Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin - This Week in Stupid (08⧸02⧸2015)

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Feb. 8, 2015 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin

30:57

This Week in Stupid (08⧸02⧸2015)

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	Hello everyone, welcome to this week in Stupid for the 8th of February 2015.
	I won't lie, I do have a hangover and just the titles of some of these stories is making it worse.
	US Army deletes tweets after accusations of racism only to provoke more anger.
	Fucking hell, just that title alone, you know, this is going to be fucking retarded.
	Of course.
	The US Army tweets chinks in special ops digital and physical armor post-challenges experts say.
	You're probably groaning already, just, oh, I can't fucking believe some goddamn social justice warrior is taking issue with the word chink in this case.
	And you are in fact completely right, they absolutely fucking are, because there is something wrong with their goddamn brains.
	Yeah, literally, even though chinks in armor is an expression referring to a weakness or vulnerability, the tweet was received with anger by some idiots, who pointed out that the word chink can also be used as a racist term referring to people of Chinese descent.
	Oh my god, what kind of fucking precedent do these idiots think they're setting?
	For example, this person who calls themselves the real Mark Newman.
	Not that anyone is going to want to impersonate them after this tweet.
	Chinks in special ops armor post-challenges US Army.
	Um, excuse me, experts.
	We no longer refer to foreign people in such derogatory terms.
	Holy shit, Mark, we are going to refer to you in derogatory terms.
	Lieutenant Colonel Elaine Conway, an army public affairs officer, told the Washington Post that the army was surprised by the reaction since there is nothing even remotely racial in the expression.
	Because there isn't.
	But I guess no one from the army went to university.
	The phrase and word have been in use for more than 600 years.
	It is a proper noun meaning a crack or fissure as defined by Webster's and almost every other dictionary in the English speaking world.
	Of course, leave it up to a bunch of highly educated racists to completely pervert the meaning of this word.
	So now it is only a racial insult and no matter what context it's used in, it's an insult against Chinese people.
	Even though the post was deleted, the US Army did not issue an apology provoking even more anger.
	I'm going to overlook the fact that the more is misspelled there because the fact that this could provoke more anger because they didn't apologize for not using a racial slur is unbelievable.
	But that's fine.
	We can no longer use the word chink because chink in some contexts is a racial insult towards Chinese people.
	What other words can't we use?
	Of course, we can no longer call people crackers.
	I know this only applies to white people, but I'm the sort of person who believes that things should apply regardless of people's race because I'm not a fucking racist.
	So the word cracker is definitely out.
	We'll leave it to the hallowed halls of social justice academia to figure out what we can call our once proud crackers.
	Camel jockeys.
	Yes, people who actually ride camels, who are literal jockeys of camels, can no longer be called camel jockeys.
	We will have to find a new term for them that isn't also an ethnic slur.
	Yeah, no, no fucking way.
	Get the fuck out of here, Niger.
	You must change the name of your country, you disgusting racists.
	You have to change the shape of your country as well, because it looks like a chicken drumstick.
	Since we're being phenomenal racists right now, why not?
	Dartmouth launches hashtag Black Lives Matter course.
	Of course it does.
	Why wouldn't it?
	I mean, if it's being racist to start with, we may as well carry on being racist and institutionalize it into the curriculum.
	Around Martin Luther King Day, co-chairman of the Ferguson Commission spoke with Dartmouth faculty about teaching Ferguson.
	By the end of Wilson's two-hour workshop, faculty members were already brainstorming how to integrate the events and the response into coursework and campus life.
	Okay, no, no, no, I can tell you exactly where this is fucking going, but okay, carry on.
	The course is expected to draw outside speakers and explore the ways to engage the community beyond parading professors in front of lecture halls.
	Yep, no, no, no, you're right on the money.
	I know, this is just going to be so wonderful for everyone involved.
	There's a special energy around this, said Abigail Neely, an assistant professor of geography at Dartmouth.
	It's designed to transgress the boundaries between disciplines in an effort to do some really deep, sustained critical thinking.
	Yeah, fucking right.
	About some of the most important issues in the country and the world at this moment.
	The course came together quickly with support from college leaders and Dartmouth's African and African American Studies Program.
	Neely and Bang said, Enrolment opens on Friday, but faculty members are still finalizing the syllabus and deciding how many students will be admitted.
	They're just throwing this shit together.
	No forethought at all.
	Just, you know what, we've got to do something.
	We've got to cobble together some kind of bullshit.
	In planning the course, we've already begun the work as a teaching collective.
	A teaching collective.
	That's just magnificent.
	I'm so excited to see what happens when the students join.
	I think I already know what's going to fucking happen when the students join.
	It's going to look something like this.
	Just in case you can't see this for whatever reason, this is a picture of two white girls flanking a pair of black students.
	The white girls have got big shit-eating grins on their faces.
	The black students look particularly sad, as if they're thinking, I wish people would just stop focusing on our fucking race.
	And above is the quote from one of the white students.
	Our class congratulated Tyrone and Denisha for being black teens.
	Fuck me.
	You are a bunch of fucking racists.
	Whether you're trying to be benevolent racist or malevolent racists, you are still fucking racists.
	Knock it off, you dipshit.
	Alright, we need to talk about something funny.
	Coca-Cola Pool's Twitter campaign after it's tricked into quoting Mein Kampf.
	The hashtag MakeItHappy campaign, which was an automatic algorithm to turn negative tweets into pictures of happy things, was hijacked by Gorka.
	And the worst part about it is what Gorka did was actually funny.
	The idea was that an automatic algorithm would then convert the tweets using an encoding system called ASCII into pictures of happy things, such as an adorable mouse, a palm tree wearing sunglasses, yada yada yada.
	But Gorka, noticing that one response had the 14 words white nationalist slogan, republished in the shape of a dog, had other ideas.
	Gorka's Adam Pash created a Twitter bot called Mein Coke and set it up to tweet lines from Mein Kampf and then link them to the hashtag make it happy tag, triggering Coca-Cola's own Twitterbots to turn them into cutesy pictures.
	The result was that for a couple of hours on Tuesday morning, Coca-Cola's Twitter feed was broadcasting big chunks of Adolf Hitler's text, albeit in the form of a smiling banana or a cat's playing a drum kit.
	Again, that is pretty fucking funny, to be honest.
	I don't like to give Gorka credit, but well done, that was hilarious.
	However, Coca-Cola.
	That was fucking stupid, wasn't it?
	Did you really think you could rely on the public not to screw up any kind of campaign like this?
	I mean it's almost like you forgot that Mountain Zew allowed the internet to name its soft drink.
	Unsurprisingly, Hitler did nothing wrong, was number one on the list.
	So seriously, the internet is not your friend when it comes to these sort of things.
	Don't be moronic.
	On a side note, good job, Poll.
	Since we're on the subject of weaponised sugar, bad luck for colonials.
	You aren't going to be getting the perfect British chocolate and will have to rely on your disgusting powdery crap.
	Chocolate giant Hershey has successfully blocked the import of many British sweets because it says it creates brand confusion with Hershey's products.
	Well that fucking sucks for you guys.
	American Cadbury chocolate is definitely not the same quality, nor the same taste as English Canterbury chocolate.
	It's not the same quality, same consistency, and it doesn't have the same shelf life.
	It's an inferior product to the English one, that's for sure.
	Now if there's one thing I can get patriotic and nationalistic about, it's our fucking chocolate.
	Because I lived on RAF bases and there were also American bases, which means American BXs, which means American chocolate, which means, uh.
	Sorry, colonials, that really sucks, and you should probably be out protesting in the streets about this.
	I mean, you know, if we're going to protest about some kind of first world problem, this is probably the one.
	Although, don't get me wrong, this is all absolutely ridiculous.
	Hershey executives have said they want to protect their intellectual property and they've asked the company repeatedly to stop importing the disputed chocolates.
	However, they have not commented on the social media call Boycott Hershey or the online petitions.
	Yes, there are actually online petitions for this, including one posted on the White House website.
	Wow, this is an important issue.
	So important that more than 30,000 people have signed the petition, and Twitter chocolate lovers are milking the spat to condemn what they feel are chemical-laden, inferior Hershey products.
	Well, not to get all conspiratorial, but they are chemical-laden, inferior Hershey products.
	This is undoubtedly part of some sort of government conspiracy.
	9-11 was an instant job!
	Probably my favourite story this week is, reports suggest that Putin has Asperger syndrome.
	A newly revealed study from a Pentagon think tank theorises that Russian President Vladimir Putin has Asperger syndrome, according to a report obtained by USA Today.
	Well, I never.
	I can't believe that a Pentagon think tank came up with a negative sounding trait for Vladimir Putin to have.
	Unbelievable.
	Putin's neurological development was significantly interrupted in infancy, wrote Brenda Connors, an expert in bullshit at the US Naval War College in Newport, Rhode Island.
	Studies of his movement, Connors wrote, reveal that the Russian president carries a neurological abnormality.
	Is that a fact, is it, Brenda?
	I believe you.
	I totally, totally believe that that is exactly what it proves.
	But the thing is, if that's true, then a man with Asperger's, a form of autism, is slapping your fucking face around on the world stage.
	What's going on in Syria?
	Did you bomb Syria?
	No, you didn't bomb Syria.
	What's going on in Crimea?
	Oh, Russia annexed Crimea.
	What about the NSA and Obisnowden?
	Oh, he sat pretty in Russia.
	Doesn't it bother you that you're getting trounced by a man you are claiming is autistic?
	And you are claiming it based on, well, pretty specious evidence.
	Researchers are unable to prove their theory, however, because they did not perform a brain scan on Putin, but instead the paper cites work by autism specialists to back their findings.
	And again, I'm sure that they're not in any way biased or talking complete shit.
	And this is my favourite bit.
	This is how you know it's not a propaganda piece.
	Putin is not the only public figure associated with autism.
	Wait a minute, you haven't proven that Putin has autism.
	The only association is the Pentagon saying, oh, our worst enemy has autism.
	Nuh.
	But go on, let's see what Vladimir Putin has to say on this subject.
	Vladimir Putin.
	I am not autistic.
	You retards.
	Putin's spokesman has angrily dismissed a Pentagon study that claimed the Russian leader has Asperger syndrome, a form of autism.
	That is stupidity not worthy of comment, spokesman Dmitry Pezkov told Gazetta RU.
	This is such a fucking stupid thing to have happened that Vladimir Putin doesn't even need to comment on it himself.
	Someone else can just dismiss it as bullshit.
	And that's it.
	It's just bullshit.
	For fuck's sake, Pentagon, you look like you're flailing.
	You look like you're trying to rake up any muck and fling it to see what sticks.
	Jesus fucking Christ, you would have looked less stupid if you'd said nothing at all.
	In fact, speaking of autism, Turkey's family ministry launches probe into Minecraft video game.
	Why?
	What could possibly be offensive about computerized Lego?
	Turkey's Family and Social Policies Ministry has launched an investigation into the video game Minecraft on the grounds that it encourages violence, especially against women.
	What?
	Seriously, of all of the fucking games that exist at the moment, Minecraft.
	The investigation aims at inspecting whether or not the game contains motives to trigger violence in its players.
	Oh, I've got no doubt that does.
	I'm sure that is exactly the purpose of Minecraft.
	I mean, just listen to this description of the game.
	Minecraft is a video game that allows the player to make designs with cubes in 2D or 3D.
	The game has several modes and some of the modes the player needs to survive in order to proceed with the game.
	To survive through all of the various levels, one may fight with monsters, create handmade weapons and use them.
	If the player cannot survive and dies in any of the levels, he or she has to start the game all over again.
	That exactly sounds like the sort of thing that encourages violence against women.
	In the higher levels of the game, the player may need to kill women, allies and even friends for survival reasons.
	I'm sure it's exactly as it says.
	I don't play Minecraft, so I don't know.
	But I'm not even going to fucking look it up.
	I just don't believe it.
	The ministry has received many complaints regarding the violent elements, especially against women in the video game and thus has launched an inspection.
	By who?
	By what?
	What violence are you talking about?
	I mean, it's the least realistic graphics I've ever seen in a video game, and I used to have an Amiga 500.
	For fuck's sake, it's fucking Minecraft.
	And if anyone is unfamiliar with this, this is what a woman in Minecraft looks like.
	I just have no fucking idea how they think that this could be the case.
	I just don't.
	I mean, GTA, maybe.
	Fucking maybe.
	Minecraft?
	No.
	Just no.
	Since we're on the subject, did you know that tweeting about sexism does make you feel better?
	Well, fucking brilliant.
	Young women were asked to tweet out articles about feminism, and then psychologists measured their sense of well-being, compared to a control group's sense of well-being.
	Researchers found that the well-being of women who tweeted about sexism increased by several points on the feeling pretty goodometer, I imagine.
	And despite not being told how to tweet, I think they may have already known how to tweet, they formed a group to discuss the issues collectively.
	Really, they sat down and had a natter.
	My goodness.
	I'm so glad that there is science being done on this issue.
	But let's hold our horses.
	Activism doesn't always make people feel better.
	In fact, previous studies have found that reporting instances of sexual harassment is often related to increased distress, mostly because of the pushback by people implicated.
	My god, I can't believe that the people implicated in the accusations would defend themselves.
	Won't someone think of the women?
	But it is apparently heartening that there is a form of activism which doesn't drain activists psychologically, but in fact increases their well-being.
	I mean, how much of an effect does this really have?
	Also, I don't really think you guys understand the purpose of activism.
	It isn't to make you feel better, it is to enact change.
	Why does organising a protest make you happy?
	Greater well-being is associated with public, active, and collective actions.
	For example, a protest of like-minded individuals, rather than just private protest or just reporting it to the authorities.
	It's important to have people around you, even if it's online, who recognize your struggle and talk to you about issues that are important to you.
	You know, those first world issues that are really holding you back.
	Honestly, this is how echo chambers are formed.
	The success of yes all women not only made people aware of just how common sexual harassment is, but made the often used not all men response to feminist statements into little more than a comedy punchline.
	That's right, it is a comedy punchline, because in the paranoid, delusional world of feminism, all men are rapists.
	So to say not all men, it's not like saying all black people do X or all Jews do Y.
	It's all men are rapists, and so when you say yes all women and the men say, well, not all men, you're like, not all men, of course all men, you fucking idiots.
	Jesus fucking Christ.
	Why would you think, what other response would you fucking expect?
	And at the bottom of this article they include a poll.
	Does hashtag activism work?
	Yes, say 52% and no, say 48%.
	Almost half of the readers of this article are not convinced by the bullshit contained within.
	What a fucking surprise.
	Speaking of feminist crazy though, this is one of my favourite articles of all time.
	The wrong sort of feminist.
	Comedian show cancelled over student protests.
	Oh my goodness, students would never protest something vapid and inane, would they?
	Of course they fucking would.
	Students have forced stand-up Kate Smirthwaite to cancel a gig tonight because she is the wrong sort of feminist.
	Campaigners had planned to protest her performance because they disagreed with her views on decriminalizing prostitution, even though the show had nothing to do with the issue.
	This is just brilliant.
	You can't perform here if you don't conform to our views.
	We are going to protest your right to perform your show and get you cancelled because we disagree on your views of decriminalising prostitution.
	That is, I just, how don't they think they are being totalitarian?
	How don't they think that they are the ones who are the problem?
	I just don't understand what must be going through their minds.
	The issue arose from some students who disagreed with Smirthwaite's support for the Nordic model on prostitution, which is exactly as you would expect from the Nordic model on prostitution, which decriminalizes those who sell sex and criminalizes the purchase of sex.
	Anything to make it the man's fault and not the woman's fault.
	And of course, Nordic men were just like, here, take my balls.
	Please, flagellate me.
	I'm so fucking sorry that I was born a man.
	The students, who belong to the college's feminist society, I'll contain my surprise, support legislation of the sex industry.
	Because of this difference of opinion, they threatened to picket the event.
	Why couldn't you just fucking boycott it like everyone else?
	Causing security to pull the plug because they could not guarantee the safety of the students in the face of such insane ideology-wielding sociopaths.
	And feminists show us that they have no idea how democracy works.
	The feminist society held a vote on whether they should support Smirthwaite's appearance.
	Although 70% voted in favour of the show going ahead, the losing minority reportedly announced they were going to form a picket line anyway, prompting the security fears.
	Because that's how democracy works.
	You vote on it, and when you don't get the vote you want, you say, fuck it.
	We're going to do what the fuck we like anyway.
	Fuck you guys.
	We're probably going to cause some trouble, so you better get security on this.
	You know, that's how we do these things in civilized societies.
	Great job, feminists.
	I just want to stress as well, these are university students.
	If these were fucking football hooligans, I might understand.
	I would be disappointed, but I might understand.
	But these are meant to be university students, and they are so ideologically blinkered that this is what they do.
	Smirthwaite said, the strangest thing is that my show is not about prostitution.
	I don't even mention it.
	In a massively ironic coincidence, my show is about free speech, its power, uses and abuses.
	Well, you don't seem to understand that about 30% of feminists are apparently psychotic ideologues who have absolutely no sense of irony or self-awareness.
	She added, I find it very strange that anyone would feel they couldn't enjoy a comedy show unless they agreed with 100% of the political views of the person performing.
	Questioning whether previous performance had been grilled on their views about the likes of fox hunting or all female shortlists.
	Well, honestly, I imagine that you are in fact a right-wing Christian bigot, at least in the minds of your fellow feminists who are picketing your performance.
	So we'll finish this week with privilege.
	The kind of privilege that I really had not seen coming.
	I mean, I guess when you start exploring the concept of privilege, you can start seeing where certain things are going to become privileges.
	But I didn't think that do you, married person, take these unearned privileges for better or for better to ever become one of them.
	Marriage privilege.
	So the article begins by referencing Peggy McIntosh.
	Apparently not the first person to write about privilege, but as Jonathan McIntosh has famously paraphrased, one of the most famous.
	She goes on about privilege at length, of course, and ends with this paragraph with, she wanted to know how disciplines could be changed by the recognition that women are half the world's population and have half the world's lived experience.
	And now, decades later, the notion of privilege is no longer new.
	Discussions of male privilege, of course, white privilege, of course, have raised consciousness about all sorts of other unearned privileges, such as those conditional on age, social class and sexual orientation.
	Again, this is just the very concept that someone else's detriment is to your benefit.
	For example, if cops in America shoot a black kid, I somehow benefit from that.
	Similarly, awareness of isms has jumped the bounds of sexism and racism to include heterosexism, ageism, classism, that wasn't exactly a new thing, is it?
	Abelism and others.
	Yet in the United States in the 21st century, the ism and privilege that has disadvantaged nearly half of the country's adult population has largely gone unrecognized.
	And that ism is singleism.
	The stereotyping, stigmatizing and discrimination against people who are not married.
	And marital privilege.
	The unearned advantages that benefit those who are married and continue to frequently slip under the cultural radar.
	It's amazing how all these isms and privileges are things that directly affect white women in the first world.
	It's just incredible how they can continue to discover brand new things that directly inconvenience them.
	These are simply staggering coincidences of epic proportions and I am absolutely sure it is nothing to do with phenomenal levels of self-interest.
	It is apparently easy to dismiss singleism.
	Not that we would ever, ever consider doing something like that here.
	Partially because some of the most egregious and violent examples of other isms are simply not part of the not married experience.
	So it's not really all that bad, is it?
	Oh no, sorry, that's me not listening, believing, I apologise.
	In some ways though, singleism and marital privilege are striking and special.
	A lot of this is very special.
	The US legal system for instance is explicit in its commitment to many forms of non-discrimination.
	But in federal statutes, there are more than a thousand laws that protect or benefit only those persons who are legally married.
	Almost like the government is trying to give people an incentive to marry and form families.
	And what with the marriage rates dropping dramatically and the fact that these women just can't find husbands, nothing to do with them being unbearable haridans, of course.
	Not that they are, I mean, what am I saying?
	These women are now finding themselves oppressed by the fact that no one wants to marry their saggy asses.
	All unmarried people, even those who do not identify as single, are excluded.
	Are you talking about women who have married themselves?
	That is actually a real thing.
	Look it up.
	That injustice, and this is an injustice, motivated many of the advocates for same-sex marriage.
	The question they pose is compelling.
	Is it, why should only a certain kind of couple have access to basic benefits and protections?
	However, that question is just one small step to an equally reasonable but more expansive question.
	Why should adults have to be any kind of couple at all in order to benefit and be protected under the law?
	I love how they make it sound like single people don't have any legal rights.
	Examples of singleism.
	The stereotyping, stigmatizing and discrimination against single people.
	Consider the example of lifelong single people with no children who work side by side with married co-workers doing the same work for the same number of years.
	When their married workers die, their social security benefits go to their spouse.
	Unmarried people's benefits cannot be given to the most important people in their lives, or in this case, their cats, and they go back into the system.
	Oh no.
	Unmarried single people, presumably with no dependents, don't get to just give money willy-nilly to their buddies.
	That's not the end of the world and it's really nothing to be worried about.
	You're dead.
	The Family and Medical Leave Act is similarly dismissive of the significant people in the lives of single people.
	Under the Act, any worker in an eligible workplace, regardless of marital status, can take time off to care for a child or parent.
	Married workers can also take time to care for their spouse.
	You are of course thinking, but what about those single, childless feminists who can't find anyone else to give a shit about them?
	Well, single people cannot take time to care for a person just as important to them or their cats.
	Nor can any person take time under such act to care for single people.
	Feminists not having anyone else near or dear to them really need to be able to take care of each other because they have turned themselves into old childless haridans.
	Haven't they Gloria Steinem?
	Marital privilege is emotional privilege.
	Other people express happiness for people who marry, but pity for those who stay single.
	Unless they're male.
	Married people's claims to happiness are taken at face value.
	No they're not.
	No they're fucking not.
	Single people who say they're happy are seen as desperately trying to justify their sad status.
	Deep down inside it is assumed that they are actually miserable.
	Again, unless they're male.
	When married people complain about tax burdens or any other perceived injustices they are taken seriously.
	Are they?
	When single people do they are dismissed as bitter.
	If they're female.
	Marital privilege is about entitlement.
	Oh yeah yeah, nothing about singlism has been about entitlement in any way shape or form.
	People who marry expect shower gifts, wedding gifts and attendance at their weddings.
	Single people don't expect attendance at their weddings do they idiots.
	In the workplace they sometimes expect single people to show up on holidays or to take whatever vacation times are left after married co-workers choices have been honoured and to cover for their married co-workers on ordinary work workdays as they head out early.
	Well it's not like you've got a family to get back to is it?
	I know that we covered this earlier but being the most selfish people in the world you might not realize that some people have a duty to others.
	I know I know just wrap your head around that.
	Putting someone else's needs before your own.
	Marital privilege is a place of respect.
	Married people are regarded as mature and fully adult.
	Single people are seen as immature and childlike.
	Yes, because you seem exceptionally selfish to the point where you cannot maintain a long-term relationship.
	Marital privilege means that marriage status is valued and glorified, whereas single status is portrayed as that which must be escaped.
	Countless movies, TV shows, stories and books feature characters desperately seeking a spouse and celebrated when they succeed.
	Well-meaning friends and relatives offer to fix up single people as if they are broken.
	They are usually just very, very lonely.
	But fear not childless, single, unmarriageable feminists.
	There will never be a shortage of cats in the world.
	And given the rate of marriage decline in the first world, it may well become necessary to give single people the tax breaks instead, because married people are very, very quickly on their way to being a minority.
	So how are they going to be privileged exactly when that's the case?

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