THE BEE WEEKLY: False Prophets and Babylon Bee Prophecies for 2022
In this episode of The Bee Weekly, Kyle is joined by Joel Berry and Adam Yenser to talk about what's going on at the Bee and what the Bee is prophesying will happen in 2022. There's the Weakly News with Adam Yenser and also Heroes of the Faith filled with classic false prophecies. Be sure to check out Adam Yenser's Cancelled News on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/adamyenser The Bee writers discuss the changes at The Babylon Bee this week and talk about the banger and the bomb articles. Adam Yenser presents the Weakly News and then the guys discuss what the highly accurate Babylon Bee prophecies are predicting for 2022. In Heroes of the Faith, the guys discuss famous failed secular and religious prophets. Then the Bee guys read some hate mail from the week. In the subscriber lounge, Kyle, Joel, and Adam discuss whether a hot dog is a sandwich and the ontological nature of the Kool-Aid Man.Subscriber Headlines of the Week are read and Joel Berry is subjected to a new list of Ten Questions. To see the full episode, go to: http://babylonbee.com/plans
This Thursday was the one-year anniversary of January 6th.
And get this.
Friday was the one-year anniversary of January 7th.
Jimmy Fallon and Seth Myers both tested positive for COVID this week.
Much like their monologues, it's no laughing matter.
A woman who sells her farts in jars has decided to stop.
It's a real gas.
Plus, we take a look at failed prophecies throughout history, and only some of them are from QAnon.
All that and more on the B weekly.
How you guys doing?
Having a good week?
No.
Pretty good.
Best week ever.
Best week of all time.
The host in front of me is a little less robust of a person.
And this is, I'm not like, I'm just here for today, too.
I should make that clear.
Don't worry.
You don't have to suffer from Joel for very long.
He's here in the ether room.
Yes, Ethan Nicole, our creative director, has parted ways with the Babylon B, and you're not going to be seeing him on here anymore.
Very sad.
But he lives on in the beautiful art that is all around us.
It's like he's there watching.
When you feel a breeze in your hair.
Every time you hear a Chesterton reference.
Yeah, that's him.
Yeah, but he's apparently moving on to another gig.
So I don't know if that's going to be announced or not about the time.
We'll miss him and follow.
Yeah, follow him wherever he winds up with his next project.
Whatever he does, be sure to take a watch.
Yeah.
I don't know if we ever talked about Take a Watch.
Do viewers notice that?
I mean, so take, you know, if you're going to say, if you're going to tell someone to watch something, you don't say take a watch.
What's the you either say take a look or let's watch this.
And so he had a line in one of our sketches and he was supposed to say, let's take a look, I think, or let's watch this.
And he goes, let's take a watch.
And we all just stopped and went like, what?
But I always loved it because then he would always say that throwing it up.
And then it just became a thing.
Let's take a watch.
So if you go back and watch all of our videos, every time we like are the newscasters and we point at a video off screen to watch, we say, let's take a watch.
We all loved working with Ethan and we're going to miss him here.
And we really do.
We hope you will continue to watch The Babylon Bee, and we hope you will continue to watch Ethan on his next project.
Yeah, he's going to do some great things.
We're excited to see.
But mostly watch The Babylon Bee.
Like if you have both videos, like something that Ethan created and ours on the screen, click on ours.
You could have two windows open and have one muted.
Yeah, but if his is the muted one, then that would be digging this hole deeper.
Oh, man.
Well, you know, the meme before was I really miss Adam Ford and now it's going to be.
We're going to have to change that.
I really miss Ethan Nicole.
Yeah, you know, all the people that said that always say, you know, the Babylon B was great when Adam Ford had it, and then Seth ruined it.
And now it's going to be, it was really great when Ethan was there.
Gather around, kids.
Let me tell you about the years.
Ethan Nicole.
In 100 years, there'll be some guy like Frank Billingsworth or something.
And we'll be like, it was so great when Billingsworth was there.
And then once he left.
Yeah.
All right.
We love you.
All right, let's move on to our body.
Oh, let's not move on.
Let's sit in this a little more.
Let's scout the cameras first.
Do we need to sit in this moment longer?
Let's simmer for a little bit longer.
That's all being cut out.
I know.
To simultaneously drink.
I was supposed to fill the silence as you guys both went for your.
I'm just waiting for you guys to be able to.
Time for the banger of the week.
Wait, wait.
Okay.
Banger of the week.
All right, here we go.
Banger of the week.
Unvaccinated man feeling left out as all his vaccinated friends have COVID.
I don't know if you guys felt like this.
Yeah.
It's kind of the rage right now.
I kind of feel like everybody has COVID vaccinated or not.
Most people I know, well, I would say most, especially in LA, a lot of people have it.
And it doesn't really matter whether they're vaccined or not.
This is the first time I've seen one of these spikes and actually experienced everybody that I know.
We all have it in here.
I mean, right now, there's a cloud of it's just a bio, it's like a hazard.
It is, yeah.
There's authorities outside coordinating off our building, and it's just a disaster.
The media response was pretty funny.
You know, they're kind of like all now saying, well, the virus, you know, it's going to do what a virus is going to do, and everybody's going to get it eventually.
And you're like, well, that's what we were saying.
That's what we said two years ago.
So many of their talking points have been that where they've just slowly transitioned.
Like after the narrative was no longer useful, they transitioned to what the skeptics were saying from the beginning.
It is, and they're so quick to move on.
It's like, oh, okay, well, that's all news.
Let's, you know, see the story about like losing weight might help.
Being healthy, you know, there's sunlight, the vitamin D, there's this thing that, well, yeah.
And they're now saying, like, and the hospitals are saying we need to distinguish between people who are in the hospital and happen to get COVID and people who are there because of COVID.
It's like, well, that was all.
Oh, yeah.
People are saying, like, well, some of these are not all of the deaths.
They're like, oh, this guy, you know, he died in a motorcycle accident of COVID.
I saw a crazy number the other day that like a million people tested positive in one day, which was like far and away the greatest.
Yeah.
But then it's like, who's getting tests?
Like, are these people not that sick and they have a little cold?
And they don't even, they were just exposed and they go get a test.
And it's bizarre to me.
That's what I'm curious about because a common cold is a form of coronavirus.
It is a coronavirus.
So like, are these COVID tests sensitive enough to distinguish between the maybe we just all have the common cold and it's getting counted as a, you know, I'm getting this podcast banned for misinformation now.
It's not the same thing.
It's not censored from YouTube.
Put a flag underneath here.
Yeah.
Don't listen to Joel.
Turning into Alex Jones.
Well, we also had a bomb of the week.
And Joel, you get to read this one.
Bomb of the week.
Oh, man.
You know why?
Because I wrote this one.
This one, the headline is, wow, what a terrible year.
Say people living at the absolute peak of human civilization.
I liked it.
You know, maybe people aren't feeling it right now.
It got a decent amount of views.
They can't get beef at the store anymore.
And I don't know.
I always like those headlines that give a little perspective on just really how good we have it.
Yeah, it's about 2020 in our world.
On the one hand, you sympathize with it, right?
Exactly.
2020 is terrible.
And you're like, yeah, there's a lot of people losing their jobs.
There's oppression.
Yeah.
Whatever.
And then you're also like, but on the other hand.
A little perspective.
Never heard.
Read about Laura Ingalls Wilder, you know, or the pioneers.
What they had to do to just get a stick of butter.
Like it took five days of work.
And so we have it pretty good these days, I'd say.
Absolutely.
That's all my, yeah.
That's my preach a little more?
I'll own it.
You know, this is a podcast to justify my bomb here.
Often I like the bomb better than the banger, but not this time.
This time the bomb.
Not this time.
This time I really don't like it.
What was the banger?
Oh, the banger.
Yeah, the banger.
That was a big good idea.
That was mine.
Yeah, that was good.
Well, of course.
That's why.
I was saying that one.
It's like, whatever.
Are we ready for some weekly news?
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jetzer.
This Thursday was the one-year anniversary of the January 6th riot.
And tragically, Trump supporters killed just as many people at the Capitol this January 6th as last January 6th.
Tragic.
Which was zero.
No one died.
No one was killed by Trump supporters.
Keep talking.
Just keep explaining.
You know, we're going to have to cut this out.
There was one kidnapped podium.
It's funnier when you explain it afterwards.
Exactly.
We're recording this the day before January 6th.
Yeah.
So we have to cut this out.
We can edit that.
Yeah.
If even one person gets killed.
Do you have an alternate joke?
What's that?
I said, do you have an alternate joke if someone does get killed?
No, because then I'll just count one of the natural deaths.
Just like that.
Yeah.
That's not funny, guys.
No, it's no laughing mouth.
This is no laughing mouth.
A severe snowstorm in Virginia caused a traffic jam on I-95 that lasted over 24 hours, much like when it drizzles here in Los Angeles.
That's true.
Because, see, the traffic in Los Angeles is terrible.
You don't have to.
Halfway through.
What?
What?
Oh, I was just going to say I love the storm watches here.
Oh, yeah.
Whenever there's like a little rain, and they put a big banner, storm watch.
It's like winter storm warning.
And I'll get like wind warnings and stuff.
Like, I don't even know what to do with that.
It's going to be windy today.
Watch out.
Don't get blown away.
Halfway through a game on Sunday, Buccaneers player Antonio Brown quit by ripping off his shirt and walking off the field.
Now, if only the entire cheerleading squad would suddenly quit.
Fun fact, this is also how Ethan left the Babylon Bay.
No laughing.
Let's just sit in this moment for a little bit.
It's not funny, guys.
Not funny.
Why do you want the cheerleading squad to quit?
I don't get it.
All right.
For the first time ever, a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, the USS Abraham Lincoln, is under the command of a woman, and it's now the first nuclear aircraft carrier with a Hello Kitty bumper sticker.
Do women have Hello Kitty bumper stickers?
Yeah.
I thought that was a guy thing.
I don't even have the license plate thing that says like 99% angel.
Yeah.
01% devil or something.
Yeah.
I was going to go for a parallel parking joke there, but it was too easy.
Yeah, it's just too weird.
It's just too.
Yeah.
Jimmy Fallon announced that he tested positive for COVID, and he only broke down and laughed nine times while doing it.
Seth Meyers also tested positive for COVID, which means there are only eight late-night hosts left to do anti-Trump jokes this week.
A 75-year-old man died after falling into Hawaii's Kilauea volcano, which is what always happens when you fall in a volcano.
There's never been a headline.
A man fell into a volcano and he's fine.
He met up with his family and got home.
Counterpoint, Anakin Skywalker did in episode three after Obi-Wan had the high ground.
But he needed a metal suit to survive.
I'm sorry, I'm killing this joke.
I just actually did your joke about a volcano.
Thoroughly ruined.
After trolls on Twitter started calling transgender Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider a man, Schneider responded to them with humor.
And personally, it doesn't surprise me that Amy responded with humor.
Men are funnier than women.
Twin French TV stars Igor and Grichke Bourgdenoff, who hosted a series of science shows, passed away days apart this week from COVID.
It's shocking.
I mean, it feels like I just heard about them for the first time two seconds ago, and now they're already dead.
Both twins were unvaccinated as they clearly refused to ever inject anything unnatural into their bodies.
Despite their unusual facial features, they denied ever having gotten plastic surgery.
And now that they're dead, I guess we'll never know for sure.
You guys see pictures of them?
No, I need the pictures.
They're like, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but they look like they've been embalmed since 1998 or so.
They probably look worse now.
Oh, man.
It makes me appreciate that our, you know, like.
They look like wooden puppets, like on an old...
They do.
They look like...
Suddenly, our science guys, Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson, don't seem so bad.
That's their science show.
A woman who appeared on the show 90 Day Fiancé has decided to stop selling her farts in jars after a heart attack scare, as if the supply chain shortages weren't bad enough already.
Thanks, Joe Biden.
Let's go, Brandon.
It's such a confusing story because I don't know why the heart attacks like, oh, why would a heart attack?
Why would you do that in the first place?
Do farts cause heart attacks?
Is that an idea?
I think the story said that she would eat a special diet of beans and stuff that makes you gassy.
And that gave her ingestion that she mistaken for a heart attack.
And so she became concerned over her health.
Oh, my God.
And she did assure me that the jar that I ordered is still on its way.
Researchers have developed a small vehicle that goldfish can control and drive around on dry land.
Sadly, they got stuck in the snow on I-95 and froze to death.
That's it for the weekly news.
These farts in jars, I wanted to comment on.
Like, what?
All right, let's go back.
We can...
No, I'm just, you know... I moved on the same way we moved on too quickly from Ethan.
We've...
We've moved on too quickly from a woman farting in jars and selling it on the internet.
Go ahead, Kyle.
Kyle's like, never mind.
No, I want to know.
I want to talk about it more, too.
I can't imagine that a jar can preserve that spell of a fart.
Here's the other question I have, too, because if you put a jar there, there's no outlet for the pressure so you can fill up the jar.
We should try it.
Yeah, we should.
I think that's our only option.
I just want to know how this works with the laws of physics.
I don't get it.
Yeah.
That is all.
That's it.
Coming soon, the Babylon Bee store.
The Babylon Bee fart in a jar.
The Babylon Bee.
Prophecies.
Well, guys, it's a new year, and the Babylon Bee is staffed by a team of expert prophets.
And so we made some predictions for 2022, and we are going to go through them right now.
That's right.
And these are 100% accurate.
100% accurate.
Guaranteed.
You can take these to the bank.
Mark them on your calendars.
And here we go.
January 1st.
Oh, I guess it's past January 1st.
But USPS will deliver your Christmas package.
I'm still waiting on mine.
Probably came true for some people.
Yeah, January 6th, the second insurrection attempt will be canceled, unfortunately.
That's good.
If you've already bought your plane tickets, sorry.
Not good.
January 20th, Pfizer unveils booster shots 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
Well, damn.
January 23rd, the Babylon Bee discovers a third conservative joke.
Obama releases another memoir on January 25th.
That's always a good bet every year.
It's kind of not fair to predict that.
Yeah, he's because it's going to a couple every year.
Absolutely.
How many memoirs does Obama have at this point?
I think like four.
Is that four memoirs?
Four.
And he was like releasing it when he was still in office, like my memoir.
I always think it's funny when I see someone release a memoir that's like a 17-year-old Po star or something.
Like, what do you have to talk about?
Like, yeah, you don't have a life to write about yet.
What are you talking about?
On January 27th, Mark Zuckerberg will finally learn how to smile with his eyes.
That's good.
Well, that's when the software update hits.
Makes it possible.
That'll be a huge improvement, Fran.
I think that'll go a long way towards building some.
Will it be really him or only his avatar in the meta-world?
It has real human emotions.
It's more realistic than him.
Yeah, whenever he's at those congressional hearings and he has to drink water and stuff, and it's like, so weird.
Poor guy.
February 1st, the WHO runs out of Greek letters for variants and starts naming them after the Muppets.
Yeah.
Fuzzy Bear.
Variant.
Fuzzy Bear.
January 6th committee will finally catch your grandma on February 2nd.
Yep.
So make sure and get those hugs and kisses in now because she's going to be going away for a while.
Real talk.
Do you guys personally know people that were at the January 6th thing?
I know people who, oh, shoot.
Well, in case the FBI is listening.
That's what I want to get into.
No, that's why I want to put us at risk.
I know people that were there that day that just weren't involved in the, like, they were completely on the other side of the National Mall.
I know people that are there that are not involved.
I know at least one person that was in the Capitol.
Are you serious?
Did your phone just go off?
I think that's.
Yeah.
So is everybody who walked into the Capitol like that's the thing?
I know like you're allowed to walk.
I get like the people that got violent, you know, or broke things.
But for the most part, they were just wandering through.
So if you just walked through, you might be like...
I don't know what the laws are.
Well, Well, the crazy thing is there's still some that are like in solitary confinement in D.C. Like they've been there for like a year and awaiting God knows what.
It's just crazy.
February 26th, China officially annexes the United States.
On March 1st, Bill Clinton will finally plant the flag on a brand new Epstein Island.
Why haven't we done this as a Babylon B article?
I think that's going to have to become a headline.
Like setting sail from the new world.
I claim this land for Epstein.
Hang on, I'm emailing myself.
Well, these elites must be – there's got to be a help wanted ad out somewhere for like a new Epstein.
Right?
We need to take a Craigslist down.
Help Wanted.
Yeah.
Open Euro Epstein Island.
Epstein Island, Paris.
Tokyo.
March 3rd, Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up Mars.
Oh, man.
Sabbath.
Sam.
Sorry, Elon Musk.
March 10th, Obama releases yet another movie.
All right.
Well, that'll, I mean, to be fair, there'll be a good two and a half months to cover from his last memoir.
I've experienced a lot in this.
A lot went on, yeah.
Whenever I see those books that come out like about a controversy that's happening now, and I'm like, you had to have written this in like two weeks.
Oh, yeah.
That's bizarre.
It's a whole industry, though.
Yeah.
It's like ghostwriters.
You outline, this is what I want the book to be about.
They send it to their trained, you know, their big, their monkeys on the typewriters, crank it out in a week and make $5 million.
It's insane.
March 25th, meat is outlawed and replaced with delicious bugs.
I was just talking about a friend with his yesterday.
I'm surprised that eating bugs has not taken off more because they are like healthy and they're like the protein and with all the fad diets, with all the fad diets out there, I'm genuinely surprised that people have not like, you know, there's not been like a niche diet thing or like people have started eating them.
I think I'm surprised of that in like Los Angeles or Portland or something.
But outside of that, yeah, you just don't want to eat bugs.
If I'm going to eat bugs, it has to be completely unrecognizable.
Oh, really?
Polly bugs.
There's two places in LA that do have them.
Really?
Yeah.
We had those cricket chips on this show before.
And like, they didn't look like bugs.
They were just chips.
But even then, it was kind of like corn and a little bit of cricket mixed in.
It was like, oh, you're eating bugs.
Yeah, a little fad.
I'm going to stick with my steak, which will be costing $300 soon.
But enjoy your bugs, guys.
Well, bacon is going to be illegal here in California soon.
What?
Joel and I had bacon for breakfast this morning, and it might have been the last bacon in the whole state.
Sad.
Yeah.
April 1st, AOC red-pilled after reading an economics book.
That's every good old AOC joke.
Wait, but I thought we found a new conservative joke like two months before this.
It doesn't get rid of the old because we used to have them.
They get grandfathered in.
Exactly.
Well, that's every conservative's fantasy is to get to mansplain economics to AOC and then she sees the light, right?
Or is that?
And then we get to date her because that's what we all really want.
We're just mad at her.
We're just dating her.
April 19th, man dressed as woman hailed as first woman to not complain about being cold.
About that third joke.
May 5th, Hollywood Studio announces all-female reboot of Ghostbusters Afterlife.
That's what we need.
Did you guys watch the new Ghostbusters?
I did.
What did you think?
I thought it was enjoyable to where they didn't mess up anything.
I didn't think it was amazing.
No, it wasn't awful.
I thought it was passable.
Patrick's given the thumbs down.
See, I didn't hate it.
I just thought it was like, well, it was fun, but it wasn't amazing.
I was just sort of fine with it.
I wasn't interested in it because I saw the preview and you could see what the pitch was for the producers.
It was like, hey, you know, Stranger Things?
Yeah.
Oh, it was really fun.
Let's just slap Ghostbusters on it and we'll make a million dollars.
Hire half the kids from Stranger Things.
It just seemed like a cynical kind of a corporate product.
So I'd never like it.
I felt like the cameos of the originals seemed very tacked on in a way.
Did you see it?
Yes.
And I also, what I didn't know I would miss, like having seen the previous for it, I missed it not taking place in a city.
It's like you kind of want to see it in like a whole hook.
The way that those movies deliver on it is like seeing the different ghosts that are doing different cool things and coming and catching them.
And they only had like that one ghost that was eating the bolts or whatever.
And that was basically the only weird ghost that they fought.
So I didn't like that.
I want more ghosts.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Maybe the female reboot will be better.
They always are.
It's true.
May 10th, Firefly renewed for 12 new seasons.
Unfortunately, it's written by the writers of the second season of Ted Lasso.
I have not seen either of those shows yet, so I don't understand the reference.
Don't waste your time.
All the Ted Lashes.
I heard Ted Lasso was good.
Yeah, I wasn't crazy about it.
Well, you also hated the amazing new Ghostbusters movie.
I'm just a grump.
I don't like anything.
Firefly was good.
Firefly was great.
June 6th, AOC tweets something dumb.
That's one of those to raise your batting average.
Yeah, so we're going to check in on June 6th.
This might be a fulfillment.
I actually think we did this last year too.
Didn't we do the exact same date for our prediction and say AOC?
And I did check that date, and she did tweet something kind of dumb, but it wasn't like so far out there that I could.
Why are you obsessed with my boyfriend's feet?
It wasn't that low.
It wasn't that sad.
But the thing is, she's getting better every year at being dumb.
So maybe, maybe this year.
August 15th, the only child to be named Brandon for the entire year will be born on this day.
I don't know.
I feel like you'll have a lot of Brandons, you know, that all the parents are going to want to be able to say, let's go, Brandon to their kids.
Let's go.
I'd be interested.
There will be a spike in Brandon.
That is interesting.
Yeah, someone needs to Google that.
I bet you there's data on it.
Spike in kids being named Brandon.
September 5th, Jin Saki wrote this joke.
Jin Saki becomes Ben Saki.
Transgender thing, I guess.
I guess.
October 8th, wait for it.
Obama releases a new memoir.
Have you gotten all of those?
I got two of them for me so far.
October 11th, Ted Cruz finally gets to spend a week in Cancun.
Good for him.
Poor lad.
November 17th, Republicans will bravely squander their control of Congress.
Do they control Congress?
They don't even control Congress.
They will.
And then they'll lose it right away.
They will and they'll waste it.
The red wave will come.
Gotcha.
December 10th, you still can't get your hands on a PS5.
Is that still a thing?
Is that still a hard to get?
Sounds like Patrick's trying to get one.
He was very emphatic.
Yeah, actually, he's over there refreshing this site right now.
He's just trying to buy.
No, he's on the fart jar site.
Let's talk about that somewhere.
I need to dwell on this.
December 25th, Christmas will occur.
I'm willing to bet that's going to happen.
December 27th, Obama's going to release a new memoir in December 27th.
It's Christmas edition.
There's that forum.
Isn't there roll of comedy threes?
I need to have a meeting there right now.
December 30th, Delane Maxwell's Black Book leaked.
Will be released in January.
Oh, that's good.
December 31st, Jesus returns.
He missed his birthday by four days, five days.
Six days.
Oh, the joke is, I get it.
Maxwell.
We'll never see the black book.
Got it.
Sorry, everyone.
It took me a second.
All right.
Well, there's our predictions for the year.
We're now going to move into another Heroes of the Faith segment, always a fan favorite, where we're going to talk about some prophecies that did not come true in contrast with our perfect prophecy.
It's true.
Failed prophecies throughout history.
Here we go.
And now it's time for this week's Heroes of the Faith.
All right, so let's talk first about Jehovah's Witnesses.
And I'm sure we have some Jehovah's Witnesses who listen, maybe one or two.
Are they allowed to do podcasts?
Or is it like medicine?
I think they can do podcasts.
Is it like medicine and birthdays?
The Amish can't watch podcasts.
Well, as long as it's a hand crank that they're using to power up their speaking of birthdays, I think it's Seth's birthday today.
Happy birthday, Seth.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
I just saw that in our Slack channel.
Happy birthday.
Jehovah's Witnesses predicted Armageddon in the year 2000.
I thought it was earlier than that.
Fact check that for me.
But they said 144,000 people would go to heaven.
And there's now 8.4 million Jehovah's Witnesses.
I had an old headline pitch that I never did that was like someone's forced to break the bad news to the 144,000 and first convert to Jehovah's Witnesses.
Yeah.
I don't get that.
So there are all these Jehovah's Witnesses, but only 144,000 are what are like are good enough?
Well, originally elect, the prediction was they would go to 144,000.
It would end, and then those would go to heaven.
Wow.
Then it grew bigger than that.
And so then they changed the prophecy to like, well, there's a spiritual 144,000 elite, but everybody can still be saved.
They just moved the decimal point over.
Yeah, we read that.
Now it's one million.
You get to go to heaven first class.
The rest are like economy, economy trip to heaven.
Yeah, it's a business class, and then you go back from there.
But a lot of people predicted 2000 as late.
I feel like when it came around, there was a lot of like the world's going to end then.
Oh, yeah.
Remember that?
Oh my god.
2000 was a big.
I think we got something on here later about the Y2K stuff.
Scientists predicted a new ice age by the 21st century because of pollution blocking out the sun.
That was predicted in 1970.
Wow.
Well, that didn't happen.
But I thought if scientists said something, it's absolutely true.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
To be fair, if you saw the smog in Los Angeles back then, that might have made some sense.
They did fix that up quite a bit.
There's been a lot of those, though.
Like the scientists, like with the ozone, remember the ozone?
Like we were all going to get burned up by the sun?
There was a hole over Alaska or something.
Yeah, and it was all just going to consume all.
And that didn't happen.
I still don't understand what the hole in the ozone was, but I always pictured there is a giant thing in space leaking out all our oxygen and stuff.
Like the portal on Avengers, where all the aliens fly through the sky.
You pictured stuff leaking out of it.
I pictured it a hole where all this extra sunlight is getting through and just like a laser beam.
Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle.
Yeah.
1982, the UN predicted irreversible damage to the climate by 2000.
Mustafa K. Tolba, the world.
Who is that?
Is he somebody I should know?
Mustafa K. Tolba?
He sounds a UN guy.
They all have names that sound like the world would face an environmental catastrophe which will witness devastation as complete and irreversible as any nuclear holocaust.
It's like, you know, you have vague predictions where they're like, you know, I kind of sympathize with that when they say things like, well, we need to stop things or they're going to get worse.
It'll eventually be bad.
It'll eventually be bad.
And you're like, yeah, you can't just discount that.
But when they're like, it will be as if a nuclear bomb dropped on every city in the United States by this year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Prophecy failed.
Yeah.
Not good.
And it is funny, like with all these prophecies, like all of them, whether they're scientists or religions, it's weird how you just like the next day you wake up and there's no consequences for you making up this bit.
It's just like, well, I was wrong.
Sorry.
True Way.
This was a Taiwanese religion religion led by Hon Ming Chen.
Brandon, is that right?
He predicted that God would appear on Channel 18 in the U.S. on March 25th, 1988.
Wait, when was the Max Headrum thing?
Oh, I think it was before that.
Oh, it was before 88.
Well, ironically, it was Trump that appeared on Channel 18 that day.
So depending on how you see Trump, it could be a fulfilled prophecy.
Is the Heresy Jar readily available?
Its headquarters was first established in the U.S. in San Dimas.
So right up here.
Wow.
How do you like, why would he appear on Channel 18?
Of all things, that's such a weird thing.
Why did he come in a manger?
God works in mysterious ways.
You know, if Jesus came to Earth today, it probably would be on a humble local news channel.
Not one of the big networks.
Exactly.
I think this was transposed around 1998, not 1988.
But it says shortly after moving to Garland, Chin predicted that at 12.01 a.m. on March 31st, 1998, God would be seen on a single television channel across all North America because whether or not that person had cable service was irrelevant to God's appearance on that channel.
And some people wouldn't be saved.
They'd be like, oh my gosh, did anyone DVR God last night?
I was watching Star Trek.
So people like their TVs are not connected to anything.
They turn them on like fully expected because God has the power to override them.
Well, he does.
Or you could get bored through God and be like, I'm going to put the game back on.
The dialogue is a little heresy jar.
Sorry.
Am I next?
Yeah.
The Maldives, the Maldives, Maldives.
Maldives will be underwater.
That was predicted in 1998 to happen in between 20 and 40 years.
Oh, so that could still happen.
Yeah.
It's still pending.
I love it when the prediction window is so wide.
You give it some.
The Earth is going to burn up in between 10 to 320 years.
It kind of gives you, yeah, it's too much leeway.
And then this one, Haley's Comet, the near approach in 1910 caused worldwide panic.
Is that a prophecy?
Oh, yeah.
It feels like there's something.
I bet there's a bunch of prophecies.
Around comets, people always, I feel like, think like comets signify the end of the world.
There was, which was the one?
Was it Hailbop where that Heaven's Gate where they thought they were going to ride the spaceship in the comets did?
Yeah.
Yeah, there's always prophecies with the comets and stuff.
Harold Camping, I remember him.
He had a bunch of billboards around here when this happened.
He predicted the end of the world 12 times.
In 1992, he wrote a book called 1994.
Question mark.
And then in 1994, he wrote the book 1996.
Always a sequel every year.
What was his theory?
Like, why did he think the world was going to end?
Do you remember?
Well, it was Jesus.
He was going to return.
Oh, and he was a religious person.
Like, he had this weird thing where, because he had a radio program, and it played locally where I lived.
And he had these code, like you'd find codes and significance between numbers.
Like it was pattern recognition of numbers in the Bible, and his mind would come up with this scenario.
And then, yeah, and when it didn't happen, he's like, oh, I was off by, see, that's the part I remember.
I forget why he said it.
Because I even heard of him on the East Coast because it was like every time he was wrong, he wouldn't be like, it's not going to end.
He'd be like, oh, no, it's just a few more.
Oh, it's next year.
Oh, no, it's two years away.
Oh, it's still coming.
Yeah, I think his last one was like 2011.
Because he said it would happen in May 2011.
And then he says, no, I was wrong, October 2011.
And then after that, he stopped doing prophecies, retired from prophecies.
And he actually repented, if I remember right.
He came out and said, I have been wrong my whole life.
Wow.
You know what?
I respect that.
Not many people who are wrong.
I remember in the 2011 one, it was really sad.
There were families that sold all their possessions and wanted to go see New York City one last time, drove their van to the coast and were standing there waiting.
And they're like, well, take me now.
Really tragic.
I believe that stuff.
Oh, our friend Al Gore.
Al Gore said in 2009 that the North Pole will be ice-free in the summer by 2013 because of man-made global warming.
And then in 2009, Al Gore loosely cited researchers and said that there was a 75% chance that ICE would be gone during at least some summer months within five to seven years.
Wow, that's such a pretty 75% chance.
Like, how do you get that number?
I really like how these are alternating between kooky religious persons and liberal here's the big one: the Y2K disaster.
Software and hardware companies raced to fix it because they thought when the date changed to 000, like the computers weren't programmed to handle it.
And it was simply.
I've heard conflicting things about this.
I've heard that the whole panic was ridiculous.
Yeah.
It would have caused a few glitches, but nothing crazy.
And then I've heard other people say, no, it was going to be really bad.
And because they sounded the alarm and fixed everything, it wasn't bad.
So people have mocked it, like, oh, it's a fake prophecy.
You know, it's a failed whatever.
But then other people say, no, it's because all these engineers were working hard.
But those are the engineers claiming that.
So they're just trying to justify their job.
I'm sure, like, if they didn't fix anything, there would have been some problems.
Yeah.
Did you guys ever have a computer that had the Y2K compliant sticker on it?
Oh, yeah.
We had a desktop PC in my ass compliant.
That's probably vintage.
I got to get one of those.
Thank you, engineers.
Thanks for keeping us alive.
Safe.
Alive.
2012, Mayan prediction, December 21st, 2012, was the end of the first great cycle of the Maya Long Count calendar.
And the calendar had tracked time from 5,125 years until that day.
I like how they just were doing this calendar.
They went 5,000 years and they just stopped.
Like, maybe he was just like, I'm kind of tired.
He ran out of paper.
That's enough.
We've done enough.
He must have died while carving it.
Who knows?
Dollar in the Monty Python reference jar.
Chuck Pierce and Tracy Cook, a pair of charismatic prophets, predicted that there would be a diminishing of COVID after 4.16, 2020.
Deaths increased dramatically between 416, 2020 and 8.7, 2020.
So they, why were they doing that?
Or did they?
Yeah, who knows?
Chuck Pierce and Nancy Cook may be vindicated as time goes on.
I appeared on that Pirate Christian Radio program with Chris Roseborough, and they do this thing every week where they do charismatic prophecy bingo.
Oh, really?
Or I don't know if it's every week.
They do a special bingo where they just randomly play clips of charismatic prophets, and then they have bingo cards that are like coming into abundance, victory, you know, all this stuff.
And it was amazing how quickly you filled up the card.
So good.
Newsweek's Madam President cover and HuffPost prediction on Election Day.
This is the 2020 or the 2016 election, right?
Yeah.
Where they had the here's the graphic.
This was Chancellor's chances on Election Day.
Chances of them winning.
Hillary Clinton, 98.1%.
Donald Trump, 1.6%.
That made the whole thing so wonderful.
What's funny is the New York Times, I think it was runs like a live meter of like even the networks.
It was like the chances of Trump winning throughout the night.
It started at nothing and then it just slowly threw out the night.
I love watching network news on those nights and the faces just smiling and then just turning like more and more grim as it goes.
It was such a fun night.
Oh my gosh.
There's a bunch of Trump predictions.
We probably don't have time to go through them all, but all these Trump worshiping pastors or Trump supporting pastors.
Jeremiah Johnson, a North Carolina-based prophet that declared that Trump would win the 2020 election.
Ribbon Bullock, a Birmingham pastor, declared that Biden would be out by the middle of March.
James Beverly, a research professor, wrote, God's man in the White House, Donald Trump and Modern Christian Prophecy.
He did not use specific dates, but he hinted that Trump would be reinstated.
And there's just many more.
If you watch any of the Charismatic Prophet videos, they're constantly making predictions about Trump.
Mike Lindell, did we talk about Mike Lindell?
Didn't he?
Are we allowed to?
Is he going to buy a spot on the show?
Didn't he?
He came on our podcast and said, Mark my words, Trump will be back in by 50.
Mark my words.
Oh, really?
Keep an eye on the show.
So I guess that's a failed Babylon B prophecy in some ways.
Yeah, by proxy.
QAnon.
There's a lot of QAnon predictions.
They predicted that Trump would return to the White House March 4th, that the Arizona election audit will prove the Arizona election audit will prove Trump won in 2020.
JFK Jr. will return at the site where his father was assassinated.
Okay, I didn't understand that one.
Yeah, that's that.
I didn't either.
I kind of saw in passing, and I didn't understand why they thought that or what the point was.
Is he dead?
Is JFK Jr.
Was he the one that died in the plane crash?
Yeah, he was in the crash one.
And I think they thought, and I don't know this.
I could be wrong.
I'm sure all the QAnon people will correct me and tell me when he's really coming back.
I think they thought that he was like, I don't know, part of this conspiracy theory where he faked his own death.
And they think that JFK was like the last good Democratic president and that he was about to uncover some huge thing or something, and that's why he was assassinated.
And that members of his family were going to come back.
And they think they thought JFK Jr. was going to be Trump's vice president when he took office again.
So the idea is that he's alive.
Yeah.
And he's a Trump supporter.
Of course he is.
It's just wonderful.
Wow.
One more.
Well, I mean, we've kind of done these, but UN's climate change predictions.
They've had plenty.
And then their current prediction, I think, is that there's only nine years left to prevent irreversible damage.
So if you are still listening to the Babylon Bee podcast in 10 years, we will come back and see if that's correct or not.
The water will be up to our chests.
We'll be sloshing around with the microphones.
Let's go to some hate mail.
I really miss Adam 4.
Here are some comments on a compilation video we did with some of the best of our Babylon Bee live-action sketches.
Casador 1022 says, Our country is done.
This review made me realize just how far down the rabbit hole we have gone.
Is that hate mail towards us?
Or is he like, well, that was a comment on the best of the B sketches?
Our country is done.
Did you think it was real?
I don't know.
I always think it's funny how, yeah, we do get those commenters to our jokes that will, it's like they're commenting on the situation that our jokes are commenting on and kind of this country is finished.
I'm so sad right now.
We're trying to make you laugh.
Is this a tag on to the first one here?
Was this also a comment on the this was another comment on the best of the bee sketches, yeah.
You want to read this one, uh, Joel?
Yeah, okay.
So uh, Dylan Woodring said, more proof that conservatives don't know what comedy is.
Hmm.
We're just adding to the pile of proof.
That's our whole job.
I like evidence.
These are like two of like, I feel like the most classic Babylon Bee comments.
Because like people on the people on the right who are fans, it's always like, this is too true and sad and it makes me mad.
And this is so close.
Why don't you do satire?
And then everything from the left is like, no matter what it is, oh, conservatives aren't.
There's just 50 comments like that on every.
Yeah, everything can be broken down into what you're either a Casador or you're a Dylan.
Yeah.
That's true.
It's true.
Be a Casador.
Be a Casador, not a Dylan.
All right, we're going to move into our beautiful subscriber lounge where we're going to go through the classic story of the week, bonus hate mail, subscriber headlines of the week.
And yeah.
And then something on my note says the next 10 questions.
So maybe that's going to happen.
I don't know.
You'll have to find out.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
Ever heard the debate about the ontological nature of the Kool-Aid Man?
Is he the jar or is he the essence of the liquid inside the jar?
So was it intimidating like talking to somebody that smart?
Stephen King talks about creativity.
Like there's guys in your basement that keep bringing up two different boxes and like two different ideas mashing them together and like, huh?
Yeah.
like hoagies or subs, those are like...
Yeah, but no one eats a sandwich like crack up.
This has been another edition of the Bee Weekly from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee, reminding you that fake news of the people, by the people,