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Jan. 11, 2015 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
38:21
This Week in Stupid (11⧸01⧸2015)
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Hello everyone, welcome to This Week in Stupid for the 11th of January 2015.
As this is the first This Week in Stupid for this year, I'm going to cover anything from the beginning of the year until now, and not just things from the previous week.
So let's begin.
I can already tell that 2015 is going to be at least as bad as 2014.
Branded bigots at the age of three.
Children as young as three are being branded racist, homophobes, and bigots over playground taunts.
Thousands of pupils are being reported for so-called hate crimes after using innocuous words such as Chinese boy, Somalian, or gay.
That is pretty fucking hilarious.
Teachers also log insults like donuts and fat buckets of KFC.
That's pretty funny too.
Even calling a pupil a girl can be classified as abuse.
Why wouldn't it be?
Why wouldn't it be?
Fuck here, we're through the looking glass now.
Anything's abuse.
Schools file the incidents for local education authorities.
The details are then passed to Ofsted inspectors who are required to assess how teachers deal with bullying.
Records of a child's prejudice-related behavior can be passed on to their next school, potentially casting a shadow over their secondary education.
Jesus Christ, that is scary, isn't it?
You might say something random and stupid when you're a kid, and suddenly you are branded a racist for the rest of your life at school.
Alleged offences by more than 4,000 pupils were logged in just 13 council areas, meaning the national total may stretch into the tens of thousands of playground insults that kids are throwing at each other.
Oh my god, who gives a fuck?
Yes, kids are using mean words to each other in the playground.
Nobody fucking cares.
Jesus.
This is fucking ridiculous.
I mean, the anti-terror plan to spy on toddlers is quote heavy-handed.
No, it's not.
It's not heavy-handed at all.
It's fucking stupid.
It's absolutely fucking stupid.
And the people responsible for this should be fired.
They should be working in Tesco's stacking shelves.
They should not be in charge of anything ever because in their work history they created an anti-terror plan that involved spying on toddlers.
Jesus fucking Christ.
So nursery school staff and registered childminders have to report toddlers at risk of becoming terrorists because I'm pretty sure that you can tell if someone's going to become a terrorist when they're about three or four years old under counter-terrorism measures proposed by the government.
Wow, that is so unbelievably Orwellian, isn't it?
We're going to pay attention to everything you say from your earliest fucking words and they are going to hang over your head for the rest of your life.
Just as kids aren't allowed to make fucking mistakes anymore, do they think that there are kids sat around the fucking nurseries and then one of them just turns to another and goes, Death to America!
This is contained in a 39-page consultation document issued by the Home Office in a bid to bolster its prevent anti-terrorism plan.
Wait, that doesn't make any sense.
You don't want to prevent anti-terrorism.
Critics say the idea is unworkable and heavy-handed, and they also say it's fucking retarded.
And accuse the government of treating teachers and carers like spies.
Because they are.
The document accompanies the counter-terrorism and security bill currently before Parliament.
It identifies nurseries and early year childcare providers, along with schools and universities, as having a duty to prevent people from being drawn into terrorism.
My question then is why do you care about the word gay?
What's that got to do with terrorism?
What about Chinese boy?
What's that got to do with terrorism?
Nothing.
It's about authoritarianism, isn't it?
You're not interested in whether people become terrorists.
You're interested in making sure that you can be in control of everything all the time because you've got such meddling fucking tendencies.
You can't bear to leave kids to just be fucking kids.
Concern was raised over the practicalities of making it a legal requirement for staff to inform on toddlers.
There we go.
There we go.
We are not even two weeks into January and the stupidest words that could possibly be committed to paper have already been done so.
Inform on fucking toddlers?
Does Theresa May think they have some kind of master plan?
Do you think toddlers are capable of plans in any way?
Fucking hell.
I can't believe I am reading these words.
And David Davis, Conservative MP and former Shadow Home Secretary, has some really valid criticism.
It's hard to see how this can be implemented.
Yeah, David, yeah.
It's not that this is just fucking Orwellian and wrong and retarded as all shit.
It's that it's kind of difficult to do.
You know, maybe we could try something easier.
Like just maybe we could like implant a camera into their fucking eyes and a microphone into their mouths.
So no matter what they see and no matter what they say, we will always know David.
What do you think, you fuck nut?
Isabella Sankey, the policy directorate human rights body Liberty said, turning our teachers and child miners into an army of involuntary spies will not stop the terrorist threat.
Well, I disagree Isabella.
I think it absolutely will stop any kind of homegrown terrorism.
I think that it will also turn Britain into the worst kind of state imaginable.
It won't be Big Brother, it will be Big Sister.
But she does correctly identify the principles that are being violated here.
The government should focus on projects to support vulnerable young people.
Instead, they're playing straight into the terrorists' hands by rushing through a bill that undermines our democratic principles and turns us into a nation of suspects.
Your guilt has been presumed.
You are a person.
You live in Britain.
Therefore, you are just as likely as anyone else to become a homegrown terrorist, so you must all be watched in equal measure.
A home office spokesman, who is unnamed for reasons unknown, last night said, we are not expecting teachers and nursery workers to carry out unnecessary intrusion into family life.
Except you are.
But we do expect them to take action when they observe behaviour of concern.
It is important that children are taught fundamental British values in an age-appropriate way.
Really?
Fundamental British values.
Getting teachers to spy on toddlers and inform the government about what kids are saying are fundamental British values, are they?
Clearly, I'm not very British then because they are not part of my value system.
I in fact think this is monstrous.
Not only is this a colossal waste of fucking time, but you really have your priorities in the wrong fucking place.
How dare you think that getting kids, the stupid things kids say, on some kind of goddamn register to hound them for the rest of their academic lives is a good thing.
You mentals.
You absolute soulless bastards.
Let kids be kids.
Let them make their fucking mistakes.
That doesn't make them wrong or evil.
And three-year-olds aren't fucking bigots, you dipshit, unless you think that not sharing the Flintstones phone is bigoted.
Do you think that Home Office spokesman?
I really don't know how my government is staffed entirely by the most moronic people in the country.
I really don't know how you manage it, Conservatives.
Know how people who are otherwise intelligent people vote for you.
And Labor, don't get me wrong, Labor's just as bad.
You're all fucking idiots.
All of you, every single one of you is a fucking idiot.
I don't know why you're allowing this to go on.
There must be some benefit in it for you that i'm not seeing, especially when reading something like this.
It is understood that ministers will expect nursery staff to report, for example, Anti-semitic comments made in front of them by toddlers.
What kind of Anti-Semitic comment can a toddler make?
This is like death to Jews.
Is it just like Hitler did nothing wrong?
What the fuck kind of anti-Semitic comment can a toddler make?
What?
Oh, this is the New World Order.
That's Jews.
It's full of Jews.
All of them.
Rothschild.
Fucking Israel and Palestine, Netmei.
Bring back gassing.
What kind of anti-Semitic comment can a toddler make?
You fucking idiots.
But finally, finally, they get to the one thing that might actually be a valid cause for concern.
Other examples of children at risk of radicalization include instances where a Muslim child might tell a teacher that he has been taught at a religious school or madrasa that all non-Muslims are wicked.
That is the only example.
But don't worry, if I see any toddlers, I'll make sure they're not making anti-Semitic comments.
I know that the Home Office obviously has no idea how to explain that what they need to do is keep a lookout for Islamic radicalization.
And they can't do it without demonizing Muslims.
And I'm sure that to a certain extent, I'm actually sympathetic to that.
It is a very difficult thing to do.
You can't really say, well, there's a good chance that there's a Muslim madrasa that is actually teaching their kids to hate Westerners.
That's a problem given that they live in the West.
And I can see why it'd be difficult to say, okay, well, we need a way that we can pick up on that without actually specifically targeting Muslims.
Well, I'm afraid that making it so that teachers are informing on toddlers is not that way.
That way makes you look like fucking morons.
But worse than that, it makes people dismiss the whole idea out of hand.
The idea that there could be people radicalizing kids.
Because you've made it sound so fucking ridiculous that everyone's like, no, no, no one is doing that.
No, no.
Even though there might actually legitimately be a case where that is happening.
Wow, that was actually really pissing me off.
Thank God this one is actually just stupid.
Taxi firm sparks anger for poster targeting drinkers featuring overweight women saying, if I start to look sexy, call a cab.
I can actually see why this would be a very successful advertising campaign.
That would really ring a bell with me if I was out drunk and I saw that.
I thought, you know what, maybe?
It's been a slow night.
But yeah, so let's hear about the fat women who are really pissed off about this.
I can't even say this with a straight face.
So West Key Cars in Southampton put up this controversial poster as part of their festive campaign stop people drinking and driving and to take a cab instead.
But feminist campaigners said the advert, which features a voluptuous woman in a suggestive pose next to the warning, don't make bad decisions because you had one too many, was sexist and are urging a boycott of the company.
Of course they are.
One campaigner who wished to remain unnamed and presumably unpictured said I was horrified, just horrified, to see recent posters by West Key Cars which featured middle-aged larger women with a slogan on it and a picture of the advert posted to the University of Southampton Feminist Society's Facebook page where it was slammed as disgusting and terrible.
Campaigners also took to Twitter because that would be the easiest thing to do to complain about the poster, including Annie O'Haron, who sarcastically tweeted about the very charming advert to the everyday sexism campaign.
Except it wasn't actually sexism because here's the very same poster with a fucking man on it.
You hypersensitive whinging Harrodans.
But if it's not about women who are too fat, it's about women who are too thin.
Photo of underweight urban outfitters model banned.
Why?
Because it was deemed irresponsible and harmful.
That's body shaming, isn't it?
The Advertising Standards Authority has received a complaint, one single complaint, about an image on the lingerie section of Urban Outfitters UK that featured the lower half of a woman's body wearing a pair of underwear.
Monstrous.
How could this, how could such a thing be allowed?
The regulator banned the photo and ruled that the model looked underweight in the picture and could fuel anorexia in the brand's target audience.
In the ruling, they noticed a concern about the significant gap between the model's thighs.
Which is true.
All British women are so fat that most of Britain's electricity is generated by the friction of their thighs rubbing together.
And it would indeed be a significant cause for concern for our electricity industry if British women were to lose a bit of fucking weight, you fatties.
They go on and say that we understood that Urban Outfitters' target market was young people and considered that using a noticeably underweight model was likely to impress upon that audience that the image was representative of the people who might wear urban outfitters clothing and as being something to aspire to.
Which is obviously disgusting.
God forbid, kids aspire to be something other than a fucking land whale.
In a response to the ruling, Urban Outfitters said that it was common practice to use slim models in the underwear industry.
What urban outfitters don't understand is that that is actually fat shaming and that using thin models is privileged and ableist.
What they actually need to do is start using frumpy, chubby, cellulite covered models to sell their underwear because God knows that that's what everyone likes to see on a giant fucking billboard.
Now I wouldn't normally cover something as banal as this, but Azalea Banks versus Iggy Azalea.
What the fuck did I just read?
Privileged white people shouldn't steal hip-hop because hip-hop is something that people own.
You have five pounds of hip-hop and this white girl called Iggy Azalea has stolen three and a half pounds of hip-hop from Azalea Banks, who's black.
Now that means that Iggy Azalea is not only white, not only privileged, but she's also a fucking thief.
And she needs to give those three and a half pounds of hip-hop back.
And if she's lucky, Azalea Banks will give her maybe a pound of hip-hop to do her music with.
So three years ago, rapper Azalea Banks had a viral hit with 212.
And this year she finally came out with a debut album.
She's also known for a long-standing feud with Australian rapper Iggy Azalea.
I really don't give a fuck about any of this.
So last week, Banks gave an interview to New York-based radio station Hot97.
When questioned about her feud with Iggy, she burst into tears at America's cultural appropriation of blackness, calling it a cultural smudging.
Cultural smudging.
That sounds pretty racist to me.
But in fact, it's not about racism.
It's about envy.
She seemed particularly upset that Iggy Azalea was nominated for best rap album at the Grammys.
Here we go.
We can see exactly why she's getting on her fucking high horse now.
The Grammys are supposed to be awards for artistic excellence.
Iggy Azalea is not excellent.
I just don't care.
Oh god, I hate reading this shit.
When they give these Grammys out, all it says to white kids is, you're great, you're amazing, you can do whatever you put your mind to.
Why doesn't it say that to black kids?
Or do the Grammys say that black people can't win Grammys?
Or have black people never won Grammys?
I don't care.
And it says to black kids, you don't have shit.
You don't own shit.
Not even the shit you created yourself.
And it makes me upset because remember, Igiazalia has three and a half pounds of Azalea Banks hip-hop and she refuses to give it back.
This article was of course written by a black woman and she says, I'm not sure that Azalea Banks realizes the depth of the conversation she's just started about hip-hop and white privilege.
I'm sure she hasn't.
I'm sure she doesn't know a fucking thing about white privilege because she didn't go to university.
She says it best herself.
At the very fucking least, you'll owe me the rights to my identity.
That's what we're holding on to in hip-hop and rap.
So there we have it.
Hip-hop is quantifiable and it is only to be owned by black people.
Same with rap.
White people aren't allowed it based on the colour of their skin and that is in no way racist at all.
And I don't know who Igiazalia is and I wouldn't normally care.
Except she's a bit of a fucking badass.
You've created your own unfortunate situation by being a bigot and don't have the mental capacity to realize yet and probably never will.
Now rant, make it racial, make it political, make it whatever, but I guarantee it won't make you likable and that's why you're crying on the radio.
Enjoy continuing to bang your head against that metaphoric brick wall and savour this attention.
I'm the only way you're getting any.
fucking bravo that is just holy shit that is That is a complete lack of fucks given.
That's pretty good.
And on a completely unrelated note, hashtag blackbrunch NYC interrupts white supremacy, annoys brunch patrons and conservatives.
You already know this is going to be amazing.
A group of protesters spend mid-Sunday morning interrupting a variety of New York City restaurants by reading off the names of African Americans who had been killed by the police.
Yeah, which is clearly the most appropriate time and place to do this.
Families out having, having brunch, and yeah, no, no, no, they definitely need to be bothered by this.
For example, Das Racist tweeted, black people are dying, white dude sips coffee.
Well, those black people look just fine, so I don't see why he wouldn't sip his coffee.
And he is enjoying his brunch in a coffee house, so it's really not all that surprising.
How about this one?
Attention, white man!
That couldn't be any more racist if we try, could it?
You are just a dehumanized white body.
I have no guilt disturbing your brunch.
It's you that has no right to be here.
I thought you said it was a white space that you were disturbing.
So, I mean, you would think that a white man would have the right to be in a white space.
Even though I really don't think that coffee shop labels itself as a white space, they're probably, no, anyone can come in.
It's a multicultural coffee shop.
And finally, we're approaching our last brunch spot, interrupting white supremacy one brunch at a time.
Martin Luther King would be just so proud of you guys.
He would just be like, I have a dream that one day black people will make white people really uncomfortable when the white people are doing nothing wrong and just sat there with a cup of coffee relaxing on their day off.
Honestly, I really can't get over how they don't see how inappropriate they are.
White supremacy in a coffee shop.
Just, where isn't there white supremacy, I suppose?
So Kaylee Kuoko of the Big Bang Theory had the temerity to say, I'm not a feminist and I love feeling like a housewife.
Holy shit.
As someone who has been dealing with feminism for quite some time now, I always feel pretty bad.
I always think, oh, these poor people who don't know anything about feminism, and then they get asked, are you a feminist?
And they're like, well, don't really need to be a feminist, do I?
I'm not really being very oppressed.
And you can just hear, far off in the distance, the collective roar of these, oh my god, she doesn't need feminism!
Someone is gonna get fucking burned for being an apostate, Kaylee.
And I'm really, really sorry to tell you this, but that someone is you.
This is an article from Gorka, and that says everything you need to know about the quality of the writing on this.
Big bawp show, I can only assume that's an intentional thing that they've said.
Star Kaylee Cuoco is not a feminist, according to Kaylee Cuoco.
Uh, listen, dipshit, that's the best person to ask if you want to know.
So she tells Redbook magazine that in addition to eschewing the shadowy cause that is feminism, it is kind of shadowy, that she likes serving her man, tennis player Ryan Sweeting.
Fuck, Kaylee, you are in trouble now.
So naturally, while interrogating her, some journalists asked, are you a feminist?
Because they always do.
They have to know.
They're all feminists and they need everyone to be a feminist with them.
So she responded with, is it bad if I say no?
Yes.
To them, it is very bad.
I mean, it's about on par with a Muslim who converts to Judaism.
She goes on to say that it's not really something I think about.
Things are different now, and I know a lot of the work that paved the way for women happened before I was around.
I was never really that feminist girl demanding equality, but maybe that's because I never really faced inequality.
Well, Kaylee, don't worry, neither have any of the feminists around today.
Which probably makes their need for feminism all the more pressing, given what a monumental bunch of failures most of them are.
But she then elaborated further that she likes cooking, which is apparently a choice feminism allows, which is fucking great because there is a lot that feminism doesn't allow.
She says, I'm so in control of my work that I like coming home and serving her husband.
My mum was like that, so I think it kind of rubbed off.
I'm actually starting to wonder whether she's trolling them.
I mean, that is just so dead on the sort of language that would drive a feminist up the wall that I really kind of imagine that she might be.
And you guessed it.
This caused feminists to go fucking batshit insane.
I mean, this one, an open letter to Kaylee Cuoco, who has been a bit of a bell end.
That is, I love it.
I don't need your religion, really.
I'm not really very religious.
You fucking bellend.
How dare you get back here?
You're going to be fucking baptized into feminism, whether you like it or not.
Dear Kaylee, this is going to seem a little harsh.
You're just symptomatic of a bigger problem.
And I'm sure you don't mean to upset anyone.
So sorry in advance, I'm sure you're lovely and I'm really into the choice you're making with your hair, if nothing else.
Maybe we could go for a Frappuccino sometime.
I don't think she's going to want to do that, dipshit.
When you got asked recently, if you're a feminist, you replied, is it bad that if I say no?
Of course it's bad if you say no.
If you say no, it means that you don't believe men and women should be treated equally.
You don't know what she fucking believes.
For fuck's sake, she didn't say that.
She just said, look, I'm just not a rampaging man-hater.
If you say yes, it doesn't mean that you want all men to burn the fiery hell, doesn't it?
It doesn't mean that you have to let your boobs swing wildly while you red-faced wave placards saying I'll chop your knob off in people's faces.
That's true, Kaylee.
That's just optional.
That's just something some feminists do.
All feminists don't do that, but some do.
Why don't you want to be a feminist, Kaylee?
It doesn't mean that you have to start sporting pubic hair that grows halfway down your legs or a luscious moustache.
But some feminists do.
Doesn't mean you have to, but just some choose to, and you should be okay with that choice.
It just means that you want women to be safe and happy and as well paid and respected as men are.
Safe, eh?
Men are more likely to be murdered.
Men are more likely to be killed.
Happy?
Well, men are committing suicide at four to six times the rate as women are.
I mean, as well paid.
Well, we get the same pay for the same work.
I know you don't think that's the truth, but it is, according to every study that we can find.
And as respected.
Do you guys show men any fucking respect?
Just out of interest.
Have you watched TV?
Just out of interest.
You seem to think that men are like Don Draper from Mad Men and we are living in the 50s.
And she goes on to say that things are different now.
And they are.
In some respects, no, in all respects.
But that doesn't mean that feminism is over and done with.
No, it doesn't, but that's because lunatic zealots like you won't see when you've won.
And instead, you end up focusing on piddling, absolutely piddling fucking problems that nobody in their right mind would give a shit about.
And certainly wouldn't expect someone else, another human being, to give a fuck either.
They would be embarrassed to tell other people that they have a problem with some of the things that feminists go on about.
But we'll get to those later.
So she says that the issue she has is with the word serving.
See?
No one should serve anyone.
Shouldn't they, though?
I mean, I went to a restaurant the other day.
I fully expect to be served.
I mean, I did pay for it.
I mean, if Kaylee wants to serve her husband, what's wrong with that?
That's what she wants to do.
I mean, you clearly don't understand the connotations of the word.
Get fucking educated, Kaylee.
Get fucking educated.
That's what she's saying.
There is a difference between choosing to cook for your husband because you enjoy it and being expected or made to cook clean slash keep quiet because you're a woman.
Well, I've yet to meet a woman who can keep quiet, and yes, she's saying that she chooses it.
That's why she doesn't need to be a feminist.
She's choosing these things because she doesn't have a particular problem with them.
But of course, the feminist cyber mob had to bully this woman into apologizing for saying that she's not part of their religion.
She took to Instagram to refute her comments, saying her words have been taken out of context.
I'm completely blessed and grateful that strong women have paved the way for my success, along with many others.
I apologise if anyone was offended.
Trust me, they are always offended.
Anyone that truly knows me knows in my heart what I meant.
I'm really sorry to hear this, actually.
Just another person who's just an innocent bystander, abused by rabid, ideological feminists who literally do not understand that no means no.
So getting back to that incredibly pathetic problems that nobody in their right mind would complain about.
The everyday sexism of women waiting in line for public toilets.
Can't imagine why Kaylee Cuoco doesn't want to be a feminist.
Long lines for women's restrooms are the result of a history that favors men's bodies.
Go on.
If you're a woman, Chancellor, you've spent a long time fidgeting in a long line waiting to use a public toilet.
Well, you know what?
I'm a man and that's happened to me, so fucking checkmate feminists.
B. Delaying a bodily function because you don't have to or want to waste the time standing in line to use a public toilet.
Checkmate again.
Or C, considered sneaking into the men's room, in my case the women's room, illegal in some places, or D, cursed loudly because of all the above.
Jesus Christ, Western women are so oppressed.
I don't know why you bother.
I don't know why you don't just pull down your fucking kex and take a shit wherever you're standing.
Fuck it, you're a woman.
You can do whatever you want.
There are no bars to public decency for feminists.
Do what you fucking please, you disgusting harpies.
Just leave other people alone.
Faced with a long restroom line that spiraled up and around a circular stairwell at a recent museum visit, fucking hell, that's a popular museum, I opted not to wait.
Oh, Jesus, I was joking when I said just shit wherever you are.
Why do we put up with this?
I don't know.
Why don't you rise up in the great feminist revolution?
This isn't a minor pet peeve, but a serious question.
Yes, it is.
There are women in Iraq having acid thrown in their face for daring to want an education, but there's you who needs a shit in public and you've got to hold it in a line.
How could this have happened to you?
Could there be a greater injustice against you?
Despite years of potty parity laws, fucking hell.
Maybe these are the toddlers that the government was talking about.
Maybe I thought children when I should have been thinking feminists.
Women are still forced to stand in lines at malls, schools, stadiums, concerts, fairgrounds, theme parks, and other crowded spaces.
Oh my god, the injustice of it.
Lines.
First come, first serve.
That is just monstrous.
This is frustrating, uncomfortable, and in some circumstances, humiliating.
When, how, why?
It's also a form of discrimination as it disproportionately affects women.
Bravo!
Bravo!
First come, first serve is discriminatory.
That is just, Jesus, there is no end to it, is it?
There is no end to this bullshit.
After counting the women, I tweeted.
Dear British Museum, there are 50 women and girls standing in line for the loo, while the men's room has zero line.
Hashtag everyday sexism.
Immediately, people responded with the suggestion that women use the men's room.
But even more responsive were defensive, along the lines of, how on God's green earth did you arrive at the conclusion that this was sexist?
Just to remind ourselves, sexism or gender discrimination is prejudice or discrimination based on a person's sex or gender.
Sexist attitudes may stem from traditional stereotypes of gender roles and may include a belief that a person of one sex is intrinsically superior to a person of another.
So I'm looking forward to the insane rationalizations that this feminist comes up with to tell us or to prove that this is in fact a sexist issue.
Women need to use bathrooms more often and for longer periods of time, apparently.
We sit to urinate.
You don't have to, but I think it makes more comfortable for you, doesn't it?
We menstruate.
Why does that involve using a bathroom?
Pretty sure you can menstruate outside of a bathroom.
We are responsible for reproducing the species, which makes us pee more.
Of course it does.
I mean, don't be wrong.
I understand that pregnant woman, the baby presses on her bladder, but how many women in the British Museum in that queue were pregnant?
How many?
We continue to have greater responsibility to children who have to use bathrooms with us.
Jesus!
We breastfeed frequently in grotty bathroom stores.
Well, hang on a second.
Haven't you guys conquered the I'm gonna get my tits out and breastfeed anywhere I fucking like, just in the same way you've I'm pretty sure you've conquered the ability to just shit anywhere too.
Fucking hell.
Additionally, women tend to wear more binding and cumbersome clothes.
Well, don't.
Just wear your fucking sweatpants and a t-shirt and completely abandon all fucking standards.
You don't need standards, they're for other people.
In a classic example of the difference between the surface equality and genuine equity, whoa!
No one said anything about genuine equity.
You guys said that you were the equals of men and you wanted to be treated like men to prove that you're the equals of men.
It's becoming drastically apparent you are in fact not the equals of men.
You have loads and loads and loads of biological disadvantages that mean you need things like chivalry to put you ahead of everyone else because you're fucking inferior.
This isn't my opinion.
This is your opinion.
For fuck's sake.
You are an embarrassment to women who don't need extra help.
You personally need extra help because you are pathetic.
There are so many women who do not need all this extra help.
And they're like, I'm not feminist.
And you hate those women.
You hate them because they make you feel inferior.
They make you feel inferior because you are fucking inferior.
But, you know, to get genuine egg tweet, many public restrooms continue to be facilities that are equal in physical space while favoring men's bodies, experiences, and needs.
How do you know?
How do you know?
Have you been in men's bathrooms?
Do you know?
You don't fucking know that.
You don't know that at all.
And even then, great.
Okay, you demand that men have less space in their toilets and women should have more space in their toilets.
When you get that, will you shut up?
I don't think you will.
You don't think you will.
There is no end to the complaining.
Sorry, the speaking out against oppressions.
Women aren't standing in line because we bond over toilet paper pattern or because we're narcissistic and vain.
No, that's just coincidental.
We're standing in line because our bodies, like those of trans and queer people, what has that got to do with this issue?
Have been historically shamed, ignored, and deemed unworthy of care and acknowledgement.
Fucking Jesus Christ.
We shouldn't have to wait or postpone having those needs fairly met in a public space.
That's right.
I think that anywhere is your toilet love.
You can just join the animals.
Just drop them wherever you are in the middle.
Doesn't matter if you're in someone's house.
Doesn't matter if you're in a public engagement, official function.
If you need to get to the toilet love, you just don't even worry about taking your trousers off.
Just go.
And everyone be like, oh, there's a strong, empowered feminist.
You go, girl.
Do you remember man spreading?
Of course you remember man spreading.
Men, not only they take up too much space in the bathrooms, they're taking up too much space in the train.
Or anywhere else, really.
But you've never heard of man slamming, have you?
Well, you have now.
Man slamming, the sidewalk MO of men who remain apparently oblivious to the personal space of those around them.
Should you choose not to yield to these men, they will walk directly into you without even acknowledging it.
Oh, the humanity.
Think of man slamming as a cousin to man spreading.
The subway scourge that's become so pernicious, the MTA recently launched a campaign to combat it.
How on earth do feminists get through the day?
I just don't know how to magic.
Oh, I know, because everything they complain about is fucking petty.
Both involve questions of personal space that have vexed feminists for years.
Because feminists are morons.
Only morons are feminists.
If you're a feminist and you're watching this, I'm sorry.
I'm truly sorry.
You probably aren't a pathetic piece of shit.
You're probably quite a strong empowered person, which is why you think, well, of course I'm a feminist.
I've got my own career.
I'm kicking ass.
I don't need anyone's help.
I'm not bitching about my station in life.
I'm owning it.
But you're not a feminist, I'm afraid, because feminists don't agree with you.
You are, in fact, anti-feminist, because you don't need help.
That means you don't need to get people to do things for you.
So you're not a feminist.
I'm sorry, I don't know what to call you.
You're an ex-feminist.
I used to be a feminist, and then feminism became pathetic.
Feminists became pathetic, and I realized, well, I'm not pathetic, so I can't possibly be a fucking feminist.
I'm so sorry for you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
But on the plus side, you're obviously an empowered kick-ass person, so you don't need to be a fucking feminist.
You obviously don't need to cling to this label that has become so polluted by the most disgraceful, absolutely childish members of society that you can move on from it and you'll be okay.
I'm absolutely certain of this.
Because ultimately, 2015 is going to be the year that feminism died.
There are no more fucking things for feminists to do.
Surely, after men taking up too much space on trains, in toilets, and on fucking in just in the world at large.
When we've got to this point, I mean, there is nothing more to be done for feminism if these are the problems that feminists are complaining about now.
So it's done, you've won, you've got it.
Except there's big money to be made in it, isn't there?
Especially if you do abortions.
So Planned Parenthood released their 2013-2014 annual report and showed that they performed 327,000 abortions in 2013, up from its performance in 2012.
Over the past three years, the abortion giant has performed nearly 1 million abortions.
And the thing is, this is coming from a conservative newspaper or blog.
And I'm not a conservative.
So I don't really like using openly conservative outlets.
But seriously, isn't that quite a lot?
I mean, there are so many stages at which you could have prevented the need for an abortion.
You could have used Condon, you could have used a pill, could have had the morning after pill.
Because I guess I'm one of those relics who thinks that abortion should be an option of last resort.
And this sort of cavalier attitude to abortion is producing a fucking industry for abortion.
For terminating human life.
In fact, abortions made up 94% of Planned Parenthood's pregnancy services this year.
Prenatal care made up 5% and adoption was 0.5%.
The cancer prevention services fell 17% last year.
And they have a revenue in excess of $127 million a year and over $1.4 billion in net assets.
Ending human life is a very profitable business in America.
Like I keep having to say because it's the only way I'm going to believe it these days, I'm not against abortion.
I'm really not.
I'm against being so fucking cavalier with abortions.
Since I'm using conservative thought sources, I may as well carry on using them as a finale.
But at least this one's slightly more light-hearted.
The Huffington Post has never, ever made a profit.
And given that so many of their articles are written by students who sound like they're still children, I'm not in any way surprised.
Here's to hoping that 2015 is going to be more dumb than 2016.
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