Babylon Bee - Hard Bible Questions From The Bee Subscribers
Aired: 2024-02-06
Duration: 05:09


=== Shower Humor (05:08) ===

[00:00:01]  The Babylon Bee Podcast.
[00:00:06]  Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast.
[00:00:09]  Cheers.
[00:00:10]  Cheers, everybody.
[00:00:11]  Non-alcoholic beverages.
[00:00:13]  Athletic beer.
[00:00:14]  And root beer and all kinds of stuff.
[00:00:18]  Dan, what are you drinking?
[00:00:22]  I take back the non-alcoholic beverages, God.
[00:00:28]  The one ring of power has just jumped off of Home Alone 2.
[00:00:33]  It does what it does.
[00:00:34]  It has a mind of its own.
[00:00:34]  It has a will of its own.
[00:00:36]  It does.
[00:00:36]  Then something happened that the ring did not intend.
[00:00:39]  It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable.
[00:00:43]  I was just thinking.
[00:00:44]  I think the last podcast I was on was probably Austin Freeman.
[00:00:47]  It was that long ago.
[00:00:48]  No way.
[00:00:49]  That's not the last one you did.
[00:00:50]  The Lord of the Rings podcast.
[00:00:52]  Wow.
[00:00:52]  Well, you guys are seeing Dan.
[00:00:54]  That was a while ago.
[00:00:54]  It was a while back.
[00:00:55]  You guys are seeing Dan for like the first time in a long time.
[00:00:57]  It's been a while.
[00:00:58]  Yeah.
[00:00:58]  Wow.
[00:00:59]  Huh.
[00:01:00]  Doesn't he look fantastic, everyone?
[00:01:02]  It looks great.
[00:01:02]  The beard's coming in nicely.
[00:01:04]  Yeah.
[00:01:05]  The beard's coming in nicely.
[00:01:07]  He's more fit than anybody in this room.
[00:01:11]  Skin is looking good and healthy.
[00:01:13]  Nice and tight.
[00:01:14]  What do you do to your skin?
[00:01:15]  Do you have any use any products?
[00:01:17]  I just wake up like this.
[00:01:19]  Isn't it amazing that women have this skincare routine?
[00:01:22]  Like, they have a skincare routine.
[00:01:24]  You got to get your T-zone.
[00:01:26]  We've talked about that before.
[00:01:27]  Do you have a skincare routine?
[00:01:29]  No.
[00:01:30]  Do you?
[00:01:32]  My wife has one, and every once in a while, she'll be like, Jarrett.
[00:01:35]  Yeah, my wife does this.
[00:01:37]  You're getting wrinkles.
[00:01:37]  You got to do this.
[00:01:38]  You need to do the T-zone.
[00:01:40]  And she rubs this Egyptian oil around my eyeball.
[00:01:45]  My wife doesn't say, you're getting wrinkles, but she does, like, I'll say, like, man, you know, whatever.
[00:01:49]  And she's like, oh, you got to use.
[00:01:51]  Christina will tell me.
[00:01:51]  I'll say, like, you're getting wrinkles, Jarrett.
[00:01:54]  You're getting fat.
[00:01:56]  You need to, you know, figure something out or else.
[00:01:59]  She lets me know.
[00:02:01]  Well, anything you say here is safe.
[00:02:03]  It is.
[00:02:04]  Nobody will know about it except the four of us.
[00:02:07]  I think one thing I didn't realize when I was...
[00:02:09]  And millions of people.
[00:02:11]  When I was getting married, I don't think I realized the bathroom situation.
[00:02:15]  Like, I didn't realize that you're signing up for that.
[00:02:17]  That you go into the bathroom and there's going to be like five million shampoo bottles.
[00:02:22]  Lots of things, yeah.
[00:02:23]  Like every time you get in the shower, you're going to get crushed to death.
[00:02:25]  It's that serious.
[00:02:26]  If it falls off the little ledge in the shower.
[00:02:28]  My wife always tells me I'm using the wrong one or like, no, that's, yeah.
[00:02:32]  That's for light curls.
[00:02:34]  My wife just tells me, don't use my stuff.
[00:02:37]  I don't have to.
[00:02:38]  You use the one thing.
[00:02:39]  You have the Costco tub of shampoo.
[00:02:41]  She has all the nice stuff.
[00:02:42]  I think that's one of the great things about being bald is that the only thing I need is a bar of soap.
[00:02:47]  I got in the shower the other day and I was like, okay, we're getting ready to wash my hair.
[00:02:52]  I picked one up.
[00:02:53]  It's conditioner.
[00:02:54]  I picked another one up.
[00:02:55]  It's like curl frizzer.
[00:02:56]  Pick another one up.
[00:02:57]  There's no shampoo.
[00:02:58]  There's 15 bottles and not a single one of them.
[00:03:00]  It's like playing Russian roulette with.
[00:03:03]  Like, what am I supposed to do now?
[00:03:04]  You just pick one at random and you use that.
[00:03:06]  I just use soap.
[00:03:08]  Body wash.
[00:03:09]  Jarrett, how do you wash your wigs?
[00:03:11]  Do you shampoo your wigs?
[00:03:12]  Yeah, it's in the shower.
[00:03:14]  He wears them into the shower.
[00:03:15]  I actually, I've done many things, but that's one of the ways.
[00:03:18]  But usually I just grab it and I put shampoo in it.
[00:03:21]  Champagne.
[00:03:22]  That's that rich stuff that Guy Paltra uses.
[00:03:26]  Yeah.
[00:03:29]  Well, everyone, we're going to do something special today.
[00:03:31]  This is going to be a subscriber exclusive bonanza.
[00:03:35]  We're going to answer all our subscribers' Bible questions.
[00:03:39]  And we have 100% accurate knowledge here at the Babylon Bee.
[00:03:42]  So all our questions have the full authority ex cathedra of Pope of Protestantism.
[00:03:50]  This is the Holy Bee.
[00:03:51]  The four holy bees.
[00:03:52]  Yes, this is the Holy Bee, is what we call it.
[00:03:55]  And I apologize for the borderline blasphemy for our Catholic friends.
[00:03:59]  Yeah, but for us, it's not blasphemy at all.
[00:04:02]  We're also going to read some of our subscriber-submitted headlines.
[00:04:05]  This also means that if you don't pay the Babylon B for the privilege of being a member, we're about to kick you out.
[00:04:13]  Whoa, that's really sad.
[00:04:14]  So I'm sorry.
[00:04:15]  It's a little harsh.
[00:04:16]  If you can't become a subscriber, BabylonB.com slash plans, support what we're doing to make fun and funny stuff in the space and to keep our podcast going.
[00:04:24]  Keep the lights on.
[00:04:25]  Don't be excommunicated.
[00:04:27]  So if you don't subscribe, you'll still get the free podcast.
[00:04:30]  We're still doing those.
[00:04:31]  But once in a while, we're going to do a subscriber exclusive behind the scenes, and we're going to do that now.
[00:04:37]  So please subscribe at BabylonB.com slash plans.
[00:04:40]  And I think you can use podcast for code podcast for a discount still.
[00:04:44]  So give that a shot.
[00:04:45]  And if it doesn't work, sorry.
[00:04:48]  And then the rest of you subscribers, get ready to join us for Bible questions and subscriber bonanza.
[00:04:56]  Here we go.
[00:04:57]  You won't regret it.
[00:04:59]  Whoa.
[00:05:02]  This has been a taste of a special episode of the Babylon B Podcast.
[00:05:07]  But it's for subscribers only.