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July 5, 2015 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
14:18
This Week in Stupid (05⧸07⧸2015)
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Hello everyone, and welcome to this week in Stupid for July 5th, 2015.
Sargon is currently being held captive in Moviebob's basement, being forced to watch his videos and subjected to hours of torture by secondhand embarrassment.
My name is Shoe on Head, and I'll be your host this evening until he escapes.
Hashtag FreeSargon.
If you hear fireworks in the background, that's because it is the 4th of July.
I do not apologize for the sounds of freedom.
Now I was a bit nervous I wouldn't be able to find any stupidity this week, but with the help of you guys I found a plethora and I'm really excited to share some of these stories with you.
Recently we've seen a lot of celebrities fighting back against PC culture.
Seinfeld saying political correctness is ruining comedy and that college kids are acting like hypersensitive idiots was a big wake-up call to people who were probably not aware of how bad this has really become.
This week, two celebrities have been caught up in the guilt trip social justice storm.
Comedian Amy Schumer was called racist for a joke she told on her show.
Amy responded on Twitter saying, put down your torches before reading this so you don't catch fire.
I am a comic.
I am so glad more people are laughing at me and with me all of a sudden.
I will joke about things you like and I will joke about things you aren't comfortable with, and that's okay.
Stick with me and trust I am joking.
I go in and out of playing an irreverent idiot.
That includes making jumb jokes involving race.
I enjoy playing the girl who time to time says the dumbest thing possible and playing with race is a thing we are not supposed to do, which makes it fun for comics.
You can call it a blind spot for racism or lazy, but you are wrong.
It's a joke and it is funny.
I know that because people laugh at it, even if you personally did not.
I'm not going to start joking about safe material, and don't ask that of me.
I love what I do and won't let anyone take that away.
I ask you to resist the urge to pick me apart.
Trust me, I am not racist.
I am a devotee feminist and lover of all people.
My fight is for all people to be treated equally.
So move on to the next person who is more deserving of your scrutiny and not the girl in your corner.
Sincerely, Amy, a dirty half-Jew.
I like how she's like, Trust me, guys, I'm not racist.
I'm a feminist.
Like, that's somehow...
What?
Like, the two are mutually exclusive.
But you go, girl, do not apologize to them.
That's exactly what they want.
And musician Voltaire was called sexist for joking around with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, about her boobs at DragonCon.
Voltaire posted this to his Facebook.
So I just got called a rude, condescending, sexist, and not a man, but a jerk to the lowest degree, for how I shamefully treated Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, during our brief co-hosting of a beauty pageant at DragonCon.
This person also noted that she was a trooper, though.
She never once called him out on it.
Ready for the punchline?
The reason Elvira didn't seem annoyed and didn't call me out on my allegedly unacceptable behavior was because we were working from a script written by the female producer of the show, with many tweaks made by Elvira herself.
She and I worked out the routine backstage before the show.
LOL, while it's never fun for someone to pull you're the shitty sexist male routine when in fact I was just reciting lines Elvira and I had worked out, I'm glad it came up because it reminded me of how exciting and amazing it was to finally work with one of my idols.
I would gladly do our ridiculous I'm a man, so naturally I'm staring at your boobs body routine again and again for all eternity.
If and any time, Elvira asks.
LOL.
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.
Seriously, if you're getting butthurt about Elvira making sexual jokes, you don't really know Elvira.
But you know they're just gonna say something about internalized misogyny.
That's always the go-to cop-out, because if you don't believe in the almighty dark lord patriarchy, it's obviously internalized inside you.
Speaking of made-up bullshit, one New York bar has decided to underscore the unfairness of gender discrimination in pay by charging women customers just 77% of their bar tab.
The difference equates with the gap between men and women's- AHHHHHHH Citation, please.
The Brooklyn Doctor Who themed bar, oh, pfft, it's like a Tumblr bar, the WayStation, will charge women just 77% of their bill on Tuesday.
Let's level the playing field, even just for one night.
Women deserve better.
Recognizing this discrepancy is just a start.
Yeah, because ladies' night and having drinks bought for you all night is just not enough.
I've become so numb to this paygap propaganda, I don't think there's anything to say about it that I haven't screamed about already thousands of times.
But in case you were unaware, it not real.
Okay, so this is one of the funny stories I've heard this week.
A group of Orthodox Jews hired Mexican day workers to dress like Jews and protest a gay pride parade because they didn't want to be exposed to the horrors of a bunch of people celebrating a major achievement in human equality, and I cannot stop laughing at it.
Look at them.
They don't know what they're doing.
So this weekend batshit crazy.
My vagina runs my life.
My vagina runs my life.
Men may think with their dicks.
Oh my god.
Already, sweetie generalizations.
Not surprised.
Okay, carry on.
But admittedly, I think with my vagina.
My vagina leads me around by the tip of my clitor.
What?
What?
Oh, that's a weird vision.
I've been labeled many things.
Sextile, promiscuous, slut, ninfo, and sex addict.
None of which apply to me.
There is nothing psychologically or physically wrong with me.
I'm just a woman with high libido, like most men.
I'm pretty sure both men and women have high libidos, and you're just trying to be a special snowflake.
But for the sake of this, I'm just going to read this.
Society wants to diagnose me, psycho-analyze, psycho-analyze me, and judge me.
It wants to cure me of this natural primal urge.
The irony is men don't need to justify their hunger for Hanky Panky.
It's a given, a fact.
Guess what?
You don't need to justify it either, but here you are.
That's men, my mother used to say when she was commenting on some tabloid affair.
Oh wow, I wonder where you get it from.
Alright, so I think this person got lost on their way to their personal Tumblr blog and accidentally posted an article because this was the most stupid and redundant thing I've ever read.
You like sex and understand that people like sex too.
Congratulations, you've done it!
The opening night of William Tell at the Royal Opera House is under fire after showing a nude rape scene in their performance, causing the audience to turn into a herd of cattle and start booing at the top of their lungs.
Director of the opera Caspar Holton said the scene puts the spotlight on the brutal reality of women being abused during wartime and sexual violence being a tragic fact of war.
Have you not learned anything from the Game of Thrones outrage, Holton?
Rape is bad and should not be depicted as bad, because then it's somehow depicting it as good and enforcing rape culture.
I want to provoke a reaction.
I want to make the audience feel the emotions, the empathy with these characters, and with the story.
Well too bad, fuckboy, it's 2015.
The University of Wisconsin has released a list of microaggressions and it's the funniest, most embarrassing thing ever.
If you don't know what microaggressions are, microaggressions are innocent things people say every day that aren't actually racist, but we're all so hungry to be offended that we will take anything we can get.
My favorites from this list are, where are you from?
Where were you born?
I believe the most qualified person should get the job.
Everyone can succeed in this society if they work hard enough.
And my favorite, there is only one race, the human race.
Yes, folks, believing we are all human and not focusing on somebody's race 24-7 is racist.
Everything we've done in the past hundred years is trashed.
Martin Luther King Jr. is rolling in his grave.
You know who else is rolling in their grave?
You know who's been brake dancing in their grave for the past few years?
Mr. George Orwell.
Because New Zealand has officially made free speech a crime.
Ladies and gentlemen, the first harmful opinions commune- I mean uh harmful digital communications bill has passed in New Zealand.
And the bill's key elements are a fine up to $50,000 for an individual or up to $200,000 for a body corporate or up to two years in jail for posting or sending a harmful digital communication, aka cyberbullying, with a post likely to cause distress.
The bill covers racist, sexist, and religiously intolerant comments, plus those about disabilities or sexual orientation.
Good idea!
Let's make it so mentally insane, hypersensitive, authoritarian narcissists have the power to throw people in jail over text on the internet.
Brilliant.
Does anyone even live in New Zealand?
This week in White Guilt and Projection, an idiot nobody professor said white people should commit mass suicide.
Every single white person alive today is complicit in slavery, according to Assistant Professor of Humanities Adam Kotsko, and should kill themselves.
According to Dr. Costco, if you're white, and even if your ancestors never owned slaves, you were still complicit for it.
When asked what white people should do because of it, Costco said whites should commit mass suicide.
Okay, Adam, you go first.
We'll be right behind you, we promise.
Whether or not your individual ancestors own slaves, you as a white person have benefited from slavery and are complicit in it.
Sorry.
No.
Yes.
Wow, that banter.
I know it sucks having a racial identity that exists solely to legitimate and subordination and exploitation of other races.
Hashtag whiteness.
Translation.
Hey, everyone, look how not racist I am.
I'm not like those other white men.
I'm not racist.
Did I mention I'm not racist?
Everyone, please look at me not being racist.
Congratulations on doing the bare minimum of what is expected of human beings, you fuck.
Oh, what's this?
Ask Feminist Coloring Book for the powerful ladies in your life.
Feminists of the world, you know how tiring it can get.
Oh my god.
Feminists of the world.
You know how tiring it can get dealing with the oppression, discrimination, and hate that is too rampant in our everyday lives.
Sometimes you just want to scream or cry or rip out all the pages of your favorite feminist manifesto to cover your body in them like a paper fort.
Yeah, this isn't fucking crazy at all.
Well, here's another idea.
In times of stress, why not whip out your handy dandy feminist coloring book?
You're never too old for coloring books and you're never too young for feminism is the motto behind Aihiyama Olo's incredible project.
Aptly titled A Badass Feminist Coloring Book.
The radical book combines the meditative love of coloring with the revolutionary spirit of feminism, a combination that will please just about any creative lady.
Now, to do proper research for this, I actually went out and I bought the coloring book.
And it comes with a variety of very beautiful markers with very beautiful names.
We got menstrual blood red.
Menstrual eating is very important because men can't do it.
We got Vagina Pink, not a very creative name, but you need pink.
Piss yellow.
Pissing is a very important aspect in feminism art.
Just pissing all over the floor.
Beautiful.
We got facial piercing green.
Infected facial piercing green.
I'm sorry.
Patriarchy purple.
Not a fan favorite, but you need purple.
Yeast infection orange.
Now this one is actually scented.
It smells delicious.
Oppressed black.
Kind of sad.
cis white.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
Nope.
Nope.
Your argument is invalid Deal with it.
Oh my god.
We live in a world that is so sexist that women still can't wear pants on public restroom signs.
Really?
How about we live in a world that is so spoiled and first world that this is the issues we are convol like women wear dresses that's that's a thing it's still a thing Alright you guys, are you ready for this?
Sit down.
A woman has started a preschool for adults where they have nap, play, and snack time.
This is not an onion article.
This is real.
Everyone says your school days were the best, and surely the best of all were your preschool days, when you got to doss around in the sandpit for hours, interspested with naps and food.
Don't you wish you can go back sometimes?
No, I don't.
I'm not a child.
My mind has developed.
If someone handed me a clump of Play-Doh, I would just go back to shitposting on the internet because that's what I'm interested in now.
Now you can, if you gotta spare $1,000, which is what it could cost for five nights at the world's first preschool for adults in New York.
Run by Michelle Joni.
The Play School for Big Kids has a show and tell, dressing uptime, nap, and snack times.
They also like to build things out of Play-Doh.
That woman has huge boobs.
The preschool mastermind program is run out of Michelle's home in Brooklyn, and even has a parents' evening where the attendees can showcase their work.
Oh, this is weird.
You know, for most people, it's hard to separate nostalgia with fun.
If you turn on your favorite cartoon from when you were a kid now, you get so bored instantly as soon as the nostalgia wears off.
So how are these people actually enjoying this?
How forced must this feel?
And it's seriously bordering on adult baby fetish.
The clash, however, has been criticized as weird online, as well as being mistaken for a fetish club.
Oh, okay.
Michelle admits, we've had some adults inquire about changing diapers in adult baby play.
That's not what this is.
Honestly, it would be less weird if it was some fetish thing.
First the safe spaces in college, adult coloring books, protecting people from words online, and now this.
If we're turning the adults into children, who is going to take care of the children?
I fear for the future.
Hold me, YouTube.
Hold me.
Menstrual blood red.
Menstruating is very important regardless if it's a biological film.
Blah, logical.
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