Kyle Mann, Jarret LeMaster, Brandon Toy, and Chandler Juliet reunite on the other side of Bee Live for some deep reflection. What went right? Everything. What went wrong? Nothing, it was perfect. We also dig into some news and cry over hate mail (it's so sad). And could it be a special Sizzler Facts? Tune in to find out! Scott Adams of Dilbert fame got canceled this week and Lori Lightfoot was last seen under the Misty Mountains looking for a gold ring. In the subscriber-only portion we discuss some firsthand accounts of the Bee Live experience before digging into some classic subscriber headlines. This episode is brought to by Allegiance Gold where Bee listeners can get $500 in free silver: https://allegiancegold.com/bee/
COVID-19 came from a lab just like conspiracy theorists said three years ago.
Lori Lightfoot is no longer mayor of Chicago.
She was last seen under the misty mountains looking for a gold ring.
Be live happened, and boy are my arms tired.
Dylan Mulvaney is now selling blenders to women.
We're glad he understands women belong in the kitchen.
All this moron.
The Babylon Bee Podcast.
Why did that all beginner?
We started together.
But we ended in four different places.
Hey, everyone.
Welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast.
I was trying to get like a pause going.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's because we have micro.
We're used to now the applause of a thousand people.
It's true.
And we can never go back.
We're spoiled rotten.
Be live, which we're going to talk about.
But the most important, we have an announcement to make.
It is our birthday.
Yay.
Happy B Day.
To be.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Happy birthday to be.
Happy birthday, dear Babylon, baby.
Happy birthday to B. Sad that you didn't sing with us.
I feel like when we sang for Bettina's birthday, we had like eight-part harmony.
It was beautiful.
Oh, Chandler, I wanted, you have a nice voice.
I wanted you to start doing like the like Whitney Houston like hey, yeah.
Why does she need to do it when you just did it so beautifully?
I know.
I know the point.
I like to take harmony, but not going to be as funny because she can actually do it.
Yeah.
Well, like that.
Oh, but good.
No, but that, but like.
You could just go like this, even if you don't change notes.
It looks cool.
Happy birthday to you.
What was the music video we did where you had me do that?
I think it was Biden, did you know?
But it doesn't match at all.
I think I have you do that with every music video.
I think you did imagine as well.
It doesn't even match the up and downs that are going on.
You got to move your hand around a little bit.
Yeah.
Well, guys, we might look a little tired.
That's because we just got back from a weekend in Texas where we did Babylon Bee Live, our very first ever live event.
And it was a frigging blast.
I know we saw a lot of you guys out there.
Yeah.
And it was insane, man.
It was so fun.
We'll have some more reactions later on.
We'll kind of break down what went down.
And actually coming soon, you'll actually be able to see the podcast portion as a podcast episode.
So once we get the files all edited and stuff, you'll get to see Be Live on stage at least a portion of it.
They are downloading as we speak.
Yes, and they are on very large files.
It's very large.
I was like, oh, maybe I can click on this and see some of the video from...
No, I'm not going to download 100 gigabytes of raw files and stuff.
I can't wait to see.
I can't wait to relive it all over again.
I'm seeing the pictures and it just, it's so much fun.
Having withdrawals, you know, we put a lot of time and effort into that event.
And like any theater production, like you feel like sad when it's over.
It's like, man, that was all over one night.
I hope we do multiple days in the future.
When I did Pirates of Penzance, when I did the music, I actually have that story.
When I did Pirates of Penzance, you know, that's what I did do by Spenzance.
But you know, I felt like so tired the next day.
My wife has never let down either.
She always goes.
She's fine.
She comes.
But when we came back home after the whole B event, she was like, I actually feel this like emotional letdown from the weekend because it was so much fun.
Like, I don't think I've ever had that much fun.
Yeah, we left it all in the field, which is what a true artists do.
Yeah, even the next day, I was like, all right, guys, let's keep it going.
No.
There was nothing like that would match that level of excitement.
We had that company meeting the next morning, and then when we left that, we went and got a cigar.
And I'm like, all right, we're going to go have fun.
And I was like halfway through my cigar, and I was like, guys, I'm going back to the hotel.
I'm going to go sleep.
And I just crashed.
And then I was there.
I was there just kind of sleeping on the table.
Yeah, you were like my wife and Destiny were kind of talking, but then I was just like, I went out with a couple other B employees.
We met up with some subscribers at a local honky-tonk.
I learned what a honky-tonk was.
Yeah, what is a honky-tonkonkonkonkonkin?
It's like a bar/slash arcade/slash little pool tables, you know.
I think the definition of honky-tonk and dancing, dance floors.
The live southern music.
Oh, is it?
I didn't hear any live southern music, but it was not like a saloon.
It was kind of like a, it was kind of like an arcade, except the poor house and the upstairs.
I wish I went to the honky tonk.
I was going to go to that, and I got so tired.
I was like, Yeah, we were, we were still tired.
I was also just trudging around the stockyards very slowly, like an old man.
Yeah, like a cow.
I felt like butter scraped over too much bread.
I felt a bit of stress.
That's a really good way to describe it.
But we'll talk a little more about Be Live later in the show, but we also got news of the week, Sizzler Facts, hate mail, and more.
So, guys, thank you so much for supporting and subscribing to the Babylon B. You guys have kept us going for the last seven years to actually the last four years because the subscription service only lost 12 years.
Was it the B's seventh birthday?
It is today.
Seven years.
Yeah.
One dog year.
Unlike Jared on stage, who said six years.
Well, that was in my script.
And that was before today.
I can't read anything you put in.
That was before today, so he wasn't wrong.
When we wrote the script, it was months ago, and it was six years.
That's right.
I didn't realize it would be button right up.
Seven months.
That'd be like saying I'm 12 and a half.
You know, it'd be weird.
It's like when you're six and a half.
When you're a kid and like the day before your birthday, someone asks you how old you are, and you're like, ah.
I can't round up.
That's true.
It was like a week before.
Exactly.
Well, I'm six and 21 weeks.
It is time for subscriber dare.
This is subscriber dare.
We'll do anything for money.
Just about.
The Babylon Bee lives because of subscribers, and we will do anything to get your subscription.
So we have a subscriber dare.
I have a subscriber dare.
It is in two parts.
Firstly, I want to hear Dan or Kyle's reaction to this Calvinist meme.
I think we should have Dan do it.
So here, Calvinists talking about destiny.
And it's, is that Drake?
Drake is putting his hand up like, no, no.
And then it says, Calvinists talking about predestination.
He's like, yeah.
I don't really get it, to be honest with you.
That's my reaction.
I think they're saying that destiny and predestination are the same thing.
Yeah, but I don't, like, I would be fine calling it destiny.
Like, what is your destiny?
Yeah.
Destiny is in the word predestination.
Yeah, literally.
What's the problem?
Destiny.
It's sort of predestined or destination.
You just can't call it destiny as a Calvinist?
I guess if they're saying that people that are kind of more spiritual but not religion are like, I just feel like it's my destiny, you know.
Kyle is very pro-destiny.
I am pro-destiny.
Yeah.
I found my destiny.
I have found my destiny.
I have been with my destiny for the past.
He's married to another man.
It was his destiny.
It's true.
It was his destiny.
That would have been a better addendum to that.
It was his destiny.
I have been wearing my destiny for 16 years.
And this is secondly, Kyle must delve into whatever history he knows of the man family, their origins, entry into the nobility, contribution to the creation of the feudal system.
We have a checkered past.
And then he needs to give an elaborate soliloquy on the epicness of the man clan.
Ah, soliloquist.
From Gideon Lee Mann.
Oh, so his last name is Man as well.
That sounds like a combination of our two last names.
Lee Mann, Lee Master.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Lee Manster.
Gideon.
That's a regal name.
I don't know much about the Man family's history, to be honest with you.
My dad is from Michigan.
His grandpa had a farm there, and so he kind of grew up working on the farm.
My mom is from Southern California.
I think that her family had been here for a while.
I think they got some roots in Pennsylvania or something, a couple generations back.
And I know we have some relative that was on the Mayflower or something.
Did you guys move to the United States at a particular time?
Do you know?
Well, the Mayflower.
From where?
Well, like the Mayflower and stuff.
From the Mayflower.
That's who you came from.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you come from England then.
I know that we have some Irish, some German, and some like English.
A little bit of this, a little bit of that.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
That's all I know.
And I don't.
What is a soliloquy?
Is that like a poem?
No, it's like a monologue.
Oh.
Oh, to be or not to be is a soliloquy.
No, I think a soliloquy that definitely is.
A lot of monologue is when you're alone on stage.
You might want to correct me.
You could just identify what you just said as a soliloquy, and I think that would have notes are telling you to turn to the audience.
To be a man or not to be a man, that is the question.
To come from England and Ireland and have so many bits of different people in your soul.
The Mayflower, power, this very hour.
Michigan, farm, no harm.
I'm not sure if this is a soliloquy or a very slow freestyle ride.
I just got lost.
I got lost.
I don't know what happened.
I think that was just a really small thing.
Do you guys know where you guys came from?
Your families?
Ireland and Italy.
Pomona.
Ireland.
Do you know how long you've been here in the States?
This is where we are from.
I think on my dad's side, I think like four generations or three generations.
To shuffle off this.
Stop.
We're trying to hear about you.
It is cold in here.
Thus ends the story of the man family.
I will die and freeze to death in this room.
That was beautiful.
That is the soliloquy.
Are you cold?
Why'd you take off your hoodie?
It's so challenging.
Because I wore the hoodie on yesterday's show and I didn't want to.
Do you want people to think you were an outfit repeater?
Or that we backed up?
Well, I wore this shirt yesterday, too.
I wore this yesterday on the interview show, except I had to do it.
They get spaced out.
No one knows when we record them.
No, I know, but I announced that.
I wear my hoodie all the time because it's been so cold the last few months and I feel like I just don't want to always have the same.
Yeah, it snowed last week in Southern California.
We missed it.
We were in Snowden and it stuck.
It stuck at my house.
There was like two inches.
Whoa.
I'm kind of sad that we missed it.
I know we missed the snow.
We were the one we were in Texas.
It was like the crazy.
It was cold out there, too.
It got me thinking: like, can we control the weather?
I mean, not we, but like, can people control the weather?
I got very conspiracy theorists about it because, like, is there a certain group of people that can control the weather?
Well, think about it.
Like, lasers.
If we turn on our ovens a lot, maybe we can control the weather.
But wouldn't that make it hot?
We can burn a lot of carbon.
Yeah, that would make it warm.
That would make it warm.
That would melt the snow.
That would be controlling the weather, though.
Yeah.
But isn't there some kind of like, I don't know, reverse exists.
There's like certain dances and incantations you can do too.
PFR.
There are certain Pokemon that's a little heritage.
Speaking of your ancestors, when did your family move here?
Are we getting to everyone's family?
I just want to know.
I mean, I think they want to know, too.
Well, I don't think I'm third generation.
Third generation.
Yeah.
So from the like 1920s or something like that, 1930s?
I think 40s.
I mean, it depends which side of the family.
Very interesting.
That's cool.
30s, 40s-ish.
Hey, let's find out what's in the news.
What's in the news this week?
So Scott Adams got canceled.
That's the Dilbert guy.
After calling black people a hate group and warning white people to get the H dash, dash, dash, away from them.
He made the comments on his YouTube show, Real Coffee with Scott Adams.
I bet he doesn't take his coffee, black.
Or at least not from black people.
And he was reacting to a Russmussen Reports poll of 1,000 people in which only 53% of blacks said they agreed with the statement, it is okay to be white.
26% said, no, it's not okay to be white.
And 21% said, we're not sure.
I think this to me bothers me because those polls are not necessarily representative was my reaction.
Yeah, maybe Scott Adams don't take that so much so seriously.
Maybe non-white people voted.
Additionally, and maybe I'll eat my words, I don't really actually believe that Scott Adams is racist.
I think he said something incredibly stupid, but I don't think he really believes that.
I think he was trying to speak hyperbolically and saying, if we're going to be treated this way, maybe it's best to stay away.
I don't know he inherently believes and harbors racial prejudice in his heart as much as cultural observance.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe he's racist.
I can't really say I know.
Scott Dowdy's racist.
I actually think it's as a liberal, because he's a liberal.
I think he might have been just saying, we need to leave the black community alone.
Don't you think he was saying that?
Or was it?
No, he was like making the point that you shouldn't drive through black neighborhoods.
Oh, because they'll kill you.
Because 47% hurt you.
I think it sounds like he's succumbed to the division that is being stoked in our.
Yeah, exactly.
I think the poll is one that is trying to divide people.
Like, why would you even, why would you even have this poll?
And put out this poll and say, oh, see, have the black people don't want you to exist.
It's like, that's literally trying to divide us.
And he fell for it.
I agree with you.
Yeah.
See, Handler.
Sad.
Thanks.
And yeah, so it's anyway, he lost his comic syndication and his book publisher dropped him.
And they actually got canceled.
They were very well, they were very bad comments.
And we're not against cancel culture in the sense that if you say something remarkably stupid, there are consequences to that.
I think our problem with cancel culture as it be is that we say incredibly innocuous things like men cannot become women.
And that creates uproar.
Yeah, this was a very dumb thing for him to say.
Very, very dumb.
Stupid thing.
Well, we don't have to pretend Dilbert's funny anymore.
I don't know.
My dad used to love Dilbert.
As a child, I don't know why, but I used to take the Sunday paper and I would read through every single comic, including Doonesbury.
Like, I never understood it, but I read, including Kathy, Eek.
Kathy, did you read Non-Sequitur?
Yes, I read everything.
I read everything.
And I hate it.
I don't know why it's not sequitur, and I don't understand why people think it's funny.
I used to love it.
I think I did, but I mean.
It was like the far side.
Nothing beats sequitur.
No, nothing beats far side.
It was like the far side.
Nothing but not funny.
I think it was occasionally funny, and occasionally it was moderately non-sequitur.
Yeah.
I think I saw some good ones as a kid.
I can't believe it.
Let's all agree, Calvin and Hobbes.
Calvin and Hobbes by far.
Number one.
Farside.
If you read the funnies, Chandler, you have a blank look.
I'm sorry.
I was looking ahead and I was like, oh, you're staring at Dylan Mulvaney's face.
I should not have taken a sip of liquid before looking at that visage.
Remember that thing that was that weird thing that went around a couple years ago that was telling us?
No, telling kids to commit suicide.
What was that weird structure?
Oh, Momo.
That Momo.
Momo.
Momo.
What?
Yes.
He looks like Momo.
Yes.
Oh, that's terrifying.
Yeah, it was kind of a hoax thing that was popping up on videos.
Yeah, it was like telling kids, like, yeah, I didn't commit suicide.
I don't want to look at the screen anymore.
I was going to ask you guys if you thought that, because when I saw the reveal of the nose job, I was like, upset.
And some people are like, no, you still don't look like a girl.
And I was like, I'm upset because he looks a lot more feminine now.
And I had no idea that just one nose gem.
I didn't know that he got a nose gem.
He still looks like a snap.
I mean, I think it's a combination of lighting, beauty filters, and other post-profits.
They're very careful.
They're very careful the way that they photograph things.
Did anyone hear?
Like when Caitlin Jenner was on the cover of that Vogue or whatever, there was a particular reason that his hands are behind his back because they can't make male hands look feminine.
They just look like man hands all the time.
I keep looking at him.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to hide it.
I'm not creepy.
We'll get to him.
Some women get too much plastic surgery and then they end up looking like a trans person.
And I'm just saying.
Like Madonna.
Like Madonna looks like too much, too much work.
And I don't know when I saw.
And basically, like Dylan Mulvaney, I know we're kind of skipping ahead, but like that person is just a well-funded influencer.
Well, let's do the Dylan Mulvaney story now.
Has anyone seen the Matt Walsh rant on Dylan Mulvaney from a week or two ago?
No.
I think I saw it.
It's fantastic.
He tears into him.
A lot of people were criticizing it was too harsh to him.
I think it's, you know, just about the right amount of stuff.
Just about the right amount of stuff.
The story is that Dylan Mulvaney is selling $500 KitchenAid mixers now.
Stick your face and you can look like him.
And there's a social media picture of the other parts of the world.
No, KitchenAid is sponsoring him now.
And it says, KitchenAid color of the year is hibiscus, and it's inspiring me to conquer my fruit phobia.
I don't think you've got fruit phobia.
I don't think he has.
You guys know I love bold pops of color, and hibiscus lets me bring that vibrancy into my kitchen aid.
He has internal fruit phobia.
So that's nice.
I thought that was good.
Thanks for reading that.
I'm looking anywhere button.
So let's go to the next story, which is that FBI director Christopher Wray says that the COVID-19 pandemic was likely caused by a lab leak in Wuhan, China.
In February 2020, Senator Tom Cotton was the first high-profile politician to say that maybe it came from the lab in Wuhan.
What?
And in March 2020, a group of scientists signed an open letter condemning these conspiracy theories that suggested that COVID-19 does not have a natural origin.
Fauci refuted Trump in April 2020, who said that lots of people are looking into the possibility that the China virus, China virus, that's it.
China virus came from the lab.
And then in February 2021, the World Health Organization said that a lab leak in Wuhan was extremely unlikely and xenophobic.
But then in 2021, the FBI said the lab leak theory was probably true with moderate confidence.
We're pretty sure.
And now in 2023, the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times report the Department of Energy has included with low confidence that COVID-19 originated in a laboratory.
And FBI director Christopher Wray says it's likely.
That reminds me of a hilarious Babylon B article that said something along the lines of to catch up on news today, man reads conspiracy blog from three years ago.
It's exactly true.
Like you can get the same information from the New York Times today that you could have gotten from a conspiracy blog with a little Illuminati symbol at the top.
That's right.
Like this.
Three years ago.
Three years ago.
Who wrote that?
Who wrote that one?
No, sorry.
Conspiracy.
No, no, no.
Who wrote that headline?
I just want to give credit.
I did.
Did you?
Was it really?
Okay.
Good for you.
Did you know that and you were just trying to get it?
No, I didn't.
I didn't.
I thought you wrote it.
And you were like, who wrote that again?
Who wrote that?
Who wrote that?
Who wrote that again?
My coffee cup.
Who takes credit for that one?
So funny.
Well, that's nice.
All right.
So who wants to read the next story?
Lori Lightfoot lost her re-election for Chicago mayor, failing to get enough votes to move into the runoff election.
Sad trombone sound.
She was the first black and openly gay mayor, and Chicago Inns were still being murdered.
Office hours.
Office hours.
I don't know much about her leadership, but when I saw like the meme of like the health leaders of like the United States and they all just look like scary characters in Beetlejuice and you're like, okay, I don't want to take any advice from them.
Did you ever see the did you ever see the LA County Director of Health?
She's like, she looks like she's 158 or whatever.
And she's got like white hair like flashing.
She's like, ah, you know, she's like, stay in your homes to stay healthy.
Have you guys ever seen Rachel Levine?
Okay.
But did you guys ever see the email that Laurie Lightfoot sent her staff?
Yes.
I shared it in the general channel this morning.
Yeah, but she was mad because they weren't giving her enough, her staffers were not giving her enough time in her office.
And so she writes in all capital letters.
She writes in all capital letters and she's like, I need office time.
I need office time.
I need office time.
Like there's this massive where she just got it.
It's creepy.
What are you doing in there, girl?
Laurie Lightfoot is a veritable nutcase.
Absolutely.
She's a nut.
Did you see that video where she posed as a superhero and said she was going to kill COVID?
And she thought this would improve her image.
And also she was one of the ones along with Nancy Pelosi that was caught in early COVID times going to do her hair and she needed to because she's a public figure and it would improve her image.
I hate to break it to her.
She had a bunch of weird.
She would start with your under-eye circles and then move to the head.
I wasn't going to go there, but I was just going to call her.
Chandler went there.
She does the Dylan Mulvaney type.
She does have this surprise look all the time, doesn't she?
Yeah.
She had a bunch of exciting.
We're surprised she looks like she's trying to like...
Somebody just woke her up.
And how long that's what it is?
It's like we start to keep it.
I just don't know how long until she blames her failed re-election on racism or homophobia.
She probably already did.
If you guys haven't read that email, though, you need to read it.
It is.
It's absolutely the craziest.
I mean, at what point will her TikTok videos, too?
They're pretty much doing things.
I think it's so weird when celebrities and public officials have TikToks.
Like, this is the cringiest thing ever.
I don't know why people fall for that.
Like, they're like pointing, like, no more gun violence, huh?
That's so weird.
Sorry, Brant.
No, no, no.
It's just at what point will politicians, I initially said Democrats, but Republicans do, just take responsibility that if you're a bad leader, you're a bad leader and not blame it on some immutable characteristic as if, oh, people are treating you this way because you're black or because you're a lesbian.
How about just because you were absolutely terrible at your job?
People don't become public officials to be good leaders, though.
They do it to be like set, right?
They're like, cool.
Probably a while.
Set for life.
It's not going to.
There's a few jobs that you can fail up at.
Like you look at Kamala Harris as a complete failure in everything she's ever tried and she's the vice president.
She got 2% of the vote.
She was pulling with 2% of the vote.
Because she's a black woman.
Yeah.
Just because of intersection.
Solely because.
And it was.
Or Pete Buddigig, who's a complete failure of a mayor, now like being in charge of all the choo-choos.
It's just like, what?
Why?
Because he's gay.
But I would say that on both sides, there's a lot of officials that are just mediocre.
There's no, like, our system has totally failed us.
And the people who are really in charge, you can't vote in or out.
And I don't want to lean into that as Republicans.
I mean, I don't even, like I said, who's really in charge, Chandler?
Like I've previously said on the podcast, I don't even care about Republicans because I don't care about conservative governance.
But even like on the Nikki Haley ticket where her campaign video, she said something about I'll kick back and since I'm wearing heels, it hurts even more or something like that.
And it's like, okay, let's not lean into the identity politics.
That's what the left does.
Exactly.
That's what the left does.
How about let's lean into the middle of the middle competence.
Yeah.
You're saying a guy can't wear heels?
Nikki Haley.
Yes.
Yes.
George Washington wore heels.
And wooden teeth.
So does Bruno Mars.
Did you say, and wouldn't he?
And wooden teeth.
Oh, and he did.
And wouldn't he?
He also stepped down for leadership.
Yeah, I know.
And completely factual.
He cut down a cherry tree and said, I cannot tell a lie.
That's completely factual.
Those two things.
In his stovepipet.
Of course.
So two weeks ago, we debuted a new feature to the podcast called Sizzler Fact.
We go and Sizzler.
We go and Sizzler.
Two weeks ago?
Two weeks ago?
Man, was it truly two weeks ago?
Time flies.
Was it supposed to be like 80 years ago?
It feels like it's been so long, but it's only been two weeks.
It's been very popular.
Did you want to read the Sizzler Factory?
On March 2nd, 2009, blogger Mormon Heretic described a scenario he experienced with his brother around the year of 1994.
Great year for births.
The Mormon heretic, but I repeat myself, had his back to another booth.
But what his brother witnessed will shock you.
The brother saw a dining couple happily partaking of the freedom of choices offered by both the Sizzler salad bar and also of life itself.
In that fleeting 1994 moment, the male half of the couple chose the opportune moment to make a proposal of marriage to his female companion.
The exact words he spoke are unclear, but they very well may have been as follows.
Shelly, we've been going steady now for at least two days.
And much like the steak I ordered, I think it's going well.
It's time to take our courtship to the next level.
The Sizzler level.
When I look at you, I think of salad and the infinite possibilities provided by Sizzler's bountiful choices.
You are like four wives in one.
How can I pass that up?
I can't.
Your love has pierced me like a skewer through the shrimp of my heart.
I love you.
We go together like cheese and bread, toasted evenly to perfection.
I can think of no one better to rule my space planet with after death than you, my sweet Sizzler queen.
Italian fingers.
Will you marry me?
You can be my first and possibly last wife.
They said he said no.
He said no, probably because he proposed at Sizzler.
I'm always a little weirded out when you see people actually turn down a proposal.
I've seen it before.
Really?
It was awkward.
Yeah.
Like this guy did it in front of an auditorium full of people.
But I want to say, like, if you get to that point, you should know.
It was like during an altar call, I think.
I think my mom made my dad wait for something like three days, though.
Like, so she kind of let me pop.
Hold on.
Yeah, like, I need to go pray about that.
Well, that's, that's why.
My dad asked my mom on April Fool's Day, not realizing that it was April Fool's Day.
And so she said, I will give you an answer tomorrow.
That's fair.
To make sure you're not screwing up.
This has been Sizzler Facts.
Much like the steak I ordered, I think it's going well.
It should have been medium.
Medium.
Well is also a doneness of steak.
He ordered well.
He ordered well.
I know, but isn't well like a guy that orders.
A guy that proposes at Sizzler orders a well-done steak.
She probably turned him down.
That's why she turned her.
She dodged a bullet on.
Yeah, you can't do well-done steak.
It's medium, rare, or nothing at all.
Are we assuming that the guys are veganism?
Because the Mormon heretic is bogged heretic.
I just kind of ran with it.
Okay.
But like if they're, but it was a Utah Sizzler, it's probably Sizzler comment.
All right, we'll do.
Hi, Babylon B.
I wanted to share my own Sizzler childhood story.
As a first-generation immigrant family, going to Sizzler was a special treat that we enjoyed going on.
It's a first-generation.
Going on select Sundays after church.
Dad made a minimum wage as a janitor.
Are you just guessing what's next?
It's like morphing from Hispanic to Italian.
You're all.
I watched Puss and Boots over the weekend.
And mom was a stay-at-home mom, so we couldn't afford to eat out often.
But when we did, the choices were clear, and we alternated between Shakey's Pizza and Sizzler.
At Sizzler, my parents loved the endless salad bar, and I loved the endless soda and shrimp.
My earliest memory at Sizzler was spilling my sprite at the table while my parents were at the salad bar.
I freaked out and left the table looking for my parents, thinking no one would ever find out who spilled the sprite.
I was six years old.
When I came back, the waiter rattled me out, ratted me out, and he offered to clean the spill and bring me a new soda.
I learned a valuable lesson that day to always be honest, and that the Sizzler staff is there for me.
I am now a father, and I'm looking forward to taking my son to the same Sizzler my parents used to take me to in Burbank.
I'll remind my son that if he spills his sprite, the Sizzler staff is there to assist us even in our clumsiest moments.
Sincerely, Nate.
Netanyah.
Sincerely Nati staff to me.
So I don't know.
I don't know where the Burbank one is, but there is one in Los Felis, which is very close to Burbank.
It is called Los Feliz.
Or that one could be closed down and he'll never get to show his son.
Los Felis.
Do we have like a Sizzler meetup in Burbank?
Yes.
Like a little Sizzler.
Why don't we actually have a we should have a party, like a Babylon B party at a Sizzler spawner?
We talked about doing the Christmas party there, but I don't think Seth would let us.
Yeah, Seth wouldn't let us do it.
I pitched it, you know.
Well, Antonio also wrote in for Sizzler comments.
He said, this is the sad sign outside of the closed Sizzler in Lakewood, and it says there's one open alive and well in Los Felis, and we should go there for while researching Sizzler Facts.
Lots of times we search Sizzler and the news tab and Google, and I would say nine times out of ten, the news story is that another Sizzler closed.
It's always that it closed or a car drove through the front of the restaurant.
Those are the two stories.
Well, that's because we're in the end times.
That's why Sizzlers are closing.
I was driving to work one day, and I saw on one of those digital billboards a Sizzler opening.
I saw that.
I saw that.
Like a city that I will not disclose.
Yeah, but yeah.
Really?
I saw that, and I tried to get my phone out to take a picture, but I was driving it.
Grand opening.
Too bad you don't have a self-driving car, and then you could take a picture.
We should go to the grand opening and cut the ribbon.
I do think we might have something to do with the resurrection of Sizzler if it happens.
I'm not saying it's I'm not saying Elon Musk did it for us.
But factually since we started Sizzler Facts from now, I think approximately 15 Sizzler restaurants have closed.
We're slowing the tide.
And one has opened.
We're either slowing the tide or we're speeding it up.
We don't know.
All right, now it is time to move on to our Babylon Bee Live recap.
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Babylon Bee Live, recap.
Yay.
Woo!
So about a year ago, we had the crazy idea to do a live event, and it took a long time to kind of get the date in stone, but it happened.
We ended up doing it in February, last week, and it was a blast.
We didn't really know what a live Babylon B event would look like, so we had to build this from scratch.
And I had this vision like years ago to do Babylon B, like a Babylon Bee con.
You know, we could con the fans.
Becon.
Yeah.
That was an early name of the event, but it sounded too much like Beacon.
It sounded too much like Big Con.
And LongCon.
That's what we're doing.
Well, and LongCon.
And BCon is already a thing.
It's like apiarists get together and discuss bees.
I'm sorry.
Oh, Apiarist.
That's what they call that?
So we would have a lot of confused people with B's.
Say that again.
What is the name?
Well, how about BabelCon?
Can I say it one more time?
Apiary.
Okay.
Apiary.
Why don't we call it BabelCon?
BabelCon.
BabelCon would be good too.
Sounds like it would be sort of like a really bad party to go to.
Yeah, like come to Babel.
BabelCon.
BabelCon B starring Babylon You.
But we, so we ended up kind of hammering out for our first time kind of a one evening event where we did a bunch of stage comedy.
We did a live podcast.
We did some panels.
And we had some pre-recorded segments and some live segments.
And it was a blast.
It was so cool to see the looks on people's faces and just the laughter, hear the laughter from the three guys who were laughing.
But Jerry and it was so special.
We were just talking about it before the podcast, how we practiced this show in front of an empty room for months, and there was like no laughter.
And Jarrett would be like, how was that, guys?
Because you were emptying it.
How was that, guys?
And we're like, that was good.
It's good.
And you're just like, there was no laughter.
Give me something.
Because we've heard it six times.
You know, we wrote the jokes and all that.
And you're like, I had confidence they would do well, but we hadn't seen it actually happen.
But when you get to a live show, the energy you're feeding off from the audience and just bouncing back and forth with them, it was a blast.
And we're already talking about maybe what we might do next year for Be Live and how we can expand that into more of a weekend experience for everybody to hang out.
It was so cool to see the community of people who came out that have been affected by the B.
And the people that were coming up with us and thanking us saying, I had a really dark time during the pandemic, I found you.
Or, you know, it's just, I lost all hope.
And then you guys were giving me laughter.
And you're like, wow, like, we're just writing dumb jokes about AOC.
My absolute favorite part was just being able to see the faces of the people and being able to put faces to usernames.
Yeah.
I mean, 2 Plus 2's Chicken was there.
Stanky Stankowitz was there.
Strike Engineer was there.
Little Jedi was there.
Kergle.
Kergle was there, but she doesn't count as just a mere subscriber anymore.
She has descended into her own space around us.
No, B-fans are cool, man.
Absolutely.
And sorry for anyone that I missed.
I know there's more.
Jackson Baker, Tired Mama.
Yeah.
A billion people were there.
That was that guy with the red glasses.
He had a name.
I don't know which one.
We met Cocaine Bear.
I think that was my favorite thing as well.
It's just sort of meeting all of the meeting all the people that we've heard about.
I think putting faces to names and then being able to see how it really is actually affecting people's lives.
My favorite story was this in the intermission.
There was a guy that came up to me who was an F-18 fighter pilot.
And he had this cowboy hat on, dude.
He was like the real deal.
And he came up to me and he was like, look, when I came back from the war, I had nothing.
And he's like, this, he's like, the country that I had gone to fight for was gone.
The Civil War.
And then he just said, he said, when I discovered you guys, you kind of brought me back from the brink.
And I was like, you got to be kidding me.
I told that to Joel Berry.
He was like really touched by that too.
It's just, he has a passion for soldiers as well, people that have come back from the war.
It was so cool, though.
And there were multiple stories like that.
I also met Brandon's, what is it, in-laws?
Is that who it is?
Your brother-in-law or your cousin?
My cousin.
Your cousin?
My wife's my wife's cousin.
And he loves Brandon.
He absolutely loves Brandon.
Did he have a t-shirt with all of Brandon's faces?
No, he would have.
Like your Ted Cruz shirt.
He loved you so much.
Like he was, what a great testimony to work with.
We're a great family.
We actually got to stay with, well, his parents.
We got there to Texas a little early and they just rolled out the hospitality carpet, made us meals.
But what a great family.
And we got to spend some time with them and got to play some board games with him too.
Played Ryan Laucat's Above and Below for the first time, which was, I liked it a lot.
I think the event was extremely healing.
And it was healing for me and my mom got to come and be a part of this community.
And I really wanted her to come.
Your mom was so pretty and such a light.
Like she was such a cool person, by the way.
I think I did meet.
I think I did meet her.
I think you did meet her.
I met a thousand people.
It was so healing.
She got to be in the room with like-minded people and just everyone getting to reunite after so much isolation over the past three years.
I think that people were really grateful.
I was really grateful.
That was like, I've never done anything like that, but I've done shows, like big shows before.
And it was just so healing to be in a community of people.
That's cool.
It was just so much love in that room.
I really, really love it.
It was very healing.
Jared's toe was miraculous.
So I have a, honestly, I have a broken toe.
I broke it like a week ago.
But it healed already.
No, it hurts like a maf right now.
But when we did the show, zero pain at all.
I'd say I'm just going to say that's all adrenaline.
It was probably adrenaline.
I'm just going to tell, just in case, I think it was the Lord.
And so he like, I was able to just walk freely.
It was no problem.
And then, you know.
It was like that scene in Princess Bride when he's all paralyzed and he stands up and he's like, I actually have the strength to stand.
And then he leaves the room and he collapses.
I was limping.
They tie him up and then he was literally limping until that first moment when I walked out and I said, Welcome to Babylon Be Live.
And then, you know, it just all went away.
Like, it was so cool.
And I think adrenaline helped.
Yeah, the adrenaline warfley weekend.
We weren't even allowed to drink until like the second half.
So it wasn't the alcohol.
That was interesting.
We weren't allowed, but also I am Kyle Mann.
What did you say?
Go ahead, Bryn.
No, no.
I already said what I had to say.
Did you say Jews?
I said he was saying adrenaline helped, but also Jesus.
Jesus.
Got it.
You know.
It was an awesome event.
I cannot wait for the next one.
It was so special.
I was sad when it was over.
And, yeah.
What's your favorite part of the program itself?
Not meeting people, not the meet and greet, not the outside of that, but the program itself.
I mean, it's hard for me to say being part of a lot of them, but it was like, it was so cool to see the stuff that we wrote and the comedy that we wrote get such a massive reaction from the crowd.
And I kind of warned people right before, I was like, I know that we've been practicing this to an empty room, but remember to leave a pause for laughter because you're going to get it.
You know, and like we hadn't, people hadn't been ready for that.
We had a conversation with, I think probably my favorite part was the Be Live, Be Radio Live, which was just so fun.
And it was fun to do it and like kind of have it affirmed that, like, yep, that was a brilliant idea.
That's very cool.
And we did it, and uh, and it was so fun.
And I, I, I told Austin, and he's a little hard of hearing.
I think one of his ears is, or maybe both of them have some hearing loss.
And I was like, say a joke and then wait because you're going to get he doesn't do much stage performance, you know.
He was so great.
And it was so gratifying for him.
And Austin doesn't do stage performances.
So for him to do B Radio Live, which is his baby, the B Radio podcast, and to do the Joe Biden impression as part of the Price is Rising sketch.
So not everyone.
So even when we release some of these assets online, not everyone's going to be able to see.
But after the Joe Biden sketch, where Austin brilliantly portrays Joe Biden, for the rest of the night, Austin is just wandering around in character as Joe Biden, looking lost, but through the audience.
And it's not captured on cameras because obviously the cameras were pointed towards the stage, but he was just wandering through the audience.
It was amazing.
I think people love that.
And on the very end of the night, he came back on stage and it was just still.
He was supposed to during the B Awards, did he?
I can't remember.
Do you know?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I don't think he did.
But the other thing that I wanted to say in terms of what made the show special, not a particular segment, but the fact that so many different people were involved.
Yeah.
Like the thing I love about the Babylon B is that it's not a person.
It's not a come out to see this one-man show or this guy's really funny.
Because you see those, you know, Christian comedians or comedians going like one night only, this guy, you know, but it's like just that the Babylon B is bigger than any of us.
It's a team.
It was such a cool rotation of people.
And there were people that are, you know, behind the scenes, Photoshoppers and Bettina and Dan got to go on stage and have their moment of doing something.
And I just love that.
And I was on stage the whole time.
That was the best part.
Absolutely.
Everyone got to do a little bit, but mostly Kyle.
And I wanted to say that.
One thing that I really enjoyed about the program was just getting that reminder that every single person on stage like shines in their own way and got to get like a specific laugh from the audience.
And I just sound bright like a diamond.
Like a diamond.
Like a diamond.
I just, I just love this team.
It's so special.
And it was just really, really beautiful to get to see everyone have that moment.
It didn't be so funny.
I didn't feel like it was ego or like someone who's trying to steal the show or like, you know, I didn't feel like you were like, oh, I got to be MC because I want to be on stage the whole time.
It's like everybody was just offering whatever gifts that they had, you know, which I thought was really cool.
We all put a ton of work into it.
And I think it was like, it was incredible.
And then I, you know, my favorite, I think, going back, I think my favorite part was actually when you, for me, obviously, because I experienced it, but it was when you slapped me.
I think that was my favorite part of the show.
It was that and when MJ hit me and broke my microphone.
Those are the two things.
Jared likes to be hit.
I do.
It was a lot of fun.
Like minor spoiler, but we won't give context.
So you'll still be surprised.
So what was your favorite part?
Oh, that's a good question.
I don't know.
I think overall the awards show, like just the cohesive elements all put together with the Jordan Memoriam video.
That was so funny.
I wasn't expecting that.
That was hilarious.
People were eating that.
Yeah, the combination of Jarrett's live performance with all the video assets combined with some of the surprise interactions we had in there.
And then the In Memoriam, and Kyle and I, we got out our phones and started waiting.
I know, and that's that triggered a whole wave.
I didn't look behind it.
At least three other people did.
I think so.
I saw people doing the lighter thing.
I think it was awesome.
I feel like I wish we would have thought that through because those screens were a little bit low.
Well, if we could.
Yeah.
Some logistical things.
But it was really fun.
Either way, it was fun to have people stand up, put their hands on their hearts.
And that's another thing I wanted to say that I really appreciate about the show.
It felt interactive from the beginning, you know, even though it wasn't like a ton of audience interaction.
But right from the beginning, we had the podcast and Travis came out wielding.
Okay.
Should we?
I know what my real favorite part is.
It's this, but I don't.
Do we want to spoil it?
My favorite part of everything is anything that Travis is in.
There was a part that felt unscripted where Travis comes out in this robe and he just starts shouting things, and everybody in the crowd is looking around, like, what is happening?
And it just felt like they're part, you know, it's like, it was like a murder mystery theater.
You're part of the show and you're interacting with everybody.
And then from like having everybody stand up and put their hands on the hearts for the in-memorium and doing the QA, just everything felt so interactive.
And that's what I wanted.
This is the community.
It's all about the subscribers.
They just are so loving.
Like they were, you know, some audiences in comedy, they're just like, yeah, right.
Make me laugh.
And they were like so already there.
They're here to watch a show.
It's we're all here to be part of this, you know, which was so cool.
I think even during the QA and the panel discussion, we had people that were shouting at us like the whole time.
So no matter whenever we were on stage, people were like shouting.
They were interacting with us.
Like, you know, oh my gosh.
Lady with the green.
There was one guy shouting stuff.
I don't know.
During the Steven Timpany bit, you know how we like step on each other?
Like, hey, people don't say howdy all the time anymore.
People don't say yeehaw all the time.
They kept going, yeah, we do.
Yeah, we do.
Like, well, okay, well, you're ruining our script for us, but now he was.
Kyle wrote this joke, so don't.
No, it was really funny.
And then we just went, oh, well, we got more to learn.
And we actually had issues because they cheered so loud for so long that it messed up.
We couldn't hear the cues of the maybe I shouldn't even share this because you were interacting with the screen, but it was hard to do that because you were saying lines on the screen that you were supposed to respond to in person.
Maybe we shouldn't even share this because they didn't notice, and we covered it so well and it just felt like so.
Everyone's like, no, I didn't know there was anything wrong.
I'm like, okay, great.
It worked.
Yeah.
Anything that got laughed over, like when people were watching the Biden alien sketch, which we premiered there and the California Flea, they were laughing over punchlines that they missed because the crowd was laughing.
Yeah, yeah.
But there was always another punchline right after.
It didn't matter that they missed certain things.
Yeah, unfortunately, that's why you have to go to live theater multiple times is because you miss those things.
And if you miss it, just watch it several more times on YouTube and continue.
The algorithm.
Yeah, please.
Or just come to the next one.
Yeah.
Which will be totally different.
And I guess if we want to transition to talking about next year, like that is, you know, I think we're probably going to do it again next year.
That's kind of the feel right now.
Say Lord Willing in the crypto rant.
And I think my main feedback would be like, I want it to be a longer thing.
I want to do a full day event with multiple panels and different rooms people can go to.
And I want hangouts the night before.
And I didn't get a chance to meet so many people because I was getting led around to different things.
You got to come here and sign this.
You got to go here and do that.
And it's like, I didn't get a chance to sit and just talk to people.
And dedicated board game time.
Or play board games.
Yeah.
So that's kind of what we want.
I would love for this to grow into a big convention event that people look forward to all year.
And it's like their one big hangout with people thing.
Babylon Con.
That's kind of the thing.
You can't call it Becon.
It's taken.
Babylon.
I do think if we went to a couple of different cities, it might work too.
And I don't want to.
I know.
I want to do that too.
I want us to do like we might do an informal poll to see what places might be most popular.
Well, we're going to do it in a different city.
We loved Fort Worth.
Fort Worth was awesome.
And it was such a great place to do our first event, I think.
It was fun to walk around and we did the piano bar later on and you fell asleep.
Some of you did.
I was done.
But we hung out.
We got to go to a cigar lounge.
And it was a cool place.
I really enjoyed Fort Worth.
Me too.
But yeah, we'll do it.
I don't think we're going to take this show on the road, but we are going to go into another city next year so we can get some people maybe from a different area.
Yeah.
Fruitport, Michigan.
You've heard it here first.
We didn't want to spoil anything, but we're making the announcement now.
Claremont, California.
So if you came to be live, leave us a note in the comments.
Let us know what you enjoyed about it the most and what you hated about it.
Maybe in the subscriber portion, we can talk about some lessons learned and things that we'll do differently next year.
All right, let's go on to Hate Mail.
You used to be good.
Adam Ford.
Adam Ford.
I really miss Adam Ford.
This is Hate Mail from Skydriver.
And this is on our California Flean, which is a parody of the Beach Boys version of California Dreamin'.
And the Skydriver says, the lyrics were really forced and weren't very creative.
It sounded like they wrote a first draft of ideas and headed straight to the recording room.
Yeah, Brandon.
That's fairly accurate.
It is pretty accurate.
We pounded it out in the morning and then started recording it.
So Skydriver then said, it's no Amish paradise.
Weird Al writes genius lyrics.
This was subpar, to be honest.
Well, if you're comparing us to the greatest parody songwriter of all time, that's all right.
Weird Al.
Okay.
It's kind of an honor to be in the same sentence.
Yeah.
I'll be compared to him.
Brian Connor wrote, The song you're parenting is by the mamas and the papas, not the Beach Boys.
No punctuation.
We parody.
And also your spelled Y-O-U-R.
We parented this song.
We birthed it into existence.
Was he trying to say parodying?
Parodying.
But that was probably the biggest criticism.
Maybe he was using voice to text.
That was probably the biggest criticism that we got, though, is that we keep getting this.
Mamas and the Papas.
Yes, let's speed through these.
Yeah, here we go.
So we parody the Beach Boys version of the song, which has kind of an iconic video and was just recently used on Stranger Things.
But they don't know that version of it.
It also has different instrumentation as well.
And I think that, yeah, and the Beach Boys version was super popular in the 80s.
So I didn't understand why people were like, what?
Beach Boys?
I never heard of it.
I'm not going to say.
I told you so.
And we gave.
No, we gave.
I knew that was going to.
I saw this coming.
And I put the mamas and the papas in the description.
I said, this is originally by the mamas and the papas.
Which no one reads.
People didn't read it.
I just never heard the speed through these other.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Oh, wow.
So start going around here.
You want me to go?
Jarrett, take the first one.
Okay, yeah.
Mamas and Papas, folks, not Beach Boys, but love it anyway.
Mamas and Papas, not Beach Boys.
Not Beach Boys.
LOL.
Beach Boys?
Isn't it a parody of California Dreaming by the Mamas and the Papas?
The Beach Boys recorded a version of this song, but it is one of the Mamas and the Papas.
Read more.
et cetera.
Mamas and the Papas here for, oh, sorry, Jared.
Oh, go ahead.
The Mamas and the Papas here for the algorithm spike they're looking for.
Now, Evan.
They got it.
They got it.
There we go, Bolt.
Got it.
There we go, Evans.
Say the wrong band name, and people.
I know.
Next time we're going to do a Taylor Swift cover and we're going to say Miley Cyrus cover.
Parody of Miley Cyrus.
I mean, just to engage with him.
Parody of Miley Cyrus's shake it off.
22 by Miley Cyrus.
All right, everyone.
It is time for the subscriber lounge.
Thanks for joining us.
If we saw you be live, it was great to meet you.
If you didn't, come, then it wasn't great to meet.
All right, let's go to the subscriber lounge.
Here we go.
See you guys next week.
That's okay.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
Your beard looks like someone shaved a black cat and glued its fur to your ugly face.
Babylon is baby lawn, the land of babies.
I guess I can read this.
Would appreciate it if you didn't mock other Christian denominations.
There was a guy, because didn't we do that as a hate mail once?
I think so.
Like he would message and say, it has been 800 days and I still hate you guys.
This has been another edition of the Babylon Bee Podcast from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee,