Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin - Chronicles of Sargon the Chaos Lord, Part 3 Aired: 2014-07-21 Duration: 01:11:44 === Homogenize Forces (15:28) === [00:00:00] So, I'm back. [00:00:02] I've uh asked for a castle that I conquered after deleting the last save game by accident. [00:00:10] Uh not the save game, the video recording by accident. [00:00:13] Um, I think my lord refused me because he's a dick and I've got loads of shit that I need to get rid of. [00:00:24] So, what I'm going to do is recruit some dark elves to use as archers kind of homogenize my forces a bit because they're about all over the place. [00:00:43] I don't really know what's going on with them, to be honest. [00:00:46] How has that happened? [00:00:54] Good for you guys. [00:01:05] I'll probably keep the orc infantry because I imagine the orc infantry fairly decent. [00:01:10] Um, screw, I don't need undead, they're shit don't need these guys, they're shit I need to I need to conquer a castle so I can store these huge dudes in them because they cost an arm and a leg. [00:01:32] What, you guys? [00:01:34] You can fuck off. [00:01:41] No, you can go too. [00:01:52] No. [00:02:04] Sorted. [00:02:27] Grab some Chaos Chumps before we head over there. [00:02:30] Oh, what? [00:02:34] Oh, stavguard, isn't that mine? [00:02:38] Hmm. [00:02:38] No, it's not mine. [00:02:40] Where was mine? [00:02:41] I've got something around here. [00:02:46] Oh, wasn't it all the way? [00:02:55] Um, hmm. [00:03:03] You guys have eaten those sausages that quickly. [00:03:06] Good god. [00:03:12] Guess we'll get some cheap bread then. [00:03:15] Uh hmm. [00:03:18] Yeah, right. [00:03:18] Time to get some dark elf archers. [00:04:03] I will take your loaf of bread. [00:04:16] at least i'm not impoverished i suppose okay that's good It's a good start. [00:04:37] Could probably do with more chaos, to be honest, but uh, what can you do? [00:04:42] Oh, piss off that wasn't actually Warlord Bots' face, but I'm starting to hate the chaos faction after he stole my castle that I'd rightfully conquered. [00:04:52] Honestly, I feel like Stannis. [00:04:57] I conquered that castle fair and square, you son of a bitch. [00:05:08] Don't need slaves. [00:05:25] Fine fruit. [00:05:27] brilliant. [00:05:28] My guys can eat like kings. [00:05:36] Oh really? [00:05:39] Kind of compel some of them to join me. [00:05:54] So I suppose Arnhem Fortress, or Arnheim Fortress, how you pronounce it, is probably my ultimate goal. [00:06:02] Yeah, alright. [00:06:08] In the meantime, I need to level up my guys. [00:06:18] You bandits? [00:06:19] Well, deserters, good enough. [00:06:24] Oh, you slippery sons of bitches. [00:06:30] I'm never going to catch them, am I? [00:06:32] Oh, has it? [00:06:34] Well, I'm not going to get back there in time, but there might be more bandits over here, I suppose. [00:06:42] I don't know, maybe a training ground would be useful. [00:06:47] some way that I can beat some experience into my guise. [00:07:19] God, my guy's just eating me out of house and home. [00:07:22] You son of a bitch. [00:07:36] Well done, Augie and Joseph. [00:07:43] Well, I would definitely like to find whoever wants my head. [00:07:53] We're on a clean ship here. [00:07:55] Everyone's sober and accounted for. [00:07:59] I would like bloodletters, but I think I can't at the home, can I? [00:08:09] Excuse me. [00:08:10] They'll be trolls, isn't it? [00:08:34] I will gladly beat up a bunch of trolls. [00:08:40] Oh, where are the ransom merchant? [00:08:42] Uh, ransom brokers? [00:08:45] Oh Shrayvald, I'm so sorry. [00:08:49] Yeah, I don't care. [00:08:51] Fuck yourself, your money or your life. [00:08:55] That's more like it. [00:09:10] Go on infantry. [00:09:11] Time to get yourself clubbed unconscious by a bunch of trolls. [00:09:26] Are we all feeling brave? [00:09:29] See, the archers are going to cover us, we'll be fine. [00:09:32] They're just trolls. [00:09:38] I don't think I'll be needing my shield. [00:09:47] That was my horse! [00:09:49] You sons of bitches. [00:10:02] Well, I think I was doing quite well there. [00:10:09] come on guys just shoot where are you cowards going in the background Why are you all just standing there? [00:10:23] Good grief! [00:10:25] This is probably the worst lead army in history. [00:10:33] I'm loving those lead belchers. [00:10:53] Come on, just take him out. [00:11:03] The shit is battling all of history. [00:11:15] Right. [00:11:19] I would like Chaos Tribesman, actually, but I have very little room. [00:11:36] I will take your troll pork. [00:11:39] It's the spoils of victory. [00:11:41] where did matey actually say he wanted me to oh jesus all the way over there Right, okay, fine. [00:12:05] The sooner I get these elves up to crossbow status, the better, I think. [00:12:15] I really want to offload these prisoners too. [00:12:21] Oh, what? [00:12:21] Huh? [00:12:22] Well, I didn't make anyway. [00:12:24] Oh, are you running from me? [00:12:27] 27 militia. [00:12:29] That sounds a bit shit. [00:12:33] Yeah, how bad could this go? [00:12:37] Yeah, mark it down, bitch. [00:12:46] Wow, that's [00:13:26] a surprisingly short infantry line I've got. [00:13:30] They must all still be unconscious after being punched in the head by trolls. [00:13:36] This guy doesn't seem to have much in the way of cavalry zone zero cavalry. [00:14:02] Oh, where are you cowards going? [00:14:31] Come here. [00:14:32] I'm so slow. [00:14:39] Oh, you sons of bitches. [00:14:44] Guys, I suck at this game. [00:14:52] Don't just let them shoot you in the face. [00:14:55] Do something about it. [00:15:06] Why are you backing away from that guy? [00:15:11] Okay, I think we've I think we've got this one. === Allegiance and Chaos Armies (06:17) === [00:15:16] Hmm. [00:15:20] I'll take his junk. [00:15:24] I'm not taking the rest of that junk. [00:15:27] Oh, hello, Chaos Armies. [00:15:31] Look, I did turn up, I swear to God. [00:15:56] Ha, move and tell the trolls. [00:15:58] No, no, no, no. [00:16:03] Right. [00:16:04] This time I'm not going to get myself killed by trolls. [00:16:09] Wait, what is this cavalry on the other side? [00:16:19] What? [00:16:20] I thought I was fighting trolls. [00:16:24] Oh, someone made my force lame, didn't they? [00:16:47] Who's this guy? [00:16:50] Oh, you're fighting crazy. [00:17:03] I love my skeleton horse. [00:17:05] Even if it's lame, I don't have a good job ever. [00:17:16] Yep, we're buddies. [00:17:21] I don't want either of those, but I can't just not leave them when I'm under strength. [00:17:29] Alright, fine. [00:17:43] Alright, what's this campaign about? [00:17:45] Oh, you're just all going home, are you? [00:17:52] Everything has a price. [00:17:53] Jesus. [00:17:53] Even your life. [00:17:54] Alright. [00:18:56] That's right. [00:18:56] I'm gonna kill a troll and hand that in combat. [00:18:59] No, I'm not. [00:19:00] Jesus, what am I thinking of? [00:19:02] Haha! [00:19:02] One troll! [00:19:07] Damnit! [00:19:18] Okay, well, good right. [00:19:24] At least I'm starting to get a moderately sized Dark Elf Archer, not like Brigade or Battalion or something. [00:19:42] So I mean we still have that, which is good. [00:19:46] I wonder how Wolf and Berg's looking these days. [00:19:54] No, I can't take 200. [00:19:58] maybe i was going to loot this oh well that's wonderful Oh, we're too afraid to approach, are we? [00:20:24] That's a shame as I take all your stuff and give them back this crap. [00:20:32] Ah, yeah, there we go. [00:20:36] They can take some day old pork if they want and maybe I will maybe I'll take all this stuff back. [00:20:50] Give me my day old pork, damn it. [00:20:54] Give me these cows too. [00:20:56] You don't want some, do you? [00:21:03] Oh, you're lucky. [00:21:10] I think I can fight some trolls, huh? [00:21:11] There we go. === Hundred And Fourteen Strong (11:29) === [00:21:30] Horse trying not to get killed. [00:22:00] Where the hell are you all going? [00:22:20] Shit. [00:22:22] Oh, I can't believe it. [00:22:28] Oh, I tried. [00:22:30] Give me the gold star for participation. [00:22:35] Do you just finish it? [00:22:40] Yes, yes, yes, very good. [00:22:44] Ah, that's that's very useful, actually. [00:22:47] Thank you. [00:23:09] Hmm. [00:23:09] Oh, beauty, thank you. [00:23:15] Right, so I can actually have a hundred and fourteen. [00:23:20] Oh, hello. [00:23:21] Come back here, you've got champions. [00:23:24] Oh, where did he oh, you cowards stand and deliver surprisingly articulate trolls? [00:23:41] Oh, I need a new horse, don't I? [00:23:43] All couch last damage. [00:24:28] Two trolls. [00:24:30] If I ever get to sell my trolls, I'll be I don't know which one of those is shit, so yeah. [00:24:40] If I ever get to ransom my prisoners, I'll be very happy. [00:25:23] Hmm. [00:25:26] I think I will have Chaos Lead Belchers, actually. [00:25:31] Don't know what I'm going to trade for them. [00:25:33] Oh no, I can just hire them. [00:25:50] I'm actually not sure why I'm just giving this guy loads of close combat, since he sits with my archers. [00:25:58] But, um... [00:26:09] Jesus. [00:26:10] Right. [00:26:13] Worth it. [00:26:54] I have a good recommendation these are worth it I guess I won't for now, though. [00:27:02] Oh, where are the fucking ransom brokers? [00:27:10] And where are my cows? [00:27:17] Oh fucker fuck the prisoner I've got important things going on stuff things alright you can go you can go and I think there's one more wasn't there [00:27:38] what the difference is I guess I can start getting rid of these orcs actually I'm sure they're excellent but I want to streamline my army somewhat come here [00:28:03] you'd better be the best right I swear to fucking cow I am taking a castle and if my liege doesn't like it he can fuck himself [00:28:32] Oh, thank god, I am about to actually bankrupt myself with mercenary lead belchers. [00:28:47] Well, I say that, but i've actually got a fair amount of cash, but my weekly cost is six and a half grand. [00:28:56] Right, where are they? [00:28:58] 16 lead belchers, Jesus Christ. [00:29:01] That is probably enough with which to take some crappy castle. [00:29:11] How many can I actually... [00:29:12] Right, let's do this... [00:29:16] High Elves. [00:29:24] I'll tell you, I wouldn't want to fight my own army. [00:29:29] I mean, if it came to that, I'd be shitting it. [00:29:38] No, honestly, mate, I'm thinking about rebelling. [00:29:43] Kind of regretting accepting the oath of vassalage, to be honest. [00:29:50] Yeah, I don't care. [00:29:53] Oh, well, yeah, I'll buy you cheap bread then. [00:30:03] Yes, give me these fine sausages. [00:30:12] Oh, hello. [00:30:15] Oh, Kidoki. [00:30:16] Let's see these lead belchers in action then, shall we? [00:30:31] Out of my way, everyone. [00:30:44] Oh, they're just coming for it as well, which is good. [00:30:56] Stand up, bitch. [00:31:54] Sons of bitches looked like it was going pretty well as well. [00:32:05] 14 killed to 133 kill, Jesus. [00:32:11] Yeah, we'll charge the enemy, actually, thanks! === Could I Not Die? (03:48) === [00:32:42] I'm quite glad I got these Dark Health Archers. [00:32:45] And, uh, Lead Belchers. [00:32:49] Ha! [00:32:51] I love it, it's like a cannon shotgun. [00:32:54] Honestly. [00:33:04] Oh, what's he doing? [00:33:09] Oh, he's brave. [00:33:09] I'll give him a fucking hell, leg belchers. [00:33:28] Yeah, three damage. [00:33:31] I played my part. [00:34:09] Could I just not die for five minutes? [00:34:11] I don't know, I've killed my mind as well. [00:34:29] Definitely need more infantry, don't I? [00:34:35] Damn it! [00:34:36] Oh no, oh no, wounded, that's right. [00:34:39] Oh, did he manage to escape? [00:34:44] Jesus, I don't think that was worth it. [00:34:45] I think I have to reload that one. [00:34:47] 20,000 experience, though. [00:34:49] That's a hell of a fight. [00:34:53] Right, okay. [00:34:55] See, I've got quite a nice army, but I think I'm just gonna have to put the archers in front and then run the infantry forward to support them when they get too close. [00:35:05] Yes, yes, I know. [00:35:08] I'm poor. [00:35:13] Yeah, that's fine. [00:35:16] Poor old villagers of Schrebald can just hate me. [00:35:25] I know. [00:35:26] Have some bread. [00:35:35] Bread and fine sausages, lads. [00:35:37] We dine like kings. [00:35:40] Right, where were these? [00:35:42] There we go. [00:35:44] Ooh, okay. [00:35:47] I will definitely go after those. [00:35:51] Dreadlord Hellbane. [00:35:53] Fucking hell, he sounds serious, doesn't he? [00:35:59] I want some lizards. === Battle Side Terrifying! (06:37) === [00:36:11] Either I'm going to have to turn the graphics down or I'm going to have to turn the battle side down a bit, I think. [00:36:18] I don't want to turn the baffle size down. [00:37:03] Those lead belchers are terrifying! [00:37:20] Yeah, it's very well done, everyone. [00:37:22] Oh, hello. [00:37:24] An ally. [00:37:24] That's useful. [00:37:28] Yeah, yeah, let's uh let's pat ourselves on the back. [00:37:33] I don't need any of that, I guess, I suppose, uh, maybe, fuck it, right. [00:37:52] Norman went up from that? [00:37:53] I think they're dead. [00:38:06] Yeah. [00:38:09] Oh, you can fuck off, dude. [00:38:11] You're still on my bad side. [00:38:15] Hmm. [00:38:19] So what is actually? [00:38:20] There's only 77 of them. [00:38:25] I imagine those white lions are those lion warriors. [00:38:29] Ryder things. [00:38:38] Yeah, I'll give it another go. [00:38:40] Fuck it. [00:38:46] Cornered me like a dog. [00:38:47] What are you talking about? [00:38:48] charged at you. [00:39:33] Fuck it. [00:39:37] I'm definitely gonna have to change the graphics thing because it gets too jerky. [00:39:40] Oh, wrong one. [00:39:44] Right, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. [00:39:47] Shadow quality, low, low. [00:39:53] No, fuck your realistic shadows on plants. [00:40:00] I guess. [00:40:02] Don't need dynamic line. [00:40:04] It doesn't change anything. [00:40:05] Barely changed anything. [00:40:07] Darely change anything, doesn't change anything, doesn't barely change anything. [00:40:11] God damn it. [00:40:22] Ice cream. [00:40:23] Okay, so it seems to have crashed to my desktop for some reason, but we're back. [00:40:28] And this guy doesn't fancy some all of a sudden. [00:40:33] Right, okay, that's good. [00:40:35] Wonder if I can. [00:40:39] Fuck it. [00:40:40] Let's do this. [00:40:44] Ride me down like a dog, eh? [00:40:46] see about that. [00:41:10] Still not as fluid as I would have liked but fuck it. [00:41:15] It will do badly, didn't === Notification Kills Detail (08:10) === [00:42:42] it? [00:42:44] Okay, look, it's just a giant high elf army. [00:42:49] I can take it. [00:42:54] I just need better, better positioning. [00:42:57] Literally twice the size of mine. [00:43:01] I can do this. [00:43:08] Get out of my way. [00:43:30] That's right, cavalry. [00:43:31] You've got to be the decoy. [00:43:58] Ha ha ha ha! [00:44:09] 370 damage to his horse. [00:44:11] Well... [00:44:11] It's something. [00:44:13] Leave my horse alone. [00:44:27] See, this is what happens when I've got the world's shittest horse. [00:44:31] I can't get away from anyone. [00:44:42] At least I made it back to my lines! [00:45:15] Damn it, Jesus, right? [00:45:18] Okay, it's because they're on me too quickly. [00:45:22] I'm going to have to sacrifice my cavalry. [00:45:47] Definitely need to change the quality down a bit, I guess. [00:45:59] Yes, we'll have low character detail as well. [00:46:03] So, why is this performance so low? [00:46:08] Yeah, fuck the texture detail, it'll just look like ass. [00:46:11] Okay, fine. [00:46:14] Well, if he's wandered off, I'm pretty sure I can take this castle. [00:47:53] What are you all saying? [00:48:04] Why did I even bring this shield? [00:48:06] Get your fat asses up here and still shoot lots of people. [00:48:34] Leadbelchers, what are you doing? [00:48:43] Does everyone have arrows? [00:48:45] What? [00:48:46] Yes, get up on the hill and shoot them in the face with the giant cannons you're carrying with you. [00:48:52] Fucking hell, is it really that difficult to do? [00:48:58] Yes, see them right there. [00:48:59] Shoot them in the face. [00:49:02] That's more like it. [00:49:05] What are you doing? [00:49:07] What are you doing? [00:49:32] Because I've turned off the notification kills. [00:49:35] No idea how it's going. === Looking 92: A Nice Head (03:17) === [00:50:51] I think it's ours, lads. [00:50:53] I think it's ours. [00:50:56] Oh, that's not bad, actually. [00:50:59] Christ, I thought it was going to go worse than that. [00:51:01] Yeah, I'll take your loot. [00:51:04] Yeah, well, this had better be given to me. [00:51:08] That's all I'm saying. [00:51:10] There will be a rebellion if it isn't. [00:51:13] So it's the second fortress I've taken for chaos now, [00:51:43] so you know. [00:51:45] Oh, hello. [00:51:50] How am I actually looking 92? [00:51:52] Oh, that's fine. [00:51:54] That's a nice head you have on your shoulders. [00:51:57] It's a gorgeous head, isn't it? [00:53:13] Yeah, sorry for leading you to your doom, guys. [00:53:24] Yeah, finish on. === Today The Gods Decide (03:10) === [00:53:41] Yeah, I think we've got this one. [00:53:47] I don't want any of this undead crap. [00:53:52] Yeah, those two guards are all right, I suppose. [00:53:57] I suppose they need garrison for the thing I've just captured. [00:54:30] I swear to god if I don't get given this castle I will probably have to go to war with my Chaos Lord. [00:54:43] High Elf recruits. [00:54:45] I don't want high elf. [00:54:47] They're probably good archers, to be fair. [00:54:55] Alright. [00:55:20] Today the gods will decide your fate! [00:55:24] It's amazing that they always decide in my favour though, isn't it, mate? [00:55:31] Must buy a better horse. [00:56:00] Oh, well done cavalryman. [00:56:06] Oh, well. [00:56:20] Why are my lead belchers? [00:56:27] Killed in the fight. [00:56:28] Damn it! === Everyone Handled The Food Hurry Fine (13:00) === [00:56:48] Oh, why am I so bad at this game? [00:56:51] Where the hell are my Love Doctor? [00:57:15] They just can't be bothered, I see. [00:57:17] Just take the day off. [00:57:50] This is such a good little place. [00:57:52] I like how I'll have. [00:57:55] Oh, really? [00:57:55] I've got nothing to eat. [00:57:56] Okay, there's no food in this castle. [00:58:00] No merchants come, nothing happens. [00:58:09] Come on, Warlord Deckhead. [00:58:23] That's right, we can wait. [00:58:27] I have to pay for accommodation at a castle I've taken. [00:58:32] Son of a bitch. [00:58:45] I guess we'll be in boots, lads. [00:58:53] Oh, really? [00:58:54] Okay. [00:58:54] Alright. [00:59:00] Do you guys not have food in this castle? [00:59:02] In this town? [00:59:03] Do you have food here, yeah? [00:59:17] Good. [00:59:17] Good. [00:59:19] All right, ransom brokers. [00:59:22] Unless I sold all my guys and I don't have any prisoners, which I think I actually did. [00:59:26] Yes, I did. [00:59:27] Right, gay that's the least important thing in my mind at the moment. [00:59:37] I don't care who the Archon is. [00:59:39] I care who gets this castle that I captured. [00:59:51] Don't be a dick. [01:00:20] God, he just doesn't. [01:00:21] He's not in a hurry, is he? [01:00:23] Just not in a bloody hurry. [01:00:25] Okay, fine. [01:00:26] Alright, probably run out of food again in a minute. [01:01:19] Well, I may as well go fight some bandits, I suppose. [01:01:34] Where have all the bandits gone? [01:01:36] Oh, no, fuck yourself. [01:01:46] Fuck yourself. [01:01:52] What is that what I asked for? [01:01:56] Yeah, I didn't think so. [01:02:06] Oh, yeah. [01:02:09] Right, so, you know, there's a little startup kingdom. [01:02:17] Finally start putting my elite guys away. [01:02:37] I will have 40 dudes and I will be happy with that. [01:02:45] Hmm, I wonder how long it is before thousands of elves or chaos descend on me. [01:02:51] What were? [01:02:52] They didn't even look how they must have been. [01:02:56] They weren't. [01:02:57] Are they chaos? [01:02:58] Tribesmen were? [01:03:00] Didn't even look never mind. [01:03:09] That's right Oh, I will attack thirty-one night goblins. [01:03:34] Thank you. [01:03:38] How about everyone get out of my fucking way? [01:03:40] Yeah, chuck those steps. [01:04:48] Is that a nice one? [01:04:54] Horse! [01:04:54] What a nut! [01:05:11] Hold on. [01:05:15] I will definitely take your cabbages. [01:05:20] But I just saved your asses. [01:05:22] What ungrateful ingrates is probably what ingrate means, to be fair. [01:05:41] Ha! [01:05:46] Of course I don't have enough money. [01:05:47] Hmm. [01:05:48] Um well hmm I wonder if I can sack that village really they've made peace. [01:06:12] Well, we'll see how this goes. [01:07:18] Okay everyone, that was well handled. [01:07:23] Cavalry, just just just be a distraction. [01:07:26] I don't mind [01:08:07] getting into hand-to-hand combat with a bunch of fucking archers. [01:08:28] I have a horse, horse. [01:08:30] Are you still alive? [01:08:32] No. [01:08:36] Yeah, I'll take the lack of horses and no. [01:08:39] Hey, that seemed like a pretty good victory, actually. [01:08:43] Given the quality of my soldiery. [01:09:18] What are the odds? [01:09:20] Oh, shit. === Rat Face Battle (02:23) === [01:09:23] Um, right. [01:09:30] We are going to be fighting a very defensive battle now, guys. [01:09:34] Just so you're all aware. [01:10:22] What are you doing? [01:10:22] rat face. [01:10:23] I had [01:11:14] my infantry too. [01:11:17] This kind of looks like you've been cut up. [01:11:22] Ow. [01:11:29] Oh! [01:11:31] Ha ha ha ha! [01:11:32] That was... That was a... That was a good attempt. [01:11:37] Um... [01:11:38] Hmm. [01:11:39] Yeah, no, I think I'll probably need it there because I'll have to restart reload. [01:11:42] But right, well, there we go.