The Babylon Bee Podcast is here to do a rundown of the world's strange and weird Christmas Traditions including spiders in your house, putting poop in your nativity scene, and dressing up like demons to drag children into hell! Kyle, Jarret, and Travis also talk about their what books, movies, and games they enjoyed and hated this year. Apparently Kyle read 50 books and walked from Bag End to Mordor. What a show off. This episode is sponsored by Alliance Defending Freedom. Become a champion for freedom at: http://joinADF.com/bee
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The Babylon Bee Podcast.
Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Babylon Bee Occasional Podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee.
I'm hanging out with Jarrett LeMaster today.
Hey.
And the pantsless wonder, we call him.
Yeah, I have the legs of a beaver and the body of a beaver, but I'm wearing a t-shirt that's a midriff t-shirt for Buckies.
Yeah, you're a Greek mythological character.
And that guy making funny references is Travis.
Ha, Greece.
Woodside, if you want to stalk him.
Don't.
No.
And next to him is the star of the show, Christmas J Tree.
Oh, Christmas J Tree.
Oh, Christmas J Tree.
Christmas J Tree really wowed us with his job interview.
How lovely are your branches?
The notes that we have say that this is a 30 to 45 minute podcast catching super fans up with what's been going on at the Babylon Bee and letting them all bask in the glory that is Kyle's beard.
We will have two ADF ads.
So speaking of the beard, speaking of, I went, I was at Stater Brothers.
Oh, my alma mater.
Yeah.
Yes.
Over the weekend.
You went to university at Staterbrothers?
I sure did.
And the guy that was cashing me, what do you call it checking me out?
He wasn't checking you out.
Although, let me finish the story.
I kind of recognized him because I go to the same Stater Brothers, but I never make it a point to get to know anybody.
I'm not like, ah, old Bill at the checkstand.
Bill, how are the kids?
And so it's just this younger guy, like, looks like a guy that you might expect would work at Stater Brothers.
You know, I don't know.
Yeah.
Long hair, a little scraggly.
Oh, that's not what you used to expect from Stater Brothers.
Well, they changed the picture travel.
I assume once you left, it really went downhill.
Yeah, I guess so.
But he said, hey, your beard's filling in nicely.
Did he?
Yeah.
Wow.
And I was like, what?
And he's like, your beard's filling in nicely.
And I was like, oh, thanks.
I've had this for 30 years now.
And I don't like, I haven't been trying to fill it in or like, you know.
It seems like that's something you'd say to a teenager when they're growing a beard.
It's filling in nicely.
It's like, you got a patch here, but it's filling in the rest of the way.
It's like he felt bad for me.
It's like, oh, I can tell he's really trying.
Hey, good work.
Good work.
Keep it up.
But he's a really nice guy.
And I think last time I was there, we might have talked about Zelda because my wallet has a Triforce on it.
As well as my arm.
Yeah, a lot of the employees at the checkstands make a habit of having relationships with the customers.
Because that's the Stater Brothers way.
It is the Stater Brothers way.
I didn't do that.
Did you ever work there?
I worked on the checkstand a little bit.
Oh, you did.
I thought you were like corporate.
Well, eventually.
I worked my way up from the bowels of being the bag boy.
I was bagging.
Okay.
And then I worked my way up.
I went to the graveyard shift.
So you climbed the Stater Brothers ladder.
Yeah.
And then I worked at Produce Department.
Of affordable meats.
Yes.
I didn't work in the meat department, though.
They have the best meat, though, in town.
I went there this weekend, and I got two tri-tips that they pre-trimmed.
It's the only way to do it.
So I was able to, those were great.
They were large.
Looked like two lungs.
This podcast brought to you by Stater Brothers.
Two ADF ads and one Stater Brothers.
Well, we just had the Babylon B 2023 Christmas party.
Oh, we did.
It was a great time.
We got to see some of the out-of-towners come in.
Took MJ to Disneyland.
Oh, yeah.
How'd that go?
That's right.
It was great.
Yeah.
Now, I know she's been to Disneyland before, but had she seen Star Wars Land before?
We took her to Star Wars Land last time.
We went like two years ago.
Okay.
And she enjoyed it.
Enjoyed it again this time.
Last time we might have gotten on Rise of the Resistance, and this time we didn't.
I still haven't seen Star Wars Land.
No, it's pretty good.
Have you guys both gone?
Yeah.
I think Star Wars Land is pretty cool.
This year.
I'd really like to go.
I want to go.
It seems fairly expensive.
The problem with Star Wars Land for me is that I get there.
It's the first thing we do because it's so popular.
So you kind of want to get there and rush to be on everything.
And then I was like, I don't want to leave.
I want to stay in Star Wars Land.
That's a good problem to have.
But then everyone's like, oh, no, let's go on, you know, Pirates.
I'm like.
Kyle and I last week were discussing going to Star Wars Land dressed like Jedis.
And I'm not sure if you're allowed to do that.
Because you'll take pictures with folks.
They don't allow people in there.
There are some rules about showing up in costume that they don't want you to go like.
You can't dress like Darth Maul, like full Darth Maul.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I mean, I think they sell Jedi robes.
So, I mean, you could probably get away with a Jedi.
But what if you had like a full Obi-Wan Kenobi with like the hair?
And if you looked exactly like Ewan McGregor, like you do.
They'd probably probably go.
Oh, it's Ewan McGregor.
Oh, yeah.
They'd say, oh, he's here.
Anything for you, Mr. Tyler?
Probably more like Mace Windu, I imagine.
Well, it's the bald.
Yeah.
I mean, people like us.
Well, and you're always saying this party is over.
He said that at the Christmas party, and I was like, it's not over.
This part is over.
It's not.
I said this concludes the Christmas party, and he stood up and said.
It's good.
Fun fact, he actually ad-libbed that.
Did he?
Oh, really?
No, I don't know.
What was that aligned from?
It's from Attack of the Clones.
It's the second one.
Oh, that's right.
I'm sure he probably did adlib that, don't you think?
I wonder if Yoda ever ad-libbed anything, if Frank Oz ever ad-libbed any of them.
Well, the good news is we have George Lucas in the room next to us.
Yeah.
George, what?
Where's George?
Christmas magic disappearing.
Sorry.
Okay.
Well, it's been a fun year at the Babylon B.
And of course, we're thankful for all the fun stuff we've gotten to do.
Yeah.
In celebration of the Christmas season, we wanted to share with you some strange and friggin' weird Christmas traditions.
Weird Christian.
No, Christmas.
Not Christian.
Dang it.
Weird Christmas traditions.
The first tradition is the Puritan tradition of Christmas.
Tell me about it, Kyle.
This is one of the most fun traditions.
The Puritans have a long and storied Christmas tradition of banning Christmas.
Ho, Christmas was banned in Scotland in 1640, where the Presbyterian system held sway later on in the kingdoms of England, Wales, and Ireland in 1647, in the midst of fighting between royal power and parliamentary power in the English Civil Wars.
Some place all the blame of banning Christmas on Oliver Cromwell, but it was actually an act of the whole parliament.
Yeah, they would.
Yeah.
Some people say it took the work of Charles Dickens in 1843 as a Christmas carol to help recuperate the bad reputation Christmas had as a festival where everyone gets drunk and riots.
Eventually in 1660, King Charles II reestablished the monarchy and reinstated Christmas for good.
That's an interesting Christmas tradition.
You know, I just watched The Man Who Made Christmas about Charles Dickens, the writing of the Christmas Carol.
If you guys haven't seen it, have you seen it?
No, I've not seen it.
It's very, very good.
But it's fascinating because Christmas was waning.
Like there was no, nobody really was celebrating Christmas, even in the 1800s, at least according to the movie.
But I think it seems like it's probably accurate, though.
Yeah.
What put me off that movie was that Charles Dickens was played by Lizzo, which I felt was a miscast.
It was a miscast.
He actually was played by the guy that played, he was in Downton Abbey, and he was also in that DC thing about the guy with all the personalities.
Is Downton Abbey the sex one?
No, no, I know what you're talking about.
That's what I always think of Downton Abbey.
British Anton is the sex one.
Bridge Anton is the one that my wife won't let me watch, but I actually really keep trying.
She's like, no, no.
You can't watch that.
No, I really like anything of that period or like before.
I really Jones for a Jane Austen style.
Jones is so hard for Jane Austen.
I try to read Jane Austen, but my wife won't let me.
She jumps in front of the board.
No.
I've never read Jane Austen, much to Brandon's chagrin.
I tried to read Pride and Prejudice this year.
And?
I got about five pitches in it and I was bored out of my mind.
I've watched all the Jane Austens.
Do you guys watch them?
No.
No.
They're literally the best romantic comedies ever.
Well, hold on.
Have you seen You've Got Mail?
Well, we just watched that, and it's great, but it's just a retelling of Pride and Prejudice.
Pride and Prejudice was based on You've Got Mail.
You've got Male Starring.
Yeah, Jane Austen had Meg Ryan in mind when she did.
Didn't Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fall in love in several movies?
Yes.
At least three.
Joe versus the Volcano.
Sleepless in Seattle.
Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail.
It's like an MC.
Oh, and I'm sorry.
And Planet of the Apes.
And every woman cut her hair like Meg Ryan in that time period.
I mean, I did.
Well, I had a big crush on Meg Ryan growing up.
She was great.
It's really.
It's sad.
Well, what's our next Christmas tree?
Sad would happen to her face.
Guess what, fans?
In Ukraine, they have the legend of the Christmas spider.
In this story, a woman and her children were living in poverty in their home when a tree started to grow in their house.
On Christmas Eve, the tree became covered in spider webs.
And when they woke up the next morning, the spider webs had turned to silver and gold.
Now people in Ukraine decorate their trees with spider web ornaments as a reference to the tale and the family's good luck.
They're also mostly Orthodox or something weird like that.
So they celebrate Christmas on January 7th like a bunch of nerds.
A bunch of weirdos.
Look at those spiders.
There actually are.
Yeah, so that's an interesting tradition.
I like it.
I like the local.
That's interesting.
It's interesting, but it's also weird.
There's nothing very Christmassy about that story.
It's just, ah, a tree grew in our house and there's a spider.
Yeah, when did Christmas trees really take off?
That's another question.
Maybe we'll find out as we read the more Christmas traditions that Dan wrote for us.
All right.
Do we want to do the Germany or Sweden?
Because Sweden's like one sentence.
You get one sentence.
I'll get two of them.
All right.
You have to read it in a Swedish accent.
You can add more to it if you want.
I'm Utrut, son of Utrut.
Destiny is all.
Good start already.
The Yule goat.
And I'm just kidding.
I sound Indian.
It's an ancient symbol dating back to, I'm taking my time, pagan times.
But now the Swedes make giant straw versions every Advent.
So the Yule goat.
But see, the Yuletide.
Okay, in Sweden, the Yuletide comes from, which I don't know if this is part of the thing that Dan wrote up, but it comes from the Viking tradition, as far as I understand.
And really, Yuletide had nothing to do with Christmas.
It was just in the same period, and people would get together, drink, and fight for like 15 days.
Like, that's what they would do.
This sounds like it goes with the Puritan problem.
It's like, maybe we should ban Christmas because people are just being Vikings.
Well, and the Yule goat, like, it sounds like, you know, Thor or something like that.
Yeah.
Well, and so it makes me think of the Wickerman.
Yeah, or the Burning Man.
Yeah, like they're putting Nicholas Cage in there and saying it on the show.
Oh, because I'm essentially thinking that Yuletide in Sweden was essentially the burning man of the time.
People love to burn things.
Yeah.
Did you guys play the God of War games?
I did the first one.
I played a few of them, yeah.
So the German end of discussion.
I thought you had a point.
I don't know if Vikings got a war.
There's something there.
Like the new ones are there's like Vikings.
Yeah, God of War was like a Norse series?
Well, but late in the later games, they went into Norse mythology.
Did you ever watch Thor?
The MCU one?
Yeah.
No.
Yes.
Did you ever watch Adventures in Babysitting, which had Thor in it for some reason?
Did it have Thor in it?
Yeah.
I just remembered them.
I remember it being like a little too risque for my age when I watched it.
So in Germany, the Germans have a tradition of leaving a boot or shoe outside their bedroom door on December 5th, which is St. Nick's birthday.
If they've been good, they will find their boot filled with sweets.
If they've been bad, they will get only a branch.
Oh, that's sad.
Well, it's like, it's just as good as a lump of coal, I guess.
A branch is funnier, though.
It is funny.
Yeah, you got to stick it.
It seems like a random thing.
How lovely are your branches?
That's a German song, too.
This also might be an excuse every year to get some new kicks to set out.
I don't know if that's part of the actual fact or if Dan just added that as comedy.
New kicks.
I assume Dan wrote all this.
I'm just going to assume Dan wrote all this.
Yeah, like you buy new shoes on St. Nick's Day.
Yeah, put them out.
So that didn't get filled with sticky sweets.
Well, because if you set out Air Jordans, you're going to get some sweets.
In the Netherlands, you have the same tradition, but with wooden clogs.
Isn't this technically an Advent tradition?
Forget about it.
Germany is also where we get the popular Christmas tree tradition.
But when in Germany?
1941.
Thanks, Lutherans.
Thanks, Lutherans.
So in Japan, only 1% of Japan is Christian.
So what are all the lonely Japanese Christians to do?
Obviously.
They all head out to their local KFC for dinner.
Dan was drinking as he wrote this falsely.
The typing gets worse and worse.
That's the notes.
Yes, your local KFC for dinner.
Sorry, continue.
So, hey, just so you know, this tradition of going to KFC began after a successful 1974 ad campaign called Kuru Samasu Niwa Kentakiki or Kentucky for Christmas.
That's great.
That is great.
You see, like Colonel Sanders with Santa hat going on.
I really enjoy this Christmas tradition.
I think I like it too.
I want that to supplant all American Christmas traditions.
I feel like I was talking to my family this week about trying to create some new Christmas traditions because I've always been in ministry, so we've never been able to really celebrate Christmas Eve or anything like that.
And so now I think I know what we're going to do.
Nice.
Good.
We actually.
You got kicked out of the ministry due to gross sin and incompetence.
We tend to go.
Or I just retired to do the beef all the time.
We go to Panda Express every Christmas Eve.
You do.
Yeah.
Is that a real tradition?
It is, but it kind of happened by accident because one year.
You just did it one year and then.
Well, one year it happened on a certain day.
It was just like, oh, nothing's open.
And we went to Panda Express.
And now we're just like, that's what we're doing.
I like that.
Panda Express.
I feel like a lot of these were by accident.
Is it crowded?
No.
Well, actually, let me rephrase that.
Yes.
Let me rephrase that by changing the entire meeting to the complete opposite.
It is change food until they sing far.
Oh, I wish.
I wish.
And when you ask them to sing that, they kick you out.
Oh, man.
I wish I had the next one, but I'm going to get this short.
I'm going to get this short Norway one.
Why are you complaining about getting the short one?
He wants more screen time.
No, I want the big long one to talk about it.
Okay, there we go.
December 24th coincides.
Oh, this is interesting.
It's almost like Halloween.
Did you say Norway?
Norway.
I did at some point.
I don't think he did.
Hey, Kyle, this is in Norway.
December 24th coincides with the arrival of evil spirits and witches in Norway.
Apparently, that's where they go.
They all go there.
So every Christmas Eve, they go through the trouble of hiding all the brooms.
No broom for you, witch.
I do think it kind of just seems like Halloween in Norway.
That's very interesting.
It's the same tradition.
It's a migration calendar.
So the witches go north for the winter.
They go north for the winter and south for the summer.
Because they want it always cold.
They want to be a cold day.
It's colder.
I do think it's interesting, though, that they, you hide all the brims so that the brims, because that means that the idea of people flying on brims is like a universal, like for witches, like that's in Norway, too.
They think witches fly on brooms.
Well, what else are they going to fly on?
I don't know, but.
Planes?
Yeah, somebody.
Yeah, there's this terrible story going around about the brooms, but anyway.
Hey, Jarrett, why don't you tell us about Austria?
No, it's my turn.
It's Austria.
It's his turn.
Kyle.
You've heard of Santa Claus.
In Austria and Germanic flokelore, there is something like an evil twin named Krampus.
Krampus.
Remember when Dwight dressed up like him in the office?
Actually, that wasn't Krampus.
That was, what was his name?
Like...
Krampus.
I thought it was Krampus.
No, it wasn't Krampus.
No, it's like Belschnickel or something.
No.
Bel Schnickel was his little buddy.
No, it's not Krampus.
Dwight is not dressed up as Krampus there.
A fact check.
Can we get a fact check, Snow?
Yeah, we need to make sure that because I remember it the way Travis remembers it.
Who was it might be that he references Krampus?
I'm trying to.
This is Dwight dressed up as in the Christmas episode.
Question mark.
Dwight Christmas.
Thanks.
You were right.
It says Dwight Christmas.
That was the result.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Dwight Christmas.
Let's see.
He never dressed up as...
Or just ask if Dwight ever dressed up as Krampus.
Synopsis, hang on, hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
He dresses up as the traditional winter Christmas gift bringer figure, Belsnickel.
I don't know why I ever question you on these things.
You knew all the details on the Dune thing earlier.
Yeah, because he does the whole, they have a whole song about it, like, know your rules.
You better know your rules.
That's right.
If you don't, I will eat you in your sleep.
I guess, well, people just think Krampus is equal.
So I guess.
Well, what's the story of Krampus?
I want to know what happens with Krampus.
I'm really interested.
And Dan's editing his notes to fix this.
His job is to, well, but it's a Krampus-like figure.
I understand.
That's Krampus.
Holy cow.
Wait, where are we?
Okay, his job is to punish children on Christmas.
Well, people in Austria still dress up in devilish costumes, complete with whips and baskets to carry children off to hell every year.
That ought to scare the Charles Dickens out of the children.
No, never.
i said that was the joke so wait so krampus is a it's like the myth that's teaching kids how to how to like how to be good so they don't go to hell He's like an elf on the shelf.
He's a Krampus on the campus that takes your children away in the basket.
Yeah, that's that's horrifying.
The Krampus on the campus, you know, sometimes you hear people going, like, oh, I don't know.
Like, is telling our kids about Santa like a mean thing?
Like, we shouldn't do that.
And I have opinions about that, but the opinions about it.
Well, hold on a minute.
Well, when you think about like what other countries are doing, they're like doing this Krampus festival.
I'm like, whoa, that's horrifying.
Why are you doing that to your kids?
Santa's not so bad.
No, Santa's not bad.
But these are carryovers from the times when people were writing like Grimm's fairy tales and stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Everything had a moral.
Yeah, it was a moral.
And it was always to terrify kids into not sinning.
That was the whole point.
Well, I guess there's worse things you can do.
Yeah, that's true.
It's like sinning would be worse.
Sinning would be worse.
And scaring children.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Hey, Travis, what happens in Slovakia?
Well, I'm glad you asked because I know all about Slovakia.
Watch as I do not look at a monitor and I just explain it to you.
Hey, in Slovakia, it is tradition in this country for the head of the house to throw pudding up onto the ceiling at Christmas dinner.
Weird.
The amount of pudding that still sticks will predict how much luck you'll have in the new year.
Hooray!
So basically, you make a big mess.
And then you're like, hey, a lot of lots coming down.
I guess I'm lucky.
Or is it if they all come down, you're very lucky?
I assume if it sticks, it's better.
It makes it sound like if it sticks, but in a way, it's like if it doesn't stick, then you're lucky because you don't have to clean up the ceiling.
And you have more pudding.
It must be a culture that doesn't value like real cleanliness or pudding.
Yeah.
I mean, in Slovakia, they banned Bill Cosby from those Jell-O commercials.
They obviously don't like pudding.
Yeah.
Putin.
Hey, you get a long one.
Oh, yeah.
Catalonia, Spain.
So these are the Castellanos, the ones that do the fading.
Let's read the notes here.
Locals in Catalonia have the tradition of cagatillo or defecating log.
They create a character out of a log, draw a face on it, and give it a hat.
For two weeks, they feed it fruit, nuts, and sweets.
How do they do that?
How do they feed it?
On Christmas Eve, the entire family beats the log with sticks and sings a traditional song that translates to, if you don't crap well, I'll beat you with a stick until the log excretes all its treats.
But it never does.
So, I mean, they also decorate their nativity scenes with small, pooping, ceramic figurines, often taken from real-life people from that year's news.
And the figurines always have their pants around their ankles.
Dan says, if you don't believe me, here's the Wikipedia entry.
English, okay, so the English translation of the song is crap to hazelnuts and nougats.
Do not crap herrings.
They are too salty.
Crap nougats, they taste better.
Crap tio, almonds and nougats.
And if you don't want to crap, I'll hit you with a stick.
What's on earth?
Crap tio.
Crap tio.
Wow.
Wow.
And then here's some of the figures that they have.
So they have pooping, gollum pooping.
Probably not officially licensed, Mario or Gollum.
It looks like Che Guevara pooping.
Oh, there's Olaf.
I'd like to have that.
Dracula.
Batman.
Croucho Marx.
Darth Vader pooping.
Wow.
I don't know why.
I really like the idea of Napoleon pooping.
Yeah, they never have a bathroom break in Lord of the Rings.
That's true.
Walk almost 2,000 miles and there's no bathroom breaks.
Yeah, the only bathroom break is when people die because you know that they're crapping their pants.
Yeah.
Oops, I crapped my pants.
That's what that's what Bormir said when he died.
Oops, crap my pants.
He did it in the Didax.
Oops, I crapped.
On my pants.
So, what are you asking Santa for Christmas this year?
And have you been a good little boy or girl?
Oh, my God.
Dan knew it was going to be the three of us, and he still wrote boy or girl or girl.
Or girl.
Yes.
Maybe we're supposed to ask our audience.
Or behave.
Hey, what are you asking Santa for Christmas this year?
Put it in the comments below.
We have comments still, right?
Yeah.
YouTube still has comments.
If you put it in the comments, then Santa will read it and he'll get you a present.
That's right.
Santa is a big follower of the Babylon Beast.
He knows.
He sees you when you're scrolling.
Yeah.
I don't really have anything I'm asking Santa for this year, you know?
Apocalypse stuff?
My Christmas list always looks like a little kid's.
Yeah.
I ask for like little toys and board games.
Yeah.
I basically just showed my wife, hey, here's my Amazon wish list.
Share it with whoever.
And then that's kind of my way of doing it.
But I kind of want to get some books.
I want to be more intellectual and get the books.
I won't read them, but I'll get them and put them on my bookshelf.
What books do you want to get?
Some random stuff about like church history and screenwriting books like Save the Cat and things like that for my own collection.
So yeah, I mean, I also, I'm pretty much in general, it's always like, hey, what do you want for Christmas?
I want X video game.
Yeah.
And, but I kind of, now that I'm an adult, I kind of just buy it when I buy it.
Yeah, that's one of the problems.
With being an adult.
You just kind of want something, you just buy it.
And then Christmas comes around and you don't have that anticipation waiting for something.
Yeah.
Like when I want a pocket knife, I'm going to get one.
Yeah, but I'm going to get my kids some things, you know, and end up using their gifts because we haven't played Super Mario Wonder yet.
Yeah, so I bought that when it came out.
And then we've played like two levels.
Sucks.
Just don't have time anymore.
I did start playing Baldur's Gate 3 this weekend.
Oh, I quite enjoyed it.
Really?
Because I heard it was woke.
Yeah, when you create your character, you can pick identity.
Male, female, non-binary slash prefer not to say.
Really?
Prefer not to say?
Something like that.
Prefer not to say.
So did you make that character?
Correct.
Do you ever fill out paperwork as prefer not to say?
So that you don't get to.
I have done it for the race before.
Yeah.
If you're applying for something, I don't think I've ever done that.
I prefer not to say.
Yeah, I would do the same thing.
I've done it before.
When I applied for a position at Harvard, I did that.
Well, the thing is, I prefer to say is the problem.
So if they just said you choose not to say so that you can be considered.
Is there a checkbox that says I prefer to say?
Yeah.
I prefer to tell you.
Then you don't fill it up.
I prefer to say that I'm white.
So what did you guys accomplish this year?
Did you hit any goals?
You're going to set any new New Year's goals?
That's a good question.
That is a good question.
I think I, let's see.
Yes.
I think the big, the big thing for me is I retired from the ministry.
So I think that's like one of the, what was your goal?
My, my, My goal was to no longer.
Since I started the ministry, my goal was eventually quit.
It's a little weird, like Saturday night, Sunday morning, and you're like, you don't have to be there.
Oh, it's, I mean, the last, it's only been about a month.
I'm not saying you shouldn't go there.
I'm just saying it's not like, like, if you don't show up, the service is continuing.
The service goes continue.
Yeah, the show goes on.
It's a terrible way to say it.
But yeah, that's the weirdest part is getting up in the morning.
We walk to church right now, which is really weird.
There's just a church close to me.
So it feels very old school.
Walk there, most of our friends go there.
So we're just like, well, let's go to that church.
Is it at Branch Davidian?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He didn't say no.
Starting to share my wife.
It's very weird.
We're normal.
Hail Bob.
No, I do think that was one of the things.
Read a few books this year.
I'm reading good books right now.
You know, trying to grow.
Yeah.
I think as far as like New Year's resolutions, I'm going to try to read more because I read one book this year.
I mean, it was the Hunger Games prequel, the ballad of songbirds and steaks.
No, it was good.
My wife hated it.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Was it?
I tried to read it and there's 12 pages talking about potato soup or something and I stopped.
What?
Cabbage soup or something?
Wouldn't go that far.
Well, let me ask you.
No, I did literally the beginning of the book is 12 pages.
I was counting it's fine.
I think it's the author has kind of grown more than her initial Hunger Games books, whereas those books were written as like young adults.
This is technically young adult, but it's written more like a real.
It's more sex scenes.
That's not where I was going to be.
Which is what we prefer.
No, so did you like the third book in the series, the first series?
Mocking Jay?
Yeah.
I don't remember.
I'll tell you, I liked the first book and the other ones, I'm like, the first and second ones were good.
The third one was a load of garbage.
I love the third.
I thought the third book was the best book.
I hated it.
The first one's.
I also hate that hideous trip.
The first one's good.
The second one is just a repeat of the first.
I didn't like the second one for that reason.
It's just a repeat.
The third one was great because it subverts everything into becoming about PTSD and war.
And then at the end, it's the whole subversion.
You think it's, oh, we're taking over the capital.
But the whole thing, she realizes it's just a cycle to power.
Old boss, same as the first.
Yeah.
So the fourth one was really good because you got a lot out of that book.
New boss, same as the old boss.
She kills President Coyne.
That's like coin.
Yeah.
It's like the new president that's coming in.
Oh, right, right.
She kills him instead of snow.
Her.
Or her in the movies, right?
It's her.
It is her.
In the books, too.
Spoilers.
So if you liked book three, you might like this new one.
So for my goals this year, so you might like it.
I was trying to run the distance from the Shire to Mordor.
This is our fitness challenge.
I am about 120 miles away, which means I need to run 10 miles a day for the next week and a half.
Will you do it, though?
Yes, I will do it.
10 miles.
I talked to him a couple weeks ago, and he had run something.
You had like a 27-mile day or something like that.
23 was the 23 miles.
23-mile day.
That's insane.
It is.
That's so much.
I'm going to be excited to be done with it because it does take so much time.
Like any spare moment, I'm like walking around the block.
Yeah.
I got to run.
I got to get a few more miles.
I mean, that's good.
You're keeping fit.
It is, but it's, yeah, I think there are more efficient ways to keep fit.
I agree.
Like, if you just did 30 minutes of strength training and you maybe ran a mile or two, that'd be enough.
Like, you don't need to run 10, 15 miles.
That's true.
You know, it's not going to.
Well, there's diminishing returns.
If that's the case, then why are you doing it?
Is it just because you're trying to beat Brandon?
Correct.
Okay.
Well, Brandon's doing the challenge too, but I'm ahead of him.
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But at the same time, no, I thought it was a really fun challenge.
Like, obviously, I wanted to run a lot.
I wanted to do more.
And I thought it was a cool thing to be able to go.
I did the distance from the Shire to Mount Doom.
I did the first leg of the journey to Bree from The Shire to Bree.
Oh.
Because that was like $50 to join that.
And at the time, I didn't realize, oh, wait, it's like $200 a day.
Yeah, it's a whole duck segment.
And so once I finished that, I was like, I'm not spending 50 more bucks.
You know, my wife started it, and she never went past the first segment.
You could probably use her codes if you wanted to do more.
Oh, that's cool.
But the two segments are insane.
Yeah.
The one from the one from Bree to no, no, no.
Yeah, the one from Bree to Morio is like 660 miles.
And then the one from Moria to the Black Gate is like 680 miles or something.
So those two are a bit of a mental challenge.
Like you're just like, I did five miles today, and it didn't even go up 1%.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's like reading Crime and Punishment.
Right.
But without the crime.
Or the punishment.
I was going to say just.
Yeah, just the punishment.
So I'm going to try to finish that by New Year's Day.
And if I do that, my goal will be done.
Also, I had a goal of reading 50 books this year.
And I've read 49.
Wow.
I'm reading the 50th.
What's the 50th book?
Well, I'm reading a few at the same time, so it depends which one I finish.
I'm trying to finish the Bible.
So that could be my 50th.
Okay.
Well, technically, the Bible has 66 books in it.
Hey.
So, I mean, you already win.
But I got to do 1 and 2 Chronicles, which, you know, is a bit of a bear.
Yeah.
I have to do Jeremiah, which is the longest book in the Bible by word count.
And I have to do Ezekiel.
Ezekiel, which is also pretty long.
Jeremiah, I started reading it.
I'm like, oh, it's only 50 chapters.
And it's like chapter one, two page, you know, two full turns of the page.
I'm like, oh, I might be in trouble.
So I don't know if I'm going to be able to finish it, but I'm going to try.
Anyway, so here's a few of the others I read this year.
Applied Economics, Pilgrim's Progress.
I read the Duggar book, Becoming Free Indeed.
That's cool.
I'm sorry, Applied Economics.
Are you taking a class?
No, it's a Thomas Soul book.
Oh.
Actually, really easy to read.
It was one of the short ones.
This is one Brandon recommended as the Baby's First.
Applied Economics.
I kind of want to read this.
I want to read some souls, so maybe I'll put that on my list.
Baby's First Soul.
Yeah, okay.
Becoming Free Indeed, Project Hail Mary, The Republic, Frankenstein, Animal Farm, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Mere Christianity.
Yeah.
Screwtape Letters, The Great Dorse, Dracula.
A Grief Observed, The Problem of Pain, Surprised by Joy, The Queen's Gambit, The Four Loves, Till We Have Faces.
Yeah.
Miracles, The Way to Glory.
I'm just going to read them all.
The Three Body Problem.
Ender's Game.
You guys can stop and comment in if you want.
Ender's Game is good.
I've read all these books.
Did you read Speaker for the Dead?
No.
Brandon said not to keep reading.
Most people say don't read it.
So I did kind of like it.
Did you like it?
Did you read Zenocide?
I did not read Zenocide.
I thought Ender's Game was great.
I did not read Zenocide either.
And I think Ender's Game was amazing.
Speaker for the Dead was just weird.
It's weird.
And then the third one.
I was just like, I don't even want to do this.
Yeah.
I still liked it, but yeah, it is weird.
Yeah.
The Pygmies.
The Art of War.
Wow.
You read Sun Tzu?
In the original Japanese.
Money Ball.
You haven't read it.
I read it in the original.
Oh, shoot.
I read it in the wrong language.
Oh, no.
Moneyball.
In the original Arabic.
Money Ball in the original.
In the original Japanese.
Robinson Crusoe, Lion, the Witch in the Wardrobe, Beyond Order.
Now, wait a minute.
When you say you read these books, do you mean that you listen to them at two speed?
No, some of them are audio.
Some of them are audio.
Oh, that doesn't count.
Oh, well.
How many of these did you read?
I read two books.
Probably about half of them.
Okay.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
And I'm not saying it's because I actually like to do a combination of both.
Like right now I'm reading.
I'm reading Dostoevsky.
It's really long.
The narrator for Crime and Punishment is fantastic.
So I'll listen to a couple chapters and then I'll read a couple of chapters.
I did that with some of these.
I read some, listened to some.
Depending on what I'm doing.
So like I'll audio sometimes I retain better depending on what's going on.
Like sometimes if I'm reading, I don't.
But then sometimes certain kinds of books, like reading is better.
Well, you can read it a higher level.
I'll pick up different things when I'm listening.
Yeah, you can listen to it at a higher level than you can read it.
So I have a quick question.
You said that the narrator for Crime and Punishment was really good.
Is it you?
Are you the narrator?
No, but I have read, I have narrated some pretty good stuff.
Like I read.
Do you listen to your audiobooks though?
I have before.
I have before, but I narrated Saint Augustine, one of his books.
I narrated, yeah, a bunch of the older stuff.
I've done some classic literature.
It's very hard.
The Inside Game, Unbroken, Recursion, Extreme Ownership, Ring World, Pines.
Ring World's good.
Ring World was terrible.
Yeah, it was awful.
Mistborn, The Final Empire, Built to Last, Man's Search for Meaning.
Read that.
It's a good one.
Endurance.
Well, Built to Last is just a Bob's a Builder book.
Correct.
It's just a picture book.
Yeah.
I've read tons of pictures.
Bluey Goes to the Beach.
Orthodoxy.
The Fellowship of the Ring, the Two Towers, Return of the King.
Wow.
Starship Troopers.
Yep.
Read that.
Why We Love Baseball.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
That's a good one.
Oh, so I read all the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Life, or The Restaurant, The End of the Universe, Life, the Universe, and everything.
Douglas.
So long.
Thanks for all the fish, mostly harmless.
And then Halo, Fall of Reach.
Oh, that's the last Hitchhiker book.
Yeah.
I actually hear the Halo books are good.
Am I wrong about that?
You're all right.
I mean, it's very similar to Heinlein, which you were talking about.
Okay, so far.
The Starship Troopers and the Halo books are good.
So Halo, Fall of Reach, I was hoping would be more of like tragic, like the Halo, like the Reach game where they're all on the surface, like, oh, we're all going to die, you know?
And it was more just the stuff they were doing in space and they never really go on the surface of Reach.
And it's like the origin of Master G, well, like the battles, none of it happens.
So it was kind of like, okay.
And then apparently, Bungie said, no, none of that happened.
And they changed it all up.
Oh, even better.
From what happened in the novel.
And now I'm reading Halo the Flood, which is what happens in the first game.
Yeah, it's just the first game.
But it's kind of, it's fine, but it's like, it's just like a guy was playing the Halo games and then he's like, and he like threw a grenade and then he would write down.
Yeah.
Master Chief threw a grenade at the weird picked up from one of the little guys.
I've like listening to what they say like when the little grunts are like, oh no.
And he's like, and the grunt yelled, oh no.
We got to get out of here.
I've been about a quarter of the way through the flood for years because I just got stuck and I'm like, no, this isn't working.
I would more recommend just playing Halo.
Just play it.
Which actually I did this year too.
I played all the Halo games up to five.
And including ODST and Reach.
So I like the movies that they have made out of the video games sometimes, but like especially I just watched Resident Evil, Raccoon City.
So like in the same thing when they cross whatever.
Oh, the movie.
Yeah, but that Raccoon City game or game was the first Resident Evil.
And then Raccoon City, the movie that they just seen Raccoon?
Raccoon.
Okay.
Am I saying it wrong?
It sounds like Crash Panda City.
Okay.
So anyway.
Like Raccoon.
It's the story from the first game.
It's the story from the first game.
Yes.
And I actually really enjoyed it.
I thought it was good because I played, I almost flunked out of college playing that game.
And now you're dressed as a raccoon.
No, no, it's a beaver.
It's a beaver.
It's a beaver.
I'm sorry.
I did not like that movie.
Yeah, why not?
Did you ever play the first game?
Yes, I did.
Oh, okay.
I did appreciate the itchy tasty on the window.
It was like written in blood because there's a part in the game where you're reading the diary of the person slowly becoming a zombie.
He just writes itchy, tasty.
It's my favorite thing.
It's fantastic.
I don't know.
The movie just didn't work.
So what were your top movies, books, games, anything else you consumed this year?
Well, we just were talking about goals.
No, we're not talking about goals yet, are we?
For the next year.
I think we already can if you want to, but I was asking what you wanted.
I kind of want to lose 10 pounds.
That's all I wanted to say.
Me too.
I got to get there.
You know what?
If we can figure out a way to really hold each other accountable here, I think it'd be awesome.
I also want to lose 80 pounds.
80 pounds.
You're going to be like a stick.
That's what I want.
A stick figure.
That's who I am deep down.
No, okay.
So what are we doing right now?
What books?
What was the question?
Yeah, well, like, what else have you consumed this year?
What was your favorite things that you played or watched or read this year?
I'm trying to think if I even went to the movie theaters that much.
We didn't.
I didn't go that much.
Maybe twice?
I think my, I used to go to the movies a lot.
Me too.
And then after COVID and everything, I just never got back into that groove.
The Mario movie came out this year, didn't it?
Yeah.
I took the kids to see that.
We saw it twice in the movie theater.
I remember when you saw Mario because we were down close to Marietta.
Oh, I just saw the Barbie movie and it was horrible.
Oh, I'm glad you said that because I hate it when people are like, well, I thought Barbie was going to be terrible, but it's great.
I wanted to like it and I watched it and it was like, it was just, and it wasn't even that it was woke or feminist.
It was just dumb.
Like it was just very badly done.
Did you think that it was woke or feminist at all?
There were moments that were obviously leaning that way.
Because the idea that the patriarchy actually wasn't everything that Ryan thought it was and that the world isn't actually run by men here.
Yeah, but it was like the messaging was very confused.
Like it didn't know what it wanted to say.
It was just kind of a jumbled mess.
The only part that I felt was like very explicitly feminist was when America for Ferrari's character starts ranting about, do you know how terrible women have it?
We have to bear children and we also have to work.
We have to clean the house and we have to get up in the morning.
And she has this whole rant about things that everybody experiences except giving birth to everyone in the world.
You have to make people think you like them.
And I'm like, this is just life.
Well, I don't have to make people think I like them.
I have to pretend I like everybody at the office.
Yeah.
I don't have to pretend about that.
But I do have to have a hypothetical.
I do have to try to get people to like me at the office.
I think that's the difference.
So to me, if you're going to do this, like one of these fantasy movies where it's like, there's another world and things affect things that happen in this world, almost like Toy Story, where it's like, oh, the toys have these rules.
When Andy comes in the room, we, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
Or like the Lego movie where they're in the Lego world and then they come out into the real world and we see the president business or whatever is actually dead.
I'm like, there's like rules to how the two worlds interact with each other.
And I felt like the Barbie one like didn't have they had like one line like, oh, Barbies are kind of in the real world too.
And that like there was no, there was no development of the concept.
So I felt like it's clearly written by women.
Okay.
I think the best movie this year was Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning.
I didn't see it.
I think I think all the Mission Impossible movies seem the same to me after like four.
That's why they're good.
They're great.
It's a good formula.
They had one thing and they're like, I kind of agree with you on that.
I think, did Maverick come out this year, though?
No, it's not last year.
It was like a year or two ago.
It came out like 30 years ago.
Was it two years ago?
It's been 30 years.
It has been that easy.
I've been sleeping for that long.
I do think that was great.
I've seen some things this year that I really enjoyed.
Horrible things.
I've seen things I want to forget.
I've seen Tanhauser.
I don't remember.
Some of the things that we've done here at the B all those moments.
The stuff we've done at the B this year has been some of my favorite stuff that's happened.
Yeah, we've had some of that.
So, in terms of like, I mean, I think Be Live was this.
It was.
Yeah, how was that this year?
I feel like it was like five years ago.
That was four years ago.
And then Five Nights at Freddy's came out this year.
I never saw that.
Killers of the Flower Moon.
I didn't see that either.
I'm just googling movies that came out.
Oh, yeah.
This is mixed for exciting radio.
No, this is.
Oh, did anybody see the new Indiana Jones?
I did.
What did you think?
It was good.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was.
I agree with you.
I kind of thought it was decent.
It was decent.
Especially, I enjoyed the opening sequence.
The opening sequence is good.
It felt like Indiana Jones, even though you could tell it was CG.
I really enjoyed it.
Yeah.
Because it felt like Indiana Jones.
It felt the whole movie, it felt like at least they tried.
Yeah.
And I appreciated that.
Yeah.
That's great.
Well, I mean, they tried.
It did feel like Spielberg, though.
And I feel like there's something about Spielberg movies that's really nostalgic and makes you just want to stay in the world.
Spielberg was, he was a good director.
What about Guardians 3?
I never saw that.
I saw Guardians 3, and I liked it okay.
I thought it was pretty good.
What did you think?
So I thought it was not as maybe, maybe not as good as one, but maybe a little better than two.
I would probably enjoy it.
I just thought it was good.
I have no interest in watching the MCU anymore.
I just don't care.
How about Oppenheimer?
Who saw Oppenheimer?
I did not see it just because of all the stuff I heard about it.
Yeah, that's kind of the reason I didn't.
I was going to.
We're going to rent it.
I don't want to buy it because I don't want to own all the trash that's in it, but I'm going to rent it and watch it.
Yeah, the trash about nuclear bombs.
I did see Across the Spider-Verse and I thought it was bad.
No, wait.
I thought you said it was good.
I actually liked it.
I thought my kids loved it.
It was visually a disaster.
They tried way too hard to make it cool and quirky with the visuals where the first one just kind of had that comic book look, which was great into the Spider-Verse.
And across the Spider-Verse, like there were so many varied art styles.
It was jumping from scene to scene.
It actually hurt my head to watch.
And then I thought they tried to develop this multiverse thing.
They didn't even conclude the movie.
It ends with them going, okay, let's go get the bad guy.
Yeah.
Credits.
Basically, they introduced the bad guy.
Yeah, but I mean, the movie, at least.
No, but it's not like.
It was introduced as a part one.
It's not like Empire's.
Not really.
Yeah, no, in the trailers.
The trailer said.
I had no idea it was part one.
I wouldn't, because I go by the ticket.
It says Across the Spider-Verse.
It doesn't say Across the Spider-Verse part one.
Well, I'll give you that.
Well, it definitely needs a sequel, and it sets itself up for a secret.
It'd be great if there just wasn't a sequel.
Like, very clearly, it sets itself up as a sequel.
Because they don't finish the movie.
It's not like Empire, where it ends on this tragic note, but it's like, but there's still hope.
A story is it.
It's literally, there's no self-contained story.
Yeah, but the button at the end, nobody's plot gets, nobody's art gets developed.
Nobody's art concludes.
But the button at the end is that in a different universe, Miles Morales is the prowler.
Like, that's, I probably shouldn't have said that out loud.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Yeah, so that was.
And I saw the whole movie.
It was the revelation at the end, though, that was like, what?
No.
So he's like facing himself.
Terrible movie.
Terrible movie.
I like it.
I did like Indian Spider-Man.
Which one?
Oh, yeah, Indian.
Yeah, he was great.
I hated the British Spider-Man.
You couldn't hear what he was saying.
He was hard.
Oh, well, my mate.
I know.
It's like really over the top.
I just hate Brits.
Yeah.
Well, that too.
Yeah.
And Spider-Man.
This is why we became America.
Stupid Brits, man.
Come on.
And the first Spider-Verse movie was so good, by way of comparison.
Just Kyle Sha.
I just love, I love Peter Parker in those movies.
I think he's fantastic.
Although they have sort of relegated him to this sort of like ridiculous thing.
But I do like him.
Yeah.
Well, he's not in the second one as much either.
Yeah, he's in it, but he's not in it all the time.
Yeah, they had to replace it with diverse.
And we're going to stop it right there and end the podcast.
Just like Across the Spider-Verse did.
Just realized that Kyle is the enemy the whole time.
Just like Across the Spider-Verse.
What?
What?
But you can't really understand that plot point because it's said in a British accent.
Yeah, but well.
Well, Kyle, I know, yeah.
And cut.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Well, hold on.
Have you seen You've Got Mail?
If you looked exactly like Ewan McGregor, like you do, they'd probably probably go, oh, it's Ewan McGregor.
Oh, yeah.
They'd say, oh, he's here.
Anything for you, Mr. Kyler?
Probably more like Mace Windu, I imagine.
Well, it's the bald.
Yeah.
I mean, people like us.
Well, and you're always saying this party is over.