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June 22, 2023 - Candace Owens
34:08
Is It Fair to Gain Weight After Marriage?
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Controversial question of the day today, guys.
If your husband or wife gained 50 pounds in the span of just two years, would you still be attracted to them?
It's a controversial question because I have a controversial answer to it.
And women, you might hate me a little bit, but we need to be honest about these discussions.
Plus, later on in the show, Boris Johnson, the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, he broke me.
He broke me with one column. Honestly, I don't know if I had any faith left in the West, but it has certainly dissipated since reading his column about his experience taking Ozempic.
That's not a joke all that and more today coming up on Candace Owens
All right, ladies gentlemen, let's just jump right into this one
I saw this column. It was on the Daily Mail.
They have this Dear Jane recurring column.
People write in about their personal problems, and she gives an answer.
And I would say I disagree with her probably 60% of the time.
I'm more interested in it because it's reminiscent to me of the Reddit feed.
People are writing anonymously with their problems, and I'm nosy.
Whatever. Anyways, this one caught my attention because it's been a discussion that I've had so many times with my husband, discussions that I've had with my friends about this phenomenon of women getting married and then putting on a bunch of weight shortly thereafter and whether or not that is something that men should just expect or rather accept.
So I'm going to read you the column verbatim.
Dear Jane, I love my wife, but she's kind of let herself go since she had our son.
Obviously, weight gain during pregnancy is unavoidable, but it felt like she no longer cared about what she looked like during that time.
She stopped wearing makeup.
She started eating a lot of junk.
And those habits haven't really changed since our little boy was born.
She told me the other day that she's gained 50 pounds since her pre-baby days.
And the awful truth is that I just don't find larger women attractive.
I fell for my wife because she was slim and athletic.
She took such pride in her body and her fitness and now that woman appears to have disappeared forever.
Now when she wants to have sex, I find myself making excuses because quite frankly,
I just don't want to.
I don't know how to tell her that.
She just doesn't do it for me anymore.
She's a wonderful mother to our son and I admire that so much about her,
but I think that sex is a really important part of any marriage and can't see myself going on like this
for much longer.
How can I be honest with her without her hating me?
From Wade Down.
That's what he's going by.
So Jane writes back, and she writes back exactly as a female would write back.
She's just upset with the idea that he could even be saying this or asking the question.
She writes, No mention of her personality, her humor, your shared interests, or indeed, anything other than the superficial.
I wonder what would happen were she to be in an accident where she was disfigured, or how you'd feel if she lost a limb.
I don't have to wonder very hard because it does rather seem that you married your wife largely for superficial reasons.
Falling in love with someone means the whole package.
It's not just what they look like or how much makeup they wear, but the whole kit and caboodle.
And loving someone means you accept them as they are, as they were, and as they will be.
Perhaps the reasons for her no longer caring about makeup or what she looks like is because she's unhappy.
Perhaps she's subconsciously using her weight gain to push you away.
Overeating can often be a way of coping with unhappiness or attempting to numb feelings of pain.
Either way, none of us stay the same through the years.
Women's bodies change enormously when they are having babies and again, going through
menopause.
We go through phases when we wear makeup and phases when we don't.
The beauty of marriage is discovering real intimacy through growing together and trusting
each other.
Marriages that work, that have real intimacy, are built on a foundation deeper than looks.
I have two suggestions.
The first is to forget about the weight gain and focus on the things that you love about
your wife on the inside.
She told you the other day that she gained 50 pounds.
I'm wondering whether as someone who took great pride in her athletic body it's possible that she may not be feeling great about it either.
So the second part of advice is to ask her lovingly how she feels about her weight gain and try to find out what's going on for her.
If she is happy as she is, you have your answer.
If, on the other hand, she would love to get back to her former shape, you can ask her how you can support her.
That is the end of her advice, and it's pretty awful advice, in my opinion.
Some of you guys may be reading it going, yes, Jane is so right.
You love your spouse no matter what.
It doesn't matter. She's right.
What if she was in a car accident?
She's right. What if she was going through menopause?
Listen, she isn't.
He just told you what the circumstance is.
So we can't just make an entirely different circumstance where I would agree with you, of course.
If she's 70 years old, if she's in her 50s, she's going through menopause, obviously your body's not going to be the same as when you were 20 years old.
Then that would change the reality of the circumstances and would provide for a different answer.
He told you they got married.
She had one kid, and within a span of two years, she's gained, she admits to gaining 50 pounds, probably more.
If she said to him, I'm 50 pounds heavier than I was before we had the baby, she probably is 10 pounds heavier than that, probably 60 pounds heavier.
He's noticing it. It's on a little bit of weight, right?
And this gets into this weird phenomenon that I've realized that there are a ton of women who are essentially playing the bait-and-switch game with their husbands.
They present to be someone that they're actually not, and this is what Jane is missing.
This woman has fundamentally lied to her husband about an element of her personality.
I personally have seen this happen.
I have seen individuals, when they're dating somebody, they conform to the circumstances of the person they're dating.
Maybe they're dating a person they're really into athleticism, so they want to impress that person.
So they pretend that they love fitness.
They love going to the gym.
They are a health nut, too.
They love to eat healthy.
And that person is then attracted to them based on who they think this person is.
They start dating. They get engaged.
They get married. And then the person's like, actually, It's not who I am.
It's just who I was pretending to be because I really wanted to be with you because I really wanted a partner.
And now you have to deal with who I am, which is not a personal significance at all.
So what happened here is he told you that his wife lied to him, essentially, fundamentally lied about who she was and what her interests were.
And then as soon as she became pregnant, she became a different person.
Now, of course, any woman, when she is pregnant, is going to gain weight.
It would be pointedly ridiculous for him not to expect her to gain weight.
A healthy 50 pounds while she's pregnant.
But we're now talking about post-birth, okay?
Barring extraordinary circumstances, of course, I know tons of women who have had C-sections.
It's a totally different birthing experience.
It does not take as quickly for your body to bounce back.
Obviously, you've just had a surgery and things of that nature.
But barring something that is extraordinary like that, if she just had one baby and now
she's completely changed her body type, and she's also not making an effort, he says,
that she's eating junk food, right?
That she no longer wears any makeup.
I've seen these women do this.
It's I've had your kid, oh well, now you have to accept me as I am.
That simply is not fair to a man.
To tell a man to ignore his biological impulses, to be attracted to your spouse.
Who doesn't want to be attracted to their spouse, and a better question is, who doesn't
want their spouse to be attracted to them, right?
Make an effort.
This is something that I would never even have to have a conversation with my husband
Just because you're married doesn't mean that you stop dating your spouse, that you stop making an effort, that you don't want to look good in front of them, that you don't care about your fitness, not only because you want to look good, but because you want to be around.
How about that? It's not healthy to gain an extra 50 pounds two years into marriage and to keep that weight on you.
You are not treading in the right direction.
Don't you want to be healthy for your child?
It's quite selfish to just let yourself go in every single capacity and say, oh well, if you don't like me, then it's your fault.
That's because your veins, because you're superficial.
No, it is normal to be attracted to people based on their personality and based on their looks.
And it is totally normal to be attracted to somebody based on the extracurricular activities that they're involved in.
My husband and I love fitness.
It's actually such a part of what we do.
It's a romantic part of our lives.
We go for walks. I talked to you guys about, I was on a walk with my husband.
Me and my husband were on a fishing trip.
These are things that we do for fun.
We like to get out into the outdoors and And it makes us a healthy and a whole couple.
We get to connect. We get to talk.
We like to talk about our fitness goals.
This is who I was when he met me.
This is who he was. My husband had run three Iron Men before I met him.
It would be totally bizarre if he just flipped the switch and was like, actually, now that we're married, all that stuff that you saw is just, it was completely fictitious.
You need to love the real me. And the real me just wants to eat junk food and sit on the couch.
And if you don't find that attractive, there's something wrong with you.
It's almost like the Jane in this story, the person that he's writing to, is gaslighting him.
It's like pretending that it's totally normal for all of this to happen and that if you feel compelled to want to have a conversation with your spouse about this, or if you're not attracted physically to people that are large, as he says, I'm not attracted to people that are overweight, that there's something wrong with him.
It's not. Actually, there are biological reasons, and I always talk to you guys about that book from E.L. Wilson that I recommend everybody reads, Which is entitled On Human Nature.
There are biological reasons that men are attracted to women that have slim waist and wide hips.
It's because it signals to them healthy fertility.
There is a reason that people, when they are oversized, struggle to get pregnant.
Why it prevents them from getting pregnant.
It actually hinders you from fertile health.
And so men, even though you think it's like, oh, they just want a girl with a small waist
and big hips or wide hips, it actually is something that is telling them that she is
fertile and they're being underpinned by that biological reality.
So there's a lot more going on here.
But I wanted to open that conversation because I, again, as I have said, I've seen this happen
before.
I have seen women adapt to a personality that is not theirs.
And then what ends up happening when they get married is they very quickly find themselves
in a lot of trouble because the things that they connected on while they were dating weren't
actually real.
They were being who they thought that they had to be to get the guy.
And then they reverse that personality once they got married.
And these people tend to struggle in their marriages.
So be upfront about who you are.
Of course, he's not saying he wants to divorce her.
He said she's a good mom.
But the advice that should have been given to him is how he can actually open that conversation
with her without hurting her.
That's it.
It's totally understandable that this is something that could be disturbing to him.
Of course, it's a lot of weight to gain in a short period of time.
But it's about how you can have that conversation in a way that's productive, in a way that's
healthy.
And what she says at the end, by the way, is good advice.
How are you feeling about your weight gain?
You were so into fitness when you were dating.
It's one of the things that I loved about you.
I loved that you were so into fitness.
And now it seems like you're not into it.
Is there anything else going on?
There are so many nice ways to have that conversation that will actually bring you together.
To pretend that you're dumb and blind and deaf and don't see that her body is changing
is not going to fix your relationship.
It's only going to make it worse.
So ignore Jane and listen to Candace in this column.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
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Okay, now it's time for some Topics Du Jour.
♪♪ So the West is falling.
There's really no way to sugarcoat that.
I think if you've been watching the show, if you've been reading headlines, you recognize that something has gone really awry in the West.
And we are just now managing a steep cultural decline.
That's kind of what's happening everywhere you go.
You just go, how do we have any power left in the world?
America has become a repeat joke.
It's not just America. It's the entire Western hemisphere.
And one thing almost broke me.
I'll tell you, basically, it was just a crazy week of headlines in America and in the West and weighing them against the East.
So let me just show you some headlines that went out last week about, well, let's start with Russia.
Here it is in Reuters. Putin says Russia's new Sarmat nuclear missiles soon ready for deployment.
Saw that headline. I was like, wow, that is serious.
He is actually moving nuclear warheads into Belarus.
Here's another headline from the Eastern Hemisphere.
This one's from CNN. It says, Putin blames Ukraine for lack of talks as African leaders press for peace.
Okay, that sounds like global leaders, this very serious debate.
Here's another headline. Hungary's Prime Minister Viktor Orban calls for fast accession of Bosnia into the EU. Okay, that's pretty serious.
That's a serious, heavy-hitting headline.
Here's another one. This one's about Belarus.
Belarus will not hesitate to use nukes if aggressed.
Lukashenko, wow, that's crazy.
That is serious stuff that is what you expect to read when you are following politics.
Well, in that same week, here was a headline about our president, Joe Biden.
It says, Biden LGBT Pride Party guest goes topless in White House Garden.
Transgender model bears breasts on South Lawn after posing for snaps with President and First Lady.
Okay. Cool.
Well, it can't be that bad.
Let's roll the old footage.
Take a look. Happy Pride Month.
Happy Pride Year.
Happy Pride Life.
Yeah! Transgender children.
You are beautiful. You are heard.
You belong. You are understood.
You are loved. And you belong.
One of the bravest and most inspiring people I've ever known.
I mean, you're welcome.
Good folks. So yes, Putin is moving nuclear warheads to Belarus, and our president is saying that the most inspiring and bravest people that he knows are LGBTQ transgendered individuals.
Those are the most bravest people that he possibly knows.
Okay, okay.
How much worse could it possibly have gotten?
I don't know guys, take a look.
Topless at the White House.
I am feminine.
Okay, so we all follow the story Topless at the White House.
I really thought that one was going to drive me to my wits' end.
I didn't even know.
I just think about how leaders overseas are thinking what China is thinking when they're assessing these things that are happening on the White House lawn.
It just seems like an opportunity.
They're probably thinking, this is a perfect time for us to invade America and take it over.
Maybe Japan's over there going, hey, maybe we should just invade America and take America over.
And because obviously there's no quality in their culture.
But really, guys, when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I don't know what it is.
This column broke me.
It really broke me.
I was reading that Boris Johnson was going to start writing columns for the Daily Mail,
and I thought that's interesting because when somebody leaves office, and especially somebody
who led Brexit, right?
Who actually led the UK's exit from the EU. He says, I'm going to start writing a column.
I go, well, that must be interesting because that was a big deal.
Brexit was a very big deal.
No one thought it could get done. It got done.
And it got done under Boris Johnson.
So I said, wow, obviously his first column is going to be something that we should all be paying attention to.
It's going to be interesting. What was it like?
Having to fight this battle.
What was it really like in the halls of Parliament?
Well, here's the column that he went for as his first column.
The wonder drug I hoped would stop my 11.30 PM fridge raids for cheddar and chorizo didn't
work for me, but I still believe it could change the lives of millions.
I thought I read it wrong.
I said, there's no way he's about to write a column about Wigovy.
This is not Boris Kardashian.
That would be ridiculous.
Obviously, a former prime minister is not going to actually write a column about him
injecting himself with some glu-tide to make himself be skinny.
And obviously, ladies and gentlemen, I was wrong because the West is falling.
And so now everyone's a Kardashian, even Boris Johnson sitting prime ministers.
How much can you display?
Take your top off on the White House lawn or write about Wegovia and how you're puking into toilets.
I'm going to read you some excerpts.
He writes, Start talking about his own weight and how he struggles with that.
He writes, I was going to search for the hero inside myself, the one that was three stone lighter.
I was going to locate that spelt and dynamic version of Johnson, imprisoned for decades in pointless extra body weight, and I was going to set him free.
Tell me how, I said.
And so my friend shared the number of a brilliant physician who had prescribed this magic potion.
Are you sure it works, I said.
He twanged his braces again.
There was no argument.
It was a miracle.
He then talks about the history of the drug a little bit and him consulting with his doctor about going on to it.
He goes on to write,"...say goodbye to that unconquerable mid-morning lust for a bacon sandwich.
No longer will you stand over the children waiting for them to push aside their bowls of pasta and then ruthlessly scoff whatever they have left." I was going to start to resemble a chiseled whippet.
Doctor wrote the prescription. I zoomed to the chemists, and though I was frankly a bit taken back by the cost, what the hell, I said to myself, think of the benefits to health.
So for weeks, I jabbed my stomach, and for weeks, it worked effortlessly.
I pushed aside the puddings and the second helpings.
Wasn't it amazing, I said to myself, how little food you really need?
I must have been losing four or five pounds a week, maybe more, but all at once, it started to go wrong.
I don't know why exactly, but Maybe it was something to do with constantly flying around the world and changing time zones, but I started to dread those injections because they were making me feel ill.
One minute, I would be fine.
The next minute, I would be talking to Ralph on the big white phone.
And I am afraid that I decided that I couldn't go on.
For now, I am back to exercise and willpower.
But I look at my colleagues, leaner but not hungrier.
And I hope that if science can do it for them, maybe one day it can help me and everyone else.
He concludes by saying...
I see nothing morally wrong in using these drugs to help you lose weight any more than it's wrong to use an electrically-assisted bicycle to get up the hill.
Even for us fatties, it turns out there is such a thing as satiety, and science has found it.
There it is, you guys.
This column, it broke me.
I really just said to myself, we're done.
There's nothing left that the West has to give.
I mean, you can't even make something up like this, that if former Prime Minister This is what he decides to focus on, him throwing up in a toilet because he wanted to look slim like other people that he was seeing in the cabinet.
This should not happen.
We are not serious people.
We have stopped being serious people.
I can't even fathom what would happen if...
Putin hosted a gathering at the Kremlin and a transgendered individual took off their top to show their surgically enhanced breasts.
I can't even imagine. I would assume he would kill the person.
I don't know. It's Putin. I don't know if it would just be like immediately an execution for causing such embarrassment to the country.
We have no shame.
Literally, the West has lost all shame.
We are utterly shameless from the top We have absolutely no dignity, no respect for ourselves.
Women don't have respect for ourselves.
The men don't have respect for themselves.
And least of all, the leaders of our countries have absolutely no respect for themselves or the people that they serve.
So this column infuriated me.
It basically broke me.
I am feeling hopeless about the West, and I wanted to share that with you because I had to read it, so you had to hear it too.
I'm sorry about that, guys.
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Speaking about the West and actually almost a uniquely American problem is this debate that we're having about transgenderism, a debate that none of us could have possibly foreseen.
We could have never possibly foreseen that we would be arguing about whether or not men can be women and women can be men.
And least of all, even if we were having that sort of a political debate, we never ever thought that this debate would extend to children, that we would be talking about hormones.
Well, this is something that you need to hear in its entirety.
It is really going to tether you to the reality of a situation.
There are a lot of things going on in this video, but I do want to make it clear the woman that is speaking out had her child taken away from her by CPS in Los Angeles because she refused to allow her daughter to transition.
Now, I have talked extensively to mothers and parents We're good to go.
So this, what we're about to show you is this LA mother.
As I said, CPS took her daughter away from her because she refused to accept that her daughter actually was a man.
And I'll let her tell the story of what happened thereafter.
Take a listen. My name is Abigail Martinez.
It has been three years and 164 days since I lost my daughter, Jaylee.
I miss her every single day.
Let me tell you how she died.
My daughter was murdered by a gender ideology.
CPS took my daughter when she was 16 years old.
It was helped by her public school counselor and LGBTQ group RISE and another trans-identified girl.
My daughter was taken from her loving home because the state of California claimed I was abusive.
For not affirming her trans identity.
I lost my daughter over a name and a pronouns.
Even after I promised to call her a male name, it wasn't enough.
My daughter was not a boy trapped in a girl's body.
She had mental health issues.
Against my consent, my daughter was given testosterone instead of therapy.
The LGBTQ group used her to raise money for them.
Look at the poor reject trans boy, they said.
Why are there so many transgender in foster care?
Because this state take them from their families, tell them to run, then steal them.
Parents are given one option to treat their distressed child, affirm, drug, and remove their healthy body part or else lose your child.
The abuse claim against me was finally dropped, but it was too late.
The damage was done.
By then my daughter was in a horrible mental and physical pain.
My daughter knelt down in front of a train.
She was murdered by gender ideology.
I beg you, stop pushing gender ideology.
I don't want any parent to feel what I feel every day.
Affirmation is not good for the health, safety and welfare of any child.
I mean, that testimony is just utterly heartbreaking.
It's heart-wrenching to hear her say that.
It is so scary to imagine a world in which you are sending your daughter to school and a public school counselor working in lockstep with the state makes a decision that your child is struggling, not because they need therapy, but because they need to transition their gender.
And that state removes a child from your home.
You've raised that child for 16 years.
Sixteen years. They remove that child from your home, place your child in foster care.
An LGBTQ group comes around and begins to raise money off of your daughter by saying, look at this poor trans boy.
The idea is that all of these trans children are in foster care because their parents don't want them when in reality the states are taking them because the parents are refusing to affirm them and are instead saying, let my child seek therapy.
My child has mental issues.
This is a story she's telling.
It looks that her story proved to be true because despite the state intervening, taking her child, putting her child on testosterone treatment, allowing her child to live as a boy, raising money off of her child's face, her daughter knelt in front of a train and ended her life.
That is heartbreaking.
That is a very scary reality that is persisting right now throughout America.
You want to know why you have conservative states, Republican states, that are standing up and starting to put in place these laws that you think are extreme?
Look no further than the example that you just listened to.
Because there is nothing more extreme than the laws that they are putting into place in places like California and New York.
They are removing parental consent.
The concept of me as a mother of finding out that a state is giving drugs to my child that they don't approve, it's unimaginable.
It would throw me into a rage is what it would do.
And so tether yourself to the reality of these topics.
Tether yourself to the reality that even us discussing these topics puts us at risk.
They are so serious about providing this barrier between parents and the power that the state has over children that they are colluding with big tech and trying to get platforms removed, people that are sharing these stories, that are telling you what's happening.
That is, they are sharing stories with people that have detransitioned and are telling you how they got caught up in this journey.
They don't even want people to hear this.
They want not just the children brainwashed, but also the parents, that they go along with
it.
And it is positively horrific.
As I have said, the West is falling.
All right, guys, let's jump into some of your comments on episodes past.
Yesterday, obviously, pigs flew.
Cardi B and I agreed on something.
Finally, really, honestly, she really put that stepson of the father, who is, he's literally,
I think, the latest update on that submarine.
It's that they've run out of oxygen.
It does seem like this is a fatal mission.
I think that they have found debris at the bottom of the floor.
It looks like the submarine did implode.
And while we were obviously, everybody was praying for this family and praying for these
multiple families and hoping that they made it up to the surface.
It doesn't look that way anymore.
It seems like a very tragic story.
Cardi B went after the stepson of one of these billionaires.
He was posting himself at a Blink-1882 concert.
He was also hitting on a girl on OnlyFans.
And there were people that were defending the stepson.
Like, everybody copes with stress in a different way.
Stop. Please stop defending such immoral behavior in the West, okay?
Do not cope with, your dad is undersea, your stepmother is undersea, with less than 72 hours of oxygen on a ship with, I need to go to a Blink-1882 concert and just let go and hit on some OnlyFan girls.
Just stop. Can we please raise the moral bar in the West again?
Okay? This kid should have been positively ashamed of himself.
Not only did he go to the concert, he posted about it.
He was publicly hitting on these girls on Twitter on OnlyFans.
It's despicable and Cardi B accurately called him out for it.
Well, Nicole W4877 writes, One thing I do like about Cardi, what you see is what you get.
Her music lyrics are absolutely vile, but she's not putting on any airs and graces.
I like her straight talk.
Kaz McCray writes, Cardi is actually passionate about politics.
She said that in one of her videos.
She acts klutzy, but she has made good points about her life choices, regardless how questionable it is to the common man.
Listen, I... Can agree that she's passionate about politics, but I don't think she's educated about politics in this circumstance.
This is not really a political issue.
This is a moral one. And she has taken the right stance here, there's no question.
I was, like, so embarrassed that people were trying to justify the stepson's actions.
Like, this is at all normal.
What's the update now? How is he going to deal with the fact that, no, actually, it looks like his stepfather imploded?
I'm going to say, oh, well, this is how my stepfather would want me to live out the rest of my life.
Is he planning on attending the funeral?
I am just so disappointed in people for not being able to morally think straight when it comes to these conditions.
You're always trying to make exceptions to people's feelings.
Be a person of high moral character.
It really is that simple.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is all the time that we have for today.
As a reminder, A Shot in the Dark is available now on Daily Wire+.
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