Clif High - What it was like when i died.

Nov. 15, 2025 - Clif High

51:46

What it was like when i died.

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	Hello humans.
	Hello humans.
	This one is likely to be interrupted with dog barks.
	We'll just have to accommodate it.
	So it's Saturday, November 15, 8.43 a.m.
	This one is for, this is an audio specifically for Elizabeth.
	She sent me an email.
	She's recently lost her nephew that she had raised as a son.
	It's trying conditions these days.
	Life as well as death.
	No.
	We've got loggers here taking down some danger trees and things.
	So the primary dog there is going to be woofing as we go along.
	She thinks we're maybe being invaded.
	Not quite sure.
	Anyway, though, so here's the deal.
	I've died three times in this body.
	In dying, each time the experience was essentially the same thing.
	I mean, it varied, but at its core, it was always the same progression.
	In addition to that, I have knowledge, memories, of before I was born into this body.
	These memories have been attached to this body by a mechanism not known to me.
	I have, on many of these things that I'll describe, I'm simply going to describe what happened to me, my impression, my understanding, my perception of what I went through.
	Then I've got some thoughts, of course, on how all this shit works together because that's just the nature of my mind trying to put things together and sort it all out, right?
	That's why I went into engineering, software engineering and stuff.
	I like to put the pieces all together.
	Anyway, so Elizabeth asks, what happens when we die?
	Well, I can tell you from first-hand experience, I've died three times, and it was the same process, the same experience, each and every time, with variation.
	But essentially, it's the same thing.
	So I suspect, I don't know, but I suspect from having talked to other people that the experience is somewhat similar.
	There appears to be a big variation on how we initially experience death and how our minds deal with it when we come back.
	So I was in a position to where I was able to discuss such things very deeply without any time limits with individuals when I was in my youth, and many of these guys are much older than myself.
	And it was anonymous.
	It was a telephone situation.
	And so there were very few barriers to everybody opening up and describing what they actually went through.
	And I've picked up a few things in terms of general understanding.
	So let's get to the death part.
	In every single time I've died, the instant of that death, the instant you separate from the body, there is absolute peace.
	There's absolute comfort.
	All worry, all concerns simply are not there anymore, instantly.
	It's not like they evaporate.
	It's not like you feel them going.
	They're just not there.
	I was instantly, when I was nine and a half, I drowned.
	When I was 16 and a half, I got some bad drugs, thinking it was mescaline, who the fuck knows what it was.
	And then when I was 65, I died of colon cancer.
	That one was the most recent and it was the most detailed simply because of the way in which I entered that state.
	And the preceding two or three weeks had prepped me for it.
	So I was very much aware during that whole process.
	Unlike when I was 16 and a half, the drugs had, whatever the hell it was, had altered my mind, so my perception was goofy as I was dying.
	When I was nine and a half, it just happened suddenly.
	All right, so at nine and a half, we're swimming off, we were at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and I went and I was doing swimming.
	And this was the, I was a small kid, this back in the 50s, and this was the introduction of plastics into our society.
	So I had these brand new things that were made out of this marvelous material called plastic.
	I had a snorkel, and I had fins, and I had goggles.
	And I was in heaven.
	I was just, you know, happy as a clam at high tide.
	I was spending all my time in the ocean there.
	We had two weeks between transfer assignments for my father.
	And so I was really enjoying it.
	I was out there.
	I was in the water, I swear, probably eight hours a day, right?
	So much so it was annoying to my parents to have to come and find me to go and get food and stuff.
	Anyway, more of them.
	The climbers are here.
	Anyway, so I had the fins on.
	I had no knowledge.
	I was just swimming off the beach.
	I had no knowledge of really of currents or anything like that.
	And this was when I was nine and a half.
	And thereafter, after drowning, just a second, anyway, so sorry about that, guys.
	Sorry, Elizabeth.
	So, I'm swimming along.
	I didn't know about rip currents.
	After this incident had happened to me, I got deep into oceanography in a serious way, physical oceanography, and it altered my life from that point on, getting into science, basically, as a result of dying from drowning.
	And what happened was I got in a rip current.
	Rip currents come in off of the ocean.
	They're very fast.
	The conditions that make them are diverse, but they come in in a narrow focus, and then they hit the shore, and then they turn, you know, north or south and run along the shore.
	I got picked up by a south-running rip current.
	So the current runs faster than you can swim.
	You cannot swim fast enough to gain maneuverability within such a current.
	It's as though you're in a giant hose and you're just going along with the water.
	And that's what happened to me.
	I was carried about two and a half miles down to the Black Beach.
	Bear in mind, this was the days of the separation of the races back in the 50s, especially in the South.
	And so when I came to from this, I didn't, okay, so when I re-entered my body, so that's, let's put it that way.
	When I re-entered my body, I was up on the sand.
	A black woman had seen me floating there and screamed, and then a bunch of people hauled me out.
	And then these rescue guys, you know, surf rescue guys, had come on over and started reviving me.
	I don't know how long I had been dead.
	Probably quite a few minutes.
	My lungs were quite full.
	It was a very terrible two or three days later, coughing up crap.
	It was a rough two or three days later.
	That's the one thing about dying.
	If you come back, the next two or three or four days are just hella.
	Anyway, though, so I died.
	During that entire process, so when it initially happened, I was in the water, and I started to panic and realized I couldn't swim, that my swimming didn't make any difference, and I was just moving like you wouldn't believe.
	You know, maybe I was going five miles an hour.
	I don't know.
	I was really fast within the water under those circumstances.
	And something happened, and the snorkel gets ripped out of my mouth.
	And at the same time, I'm lowered by the current dropping towards the bottom.
	So it took me from the surface down some distance, maybe 20 feet down into the water, and then offshore.
	And then that was about the time I died.
	And then maybe it was like four minutes later.
	When you're dead, you can't tell time.
	So instantly, I was at peace.
	Instantly, I had comfort.
	And you sort of, this is weird to say because you don't have any sensation of your body really, but you feel warm.
	You feel protected.
	I did anyway.
	It was comforting.
	It was nice.
	And I was an observer, and I was just sort of floating there up above the water.
	And at the same time, so sorry for the dogs.
	My apologies, guys.
	We've been assaulted.
	They're very touchy about people coming in because of all the stalkers I've had and because Chloe actually was assaulted when she was a puppy by one of these bastards.
	Anyway, so, okay, so you have peace and comfort.
	I wasn't disturbed.
	I remember that quite clearly.
	It was like, okay, this is something.
	It's happening.
	I feel fine.
	That's my body down there.
	But at the same time, I was sort of drifting in and out of my body.
	So it wasn't like a complete separation at that point.
	The complete separation from the body came when they hauled me out of the water.
	And I saw myself separate from the body, or I felt it, however we want to say that.
	I perceived it.
	And so I rose up above my body and watched it all.
	And maybe I was hovering 30 or 40 feet up above the beach.
	I had a good view of the beach.
	This is really weird because you can't, you don't have eyes.
	So how the fuck are you seeing?
	You don't have ears.
	So how do you hear, right?
	But you do.
	So I know for, I have reasons to suspect for the first 24 hours after death, you're in this quasi-state where you're still within this materium at a much more ephemeral level, but you do have some level of ability to move around, sense, and take in information and even impart information.
	I'll get into that in a bit.
	So anyway, so I die.
	They haul me up on the beach.
	This guy comes on down and he has this weird thing, which I now know was this expiration tube.
	They put this tube in your mouth and then they shove hard on your lungs and you pump out all of the water.
	And so that happened to me.
	It was terrible.
	I'm coughing and stuff.
	My mom's there.
	She's freaking out.
	My dad's holding her.
	My brother is hiding behind him.
	And, you know, it's a very terrible situation.
	But I come out of it.
	And then, you know, then I get shit from my mom for, and it wasn't my fault.
	You know, I was just out swimming and I just got picked up by it.
	I didn't know there was a rip current.
	And that in those days, that wasn't like anybody was warning.
	We didn't have any of these kind of things.
	This is while they were building the barrier islands.
	You know, it was that primitive around here.
	So, you know, in the U.S.
	So that was my experience of death at that point.
	I didn't go very deep, right?
	It was just that, maybe that whole time, there's no time when you're dead.
	That's a weird thing.
	You have no sense of duration.
	So I can't say for sure how long it happened.
	And, you know, it's not like I observed clocks or watches or stuff at that point.
	So, anyway, so maybe it was 20 minutes, right?
	And it was a horrific experience.
	And then it altered my life from that point on in any number of ways.
	And then later on, when I'm 16 and a half, I had bought some mescaline from this kid.
	And he had got it from someplace up north here in Puget Sound.
	And so mescaline was like my drug.
	I really liked that stuff because I was very good at maneuvering through hyperspace on that.
	Unless you're a psychonaut, you won't really understand, but there are nuances to these various drugs, and you ride these molecules in different ways into and out of hyperspace, and each molecule has some level of aspect and attributes that others don't relative to what you're able to do in hyperspace when you're there.
	So I always found mescaline to be much more like grounded, much more down to earth, which is just so fucking funny when you think about where I was at.
	And I could do much more stuff with mescaline.
	Mushrooms are okay, psilocybin's okay, but it doesn't have this quality of like the workmanship quality.
	The way I think of it is that psilocybin is more of a healing process.
	You're going there as you're using it as a sort of a healing curative kind of a thing.
	Whereas mescaline for me was much more like exploration, right?
	And it was just a different, subtle but meaningful subflavor of the experience.
	Anyway, so I bought some mescaline, turned out not to be mescaline.
	I was very, very ill.
	I barely make it home.
	My driving is really wonky and stuff, and it hit me very hard.
	It shouldn't have happened that way.
	I realized it's not mescaline.
	My parents and my brother are out.
	I'm still living with my parents at that stage.
	I left the house early, but it was 16 and a half when this happened.
	And so I come on home.
	I had taken the, I didn't like the, basically I had had a mattress and box springs on the floor in the room, in my room.
	And so I come on in, I fall into the bed and basically die.
	And I leave my body knowing I was dead, seeing the poor colors, very, very sort of whitish pink.
	And my eyes were, and I'm observing all of this from outside of my body, and my eyes were hugely dilated, like massively dilated, but this was not a psychedelic experience.
	This was like a direct poisoning.
	There was no mental effects or anything.
	So whatever the hell that substance was, it was not really a drug or it was badly produced or something.
	I'll let you know that I recovered, obviously, because I'm sitting here discussing this.
	But the kid I bought the drugs from did not.
	Okay, he died that night and didn't come back.
	No one knew at that time that I also died that night because I didn't tell anybody.
	My mother was a little bit nonplussed when I overslept the next day, but basically what happened was I died.
	My body rolls off of the bed in the process of dying.
	And then I spent some time, an unknown amount of time, because you don't have a duration sense and time is meaningless there, in a floating position up in the top of the room with the other parts of my greater being, which is just a way to phrase this experience.
	I was up there with these two big spheres, and I was still able to look, and I was just spent all this time just looking down on the room.
	No lights, but everything is, you know, perfectly illuminated.
	And I just was floating up there watching my body.
	And it was dead.
	It wasn't breathing or any of that.
	And I knew that I was out of it.
	And the one thought I had was, oh, geez, my mom's going to be so pissed at me.
	But I had peace and comfort.
	That's the thing.
	There was no anxiety.
	There's no worries or any of that kind of stuff, right?
	Then, so this was 16 and a half.
	I didn't learn that much from the process of death then.
	I learned a whole lot about how to assay and purchase psychedelics and even make my own.
	Because after that, it was like, nope, not taking any chances, right?
	So I became something of a chemist at that stage.
	But that was neither here nor there, insofar as the death part of all of this for Elizabeth.
	So now, interesting stuff, as a side note here, is that it's my understanding that you have basically 25 hours, a day and an hour after you die, where you still have some level of presence here in the materium, the illusion of the matter, and you can do things.
	So I have been visited by, I'm 72 years old, I've been visited by many people who have died in my life on the day of their death.
	And usually it's that night, okay?
	I don't know why, but the people I've been associated with who have died have all passed early in the morning, very late at night, early in the morning.
	And then, you know, basically 18, 20 hours later, I would go to bed.
	And in that process of going to sleep or being disturbed in my sleep, I would be visited by them and messages and information would be given.
	It's not like they talk to you in words.
	Your mind puts words to what you pick up, but you don't hear, I didn't hear voices or anything like that.
	I saw images.
	And so my mother visited me after her passing.
	My brother did.
	My father did not.
	Now, he died very distant from me under different circumstances.
	So he didn't, but my father-in-law did.
	And a number of other friends have visited me on the day of their passing.
	It's always been happy.
	They were always communicating peace, joy, and comfort in the imagery and the way that they were doing it.
	And so, you know, especially with my brother, he was taking some considerable effort to make me understand that he was happy, that he was at peace, that he was no longer suffering.
	And so this was good.
	So there is that aspect of it.
	Sorry for the gaps.
	I've got stuff going on.
	More equipment showing up.
	Anyway, so other people have visited me, and I know that they've gone through similar experiences that I went through.
	Now, I never got to the stage in my deaths of going to visit anybody, right?
	I was always still reasonably connected in a proximity sense to my body.
	So I had yet to officially give it up, so to speak, and go walk about.
	And that probably would have been the next thing that would have happened to me in any of these.
	At age 65, I passed of colon cancer.
	I had been wasting away for years.
	Nobody could find the cancer.
	It wasn't really its own goofy situation.
	It was a very large mass, the size of my palm.
	It was five inches by four inches by an inch and a half thick.
	And it had blocked my intestine completely, and I had intosception and major surgery.
	I knew I was dying.
	I'd been through a hellacious week.
	And on Tuesday, I had actually interviewed with Jenny Moonstone.
	And you can see me just three days before I died.
	I wasn't looking that good, in my opinion.
	Anyway, so that morning I woke up.
	I knew things were really bad.
	Bear in mind, guys, you know, I had all the symptoms of colon cancer and they couldn't find anything.
	It was what's called smooth wall.
	So even if you have a colonoscopy, they can't see it because it's not actually in the intestinal mass until the very end.
	It's on the other side of it, so it just is a slight bulge in the intestinal wall, so they don't see it.
	Anyway, so because it's kind of like pressing in from the outside.
	Bear in mind, your intestines are very thin, so at the very end, there's lots of blood and stuff.
	Anyway, so that's my situation.
	I get up in the morning.
	It's like seven or so.
	I end up going and taking an oxycontin, first time I'd ever taken anything that heavy as a drug.
	And that was just to get me to the hospital.
	That's all I wanted to do, was just survive long enough to get to the hospital and have them put me out of my misery.
	And there was a video I watched to occupy some time.
	I had to wait for the drug to take effect because I was really shaky.
	It was 128 pounds, okay, so I'd lost massive amounts of weight.
	Should have been a clue, duh.
	Anyway, and so I take the OxyContin, and a little while later, I tell my wife, who's also, you know, she was greatly suffering, right?
	Dementia and all these other issues.
	And I didn't want her having to deal with what I was going through.
	So I didn't want her driving me into the hospital or any of that kind of stuff.
	It would have been too dangerous.
	So I arranged for the aid car to come and get me, the ambulance.
	And then I told my wife what was going on.
	I told Kathy what's going on and headed to the hospital.
	And, you know, I was quite convinced I was dying.
	And no question about it.
	I was 128 pounds.
	My body was falling to pieces.
	You know, biochemically, it's all whacked out by the cancer and all this kind of stuff.
	So I get in the ambulance.
	We drive like hell to the hospital.
	And I get there.
	They do an examination real quick.
	This particular surgeon comes in and says, oh yeah, I've seen a lot of these intersusceptions.
	I know exactly what's going on.
	We're going to get you into surgery.
	And then I said, okay.
	And they start, I'm on one of those beds on wheels.
	And so they start wheeling me down the corridor.
	And this was like 10 minutes after 11 in the morning on Friday the 13th, 2018.
	And so they wheel me down the corridor.
	And I passed as they were moving the body out of the elevator into the hallway to go into the operating room on another floor than the intake.
	So I died.
	And I thought, boy, now that was comfort and that was peace.
	I was so relieved.
	I mean, you know, there's no words.
	It's difficult to describe what's going on because you're aware of this stuff, but it's not like you're thinking like you are in your body.
	But I was greatly at peace, believe me.
	I didn't like what I was watching.
	In fact, I was appalled at the conditions under which they were going to operate on my now dead body.
	And so I was there.
	This one was a very interesting experience because I was quite aware of my greater self.
	There were these three spheres up near the ceiling.
	I can say proportionately they were giant the size of planets, but it doesn't make any difference because they're just all within the room.
	And we're not talking about three-dimensional space anyway.
	So things are a little wonky in that regard.
	So you have, I did, I had impressions and words and stuff that came about as a result of the experience of dying.
	And I apply those, but they have to be qualified, right?
	So there were these large spheres that seemed to fill all of space.
	And of course, the ceiling of the operating room wasn't really there.
	And these spheres filled it up.
	One was my knower, the other was my thinker, and then the other one was the doer.
	Now, I'm a doer in the body.
	That's what my little bit of consciousness is.
	But I'm not the only Cliff that is a doer in the body.
	And others won't have my name, of course.
	They won't have the name Cliff, but they're me.
	And they're me of a slightly different flavor.
	Six of them are female.
	And six of us are male.
	And we're always going to be male.
	I'll always be male.
	Every incarnation.
	Anyway, so I go on up and I'm a little sphere and I see what's going on.
	This is cool.
	I'm, you know, I'm proactive.
	I'm going to go on up and join the other doers.
	And that's when something funny happened, okay?
	So they were up there all swirling around, all these 11 other spheres, swirling around, active, moving within the larger container of the doer.
	And I couldn't get in.
	It was somewhat disconcerting.
	So I was just hanging out.
	I didn't, you know, there's no thoughts.
	It was just a fleeting emotional response that, oh, you know, this didn't work.
	Anyway, and so I hang about.
	Nothing else to do.
	I have no understanding that there's anything to do.
	You know, I'm just there, just existing.
	And I'm watching it all.
	And so I watch them do the surgery for two damn hours.
	As I say, I was quite appalled.
	I was very critical about all this.
	And I kept sort of looking around for someone to tell, but there wasn't anybody, right?
	I didn't have words anyway.
	So around 1.05 in the afternoon, they stitched me all up and they're going to bring me out.
	Now, I don't think they knew I was dead.
	So I think I died.
	And because as I was dying, they were just putting in all of that gear, all of the breathing shit and the tubes in your arms and all that kind of crap and the catheter.
	And stuff seemingly was working and my lungs were moving because of the respirator thing.
	And, you know, they were using the anesthesiologist was doing all of this stuff anyway.
	And so around, like I say, around 10 after 1, they're bringing me out.
	And that's when the anesthesiologist said that he's not responding.
	And the surgeon got a little bit brusque, started issuing orders.
	And a couple of minutes later, they hit me with a paddle to shock me.
	And that's the first time I was sucked back into the body.
	But just the instant before that I was sucked back in there, one of the two big giant spheres, the knower up here said to me, I don't have, you know, there was no sound, there's no words, I just got this message from it saying, go back now.
	You're going to have meaningful work.
	That was the phraseology that hit my mind.
	Bear in mind, they're basically just doing things in your mind to cause knowledge and words to rise up.
	So it's not like they have to transmit it.
	They just have a frequency and blip, there you go.
	The understanding is in you.
	And so I said, go back.
	You're going to have meaningful work.
	And so that's, and I thought, no, I don't want to do that.
	And then they zapped me and I was instantly back in the body and I was really pissed.
	And it didn't work and I was back out again.
	And again, it was a big sigh of relief.
	Instantly you feel comfort.
	There was no pain.
	When I was in the body, boy, you cannot believe the pain even coming through all of the drugs that they'd pumped into me.
	So, I mean, I was split from my sternum down to my crotch, you know, flayed open, all of this kind of shit.
	Anyway, so then the knower says to me, no, you have to go back.
	You go back now and you'll have a chance to die in a great global battle.
	And at that point, you know, that was actually somewhat attractive.
	All my years of martial arts, it's like, oh, oh, that could be cool.
	And so they zap me with the paddles again.
	I'm back in the body.
	Then there's that instant repulsiveness of being flesh again and all destroyed flesh.
	And then I died again.
	And then I go out, right?
	And so the third time, it happens a third time.
	And this time the knower was very insistent and at the same time also very supplicating, as though offering a bribe, and said, you must go back.
	If you go back now, you'll have a chance to know love in your later years.
	And that was super attractive, and I didn't fight it.
	Okay, so when they zapped me again, I stayed in the body.
	Now, this is my understanding of it all.
	There's undoubtedly other understandings of what happened.
	And so I came back, and that was my new birth date and time, right?
	I was reborn.
	And it was a very terrible time thereafter because of my body and stuff.
	And that was the big, big issue, was the material aspect of this.
	So, for Elizabeth, okay, so I have, Elizabeth, I have some speculation about what happens to you after the first 24 hours.
	And there's these kinds of processing that go on.
	This speculation that I have about that has some small levels of, for me, surety of knowledge because I had experiences prior to this body's life.
	And so I can make some connections within my mind as to how this stuff probably, to some extent, will be perceived as working.
	It may not work that way, but we're perceiving it this way.
	So, as for your loss, he was instantly embraced.
	And everything that he had endured here was gone from him, and he did not have to take it with him in passing through that veil.
	So all of the abuse, all of the horrors of life are left behind with that last breath.
	I can't tell you how much, and I cannot in any way describe to make it meaningful to you, this idea of the deep comfort that you feel instantly on dying.
	Now, that happened to me three times, right?
	And I've talked to other people that have died and come back.
	One guy that got the shit blown out of him, like, you know, lost a big chunk of his thigh and all this kind of stuff in Vietnam was in surgery there, emergency surgery, but he died on a hospital ship because of the extensive wounds and stuff.
	And then they resurrected him, just like with me.
	He was dead, he said, for about four hours.
	And I don't doubt it.
	The body will keep functioning during that period of time, and he was just not connected.
	And he had that same experience, right?
	So I've talked to other people that have had death experiences, quite a few of them oddly, or not, you know, not oddly, because I was interested, right?
	And so I've talked to quite a few of them.
	A lot of people will flavor their death experiences when they speak about them, the near-death experiences especially.
	Okay, so those people that didn't actually die for any length of time or anything.
	Those near-death experiences are often flavored with religion and all different other kinds of stuff.
	When you die, when you're in that dead state, in my experience, there's no separation between you and the knower and the thinker.
	And then you also realize there's no separation between the knower and the thinker and the doer that you are a part of and the rest of this and the rest of supreme consciousness.
	No separation whatsoever, that it's all an illusion.
	And it's a very greatly engineered illusion, but it's not perfect and you can slide through and frequently it happens.
	And there's apparently a point for that, right?
	There's some deeper understandings that can be derived from our materium being not perfect and from the death process being not perfect, etc.
	But I can tell you that your relative is at peace and was so from the instant of death.
	And there's also a shedding process where you shed bad feelings, hatreds, all of this kind of stuff.
	Everything seems absurd.
	Once you're dead, all of your, you know, all the emotionality and stuff seems absurd.
	So when I first died when I was nine and a half and I knew my mom was going to be really, really, really pissed, here I am dead, floating up over them trying to revive me on the beach and thinking, oh my God, she's just going to be so upset, you know.
	And then it was just like hilarious.
	It was just like so funny on so many different levels.
	So anyway, there's many different ways to think about the people that have died, right?
	But one thing you can be sure of is that there is no suffering.
	Suffering exists only in this materium.
	And so you can be absolutely sure that, you know, whether you think they're in the hands of Jesus or they're being reincarnated or, you know, they're with Buddha or Brahma or whatever, all of that stuff is within the materium.
	All that is a view or perception from down here in the illusion.
	So you can't take any of that stuff with you as being a solid understanding.
	I've talked to people that have died and have had all kinds of weird experiences that were religious in nature and so on.
	And it appears to me, it's my conclusion, that that was all their overlay that their mind put on what they had experienced when they came back.
	And it doesn't necessarily apply in a broad sense or even in a particular sense because they could be deluding themselves deliberately or otherwise just about what's going on.
	So anyway, so that's my understanding.
	That's what happens.
	Now, I can speculate and I can speculate that after the 24 hours, now it's 24 hours here in the materium, so there's no time on the, it's all the ever-present now, the eternal now.
	So there's no time or anything.
	That's an illusion that's within the illusion here.
	But from our perspective, within this reality, it takes about 24 hours after a person has died, they are more or less completely shed of this reality.
	They won't have lingering tendrils down or any of that kind of thing.
	And so that affects, let's call it, processing.
	And so until you get clean of this reality.
	And it's during that period of time that you go and you talk to people and you give out the emotions and stuff that you want to.
	And so that's the information I was getting from all of those relatives and everybody that had died and came and visited me after their death.
	That they were there, they were making the rounds, they were, you know, it's easier to insert the information in people's minds when they're asleep and so on, right?
	So it all sort of makes sense.
	But then you have that day, you get to cleanse yourself of all of these, until you get to say goodbye.
	And you're not sad, you're not unhappy in any way, shape, or form.
	You're actually quite, I actually found that experience, that part of the experience of being dead and being comforted, very, very glorious, right?
	There's no pressure.
	There's not even the sense of duration.
	So you don't even have the sense of pressure of time.
	It's truly peace at a level that we don't know here in matter, okay, because matter is already always vibrating.
	There's all this stuff going on and so on.
	This level of peace is so much beyond that that it's not really, I can't find adequate words.
	All right, so there's that aspect of it.
	That for 24 hours you get to say goodbye and stuff.
	If you have the energy available, there's all different kinds of things.
	The people you want to contact have to be receptive and there's all these variables.
	And then you go into this area that we'll call processing.
	In the processing, what basically happens is my understanding is that everything you went through, all of your experiences of your life, which were tied to your body or experienced through the body, are tied to your soul, which is the operator of the body and the intermediary between your consciousness and your body.
	So at that point, the soul is cleansed of all of those experiences.
	They're basically like rendered into a very thin layer that goes on to a drop, a single individual drop.
	And this individual drop is your intuition in your next life.
	So that's how your intuition gets taken from life to life to life.
	Not as words, but as an encapsulation of an experience that was felt by the previous body that will somehow intrude with your body in this life in those times when you need to have that intuition, either through your mind or body or whatever, right?
	And so that's your experience of everything rendered down.
	That's how you get intuition.
	Then, while that's going on, so at the point that that's going on, your soul is off on its own processing because the soul is a container.
	It's not you, okay?
	So it's your container.
	It's uniquely created to only house your vibration of consciousness.
	But it is not you.
	It is truly a possession.
	So your consciousness possesses this soul.
	And it goes off on its own processing.
	At that point, your consciousness goes into what is called what I call and what lots of other people call the deep sleep.
	And in that deep sleep, you have mentition, you have memory, and you have an awareness.
	But because you don't have the body, you don't have the same kind of awarenesses as we have within the body and the material.
	But believe me, you will experience awareness.
	And there's no duration, so there's no pejorative aspect to it.
	It's not like you're there bored or any of this kind of stuff, right?
	Now, you got all kinds of people.
	I've had people say, oh, you were in hell when I described this, right?
	So I was in a group setting once with a bunch of people that were, I won't go into it, a bunch of men, you know, like group therapy kind of thing, right?
	And I described this, and the couple of people got really bent out of shape telling me that I was in hell.
	And that one guy had said he had died and he met Christ and God was up there showering dove's eggs on him or some damn thing.
	And I said, well, that's fine.
	Okay, good for you guy.
	That was not my experience.
	And so, but it was, you know, it very upset them that I was able to codify my experience this way.
	So some people, apparently, their minds put other aspects on the experience.
	The one guy that got really bent out of shape in that group therapy session was when I talked to him later, and we went into it in some depth at the cafeteria at this particular place, sitting there over coffee.
	And he had had aspects of the same kind of experience I had, and his mind had put a religious overlay on it, is my understanding of it.
	I didn't have any religious overlay on any of it, but I knew just looking, I didn't have eyes, but just looking at my thinker and knower and doer up above me in the ceiling there, I could see, I had no eyes, no vision, remember, I'm dead, but I could see that they were simply extrusions.
	You know, they were not separate from, they were simply an extrusion of the Supreme Consciousness.
	And so this is why I get behind the understanding of the monad and all of that, because I've experienced it at that level.
	Okay, so now I'll finish up with this, and this was done explicitly for Elizabeth and anybody else that cares to have an understanding of this.
	She asked, okay, and so it was one of those days.
	I felt like accommodating the request.
	Now, before I was born into this body's life, I was taken out of my deep sleep.
	There is a memory of a transition, as though I was going through a corridor or something, a movement.
	And then I'm presented with a very large space that's defined, but not clearly.
	So you don't see walls, but you know you're in an area where everything that's in that space is like all related and that it's somewhat contained.
	And in this space, which is, from our perspective, would seem vastly huge.
	So if you want to think about it in like earth terms, it would be like you're in a place and then they wake you up, you leave a door, you go into a corridor that's somewhat dark, there's no light, that's all dark, and you go through this corridor briefly,
	this impression of movement, and then you're at this opening that gets you into what could be described as a very giant cave, you know, like massively giant cave, where you couldn't see the ceiling and you can't see any of the walls.
	And it's just filled with these like individuations of consciousness in pairs.
	And they're all separated.
	So all the pairs are separated.
	And there are millions, millions of them.
	You don't get that impression.
	You just get the impression of many, many, many, many.
	And you are, there's a sort of a guide, there's sort of a guiding influence, there's not another being there, there's no other consciousness.
	There is an impression of another consciousness that's sort of participating with you in this process.
	Okay?
	And so the first time, all right, so this happened.
	I'm taken into this space.
	I'm moved around through all of these.
	And I sort of like come close to, so there's a sense of proximity.
	Come close to these pairs of sparks that are jumping around happy together, blah, blah, blah.
	And these are the consciousnesses of people that could be your parents.
	And so in this experience, you choose your life by choosing your parents.
	And so I went, and when you come up to these sparks, you have the ability to, or it's thrust on you or whatever, but I mean, I don't remember actively seeking the knowledge, but you get the knowledge of what that life is going to entail.
	Some considerable detail, I guess.
	It's my understanding that nearly everybody forgets all of this stuff in the process of being born, in the process of the transit of the Shoshona, which is this tube that connects you from Supreme Consciousness down into this material reality.
	So the first time this happened, I did not find parents that were suitable to me somehow.
	I don't remember the mentician.
	I don't remember any process of making a decision.
	I remember that basically that the process was not decided.
	And I was returned to wherever I was before.
	You know, so like maybe go back to your hotel room kind of thing in terms of something that we would understand.
	And then some time passes, I don't know how much time, and the process repeats.
	The sort of awakening, the sort of leaving.
	And I had the distinct impression that I was like, even though I don't have a body, that I was horizontal, as though I truly was asleep.
	That I was a body asleep, although I didn't have a body.
	Anyway, and so the second time this occurs, it's the same as the first.
	I go through the little corridor kind of experience, then I'm at this big opening, and then I'm instantly in the giant cave.
	An oddity about that is, if you turn around right away after entering it, there's no door to have come through.
	There's just vast quantities of more sparks heading back in the direction that supposedly, or that you remember as being the way you came in.
	So it's a goofy kind of an experience.
	And then I found my parents.
	You know, as soon as I saw those two sparks and felt this body's life, I took it.
	Okay, so, and that process was rather interesting also, because as soon as I agreed that this was to be me, there was all this like instant bonding and no sensation of time, by the way.
	It's just all of a sudden, I'm just me in this body.
	Only there was actually the transit, the transit through the Shoshona to the body.
	Now, bear in mind, my body had already been born.
	Okay, so nearly everybody enters their body's life at some point after the body has been born.
	And I'm not talking days necessarily, maybe months, maybe years.
	Mine was, and this is coincident with like when the infant begins to crawl and all of that kind of stuff.
	So it's my understanding that my very first memory of this body was being in this basket and moving my arms and legs and making noises because all of a sudden I'm in a body.
	The body had been born maybe three months earlier.
	And so I moved the body and the basket fell off of the couch on which it was sitting.
	And then I started crawling around.
	And, you know, like my mom and my dad are all freaked out, all of this kind of stuff.
	And I remember that.
	I remember the agitation.
	Right.
	I don't have any understanding of actually what was going on.
	I was told about it later in life.
	But so that's part of the process.
	We're going to get dogs barking here in a second.
	The guys are back with the dump trucks.
	Anyway, so in general, since, you know, in a sort of wrap this up, for Elizabeth, you know, there's no need to feel sorry for anybody that's dead.
	Okay, so ever since the first two occurrences and then for sure this last occurrence, my emotionality is all about and focused on people that are here in the materium.
	Everybody that's not here is not in issue, doesn't have any issues.
	They're not in pain.
	They don't have any real problems that way and so on.
	So it's us here that need pity and this kind of thing.
	Death is the release of all of that in a very positive way in my personal experience.
	So now I have no, absolutely no fear of my next death.
	I know this next one will take and I won't be coming back.
	I'm not anxious to discover it.
	I'm enjoying being in this reality in this materium now with my body, with this new understanding, and seeing what I can accomplish, right?
	Plus, I have Heidi, so there's this chance to know love in my later years.
	And so that's all working out, right?
	So this is, you know, so we live in a highly structured materium.
	It's not, as the gratologists would tell you, nothing is random.
	Nothing is by chance.
	Neither of those two things exist.
	And they're just basically our illusionary perceptions.
	In that reality, everything that you're, this is for Elizabeth, everything that your nephew went through was supposed to have happened.
	And whatever the circumstances, he chose that.
	Now, so this is the last thing I wanted to say.
	So I chose this body's life.
	And you cannot, I died three times in it.
	I've got thousands of stitches.
	I've spent many, many, many, I mean like 40 plus years in pain from the colon cancer undiagnosed.
	So I chose this life.
	That will tell you a whole lot.
	Okay, so I'm of the impression that I chose this body's life.
	I chose to be cliff high to experience these things to get it out of my karma stream.
	And that this is exactly that.
	My being here in this body at this time is an aspect of fulfillment of karma.
	And so, Elizabeth, these engines grind and we are the gears.
	And in that sense, we can be very confident in the Supreme Consciousness that had created all of the entire structure of all of this.
	It provides the comfort.
	It provides the peace.
	Nothing in my death experience was negative at all.
	And I'm of the opinion that your nephew has had something similar to that.
	That it was not a negative and, in fact, was very positive because it freed him.
	He's finished that karma.
	And his next life, he can choose a different life.
	He won't have to feel compelled to do that.
	The way that he chose that life, and I chose this one.
	I hope that can bring you some comfort.
	It's difficult.

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