Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin - My call to the White Male Privilege hotline
Aired: 2014-05-02
Duration: 04:26


=== Call The White Man Privilege Hotline (04:20) ===

[00:00:05]  Hello!
[00:00:06]  Oh, hi there.
[00:00:06]  Yeah, I'm a white man and I'd like to cash in my privilege, please.
[00:00:10]  Where do I go to do that?
[00:00:11]  Are you a person of colour looking to get a loan, a job, or avoid police harassment?
[00:00:16]  Uh, no, I did say that I'm a white man, but I would like to get all those things too.
[00:00:21]  Um, I haven't got a job, I can't get a loan.
[00:00:23]  Admittedly, I don't get harassed by the police, but I wear my trousers above my waist, so...
[00:00:29]  Please call the 1-800-White-Man-Privilege hotline now!
[00:00:33]  Oh, that's brilliant.
[00:00:34]  Thanks very much.
[00:00:35]  All I needed to know was where to go to cash in this privilege.
[00:00:39]  Because, you know, things haven't been going so great for me recently.
[00:00:43]  I'm doing the best I can, but it's not easy.
[00:00:45]  I'm sure you understand.
[00:00:47]  I'm sure you understand.
[00:00:49]  Our roster of white men will come to your rescue in almost any situation.
[00:00:53]  Avoid redlining.
[00:00:54]  We can co-sign your mortgage, help you hail a cab downtown, and stop store managers from following you.
[00:01:00]  That would be brilliant, actually, because I have had all of those things happen before.
[00:01:04]  Like I said, I can't actually get a loan or a mortgage because every time I do, the bank keeps going on about money.
[00:01:12]  And I keep explaining to them, look, right?
[00:01:14]  I'm white and male.
[00:01:15]  So aren't I entitled to this as a privilege?
[00:01:18]  And they say, no, you have to have money.
[00:01:20]  And I say, well, but that doesn't make any sense.
[00:01:24]  I'm a white man.
[00:01:26]  I am entitled to that.
[00:01:28]  Am I not?
[00:01:28]  At job interviews, we can give you that special seal of approval.
[00:01:32]  Our white men will vouch for your intelligence and you won't even have to remove your dreadlocks.
[00:01:37]  I don't actually have dreadlocks.
[00:01:38]  I actually wash my hair and comb it.
[00:01:41]  But yeah, I would like that.
[00:01:43]  But I would actually prefer it if someone could vouch for some qualifications that I don't have.
[00:01:49]  Because I made a bit of a mistake in university and I actually did gender studies.
[00:01:55]  So it means that when I'm applying for, say, a network technician job, they say, are you qualified?
[00:02:02]  And I say, yeah, of course I went to university.
[00:02:03]  And they say, okay, what are you qualified in?
[00:02:05]  And I'm like, well, a degree.
[00:02:07]  And they're like, okay, that's great.
[00:02:08]  What type of degree?
[00:02:10]  And I say, well, a degree from a university, obviously.
[00:02:13]  And they're like, okay, but what kind of degree?
[00:02:15]  And I say, okay, well, it was a social sciences degree.
[00:02:18]  And they say, okay, is that really going to be helpful?
[00:02:20]  I'm like, well, it's a degree, isn't it?
[00:02:23]  And they're okay, okay, what degree is it?
[00:02:24]  And I say, it's gender studies.
[00:02:26]  And they say, sorry, we do not think that this is the telecommunications degree that we're requiring, so we can't help you.
[00:02:34]  So, now, I guess if you can get a white man to come in and vouch that I could do it, even though I don't have the prerequisite qualifications, that would be wonderful.
[00:02:43]  I would really appreciate that.
[00:02:45]  Alright, Jamal.
[00:02:47]  And girls, are your ideas ignored at work?
[00:02:49]  Our white man will present them for you.
[00:02:51]  We guarantee your boss will listen.
[00:02:54]  Oh, that would be perfect, except I can't get a job because I don't know where to get my white man privilege from.
[00:03:00]  You can see the vicious circle here.
[00:03:02]  But not only that, my last boss was actually a woman.
[00:03:06]  And I don't know how another white man is going to get my idea through to her a bit more securely since it was coming from a white man and she wasn't interested.
[00:03:15]  But more than happy to take your advice on this.
[00:03:19]  For black and Latino men, for black and Latino men, we recommend our escort service.
[00:03:24]  With Chad by your side, you'll never have to worry about stop and frisk again.
[00:03:29]  Yeah, I've heard some bad things about American cops too, to be honest.
[00:03:34]  I mean, I'm sure it's just a few bad eggs.
[00:03:36]  Please, no, we cannot stop.
[00:03:38]  Please, no, we cannot stop white people from touching your hair.
[00:03:41]  Oh, that's fine.
[00:03:42]  I actually like having my hair played with, so I'm okay with that.
[00:03:46]  Calling nine-year-old black girls cunts, they're calling you reverse racist for pointing it out.
[00:03:50]  What about if they were eight or ten?
[00:03:51]  Would that be okay?
[00:03:52]  Please do not ask our white men about their privilege.
[00:03:55]  They have no idea they have it.
[00:03:56]  Oh no no no, don't worry, don't worry.
[00:03:59]  Um I I am aware that as a white man I have privilege and uh you know I I should just be like those other white men, but I'm actually not so I'm I'm just trying to get it back.
[00:04:09]  I must uh I must have left it somewhere.
[00:04:12]  I mean it I you know, these things happen, don't they?
[00:04:17]  So call the white man privilege hotline now!
[00:04:19]  Notes, we only accept MasterCard.
[00:04:22]  Right, so you don't actually accept white male privilege as payment then?