Clif High - i blame heidi

May 28, 2025 - Clif High

51:00

i blame heidi

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	Hello humans, hello humans.
	Today is the 28th of May 2025.
	It's just now 11 a.m.
	It had been brilliantly sunny, and now you can see we're getting into our chemtrail haze and the winds are picking up.
	Likely it'll rain this afternoon.
	And um why that's over there.
	Hang on.
	Anyway, and uh just a few minutes ago, I'd been out uh had to go do banking business and shopping and stuff, and I'd been out and just gotten back.
	And uh say half an hour ago or something, there was it was sunny, and there was a big cloud over the house.
	All of a sudden there were uh fighter jets with uh kicking into afterburners right over the top of the house, set the dogs off.
	I thought for sure they were gonna crash into the place, they were so low, and I went on out and I couldn't see anything because um because they were uh within the the s a mass of the cloud up above me that was blowing into the east.
	So anyway, who knows what's going on there?
	They kick the afterburners off, maybe, or I stopped being able to hear them in just like a minute.
	And so, like I say, who knows what's going on?
	They use this area for training for the um Navy jets from uh uh probably would be Island, uh, or Everett naval base up there, somewhere inland.
	Anyway, um, so this one I blame on Heidi.
	In fact, I'll even call it that.
	I'll title that.
	I'm gonna put it up on Substack.
	Uh the situation at the moment is that I'm in the process of packing up everything in order to move.
	This move will happen in a short while, a couple of weeks.
	And so I want to get everything organized and boxed up.
	In a short while, I'm going like maybe the end of today.
	I'm gonna box this uh PC up, put it in a bin with all of its uh ancillary gear, and I won't be able to do any videos until after I move by some time, because I have to get established at the new place, locate where I'm gonna do videos and all this other stuff.
	Anyway, so uh so that's sort of the setup here.
	Uh I'm doing this because I didn't want to delay it a month or more, right?
	Uh, because it may be that long before I'm able to set up another uh video setup here, another video um uh recording studio thing.
	Uh I have plenty of space at the new place, but you know, unpacking and stuff, right?
	It's taking me several weeks to pack everything up and sort it and put everything in bins, and it will take some some time after I get there to unpack.
	Anyway, so um, I had been talking with Heidi the other day, and we were talking about um uh something.
	She's really deep.
	Okay, so we have philosophical discussions quite frequently.
	Anyway, so whatever it was, I can't remember it at this instant, it led into the idea into discussion of my experience of being dead, right?
	And uh, because I've died three times in this body's life, and um, but I went back even further and told her uh about my earliest memories that are associated with this body.
	So though the earliest memories that are associated with this body are before I got into this body.
	All right, this very unusual kind of a uh it's not all that unusual, actual, actually, uh, but it's not something you hear discussed in Normy World.
	Uh, that you actually have memories that can be attached to the body you're in now.
	Bear in mind, uh sat chitananda, you are that which observes.
	Uh, you're not your body, uh, you're not your soul, even.
	You are that bit of consciousness that is um encapsulated by that soul and embodied uh and is observing everything.
	Uh so that's what you truly are.
	All right, so um uh as I say, it's not that unusual.
	I've discussed this with uh in um uh like a keto dojos and Zen meditation centers where I would go and uh do these overnight zen things, right?
	Uh uh Zazen meditation for 12 hours at a stretch.
	Usually it's nine hours and a and a couple of breaks.
	Um anyway, though, and I've I've met other people that also have this these memories that exist before they become embodied.
	And why this should be is uh uh something I've been speculating about for 70 years, 70 plus years.
	Uh why should there be memories attached to uh your body to this particular body, right?
	Uh that didn't when the body didn't yet exist, or perhaps it did exist, but I wasn't yet in it, because humans don't go into the body at the point of birth.
	Usually it's many months afterwards.
	Also, usually you can tell when the uh the soul has been filled by the infant changing into a crawling motion, uh becoming much more active.
	Anyway, so um here's the um as I say, I've talked to other people, I have yet to find a female that has these kind of memories, these pre-birth memories.
	I have talked to them to some men that also will tell me that, yeah, I remember I've had those memories, it's freaked me out all my life, right?
	And that's been a thing for me.
	I've been contemplating this for over uh 70 years.
	I have many questions, many speculations, and some few conclusions that I think are valid.
	Uh one of the conclusions is that because it happened, it was meant to happen.
	It is allowed to happen.
	So I there I've run into some guys that think that their experiences before they came into their body that are attached to this body's memory are as a result of um breakage or an accident in the grand scheme, the mechanism of life and death.
	I don't I don't subscribe to that idea.
	I think it was allowed to happen and may even be a part of your ability to interact with and uh get a feedback in your own progress from life to life to life.
	And so it may be that you have a much more active, so to speak uh dead period, um, the more you progress in the number of lives.
	This is my supposition.
	This is my working theory at the moment.
	It's not a conclusion, it's something I'm trying to puzzle out.
	And I won't know for another couple of lives.
	But in any event, so I have a memory that existed before this body did, or before I was in this body.
	So time does not exist on the other side of the life death barrier.
	So you can't say X number of days before I was born, this occurred.
	All I can say is that before I became aware that I was in this body, and I remember that day vividly, that instant vividly, uh, but before I became aware of being in this body, I have memories.
	In those memories, um there's uh thinking, but no words.
	Uh so you are aware of things, and I can put those things that I was aware of in words now, but when they occurred, I had no words in which to frame them, but it was it was perfectly sensible to me.
	I wasn't um bothered by not being able to put it in words.
	Uh so uh that was just the state of that uh that existence then on the other side of the life death barrier.
	In that experience, I um I'm gonna have to use words that have no real meaning on the other side, okay?
	But I have to use them here in order to communicate something of the experience.
	And so I will say that I was in a place, all right?
	I was in a resting state.
	I have you have no sensation because you don't have a body.
	You don't have eyes, yet you can see.
	You don't have ears, yet you can hear.
	There's no sense of smell, you have great feeling of comfort.
	You're not cold, the temperature is not sensed, you know, so you don't feel it as hot or cold, you're just comfortable.
	There's no disturbance or imbalance in temperature.
	There's no uh nothing with which to perceive gravity, but there is the effect of rest stopping in place and staying there.
	There's no place, there's no space.
	So this is these words do not really apply to what's going on over there on the other side.
	But anyway, so I was in a place in a state of rest.
	I was aware, and that was new.
	All of a sudden, I was aware.
	Okay, as though I had woken up.
	This is how we have to phrase it here.
	I had been in my long sleep, and then I was aware.
	When I was in my long sleep, I was doing my long sleep process.
	I had probably completed that, which is involved with the karma.
	And I'll get to that in a minute.
	But anyway, so I'm there, I'm in a state of rest.
	I'm all of a sudden I am aware that I am there in a state of rest.
	I'm also aware of being summoned.
	There's no uh words, it was a polite summoning.
	It was like, hey, come over here.
	No words, right?
	But a comforting feeling drawing me some other place.
	There is no place, and there was no sensation of trans uh of movement, but there was a there was a there is a memory of a transition uh to this other non-place, okay.
	And before I became before I came into this other non-place, I became aware of a separation, not a barrier, but a separation between that place and the place where I had been at rest, from which I had been made aware and then summoned.
	Again, no words in your mind, complete thoughts, you're comfortable with all of this, you understand what's going on, there's no anxiety, there's no fear.
	In fact, uh at that time, I or I remember now that at that occurrence, because it was no time, uh, but at that occurrence, I was excited, okay.
	I was anticipatory, uh, not excited in a body-tingling sense, but excited in a mental sense, anticipatory in a mental sense.
	And uh so I come to this place where there's a separation, and then I go through an opening through the separation.
	There's nothing visible, you don't see it, you're just aware of it, okay.
	So you have a memory of it, but uh it's not like you have a memory uh uh or any of your memories walking through the door where you see the door and then you walk through that that space.
	But you have a memory of that same sort of transition, and so I transited into this other space, and this other space is filled with all these little sparkles that are active and dynamic and moving around and and just sparkling all the helling on.
	And uh as you move into it, you see that you you don't see, but you're aware that there are an infinite number of these uh little clumps of sparkles, and then you become aware that uh as you come close to um again, no sensation of of travel, you're just a memory of having transited.
	So I have a memory of having transited past a number of these little collections of sparkles.
	The sparkles are always in in a pair, always in a couple, they're very dynamic, doing their own stuff, and then they also interact.
	And this is the a representation.
	I don't know that it's an actual thing.
	I it's an it's a memory, and it's a representation in my memory of couples, of people, right?
	And the point of going through this separation into this space is to choose your parents, it's to choose a life.
	And so I chose this body's life.
	All right, so uh so I can't bitch, right?
	Anything that happens to me, I can't bitch because I chose this.
	That's the way we all are.
	We we forget that in the trauma of being born, of being embodied, but we choose to live the lives in these bodies, right?
	Now it's my understanding that most uh people will be um like new to the process, and they'll just choose the first sparkles that are presented to them.
	This time, okay, and so I have a memory that when this occurrence happened, at that point on the other side of the life, death barrier, when I was going through the sparkles to choose parents to choose a life, I was aware that I had done this repetitiously, perhaps millions of times.
	I was also aware, so it wasn't a memory, I'm aware now in my memory of having been aware then that I knew uh I knew more about the process than I had in previous uh periods of picking a life.
	And in having uh, and in knowing more of the process, I was able to choose more what more wisely.
	And so, you know, I don't know that it was very wise of me to choose this body's life, given all the shit I've gone through.
	But maybe it's because I knew I'd burn off my karma.
	So I'm very content, right?
	I'm a content fellow that way.
	I know it's my own fault that I'm living this life.
	I know that everything that comes to me is intended to this life because I saw it all before I chose this life.
	And then everybody does.
	And then you forget most of it in the trauma of being born and being embodied.
	Anyway, so I am I'm presented with all these sparkles.
	I'm aware at that time that uh I'm doing a selection.
	There's something of a guidance in the uh present.
	That's what I think of it.
	You can think of it as God, you I think of it as the supreme consciousness, because I am consciousness embodied, it is consciousness non-embodied, and and it was a giant presence uh in my whole process.
	All right.
	And you also are aware of the other two parts, or of the rest of you.
	Okay, so humans are a giant great being, and uh we can only shove a little tiny bit of ourselves down here into our body.
	And and what comes down into our body we call the doer in the body because I do stuff.
	That's my only role is to make a decision with the assistance of my uh greater self, and then to take an action, okay, to do.
	So ours is but to do then die.
	All right.
	Ours is but to do then die.
	Um anyway, so uh, so I'm aware now that most people uh are relatively new in the process and they don't choose well, that they choose based on um happenstance, so to speak, the karma presents them various um the engine,
	the event stream, uh uh presents them with various different options, and they they select, and I'm quite certain that most just select instantly and don't even really cogitate because their minds are not there, they're not aware as much as I was aware in some of these other individuals that I've talked to uh pre-birth.
	Anyway, I'm not claiming any, you know, this is not uh an ego aggrandizement kind of thing.
	I'm not trying to pull a you know uh a UFO spiritual cult kind of shit thing here.
	I'm just stating factually, these are my memories, right?
	It gives me a unique perspective because over my life I've been able to examine this, and a lot of times I'll come up with um issues of authority and people kind of like trying to claim authority and so on.
	It's like, no, you know, you're a piss ant.
	I know what's on the other side of the life, death barrier, dude.
	So, you know, so I'm not paying attention to you.
	Anyways, so um uh so I'm presented with all these sparkles, and I choose a life, and at that point, okay, so I also know I don't have to choose that I can go back to that other, I can transit back to that other space and and be back at rest, and then uh and lose awareness, sort of go to sleep again, right?
	So I could go back and into my long sleep.
	But I'm very excited, I don't want to do that.
	I'm all and so uh, and also that excitedness uh came with me into this life because I was just described as precocious, as you know, basically a pain in the ass, you know.
	Uh Anyway, so uh all throughout my life.
	Anyway, so um uh I choose the sparkles uh that are my parents that will become my parents, and at that instant I am um involved uh in this uh process of being sucked in and embodied.
	So the body existed, had been an infant, and I chose, and the instant I chose, I was placed in this body.
	And so the mechanism, presumably is the same for all the bodies, and then as soon as you choose one, boom, you're right in there.
	And so you you um you don't choose a body that that's gonna be out a hundred years from now, right?
	You choose a body in that instant.
	Why these particular bodies are presented is probably is a function directly of karma, right?
	So the selection I was allowed to see within this giant mess, and and there was nothing restricted me.
	I could just have wandered for uh through all of it, examined every single one of them.
	And I don't know that I did not do that, right?
	All I have a memory of is like examining some sets of lives and dismissing them, and then finding the the sparkles that would be my uh my parents and choosing that life that would result.
	And I weighed the decision.
	I don't know what criteria was being used because there was no words at the time, right?
	But I was aware of stopping, so to speak, there was no movement, but of coming to that point and cogitating on the life that would on this particular life, and and then I selected it, and I'm instantly in this body.
	And that was like at uh 93 days or something, right?
	So I'm crawling it like three months.
	And um uh my father later on told me that they were just sitting there, and I had been basically an infant, a lump, and then and I was sitting in one of those little uh like uh uh sort of a basket thing that you could put in a car.
	I don't even know if they have those anymore.
	Uh and I was sitting on a couch, and there's a little strap thing, I guess, that you could strap uh the kid in because of like a little car seat.
	Um anyway, though, uh my dad was sitting over there, he didn't say what he was doing.
	Uh there wasn't television or anything at that time, uh, but they were sitting there in the living room, and he said the next thing he knew, he was doing something, but he said that all of a sudden he was aware that there was this thump, and uh I had they they didn't know how I'd achieved it, but I'd turned the whole uh car seat thing and dumped myself out on the floor, and I was just trucking around like mad.
	And I was thrilled, okay.
	So I have a memory of contacting the floor and thinking to myself, no words, but thinking to myself, I have a body, and then moving, right?
	And I was so thrilled.
	And this is also um, okay, so uh those people that I've talked to in these uh Zen meditation centers and in uh um other deep esoteric uh circumstances uh have also all said uh words that led me to believe that they were also excited to be born again, and that um uh in spite of all of the suffering and everything and everything, uh they they were quite happy to be born again and were very uh energetic throughout their whole life.
	And in fact, this is a self-selecting group, right?
	You've got to have a certain mindset to go and do these Zen meditation things.
	So it it automatically narrows the population down to a very, very, very tight knot of esoterically uh focused, mentally disciplined uh non-normies.
	So, but in any event, that's the that's a common theme.
	So I think this is this forms part of my uh premise that uh the more advanced you are in your life, the uh the more aware you are in that stage of the process, and that the normies are not advanced, and so they just take the body that karma wants them to have at that point uh without really any discrimination, and I knew better, somehow I knew better.
	Well, I think I knew better because I've been born a lot.
	Anyway, so um uh the point of my okay, so I was talking to Heidi about these things, and she had said, Well, you know, uh, had I asked, had I ever done a video on this.
	And I said, I didn't think so.
	She said, Well, I probably should.
	And so, like I say, I blame Heidi, and I'll I'll uh for this one.
	And then I'll um uh I'll title it that.
	Anyway, though, so um, so uh the human being is too large to go into the body.
	And so the part that's in the body is uh the doer in the body.
	There's two other parts of the human being that are discrete.
	One is the knower and one is the thinker.
	And there's two different kinds of activity, right?
	The knower uh works with and um functions through intuition, all right.
	So the dismissed woo kind of thing, but nonetheless they teach uh uh all kinds of special ops guys to concentrate on their intuition, to concentrate on the woo in order to do their jobs better.
	So they train the Navy SEALs and the Army Rangers and the paratrooper guys, all of these people are trained in low-level consciousness arts.
	These low-level consciousness arts are basically how to deal with intuition.
	They don't phrase it that way, I don't think.
	I've never taken their courses, although I've talked to some of these, talked to two um two guys, one Army Ranger and a uh at a very elite level of that, and a um and an ex-Navy SEAL, and they were both instructed in classes routinely over a number of years, past graduating their the SEAL course, for instance, uh, about consciousness and how to not in the network, but all of these other intuitive kinds of arts.
	That's where our knower comes in, right?
	That's when you know something without having any um uh logic chain to get to that conclusion.
	You just know, right?
	So I just instantly knew that COVID vaccine was a death shot.
	How I knew was because of my knower knowing and and putting it into me, the doer, and letting me, letting me know, right?
	And so um so we do not know anything, we don't store anything in the form of memory in these bodies.
	So all of my brain mass is merely the connection to the memories.
	Uh it is they're not actually stored here, and that's because the memories are not for me.
	I I the memories are for um the supreme consciousness, for the presence, uh, for uh the creator, for God, however you want to think about it, right?
	For me, God is a concept of something in the materium with you, so it's not anything I'm gonna pay attention to because Supreme Consciousness creates this materium, is this materium and is also me.
	Anyway, so the knower uh sends me stuff, and the thinker sends me stuff, so to speak.
	So when I sit here and think, uh I'm actually in contact with the thinker, and this is what a lot of people that do channeling, that's that's what's going on, is they're in contact with their greater self, they're not in contact with Pleiadians, they're not in contact with an alien over the planet or any of that kind of stuff, right?
	They're just in contact with their, they just form a tighter connection to their larger self.
	Anyway, so I don't I don't take channelers as uh factual in any way, shape, or form because these people are so diluted, they don't know their the own shape, they're the shape of the human being and their own particular parts of the human being that that they are and that they interact with.
	So anyway, um, the um uh the thinker provides the the cogitation and the conclusions, and the knower provides the intuitive understanding that gets you there without those uh uh logic chains of thinking when you have to know just instantly because of circumstance.
	That's what the knower is there for, and we're the doer.
	We execute the knowledge and the thinking and provide that impetus into karma that the karmic engine that is the event stream demands.
	And so uh that's the formation uh of a human being.
	It gets a little bit more tricky, and you can read all about this if you want to go read a book called Uh Thinking and Destiny.
	There's a free PDF version online.
	I will warn you right now it is extremely fucking dense.
	There's a couple of illustrations in it, but it's a thousand and eighty pages.
	So once you start reading, you're in for a long slog to get through it all.
	It is, as with any collection of words, it's not 100% accurate, because words are words fail on the other side of the life, death barrier.
	However, this book by Harold Percival, written in the 50s, 1950s, is perhaps it's more accurate than any other book you're ever going to find about the actual construction and the mechanisms within this materium.
	And I have I have uh personal proof of that, having died three times in this body's life, that his description is accurate.
	Okay, again, a thousand and eighty words, very dense, but it'll tell you about how all of this stuff lines out.
	Maybe it's like 96% accurate or something.
	So very, very accurate.
	Uh, you know, in the Bible, maybe 2% accurate, the Quran, maybe 1% accurate, any Buddhist text, maybe 3% accurate.
	So, you know, and then the really esoteric uh Vedic texts are 4 and 5 and 6% accurate.
	That's sort of a deal.
	And it and a lot of their accuracy is lost because of the uh change of language over time.
	Anyway, so um in this body's life, uh we're presented with um the actions or the decisions that we must make, and even remember, even not deciding is a decision itself.
	So you promote the karma, you feed the karmic engine of the event stream uh every day and every decision you make, and this is the way this place is supposed to function.
	And we're we need to deal with our karma, the results of our decisions coming back and looping in and causing us to make another decision and so on and so on.
	We have to deal with that uh for all of our lives uh for all of our many lives.
	Okay, so you can have karma that is not resolved in this body's life, and you have to carry it over.
	That is where you'll find the, I think, uh, that you'll find many of the people that are what we would consider to be normies, less uh esoterically astute, uh, are in that phase.
	They're reacting to karma that they've just built up that they've got to get rid of, and then I'm presuming at some point they will have enough lives and they will become a little bit more aware.
	Anyway, I've got to get get my ass together here and moving and start packing up some more stuff.
	So, anyway, so here's the deal.
	Um each time I died, it was the same experience.
	It was not uh perceived the same way because my mind was at different stages of development, and I was um at discreetly different ages.
	Nine and a half, sixteen and a half, and then sixty five.
	So I died at age 65, 2018 of colon cancer.
	That experience of being dead then was the most the longest uh in duration, and uh the most vivid of all of these, because it was that because it was long, it was over an hour that I was dead,
	as they were um doing surgery on me and removing a mass that was as big as my palm and um uh about twice as thick that had blocked my um alimentary canal had blocked my colon, and I was dying of interseception, which is where one part of the colon goes over another, and it does that so repeatedly that that it um uh sends you into shock and all this other kind of stuff, which was happening to me.
	Um anyway, so uh The previous two times I died, I had exactly the same experience.
	In each of those deaths, as soon as I had died, I was instantly at peace, instantly comforted.
	There was no sensation of stress, there was no anxiety, there was none of that.
	It was very, very, very peaceful.
	In this last time at age 65, I still had a sense of motion of movement in the previous two deaths that did not occur.
	I credit that with the decades of my studying Shinshin Soitsu Aikido, mind-body harmony aikido, and the building up of my key energy for that sensational movement at my death at age 65.
	Okay.
	And so the thing is that you are the doer in the body, but you're not alone.
	All right.
	Even our doer is too big to shove into a body.
	So our doer is sliced up into 12 bits, right?
	Aha, zodiac, 12 signs of the zodiac.
	Ah, 12 hours, you know, on a clock.
	So all of those kind of things, right?
	The numerics are there for a reason.
	These are the patterns within the materium.
	Anyway, so one twelfth of the doer is shoved into your body.
	The other eleven are in their long sleep.
	They are not.
	Well, this is the tricky part.
	They are you as you are each of them, but there's a subtle difference in each of them.
	So all of the all of the cliffs.
	Alright, so there's 12 of me.
	I'm one of those twelve.
	There will be six males and there will be six females.
	I will always, me as an individual, what that one-twelfth section of the doer in the body that is Cliff will always be born male.
	But there's six parts of me, six nearly identical chunks that will always be born female.
	And we rotate lives.
	So none of the other 11 are alive when I'm alive.
	Those other eleven are in uh their stages of processing, going through their long sleeps in order that they would be prepared for when this body dies, okay?
	And so it's sort of a tricky thing.
	Um you will sometimes hear, especially in like India and um Tibet and that kind of things, about a kid, maybe three or four years old.
	And the kid one day says that they remember that they used to be so-and-so living over in that village on the other side of the mountain.
	And the family gets all whipped up because this is relatively common in India in Tibet, and they take the kid over to the village, the kid knows everybody there, knows them by name, knows them by personality, can describe them and all of this kind of stuff, even though the kid's only three or four or five or six years old and had never been to that village.
	Nobody in this village had ever been there, blah, blah, blah.
	And what it is, of course, is that it's a case of a uh the next birth.
	Okay, so the person that had lived in in that village that the kid goes to and knows all of all the people in there, that individual had been reborn as this kid.
	But it's not the doer in the body that actually lived in that that village, it's one of the other uh twelve portions that got born.
	And so um, but the memories are common across all 12.
	So all of those other lives that are cliff, well, those memories will participate in um in my memory storehouse.
	And they will also participate in my intuition, which I'll get to in a minute.
	But anyway, so um, the guy gets born uh as uh over in this village, and sometimes it maybe it's a little girl that over here that get that remembers.
	But that little girl used to, when in that previous life in that village was a man, and they may know this.
	They may not.
	Sometimes they don't.
	The level of knowledge that comes out of the knower into these individuals is um affected by us being in the materium, the state of your mind, how much you can perceive, and all of these kind of things.
	Uh anyway, so um each time I died, uh I was presented with my knower and my thinker up from me.
	You know, so one time, so I was nine and a half and I I was drowned.
	I got caught in a riptide while swimming with a uh snorkel and a and a mask and some fins, which were brand new inventions then.
	This is the decade in which we got uh Jacques Cousteau and all the underwater stuff.
	And I was thrilled with this, and I was out swimming with him.
	Um this is off of uh Myrtle Beach, and I uh got into a into a rip current that took me along the beach, and then it then it started tumbling me, and I passed out and died.
	And they said I I came too, and there were a bunch of people trying to revive me and stuff, and my mom and and dad are all freaking out.
	Um they said it'd been 20 minutes uh that I'd been dead.
	I have no idea, right?
	And who knows, you know.
	Anyway, though, but at that time that I was dead, the uh my knower and thinker were simply up over me, right?
	And the other two times I had been in a building and they were up near the ceiling.
	And there was also my doer.
	And um the first two times I I have no memory of joining the doer, okay.
	In this last time, when I was 65, it did happen.
	So I'm 65, I die from the cancer, uh I leave the body, I look back, and there's my body on the operating table, and I was uh just disgusted with the cleanliness.
	I was just just oh my god, this, you know, I'm glad I'm out of that body.
	There's just going to be so much um uh problem from this.
	I'm glad I'm dead, right?
	And so I float up to the ceiling uh and join the doer, and I become aware that the doer is there, and there and the doer is filled with these uh 11 spheres that are moving around, interacting sort of with each other.
	And then I realize I am one of those spheres, even though I can see down, even though I have no eyes, I can see anything and everything I in the uh operating room to an incredible level, as though I had microscopes on my eyes and could peer into drawers and stuff.
	It's a really freaky way to see.
	Anyway, so an intensity that you cannot understand in this body's life.
	Anyway, and so I float up to the doer, and I become aware that I'm uh part of that doer, and I slot over to the doer, and then I just hang out.
	Because I don't know what's going on.
	You know, I have no um impetus to do anything because I'm dead.
	I'm just there and stuff's gonna happen, I presume, right?
	I'm just hanging around.
	And I thought, wow, you know, I'm glad I'm out of that body, this body was wasted, it was 128.2 pounds, you know, arms thin, legs thin, emaciated, totally, totally trashed by the cancer.
	And as I say, I was glad I shed it.
	And then uh they fix me up, the uh the doctor and uh nurses.
	And um that's when the um the the knower and the thinker and the doer tell me to go back down there.
	And that's when things got real interesting for me because I refused.
	And and I refused with words.
	So there were words at this stage of my interaction with the knower and the thinker and the doer.
	I don't know who, I don't know where the interaction was coming from out of those three entities, my including the one that I'm in, which is the doer.
	I don't know really where the response came from.
	But uh it turned out to be a negotiation.
	And this was this was sort of a shock to me.
	Um because there was still enough, I still had enough key energy to have a sense of mentition and sort of a sense of you know being part of the body and that kind of thing, right?
	And uh so I get into a negotiation with the the other parts of me, and they want me to come back.
	Uh this is 2018, and uh in that summer, July.
	And I said, no, I'm you know, I'm done.
	Let's see, I that was it, I'm done, I'm tired, you know, 30 years of undiagnosed cancer and all the other problems.
	I was just had it.
	That was it, wasn't going back.
	And they said, well, no, if you if you go back, you can have some meaningful work.
	And I said, Nah, you know, I've had enough work, guys.
	I like working, but you know, thank you, no.
	So anyway, uh so I didn't know COVID was coming or any of that kind of shit.
	The meaningful work I had was apparently keeping people alive through COVID and keeping them off of the clot shot.
	Uh but anyway, I said, no, no, you know, that thank you, no.
	Anyway, and then they they said, Oh, oh, here's a better deal.
	If you go back, um you'll have a chance to uh for your next death to die in a great battle.
	And I thought, ooh, that's kind of cool.
	I'd studied Aikido all my life.
	I'm a martial artist by uh inclination.
	I've done judo, karate, these kind of things.
	Um, and I thought, hmm, you know, that's kind of cool, that'd be kind of fun.
	But then I thought, then the thought occurs to me, nah, I'm already dead, screw it.
	You know, I don't want the extra trouble.
	And look at that body down there, because my body would not have been good to take into a battle.
	And so they um then they uh they sweeten the pot even more and uh said um if you go back, you'll have a chance to know love in the later years of your life.
	And that one got me.
	I said, Oh, okay, all right, you know, I'll I'll I'll go for it that way.
	I'll I'll endure it all for that.
	And so then back into the body.
	Um real shock, let me tell you, real fucking shock.
	And anyway, and then the next four days I um basically um had buyer's remorse and just lay there in the hospital trying to die again to get just get out of it because the body was just in such a terrible state.
	Uh and then I didn't die after four days, so I said, fuck it, and um got up and and uh made them check me out and then came back and started all this life again.
	And uh I've been building my body back up for a lot of reasons, right?
	So I'm uh the my um uh meaningful work is over, I think, right?
	That was the COVID era, and turning uh people to an aware state, pointing them at shit and just getting out of their way.
	And now I'm ready for uh knowing love for the rest for the rest of my life here in my in my uh old age.
	And I'm trying to get my body ready for this upcoming battle.
	Uh, you know, it's been promised to me.
	So I've been out, you know, doing the exercises and the training I train every day with my um katana and my um uh you know I train in armed defense daily, and so uh getting it all done.
	Because, as far as I'm concerned, the stuff on the information that comes in from the life death barrier, the other side of it, is more factual than what we'll run into here.
	So I'm quite certain that that uh all three of these things that were promised to me shall be delivered.
	And I'm going to take advantage of um of um uh finding Heidi and having that connection with her, and I'm also going to take advantage of uh this opportunity to participate in this great battle.
	My understanding of that great battle is that it's going to be global.
	My thinking about it now, because of the way in which the response came to me is that and has been since that response, is that it was going to involve space aliens or space alien technology.
	In other words, a really huge kick-ass war, basically.
	I had no idea the time frame or any of that.
	Um, and you know, maybe uh the uh I'm being sent back because it's possible to not go to war.
	That you know, because I have studied Aikido, which is the art of peace, and this is peace through strength and through um initiative, taking initiative.
	Anyway, so uh this is long enough.
	I blame this one on Heidi.
	She was she said, Well, you should tell people about what it's like to be dead and um and what you go through.
	And the thing about being dead is that the process of getting there is a real bitch, right?
	It is suffering is terrible.
	But the instant of death, all that ends.
	And so you you do have uh instantaneous peace and comfort.
	And then you connect with your greater being, and uh, you know, shit happens, right?
	The processing.
	Um, it's the last thing here.
	Your knower works off of stuff that's called intuition.
	Intuition is not well conceptualized here on earth.
	Uh, if you read in um uh thinking and destiny, you will find that uh, and by the way, um uh thinking and destiny takes that word destiny quite seriously.
	We all have the same destiny, which is to die.
	And so you need to understand that that should be part of the focus of how you live.
	But anyway, so the knower, the thinking destiny describes the knower and the process of intuition with some very elegant images, and I'll try and get those across.
	But the idea is this your soul is an energy container.
	It's energy.
	It's not physical matter in any way.
	Nothing actually is.
	All of matter is basically an illusion that is created by your soul.
	Your soul is the conduit for communications from your greater being and also from the what I call the ontology, supreme consciousness, the universe.
	Your soul is, you can think of it as like a cup that's made out of this spinning energy.
	It always stays there and it always spins and spins and spins and spins as long as you're alive.
	Within that cup is the you, the self, that part of consciousness that is uh squeeze is gonna ultimately be squeezed into the body.
	Uh so the doer.
	So within the cup is the doer.
	The knower and the thinker, and the other 11 parts of the doer are not within the cup of your soul while you are there.
	When you depart your soul, one of the other one of the other eleven will occupy that soul.
	The soul is used for all of you and is common to all of you, and it is the like sort of operating system that all of you as apps uh work through.
	Okay, so it is uh it is more permanent than any of your lives.
	Uh so your soul is indeed a um a very very uh valuable tool in a very uh treasure thing to be treasured.
	You cannot uh you can do a lot of things uh to damage yourself within your soul, but in my opinion, you can't um uh destroy your soul, although universe can decide that you're not a viable life and not offer you the soul after a certain point, and you would just sort of fade away.
	In any event, though, so we're the doer in the body, we're supposed to do things.
	In order to do things, sometimes we need to know things.
	The knower uh taps into our intuition, which is like our database of all the shit we've learned and all the experiences we've had in all of our previous lives.
	And it is described in thinking and destiny as a process of rendering of heat.
	Okay, and so this is the idea of hell.
	This is where hell comes from, and in your long sleep is where the idea of heaven comes from.
	In your long sleep, you have no pain, there's comfort, you get to relive all of your life with no uh issues, you get to reexamine it as much as you want to learn the stuff about the karma, etc.
	Anyway, your soul at that point is um uh uh sort of like um uh processed on its own.
	And uh they say it is uh, and so the rendering is the is the language that brings up the idea of melting it down and rendering it in flame.
	It's not really what goes on.
	What does go on though is that all of the stuff, all of the things from my memory, all the conclusions, all of the mistakes, all of the um impressions, awarenesses, everything from this body's life are within that soul, and they will be rendered down and they will be put into a very thin layer of intuition that will surround uh what's known as your pearl or your precious teardrop.
	And each and every one of your lives is built up this way of intuition put around that uh central core, and that and that is what the knower taps into.
	And so the knower has the ability to go into all of those previous lives and extract any meaningful kind of thing that may be useful to you in that instant.
	And the knower communicates to you through qualia, through through the universe, providing you with something in that instant of uh uh you know um danger or whatever that that aids you in moving into a particular decision.
	And that's its point, that's its job.
	The thinker, on the other hand, is gonna be spinning and thinking like mad, trying to come up with something.
	The thinker, in a sense, is a uh it creates the conditions that allow the um awareness to be later on rendered into intuition.
	All right, so it's the so the thinking that you do, the conclusions you make in this life will also be transited into the next life in the sense of being wrapped up within your intuition there.
	And that's basically how all of this kind of stuff functions.
	There is lots and lots and lots and lots that can be said about it and that's why the Thinking and Destiny book is 1080 pages.
	And he goes into it in much greater detail.
	But this is my personal experience with being dead three times in this body's life, and then memories that exist before this body's life.
	And there's, you know, I have more of those memories that exist before this body's life, which make me think about time and how all that happened and what what was going on at that stage, and and all of these.
	It brings up all kinds of other speculations and questions.
	But anyway, though, so so I blame Heidi for this one.
	Uh now I've got to get back to actually I've got to have some lunch and then I've got to uh go do some work here.

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