]  Latinx, or is it Latinx or Latinx?
[00:44:48]  Latinx.
[00:44:50]  Latinx sounds like somebody's name.
[00:44:52]  Yo, you got to call Latinx.
[00:44:56]  Latinx sounds like somebody's got good Coke.
[00:44:58]  Real good fish scale.
[00:45:00]  Yo, call Latinx.
[00:45:01]  She got the shit right now.
[00:45:05]  And I felt like I started, you know, I was like, oh, this is cool.

=== Asian Fusion Buffets (04:46) ===

[00:45:11]  And then the next year I went to Philadelphia.
[00:45:13]  And that was the year I just wanted to win.
[00:45:16]  I wanted to win.
[00:45:16]  I was all about winning.
[00:45:17]  I was like, I'm good at debate.
[00:45:18]  I want to win this shit.
[00:45:20]  And I smoked pot all weekend.
[00:45:22]  And I drove around listening to like Beanie Siegel, that song In the Air.
[00:45:25]  You can feel it in the air.
[00:45:27]  Driving around my shitty car.
[00:45:29]  And I won.
[00:45:30]  I won the gold medal.
[00:45:31]  And it was the first in our shitty community college that looks like a prison.
[00:45:35]  That's literally two blocks away from a prison in Long Island.
[00:45:38]  First gold medal in their history.
[00:45:40]  That's my college experience.
[00:45:41]  There it is, right, right there.
[00:45:43]  Nothing really, nothing to write home about.
[00:45:48]  I met a lot of great people at Nassau Community College.
[00:45:50]  I met a woman who told me something that haunts me to this day.
[00:45:54]  Chubby woman wore those like terry cloth pants and flip-flops in October.
[00:46:01]  She was spoken to Parliament Light, and she goes, listen, people think I can't drink and raise my daughter.
[00:46:06]  I can do both.
[00:46:09]  Haunts me to this day.
[00:46:11]  Sometimes when I lay my head on the pillow, I just think of that woman and what she said.
[00:46:18]  She said it so nonchalantly to me outside of our biology class.
[00:46:21]  We were both failing.
[00:46:23]  She goes, people say, hey, you can't drink and raise your daughter.
[00:46:26]  I can do both.
[00:46:30]  Just took a puff on her Parliament light.
[00:46:32]  I said, this is a woman who knows who she is.
[00:46:36]  That's what I like.
[00:46:38]  You ever meet somebody who just knows who they are?
[00:46:40]  This woman knows who she is.
[00:46:42]  So comforting in a sea of pretenders.
[00:46:46]  Everybody's trying on a different face to please the masses.
[00:46:50]  Not this lady.
[00:46:51]  She knew who she was.
[00:46:53]  She knew her limitations, and apparently she didn't have many.
[00:46:57]  I can do both.
[00:47:00]  There was not a skintilla of irony.
[00:47:02]  She was not kidding.
[00:47:04]  She was deadly serious.
[00:47:09]  I used to go to something called the International Buffet in between classes, which was an Asian fusion buffet, which means that there was sushi, but also french fries.
[00:47:19]  Asian fusion.
[00:47:21]  Sushi, but also have an ice cream cone.
[00:47:25]  Miso soup, but how about a chicken nugget?
[00:47:29]  Asian Fusion, International Buffet, Garden City, Long Island.
[00:47:34]  Fusion.
[00:47:34]  Different types of food.
[00:47:36]  Spice of tuna roll, slice of pizza.
[00:47:38]  Asian fusion.
[00:47:40]  And I would feel so sick afterwards in class, just because of the soy and the MSG and the sugar.
[00:47:47]  I would feel so sick.
[00:47:50]  I remember once I went in and vomited in the bathroom and I vomited on my shirt.
[00:47:56]  And I just walked back in without a care.
[00:47:58]  And someone looked at me and went, did you just vomit?
[00:48:00]  And I went, yeah.
[00:48:01]  And they just laughed.
[00:48:02]  They went, uh-huh.
[00:48:04]  That's how shot I was.
[00:48:09]  And I wish to this day, I'm like, had I gone to a college, I would have came out of the closet earlier.
[00:48:14]  I would have been happier.
[00:48:15]  I would not be funny.
[00:48:17]  I would not have bought that house.
[00:48:18]  I would not have destroyed my life.
[00:48:20]  And then who the fuck would want to listen to those stories?
[00:48:22]  Oh, I went to a college in New England and, you know, I met Carl or whatever.
[00:48:27]  And we've been happy ever since breeding fucking, you know, Australian shepherds.
[00:48:33]  And by the way, fuck Monster Shanks in Palm Springs.
[00:48:37]  These two gay ogres.
[00:48:38]  I hate these two people.
[00:48:40]  These are the two most ogre, these two gay ogres who found each other and open up this shitty frozen yogurt shop that serves this thing called Dole Whip.
[00:48:52]  Dole whip is sorbet that comes out of the frozen yogurt machine.
[00:48:56]  It is disgusting.
[00:48:58]  Nobody wants it.
[00:48:59]  And it's for like toothless elderly people.
[00:49:03]  I don't even know who it's for.
[00:49:04]  It's for Latinx people.
[00:49:08]  And me and Ben went in there today because we had to get candles in the CVS.
[00:49:12]  I thought, maybe we'll just get a little frozen yogurt.
[00:49:14]  And then the frozen yogurt was literally not frozen.
[00:49:16]  Describe the texture of it.
[00:49:19]  Cream that's expired in the fridge that you pour out of a little carton.
[00:49:23]  This is like the third time I've walked in there and I've said to the guy, you can't run the place like this.
[00:49:28]  Like, I don't know what you and your boyfriend are doing here, you and your husband.
[00:49:32]  You're just getting fucking hopped up on poppers and fucking each other in the back.
[00:49:36]  I don't know what you're doing, but this is like a business.
[00:49:40]  Don't you have a business license?
[00:49:43]  You are both monsters.
[00:49:44]  At least you can't sue them for false advertising.
[00:49:46]  Monster Shanks.
[00:49:48]  Two fucking monsters.
[00:49:49]  I've seen him and his husband in there together.
[00:49:51]  It's a real fucking interesting.
[00:49:55]  But fuck them.

=== Post Quarantine Relationships (03:57) ===

[00:49:58]  But that's the thing.
[00:49:59]  I just feel a lot.
[00:50:00]  Like, I don't know why this feels like a very, it feels like high school to college.
[00:50:04]  It feels like this weird.
[00:50:05]  Not that Kamal and Biden or college.
[00:50:07]  Don't fuck.
[00:50:07]  Please don't give me any of that shit.
[00:50:09]  I'm not saying that.
[00:50:10]  I'm saying this feels like a very weird transition between like people that are still pretending that nothing's going to change and people that are understanding that a lot, so much is going to change in the next 12 to 16 months.
[00:50:21]  I think people's heads are going to fucking spin.
[00:50:24]  I think people's heads are going to fucking spin with the amount of change coming.
[00:50:28]  Get fucking ready.
[00:50:29]  Those TikTok kids are getting ready.
[00:50:31]  They're trying to fucking start businesses.
[00:50:33]  Good for them.
[00:50:35]  They're taking their hoodies off and they're trying to fucking be angel investors.
[00:50:39]  I mean, it's an absurd society.
[00:50:42]  But this is where we're at.
[00:50:45]  But the change that's coming, I think is going to be quite drastic.
[00:50:50]  And people are going to be shocked and people are going to be like, wait a minute, what happened?
[00:50:54]  I was going to be like, yeah, well, we were in this really contentious time for four years where everybody was on a side and everybody was fighting.
[00:51:06]  And that's where people derived all the meaning from life in the battle.
[00:51:12]  All the meaning that people got out of life these last four years has been fighting someone or something, whether they were really fighting them or not.
[00:51:22]  That's the entirety of the last four years.
[00:51:26]  And what I think is going to happen now is that with Trump going away, sorry, guys, I think that that's going to, we're still going to have the fighting to a degree, but it's going to be lessened, dramatically lessened by circumstances.
[00:51:44]  And then the last eight months, COVID's been going on for eight months.
[00:51:48]  COVID has reshaped and restructured the economy in horrible ways.
[00:51:52]  We have Whitney Webb on to talk about the people that are trying to use COVID to reshape things permanently and whether they're going to be successful or not.
[00:52:05]  So I'm not discounting that.
[00:52:07]  I'm not saying that that is a completely improbable conclusion to come to, right?
[00:52:13]  That this is going to have lasting effects.
[00:52:15]  It will, like 9-11.
[00:52:17]  It's going to have lasting effect.
[00:52:19]  We're still fighting a fake war on terrorism, kind of.
[00:52:22]  Even though we're not, we are.
[00:52:25]  And COVID will still be around, but it's going to go away.
[00:52:30]  And then when it's done, people are going to go back out.
[00:52:34]  They're going to go back out.
[00:52:36]  People are going to have to go back out and figure out how they're going to earn a living, how they're going to make money.
[00:52:41]  Relationships are going to end.
[00:52:43]  COVID relationships are going to end.
[00:52:45]  Friendships are going to end.
[00:52:46]  Dude, I look at some of my friends now and I'm like, do I like this person?
[00:52:50]  Or have we been quarantined?
[00:52:52]  Are we even friends?
[00:52:54]  Or are we just reacting to this weird situation that we're in?
[00:53:01]  There are people in relationships right now that they know the vaccine means it's over.
[00:53:08]  They know a vaccine means it over.
[00:53:10]  It's over.
[00:53:12]  I have friends that I know when a vaccine or whenever herd immunity, when the cases start plummeting and people can go back out on the road again, I have friends I know I'll barely speak to.
[00:53:25]  And that's okay because I know that this was a time that meant something that mattered.
[00:53:30]  We all lived through it together.
[00:53:32]  We all got through it, however we got through it.
[00:53:36]  But I know that like I don't don't make too many decisions right now because when things end, you're going to want the freedom to then evaluate things and go, wait a minute, this is not the life I want.
[00:53:51]  This is not, these are not the people I want to surround myself with.

=== Stand Up Comedy Fails (14:40) ===

[00:53:55]  You know, me and Carney were on the road and it was so wild to be on the road doing stand-up comedy for the first time in probably five months.
[00:54:03]  When I started stand-up, it was September, August, September of 2010.
[00:54:11]  And I had gone about a decade and I, you know, almost 11 years without taking more than I would say a week off, maybe 10 days, maybe.
[00:54:21]  And that was once or twice.
[00:54:23]  I had done stand-up comedy for the majority of that time, for about a decade.
[00:54:28]  I mean, all the energy that I had in my life was devoted to doing stand-up comedy wherever I could.
[00:54:34]  And then the quarantine happened and also podcasting and sketches or whatever.
[00:54:39]  And then the quarantine happened.
[00:54:40]  And for the first time, I didn't have something to do on Tuesday night.
[00:54:46]  I didn't have to go to the comedy store and do a spot.
[00:54:48]  And I had 37 or 40 weekends booked for this year before I had to cancel my tour because of Corona, because they canceled everything.
[00:55:01]  So I was sitting in an apartment with no stand-up and no weekends.
[00:55:09]  And then this podcast became my main focus.
[00:55:11]  And this podcast will remain my main focus even when things open up because we do a show here that's good and it's interesting and it's funny, hopefully, and people enjoy listening to it.
[00:55:24]  It'll always be my main focus, but I also love stand-up and I love getting out of my house.
[00:55:29]  I love doing stand-up.
[00:55:30]  I love the time, you know, the shows we had in West Palm and Tampa and Dallas and all these places were great.
[00:55:37]  And Nashville and getting out and seeing real people, you miss that.
[00:55:41]  You miss seeing human beings.
[00:55:44]  Not after a few weeks doing it.
[00:55:45]  You want to come right back home.
[00:55:47]  You hope somebody eats another bat.
[00:55:50]  And you go, lock me down again.
[00:55:51]  Newsome, lock me down.
[00:55:55]  But I'm kidding.
[00:55:57]  You need to be out there.
[00:55:58]  You need to meet people.
[00:56:00]  But, you know, Dan had lived in New York.
[00:56:02]  He was a kid pursuing what he wanted to do, doing stand-up, going out, having fun, dating people, all the New York shit.
[00:56:09]  Like, I'm a New York guy, you know?
[00:56:10]  And then quarantine happened and he moved back home.
[00:56:12]  It was like this culture shock.
[00:56:14]  You know what I mean?
[00:56:16]  So me and him then emerged and it was like tough because we didn't, we're spending all this time together and like you barely know how to be around another human being.
[00:56:24]  So I'd only been around you and you're like a vault of emotion, you know?
[00:56:28]  You don't really show emotions.
[00:56:29]  So like when I was with that kid, like me and him like, and it was great.
[00:56:32]  We had a great time and we worked out our shit because it was like you're in close proximity with another human being and you had been in jail.
[00:56:41]  You had just gotten out of jail.
[00:56:44]  And now you're like, oh, fuck, life is starting again.
[00:56:47]  And then it ended up being great.
[00:56:49]  And I think Dan's going to come out here and move out here and be more a part of what we do.
[00:56:53]  And I'm happy about that.
[00:56:55]  But this is what I mean.
[00:56:57]  I'm using that as just a little example of like, you know, you're going to get out of jail, folks.
[00:57:03]  You're going to get out of jail.
[00:57:04]  So don't be too certain about everything until you're out of jail.
[00:57:12]  And then when you're out of jail, you might say to yourself, hey, listen, I want to go back to jail, which is what a lot of people do.
[00:57:19]  Recidivism rate's very high.
[00:57:20]  A lot of people like to go back to prison.
[00:57:22]  They get out, they go, you know, the outside's not for me.
[00:57:25]  I don't want to work at Walmart.
[00:57:27]  Maybe I'll move some, maybe I'll move some weight on the street.
[00:57:30]  Let me get into the numbers game a little bit.
[00:57:33]  I learned my lesson.
[00:57:34]  I know how to be a good criminal now.
[00:57:36]  I'll be good at it.
[00:57:37]  But it's going to be interesting to see how the world and people that I know, you know, deal with this because this has fucked our heads up.
[00:57:48]  This has fucked everybody I know's head up.
[00:57:50]  Everybody I know, their head has been fucked up.
[00:57:54]  If your head has not been fucked up, I mean you're a cold-blooded sociopath and God bless you.
[00:58:01]  I respect that and I admire it.
[00:58:04]  But for most people, this thing has fucked our heads up.
[00:58:08]  Not being able to go out, see our friends and our families.
[00:58:13]  I mean, how many nice things do I say about my family?
[00:58:17]  Every week, I am so disheartened to not be seeing them for Christmas and Thanksgiving this year and also retroactively for the past five years.
[00:58:33]  But there's going to be a new chapter coming.
[00:58:36]  And I think people are scared of that.
[00:58:38]  And I think people are scared of that because I think so many people, some people are doing well now.
[00:58:43]  I'm doing good.
[00:58:43]  We're doing good.
[00:58:44]  The show's doing good.
[00:58:45]  I hope it keeps doing good.
[00:58:46]  I think a lot of people are not doing good and they're used to, maybe they're used to that.
[00:58:50]  And they're used to being bitter or cynical or angry or depressed or whatever.
[00:58:54]  I think people get comfortable wherever they are.
[00:58:56]  And they look at what's going on around them and they go, well, this will always be, there'll always be this external stimuli.
[00:59:02]  There'll always be this, you know, noose around my neck.
[00:59:06]  But it's not.
[00:59:07]  It's going to be loosened.
[00:59:08]  You're going to be able to go out, you know?
[00:59:11]  And I don't mean go out just physically.
[00:59:12]  I mean like mentally in your head, you're going to be able to live in a world, hopefully without this shit happening all the time.
[00:59:23]  And I think the media is going to chill out.
[00:59:26]  I think everyone's going to chill the fuck out.
[00:59:27]  Maybe I'm wrong.
[00:59:30]  I can hear people getting so mad at this episode.
[00:59:33]  They're like, no, it's no, it won't.
[00:59:36]  No, it's not.
[00:59:38]  You don't know, dude.
[00:59:39]  It's going to be like, trust the plan.
[00:59:42]  You don't know.
[00:59:42]  It's going to be like this forever and ever.
[00:59:45]  Because you like it.
[00:59:46]  That's the thing.
[00:59:47]  You like it.
[00:59:48]  That's why you don't want to envision another way.
[00:59:51]  You've gotten so used to this.
[00:59:53]  You like sitting on your couch and hating Donald Trump.
[00:59:57]  It gives you something to do.
[00:59:59]  Or loving Donald Trump.
[01:00:02]  It gives you something to do.
[01:00:04]  It gives your life a sense of purpose to sit there and be on a team and root for a team and root against another team.
[01:00:12]  This is what gives you a sense of identity.
[01:00:15]  And unfortunately, I think that's going to go away.
[01:00:18]  And you're going to have to do something else.
[01:00:19]  Like, I don't know, scrabble.
[01:00:22]  Scrapbooking.
[01:00:26]  So many great scrapbooks got fucked up by Trump.
[01:00:29]  Like so many middle-aged women who would have just been really good scrapbookers got fucked up by Trump.
[01:00:36]  They just had to sit there and drink wine and curse to TV for four years.
[01:00:40]  There would have been some really cool family photo albums being made.
[01:00:43]  Instead, I have aunts on Facebook talking about QAnon instead of doing what they should be doing, like kicking ass in the kitchen and scrapbooking, ladies.
[01:00:55]  So how's about we get back to that?
[01:00:58]  Let's get off Reddit.
[01:00:59]  Let's stop with the pretend you're hunting pedophiles and everybody's going to Guantanamo Bay and then Jesus is going to come down and cancel your student loan debt and, you know, going to take you to Sonic one last time before you ascend.
[01:01:15]  Let's cut all that shit out.
[01:01:17]  It's not going to happen.
[01:01:19]  Move the fuck on.
[01:01:21]  Life is not supposed to be the same goddamn thing forever.
[01:01:27]  And the last four years have felt like forever.
[01:01:29]  The last eight months have felt like forever.
[01:01:32]  We're in a lockdown again.
[01:01:34]  Nancy Pelosi is somehow at 99 years old, again, the Speaker of the House.
[01:01:41]  Again.
[01:01:42]  They never leave.
[01:01:44]  Hillary Clinton's in the news again this week.
[01:01:46]  Like none of them ever stop.
[01:01:48]  None of them ever go away.
[01:01:49]  It's boring.
[01:01:49]  I want to leave the country.
[01:01:50]  Rogan went to Austin.
[01:01:51]  I want to get out of the country.
[01:01:56]  Truly, I want to get out of the fucking country.
[01:01:59]  We did a deep COVID clean on the house.
[01:02:02]  I'm moving out of Palm Springs.
[01:02:04]  We're getting out of here.
[01:02:05]  I'm out of the desert.
[01:02:06]  I'm moving because I believe in moving all the time.
[01:02:09]  I'm moving into the valley in L.A. I'm going to stay there for a while.
[01:02:13]  We'll see what the fuck happens.
[01:02:14]  Maybe in a year I go to Texas.
[01:02:16]  Maybe I go, fuck it, I want to go to Florida.
[01:02:17]  I go to Texas, go wherever.
[01:02:18]  I don't care.
[01:02:19]  You got to keep moving.
[01:02:21]  It keeps you alive.
[01:02:23]  You know?
[01:02:25]  Like, that's what, that's what you need in life.
[01:02:28]  And I feel like the aversion to it, you know, that dinner I had the other night where everybody's like, oh, Trump's not going anywhere and nothing's going to change.
[01:02:36]  I'm like, dude, it's all going to change.
[01:02:39]  Everybody going to college.
[01:02:41]  No one's going to be friends anymore.
[01:02:45]  Or you will, but it'll be different.
[01:02:48]  Trump will be around, but it'll be different.
[01:02:50]  He'll say something and everybody go, yeah, He'll do the media.
[01:02:56]  He'll do the round of interviews.
[01:02:58]  I mean, don't worry about it.
[01:03:00]  You're not going to have to go cold turkey on Trump.
[01:03:02]  I don't think he's disappearing tomorrow.
[01:03:04]  You're not going to have to do cold turkey.
[01:03:06]  You'll take your Suboxone.
[01:03:08]  There'll be a phase out.
[01:03:10]  There'll be a gradual step-down process.
[01:03:12]  But I guarantee you a year from now, you know, somehow Trump's still in office a year from now.
[01:03:19]  Still COVID going on.
[01:03:20]  People are sending me chunks of this episode like, hey, smart ass.
[01:03:24]  Remember when you said, I'm like, well, I was wrong.
[01:03:29]  But I do believe that people are just going to have to accept that a phase is coming to an end here, and then a new phase is going to begin.
[01:03:39]  It could be worse, could be better.
[01:03:40]  I don't know what the fuck's going to happen.
[01:03:42]  But that's why I'm physically changing locations.
[01:03:46]  You know, I think we're going to start doing different types of content.
[01:03:50]  We're always going to do this podcast.
[01:03:51]  We're building a new studio.
[01:03:52]  Talk about the new studio.
[01:03:54]  Oh, should we reveal it?
[01:03:55]  What it's going to look like now?
[01:03:57]  Well, we're building it.
[01:03:58]  No, no.
[01:03:58]  I mean, why would you even suggest that?
[01:04:00]  No, no, no.
[01:04:00]  It's the worst idea ever.
[01:04:02]  When I said talk about it, I mean talk about it in very general terms.
[01:04:04]  What do you mean?
[01:04:05]  Should we reveal what it's going to look like now?
[01:04:08]  What kind of...
[01:04:09]  I'm getting a guy.
[01:04:10]  It's going to look like Rogan's in Texas.
[01:04:13]  We're having the exact same studio that Rogan built in Texas.
[01:04:17]  We're going to do that.
[01:04:20]  Dude, what if we did that?
[01:04:22]  That's so funny.
[01:04:24]  What if we did that as a bit?
[01:04:27]  Oh, that's so funny.
[01:04:29]  Why don't we do that?
[01:04:30]  We should.
[01:04:31]  But tell them in very vague and general terms.
[01:04:37]  What is the studio now?
[01:04:38]  It's a black curtain.
[01:04:39]  It's a black curtain.
[01:04:40]  In my bedroom.
[01:04:41]  Yeah, we're going to keep it.
[01:04:41]  It's going to be like the void.
[01:04:43]  It's going to be like, you know, the black box, but it's going to be, there's going to be pop to it.
[01:04:48]  It's going to be fun.
[01:04:50]  You're going to dig it.
[01:04:50]  It's going to feel like a vortex.
[01:04:52]  It's going to feel like a...
[01:04:53]  It's going to be in Jeffrey Empstein's temple.
[01:04:56]  We just signed a lease.
[01:04:58]  We didn't want to go into it.
[01:04:59]  We didn't want to ruin it.
[01:05:01]  We didn't want to ruin it.
[01:05:04]  But we got a new studio, new things.
[01:05:07]  New content.
[01:05:08]  We got a new show we might debut kind of that we've done no work on, but we discussed briefly at dinner.
[01:05:16]  New things are happening.
[01:05:20]  And I think that there's a lot of fear.
[01:05:22]  I hired a personal trainer that I'm getting into QAnon on.
[01:05:25]  I'm trying to survive.
[01:05:26]  I got to not smoke anymore.
[01:05:28]  I don't really smoke, but I smoke.
[01:05:30]  You know, have you met those people?
[01:05:32]  You don't really smoke, but they smoke cigarettes.
[01:05:35]  But they don't, but they do.
[01:05:38]  I'm trying to survive a little bit.
[01:05:40]  So I'm trying to, don't send me messages about that you are a better personal trainer and that I should use you.
[01:05:46]  Please stop with that.
[01:05:47]  I appreciate them.
[01:05:48]  People are like, I'll do it for free.
[01:05:49]  I'm like, I know you will, but that doesn't give me confidence in your abilities.
[01:05:53]  I'll do it for free.
[01:05:54]  I know you will.
[01:05:55]  Some of the people that send me those messages, I'm like, look at you.
[01:05:58]  I'm going to take advice from you.
[01:06:03]  But there's a lot of new shit coming.
[01:06:06]  And I want to embrace that.
[01:06:08]  I don't want to be a person that's afraid of that.
[01:06:10]  A lot of comedians that I'm friends with that are very funny have not embraced social media or podcasting or any digital content.
[01:06:20]  And those people are unfortunately behind.
[01:06:24]  They've fallen way behind to a point where they're probably not going to catch up ever, ever.
[01:06:29]  They're not going to.
[01:06:30]  Not probably.
[01:06:31]  There's no probably about it.
[01:06:33]  They're just not going to catch up.
[01:06:34]  And it's not maybe for lack of talent, although in some cases it is.
[01:06:39]  I think it's for lack of vision and a lack of like they don't want to fail.
[01:06:44]  They think they're too good to fail.
[01:06:45]  You know, one of the greatest things anyone ever told me is this guy, Mike Lawrence, who's a comedian who's from New York, who lives in L.A. now.
[01:06:51]  When somebody said, somebody goes, yeah, I don't want to ask to do that comedy show because maybe I'm not good enough to do it.
[01:06:58]  Or they said, I'm not ready to do it.
[01:07:00]  They didn't say I'm not good enough.
[01:07:01]  They said, I'm not ready to do it.
[01:07:02]  And Mike Lawrence looked at them and goes, are you too good to fail?
[01:07:05]  Are you too good to fail?
[01:07:07]  Because that's what we do.
[01:07:08]  That's what I did for years with different podcasts until me and Ben found each other.
[01:07:12]  We made this work.
[01:07:13]  So I think that's what it is.
[01:07:15]  There's a lot of people that are too good to fail.
[01:07:17]  And they don't want to fail.
[01:07:18]  They don't want to go on YouTube and have no subscribers in the beginning and for a very long time.
[01:07:22]  Or they don't want to start making videos that aren't funny until they find a way to make them funny.
[01:07:25]  Or they don't want to make mistakes publicly.
[01:07:28]  Because that's what you have to do with social media.
[01:07:30]  When you go digital, you got to make all your mistakes publicly.
[01:07:33]  Comedy shows, you make them in front of a few people at a time, handfuls of people, and then tens of people, and then maybe hundreds of people.
[01:07:39]  But online, you're making mistakes in front of everyone, celebrities, people in the industry, people that are better than you, that have more followings.
[01:07:46]  So a lot of people just don't want to fail.
[01:07:49]  And they think they're too good to fail.
[01:07:51]  But that's a bad attitude to have.
[01:07:53]  That's a horrible attitude to have.
[01:07:57]  You know who didn't have that attitude?
[01:07:59]  You know who never thought he was too good to fail?
[01:08:02]  Donald Trump.
[01:08:04]  Donald J. Trump.
[01:08:08]  He tried everything.
[01:08:09]  He did.
[01:08:10]  And a lot of the things that he tried failed.
[01:08:12]  And he failed repeatedly, remarkably so, in major ways.
[01:08:19]  And he just kept going and kept trying different things.
[01:08:24]  And then eventually, you know, he was able to start a very, you know, profitable and successful cult.
[01:08:32]  And that's what we should all be trying to do, is my point.

=== Profitable Cult Success (01:22) ===

[01:08:36]  And unfortunately, that has come to an end.
[01:08:39]  But don't worry because he's running in four years.
[01:08:43]  He's going to win.
[01:08:45]  And that's when Hillary and Barack go to Guantanamo.
[01:08:49]  It's just four years away.
[01:08:54]  Four easy payments of 365 days.
[01:08:59]  And you will get, because when he's inaugurated in four years, that's when they go to Guantanamo and the rapture happens and Christ comes down.
[01:09:09]  That's when it all works out.
[01:09:10]  So just sit tight.
[01:09:13]  Don't worry about it.
[01:09:15]  It's all going to happen.
[01:09:17]  That's right.
[01:09:18]  And you hug your friends before they go away to college and you look at them and go, we're always going to be best buddies, right?
[01:09:24]  We're always going to be friends.
[01:09:26]  You look at the girl you're fucking, the guy you're fucking, whatever, and you go, hey, just because we're at different schools, it doesn't matter.
[01:09:33]  We're always going to love each other.
[01:09:35]  We're always going to be, this is going to work.
[01:09:38]  It's going to work.
[01:09:40]  Nothing's going to change.
[01:09:43]  You look at each other and you go, nothing's going to change.
[01:09:48]  I had a friend literally say those words to me.
[01:09:51]  They said, nothing's going to change.
[01:09:53]  And you know what happened?
[01:09:55]  They overdosed on heroin.
[01:09:57]  Thank you for listening.