THE BEE WEEKLY: The Bee's New Book and Remembering Norm Macdonald
In this episode of The Bee Weekly, musician Chandler Juliet joins Kyle and Ethan to talk about what's been going on at The Babylon Bee this week, The Babylon Bee's new book that is available for pre-order now called The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness, and the saddest news ever about Norm Macdonald's passing. In the subscriber-exclusive lounge, Adam Yenser joins in to discuss his memories of working with Norm Macdonald. Keep up with Chandler Juliet: Music: https://fanlink.to/ChandlerLoveLanguage YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYJAxrOiTRmgPSZrrZ9jL8g Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chandlerjofficial/ Kyle, Ethan, and Chandler discuss the Bee's 'Banger of the Week' and 'Dud of the Week' and then jump into weird news like a man considering veganism after what he finds in his McDonald's sandwich, a trans MMA fighter dominating the women, and a cat is saved by the American flag. A rhino gets airlifted upside down, a man swallows his cell phone, and Florida man fills a pothole, but maybe creates another problem. The Babylon Bee has a new book: The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness, available for pre-order now. Kyle, Ethan, and Chandler talk about all the cool stuff inside. Then they remember the great Norm Macdonald and all the ways he made us laugh. There's plenty of hatemail too. Finally, the show moves to the subscriber-exclusive lounge where Kyle, Ethan, and Chandler are joined by Adam Yenser who actually worked with Norm Macdonald and has cool stories about him. There's bonus hate mail, the subscriber-submitted headlines of the week, The Babylon Bee's classic article of the week, and more.
Instagram influencer guest hosts the Babylon Bee podcast and doesn't get canceled?
Hey, the Babylon Bee has a hilarious new book coming out.
Wait, what are books?
Nokia Phone Survives Trip through Man's Digestive System.
The funniest Babylon Bee article of the week.
Plus, our biggest dud.
Cat yeets itself off a football stadium.
Is it okay?
And no one on earth will ever laugh again.
Norm McDonald has passed away.
All this and more on the B weekly.
The B or not the B?
That is a question I ask myself every morning as I drink from my the B or not the B mug.
Now you too can drink from this amazing coffee cup and ask yourself the same question.
Which is better?
It's so hard to decide.
In fact, I would say it's absolutely the Babylon B, but not the B is pretty cool too.
Enjoy this mug.
Hey everybody, welcome to the Babylon Bee Weekly.
Very exciting episode today because Kyle and Ethan are here.
Yeah.
And a girl?
What?
In the flesh?
Wow.
We usually have a no-girl policy, but we have made an exception today.
I'm honored.
Welcome, Instagram influencer.
Chandler Juliet.
We wrote that.
That's the best singer-songwriter name, Chandler Juliet.
Yeah, it is very cute.
It's a last name, then a first name.
Yeah, we'll change it.
It sounds like a phone book name.
People often think that Juliet is my first name.
And I'm like, I didn't put a comma.
Chandler is my first name.
So I'm thinking of just going by Chandler or Chandler J, but also Chandler Juliet is my first and middle name.
You ever shorten it to just Chan or like Chani?
People call me that.
My parents call me Chani.
My friends call me Chan and Chandy and so on.
Chandy.
Yeah, Chandy.
Yeah.
Cute.
Yeah.
Thanks, guys.
Well, so we got some weird news.
We got, you know, I want to mention on Tuesday, actually a Monday, if you're a subscriber, we have possibly my favorite interview we've ever done.
If you're a fan of prank shows, scare tactics, prank encounters on Netflix, Fameless, which is one of my favorites, but is lesser known for True TV, and a bunch of other ones, you'll recognize Dave Storrs.
He's one of the prank masters on that show and the hilarious comedian who acts alongside these people that are being pranked.
He came and, you know, we love got any cool stories.
That's our favorite question.
This guy had just nothing but great stories about pranking poor people.
Well, not poor people.
They're poor in that, yeah, not money.
Unfortunate.
Unfortunate people.
Some of them might have been poor.
Really funny.
Lots of laughter.
It is a great, great episode.
That's coming up next night.
Fantastic.
If you're a Babylon Bee Super fan on YouTube, you smash the join button.
You get it early.
Also, if you're a subscriber on our site at Babylonbee.com slash plans, you get a day early.
Everybody else will be on the subscriber portion, so you get the extended version.
Or we got even more crazy stories out of Dave Stores.
He should have been called Dave Stories.
That should be his real name.
Hey, we're going to do something new this week.
We're going to try to do this every week.
We'll see how it goes.
If you hate it, let us know.
We're going to go back to reading some Babylon B articles on the air like we used to do way back in the day.
So we're going to have a banger of the week, which is an article that did very well.
We're going to have a bomb of the week or dud of the week, which is an article that nobody liked, nobody shared.
Except for us.
But we thought it was hilarious.
So we're going to do that.
And then in the subscriber portion, subscribers and YouTube super fans are going to get the classic article of the week where we read one from three, four years ago.
The olden days.
Exactly.
This week.
The before times.
Four, five years ago.
Yeah.
So the before times.
A little time travel.
Before the empire.
Before COVID.
Before Seth Dylan bought the site and ruined it.
It was pretty funny.
And you'll get that article if you subscribe.
All right, let's do our banger of the week.
Banger of the week.
Biden unveils Your Body, My Choice, vaccination program.
In a speech today, Joe Biden unveiled a brand new program to force the rest of the country to get vaccinated entitled Your Body, My Choice.
Listen, folks, make a mistake.
Make no mistake, said the president, reading carefully off the teleprompter.
I have complete control and sole authority over everything you do with your body and everything you put in your body.
I'm the government, for God's sakes.
I have F-15s and nukes.
Just get the vaccine.
Just do it.
Biden then walked out of the room to get a snack.
Many concerns remained around the issues of freedom and natural immunity, but the president was already eating his applesauce with crushed up pills in it and was unable to answer questions.
Companies will be forced to comply with the mandate until the Supreme Court strikes it down in just a few hours.
So, yeah, you see like people on Twitter really slobbering, like excited about the idea of forcing vaccines on people.
Yes, finally.
Yeah.
We've used the carrot.
Now it's time for the stick.
Yeah.
Stab them.
Stab them all.
Stab them with the stick.
I'm always amazed.
I see look at the polls and they're like, this many, you know, majority of Americans support the vaccine mandate.
Like there's a majority that supports.
Isn't that weird?
How many states are like, nope?
There were a bunch, right?
Yeah.
There was like 30.
Half of the states immediately said no.
And then I don't know how many since then.
Or like 25 of 50 immediately just.
Yeah.
Noped out.
You got to think that he's doing this through OSHA, which was the weird thing.
Instead of like passing it through Congress or even an executive order, he just said, this is a new OSHA policy.
So it's just going through these weird, like, has nothing to OSHA.
Like, don't they just, aren't they just supposed to make sure you don't run over people with forklifts?
I don't know.
OSHA.
That sounds like a singer-songwriter name.
Their main job is to make sure you don't get run over by OSHA.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I do stand by my belief that if they had just released the vaccine and not been so weird about it and psycho about it, more people would have taken it.
I might have gotten it.
You got it.
No, I didn't.
Oh, you didn't?
Yeah, you might have gotten it.
I'm sorry.
I would have been more ready to get it.
They've made it so weird.
And like, I feel so, yeah.
So.
And then I've been going with my wife.
We've already been over that, but it's like just creeped out by it now.
Yeah.
There's something that made it creepy about it.
It's really political.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, there's like a lack of transparency in the conversation is the biggest issue, in my opinion.
It's weird.
It's sort of like when you ask a girl out, but then you add on to it, like, I really like you a lot.
Like, if you just said, like, want to go to a cup of coffee, like, you have a way better chance with that girl than if you added on, like, I'd say, just say yes, just do it.
I've been thinking about you for years.
And I finally brought the courage to say, I want to ask you out to coffee because the Lord says we should be together forever.
Yeah.
Or like, my psychic told me you were the one.
Or like.
Or like the.
I don't want to hear about this.
I'm trying to think too about like if they were like, you know, you're asking a girl out and then you say, and I will call your employer and get you fired if you don't say that.
Yeah, yeah.
It's that level of creepiness.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And if you don't, then you're an anti something.
Yeah, then you're if I can't have you, no one can.
Joe Biden whispering that at a press conference.
To the like 11-year-old girl.
God of the week.
Now, to clarify, this article is hilarious.
It is great.
And it's written by our own Frank Fleming.
So Frank, congratulations, the first bomb of the week.
The thing about posting satire on social media is the articles that are not about a current political event are never going to get a lot of shares.
Which is frustrating for somebody who just wants to be funny.
You just want to be funny.
And that's all Frank cares about.
He's like Norm McDonald in that way.
In that way.
But good job, Bomb of the Week.
If Norm McDonald wrote for the Babylon B, he would always get Bomb of the Week.
Norm McDonald loved bombing.
Yeah, because he liked it.
Yeah, we'll talk about that in our norm portion.
But yeah, he has a whole thing about that.
So our Bomb of the Week is a food review written by our own toddler critic, which is a character that Frank created named Oliver Bart.
Oliver Bartholomew.
He's a two-year-old.
I think Chandler would be a great voice to read this.
Okay, so the food review is of ketchup, a complex, well-crafted culinary delight.
Let's see what Bartholomew has to say.
Bartholomew is a two.
Okay.
But it's like the Calvin and Hobbes humor where Calvin is five, but he talks like he's.
Got it.
Okay, here we go.
Should I speak in the voice now?
Whatever, Phil.
Whatever I feel.
You do your thing.
I'm not usually very picky when it comes to what I'll put in my mouth, except when it comes to food.
If I don't like the look of it or the smell of it, or if I just feel like I'm not getting enough attention, I will throw it.
But there is one delicacy I've discovered that I will almost never toss: ketchup.
Is ketchup the perfect food?
In my multiple years, I've certainly never encountered anything better.
Also, a pleasing face feel when I spread it all over my face.
Now, often I'll eat it by myself, but it also combines so well with other foods.
I've dipped so many things with ketchup: French fries, corn chips, pretzel sticks, ooh, blueberries, my sippy cup, and whatever is in reach of my high chair.
And it enhances the flavor of everything.
That's why I demand ketchup now at every meal.
If I am ever seated to eat and there is no ketchup, I will make my displeasure known.
I'm a connoisseur.
I only want the best, and that means ketchup with everything.
So just bring it over and leave the bottle if you know what's good for you.
There you go.
I think that's so cute.
I love it.
I see what you mean, though.
It's not about the content.
It's not going to hold the libs.
It's about the clicks and the intention-grabbing aspect of it.
Like nobody's going to share that and go, this is so true.
I love the idea.
I love the idea of doing a video where you see the baby and you have the inner monologue playing like that in an adult voice.
Slow motion.
Yeah, and the baby's just like looking at the music.
Classical music.
Can I just go on a bunch of music?
Deep in thought.
Some-mo of them.
Got a finger.
Yeah.
Looking the ketchup bottle.
Follow the Babylon Bee if you want more Oliver Bartholomew because he's already reviewed Cocomelon.
Ooh.
Oh, okay.
That's a big one.
The YouTube channel.
Yeah.
And I think we're working on some literature reviews for him and some music reviews.
I like that if him being outraged about, what is it?
Oh, baths.
Baths.
Yeah, we can do a review.
I've always wanted to do a story where we have a parent convicted of attempted murder by a baby judge because it tried to give him a bath.
Because they think you're trying to kill them when you give them a bath.
In their mind.
Yeah.
True.
Ethan's sense of humor is just having babies do adult things.
That's one of my many.
I mean, I have a, you know, I got bears too.
Let's do some weird news.
This news is weird.
McDonald's Diner Horrified turns to veganism.
He could just end it right there.
As he finds in his bacon roll.
What's a bacon roll?
Yeah, a picture.
It's a UK thing.
Oh, it's a UK.
It's a UK thing.
Oh, God.
He says he found it in the car and he says it was a pig nipple.
Once he was a little bit more.
He's a picture of it in there.
I don't know.
I don't get why.
I mean, you're eating all these parts of a pig and then the nipple grosses you out.
Yeah, that's what's gonna- You don't know what's in that hot dog you ate last- Right, I'm sure there's nipples galore in hot dogs.
It could be all nipples for all you know.
And other things, even worse.
Yeah.
It says he contemplated turning to veganism.
He just contemplated anything.
He's just a big talker.
Yeah, you got to pull the trigger, man.
You'll be coming back to the bacon.
You'll be coming back.
Did I ever tell when I worked at a buffet restaurant?
I used to have to bread the chicken in the morning.
Did I tell this story about the chicken, the two connected chicken thighs?
I don't think so.
I found in this box that they have all the cut up chicken, you know?
Yeah.
I pulled out a thigh, which, you know, is one side of the butt, right?
Yeah.
So then I picked it up and then the other thigh was still connected.
And in between the two thighs was a little ring, which, you know, that's his butt.
It's a chicken butthole.
It's the butt.
He's talking about the butthole.
So I was actually able to like cut off and I had a chicken butthole.
Can I say that on this show?
Chicken anus.
It's like a ring.
That's what I thought this picture was at first.
I'm like, are we sure that's a nipple?
Yeah, I don't know.
It doesn't really look like this does feel like very far-rated content for the bee.
But hey.
A pig nipple.
We're moving.
We're progressing.
This is just progress, right?
Yeah.
But we're trying to be more open-minded.
I feel like you could have done, guess what, chicken butt.
Well, I did.
I can't remember how I got her to do it.
There's a girl at work there, and I go, I can't remember.
I made some joke about I was going to put a ring on her finger.
And so she put her hand out and I put it on her finger.
And then she's like, what is that?
I go, that's a chicken butt.
Oh, my God.
Did she say yes?
I guess so.
She took the ring.
Really?
Yeah.
But that's not how I met my wife.
Thank God.
Wow.
All right.
For the three of you still listening, let's go on to story number two.
Some people find anatomy and nature fascinating.
Yes, three of them.
Trans fighter who served in the Army Special Forces pulverizes first female opponent in MMA debut.
Wow.
We've come a long way as a society.
Well done.
Alana McLaughlin, the second openly transgender woman to compete in MMA in the United States, won her debut Friday night via submission.
The 38-year-old used a rear-naked joke against Celine Provost to end the match three minutes, 32 seconds into the second round.
So McLaughlin began her gender transition after leaving the U.S. Army Special Forces in 2010 and said she hopes to be a pioneer for transgender athletes in combat sports.
You better not be putting scare quotes around her pronouns there.
Her, I just make, yeah, you know, it's what he sounds.
He's not.
He's just emphasizing.
He's emphasizing that it is a her.
Half quote.
Her.
Her?
Can you do the one quotes?
I'm just quoting other people saying her.
Yeah.
I think it's a big step forward.
For wife beaters and people who like to punch.
There's terms that you only use on men, like D-bag and like things like that.
You don't think it's weird to call a woman that, but he's breaking that glass ceiling.
Like, she, she's breaking that glass.
Now I can say she's a real D-bag.
I want to know how Celine Provost felt about knowing that she was going to be.
She gets to be like.
Was she like, yeah, this is good.
I'll volunteer to be the first person to get back by like a new second.
What was the bastion in the name of progress?
But the first one by this person, right?
This is the first.
First one by you.
But yeah, she gets to be like a, you know, like a fern crossing the trail that he's pioneering and he just takes it out of the way like a machete.
She?
Sorry, I keep messing up.
Yeah, dude.
I feel like no matter where you are on like the LGBTQ question, the rights, whatever, it's like, can't we all just be like, men should not beat a woman?
Like, shouldn't, I don't know why we can't.
We should at least all join hands.
It seems obvious.
Aspect.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's one that just seems obvious.
It seems obvious.
I don't know.
But yet here be awkward reading this.
What do I know?
Yeah.
It's baffling.
I am baffled.
Are you baffled?
I find myself baffled at this moment.
I really do want to talk to a person that is excited about this and goes, yes, we're progressing and we're doing this.
Don't see anything.
I do think that they think that this is just kind of the necessary evil to get to the point where like there's all one gender all melded together and like whatever.
Because they really don't believe that he was ever he or that he is becoming a she, right?
Because gender is a social construct.
So that's the weird thing, right?
So it's like, what do they really think?
I just want to get in your head, people that are excited about this.
There's got to be somebody cheering.
Yeah, the weird thing about the people.
You check the audience in the footage and be like, who's cheering?
When I see this cheering.
The weird thing about the people who fight, the women who agree to fight.
It's like, I know you were saying that.
Yeah, I'm like, what is going through her head?
Like, yeah, that's fine.
It's fine.
But yeah, it's her.
Her.
Her.
It's just shocking.
Like, yeah, that's fine.
I mean, she's always been a woman in a man's body, and I'm going to fight that body, but it's a woman now and always has been.
Let's do, ah, yeah.
It's over.
Yeah, I wonder if they kind of agree with it from a worldview perspective and they don't really process like, oh, I'm this guy.
This guy's going to girl is going to kill me.
I don't know.
Yeah, dude.
Or they could just, you know, if they really wanted, they could have a...
Why can't a man fight a trans woman?
Yeah.
Right.
It never goes to the bottom.
If all the rules are dumb anyway.
That's actually a really good point.
I haven't seen that.
Why not?
Yeah.
Or like trans fights themselves, you know, like, sorry, that sounds really weird.
But like, you know what I mean?
Like, have their own division, have their own division.
You know?
But then you're going to get a trans man fighting a trans woman.
Well, it's women's sports and it's men's sports.
Men and women don't fight each other.
So there will be like trans man's trans women's sports.
We're giving them like an opportunity to, like, I think that would be fine.
Instagram influencer solves trans sports dilemma.
A cat was dangling from the upper level of a stadium during a college football game and some dudes with an American flag saved its life when it lost its grip.
This is an amazing video.
I hope they can put it up on the thing, but it's fantastic.
That's a heartwarming story.
Yeah.
This was like on 9-11, wasn't it?
I think this was like the anniversary of 9-11, 20th anniversary of these guys.
That's why they had this American flag at this game.
It was a big symbolic catch the cat.
Wow.
That was not a...
Wow.
I like the idea that because we're supposed to not like those people, right?
That wave American flags.
So it should be, shouldn't it be bad?
Or we're watching it.
No, yeah, no.
Well, I think that the American flag is making a comeback then because we saved a cat.
That's positive.
From all the negatives of the American flag, you know, how oppressive and horrible it is.
You could just put one thing on this column here, good.
Yeah.
American flag, bad list, like 100 million thousand, whatever.
And then we have one on racist.
Colonialist.
White imperialist.
Privilege.
Saves cats, though.
Saves cats.
Saved a cat.
Saved a cat.
It was a cat.
Which isn't followed the, you know, there's a screenwriting book that says save the cat.
That's how to write a good story.
One of the things is an element is make your character save a cat, you make him likable, even if he's really unlikable.
So maybe this guy is the protagonist of a story.
The American flag has needed this all along.
Save the cat.
Now it's likable.
Also, we don't know how many cats it's already saved.
This is the only one that's getting press coverage.
So it needed that.
It's probably saved many cats.
It's good PR.
The American flag might have gotten a new publicist.
Here's what we need to do.
Now we need to write this angle a cat.
It's got to be a big event.
Widely televised.
Football game.
So what?
So you said people on Twitter didn't like this?
Oh, no.
I was just thinking that was my joke.
He was trying to own it.
Twitter found the footage very troubling because they're thinking.
I can just see how oppressive to catch the cat and force it to make contact with Ethan.
Is it really bad?
It's a bit of a that.
Wouldn't it be better that the cat died rather than have to live with the trauma of being engulfed in the American flag?
It's true.
Hey, some guys airlifted rhinos upside down and they won a joke award for it.
Oh my God, the picture.
Aw.
Wait, is this real though?
This is real.
Wait.
Do you think that they're comfortable like that?
I guess they usually airlift them right side up and they decided to try this out.
Oh, I don't think that's right.
They say it's better.
You know, when your head like rushes to your blood rushes to your head when you're like turned upside down, I'm pretty sure that that's.
Are they okay?
I'm like really concerned.
I'm always concerned about it.
Isn't that just like laying in bed or whatever?
Because it's not fully upside down.
That picture looks like he's being hung completely upside down from his from his ankle.
But I mean like vertically upside down.
Right.
Because your head's not at the bottom like Rant.
If it was caught by an American flag.
If you would poke a hole through it, it was hanging from like a hammock, an American flag hammock.
It was laying inside of it.
Yeah.
Well, I would prefer that because I want the rhino to be comfortable.
I like this that they have an organization that parodies the Nobel Prize called the Ig Nobel Prize.
Classic.
But wait, why were they moving the rhinos in the first place?
It says conservation.
Yeah, some conservation.
Okay, so it wasn't for tampering in God's domain.
They're researchers.
Well, they say it works better for them.
Apparently, they checked their vital signs and things.
And apparently, their breathing and circulation is better when they're hung upside down.
That feels wrong because they're normally right side up.
They are normal.
But also, their weights probably always usually on their feet.
And it gives them hanging where all their weights are on their midsection.
Maybe that's maybe it's hard on their rib cage or something.
They're a heavy animal.
Yeah.
They are heavy.
Rhinos are heavy.
Yeah, it gives them a chance to relax.
I think the hammock would be a nice try.
It'd be nice to give them a cat.
They just need a rhino cage with stuff in it, a little wheel, and then they just carry that.
Rhino wheel.
Yeah.
I like to think of some higher intelligence being took over and like you were just hanging out with your buddies and then they dart you and then they grab you by your feet and like I just feel like that's cool, you know.
On the wrists, like can you imagine?
Like they're tying all their legs up, like it feels like yeah, have been chosen right, dropped right directly into the stew.
It's like a militarized version of like the evil witch that eats children in the old fairy tales shows up with a black hawk helicopter, hog, ties you and flies off.
You're good, you're good into the stew uh, Ooh.
Wait.
Sorry, I'm reading the next one.
What?
I'll read it.
I'm supposed to.
I've just lost my dock.
Oh, no.
Is it in the tab?
This guy swallowed his Nokia 3310 cell phone and had to have it removed from his stomach.
Doctors in Kosovo had to perform surgery on a man who swallowed his Nokia 3310 cell phone, which became lodged in his tummy.
Reports say the phone was too large for him to digest.
So it couldn't fit outside of that thing the chicken had.
And his life was in danger because its corrosive battery acid could have leaked into his stomach.
How did he get it through his throat?
If it's too big to digest, how did he get it through the first step that was digesting?
Is the 3310, like the old one that played snake?
Oh, it's a little one.
Well, why did he swallow it?
What the heck is wrong with this guy?
Did he lose a bet or something?
Maybe he had texts on there.
He didn't want anybody to see it.
In three pieces, so the stomach acid broke up the phone in three pieces.
Yeah, you could swallow that thing, no problem.
Wait, I want to see.
Look at that.
That's just the old school snake on it type.
It's like you can hold it like that.
I mean, it would hurt.
That'd be like a python.
But how did he do that?
Yeah, I want video of that.
Yeah, who's this guy?
I think the real question is why.
Is he gonna?
Yeah, I think he might have lost a bet.
This is kind of stupid, but I like how it says the phone was too large for him to digest.
Like, that's not the main problem.
What's on the phone that he's trying to hide?
Who?
That could be.
Who swallows a phone?
Usually they try it the other way, but I would know.
And then it broke up.
Instructions unclear.
Swallowed Nokia.
Ew.
There's been other times.
They say in 2014, a 35-year-old drunken male attempted to swallow their phone and lodged it in their throat before it was surgically removed.
And then another one, a 29-year-old, swallowed their phone.
Despite several hours of vomiting, the phone remained in their stomach.
The doctors had to remove it.
So this is not new.
But still, there's no why on anyone.
Drunken man.
The guy was drunk, so I guess that excuses everything.
Dude.
Lodge.
Yeah, I don't think, I think that's an excuse.
I think that this guy might be like a whistleblower.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think the cops were coming in.
It's kind of like when a guy has a bunch of drugs and they like the cops show up and he shoves them all in his throat and swallows them, hoping that they don't burst open in there.
Or he's so poor he can only afford a crappy phone like that and so hungry he ate it.
No, no, no.
Look how dirty it looks.
That doesn't look like that's not stomach fluid.
That's like dirty.
There was something up with this.
More to come on this.
That's a poo phone.
Yeah.
Maybe he just had a tough.
Say he had a tough conversation and he just needed to chew on it for a while.
That's pretty good.
That's a pretty good one.
You're good at those.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I think it's your turn.
Florida man?
Juliet Chandler.
Come on, man.
People are actually going to think that that's my name.
There was a comma in there.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Florida man gets fed up with pothole in front of his business and plants a banana tree in it.
Aw.
This is smart for a flickering story.
Yeah, I love this.
After failed attempts at getting the country to fill a pothole in front of his country.
Oh, oops, sorry.
Take two.
Track the whole country to do it.
Right.
Imagine the power a Florida man could have.
After failed attempts at getting the county to fill a pothole in front of his business, Florida man, Brian Raymond, took matters into his own hands, planting a banana plant in the pothole.
A happy ending for everyone.
Drivers have been forced to swerve around the pothole and even stop short at last resort.
Raymond noted, if we have to maintain it and make sure nobody gets hurt, we're going to put something obvious there to make sure nobody gets in the hole.
Officials say it is a private road and it's not their problem.
So whose road is it?
So who's going to eat the bananas?
Who will help me plant the banana plant?
Community bananas, I guess.
Who will help me eat the banana plant?
The irony will be when somebody like, you know, accidentally hits that tree and dies.
And then a bunch of bananas fall on them and everybody gets bananas.
Wait, so it's a private road.
So he's been trying to get the county to fill it.
So who owns the private land?
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know how it works over there.
So now they're saying like, yeah, it's cool.
We're not going to fill the pothole.
We're not going to cut down your tree.
You know, it's not our problem.
It's a great solution.
Nobody goes in the pothole now.
They just run into a tree.
Yeah.
Much better.
I hope that it's a deep enough pothole that it's rich in nutrients and dense soils that the banana plant can have a full life expectancy.
You should do one of those really spiky cactuses.
Ooh, yeah.
People will definitely stay away from those.
Or like poison ivy or something.
Yeah.
I think a banana tree is probably more obvious.
I actually don't know what they look like.
Is there a picture with this one?
Palm tree.
Palm tree.
Wait, there is a picture.
It is palm tree.
I'm just going to start clicking all the links.
This is actually, wow.
And it's Florida.
So the climate there.
Climate, yeah.
Yeah.
It's going to be perfect.
They could just put a giant alligator inside of it.
It's true.
Good job, Brian Raymond.
Or an old person.
Retired.
Just open up a retirement community inside the punhole.
Like the old people that greet you at Walmart, like Walmart doesn't really need them to do that job.
Yeah.
They're just helping out.
It's a feature.
Helping out.
Aren't they kind of like watching, though?
Greeters don't check.
No, I'm thinking of.
No, no, greeters check the receipts on the way out.
Well, the guy at the exit door does.
I don't think a lot of Walmarts have an old guy at the front who like puts a smiley face sticker on the kids.
I wonder if that's different in like a big city Walmart in this because small town Walmarts for sure have those greeters.
At least they used to.
Yeah.
But I haven't seen one in like the one out where I live here.
I guess I don't know if I've seen one recently.
The one that I go to here is like, it's like a really packed Walmart.
There's like stuff everywhere.
Like it's crammed and like it just feels like a, I don't know.
It's a little suspicious.
It's sus.
It's sus among us.
I think that the greeter during the COVID times is doing a few more tasks, right?
They're like keeping an eye on the line outside.
They're doing the counting to make sure they shake hands or they just say hi.
No, they don't shake hands.
If not now, they wouldn't.
That would take too long even before.
They're just like, hi.
I like the idea of a walking water.
It's like, it's greeting.
Name's Bob.
I see.
I see everybody doing handshakes, but I came from a small enough town that they could get.
I'm sure if you went up and you, they would shake your hand.
Yeah.
I mean, nowadays.
Depending on the greeter.
Yeah.
You know.
They seem to enjoy it.
Growing up, the church we went to had an really old guy that was the greeter, and he always wore a red sports coat, like just normal suit and then big red sports coat.
And he would shake your hand and you would hear the bones crunch.
You really worked those handshake muscles.
All right.
How do you get into that?
I have no idea.
So a man used his hands to move 114 ounces of water in 30 seconds for a world record.
Whoa, I need to see his hands.
Which is very exciting.
Wow.
We should all be very excited by this news.
I want to say we should retry to recreate that, but there's all these, you know, we got to find out the size of the opening and everything that you're allowed to do.
There's probably a lot of specifications.
Water moving challenge.
It's our old friend, David Rush.
David Rush.
Wow.
He's a career recorder.
Career record breaker who just does weird to promote STEM education.
Okay, there's a cause.
It's not all for his own gratification.
Do you really want that to be good and mostly then?
I don't know.
He could have picked a few other causes, but hey.
STEM.
I mean, he's doing well.
It's 200, 200 world records for Guinness.
Is he going to beat the world record for having the most world records or has he already done that?
I think that's probably his goal, right?
Probably already has it.
It would be listed here if he had already done that.
Has broken more records than any.
He has a world record for breaking the most records.
We've already talked about him more than Kyle is comfortable.
That's a stupid.
Yeah, he's over it.
If you can get 200 world records, then the standard for a world record is too low.
If one person can get 200 of them, I wonder if they can win the world record for the lowest standards of world records.
They already have, sir.
They already have.
He did a big jump.
The previous record was 88 ounces.
So that's a pretty big jump.
You got to respect that.
But once again, if the previous record is 88 and you get 114, that just means it's not this serious competition.
We should do a Babylon B games where we try to beat a couple of these world records.
We should do the water transfer too.
I broke the Capri-Sun world record.
He basically lying to Ryan exact.
He thinks he won it.
Patrick timed it wrong.
But I did.
According to the timer, I drank a Capri Sun faster than the current world record for drinking a Capri record And you got it on tape?
Yeah.
It was a tape.
They should totally give it to you.
You got to submit it.
You could retime it out from the tape and see.
I guess you could.
Yeah.
It's all there on digital tape.
That sounds like a fun challenge, though.
Capri Suns are fire, especially like, wait, what was the flavor?
Remember?
It's probably Tropical Punch or something.
Yeah.
Surfing.
Yeah, they all have fun names.
I can't remember them right now.
Radical Radish Party.
So we got two games.
We need to come up with a third, but we'll keep an ear out.
Even if you look at video game speed running, like when someone's going up and someone beats Super Mario 64 in like 21 minutes or something, the next guy who beats it beats it in like 20 minutes and 59 seconds, you know, 59 seconds and 0.5952, whatever.
It's like these incremental things, unless someone figures out this crazy cheat to get farther or whatever, to do it faster.
But to go like from 114 to 88, that is not, you don't see that like in the Olympics, right?
You don't see like this guy swam and he gained three minutes and the next guy, he cut the time in half.
Amazing.
Because it's not real.
It's just not real.
Maybe he's cheating.
Well, this guy is definitely like going to the world records, like, okay, we could try that one.
I think he's making it with that one.
And then he goes, look, record-keeping agency provided him with the specific rules regarding how large the openings on his containers were allowed to be.
So maybe the other person didn't optimize their water transfer and he's just very intentional about like knocking them out.
That's true.
But he's also making up events.
It's just like if you could go to the Olympics and be like, I am going to compete in pogo sticks.
You know, you just can't make up stuff.
Right.
Like double-footed pogo stick with a chicken on my head.
The record for having finding the most amounts of nipples in my McDonald's bacon.
Bacon roll.
He's a world record holder.
Yeah.
That other guy's too.
Yeah.
The first man to find the rogue pig nipple in the bacon roll.
Well, that'll be our third game then.
By the way, we're bleeping.
I'm bleeping the word turnip every time it is said on this.
You're gonna make it sound.
It's gonna make it sound worse.
I know.
I know.
A pig what?
A big what?
Yeah.
All right.
Well, that's the weird news for the week.
We did it, guys.
Hey, we have an exciting announcement.
Babylon Bee has a new book coming out.
We've released two books so far.
We have How to Be a Perfect Christian, which came out in 2018.
And then we did a self-published, beautiful coffee table book called The Sacred Texts of the Babylon Bee, which is our volume one of Best Collected Works.
We're working on volume two, by the way.
Once Kyle can get us out together.
But in the meantime, we are releasing a book called The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness.
It's getting published by Regnery Publishing.
It's coming out in November.
We are going to include a link so you can pre-order it.
It's available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, everywhere you want.
Congratulations, you guys.
It's exciting.
That's big.
And it's a lot of fun.
It's very modeled on kind of how, if you've seen Bears Want to Kill You in my Bear book, I wanted to do, we wanted to do a book like that where there's just graphics on every page.
There's something to laugh on in every page.
You could flip to any page and just laugh at something.
Is this a guide to being woke or surviving the woke regime?
No, being woke.
It's telling you how to be woke.
And in that, do you kind of learn the mindset of a woke person that you can?
Yeah, you learn like a well, it's kind of like, you know, Robin DiAngelo is like killing it.
So we wanted to jump on that gravy train and get our own book out there.
Right on.
I'm excited for that.
So we're hoping to start getting brought out to businesses and go to do seminars to teach people how to be woke more.
Elementary schools.
Right.
Get them young.
Yeah.
How to light a Molotov cocktail.
You know, how to pick a pregnant cut in front of see the stick figures.
This guy's got a rainbow flag.
This guy's got black.
I love it.
Wait, wait, wait.
What's on the guy's shirt?
Jay Guevara and a Black Lives Matter fist.
Well, that wasn't originally, right?
What was that before?
Yeah, they took the fist.
That's from something else.
It was like Marxists or Marx.
Marx is something, yeah.
Communist.
Humans.
I think humans already had fists.
This book is dedicated to Joseph Stalin, a woke hero and champion of the oppressed proletariat.
And we have a quote from Joseph Stalin: get woke or get a 762 round to the face, lol.
And somehow the publisher let us keep that in there.
You didn't do your stalin.
Where's your disclaimer, though?
Where's the disclaimer?
Do you guys put disclaimers in your content?
Disclaimer.
Like, we're not serious.
Please don't sue us for.
No.
We're not.
We have one about us on our site that says we're a sexy.
Oh.
Yes, we are.
So all kinds of cool how-to guides, cartoons, diagrams, pictures.
Every page is hilarious.
I'm so sorry.
And we use every letter of the alphabet multiple times.
Look, identifying oppressors in your life.
Your neighbors, your boss, white people, your parents, Elon Musk, Amazon, your babysitter, a guy who cut you off in traffic.
Everyone who has it better than you on life.
Isn't that just this is really helpful information.
I'm going to keep just telling you our jokes.
You got to have it.
Please do.
I'm like really enjoying that.
Oh, we should do this.
Okay, so in the book, we have an oppression identifier.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It tells you what oppressed class you are a part of.
I'm listening.
To create your oppressed class, you need the first letter of your first name.
Okay.
First letter, first name.
C. C.
Okay.
You are bipedal.
Bipedal.
Bipedal.
Or bipedale as it means.
Bipedal.
Can I see that?
You walk on two feet.
Bipedal means?
Yeah.
Bipedal.
Two legs.
Two legs.
Okay.
So, yeah.
That's a disability.
What is the third letter of your middle name?
L.
Okay.
You are a tree sexual.
So you're a bipedal tree sexual.
Wait, three or tri-try or tree?
Tree.
Or like I am.
It's not tri.
Tree.
Tree.
You are like you're attracted to trees.
Oh, like the girl in Superstar?
Was that movie called?
Superstar.
Was she like made out with the tree?
Oh, she made out of trees?
Okay.
You know what I'm talking about?
I didn't watch that.
That thing that was made for women.
I think I saw that scene and I was like, click, that was like the only scene I saw.
But now I know that that's who I am and I should re-watch that movie.
Second letter of your last name is you.
Right?
No, that's my middle name.
So my second letter of my last name is C. Mick Chesney.
Oh, you're white.
Iris.
So you are Italian.
Bipedal, tree sexual, white.
And then lastly.
Oh, really?
It said that?
I thought you were making fun of my last name.
Oh, that's right.
You're white.
That's what you are.
And then what's the last letter of your first name?
Last letter of my first name is R. Right, obviously.
On stilts.
Wait.
So I'm, wait, bipedal means I have both of my legs.
But you're on stilts.
On stilts, attracted to trees.
And white.
So not much has changed.
Yes, it's pretty close.
Yeah.
That's a pretty accurate little chart.
Ethan, you are.
We figured out what you were before, but you are a huge gum.
You are.
This is my favorite part of the book.
You are a huge gummed.
What's your middle name again?
Jermaine.
That's my middle name.
Jermaine.
You were a huge, gummed, multi-gender Calvinist.
Calvinist from space.
So not much has changed.
It's pretty much the same.
That's great.
Gum enlargement surgery.
I am a headless, polygender Pacific Islander who can't spell for crap.
And I guess, so a lot of this book, like we were writing this copy and we were like, maybe there's a graphic here.
And Ethan and Gavin did a lot of the graphic, well, all the graphic work, but some of the stuff you guys just came up with.
And he's like, what if we did this generator of all your chest class?
And it was just, we were dying.
We were sitting there for hours just coming up with all the appearances.
It reminds me of the coot.
What do they call those?
The cootie catchers.
Yeah, it's like that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Wait, we got to do Patrick.
Hey, Patrick, you're a buck-toothed.
What's the third letter of your middle name?
Oh.
You're a bucktoothed.
Why does this take so long?
I know.
We should have had it ready.
You're a buck-toothed, gender-non-conforming Quaker who can't spell for crap.
Solidarity with pretty accurate stuff here.
I'm so excited.
Congrats on the book, you guys.
That's a huge accomplishment.
Dan, you are a one-legged cis-gendered Eskimo on top of old Smokey.
All right, I'm done.
I'm done.
Not all of them are wild.
Like three out of five were correct for all of us.
Well, the best part is that they actually drew illustrations for some of these.
So here's a bucktoothed trans Calvinist on stilts and a headless tree sexual elf on a unicycle and stuff.
Who's the animator?
The illustrator was Ethan and Gavin.
They did all the graphic work, which is y'all have been working.
This book comes out November 2nd, so go pre-order it on Amazon right now.
Or if you hate Amazon, find another site.
It's a perfect gift for the holidays.
Perfect Christmas gift.
For Christmas.
Why am I saying holidays?
Sorry.
Yes.
Sorry.
Holidays.
Mom, geez.
This is a Christmas celebrating podcast.
Right.
Oh, so funny.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Now we are serious because we are remembering Norm McDonald.
Although he wouldn't want us to be serious, I think.
He did this funny, he mentioned, I think it was on one of his shows.
He said, oh, yeah, he shows people like, oh, I just want everybody to have a great time and laugh at my funeral.
I'm like, I don't know.
I don't want everybody to be crying and just be horrifying.
It's like, a guy died.
He should be laughing.
But that's so, so, okay.
So this is like completely caught everybody by complete surprise.
I don't know if you're a Norm McDonald fan or know him.
You seem young and yeah, I don't know who that is.
I'm going to do a quick Google search.
Hold on, hold on.
I bet I know what he looks like.
Hold on.
A lot of younger people don't know because that's the thing about Norm McDonald is like, oh, yes.
Okay.
Yes.
He never.
I saw this guy's picture.
He was in movies and even had some movies, but he never really, nothing ever really worked for him except for just him on a stage in a comedy club.
He didn't like theaters.
He just, he lived in that space.
And he, in a lot of ways, like, I think Adam Kroll explained it really well, like why comedians respected Norm McDonald so much.
He said, like, engineers, a lot of them go to college, they do the thing the way that engineers do things.
They follow the instructions, they play by the rules.
Comedians do the same thing.
Like they, they practice, they do the same jokes over every night and they engineer their set in a certain way that they're telling the same jokes and the ones that get the best laugh.
Norm was not like that.
Like he did retail jokes, but like he didn't ever like whittle down like a perfect set and have a big theater like production thing.
Like he wanted to have a joke about every single topic.
And his funniest material is just him talking to people in conversation.
He just worked on being naturally funny.
So anyway.
Cancer, huh?
He had cancer for basically a decade and told, I so far haven't heard of anybody that he was the closest people to him needed.
He kept it secret from everybody.
Wow.
How, what kind of cancer do we know?
That's very norm.
Yeah.
To just be like, wow.
I did cancer.
I didn't tell you.
It's connected to that old-fashionedness of his.
Like there's this stoic side to him because he clearly, you could tell by some of the things he said that he read a lot of classic literature and he had this very intellectual side to him that would come out, especially once he got onto Twitter.
That was like, I remember, I was never a huge Norm fan until I suddenly saw him popping on Twitter and like getting into these theological debates with people and like laying down some pretty serious arguments.
It's just kind of like, wow, there's like another side to this guy.
And I instantly became fascinated by the, you know, being an intelligent person in your personal life, but then kind of playing the dumb guy.
I, I found, I don't know.
I find Norm, I have always found him like endlessly fascinating.
And I do think that there's some, he's kind of a Jordan Peterson of comedy, though.
Like Jordan Peterson, he doesn't, he doesn't have one speech he gives everywhere in the country.
He talks on whatever's on his mind every night.
He's on the stage.
There isn't really a perfect venue for that.
It's just him.
And I think that's what Norm was.
It's just, it's just Norm.
Dude, his quote about the Enlightenment.
Did you read that on Twitter?
Where he said, the Enlightenment turned us away from truth and toward a darkling, weakening horizon, sad and gray to see.
The afterglow of Christianity is near gone now, and a stygian silence lurks in wait.
Yeah.
He said that?
Yeah.
He just randomly turned it.
He just randomly says these things.
And people are like, that's a joke, right?
No, that's amazing.
I definitely think that that's one of my favorite types of stand-up.
When I went to an outdoor comedy show during the Panini, first one back, and it was like on a truck on like a pickup truck in like a small lot.
And a bunch of people, everyone was great, but this one guy came up and he just started like winging it.
All right.
He just started like working with the crowd.
And I was, I was like blown away.
I was like, he's coming up with this on the spot, or at least that's what it appears like.
And that's a really cool genre of comedy that I just love.
Another amazing thing he tweeted on the 500th anniversary of the Reformation.
He tweeted out, scripture, faith, grace, Christ, the glory of God.
The smart man says nothing is a miracle.
I say everything is.
Like, holy cow, you know, he just like roasts O.J. Simpson and Bill Clinton on live TV and then he's just tweeting out this.
Was he unable to be pinned down?
You know, was he, did people start to attack and like, oh, he's just like a patriarchal.
The whole comedy community loved him.
And they all wanted, you know, he was always like, why is there not a late night norm show?
And he had a YouTube show for a while.
It was huge because it was just, it's one of the funniest shows you'll watch.
It's just him talking to you.
But you don't, you don't see him doing that kind of package.
But he doesn't.
Yeah, you can't do the teleprompter.
Like, that's what I was, I can't remember who was telling the story I just heard, but like it was the Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary or whatever.
And they had all those meetings and they all had a line they were supposed to do off of cue cards.
And he said, of course, the moment Norm went up, he didn't say anything on the cue card.
He just started talking.
He was his own man.
He just said what he, like, he didn't care.
So that was like one of the craziest things about him.
I think for people that don't know him and like, why is he, why is he above the rest?
Some of the things during all the OJ Simpson stuff, Norm was told multiple times by his boss not to make O.J. Simpson jokes on Saturday Night Live.
And he would always open weekend update with an OJ Simpson joke.
He just would not stop.
Wait, what did he say?
He got fired.
He got fired because of it.
What were the jokes?
Do you remember?
They were brutal.
They were brutal.
And one of them, after he, after OJ was acquitted, the first thing he did, just a picture of OJ pops up and he goes, oh, he's like, murder is now legal in the state of California.
Just brutal.
Pretty much.
Okay, so what did he say about Roseanne and Louis C.K.?
So he, when both of them had been canceled, he had had a conversation with the two of them and he felt very bad for them, especially, I think, Roseanne and, you know, these people's careers that they built up to.
And he made some statement how, I can't remember what he said.
He said that it was, it sounded like he was saying that it was worse than like what happened to the women.
And he didn't mean it that way, but people took it out of context and freaked out on him.
And he had this Netflix show that was supposed to happen.
And oh no, I think maybe season one had happened.
I can't remember exactly, but Adam's back there twitching, wanting to tell us, you know, everything's from Adam, Insider.
Whenever Adam stays here, Adam Andrew's going to be on the subscriber lounge.
He worked with Norm a bunch on the Conan O'Brien show.
But anyway, he just, he had to do this apology on the view, which just turned out to be worse.
And really he did.
Oh, never apologize.
I mean, we're learning that now.
He was trying to clarify, and that was one of the things that messed up.
He was so cringy.
First, he tried to apologize, and he said, you know, saying that about the victims would, that would just.
Packsaw.
Oh, no.
He said, he stopped himself.
He goes, that would just be rich.
You'd have to have Down syndrome.
I like how that's.
He just keeps making apologies.
And then he had to make an apology for saying that.
Oh, no.
He's just trying to save himself.
The thing is, he is a comic from the you say what's on your mind.
Right.
And that's something that you need to protect as an artist.
And I think that's what is so scary or that's what is being threatened right now in this time is everyone's being really careful, walking on eggshells.
But that's not what true artists and what it's not what true artists are supposed to do.
And it's not what we're supposed to do in general because we have still, hopefully we have it for a little bit longer, the right to free speech in this country.
And that's, that's how we actually have conversations and learn instead of, you know, being controlling and weird and dishonest and inauthentic.
Our culture is just at war with honesty.
Like we want everybody to have the script and everybody go by the script.
And that's why people like Norm stand out because Norm will not go by the script.
I mean, you go, you look at all the standout moments, his appearance on The View when they kept telling him to stop talking about Bill Clinton.
And he just kept saying, what?
He murdered a guy.
Wait, really?
Well, he comes up.
He went that far.
He comes up and he says something.
I think George Bush had just gotten elected and he comes up and says something about, I like George Bush, good guy.
You know, he's like, it's the time we got homicide out of the White House.
You know, the last guy murdered a guy.
And they're just like, you cannot make those accusations on live TV.
He's like, oh, okay, fine.
It was manslaughter.
Whatever.
You know, he just keeps.
I'm in love.
Wow.
This is, yeah.
If you don't know about Norm, Primer, watch the Norm McDonald on the View talking about Bill Clinton.
OJ jokes.
You'll see there's all these, you know, there's a there's a YouTube channel called I'm Not Norm that just has a bunch of them.
He is very crass and vulgar when he wants to be.
His Conan appearances and the moth joke is one of the best jokes.
I'm trying not to just make this us just cracking up and reminiscing on Norm stuff.
But it's cute.
If you ever watch his comedians in cars getting coffee, did you see that one?
That's one of the greatest.
And there's a moment where he says something to Jerry Seinfeld, like, oh, you know, you don't have any kids, but and Seinfeld's like, yeah, I do.
I've got three kids.
And he's like, what?
And Seinfeld says, yeah, I've got, you know, girl, two boys, or whatever.
He's like, all right, well, agree to disagree.
That's what I'm saying.
It was him in conversation.
Just always the best.
It's so fantastic.
And one of his famous moments is he didn't like roasts, but he was on the Bob Sagett roast.
And so, because everybody's being vulgar and mean and crass, he goes up there and he just does all the cheesiest.
He found this old timey joke book.
And he goes up there and he just starts telling the cheesiest jokes.
He's like, well, you know, I'm sure Bob Saget's got a lot of well-wishers out here today, but he's also got a lot of people that like to throw him into a well.
I don't want to murder him with a well.
He over-explains these really bad jokes.
And it's just in the context of it.
It's so funny.
What's the moth joke?
Oh, man.
You just got to watch it.
You got to watch it.
We cannot explain it.
Watch the Conan one, or I think the best version is if you listen to his audiobook because he narrates it.
I think he does the most epic, you know, crafted version of that joke.
But he basically took, I mean, the story of it is he took, he had like a six or seven minutes, however long the segment was on Conan coming up, and he didn't have any material.
And he'd heard this cheesy moth joke that an old man told him.
And he just goes, what if I could just milk that joke out for that long?
Just like the dumbest joke ever.
And it's a masterpiece.
All right.
I've seen him on a lot of TV shows.
I definitely recognize his face.
Seems like I have some research to do.
Yeah.
A few quotes.
Comedy is surprises.
So if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
Yeah.
He loved bombing and like loved like he just loved just to especially watch his word shows and things he comes on.
He loved like he loved making them not laugh.
Yeah, and he loved like, he loved that silence and tension and just sitting there with the big crap eating grin on his face.
I'm going like, get it?
Yeah.
Sometimes the punchline was just him going, okay.
We wrote that joke about AOC accidentally strangling herself with her shoelaces because she's so stupid.
And we put that in the headline because she's so stupid.
And to me, that is our most norm joke because it's like, eh?
She's so stupid.
Get it?
It's funny because she's so stupid.
And the funniest thing is that when people, every time we post that article, people get mad at it and then like slam it.
And like, you get all these comments.
The comments are gold.
And so then we'll reply.
We'll like, we'll issue a clarification just as a clarification.
The joke is that she's stupid.
You know, and then people are still like slamming you.
Like, and that's the best part to me is making the audience the butt of the joke and they don't know that they are.
So that was Frank's joke, and I think probably very Norm-inspired.
I love when he, so a year after leaving SNL, they brought him back on as a host.
So the idea that because when his boss fired him, he told him, You're just not funny.
That was the reason he gave me everybody knew was the OJ thing.
Yeah.
He's like, Oh, that's why couldn't they just be real?
He's so real.
Why couldn't they just meet him where he is?
Like, he's like, That's worse.
I mean, like, getting fired from a show is bad, but I'm not funny.
That's like my whole career.
So, then a year back, he's the host, and he goes, How did I go from being not funny enough to be even allowed in the building to being so funny that I'm now hosting the show?
And he said, I think he concluded, I haven't gotten funnier.
The show has gotten really bad.
He said that honestly.
I am so here for this.
And then, kind of a touching one: this is from his book, one of the more honest moments in his book that is a mixture of truth and fiction.
It can be difficult to define yourself by something that happened so long ago and is gone forever.
He's talking about the OJ stuff that happened with Mojave.
And he said, He basically said, Everybody's remembering me for what happened on the weekly update.
It's like a fellow at the end of the bar telling no one in particular about the silver medal he won in high school track, the one he still wears around his neck.
The only thing an old man can tell a young man is that it goes fast, real fast.
And if you're not careful, it's too late.
Of course, the young man will never understand this truth.
But you got to hear Norm say it on the other one.
Yeah, he does that old chunk of cool.
So, what do you think he means?
No one's really going to understand that because he's saying, like, I'm trying to let go of this thing.
Yeah, there's definitely some like the one thing you need to know is grandfather you can't understand until it's too late.
I think it's yeah, youth is wasted on the young and all that.
Deep, it's deep.
All right.
Well, we're going to talk more about Norm McDonald in the subscriber lounge where we have an insider who works with him, and he's going to give us all kinds of stuff.
Yeah, Adam was telling me he actually worked, he was there that night when Norm told the moth joke on Coney.
Cannot wait.
Um, so we're gonna get some behind-the-scenes Norm stories.
In the meantime, let's go to some hate maps.
Oh, well, Kyle, your shirt just suddenly changed.
Crazy, yeah, I'm going to a Padres game after this.
Oh, cool.
Is that a sport?
Yeah, it is a sport.
Yeah, they play the stick ball, okay?
The stick and the ball, it's like cricket with red threads in the ball.
That's the one, that's the one, okay.
But the problem is, all the good seats are in the vaccinated section, so but I don't want to get vaccinated because I don't want to grow a third arm.
So, I'm going to wear my I identify as vaccinated t-shirt from guaranteed to work in any situation, guaranteed 100% when you're money.
So, what I love about this shirt is that we work very hard on our jokes at Babylon Bee and our one joke.
And this is our one joke, and it's been honed down to the bottom.
This is the final form, the final form of the joke.
Have you monetized it before?
Is this your first merchandise?
This is our first merch.
And we spent a lot of time trying to come up with a good merch.
And then our CEO was like, Hey, you should just do a shirt that says identify as vaccinated.
We did it, and it's like crazy.
Nice made all of our money for this month just on this shirt.
Yeah, so they're still available.
Shop.babylonbee.com.
Check it out.
It's already being pirated by other companies and other soldiers.
This logo has been stolen and sold all over the place.
But by the official one, you can go anywhere you need to go.
We have ones for men, ones for women, one's agender, coffee mugs, everything.
Hats, everything you need.
And if you're a premium Babylon B subscriber, you have a discount too.
Sorry.
Dang it, Ethan.
If you're a premium Babylon B subscriber, you have a discount on your email that you can use.
Discount code.
Discount code.
So, you know.
Don't discount that.
Anyway.
Okay.
I really miss Adam Ford.
All right, we are reading some hate mail.
We've got a few for you today.
These are all nice, short, and sweet.
So, we wrote an article with the picture of George W. Bush saying, guy who started two wars calls for civility.
Get it?
Get it?
Because he started wars.
Starting wars.
Kill people.
Murder.
Is that your norm?
Homicide.
It's funny.
That's not his voice, but I mean.
So then this person emailed us.
Very disappointed in your characterization of George W. Bush.
Is this a Christian sign?
I love it.
It makes it sound like that's a.
Have you not read the Bible where George W. Bush shall not be besmirched?
Bet passage in there where you're not allowed to criticize George W. Bush.
This is what I like a lot.
This is a YouTube comment, I believe.
Yep.
Update your laugh track.
Sounds like a lonely white dude.
I was feeling sad that day.
Can you quickly get into camera, Patrick, so you can guys see?
Do you want to see our laugh track?
I failed that.
Right here.
You know, I was feeling really sad that day.
I'm glad you found that.
Are you lonely?
I was lonely that day.
He does need a girlfriend.
Wait, do you have a girlfriend?
I don't know if you can see him.
So, ladies, if you want to help.
There he is.
Look at that lonely.
If you want to help our laugh track not be a lonely white dude.
You either need to get like some kind of skin surgery or a woman.
Yeah.
You have options.
He doesn't look too white, though.
Yeah, no.
I don't like that white.
You look kind of ethnically big.
Ethnic ambiguity.
Update your laugh track.
Sounds like a lonely, ethnically ambiguous dude.
I saw that and I was like, oh, man.
How do they know?
I just love that you're so open and free with your laughter and it makes us feel good while we're up here.
It's like, hey, I thought that was funny too.
What does a lonely laugh sound like compared to a little laugh?
I don't know.
Like a little to the end.
Yeah.
Like a laugh and then so alone sigh at the end.
All right, we got one more.
This is a.
Oh, this is mine.
This is a comment on a YouTube.
Yes, you can do it.
This is a comment on a YouTube post where we posted our article.
Family Vacation Ruined by Family.
The comment says by pensive introvert, some regular people at the B must have been arrested by the FBI.
At least two last posts are the dumbest ever.
Yep.
Now, this is on the weekend.
We do kind of post our dumbest ones on the weekend, right?
Kind of are more like the bombs.
Like we talked about the bombs earlier that don't do all that well.
Throw up some jokes about the family.
Come on.
Family vacation.
You can lie on the weekend and give people a break from the politics kind of.
Family vacation ruined by family.
Get it?
Get it?
It's so funny.
I think that you're really nailing it when people get upset by, it's like, well, this is the point.
I'm trying to make you think.
I'm trying to make you uncomfortable.
You're either going to laugh like, yeah, I agree.
That's ridiculous.
Or like, you're offended because you're like, wait, I have a family and the family unit is strong in my family.
This is dumb.
Like, maybe freak out.
I do think there's some people that just, if it's not owning the libs, they are not satisfied.
Wait, this isn't owning any libs.
This joke isn't about Biden or AOC.
No.
I don't know what to do with my thoughts and feelings.
So I'm just going to type this comment and press send.
Sad.
All right.
We're going to go into our subscriber lounge where we're going to cover the classic B article of the week.
We have bonus hate mail, and we're going to get some behind-the-scenes stories about Norm McDonald without an answer.
Let's do it.
Wait, has Chandler answered the 10 questions?
I think so.
I did last time.
What about the second 10 questions?
The second 10 questions.
Second 10.
If we have time, there's time.
Is that subscriber portion only, or is that for this?
Okay.
Oh, am I invited to the subscriber portion?
Oh, yeah, you're in.
Let's go.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you're sweet.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
You could also do just like the dumbest, like anti-joke, poorly conceived thing and make it hilarious.
Like the one time he had this idea, this was back when the Sully Sullenberger Miracle on the Hudson thing happened.
And Norm came on Conan and just like hours before he got there, pitched this idea where he wanted to say that he made a movie about Sully Sullenberg, but before the Miracle on the Hudson happened.
So it's just a movie about an airline pilot that just lands a plane safely at an airport.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.