Conspirituality - Bonus Sample: Methylene Blues
Aired: 2022-10-10
Duration: 03:40


=== My Blue Butthole Mishap (03:35) ===

[00:00:04]  Hello Conspirituality Podcast listeners.
[00:00:07]  Welcome to a sample of a Patreon bonus episode.
[00:00:10]  We release these every week for our subscribers.
[00:00:13]  They're usually solo essays from our team.
[00:00:16]  It costs $5 a month for access, and the support helps to keep us ad-free and editorially independent.
[00:00:24]  You can sign up at patreon.com backslash conspirituality.
[00:00:29]  Thank you.
[00:00:31]  This brings us to the inspiration for today's episode, Aubrey Marcus.
[00:00:37]  He recently sent out a newsletter with the subject, My Blue Butthole Biohacking Blunder.
[00:00:43]  So I thought I'd read it to you in full to see what happens when you want to biohack with methylene blue.
[00:00:50]  To his credit, it is a cautionary tale, but really it only just brings you to a different sales funnel.
[00:00:57]  Okay, here we go.
[00:00:58]  There I was, complaining about my energy.
[00:01:01]  I just can't seem to get my body sufficiently charged to accomplish what I want.
[00:01:06]  So I went for a shortcut.
[00:01:08]  I ordered some methylene blue from Dr. Conover.
[00:01:11]  Methylene blue is all the rage in biohacking circles as it increases available ATP, cellular energy.
[00:01:20]  I received two delivery mechanisms, sublingual and an anal suppository.
[00:01:26]  Coincidentally, Kyle Kingsbury, who is getting new teeth to improve his jaw position, just completely dyed his falsies smurf blue using a sublingual trosh.
[00:01:36]  So I... I opted for my butt.
[00:01:39]  I figured there was no one who would care if my asshole looked like I got sodomized by a fake Smurf.
[00:01:46]  Okay, aren't all Smurfs fake?
[00:01:48]  It's a fucking cartoon.
[00:01:49]  You could have just said you got sodomized by a Smurf, or you could have not tried to have been a comedian and spared us this entire newsletter.
[00:01:58]  But I started this, so let's keep going.
[00:02:00]  I dropped my shorts right in the kitchen and uncomfortably inserted the blue bullet into my bunghole.
[00:02:06]  Violana actually walked in on me and has been impersonating the face I was making to all of our friends.
[00:02:13]  In any case, within 30 minutes, I rushed to the bathroom.
[00:02:18]  Now, for dinner the night before, I ate some spicy-ass Shakira green curry.
[00:02:25]  So when the diarrhea came, I was melting the toilet bowl with boiling liquid blue plasma.
[00:02:32]  This was unpleasant.
[00:02:33]  Julian and Matthew often talk about apophenia, the tendency to perceive meaningful patterns between unrelated things.
[00:02:41]  Now, I eat green curry pretty regularly.
[00:02:44]  My wife is half Thai.
[00:02:46]  It doesn't result in diarrhea.
[00:02:48]  So that's some real unconscious bias right there.
[00:02:52]  Maybe the diarrhea is because you stuck a fucking methylene blue suppository up your ass and one of the side effects is gastrointestinal distress, as I read earlier.
[00:03:02]  It's like the time your Austin buddy, Preston Smiles, blamed his severe COVID symptoms on eating one thing with sugar.
[00:03:11]  You guys are clueless.
[00:03:13]  Alright, anyway, let's continue.
[00:03:14]  But whatever.
[00:03:15]  Ultimately, not a big deal.
[00:03:17]  Except, the process had done some damage.
[00:03:21]  Somehow, the combination of methylene blue and green curry triggered a massive inflammatory reaction in my colon that lasted the better part of a week.
[00:03:29]  It was all of the symptoms of IBS or colitis.
[00:03:33]  Urgency, gas, diarrhea, and pretty much constant inflammation.
[00:03:38]  Or maybe just the methylene blue.