The Tim Dillon Show - 161: 161 - The Los Angeles Liars

Aug. 18, 2019 - The Tim Dillon Show

01:41:38

161: 161 - The Los Angeles Liars

# wall street journal vinny ocean sophie hagen alexander acosta anna north cia comedy industry conspiracy theories david duke dr drew ghislaine maxwell human trafficking jeffrey epstein leslie wexner media censorship mossad political corruption

The Patreon is up! Link below! Tim broadcasts from the deck and argues why it's virtuous to never tell the truth, rants on the Jeffrey Epstein case, and offers an apology to the Your Mom's House Network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Why Epstein Inspires Conspiracy 00:02:43
	Hi, I'm Timmy the Trash Can, and I love trash.
	Popcorn boxes, pops, and candy wrappers.
	Mm, they all taste so good.
	Instead of throwing your trash on the floor, won't you please give it to me?
	Thank you for considering your fellow patrons.
	Why the Jeffrey Epstein case inspires so many conspiracy theories?
	Anna North at Fox.com.
	The question, folks, is if you tried, could you be this stupid?
	If you put effort into it, if you dedicated yourself, if you trained your mind, could you be this daft to write an article that is basically pondering why the Jeffrey Epstein case inspires so many conspiracy theories?
	Why?
	Why, why so many unanswered questions?
	It's a relatively simple thing.
	A man who was running an international human trafficking ring, who was close friends with politicians, the CEOs of major corporations, prime ministers,
	a man who had been convicted of molesting underage girls and given a sweetheart deal because, and I quote, Alexander Acosta, Trump's labor secretary, said he, quote, belonged to intelligence, was given a sweetheart deal where he served around a year in like a minimum security federal prison and left every day to go to work.
	And part of that deal was that he wouldn't have to inform on his co-conspirators.
	That man, who was then rearrested a few months ago, supposedly cooperating with prosecutors, charged with several counts of sex trafficking, was going to go to trial and potentially inform on his co-conspirators because there was no get out of jail free card this time.
	A man who tried to kill himself a few weeks ago in one of the most secure detention centers in America, the Metropolitan Correctional Facility where they've held El Chapo, where they've held terrorists.
	I think Zacharias Massawia could be wrong.
Smoking Before The Show Ends 00:05:43
	That guy who was on Suicide Watch was taken off Suicide Watch.
	His roommate was moved out of his room.
	And a few hours later, he hung himself in said facility.
	And now there will be no trial and there will be no open court.
	Why would a case like that, all these internet loonies, all these tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorists, these Redditors, these marginalized creatures that just have to make everything into one big fucking conspiracy?
	Why would this set, why would it set them off?
	You better be asking the question why perfectly rational, reasonable people who had been asleep, who had been fucking asleep, and I mean asleep, watching the bachelor asleep, are starting to wake up now and they're starting to go, ha.
	Like they might not be full-on, you know, they're not storming Area 51, but they're even going, you know what?
	Wait a minute, something's wrong here.
	And Gislaine Maxwell, I just ripped off a part of my nail and then my finger is bleeding.
	Ghislaine Maxwell, that's how I don't cut my nails.
	I just, I tear them off anxiously.
	And that's how I think many of you should do it.
	I believe in different ways that anxiety should leave the body.
	And one of them is to tear off your nails.
	And what will happen is you know when you're done, when you're bleeding.
	That's when you know you're done.
	When is my nail short enough?
	When there's a pool of blood on your finger and then your nail hurts for the next couple of days and you go to grab something, your nail will hurt because it's just raw skin.
	And then the nail goes back.
	That is how to do it.
	We're going to go into Ghislaine Maxwell eating it in and out burger because we're living either in a simulation that's glitching or this is either a psyop where they're basically like, we can do whatever we want now.
	It doesn't have to make sense.
	And we're going to distract you because now it's becoming this weird tabloid thing of like, oh, Epstein's gal pal.
	The bitch was fucking trafficking kids.
	And they're calling it like Epstein's gal pal.
	Seen eating it in and out.
	Gal pal.
	This bitch is taking 13, 14 year old kids to an island to fuck Bill Richardson, that fat fuck who's a governor of New Mexico.
	And you're treating this like it's some like fun tabloid scandal.
	This is the darkest shit humanly possible.
	And the press is turning it into like some tabloid fodder.
	Where was Ghislaine spotted?
	Was she eating an in-and-out burger?
	Did she get animal style?
	Why is she walking around free?
	Why is nobody asking her questions?
	She's reading a book about the deaths of CIA agents at a fucking in-and-out Ventura or Studio City or whatever location.
	Jamie Vernon told me where it was.
	I forgot.
	Universal City.
	What the fuck is happening?
	There was an article that said she was holed up with some tech guy in Manchester by the sea, that town.
	That's weird, too.
	Oh, she's in a movie.
	She's in Manchester by the Sea.
	She's in some big...
	And if you have any problem, folks, I have a Ricola because I think I'm coming down with something.
	I'm trying not to smoke.
	I probably will smoke before the end of the show.
	I don't smoke other than doing this podcast.
	I really do not smoke unless I do the podcast.
	But there's something about the nicotine and the smoking that, you know, I mean, I've done good podcasts and not smoke, but there's something about the nicotine and the cigarette that feels, it lends itself to conversation.
	And any of you that listen to the show, maybe that are younger, vapes guys do not lend themselves to conversation the way cigarettes do because there's no pausing.
	There's no inhaling, exhaling.
	I mean, I know there's inhaling, exhaling, but it doesn't feel the same way.
	There's no give and take.
	And it just shows that the generation coming up now, a generation that has been, you know, raised primarily online, a generation full of, you know, Adderall and anxiety, you're not learning how to really conversate in the appropriate way.
	You're just like Ben.
	See what he does?
	He just sucks on that every 30 seconds.
	He doesn't know how to speak to anyone because he doesn't know.
	It's not his fault.
	He doesn't know.
	He doesn't understand how to talk.
	When you talk to him, he will stare off into the sky and leave because he doesn't know.
	This whole generation of people has never been taught how to communicate.
	A big part of learning how to communicate is to smoke cigarettes.
	So it's really what it is.
	You know, I mean, I don't, I could sugarcoat it.
	Can you do it without smoking cigarettes?
	No.
	Now, I will say this.
	She got Max.
	Well, they said she was in Manchester by the city.
A Generation That Cannot Communicate 00:08:26
	Then they tracked the guy down.
	Of course, the government, it's all the New York Post doing this.
	The government has no interest.
	Okay?
	They don't give a fuck.
	They don't care.
	They don't care at all where she is, you know?
	So the New York Post finds her throwing down a double-double or whatever at the Universal fucking In-N-Out, reading a book about the deaths of CIA agents.
	I mean, and then there's a review that's supposedly attributed to her.
	I'm going to read you guys the review.
	You got to realize, you got to realize where we are and take stock of this because it's fucking insane.
	And then I'm going to tell you after this, I'll tell you why I think I'm banned from the Your Mom's House Network.
	I believe I am banned.
	I don't know.
	That is not a fact.
	But I believe after today, I am banned from the Your Mom's House Network.
	I don't know.
	I do not want to be banned.
	I am not asking to be banned.
	I feel is that I am banned after the events of today.
	We'll go into why.
	We'll go into why.
	That's my own little scandal.
	We have a scandal on our hands here, folks.
	We've got a scandal on our hand.
	It's not as big as Epstein.
	There's not as many powerful people involved.
	There are some, not nearly as powerful, but we do have a scandal.
	G Maxwell gave five stars to this book.
	I don't have the name of the book, but you can easily find it.
	Supposedly sales for this book shot way the fuck up.
	Okay.
	Everybody's like, what is she reading?
	What is the madam reading?
	What is the madam reading?
	It's a great way to sell your book.
	If a child pimp is seen reading your book, many people in this country go, yup, that's what we want.
	She had a harem of child whores.
	Let's buy this book.
	Shislaine Maxwell gives it five stars.
	It goes, a good friend of mine died recently under very tragic circumstances.
	Some of us saw it coming for quite a while, but it was still a huge shock when it finally happened.
	I picked up this book at the advice of a friend and absolutely couldn't put it down.
	I'd read it while walking the dog, getting fast food, or even just lounging around the house.
	It helped me realize that my friend really believed in something and that giving your life of the CIA, NSA, FBI, Mossad, or other intelligence agencies, truly a higher calling and not something to mourn.
	A wholehearted recommendation.
	Supposedly from G Maxwell, she's reviewing a, think of this, folks.
	Think of this.
	A woman who participated in the horrific abuse of children, who knew damn well why it was going on, is reading a book about the deaths of intelligence operatives, of which Jeffrey Epstein certainly was one.
	She probably is one.
	She's probably foreshadowing because she's probably not going to be around forever.
	Although there's a reason she's still here and she's still doing shit like that.
	I mean, we're in Sam Tripoli always used to talk about this chaos theory of like things not having to make sense and the idea of just this overload of information, a lot of disinformation.
	It's hard to look at the events of the last week.
	And I think you'd have to come to grips with the very small group of powerful people that have had power, had almost absolute and total power for a very long time, are starting to lose it.
	It's starting to come undone.
	All these things are starting to come undone.
	And it's like the 11th hour and they're getting very sloppy.
	And they had to get rid of this guy.
	There was no way he could be in open court.
	And now this bitch is eating cheeseburgers and reviewing spy novels in LA.
	And it's like at a certain point, you're like, this bitch, is she rogue?
	Is someone instructing her to do this?
	Is this part of the plan?
	Do they want people to think he was intelligence?
	You'd think not because he clearly was.
	But is there some benefit to them if it sounds so crazy that people dismiss it?
	Because maybe it's a step too far for people to believe that this is an activity that's sponsored by elements of our government.
	Is it easier for people to believe that rich people just have deviant sexual appetites and Epstein was there to satisfy those appetites, driving them to the idea that he was in the intelligence community?
	Does it make it this shadowy thing that people have a much harder time believing and it gets too complex and people ultimately check out?
	I don't know.
	I'm very interested in why these things are happening.
	Or have they lost control of the operation?
	Is it like a play that the director sits in the back and with his head in his hands goes, fuck God?
	I hope we make it to act three.
	Is that where we're at now?
	Does anyone think about this?
	Is everyone just watching the bat?
	Why is everyone watching the bat?
	Is it that good?
	Should I start watching it?
	It's not good.
	It's no good.
	Why?
	The entire country is under the spell of the bachelor.
	People have careers because it was like they talk about the bat.
	What is going on?
	Is this not more interesting to you than the bachelor?
	I don't understand.
	Rich cunts want to fuck a rich guy or selfish guns that aren't rich, whatever.
	They're not that poor either.
	Have teeth.
	Isn't that simple?
	Don't you get it?
	The relationships aren't real.
	Isn't this stuff better?
	Am I wrong?
	Maybe I'm wrong.
	Epstein hung himself.
	His bitch is eating in and out.
	This was Chelsea Clinton's best friend.
	This woman was friends with the Clint's.
	Epstein's got a fucking painting of our president in heels in drag in his mansion in New York City, which was outfitted with two-way mirrors and recording equipment for blackmail.
	And everybody still just wants to talk about the bachelor.
	Folks, what would need to happen?
	I need to understand this personally.
	I'm not against love.
	I'm not against dating shows.
	I'm not against people having fun.
	I'm not against meaningless horseshit.
	I traffic in a lot of it.
	It's what I do for a living.
	I had a five-minute bid about ice cream.
	I understand frivolous activity, but how good is this goddamn show?
	I'm scared to watch The Bachelor because I think I'm just going to end up babbling about The Bachelor for the rest of my life.
	Because I'm looking around going, this shit's pretty interesting, but there are people that are offended if you ask them to like what their opinion is.
	They're like, well, I don't really know about the, I don't know about that.
	That's not my beat.
	I do Bachelor.
	What?
	People just love.
	I get, I mean, I don't know.
	I don't want to offend any of you in my audience that maybe like The Bachelor.
	I'm sure it's a fun show.
	But does it not interest anyone that there's clearly a glitch in the fucking Matrix and we're all watching this in real fucking time?
Surviving The Plane Crash Miracle 00:05:33
	Folks, the other day, I saw what I would consider to be a miracle, to be honest with you.
	Okay?
	I was at LAX and I saw a plane take off.
	And two of the engines exploded.
	Why are you laughing?
	Two of the engines exploded.
	They went up in flames.
	Okay.
	As this plane was taking off.
	And I was watching it.
	And it was exciting, but I also felt bad.
	I felt bad for the people on the plane.
	I was not happy.
	And when you lose two engines like that on takeoff, it's over.
	Doesn't work.
	So the plane smashed into the ground.
	And everybody on it died.
	And they closed the airport.
	We couldn't leave.
	We couldn't leave.
	Now, it was one survivor on the plane.
	I don't know how you'd think it wouldn't.
	But one person, one person survived.
	And I bumped into them in the airport lounge.
	They were drinking.
	I said, that was fucked up, huh?
	And they went, yeah, whatever.
	They had a great attitude about it.
	They had a really great attitude.
	A really great attitude about it.
	You know, they lost their entire family in that wreck.
	I said, how did you survive there?
	I don't know.
	I said, how did you survive?
	How did you not burn in the fire?
	And they said, maybe I'm a child of Satan.
	They kind of laughed.
	We laughed.
	And I said, let me ask you a question.
	You just lost your whole family.
	The plane was going to Disney World.
	So you just lost your entire family in that plane.
	Everybody was burned alive in front of you.
	The smell of the corpses and the bodies.
	And I said, how do you stay so even keel?
	I mean, I said, you're literally a medical anomaly.
	You literally, you were burned alive, but you weren't.
	Like, everybody was incinerated.
	The whole plane was in bits and pieces, except you were there unscathed.
	Not a scratch on you.
	Almost like a religious, it was almost like a religious thing, you know?
	And they said to me, Tim, they knew my name.
	They said, Tim, Three letters, CBD.
	I said, Really?
	They said, I've been taking CBD oil for two months.
	And I said, You use all the different products, use the freezing point topical cream.
	They said, Yeah.
	I said, Use the CBDAM pills.
	They said, I'm on them right now.
	I said, Use the CBDPM to sleep.
	They go, Never, never slept better.
	And they said, I think that's why I survived that horrific crash that killed everyone else on that planet except me.
	I said, Are you upset?
	They go, Hey, Tim, you win some, you lose some.
	And today was my day to win.
	I was just like, What a great attitude.
	I said, What happened to your wife and kids?
	They go, Dead, dead, dead.
	I said, How do you feel about that?
	They go, Next.
	I'm like, Wow, next.
	It's pretty.
	It seemed cold at first, but then I realized it was really true emotional maturity.
	My question to you in the audience: Do you want to survive a plane crash?
	Yes or no?
	Now, this was out of the news.
	They kept it out of the news.
	You know how it is.
	But this happened.
	It was real.
	This happened.
	And I swear to God, I talked about it on the Dr. Drew episode I did.
	So if you don't want to survive a plane crash, then don't go to infinitecbd.com.
	If you want to burn like those other losers, don't do that.
	But every dude, everybody's using CBD.
	Everybody.
	And quite frankly, it's good.
	So there you have it.
	Do you want to survive a plane crash?
	Now, here's what's funny, right?
	That guy, we exchanged numbers.
	He texted me.
	He goes, the fucking traffic in this city because he was going home from LAX.
	So it's like, even the trap, you know, even after you've miraculously survived a plane crash, the traffic is so bad that you know.
	I have a lot of respect for the Your Mom's House Network.
	I think it's a great network.
	I think Tom and Christina are very funny.
	Dr. Drew, who's also on the network, he's very talented at what he does.
	And I've never listened to his show, but I liked Celebrity Rehab and I enjoyed Love Line with Adam Kroll and Dr. Drew.
	They're good people, and that's fine.
Honesty Is Not The Best Policy 00:03:37
	I want to preface this by saying, my first instinct is always to lie.
	And it is always the right instinct for the most part.
	Lying shows that you've taken a time to think about what's happening and that you care about what's happening.
	Telling the truth is like not wearing deodorant.
	It's inconsiderate and it means that you don't care.
	It means that you don't have any regimen.
	You haven't thought about anything.
	You've kind of just rolled out of bed.
	That's why truth, when you're honest with somebody, there's a premium to that.
	It's usually with somebody you really like, a friend, somebody you're fucking.
	There's a premium to honesty because it's rare.
	Honesty is not something that happens all the time for good reason.
	People just don't walk around being honest with each other.
	The world would be in utter chaos.
	If everybody told everybody what they thought of each other, it would be an utter cat.
	People have to be kept in the dark.
	They have to be lied to and manipulated.
	This is why we have what we have with the Epstein and the da da da.
	Okay?
	I'm just saying how it is.
	I'm not saying how it should be.
	I'm not moralizing.
	I'm telling you what it is.
	People keep secrets.
	No, conspiracies aren't real because no one can keep secrets.
	You're keeping secrets right now from your wife.
	And you're telling me that no one can keep secrets.
	You're keeping secrets of somebody asleep next to.
	Secrets get kept for fucking years.
	People have secret families.
	They never talk about it.
	There's good liars out there.
	You know who says nobody can keep secrets?
	Bad liars.
	Bad liars can never believe in conspiracies because they don't know how to fucking lie.
	They don't know how to create, create, and craft a narrative.
	Lies, you can't just fuck around with a lie here and there.
	You got to be constantly lying all the time.
	You got to create a world and populate it with untruths.
	Big lies require little lies to sustain them.
	That's a famous quote.
	I don't know who said it.
	That's what needs to happen.
	Pedological liars lie all the time because they want to be good at it.
	If you're drunk, if you drink and drive every night, statistically, you're going to be better at it.
	Am I telling you to do it?
	No, I'm telling you what it is.
	If you drink and drive once a month, you're going to be all nervous.
	Same with driving high.
	Same with lying.
	Same with fucking.
	Same with stand-up comedy.
	You got to do it a lot.
	Okay?
	So my first instinct in many situations is to spin a yarn, a fable, a lie, an untruth, because I care about the person on the other end.
	I realize that I've done the wrong thing.
	And rather than admit it like a crazy person, I lie to cover it up because I realize I was wrong.
	You're lying because you realize you're wrong.
	If anyone calls you on a lie, say, I'm lying to you because I know that I'm wrong and I love you.
	Being honest with you would be insane.
	Am I insane?
	Are you insane?
	Honesty is not the best policy.
	No one says that.
	You know who says that?
	School teachers because they talk to children all day because they have childlike minds.
	We don't need any advice that's on a guidance counselor's wall.
	It's not going to help.
	Don't hit me about, oh, well, honestly.
	No, lie.
	Even after today, I will still lie.
	I'm only upset at the fact that my lie was not good.
	Never lie quick.
Lying Shows You Care About Lies 00:11:03
	Take a minute, take a breath.
	Today, Big J's girlfriend, Christine Evans, who I like, but you know, we'll get into that.
	You know, you know, these people, you know.
	I just, you know, I enjoy her, but, and she's in town.
	She grew up in Redondo Beach.
	And she goes, Hey, I want to show you where I grew up.
	We'll go to the beach, take a little swim.
	We'll get a seafood in a seafood shack.
	I'm in.
	I like swimming in the ocean.
	I'm in there.
	We did.
	We had a beautiful lunch, about a half-hour lunch, about a 45-minute dip in the Pacific Ocean.
	And to do all that, round trip in a car, about five and a half hours in the car.
	About five and a half in the car.
	I could have driven, I could have flown to New York City for the amount of time it took me to get my fat ass in the Pacific for 45 fucking minutes.
	But it was a lovely dip, and I like that.
	It's just, it's a lot.
	Traveling around LA is a lot.
	She tells me, oh, well, you want to put on some music?
	So I put on some music.
	I put on Toby Key's song, God Lover.
	It's a great song.
	God Lover.
	She was born in the Mississippi Mud.
	I don't know the fucking lyrics.
	Her daddy didn't want her to be with me.
	And I said, you know, who cares?
	It's catchy.
	It was on shuffle.
	I put it on.
	She's like, oh, you have the worst taste of music of all of my friends.
	I'm like, bitch.
	Toby Keith, she was talking all day about how she wanted to buy all the houses in Manhattan Beach.
	She's like, I want to buy these houses.
	I keep telling Jay, $4 million is not a lot of money.
	We're in entertainment for me.
	Bitch, Toby Keith could buy 10 of those houses and you're running your mouth.
	I said that to her in a car.
	I go, Toby Keith, buy 10 of these houses.
	You'll die in this rental.
	You don't have to agree with Toby Keith.
	You don't have to think he's good.
	It's a catchy, goddamn song.
	God lover.
	So we get down there.
	We have a nice lunch.
	I do this Instagram story where I'm on the beach and we go up to this beautiful peak in Redondo.
	We're looking out at the ocean.
	It's got a great view.
	And I say, hey, I write on Instagram.
	I say, hey, because these are, these are, you will see things that are similar to this.
	You know, six months ago, I was living in the middle of a busy highway, but I started reading, listening to Gary Vanyarchuk and he's the teachings of Gary Vanyerchuck.
	And now I realized when I heard him that I had to stop losing and I had to start winning.
	And now we just broke ground on what will be a $25 million estate.
	And how did I pay for it?
	I paid for it with gratitude.
	And then, you know, hashtag hustle grind.
	It's a funny post, and it clearly shows that I'm at Redondo Beach, the beautiful.
	Then she goes, It's a Trump golf course.
	It's open to the public.
	You want to go check that out?
	I'm like, oh, yeah.
	I think it's fun to go see what kinds of people are still going to Trump things who don't give a fuck.
	I kind of like that.
	You know, and it's just a bunch of white dudes and dads and they're all playing golf.
	And, you know, me and her walk in and you know, they're not thrilled, but she's like, it's open to the public.
	And I felt like explaining to her, honey, not our public.
	See, the Palos Verde's public is different than our public.
	Our public is public bus.
	It's not open to us.
	Okay.
	I guarantee you.
	I'm wearing a bathing suit and you're wearing a sarong you bought on the Venice boardwalk from somebody with a heroin needle hanging out of their chin.
	So that's not the public that they're really interested in walking through their doors.
	Okay.
	But I didn't.
	By the way, I mean, Venice, it's like you go down there.
	The best things there are the bodybuilders with AIDS, Muscle Beach.
	All the bodybuilders with AIDS who's like beaten AIDS.
	They all have AIDS and they've beaten AIDS.
	They're so built, they no longer have AIDS or penises.
	Like they don't have their penises have gone away because they've just pumped so much iron and they've all beaten AIDS.
	But I didn't see them today because the outdoor gym was being remodeled.
	Sadly.
	So we go into the Trump course.
	She goes into the bathroom to change her clothes like a true crackhead.
	Okay.
	She's like, where she asked some fake question about the restaurant.
	She's like, when is the restaurant open?
	And then she goes, where's the restroom?
	I'm like, they know what you're in here for.
	They know you just want to go in there, deliver a baby, and leave it in the toilet.
	So just go do that.
	And I'll go take a shit and then we'll leave.
	Okay.
	We don't have to pretend that we're here to talk to the event planner about throwing a wedding.
	Okay.
	They know you just want to abandon a baby in the bathroom.
	So I'm.
	Do you ever see somebody when you like walk into a nice place and you start telling a tale about why you're there?
	And the people are like, we know what this is.
	Just shit.
	We're letting you do it.
	Just use the restroom.
	You don't have to, when's tea time?
	Just use the, just go throw up.
	You're withdrawing, right?
	You're withdrawing and you need to throw up before you get some Suboxan.
	Okay, just go do that.
	Don't fucking tell us that you're here to plan your daughter's wedding.
	So I remember, I don't remember, I get an email from the booker of the Your Mom's House Network.
	Email was 408.
	Said, hey, Tim, I hope you're finding your way here.
	Hope you're having no trouble finding the place.
	Text me.
	Well, I experienced a range of emotions in the Trump bathroom in Palos Verdes.
	I was like, fuck.
	I was supposed to do Dr. Drew today at four.
	Fuck.
	It is now 4.58.
	That email was sent to me at 4.08.
	I'm in the Trump bathroom.
	I did what I never used to do.
	I used to call out sick from work all the time, but I never did the no-call, no show, which is what I did.
	Now, here's, when you do the no-call, no show, you have to stay off the grid and you have to not fire back.
	You need to get your story straight.
	You need to sit on it for a minute and think because you've done the no-call, no show.
	The only way is to go harder into the lie, disappear off the grid.
	Sink deeper into the hole.
	Take a minute.
	Think about it.
	Go, what can I do here?
	You know, go grab an old photo of you in New York.
	Throw that on Instagram.
	Go dark for two days.
	Email the dude say you had to be in New York.
	Who knows?
	All of these things.
	But I panicked.
	I was panic stricken.
	I'm so ashamed of this.
	I was panic stricken on the toilet in the Trump golf course open to the public.
	Palos Verdes.
	Beautiful.
	I was sitting on the toilet.
	I was reading the email on the turlet and I said, fuck.
	I emailed back immediately.
	I had an emergency.
	I cannot make it.
	By the way, it's a fucking hour after I was supposed to be there.
	I emailed two seconds later.
	I apologize.
	I walk out and I call Ben and then it hits me.
	I uploaded an Instagram story from the beach a half hour ago when I should have been doing the show.
	I have a photo up from the fucking beach, which is the opposite of an emergency.
	It is literally the opposite of an emergency.
	I am frolicking on the beach and I didn't show up for this fucking show.
	And then I lied to the guy and it was such a poorly conceived lie.
	Like it was such, and now I'm ashamed, not because I lied, because I didn't put the time and the care into a good lie.
	Nothing makes you feel better than pulling off a good lie.
	And I didn't do it and I pride myself on being able to do it.
	And I was just, and the thing that saves me is it's so funny that there's something there.
	There's something that I was so funny that I couldn't stop laughing because it's so utterly disrespectful.
	It's so utterly disrespectful.
	It's fucking amateur hour.
	It's Giselle, Gislane, sorry, it's Gislane eating in and out, reading spy novels.
	It's choking Epstein out in his cell.
	And then fuck, like, it's all of that shit on a very small level.
	It's, it's, I'm doing to the booker of that network what our government is doing to us, basically going, oh, fuck you.
	And I hope you like it.
	I hope you like it because it is what it is.
	And here's a photo of me with my fucking fat ass frolicking on the beach.
	And I had an emergency and I can't make it.
	And I email you an hour after I was supposed to be there.
	So I would imagine at this point, I would not be shocked.
	There's a lot of opportunities.
	And you go, why didn't I get that opportunity?
	There's a lot of opportunity.
	Here's the silver lining to this.
	I will not wonder if I'm never on any of their shows.
	I won't lie.
	It won't keep me awake at night.
	Like I might forget this and think for a minute, I wonder why.
	And then I'll go, oh yeah.
	Oh yeah.
	Yeah.
	There was that time I no-called no showed for Dr. Drew after dark and then shot off an amateur hour email from the turlet of the Trump and then right on the Instagram story.
	It's like, it's not only like I'm lying to you.
	It's really like I should, it would have almost be better if I'd emailed them back.
Saying Fuck You To Your Audience 00:03:06
	Hey, fuck you.
	That would have almost been better if I went, hey, how about fuck you?
	Because that's what it is.
	Saying you had an emergency and then having the Instagram story of you at the beach is two words.
	It is fuck you.
	It is that I didn't even take the time to lie good about this.
	I just thought I would fucking throw it out there.
	So if you message me, some of you message me, you go, you should do your mom's house.
	And I go, yeah, yeah, I'd love to do that show.
	They're great.
	You don't have to message that anymore.
	I'd still like to do it.
	But if I don't do it, this one is 100% on me.
	This is my fault.
	This is a bad move.
	Fucking thank you, Christine Evans.
	Ruining my fucking life.
	Monday.com, folks.
	The last ad I did here, I said I didn't know what the company was because I'm a comedian and that's a joke.
	I clearly do know what the company does.
	I'm a comedian as a comic.
	You know, I make jokes, but it's a good service.
	If you have a business out there, many of you do not have a business.
	Many of you shouldn't have a business.
	You should not try to have a business.
	It will not work.
	Many of you know your own limitations and you live within the parameters that you've created for yourself in your own mind.
	Many people tell you that those things are not true.
	I think good.
	But some of you are out there trying to create something.
	And some of you are creative.
	You're business-minded.
	You can do it.
	You should be your own boss.
	You should be independent.
	You should not be filing into an office like some drone, you know, making small talk about the bachelor while you sit at a soul-crushing job that doesn't care about you.
	You should do something on your own.
	That's what I'm doing.
	I find it very fulfilling most times.
	And the great thing about monday.com, okay, is it is easy to stay organized if you're starting your own business, easy to find files.
	Looking through your emails to find stuff is a nightmare.
	I hate doing that.
	I have 2,000 emails right now that are unread.
	Monday.com will organize everything in one place.
	You aren't wasting your time searching for the things you need.
	It creates accountability.
	Okay.
	What's more annoying than asking someone to do something and never getting a response?
	Well, I guess if your kid had cancer and you didn't have money and you couldn't get them the care that they wanted, that I love what people take you on a tour of their hometown.
	Like, you give a fuck.
	That's the place we used to drink in high school.
	Shut up.
	Who gives a fuck?
Monday.com Creates Accountability Now 00:10:48
	Tell me about real estate pricing.
	Tell me what's going on.
	I don't care.
	Your first boyfriend took you to this cliff.
	Who gives a shit?
	Unless it's interesting.
	At least when I take people around my hometown, I'm like, that's where we did Coke at 13.
	That's where my parents' marriage finally fell apart.
	That's where I saw this, the head of Latin Kings, or one of the higher-ups, get his head hit with a 40 because they came in and started trouble.
	You know, but you know, there's nothing worse than that basic bitch tour of like, and this is where you got the best pizza.
	Throw my career away today because I'm fucking listening to where you used to get pizza.
	My whole fucking now I'm fucked.
	It's one of the biggest podcasts in the country.
	And I can't go on it because I'm fucking taking a tour of Redondo Beach while she tells me all these estates she's going to own.
	Yeah, you're going to have an estate.
	People are out of their bird.
	It's 4 million.
	That's not a lot of money, is it not?
	Well, then, can you lend it to me?
	I understand these people that are like, think big.
	I get all of that.
	Think small, folks.
	Think small.
	I do get the idea of why it's attractive to people to believe in the endless and endless possibilities.
	I get that.
	I think an element of that is very important, but I don't think you can OD on that.
	Delusion is a drug.
	You kind of need a little bit of it, but you can overdose on it.
	You know, comics that have OD'd on delusion.
	You can see it.
	They're kind of, they kind of look like they have wet brain.
	They're like, hey, man, what's going on?
	Hey, man.
	You can feel it.
	You go, oh, you stuck the needle deep in.
	You mainlined delusion.
	And now you're in your mid-30s and you look haggard and things are not good.
	And you're bombing in a bar for 11 people.
	And you're talking to me about Netflix.
	And I'm like, Netflix?
	Net?
	What?
	Come again?
	But you all know those people that have just OD'd.
	So you got to just, every now and then, a little delusion is good.
	And I don't think Christina's OD'd on delusion, but she's realistic.
	She's a good person.
	You know, and I like her.
	We can all do it.
	We can all OD.
	Sometimes you got to rein it in.
	You got to reign your friends in sometimes.
	You start thinking you're going to be able to do all these things and you're like, let me just focus on one fucking thing.
	Don't focus on the house that you're going to buy when you do the thing.
	Focus on the thing and then don't worry about the fucking house.
	It's all backwards.
	You got it backwards.
	I just want a house on a cliff.
	You know what?
	Everyone does.
	Everyone does.
	Dumb-dumb.
	Everybody that has ever lived wants that.
	You are not unique in that.
	I just want a beautiful seaside mansion.
	That's all I want.
	Yeah, of course you do.
	We all do.
	What can you do that other people can't?
	What is the thing that separates you from all the other people that want that?
	Is it the work ethic?
	Is it the ingenuity?
	Is it the tenacity?
	What is it?
	But, you know, my dreams now, I just want to own a house.
	I don't even care where it is or what it looks like.
	I just want a home.
	That's all I want.
	I don't care if I don't care anymore.
	I've been beaten down so much that my dreams are like what people, my, my dreams are people's like safety.
	People are like, well, if everything goes to shit, we can live like this.
	That's my dream.
	That's my like best case situation.
	I hear people's conversations like, well, if we're fucked, we can always buy a half a million dollar house and just, I'm like, yeah, that's what I think.
	I mean, so you just can't mainline, you just can't mainline the delusion, folks.
	You need a little bit of it.
	And then you'll meet people with no delusion, and that's a problem too, because they don't believe in anything.
	They don't believe that they get rich.
	And you meet these people that are so married to their own unfortunate circumstances.
	I went out the other day with some kid, and it was just, it was just, he was around, and I went to this costume shop with him.
	Nice kid, wasn't a date, wasn't any of that.
	Younger guy.
	I don't want to say kid, I don't mean like Epstein kid, young, early 20s, going out, platonic friend thing.
	We go to the steakhouse, Musso and Frank, in downtown LA, only because it's by the costume shop.
	I was like, I want to go in there.
	I'm trying, I'm trying to eat like better.
	Maybe I'll just have a steak and whatever.
	And the kid wouldn't shut up about how nice it was.
	First of all, it's not that nice.
	It's very old and historic.
	But he's like, this is the type of place that like my parents would go to once a year.
	And my grandfather would take me to a place like that.
	And I'm like, we get it.
	You're trash.
	How much do you want to beat this drum?
	You're garbage.
	What is this?
	What is this?
	Where people have absolutely no sense of, yeah, it's a restaurant where they serve steak.
	We get it.
	You've had a horrible life.
	I don't know what you want me to tell you.
	It's uncomfortable.
	It's not cute.
	You got to be really hot if you're selling that you're a trash bag.
	You got to be so fucking hot to sell that just simple.
	Like, I don't know about all these fancy places.
	I don't know about all these fancy restaurants.
	You got to be just fucked.
	Like when people look at you, they all want to fuck you if you sell that.
	Otherwise, act like you've been here before.
	Act like you've been to a steakhouse before.
	Okay?
	Enough.
	Nobody's, nobody, I don't know what mark of value you think you have because you've done nothing and you've been around people that have never done anything.
	I have never been to a place like this.
	This is a place we go to.
	This is the nicest meal I'll have all year.
	Well, then kill yourself.
	I don't.
	What is this addiction to your unfortunate circumstances?
	Are we supposed to applaud you?
	Then make different choices, dummy.
	Or don't.
	Maybe you don't like going out to night's friends.
	It's fine.
	You don't have to.
	But there's this pride now in having nothing.
	It's like this weird, perverse pride.
	Oh, you know, think on a lot.
	I got nothing.
	Then get something or shut up.
	These people are not systemically underprivileged people.
	I'm not talking to people that have been fucked over.
	I'm not talking to Epstein victims here.
	I'm talking to fucking class people who've chosen to be comedians who think it's funny that they don't have a dollar.
	They think it's great.
	It's not cute.
	It's not fun.
	And it's your fault.
	You're lazy.
	Go get something, a job, preferably.
	We all work shitty jobs, you know?
	It's just this weird like loyalty to fucking, I just don't get it.
	Well, what are these people?
	Who does that work on?
	Who does that work on?
	You go somewhere with somebody and you're like, this is the nicest place I've ever been.
	Who does that work?
	What am I supposed to say?
	Well, I feel great about this.
	I feel great.
	I'm so happy that I took you here.
	No, I'm embarrassed.
	I'm with you.
	Now I'm like, well, we shouldn't even be here then.
	We should have just stolen that homeless guy's food.
	He's asleep.
	You could have eaten that in the back of the Uber.
	Enough.
	I'm sick of that.
	And there's a lot of people that do that shit, by the way.
	There's a lot of people that like seem to like they think it's like that, like that their lack of worldliness is something to be celebrated.
	They should be celebrated for their ignorance of nice things.
	No.
	No, you should not.
	You're not in the Peace Corps.
	You haven't dedicated your life to help.
	Like there's people, like if somebody said to me, you know, I haven't really been to restaurants like this.
	I've been in Africa with a clean water project.
	I'd still look at them and go, why?
	But I would at least get it.
	I understand.
	But there's too many people out there that confuse their laziness with that they've been denied something or that they've been disadvantaged somehow and that rich people, that all rich people just get rich because Santa Claus deposits money in their fucking pillow.
	It's not true.
	Now, a lot of rich people get rich, you know, by murdering and torturing, raping, maiming, and pimp, but that's still something.
	I'm not saying it's good, but it's certainly not sitting in a steakhouse and acting like I took you to Taj Mahal or we're at Buckingham fucking palace.
	I fuck a lot of trash.
Fettuccine Alfredo And Big Dicks 00:06:42
	I mean, listen, not trash, but a guy that I hooked up with recently came to the room with dominoes.
	I was on the road, younger guy, good-looking guy comes in with dominoes to the hotel.
	I'm like, he's like, hey, I ordered this pizza yesterday and I'm hungry, so I brought it up.
	And he's like, a homeless guy kind of chased me because he wanted the pizza.
	And I'm like, God, what?
	He's like, I'm going to be so mad if you don't have a microwave.
	I'm like, you wanted to microwave Domino's pizza before we fuck?
	That's what you wanted to do?
	You wanted to eat now after?
	Absolutely, but we'll order it.
	We'll order Domino's later.
	I'm for that.
	I mean, you want to eat dominoes?
	I have to fucking suck your dick while you're eating dominoes.
	It just doesn't make any sense.
	So I was like, I'll get you dinner.
	And I got him dinner and he got to eat whatever.
	He's not a trashy person.
	He's like a cultured kid.
	He's a drummer, whatever.
	He drums.
	He's drumming.
	He's a drummer, a percussionist.
	But he's from the mountains.
	He's from the mountains.
	He lives in the mountains.
	He's like a welder.
	He's an interesting guy.
	He's a smart kid.
	But every guy like that, that's very thin, every thin guy with a very big dick from a rural area or a suburban area.
	But let's, you know, not Beverly Hills.
	Let's just say it's a, you know, that type of guy, for whatever reason, loves Fettuccine Alfredo.
	They all love Fettuccine Alfredo.
	It is like the white trash dish for skinny guys with big dicks.
	They love eating fettuccine Alfredo.
	Now, most of my audience is male, and let's keep it that way.
	But there are females out there that are probably, it's a joke, but there are females out there that understand what I'm saying that have gone out with a skinny guy with a big dick and he gets fettuccini alfreda.
	Now, they did not have fettuccine alfredo on the adult menu at this restaurant.
	They only had it on the child menu.
	So I had to order two child portions for this guy to make one portion of fettuccine alfredo for him.
	You know, it is what it is.
	But again, you know, I'm not saying that everybody has to like nice things or nice restaurants or whatever, okay?
	But when I went out to the steakhouse and the person was just continually referencing that they had never been to a place like this before and that they were so impressed and I was just like, if you act like you deserve nothing, you'll get nothing.
	You know, and then you start realizing, oh, this fucker shouldn't be here.
	This person should be a jack in the box or some other horror.
	You know?
	It's not fun.
	As you get older, it's not cute and it's not fun to have been nowhere.
	People that don't travel, that don't go anywhere, that don't know anything, that have no other perspectives.
	What?
	What is the point?
	I was just down in Hoover, Alabama.
	Okay?
	Huntsville, Alabama.
	Performing.
	I performed at a place called the Stardome.
	It's a legendary comedy club because it's rough.
	It is a rough one.
	Many comics have had a tough time there.
	I had a tough time there.
	It was a beast of a room.
	It's like elderly black people and then white evangelicals from the backwoods of Alabama.
	I used to do all black rooms.
	I like black rooms.
	This was not as much a black room.
	This is a country room.
	And I still did good.
	It was like a lot of crowd work, a lot of riffing off the top.
	But, you know, I'm making fun of brunch in Alabama.
	They don't have fucking brunch.
	They don't have it.
	They do not have brunch.
	They have 10 buffets.
	They do not have brunch.
	Doesn't exist.
	So the frame of reference on some of the jokes doesn't really work.
	I'm talking about tech.
	I'm doing jokes about tech moving in the cities.
	Guess where tech ain't?
	Hoover, Alabama.
	So they're like, it doesn't work.
	It's not my fault.
	It's not their fault.
	Just frame a rep, you know, just is what it is.
	But it's like you travel, you see different shit.
	I stayed in a courtyard, Marriott.
	Courtyard Marriott is now just buying shitty hotels and putting the Marriott name on them.
	And you know, hotels are shitty when they have the popcorn ceilings and when the motel walls are like that, that sand paint.
	You know what I mean?
	To hide the structural problems with the wall, like to hide how fucked up the wall is.
	They have that sand paint, you know?
	And it's like you put your fingers over it and you feel.
	And when you're laying there, you're laying in the bed and the bed's never great.
	You're looking up at the ceiling and the popcorn ceiling and you're wondering how many hookers have laid in that exact spot hoping that a John didn't flip the fuck out and choke them to death, you know, in Hoover, Alabama.
	How many fucking Johns have fucked some dude, some fucking guy from their church group while their wife thinks they're out taking a jog and some guys sucking them off in a courtyard Marriott?
	How many people's lives, just the absolute horror of people's lives.
	How many, and by the way, worse, much worse than those two images is me after a gig at the stardome asking why if it's called a room service, do I have to go to the lobby and get it?
	That's the saddest image of them all.
How Many Lives Are In Horror 00:15:32
	Me going, let me ask you a question.
	She goes, well, we don't have anyone to run it up.
	I go, well, you have you.
	Don't you have you?
	I got to be here for people to check in.
	Honey, honey, honey.
	No one's checking in.
	Let's lock the doors and let's call it a night.
	Everybody that's here, everyone that needs to be here is here now.
	But that's the road, man.
	And I thank everybody that came out in Huntsville, Alabama.
	I don't think, I think four people came out in Hoover, Alabama, four to seven fans of mine that looked terrified.
	I mean, these are big boys and girls in Alabama.
	These are big boys and girls.
	This is why I'm trying to lose weight now because I don't understand.
	There's no end game.
	I mean, there's this comedian, Sophie Hagen, who does a show at Edinburgh.
	She's a fat activist.
	She was the one that threw a fit when Amy Schumer had that movie.
	The last movie she did where she fell on her head.
	I forget the name.
	Train wreck.
	No, that was three movies ago.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm glad.
	See, this is good when you have a producer who's with it.
	Helps the show.
	I feel pretty.
	It was the latest thing Amy did.
	She fell on her head.
	This chick threw a thick because Amy was not fat enough for these women.
	She's not fat enough to assume.
	And Amy's not that fat.
	So I get it, whatever.
	And this chick does his whole thing about being fat.
	And I'm watching some of it.
	And she's like, how I learned to love my fat body.
	And it's like, okay, listen, I'm not saying not to love your body.
	She's like, I was eating a burger and fries and these three teenagers started to film me.
	And I'm like, okay, well, fuck them.
	They're pieces of shit.
	Nobody should film anybody.
	You should not abuse fat people.
	You shouldn't do any of that.
	You should have fucking beat those three teenagers up, you know?
	With her body mass, I imagine that it would be a pretty fair fight.
	I think she could probably really give them a run for their money, if not win handily.
	But then it always goes too far.
	Like it always goes too far where you're like, hey, I'm not less healthy.
	Yes, you are.
	You feel less healthy.
	It's something that you can feel.
	You don't have to go to a doctor to find out.
	And look, you see where it ends.
	It's like drugs.
	It ends at my 600-pound life.
	That's the end.
	Those people are less healthy.
	They can't move.
	They sit on pillows and the people just feed them.
	And somehow they have boyfriends and husbands and they're getting laid.
	These alt-right people talking about.
	These school shooters are kind of decent looking.
	A lot of these shooters.
	I'm like, I'd suck off anybody who's done a mass shooting really in the last decade.
	I would absolutely get face fucked by anyone who's done a mass shooting in the last 10 years.
	What's the problem?
	I'd be gone.
	How many of these mass shooters do I have to feel guilty about jerking off?
	I have the idea of that I save a mass shooting, that I save, like there's just one of these creepy guys about to shoot something up.
	And then I meet him and I just suck him so good that he just kills me and then himself.
	And that's my dream.
	And no one will know that 20 people in a Walmart are now safe.
	Just put a star on the wall, like the CIA memorial.
	You'll never know my name.
	Just a star on the wall.
	I just, you know, took some dick to the throat in Hoover, Alabama, so that one guy won't go out there now and shoot up.
	And he just goes, fuck, what a great blowjob.
	But now I should just kill this guy and myself.
	And I'm like, I don't have to, I don't have to do the improv lab next week.
	He goes, nope.
	I go, oh, okay.
	And that's something that I've always dreamed of.
	And I'm going to refresh my email.
	Let's see if the guy from the booker from your mom's house has not gotten back to me.
	I got to think that's a bad sign.
	Now, I don't know.
	Now, Ben, you're a producer of a podcast.
	You inhabit this world.
	Now, how do you think this person feels?
	I'm going to get a cigarette.
	How do you think this person feels about what happened today?
	Fuck, you were an hour late.
	You didn't respond for a whole hour.
	They were definitely checking your Instagram and they saw the post for sure.
	And they thought, oh, fuck this guy.
	Absolutely fuck this guy.
	Can you get the matches?
	Yeah.
	Yes, Ben, I believe that all to be the case.
	But as somebody, who is it?
	Do you, do you say, how do you view?
	Do you laugh about it?
	Do you say Tim is a funny guy?
	He's a funny guy.
	And he's a wacky guy.
	And do you maybe bring me in to berate me and have Drew berate me for being a liar?
	Is that not nice?
	I bet that would be hilarious, but I bet Dr. Drew's probably a guy that his time is very valuable.
	So, who knows who?
	Did you see who they pulled in, by the way?
	Did they pull in somebody?
	I didn't look.
	I don't think they're recording live because Jessa Reed just did one, and hers is going to come out later on.
	I bet Drew was pissed.
	I bet he was mad because he's sitting there.
	He drove all the way up to what Reseda at sent in traffic to fucking.
	I can't control where people go, Ben.
	Okay, I can't control where people go.
	I told you I had a fucking emergency.
	My mother got out of her institution and wound up in Manhattan Beach.
	Now, I was shocked when the people at my mother's mental institution called me and go, Your mother is on the run again.
	I said, How far did she get out back?
	They said, No, she's been sighted in Manhattan Beach by the 10th Street Beach, which is beautiful.
	You should go and try to find her in the water.
	And then when I got to the 10th Street Beach, they said, I think she's at Captain Tripp's fish market.
	Why don't you go there?
	And if she's not there, at least try the black and salmon and the lobster roll and the macaroni salad, which were phenomenal.
	And then I got to Captain Tripp's and they go, She might be at the Trump golf course.
	So, this bitch, I'm trying to get her with a big net.
	She's a big woman now.
	So, it's an emergency.
	God, I am so fucking banned.
	I am so banned.
	They are never having me back.
	They are never having me back.
	I am done.
	I am so done.
	But that's what it is, man.
	That's where you got to get good at lying.
	You got to get good at it.
	Like when you go to a restaurant and it's the nicest restaurant you've ever been to, go, oh, yeah, this reminds me of a place I went to last week because I hang.
	I can hang.
	You're the best fucking liar, dude.
	You've you're very talented.
	That's obvious.
	Thank you.
	But today, I fucked up.
	Your biggest talent is lying.
	I've seen you get out of so many fucking situations, dude.
	So many.
	Talk about that one in Long Island.
	Remember that?
	We went to go see that mob house.
	Well, can I say the name of that guy?
	I guess I can.
	Yeah, who cares?
	Vinny Ocean, right?
	Yeah, he was this guy that lived in my town that the Sopranos is based on.
	He ran a family in New Jersey, you know?
	So Tim's taking you getting a Netflix half hour before me, by the way.
	Thanks a lot for no offer.
	My 15 minutes was good.
	Fucking no offer.
	Thanks a lot, everybody over there.
	So we pull up to Vinny Ocean's house, which is Robozark this year, is kind of believable.
	I hope it's within the realm of believability because that shows about as believable as me having an emergency today.
	So we're driving across Long Island, and I never worry about being in the car with you, even though your license is.
	I've driven unassided many times.
	I know what I'm doing.
	I just know you have a live prepared if you get pulled.
	I haven't had a license in five years.
	I don't plan on getting one.
	The state and me have never seen eye to eye.
	It's not for me.
	Like I parked the other day with Hollywood.
	My friend goes, you can't park.
	I go, it's not for me.
	These rules are not for me.
	I don't subscribe to this.
	I don't care.
	I don't care.
	I'll leave.
	I'll move.
	I'll move out of the state.
	He's like, no, no, no.
	This is alternate side.
	No, today's not the day.
	I go, oh, today is the day.
	Today is absolutely the day we park here because my show is right there.
	Today's the day.
	And we parked, and it's fine.
	There was no ticket.
	No.
	I get bagged very rarely.
	Why?
	I hate to say it.
	It's an unfair world.
	I look like a dad.
	I'll just start telling the copy.
	My kids are all dead.
	So go into that.
	I'm sorry.
	So we're driving and we pull into which you always told me was down the street from your childhood house, but Tony Soprano's house is down the street.
	Legit.
	Yeah.
	Vinny Ocean.
	And we pulled up.
	Looks legit just like David Chase had and the Sopranos.
	As soon as we pull in, you pull in way too far because you were bad at using the shifting from driving to reverse, very bad at it.
	We go a little too far.
	And I pull my camera out and I start taking a picture.
	And as soon as I take a picture, some dude in a wife beater and shorts busts out the front.
	Yeah.
	What the fuck y'all doing?
	What are y'all doing?
	No, you're doing black.
	He's Italian.
	Oh, wait.
	Do Guido.
	Oh, how do you do?
	You're doing, you're doing black.
	You're doing, what y'all doing?
	It's like, yo, what are you doing?
	That was that.
	That was that.
	You're doing black.
	So he comes up to my side of the window, I believe.
	And I start looking at my phone, trying to think.
	I'm like, I should just pretend I'm on a Google Maps.
	Yeah, you're no help in this situation.
	You go.
	I should have put my phone out.
	You go, Dan.
	You make it worse.
	You like make it where you look guilty, you seem guilty.
	And I just looked at him and I like start yelling at him like, I don't know where I'm going.
	I'm like, where am I going?
	We got to get, we got to get out.
	We have to get off the island.
	I'm like, how do we get off the island?
	And now he's confused.
	So you're clearly from Long Island, by the way.
	I'm clearly from Long Island.
	I'm clearly, I'm clearly from New York.
	How do I get out?
	I've never been here before.
	I'm from Alabama.
	The guy, so, but, but he was just thrown.
	Completely.
	Completely thrown.
	Completely.
	Completely thrown.
	He was so confused.
	I think he knew you were lying, but he was just like, you got to go that way to get out.
	And you're like, oh, okay.
	And then it took you like two minutes to get it into reverse.
	Yeah.
	And to get out of there.
	But clearly a member of the family.
	Yeah, probably.
	You know, I've tried to lie with care.
	You know?
	And today was a day when sometimes you're caught.
	Sometimes when I, when I saw that email, I said, I fucked up.
	I fucked up today.
	I should have remembered.
	Man, I forgot.
	Sometimes I'll forget.
	Do you ever just totally forget?
	I totally forgot.
	The original date was next week.
	They moved it to Friday.
	I totally forgot.
	As soon as Christine said, let's go to the beach.
	I was like, oh, that's fun.
	We'll go do that.
	And I totally didn't think about it.
	And I'm ashamed.
	I'm ashamed that I didn't.
	But the Instagram story was already up.
	I was already fucked.
	I was kind of already fucked.
	You called me and you were just laughing.
	You just couldn't.
	When the Instagram story is up, because it's an interesting thing.
	Now that the story's up, what do you do?
	You got to be really good.
	You almost go, do I do?
	Do I go full honest and go, I just totally forgot.
	I'm so sorry and profusely apologize.
	I could have done that.
	That might have been the better move here to profusely apologize and say, I forgot.
	Although I think that's as bad.
	I think that's as bad.
	So that seems like the best option here.
	Because you're a faggot.
	Nobody respects.
	First of all, I wouldn't have had this story.
	I wouldn't have had a great laugh.
	I don't really give a shit either way.
	I don't fucking care.
	I go on and get psychoanalyzed by fucking Dr. Drew for an hour.
	Gives a fuck.
	I mean, it would be nice.
	It'd be fun.
	I do want to do Tom and Christina's show.
	I am upset.
	You know, but here's the thing.
	Yes, you're right.
	In this situation, honesty was probably the best policy.
	But, you know, it's like somebody, there was that quote.
	Maybe it's Willie Nelson.
	I forget whose quote it was.
	The nightlife ain't the right life, but it's my life.
	You know, I just said, maybe if I just said I had an emergency, maybe the word emergency.
	See, that you got to send that at 3 p.m.
	You can't send that an hour later.
	Even if at 4:08 I had sent that before I put the story up, I would have been okay.
	It was the hour later, the emergency.
	So there you have it, folks.
	But that's what the government's doing right now with Epstein.
	They don't care.
	They don't care that it doesn't make any sense.
	They don't care.
	They have all these useful idiots at Vox and all these.
	The Wall Street Journal just wrote this whole article about Lex Wesner, Lex Wesner, Leslie Wexner, who is Jeffrey Epstein's money guy.
	He owns Victoria's Secret.
	And I love, like, there's a quote in the Wall Street Journal article.
	It's like, how could a man who sold blue jeans to women and all these things to women, how could he end up financially bankrolling some guy that ended up taking advantage of women?
	How could this happen?
	And you start to realize: are the people in the press complicit or are they literal retards?
	What is it?
	Are they literal?
	Because anybody in that Alabama audience would be like, I don't know, maybe he's fucking kids.
	Like any dumb hick who you explain this story to would very easily be like, um, uh, maybe they're fucking kids together, and that's why he gave them that townhouse and all that fucking money.
	But these people that write these articles went to like UPenn, Yale, and Harvard, and they don't seem to be able to put it together that maybe the relationship is a little pathological, it's a little nefarious.
	They're like, Lex Wester learned a lesson.
	That was the whole article.
	Les learned a lesson about trusting too much.
	I swear to God, get the Wall Street Journal article up.
	Les learned a lesson about, you just can't.
Who Writes These Pathological Articles 00:14:45
	Les's father told him, Leslie, don't you're too trusting and kind.
	That's what I think.
	When I meet billionaires, I think they're too trusting and kind.
	That's my first thought when I meet a billionaire.
	Read what this says.
	Trusting Jeffrey Epstein taught a retail legend a hard lesson.
	Be careful whom you trust.
	Who is writing this?
	I mean, literally.
	Hillary Clinton?
	Who is writing these articles?
	And he looks like he fucks kids.
	Who?
	But there's very few elderly people that don't look like this.
	Like, every elderly person looks evil.
	You know, most elderly people, not all of them, not like Native Americans.
	They don't.
	Like elderly white guys, it's so easy to just point to an elderly white guy and be like, demon.
	But who is writing these?
	Like, Les Wexter gave this motherfucker a $70 million townhouse.
	How nice you have to be.
	How dumb and nice you have to be.
	You know, Les gave him a townhouse and all this money for an island.
	And you know what Jeffrey did with that money?
	He bought all this recording equipment and a whole bunch of kids.
	But you know what he did?
	Les gave him this big, beautiful townhouse in Manhattan.
	And can you imagine that Jeffrey used that to throw child orgies?
	Man, Les was shocked.
	And Les had no clue because, as a billionaire, you don't have any resources.
	You can't hire private detectives, ex-Mossad CIA people.
	You can't hire the paramilitary teams to follow this fucker.
	You have no clue what's going on.
	You're just a billionaire, a folksy old billionaire who has no clue.
	What's this internet?
	Who is writing these fucking articles?
	I'm really starting to be like.
	Because if you would explain this to anyone at Golden Corral, you would say, hey, if you would motion to somebody at Golden Corral, you know, eating a yeast roll, wearing a hospital gown, which is what people wear there.
	They wear hospital gown and hospital socks there.
	Because it's the first step many of them go right after they get out of, and then they go right back to the corral.
	It's right back to the ER.
	It's like a circle.
	If you would say to them, you know, you know, the pedophile that just got caught with all that money, some old guy gave him all that money.
	And it wasn't, this guy wasn't a specific, this guy wasn't really a genius.
	I mean, I think he dropped out of college.
	He got some math teacher job at Dalton or whatever.
	But he gave him all that fucking money.
	Everybody would go, oh, oh, yeah, they're in cahoots.
	Something's wrong.
	I bet you.
	I bet you some.
	But people who are writing at the Wall Street Journal, this eludes them.
	And somehow the people that read their shit go, yeah, poor Leslie Wexner.
	He just got taken for a ride.
	There was a show called The Music Man, a play that I was in when I was a little kid where like this guy who like barely knows how to teach music comes into different towns and like cons everybody.
	And that's what they're acting like Epstein did.
	He's just some con artist, some human trafficker con artist that just shows up in a town and he somehow gets the better of all these billionaires that just don't have a clue.
	They don't have a clue.
	Chris Matthews, that fat clump of Irish soda bread on MSNBC, who I watch occasionally because he looks like my uncle, he's a sputtering like,
	Chris Matthews suggested, and I swear to God, that politicians are too poor to travel and that they need people like Jeffrey Epstein because he had a plane.
	And that's why they knew him.
	He goes, you know, these politicians, they make, you know, they have all these friendships with these, with these bad characters because Epstein's got a plane and these politicians are making $150,000 a year and they just can't travel.
	So that guy like Epstein goes, we're talking about Bill Clinton, Chris.
	He didn't have the money to travel, Chris.
	And the rest of these politicians, they're not broke.
	You're full of shit.
	That's a lie.
	All these politicians goes, I know.
	So your angle is that they just needed frequent flyer miles.
	And that's why they had to take this guy's plane.
	There's no other billionaires with planes, right?
	Just Jeff.
	That's it?
	You tell me that none of these politicians could, I don't know, get the CEO United on the fucking phone and get a few comps.
	Where the fuck are they going?
	But it's this nobody, nobody wants.
	So I'm just wondering, I'm like, are we watching?
	Are we watching like full panic mode right now where you have These agencies like the CIA and the Mossad, who've been blackmailing people forever.
	They've been using sexual blackmail forever.
	They've been using assets like Jeffrey Epstein forever.
	They've been involved in bringing drugs into the country forever.
	They've been involved in trafficking, human trafficking. for a very long time.
	They've been involved in all of these things.
	But they seem to be, I mean, you got to remember, imagine this story without the internet.
	Dude, fucking imagine this.
	Because it was the Franklin scandal.
	The Franklin scandal was this exact story without the internet.
	They took a girl who told the truth, just like this Virginia Guffrey did about Epstein, and they threw her in solitary confinement for two fucking years, which is torture.
	That's two grand juries in Omaha were needed to cover up the Franklin scandal because there was no internet.
	Nobody gave a fuck.
	Okay?
	It was not salacious.
	It was not in the news.
	And what ended up happening was it was just a massive cover-up swept under the rug and they stacked bodies.
	Gary Caradori, who's the private investigator, who supposedly got photos, got the blackmail photos that incriminated people.
	His plane ended up breaking up with his eight-year-old son, small plane, ended up blowing up.
	One body.
	William Colby, CIA director at one point, who was looking into this also, ended up dead in his canoe and many, many other people.
	This girl that was in solitary confinement, her brother ended up dying.
	They stacked bodies to prevent this from coming out.
	Now with the internet, we've already seen one body.
	We've already got Epstein.
	And they're like, well, the New York Attorney General said it's a suicide.
	And it's like, oh, well, all right.
	Case closed.
	They've already said the bones broken in the neck are more consistent with strangulation.
	By the way, not only should Alex Jones be back on social media, he should be given ABC World News tonight.
	He should be given ABC World News tonight.
	I don't know what to tell people.
	I mean, it is what it is.
	I'm sorry about this Andy Hook shit.
	It's not good.
	But let's stop.
	Let's stop this.
	The mainstream press only exists to cover the tracks of these people.
	I don't know what else you need.
	You read these articles and you're like, how dumb are these people?
	You can't be that stupid.
	You can't have gone to all these good schools.
	I mean, it's amazing to me.
	When I meet people that are elites, and I know a few people that have gone to schools like that, that are in circles like that, and they're stunningly ignorant.
	They're stunningly ignorant.
	And that's why the top 10% of these people that are truly nefarious and are true operators can really, because they think the best of these people.
	And they're able to manipulate people because a lot of the people that are true, elitism keeps you in a bubble.
	You don't understand the way things happen.
	You don't understand a lot of the things that people that were sitting in the stardome in Hoover, Alabama understand.
	Because you've been at the top of everything your entire life and everything's come very easy to you.
	And you've never had to look at anything from another angle.
	And you've never had to be deeply suspicious.
	And you've never had to put things together.
	And your critical thinking faculties are not as well formed as fucking people that may have been railroaded by the cops or a shady prosecutor in a small fucking town.
	And you're like, well, I've had the money and the legal power to get away with everything.
	And, you know, I've always gotten a fair shake and a fair deal.
	Talk to black people.
	They don't have a hard time believing any of this because they've been dealt with unfairly by the system their entire life.
	So they go, yeah, this is what happened.
	Yeah, prosecutors lie.
	They make shit up.
	It doesn't matter.
	But like these Lily White fuckers that are writing these articles are like, I don't understand why they started a conspiracy theories about the Jeffrey Epstein case.
	It's weird.
	It's weird.
	Dumb fuck.
	Very sad today about the emergency that I had that prevented me from going on the Dr. Drew show.
	It is a tragic development.
	Let's talk briefly about the Patreon.
	The Patreon is launched.
	It is here.
	It is live.
	It is real.
	It is actual.
	What the Patreon is, is a way for people to support the show.
	If there are two levels or two tiers, but at the $5, we didn't want to do a million tiers.
	We know there's Patreons with 75 tiers.
	You know, hey, if you donate this, we'll read your first name.
	If you donate this, we'll read your full name.
	Stop.
	Stop.
	Anybody want that?
	Anybody want to hear that show where I'm like, thanks, Tommy O'Laughlin from Seaford, New York?
	If you need to hear your name read on the fucking show, go fuck yourself.
	Literally.
	Get a fucking life, you sick fuck.
	This is an odd way to get into it, but we have two tiers.
	Are we promising to read names before I go off?
	No, no, no, no.
	Okay.
	We might have been.
	Which case I would have to walk that back a little and you know, which I would.
	I would say I get it.
	But we're not doing that shit.
	We're not doing that.
	Nobody wants that.
	I'm not doing that.
	Do you need that?
	Do you need that, you big baby?
	You need me to read your name every like a baby.
	Like you go, that's me.
	That's me.
	Cut it out.
	We have two tiers at the $5 tier.
	Okay.
	And I'm talking to you, YouTube, you pigs.
	You all your fucking comments that I read occasionally.
	Okay.
	$5.
	You get one extra episode a week.
	Some of those will be interviews.
	Some of them will be episodes like this.
	They'll be on Patreon.
	You will also get all of the archives from the show that I did with Ray Cump.
	How many episodes?
	Like 140, about 140.
	140 audio archives, interviews with Nick Bryant, who is the foremost expert on sex trafficking as it results to the political class.
	Russ Baker, Buncha, Mark Geliati, who wrote a great book about the Russian mafia called Dvoorhee.
	You know, Michelle McPhee wrote a book about the Boston bombing.
	We have John Kiriaku, CIA agent who came on.
	We have a lot of comics like Bobby Kelly, Dan Soder, Colin Quinn.
	All of these are in the archives.
	And then a lot of great episodes with me and Ray.
	Just a lot of great episodes with me and Ray.
	100 and how many about 140.
	140 audio archives for you at $5 a month.
	So it's an extra episode every single week of this show.
	We're going to get some great guests on.
	And a lot of the episodes will be just us having fun.
	And then some of the episodes will have guests.
	Also, and the first Patreon episode is crazy.
	It's really crazy.
	We have a lot of fun.
	We let loose.
	I let loose.
	I imagine Bill and Hillary, the morning of the Epstein death, and it's kind of beautiful.
	We might put out a highlight from that, a clip from that.
	We should.
	So you have that.
	Now, for $20 a month, because that's the way the world is now, it's the haves and the have-nots.
	$20 a month, which is a lot, you're going to get everything that the other people get, which is the extra episode a week, the audio archives.
	You're also going to get longer videos of those desk videos that I do.
	You're going to get the long versions of them.
	And we're also going to start making special videos just for Patreon.
	Like we're going to make fun videos just for Patreon.
	You're also going to get an email where you can correspond with the show.
	We will answer you.
	You can suggest topics.
	You can suggest interviews.
Special Patreon Videos For Fans 00:04:41
	You can suggest things.
	We will get back to you.
	We'll talk to you.
	You know, it'll be interactive.
	You know, we want you to kind of help steer the show to a reasonable extent.
	Okay.
	We know who some of you are going to want on.
	We know.
	I know already.
	I know what you want.
	I know what some of you are going to want.
	We know.
	So I know what some.
	Hey, if I pay $20, can David Duke come on?
	No.
	No.
	David Duke cannot come on if you pay $20.
	That's not enough money.
	Now, I will say this.
	There was a $1,000 tier.
	If you give me a grand, will I interview David Duke?
	Probably.
	I'm not going to agree with him.
	I'll probably, I'll fire back at some of what he says.
	But for a G, if you want to Venmo me a grand, I'll probably interview David Duke and I'll send it to you.
	You know, I know that, you know, I'll probably, my agent's not going to love that.
	But it's a thousand bucks, grant.
	No one's doing that, you know?
	If you give me a hundred thousand dollars, I'll have David Duke on every episode of this show.
	Every single episode of this show.
	He'll be the co-host of the show.
	If you give me $100,000, he'll be the co-host of this show.
	You know, but that said, listen, if you want to support the show, we appreciate it.
	If you can't, you don't have the money.
	Keep telling people to listen.
	Keep telling people to, you know, I'm supposed to be on Dr. Drew very soon.
	I'm very excited about that.
	And just look out for that one.
	Hold your breath.
	Those are the tiers.
	$20 tier.
	You really love the show.
	You really want to support as much as you can.
	You'll get the longer version of the desk videos.
	You'll get, I don't know how many videos.
	We'll probably do two or three videos a month just for the Patreon.
	We'll also do the regular videos that we put a minute or two minutes out.
	Those videos are much longer.
	And there's a lot of funny stuff that gets cut.
	There's a lot of funny stuff that gets cut.
	Those are five-minute sketches and even more.
	And you'll get all of that stuff.
	And it's really funny stuff that just doesn't make it.
	It either can't go on Instagram because of content or because of time restrictions, and you'll get all that stuff.
	And then hopefully this builds to where we're doing our own thing and we're producing things that are actually funny and that you're going to watch those.
	And, you know, this will be, you know, people go, oh, this is what SNL should be.
	Make it what SNL is.
	You know, if we have the resources to do more of this shit, we're going to do as much of it as we humanly possibly can.
	And you guys help us out.
	It is what it is.
	But I mean, the big corporate-owned places are going to keep doing that safe shit.
	And there's nothing we can really do about that other than do what we're doing.
	And the way to really throw a scare into those corporate places, again, if you can't donate money, fine.
	But it's just keep telling people about the show.
	Keep sharing those videos.
	Keep building that because that's the only way these people are going to fucking notice.
	And they're starting to notice.
	They're starting to notice that our engagement is so much higher than the shit that they're spending so much money to produce.
	People really like it.
	People are really into it.
	If you keep sharing that stuff, it'll be great.
	You know, I mean, that's what, that's really the solution.
	You know, is there anything else we should say about the Patreon?
	Patreon.com/slash the Tim Dylan show.
	That's how to find it.
	That's the URL right there.
	And if you want to find the archives when you're on the Patreon, because they're going to get buried under all the stuff we're going to post, just search archives.
	I put a tag on all of them that's archive or archives.
	So just search that and you can find the whole list of every episode Tim has done with Ray.
	And also, if you want to hear my episode with Dr. Drew, you have to really look.
	I don't know when it's coming out.
	I feel bad.
	I feel bad.
Laws Aren't Applied Evenly Here 00:05:00
	But what can I do other than apologize, other than say in the future, I'm going to come up with a better lie.
	In the future, I'm going to spin a yarn that makes everything make sense.
	You know, nothing worse than an experienced liar when you strike out.
	It's nothing worse.
	It's very sad.
	You know?
	You know?
	We're living in a time right now where to be sane in this climate is the surest way to go crazy.
	Like that's really what you start to realize.
	Is that by design?
	Is that happenstance?
	Chislain Maxwell's eating in and out, reading spy novels, Jeffrey Epstein in protective custody, kills himself before he's about to testify.
	They want you to know that they don't care, that there's nothing that they can't do.
	They will never get caught.
	They'll never be found out.
	This has been going on a lot.
	And I don't want to blackpill everybody.
	I don't want people to be upset because there is certainly, there are options, you know, and there are different ways history can go.
	And we've seen that.
	But right now, you're seeing How much they can fuck you in your face.
	They're fucking you in your face.
	And no one, I mean, people are upset about it, but the level of outrage is nowhere near what it should be.
	And I think that is what this is like a little stress test.
	I mean, they had to do it.
	So it's not like a stress test in the sense that there was another option.
	They had to do this.
	Especially if this is a billion, multi-billion dollar year industry human trafficking.
	All these rich folks need to know that it's never getting out.
	We're never getting caught.
	You know, don't worry about it.
	It's never getting out.
	It will never happen.
	CIA, Mossad, that's why, you know, you can think whatever you want about immigration.
	I think you need it, but you can't have open borders.
	There's got to be a policy.
	There's got to be a system, which makes me to some people a card-carrying SS member.
	And to other people, it's not nearly conservative enough because we shouldn't have any immigrants.
	I want to do every job.
	Do you?
	But my favorite, and me and Ray used to laugh about this.
	You know, the people that are really against immigration, they would always say this, which I love.
	This is my favorite.
	Other than pretending to care about blacks, which was hilarious.
	Remember that?
	All the conservatives were like, well, then how are black people going to get work?
	It's like, oh, that's rich.
	That's really?
	Is that your, that's, that's the angle?
	My favorite thing of the pro-immigration crowd was this.
	They go, we're a nation of laws.
	We're a nation of laws.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	No, we're not.
	No, we're not.
	We're not.
	We have laws.
	Sure.
	You know?
	We're not a nation of laws.
	That's insane.
	We're a nation of some people being above the law and then other people covering up and covering the tracks for those people.
	We're not a nation of laws.
	Those laws aren't applied evenly.
	And to think that they are, you have to be so ignorant of history.
	It's kind of hilarious.
	We're a nation of laws.
	If you don't have the law on your side, then, you know, everything's by the book here.
	Is it?
	Is it?
	Jeffrey Epstein's dead.
	Jislaine Maxwell's eating animal-style fries.
	Why isn't this bitch in cuffs?
	Is it because we're a nation of laws?
	Is that what it is?
	How long have we done?
	Hour and a half.
	Yeah.
	Oh, God.
	It's too long.
	God, with the ads, it's going to be so fucking long.
	It's got to cut me off here.
	TimDillerComedy.com.
Guaranteed Tickets If You Act Fast 00:03:52
	Please come to see me at Good Nights Comedy Club in Raleigh, which is coming up August 22nd to the 24th.
	I'm excited to be there.
	It's a great club.
	Stress Factory in New Jersey, September 5th through the 7th.
	Go Bananas in Cincinnati later that month.
	Please buy tickets, tag your friends in the social media posts.
	Tell them they should go.
	The schedules that I put up every week at LA are on Instagram usually for my spots at the improv and the comedy store if you want to come out locally.
	I'm going to do some headlining stuff in New York City the fall.
	I'm going to run some time that I have there at the stand, comedy club and restaurant.
	I'm going to come back probably in October to do a half hour, a new half hour material there.
	If not, maybe a little more in 45 minutes.
	We'll see.
	We'll do a headlining set there.
	We might do a live podcast there as well.
	So, and I'm also going to do my tour bus show one final time for the New York Comedy Festival this year in November, where I take a double-decker tour bus to New York City, to all these wealthy areas, past Jeffrey Epstein's house, and we talk about all of the fun stuff.
	Like, you know, all the stuff, all the good stuff, you know, that you don't really hear on any other tour.
	All these fun people and how they've made their money.
	Poisoning rivers, you know, you know, best case.
	So that's about an hour, an hour and 15-minute, hour and 20-minute show on the top of an open double-decker tour bus.
	We're going to do about five of them.
	This is the last time I'm going to be doing that.
	I started it in 2016.
	I've done it every year.
	I've done it three years in a row.
	This will be the fourth year and kind of the final year.
	We're probably going to tape it.
	Maybe it'll become something.
	Maybe I'll sell it as a special, maybe not.
	But it's the last year that I'm going to do that.
	I love doing it, but it's time to retire it.
	But it is one of the funnest, coolest, craziest things that I do.
	And it's something that, you know, it's an experience that you can't really get anywhere else.
	You know, I might do it in LA.
	I've always wanted to do it in LA.
	It works much better in New York.
	Just the way the city is set up and structured, it's much better.
	So if you want to get tickets to that, TimDylanComedy.com, TimDylonComedy.com.
	You can sign up.
	There's an email list.
	And we email you 24 hours before the tickets go on sale to the general public.
	Now, obviously, it's fucking August.
	We got a while to go.
	But if you email that, if you sign up for that email list, we shoot you out an email 24 hours before tickets go on sale to the general public.
	So you're pretty much guaranteed to get tickets if you act quickly.
	If you check your email and check it three days later, but because, you know, it's 50 seats or 60 seats on each bus.
	It's not a lot of seats, probably like 55 seats.
	I do five of them.
	You know, this is not a ton of people that are going to get to see this.
	We're talking in the low hundreds of people that are, and they always sell out and people really enjoy them.
	And it's just a lot of fun.
	So that is something that'll be happening too.
	We'll hit you with more details.
	And look out for my episode that I did today with Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew After Dark.
	It was really fun.
	I enjoyed it.
	It was great.
	I think Drew enjoyed it too.
	And when that comes out, I'll let you know about it.
	We'll post it on social media.
	Thanks so much.

Chapters

00:00:01 Why Epstein Inspires Conspiracy
00:02:44 Smoking Before The Show Ends
00:08:27 A Generation That Cannot Communicate
00:16:53 Surviving The Plane Crash Miracle
00:22:27 Honesty Is Not The Best Policy
00:26:05 Lying Shows You Care About Lies
00:37:08 Saying Fuck You To Your Audience
00:40:15 Monday.com Creates Accountability Now
00:51:03 Fettuccine Alfredo And Big Dicks
00:57:46 How Many Lives Are In Horror
01:13:19 Who Writes These Pathological Articles
01:28:04 Special Patreon Videos For Fans
01:32:45 Laws Aren't Applied Evenly Here
01:37:45 Guaranteed Tickets If You Act Fast