Tim discusses his favorite comedian from the hit Netflix show You, talks his love for JP Morgan and their new interest in equality, and offers his take on all the wonderful and talented people in and around Hollywood. Bonus Episodes every week: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ Please Support Our Sponsors: WALLETS - http://www.ridge.com/tim to get 10% off a ridge wallet. UNDERWEAR - https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ and order with PROMO
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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to the Tim Dylan Show00:05:19
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
We are here.
It is late Thursday night, early Friday morning in the studio.
We are doing a lot of stuff.
We got the TBS Tournament of Laughs coming up that we made a video for.
Me and Benjamin were going against, I don't know, I think Godfrey, who's a phenomenal comedian.
And maybe we'll advance.
I don't know if that's audience vote.
I don't know if they're a judge.
I really don't.
I haven't paid attention.
And TBS executives have tweeted, they've called me and they're like, why aren't you tweeting anything out?
And I just, I'm like, listen, it is what it is.
Don't you do any of the marketing?
Network?
Do you do any of the marketing for the show?
One of the executive producers is like, maybe Joe Rogan will talk about it.
I'm like, maybe?
Are you trying to tell me something?
Maybe he will, you know, if he likes the show, maybe he'll bring it up.
I don't know.
Let's get to the most.
I want to say pressing matter, but it's really not in the world of, you know, civil unrest, pandemics, and economic catastrophes.
But it is a pressing matter, and it is something people have a lot of interest in.
And it is something that everybody's kind of talking about this week.
And it does affect L.A.
And it is serious.
And it is something that I want to talk about.
And it's something I've talked about before on this show.
And that is that Ocean Prime is back open, the Steakhouse Ocean Prime, which has a lot of good seafood and it's in Beverly Hills.
And I think that it's back open on the patio now.
They do have inside dining, but they're encouraging people to go on the patio.
And I think that's important.
It's important that people go back out on the patio and be careful, but also enjoy yourself.
Ocean Prime is also, of course, offering curbside to go.
That's, I'm kidding.
That's a joke.
That's a joke.
Of course, the story I'm talking about is a lot of people are trying to recall Gavin Newsome, the governor of California.
And people said to me, where are you on this?
And, you know, he's, you know, he's decent looking and he's done it fair, you know, whatever.
He's a little drunk on his own power, but who is it?
You know?
I was watching this.
There's a great, there's a show on Netflix called You.
Have you seen this?
Why are you laughing?
Have you seen this show on Netflix?
Yeah, yeah.
Called You.
I saw both seasons, yeah.
It's the guy from Gossip Girl, Penn Badgley Bagley.
I don't know how to say his name.
And he plays a serial killer.
And the first episode is in Brooklyn.
The first season is in Brooklyn.
And the second season is in Los Angeles, California.
And I was watching this show.
And this show is very fun to watch.
I mean, it is.
It's, I mean, it's not fun to live, I imagine, but it is fun to watch.
I mean, it is a very watchable show.
It's a very watchable show.
And you know who's in it?
You know who's in the show?
Comedian.
Do you know who's in the show?
Is it Crystalia?
No, it's comedian Zach Cherry.
Can you Google Zach Cherry?
Google Zach Cherry.
Chris is in it as well.
Google Zach.
This is the big guy, comedian Zach Cherry.
Oh, that guy.
Who knows?
He's a big boy.
But he's a fun man.
Chris is in it as well.
What does Chris play in the show?
A pedophile.
Well, he plays a comedian who is into an underage girl.
Here's the thing, folks.
He plays a character named Henderson.
I've spoken to Chris Lee about three times in my life.
They've all been to the comedy store and he's been very pleasant to me.
Now, that is not a defense and that is not me trying to qualify anything I'm going to say here.
But I will say that Chris has been very kind to me and he's said that I'm very funny.
And that does count a little bit.
It doesn't excuse what is shaping up to be some very disturbing allegations, but he's always been very nice to me.
Chris is one of those guys who's like a real famous comedian.
Like when you look at his Instagram, it's like Machine Gun Kelly would comment.
He did the thing with Eminem.
He's like the LA comic, right?
He's like Bieber's favorite comic, right?
Like Bieber would go to the store, right?
Yes, yeah.
It's everything in comedy that like I am, I am not that.
Like I am not like the guy that's cool who has a fan base that's cool.
Not Like That Cool Comic Guy00:12:06
You know what I mean?
Like the last person to retweet something I did who was really big was Candace Owens.
So let's just, you know, I'm like not a cool comic and Chris is a cool comic.
Not that has done uncool things, but I mean like, but he's very sweet to me.
Listen, everybody knew the dude got laid.
We just knew he got laid because his fan base was women.
Women would attack him in the hall of the comedy store.
They would run up to him.
I'm not saying, I'm not saying that they are, but I'm saying from my own eyes, I would see like women go up to him.
And like he was like women don't come up to me after the set and go, I guess I love you so much.
I've loved you forever.
Thank God.
I saw you at Infowars with my girlfriend.
You're so high.
Your tits are so hot.
I saw you at Infowars.
You're so hot.
That doesn't really happen.
Like, that's not the type of comic I am.
Sadly, it would be nice if I was like, you know, pulling up in a hot car.
I usually get out of an Uber.
It's usually a frustrated Asian man because I don't know.
I don't know if the minivan doors automatically, if they're all automatic, then why even have a hit?
But that's so, listen.
If you're just fucking a lot of chicks that are of age and they're mad at you, it's on them, right?
I mean, listen, women have agency.
Women are smart.
Women can make choices.
Now, if those women are underage, that's a serious problem.
It's a legal problem.
It's a moral problem.
It's an ethical problem.
And I imagine if more of that comes out, it's going to be dealt with in a court, which is where, you know, unfortunately, you know, should be dealt with because that is criminal activity.
If you're 19 and you're mad because, you know, the guy whose hotel room you went to at 3 a.m. turned out not to be a gentleman, this is a learning experience for all involved.
But if you're underage and you're messaged, that is fucking not right.
And that'll be dealt with in a court of law, I would imagine.
Or, you know, it's also dealt with in the court of public opinion where people go, somebody who's doing that is just not somebody that people want to do business with anymore or establish a friendship with.
You know, I, you know, I hope that stuff isn't true.
But, you know, I...
When I was on keto, I hoped that that would work.
Do you see what I mean?
You know, Obama used to say hope is a powerful thing.
Not really.
It's not that powerful.
Facts, gravity, immutable laws, those things occasionally fly in the face of hope.
So I hope that there is no truth to the allegations that he was messaging underage girls.
Now, it does seem that, sadly, my hope is not going to stand up against.
And by the way, I hope that for everyone involved.
I hope it for the girls.
I hope it for him.
I hope that like that's not going on.
Am I going to get a better spot at the store because he won't be there?
Let's be honest, yes.
I'm not going to lie.
I mean, the week ain't over.
It might not be a few people don't be there.
But I'm kidding.
It's a comedy show.
We're doing a comedy podcast, and I wish everyone well.
Here's the reality.
It's a bad situation for a lot of people that knew him that are very disappointed and disgusted.
And, you know, there's a lot of fucking, I bet that guy sadly has a lot of demons, a lot of things that he's fighting.
And the whole thing's bad.
Whole thing is no good.
No good.
But everything I'm involved in is destroyed.
I got into subprime mortgages.
They were, we, you know, we had a recession.
Adam McKay was producing a show of mine and then he dissolved his company with Will Farrell, Gary Sanchez.
Anthony Bourdain's company was producing my travelogue with Comedy Central and he hung himself in a room several days later.
My agent who signed me in 2016 is no longer working at the agency that signed me.
I mean, I tend to get into the party as the party is breaking up.
I tend to arrive at the party as the cop cars are being seen through the window.
And this is maybe literally now, but that's when I get to the party.
And that's unfortunate.
So if I walk in, I mean, it's countdown till something is going to go down and it's not going to be good.
So again, I feel for the, for, for the victims of this, like the women that were messaged and were made to feel uncomfortable, that were underage, that is illegal and that is wrong.
I do not feel for the comedians who are complaining that they don't get better spots.
I think it's a little disgusting to try to weave your own personal narrative into this and your own gripes and your problems.
Chris killed.
Whether you like his comedy or not, Chris killed.
He killed harder at the store than anyone I've ever seen.
I mean, he earned his spots at the comedy store.
He had theaters of thousands of people coming to see him.
I mean, whether you liked his comedy or not, it doesn't matter.
People did and they came to see him and he made money.
So the comics that are out there now, and they did this with Louie, they did this with everybody.
They come out and they're like, he's dark.
He's not even good at comedy like me.
It's not good at comedy like me.
All right, man.
Get online.
Create your own shit then.
You know, fucking stop whining.
You know?
But I mean, this is Thursday night, early Friday morning.
More may come out.
More may come out.
I would imagine that this rocks things a little bit here in this town.
I've only been here a year.
It seems like it may be time to start thinking about pizza again in the Hudson River.
If we could get de Blasio out of there.
Get the COVID out and the de Blasio out.
Maybe I'll waltz back.
I think Rogan's teasing that he's moving to another state.
Chris seems unfocused at the moment because he'd be the next biggest act.
So I don't know what's going to happen out here, but you know.
See me?
Here's me.
There he goes.
There he goes.
See him?
Just one taco.
One last taco.
Yeah.
You know, I feel bad for, you know, the women that were affected.
You know, I mean, this is shitty and I don't know facts.
This is the other thing.
I've not done a deep dive on the facts.
Doesn't mean I'm doubting people and not believing them.
I'm saying I have not personally looked into this at all.
Have you looked at any of the facts, really?
I mean, facts.
I mean, I guess anything could be Photoshopped, right?
I mean, these are just screenshots.
I mean, the idea that all these people are coming together and Photoshopping a bunch of things seems to be.
You think it's the Russians?
Do you think it's the Russians?
It's Russian bots.
Do you think it's the Chinese?
It would be, and I'm not saying that he should do this, but it would be beyond funny if he came out and said this was Russia.
Yeah.
Like if he came out and he said, first they install Donald Trump the puppet.
Then they manufacture a bunch of screenshots and take me down.
God damn them.
The Russians.
Putin, fuck you, Putin.
I don't want to laugh.
Folks, I don't want to laugh because people are going to get angry with me for laughing.
They're going to go, I know it's a serious situation, but I deal with serious situations with humor.
You know, I just have to laugh.
But, and, you know, but it's, it's, you know, wherever it goes, it goes.
I don't know what to tell you, you know?
You know, it probably was not Russia.
I don't know.
Or China.
Yeah, I imagine it wasn't China.
I mean, it seems legit.
It's unfortunate that this is happening.
You know?
There's so much good news in the country.
By the way, this is like the entertainment news.
Right.
The news is so bad.
Now they're like, this is entertainment news, you know?
They're like, and in the entertainment corner.
This is the fluff.
Right.
This is the light-hearted fluff news that you get.
If he was doing that, it's so weird to take that role on that show you on Netflix.
It's very strange to take that role.
Can you imagine like taking that role if you were doing that?
Like as if to say, how could I be doing this if I did take this role?
Yeah.
Can you imagine that?
You have the script and you're like.
Jesus.
Jesus, this is good.
But that's, you know, that's kind of what we're going to say about that.
There's no new facts about it yet.
And, you know, we're going to withhold.
I'm not the judge and the jury.
But I am someone in the courtroom sitting around eating potato chips who's going to talk shit after the trial.
Like, what do you think of me?
So that's what I'm doing.
I don't know the facts.
I haven't done a deep dive.
Waiting for New Facts on Trial00:03:27
The facts are disturbing that are coming out, you know?
And that's where I'll leave it.
You know, a lot bigger people are going to have something to say about this.
I'm sure people that knew him well, celebs and friends and whatever, you know.
I don't know.
It's like, what do you think the implications are about this?
Why don't you make a statement?
Why do I make a fucking statement?
I have to make a statement.
Why don't you make a statement?
Where's Jamie Vernon on this?
Where's all the other producers?
You guys fucking sit and listen to everything everybody says, and then you don't have to have a goddamn statement.
We all got to come out with statements.
You're in the fucking room for everything that we all say, and nobody says anything, huh?
So you want me to have a take on it?
Well, what's your statement?
What's your take?
My take is that it's bad to be a pedophile.
That's it.
But he's not a pedophile.
Ephebophile.
It's bad to be a fewophile.
Get the word up, please.
Now, I'm not going to correct people on Twitter.
It seems like an odd hill to die on.
I think Neil Brennan was doing it.
Neil Brennan was like in the middle of the night being like, it's a hebophile.
I just woke up.
I looked at my phone.
I'm like, God, what's this guy doing?
Neil, put your phone down.
The fuck are you doing?
It's actually a hebophile.
Hey, Neil.
Go to bed.
Ahibophilia is a primary sexual interest in mid to late adolescence, generally ages 15 to 19.
It is one of a number of sexual preference across age groups.
Subsubed under the technical term chronophilia.
I don't know what that means.
What is a hebophile?
Is that somebody who likes Jews?
Ahibophile.
What's a hebophile?
Just somebody that likes Jews.
Somebody who's attracted to men in large hats with beards who own who own projects in Brooklyn.
People attracted to people.
I'm attracted to men with beards who own low-income housing in Williamsburg.
What are you?
Oh, you're a Hibophile.
I don't know.
Okay.
Well, listen, there you have it, folks.
I mean, that's Ben's fucking statement, you know, nice and simple.
Is it all over the news?
It's all over the news, right?
Yeah, I mean, when you type in his name into Twitter, it seems like there's still like 20 tweets a minute, I'd say, and there's still news articles about it.
So it's up there.
But, you know, he was trending at the same time that World War III was trending.
So, you know.
Right.
There's just so much going on.
There's a lot going on.
Here I go.
I grabbed the burrito.
There he goes.
Delta.
Is that you going up the plane?
Yes.
Walking up the plane.
As I leave, Los Angeles just gets bombed by China.
I just wave.
I land in New York.
I just put a pizza.
I just take a bite of pizza.
And I'm like, it's New York.
How Comedy Emerged from Quarantine00:03:12
You know, what are you going to do?
Well, all right, everybody.
We're going to continue to record the rest of the episode.
Tomorrow, I just, I felt like I should address this tonight.
And, you know, maybe tomorrow everything I said will be, what if they start finding bodies, you know?
What if they find like 10 bodies?
Well, we just won't put this out there.
No, we will.
What if they find 10 bodies?
I'm sitting there.
Like tomorrow I have to come in like this.
I'm like, what if Andrew Santino kills his wife tonight?
I got to come in and I got to be like, Tony Hinchcliffe gets drunk.
He kills a family of four on the 405.
I'm like, you know, Whitney Cumming bludgeons her dog to death.
I'm like, you know, I have to make four statements to make four statements today.
All right, folks.
We will continue this shortly.
All right, everybody.
We are back here.
Friday, the next day, we did a little intro.
The beginning of the show we shot last night, Thursday night.
We covered the Dahlia situation and not much has changed in 24 hours.
Now, of course, we are digging up podcast clips from Joey Diaz and Rogan.
And we're trying to, you know, we're doing what we do as a species, which is try to try to see how many people we could put in the net.
This is how we emerged from quarantine.
We emerged from quarantine, not stronger, not stronger.
That was my favorite thing is when we shut down the entire economy, there were people on TV going, we're all going to come out of this much stronger.
We're going to really realize what's important.
And by what's important, we mean what was said on a podcast in 2011.
That's what we mean.
When we get out of this quarantine, we're going to really focus on what really matters.
What really matters.
You know, your family, your health, and what Joey Diaz said on a podcast seven years ago.
That's what really matters.
That's how we came out of quarantine, very strong, you know.
Comedy is getting to the point where I, you know, I was talking to Louis Gomez the other day, and Lewis made a really good point.
He said, he's like, we got five years left in the business.
And what he meant by that, and I think he was right, is that within five years, the type of comedy that we do is just going to become, it's going to fly in the crosshairs of Google and YouTube and a lot of these big platforms.
Five Years Left in the Business00:14:27
And they're going to just kind of do everything they can to get rid of it.
And at that point, you'll, you know, go to a smaller platform, you know, or you'll just say, fuck it.
You'll go, you know, I had my run, I had fun, made some money, you know, but the tide is turning when it comes to the types of comedy that people even want.
You know, younger people don't want the type of comedy that might upset anybody.
And I don't really have an interest in doing the type of comedy that, you know, younger people want right now.
I don't, you know, it's not for me.
So I'm just going to keep doing what I do until it's impossible to do.
But that could be coming sooner rather than later.
And I mean, I'll always have some level of, you know, podcast you can broadcast or I'll go on the road, you know, to the extent that I want to go on the road.
We do have new dates on sale right now in August.
We have, I'm going to be at the Sacramento Punchline.
It's the last weekend of July into August, Sacramento Punchline.
Okay.
So Friday, July 31st through Saturday, August 1st, Sacramento Punchline.
I'm going to be at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, Utah, Friday, August 7th and 8th.
Cleveland Hilarities, Thursday, August 13th through the 15th.
And then the Ontario Improv, the 27th through the 30th of August.
If you're healthy and you want to go out and you're sick of sitting at home and you're sick of sifting through the podcasts of, you know, people to try to find things they've said that are upsetting and you want to get out and breathe some fresh air in a mask, which I love now the way everyone's getting mad at Rogan because of the mask.
And it's like, how many things about this virus have been reversed?
How many?
They said it lived on surfaces.
And then they said, no, it didn't.
Sorry, we didn't mean that.
They said asymptomatic carriers could really transmit the virus.
Now they said, well, actually, not really.
It's pre-symptomatic, which means you'll get symptoms eventually.
And for a few days, you may not have the symptoms.
But in terms of asymptomatic people, people that never have symptoms, we don't know how much of that, you know, they've revised the mortality rate a bunch.
So I'm not saying, you know, don't wear a mask in a business or if you're around other people, that seems smart too.
However, it's very possible they come out here in a few weeks and go, oh, yeah, by the way, the masks were, you know, no good or the masks were not as effective as we thought.
We thought ventilators were great in the beginning and then we realized they were killing people.
And, you know, who knows?
Who knows what they say about the masks?
But like, let's not treat anything as dogma because we love doing that.
We love hearing something and going, this is the way it is now.
And then a week later, we realize that that wasn't the case.
And then we, you know, we just throw it away and pretend it never happened.
Forget it, pretend it never happened.
Like when these protests started happening, we just pretend we weren't supposed to not gather in groups of 10,000 people.
Just forgot that.
We pretended that it wasn't a thing.
So, yeah, but I will be back on the road in August unless the spikes are crazy and like, you know, it's dangerous to go out.
I don't, I don't know.
I can't predict it.
I'm not going to predict it.
You know, I'm not going to predict it.
But, you know, this is, you know, when you go on Twitter and most of you don't and you shouldn't, but the amount of people that call themselves comedians is hilarious.
Like, does any other group of people have such a lax definition of who is and who isn't a comedian?
How many people out there are saying they're a model with no evidence of it?
I'm sure some, but how many people call themselves a model and have never modeled and are grotesque?
You know, disgusting.
I mean, how many people are doing that?
Maybe more than I know.
Are people doing that?
Maybe.
People with like lesions on their face sit down with a group of other people and go, I model actually.
Because there's so many people that are comedians and all of them have been robbed.
They're all geniuses, one and all.
They are phenomenal.
No one better than these guys.
And they've all been robbed by somebody.
Somebody took their opportunity away.
Had nothing to do with them.
Had nothing to do with the fact that it's just a very difficult thing to pursue.
It was all the cards were stacked against them.
And all these people do all day is attack people that have succeeded.
I mean, it's boring at this point.
I mean, you read it, you go through it, you scroll through it, you're like, guys.
You see where these people live.
They don't even live in New York or LA.
Yeah, I'm in Denver.
I'm in Denver and I didn't have the career I should have had.
Get the fuck out of Denver.
But it doesn't matter.
It's not rational, you know?
But it's just, it's why maybe there's, you know, me and Lewis, we're talking about it's like five years left.
It's like you almost want to just say to some of these people, and some of the people that are losing their minds could buy and sell me.
Some of them have so much money.
It's it's wild how much money some of these people have.
And they still are oppressed.
It's, I, don't know how it happens.
Like they're still oppressed with all the money in the world.
It's still a tight, still can't get out of bed.
They can't go to a comedy club.
They're everything because it's just, you know, they have to just, if they go to a comedy club on their way into the comedy club, they just have to fight off rapists to get inside these people, you know?
Tens of millions of dollars.
Nothing's enough.
It's never enough for anyone here.
Never enough.
From the open micer that doesn't make it to the person who lives in a mansion, nothing satiates anybody.
Everybody's constantly battling this invisible force that is keeping them down at all times.
And this force, you know, takes many different names, you know?
Eventually, it gets boring.
I mean, that's really what it comes down to.
It's like, I've been in this business about 11 years.
I've seen all of the cycles of people.
I've seen the people on the outside become people on the inside.
And then, you know, and then they become the enemy.
I've seen that.
You know, I've seen the people that have all the big opinions get the jobs and then suddenly they don't have those opinions anymore.
You know, and it's just not interesting.
You're just like, okay, you know?
You know, because now, you know, obviously what Chris did was abhorrent and, you know, more and more comes out about that all the time.
But like, there's this idea that like there's a crew of people that like support this kind of behavior or like protect him.
And I don't know the guy well and I've never hung out with him and we've spoken less than five times.
But this idea of how close everybody is is kind of, I don't know where it comes from.
Like I watched this great documentary about surfing called the generation momentum generation or generation moment, whatever.
And it's about all these surfers that essentially grew up together in this house in Oahu.
Yeah, momentum generation.
And it's about all of these, you know, Kelly Slater, Rob Machado, Shane Dorian.
These guys are the best surfers in the world, you know, some of them that have ever lived.
And it's about how they started out as teenagers in Hawaii in this small house in Oahu.
And they know each other inside and out.
And they're all like best friends.
It's like a brotherhood.
And they grew up together and they're fiercely competitive.
And of course, they have issues with each other, but they all become great at this thing together.
And it's like, I was watching that and I'm like, well, comedy is just not this.
It's just not this.
That's just the reality, you know?
There are people that are doing comedy that are very good at it.
There are people that are doing it where you go, huh?
It doesn't matter.
I mean, it's just, you know, some people get very good at it.
Some people are making millions of dollars and are still not good at it.
And it's just not, it's the market decides, right?
And then that's just what it is.
And everybody gets upset at you if you instead, you have to supposedly call out everyone who sucks.
Like, what job does that work?
What job could you do that?
You just go into the office, you sit down, you go, hey, Sarah, you suck.
You suck.
Sue is much better at accounts receivable.
It's not a work environment.
You can't do that.
You just go, you worry about yourself, you do your own fucking thing, and you're done.
Really?
And then you see people every now and then.
But this idea that it's like everybody's super tight and everybody knows what everybody else is up to, it's like, it's not really the case.
I'm not saying nobody knows.
I don't know how things work, but like the idea that like there's this group of men, these podcasters are keeping me down.
They are keeping me down.
Not really.
Not really.
Also, you can start a podcast or you could do something, you know?
So it's kind of all I have to say about that.
It's a great documentary, The Momentum Generation.
It is, it is really cool, you know?
It's such a unique job to have professional surfer.
You know, it is a very interesting thing to do.
I'm not a surfer and I don't know anyone who surfs, you know, because I tend to, I tend to usually only talk to people that have brain cells.
So I don't really speak to people that surf.
And I mean, It's a very impressive athletic feat, but these are not the brightest people.
They are just not.
It's the reality.
They stand on a board and, you know, surf on a wave.
It's great.
But, you know, there's never, a surfer's never said something where you've went, wow.
You know what I mean?
Unless it was you were like, wow, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.
How are you that dumb?
But it's fascinating.
It's fascinating to just give your entire life to something like those guys did.
That's what's great about the documentary.
That's kind of where it overlaps with comedy, you know?
Not in the sense that we all respect each other's talent and enjoy each other's presence, but in the sense that for lack of a better word, some of us, many of us, we have dedicated our lives to a thing, right?
We just got good at one thing.
It's kind of crazy when you think about it.
Like you have your entire life and you just get good at one thing.
You know, these surfers got really great at one thing.
They woke up in the morning surfing.
They go to bed at night fucking, you know, spitting up saltwater.
It's everything they did in their entire life, everything they ate, everything they did, every workout they did, every relationship they had, every friendship, it was all fit around surfing.
That is similar to comedy in the sense that when you get in, you go all in.
You go head first.
And then if it works, if it works, and that's a big if, okay?
If it works, it rearranges your entire life, where you live, who you're friends with, you know, your habits, what you do every day, because you have to do it all the fucking time.
So it's interesting watching that.
It's like any sport if you're very good at it.
It's a culture as well as it's, you know, something you spend every day doing.
And it was just interesting watching that.
I don't believe the healthiest way to live life is that way, by the way.
I don't believe that to be, but to have a balanced life is, you know, the antithesis of what I just explained.
You know, when you are dedicated to something, you cannot have any type of balanced life.
You can't.
Just got to decide how much you love that thing, how much you need to be a part of that thing.
And it was interesting watching that documentary because you could see that there are these people that spent their entire lives and it defined their lives.
And like they, they, they're, they'll never be more at home than when they're on that surfboard in the water.
That's where they live.
It's truly where they live, like a comic being on stage or that's where they're, they live.
And like most people don't have that kind of passion.
They don't have that kind of passion.
Passion vs Balanced Life00:07:42
Or if they do, they're not good at it.
And when you see all these people on Twitter complaining about how bad everything is, you realize that like many of them don't even want to be comedian.
They don't even get it.
They just want something, right?
They want that community.
They want something.
Like I guess there were guys in generation like that crew that would just get out in the ocean and like not even get up on the board.
And like after a while, you'd imagine that those people would leave the beach.
They'd just leave.
Like, you know, they'd go have a California burrito and figure something else out.
But in the entertainment business, you know, not everybody leaves.
A lot of people stay.
They stay and they're angry and they don't want to do it.
Like most of them don't even want to do it.
just want to have some, somebody needs to tell them they're good.
Most people aren't good at anything.
I don't know what to tell you.
You're not good at something.
A lot of people waste their lives trying to get good at something and they still don't do it.
And it's like, well, what'd you do that for?
Why'd you waste your life?
I mean, it's crazy, right?
You get one life.
What are you doing?
Every indication is showing you that you shouldn't be on a stage telling jokes and you're not going to get paid to do that.
And whatever you thought this was going to be, it's not.
And it doesn't matter.
And they still just go, fuck it.
I'm in.
I'm in.
When this quarantine ends, they will flood the clubs again.
After three months of no income, they will flood them again.
They will just go in because they truly believe that it's going to, now it'll work.
Now it'll work when half the clubs are not even opening.
They're not open.
And, you know, the rooms are socially distanced and people can't even sit next to each other.
And yeah, now it'll be, now we're, now, now I'm in.
Now it's going to fit.
The pieces are all going to fit together now.
It's a crazy journey when you dedicate your life to something because there's a chance that you won't be good at it.
And then there's a chance that you will be good at it.
And it won't make you happy even if you're good at it, which is even worse.
Many of these people don't realize even if they were good at it, they wouldn't be happy because that's not really where happiness comes from.
The people that are doing comedy, it's like they're not doing it to be happy.
They're trying to be happy, but it's not making them happy, you know?
Anyway, it's just what it is.
Ansel Elgort being accused of being a pedophile now.
He had sex with a 17-year-old when he was 20.
I mean, what are we doing now?
You know, I mean, I always do that joke on Twitter where I say I'm dating Ansel Elgore and then they go, Ansel Elgore broke up with me.
I just want to get, I just want to always get him to respond or, you know, call a lawyer or something.
Gabby, who did not reveal her last name, tweeted a statement on Friday and made an unverified claim that the actor, now 26, sexually assaulted her when she was a teenager.
Gabby described sobbing and being in pain and said, I didn't want to do it.
The only words that came out of his mouth were, we need to break you in.
Well, I mean, that's, you know, what are you going to?
I mean, here's the deal, man.
Was it kid 20 and he has sex with a 17 year old?
I mean, is that legal in New York?
I don't know.
I mean, I, you know, I didn't want the show to be about the age of consent, but it seems a little wild.
I mean, this is, you know, what are we doing now?
But it seems a little wild to just say the dude's a pedophile.
I mean, he seems like a piece of shit, Ansel Elgore.
He always has.
He's just from a rich socialite family in New York City.
His dad's a photographer.
I'm not holding any of that against him, but he just has a face of a guy that's, you know, a piece of shit.
You know, so I'm not like, I'm not defending him per se, but I'm just saying that when someone's 17 and somebody's 20 and they hook up, calling one of them a pedophile, calling the 20-year-old a pedophile is crazy.
I mean, that seems crazy.
It's like racist.
Everyone's a racist now.
If you're white, you're a racist.
You wake up, you're racist.
How you like your privilege?
I mean, wait, what?
I mean, it's just like Nothing means anything anymore.
I don't know.
Maybe it comes out that Ansel Algord is doing, you know, that he, you know, sexually assaulted the girl.
I don't, I believe her.
I would say I believe her.
I've never met her.
I don't know her.
And I've never, I didn't even see the screenshot, but let me just believe her.
I just want to, I want to say that.
But not the woman that accused Biden, you lying whore.
Not you.
Not you.
Okay, Tara Reed.
You lying.
You lying whore?
I believe, but I want to believe, and I'll go on record.
I believe the screenshot, or not the screenshot, I believe the woman who tweeted about Ansel Elgord.
I don't, I believe her because I believe all women.
I believe all, but not Tara Reed, who accused Biden of I that, no.
No, I don't believe that.
I don't.
Now we have photos of Biden sniffing the hair of children and doing all kinds of weird things to them, but let's not call him a pedophile.
Let's call Ansel Elgort a pedophile because he hooked up with a 17-year-old, but not Joe Biden, who is on camera sniffing the hair of children and like massaging children.
But let's not jump to any conclusions about Uncle Joe.
You know?
And I'm sure the woman, and I'm sure the woman, Tara Reed, who's accusing Biden is a lying whore.
I just want to, I want to, I just want to be clear on this because I support women.
Metz got a great tweet about this where he said, are we, I forget the way he worded it, but it was great.
He goes, quick question.
Are we deinstating the concept of due process for Crystal that we literally just reinstated for Joe Biden after previously de-instating it for all men?
Please, someone, I just want to be on the right side of history.
He's got a point.
He's got a point.
I'm not saying that Dalia is innocent or whatever, or should even be, you know, people should think he's innocent.
I, you know, but it's just funny that the Democratic frontrunner has been like very credibly accused of sexual assault.
But then I guess so is Trump.
So I guess it's all like, it's a wash.
If you get to run for president or be the president, we just let you rape.
We just let you go at it.
Doesn't really matter.
Lost Ability to Take a Joke00:09:59
It's actors and comedians and people like that.
But if you're leading the country, you can rape a little.
You can grab a little rape a little.
It's okay.
But if you're the guy in baby driver, it's a problem.
But if you're the president of the United States or you're going to be the president of the United States, let's not get nuts.
There is a toxic culture in Hollywood, 100%.
It's bad.
It's bad for women.
It's bad for children.
There's a lot of powerful people in LA that are predators and that prey on vulnerable people.
And those people have been protected and many of those people have built fortunes.
Okay.
And they have amassed great fortunes.
And with that amount of money and clout and power comes the ability to continually shield themselves from any accountability.
We would know more about who those people are except for Corey Feldman tends to not ever get to the names.
Corey Feldman is now promised to out all the Hollywood pedophiles forever.
And then every time he's supposed to do it, he just drops a new single with the angels.
So I could be wrong on this.
I guess we would know who those people are.
He's always like, and I'm going to announce every big pedophile in Hollywood.
But before we do that, we got a new song.
And then he just starts going into like, you know.
So when I was a child actor, I never succeeded.
And I was great looking as a kid.
I was top-notch, you know?
And I never got to a point where I was like in or around like these predators because they would have went nuts.
They would have had a field day with me.
Not now, but then.
Then they would have had a field day with me.
Now they would just be like, you know, park my car or something.
But back then, whoo, I would have been a man about town in this place.
But my parents were inept.
And I truly believe if they could have, they would have sold me into sex slavery.
But being lazy boomers and incapable of closing a deal, they did not.
I don't believe it was immorality.
I believe it was that they were literally stupid, lazy, and good for nothing.
And that's probably the only reason I was not passed all around Hollywood.
I imagine that they probably were going to hand me off to a director and got lost.
My mother had a horrible sense of direction.
And I imagine my boomer parents in Long Island fighting all the way home about not making the drop where they were dropping me off.
I don't have any proof of that, but I imagine that both of my parents were pedophiles who tried to sell me to Hollywood and failed.
Even sadder.
I don't know.
I don't have proof of that, but let's not get lost in that.
I would have done better with competent, they were not good stewards of my career, is my point.
They actually, to their credit, shielded me from a lot of that stuff.
Like, I remember I was in a play in the city and my grandmother used to stand outside the bathroom so like nobody would come in and molest me, which was very nice of her, you know?
The play that I was doing was about there's more molestation going on in the country than I had realized.
Everybody's getting molested.
This is a big problem.
And the statistics on it are like staggering.
Did you know that?
Especially during quarantine, it's highly underreported right now.
It's fucked up if you really look into it.
What do you mean?
Teachers were the ones who were really reporting kids getting abused, but now a kid doesn't, they don't discover that a kid's abused until he's taken to the emergency room because it has to be so bad.
Wow.
Yeah.
It was pretty depressing reading about that the other night, but it's just skyrocketing and highly underreported.
I mean, it's a depressing point.
Sorry, it's not funny.
Well, no, that's what you add to the show often.
It's funny.
So it was a good, it's nice to take a break from what you usually add, which is nonstop hilarity.
It's why you're here.
And I thank you for coming in with something serious and sad, as opposed to your usual festival of gags.
Well, I didn't give you a good...
You couldn't really say that.
Why you didn't, you didn't really get, you talked about your children that it doesn't get reported until they're in the emergency room from the abuse.
What's not funny about that?
Well, was it, did I not, was that not, I didn't, no, you spiked the ball.
You set it up for me.
I fucked up.
I fucked up by not making that funnier.
The children who are regularly abused now needing to be abused severely and put in the hospital.
So, no, I thank you for that.
And I apologize that I wasn't more prepared to take that and run with it because there's so many directions that I could have gone to make that funny.
And I appreciate the way you brought that out.
It's true.
You know?
So, moving on, but that's okay.
You're funny enough on the show where people, they don't want more funny out of you.
They get enough funny out of you.
Sometimes they want you to have a fun fact about the hospitalization rate of abused children.
But it's a good point that you make is that kids during the quarantine run their mouth.
And some of them need to be dealt with.
Not raped, but beaten.
No, obviously, we don't believe that.
These are jokes.
And I know that, see, in five years, they're going to get the podcast.
And when I call my parents pedophiles or when I say the kids need to get beaten, in five years, it's just, or before that, they're just going to be videos on Twitter.
People are going to be like, see!
I mean, we're losing the whole idea of jokes and that things are a joke.
You know what I mean?
Like Chris Lee was doing a bit.
He's doing a bit.
And we've lost the idea of that.
He was doing a bit.
He's gone, hey, what are you in high school?
Show me your dits, LOL.
It's a bit.
He's doing a joke.
Now it's a performance art piece, yes, because it's not in the comedy club.
But many great artists, Andy Kaufman and others, tested the limits of art.
And that is what Chris was doing.
He was doing a performance art piece where he was seeing what it would be like to kind of be a pedophile.
He was saying, if I kind of, if I were to ask a high schooler, what would this be like?
And he was probably doing it to raise awareness because it is a problem.
And that's what he was doing.
He was probably doing it like that.
But we've lost the ability to take a joke in this country.
No one can get the idea of what a bit is.
He was doing it.
It was a gag.
He was being a buffoon.
He was being a clown.
His bit was he would message a girl and if she was underage, he'd go, oh, sad face.
And then, you know, a few days later, be like, are you still?
Are you still?
It's a bit.
It's a joke.
Do you see what I mean?
We're so crazy.
Kevin Spacey was kidding.
He was, it was a joke.
Like, what?
No one gets bits anymore.
Harvey Weinstein was doing, it was a prank.
He was trying to make the actresses feel comfortable by raping them because they were many of them, maybe it was their first big movie and they were a little nervous and he said it would diffuse the tension if I pulled my dick out and wrestled this woman in a hotel room.
Do you see what I mean that we're losing our ability to really process good material?
Who did the best bit of the last century?
OJ Simpson.
OJ Simpson did the funniest joke ever.
He cut, this is how funny he was.
He decapitated the mother of his children and a waiter as a bit and then got away with it.
The ultimate punchline.
Set up.
A year later, punch.
Not guilty.
You want to talk about a bit.
OJ Simpson: The Ultimate Punchline00:15:51
So that's my worry.
My worry is that we are now involving the FBI in something that should just kind of be a laugh fest.
And, you know, obviously I've not looked at the facts.
I want to let everyone know that.
I've not looked at the facts about anything.
It just, you know, things seem to trend a certain way.
So I've made some jokes about the whole Delia situation, you know, which is what you have to do, you know, but it is shitty.
Listen, if you're young and you're getting messaged online and asked for photos, it's like, it's a fucked up thing.
If this is what really happened, if this is really what happened, I don't know what happened.
I'm not a detective, but I believe all women, but not Tara Reed, except for her, but all of the other ones.
And not Juanita Broderick, who accused Bill Clinton of rape.
I don't believe her.
I don't believe her because what I know about the Clintons is they're beautiful people who care about other people and wouldn't rape them.
Okay?
So that's where I'm at.
We know the facts on this, but there are things that are not looking great.
And that's where we are landing on this, is that things are not good.
All is not well, from what I understand.
You know?
What are you going to do?
There I go.
That's me leaving.
The plane goes.
I look down.
IGC China blows up Los Angeles.
What a fun season finale for the show.
China blows up LA.
China, I mean, these DDOS attacks that are happening.
One of them happened in Australia.
One of them happened in America.
People think it could be China.
They're speculating maybe it's China compromising all these systems.
Could it be China?
I think so.
Yeah.
Who hacked Sony?
Was that China?
I don't know.
Yeah, I believe so.
Or Korea?
North Korea.
Do you think that they're just there?
These are little tests, little stress tests on systems.
I do.
From what I've read, China's tested, you know, shooting down satellites, things like that, wiping out communication systems for like Air Force bases to talk to each other, things like this.
Yeah.
This is what they do.
I mean, they want it all.
China wants it all and they're going to get it, probably.
Yeah.
Before I go, let me say this about the Black Lives Matter movement.
Many of their things I agree with, by the way.
Police reform, blah, blah, blah.
We all know this.
Be a little skeptical.
of a movement where a lot of the leaders are avowed Marxists, in their own words, they say that, but it's being supported by JP Morgan and Citibank and all these big corporations.
Be a little skeptical of that.
Be a little skeptical of a lot of corporations embracing a movement that should be 100% antithetical to what those people believe.
I'm not a Marxist and I don't agree with that.
However, I have friends that are and I understand their critique of capitalism.
I think it's very valid.
I don't think any of their solutions or the majority of their solutions are valid.
But when you start thinking about why corporations are on board with this movement and why Hollywood people are on board with this movement, you start realizing that is this the way to usher people into an even worse police state than the one that we were in before, in a police state where you have massive surveillance technology, big tech, you know?
Will the police be just new police potentially?
I don't know.
I mean, this is something to think about.
I mean, the idea that any of these corporations or any of these people that have millions and millions and tens of millions or hundreds of millions, billions of dollars are going to, you know, adopt some type of, you know, anarcho-communist reality is just not the case.
However, who knows where this will go?
And who knows where, you know, where, you know, what form this ends up taking and what freedoms you lose in the process of thinking you are, you know, being a revolutionary, what freedoms you're willing to give up.
And I think that that, that becomes a real, you know, we've seen that under the guise of public health, people are willing to give up a lot of freedom.
I understand that.
I gave it up.
I sat home.
I said, hey, this is what we have to do.
But then you saw how contact tracing was then used against protesters, right?
Tracing people's phones, who they were with, where they were.
Then that was used against protesters.
Keep in mind that these types of things aren't necessarily going away.
You rarely get those freedoms back that you so, that you give up.
And I think Black Lives Matter has a lot of very valuable, important things to say, and they're right about a lot.
They're wrong about some things too, in my estimation.
Of course, I'm a white guy.
I'm not going to believe that.
I know a lot of black people that don't agree with everything they believe either.
But just beware of a protest movement that is supported by all of the big corporations and Hollywood.
Beware of that a little bit.
At least be a little skeptical.
Be on guard a little bit.
Because that means that that movement's probably to some degree been co-opted.
And it's probably going to a place that might not be what the original intenders thought.
And who knows, in the meantime, what freedoms you lose.
And my interest is in the freedom to speak freely, which I think is on the chopping block.
That's going.
I hope that's not the case, but it certainly seems like it's the case.
And that's important to me.
It should be important to you, even if it's not how you make your living.
It should be important to you.
You should not be fired from your job for an expressing an opinion that is unpopular or that people have decided that Black Lives Matter and JP Morgan Chase have decided is the right opinion to have.
And if you have a different opinion, you are fired from your job.
That is not a value that I think is American or, you know, any, you know, there's no fairness there to me.
I'm not, of course, within reason.
You can't walk into your job every day and be like, I don't think it was $6 million or whatever.
But within reason, if you, you know, one guy, I forget who it was, but I was just talking to somebody about it, had a gun.
He said, if any of these looters get up to my house, I'm going to defend my property.
And he got fired.
And then Dick Wolf, you know, a big Hollywood producer was like, this is unacceptable.
And, and I mean, you know, Dick Wolf made all his money with fucking cop shows, which is hilarious.
But like right there, it's like, well, you're losing your ability to speak.
If you're going to loot, you could say that people have freedom of speech, but if they lose their entire life and they're socially ostracized and they're for saying something, and by the way, not I'm going to kill somebody, not a threat, just saying I'm going to defend.
Like he didn't single somebody out and go, I'm going to get him.
It's just saying I'm going to defend my property if people come to try to destroy it.
I'm going to defend it.
As is my right or what most people believe is their right.
And then the guy gets fired.
You go, you wonder, when does that end?
When will that end?
Will you always have the right opinion?
Will you always be one step ahead of the mob that's requiring you to have the right opinion?
Will you never slip up?
Is that all of these people that try to cancel other people and they try to wield the power of this mob?
Because that's what JP Morgan's doing.
That's what all these major mega corporations are doing.
They're like, let's wield the anger and use the anger of the mob and take it and make money, funnel it into something commercial and let's support certain things and we're going to pay lip service to the movement.
And then at the same time, we're going to figure out a way to brand whatever the hell we're doing and keep it, keep our branding consistent with the values of this movement, even though what we're doing might not be in line with what they want, you know?
You know, we might be paying lip service to them and at the same time doing things that are not in line with, you know, what people would consider reform.
So that's just, you always have to be skeptical.
I don't think we, we, we live in a time of religious belief where people are really fired up.
And a lot of some of that is good.
Passion is not a bad thing.
It's something that's good.
It's why a lot of it's those surfers found something to be passionate about and had great lives.
But, you know, instead of doing that, instead of doing the work to figure out what you are passionate about and where you see yourself and wait, a lot of people are just basically like, I am going to just adorn myself with slogans.
You know, I don't put BLM, I don't put any of that up because I don't need to put up signs.
I put the black square on Instagram up because I thought everybody was doing that.
I didn't know what that was.
And we found out five minutes later, it was like the CIA did it, you know, for whatever reason.
But I don't, I'm not always putting that stuff out there because like I'm a human being, right?
I'm not like a brand.
It's like people act like they're Starbucks.
Like human beings are acting like they are, like there are people that are just putting out stuff every day, almost like they are afraid of, they're like, for far too long.
You know, this Ansel Elgore kid, before he got canceled, you look at his Instagram.
He's like, I'm spending the day educating myself.
I'm spending the day reading and figuring out what I can do.
I mean, this is, this is so they don't come get you.
How did it work?
On sell, how did it work?
Did it not work?
As the great Charles Croden and Clifford said, has something happened?
But it's just to quell the mob.
You go, I'm spending my day educating myself, myself.
I'm going to stop carving swastikas into my arm for the day.
I'm going to start educating myself and figuring out what I can do.
And I don't mean any of that because I'm going to the beach, but I'm putting it on social media.
Don't come for me, please.
Don't.
That's what it is.
You can do those things.
You can just do those things.
But there's a weird vibe now where you walk down the street and you see BLM and it's painted on the outside of a business and it's painted because they don't want to brick through the window.
That's why it's painted there.
It's just a strange thing.
Oh, I have to say, I have to put these letters on the outside of my business unless something's going to happen.
I got to put it out there.
And that's odd to me.
And that feeling is strange.
We're like, you have to, you have to agree to all of these things under the threat of violence and that that's being backed by mega corporations.
Something to think about.
Doesn't mean the police are not out of control.
Does not mean police do not need serious reforms.
Doesn't mean you can't take some of their money and put it into things that will decrease inequality.
Does it mean the elites of this country aren't the real looters, which they are?
Doesn't mean they haven't created this situation by, you know, fucking defunding everything and hollowing every institution out and creating a separate economic system and a separate justice system.
I mean, all of that is true.
All of that is 100% true.
But I still feel very uncomfortable with this idea that people can just be fired from their job and lose everything because they express an opinion, you know, that is pretty mainstream, which is like, I'm going to defend my property.
It's a pretty mainstream opinion.
Well, no, Tim, that's not the real issue.
The real issue is the elites.
Yeah, sure.
But if that was you and you lost your fucking job, that would be a real issue to you.
You know, I mean, that's a fact.
You know, and I get accused all the time.
People are like, but are you saying that the SJWs have as much power as ExxonMobil?
But that doesn't mean you can't criticize something that's absurd or that's it's going to an absurd place.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm just it's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable to walk down the street and see boarded up stores with BLM spray painted on the outside so that they don't get bricks through their window or they're not burned down.
This is why and I know some of the people that own these businesses are like, well, this is just what we got to have up there.
It doesn't sit well with anybody that has any interest in civil society.
And if people don't have an interest in civil society and many of them don't if they don't have an interest in civil society, just know that we're going to have a civil war and maybe you win and maybe you don't, but we're gonna have serious violence and uh, you know it's it and the state is gonna clamp down on everybody.
And that's when they introduce a police state, a total surveillance state, when we have total chaos.
So the the, the forces that are marching us toward total chaos this is what I was trying to get to the people that are bringing us towards total chaos on both sides.
By the way, the people that want that chaos, that hunger for it, that long for it?
Forces Marching Toward Total Chaos00:07:53
Are they so stupid?
Do they think they're gonna win?
Or do some of those people know what will come next, which will be a police state, a surveillance state, and the government will use this as an excuse to do a lot of things they've probably always wanted to do, you know?
And that that's when I, when I look around, I see that I see that we're heading towards a place where society is going to be even more closed.
People are afraid to say anything, and it's just a bad situation.
And if that's the only if we're, if we don't speak to each other we don't want to talk to each other the only thing left is violence, and so many people right now think that's a good idea.
They think it's just a time for violence and that we've exhausted all speech.
Okay listen, that's fine.
If you think that, if you believe that you, you know you've given up on the whole idea of any type of society.
You want to just get rid of it great, but know what you're doing.
Know that there will be a society that will emerge from the ruins of whatever happens, and it will not.
It will be less free than it is now dramatically less free.
I don't think protesting is bad.
I don't think economic boycotts are bad.
I don't think putting pressure on the government is bad.
I don't think any of that is bad.
I think chaos invites more chaos.
I think that'll ultimately.
The response to that will be Trump going full Hitler or full dictator, you know and and having a a percentage of people in America on his side, because Nobody wants chaos.
Nobody wants anarchy.
Children do.
Children don't want bedtimes and, you know, whatever.
And they want to, you know, eat candy for dinner, you know, and whatever, you know, but most adults don't want chaos.
I know it's not cool to say, abolish the police.
You know, the same people that were saying abolish the police were uploading photos of bread two months ago.
They don't want chaos.
They don't want anarchy.
They were showing you they made a loaf of sourdough two months ago and they were proud of it.
They don't want anarchy.
They're just too stupid to believe it's possible.
They think it's a game.
They think it's a fun game and they can encourage people.
They're not out throwing bricks.
They're at home tweeting and baking bread.
So this idea that they want anarchy and chaos.
And it's just kind of funny, right?
The types of people that are calling for no police and no order are the people that would probably fare the worst in a situation with no police and no order, where you had literal vigilantes, you had militias, you had warlords, because it's going to be a power vacuum.
And who's going to fill a power vacuum?
You know?
Who do you think is going to fill it?
You don't think it's going to be filled?
It's going to be, there's going to be order in society.
It's all about whose order it's going to be.
That's a fact.
But so many people in this country aren't adults.
You know, when you're a teenager, you're angsty, you're upset, you're depressed, you're anxious.
And then you grow up.
And some people, sometimes you grow up in an hour, sometimes you grow up in a day, sometimes, you know, it depends, you know?
But all growing up is, is realizing that nobody cares about you.
That is all growing up is.
You realize no one really cares.
No one cares.
I mean, I used to leave my key at home all the time.
And then I'd get home.
My dad wouldn't be home and I wouldn't have my key.
And I forgot to take it.
And my dad asked me five times if I had it.
And then I would sit outside my house and smoke cigarettes till my fucking dad came home.
And, you know, and eventually I just realized that like, oh, no one cares.
I'm an idiot.
And I should just have checked before I left the house.
I should have had my key.
I should have prepared.
Whatever.
Could be your homework.
Could be whatever.
All being an adult is, is realizing that your feelings don't really matter.
That the only thing that really matters is how you carry yourself in the world, right?
Doesn't matter how you're feeling inside or what's upsetting you.
Doesn't matter what your past is or where you came from.
It really matters like how you carry yourself in the world, despite all of those things.
And adults realize that.
And then they look back at themselves as a teenager.
They were like, I was a cunt.
I was just a cunt for no reason.
Nobody understood me.
You wouldn't get it.
You don't understand what it's like to grow up in the suburbs and be white and want people to understand you.
And then you grow up and you go, oh, no one gives a fuck about me.
No one cares about me at all.
I don't have that many friends and I don't need that many friends.
People over the age of 30 with large groups of friends, I've said it before on this show, they're mentally unwell.
They're mentally unwell.
If you're over 30 and you have 15 close friends, you belong in an asylum because you don't have to, I mean, it's just crazy.
It's crazy.
Having 15 close friends is somebody who's in high school.
You know what I mean?
So the whole thing is when you look at social media, we've all kind of regressed.
We're children.
Everybody's a child now.
Everybody's into feelings and themselves.
And there's no idea that no one cares.
Citibank doesn't care.
JP Morgan doesn't care.
So making these people, you know, put up your iconography or put up letters you find comforting or put up a pride flag or whatever they can do to present the optics that they're your ally is utterly meaningless.
It's fatuous.
Means nothing.
And you would know that had you grown up.
You would know that had you grown up.
That's the reality.
And if you were a grown-up, you would do grown-up things, you know?
And if you still want to be a teenager, if you still want to be a teenager, you can go on Twitter.
You can fucking tweet.
You can fucking do whatever you want to do.
You know?
You could do everything to make yourself feel good in the moment.
It's true.
If you want to act like a 16-year-old, you can do all of those things.
And I even know, I know a guy that won't hold that against you.
If you're a teenager, I know somebody that will hear you out and give you the time of day.
If you're a passionate youngster, But everybody else grow