The Bee Weekly: Name That Christian Rock Music Lyric And Making Good Comics
Kyle and Ethan are joined by artist and comic creator Brian E. Lau to Name That Christian Rock Music Lyric and to discuss the importance of telling good stories with high quality art. Christian Rock sometimes has some interesting lyrics. Let's see if The Babylon Bee guys can figure out which lyric is real or fake and also name the rock music group who wrote it. Brian brought Christmas to The Bee early with his bag of goodies like signed copies of Staunch Ambition and Inferno City Firehouse. If comic books with excellent art and stories worth telling are your kind of thing, be sure to check them out. Of course, there is the usual shenanigans at The Bee, like weird news, subscriber dares, and glorious, salty hate mail. Brian E. Lau is the creator of the comics Inferno City Firehouse and Staunch Ambition. Check out his amazing books at: https://www.staunchambition.com/ The guys talk about what's going on this week at The Bee, what's banging and bombing, and read interesting comments from The Babylon Bee YouTube channel. In this week's weird news a baby was born with a "ball" tail, a duck ran a marathon, and a woman found a website that falsely advertised a hitman service. Two Canadian burglars are really bad at what they do, and there is weird animal news involving owls, possums, and steers. Kyle is unimpressed with yet another Guinness World Record. The guys open their Christmas presents from Brian E. Lau and then try to Name That Christian Rock Lyric. They read this week's hatemail before diving into the subscriber lounge. In the subscriber lounge, they answer some subscriber questions, read extra bonus hate mail, and ask Brian E. Lau The Ten Questions!
The devil put it there to try to trick us into believing in evolution.
An emotional support duck ran the New York City Marathon wearing web sneakers and tape over its little duck nipples.
An owl flew into a school where a mascot is an owl.
It was shot on sight for not wearing a mask.
A New Zealand woman was held hostage by a possum.
Turns out it was a new breed of possum that doesn't play dead.
It plays kill.
Hey, Brian Lau is here.
He got his presence, so we're going to let him stay.
And we are going to read some of the greatest Christian song lyrics ever written.
Then see if we can name that band.
All this and more on the B Weekly.
All right, everyone.
Brian Lau is in the house.
Hi, guys.
Let's do some brief introductions.
Who the heck is Brian Lau?
Yeah, how'd you get here?
Who let this guy in?
Well, I'm a comic creator from Michigan, and I was listening to Jason Brubaker one day and found out...
Another comic creator?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And found Ethan Nicole and Doug to Naples and was following him because I'm a Christian and trying to do good Christian art.
And I loved what these guys are doing.
Plus, I love G.K. Chesterton, so I was following you.
G.K. Chesterton.
For a while.
And then had some contact.
He wound up buying my book, Infernal City Firehouse, which is one of my books.
You mentioned on Stuff That's Good.
I also mentioned Brubaker's stuff on Stuff That's Good.
So these are all stuff that's good coming back.
Coming back to roost.
Nothing but good stuff.
But Infernal City Firehouse is true stories from real Detroit firefighters.
You say you're Christian, but as soon as I clicked on the link of your comic, it says, what the hell just happened, this guy is saying.
Look at that.
It's real life.
Real people say that.
Hell is in the Bible.
So some serious Christian stuff.
What the hell?
We're journalists here.
I have to call you out.
I might have a few non-Christians in my book, so we'll see how that goes.
What's this staunch ambition?
That's something you're working on?
Yes, Staunch Ambition is what I started out doing.
So it's a sci-fi supernatural.
And then when I was working on that sci-fi book, a firefighter was buying my sci-fi book, saw a poster I did for the Detroit Fire Department.
And he was frustrated that nobody does books about firefighters.
So I took a break on Staunch Ambition in between issues three and four.
And then I did this.
I felt called to do this firefighter book.
And then I now, I just finished issues four, which is a double-sized issue of Staunch Ambition and is now on a trade, which we'll see soon.
Awesome.
Yeah, we'll put a bunch of pretty art up on the screen.
I was impressed when you sent me Inferno City Firehouse.
I was like, this is well-written and well-done art.
I was, you know, you get people sending you stuff all the time.
Yeah.
And it's like, wow, my comments.
Well done.
Just be aware there's strong language like hell in there.
There is a little bit of language in you, but I don't want gratuitous sex or violence.
So it's edgy, but it's not gratuitous by any means.
Hey, we got some comments from some followers, commenters.
No, YouTube commenter.
Hey, we see you guys.
Finny says, the left certainly can meme.
You just need to read five paragraphs.
That's all.
It's a good point.
It's heavy reading memes.
AJ Carr says, whoa, this Alonzo dude.
It's Alfonso.
By the way.
Patrick keeps doing that.
Keeps calling him Alonzo.
He says he's scary smart.
I'm terrified by all the smart stuff he's saying.
Bring him back and let him say more stuff.
Seriously.
Maybe that's Patrick's sock puppet account.
Could be.
Thomas Arnold Cole.
I'm glad Tim Hortons got a nod in the Canadian National Anthem.
That's Kyle's.
I think I slipped that in there.
Yeah.
Every time I go there, I'm amazed.
They have as many Tim Hortons as we have Starbucks.
That's like on every corner.
So.
Hey, we've got a subscriber dare today.
A subscriber dare.
Hey, you.
Do you want to be woke?
I know I do.
I wake up every morning thinking I really want to be woke.
That's fantastic because I have a product that meets that exact need that you just articulated right then.
It's a new book called The Babylon B Guide to Wokeness, and it teaches you how to be woke.
My entire life, I've asked myself, how are these kids these days getting so woke?
And I know that there's got to be an instruction book out there, but there isn't until now.
Now there is.
Because this book teaches you how to be woke so you won't get canceled, so Twitter mobs won't come after you and ruin your life.
You get to know how to choose your pronouns, your gender.
Buy this book so that you won't get canceled.
You can order it today.
This is subscriber dare.
And this dare is interesting because Kimberly says she will subscribe and she will buy our Babylon B Guide to Wokeness.
So this is a double whammy.
Okay, it's a double dare.
If you accept the subscriber, double dare.
Since you guys, like all Americans, obviously forgot that Anthony Fauci and Joe Biden are your personal physicians.
I dare you to fire them.
Not because they didn't thoughtfully examine you and your medical history, because they totally did.
You just forgot.
Fire them because they're all mandating their treatments and medications.
We should remember that doctors can't mandate.
They can just recommend sincerely, Kimberly.
So how are we going to do that?
know he had the authority to do that but i guess i guess we need to do this like we are the taxpayers So we need to do this like a skit where we call him.
Well, wait a minute.
If that logic flows, then technically you guys work for me because I'm a Babylon B subscriber.
Okay.
Could I have the Friday after Thanksgiving off?
Yeah.
I guess so.
Okay, so let's have Brian be Dr. Fauci.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
To be a stand-in for him.
Okay.
And then Ethan and I will fire you.
Okay.
Dr. Fauci, would you come see me and Ethan in our office, please?
Yeah, sure.
Okay, we're walking.
Let's go and close the door.
Have a seat.
We need the room.
Clear the room, please.
Yeah, can we clear the room?
So you know that we appreciate everything that you've done around here.
I mean, you've been here, what, a couple of decades?
You put a lot of time in.
A lot of beagles have had their faces eaten off for science.
I mean, at the Christmas party, Marge's fruitcake was delightful.
And we love the bulletin board jokes you put up.
Yeah.
You always refill the coffee pot, which we appreciate.
A lot of people don't do that.
Yeah, you don't leave the toilet paper roll empty.
It's hard to find a time with all the shows I'm doing.
So I appreciate that.
This is good to be appreciated.
So here's the thing.
Yeah.
What is it?
I can't wait to hear it.
Yeah, well, we know the holidays are coming up, and this might be tough to hear, but we're no longer going to need your services around here.
We're going to wish you the best.
We'll write any recommendations that you need.
There's a strong severance package.
Yeah, you're fired.
And I don't want to say it that harsh, but.
We just need to be clear because you're not going to collect unemployment or anything like that.
You're fired.
And it's not you.
It's really us.
I mean, it's.
Except, yeah, but it's, yeah, except for it's the.
Where did it go wrong?
Well, I mean, yeah, it started out.
You were.
Nothing but good stuff.
You know, you're like, masks don't work, then masks work, and then the vaccine, you know, the vaccine doesn't work as well.
And then this, you know, science.
You're showing up late.
You know, your coworkers were complaining about the breath, and then the whole like destroying the economy and ruining everything.
I like beagles.
I just feel like I feel bad for the buildings.
They're awesome.
Beagles are the best to test.
You were on the bubble.
They're the best, best breed.
You were on the bubble, but then when you tortured puppies, that pushed it over the line.
A lot of people had trouble with that.
That created a hostile work environment.
Well, that's worse than abortion, torture, and puppies.
Oh, we're supposed to fire Joe Biden too.
And also, Joe Biden has also fired.
Are you Joe Biden now?
Can you just laugh?
What are you guys doing to me?
Can you grab Joe on your nose?
Let him know.
Can you drop this pink slung?
I'll give you one box to trust.
We're just not going to tell him.
He won't know any different.
Yeah.
All right, we did it.
Cool.
You got our advice.
Subscribe, double-dare.
All right.
Fired.
All right, Kimberly, we'll be looking for your book purchase and your subscription.
We will hold you accountable.
Babylon B, banger of the week.
Banger of the week.
Kyle Rittenhouse asked to step outside and defend the courthouse while verdict is being read.
Nice little photoshop of Kyle Rittenhouse standing outside the courthouse.
This trial is insane, man.
I couldn't believe when I saw the prosecutor pointing the gun at the jury and his finger is on the trigger.
Oh my gosh.
That's wild.
And these are the guys talking about his lack of gun safety, right?
You know what they need to have is who was the guy who just shot someone on set?
Oh, Alec Baldwin?
Alec Baldwin play that guy in a re-dramatic, you know, where he's like pointing it at everyone's ducking.
The jury into like a wave is just going down as he walks in.
Everybody's dying.
I could have done a good skid with that.
Yeah, I guess the most recent thing is the defense asked for a mistrial while the jury is deliberating because the prosecution withheld evidence now.
And there's this whole like, it's wild.
And this podcast comes out Friday, so there could be a verdict even by the time this comes out.
And there's this thing on Facebook.
You search Kyle Rittenhouse on Facebook and it says we could not find anything.
I tried it.
If you change the name to like Kittenhouse, all of a sudden it all comes up.
Yeah, it's so weird.
Really weird.
I tried Kittenhouse and it all came up, but it sounds like a charity.
Some weird thing where you, yeah.
I was hoping to find some actual guy named Kittenhouse, but I didn't find that.
All right, Babylon B, bomb of the week.
Bomb of the week.
New regulations require that social media first be tested on monkeys.
All right, Fauci.
Three guesses.
Who wrote this one?
This is a Frank Fleming.
Our best and worst writer.
And I had to read this excerpt from the article.
The monkeys have gotten all out of shape and shown massive deterioration of their mental health, said researcher Virginia Bowen.
That's because instead of swinging through trees, the monkeys now spend all day screeching at a laptop.
On the other hand, they have developed some primitive meme skills.
Bowen showed off an image a monkey had made of a confused-looking monkey that had written on it in block letters, which maybe means something in monkey language.
So if you see a headline that looks like questionable and it might be a Frank Fleming headline, read the article.
Yeah, because it's really funny.
It's always going to be good.
There's nothing.
Yeah, there's nothing more funny than monkeys, especially monkeys acting like humans.
I mean, that's just fantastic.
Well, I'm going to share that one after the show.
All right.
I want to support it.
All right, let's do some weird news.
This news is weird.
Newborn in Brazil was born with a human tail.
This is a rare case.
Is a human tail real thing?
As a baby boy, he's been born with a 12-centimeter long tail with a ball on the end.
A ball tail.
Oh, man.
Do I want to click on it?
Not a ball.
Not a ball ball.
Like, I assume like an orb.
Not a third ball.
Right, not a third ball.
I don't know.
Not a testicle.
Thank you.
I don't want to click on it.
That would really be sensitive.
Yeah, that was a picture, but it's all fuzzy.
I can't tell.
So it's more of a like a tail like that.
It's not a human tail.
It's more like a human with a like a what has a little nubby tail?
Like one of those dogs.
Yeah, like a dog with a nubby tail.
I don't know.
I'm kind of an animal with a nubby tail.
There's a lot.
I'm blanking out a nubby-tailed animal.
Dinosaur.
Animal dinosaurs.
With nubby tail.
A turtle.
Like a ninja turtle tail?
Okay.
Yeah, like a turtle tail.
Clatypus.
Yeah, it's like a little pony.
When a human baby is like an embryo, or a zygote or whatever, they have like the little tail, right?
Like a little tadpole.
And it goes back in the body with your tail.
That's how they swim.
And that's your tailbone.
So it just didn't grow back.
It didn't.
And it never went back inside and it just kept growing.
So a little problem there.
Crazy.
So is he destined to be a furry when he grows up?
It could help if he ever has to jump away from bees into a pond full of piranhas to swim faster.
No, because the last time in Brazil, that happened, that guy.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, callback.
Callback.
The piranha guy.
The piranha guy.
Rest in peace, piranha guy.
A woman pleads guilty after trying to have ex-husband killed through fake Rent a Hitman website.
A Michigan woman used a fake website called Rent a Hitman to try to solicit the murder of her former husband in 2020.
Only in Michigan.
Now, the Rent a Hitman domain was created as a cybersecurity test site.
The website's owner contacted Michigan State Police who reached out to the woman posing as someone from the website.
So she thought, should she Google Red to Hitman?
Like, she just found this website and thought, oh, this looks legit.
Wow.
You can find anything on the internet.
Did you guys pick this because I'm from Michigan?
Yeah, what's the deal with Michigan?
I don't know.
Can anything good come from there?
No.
An undercover detective met with a woman at a cafe where she said she wanted to have her ex murdered.
She gave the detective his home address, work address, work schedule, and she said she would pay $5,000 for the murder.
Seems like a good deal.
And then gave him a $200 down payment.
So once that money changed hands.
What percentage is that?
Guilty.
That's a small down payment on $5,000.
It's like 4%.
Wow.
I'm bad at math.
This is worse than the comedy Horrible Boss where they go in to hire someone to murder their bosses.
And this is real.
That's like a ridiculous comedy.
Can you look through profiles?
Is this site still up?
It's probably not up anymore, huh?
RenttoHitman.com.
Hitman or Us?
There is a rent to hitman.com.
Okay.
Is it like e-harmony?
Like, do you have to put in all your matches?
You got to find a good match for an assassin.
Yeah.
You have your points of what are the points of compatibility?
You know, I like a clean murder.
Yeah.
Make him suffer a little and then kill him.
Torture.
I want some torture in there.
We want a good one last liner.
Yeah.
The last thing he hears, you know, what are you going to say?
That's the first thing you got to get.
What are you going to say when he's dying?
Yeah.
And all their photos are of their ice-cold stare that they give before they pull the trigger.
So you can kind of get a good idea of the last thing they're going to see.
Kyle's.
I'm just on the website.
I'm fascinated.
You're being flagged right now.
What's on there?
It's like literally, there's a web form to fill out who you want to kill and why and what?
So it's still somewhat like that.
I want to create a website like this and try it out.
What can we do?
How about having just someone?
How do you prove that you are going to do it?
Because I want to know who created this.
Did they do it?
Do they tell the government?
We're going to create a fake site.
I don't think the intention was to catch people trying to kill people.
It says it was a cyber security test site.
They didn't really, I don't know.
But it sounds like they weren't really expecting anyone to actually fill anything out.
And then someone went and filled it out in the duck.
But then, yeah, they found it was real big.
It was riotstarter.com or something.
Yeah.
You can do that.
What other kind of decisions did this person make before that?
Because this would be a nice reality show, you know?
Yeah.
She was charged and had to plead guilty.
It's wild.
What's up in duck news?
An emotional support duck ran the New York Marathon in custom web sneakers.
Wow.
Was he a good runner?
Why did he get to be of all ducks?
The duck's name was Wrinkle and has gone viral after her owner shared a video of the feathered sprinter running the race in what appeared to be in a pair of custom web sneakers.
Was this the one?
I think the duck's nipples were taped just so that he was chafing.
Right?
Someone said it was the cutest thing they'd ever seen.
How'd the duck do?
Ducks don't have nipples.
Well, I think it got disqualified because the duck started to fly and crap on people's head.
Is that real?
No, I just made that up.
That was satire.
I don't recognize satire.
But if it did fly, I would imagine it would have got disqualified.
So it seems like an unfair fight because the duck has really short legs.
Yeah.
That's true.
Well, it has wings.
Maybe it should be able to fly.
Is it allowed to fly?
And I'm holding my five-year-old's hand and I'm walking just a normal pace.
And I look down and he's like, I'm like, dang.
Oh, he didn't actually pay the entry fee.
So it didn't really count.
Sad.
Wrinkle the duck is more than just a beautiful Pekkin duck.
She is a full-grown adult human child.
What?
Rinkle's owner wrote with a YouTube video.
She is fast.
She is speed.
She is zoomed.
She is Wrinkle.
Still fast as duck.
Wow.
I think she's really taken this for everything she can do with it.
All right.
Good job.
Congratulations to Wrinkle.
So two Canadians tried to steal a furnace, but then they caused a gas leak and passed out.
So they're pulling the furnace off, which causes the pipe to.
I feel tired.
You feel tired?
Yeah.
They passed out right where they're still taking it out.
So they were in the middle.
I imagine it very cartoony, like pop it off.
Hey, Tony.
I think I'm just going to lay here for a minute.
We'll get it out, but you want to just lay down for a minute, take a little nap time.
Did you remember to turn off the gas valve?
Of course I did.
Let's go.
It's one skinny guy and one fat guy.
You know, we got to make this as cartoony as possible.
So residents reported an odor of natural gas, and the police showed up, and there's just two people laying there.
They were released without charges.
Yeah, that's interesting.
They got away with it.
I guess it was like a...
What?
And I...
What was this place?
Someone's house?
Someone's house, yeah.
There's obviously nobody there.
It says the police assumed they were trying to steal the furniture.
So they didn't really care.
They couldn't prove it, huh?
Yeah.
Maybe they're just maybe they're actual professional repairmen, and they didn't want to admit that they had screwed up the repair so bad.
It'd be better that we were.
Hey, yeah, while we were stealing it, yeah.
Innocent furniture movers, furnace movers.
Would that be hoisted on your own petard?
I think that would be hoisted on your own petard.
By your own petard.
Buy your own petard.
That reference that is in a different interview show coming up with I think we've referenced it twice now, haven't we?
Have we?
Who do you just interview yesterday?
Thor Ramsey.
We got into that.
We talked about it in the Lord of the Rings podcast, and then it wasn't there.
And then we talked about it with Thor Ramsey.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, we did a deep dive on that.
Hey, an owl flew into an elementary school where the mascot is an owl.
This teacher filmed this video.
The children had already left, but this bird just flew into the room and it landed on a book titled Nature's Show-Offs.
No, that's a smart owl.
Not just a wise acre of an owl.
It was unclear how the owl got into the building, but I just love that.
He landed on the book Nature Show-offs.
That is pretty funny.
Good job, owl.
I like it.
Yeah, I think he pulled out a lollipop, started trying to figure out how long it takes to get it at the center.
That's what I'm thinking of.
This owl is that smart.
Do you know that commercial reference, Kyle, at your age?
They've been playing it again.
Okay.
Recently, yeah, which was like awesome because that was how many licks does it take to get to the center of a toothpick?
I know that one.
There you go.
They played it when I was a kid, too.
That one has never really gone out of style.
Classic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you're hoisted on your own petard.
I guess hoist means lifted, so it's like your bomb blows you up and you fly up.
You get hoisted by it.
Yeah.
Hoist.
I always like that word.
What about possum news?
What's in the possum news?
This one's me.
New Zealand woman held hostage by a possum.
The University of Otago postgraduate student said she was unpacking her car at her home in Dunedin's Northeast Valley when she felt something run up her leg.
I pulled it off me, thinking it was a cat.
And then I saw it was a possum.
The woman told the Ontago Daily Times.
Wow, that's weird.
Possum just ran up her leg.
Ran up her leg.
Mating season.
The woman said she fled into her house, and every time she tried to go outside, the possum would reappear and charge it.
She had some kind of she had some kind of like cologne on or perfume that this possum.
This is the plot of Stephen King's Cujo with the possum.
There you go.
Sergeant.
The cute New Zealand possums.
They're way cuter.
Are they?
Yeah.
New Zealander cute.
So there's different kinds.
Yeah, they have a whole different possum over in New Zealand and Australia.
Yeah, yeah.
Do they?
But they're really like, they have like they pay people to kill them because there's so many of them.
Oh, really?
They almost look like a bat or something.
But I like this.
Sergeant Craig Dennison, the officer that arrived at the woman's house, was speaking her through a window when the possum jumped up on his leg, no doubt.
And then he gets locked inside.
He stunned a possum with the beam of his flashlight, and the animal is placed in a box with some dried pet food.
Now, does that stun mean click?
Ah, it's so bright.
Or clunk, stun.
Stun with the beam of his flashlight.
Oh, the beam, yeah.
So anyway, they're guessing, they theorized that the animal may have been formerly kept as a pet or just been recently separated from its mother.
Now, what I find sad is I want a possum, and they drove this thing way out into the middle of the forest and let it go.
They should have just sent it to me.
If anybody has a possum and you would like to mail it to us, please let us know.
I want a possum.
If a possum runs up your leg, mail it to Ethan.
Yeah, take it as a sign.
It's meant to be your child.
It's meant to be.
So Steger was spared slaughter after a water slide adventure in Brazil.
So it's a two-year-old steer.
It's from his cattle farm.
And it made his way up to the neighboring uh club de campo where the animal ended up climbing to the top of the water slide at the pool.
It was all caught on video and uh he slid like halfway down the slide.
Oh, so he was gonna be killed, yeah.
He was like gonna be hamburger, and they were like, you know what, he was gonna be a slider, yeah.
Then, yeah, slid down halfway down the slide and like became like a local celebrity.
So then the farmer's like, I like the farmer's quote here.
Uh, I looked to see if he had any injuries, but he's fine.
He'll stay here because of the people.
It sounds like a like an interpreter.
Yeah, the people want to know where he is.
He's been the attraction.
Everyone wants to know.
We want to take him to the club.
The farmer told the news.
Yeah, that's definitely run through Google Translate.
We want to take him to the club.
We will take him to the bathroom.
Paddy Buddy Paddy Body up in the club.
The steers now have been dubbed Toboga Toboga, which means slide.
It's really obvious.
They call him Slide.
That's a cool name.
That is a cool name.
Self-slide.
It's like something someone would have been named in, like, saved by the Bell or something.
Yeah, or like in the 80s, there was always like Slade.
Slade was a cool name.
No, yeah, it's kind of like that mixture of slide and blade.
Well, I guess I'll do this last one.
This is for you.
California Mission Assembles World's Longest Line of Socks.
Wow.
This record really sucks.
80,000 socks for the homeless.
I mean, tie them together.
At least it's for a good purpose, I guess.
Over seven miles of socks.
See, this is one.
This record falls under the category of like anybody could do this.
Right.
But not anybody's that stupid to waste that much time doing that.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a charity.
It's not stupid.
But they could have just given him to the homeless.
I don't know.
They didn't need to do that.
That is pretty stupid raising money that way.
If I was poor, I'd be like, nah, where did this money come from?
The sock was all the sockless, the sockless homeless guys.
That's my real money.
Do we get those socks right now?
It's cold.
Hold on.
We got to tie them together 7.8 miles across the state, and then we'll get into it.
I don't even think they were tied together.
They're just lying next to each other.
Oh, they're just lying there.
I think they're.
Wait, let me look.
Because I wonder if they're going to be all stretched and weird.
What?
They're like on clothes on their clothesline.
What?
That's not even like a line of sight.
That's just a long rope.
Yeah.
That's the standards.
How close together do they have to be?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, if I was homeless, I would reject the socks.
Garbage.
Yeah.
This came from Guinness World Records.
I don't want them.
I'll go sockless.
Band socks.
Hey, it's almost Christmas.
It is.
And I want to open a Christmas present.
Oh, yeah.
I always like Christmas presents.
Whoa.
I'm a big fan of Christmas presents.
Well, Santa Claus is here, so I sent you guys gifts, but I made you wait.
Okay.
Until Christmas.
Delayed gratification.
I even said on here, don't open until I arrive.
But if my plane had went down and fired flames, you would have had to wait until Christmas to open.
We're glad that didn't happen then.
Why don't we each open one?
Now, this could be like a super villain plot.
Yes.
Could be.
He might be trying to kill us right now.
We're not 100% sure.
Hoisted by his own guitar.
Why does Christmas without putting that on there before you open it?
I have to put the bow on before I go.
You got to put the bow on there.
Ethan, pick one out there.
This better not be bees.
Murder bees.
Murder hornets.
Murder hornet.
There you go.
No, murder bees.
I couldn't afford the hornets.
Okay.
All right.
I got a bow on it now.
And now I'm going to.
There we go, mind sticks.
And there is an opening pat tab in the back, so I ruined the tab.
Ooh, I got a good one here.
Are you opening your own Christmas friend?
Oh, yeah.
Actually, some of this stuff is mine.
Oh, okay.
I didn't want to carry it on the airport.
Oh, man, comics.
Who likes comics nowadays?
Comic books.
Wait a minute.
I got sent my own Bears Want to Kill You by Ethan Nicole.
That's a good gift, though.
Wow.
You know what you could do with that?
You could sign that and give it back to me.
Okay.
It seems like, is Indian giving?
Am I allowed to say that?
Okay.
Sure.
Staunch Ambition.
Oh, yeah.
You're a resident Indian.
I've got Staunch Ambition, which is the sci-fi one.
A couple of them in here.
A couple of those staunches.
That's the new remastered 128-page graphic novel season one.
Inferno City Firehouse.
I think I got that one too.
Did you get that one?
All right.
Awesome.
And it's signed by Blau.
That's by that cover is by Clayton Crane, who works on Spider-Man.
I mean, he's huge.
I was a big fan of his, and I happened to.
He's a real dude.
I hooked up with him on two covers, and that guy's probably one of the best working artists today.
He's huge.
Yeah, I love the style.
And is that the pencils or Erwin Aroza is my interior artist, and he's a good Christian guy, too.
He's in the Philippines.
And the first piece of art I've ever seen Erwin do was like this light coming through stained glass window in like a church, beautiful church, you know, Catholic-like church.
And you can see his style is just epic.
And for true stories, I wanted it to be gritty.
Yeah, that's great.
It's really well done.
So I wanted to shout out Erwin Arosa because he's not only like an amazing talent, but he's just the nicest guy in the world.
Wow, that's amazing.
I mean, I also look, I got book one of Axe Cop.
Oh, man.
Yeah, you know what you could do with that?
You could sign that.
That real nice.
I don't think you understand the human concept of gift giving.
Yeah.
Look at this book.
I got another staunch.
Another one for Ethan to sign.
I was reading this on the air the flight over, and I got halfway through.
And I'm a huge Chesterton fan, so I'm just enjoying it tremendously.
Awesome.
And then AxeBearstore.com.
You want to get in my books for Christmas?
We got posters.
Oh, man.
Oh, posters.
They've been dinged up a little.
Do you want us to sign this and give it back to you?
Another Clayton Crane.
This is the guy who did the cover to the Inferno City Firehouse.
Now, I know you and I are both a huge fan.
Did you look at me when you said that?
Huge fans.
You're not a huge fan.
Oh, no.
Huge fans.
J.A. DeFoy drew this for me.
It was an idea I had, and then I colored it.
I usually wind up coloring.
Okay.
So I'm a slow artist doing pencils and all that.
For the audio listeners, it's Spider-Man playing basketball with the incredible Nightcrawler.
So cool.
This is how Staunch Ambition started.
Okay.
So this is my nudity.
Yeah.
There's no sexual organs.
This is a genetically engineered worker clone that's mixed between human and animal with no sexual organs.
Azerus.
That's an idealized utopian vision of the world.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's part of the story.
But this energy going around him represents your spirit or your thoughts.
So this is all my work here.
Okay.
Cool.
And then I know.
I love a good sci-fi man.
This looks awesome.
Oh, here.
You like this.
You guys like dragons.
So you guys, everybody can pick whatever poster.
I feel like you're actually fought dragons in Detroit.
Yeah, we do.
And it says a serious look inside the lives of real Detroit firefighters.
And they're blasting a dragon.
That is a serious look.
And then there.
Ah, this is wonderful.
What's that?
One of the greatest shows I've ever made.
Avatar, The Last Day Render.
Yeah.
Love that show.
Hopefully, they don't.
You guys got to get that on the screen.
I'm sure we can scan them or whatever, but that's awesome.
Yeah.
One of my favorites.
I'm going to get a chest tattoo of this now.
Detroit.
Okay.
There's another thing that happened in Detroit.
That's a photograph of Firefighters in Detroit.
That's an actual photograph, yeah.
Cool.
That's pretty cool.
Taking over a whole bunch of skyscrapers.
Well, this is awesome, man.
Thank you so much.
And we'll sign all these and get them back to you shortly.
So if people want to check out your comments, where should we send them?
They can go to staunchambition.com or Inferno City Firehouse, which is, I think, Weebly and something at the end.firehouse.weebly.com.
Yeah, there you go.
So if there are any warnings you need to give grandparents or parents, they're like, I'm going to get these for my kids.
Oh, the firefighter book deals with PTSD and depression and suicide.
It's some real stuff.
Those are true stories.
And 20% of the profits for that book go to people struggling with PTSD or depression.
And I didn't know what I was going to write, but I just knew I needed to write something about firefighters.
My grandfather was a Detroit firefighter for 26 years.
And I lived with Detroit firefighter and did ride-alongs with them.
But the firefighter that I lived with for years, I found out that he had shot himself.
And so when I first started doing the research, that was one of the first things I found out.
And of course, that really took me in a certain direction with the story content.
So, yeah, it's not the True Stories in the Firefighters is ultimately about hope, but it's not necessarily for little kids.
But then I would say the Staunch Ambitions, you know, it's kind of like a Marvel movie.
You know, it's got, you know, it's nothing gratuitous in it.
All right.
Lots of gay characters.
Oh, yeah.
Very diverse.
In the future, like the weirdos are straight people.
Okay.
No, I can.
There you go.
Hey, we're going to play a game.
Hello.
Please purchase things from our store.
We make stuff.
You buy it.
We make things.
You buy things.
There is B on thing.
Oh, look.
Fantastic product.
B. Very shiny.
Great cost.
Excellent quality.
You buy now.
Buy now.
Shop.babylonb.com.
Repeat.
Purchase Tumblr today.
Name that Christian Rock lyric.
Is it a real lyric?
And if so, who wrote it?
Or is it completely made up?
I'm going to guess if it's made up.
But you have to guess who wrote it.
Is Adam here?
I think.
Oh, he's not here.
No, he's not.
He's out.
He's visiting family.
That's right.
For the holidays.
So Bettina is going to be telling us the answers.
Okay.
Our first one is one fry short of a happy meal.
You are incomplete by your own deceit.
Are these mostly Christian rap lyrics?
I don't know.
I'm going to say that this one is real.
Okay, but what band?
Yeah, I'm going to go real.
Yeah, it's real.
I'm guessing it's real too, but I have no idea what band is.
KJFF2.
Thousand Foot Crunch.
That's actually one of the things I like to come up with is new phrases like, you know, lights are on, but nobody's home and stuff.
And I like this one.
You're one fry short of Happy Meal.
And incomplete by your reality.
Do you have a guess on what band it would be?
It's kind of carmen, but I'm thinking Frank Short Happy Meal.
That's beneath Karma.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know, man.
It sounds like rap.
Or you could say fake.
Is it rap?
But I don't know.
He's got to throw an idea out there.
P-O-D.
Okay, right.
Definitely not.
Bettina?
The answer is FFH Big Fish.
I don't know.
FFH Big Fish.
But we were right that it was real.
That's not real Big Fish.
It's FFH Big Fish.
Okay.
I don't know.
Real Big Fish isn't Christian, man.
All right.
Make love great again and fight for it till the end.
Don't let the darkness in.
Make love great again.
Yes.
All right.
I hope that's not real.
Make love.
Is that a country song?
Make love great gear.
I don't try to think of how you'd say that.
Make love great.
How about yeah, that sounds right.
This is how about audio adrenaline?
I don't know.
Audio drone?
No.
No, no, no.
Make love great again.
And does it make love great again or make love great again?
Make love.
Twilight Paris.
I am going to say it is real and it is Striper.
I'm going to say it's fake.
All right, Kyle, you're right.
Whoa, whoa.
I know that song.
Ouch.
That's why I let you guys guess first.
They'd start singing praise in a whole new way.
Yeah, yeah.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Kawabunga, yeah, dude.
Kawabungaluya.
Oh, pow.
Kawabungaluya, dude.
Oh.
This is supposed to be all Christian music.
This is real.
They'd say.
This is real.
This is real.
It's called the cartoon song or something, I think.
If that's what this is from.
I forget who wrote it.
That's a pretty good song, though, right?
I think so.
Who wrote that?
Oh, I forget, but that is actually pretty fun.
That's a fun song.
Who the heck was that song by?
Why do I not remember?
I'm going to kick my hand or something.
No.
One hand wonder?
No, it was like a pretty well-known supertones.
We just have to guess fast because it's going to take forever to get through the supervisor.
Oh, Easy Cuts.
The B, the B's.
The Bee Gees.
It was T-Bone.
Goodness gracious.
It's going to kill me.
I don't know.
It's Tasty Snacks.
I don't know.
The cartoons.
Yeah.
Stars with a C. Cadman's Call.
No.
Creed.
Incorrect.
I don't remember.
Cowabungaluya.
Frick.
Give up.
Yeah, I give up.
Chris Rice.
That's right.
That's a guy.
I kept wanting to say Shane and Shane, and I'm like, that's not right.
They didn't write that song.
Hitler, Napoleon, Pharaoh, Capone, tormented and vexed and grieved, waiting for their judgment from the throne.
Is that by T-Bone?
I don't know.
I don't know.
So these are all actual lyrics.
I thought it was.
I can guess what do you think it's made up?
All right.
I don't know.
And if they're made up, they were made up by Adam Yanser.
Okay.
I don't know him.
Fake.
You're going for fake?
Yeah.
That sounds like it's kind of cool, but probably from a book or something.
I'll say fake.
I'm metagaming it and saying he has to have a fake come up at some point.
I'm going to say fake.
Yeah, it's too much.
He's got all this.
But I kind of think it's real.
What is it?
Do two fakes into T-Bone.
I'm a little disappointed.
This is Carmen, you guys.
Oh, wow.
Man.
What a fail.
Shame.
And shame.
Does it say what song it's from?
The champion.
The champion.
Oh, that's from the champion.
Wow.
I'm glad I didn't know that one.
I know more about the aura of Carmen than actually memorizing the songs.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, we snack on mana all day, and we sure had a winner last night for dinner, flaming mana souffle.
That's fake.
We snack on mana all day.
Who's singing about that?
Isn't there a band called Tasty Snacks?
There is, but they didn't write about snacks.
That was just the name of the band.
But it's just funny if they had it.
Because I know I'm just throwing.
We sure had a winner last night for dinner.
Fake.
That's fake.
I'm just going to keep saying fake until I get to that.
That's got to be fake.
Tasty snacks.
This is Keith Green.
So you want to go back to Egypt?
Oh, he's so good, dude.
I'm being exposed as a poser here.
Total poser.
I am totally.
Keith Green.
Okay.
All right.
I think it's your turn now.
And we may never know why or find the right answer for why you let grandma die or made childhood cancer, but it's in your hands.
It's all in your hands.
I want to clarify that I am not laughing about childhood cancer.
That's hilarious.
But this is like typical Christian lyrics.
I'm going to have to mention something really specific in an awkward way instead of just being poetic.
Why would you let grandma die?
I mean, you know, that's grandma had a long life, so what's the big trauma there?
I'm going to say real and Stephen Curtis Chapman.
Ooh, really?
That's a good guess.
And you may never know why.
I'll go real and Project 86.
I'm just throwing another.
No, it's not, but that's funny.
I go fake.
It is Made Up by Mr. Jenser.
That's an end Jenser.
I didn't think he'd go there.
Childhood Cancer.
That should have been the tip off.
Yeah.
When the toast is burned and all the milk has turned and Captain Crunch is waving farewell, they don't serve breakfast in home.
Oh, we know.
That's a great song.
Yeah, that's the real and newsboys.
Newsboys.
Well done.
Newsboys, breakfast.
And Steve Taylor is often doing a lot of their lyrics like this.
Great lyrics.
And I'm a big Steve Taylor fan.
A lot of the times he's behind the scenes.
I love you, Jesus.
I want you to walk with me.
I'll take good care of you, baby.
Call you my baby baby.
Is that for the south part?
I'm going to say fake.
Yeah, it's a parody or something.
Yeah, that's a good guess.
What was that?
What was his Cartman's band?
Plus one.
Faith plus one.
Faith plus one.
Yeah.
Faith plus one.
We're going to say it's faith plus one.
That is correct.
Well done.
Good call.
All right, what do we got next?
Me.
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss.
That's a classic.
John Mark McMillan.
I wouldn't have known his name, but yeah.
I don't.
That is correct.
Boom.
Jesus, you're the most.
You save the meek.
Jesus, you're the most.
You save the meek.
You appear.
Jesus, you're the most.
You save the meek.
You appear on toast.
Making the father proud in the Holy Ghost.
I'm going to say this.
Fake Adam Yenser.
Adam Yenser.
What?
That needs to be real, man.
Appearing on toast.
Are you going to go real then?
Are you going to go fake?
Okay, we're all saying fake.
That's correct.
I'm like, cancer, toast.
Got to be Adam.
I'll wash your feet as you spit in my face.
He spits in your face?
It's probably real.
Real.
Yeah, it feels real.
Super tumbled.
Super dumb.
Demon hunter.
David Zavario.
I don't know.
It is Skillet.
Hey, you, I love your soul.
Skillet.
You.
Get out of my car.
First one, you played Mozart or something lovely like that.
Second one, you play that Petra or that Megadeth.
Sounds like a rap lyric.
I'm going to say Real and Carmen?
You don't think Carmen?
Oh, yeah, that could be Carmen.
Sounds like his speed.
All right, nothing.
I'm just trying to think of Christian rappers I know that I can think of.
I don't know any of them.
KJ52, DC Talk.
Soul.
I'm stumped.
The Cray.
What's that soul band?
Soul something.
Soul.
I forgot.
They're indie.
I listen to any indie Christian bands.
Yeah.
Carmen.
That's pretty.
Sure, Carmen.
No.
It's going to be Carmen.
All right.
That is audio adrenaline by the houseplant song.
Oh, yeah.
Audio A drown.
I know that song, too.
I wasn't big into Audio A. All right.
Jesus Reigns Supreme.
That's how my team comes through.
And then all of a sudden, these wannabe hard dudes from South Park walked up, just smacking, just talking smack too, and the Smurfs backed them up.
I guess they was just a crew.
What?
It sounds too weird to be made up to me.
Definitely.
Daniel Sun family.
I'm just like naming bands I remember now.
Is that also from the cartoon song, the Chris Rays?
I don't know.
I'm on the hooks, man.
I can't even think of any Christian music.
KJ52, real.
I'm going to keep guessing KJ52.
Did you guess?
Kevin Max.
Michael W. Smith.
Kyle's right.
KJ5.
Yeah.
I had no idea.
I was completely guessing.
Rock.
He had these really weird raps about Mountain Dew and stuff, so I just figured.
Oh, really?
All right.
Sit, stay, don't beg.
Stop looking at me.
Oh, I know this one.
That's real?
Yeah.
This is PFR, one of the best.
Real PFR.
Goldie's Last Day.
What's PFR standard?
You don't know PFR?
I don't know PFR.
Well, their original name was Pray for Rain, but it was taken, so they had to change it to PFR.
Oh my gosh.
PFR, Goldie's Last Day.
This is a great album to start with.
And this is about their dog.
It's comical, but it's serious because it's about their dog dying.
Goldie's Last Day.
It's not your typical Christian music, so you'll like it.
That was wrong.
I'm just kidding.
I was going to say, after all that, no, that's made up.
What?
One lyric was off.
And finally, my turn.
I believe in evolution.
Ask me no questions.
I'll tell you no lies.
It's the only possible solution.
Big bang fiction that we factualize.
Oh, is this Jeff Moore in a distance?
Oh, it might be.
I don't know.
Don't they have a song about your uncle swinging from the trees?
Your uncle was a monkey.
Yeah.
I don't know if that's from this.
I'm going to go Jeff Moore in the distance.
That's what I'm doing.
That's real.
Very good.
Craig's brother.
Oh, you're such a hipster.
That was it.
That was it.
Evolution redefined.
Nice.
Good job.
Who won?
Anybody keep scoring?
No.
I think we were just ill.
I think we all lost.
I think everyone lost, even the watchers.
It was probably even because whenever somebody knew it, then we all went, yeah, that one.
Really, Christianity lost.
Christianity lost over and over.
But the last will be first, so it's good.
That's it.
All right, let's do some hate mail.
You know what the worst thing in the world is?
It's when you're laughing at something and really enjoying it and you're not paying any money for it.
That sucks.
You feel really guilty.
You're like, man, there's all these people that are like giving their lives to making this stuff.
And, you know, that's their whole job.
And I didn't even give them any money for it.
Now you can give us money.
You can become a Babylon Bee subscriber and ease that guilty conscience.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans.
And for a limited time, you can insert the promo code podcast.
And you get 10% off.
It's not 7%.
It's not 8%.
It's not 9%.
It's not 11%.
It's not 12%.
It is 10% off your subscription.
So go to BabylonB.com slash plants and subscribe.
That's what enables us to continue making all the amazing content that you enjoy 24-7 right into your brain.
I really miss Adam Ford.
All right, we got some hate mail from John.
And John emailed us and said, you get to read this hate mail, actually.
Oh, really?
Message, your jokes are really bad.
And candidly, your jokes are so, so bad, they manage to conflict with conservative theology.
You are lost.
You are in need of rebuke.
You're so far from funny, you can't tell.
You can't even tell how far from funny you are.
What is this?
I solemnly half-mass joke in a trash cheap shot that inflames and fails at humor outside of the context.
Do self-righteous, supposedly Christian-centered trolling.
You have lost your way.
You are beloved by racists all over the country.
Congratulations, you H. F-ing-H.
F-ing H.
And did he just fall?
It just ends there?
Well, I think our contact form ends at like 250 characters or something.
So maybe he pasted something in and he's probably still typing right now.
He doesn't realize it.
Some say on a cold night, you can still hear the sound of his keyboard.
Exactly.
Well, this guy's got the clarity of a...
I did not know that there was conservative theology.
Well, yeah, like orthodox theology, yeah.
Okay, so theology.
Progressive theologians, conservative.
Okay, I thought he was saying like conservative theology.
Politics have theology, man.
You could say conservative theology.
You could just say biblical theology.
Oh.
Yeah.
Historical.
I don't know.
Actually Christian.
Hey, we have one more hate mail here.
Sleepy J. You should chill with the written house memes.
This isn't a good look for a Christian satire page.
All right, well, we'll chill.
People say not a good look.
Not a good look.
I can tell something about the way they think and the way they just say that.
Like your whole worldview is informed by what other people think.
Like it doesn't matter what's true.
It's just not a good look, bro.
It's not a good look.
It's fine.
It's just not a good look.
All right.
Well, we're going to move into our subscriber lounge now.
We're going to ask Brian the 10 questions.
We've got some love mail, and we've got bonus hate mail, which I think is even better than the hate mail we just read.
Oh, we got some good stuff.
Yeah.
We got some awesome colonial hate mail.
Next time we should do Christian, Christian lyric or secular love song lyric.
Oh, good one.
Have you ever seen that quiz online?
That's it's it's heavy metal lyric or psalm or from the or from the Old Testament.
Oh, really?
Yeah, we should do that live here soon, too.
Oh, heavy metal has a fascination with religion.
Yeah, it's a it's hilarious.
It's like and the other one was that they have is name of Ikea Furniture or heavy metal band name.
And it's so hard to tell, man.
We'll do it live on the show one of these times.
Write those down, Adam Yanzer.
Thanks for joining us, everybody.
And subscribe babylonb.com slash plans or smash that join button if you're on YouTube and you can join us in the subscriber lounge.
Yeah, and get Brian Lau's comic staunchambition.com.
Remember, only you can save the world.
I'm holding up a poster of avatar if you're on audio.
All right.
Bye.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
Is cereal just breakfast soup?
I pulled the chair out from my friend and he went to go sit down, fell, and everybody laughed.
And she goes, it's not funny unless everybody laughs.
Kyle Mann is like the fifth funniest kid in your youth group.
If the fifth funniest kid in your youth group got retweeted by the president of the United States, Kristen Oren.
She's been so pleasant to work with.
Professional.
It's always good to find a good editor.
MC Esher's work.
I mean, that guy was beyond just great artists.
Like, oh, wow, look at the Mona Lisa.
You know, you need a face.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to BabylonB.com slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.