Released by popular demand, this week Tim talks about what people really think about you if they constantly tell you to go vote, a journalist that tried to smear him in Esquire, defends a friend's right to make a living, and closes with a song of jubilee. Note: Tim has an out of body experience on the episode so cannot be held responsible for anything said. Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE ▶▶ https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dil Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Opening Dialogue Warning00:14:39
My tripletex in Kitoff Levikoteviki.
Tripletexpedrichte merit or the private.
Today's episode was originally intended for the Patreon that we do.
We do an extra episode every week on Patreon for five dollars a month.
And this one was just really wild.
You know, I had a little bit of an out-of-body experience, and I felt that.
And a lot of the people that were members of the Patreon had actually kind of given me the license.
They said, you got to get this out there.
This should be shared.
Now, let me say this with the episode.
I was being a bit wild.
I stand behind everything I say.
I respect the people that I talked about comedically.
Maybe I said somebody was a monster.
They might not be a monster, but I don't know that.
But sometimes people's behavior is monstrous.
Yes or yes.
So we had to put this episode out.
I don't know that this will be the top of the YouTube monetization thing.
I don't really think that's the case.
But the episode, when we started it, we had no idea where it was going to go.
We didn't know it was going to go to the place it was going to go.
And I just, I had kind of had enough with a few different, you know, prevailing sentiments that are bouncing around Los Angeles and Hollywood and the larger, you know, media landscape.
And I had sat for a week of watching every celebrity go out and tell everyone to vote that.
And I just found that.
I found what a what an unhealthy place that we have to like, what an unhealthy country we got to tell you to vote.
You know, we got to tell you to vote.
You know, the guy, little dicky, has to go out and tell everyone to vote.
You know, I mean, it's just to me, I, I, I'm, I, you know, I share it all in the episode.
I'm not trying to ruin what I, you know, what has been called a very good episode that will potentially anger a few people.
Um, and it's not meant to, it's meant to maybe open a dialogue.
I imagine it will not.
Dialogue does not seem to be the direction most things are going in.
But I think this is a as strong as an episode as I've done in terms of kind of the things that I believe and communicating them in a way that I find to be funny or maybe a bit crazy.
And I'm not attacking anybody.
I'm attacking ideas and things that I think are wrong and only making the people that I talk about on this episode or the sentiments that they express, I feel only strengthen the things that they really hate, like Donald Trump.
And so ironically, you could maybe say that I'm trying to help them.
Okay.
You could say that.
I'm trying to help.
Now, is that going to be the first word that comes to mind when the episode is heard?
Probably not.
But having slept on it for a few days, I tend to believe that I am trying to help.
That's all.
And that's where we're at with this.
I don't think it's a big deal that there's no video.
I love audio.
I'm an audio boy.
You know what I look like.
I'm not selling that.
Okay.
You know, if you need, go get a potato and put a Marlborough light in its mouth and watch that and then press play on your phone if you need to truly experience the visual.
Whether I listen to Stern, whatever I was listening to, Limbaugh, any of those guys when I was growing up, it was always driving around in a car.
Now, some of you guys are listening in other places, but I, again, I know that you love video.
We do video all the time, but in this particular instance, I think we had to just release this episode.
I thought it would be almost cowardly to not release it.
And people have told me this is really good.
It hits the nail on the head.
And it hits the nail on the head for a bunch of things.
I smashed the cue people.
I smash, you know, other people.
And again, I'm not infallible.
I'm not, I shouldn't even have to say that.
I've said and done things that I am not, that look stupid, that made me look out of touch.
I've spoken out about things where I didn't have the information and facts.
I've been wrong.
I'll be wrong again.
None of this is not, I'm not the funniest person in the world.
I'm not a better comedian than anybody necessarily I disagree with.
I am.
But the reality is, you know, what I do believe is I'm part of a small group of people that is willing to talk and say things that they believe in because I'm truly not afraid that my fan base will desert me as long as I'm funny and that I make sense.
And there's not that many people left.
There's a lot of terrified people cowering in corners trying to get fed crumbs by this business and this industry.
That is a horrible way to live.
It is not, you know, that financially rewarding.
In some cases, it certainly is, you know, but I don't give a fuck.
It's more important to me to just put out something that I like that makes me laugh or that, you know, interests me.
And the episode goes in a bunch of different directions, but I really settle into a and what did you after while we were recording it, you know, what were your feelings?
It was.
By the way, you're on the hook for everything I say.
It's true.
I know.
I'm sitting there on the hook for everything I say.
It was the craziest hour I've ever seen you do.
Yeah.
I mean, just so wild.
Well, what are you going to do?
You know, I mean, it's you got to just sometimes put things out.
And it might mean that you are not going to be friends with people you're already not friends with.
And that's okay.
And it might mean there might be a respectful dialogue that happens between groups of people.
I don't like ruining people's lives.
I don't like when you go after people's money.
I think that's dirty.
I think it's scummy.
I don't like when you try to destroy somebody's life or assassinate their character based on a clip of something they said or based on your general feeling about them.
I don't like that.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I don't think that's a healthy impulse to have as a human being.
I disagree with people.
I think people are wrong.
And I would never want to deny any of those people the right to speak or to make a living or anything.
So I don't want to build this up too much, but I mean, we're just going to put this episode out and I'm sure it will be well received to a degree.
And it doesn't mean that everybody's going to love it.
It's certainly not for everybody, right?
I mean, it's a specific show that we do here.
But, you know, I didn't know how wound up I was going to get, how charged up I was going to get.
But I just, I just thought, I just hit the wall.
I really just hit the wall.
And I had to say something.
And, you know, you could call me alt-right or Trump guy or I didn't vote for Trump.
I don't think Trump's doing a good job.
I don't think that's controversial either.
I think people like Ann Coulter, who literally wrote the book that says, in Trump we trust, no longer trusts him.
Okay.
That should say something.
But, you know, I also am not afraid.
You can call me whatever you want.
You can, you know, all these comedians that like behind the scenes or whatever, like say this and that about me.
Or it's, it's fine.
And respect to everybody who feels however you want to feel.
But the fact of the matter is, you know, I think you are really strengthening authoritarianism and fascism in this country.
A lot of people, unknowingly, maybe unknowingly.
I think many of you don't know what you're doing.
He knows not what he does or she knows not what she does.
I think people don't know what they're doing.
I think when you're encouraging violence, what happened to Breonna Taylor was fucking horrific.
And not one human being on this planet believes otherwise.
Some of them do, but those people are absolute, you know, zeros that you can't include them in a conversation.
Anybody that excuses what happened to George Floyd can't be included in the conversation.
Doesn't mean they don't have the right to speak.
Means they shouldn't be taken seriously by human beings that want to live in a society.
Okay.
It was bad policing.
It was a bad judge, the no-knock warrant, and it's a bad law.
Okay.
But the minute you co-sign violence against innocent people and the destruction of private property that innocent people own, and the minute you condone chaos and you say that that should rule the day, you are opening up the gates of hell, which is the title of this episode.
Giannis Pappas, a great comedian out of New York City, one half of the history hyenas said something on the phone with me the other day.
Me and Yannis spend seven or eight hours on the phone every day talking about the fall of civilization.
It's very healthy.
And he said something.
He said, we need to close the gates of hell.
And it made me laugh.
And I think he's right.
And that doesn't mean that, you know, there's not a lot of hell with what the cops are doing because a lot of what the cops are doing has got a fucking, that absolutely has to stop.
There should never be a no-knock warrant issued in this country ever again.
I mean, there should not, I mean, Derek Chauvin should be killed in prison so he doesn't go to trial.
I'm calling for his murder.
I'm calling for a mason op to kill him.
So he doesn't go to trial.
Maybe twelve, because I think the truth, the law is not, he might get off.
I'm saying get gutton, get him.
What's more progressive than that?
But I don't understand what going into a restaurant and screaming in people's faces and attacking them.
You create this binary of there's Joe Biden and the people that seem to support him.
A lot of them, you know, not a lot of them percentage wise, but in terms of what the media is showing you are doing those things.
And then on the other side of the equation, you have Donald Trump who says law and order and you get to go out to dinner without being attacked.
And by the way, I don't think you want voters walking into a voting booth with that binary equation in their minds.
I tweeted the other day.
I said, if this is the strategy, maybe Trump should win.
And what I mean by that, you look at the words there, it's like the strategy.
If that's what you think is going to win, then Trump should win because what he's doing is essentially positioning himself as a candidate of let's have a society.
Let's have a civilization.
And again, I've articulated that I think Trump is a con artist and I've articulated it on platforms much bigger than this.
And I think I've probably nailed Trump and what he is more than most people talking about him and the ones that truly, the ones that he keeps up at night seem to never get what he is.
They call him a Cheeto.
They call him an orange man.
Their whole contribution to the body politic here is to say that his hands are small.
That's what they've been running with for the last two years.
No, I think I've done a pretty accurate appraisal on who Donald Trump is, having obviously never met him and not really knowing that many people that are really close to him.
But knowing that if he positions himself successfully as the candidate of, listen, there are problems, but we want to live in a civil society.
There's a very good chance he wins.
And by the way, he has no problem with using authoritarian, you know, authoritarianism.
We know that.
We know that.
So I'm not saying that he's going to be correct when he says I'm the candidate of civilization.
I'm saying it will look that way.
And it's really created this.
I don't understand why the media and powerful institutions across this country think that anything good or productive will come out of random violence and chaos that will reign.
Thinking that something will emerge from that that is a coherent governing philosophy that can be implemented is crazy.
No one believes that.
They just believe that they don't want to lose their job and they don't want to lose money and they don't want to be called a racist and that's what they believe.
But no, I don't believe that many people truly believe that you're going to draw a line from what we're seeing right now, which is random acts of violence perpetrated against innocent people in the name of something that you expect will be better, in the name of justice.
People are wearing shirts on Instagram, revolution shirts.
You cut it out.
What revolution has merch?
Dummies.
What revolution has fucking merch?
Is this a merch drop?
You're behaving in an absurd fashion.
The Magic Spoon Debate00:04:01
And I had to talk about it a little bit and I had to talk about how we got here.
And I'm not going to do a PSA and tell you to vote.
It's not my job.
Okay?
It's not my job.
And there's a lot of people who think very little of you out there.
That's why they have to tell you to have a voting plan.
Have a plan.
Because they think that voting sucks.
It's annoying.
It's harder than it should be.
I've said that.
But my job is not to tell you to vote.
That's not my job.
And so that's where really the episode came from.
And the idea that I had to just vent a little bit.
And then it went in directions I didn't expect it to go.
And, you know, if anyone's upset at the episode, let me just say this.
My mother is schizophrenic.
It's very possible that I, too, am suffering from some form of undiagnosed mental illness.
So, if you're upset with the episode, just realize that you are punching down at a mentally ill man who's just trying to do the best he can.
And with that, enjoy Magic Spoon is a cereal.
It is sugar-free.
It is keto for you and me.
I think the Magic Spoon should have like the way they market children's cereals.
They should market it to adults with like a fun kind of song, like, Are you fat and disgusting?
Do you hate yourself?
Can you not stand the side of yourself in a mirror?
Does it make you physically sick?
Do you look at the plastic people on Instagram?
And do you want to be one of them?
Is your voice like Tim Dylan's?
That sounds like a cigarette lodged in phlegm.
Are you unhappy with your life?
Is your sex life incomplete?
Are you homeless on the street?
That's because you're not eating magic spoon.
Magic Spoon is for an interesting group of people, people who are very serious about their health, but need to eat sugar cereal in the morning.
They need to feel like they're eating Reese's puffs or fruit loops, but they're serious.
It's like I read a blog the other day about people who do keto Taco Bell.
We're going to do that on the Patreon.
It's hilarious.
And they just dump the goop from the Taco Bell in a container for the people that need to do keto but need to be a Taco Bell.
Interesting.
It's literally slime.
It's a slime in a container that they eat in the parking lot.
It's keto.
Zero sugar, 11 grams of protein, 3 grams of carbs per serving your four flavors, cocoa, fruity, frost, and blueberry.
And we just got two new ones.
Honeynut didn't love, but, and Brees', the pasta, peanut butter, really good.
Really good.
The peanut butter.
That's up there with fruity, but fruity is, I think, better.
Oh.
I don't know if we're allowed.
Okay.
Well, it's saying not to mention another flavor, but I haven't.
I haven't mentioned that flavor.
Right.
But I've mentioned the other two, which I think is okay.
Because I was not told not to.
But here's the deal, folks.
It is a good cereal.
It is a tasty cereal.
It is a nice cereal.
Do you like cereal?
Do you want to stay healthy?
Do you want to get healthy?
I just think it should be fun.
Like, it should be like a, you know, how they had like the honey nut bee?
Like, there's always mascots.
They have the lucky charms leprechaun.
Who are some other cereal makers?
The Trix Rabbit.
The Trix Rabbit.
The honeycomb little guy that spins the Applejacks guy, too.
Who's the Applejacks guy?
Well, there was the Jamaican cinnamon stick, and then there was the little apple, and they would like smash into each other in the commercial, and it'd be like Applejacks.
It's like how it came to be.
Interesting.
The Jamaican.
What was the Jamaican cinnamon stick's name?
Be very careful.
You don't know his name?
Impulse Buy Regrets00:08:33
I don't know.
Tripletex are flexible and scoped.
So possibly perfect.
TripleTex is very good for internet shops.
And amazing.
And coffee.
Yeah, it was a double latte on soya.
And of course, cars for dealers.
Yes, you've probably understood it now, that all sorts of small and large companies get what they need for TripleTex, the whole of the landscape program.
Try free on TripleTex.no.
Until things calm down.
Went to lunch today at the Parker, the hotel in Palm Springs that has reopened.
LA has now entered, I believe, phase, I don't even know anymore, phase four, terror threat level three.
We're in the red phase.
I mean, we're right back to after 9-11.
We're right back there with phases and color-coded warnings.
And we're at a press 25% opening.
And I mean, could this have been handled?
You know, I mean, it's just embarrassing.
The Parker, you can't get onto the property unless you show that you made a reservation for the lunch for Norma's, the lunch restaurant at OpenTown Open Tables.
You pull up, the guy goes, you got an email confirmation?
Yeah.
Are you staying with us?
No.
And then the car in front of you, I mean, there's like an interrogation going on in the car in front.
And I go, what are we getting in here?
What are we doing here?
Are we trying to get into Bohemian Grove?
I want a fucking omelet.
I told you that I have the confirmation.
Are you doing COVID tests?
You want to put something up my nose?
You want to swab my brain with a Q-tip so I can get a nice keto omelet?
Because I'm trying to change.
Is that what you want to do?
Does that make you feel better?
You want to put a syringe of an experimental vaccine in my taint before I can walk into your fucking hotel?
Can we stop, please?
I went to a restaurant the other night.
I was with somebody.
They go, you got to sit next to each other side by side.
I'm like, what are we?
Children having lunch?
They go, oh, no, I said, why can't I take a chair and flip it on the other side of the table?
The woman goes, well, no, because of social distancing, that's not allowed.
I said, what's going on here?
This thing is either you can get it from me and my friends.
I'm going to give it to you if we're seated on the same side of the table or I'm going to give it to you if I'm on the other side.
I'm loud and I scream and I spit and those droplets fly.
So we're either in business or we're not.
We're open or we're not.
This fucking weird purgatory that we're all in where every fucking company is open with a minimum amount of employees because these corporate overlord scum don't want to pay everybody.
And the employees that are back have spent seven months sitting on their ass, five months, sitting on their ass, dazed and confused and terrified.
They have no idea what's going on.
They don't know.
Now they're going to have to adjust to making, you know, 30% of what they used to make.
And they're out of practice.
Nobody knows how to perform a task efficiently.
So you're talking to a bunch of zombies out there, a bunch of COVID zombies who don't know what's going on.
I tried to get into the Apple store the other day.
They treated it like I was trying to get into the headquarters of the Mossad.
I said, I just want a MacBook.
They said, do you have an appointment?
I said, for Christ, no.
I want a MacBook.
They go, well, you can make an appointment and come back.
I said, this is an impulse buy.
Remember me and you?
I'm like, this is, I don't need a $2,000 MacBook.
It's a dumb move.
I want it to do sketches on the road.
We don't need it.
We could go find something much cheaper that would be fine.
I just wanted to upload things and blah, blah, blah.
It's an impulse buy.
It's stupid buy.
I just think it'd be a good idea.
So now there's no impulse buy.
You actually have time to think about the shit that you don't need and now won't buy because you go, I don't need this.
You go home.
You go, I don't need, it's jerking off before you meet somebody.
God, there's no point now.
I don't need to listen to the fact that you majored in marketing and you're not as close with your sister as you used to be.
I don't need that.
The poison's out.
So if I drive back 10 miles to my house, I don't even Google the MacBook anymore.
I just go, fuck it.
Everyone will deal with the quality that we currently have.
And it'll take us longer and it'll give me something to get angry about.
But COVID has destroyed the idea of the impulse buy, the stupid American impulse buy, the rage-filled purchase, which is what a lot of purchases are.
People are enraged for whatever reason and think that something they buy is going to help them.
And with COVID, we can't have that.
Everybody's got to sit back and really be contemplative about what they buy.
And by the way, you want to talk about a death knell for this economy?
It's thinking before you act.
If you think before you act, this economy will collapse.
If you have a moment to consider what that cruise is going to be like, you're not taking it.
But if you just, like an idiot, just say, fuck it.
I'm impulsive.
I want to do it.
And you just do it.
We were in Norma's and the food there is good.
It's a place.
It's like a CNB scene place in Palm Springs.
I don't give a fuck, you know?
It's the reason I like the Beverly Hills Hotels.
It's like the food is good.
If the food's not good, I don't care.
I'm not living to be seen.
I like the audio medium.
I love audio.
I don't watch any podcast.
When's it me?
I'm going to have what do you not know what I look?
You think I'm selling my looks?
What are you nuts?
My face looks like somebody took a fucking Brillo pad to it.
I have horrible Irish skin.
It's translucent.
And it's blotchy and red.
And you get it.
And I have hair that's graying.
Thank God I still have it.
I mean, what do you need to see here?
If I listen to a podcast, if I listen to a podcast, like sometimes, sometimes I want to listen to experts, smart people, but I don't need to see them.
So if I want to listen to smart people who know their shit and have done their research, like the other night, I listen to Candace Owens on Ben Shapiro.
And if I put it on the counter and I put it play on the YouTube and I just go to bed and I'm 10 minutes in, I'm out.
I fall asleep to a podcast.
Well, you know, Candace.
I've grown up in California my entire life.
You know, I've grown up in German Arts my entire life.
And now that LA's a shit hole.
LA is a shit hold on.
And I just, I go to sleep to horror every night.
I used to fall asleep to Alex Jones.
Every night I would fall asleep to Alex Jones.
That was my version of that rain app they're always trying to sell.
Soft rain puts you to sleep.
It's always like, relaxer.
Do you need to relax?
How about the winds of autumn?
Well, my winds of autumn were, well, you got to buy the fish oil.
You got to buy the Cloidal Silver.
That was my winds of autumn was Alex Jones telling me that I needed to protect myself against a globalist invasion of my own body that they were doing with, you know, fluoride and the water.
And that was what I'd fall asleep to.
But it's an audio medium.
I prefer audio.
So I don't care about like hotshot Hollywood place.
I get that.
Listen, everybody in Hollywood, you should be hot.
You should look a certain way.
I have an aesthetic that's built for the Northeast.
This is just really a Northeastern aesthetic.
I do very, I look, I look really good in Boston in a Dunkin' Donuts, in a town 10 minutes outside of Boston.
I look like I should be there.
But at some of these LA spots, I'm there for the food.
And the park has got killer food.
And the Beverly Hills Hotel has killer food.
Expensive Food Aesthetics00:02:19
I mean, good food.
It's not cheap, but it's good.
And the portions are actually big.
That's another thing that's rare for LA.
Usually it's, you know, rabbit food.
Even on the Parker menu, there's a section that says rabbit food, but it's actually good food, and it's actually fairly, you know, decently priced for what you get.
There's a $1,000 omelet on the menu over there.
And this is a, it comes out of New York City, of course.
There's a restaurant called Norma's that has a $1,000 omelet.
And inside the omelette is lobster chives, cream, probably a little truffles.
And then on top of the omelet is $650 worth of caviar, austeria caviar.
And you can get this at the Parker for $100, the smaller version.
I don't get that.
I get a crab salad and some other bullshit, a burger with lettuce wrap.
But it's so funny because it's called the zillion-dollar frittata.
Does anybody think we have an income inequality problem in this country?
I don't.
Do you?
They call it the zillion-dollar frittata.
Okay.
How many people are on the verge of eviction here?
The zillion-dollar frittata.
Okay?
It makes you want to put on a black Antifa outfit, which they are slimming.
And it makes you want to just run in there and start lobbing off heads.
And it's just such a fucking pointless, nothing on a plate should be $1,000 ever, ever.
And I'm a fan of expensive food.
I don't care about expensive clothes, but I do like good food, and nothing should be a G. Nothing.
I mean, as you buy a ton of shellfish, you know, in a nice steakhouse, you're with six or eight people, that might run you $400.
But $1,000 for anything on a plate is fucking absurd.
And, you know, what it is, is you get all these people that go out there that want to impress other people at their table and they buy the $1,000.
But the truth is, nobody would know it's a grand.
You have to bring it up.
Like, you have to tell the whole table it's a G. You have to like stop someone's conversation and go, so the omelette I ordered for everyone, you know, you look at, did you look at the menu?
Loose Change Conspiracy00:05:30
And they go, no, what?
What?
Yeah, it sounds good.
Lobster and the omelette.
No, There's caviar.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Caviar is cool, man.
Thanks for it.
No, Shut up.
Look, it's a thousand bucks.
I'm spending a G here.
And they go, oh, my God, Graham, you didn't have to do that.
Yes, I do.
I have a medium-sized penis.
And I don't get my trust fund for another three years, but I have enough money to buy this omelet.
But you need to know it's $1,000.
You need to know it's $1,000.
Of course, while we're sitting there eating lunch, Ben was hunting QAnon.
He was hunting the real source of QAnon.
Every now and then, Ben disappears into a hole during lunch and he'll pop up just a little bit closer to QAnon, just a few feet down the road on the way to QAnon.
Because it is a curiosity.
I tend to believe that the fingerprints of QAnon are somewhere in the White House.
I believe that.
And that doesn't justify what QAnon's saying.
Some of it is true.
Some of it is indisputably true, and we've talked about it on the show.
Much of it is not true.
And I mean, Ben just, and I'm going to let Ben take it a little bit from here because Ben has done a lot of research into who is Q.
I tend to believe it's an ex-military or intelligence guy that was put up to this by somebody like Steve Bannon or somebody in the White House.
That's kind of what Alex Jones said about it.
I haven't spoken to Alex about it in months.
Yeah, Alex says he knows who Q is.
Remember, he was supposed to reveal it on InfoWars?
Yeah, but he didn't reveal it.
No, he didn't.
He didn't reveal it.
His cue is my keto.
Now, tell us a little bit about what's going on.
This is an article with ABC News, by the way.
Yeah, this was in the cover of The Drudge.
I'm getting a lot of press requests right now, and I'm not answering any of them because the press is scum.
It's one of the things that Trump's 100% right about.
You know, listen, the guy that wrote that article about Loose Change, that film, I didn't really talk about this.
It was a guy from Esquire.
He called me, goes, I'm a big fan.
This is what everybody says.
You're a big fan.
Maybe he is a fan.
And I don't, I'm not really angry at the guy.
I'm annoyed because he wrote an article, and the article is a comprehensive history of loose change and the seeds it planted in our politics.
He tried to draw a line from loose change to QAnon in the article.
It was a sloppy line, and it wasn't really well done.
What he was saying is that Loose Change, the film that came out, I believe in 2007, which of course was about 9-11.
It was about, it was, you know, started or, you know, 2005.
So Loose Change came out April 13th, 2005.
It was made by Dylan Avery.
He was a 21-year-old amateur filmmaker.
Loose Change was a documentary that posited a radical thesis.
And this is out of the Esquire article.
And then I'm paraphrasing here, but basically it's like, what if 9-11 was, we were not getting the full story of 9-11, that this was either an inside job or there was a massive cover-up.
We all remember Loose Change, okay?
And this article, and this guy's in Hollywood now, by the way.
I think Dylan Avery trying to like break into movies.
Yeah, he's trying to break into films.
It's been a little tough.
After you've done loose change, they don't want you doing ratatouille four.
You know, they probably don't want you.
This is what I mean about you staying your lane a little bit, you know?
You can't do everything.
You know, he's a thing on his bio.
He goes, Dylan Avery is a filmmaker and the creator of Loose Change.
At the age of 21, he had taken a few thousand dollars in a compact presario to make a documentary series, which would be labeled the first internet blockbuster by Vanity Fair.
And the Gone with the Wind of Conspiracy by Alec Baldwin.
He has directed and edited music.
And here's, and by the way, he's directed and edited music videos, blah, blah, blah.
Here's the thing.
Successful people can say whatever they want about you.
It doesn't mean you're ever going to work.
That's what you learn.
He's like, Alec Baldwin called this.
Well, let him produce something you're doing.
Call him.
Well, Alec Baldwin said it was The Gone with the Wind of Conspiracies.
Well, call him.
Do you not have his number?
Are you not close?
That's what I love about people just quote celebrities in their bios.
Yeah, well, call them.
What do you need us for?
But they made loose change, and this guy basically said that, you know, was the modern conspiracy movement, was it born out of loose change?
And I said, I don't think so.
I said, I think QAnon's more like a religious movement.
But I will say I granted him this, the writer of the Esquire piece.
Let's get his name up.
It is John McDermott.
Pull him up.
Pull this guy up here.
He's probably not a bad guy, but I didn't agree with the I didn't agree with the thesis.
I said, I don't.
Here's where I gave him, you know, I met him halfway.
I said, the way that Loose Change was produced, you know, with the music, it was like a thriller.
Blind Spot Analysis00:03:56
It was a conspiracy movie, but it was, you know, it moved.
It didn't lose your interest.
You weren't bored.
It wasn't one of these things about the Kennedy assassination that droned on for hours and nobody, people lost interest.
This was a really well-made film made for the internet and for people's sensibilities, right?
It was quick, you know, and you were like, you were intrigued and it was like political thriller slash conspiracy.
It was what JFK was, except made for the internet.
But the article was more that it laid the groundwork for conspiracy today.
Now, what all of these journalists fail to do, by the way, what any of them fail to do, this is their problem.
This is their major blind spot.
They have a massive blind spot.
They don't grant the proponents of conspiracy theories anything meaningful.
They just say, well, yeah, well, Epstein and yeah, well, Kennedy and sure, I guess, you know, Iraq was a lie.
And there was a labyrinth of torture prisons that we were told had nothing to do with us.
And yeah, well, we designed those and there were no WMDs and I don't know.
Like they don't grant.
And then so on the other side, you know what they never call a conspiracy?
Just Millet.
Right.
Covington.
They never use the word conspiracy to talk about blatantly false narratives that they have shoved down the throat of Americans who watch and consume news and are going, wait, what?
This guy claimed he was attacked by MAGA hat wearing people in Chicago at 2 a.m. and they beat him with his own subway sandwich.
Or these white kids at a pro-life march went and attacked a peaceful Native American.
And then we find the facts, but those are never conspiracy.
Those are, oh, we got it wrong.
And they barely admit that.
They go, oh, well, new information is, well, new things have kind of happened and we're just, you know, we're just following the leads.
And no, you, whipped the country up into a frenzy.
I was angry.
I tweeted right after the Covington thing happened.
I said, some of these kids should be shot because it was just a school shooting.
I thought that was funny.
I still do.
But then I realized that, oh, the wool was pulled over my eyes and I reacted too quickly, even just tweeting.
I wasn't like condemned.
I wasn't like, find the kid.
You remember Kathy Griffin, all these people, find him, find his parents.
Where do they live?
Dox him.
Get him.
I was never going to do that.
I just fired off a little tweet, which I deleted.
But they never talk about those as conspiracies.
They never talk about the Iraq war where the New York Times, Judy Miller, wrote an article about enriched uranium.
Dick Cheney used it as the case to go to war with Iraq.
They never talk about that as a conspiracy, do they?
They never use the word conspiracy.
Conspiracy is always a pejorative and it's always leveled to people outside of the mainstream.
They attack Joe Rogan with it.
They attack anybody that is independent that came up or that has an audience primarily outside of the system of mainstream journalism.
So none of these guys write anything of value to me because they operate from a place of dishonesty.
They operate from a place of dishonesty.
So when you have a guy writing an article about the modern conspiracy movement, which is nuts, we talked about QAnon.
We know how retarded that is.
We know how stupid that is.
I have dinner with David Spade.
He doesn't eat children.
This is crazy.
This is ridiculous.
He eats a small filet and a salad and a lot of jacket cokes, but he doesn't eat children.
It's just like not happening.
Hollywood Talent Attitude00:16:09
Hollywood's not even fun.
These parties that you people think are happening don't exist.
I'm at Whitney Cummings' house and she's telling me how many grams of carbs are in a popsicle.
I'm telling you, whatever you think is going on here is not going on.
Don't move here.
Stay home.
Get a family in a yard.
You're having more fun.
Have me to your house.
Do you have real food or do you have kale pops?
Get some cheese doodles and a fucking couple of bubba burgers and I'll come to you because whatever you think's going on here is not happening.
Now, that doesn't mean that there aren't pedophiles in Hollywood doing fucking crazy things behind closed doors, but there's pedophiles in a lot of power cities, New York and Washington and all over the place.
You think it's only Hollywood?
Listen, go talk to your kid's gym teacher or fucking coach because there's a lot of shit going on there too.
I'm not trying to defend Hollywood here.
I'm just saying these lurid imaginations and everybody in Hollywood is like in some blood cult.
It would be so much more interesting if it was like that.
If Chrissy Teigen was part of a cult that ate children, she would interest me.
I wouldn't condone the behavior, but I would be at least like, I would think about her more than once every three months.
But I don't think about her because she's tweeting about fucking how much she loves Hillary Clinton and fucking avocados all day.
I like tacos.
Whatever she does.
I started making fun of her a little bit at the Whitney thing for influencers.
She was not happy about that.
But Chelsea Peretti, I think, went at Whitney on Twitter.
It was like, hey, you shouldn't, you know, if you're having influencer parties, like she unfollowed a few people because she thinks we're all trying to spread COVID.
It's like, you know what?
I'm a little sick of this idea that any of these people, I don't remember her being a proponent of Bernie Sanders.
Was she?
Was she allowed?
And by the way, if I'm wrong, someone let me know.
Was she really talking about Bernie Sanders?
Because Bernie Sanders was the only candidate that was trying to give everyone in this country healthcare.
So this idea that all of these people that didn't support Bernie and many of them loudly because his fans were misogynists, which they found more disturbing than people dying, they all went out and are now saying they're really concerned with COVID and people spreading COVID.
But you weren't concerned about people's health a while ago because you supported Hillary both fucking times and she didn't give a fuck.
Okay?
She didn't really have.
Now you say, oh, no, she did care.
She tried to do the first national health care.
Yeah, but it was an unserious attempt.
It was foiled pretty quickly and it didn't go anywhere.
And then she sold the fuck out.
So maybe let's give Hillary the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe when she was in the White House in the 90s, she thought, I'm going to give people health care.
But that was many years and a lot of speeches at Goldman Sachs ago.
So let's not forget that Hillary took the journey that everybody else took.
So this idea that all these Hollywood people are coming out and they're just so paranoid.
We had a small comedy show in a back fucking yard.
People are allowed to do things you don't agree with.
I know your husband's a trillionaire and he's very talented and you have talent as well, but people are allowed to do things, Chelsea, that you don't agree with.
You are not the dictator of this country because you have lots of money and your brother runs BuzzFeed.
And somebody might need to, somebody needs to tell these people in Hollywood that.
You don't run the country.
Your opinion is no fucking validity to it just because you have a lot of money.
You sit on a stack of money and yell at everyone because some people have to go out and make a living and you can swim in your pool and tweet.
These are children.
These are ridiculous children.
I'm a little sick of this.
I don't give a fuck about any of these people.
I truly don't.
A fuck about any of them.
Come on my show.
I have a bigger audience than you.
Your Twitter's fake.
No one cares.
You make institutional money.
You get stuffed.
You get money stuffed down your throat by a corporation.
Then you tell everybody how to live.
Shut the fuck up.
Truly.
Have a dialogue with me.
You would be on the floor, not physically, but intellectually.
You'd be on the floor in a few minutes because you don't know anything you're talking about.
never read a book.
Cut it out now.
You think you know anything?
What are you a virologist?
People on a basketball court having a party is a problem?
Stop telling everybody that voted for Trump that they're Nazi scum.
That's going to turn them into Nazi scum, by the way.
Stop doing fucking events with Amy Poehler and whoever you're doing these events with.
And Hillary Clinton's back from the dead.
Do you want to lose again?
Apparently so.
Shut your mouth.
And listen, I love Whitney to death.
That fucking come vote comedy that they all did is an abomination.
It was an abomination.
And Whitney had the best set because she's a real comp, but that telling people to vote is the most patronizing shit ever.
Shut your mouth.
Do you have a voting plan?
Yeah, it's hard to vote.
It's annoying to vote.
I tweeted about it today.
It's annoying to vote.
You can order a fucking Thanksgiving dinner with a click of your phone.
And to vote, you got to go to a fucking library that nobody knew existed three towns away.
But guess what?
If you're not going to do that, then I can't tell you to do that.
Is it my job to tell you to fucking vote?
I'm going to tell you to vote.
You're going to come to a nightclub, hear me talk shit about everybody and everything, and then I'm going to end it with a PSA and tell you to vote and eat your vegetables and drink water and exercise.
And remember to get moving out there.
Why do you tell people to exercise?
Same shit.
Half the country doesn't vote.
Half the country's fat as fuck.
It's the same thing.
Tell them that.
Make sure to keep moving, guys.
That's better advice.
Make sure to take your vitamins and keep moving.
Lecturing everybody about how they can go outside.
And you get mad at Instagram influencers because they're hot.
I'm sorry.
You're not hot, Chelsea.
I'm not hot.
Let's be friends.
Let's not be good looking together.
You want to try it?
I'm in.
I'm sorry.
Some of your crew, you know, Mulani's a cutie.
Milani's a cutie.
But Brigley is all right.
Kroll, not so much.
You not so much.
Me, not so much.
It's okay.
Draw the curtain behind us.
We're fine.
We're not nosferatu.
But listen, what are we hating on Instagram?
Because they want to sit there with their empty heads, their perky tits.
Let it happen.
I'm really going off today, folks.
I've had enough.
I've just had enough.
I've had enough.
I swear to Christ with these people.
These fucking stupid, alternative, fucking like rich fucking Ivy League grew up in a fucking wealthy area.
Never met a black person.
Never went anywhere.
Never did anything cool.
They were treated like shit in school, which is how they should be treated now.
They had no confidence in high school, and that was the right way.
It should have worked out.
But instead, we stacked Hollywood and New York with a bunch of nerds that elevated tons of people that now want to lord over all of us like fucking.
Shut up.
You mentioned Jackie Gleason out there doing voting PSAs.
Can we calm down?
Yeah, vote.
Vote, everyone.
I'm telling you to vote.
Vote.
And if you don't want to vote, don't fucking vote.
I don't give a shit what you do.
I'm not going to lie to you.
You want to run a couple of miles?
Run a couple of miles.
You want to swim?
Swim.
That's good.
You don't want to do that?
Don't do it.
What the fuck am I here to tell you to do?
I'm sick of these sociopath millionaires that pretend they give a flying fuck about anything.
You don't.
The fuck off Twitter.
Don't you have children?
Doesn't anyone raise their children?
Is every five minutes in these homes, mommy, give me the phone?
These people aren't eating children.
They're not even raising theirs.
It was one of those episodes where another 10% of Hollywood is done with me.
That's okay.
Go right down there to Dallas.
Not a problem.
Being a corporate steakhouse, Sydney Perry is not a problem.
Don't care.
Don't care.
It's just, I'm coming in hot today because it's enough is enough with every celebrity.
Little Dickie uploading that he's naked with his dick between his legs.
If you vote, I'll show you my dick.
Are we a serious country?
Do we deserve to exist?
Should we should we not have a dictator?
Tell me why we shouldn't have an authoritarian putting the butt of a gun in everyone's mouth.
We are a disgusting slovenly country who've you want to talk about why don't you vote celebrities out vote them out Vote them out and listen and watch other shit and little dickie's talented and that show's funny,
but but those fucking these things this fucking fake Fraud that everybody participates in every four years when they all decide that it's their time to act like fucking You know who's the guy that rode through the woods Paul Revere Paul Revere go vote voting and this is not I'm not saying anything that you shouldn't vote You should vote local shit's very important.
You should vote federally should vote and do whatever you want But it's not my fucking job and it's not my job to tell you what risks you're comfortable with with coronavirus.
How did this become people's job?
How did it become people's job to shame people?
These are the same people that were pinning the on Esther Prynn for the Scarlet Letter.
These are the same, I love that these people think they're progressive.
You would have been burning witches at the stake.
Chelsea Peretti would have been burning people at the stake and talking about how virtuous she was and how much it was needed.
And this is the person that just lectures people all day.
She tries to destroy Joey Diaz's life because he told a story seven years ago and he's got a daughter and she's trying to take the food out of his daughter's mouth.
We all didn't marry a millionaire, Chelsea.
Joey didn't marry a millionaire.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
I'm single.
I know that he married you because, you know, you're hot or whatever in his eyes, but whatever.
I'm glad you're in love and I'm glad you have a nice life.
But you went at one of my friends and tried to take food out of his daughter's mouth because you didn't like a fucking story he told.
The guy did heroin for most of his life.
Do you think he's getting all the facts straight?
You know, and you go after people, you know, and you go after people and you think that we're all monsters.
You're a monster.
Okay?
That's the reality.
You're a fucking monster.
And you should fucking pay for Joey's daughter.
You should fucking compensate for every ad dollar that he lost for some cuck company that fucking fell off his fucking podcast.
And you people are so sick of going to festivals with us and fucking not doing that well.
That's the reality.
Having soft sets in front of the industry, going into fucking JFL and doing okay in front of the people that should fucking, you know, and what were you on again, Brooklyn 99, that iconic, brilliant, bro.
Will you stop?
Just be happy.
Be happy it worked.
Be happy it worked.
And your brother runs BuzzFeed, which is trying to make us all get out in the street and cut each other's faces open because every 15 minutes they run top 20 reasons you should kill your parents this Thanksgiving.
I mean, am I missing something?
We've opened the gates of hell.
These people are standing at the gates of hell with fucking WD-40 to get them open quicker.
And then they come and yell at everybody because they're, and I think Chelsea's talented.
I think she's funny.
I'm not saying that she sucks.
I'm saying I'm talking about this attitude.
And I think her husband's insanely talented.
And I think Kroll and Mulaney and Berbiga, I think they're all very, very, very talented people.
Some more than me, not really, but let's say that.
Let's just say that.
We know that's not true.
But let's say that maybe there's an argument for Milane, whatever.
You know what I mean?
But it's just there's a certain unfortunate attitude that is now pervasive and it is everywhere in this town.
And people go at Rogan and they say Rogan's this and Rogan's that.
Rogan has done more for comics and asked for less in return than any human being I've ever met.
Rogan has done nothing but help people.
He's done nothing but put people on.
He's done nothing but give people an opportunity to sit there for two hours or three hours and talk pretty much uninterrupted and get their fucking point of view out there.
Okay.
And the idea that this guy is like a transphobe because he doesn't want somebody to a man who biological man who's transitioned to start beating a woman to a pulp in a ring.
The idea that he somehow doesn't want that and that makes him some kind of devil is how sick we are.
Truly.
I'm just a little sick of it.
I don't want to take that long of an aside to go through it, but I'm just a little sick of it.
And this should have been the regular episode, to be quite honest.
So don't get mad if we just replay this on the regular episode, because frankly, it should be heard by more people.
So if we amputate this chunk and just throw it on the regular episode, don't feel like you got gypped.
It just needs to be seen by a wider audience.
Back to the Esquire article.
Well, my schedule just got cleared up.
There's a few parties I wasn't attending anyway that now I definitely, but you can see me in the Beverly Hills hotel eating pancake cat out.
So this slug who works.
That's somewhere your agent might call you and go, hey, how are you doing?
Is everything all right?
Everything's all right.
Folks, you're paying money for this.
You might as well get your money's worth, right?
Anyway, it's kind of rough to transition now.
So am I wrong?
Am I rough, folks?
Is anything that I said not the facts or the reality?
So this guy's trying to, you know, this guy's trying to draw the line between 9-11, this film and the QAnon.
I just said it didn't, you know, I don't think it's there.
But I said, watch this other film, 9-11, the New Pearl Harbor, which is five-hour docked.
It's really wild.
And this guy says, I'm like sweating now.
I'm like, I just went into just a, it was like a tent preacher.
Yeah.
But this guy, this guy, I just had an out-of-body experience.
I'm trying to focus now on what I'm trying to talk about.
And in other news, here's Jane with the weather.
Let's go to Todd with sports.
So this guy calls me because I'm a big fan.
You got any comments about this?
I'm like, hey, I made a few comments.
I said, I don't really think it was.
I said it was the marriage of political thriller and whatever.
So then the escarp article comes out.
They go, Tim Dylan, a comic who traffics in conspiracy theorists.
This is what they say.
He traffics.
Nobody uses that word.
Nobody says this guy traffics in honesty.
Nobody traffics is human trafficking, drug trafficker.
I traffic in conspiracy theories.
Not I talk about the fucking news and I give people I give people The benefit of the doubt, and I give people both sides a hearing, and I give the conspiracy world a hearing, and I give my own curiosity a hearing.
Free Speech Harassment00:15:38
I give space in my head to be a curious person.
Okay?
And that's just what I do.
And as a comedian, I think that's important.
As a citizen, as somebody who thinks it's important.
So I just, I didn't appreciate that they said that to me.
So now that you have Forbes has reached out, a bunch of other people, Forbes reached out.
They're like, we're writing an article on the intellectual dark web with Jim Dillon, like the comments.
Get the fuck out of here.
I want to comment on anything.
How about you shut the lights off your office?
It'll be the dark office.
Why don't you go back to writing about hedge funds and criminals?
What are you writing about comedy for?
Can you get off the comedy beat, Forbes, please?
Go back to making lists of people who inherited money, you dumb fucks.
You stop.
There's three good financial journalists.
There's Bethany McLean and two others.
I can't remember.
Forbes is on the comedy beat.
We're remake.
It's not just going to be about money and men now.
It's going to be about funny ha-has.
You stop Forbes magazine.
You print lists of rich people.
Go back to that.
Own it.
Nobody wants you reviewing one-man shows in fucking Forbes.
This week in Barons, we review Nanette.
Just talk about money.
Benjamin, please fill us in.
Who is QAnon?
Well, we don't know, but we think it might be James Watkins who started 8chan.
It also could be possibly Frederick Brennan, a.k.a. Hot Wheels.
Probably not.
More likely Watkins.
But this guy, Watkins, was in the Army, right?
You want me to give a little background on it?
I would love for you to do that.
So Watkins was in the Army in the 80s, and he was hired, I believe, as a computer programmer.
He worked in Virginia.
He worked for the Army all throughout the 90s.
Right after 9-11 in October, he went to the Philippines, and then he started 8-chan sometime in like 2000 something, like 2007, 2015.
I can't remember the exact date.
I just read this article, 2013, and Brennan helped him create it, right?
Yeah.
So if all the Q drops are on 8chan, people are saying Watkins can know who this, can put a stop to this at any moment, or he could figure out who this is.
So a lot of people think it might be him.
The article is mostly bullshit.
It mostly just talks about QAnon, but I just thought this was...
I like that this little dude.
Hot Wheels.
I like this guy, Hot Wheels.
Like he's born.
He has a real problem.
He's in a wheelchair.
And he's just causing a little havoc.
You know what I mean?
Because he's like, I'm not having fun on this planet.
I'm going to cause a little havoc.
It took like the creator of 8-Chan, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
He goes, yeah, let's have a little fun.
He goes, you know, my arms and legs don't work.
Let's have a little fun out there.
Let's spin the wheels a little bit, literally and figuratively.
See what happens.
Watkins looks exactly how you'd think he'd look, the owner of 8-Chan.
Oh, yeah.
I love that.
He's the owner of 8-chan.
He's just going, I'm the owner of 8-chan.
Now it's 8-kun.
8-kun.
Yeah, 8-hun.
8k.
Sorry.
So you're saying that Watkins...
I'm chewing ice here.
I don't know.
I brought up the theory to you that he might be intelligence because his mother worked for Boeing.
He was in Virginia for a long time.
I don't know.
You leave three weeks to the Philippines after 9-11.
Yeah, it's always a good sign.
Real, real patriot, huh?
Right.
Real patriot.
Let me desert my country in its hour of need.
Head over to the Philippines.
So Brennan says, we're seeing 8Kon kind of morphing away from white supremacy and neo-Nazism, and it's a QAnonism, Brennan told ABC News this week.
And Watkins fully endorses that.
He has totally backed the Q movement.
Brennan has left 8chan, by the way.
He's no longer affiliated after the third manifesto was posted.
Creative differences?
Well, he's gone now because he said too much.
He can't.
He said, I want to be responsible for.
Right.
Right.
So we're thinking that what you're saying, you were saying it's very interesting.
Watkins definitely knows QAnon's IP address, right?
Oh, 100%.
Because you set up an account.
Or at the very least, could put a stop to it, but he's probably in communication with this person doing the Q-drops.
Is it one person doing the Q-drops?
I haven't really looked in.
It could be a team of people.
I mean, it's impossible.
But I mean, is it coming from one place over and over again?
Yeah, yeah, it's one guy.
Yeah.
So who knows?
I would totally forgive Chelsea Peretti if she said, I've been doing QAnon for the last three years.
I would go, dude, okay, you're cool.
If she said, I've been just doing all these cue drops, that's me.
All these weird, like all these older paleo-conservatives, they all have the same look, like this guy, Steve Bannon.
Yeah, very interesting.
They all have the weird look.
Remember the history teacher in your school that was a little too conservative?
Oh, yeah.
Was always a guy.
Mine was named, fuck, what was his name?
Mr. Coronado or something?
Mr. Corrado.
Mr. Corrado, like Corado Soprano, Mr. Corrado.
He's a little too conservative.
He couldn't really let it out.
But every now and then he'd let it out, you know, roll his eyes, you know, when he talked about Gettysburg.
He would, you know, all right, well, I guess we have to do this.
He's a little too conservative.
Tom Rydell, NY Technology Inc.'s current president, told the digital site Splinter in 2016 that Watkins was a porn pioneer who figured out a loophole in Japanese censorship rules.
Adult material in Japan has to be censored, but Japanese people could access content that resides outside of Japan.
Bingo.
This guy Watkins, very smart, free speech, free content.
I mean, that's why I guess he's living in the Philippines.
Now, the Philippines, other than having a huge child porn and human trafficking problem, I guess, what do they just not have regulations?
Why do people want to host things out of the Philippines?
Well, you know who runs the Philippines is that Colt, Iglesia de Cristo.
Iglesia de Cristo, yeah.
But I don't think they're getting behind the CP and shit, right?
I don't know, man.
I don't actually have kids.
I mean.
No, I mean, I don't know, but I could be wrong.
But I mean, I don't think they're, I don't think they're co-signing that shit.
Yeah, I don't know.
Is that just where they have all the honeypots, basically, for like posting the CP and like having blackmail people?
I don't know.
I know that it's run by Rodrigo Duterte.
He said, you know, it's like a military junta over there.
I mean, you know, they just execute drug addicts in the streets and everything.
We don't do that.
We put them in jail for years and make him make Walmart greeting cards for three cents a day.
Well, I'm talking about compassion.
But I don't know what's going on in the Philippines.
My friend just married a Filipino woman.
I don't want to start slandering the Philippines.
You know?
If you know why the Philippines are a haven for this type of behavior, you can let us know.
But so.
So Brennan says Watkins is senile, most likely.
Oh.
In his older age.
This is kind of...
How senile can you be, though, and run something like this?
I guess pretty senile, right?
Well, I guess Brennan built 8chan, now 8kon, right?
Can we get Brennan on the show?
Probably.
We probably could get Hot Wheels.
Interesting to get talk to some of these people that have really created this this, you know, other region of the internet responsible for hundreds of deaths, and I mean sure, god knows what else, but some also some funny jokes.
I'm not trying to, i'm just saying you know what's also responsible for hundreds of deaths?
Uh, some of the uh gun manufacturers.
Right, I mean listen, if we're gonna, if we're gonna say free speech is the problem and you know there's certainly an argument about you know when that carries into, like you know, menacing or threatening behavior or whatever.
But you know, I don't know, it's just throughout history, people just love killing each other.
Just seems to be a theme.
Seems to be a theme.
We can't, all you know, be as evolved as me and just go on a podcast and try to lay waste to our enemies.
Some people have to pick up the guns and get it popping.
Go and clap somebody.
It's my favorite word out of rap music for killing people is, I like clap and I also like merc.
You can merc someone or you can.
You can go out and clap them.
What's is merck like sneaky, like you sneak in their house at night?
I think it just means kill.
You get Merced, you got killed, get clapped, you got, you got got, got killed.
But i'd like to talk to this guy, Brennan.
There was another guy who did like this fucking, really crazy thing.
I forget the name of the app.
Somebody offered me up, somebody said I could do an interview with him.
I didn't really want to because what he, what he did, was really wantedly cruel, like they had this.
Uh, I forget the name of the website, but it was a website where people just follow around people and like tape them and troll them and like torture them, and I forget what it was called, but it was intensely cruel and disturbing and like I think somebody killed themself, but I forget what it was called.
He would torture people.
No, he would do well, in the sense that he would just film them and post pictures of them and everybody would shit on them online.
Oh, I remember surveillance cameraman who was a lively guy who would just go up to people and start filming.
This was a website, this was a big thing and it was uh.
And this guy again was like oh, it's free speech, but it's not, it's harassment of people and right, but posting their private information, but it was like a a uh, it was, I forget it was.
No, it was a.
I don't know the name of this, but they I think somebody was like I know this guy, I could get you on a phone with him.
I think that guy also lived in the Philippines and i'm like yeah, I don't.
I don't want to do that.
I forget what it was called.
So many people on the Patreon probably know what it was called.
It was just a website where people would you know, essentially like there was a few people that they, you know, these people, some of them were like mentally challenged and whatever, and it was very uh, it was like just degrading to people this you'll never get to get it from here.
Benefit, I mean, we just give up.
But I I I, I know the name of it, I in my head I, i'm just not getting to it and a lot of the people um, that that listened to it, but I, he was a guy that I was just like I don't want to.
I don't want a guy defending that I.
I mean, I have no interest in in hearing that.
Um fuck, I wish I knew.
And that the the the, the people that they, they would like make Make fun of had they were names, but the name was the name of the website.
Like there was a thing they called these people are something, and then there was a name of the website.
I can't believe I've ever heard of this.
Mullen would know.
Mullen would know.
I don't know.
Everybody knows on the Patreon, but whatever.
But yeah, I mean, yeah, it's very interesting.
You just have a message board where people are just talking, right?
And then, you know, talking is the first step and some real bad stuff happening.
I'm sure I'll know that after this is released.
I'm kidding.
Listen, I love and respect everyone.
I just want the same.
I want the same for people that I know and like and think are good people.
And I just, you know, this idea that there are people that are by their nature trying to hurt other people.
And I don't see that in, you know, whether it's Rogan or Diaz or any of these people that people keep going after.
I just don't personally believe that they're trying to limit anyone's opportunity in this business or anywhere else.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe that those people are trying to limit women, gay people, people of color, trans people, non-binary people.
I don't believe any of those people are trying to limit.
In fact, I think those people have helped create a space where people can be independent and put their own shit out and resonate with their own audience and monetize their show the way they want to.
And it's very interesting to me that they are most often attacked by people who are deeply entrenched in the traditional model of show business and whose backers are very traditionally corporate.
You know, we're talking about conglomerates.
We're talking about billion-dollar companies.
And these people, a lot of the people are in business with billion-dollar companies.
And that is how they've made their money.
And then they go after people that have built things on their own on the internet.
I don't think it's all about content.
I don't.
I don't think it's all about, I don't think, you know, anybody from Chelsea to anyone, Handler, Predty, anybody who has a disagreement with me could come on the show and I will absolutely, I wouldn't yell at them or whatever.
They'd yell at me probably.
I would absolutely respectfully discuss with them why I think they're wrong and why I think you shouldn't continually patronize the American people.
Why I think it's a bad idea.
Why I think Hollywood celebrities should perform the roles and functions that people know them for.
And that it would actually help the world that they want is certainly, I think, more attainable if they pipe down a little bit.
I think people are sick of it.
I think people are going to make their own decisions.
And I don't mean that you shouldn't get involved in real activism and put real money behind real causes and help real people.
But, you know, nobody talks about Janine Garofo.
You know, Janine Garofo was talking about fucking Halliburton and Dick Cheney and all these people, and nobody cared.
Janine was out there talking about real shit, and then she defended Louie and everybody jumped on her.
But Janine was actually talking about real shit for decades and nobody cared.
And whatever you think about Janine, if you love her, hate her, think she's funny or not, I'll tell you this.
Janine was out there on stage talking about war in times it was very, very tough to broach that topic on the stage of a comedy club or an alt room or a theater.
And Janine was doing it and talking about real shit.
And to me, you know, again, I'm not here to tell you to vote.
I said, if you want to vote, you should vote.
If you don't want to vote, don't vote.
That's the way I feel about it.
It's not my job to tell you about.
How insane would that be if I had to tell you to vote or to not vote?
How crazy a country, how fallen a society to tell you to have to tell you to vote.
Do I tell you to wash your ass or brush your teeth?
Maybe you don't want to wash your ass.
Maybe you go, I don't need to wash my ass.
Don't affect me.
And why should I tell you to wash your ass?
It's not my job.
And I just feel like we're at a point in this country where the attack dogs are out.
Racism and Voting Rights00:04:11
People want to ruin other people's careers.
People want to talk about people and say that they are homophobic, racist.
They are transphobic.
They support racism, which is what Andy Kindler said about Joe Roger who's the stupidest thing ever.
Then Andy Kindler is tweeting to unfollow me.
And it's like, okay, I also remember, you know, I got off stage at JFL and Andy Killer told me how funny I was with his wife or whoever, some woman who's with him.
But I mean, again, it's like, it's just fine because whatever, you're entitled to not like me and publicly disparage me.
That's great.
You're entitled to do that.
And that's fine.
But like, it's just funny to me to say that somebody supports racism because Joe has had people on his show that have held opinions that people might find racist, you know?
And by the way, if you, if you agree with critical race theory, every white person's racist.
So anybody interviewing a white person is supporting racism.
Okay.
Andy, who's I'm sure had a few conversations with whites.
I'm sure if we went to those alternative comedy rooms in LA, we could find some whites.
Is everybody there perfect?
Is everyone there?
And when Rogan interviews people, he challenges them.
I mean, Rogan challenged Ben Shapiro on gay marriage.
He challenged Sam Harris when Sam Harris was saying that Iraq war casualties were different than other casualties because of intent.
Rogue's like, well, wait a minute, hold on, walk that out for me when Sam Harris was going at Abby Martin.
So there's just this whole idea, and it's bigger than anybody, right?
It's not necessarily about Joe.
It's not about anybody.
It's this idea that nobody hits back and you just take it.
And it's a little, I'm a little sickened by this and this idea that we're just going to let a group of people tell everybody how they're going to live and who they're allowed to talk to and when they're allowed to leave their house and what risks they should take with their own health and what movies and books they're allowed to watch and see and what comedians should be platformed and what speakers should be platformed and who shouldn't be and who should be.
And it's a group of people, many of them in tech, many of them in Hollywood that are so completely divorced from the day-to-day needs of working people who have not had health insurance, who have not had any fucking support from this government, federal, state, local, whatever, for decades.
They have been thrown to the street.
Their schools are fucking underfunded.
Their streets look like shit.
They're full of potholes.
Their communities are broken down.
They are absorbing more immigrants than they can handle.
They themselves are impoverished.
They themselves are unable to get a knee operation.
They can't get adequate mental health care.
Many of these people have served in Iraq.
Many of these people have served the country in many other ways.
A lot of these people may be first responders or people like that.
And these people are constantly called Yahoo racists that are neo-Nazis.
They're called scum.
They're told because they go to church that they hate gay people, which may be true, may not be.
They're told that they want to re-segregate lunch counters and busing and all this shit.
And, You know, it's a little, to me, it's a little frustrating.
I never say that word right.
It's frustrating.
I always say fuss.
People say, no, it's frustrating.
Shut up.
To me, it's a little, I get a little sick of it when I see that.
And not that I'm some champion of the downtrodden or whatever.
I find them repulsive.
And I've been very open about that.
I think they're grotesque.
I mean, anybody with any problem in this country, including members of my own family, I don't ever want to hear from.
Any issue you have, call someone else.
But no, I'm kidding, but not really.
But what I'm saying is that this idea that anybody that voted for Trump is an evil, racist piece of human shit.
And everybody that disagrees with you is garbage.
And if people are willing to talk to people that disagree with you, they're garbage.
And people are limiting the opportunities of women and people of color.
Wanting to Hurt People00:05:19
And they're doing it for how?
By having a podcast?
By not booking anything and not putting together a show and not working with the industry.
And how are they limiting people's opportunities?
Or do you really not believe that?
Are you just vengeful?
Do you just want to hurt people?
Okay, well, admit that you want to hurt people.
You don't think you're correcting anything.
You're trying to hurt people.
You don't want Kevin Hart hosting the Oscars because you want to hurt him.
You want to shame him.
This is what you want to do.
That's how you get off.
Well, that's a question of your own talent.
That's a question of your own talent.
Because if you cannot be fulfilled and sustained by your talent and your intellect, that is sad.
It's unfortunate.
And if the only way that you can have relevance is by attacking people and trying to destroy their livelihoods, then I feel sorry for you.
Truly, I feel sorry for you.
And the fact that my business has become overrun with those types of people.
And they feel that is the quickest route to success.
And they feel that is how they're going to get attention.
And that is how, and they will.
You'll get your job.
You'll get your writing job.
You'll get your writing job.
You get $120,000 a year.
And you live in a little box.
And you'll get to go to the virtual Emmys when, you know, because no one can leave their home.
And maybe you even win a little award that you could put next to your fucking bed that you die in because no one cares.
No one cares.
You've erected a system that serves only the needs of a small group of people.
Nobody fucking cares.
So you can play the game.
I see these ugly motherfuckers on Twitter playing a game.
And I'm not going to Chelsea.
I'm just saying, I see these motherfuckers tweeting all day the right opinions.
And I'm like, man, your head looks like a block of ice.
You're not going to be the Hollywood it kid.
You're not.
They'll shove a little money up your ass and let you in a writer's room, but they're not putting, nobody's paying money to see you, bus.
So they're not putting you on the front of the magazine covers.
Cut it out.
Die with a little dignity.
As they say, thinner, die clean.
Stephen King's thinner.
Die clean, white man.
Die clean.
Well, this episode took a little trip I didn't know it was going to take.
But I really, how am I defending influencers?
How have we gotten to the point in 2020 that I'm defending doing comedy for influencers in a backyard?
You know why?
Freedom.
That's why.
There's a little something I lack.
And it's called freedom.
Can you play Independence Day by Martina McBride, please, to end the show?
Because there's a little something I call freedom.
There's a little something I call freedom.
If I have to, and if the exercise of my freedom, and I might get COVID next week when I perform at Dallas and drop dead, you know, great.
I won't have to read tweets anymore.
But I'll tell you this: if we're going to attack everybody and we're going to look at freedom like some fucking annoyance, then let's be done with the country.
Who gives a fuck?
Truly, let's be done with it.
It's fucking annoying.
If we're all going to police each other's language and thoughts and words, run this up a little bit here.
Okay, okay.
If that's what we're going to do, if we're going to act like the Stasi, if we're not going to let some perky-titted, empty-headed bitches worth millions sit in a fucking basketball court and look at me quizzically while I do brilliant material about that I'm attacking nurses.
If I can't have a lackluster set in front of a bunch of retards with a lot of money, then what the hell is this all for?
And if I go to go to Twitter and hear that, you know, people don't like me and all these people that call other people, say they don't like me, they think I don't know, and I find out anyway.
And a lot of them don't come from me publicly.
Respect Andy Kindler because he's dead.
But I'm here to tell you this right now.
I'm here to tell you this right now.
You're not going to win.
You're not going to win.
You'll never win.
It'll look like you're going to win.
I'll tell you why you'll never win.
Because there's a man.
Well, he's not a man, but he's male.
He's a cat.
He's a gray cat.
And he has seven of the nuclear weapons that disappeared after the Cold War in the Soviet Union.
He's got seven of them.
And he has a plan to detonate seven nuclear weapons.
By the way, I just imagine them playing this in the offices of Patreon.
Like playing this in the office.
And like some executives got to look at someone else and go, he's saying a cat's going to do an attack.
Do you think that's a code?
Fight for Your Rights00:01:25
Let's just rock out a little bit to the music here.
You got to get in the country.
I know I got a lot of socialist fucking freaks.
That's okay.
Get into it.
It's your country.
Socialize it.
I don't give a boss some goddamn heads.
You want to get me an Antifa?
Let's go to Paramount Studios.
Stop with these half measures.
Stop knocking over brunches.
Let's go to some people's homes and got the address.
I'm kidding.
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
I'm on Coke.
I'm kidding, but Kito gives you energy.
Let freedom ring.
Let the wand go see.
Buy a gun and wave your flag.
Tell me this doesn't make you happy.
If you want to vote, vote.
If you don't, just go to the cricket and see Jesus.
Who gives a fuck?
It shits over anyway.
Go to Jack in a Box and say, why are you putting garlic butter on a cheese market?
Throw it back in their face.
What do you think this is?
Go to Taco Bell with a gun and say, if the Mexican pizza disappears in November, so do you.