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June 17, 2020 - Davis Aurini
36:08
MGTOW or Marriage? Everybody Gets What They Want (Requested Video)

Originally uploaded January, 2017

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Mick Tower Marriage.
Everybody gets what they want.
Yeah, it's a good title for this video.
That's another requested video from Jakan.
And by the way, I should be all caught up on the requested videos, but if one of them slipped between the cracks, please fire me an email to remind me.
I have a lot of stuff in my email folder.
So yeah, it's a good title because he's asking me one of those questions that's not exactly a question, and the answer isn't the answer to the question he's asking.
But it boils down to the fact that the marriage market is messed up these days.
I don't have to tell you guys that.
You've seen it firsthand.
You know the statistics, the divorce rate, the surplus of males that are in North America, the lack of venues to meet people, the risks involved, the way that nobody seems to be able to relate to anybody anymore.
You're aware of all of that.
So the answer as to what you're supposed to do as a young man, particularly from a Christian perspective, well, it's that you have to figure out what you actually want.
Now, what do I mean by this?
See, part of the problem that we have right now, and this is actually a topic I've been thinking a lot about, the bicameral nature of our society, of our minds, is the two extremes that we have, neither of which are good.
And right now it is so easy to indulge in hedonism that it seems like the only other choice is to be a celibate monk.
And there needs to be a way to square this circle.
And it's knowing what you're actually pursuing, what you want.
So I'd like to start off by putting some C.S. Lewis at you.
So I'm reading Weight of Glory right now.
And he starts off with a metaphor in the first chapter, talking about how we are designed for heaven.
We are designed for God.
But at the same time, we are going to seek out earthly pleasures.
But we are made that way, and that's intentional.
You know, like you're here to live, and part of living is eating food, so you're going to like eating food.
You're not going to eat food because you're really pious.
You're going to eat food because you're hungry.
Now, the example he gives specifically, showing kind of, and this kind of leads to that split that I'm talking about.
It also gives you an example of how far our society has fallen.
Because I'm going to use a different metaphor, and it's going to make a lot more sense.
Is he talks about how the problem is that with some of the things we pursue, we don't see the ultimate end in them.
We can't see the ultimate end.
We can only see the short-term end.
And the example is studying Greek grammar.
And so he says that, listen, the reason you study Greek grammar as a young boy is so that you can understand Greek poetry, so you can see how wonderful and illuminating it is.
But you can't say that to the young boy.
And so the young boy is liable to, you know, slack off and be reading Shelley or Byron or something.
And then he concedes that, you know, what Shelley and Byron are all so good.
Well, let's put this in the modern context because it will make a lot more sense.
Young schoolboy supposed to be studying Shakespeare instead spending all of his time reading comic books.
You know, Greek poetry, forget that.
Okay, that's 50 years ago.
We have descended quite a bit since then.
But the thing is that to truly even appreciate comic books or well-written comic books that are worth your time reading, you do need to know Shakespeare.
You need to know more complex art forms.
And so it might be difficult at first when you're reading that or Crime and Punishment.
You know, Moby Dick, which I haven't read, I really should.
It's difficult to read something that heavy at first.
But once you develop that skill, you get to appreciate something amazing.
This is our culture writ large.
You know, instead of enjoying filet mignon, instead of enjoying acquired tastes, you know, whiskey, for example, top shelf whiskey or bourbon, it's an acquired taste.
We drink light beer.
We eat candy bars, soda pop.
We go for the cheap, easy, lazy sort of high.
And so Lewis says that the reason that you study Greek when you're a young boy, or the reason that you study Shakespeare nowadays, is not because you understand how much you're going to enjoy it.
You can't explain that to a young child.
So the reason the child does that is because the teacher will reward them for it.
And so here's where we get the split mind.
Because the split mind is saying that, oh, well, I shouldn't do it just for the prideful reason of being a good pupil.
Because think about it.
If you get a kid that's constantly doing whatever teacher says, always sucking up the teacher, you know, we hate that kid.
The kid has apron strings around him.
He's a suck-up, Nancy boy.
And yet at the same time, that doesn't mean that the motivation is all bad.
Take my dog, for example, Space Dog, who you can't see right now, but she's right here keeping me warm.
She takes humble pleasure in making me happy.
You know, when I tell her she's been a good girl, when she does what I want her to do and she knows she has, she just takes pleasure in the fact that I'm proud of her.
There's no pride in it.
There's no, you know, I'm better than all the other dogs the way that the suck-up student, the reason we dislike him, is he's saying that I'm better than all the other pupils because teacher said, I got a gold star.
So that's the prideful edge to it.
But that doesn't mean the innate emotion.
Wanting people in appropriate positions of authority to look favorably upon you, to appreciate you, to recognize you, that's not bad.
That is a good thing.
And when you engage in that, when you study your Greek literature or your Shakespeare because you want to impress your parents, you want to impress your teacher, that's good.
And then by doing that, you find out, oh, wait, they weren't just making me do this to punish me, some sort of like Protestant work ethic where you have to suffer.
No, no, you bust your tail, you bust your hump doing something, and there's a reward at the end.
You get to appreciate literature, or you work your tail off, and you get to have a nice house.
You get to feel a sense of accomplishment that you can't really explain to a kid.
Okay, you need to instill the work ethic, not for the sake of the work ethic.
The kid's doing it to impress you, but you're instilling the work ethic so that they get the reward that they can't understand.
And I bring all of this up because this is for the young man.
This is what the urge to sex is.
And young ladies as well.
Slightly different ways.
They fit together, slightly different parts.
The man's more obvious, and it's a guy asking this question.
See, one of the problems that happens, and you see this in the whole purity ring culture, is there is such an emphasis on the non-sexual.
And they're trying to be such good Christians, and they have purity rings, and they don't hold hands until the third date, that the whole thing becomes an absolute nightmare.
And most of those kids don't wind up getting married.
You know, or they stay a virgin until they're 23 or 24 or 25, and then they just snap and just go hog wild with it all.
Because the whole thing, well, it becomes like asking a girl out on the first date in the purity ring culture is the equivalent of asking her hand in marriage.
So it is absolutely nerve-wracking for both sides, and they're repressing the sexual nature of it so hard that it ignores motivation that's supposed to be there.
You know, it's like somebody that is dieting and eating nothing but food they hate.
That person's not going to last.
It's like the student who is busting their hump, studying something they don't like.
You know, and that person, they're not going to last either.
The sexual aspect of man and woman, it's meant to be there.
Now, it's not supposed to stop there.
That's the problem.
So we have half the culturists just looking at that juvenile sex instinct.
And, you know, the other, well, not the other half, the other 5% maybe, that is absolutely suppressing it when it's there for a reason.
Now, Sam Seo over on Rouch V Forum had a very interesting thread.
I'll link to it down below.
Where he was talking about the question: does the Bible explicitly condemn casual sex?
And now, Aquinas wrote quite a bit, and he actually went through this with his priest.
Greek Orthodox, and they really did a lot of research into it, and I think he's still doing some more on it.
But when Aquinas was talking about fornication, fornication comes from the Latin fornix, it means a certain type of archway, and fornication meant hiring the prostitutes underneath of that archway.
The Bible very explicitly condemns homosexuality, bestiality, prostitutes, masturbation, those type of things.
But it's not that obvious where it condemns casual sex.
Now, there are reasons to avoid casual sex, which I will get to, but it's not as explicitly condemned.
And, you know, I hate to say that the church fathers, and so listen, when Aquinas is writing about fornication, he's writing about prostitution.
Okay, because that's what it was.
If you were sleeping casually with a woman, either her father and brothers were going to murder you, or it was a prostitute.
Okay, there weren't a lot of loose women in the Middle Ages like there are now.
And this, you know, I don't want to say the church fathers did not anticipate the situation we have today.
Because, I mean, certainly we've had birth control before.
There's plenty of sexual behaviors that do not lead to procreation.
But what we're seeing in the present day, it's not that it's a different kind of thing that we're seeing, it's a different degree.
And it's so many factors that on their own, you know, they change, change, change, and then just they change a little bit more, and everything changes.
So with the birth control, with mechanization leading to more women being able to participate in the workforce, because even if you go back to Roman times, women could not participate in the workforce.
They might be independently wealthy, but that's not the same thing as being outside of the home, engaging with strangers and working all of the time.
The improvement of communication technologies, etc.
Like all of these things, to a lesser degree, we did have back then.
So it's not like the human species has changed.
This is some progressive dream that we're now a new species with different instincts.
We're not.
But these gradual changes have led to a landslide in the sexual marketplace.
And so now women can be outside of the home in a way that they couldn't be even back in Roman times.
They are engaging with different people.
They can travel wherever they want.
The streets are a lot safer, etc.
So all of these changes have led to women, and then, of course, social media giving them attention, etc.
These have led to women being far more promiscuous than they ever have been before.
You know that line that I mean, my detractors love to scoff at it, the most degenerate slut since the fall of Rome.
You know, and it's like, no, far more degenerate, actually.
Far, far more promiscuous.
And that's historical record.
Okay, that's historical fact.
And so when Aquinas was writing, yeah, he's talking about prostitution.
Now, for us in the modern time, you know, prostitution is very, very rare nowadays.
It's largely a dead industry.
You get the occasional street walkers, there's a couple of brothels in Nevada, but overall, it's casual sex and pornography.
And as a man who's trying to live a righteous life, well, which one of these is worse?
The funny thing is that the I'm not going to say the instinct.
The assumption being pushed by much of society is that, or by much of churchianity, which is really just feminism, is that the casual sex is worse because it makes the female participants feel bad afterwards.
However, the pornography, the pornography is actually the one being condemned by the Bible.
It's both prostitution and masturbation.
And now the medieval scholars at the time, at the time, they thought that the male seed was a homunculus.
That is a tiny little person.
They didn't know that there was an egg in the female that needed to be fertilized.
They thought it was all in the male.
And so they argued strongly against masturbation because it was a form of murder.
And that they would argue further that there was a succubus that was sapping your vital essence, sapping eating your children when you engaged in it, which is another thing that the atheists would scoff at.
And yet when you look at these atheists that would scoff at it, they all look as if a succubus has been sucking the life out of them their entire lives.
So right off the bat, like if you, as a young man, listen, your sexual instinct is there for a reason.
And you shouldn't be trying to suppress it.
Because as soon as you start suppressing it, what are you going to do?
You're going to turn to pornography.
Okay?
And then you're going to go and act like a limp-wristed loser anytime you do talk to women.
And women are the ones that select.
They are supposed to select for a mate who is worthy.
And if you are literally a wanker, they're going to think you're a wanker.
So you need to save that energy for what it's actually intended for.
And you need to use that energy to actually approach women in a confident, masculine manner.
Now, this doesn't mean that you sleep with any of them.
Anyone that you can.
For one thing, you have to take her feelings into account.
Casual sex does wind up being very emotionally trying for women.
It really hurts them.
They really do feel like they've been used, which is why we're seeing all of the date rapes nowadays, because something bad happened to her.
She wasn't raped.
She's been denied the vocabulary to say what happened to her.
So it must be rape.
But you do need to approach confidently.
You do need to dance with them.
Okay, you you don't want to be a a simpering weakling around them because they're not going to like that.
They know they're not.
So they they don't know why, but they know they don't like that.
Even the most brainwashed feminist does not like feminist men.
And unfortunately, what the church has been teaching, the way it's been teaching the sinfulness of sexuality, is putting it all on the man for having a sex drive that God gave him in the first place to go pursue women.
Now, to go back to the C.S. Lewis with the learning Greek, studying Shakespeare.
The sex drive is how you initiate the relationship.
That's why men and women have them.
But it's not where you end.
It's not where you're supposed to end.
Okay, you initiate the sex, and as soon as you start having sex with somebody, there's a natural pair bonding.
You're going to want to hang out with them, you know, because it feels good to hang out with them.
You'll get emotionally intimate with them.
And eventually children are going to be produced.
And if you're doing it all right, you're going to have children.
You're going to have a family.
You're going to become part of a community.
You're going to have people that care about you in your old age.
But see, we're not looking at any of that these days.
You know, our culture isn't looking at any of that.
Our culture treats sex like you have lots of fun in your 20s, and then when you get bored of that, you get married.
Except what actually happens is that you get desperate because you're not as young and attractive and not as meaning as many people.
So you get married to the first thing that comes along.
And then you get miserable.
And then you get divorced and so on.
Now, Anonymous Conservative, or sorry, not Anonymous Conservative, the last psychiatrist had a series of posts on this about narcissism and cinema.
And one of the things he was bringing up was all the men that instead of sleeping with their girlfriends, they were watching porn.
You know, and the girlfriend's like, oh, is it me?
Am I not sexy enough?
And he's saying, no, no, that has nothing to do with it.
It's that all of these men have been living this life.
They lack any actual self-coherent identity.
So they're trying to cosplay an identity.
They're trying to LARP an identity.
You know, what do you think is going on with the alt-right currently?
It's a bunch of angry guys trying to LARP like they're Teutonic Knights, you know?
When really they're just angry men in bad marriages or angry sexless men or what have you, because they lack any identity.
The SJW, same thing.
They are just looking for an identity.
That's what everyone's doing nowadays.
And see, Hollywood has taught them that the way you get the girl is first you have to kung fu fight a bunch of bad guys.
And so guys these days, they go and they meet a girl and they pretend to be whatever they're pretending to be to get her into bed.
And, you know, it goes along and then they wonder, it's like, wait, I haven't actually fought all the ninjas off.
You know, I haven't killed a bunch of pirates and you're still with me.
You know, why are you still with me?
And so they don't want to have sex with her anymore because having sex with her reminds them that their whole personality is a narcissistic shell.
And so this is what I was saying at the beginning of this video is that everybody gets what they want.
You know, if you go out looking for sex qua sex, you're just looking to get your rocks off, you are going to get that.
And then there's going to be some person hanging around afterwards.
And she is going to be reminding you that whatever you are pretending to be, you're not that.
And if you decide to be sexless and pretend to be some sort of holy martyr, you're going to get that.
You're going to remain celibate up until your late 20s, when some girl that she just made a mistake, that has a couple of bastards spawn, is going to glom onto you and, you know, reward you wearing a hair shirt and then she's going to divorce you because of that, this high divorce rate.
It's because it's what people want.
It's because that's the story they're living.
They're living somebody else's story, they're living an imaginary story and so, you know they, they wake up next to their wife of 10 years and say hey, I haven't fought any bad guys, you know, I haven't had.
Um, god hasn't downloaded the program into my brain to be the one yeah, and it's all just a reminder of the life they haven't been living.
And so it's...
It is a balancing act between both of these.
It's yes, you need to get yourself out there.
You need to go out and have fun, but not the the nihilistic, destructive fun.
For the sake of fun, you know, i'm going to go hang out with a bunch of strangers and blitz my mind on drugs, and you know it's.
Burning man, maybe i'm going to wear some stupid outfit and i'm going to call that fun, when that's just self-destruction and trying to live as a hermit, you know, trying to reject the whole nature of fun, you know, and engage in some sort of Protestant work ethic where you just slave away your whole life without knowing why.
That's equally not the solution.
you do need to take a holistic approach to things you need to connect the two halves of the bicameral mind and you need to figure out what it is that you're doing what you want
you know the idea of marriage of having children is very terrifying it sounds like settling to the kid in their 20s you know it's just trying to pick up as many girls as he can and ironically enough you know because he thinks marriage is settling it is guaranteeing that he is going to settle someday
And the problem with game is that, you know, on the one hand, you know, guys have just been so beaten down in the schools that they've got no game whatsoever.
They've got no idea how to approach women.
They've got no idea what women want.
But the end of game is just sex for the sake of sex.
And the inevitable result of that is settling down and then divorce or just misery.
You need to be both.
You need to, you know, same way.
Like, the school kid needs to be working, like they should be trying to earn a good grade, the respect and admiration of their parents and teachers.
But they also need to be in education for the sake of education, even if they can't completely understand it just yet.
Now, the part where this analogy breaks down is that, you know, the school system, you know, theoretically, guides you towards that grander goal.
Our society doesn't guide anybody to any goal anymore.
So you have to do that.
You have to be looking forward to that future of marriage, even though you can't understand it yet.
You're not old enough to really understand it just yet.
You know, like maybe by 20, you might be.
It's unlikely because, you know, we're all stunted teenagers these days.
But to the 14-year-old, it sounds absolutely terrifying.
He just wants to be around a pretty girl.
But you need to do your best to think about the long term.
To look at her not as an accomplishment, not as a reward.
You know, like as I said in another video not too long ago, the hero's journey stops halfway.
You know, you know, introduction of the protagonist, refusal to adventure, mentor, et cetera.
And then it stops at the part where they get the elixir, where they get the girl, and it does not have the return from the underworld.
Again, it's stunted, okay?
It's bicameral.
So you need to be looking at that return from the underworld.
Yes, you should be pursuing women passionately the way a man is supposed to.
And, you know, if a few things happen along the way, you know, it's a lot better than looking at pornography.
And, I mean, Godspeed if you've managed to kick that.
Okay.
It's something I think every guy under the age of 60 struggles with because it's just so universally available.
But yeah, if something happens along the way, it's listen, you can always go to confession.
All right.
I wish that baptism was an immediate transformation of the soul.
But maybe we're just not good enough for that, I guess.
Yeah, I'd much rather you were actually there, you know, kissing pretty girls than whipping yourself for having desires in the first place.
But look at her as a person.
You know, if you're worried about falling into hedonism, the resistance to that is not to deny the sexual urge at all, to try and pretend that you don't have one, only to have it, you know, you crack and you look at a bunch of terrible pornography, which that actually does warp you.
That actually does suck the energy out of your life.
The solution is to actually look at her as a human being.
Actually, see her as a person with hopes and desires and, you know, a good life she could live or a terrible life she could live.
And ask yourself, am I part of the good life she could live or am I being part of that darkness that wants to swallow her up?
And so you can go and meet her and dance with her and kiss her.
And then, you know, maybe I'm not the right one for her.
And back off.
And you're going to need to do this with a lot of women.
You know, the problem with that purity culture is that there's no dating.
Okay, they ask each other out and they're on their way to marriage.
Back in the 50s, teenagers, they used to date lots of people.
And there was an unspoken rule that you never date the same person twice in a row until you met one you really liked and then you were going steady because you were steadily going on dates with them much better courtship, less broken hearts, less terror in the whole thing, a lot more fun,
and it allowed you to get to know a lot of different people.
Let you get to know different women, what they're like or same thing in the women's case have lots of different men they've met and assessed, determined their personality and and then ultimately make a decision on.
So, to recap all of this, what are you supposed to do as a young man these days to...
To avoid the absolute horrors of divorce, of hedonistic suicide culture, etc.
You need to be aware of what you're doing and what you want and what you fear, because if you don't address what you're afraid of, you are going to have it.
You know like if you're the guy that says, oh man, settling down, that's terrifying.
You are going to settle someday or just be completely lonely and wishing you'd settled.
And if you're, you know the opposite, where you're afraid that you're going to fall into hedonism, you're just going to fall into a different type of hedonism, you know, marrying some woman you don't like for the sake of looking virtuous, you know that's another, just another form of hedonism.
You need to do it with your eyes open, appreciating women as human beings, as as fully developed people, and you need to do it in a masculine type of a manner.
You know it's uh.
Sometimes Donald Trump is right they do want you to grab him by the pussy, and when it's that time and if you like her, you probably should although i'd wait for the rest of it until the wedding night.
So just be aware you are going to get what you want out of life and that can very easily turn into an absolute horror show.
But just keep your eyes open, get out there, that's.
That's number one.
Just get out there.
Meet women.
Go dancing.
Pick up stand-up comedy.
I don't know.
Anything to get yourself out there.
Obviously, a nightclub, pounding music, you know, $1,000 for bottles.
That's not getting yourself out there.
That's pretending to be somebody else.
Get out into real places.
Go do real things.
And talk to the girls that you meet there.
Talk to the girls at the gas station.
Talk to the girls at the coffee shop.
Flirt with them.
Learn how to flirt with girls.
You know, even if you're not going to marry them, they still like it.
All right?
If you really need to start off on, you know, with training wheels, flirt with older ladies.
They love it.
Okay?
They love the appreciation.
And they won't take it like you're actually trying to hit on them.
Okay.
They'll just take it as a compliment.
Get yourself out there.
Live real life.
And just keep your eyes open.
Look at others as human beings, as radiant creatures, worthy of your respect.
And don't be afraid to be a man.
Best of luck, brother.
Hopefully, some of the mistakes I've learned from, you can just learn from me telling you about them in this video.
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