Kyle and Ethan run down memory lane on this Thanksgiving 2021 special episode of The Bee Weekly. This is your chance to catch up with some of The Bee's personal favorite moments from the podcast archives. Gratitude is the key to happiness, so give thanks for these hilarious moments. This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Go to http://betterhelp.com/babylonbee for 10% off! Behold the glory of the Worship Song Generator. Re-live that time The Bee had a deep thinking theologian on the show just to talk about their past relationship with Linkin Park and eat links of pork. Walk down memory lane of some of the Babylon Bee's most hated headlines. All this and more on this week's The Bee Weekly! Be sure to check out the full-length version by becoming a Babylon Bee subscriber and hear Kyle and Ethan answer Even More Ten Questions from subscriber Calvin!
The Babylon Bee looks back at some of the best moments of the podcast.
Worship Song Generator.
Lincoln Porch Demon Bread.
The best Golt Frank story ever.
The most hated headlines we publish.
It's a Babylon Bee Thanksgiving special on the Bee Weekly.
Hey everyone, welcome to the Babylon Bee Weekly of Special Thanksgiving episode.
No, I can't.
I'm a card-carrying Cherokee Indian.
We got seven seconds into the episode.
We're going to have a big heap fun.
Oh, yeah, we did want to mention the feathers on Ethan's head.
He is a card-carrying Cherokee Indian.
He already has the car.
He literally has the car.
I just found out that Cherokee, you can get like $2,000 of COVID relief.
Oh, wow.
I submitted.
Did you?
I'm going to try.
I'll try for it.
Mary Elizabeth.
I'm going to run back.
But you have more of a claim to it than Elizabeth Warren does.
I do.
So by Thanksgiving special episode, what I mean is we don't have time to record a full episode this week because things are going nuts.
And so we're doing a couple of things.
Our turkey's not even real.
It's paper.
Look at this.
What's in there?
We are very thankful for our paper turkey, though.
We're thankful for everybody that works here and makes this show possible.
Bettina making paper turkeys.
Patrick always laughing at our jokes.
You know, Ehrlich Wheatstain back there cracking out scripts.
Brandon moving the lighting around.
Dan editing and calling and making sure people show up.
Gavin back there grumbling about.
These people are all surrounding us right now.
But Tina again.
Who else?
Make sure I'm forgetting you.
You say Dan?
Christoph.
Christoph, our animator, who's if you've watched the latest Ghostbusters, Christophe had a lot to do with the great animation there and then Brandon making look.
We've come a long way.
Go to our first animated video to where we're at now.
It's exciting.
Yeah.
We're very thankful.
A year ago, we had just moved into this place and we had about three people working here.
Four started to grow a little bit.
And to now have all the people we have.
There's regularly more people here than we have chairs now.
Which is why Brandon is standing right there.
But yeah, we're very thankful and we're thankful for you subscribers for supporting and subscribing to the Babylon Bee.
is what makes all of this possible hopefully like brian who's standing off camera too Brian is one of our subscribers.
He's standing there.
So it's just been a wonderful year for us at the Babylon B. We're grateful to God.
We're grateful to you.
And we're going to give you a clip episode so that we should fit in a recording, which means we're going to play some clips from some Babylon B. Walk down memory lane.
If you haven't, like, you know, some people haven't watched every episode, so you might have missed some stuff.
I'm going to try to get some ones on stuff that wasn't viewed a lot.
You know, there's a couple, especially moments in interviews that didn't get watched a lot that people might have missed.
And we'll even do one maybe for a subscriber portion.
Okay.
Some little bonus content if you haven't seen it before.
So one of the first ones we want to talk about was the worship song generator.
If you missed this episode, it was one of the funnest and most of the earliest video episodes we did.
Yeah, we were still recording on a potato at the time, so the video quality isn't great, but we...
Yeah, you can also see the evolution of our sets.
Yeah, if you go back to cameras and lighting.
It's rough back then.
It was pretty rough.
But yeah, so we have our worship song generator.
Anybody can access it.
It's on BabylonB.com.
And you go on there and you just randomly generate a worship song, gives you a title, gives you a verse, a chorus, and a bridge.
So we had people go on there and send us their renditions of these songs.
And I don't know if we're going to play the whole clip or not, but you'll hear a couple of them at least.
Definitely need the one with the two girls doing Rum New Over.
And the ukulele or that?
Ukulele.
Yeah.
No, which one of the first world problems right now?
First world problems right now.
They are so catchy.
I just can't even.
Insane.
Yeah.
Really?
Scandal.
Yeah.
So you'll hear it.
I think about that all the time.
It's in my head.
It's stuck in my head often.
They should do a fully produced version of it.
Was the dump truck in that song?
I don't know.
There's another girl that sang dump truck and she can't make a dump truck.
Truck.
Yeah.
And we took a shot at one too.
We generated our own, which is fun.
All right, here we go.
Let's watch it.
We put up this worship song generator and we generated nearly 200,000 unique worship songs from our-well, probably only like 50 people did.
Okay.
Yeah, they just pushed it like 600 times.
Freaking out, clicking.
Oh my gosh, more.
Trying to get a good one.
More.
And yeah, they work out pretty well.
We got some people to send in songs.
Yeah, we didn't actually even ask for this.
Yeah, we never even put a call out for it, but we got some people that actually recorded randomly generated worship songs after that.
And they made them real.
And some of them are pretty dang good.
So let's listen.
This is Lacey and Raina Cornelison.
I just can't even with my first world problems right now.
My first world problems right now.
I just can't even.
We love to live to honor you.
We live to love to praise you.
We love to live to honor you.
We live to love to praise you.
Insane, reckless, scandalous, unstoppable is your crazy affection for me.
Insane, reckless, scandalous, unstoppable is your crazy affection or the no instruments power clapping.
Yeah, and the drum starts to go up.
That's the best part.
That's so good.
I imagine somebody like singing that right there.
All right.
One more from listeners.
This is from Kevin Grant, and it's called Eternal Body Ember.
What?
Wow.
Same XPIC Switchbook.
You are my best friend forever.
We just invite you into this place, Father God.
I have ten blue silly reasons to see.
Because I have ten blood silly reasons to see.
Ten blue silly.
Oh, yeah, I repeat that one quite a few times.
You are my best friend forever.
Breakdown.
drum solo please stand everybody I'm putting immense pressure on you all to stand right now.
Or you don't love Jesus.
This is called this is a you're filling up the air I'm breathing up the air I'm breathing You're filling up the air I'm breathing Sounds like a fart song I'm filling up the air, I'm breathing.
Drop your nuclear bomb of grace.
Eh?
So drop your nuclear bomb of grace.
We don't want it to go away Drop your nuclear bomb of grace We don't want it to go away
And we'll stand in all of your sloppy wet kisses forever Forevermore We'll stand in all of your sloppy wet kisses forever
Stand right now, church.
Sing, drop your nuclear bomb.
Drop your nuclear bomb.
It's like when they play a new song in church.
I don't know what to say.
That was called Blazing Hope Downpour.
Can I try one?
Let's try it.
We'll do okay.
So try like a third day.
Feel like a third day style maybe when I feel sparks of love I know I'm in a lightning storm lightning storm When I feel spark of love Sparks of love I know I'm in lightning storm
Show us how we can believe in you and science at the same time Same time Show us how we can believe in you and science at the same time Same time
Because there's no turning back now turning back now Because there's no turning back now
Show us how we can believe I had the chorus wrong in you and science and science at the same time everybody Show us how we can believe in you and science at the same time Because there's no turning back now
memories uh good natured chuckle so great classic so here's another one that had to do with songs we proposed some woke song parodies to buddy brown buddy brown country singer you like to sit in the back of his truck and sing songs to youtube and uh make apparently a whole career out of that so sometimes we we write apparently that's the thing you can do he's done well i mean it's like crazy he sits in his truck playing song His house looked nice.
We could see into his house.
He had like a pool table or something behind him.
He'd hit like number one on iTunes or something.
That's pretty crazy.
So, a lot of times we write a lot of these little jokes, and we'll write little parody jokes or puns for our guests.
And we'll just say, this will be a short segment where we read these things off.
And it's always a little awkward if we just write a joke and read it to someone.
It's like, what do you want the guests to do?
Be like, that's pretty funny, man.
We did that once with Lila Rose.
Remember that?
And she goes, oh, so is this the part where you guys just make jokes you think are funny and I just sit here?
That was pretty brutal.
She burned us pretty good.
But this guy, like, buddy, if I remember, buddy was laughing so hard.
Like, yeah, he almost killed him.
I think he was sick.
And he actually had to stop.
He's like, I got to have to leave.
I have to leave.
Well, I think the one that almost killed him, which I can't take credit for this joke, I think it was maybe Adam Corey.
It was one of our writers on our Slack channel.
It was all my exes changed their sexes.
So he said, and he just proposed a bunch of woke versions of country songs.
I think he ended up making that song.
He actually recorded it.
Yeah.
No royalties.
Yeah, we didn't make any money off that.
Very sad.
All right, let's watch this.
Oh, yeah, we're going to watch it.
So we were thinking: there's one thing about your music.
It's really biased in one direction.
And we were wondering if you ever think about doing some woke country songs.
So we were going to pitch you some ideas for some woke country songs.
You want to hear them?
Yeah.
Okay.
You can pitch back some lyric ideas.
I got friends in privileged places.
I don't know the second one that's referring to, but everybody liked it.
Do you know what I mean?
Me and Z.
Oh, is that like a pronoun?
XE?
Oh.
Me and Z going vegan in the dark.
I don't know what that's a reference to.
All right, man.
Man, I feel like a person who bleeds.
That's a woman.
I feel like a person who bleeds.
Yeah, this is a good one.
Get everything.
All my exes change their sexes.
These are all free for you, by the way.
Yeah, these are all free.
Oh, my God.
If you want to work on a collaboration video with us, we're shamelessly trying to get that to happen.
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be their biological genders.
Stand by your non-menstruating person.
One joke.
Forever and ever.
Amen.
And a woman.
Oh, Lord.
Can you believe that?
We got a few more for you.
I am a man of constant mask wearing.
This one needs no changing.
A boy named Sue.
Maybe change the lyrics.
Yeah.
I'm so canceled I could cry.
Science take the wheel.
And I like it.
I love it.
I want some more government.
I like it.
I love it.
I want some more government.
Government.
There you go.
Oh, my God.
I'm getting over cold.
Sorry.
So, yeah.
Any of those.
I would just love to hear like an Antifa country song when they're like, rolling down Portland with kombuchas in the back with my friends in my smart car here and there.
Whatever.
Yeah, because they're always rolling down the dirt road.
Yeah, rolling down the dirt road with a dog truck with the beer.
Girl all up in it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, gosh.
Y'all, can we pause this for a second?
I got cold.
I'm coughing my side off this.
Did we just kill Buddy Brown?
The first time we've ever killed someone with our jokes.
Wow.
He's getting some whiskey back there at the bar.
He didn't have a title.
He went back to the bottom of the body.
By the way, he murders Buddy Brown with humor.
I think he's got the bar.
He's getting some Tennessee whiskey.
Going back there.
A little bourbon on the gums.
Tennessee whiskey.
Tennessee kombucha.
Is that another one?
Crack open a can of kale.
You know, I like kombucha.
Oh, man.
Love it.
I love watching all these videos in their entirety right here now.
It's just great.
Okay, so this one goes back to when we were digging up some old weird Christian children's entertainment.
Which, by the way, we need to do some more.
We got to do that again.
This is the donut one.
The donut man.
The donut man, yeah.
And there's a scene where I think they're making some spiritual analogy about being made a new creation or something.
And this bread comes out of the oven with a face.
And it has the most horrifying human face.
And it keeps turning and looking at everybody like.
And it's just us reacting to it, but it's just so funny.
Demon bread.
We call this one demon bread.
So now you get to watch us react to our own reaction to the demon bread.
The demon bread has lived on.
You must know demon bread.
I think Dan still has it now on the Babylon B and not the B.
The Demon Bread.
The Demon Bread is just horrible.
We need to make one.
Can we get one?
Oh, that'd be awesome with Demon Blood.
Demon Bread.
Replica.
Oh, she's not.
Yeah, we want a demon bread staff.
I'll tell Bettina that I want her to make a demon bread prop.
All right, here we go.
Let's watch Demon Bread and Crazy Weird Christian Clips.
Okay, this one I put on here.
I just discovered it thanks to one of our subscribers.
They have like a singing donut in there.
It's a bunch of clips.
This is the donut man.
You got a connection.
He's a guide on the cross.
So this is the high-carved version of Veggie Jill.
Life without Jesus is like a donut.
Cause there's a hole in the middle of your heart.
Let's put some words from the Bible into some dough and then put it in the wonder oven and see what happens, okay?
Very interesting.
Wow!
If anyone is Christ, he is a new creation.
That really needed like a psycho.
Behold, I know that's a good thing.
The donut looks horrifying.
The donut looks like it's a lot of fun.
The donut looks like it wasn't there.
Got PTSD.
He's hiding in that box.
What's your name?
I don't know.
Frankly, it's the yeast of my worries.
You pretty honey.
I'll kill you less!
Look at that he turns to you!
Stop doing that!
It's horrifying.
What did you learn?
Dead, lifeless stare.
Who finished that puppet?
Oh, that's perfect.
He looks like a new creation in Christ.
And the interesting thing is that every child in that video died in a horrible accident.
What is that?
Not really.
Final destination or nothing?
The curse of the bread.
They all died of yeast infections.
That's horrible.
That's gross.
What's the directions for cooking that bread?
Preheat to 450.
Sprinkle some Satan.
Insert demon.
Soul.
Yeah, like the eyes look like, you know, when you see eyes that have been removed from sockets?
Sure, I know it freaks you out how much white there is.
Like they're just a white they are.
And that they're completely like orbs, right?
Yeah.
So it looks like they took those eyes and they put them on the bread just kind of sticking out.
So it looks like the missing face meat or something.
It's just not right.
They actually took the eyeballs of the previous donut man.
It looks like real eyes come from like a raccoon or something.
They pulled out the rat.
You're like, oh, raccoons do have white in their eyes.
You pull them out far enough and then pop those into some bread.
Well, Christians, stop being weird.
Dan, what I want to see is you just take that bear, that bread face and just zoom in on it and have it kind of fade to like a red tint and have like a tense, like the violin.
Try that.
Now, do that, and then we'll go to hate mail.
Oh, man, nightmares.
Oh.
I'm not going to recover from that.
Oh, but we must.
Oh, boy.
You know, kids are stupid.
True.
And the best thing about kids' stupidity is we can exploit it for internet clicks and views.
And that's what we did when we had kids built a whole career on headlines.
And he just exploited his little brother to make a comic.
But just one child.
We had kids pitch some Babylon B headlines.
Yeah, and it was funny.
They were funnier than actually Babylon B headlines.
Yeah, it was a good time.
It's always fun to me to see kids kind of grasp the basic idea, but not quite get I was trying to get my kids to they just understand the concept of a headline to begin with, so I couldn't get them.
I think they were too young.
Maybe next time.
Maybe next time.
We need to do it again.
I think we've done it a couple of times, but here we go.
Let's see how stupid these kids are.
As a Christian, you know God's always there for you, but sometimes things in this life can feel downright overwhelming, and you just need to talk to someone.
That's right.
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Yeah, why not get started today?
Go to faithfulcounseling.com/slash Babylon B. What was that again?
Oh, that's right.
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So we asked our paid subscribers, and if you're a paid subscriber, you get an opportunity to participate in stuff like this.
But we asked our paid subscribers to have their kids pitch them Babylon B headlines.
So the parents went to the kids and said, Here's the Babylon B.
It's like, I'm amazed kids even use headlines.
What a headline is.
I mean, how old can these kids be?
Is there a cutoff for the age of the kids?
People were submitting stuff from their kids in college.
Yeah, I was going to say, my dad's got kids.
They're all grown.
Yeah.
But yeah.
But most of it is like my mom could be like, my kid, my son Kyle, you know, he has great headlines.
Yeah, all the guys that are sending us cons headlines are like, mom, submit this for me.
But so here we go.
We're going to read your kids writing Babylon B headlines.
All right, this is from a seven-year-old.
Childless couple build robot children to write funny headlines.
Meta, meta joke.
I like it.
I got a six-year-old named Clara.
Super Mario, now called Booper Mario, because you have to boop all the bad guys.
It's more accurate.
Nice.
So we got a couple here that don't have an age.
Yeah, they didn't give me the age on this one.
Okay.
A dinosaur is walking around the neighborhood.
That's a good one.
Nailed it.
Yeah.
You want to report that?
Go to Photoshop.
I like this one.
A chicken went to Chick-fil-A to save his friends.
That's why the chicken crossed the road.
I mean, he goes in there with a shotgun.
It's way back time.
This time, it's personal.
President Biden makes a new machine, the tax collector, 3,000.
Lego people leave Earth.
We can't stand these humans anymore.
All right, this is one of my favorites.
A chicken is surprised after walking into a hardware store paint-shaking machine.
That would be quite shocking.
What's happening?
I would like to know the backstory.
Chicken are surprised by everything, too.
They're surprised by the walls.
Yeah.
I'd like to know the backstory that that child didn't think of that.
They were waiting in line with their parents at Home Depot, and they were looking at the machine going, you know what would really surprise a chicken?
All right, breaking news.
A restaurant's entire menu is hot dogs.
Is that a fantasy or a nightmare?
A fantasy for a kid.
A kid went to a Wiener Schnitzel for the first time.
Or like a hot dog on a stick.
I thought this was supposed to be satire.
Dad, your shoes are really giant squishy blueberries.
Got them.
Gotcha, Dad.
I feel like the dad was like, I need you to write a headline, and they just ignored him completely and just made an observation.
Okay, this is from a 15-year-old girl.
USS Enterprise canceled for being a Constitution-class starship.
Dan, is that a good Star Trek joke?
Oh, that's Star Trek?
I thought it was a, well, it's a Navy joke.
Well, yeah, but it's a Starship.
Yeah.
Is it a Constitution class in Star Trek?
You have to look it up?
Okay.
Weather report.
White stuff falls from sky.
Maybe cloud pieces.
Weird.
All right.
Easter report.
Weird bunny has been laying eggs everywhere and they look weird.
All right, here's one from a three-year-old named Noah.
A big meteor hit the whole world.
Sounds like some of the clairvoyant three-year-old.
Five-year-old daughter.
To have the biggest journey, you've got to eat a sheep.
Sounds like one of those Japanese, they're trying to make it sound like English or something.
Confucius say.
I'd really like to read the opinion piece that that one goes with.
You want to have the biggest journey?
Yeah.
Is that a metaphor?
Got to eat a sheep.
The real sheep is the friends we've made along the way.
A five-year-old daughter, all leaves are eaten.
No plants will grow.
It's like farm news or something, right?
All right, this is from Clara again, age six.
Guy punches hole in the wall and says, oh no, this was supposed to happen tomorrow.
That sounds like a guy, the director?
Forget.
I can't think.
Well, yeah, that's imagine.
Look, if the Kool-Aid man jumped through the wall on the wrong day, like when they were barges through, there's nobody there.
He's like, oh, the party was tomorrow.
So now he has to rebuild the wall.
He probably has a wall guy.
Is it my turn?
I think so.
Daughter, age 15.
There is no crisis at the border, says Denithor as orcs storm Osgaliath.
Good job, Ethan.
That's a 15-year-old daughter?
Is she going to have a hard time?
Homeschool, probably.
Oh, yeah.
Super nerdy.
Good job.
I think she's awesome.
Middle schooler.
Kids demand in-person learning to avoid explaining math to parents.
That's quite good.
It's better than some Babylon peel.
I'm going to use that one, huh?
I'm going to steal it.
Hold on, I'm going to steal him, right?
Oh, he's actually stealing.
12-year-old named Christian.
Kamala Harris is caught bringing dynamite into Joe Biden's office.
Curious.
She's just like an box of acme TNT.
All right.
Seven signs that your dog is a racist.
One.
They bark at everyone.
That's pretty racist.
Work in progress.
There isn't any more than that.
Oh, Eliza.
This is from my daughter, Eliza.
Ethan's six-year-old daughter.
This is our big finale.
Yeah.
Ezra and Calvin rub poop in their eyes, and now their eyes are burning.
And she provided a drawing of this.
And you have to watch, if you're on audio, you got to pull up the drawing because it really is...
Oh, yeah.
That's the joke, home.
Like, they look like they're shrieking in pain.
This is her first time really drawing facial expressions, and I couldn't be more proud.
And she doesn't know about the whole thing of pink eye.
She doesn't know about that.
But these kids definitely have pinky.
And they definitely have pink eye.
Like, she somehow knows that if you rub poop in your eyes, that's what's going to happen.
Conjunctivitis.
Now, the brown stuff all over Calvin's head is not.
Calvin added that.
She's very mad at him for that.
Oh, that's not poop.
No, that's just a cool hairstyle.
It's like a hair or something.
I don't know.
It's like a mohawk mullet.
Yeah.
A mullet.
It's a party in the front and a party in the back.
Oh, boy.
Those kids were.
Different as I remember.
Yeah.
They sure were.
Okay.
This one is Lincoln Pork.
Lincoln Pork.
So do we need to say anything else?
So one week, Kyle was going to be out of town, and we had Thaddeus coming in.
Now, Thaddeus is like a decorated PhD professor.
He's written many books on social justice and theology, but he also used to be roommates with the bass player of Lincoln Park.
And I wanted to ask him all about that.
So we came up with this idea for a segment called Lincoln Pork, where we eat pork and talk about Lincoln Park with this guy who never got to promote his book or any of his stuff.
He just had to sit there and eat sausages and talk about Lincoln Park.
It sounds funnier than it was, probably.
I don't know.
It was disgusting because it, but it was really good pork because we sent Patrick to this really good local butcher.
But the guys kind of freaked out.
They freaked out because they thought it was raw.
It wasn't raw.
I ate it.
Yeah.
Nobody got worms.
So I was away and I got a text from my brother, my brother Ryan, and he said, Lincoln pork?
And I was like, what?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, this was never cleared with Kyle.
So at some point, Lincoln or Ethan has a pork mallet, and I didn't know.
Pork mallets were the best moment because I made, I think Thaddeus was very talkative, and I kept trying to find ways to.
And also, the weird thing about me for that episode was usually I get to be kind of the guy who pushes the boundaries and you reel it in.
I had to be Kyle because I have Trevor and Thaddeus who are just bonkers.
So you have a newfound respect for me after that?
So, yeah, to some extent.
But I did also do pork mallets where I made the pork sausages into little meat mallets.
You're like, I was the guy pulling everybody in.
And I made pork mallets.
I did make pork.
I was multitasking.
All right, here we go.
Let's enjoy Lincoln pork.
This is called Lincoln pork.
We're going to talk about Lincoln Park and pork while we eat pork.
And we have sausages.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Look at these things from the butcher.
Now, apparently they're cooked and safe to eat.
Yeah, two of them are sausage.
They're ice cold.
Yeah.
We're eating cold pork.
Straight out of the fridge, cold pork.
Okay.
So I don't know what each one is.
It's a slim gem.
Look at some nunchucks.
That is linked pork.
It's Lincoln.
Hey, cheers.
Oh, cheers, guys.
Look at that.
You do have nunchucks.
Combat cold cuts.
That's from Ninja Turtle.
Yes.
That's good.
Pork?
Is it?
No, the place is good.
Corner butcher.
It's Lincoln pork.
So good.
Oh, man.
That's good cake.
I've been fasting too.
I haven't eaten like 22 hours.
So good right now.
You've been fasting for Ramadan.
No, they don't eat pork.
I'm sorry for the pork eating sound.
Yeah, right now.
It's ASMR.
Okay, so pigs don't poop or they sleep.
Did you know that?
I didn't, but did you know that pigs can play video games even better than some primates?
I don't know how pigs play video games, but that's a fact from the internet.
I don't know.
So how did you, we got to interchange pigs to Lincoln Park.
So how are you linked with Lincoln Park?
So dumb.
We warned you.
But this is delicious.
I'll give you that.
This is the best day of my life.
So this is.
He has like a PhD and like apologetics in the Bible and like, you know, all his college were like, so your roommate was in Lincoln Park?
Let's eat some pork and stuff.
Apparently, I haven't achieved enough in life to be known for anything but the fact that my wife and I went to high school.
There's no way that one's cooked.
The bass player.
They aren't.
Only these ones.
Don't eat the red one.
No.
They said they were all cooked.
This one's this one is, you can't get this consistency.
Eat it.
Hey, if you want an A in my class at Biola, you will eat that.
That's cooked.
I'm filing a complaint.
So I went to high school with the bass player of Lincoln Park, Dave.
That's his name.
He had like a cool band name like Chunk or something.
As a joke, we renamed him Phoenix because Lincoln Park was up and coming.
It's like, yeah, you're Phoenix, man.
You rise from the ashes.
It's not much of a joke name.
But it stuck.
And so he's Phoenix Farrell is his last name, Dave Farrell.
So yeah, I live with him out of college and I'd come home from work and they were sponsored.
The band was sponsored by Xbox.
So there'd be like a black trash bag full of every Xbox game ever on the doorstep, every bass guitar ever on the doorstep.
Everybody wanted like lots of free stuff.
And I'd come home and there would be one day I got back from work.
There was a Grammy on the mantle.
It's like all these.
What is this apartment?
It was so dingy.
Like the emotion, it was just a bunch of bachelors.
There was five of us dudes crammed into this like two-bedroom, and we would play trash can Jenga, which is you just start throwing stuff in the trash.
And then if you're the last guy that you throw your trash and the whole thing collapses, you got to take it out.
That's when Chester goes, it's about to break.
I was waiting for that.
But in the end, it doesn't really matter.
And that was it.
That was my career in the Supertones.
They were like, yeah, thanks.
But no, thanks.
You're not good.
Treat us like the guys in different bands that are successful for like five minutes.
No, no, no.
This was before they were signed.
So I played and then I got booted.
And then they got a big record contract with Tooth and Nail.
Then I played for PAX.
They kicked me out of the band.
Little pork mallets.
Make little pork mallets.
I can't compete with that.
The moon rose.
Oh.
What am I doing with my life?
That sounded like it just came back to life.
Can this segment be over?
Can we be done?
Yeah, I guess it probably should be done.
It's the stupidest thing you've ever done.
Both tried to eat raw pork.
Good pork mallets, good?
Good pork mallets were memorable moment in our history.
So we went down.
I think we had Wendy Shapiro, our female voice actor who does a lot of the mom and a lot of the characters in our cartoons, she was in for this one.
And we went over some of the most hated headlines of all time from the Babylon Bee.
And I think it's just the fun of looking at those, talking about why people hated them so much.
Oh, yeah, the ones that got the most backlash.
Yeah, all the backlash.
So.
Let's do it.
Let's watch that.
You know, we put out Babylon Bee headlines that people like.
Sometimes.
But then sometimes we put ones out that people really don't like.
Really don't like.
Really?
Really?
Like one of the main things they do is write angry comments and they don't click like.
Right.
Absolutely hate.
Controversial B stories.
Here's the first one.
This happened in May 2016.
We wrote this article when Jan Crouch died.
Top prosperity theologians puzzled over death of Jan Crouch.
So this was when we were very new at the Babylon Bee.
This was published on the day of Jan Crouch's death.
And it was like, that was just a timing.
So too soon.
And we had no idea how the reach of the B that people.
I woke up the next morning and Fox News had covered this.
And we're like, what the heck?
Like me and Adam were just like freaking out.
Like, how did this dumb joke that we published on the internet get this widespread?
So that's the first time we kind of realized that people are actually looking at what we're publishing out there.
Better be careful.
It's like not controversial to make fun of Jan Crouch except for on the very day she dies.
The day she dies, it's like offloading.
Too soon.
Too soon.
Yeah.
And we were trying to do this joke that it was like, we're making fun of prosperity theology.
Like the other prosperity guys are like fun of her.
How did she die?
I thought she could just name and claim health and wealth.
You know, but yeah, too soon.
Baffled.
Sorry.
Oops.
Jan.
Oops.
Well, how about this one?
Confronted with details of the Green New Deal, Ocasio-Cortez, Ocasio-Cortez, claimed not to speak English.
We got a lot of hate mail for this one because people thought we were like doing some Mexican joke.
The Mexican stereo job were like the oh, no English, that kind of thing.
Yeah, so but past that, you made her speak like some Star Wars language.
Yeah, she's I think she's speaking Hatis or something.
Hatis?
That's not a real language.
She says, Nijaba no bada.
Is that the job of the hut language?
Yes.
All right, you want to take the next one there?
This is a great joke.
Dumb AOC accidentally strangles herself tying her shoes because she's so stupid.
Do you like that?
Yeah, what do you think?
Look at all that he's doing.
I did.
I don't know how to go.
It kind of says the same thing again.
Not just dumb AOCS.
So we've talked about this one before.
So if you've followed us for a while, you've heard us go on about this one.
This is our favorite, one of my personal favorite headlines because it really is a troll in a lot of ways.
The reactions it gets is the funnest part of it.
What?
Because people can't tell.
Are we seriously trying to be funny?
We intentionally wrote a dumb joke.
Yeah, intentionally doing the dumbest AOC joke ever because we're constantly accused of making dumb AOC jokes.
So we just fully dulled down and we made the absolute dumbest one.
Yeah, if you read the article, it's gold.
Every time we post it, it gets so much hate and it's just wonderful.
And we'll get all these things from liberal comedians saying, this is why the right can't joke.
They told the same joke twice, blah, blah, blah.
Then you'll see other comments.
Like, I remember seeing one with a professional comedian, and they said, wait, if they're actually making fun of themselves here, then they might be better at comedy than we think they are.
And then I just went quiet.
My pillow guy unveils new product for anyone still following him, My Straitjacket.
This was like, this is a bold joke to make with our audience because they like Michael Linda.
We interviewed Michael Lund.
We interviewed him.
That's a nice guy.
He's a lot of big fans.
But it does feel like someone needs to say something because he's still telling everybody Trump's going to get reinstated.
He gets dates.
It's exactly like the pre-millennial guys who go and predict when Jesus is going to come back, and they're like, it's happening on October 7th, 1978.
And then the date blows by, they go into hiding for like a week, and they come out, and they're like, my calculations were incorrect.
It must sell pillows.
That's got to be the thing because I don't know why else he'd be doing this like this.
NFL player announces he's gay, is switching over to soccer again.
What's happening?
Because soccer's gay.
Okay.
Oh, all right.
To add that in parentheses on the headline.
Because soccer is gay.
Because soccer is gay.
Oh, boy.
And he is also gay.
And that's not saying gay is bad.
It depends what you think of soccer, I guess, right?
So some blue check replied to this on Twitter and he was like, Can you explain this joke to me?
Is this saying that gays are bad and soccer is bad and therefore soccer is gay?
And it's like, come on, man.
That's the whole thing.
You tell the joke and people have to interpret.
It's a classic junior high joke.
We're just doing the junior high bit.
And then the NFL came out as gay right after that, right?
It was amazing.
Like, yeah, a few days later, the NFL, if there's this whole thing, we are gay.
The NFL is gay.
The NFL.
Football is gay.
Can't make this stuff up.
Follower of Joseph Smith.
Oh, man.
The LDS did not like this one.
Follower of Joseph Smith urges nation to reject morally flawed leaders.
This one always gets us the nicest hate mail.
The nicest hate mail.
The kindest hate mail from our Mormon friends.
You can't say Mormon is out.
Oh, shoot.
I'm just going to still say Mormon.
No Mormon.
I don't know these things.
They would publish material talking about Mormons all the time.
And then a few years, a couple of years ago, they're like, no, it's now LDS.
Yeah, they changed it.
But yeah, sorry, Mormons.
We just, you know, we made fun of you one time.
Yeah, we just, you know, they made a musical out of it.
Yeah.
We didn't.
Well, we didn't do that.
They did.
Someone did.
Mormons didn't.
I'm sure that wasn't Mormons.
That was the South Park guy.
Wasn't that the South Park guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sure the Mormons aren't a big fan of that either.
Although, didn't they take out ads in the playbill?
Oh, did they?
Like you go and you open it to the ad, check out.
Now check out the real thing.
Genius marketing.
I wonder how many comments they got from that.
I do teach voiceovers as well, and I work with people in Utah.
They're the nicest people.
They are.
They're nice.
They have the nice thing down.
They really do.
Now just get the theology down.
I love you, Mormons.
Come on.
Oh, you're going.
Meat.
Okay.
Is it something about transgender?
Trump, transgender.
Trump attempts to catch Hunter Biden in trap-labeled free crack.
Oh, he just got some hate mail on his phone because it was, oh, you're making fun of an addict.
Well, he's not in program.
So president's son is funny.
And the idea that Trump would put a box on the left was like a box with a stick under it.
An arrow under box.
It's Looney Tuesday.
It's crazy.
That's funny.
And he didn't catch him.
He attempted to kill him.
He attempted because it's Trump.
Sneaky got away.
All right.
One more.
After being kicked off social media, Trump forced to go door to door shouting, Marshmallow.
Well, we get, you might have to bleed.
Marshmallow.
Oh.
On YouTube might flag us.
Bligged black.
So anytime we didn't remember, anytime we made fun of Trump when Trump was in office, we'd get hit.
We need your jaw locked.
Yeah.
Yeah, we need that jawlocker.
So yeah, anytime we got a lot of, we shared a lot of it back then.
We get a lot of angry.
Anytime you make a joke that isn't a pure praise of Trump.
Or mocking the left or something.
Yeah.
You get hate mail.
But this is just, and it's just a beautiful Photoshop.
Look at that.
That's beautiful.
Trump's just right there in the door just yelling at a lady.
Those headlines were problematic.
I'm getting PTSD.
That ain't it, Chief.
Oh, you are, Chief.
Well, maybe not.
I don't know.
Is that a chief?
Say it at me.
I don't know what headdress that is.
So David Storr was a guest that we had who does a lot of prank shows.
Like my favorite interview.
And anybody watched it?
It was my favorite interview too, one of them.
And he was so funny that we almost just needed to say, tell us another one.
Yeah.
Tell us another story.
He runs a bunch of prank shows, famous, what are the biggest ones?
Scare Tactics.
So he just lived a life of high budget pranking, like crazy, intricate scenarios.
So he has just the best stories.
And I'm a huge fan too.
So I think the story we're going to give you is one where he told about they did a prank where they set up this fake death cult.
And so they'd have somebody sit in there and they're passing around clearly a drink that is poisonous.
And each person is dying is gurgling out froth.
So we'll just let him tell it.
Let him tell that.
But this is one of the, this is so funny.
It's like psychology.
Like, if they buy this, maybe I can push it here.
They're not buying that.
Okay, I'm going to pull back a bit.
I'm going to try to be kind of normal or whatever.
And because I can, I'm, I'm constantly looking at their eyes.
I'm like, is he darting around?
I want them to avoid looking around the room because they could spot a camera, but I'm also like gauging and like the, you know, I just kind of like put like, it's like going fishing.
Like I put a little chum in the water.
I'm like, I act real stupid.
You know, like if there's my phone on the desk is ringing and I don't answer it.
Like what will he do?
Like some of me is like curious.
Like if I'm like, your phone, your phone's ringing.
Oh, is that me?
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
You know, just as it's just like little, little like psychological tests, I guess I'm doing in the moment.
And when the real fun is like when you have them hooked and you can just play in that space and get them wound up and they're being, they're saying so much funny stuff.
We had one on scare tactics.
It was a cult and they're going to pass the cup.
The final moment was like, everyone's going to drink from the cup and we're going to go see our, you know, our heavenly father or whatever, you know.
And so they're passing the cup.
And in rehearsal, like, okay, so you passed the cup.
You're going to foam at the mouth.
You're going to.
He did tell us he has no line.
He will know as far as so this guy was yeah, the guy was supposed to the cup was coming to this our mark eventually.
But in the meantime, all these actors are taking this, they're foaming and they're going down.
And so in rehearsal, we're like, all right, he's going to grab the cup.
He's going to protest.
We'll kind of push it.
You got to drink it.
And then he'll say, no, I don't want to drink it.
So the cup passes to him and he looks at it.
And we're like, all right, here it comes.
He goes, and then he passed it.
And we're in the truck.
We're like, what?
Oh, my God.
And then, like, after the bit, it didn't work.
You know, our pregnant work.
I go, I go, hey, man.
Are you okay?
I'm like, what were you?
I go, did you understand what the cup was?
Maybe you didn't.
He goes, yeah, yeah.
You drink the cup and you die.
And I go, yeah, yeah, that was a bit.
So I guess a follow-up question for me would be, why did you drink the cup?
And he goes, like, I don't know, man.
If it's my time to go, it's my time to go.
That's not how it works, man.
You can say no.
He's just like, went in room.
Yeah, went around.
Like, everybody's doing it.
Dude.
Are my feathers dangling?
Okay.
Okay.
Feels weird.
Okay.
And finally, so this one is actually in the subscriber portion of this episode.
This is another one of my favorite interviews because I love talking to cops and having them tell me cop stories.
If you want to get on the Battle On Beat podcast, just tell Ethan you're a cop.
Yeah.
Even if you're not.
Yeah, just get on.
Greg Kating, the guy who headed up the Tupac Biggie thing.
Those guys, rappers?
Well, the investigation.
Yeah, the rappers.
They didn't kill him.
Yeah.
He didn't instigate it, investigated it.
So he told a story on the subscriber portion about a lady that was on meth.
And wasn't he playing it down where he was like.
Yeah, he was actually wasn't a big deal.
And then it's just like he's like, oh, I don't really have that many interesting.
Well, there was this one time.
He tells me this story.
And it was like a Wiley Coyote cartoon.
It goes just the crazy.
Yeah.
She's on power lines.
I don't want to go too much away.
And it just keeps one-upping itself as it goes on.
It was awesome.
All right.
So watch that, Greg.
But it used to happen, you know, in the kind of excitement of things.
I've seen people pull out their pepper spray and shoot it the wrong way right back at them.
And like I said, I've seen cops getting hit with nightsticks and cops' guns getting pulled out of their holsters and flying down the street.
I remember one time.
No, that's a long story, just correct.
No, long stories, please.
Wildest thing I've ever saw.
This girl that was on PCP.
We get the call, suspicious person on PCP.
We get there, and it's this house that's next to this open parking lot.
The parking lot's got a big, huge chain link fence around it.
We get there.
She's on top of the roof, but it's a one-story house, but it has like dormers.
So she's really up there, high, butt-naked, standing up on the street.
It's better every standing on top of the peak of this house.
And we're telling her.
House is on fire.
No, the house is not on fire.
And it's clear, you know, she's got that thousand-yard glare.
She's not responding to anything we're shaking.
She's just standing up there.
So I decide I'm going to go around the back of the house.
We kind of have it.
There's three or four of us there.
We have it surrounded.
I climb a tree and I get up onto the roof.
I don't know what I'm going to do, you know, but I'm going to get up there and try to talk her down or something.
But I get up there, I get on the pinnacle of the roof or the peak of the roof.
She looks at me.
I look at her and I start walking like, hey, hey, just calm down, calm down.
She kind of runs down the runs down the roof.
And right when she gets to the eve, she jumps into that parking lot.
Now, this parking lot has like about a 10 to 12 foot high chain link fence, three lines of razor wire on top.
Three things of razor wire on the top of this fence.
She jumps.
That's all the time we have for today.
Tune in next time.
She jumps and her legs, her lower legs catch that wire.
Right?
So that just flips her.
She doesn't get caught up in it.
It just trips her.
So she's trying to clear it.
She doesn't.
Her legs hit it.
And then she gets faceplanted into the cement inside that parking lot.
So, you know, I climb back down.
We're trying to figure out how to get into this, you know, this secure parking lot with these gates.
And we're watching her.
And she runs all the way across this parking lot, goes to a building.
No one's going to believe this, but I'm telling you exactly how this happened.
She runs up a stairwell, an exterior stairwell of a building, runs up next to a telephone pole that's there, gets up on the telephone pole and runs across the telephone wires.
What?
She's running like a trapeze artist.
She's strung out on PCP.
So I don't know if that's helping her.
Obviously, it is because she's like a rat on that line, just running across.
She's not getting electrocuted.
She falls.
Okay.
She doesn't get electrocuted.
You only get electrocuted if you touch two at once.
She's bouncing in one.
Right.
She's on one, running across.
She's running, not doing like the slow thing.
No, no, no.
She's running and doing a relatively good job of it for probably 15, 20, maybe 30 feet.
A considerable distance.
She's like running.
We're like, whoa.
And then she falls from there and goes right through the roof of a shed.
Now, you know, those sheds that have like the wavy fiberglass, they're just those cheap sheds that have like a wavy fiberglass thing.
Yeah, yeah.
So she just goes right through that.
Yeah, exactly, like a ruffles rotation.
She just falls and crashes right through that.
And we're all now, we're just getting into the parking lot.
We found the front gate.
We were coming through the parking lot, and it's just like out of a movie.
She just comes busting out the doors.
She comes busting out the doors of this shed and is still running across the parking lot.
Now, I'm chasing her.
I'm in the lead, and I'm chasing her.
And I don't know why I did this, but I thought this was a smart thing to do.
And I know that guys are running behind me.
So I just take my gun out of my holster and I set it on the ground real quick.
I'm just running.
I just put it on the ground because I knew that if I grabbed her, the last thing I wanted to do was have my gun with me.
And so I put it on the ground.
I know somebody behind me is going to pick it up.
She reaches the fence line before me and she starts climbing the fence line.
I catch up to her right when she's at about five feet.
I jump up and I grab her legs and I'm thinking, okay, this is on.
I'm on for the fight of my life.
She's built like an Olympian.
She's just incredible build.
Very, very muscular.
And I grab her, and I'm thinking, I'm just on end.
And then the minute I got my hands around her, she just turned to Plato.
She just completely complied and just sat there.
We put handcuffs on her, no rustle, no resistance, nothing.
It was the strangest thing.
Wow.
TCP.
It was the tender touch of Greg Cating.
You know what?
That's right.
Thank you very much.
The crackhead whisperer.
Greg Keating.
I wrote it up.
I wrote it up just like that.
I'm really going out of them.
That's exactly what I wanted to tell that story.
No, it's too long.
This is what we're trying.
We can't stop now.
You got more of those?
I'm telling you, see, this is the stimulation.
This is what you want.
This is what we're looking for.
It was fun reliving that here together.
Indeed.
All right.
We're adding one favorite clip.
So Patrick has submitted this as his favorite.
This was an intro, his favorite intro to an interview show.
This is the James White interview.
So what exactly happened?
Because I remember you got kind of offended or something.
It was John MacArthur.
Oh, yeah, I mentioned John McArthur.
What did you say about John MacArthur?
I think he's not a.
No, I offended him or something.
Or I like.
You were all like offended.
You used a word that I. What did he say?
You called John MacArthur low.
I said he's not a scholar.
Low.
He looked like an academic.
Yeah, you made him sound like not smart.
It felt like you were playing like John.
It's like you're putting John MacArthur on the same level as like Joel Osteen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
And then I can't really.
Even if you're smart, you write books either for the scholarly level or the funniest segments.
That's all I was saying.
So I just started throwing the books down and like you'll see.
You'll see.
Yeah, we don't need to.
We laugh about it all the time here.
It's a favorite moment.
So join us in laughing.
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the Babylon Bee Interview Show, a show where we interview people.
We talk to a lot of interesting people on the Babylon Bee Interview Show.
That's what we do on the Babylon Bee interview show.
Yeah, that's because we're not very interesting.
No, I'm Kyle Ethan.
Hi.
I'm not Kyle Ethan.
I'm Kyle.
I'm Ethan.
Kyle.
And today we're talking to James White, who's an apologist.
He runs Alpha and Omega Ministries.
He's written a bunch of books on a lot of different topics.
He kind of interested.
He meets a lot of people.
I am a Calvinist, and he kind of introduced me to Calvinism, or at least reinforced the Calvinism that I had discovered in more shallow sources.
So I had kind of like been introduced.
Shallow sources?
Well, I had been kind of introduced to Calvinism through like Christian pop music.
Yeah, sure.
Through movies like Final Destination.
That's shallow, yeah.
No, no, through like John MacArthur.
Not saying that he's shallow, but like I had just heard some sermons.
And the shallow John MacArthur.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, he's doing that.
Well, he is more on a joke.
But he is more on like a pop level, right?
Like, he's a pop.
He's a pop star.
And we came around in different worlds.
Well, I guess when you go to his school, he's a pop star.
Pastor, not a scholar and an apologist.
Okay.
So he's gonna, he's gonna, he's gonna put things out.
What are you doing?
Are you cracking him?
It seems like you got defensive about that.
It's weird.
Defensive about what?
He's defensive.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Anyway, yeah, Kyle knew a lot about this guy.
It's a lot more than me.
I think he's read more of his books.
I haven't read any of them, but I see that.
You know the difference between like a scholar and like a pastor that just like pre like pastoring a congregation?
Like this guy's yeah, sure, yeah.
One shout out.
What is this?
What is that?
We need to start again.
No, it's fine.
It's good.
Go.
Roll it.
So we're talking.
We're talking to James White, and it's a good conversation.
Yeah.
He debates Catholics.
He debates King James Onlyists.
He debates people who think you don't need scripture or just other stuff too besides scripture.
He debates people that forgot all about the Trinity.
And he debates Islamists.
Muslims.
When you say Muslims, like Muslims.
Like some guy with a MAGA hat would say, Muslim.
Yeah.
Muslim.
Now that we've thoroughly destroyed this podcast, we're going to talk to James White.
He's coming on via the digital airwaves right now.
Here he comes.
You know what the worst thing in the world is?
It's when you're laughing at something and really enjoying it and you're not paying any money for it.
That sucks.
You feel really guilty.
You're like, man, there's all these people that are like giving their lives to making this stuff.
And, you know, that's their whole job.
And I didn't even give them any money for it.
Now you can give us money.
You can become a Babylon Bee subscriber and ease that guilty conscience.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans.
And for a limited time, you can insert the promo code podcast.
And you get 10% off.
It's not 7%.
It's not 8%.
It's not 9%.
It's not 11%.
It's not 12%.
It is 10% off your subscription.
So go to BabylonB.com slash plans and subscribe.
That's what enables us to continue making all the amazing content that you enjoy 24-7 right into your brain.
Below this video, comment.
Tell us your favorite moments in the past in the Babylon Bee podcast.
Maybe we'll do another clip show sometime with your favorites or something.
I don't know when we need to get done fast and then pour all the work over onto the editing guys.
Yeah.
We don't have to do anything.
Yeah.
They have to do all the hard work.
This was a breeze.
We should do this every episode.
This is great.
I think we should do this every time.
We're going to move into our subscriber lounge now where we are going to answer like a new 10 questions or something from us.
10 questions per subscriber.
He's a little pretentious.
He took it on himself to come up with his own list of 10 questions.
And we're going to answer them.
We're thankful for you.
Have a great Thanksgiving, guys, and enjoy thanking the Lord for all the blessings that he's given you this year.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
So we got an email from Calvin Haynes, the regular mailer.
He's like two underwears and one, his name.
If you could only play one video game for the rest of your life, what would it be?
What TV show or comedian do you feel like most influenced your humor growing up?
Facebook favors.
If it's an image you posted on Facebook, then the algorithm favors it.
But if you're posting a link to an outside site, clearly it crushes it now.
And I think there is a specific knock on the Babylonbee.com.
Ethan has a very Gen X attitude.
I don't want to try.
Trying his link.
Wondering what they'll say next?
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Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.