Danny Jones Podcast - #99 - I Farted on the Cops | Craig Conant
Aired: 2021-06-29
Duration: 01:07:25


=== California Sober Life (09:15) ===

[00:00:07]  The world's on fire.
[00:00:09]  Yeah.
[00:00:10]  You just got to keep moving.
[00:00:12]  All right, Craig.
[00:00:13]  Well, thanks for doing this, dude.
[00:00:15]  I appreciate you coming down.
[00:00:17]  I know you're only here for a couple days in Tampa, but.
[00:00:19]  Thanks for having me, man.
[00:00:20]  Absolutely.
[00:00:22]  So, what's your story?
[00:00:24]  What's your background?
[00:00:24]  Where are you from and how long have you been doing comedy?
[00:00:27]  I'm Los Angeles, born and raised in Harbor City and raised in Torrance and Lameda.
[00:00:34]  And then I'm half Mexican, half white, half white boy.
[00:00:38]  Um.
[00:00:39]  German, English, Mexican.
[00:00:42]  My dad's white, my mom's brown.
[00:00:43]  And yeah, just got in the game at like 25 or 26.
[00:00:52]  Did improv first before stand up because I was terrified of it at the Second City.
[00:00:56]  And then after I went through that program, I started hitting stand up pretty hard.
[00:01:01]  And that was probably about nine years ago.
[00:01:04]  So I guess in the game, like a decade or 11.
[00:01:07]  But stand up consistently.
[00:01:09]  I don't really count the first two years because I did it like twice a year, you know.
[00:01:13]  I don't know what to call that, but I just say a cool decade.
[00:01:17]  Yeah.
[00:01:18]  Average up or down, I don't know.
[00:01:20]  And then, yeah, it's cracking now.
[00:01:23]  I'm going everywhere.
[00:01:25]  You're cracking.
[00:01:25]  You're full tilt.
[00:01:26]  You're traveling the damn country, man.
[00:01:28]  It's a lot of work.
[00:01:29]  Yeah, it's crazy.
[00:01:30]  I prayed and wished for this my whole life, and then I got it, and I'm like, oh, man, I'm never home.
[00:01:35]  And it's like, oh, this is tiring.
[00:01:37]  It's a beautiful problem, but yeah, I'm a little homesick.
[00:01:40]  I'm not going to lie because I'm just gone all the time.
[00:01:43]  Yeah.
[00:01:43]  Yeah.
[00:01:44]  You look at my flights and shit, it's just like, do, It's just hopping everywhere.
[00:01:49]  Well, you're one of the last comedians that have stayed in California, right?
[00:01:52]  Like, they all moved out, or they're all moving out.
[00:01:55]  Yeah, a good chunk of them.
[00:01:56]  They're all following the almighty Lord and Savior, Joe Rogan.
[00:02:00]  Yeah, I mean, Joe's the man, but I'm L.A., baby.
[00:02:04]  Oh, yeah.
[00:02:07]  Yeah, I think it's actually great.
[00:02:09]  I think it's great.
[00:02:10]  I don't know.
[00:02:11]  There's mixed reviews on the internet.
[00:02:12]  You see a lot of haters out there.
[00:02:14]  I'm like, who cares?
[00:02:16]  Austin's, I don't think Austin will ever become like an LA or New York.
[00:02:20]  No.
[00:02:21]  But it's a great scene and it's just leveling out the playing field.
[00:02:26]  I don't even know who said that, but I heard that and it's right.
[00:02:28]  It's just creating another hub.
[00:02:30]  Yeah.
[00:02:30]  What's wrong with that?
[00:02:31]  Like people are such haters.
[00:02:32]  It's just creating more work for everybody.
[00:02:34]  That's fucking awesome.
[00:02:35]  Yeah.
[00:02:35]  And when the big dogs leave, it gives, you know, the up and comers a chance to rise up.
[00:02:41]  So it's a win for everybody.
[00:02:43]  Right.
[00:02:43]  And then there's more work here and there's more work there.
[00:02:46]  And everyone talks shit.
[00:02:47]  I'm like, you idiots.
[00:02:49]  It's literally a win win.
[00:02:51]  And you're talking shit.
[00:02:52]  Comics are the most hateful people on earth.
[00:02:55]  Dude, I was listening to Tim Dillon's podcast a couple weeks ago, and he was talking about how much he hates Austin.
[00:03:01]  That guy is so fucking funny, dude.
[00:03:04]  He goes, I'm fucking done with this hellhole.
[00:03:07]  He's like, the food sucks.
[00:03:09]  You got to put in your reservations seven weeks early just to eat some shitty brisket.
[00:03:15]  And he talks about the shitty rivers you float around in.
[00:03:18]  Terry Black's barbecue is the best barbecue.
[00:03:20]  I've ever had in my life.
[00:03:22]  So he's wrong about that, but he's right about everything else.
[00:03:25]  That man is so funny.
[00:03:27]  That guy just spits fire, bro.
[00:03:28]  I'm a huge fan of his.
[00:03:30]  Oh, dude.
[00:03:30]  I was.
[00:03:31]  Austin is a bit.
[00:03:33]  I love Austin and I've worked there a few times.
[00:03:36]  And I'm, you know, but, you know, I went down by the freeways.
[00:03:39]  It's a bit of a shithole, but I'm not, you know, so is LA.
[00:03:43]  I'm not one.
[00:03:43]  Like, there's just homeless epidemics happening and, you know, my heart goes out to them.
[00:03:48]  But yeah, it's just sad and awful.
[00:03:51]  There's just needles and shit.
[00:03:53]  And.
[00:03:54]  And some guy on this podcast, I believe Connor Wonders, he said, like, Joe Rogan ruined Austin.
[00:04:00]  It was a joke, but he's like, the homeless was in LA and then he moved to Austin and he's like, it came with them.
[00:04:05]  They followed him.
[00:04:06]  It was funny because I was like, it looked like it's true, you know, but it's obviously not.
[00:04:10]  It was a joke.
[00:04:11]  Yeah, I just started following one of those Instagram profiles all about like gutter people.
[00:04:16]  It's called Gutter People of Los Angeles or whatever it is.
[00:04:18]  It's so sad and dark, but it's fascinating, you know.
[00:04:21]  It's like, I don't want to watch it, but you're just like, it's crazy.
[00:04:26]  Yeah, I don't remember it ever being like that.
[00:04:28]  The pandemic amplified it by 10, man.
[00:04:32]  And the cops stopped policing or doing anything about it.
[00:04:38]  And I don't know.
[00:04:39]  If that's policy or if because they're pissed off, everyone was protesting against them.
[00:04:43]  But I'll say this I did notice after the protest, they're a lot slower to get to the crime scene, you know?
[00:04:50]  Yeah.
[00:04:50]  And it's just like, all right, you know, the reason we're talking shit is because of the murder, you know?
[00:04:58]  It seems reasonable to stop shooting unarmed humans.
[00:05:01]  Well, didn't that guy just get sentenced to like 22 years?
[00:05:03]  22.5.
[00:05:04]  Should have been 30.
[00:05:05]  Yeah, he just got sentenced last yesterday.
[00:05:09]  The max was 30 and he got 22.5.
[00:05:12]  Anyways, that shit's fucking awful.
[00:05:14]  He'll probably only do 10 if he behaves.
[00:05:17]  Yeah, he could probably get a roll out like after 10 years or something.
[00:05:20]  10, maybe.
[00:05:21]  Who knows?
[00:05:21]  15.
[00:05:22]  Yeah.
[00:05:22]  I don't know how cops do in prison, but I imagine it's not.
[00:05:25]  Well, if he makes it that long.
[00:05:27]  You think he'll get protective custody?
[00:05:28]  You think he'll get like protected?
[00:05:29]  I think he has to or he'll get shivved in the shower for sure.
[00:05:33]  Like day one.
[00:05:35]  Yeah.
[00:05:35]  Yeah.
[00:05:36]  I imagine.
[00:05:36]  They'd have to put him in protective custody, I'm sure.
[00:05:39]  Yeah.
[00:05:40]  I've only spent overnight in jail.
[00:05:43]  God bless my mama who bails me out.
[00:05:45]  Mm hmm.
[00:05:46]  What'd you go to jail for?
[00:05:47]  Just stupid shit.
[00:05:48]  Just threw firecrackers at police officers on horses and stuff.
[00:05:54]  Stuff like that.
[00:05:56]  Allegedly.
[00:05:57]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:05:57]  No, it was an accident.
[00:05:59]  Yeah, of course.
[00:06:00]  You know, just this is why you offered me your beer.
[00:06:02]  I was like, I'm retired.
[00:06:03]  I'm retired.
[00:06:04]  That's why.
[00:06:04]  You're not drinking it?
[00:06:05]  You just don't drink this early?
[00:06:07]  No, I don't drink.
[00:06:07]  I'm sober.
[00:06:08]  Oh, you're sober.
[00:06:09]  Okay.
[00:06:09]  So you used to drink?
[00:06:10]  You had to drink your problem?
[00:06:11]  Yeah.
[00:06:11]  Oh, okay.
[00:06:12]  Hence the story of the firecrackers.
[00:06:14]  How old are you?
[00:06:15]  37.
[00:06:15]  37.
[00:06:15]  Okay.
[00:06:16]  Cool.
[00:06:16]  So, how long have you been sober?
[00:06:21]  It's going to be eight years, August 10th, but I started smoking weed like three months ago.
[00:06:27]  So, I'm California sober or whatever.
[00:06:30]  Three months ago.
[00:06:32]  Uh huh.
[00:06:32]  Wow.
[00:06:33]  Or something like that.
[00:06:34]  I don't even remember.
[00:06:35]  But very recently.
[00:06:36]  Yeah, the pandemic hit and just some, you know, dark shit.
[00:06:40]  And I was like, man, fuck this.
[00:06:43]  We saved my life from, you know, pills and narcotics and whatnot and alcohol.
[00:06:50]  So, I never really.
[00:06:52]  Had a beef with it, but I just had to put everything down to get to where I was going because I'm just a voracious appetite and I like to go hard at whatever I'm on.
[00:07:02]  I know like stoners are uh critical people too.
[00:07:05]  Like, I started smoking weed at 12 years old, all right.
[00:07:08]  I'm a huge advocate of pot, but it can ruin your life.
[00:07:13]  I've seen it happen.
[00:07:14]  There's the guys that just don't leave their home, yeah.
[00:07:16]  It doesn't ruin your life in the sense you smoke crack and lose your family and your teeth, right?
[00:07:20]  But you don't do.
[00:07:23]  And I always say this analogy like, if you're smoking weed like Snoop Dogg, but you're not fucking Snoop Dogg, put the pipe down, bro.
[00:07:30]  You work at Starbucks, dude.
[00:07:32]  You're not there yet.
[00:07:33]  You know what I mean?
[00:07:34]  Yeah.
[00:07:35]  Like, you live with your mom, bro.
[00:07:37]  Chill out.
[00:07:37]  You know, go get life.
[00:07:39]  Then, chief up all you fucking want.
[00:07:42]  Cheech and Chong.
[00:07:42]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:07:43]  And if you ain't Cheech and Chong, if you ain't Wiz Khalifa, if you ain't Doug Benson, whoever's got a career and is a huge stoner, then chill the fuck out.
[00:07:52]  Because you're slowing your shit down.
[00:07:53]  And that was my whole point.
[00:07:55]  And all these stoners are like, I'm like, dude, I've smoked from 12 to 29.
[00:07:58]  That's 17 years, motherfucker.
[00:08:00]  Like, I'm on your side.
[00:08:01]  I'm just saying.
[00:08:03]  Just, you know?
[00:08:04]  Yeah.
[00:08:05]  Yeah, take it.
[00:08:05]  Balance.
[00:08:06]  Fucking balance.
[00:08:07]  It's all about balance.
[00:08:08]  No, I'm a super fucking lightweight when it comes to anything, especially weed.
[00:08:12]  Like, I can't.
[00:08:14]  We eat these.
[00:08:14]  I eat these.
[00:08:14]  Get these little edibles, these little square edibles that are probably like, I don't know, maybe they're 20 milligrams, whatever.
[00:08:20]  My wife can eat a whole one, no problem.
[00:08:21]  She'll smoke a joint, eat a whole edible.
[00:08:23]  I only can eat like a little bit of a quarter of one, or else I'll have a full blown panic attack.
[00:08:27]  That's like my girl.
[00:08:28]  Like, she's built her tolerance a little bit.
[00:08:31]  I had five milligram gummies.
[00:08:33]  She took a bite of one.
[00:08:35]  We're watching like, Fucking Lord of the Rings or some shit.
[00:08:38]  Of course, right?
[00:08:39]  And then I look over and it looks like she's passed out on heroin, just like this.
[00:08:43]  In her chair.
[00:08:45]  Like this.
[00:08:45]  I'm like, how does that.
[00:08:47]  You ate two milligrams, you know?
[00:08:50]  I'm the same exact fucking way.
[00:08:51]  Some people are.
[00:08:51]  I'm the same exact way.
[00:08:53]  I did grow up, though.
[00:08:54]  Like, I give this analogy too.
[00:08:57]  Like, I used to smoke the whole fucking joint to the head.
[00:09:00]  Hey, that's not necessary, you know?
[00:09:02]  Now I take like two to four hits, I get a little high.
[00:09:06]  I put it out, I go back to it, you know, two to four hours later, and I'm functioning.
[00:09:10]  Like, I get to work.
[00:09:12]  It helps me with my anxiety and shit.
[00:09:15]  And then, but if I smoke the whole joint, then it amplifies my anxiety, and I'm just in my head, like, I suck.
[00:09:21]  I'm not funny, you know, like that.

=== Smoking Less Weed (07:18) ===

[00:09:23]  And it's so weird how, like, just a little bit's perfect.
[00:09:27]  It just makes life easier, food's better, sex better, all that shit.
[00:09:31]  A lot of it, you're just like, oh my God.
[00:09:35]  What's the symptoms?
[00:09:36]  Remember the dude who told us the Simpsons quote?
[00:09:38]  The Simpsons character said, I don't even need drugs to enjoy this just to enhance it.
[00:09:42]  Yeah, yeah, that's what he said.
[00:09:43]  I think it was curly, maybe.
[00:09:46]  But yeah, no, you got to like, it's like a fine line.
[00:09:48]  You got to be able to dance.
[00:09:49]  It's just hard sometimes.
[00:09:50]  You know, it's, you got to either, you can't take too little, you can't take too much.
[00:09:53]  As long as you're like dancing like a fine line, it like just benefits like work, especially for me.
[00:09:59]  Yeah.
[00:09:59]  Like work.
[00:09:59]  Like if I'm even like doing something like editing or whatever and I eat like or smoke the perfect amount or eat the right amount of an edible, I could just be like hyper focused on something for a long time.
[00:10:09]  It's fabulous.
[00:10:10]  I even noticed my girl, my fans, My podcast producer noticed they're like, You speak better, you know, like it slowed me down to where I could actually spit my words out, uh, correctly.
[00:10:21]  And then, uh, and uh, obviously, those sometimes it was too high and was not the case, but uh, you know, when it was that perfect little balance, just a couple hits, some good sun and soil organic, cush, you know, I'm a hippie, I like, I like it.
[00:10:35]  What's the name of your podcast, Community Service?
[00:10:38]  Community Service, how do you guys do no research, huh?
[00:10:40]  No, I know, I was just teeing you up for it.
[00:10:43]  So, uh, how many episodes do you do?
[00:10:45]  Do you do upset every week, or how often do you do?
[00:10:48]  I do weekly episodes.
[00:10:49]  Community service drops every Wednesday.
[00:10:51]  I dropped the ball on this tour a couple times just because I've been gone like the whole month.
[00:10:57]  But as soon as I get back to LA, I'm going to stack episodes and that will never happen again.
[00:11:00]  Do you do them remotely, most of them, or do you do it all remotely?
[00:11:03]  I do it at a time.
[00:11:03]  No.
[00:11:04]  You do them in person?
[00:11:05]  Yeah.
[00:11:05]  Oh, cool.
[00:11:05]  I saw you had Bill Burr.
[00:11:06]  You were talking about that.
[00:11:07]  That was the one remote podcast I did because it's Bill fucking Burr.
[00:11:11]  Right, yeah.
[00:11:12]  Any of my friends asked, want to do Zoom?
[00:11:13]  Like, no.
[00:11:14]  Bill Burr.
[00:11:15]  Like, you're not Bill Burr.
[00:11:16]  Because it costs, like, you got, it's way harder.
[00:11:19]  It's.
[00:11:19]  Techno, I like it.
[00:11:20]  Cost more money.
[00:11:21]  I'm just like, nah, man.
[00:11:22]  Like, you get down to my come over here.
[00:11:26]  Yeah, Bill Burr wants to do Zoom.
[00:11:27]  He can do his own.
[00:11:28]  I'll fucking him from Mars, right?
[00:11:29]  Whatever you want, right?
[00:11:31]  Yeah, fuck it.
[00:11:32]  Yeah, what was that like, man?
[00:11:34]  That was cool, huh?
[00:11:35]  I was shitting my pants, yeah.
[00:11:37]  Uh, I am just so lucky that he saw my shit on the internet and then he he he likes me.
[00:11:44]  Did he reach out to you or uh, yeah?
[00:11:46]  Well, I asked him connection.
[00:11:48]  Well, that I did like 20 shows with him and he.
[00:11:51]  When you're, I worked at the comedy store, Laugh Factory Improv, and Hollywood and shit, and I'd MC a lot, and I'd get to work with big dogs like Bill Burr, Joe Rogan, Sarah Silverman, all, you know, it was so dope.
[00:12:02]  And so I work with them in that capacity a bunch.
[00:12:04]  But when you're the MC, they don't see your sex.
[00:12:06]  They show up later and you do your time.
[00:12:08]  You do 10, 15 up top.
[00:12:09]  And he's usually up last.
[00:12:12]  He didn't see.
[00:12:13]  So he knew who I was, just like, oh, I know that guy's face.
[00:12:16]  I've seen him around.
[00:12:17]  He's always here.
[00:12:18]  He's a comic.
[00:12:20]  And then later, he saw my shit on the internet.
[00:12:23]  This is like over four years, I maybe did like 10, 15, 20.
[00:12:28]  I don't know.
[00:12:29]  Quite a bit of shows.
[00:12:30]  And then he saw my shit on the internet.
[00:12:32]  And then he stopped me at the The comic story.
[00:12:34]  He's like, Hey, man.
[00:12:35]  He's like, I didn't know you were funny.
[00:12:37]  And then, you know, because it's true.
[00:12:39]  It's true.
[00:12:39]  It wasn't a shot or nothing because you don't know until you see someone go up or you see their shit online.
[00:12:45]  And then he's like, You're fucking weird, huh?
[00:12:47]  And I was just like, I was literally like this.
[00:12:50]  Like, I was like, What is happening?
[00:12:52]  You know, I was so happy.
[00:12:54]  He's like, Yeah, man, you're funny.
[00:12:55]  And then he flagged me down again and he told me, he showed his wife my videos of getting raided.
[00:13:01]  I got raided by the cops and my buddy.
[00:13:04]  Was the cop pointing a shotgun at my heart?
[00:13:06]  It's a crazy story.
[00:13:06]  What?
[00:13:07]  Anyway, yeah, it's fucking nuts.
[00:13:08]  And then he saw that and he said he showed his wife, and I was just like, my mind exploded.
[00:13:13]  I was like, dude, you're my hero.
[00:13:15]  He's watching your video.
[00:13:16]  Yeah, I was like, what's happening?
[00:13:18]  Yeah.
[00:13:19]  Like a dream came true.
[00:13:22]  And then I did a couple shows.
[00:13:24]  The pandemic hit.
[00:13:25]  This was pre pandemic.
[00:13:27]  And then the pandemic hit, and then I didn't see him for like six, one month until we, LA, started to open.
[00:13:33]  And then I was doing a bar show with him at my buddy Mark Hayes, my Irish buddy.
[00:13:37]  And Josh Adam Myers, another good friend of mine, he was on the show.
[00:13:40]  And I was like, Hey, I got my hundredth episode of my podcast coming up.
[00:13:44]  I want to ask Bill.
[00:13:45]  And he's like, Well, does he know you?
[00:13:47]  You know, like, do you have a relationship?
[00:13:48]  I was like, Yeah, he likes me.
[00:13:50]  He said I was funny.
[00:13:50]  He's like, Yeah, fucking ask him then, you know?
[00:13:53]  Yeah.
[00:13:54]  Because if you don't have a relationship, you're just kind of an asshole.
[00:13:56]  Yeah, it's kind of weird.
[00:13:57]  And then I stood up.
[00:13:58]  I bring up Josh's name because I credit him for me asking him.
[00:14:02]  Because I stood up to go ask him.
[00:14:03]  And then I bitched out.
[00:14:04]  I sat back down.
[00:14:04]  I was like, Oh, I'm scared.
[00:14:05]  I don't want to do shit.
[00:14:07]  And he's like, Get the fuck up.
[00:14:08]  He's like, You go ask him.
[00:14:09]  And I was like, All right.
[00:14:10]  And I got up and I was like, Excuse me, you know, like, may I please request?
[00:14:16]  Uh, could you please, uh, do it?
[00:14:18]  And he just said, Yeah, I'll do it.
[00:14:19]  What is it, you know?
[00:14:20]  Because, and I was just like, That's how cool he is.
[00:14:22]  He didn't even know what it was.
[00:14:23]  I was like, Oh, it's my podcast.
[00:14:25]  That's so sick.
[00:14:25]  And then he's like, Yeah, give me your number.
[00:14:27]  And then, and then, uh, I was like, What?
[00:14:30]  And he said, Yes.
[00:14:31]  And then he set to do it for my 100th episode.
[00:14:34]  And then he goes, Hey kid, you know what?
[00:14:36]  I booked uh, snl, uh, I can't do it.
[00:14:39]  Can we do it next week?
[00:14:41]  And I was like, Yeah, man.
[00:14:43]  Yeah.
[00:14:43]  You know, of course.
[00:14:44]  Right.
[00:14:45]  And so he ended up being the 102nd episode because he was gone to New York.
[00:14:49]  And he's like, don't tell anybody.
[00:14:50]  It's not announced yet.
[00:14:51]  And I just felt so cool.
[00:14:52]  You know, I was talking to you.
[00:14:53]  I was talking to you.
[00:14:54]  Fuck, what planet am I on, dude?
[00:14:56]  You know?
[00:14:58]  And then he did SNL and then he did my podcast.
[00:15:00]  And that's why he's the GOAT, man.
[00:15:02]  That's so sick.
[00:15:03]  That's so sick.
[00:15:03]  He goes from NBC, the biggest, one of the biggest, most iconic shows ever, to my little hippie asses podcast, just helping me out.
[00:15:12]  You know what I mean?
[00:15:13]  What a crazy world, man.
[00:15:14]  That guy's the fucking.
[00:15:16]  This shit, dude.
[00:15:17]  God bless him.
[00:15:19]  Now, he's like one of the guys, one of the rare guys, that's similar to Tim Dillon in the way that he can just talk by himself, right?
[00:15:25]  Yeah.
[00:15:25]  He can just sit there and banter forever about and just talk shit.
[00:15:29]  It's so hard to do that and make it that good consistently.
[00:15:33]  Like, I'll do solo episodes, and some of them are hits, and some of them, like, oh man, I don't know.
[00:15:38]  You know, maybe we'll edit that a little bit.
[00:15:40]  It's so hard to keep that for an hour or more by yourself.
[00:15:45]  Yeah, that's hard.
[00:15:46]  You know, it's so hard.
[00:15:47]  That's why I like to have guests.
[00:15:48]  It just helps, you know.
[00:15:50]  Yeah, I've never done a solo one.
[00:15:51]  I probably never will.
[00:15:53]  It'd be so boring, bro.
[00:15:54]  You better have some notes.
[00:15:56]  Yeah, for real.
[00:15:57]  That's all I got to say.
[00:15:58]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:15:58]  That'll be loaded, ready to go.
[00:16:00]  Just riff gold.
[00:16:01]  And you're just like, what are you guys?
[00:16:03]  Tim's is funny because he can make fun of his producer guy.
[00:16:05]  The guy that sits there with the computer.
[00:16:06]  Like, that's funny because he laughs.
[00:16:07]  I love that guy, too.
[00:16:08]  He just laughs.
[00:16:09]  Ben, right?
[00:16:09]  Yeah.
[00:16:10]  When he laughs, it just makes it so much funnier just because you're just laughing at him laughing.
[00:16:14]  Yeah.
[00:16:15]  And he's so mean to him.
[00:16:18]  It's an act.
[00:16:19]  You know?
[00:16:20]  When he fired him for at least Syat, another buddy.
[00:16:23]  I hope I pronounced your name right, Leah.
[00:16:25]  My apologies.
[00:16:26]  My apologies if I biffed it.
[00:16:28]  But that shit was so funny, the Curb Your Enthusiasm music.
[00:16:31]  Did you see that?
[00:16:32]  No, I didn't see that.
[00:16:33]  He got mad at Ben.
[00:16:34]  He fired him, and then all of a sudden it pans the Lee filling in.
[00:16:38]  Really?
[00:16:39]  Oh, I did see that.

=== UCB Class Farting Stories (10:39) ===

[00:16:41]  I was like, oh, no.
[00:16:43]  I thought it was real for a fraction of a second.
[00:16:46]  Then I was like, nah, that's a bit.
[00:16:47]  And they put the music in there?
[00:16:48]  Yeah.
[00:16:48]  Yeah, it's classic.
[00:16:49]  Dude, they're great.
[00:16:51]  So what happened with your friend sticking a shotgun in your chest?
[00:16:53]  What's that story?
[00:16:55]  I was living in Culver City, and it feels weird telling it on a podcast.
[00:17:00]  I tell it on stage.
[00:17:01]  You don't really do that?
[00:17:02]  No, no, I do it.
[00:17:03]  It's a great story.
[00:17:04]  I don't want to ruin your fit.
[00:17:05]  No, no, no.
[00:17:06]  It's already posted on the internet.
[00:17:08]  And that was like 10 years ago.
[00:17:10]  I wasn't even, I maybe had done stand up twice when I did this story at the Moth, the Moth Storytelling Grand Slam.
[00:17:20]  I don't know.
[00:17:20]  Anyways, I was at classes at UCB for improv and storytelling because I was scared of stand up still.
[00:17:28]  That's why I went to that world.
[00:17:30]  And then my friends were like, hey, come to the Moth Storytelling Show.
[00:17:34]  And I was like, all right.
[00:17:35]  And then I put my name in a bucket, and it was the theme was getting duped, like tricked or whatever.
[00:17:41]  And I was like, well, I got raided yesterday, and it was the wrong house, you know, so that's like a dupe.
[00:17:47]  I don't know.
[00:17:48]  And then, so when I told the story at the moth like a decade ago, I got raided the day before.
[00:17:56]  So I got raided, and then I told the story.
[00:17:58]  So when you watch it, and I'm so raw and green, like I forget what I'm talking about, and I'm just like, I'm in the middle of the story, and I'm just like, I fucking love you guys, you know, because I don't know where I'm going, you know, like you can see the greenness in me, but it's funny, you know.
[00:18:13]  And then, and then I'm just telling a true story because those, you know, it's hard to mess those up.
[00:18:18]  Anyways, I, uh, I was working at, I'm going to tell the whole long story that's not the green version.
[00:18:25]  Uh, I was working at Trader Joe's and I was training my co worker.
[00:18:28]  I bring that up because, uh, I was a mad stoner back then and he's, and we're on lunch break and I'm training him and he's, he's a little shifty.
[00:18:35]  He's, he's the tweaker fool, you know, but he's my people, you know, I, uh, He's Latino, and then I was like, I want to smoke a bowl.
[00:18:43]  We're on lunch break, and I pulled a fucking weed bowl out like a normal human being.
[00:18:48]  He pulled out the pookie pipe speed, meth.
[00:18:51]  I had never smoked meth in my life at that point.
[00:18:54]  And then he's like, You want a hit?
[00:18:57]  You know, and everything in my mind, body, and soul said, No, but I'm an addict.
[00:19:02]  I was like, All right, you know, and I took a little hit, and I was like, Oh, that's good, you know, and I was a good worker that day, let me tell you.
[00:19:10]  Yeah.
[00:19:10]  And then, You know, I was like, Yeah, I want more.
[00:19:14]  And then I went to his house and it was in the fucking hood.
[00:19:17]  It was off like Hoover.
[00:19:18]  And I was just like, Oh shit, this is sketchy as fuck.
[00:19:22]  And it was LA, you know, South Central shit.
[00:19:25]  I don't even know where I was, but it wasn't a good neighborhood.
[00:19:29]  Yeah.
[00:19:30]  I was scoring dope and the fucking ghetto birds were up there and I was all paranoid in my head.
[00:19:34]  Anyways, I get home and then I'm good.
[00:19:38]  And me and my buddy do some shit and go out drinking, have a good time.
[00:19:41]  I say all that because cut to maybe like.
[00:19:46]  Four or five days later, I'm asleep in my bed and I just hear noise.
[00:19:51]  I don't know what it is because I'm asleep.
[00:19:53]  What it is is fucking SWAT team breaking down the gate because we lived in like a back house.
[00:19:59]  It was a house, but the landlord split it in half.
[00:20:02]  So it was a front house and a back house, but it wasn't like a duplex.
[00:20:05]  He just did that to create double homes, double rent, make money.
[00:20:09]  So I'm in the back house and I just hear noise.
[00:20:13]  And I'm just like, I'm waking up, you know, and I'm blind as a bat.
[00:20:17]  I wear glasses and contacts.
[00:20:18]  I'm minus like 7.5 is bad.
[00:20:21]  I can't see shit.
[00:20:22]  You'd be blurry from this distance.
[00:20:24]  And I think it's my roommate, my buddy, playing a prank on me, you know, and I just hear hands in the air.
[00:20:30]  And then I'm reaching for my glasses and I hear hands in the air, motherfucker.
[00:20:35]  And I'm just like, who is this?
[00:20:37]  You know, like this.
[00:20:38]  And then, and then.
[00:20:39]  You threw in the motherfucker.
[00:20:40]  Yeah.
[00:20:40]  Yeah.
[00:20:41]  Oh, yeah.
[00:20:42]  And then they fill up this window and this window and this window to my little studio back bungalow, whatever you could call it.
[00:20:51]  And then I'm just like, oh, shit.
[00:20:53]  You know, like, what the fuck?
[00:20:54]  Yeah.
[00:20:54]  And all I kept thinking is like, oh, the meth guy, you know, because I was selling a little weed, little fireworks.
[00:21:00]  Little mushrooms, but nothing.
[00:21:02]  I'm no Pablo Esquire.
[00:21:03]  It was like a quarter pound of weed, an ounce of mushrooms, some Roman candles, firecracker, you know, the basics.
[00:21:08]  The basics, just the necessities.
[00:21:10]  Yeah.
[00:21:11]  And then they go open your door because I had a dead bolt and shit, you know, and then I open the door and there's a Culver City cop pointing the shotgun at my chest.
[00:21:23]  And then I just go, Chris?
[00:21:26]  And he goes like this, Craig?
[00:21:28]  And he pulls his gun back and it's my buddy Chris Caraballo.
[00:21:30]  I went to I'm not sure if I was supposed to say his whole name.
[00:21:33]  I keep fucking that up.
[00:21:33]  I'm sorry, Chris.
[00:21:34]  Anyways.
[00:21:35]  We could edit it out.
[00:21:36]  Oh, yeah.
[00:21:36]  Just bleep his last name.
[00:21:38]  And he's.
[00:21:41]  I'd known him since I was 12 years old.
[00:21:42]  Yeah.
[00:21:43]  I played Little League with him, maybe even younger.
[00:21:45]  I went to middle school, high school with him.
[00:21:46]  He's my buddy.
[00:21:47]  Yeah.
[00:21:48]  And I'm not even.
[00:21:49]  He's fucking raiding me.
[00:21:51]  We went down different paths, you know?
[00:21:52]  Yeah, totally.
[00:21:53]  And then I'm just like, help me.
[00:21:55]  Right.
[00:21:55]  Like, what the fuck's happening?
[00:21:57]  No.
[00:21:57]  And then he handcuffs me.
[00:21:59]  And in my act, I say, like, that motherfucker, you know.
[00:22:02]  He put them on loose.
[00:22:03]  He really did because I've been cuffed up three times prior.
[00:22:06]  Yeah, they put them on tight.
[00:22:07]  As fuck.
[00:22:08]  Fuck them, man.
[00:22:09]  They crank them on so hard.
[00:22:11]  You get nerve damage.
[00:22:12]  They cut you.
[00:22:13]  I literally got locked up twice before, overnight, you know, and then I had to go to work at Trader Joe's and I couldn't even like ring people up.
[00:22:20]  I was like, ah, my wrist, you know, I couldn't stock apples again.
[00:22:23]  Yeah, like, oh.
[00:22:24]  They're like, stop getting arrested.
[00:22:25]  I'm like, I'm not trying to.
[00:22:27]  Oh, my God.
[00:22:28]  Anyways, that's why I'm sober.
[00:22:30]  And then, and then so.
[00:22:34]  He, I'm like freaking out, and I'm like, dude, I got like weed in there and got, you know, mushrooms there.
[00:22:41]  And he's like, bro, I see my friend, and he's like, hey, man, stop telling me this, you know?
[00:22:46]  And then I was like, I got fireworks in there, you know?
[00:22:48]  I'm on probation for fireworks because of the firecracker horse assaulting incident.
[00:22:54]  Another story.
[00:22:56]  And then he started laughing.
[00:22:57]  He's like, oh, yeah, the one that made the paper because it made a couple local newspapers.
[00:23:01]  So, of course, he heard about it.
[00:23:03]  And I was like, yeah.
[00:23:04]  And then, They bring another cop up and he has a drug sniffing dog, you know.
[00:23:09]  And then he's like, You got anything?
[00:23:10]  It hit me.
[00:23:11]  And I was like, Yeah, you know, of course, dude.
[00:23:14]  And then he's like, Tell me where it is.
[00:23:16]  We're going to rip your room apart.
[00:23:17]  And I was like, It's in the dresser.
[00:23:19]  Like, you'll find it.
[00:23:22]  And then they pull me out to the alley and I'm just handcuffed with my roommates.
[00:23:27]  And we're just like, What the fuck?
[00:23:28]  You know, we're sleeping.
[00:23:29]  We're in our underwear.
[00:23:33]  And then, yeah, they were questioning me and they surrounded me.
[00:23:38]  And I got really nervous and I farted.
[00:23:42]  And I swear on my life, I farted on the cops.
[00:23:46]  And my roommate was just like, oh my, it was an accident.
[00:23:49]  I was just nervous.
[00:23:50]  I was like, Zurly, I was like, I'm sorry.
[00:23:52]  And then they're just looking at me like, look at this fucking retarded hippie.
[00:23:56]  This guy is on.
[00:23:57]  This is hard to shit his pants.
[00:23:59]  Yeah.
[00:24:01]  And then later, I. You're lucky you didn't shit your pants.
[00:24:06]  I know.
[00:24:07]  Seriously.
[00:24:07]  I was like, can you help me out?
[00:24:08]  Yeah.
[00:24:09]  Spicy.
[00:24:10]  I'm handcuffed.
[00:24:12]  And then all I kept thinking is, I can't go to jail again.
[00:24:16]  My mom's not going to bail me out for a fourth time.
[00:24:19]  I have to bail myself out or I'm not a man.
[00:24:22]  You know what I mean?
[00:24:22]  The fourth time.
[00:24:23]  I'm like, leave me in, mom.
[00:24:25]  I'm sorry.
[00:24:26]  That's on me.
[00:24:27]  And all I kept thinking is, I can't.
[00:24:30]  Miss UCB school.
[00:24:31]  I paid $7.50 for these motherfucking comedy classes.
[00:24:34]  I know that sounds crazy and like a bit, but that's all I was thinking.
[00:24:37]  I was like, I gotta go to school.
[00:24:38]  I gotta go to school.
[00:24:39]  I gotta get funny.
[00:24:40]  You know, I can't go to jail.
[00:24:42]  I gotta go to fucking clown school.
[00:24:44]  And then, uh, and then I didn't even know this.
[00:24:47]  My good buddy Grant Lyon told me because I was in UCB with this guy.
[00:24:52]  He's a great comic and he's on my show in LA, July 2nd.
[00:24:55]  Come get these jokes.
[00:24:56]  Jam in the van, West LA.
[00:24:59]  And then he, uh, He said that I had told because I was like, I'm a fucking weird, you know, addict kid going to these improv classes.
[00:25:10]  Everyone's from out of town.
[00:25:12]  I'm from LA.
[00:25:12]  And they're just like, what are you?
[00:25:14]  You know what I mean?
[00:25:15]  And then, like, in that UCB class, I'm just an open, I'm open, you know?
[00:25:21]  And I was like, dude, I smoked meth yesterday for the first time.
[00:25:24]  And everyone's like, why are you telling this?
[00:25:26]  I was like, I don't know.
[00:25:27]  And then cut to, like, man, I got raided.
[00:25:30]  And then just like everything's adding up.
[00:25:33]  And then later in that class, he told me that I farted.
[00:25:37]  And the teacher, this is right after I got raided, I made it to class because I didn't go to jail because they were there for King Mike, the front house.
[00:25:46]  Because he was like a drug lord running meth or some shit.
[00:25:49]  He had two times.
[00:25:50]  The guy who owned the house?
[00:25:51]  No, just the renter in the front house.
[00:25:53]  Okay, okay.
[00:25:54]  He was a two time striker.
[00:25:56]  They were trying to strike him out and send him to prison for the rest of his life.
[00:25:58]  I guess he was dealing with meth and guns and some shit.
[00:26:01]  He had good cush, though, I tell you what.
[00:26:03]  Did he really?
[00:26:03]  Yeah.
[00:26:05]  And then.
[00:26:07]  His name was King Mike on the Wi Fi.
[00:26:09]  I just thought it was funny.
[00:26:09]  And in the act, I say his password was TUG123.
[00:26:12]  That's obviously a bit.
[00:26:14]  That's the only fabricated part of the story.
[00:26:18]  And then, fuck, where was I?
[00:26:19]  I don't even remember.
[00:26:20]  Oh, the class.
[00:26:21]  He's talking about smoking meth.
[00:26:23]  Yeah, he told me that I farted.
[00:26:27]  I didn't even remember this.
[00:26:28]  I farted the same day in class that I farted on the teacher.
[00:26:32]  And I know that sounds crazy, but I got cops, witnesses, classmates that'll vouch for me.
[00:26:39]  It just sounds made up, you know, it's a weird day, yeah.
[00:26:41]  But I always have been a fart and I think it's funny and hilarious.
[00:26:45]  The cop one was more nerves than anything, yeah.
[00:26:48]  The class one I forgot and I probably thought it was going to be quiet and it wasn't.
[00:26:52]  And she's the teacher's like, Are you serious?
[00:26:55]  Did you just fart?
[00:26:56]  I was like, Yeah, was it a loud one or a silent one?
[00:26:58]  It was a loud one, bro.
[00:26:59]  Yeah, yeah, that's why she went and then I ended up running to my buddy Chris, the cop later on the streets.
[00:27:05]  He was just patrolling.
[00:27:06]  I was just like, Oh my god, like, how crazy was that?
[00:27:09]  Remember when you almost killed me, bro?
[00:27:11]  He's like, Yeah, and he said the precinct.
[00:27:13]  Talked about me for like a month or two.
[00:27:15]  He's like, Remember that dumb hippie that fucking farted on us?
[00:27:19]  And I was like, Yeah.

=== Legalizing Unions Now (08:01) ===

[00:27:20]  Hell yeah.
[00:27:21]  It's just fucking, it's like, you can't even make this shit up.
[00:27:24]  Thank you, God, for all my stories.
[00:27:26]  Shit, man.
[00:27:27]  Yeah, dude, it's so wild.
[00:27:29]  Anyways, I got sober.
[00:27:30]  I'm off narcotics, no alcohol, only weed.
[00:27:33]  I'll never touch a narcotic again.
[00:27:35]  I think it's devil reincarnate.
[00:27:37]  It ruined my life.
[00:27:38]  It just ruined my friend's life.
[00:27:40]  It's killed many of my friends.
[00:27:42]  It's the worst.
[00:27:44]  And in my opinion, alcohol is the fucking worst drug on this earth.
[00:27:47]  Because it led to all my narcotic behavior, which I never would.
[00:27:51]  No one smokes weed and then goes, I'm going to go do meth.
[00:27:56]  You know what I mean?
[00:27:56]  You get shit faced.
[00:27:58]  Yeah.
[00:27:58]  And then some motherfucker is like, you want some medicine?
[00:28:00]  And you're like, all right.
[00:28:01]  You know, it doesn't just happen like that.
[00:28:03]  It's 98% of the time it's alcohol.
[00:28:06]  You think all drugs should be legal?
[00:28:08]  Yes.
[00:28:09]  Yeah, totally.
[00:28:09]  Absolutely.
[00:28:10]  100%.
[00:28:12]  Legal.
[00:28:12]  Education.
[00:28:13]  You know what they are.
[00:28:14]  They're clean.
[00:28:15]  They're made.
[00:28:15]  No fillers.
[00:28:16]  No fentanyl.
[00:28:18]  No harmful byproducts.
[00:28:19]  There's rehab facilities.
[00:28:21]  I think everything should be legal unless it's murder, rape, and of course, that horrible shit.
[00:28:26]  Prostitution should be legal.
[00:28:28]  Legalize all of it.
[00:28:29]  Whenever you make it illegal, it just makes dark entities take it over.
[00:28:33]  And now I want prostitutions to have unions, retirement plans, mental health care, exit strategies.
[00:28:38]  Hell yeah.
[00:28:39]  Fucking Roth IRAs.
[00:28:41]  Let's get these hoes some fucking millions, man.
[00:28:43]  Some retirement plans.
[00:28:44]  I'm serious.
[00:28:45]  Roth IRAs.
[00:28:46]  Roth IRAs, baby.
[00:28:48]  For the lobbyists.
[00:28:49]  Why not?
[00:28:50]  The way it's going now, it's been around since fucking Jesus.
[00:28:54]  The pimps control it.
[00:28:55]  They beat the fuck out of them.
[00:28:56]  They're constantly, it's not regulated.
[00:28:58]  They're getting murdered and kidnapped by weird people.
[00:29:01]  Fucking meth truckers, you know, lot lizards and shit like that.
[00:29:04]  Let's legalize this shit, unionize it, get them benefits, dental, fucking rehab, and exit plans.
[00:29:11]  Hell yeah.
[00:29:12]  And what's the problem, man?
[00:29:13]  That's why is that so crazy?
[00:29:15]  It's not.
[00:29:16]  There's a couple countries that do it, I think.
[00:29:18]  There's one, I think Holland is the one that lets you do it.
[00:29:21]  Do you know this statistic?
[00:29:23]  When prostitution is legal, rape goes down.
[00:29:27]  Oh, yeah.
[00:29:28]  Yes.
[00:29:29]  That is a real fact.
[00:29:30]  I learned that through.
[00:29:31]  Comedy, my buddy Greg Romero Wilson did it in a bit, and I was like, Is that true?
[00:29:35]  And he's like, Yeah.
[00:29:35]  And then I googled it, and I was like, Holy shit!
[00:29:38]  Yeah, it also saves women.
[00:29:41]  Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.
[00:29:43]  I was in Aruba, and it's legal there.
[00:29:45]  And like girls would come from other countries there, and it's legal, and they have to come in, check in with a doctor, get paperwork, get tested, get paperwork signed off that they're clean, and then they can go legally.
[00:29:56]  Yeah, prostitutes, it's amazing.
[00:29:57]  If it's legal, it's done by choice.
[00:30:00]  When it's illegal, that's when they're getting kidnapped and hooked to dope and trafficked.
[00:30:05]  It's fucking insane.
[00:30:07]  The solution is so simple.
[00:30:09]  Legalize it.
[00:30:10]  Yeah.
[00:30:11]  I'm a big union guy.
[00:30:12]  My uncle's in the union, you know?
[00:30:14]  Is he?
[00:30:15]  Yeah.
[00:30:15]  It's just make a livable wage.
[00:30:17]  Like, why do people always want to go against the union?
[00:30:19]  Oh, you don't want a hardworking worker to have a life and buy a home and feed his family and have health care?
[00:30:25]  Right.
[00:30:26]  This is fucking America.
[00:30:27]  That's what we're about.
[00:30:28]  Right.
[00:30:28]  It's like, no, no, no.
[00:30:29]  Minimum wage.
[00:30:30]  Make them work three jobs.
[00:30:32]  Yeah.
[00:30:33]  Oh, this country is basically.
[00:30:34]  It's barely big rent.
[00:30:35]  We're the richest nation in the world without health care.
[00:30:38]  Unions are pretty dirty, though.
[00:30:40]  There's some unions up north that are pretty fucking ruthless.
[00:30:42]  Like Mikey tells stories about some of those unions that would march on his uncle's lawns.
[00:30:46]  You know, it gets a little mafioso, but hey, you know.
[00:30:50]  They give me my Roth IRA.
[00:30:52]  I'll look the other way.
[00:30:53]  Right.
[00:30:53]  Hey, whatever.
[00:30:54]  They let me buy my home for my family.
[00:30:57]  You know, yeah.
[00:30:57]  Where's Jimmy Hoffa?
[00:30:58]  Yeah.
[00:31:00]  But they, I mean, aren't there some corrupt motherfuckers on the top of those unions that collect their union dues that corrupt people everywhere?
[00:31:07]  They probably break some legs here and there.
[00:31:09]  Corrupt people everywhere?
[00:31:10]  Yeah.
[00:31:11]  I don't want corruption anywhere, including the unions, but I'm more okay with that because at least the working man is getting a fair fucking shake.
[00:31:20]  You know, he's getting it's just crazy how hard you have to work.
[00:31:25]  Nowhere in Florida, by the way, because they got a fucking, they're cutting down trees with a chainsaw two inches away from the door.
[00:31:32]  What's crazy is you got the good marks.
[00:31:33]  I got these too.
[00:31:34]  Is that it feels like it's, of course, it's inside of our brains and it's heckling us, but 98% of the time it doesn't come through.
[00:31:40]  Not too bad.
[00:31:41]  Yeah.
[00:31:42]  Because I have the same thing, LA.
[00:31:44]  Just start the podcast.
[00:31:45]  Then the neighbor starts mowing his lawn.
[00:31:47]  I'm like, God damn it.
[00:31:49]  I love it.
[00:31:49]  I just love leaving it in because that shit always happens over here.
[00:31:52]  And I just leave it in for the comments.
[00:31:54]  You know what I mean?
[00:31:54]  Yeah.
[00:31:54]  You're like, it's life.
[00:31:56]  Does the pod doing the podcast help your comedy?
[00:31:58]  Does it help your like, oh, for sure, like your writing or whatever, like working stuff out?
[00:32:02]  Because I know there's a lot, like pretty much every comic they have podcasts.
[00:32:05]  Yeah, you can flesh out some bits on it, it's quite fabulous.
[00:32:09]  You go on rants, you're able to talk about it longer, which on stage you might not be able to because on a podcast you don't need laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh in front of a live audience.
[00:32:20]  You're bombing, you know, bombing.
[00:32:22]  You're not going to get booked again if you do, if it's just too long of periods without laughter.
[00:32:27]  Yeah.
[00:32:28]  So, yes, it's beautiful for that.
[00:32:30]  And you see Bill Burr do it all the time.
[00:32:33]  I don't know how to do it on his level and his.
[00:32:35]  That guy just turns a bit.
[00:32:38]  Tim Dillon, same shit.
[00:32:39]  Like, these guys are just fucking geniuses.
[00:32:42]  And it's like, fuck.
[00:32:43]  They're also 20, 30 years in the game.
[00:32:45]  Right, yeah, they're veterans.
[00:32:46]  You know, everything comes with time.
[00:32:49]  How much of it is like developed skill versus like natural born, God given talent?
[00:32:54]  It's both.
[00:32:55]  You know, there's always Eddie Murphy.
[00:32:57]  You know, that guy was just born.
[00:32:59]  Funny as a dog.
[00:33:01]  Yeah.
[00:33:01]  That guy was just.
[00:33:03]  Never left.
[00:33:04]  You're like, he retired from stand up at 25.
[00:33:07]  You know what I mean?
[00:33:08]  Most people don't make it.
[00:33:10]  That guy retired as one of the goats by 25.
[00:33:13]  I'm like, okay, Tupac.
[00:33:15]  You know what I mean?
[00:33:16]  What the fuck?
[00:33:17]  But of course, natural goes way further than anything.
[00:33:22]  But I have seen painfully unfunny comics work extremely hard and get good at it.
[00:33:29]  Really?
[00:33:30]  It's a muscle.
[00:33:31]  It can be learned.
[00:33:32]  Yeah.
[00:33:33]  It's just like.
[00:33:34]  Uh, like, you know, you're bad at math, you take a tutor at math every day, all of a sudden, you get good at math.
[00:33:39]  I've seen bad comics get good, and I respect that you, of course, when anyone bombs that bad, you're like, oh, you can't even look them in the eye, right?
[00:33:46]  But when they work that hard and they turn it around, I'm like, oh, all right, I see you, goddamn, you know, you used to suck, yeah, and now you're good, and that's crazy.
[00:33:55]  But of course, the natural, you know, goofy, yeah, they just get up there and you're just like, yeah, I like this guy, you know.
[00:34:04]  Where their aura and energy and presence on stage is way more advanced than their bits.
[00:34:10]  Like, I'm not really a fan of their bits, but I'm a fan of them.
[00:34:13]  So I still love it.
[00:34:14]  It doesn't matter, you know.
[00:34:15]  And also, they're just, they're just, it's just newer, you know.
[00:34:19]  It's everything's time.
[00:34:20]  Like, everyone's in such a rush.
[00:34:22]  There's no stand up comedy, it's just time.
[00:34:26]  We're, you know, the analogy 10,000 hours.
[00:34:28]  Yeah.
[00:34:28]  In stand up, you're trying to get 10,000 hours three minutes at a time, you know.
[00:34:34]  Easy.
[00:34:35]  In the beginning in LA, anyways, you get three to five minutes at open mics.
[00:34:39]  And then, you know, that's two to six years of that, depending on your growth.
[00:34:44]  And then after that, you get 10, 8 to 15.
[00:34:47]  Right.
[00:34:48]  Averaging out about 10.
[00:34:50]  So, you know, I'm 10 years in and I have a pretty good following and I'm well liked.
[00:34:56]  And I, you know, I only get 10.
[00:34:59]  I'm not saying I deserve more.
[00:35:00]  I'm just saying I'm just trying to give you an accurate description.
[00:35:03]  It doesn't matter.
[00:35:04]  Like even Bill Burr, Joe Rogan on the Comedy Store lineup, they get 15.
[00:35:08]  There's just too many comics in Los Angeles.
[00:35:10]  Yeah.
[00:35:11]  And so.
[00:35:12]  Still, even still?
[00:35:13]  Oh, yeah.
[00:35:14]  Yeah.
[00:35:14]  We, you know, we're like cockroaches.
[00:35:16]  10,000 leave, 10,000 rise up.
[00:35:20]  You never stop comedy, man.

=== San Diego Earthquakes (02:58) ===

[00:35:22]  And, uh, and it's just crazy.
[00:35:24]  What were we talking about?
[00:35:25]  I forgot.
[00:35:25]  I remember.
[00:35:26]  I love California, though.
[00:35:27]  I was hoping that, like.
[00:35:28]  What was that rant going?
[00:35:29]  It was a question.
[00:35:30]  What were we talking about?
[00:35:31]  We're all stoners.
[00:35:31]  We're talking about, like, natural born talent being funny.
[00:35:34]  Oh, yeah, that's what it was.
[00:35:35]  Yeah.
[00:35:36]  Yeah.
[00:35:37]  Natural shit always wins, but you got to work hard, too.
[00:35:40]  Sure.
[00:35:40]  You have to.
[00:35:41]  The riot.
[00:35:41]  You have to work.
[00:35:43]  Right.
[00:35:43]  There's no shortcuts in this game.
[00:35:46]  Yeah.
[00:35:46]  I was hoping that maybe enough people from California would move from Texas to Florida and kind of thin it out there.
[00:35:52]  And then maybe make the price of real estate go up here.
[00:35:55]  I could just sell all my shit here and go back to California or go to San Diego.
[00:35:59]  I like San Diego better.
[00:36:01]  I love San Diego.
[00:36:02]  San Clemente, San Diego, Escondido, San Onofre, Oceanside.
[00:36:07]  Yeah, my cousin Don lives down there.
[00:36:10]  I go visit her and I do La Jolla Comedy Store.
[00:36:14]  Oh, okay.
[00:36:15]  My buddy Josh Nelson's show.
[00:36:16]  He's a producer, a comic and producer.
[00:36:18]  He has some fire shows.
[00:36:20]  And I love San Diego.
[00:36:21]  It's just like, well, sometimes it gets a little too fucked up.
[00:36:25]  PB is a little bit too much cocaine, a little too much liquor, a lot of, ugh.
[00:36:29]  You're like, you know, too many affliction shirts and tank tops.
[00:36:32]  I'm like, calm down, dude.
[00:36:34]  We're at the beach.
[00:36:35]  Oh, sorry, Pacific Beach.
[00:36:36]  Oh, okay, okay.
[00:36:37]  PB San Diego, Pacific.
[00:36:38]  Oh, okay.
[00:36:39]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:36:42]  Yeah.
[00:36:42]  It's just like, hey, we're at the beach.
[00:36:44]  No one needs to be that angry.
[00:36:45]  Yeah.
[00:36:46]  Cocaine down there?
[00:36:47]  Yeah.
[00:36:48]  Yeah.
[00:36:48]  Anywhere with this.
[00:36:49]  We should go.
[00:36:50]  Yeah.
[00:36:50]  Yeah.
[00:36:51]  There's cocaine everywhere.
[00:36:53]  You're in Florida, dude.
[00:36:54]  Are you fucking kidding me?
[00:36:55]  I heard the thunder.
[00:36:56]  What do you think of Florida?
[00:36:57]  I fucking love it.
[00:36:58]  The thunder scares me.
[00:36:59]  Oh my God.
[00:36:59]  Oh, yeah, it was storming here.
[00:37:01]  Holy shit.
[00:37:02]  It felt like it hit my house.
[00:37:04]  It's a cool time of year because it's like it just started happening like a week ago.
[00:37:07]  Yeah.
[00:37:08]  It's been dry, bro.
[00:37:09]  It's been dry.
[00:37:10]  It hasn't rained once in like I feel like it's been 10 months since it's rained.
[00:37:13]  And now all of a sudden, the weather's like this.
[00:37:15]  Every night, it's going to like hit the sun.
[00:37:16]  It's going to rain and storms going to rain and storms.
[00:37:19]  Yeah, I like weather, but it does scare me just because I'm.
[00:37:23]  From LA, born and raised, and I haven't really experienced weather my whole life.
[00:37:27]  Yeah.
[00:37:27]  Besides visiting it very shortly, you know?
[00:37:30]  So, like, when it happens, I'm like, oh, but then an earthquake happens, and I don't even leave.
[00:37:34]  I just lay in bed, and, like, everyone's like, you all right?
[00:37:36]  I'm like, yeah, who gives a shit?
[00:37:37]  We've never had an earthquake here.
[00:37:38]  It's crazy.
[00:37:39]  Yeah.
[00:37:39]  My whole house will be rolling.
[00:37:40]  I'll be on my phone, like, when's this going to happen?
[00:37:42]  It's so weird.
[00:37:43]  Really?
[00:37:43]  I don't know why that is.
[00:37:45]  I know I should be scared.
[00:37:46]  I guess I grew up with them.
[00:37:48]  Yeah.
[00:37:48]  So it's like, oh, it's just an earthquake.
[00:37:52]  We haven't had the big one yet, and of course.
[00:37:55]  You know the story.
[00:37:56]  We're supposed to fall off into the ocean and we're over.
[00:37:58]  We're long overdue.
[00:38:00]  That's scary.
[00:38:01]  We're on a fucking fault line and they show.
[00:38:04]  I thought the fault line was up north and then I Googled it very recently.
[00:38:07]  I was like, oh, I'm dead.
[00:38:09]  What is it?
[00:38:09]  Like the San Andreas Fault?
[00:38:11]  San Andreas Fault.
[00:38:12]  It just goes like this and it's pretty much California would just crack and just fall into the ocean.
[00:38:18]  And I'm just like, oh boy.

=== Hunter Shootout Fear (10:40) ===

[00:38:20]  Yeah, that could be.
[00:38:21]  Florida's supposed to be underwater by like 2050.
[00:38:24]  Man, they say all that shit.
[00:38:25]  They're Fucking lying.
[00:38:26]  It's a fear factor.
[00:38:27]  Did you see that fucking building that collapsed in Miami?
[00:38:30]  That's where I read it from because they said it was like.
[00:38:33]  No, but did you read the reports?
[00:38:34]  That was negligence.
[00:38:35]  A 2018 report said, hey, you need to repair all this shit.
[00:38:40]  There's structural damage in the columns and you need to do it now.
[00:38:45]  Three years later, not done.
[00:38:47]  People died.
[00:38:49]  Fuck the owner.
[00:38:49]  Hang him.
[00:38:50]  Did this happen?
[00:38:50]  How many people died in that?
[00:38:52]  His four confirmed dead, 149 missing.
[00:38:56]  Like they can't even find him, bro.
[00:38:58]  Whole families disappeared.
[00:38:59]  Fuck.
[00:39:00]  Man, you look at the picture of that building, and you see like this kid's bunk bed, like dangling.
[00:39:04]  Whoever said no to the repairs should be shot.
[00:39:06]  Yeah, yeah, totally.
[00:39:07]  This is valid.
[00:39:08]  Yeah, I don't know if that's illegal to say that, but I think shot with a Nerf gun.
[00:39:15]  It's comedy, satire.
[00:39:19]  Yeah, that's up.
[00:39:21]  I think the laws are that you have to get those inspections, like the whatever the structural integrity inspections, every 40 years.
[00:39:31]  40 is the law for those buildings.
[00:39:33]  Oh my God.
[00:39:34]  It should be like at least 20.
[00:39:37]  I'm not sure.
[00:39:37]  It should be 10.
[00:39:39]  I don't know.
[00:39:40]  I'm now a structural engineer, but I sure as hell know 40 is a long time.
[00:39:44]  Yeah.
[00:39:45]  So weave it too long there.
[00:39:46]  Yeah.
[00:39:47]  Oh, yeah.
[00:39:47]  That's fucking awesome.
[00:39:48]  Jesus Christ.
[00:39:49]  I know you build a brand new building and probably don't need inspections for a long time, but, you know, 40.
[00:39:55]  Get the fuck out of here.
[00:39:56]  Yeah.
[00:39:56]  That's insane.
[00:39:57]  People just died, man.
[00:39:58]  No, that is stupid.
[00:39:59]  That's really dumb.
[00:40:01]  No, going back to you talking about cocaine, I heard the best cocaine story I've ever heard in my life yesterday on this podcast.
[00:40:09]  This guy told me he was telling me he wrote a book about the famous killing of Sharon Tate, the Charles Manson killings.
[00:40:19]  After he wrote his book, Marilyn Manson blew up his emails and was blowing up his publicist or whatever.
[00:40:27]  And she thought it was fake because he was sending these cryptic emails.
[00:40:30]  And she eventually, they're like, just call the number that he gave us and see if it's really him because the girl's a fan of him or whatever.
[00:40:37]  So she calls him and she goes, yeah, it's really fucking him.
[00:40:40]  He wants you to come to his house.
[00:40:42]  So he's like, okay, he doesn't really know anything.
[00:40:44]  This guy's older.
[00:40:45]  He doesn't know, he could know anything about Marilyn Manson.
[00:40:47]  But his partner that helped him write his book, Was like a fan of him as well as like a drummer or something.
[00:40:52]  So he flew here from New York and they both went to his house.
[00:40:57]  And they got there.
[00:41:00]  Manson was like, Don't show up before 11 p.m.
[00:41:04]  So they show up at like 11 30 and they get into this like dark dungeon.
[00:41:08]  That's so weird.
[00:41:09]  Why don't you say come over at 11 30 p.m.?
[00:41:11]  Right, right.
[00:41:11]  Don't show up before 11.
[00:41:13]  Anytime after that.
[00:41:15]  Who knows what the fuck's going on before 11 30?
[00:41:18]  22 hour window.
[00:41:19]  It's such a weird, it's such a Marilyn Manson thing to make.
[00:41:23]  Just coming over weird, yeah.
[00:41:25]  Knock nine times, hail Satan before you enter, dude.
[00:41:30]  And he said he had all this crazy stuff in there.
[00:41:32]  He said that, like, he, like, when you first walk in the door, he had a life size cutout.
[00:41:35]  First of all, he had Taylor Swift blasting throughout his whole mansion, like, he had just Taylor Swift music blasting for two hours.
[00:41:41]  And when you first walk in his door, he had a life size cutout of Taylor Swift with like blood all down her, and like they drew this big vagina on her with like blood and stuff everywhere.
[00:41:51]  And you know, like, he's like canceled right now for some like sexual deviant, his being a sexual deviant or something, yeah.
[00:41:57]  His ex wife came out and said that he did some fucked up shit.
[00:42:01]  And then he also has this baboon he smuggled out of China.
[00:42:05]  This six foot tall baboon stuffed with a giant erection that he smuggled out of China.
[00:42:13]  He just had a baboon with a boner.
[00:42:15]  Giant baboon with a giant boner in the middle of his living room.
[00:42:19]  And he had this crazy shit like a skeleton.
[00:42:21]  I've seen a dog, bro.
[00:42:23]  A human skeleton with a goat head on it.
[00:42:27]  Like hanging from the scene.
[00:42:28]  Yeah, I'm good on that hang.
[00:42:29]  I don't know.
[00:42:30]  And he lives up.
[00:42:31]  That's too dark.
[00:42:31]  That's like real Marilyn Major shit.
[00:42:34]  I thought it was an act, bro.
[00:42:35]  No, it's not an act, bro.
[00:42:37]  Goats, heads, and boner baboons.
[00:42:39]  Get the fuck out of here.
[00:42:41]  And you know the story?
[00:42:42]  I don't know if you know the story, but Zach Efron went to rehab.
[00:42:47]  He went to rehab.
[00:42:47]  I'm not sure how long ago it was, but he was basically filming a movie and he got Baker acted in the middle of filming.
[00:42:52]  He came to set one day really fucked up and he was super coked up and drunk and Damn.
[00:42:58]  They baker acted his ass.
[00:42:59]  What the fuck's a baker act?
[00:43:00]  It's like, what is it?
[00:43:01]  You know, you got to go to rehab.
[00:43:03]  Yeah, when they take you, you're like too fucked up.
[00:43:05]  They think you're maybe kill yourself suicidal.
[00:43:08]  Oh, so they baker acted.
[00:43:09]  Like he couldn't, it was, he couldn't leave if he wanted to.
[00:43:13]  Exactly.
[00:43:13]  Against his will.
[00:43:14]  Against his will.
[00:43:15]  That's the only kind of rehab that works.
[00:43:17]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
[00:43:19]  I could leave.
[00:43:20]  Yeah, right.
[00:43:21]  Right.
[00:43:21]  I could show up next week.
[00:43:23]  Sure, maybe.
[00:43:24]  Yeah.
[00:43:25]  And, and anyways, so Zach Efron was there.
[00:43:29]  Partying and he said that at Marilyn's house, at Marilyn's house.
[00:43:32]  Oh my god, the night before he got baked, so weird, you know, all night.
[00:43:37]  I guess he's a huge fan of Marilyn Manson, whatever.
[00:43:39]  And he said he reached out to him and he was like, Yeah, come over and party with me, or whatever.
[00:43:42]  And he was over there for a few days, whatever.
[00:43:44]  And then, like, the last night he was there, he was, Marilyn Manson was carving out giant cocaine swastikas and having Zach Efron and they were both snorting these giant cocaine swastikas off the floor.
[00:43:56]  And in his dark dungeon, like, and he's, like, remind you, he's got this giant palace on top of a hill in, like, the Pacific Palisades, and all the windows are blocked in.
[00:44:05]  Like, he got, he blacked out all the windows.
[00:44:08]  So you can't even see out any of the windows.
[00:44:09]  It's just such an unhealthy experience.
[00:44:11]  I don't like this world.
[00:44:12]  And he's like, that scares me the fuck out of me.
[00:44:14]  He's like in his 50s, bro, and he's doing this every night.
[00:44:17]  What the fuck?
[00:44:18]  How are these guys not dead?
[00:44:20]  I don't understand it.
[00:44:21]  Fuck.
[00:44:22]  I look back at my past and that does not even come close to what they're doing.
[00:44:26]  And I'm like, I almost died.
[00:44:28]  Like, what?
[00:44:29]  And I got out, you know?
[00:44:30]  Yeah.
[00:44:31]  Some people are on a show.
[00:44:32]  He's living it every day, man.
[00:44:33]  Fuck.
[00:44:34]  He's probably been doing it since he was in his 20s.
[00:44:35]  It's probably nothing to laugh about.
[00:44:37]  Can't last too much longer doing shit like that.
[00:44:39]  No, your heart's going to explode.
[00:44:41]  Yeah.
[00:44:42]  Marilyn, your heart's going to give out.
[00:44:45]  I don't know you, but it's fine.
[00:44:46]  Take a chill pill.
[00:44:47]  Jesus Christ.
[00:44:48]  Little weed.
[00:44:49]  That's it.
[00:44:50]  That's it.
[00:44:51]  Wow.
[00:44:51]  That's the best cocaine story I think I've ever seen.
[00:44:53]  Yeah, that's pretty insane, bro.
[00:44:56]  How weird is it to picture Zach Efron and Marilyn Manson chilling together?
[00:45:00]  That's what I said out of the way.
[00:45:02]  What is this?
[00:45:03]  I don't think it's that weird.
[00:45:04]  He hangs out with Shia LaBeouf.
[00:45:05]  He hangs out with Nick Cage.
[00:45:07]  He hangs out with Johnny Depp.
[00:45:08]  Seems about par for the course.
[00:45:10]  I guess, yeah.
[00:45:11]  Yeah, the partiers.
[00:45:12]  Johnny Depp was good.
[00:45:13]  He was fans with Hunter S. Thompson.
[00:45:15]  Oh, yeah.
[00:45:16]  Was he really friends with him?
[00:45:17]  Oh, yeah.
[00:45:18]  He was there for a while.
[00:45:19]  He went and stayed with him for a month or two.
[00:45:21]  I forgot.
[00:45:22]  But when he was getting ready to tape, Fear and loathing, yeah.
[00:45:24]  He stayed at Hunter's house for a while and then he became friends.
[00:45:28]  And then they always part.
[00:45:30]  Hunter S. Thompson is the craziest, coolest ever.
[00:45:33]  Did you see him on video just having a shootout with his neighbor?
[00:45:37]  He was the biggest, everything, yeah.
[00:45:39]  They said they would, he was like Superman, like he just was functioned on it like a sheet of acid and drink a quart of whiskey and just like no one could even tell.
[00:45:49]  Fuck, and just would write.
[00:45:51]  He's a god.
[00:45:52]  Watch the documentary on him though, it's kind of sad.
[00:45:54]  They said like towards the end, the drugs took its.
[00:45:56]  Toll and his light got dimmed.
[00:45:58]  And they said he would sit in front of a typewriter and later, after all the years of drug abuse, and it was like a lightning bolt would hit him.
[00:46:06]  And he'd like write some genius shit, and then it would like stop.
[00:46:09]  And he'd have to wait and wait for it.
[00:46:11]  It was a really cool analogy, really.
[00:46:13]  And he blew his fucking brains out, yeah, with his family home.
[00:46:16]  He said, If Bush wins the election again, I'm gonna blow my brains out.
[00:46:20]  And then he did.
[00:46:21]  And that's the saddest shit I ever heard, but he is a man of his word for sure.
[00:46:26]  And with his family home, and his son was talking about it, and he's like, It's kind of sad and poetic, but he's like, That's.
[00:46:31]  The way he wanted it, you know, and it was just nuts.
[00:46:35]  And what's the documentary called?
[00:46:37]  I don't remember, but just yeah, just a show.
[00:46:41]  And he was having a shootout with his neighbor, and the guy's just filming it, and he's going like this, and then his neighbor shoots back, and then you just hear and just bullets ricocheting.
[00:46:50]  He's like, That's my neighbor, what he's like, and they're just having a shootout on like a Sunday, and I'm like, What is happening here?
[00:46:58]  Why is what you're shooting guns at each other?
[00:47:01]  That's got a hand cannon, just go about your day after that.
[00:47:05]  Yeah, I guess a bunch of documentaries Jeff next door is a real dick.
[00:47:08]  Yeah, Gonzo.
[00:47:09]  That's it.
[00:47:10]  Gonzo.
[00:47:10]  Is that it?
[00:47:11]  So good.
[00:47:13]  And Gonzo may I don't remember, it's been too long.
[00:47:17]  May have been the name of the lawyer.
[00:47:20]  Sick cover.
[00:47:20]  I like the artwork.
[00:47:23]  Who was the lawyer in the movie Fear and Loathing?
[00:47:27]  That was based off a real character, was it?
[00:47:29]  Benicio del Toro.
[00:47:30]  Benicio del Toro.
[00:47:31]  Yeah, he was the actor.
[00:47:32]  Yeah, that guy was a real character, and they talk about him in the movie.
[00:47:37]  Hunter said he was like a scary man.
[00:47:39]  Like, he was a lawyer and he was a big, strong dude.
[00:47:42]  He's like, Is this guy going to get me out of jail or, like, murder me?
[00:47:47]  He said he was a man not to be trifled with.
[00:47:49]  It was a very scary guy.
[00:47:51]  So, of course, he hung out with him and did copious amounts of drugs with him.
[00:47:55]  Yeah.
[00:47:56]  Yeah.
[00:47:56]  He was sick, man.
[00:47:57]  I read a story about him with the Hells Angels before that.
[00:48:00]  Oh, yeah.
[00:48:00]  Super gnarly, man.
[00:48:01]  He got the shit beat down.
[00:48:02]  He stayed with them for like a couple months.
[00:48:04]  He did everything they did.
[00:48:05]  Yeah.
[00:48:05]  They beat his ass at night, though, jumped him and shit.
[00:48:09]  Remember that?
[00:48:09]  I remember that story.
[00:48:10]  I think it was in this.
[00:48:11]  He said, uh, Because one of the Hells Angels was beating his lady and beating his dog.
[00:48:16]  He goes, Any man that beats his lady and beats his dog is a punk.
[00:48:19]  Yeah.
[00:48:20]  And the guy was like, You really need to be chilling at the biker bar.
[00:48:22]  And then he's like, Yeah.
[00:48:23]  And then they beat the fuck out of him.
[00:48:25]  Yeah.
[00:48:25]  Because they're the Hells Angels.
[00:48:26]  But he was right.
[00:48:30]  You know?
[00:48:32]  And then he went to the cops all bloody and like said that Hells Angels is beating my ass.
[00:48:37]  And they said, Get out of here.
[00:48:38]  You're getting blood on the counter.
[00:48:39]  And like no one helped him.
[00:48:40]  God damn.
[00:48:41]  And he still, after he got his ass beat, he stayed there and hung out.
[00:48:45]  I don't remember.
[00:48:45]  I don't know after the beating.
[00:48:47]  I want to say, I would say he chose not to be there anymore.
[00:48:51]  I thought I watched this story go on for a little bit, but I don't remember.
[00:48:56]  Seems like drugs go hand in hand with being a creative genius sometimes.

=== Head Meds and Painkillers (10:04) ===

[00:49:00]  Yes, but also death and dark shit.
[00:49:06]  It'll be a short run, but it'll be a good one.
[00:49:08]  It's a slippery slope.
[00:49:10]  I will say this I'm glad I went through what I went through, and I've given this analogy before.
[00:49:16]  I'm a fan of drugs, and they've Fucking fun, dude.
[00:49:19]  But you know, obviously, if they get you, you lose your family, your home, your life, etc.
[00:49:26]  Go to jail, bad shit happens.
[00:49:28]  But I just like, obviously, you can't tell kids not to do them.
[00:49:31]  That doesn't fucking work.
[00:49:33]  But like, I just say, like, I dove all in and went like crazy, but I had my hand on the side of the swimming pool.
[00:49:39]  Like, don't let go.
[00:49:40]  Right, right, right.
[00:49:41]  If you go all in, you're fucking toast.
[00:49:44]  You saw, you've seen where it goes.
[00:49:46]  Yeah.
[00:49:47]  It's nowhere good.
[00:49:48]  There's no happy endings.
[00:49:50]  I mean, even Keith Richards.
[00:49:51]  He's like the one guy that hasn't been on heroin for 50 years.
[00:49:55]  Yeah, I was gonna say, he's alive.
[00:49:57]  The rest are dead.
[00:49:58]  There's one guy.
[00:50:00]  Yeah.
[00:50:00]  What do you think his secret is?
[00:50:02]  He's got reptile blood.
[00:50:04]  I don't know.
[00:50:04]  I don't fucking know.
[00:50:06]  He's got a really good dealer.
[00:50:07]  That's for sure.
[00:50:08]  Well, he said that he does the same amount no matter what.
[00:50:12]  Like, he doesn't, you know.
[00:50:14]  Okay.
[00:50:16]  That's what he's been quoted saying.
[00:50:18]  I don't know.
[00:50:18]  And he can quit whenever he wants.
[00:50:21]  Yeah, right, so it's no big deal, but just you know, of course, you want to experience shit.
[00:50:27]  We all do, we're curious as fuck, but just have an exit strategy.
[00:50:32]  And you know, like, I've heard all these stories before, and they're jokes you hear in AA or the program.
[00:50:38]  And uh, you know, like, don't try coke because like the joke is, like, I tried it once for five years, you're like, no one does it once, yeah, it's just trouble.
[00:50:47]  It's like, hey, you want a bump?
[00:50:49]  Give me the A ball, give me the A ball, one's too many.
[00:50:52]  500 is not enough, exactly.
[00:50:54]  You know, the sayings it's just true, they're sayings for a reason.
[00:50:58]  Uh, but I'm a fan of natural, you know, what God makes sun and soil, seed, mushrooms, weed.
[00:51:04]  Yeah, it's been a part of our culture, you know, from ancient civilizations.
[00:51:10]  Well, Coke's from nature.
[00:51:12]  No, the cocoa leaf is from nature.
[00:51:14]  The cocoa leaf is from nature, and you put it in your cheek and you chew on it like tobacco, and it's like coffee, it's like strong coffee.
[00:51:21]  Then we cook it in a laboratory and make it crack cocaine.
[00:51:25]  Cocaine powder and sniff it, shoot it up, and smoke it.
[00:51:27]  We pour diesel fuel.
[00:51:28]  That's not natural, bro.
[00:51:29]  A little bit of carrots.
[00:51:30]  That's not natural.
[00:51:31]  That changes things a little bit.
[00:51:32]  You know what I mean?
[00:51:33]  Yeah.
[00:51:34]  Yeah, there's definitely more.
[00:51:35]  I mean, I've talked about it.
[00:51:36]  There's like a weird stigma on uppers versus downers.
[00:51:42]  Like weed and mushrooms, it's easy for people to talk about casually doing stuff.
[00:51:45]  Well, because have you seen meth heads, bro?
[00:51:47]  Yeah.
[00:51:48]  Have you seen meth?
[00:51:49]  Have you seen hippies?
[00:51:50]  Little different.
[00:51:51]  Yeah.
[00:51:52]  Little different.
[00:51:52]  Yeah.
[00:51:53]  It's like no one's ever proud of being high on meth or high on coke, but weed and mushrooms and that kind of stuff, LSD, like the trippy stuff is different.
[00:52:01]  Like you can be proud of it.
[00:52:02]  Because it most, I mean, unless you fry your fucking brain, which I've seen happen too, it kind of changes you for the better.
[00:52:08]  Yeah.
[00:52:08]  I remember the first seeds ever planted of sobriety were as a teenager on mushrooms.
[00:52:14]  And I never had that thought in my life.
[00:52:16]  I didn't even know that was an option with my family and on both sides, you know.
[00:52:20]  Everyone just partied.
[00:52:22]  And then, like, you do little mushrooms, you're like, man, what am I doing?
[00:52:26]  Like, I need to be better.
[00:52:27]  Like, I'm going to hug my mom, tell her I love her.
[00:52:29]  I'm going to get off these pills.
[00:52:30]  Like, what's this?
[00:52:31]  She's poison, you know?
[00:52:32]  Yeah.
[00:52:33]  And then, of course, the high goes down, and then I just take the pills and forget about it.
[00:52:36]  But I just, I never thought that.
[00:52:38]  Until mushrooms, yeah, yeah, and unfortunately, it took me about a decade to get out of that.
[00:52:44]  Uh, pills and coke and whatever, you know, I was just a partier.
[00:52:47]  Like, people say, What was your choice?
[00:52:49]  Obviously, Oxycontin, Norco's, the opioids, I just love that.
[00:52:52]  But, like, I was like, Down here, too, like, whatever, like, what's at the party?
[00:52:56]  Um, like, it doesn't matter what you got.
[00:52:59]  Um, yeah, what's I gonna say?
[00:53:03]  Do you still take mushrooms or no?
[00:53:04]  You only do, I started micro dosing, okay, so I haven't been high yet.
[00:53:09]  But so, yes and no, uh, that has you know, this pandemic I obviously hit the world hard, but it started my mental health went down, bro.
[00:53:19]  And I was like, oh, and I didn't want to get on head meds because I was on pills for a decade, and I was like, now I don't even like taking aspirin now.
[00:53:28]  And I and uh, I you know, not that head meds can be great for certain people, I've just seen friends literally kill themselves on them when switching meds, and I'm like, I don't trust that, you know.
[00:53:43]  And so I was like, fuck that.
[00:53:44]  What are natural alternatives?
[00:53:45]  So I started taking cold showers, ice baths, swimming in the ocean, breath work, microdosing.
[00:53:51]  You just take like 0.2, 0.3.
[00:53:53]  It doesn't get you high, it just kind of stirs your little, you know, and it fucking works, dude.
[00:53:58]  That's it?
[00:53:59]  So good.
[00:54:00]  Oh my God.
[00:54:00]  Well, I started doing it because all my friends started doing it and people I trust and, you know, they're not burnouts and shit.
[00:54:08]  And I started, I listened to something on NPR where like CEOs and execs were microdosing.
[00:54:13]  They're like Silicon Valley people.
[00:54:14]  Yeah.
[00:54:14]  And I was like, all right, that guy's worth $2.2 billion.
[00:54:16]  And he's taking a microdose.
[00:54:18]  I'm going to look into this, you know?
[00:54:19]  He's not smoking crack.
[00:54:21]  Yeah.
[00:54:21]  And then I tried it and it fucking helped.
[00:54:23]  You just do it like every third day.
[00:54:25]  And you're not, if you're microdosing every day, you're doing it wrong, you know?
[00:54:28]  Like it's not meant like that.
[00:54:30]  And it just stirs your little happy juices just enough, lights you up.
[00:54:35]  And now that it's kind of being decriminalized in a lot of states, they're doing more and more scientific studies on it.
[00:54:41]  And it's really just showing profound effects with.
[00:54:45]  War veterans, soldiers, schizophrenia, drug addicts.
[00:54:51]  It's, you know, of course, take that with a grain of salt.
[00:54:54]  The drug addict can also eat a quarter every day and ruin his life.
[00:54:57]  You know, like it's, I'm at a different place in my life to where I was.
[00:55:02]  That's why I made the decision to start dabbling in weed and microdosing because I was like, I did seven years 100% with nothing.
[00:55:10]  So I built my foundation.
[00:55:12]  I felt like I developed enough.
[00:55:15]  I'm still scared.
[00:55:16]  I'm still at least smart enough to know I can't have a beer.
[00:55:20]  You know, yeah, I'm sorry for putting these in front of you.
[00:55:22]  I'm not for a bra.
[00:55:23]  Are you kidding me?
[00:55:24]  I couldn't go to my family's house.
[00:55:27]  I'm fine.
[00:55:28]  Yeah, everyone's like, oh shit.
[00:55:29]  It's like, I'm not.
[00:55:30]  No, it's okay.
[00:55:31]  It's all right.
[00:55:32]  I know where it leads.
[00:55:33]  I'm good.
[00:55:34]  But yeah, I don't remember where I was going.
[00:55:38]  It's been very, very, very beneficial to me and my mental health and anxiety and depression during this dark year we've all had.
[00:55:48]  I had a guy on here, this filmmaker dude, who made a really famous YouTube documentary called Florida Man a few years ago.
[00:55:57]  And, anyways, he's really big into mushrooms now.
[00:56:00]  And now, basically, every project he works on is all about tripping on mushrooms.
[00:56:03]  Like, he's dedicated his life to it.
[00:56:04]  He has a podcast where he's tripping every single morning.
[00:56:07]  They call every morning every fucking morning.
[00:56:10]  That's a bit.
[00:56:11]  That's a bit.
[00:56:12]  That's a lot.
[00:56:12]  It's a bit much.
[00:56:13]  He is hardcore into it.
[00:56:15]  And he talks like he told the story about his dad how his dad was super depressed.
[00:56:19]  His dad had PTSD and his dad still lives here.
[00:56:21]  He lives in LA.
[00:56:24]  And he eventually convinced his dad to try mushrooms.
[00:56:28]  He's like it changed his dad's life.
[00:56:29]  Yeah.
[00:56:29]  It does.
[00:56:30]  Completely change it for the better.
[00:56:31]  You're like no more suicidal thoughts.
[00:56:33]  The dude was happier.
[00:56:34]  Like he would like literally change so many stories like this.
[00:56:37]  There was that one fighter guy they documented it.
[00:56:40]  He was, you know, an MMA guy.
[00:56:43]  I don't remember his name.
[00:56:44]  I'm sorry, dude.
[00:56:44]  But he had CTE and brain damage from fighting, you know.
[00:56:49]  And he was taking pills because he's all fucked up because of fighting, you know, head meds and painkillers.
[00:56:55]  And he's a huge dude.
[00:56:56]  So he's taking way more than everyone else because he's a huge fucking dude.
[00:57:00]  And he's drinking like 40 beers a day, he said, because he's fucking 280.
[00:57:05]  And it just takes.
[00:57:06]  Anyways, he was ready to kill himself.
[00:57:09]  And he has a family.
[00:57:10]  He's like, I. Can't do that, but every thought I have is just like end it, end it, end it because he's in so much pain.
[00:57:16]  And then he said he took a hero dose of mushrooms, which is seven grams, where you go to a hero dose that's what it's called.
[00:57:23]  They call it a hero dose where you go to I call it Cuckoosville, yeah.
[00:57:28]  But he went there and they filmed it and he thought he died.
[00:57:31]  He's like, I'm dead, I'm it's kind of funny and sad.
[00:57:34]  I'm dead, he's like, and but it but then he comes back and he comes down and then they do a follow up.
[00:57:40]  He's like, Oh my god, I stopped drinking, I stopped taking pills, my suicidal thoughts are gone.
[00:57:44]  Wow.
[00:57:45]  You know, and it's like a reset button.
[00:57:47]  And the same exact story, pretty much, I heard from like an Army Ranger guy that went to war and, you know, did war shit, and he's fucked up.
[00:57:54]  Yeah.
[00:57:54]  And this guy was a smart dude.
[00:57:56]  That's, of course, I forgot his name, you know, but I'd have to Google it.
[00:58:01]  But he said that he was just the same thing sad, depressed, suicidal.
[00:58:06]  And he didn't start out that way.
[00:58:08]  This guy graduated college, went to like West Point after that shit.
[00:58:11]  He's like a fucking elite soldier.
[00:58:13]  You know, he's like, I need to do something about this.
[00:58:15]  So he started traveling the world and doing ayahuasca, mushrooms, toad, lick the toe.
[00:58:20]  He did all of them.
[00:58:21]  And he said, by far the most, the best one he did was Ibogaine.
[00:58:27]  Ibogaine.
[00:58:28]  I believe he's in Peru or something.
[00:58:29]  He said that, you know, it's the same as like a hero dose.
[00:58:35]  You go there, you know.
[00:58:36]  And he said, Father Ibogaine appeared before him and said, like, breathe.
[00:58:41]  And he breathed.
[00:58:42]  And he said, it like took all the negative, dark energy out of him.
[00:58:46]  And he said he's never felt such a release like that in his life.
[00:58:51]  And after that, he was like, no suicidal thoughts, no PTSD, no anxiety.
[00:58:57]  And so then I did some research in the hippie communities.
[00:59:02]  I believe all this shit, but like ayahuasca, it's mother ayahuasca.

=== Terminator Masculinity Talk (04:15) ===

[00:59:05]  You know, there's always male and female and everything in between.
[00:59:11]  And you got to say that, you know.
[00:59:13]  Non binary.
[00:59:13]  Yeah.
[00:59:14]  And then so there's mother ayahuasca and father eyeball game.
[00:59:17]  It's the male and the female.
[00:59:19]  And then he said that's why he thinks the eyeball game was more beneficial than the ayahuasca because it got rid of all that toxic masculinity baggage.
[00:59:27]  Although I am a fan of masculinity and being a man, just, you know, not the toxic shit.
[00:59:34]  I think, like, it's so, it's, everyone just makes it so divisive.
[00:59:37]  It's like, fuck masculinity.
[00:59:38]  It's like, no, no, no.
[00:59:40]  Masculinity is good.
[00:59:41]  Build a house, provide for your family, hunt, you know.
[00:59:44]  Toxic masculinity is bad.
[00:59:46]  Like, let's, there's a fucking difference.
[00:59:48]  You know, everything is so weird now.
[00:59:50]  What are you going to vote for, Kaitlyn Jenner?
[00:59:54]  I don't even know.
[00:59:56]  I don't know who the options are.
[01:00:02]  She's ready to transform California.
[01:00:04]  Yeah, I'm not a fan of anyone that gets away with vehicular manslaughter.
[01:00:10]  Yeah.
[01:00:11]  You know?
[01:00:11]  Because they're rich.
[01:00:14]  Yeah.
[01:00:14]  For sure.
[01:00:16]  I can't imagine.
[01:00:17]  I can't imagine a world where Caitlyn Jenner's the governor.
[01:00:20]  And, I mean, who would be her vice?
[01:00:21]  I mean, the Terminator was.
[01:00:23]  Yeah, that's right.
[01:00:23]  The Terminator was.
[01:00:24]  But he's pretty cool.
[01:00:26]  That one I'll give a pass because Terminator 2, bro.
[01:00:28]  Yeah, Terminator's a Terminator.
[01:00:29]  I don't think I was old enough to vote, but I ain't going to lie.
[01:00:33]  I'd be like, T2.
[01:00:33]  Hell yeah.
[01:00:35]  Yeah.
[01:00:36]  Dude, that's great.
[01:00:38]  I can watch that any day, every day.
[01:00:41]  It's the best action movie I've ever seen in my life.
[01:00:43]  Yeah.
[01:00:43]  So good.
[01:00:44]  She still holds up.
[01:00:46]  God damn, James Cameron.
[01:00:48]  You're a fucking genius, bro.
[01:00:50]  I forgot James Cameron made that.
[01:00:51]  He's made the best movies.
[01:00:53]  I heard he's a big dick, but who cares?
[01:00:55]  When you make that good.
[01:00:56]  Thank you, sir.
[01:00:57]  That's so nice of you, Austin.
[01:00:58]  Austin's.
[01:00:59]  When you make that good of movies, you could be a dickhead.
[01:01:01]  Hell yeah.
[01:01:02]  I don't give a fuck.
[01:01:02]  I won't speak up.
[01:01:03]  Yeah.
[01:01:04]  God damn.
[01:01:05]  Yeah, I completely forgot that he made that.
[01:01:07]  That was one of the fucking best goddamn movies.
[01:01:09]  The Alien.
[01:01:10]  That's the one where he ends with the thumb up and he goes in the lava.
[01:01:13]  Yeah.
[01:01:14]  Yeah.
[01:01:14]  Terminator 2, greatest action movie ever.
[01:01:16]  Me too.
[01:01:17]  But maybe John Wick.
[01:01:18]  Those are my two favorites.
[01:01:19]  I haven't even seen John Wick.
[01:01:20]  Oh, I gotta go.
[01:01:21]  That's what I've been telling him for so long.
[01:01:24]  I've been telling him.
[01:01:25]  Shoot him up movie I've ever seen in my life.
[01:01:27]  Keanu Reeves is so badass.
[01:01:28]  He's so fucking dope.
[01:01:29]  Do you have to watch him in sequence to watch that one, two, or three?
[01:01:32]  It's a gun movie.
[01:01:33]  It doesn't need to.
[01:01:34]  It has a storyline, but it's all the same.
[01:01:37]  Yeah.
[01:01:37]  He just kills everybody.
[01:01:38]  The first one actually is somewhat realistic.
[01:01:42]  Yeah.
[01:01:42]  After that, I hate the fans too.
[01:01:43]  Everyone's a hater.
[01:01:44]  They're like, he didn't even.
[01:01:46]  It's like, it's a movie, guys.
[01:01:48]  Like, it's unrealistic.
[01:01:50]  He took on 9,000 men.
[01:01:51]  Yeah, it's a fucking movie.
[01:01:53]  Right.
[01:01:53]  It's action.
[01:01:54]  Yeah.
[01:01:55]  Just enjoy it.
[01:01:56]  Yeah.
[01:01:56]  Obviously, it's not realistic.
[01:01:58]  Right.
[01:01:59]  It's insane.
[01:02:00]  Yeah, they're awesome, man.
[01:02:01]  I like it.
[01:02:02]  I want to see it because Bobon's in it.
[01:02:04]  The dude from the Mavs.
[01:02:05]  the tall dude.
[01:02:06]  He is a tall dude with the big ears.
[01:02:07]  He's a bad guy.
[01:02:08]  I've seen the scene where he's in a grocery store and John Wick beats his ass.
[01:02:12]  He's like an eight-foot tall, big, giant-looking guy.
[01:02:15]  He looks like Andre the Giant.
[01:02:16]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:02:17]  I didn't know that guy was a ball player.
[01:02:19]  Yeah, he's a pro basketball player.
[01:02:20]  Oh, that's fantastic.
[01:02:21]  Yeah, he's great, dude.
[01:02:22]  Yeah, watch John Wick.
[01:02:23]  I'm going to.
[01:02:23]  I'm going to watch John Wick.
[01:02:24]  The first one's the best.
[01:02:25]  Start there.
[01:02:26]  But it doesn't matter.
[01:02:27]  All right, I'll watch it tonight.
[01:02:29]  But it's so good.
[01:02:29]  I'm going to bench him tonight.
[01:02:32]  It took him forever to get me to watch Trailer Park Boys, too.
[01:02:33]  I just started watching Trailer Park Boys.
[01:02:35]  Oh, my God.
[01:02:36]  I love that show.
[01:02:37]  It's so good.
[01:02:38]  Rest in peace, was it Randy?
[01:02:39]  It's all right.
[01:02:40]  The Alpha Podcast?
[01:02:41]  Jim.
[01:02:42]  Jim.
[01:02:42]  Jim Leahy.
[01:02:43]  That's right.
[01:02:44]  Did he just die?
[01:02:45]  Yeah.
[01:02:45]  He died a year or so ago.
[01:02:46]  Yeah, a year or two ago.
[01:02:47]  Dude, that show's so funny.
[01:02:48]  John Dunsworth.
[01:02:49]  Yeah, it's funny as fuck.
[01:02:50]  You got to be super.
[01:02:51]  Bubbles.
[01:02:51]  You got to be fucking stoned.
[01:02:52]  That's fucking cool, dude.
[01:02:54]  That's really nice.
[01:02:55]  That's a nice kitty right there.
[01:02:57]  Yeah, they're classic characters, man.
[01:02:59]  And you can see the evolution of the show if you watch it from the beginning.
[01:03:03]  It's so grainy and you filmed it with your little handheld.
[01:03:06]  Yeah, and it gets.
[01:03:07]  Production quality gets better.
[01:03:08]  That's a perfect example of those guys just made something out of nothing.
[01:03:11]  Out of nothing.
[01:03:11]  You know?
[01:03:12]  At all, fucking camera.
[01:03:13]  The production on this show is better than them a hundred times, yeah.
[01:03:18]  And then it just they're funny, and then it just kept going.

=== CKY Media Inspiration (04:04) ===

[01:03:20]  Yeah, it was just like some friends made some shit on, yeah.
[01:03:23]  It was just like fucking CKY, right?
[01:03:26]  They started like CKY.
[01:03:27]  Oh, dude, I watched that in high school.
[01:03:30]  Oh, yeah.
[01:03:30]  It was everything to us.
[01:03:31]  That freestyle by that one foot, yellow.
[01:03:33]  I never remember that shit.
[01:03:34]  Yeah, Brandon DiCamello.
[01:03:36]  Dude.
[01:03:37]  Oh, man.
[01:03:38]  CKY is what got me started in everything.
[01:03:39]  Everything.
[01:03:40]  All my buddies started jumping off buildings.
[01:03:42]  Yeah, it was like in our cells.
[01:03:43]  But we didn't even film it.
[01:03:44]  It was just for pain.
[01:03:45]  We were so stupid.
[01:03:47]  We filmed it.
[01:03:47]  Yeah, luckily Danny filmed everything.
[01:03:49]  I started filming it.
[01:03:52]  We just have the memory.
[01:03:53]  Yeah.
[01:03:54]  The broken bones.
[01:03:56]  Oh, my God.
[01:03:56]  We got in so much fucking trouble.
[01:03:58]  I I feel like that CKY era, when they started making those videos and posts to those, selling the DVDs, that must have inspired so many fucking kids.
[01:04:07]  Oh, yeah.
[01:04:08]  Millions.
[01:04:08]  I mean, I met Dunn at a club once.
[01:04:12]  Really?
[01:04:12]  Yeah, rest in peace.
[01:04:14]  I was hammering on XC.
[01:04:16]  It was like Vegas.
[01:04:17]  I was like, fucking Ryan Dunn, bro.
[01:04:19]  And he's like, yeah.
[01:04:20]  I was like, you're my hero, dude.
[01:04:21]  And he's like, all right.
[01:04:22]  And that was a random hero.
[01:04:23]  He was cool.
[01:04:23]  He gave me a hug, dude.
[01:04:24]  Really?
[01:04:25]  I was a sweaty, all drugged out kid.
[01:04:26]  He's like, fuck yeah, bro.
[01:04:27]  And I just remember it was real kind words.
[01:04:29]  It was a club.
[01:04:29]  And he's yawning in my ear.
[01:04:30]  He's like, that's awesome.
[01:04:31]  Yeah.
[01:04:32]  And I don't know why.
[01:04:32]  I just remember saying, like, I fucking love you and Led Zeppelin, bro.
[01:04:35]  I just named those two things.
[01:04:37]  I guess it's good company to be in.
[01:04:40]  Yeah.
[01:04:40]  You know, obviously, fans of a lot of shit.
[01:04:42]  But yeah, Ryan Dunn, Jackass, that whole crew, CKY.
[01:04:46]  Bam fucking going downhill.
[01:04:48]  Yeah.
[01:04:48]  He's a perfect example.
[01:04:50]  Basket case right now.
[01:04:51]  He stayed too long.
[01:04:52]  Yeah.
[01:04:53]  He's on like Marilyn Manson's level.
[01:04:55]  Yeah.
[01:04:56]  Yeah, I could see him at Marilyn Manson's house.
[01:04:58]  Oh, yeah.
[01:04:59]  All the time.
[01:05:00]  For sure.
[01:05:00]  I mean, he's fucking just watching his social media.
[01:05:03]  So fucking crazy.
[01:05:04]  It's a roller coaster ride.
[01:05:05]  It's a spiral like that.
[01:05:06]  It's so sad.
[01:05:07]  Just spiraling.
[01:05:07]  He's all bloated.
[01:05:09]  On camera.
[01:05:09]  It looks like he's going to die.
[01:05:11]  Bam.
[01:05:12]  I love you, bro.
[01:05:13]  Get sober, man.
[01:05:14]  Yeah.
[01:05:16]  Go to Ibogaine, bro.
[01:05:17]  Ibogaine.
[01:05:18]  Hell Marys.
[01:05:19]  It's like, go do what you got to do.
[01:05:21]  Yeah.
[01:05:22]  Rehab ain't working.
[01:05:23]  Go to Peru.
[01:05:24]  Do ayahuasca and Ibogaine.
[01:05:25]  Yeah.
[01:05:26]  You're going to fucking die, man.
[01:05:28]  You've done it?
[01:05:28]  Not the Ibogaine.
[01:05:29]  I've done ayahuasca, though.
[01:05:30]  How was that?
[01:05:31]  That was pretty cool.
[01:05:32]  Yeah.
[01:05:32]  That was good.
[01:05:32]  I mean, it wasn't like a.
[01:05:34]  Super relief of everything pulled out of me, but it's definitely a very spiritual and mental thing to go through, and it's really good for you for sure.
[01:05:41]  Yeah, there's no guarantee of that.
[01:05:42]  Like that war dude, that was like his fifth one, you know?
[01:05:47]  Really?
[01:05:47]  And that's when he was like, oh, I finally got rid of the thing I was trying to get rid of.
[01:05:52]  Right, right, right.
[01:05:54]  Yeah, I wasn't really trying to get rid of anything, I don't think, when I took it.
[01:05:56]  Yeah.
[01:05:58]  He used to have a high enough dose.
[01:05:59]  His tolerance was too high.
[01:06:00]  Double down, baby.
[01:06:01]  Double down, brother.
[01:06:02]  Next time I would double down for sure.
[01:06:04]  So, I guess that's the process.
[01:06:05]  It's like it's such a, you know, hell full experience of puking and shit in your pants that you have a rebirth process and it cleanses you while you purge.
[01:06:19]  You know, that's the story.
[01:06:20]  Bad energy leaves you.
[01:06:21]  Yeah, just like a rebirth.
[01:06:22]  You're just like, oh, fuck.
[01:06:24]  You shed that bullshit.
[01:06:26]  You've been holding on, whatever the fuck it is childhood trauma, war, fighting, abuse.
[01:06:31]  I don't know.
[01:06:32]  Dude, if I eat too much of an edible, I feel that way.
[01:06:35]  I'm telling you, I fucking suck.
[01:06:36]  That's different, bro.
[01:06:38]  That's just anxiety.
[01:06:40]  I just gotta step it up.
[01:06:42]  I gotta start building my tolerance higher.
[01:06:46]  Craig, thanks for doing this, bro.
[01:06:47]  I really appreciate it.
[01:06:48]  Tell everybody where they can find all your shit.
[01:06:51]  I'm sorry.
[01:06:51]  That was too many questions.
[01:06:52]  What's that?
[01:06:52]  What's that?
[01:06:53]  I was saying, how long are you here?
[01:06:54]  What are you doing this show?
[01:06:56]  Four more shows Saturday, Sunday.
[01:06:58]  Come get these jokes, baby.
[01:06:59]  Hell yeah.
[01:07:00]  Tell them where they can follow you.
[01:07:01]  CraigPeakonet on all social media platforms, craigconet.com.
[01:07:07]  I'm touring.
[01:07:07]  I got 43, 45 cities this year.
[01:07:10]  Fuck yeah.
[01:07:11]  Go to my shows.
[01:07:12]  You know, this is my foot in the door tour.
[01:07:15]  This is my first headline tour.
[01:07:16]  Cool, Mercedes.
[01:07:17]  So fucking make me look good.
[01:07:19]  Have them bring me back, everybody.
[01:07:20]  I love you all and thank you.
[01:07:21]  Hell yeah, bro.
[01:07:22]  Thanks for coming.
[01:07:23]  Thanks again.
[01:07:23]  Thank you.
[01:07:24]  Goodbye, world.
[01:07:25]  Peace.