THE BEE WEEKLY: Cringe Sermon Moments, SCOTUS, and Questioning a Catholic
Kyle Mann and Adam Yenser are joined by Patrick Green on this Bee Weekly to talk about heroes of the faith who gave us cringe moments in the history of preaching and to talk about the Bee's deep dark secret practice of employing a Roman Catholic. Kyle gets a surprise and Patrick Green gets put in the hot seat for being Catholic. This episode of The Bee Weekly is brought to you by INKL. Get a discount on curated, ad-free news from 100+ sources with a single subscription at: http://inkl.com/bee This episode is also brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Get counseling from people who share your faith and your values at: http://faithfulcounseling.com/babylonbee Kyle gets a surprise that should help him stay on keto for another 4 hours and the guys talk about our latest parody video getting restricted by YouTube. They talk about the banger and bomb of the week, Adam Yenser does Weakly News and then there is the latest Heroes of the Faith. After learning how to smash a television with an axe and that all atheists have video games in common, the guys show our latest sketch about a lonely unvaccinated man whose vaccinated friends all have COVID, and then the Bee's ultimate showdown between Roman Catholics and Protestants commences. The Bee also responds to atheist hate mail. In the subscriber lounge, Patrick answers some questions from subscribers to the Babylon Bee and also answers the ten questions. The Bee guys interact with bonus Elon Musk hate mail and headline pitches from the subscribers.
As the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee, I have to keep up with the news all the time, which is super depressing.
It sucks.
But, you know, we got to do it.
So maybe you have to keep up with the news too for whatever reason.
Maybe you're just crazy and you like to read the news.
There's an app called Inkle that lets you curate your news feed from reliable sources.
Don't you hate paywalls?
You're searching through news and you finally find a reliable site and you're like, ah, the information I need.
And then bam, you get the big pop-up.
Please spend a bunch of money and then you can read this article.
That sucks.
When you browse news through Inkle, it actually has a lot of those paywalls removed.
It has that all built in and included in the premium service.
Just $100 a year and you get access to a ton of different stuff.
Plus, you get a discount.
Inkle.com slash B-E-E.
That's I-N-K-L.com slash B-E-E.
You'll get an additional 25% off because you're telling them that you're a buddy of the Babylon B, you know?
So go check it out.
Inkle.com slash B-E-E and start browsing premium reliable news today.
A male-to-female transgender swimmer from UPenn lost to a female to male transgender swimmer from Yale.
And I'm going to need a scientific calculator to figure that one out.
Surgeon successfully transplanted a pig heart into a human.
Unfortunately, he's since developed Porkinson's disease.
America's dad, Bob Sagett, passed away.
Let us all honor him by watching hundreds of hours of people getting hit in the nuts.
A survey found Americans are reading fewer books than ever before.
Do your part by buying your wife an Amish romance novel.
Plus, you get to watch two Protestants absolutely roast the Catholic, a beloved tradition in church history.
All this and more on the B weekly.
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast, the podcast where you get to hang out and joke about the news with the Babylon Bee writers.
Today, me and Adam Yinster are joined by Patrick Green, our resident Catholic.
Hey, and also Kyle's birthday.
Kyle's birthday.
Oh, this is why you guys are asking me all kinds of dietary questions yesterday.
I just thought that was, you know, extremely obvious.
Awesome.
Thank you guys.
So I told them I was on keto, so they got me every keto stack thing that you can possibly get.
Oh, this is wonderful.
Thank you guys.
Incredible.
As much as we all hate keto, we're glad to get helping help you with it.
Everybody's favorite episodes are the ones where we chew the whole time.
So now.
You're going to be chewing every episode for a week.
Yeah, you're just going to be eating meat the whole time.
Oh, this is great, guys.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
And I've got a ketone test strip so I can test live.
Do you pee on those?
I have no idea.
I've never urine.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Oh, wow, really?
I was just guessing.
I feel like most tests you pee on them.
Yeah.
You're going to find out you have COVID with that.
I know.
There is a strange amount of medical tests that you have to pee on things.
It is, yeah.
It's always the case.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Happy birthday, guys.
I appreciate that.
35.
Wow.
Yeah.
Did you guys think I was older or younger than 35?
I thought you were right around 35.
Right around 30.
Yeah, I don't know if I would have nailed it, but I would guess like 36, 35.
Yeah, something like that.
Recently, people have been thinking I look a lot older.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I think I'm like late 30s.
I will say 35 is the age that I started to feel old.
Really?
Like everything under 35, I felt young.
And like when I went out and stuff, I felt like I was in the younger half of the population.
And then everything after 35, like when I go anywhere, I'm like, oh, I'm in the older half of the population.
And that was about 20 years ago.
It was, yeah.
I think it's like the goatee, too.
I always tell people that goatee ads like a test.
Does it address?
Yeah, it's true.
I really should get rid of the goatee because it is kind of a holdover from like youth pastor days.
And I just never got over like the youth pastor goatee look.
It's very sad.
But anyway.
Hey, we did a, should I move this?
The keto is going to make you look a lot younger.
You'll be all trim and healthy.
It's all trim and healthy here.
Until you give up on it next week.
Or later today.
Oh, you think I'm going to make it to next week?
Yeah.
So we did a video, Seasons of Blood, 525,600 Minutes of BLM riots, which was a parody of a parody.
Which is the thing?
Yeah.
So Stephen Colbert did a video that was about the one year since the Capitol or something.
Yeah.
There's a few funny lines in there, I thought.
At the beginning of it, I thought it was funny and then it got heavy-handed.
Yeah.
But there was some funny stuff in there.
It's like they wrote one verse and then they're like, what else?
I guess Trump is dumb.
I mean, we could just maybe do that.
We'll just get applause instead of laugh here.
So it's on our YouTube channel, but YouTube demonetized it and then did a copyright claim on it.
And they were trying to throw everything at us to make it not go through.
And then they finally slapped it as age-restricted.
So now you can't go check it out on YouTube.
It was a lot of fun.
You have to be 18 or older to view parodies on YouTube.
But you can be a kid to watch Elmo.
Yes.
The Elmo vacu, our Elmo vaccine video.
So our own Brandon Toy is a master like musician.
What do you even call him?
Backup singer for Katy Perry, which I always love to say.
Was he really that?
Really?
Yeah, it was something along the lines of like he was singing in a church and their like choir like was just involved with that.
And so he became involved in like a music video with them.
But he was actually an amusing video.
He was actually.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't know if he just happened to be somewhere that Katy Perry was.
I was singing along with her at a concert.
I think it was like the choir director.
I see.
And it was kind of a fun thing to put together because we had everybody pitching in at the Babylon Bee.
The vocals were by Brandon.
Our managing editor Joel, who you saw last week, his wife Kelsey, he sang on it.
Our writer James Lee and James' sister Amanda Vargas all just like sent in vocals and they just layered it on top of each other.
And it sounds good.
It sounds like the actual musical random.
So go check that out if you can.
You can't like embed it or share it anywhere because of the age restriction, but go to it directly, I guess.
Yeah.
And go knock on your neighbor's doors and tell them to watch it too.
Play it outside people's windows.
Hey, we've got a Babylon Banger of the Week.
Banger of the week.
Businesses now requiring positive COVID test as proof of vaccination.
That's true-ish, I guess.
I don't know.
A lot of people, the vaccine are getting COVID.
That's the joke.
But it's so weird to me that now they're having, you know, they're mandating the vaccines and Pfizer just, I think it was Pfizer that just announced they were going to do an Omicron vaccine, but it's going to come out in March.
There's going to be like for the five people that haven't gotten Omicron by March.
Exactly.
So we can just hold out a few more months and you'll get your Omicron vaccine.
So, yeah, that's it.
And what does this say?
The European Union is warning that taking repeated boosters weakens the immune system.
And we need to find a way to transition from a pandemic setting to an endemic setting.
So yeah, we just have to live with it and get it.
That's what I've just been hoping is that everyone just gets it.
And it feels.
And that's how it seems like it's happening now.
Everybody has it, but it's just like a cold.
Yeah, it's like a few days and then everyone's just fine.
Sorry, I'm pitching my joke as a Babylon B headline right now.
Okay.
Omicron vaccine to be made available in March for the 12 people who haven't gotten it yet.
Gotten Omicron.
You saw it here first.
Wow.
Unless this airs after that headache.
It's probably going to air today.
So when you see the bomb of the week next week and it's that one.
That'd be awesome if you could see the moment of creation of the bomb of the week.
Yeah, like the excitement in his eyes and it's like, this is going to be great.
And our writer Travis, who's sitting over there, just liked it.
He liked my pitch.
Oh my gosh, suck up.
Yeah, can you believe that?
Hold on.
I'm going to log on and like if you know what's good for you.
Yeah.
Hey, but we also had a bomb of the week, which was mine.
I think this might be my first bomb of the week, or at least it's one of the first.
Bomb of the week.
Nine key moments in today's SCODIS vaccine mandate hearing.
And this was just a list article that had the nine key moments.
I always want to title these articles like the nine jokes that weren't funny enough for their own artists.
But yeah, Sodomire was saying 100,000 kids are currently on ventilators.
Yeah.
See, I feel like a lot of these jokes could work, but it's like I haven't really paid attention much.
Yeah, it's definitely a, you have to, but that one's not even a joke.
She really said there's like 40,000 kids on.
He was still talking about something else.
No, yes, Catholics lag behind Protestants by a good hundred years.
Honestly.
But CNN even took her down.
They said Sodomyer's claim about children wasn't even close to accurate.
Fewer than 5,000 people under the age of 18 were hospitalized with cases of COVID-19 at the time.
And I think even that was like a hospitalized with versus because of versus from or whatever.
Yeah, it's like the question of like how many other things they were dealing with while they also had COVID.
Yeah.
Justice Stephen Breyer, another liberal, said at one point in the hearing that there had been 750 million new cases yesterday.
Or close to that.
I always like when they're off by a factor of like a million.
Yeah.
Like a hundred million.
But I mean, even though it was the bomb of the week, it still got like 750 million shares.
Yeah.
It did really well.
Give or take.
Yeah.
That's what it was.
Now it's time for some weekly news with Adam Jenser.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
It was kind of a sad week because there were several notable deaths.
Hollywood's first black movie star and the first black actor to win an Oscar, Sidney Poitier, died at the age of 94.
He was a pioneer in the industry, and his Oscar win paved the way for future black Academy Award nominees like Morgan Freeman, Mahershal Ali, and Robert Downey Jr.
One thing's for sure: Poitier will be missed, pronounced.
So I've never seen Tropic Thon.
Oh, man.
Should I correct that?
I've never seen it either.
Really?
No.
Oh, man.
It's like one of the best.
But he was nominated for an Oscar for him.
He was nominated.
He was nominated either.
Keith Ledger won that year, but I remember it was amazing.
Like, it's like him, like him being a white guy taking a black guy's role.
It's like there's amazing lines in it.
Just like him being a black guy for the whole movie.
Patrick thinks Blackface is funny.
It's super funny.
Apparently, the whole academy did at that time.
Now you can't make a movie if there's a white person in it.
No, yeah.
I remember at one point Jamie Foxx was telling Robert Key Harvey Diagnosis thinking, like, oh, I don't want to do this role.
And he's like, bro, you did Blackface and you're fine.
Yeah.
You can do whatever.
On Wednesday, former Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who passed away in December, lied and stayed at the U.S. Capitol.
Where Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi lied every other day this week.
And of course, this week we lost a man who was a beloved comedic actor and television host, a talented director, and a terrible stand-up comedian, Bob Saget.
Did you really not like a stand-up?
I never really saw it.
I never saw it.
What?
You didn't see it?
I just knew that he was like very vulgar.
Yeah.
That's what I was saying.
Yeah, it was the whole thing, but he was good at other stuff.
I'll miss him.
Rest in peace, Bob Saga.
That was one of those.
He was a great talk show guest.
That was really funny.
That was one of those early revelations for me.
Like, he's just this nice dad.
Yeah.
If you see his stand-up, you're like, whoa.
It's weird because people who are fans of him from Full House would come out and see his stand-up.
It was like nothing like that.
A little off-brand.
Leah Thomas, the transgender U-Pen swimmer who transitioned from male to female, has now lost to a Yale swimmer who is transitioning from female to male.
Their amazing story will be documented in the new ESPN original film, Crotch Swap.
It's kind of like Face Off, except the rivals switch crotches.
But this goes to show you biological women can beat transgender women so long as you turn them into men first.
And Leah Thomas previously broke several women's swimming records and is the only member of the women's swim team who can stand in the six feet deep part of the pool.
I like having Patrick on because he laughs so he's a great laugher.
I know.
If you hate the laugh track, now things for you.
Yeah.
It's much louder.
It's right here.
Exactly.
The three Georgia men who murdered Ahmad Arbery were all sentenced to life in prison.
They're looking forward to the nicer clothing and better haircuts they'll get in jail.
A Planned Parenthood clinic in Tennessee was burned to the ground by an arsonist this week.
Thankfully, no one was killed, unlike a normal business day.
Planned Parenthood has vowed to find the culprit and offered their condolences to anyone whose baby survived the incident.
Just to be clear, I don't condone Planned Parenthood arson.
Let's let them be the bad guys.
For the first time ever, surgeons at the University of Maryland successfully transplanted a pig heart into a human, which proves you can't trust science.
First, they told us bacon was bad for your heart.
Now they're making entire hearts out of bacon.
A Bel Air home, which is the most expensive in America, is about to hit auction for $295 million.
This couple from House Hunters who sell macaroni art and run durable daycare have it on their favorites list.
A Gallup poll found that Americans are reading fewer books than they have in the past, and the only one most Americans plan to finish in 2022 is the Book of Bob Effect.
That's all right.
Is it good?
Yeah.
I haven't started.
I think we need to turn this episode into film reviews with Patrick.
Oh, yeah, sure.
It'll be so much fun.
Yeah, we should do that.
It'll just be you reviewing films and Kyle and I going, oh, I haven't seen that.
I've never heard of that.
It's more like that.
All the indie favorites that no one has watched or will watch.
There's some big ones I haven't seen, though.
I feel like, like, Tropic Thunder was big, and I haven't seen that one yet.
Archaeologists in Spain believe they have discovered the long-lost Temple of Hercules.
The temple was identified by an enormous sculpture of Kevin Sorbo, along with etchings of several jokes he stole from the Babylon B.
I certainly hope he watches this.
That is the best way to address this.
Yes, he'll probably tweet that joke out with no credit given.
Did we ever talk about this?
I don't remember.
I feel like we maybe referenced it in passing, but I don't know that we've really gotten into it on a podcast.
Yeah, so he started.
So Sorbo was always sharing links to our articles, and then at some point he shifted to just copy-pasting the headline.
Yeah, and then like sometimes he would even take the image.
So it was like almost everything.
Yeah, and when you take the image, you have to be like cropping it to like delete Babylon B.
It's like, here's, yeah.
We like Kevin Sorbo, I guess, right?
Yeah, he was on the podcast.
Yeah.
I think it's a boomer thing.
It's a boomer thing.
They don't think of jokes as like that there's someone that this is somebody's website where they made this joke.
Yeah.
They just think of like retelling a joke that you heard.
Yeah.
And yeah, that's that's my take.
I'm sticking to it.
That's it for the weekly news.
If you want to see more, check out the canceled news on my YouTube channel.
It is time for heroes of the faith, where we look at some heroes of the faith.
As a Christian, you know that God is always there for you.
But sometimes things in this life can get overwhelming.
It's a crazy time, especially with the pandemic and all that stuff.
It's important to speak to a counselor, but you definitely want to talk to one who shares your faith and values.
Online counseling from Faithful Counseling is there for you.
You have Christian counselors who share your faith, who can deal with crisis of faith issues, and just deal with normal stuff that every human deals with, like depression, stress, anxiety, relationships, all that kind of stuff.
You can get help on your own time and at your own pace.
You can schedule a secure video chat with a counselor.
Everything you share is confidential.
They have 3,000 U.S. licensed therapists across all 50 states.
It's secure, convenient, professional, and affordable.
Listeners get 10% off your first month at faithfulcounseling.com slash Babylon B. Don't wait another minute.
You can get started today.
Go to faithfulcounseling.com slash Babylon B. You're going to fill out a questionnaire and it'll help them assess your needs and get you matched with a counselor who shares your faith and a counselor that you'll love.
That's faithfulcounseling.com slash Babylon B.
And now it's time for this week's Heroes of the Faith.
And this week, we've got some pretty awesome sermons from some heroic faith preachers throughout the years.
So let's begin with the first clip.
Video games.
They can't think for themselves.
They sit back and they drink Coke all day and sit behind the video game system and then wonder why, oh, you're crazy, Brother Powell, for believing in a creator.
Oh, you're insane.
No, you're crazy.
And you need to get off the video game system.
And somebody needs to preach to them the gospel of Jesus Christ and so that they can be saved.
I think some really solid points were made there.
Yeah.
Video games are the cause of everything evil.
And people just sit behind their video game system.
I love that.
Go to Walmart or Best Buy.
Can I get one video game system?
You always know how old somebody is based on what they call it.
Now, do you think like when pastors do stuff like that, are they like, did they think that out ahead of time?
And they're like, this is a really good sermon.
This is an issue.
Or is that like when you like didn't study the night before and you're like, crap, I got to come up with, oh, I know.
I'll go after a video game system.
That's always a hit.
That's always a hit with the crowd.
Yeah.
I mean, it has to be like you're just getting on like a rage thing and then it's just like, envy.
He was just talking about it right now.
But there's people in the congregation going like, yeah, amen.
And it's like, they're just on board forever.
They're on board.
Yeah.
I always think it's funny when pastors like they pick this target that they know will get them.
A lot of people in the crowd going like, yeah.
Yeah.
Whereas if they were to say something like, stop watching football on Sundays and instead, you know, like, oh, wait a minute.
They picked the easy target.
You really know how to read the game.
What do the Coca-Cola have to do with that?
Oh, yeah, I know.
He has this very clear visual of what people who play video games are.
The fat guy was so good.
He didn't even go for the obvious Mountain Dew reference.
Right for the Coca-Cola.
So, all right.
Well, if you're an atheist playing your video game system, that's what's holding you back.
At least he didn't call it a Nintendo.
Playing your Nintendo, which is always the boomer way of referring to video games.
What else we got?
This guy is also upset about not video game systems necessarily, but let's take a look.
Let's take a look.
I wish he's cooking supper and man, everything's getting grilled in there.
And your children sitting around here like a bunch of catfish at the end of a drain pipe, soaking up all of that filth.
You just sneak yonder into the garage and you get you.
He's got an axe.
Dude, that laugh is great.
He is now bashing a CRT television with an axe.
I hate that thing.
Yeah, we'll have to wait a minute.
When she comes running in, you be standing there like this, going, This is actual practical advice for wow.
And he's literally telling them, like, this is what you do if your kids are watching too much TV.
Get an axe, and then when your wife walks in, cackle like a maniac.
Reminds me like an evil leper conversation.
Dancing across the stage.
I like how he destroyed a CRT television as well.
Just giant.
I like the thing that he borrowed a TV and didn't tell the guy.
The congregation is always 100% like.
All right, well, you know what else is evil?
Pokemon.
Let's find out why.
Church to deal with issues as they come to the forefront in society.
I said, son, what is that one morning?
He said, that's Pokemon.
Son, I found out that Pokemon means pocket monster.
Pokemon is Pokemon, plural, are incredible creatures that share the world with humans.
Each has his own fighting abilities.
Some grow and evolve into even more powerful creatures.
The children are developing relationships with all these Pokemon creatures.
Little, reclusive, power-filled monsters.
But why should they carry these monsters in their pocket?
They say Pokemon pulls us to train children how to become the number one Pokemon master in the world.
You follow up through the New Age teaching, you find out that masters are those who take control of spirits in the dark realm, and they tell those spirits what to do.
The child at some point becomes capable of taking these powers and channeling them through their mind, through their arms, or through their power sources.
Their power sources, of course, are many of the symbols that they pick up from the Pokemon paraphernalia.
So Pokemon is a game that teaches children how to enter into the world of witchcraft, how to cast spells, how to use psychology, how to fantasy role play.
Pokemon world is a world of the demonic, of the satanic.
But while you might not take it quite seriously, I assure you that demons take it quite seriously.
Satan takes it quite seriously.
Your children need to know about the devil.
Satan is jiggling.
There was even a couple of reports where children had been stabbed by other children over Pokemon cards.
Do you remember the Dungeons and Dragons game of the 80s where children ended up killing themselves because it was a role-playing game?
Our kids are going out in gangs on the streets, and they're so used to killing each other in their fantasy games and on their video screens and blowing each other away and blowing each other up that when they walk down the streets and they pull out their 45 and they pump some friends full of bullets, you kind of think in the back of their mind, well, they're just going to, we'll turn off the machine and they'll get up and they'll be there tomorrow and I'll shoot them again.
It's just you.
They can't just like.
I never had that thought once.
But they're so into this make-believe world that they can't distinguish between fantasy and real.
Listen, I can't stress this enough.
How that everything in life is real.
Everything.
Were you, okay, were you all like, was Pokemon big for you?
Oh, yeah, we stabbed kids all the time.
Yeah.
You shot kids every day.
I remember the great Pokemon Gang Wars.
I was big into Pokemon.
It was on at like 6 a.m. or something before it was super popular.
And I would get up and watch it on UPN 13 every morning.
6 a.m.
I was big on the show, too.
I was probably more on the show than the cards.
I don't remember which I got first, but I had the Pokemon Blue.
Oh, like the Game Boy.
Oh, yeah, Natsu, the Game Boy games.
Yeah, I had Pokemon Blue on the Game Boy, and then I started watching the anime.
I think that was the order.
And then eventually I got into the card game and I had a bunch of the cards.
Did you like do the whole card and everything?
Because I never really figured out the rules.
Oh, yeah.
I played the card game.
We did tournaments and the whole, we'd go to the card shop and play.
Yeah.
I feel like I was watching the South Park guys talk about it too, which I never realized in it where they talk about how you got to catch them all, got to catch them all.
Like, that is a little weird to tell kids, like, catch every single one of them.
Like, you have to become the number one master.
It is this, you know, the tagline of the show is the marketing strategy.
You know, yeah, it's like genius.
And it's so genius on one level.
Like, there are 150 of these unique, cute little creatures, and you have to own every one of them.
And then they can keep adding more each.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
And then they were like, I don't know what's past the first 150.
Like, I know all those really well, but I don't know anything past the 150.
I don't know anything past 150.
Yeah.
But I know all of the 150.
Exactly.
So you were into it too.
So I was like a little old for it, but I had two younger brothers who watched it and they played the card game also.
So I like the Game Boy game.
Yeah, the Game Boy game is what I got into.
Yeah.
And like the Pokemon Battle and N64 and stuff.
We should see how many Pokemon you can name right now.
Go.
Oh, man.
Pikachu.
Bulbasaurus.
You didn't even start with it.
Squirtle.
I know.
I know.
Squirtle is always my favorite, though, for some reason.
I don't know why.
Hot champ, Venusaur, Satan.
Balbasaur.
Satan, also known as Jigglypup.
Jigglypuff.
All right.
So here's one.
Our pastor's giving us some dating advice.
So let's check this out.
I need to hear that.
That's what Patrick had about Boaz.
You won't get the one God has for you.
You'll get his relatives to the girls.
I found this on the internet.
He has Boaz is spelled B-O-A-Z.
Everybody say B-O-A-Z.
And so he's got some relatives called broke ass, Po ass, vine ass, cheating ass, dumb ass, drunk ass.
Don't go out with him, cheap ass.
Turn to somebody and say, I dated him.
Blocked up ass, good-for-nothing ass, lazy ass, and especially his third cousin, beating your ass.
Bro.
Wait on your vote.
Make sure he respects your ass.
Now there's your word.
You own it a word.
You got a word.
Standing ovation for that.
This is exactly Death Jam coaching hour.
I'll take you through some loneliness.
This is how I imagine every product.
This is exactly what I think of.
Yeah.
That was like a Bob Sagett comedy routine.
You know, I have an aversion to any preacher who tells me to do something during a sermon.
Like, says, turn to your neighbor and say, oh, just, I'm not going to do it.
Really?
Maybe I'm stubborn.
Yeah, well, it's always awkward when it's like, it's like, yeah, it's like something likely.
Tell your like person next to you your deepest, darkest secret.
And you're just like, do they do that in Catholic?
I've been at some things where they'll say something like, well, talk about what you've been struggling with.
And it's like somebody just sat down next to them.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, praise the Lord for these heroes of the faith.
This wasn't a good idea, you know, we're trying to mock the Catholics this episode, and we didn't really set ourselves up very well by showing up.
Well, we can roast some of the evangelical people.
I wanted to look.
There was a time period where they were doing clown masses, and I was trying to find a good video and I couldn't really find it.
But people were literally like dressing up as clowns in order to like, like, it's so terrible.
There are videos of it, but I don't think anything very good to react.
And that's stranger than the normal costumes.
Normal, way, way, a little worse.
Although, yeah.
Hey, we have a sketch this week.
The unvaccinated man who feels left out because all his vaccinated friends have COVID.
Let's take a watch.
My name is Chris Smitherson, and I'm unvaccinated.
Ever since Omicron hit, I've just felt so alone.
I feel so left out since all my vaccinated friends have COVID.
Every time I see my vaccinated friends all hanging out inside, wearing masks because they all have COVID, I really start to regret my decision not to get the jab.
Sometimes I fake a sneeze just to feel included.
But they can tell.
I'm healthy.
I've tried everything.
I licked doorknobs.
I double-dipped guacamole.
I even ate a golden corral.
But nothing worked.
No matter how hard I try, I just can't get the Roma.
Since I can't be quarantined with my friends, I guess I just have to continue on with my life out here as if there's no pandemic at all.
Hilarious.
Ah.
So funny.
Patrick wanted to mention that you got to look for Gavin.
Find Gavin in the video.
It's one of my favorite Easter eggs.
It's always Gavin.
It started with the Let's Go branding, where I watched him kind of falling asleep while we were filming.
Yeah, did we mention?
I think we did mention that on this podcast.
A Let's Go Brandon sketch.
You can look in the top right corner and Gavin, everybody's sitting there watching their kids and the sports teams.
And there's this random guy who doesn't look, he doesn't look old enough to be.
He have this whole family that's like playing baseball and stuff.
And he's just wearing sunglasses and a hat and he's just like completely conked out on the bench.
Yeah, that was like one of the rare times I've filmed a sketch and like I was the one.
And I remember just going like, Gavin, put your head up because he kept asleep.
And I was like, it's looking worse because he's wearing sunglasses and he looks like he's just like kneeling over it.
So look out for the Gavin Easter egg.
It's time to burn some Catholics at the stake.
Jeez.
protestants versus catholics so we read an article this week that criticized the babylon b for um one of the points was for hiring a catholic Wait, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Sometimes I see comments saying that we go after Catholics too much.
Oh, too much.
Yeah.
Somebody was mad that we hired a Catholic.
Oh, okay.
It was a whole thing about Delon Musk.
And then one of the best things was like they had all these points.
Sub points.
Here's everything wrong with the Babylon B.
And one of them was like, I even heard rumors that they hired a Catholic.
Like these dark rumors.
I love the idea that it's like, we're going to get them all by trying to not hire them.
Put him as far away from us as possible.
So we decided to make things right by absolutely grilling our local Catholic, Patrick.
So let's dive in.
So first off, what's the deal with the Pope's big hat?
You know, there's actually a reasoning for the cross.
It's actually, which means Jesus.
No, it's supposed to be Peter because Peter, that's why it's an upside-down cross.
It's like Peter was crucified upside down.
So that's one reason for the hat.
Why it's so big, probably to make it so if someone shoots at him, it shoots through the hat.
Upside-down cross.
We're off to a good start.
It's a really good start.
That's what I find funny about like horror movies that always because I watch a lot of horror movies and they always do the upside-down crosses like it's Satan, but like, yeah, for a lot of it, it's not actually I walked into a Lutheran church one time and I was surprised.
It was in Guatemala.
I saw this Lutheran church and all of their stuff was like the upside-on cross.
And we were like, weird, we're like, what is it?
They're like, oh, it's like St. Peter's Day.
So they had those up.
But yeah, it is a strange symbol because it's used so often.
Yeah, it feels so often in horror movies.
Like, ah, like, I remember Conjuring had the big thing where all the crosses on the wall and they're all turning over.
And I was like, to me, I was like, oh, that's not.
I wouldn't be the end of the world.
So you're on the side of the demons.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, that's okay.
Totally.
That's that's to the person who wrote that article on the side of the DM.
And then we've also noticed like Catholics seem a little more chill with getting drunk.
And I'll say, like, as a Lutheran, we're big drinkers sometimes too, but there's a lot of like evangelical and certain groups that they abstain from alcohol a little more.
And the Bible's also against getting drunk.
I mean, but Jesus dared make wine alcohol.
You're not supposed to get drunk.
Yeah.
Which, I mean, why are you guys so chill?
Why do you just drink wine every mass?
You know, Patrick at the company party.
I know.
That was really funny.
I remember one of the best moments of the company party was I was talking to Seth and he just like mentioned his aside, like, we should take a picture.
And I was like, so I was like, so in it.
And I was just like, we need to take a picture.
I was just like, everyone else.
And I was just like, it's just like one of those things where you just keep drinking and you're talking and having a good time.
You don't realize it.
So I think it's like just Catholics like to have a good time.
But you like got up super early and made it to Disneyland the next morning.
I know.
I was like, he bounced right back.
You know, I remember it was the best thing was seeing you parking lot and you gave me this look of like, how you doing?
How you doing, Patrick?
So, um, you know what the Bible is?
I've heard of it.
You guys have more books in there.
Which one of those is your favorite and why?
And do you read it?
You know, I had to look.
I forgot that like most Protestants don't have like the full like are Lutherans the same way as they don't have Maccabees.
Uh so there's like a couple.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
I mean, I feel like I've read them.
I think I looked that up before this.
I'm glad that you feel like you've read them.
Yeah.
No, like it's like, because it's like, it's to me, it was just like it's just the normal Bible.
So I think I remember reading Tobit and I really liked it.
It's like when you watch the Lord on the Rings.
I don't think Tobit.
What are what are the Catholic ones?
There's a bunch of them.
It's kind of like random.
Like I would have thought like James or something would have been kicked out.
That's when you would that's when I thought the Protestants.
Luther tried to kick it out.
Oh, he did.
It wasn't successful.
Is that because the faiths versus works lines in it?
That's what I felt.
That's why I always thought, like, oh, they must not have James.
But apparently, it's just all like Old Testament, like wisdom.
I think it's like wisdom, wisdom and Maccabees.
Correct.
Tobit, I know.
Tobit, I'm reading until he enjoyed.
Yeah.
I was thinking, yeah, it's like when you watch Lord of the Rings extended edition so many times, you don't know.
That's how I am.
I just don't know what the real version or the second version is.
The real version.
The real Protestant version.
This is to all the Catholic people who have taught me, and they're all killing over.
What's the deal with praying to saints, indulgences, and Mary?
Who is Mary?
And do you have like 30 seconds?
Mary.
Mary.
So if Jesus is the second coming of Adam, Mary would be the second coming of Eve and she was like the Ark of the Covenant with Jesus.
So she born having Jesus being pregnant with Jesus means she was connected to Jesus at a certain point.
So that is why we honor Mary and we pray to her.
And then we also pray to saints as in like a way to talk to God and like a little more specific.
So there's my short answer to why saints.
And indulgences.
You dodge the question.
They don't do that one anymore.
No, we don't really do that.
So like that was the one where you were like, the Protestants have got a point there.
Yeah, no, no, I think there was some points there.
And I think, well, it's like, so in confession, like you'll get things like, you'll say whatever sin, and then it's like, oh, hey, go say like these prayers.
And it's like, the thing is, it's like, it's for you.
It's not for like for God.
Like, it's not going to make it right for God.
It's more for you to make like something for you to do.
How much did they cost?
At least $10.
$10.
It's a good deal.
Why are Catholic churches and cathedrals so beautiful?
Why not just open up shop in a commercial building or an ugly strip mall space?
See, that's like some of our churches do.
I think it's so funny that churches aren't strip malls.
That's what I love about the Catholic church is that it's like beauty is like a part of like, you know, why you come and like, if you have something for it, like if you had the Eucharist where it's like you believe that that is God, it's like you want to have it at the biggest space beautiful for it.
You don't want like some random strip mall that was like a Kmart that's now.
That's one like I always go back and forth on because there is something very beautiful about Catholic churches and cathedrals.
Like if you've been like Notre Dame or like European one.
And I get like the beauty of it like kind of pointing to God and it feels like a holy space.
But then there's also the idea of like, should we be having these like golden, you know, ornate, expensive buildings, you know, to honor Tom.
Yeah, I think that's something I've struggled with too.
And I think like what I come back to is always just like that.
It's like, it's, it's, because I even thought about this even like films and things like that.
It's like, why do films when it's like there's someone struggling to buy food?
And I guess the thing I always come back to is that it's, it's helping people who, the builders of it, who are like expressing what they feel like is God.
What do you think about that one?
I mean, it's wrong, but Kyle goes to the ugliest church possible.
I am going to a Calvary chapel that looks like a shopping mall.
I went to a church that was in an old car dealership.
So it had like, like, I didn't, I didn't have the fundraiser, like a stand-up fundraiser there, whatever.
And it was like the whole front was like glass, like open to the street because it was like an old building that used to be like a, it was an RV dealership, I think, actually.
Pastor Parks' car in there just like shows it off.
Yeah.
Roman Catholics seem pretty chill and ecumenical with Protestants nowadays.
And Protestants are a little more, we don't like you as much.
What is the major difference separating Protestants and Catholics?
So like in the 90s, I wasn't really like, like I was born in 92, so I kind of missed a lot of that.
But I feel like there was a lot more volatile between Protestants and Catholics.
And it feels like, at least on the Catholic end, it feels like it's not as like, like, like, we'll look at, we'll make fun of Protestants for things, but it's like when I see, when I talk to a Protestant, it feels like a personal vendetta against Catholics sometimes.
I always feel like I like Catholic jokes, like joking about it, but I feel like it's because it's not currently like an actual, you know, like violent heated issue.
Yeah.
Like it's, I, I, I don't actually have anything against Catholics.
I just think it's fun to kind of joke about it.
No, yeah.
But then there's like some people you talk to where it's just like, it's like you've chosen poorly.
Like it's like the Indiana Jones thing.
And it's like, and honestly, it was probably the Calvinists that have always been the worst.
So it's true.
But sorry, what was the, so what was in the major differences?
I mean, the Eucharist to me is like always the major, major difference to me.
Like, like, I don't think I could ever go to a church without like the Eucharist.
But like, I know for Protestants, they always start with like the Pope and like the authority.
Whereas like I start with more of like the Eucharist, I guess.
So another interesting but wrong answer.
Okay, well, finally, what's your least favorite Protestant denomination?
I know, like, what's classified?
Like, are Jehovah's Witness classified as Protestants?
No, they're a cult.
Oh, they're a cult.
We love you if you're a Jehovah's Witness and you watch this program.
I think it's besides the Calvinists, I think it would have to be like the evangelical.
That's like everybody, though.
So, okay, so is that everybody?
That's the thing.
Those are like categories of denominations.
Okay.
They're like sort of big movements, but then there are different evangelical churches.
Yeah, like I've been to Episcopalian was strange for me.
I did like a wedding for them once, and like it was like a woman priest, and it was like almost Catholic, but not.
Yeah.
So I feel like that almost annoys me more because it's like it's Catholic.
You'd rather them go hardcore.
Yeah, I'd rather them be like hardcore RV parking lot.
Yeah.
You know, than like having like almost like it's like just you need just a little bit more.
The uncanny valley.
Yeah, it is.
All right.
Well, thanks for coming on to defend your beliefs.
We thoroughly roasted you.
We have some subscription, some subscriptions, some questions from our subscribers later on in the subscriber portion for Patrick.
So hang around for that.
We got some hate mail this week.
I really miss Adam Ford.
All the atheists got their fedoras in a bunch over the Jay Warner Wallace interview where we interviewed a Christian apologist Jay Warner Wallace.
Progressive Network says three Christians sit in a room and pet each other on the back claiming they are right.
Should we have pretended to be atheists in the interview?
I think.
Have you ever had a hardcore atheist on here?
Like talking?
We've had hardcore atheists that we talk to, but generally it's like we were talking about politics.
You know, they were more aligned with us on politics.
But who we did talk to that the interview will be posted this coming week is Justin Breyer, who, if this guy's interested, he is a Christian who has on atheists all the time and kind of engages in a dialogue with Briarly, I think.
Briarly.
Justin Briarly, yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like it'd be fun.
I remember Austin Robertson, that was only one of the first interviews that I edited.
I think he is an atheist, but it's like even him, he was like more inclined for Christians too.
So it's like, I think it'd be super fun to have more atheists on.
Leet Ponage says, do the death of Superman next.
What does that even mean?
I don't know what that means.
Do you guys know what I mean?
Is that hate mail?
It's about the same thing.
It's all hate mail on that interview.
Oh, like write a book because this book is about the death of Jesus.
So, dude, like the death of Superman.
So if you believe in Jesus, why not believe in Superman?
We're doing an investigation.
We have been pwned.
Oh, man.
Lee.
Yeah.
You want to take the next one, Patrick?
Yeah, Al B. Al B says, Last time I saw Jesus, he was riding a Velociraptor armed with a heavy machine gun, right?
Satan.
I'd start here.
I'd start there.
Well, I'm glad he at least saw Jesus.
He's probably a believer now.
Yeah.
That must have been like a fun time.
I feel like if you have to see Jesus, that's the best way.
And the last one is from Nick Kelly.
It says, and now from Babbling B, your capitalized daily dose capital of stupid capital.
James Webb finds the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve sitting under a tree eating some fruit appear to be excellent health and just as disobedient as ever.
They appear to be having company.
Some guy wearing a tool belt with some large rolled up paper tucked under his arm mumbling.
What does that even mean?
It feels like it starts out good and then just kind of loses halfway through James Webb?
Who's James Webb?
Is that someone?
Just Googled it.
Like there's a telescope named the James Webb Telescope.
Former United States Under Secretary of State.
They also appear to be having company.
Some guy wearing a tool belt with some large rolled-up paper tucked under his arm mumbling.
I don't understand what that reference is.
Is it like a conspiracy theorist or something?
I don't know.
I really want to know what that reference is.
Can we find Nick Krelly that actually need to message him?
Nick Kelly, if you're watching this one as well, please comment.
I really want to know what this is about.
I always wonder if people do the hate mail just to be featured on here.
Like if they're actual fans.
Yeah, that could happen for sure.
But I think this is too.
I think a lot of people really, they sound genuinely hateful.
Yeah, like I feel like they're genuine.
They sound genuinely hateful.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That sounds genuine.
But what's weird is like, I mean, a lot of these, it sounds like the things that they reference in it, like they had to have listened to the whole podcast and hated it the whole time.
I don't feel like I could listen to something I hate.
Like I can listen to a whole like Alyssa Milano podcast.
Yes.
And like just to get like mad.
I don't know how mad I am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's true.
All right, let's move to our subscriber lounge.
We have our classic B story of the week.
We have some bonus subscriber questions from Patrick.
And we've got our subscriber submitted headlines of the week and some love mail as well.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
I had a lot of fun being mean to the Trump was merely sharing the gospel with that porn star, explains Jim Baker.
Yeah, so we got some criticism for the way we asked Musk to accept Christ.
What do you think it is where people want to identify as Catholic, but then it's like, I don't actually believe any of the teachings of the Catholic Church.
I need the patron saint of like when you open the door for someone, but they're just far enough away and then they have to jog.
This has been another edition of the Bee Weekly from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee, reminding you that AOC is definitely the worst.