Christian Comedy, Eating Bacon, and Performing at Prisons | The Nazareth Interview
On The Babylon Bee Interview Show, Kyle and Ethan talk to stand-up comedian Nazareth. They talk about performing on Zoom, finding Jesus, and being Middle Eastern. Nazareth has been a stand-up for over 25 years. He started his comedy career working with the likes of Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, and Kevin James. Once he found Jesus, Nazareth committed his life to Christ and quickly became one of the top Christian comedians in the country. He has written a book entitled Hope in 24 Hours. Check out his website for when Nazareth will be performing near you. Kyle and Ethan find out about Nazareth's views on loving your neighbor and why we need a new website to help us choose our homes. Nazareth talks about what led him to Christ while working as a stand up comedian at the Los Angeles Improv. Once he came to Christ, Nazareth speaks on where God led him and how he has become one of the top Christian comedians in the country. Kyle and Ethan try throwing out topics to Nazareth to see if he can make anything funny. In the Subscriber Portion, Kyle and Ethan find out who Nazareth's comedy heroes are. They talk about the strangest places Nazareth has performed comedy. Kyle and Ethan get Nazareth's worst bombing and worst show stories. They end the interview with the ever glorious 10 questions with an impassioned call to Jesus by Nazareth. Nazareth offers his email address if anyone wants to ask any questions about coming to Jesus: Naz@nazarethusa.com.
I just have to say that I object strenuously to your use of the word hilarious.
Do you like it?
Taking you to the cutting edge of truth.
Yeah, well, Last Jedi is one of the worst movies ever made, and it was very clear that Ryan Johnson doesn't like Star Wars.
Kyle pulls no punches.
I want to ask how you're able to sleep at night.
Ethan brings bone-shattering common sense from the top rope.
If I may, how double dare you?
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Do it.
Hey, everybody.
We are interviewing Nazareth today.
Not the band, which I thought.
We are actually talking to comedian Nazareth.
Just a human being.
And he's a human being, just one guy.
He's a comedian.
Yep.
And he knows 70s metal hits.
He tells jokes.
He does.
And he's a veteran.
He's been around a while.
And he's written a good service now.
He's got a book here, Hope in 24 Hours.
So it's a nice quick.
I don't know if you can read this in 24 hours, but I mean, if you can, you got to read it.
Oh, you could definitely read it.
You can read the whole Bible in like 60-something hours.
Well, that's crazy, people.
Oh, yeah, that's big print, too.
I think at a regular reading paste, you could read the Bible in like 60 hours.
If you just sat down on it.
Well, yeah, that's not a 24 hour day.
Right.
It'd be like a few days.
Yeah.
That's true.
Most regular books are around like a six to eight hour book, I think.
Like on audio, on audible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, that's not the topic.
It's not this.
And Nazareth is the topic.
So he's a comedian.
He does churches, all kinds of little events, or big events.
I don't mean to say little and disparage him.
I didn't mean to say giant.
They call him the Nazareth.
They call him the Billy Gram of Comedy.
Oh, really?
I think he said that when he said that's a little pretentious to call yourself.
He didn't call himself that.
He said people of him.
Oh, people of call him.
People say it.
People say it.
People talk.
So he was a very pleasant, fun guy.
We had a good time.
Very warm.
And he gave like the best invitation at the end of the subscriber.
If you're not a subscriber, if you're a paying subscriber, we have extra content at the end.
And we always give an invitation and ask if they'll accept Christ, which always leads to hilarious results.
And this time, he turned it around on us and gave like a very impassioned plea for us to accept Christ.
He did.
It was really good.
He's tearing up a little bit.
And we both accepted Christ again.
Yeah, we got together.
Got us.
You can check out his comedy at Nazarethusa.com or check out the book, Hope in 24 Hours.
Yeah, do that.
Thanks for the mail, mailman.
All right.
Mr. McFeely's here.
Oh, and here comes Nazareth.
All right.
Here we are.
Oh, yeah.
Right here.
Oh, are you going to cheers?
Yeah, cheers.
Are we going to toast?
Cheers.
All right.
Wow.
And it's coffee.
Just for my Baptist friend.
Yeah, it's not anything else other than coffee.
So we're interviewing heavy metal band Nazareth.
Yes, Hair of the Dog.
Love their time.
Yeah.
Actually, we got into legal troubles a long time ago where my manager had to prove to them that my real name is Nazareth and their real name is not Nazareth.
So you were born with that name.
Yeah, but I lost a lot of money in the beginning when XM Radio started coming on the scene because all the bits were the money.
I mean, when they were paying good comedians, we were making like 90 grand a year from XM Radio.
Wow.
I wasn't getting anything.
And then we contacted them and they go, oh, yeah, we're sending it to Nazareth.
Oh, no.
And it was going to the band.
So finally, and then they cut me off because we sent them like a legal letter.
Said, you know, you can't do that.
You have to send it to us.
So they cut me off till two years ago.
They brought my stuff back on XM Radio.
Well, I'm sorry for bringing up that pain.
Yeah, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You know, after COVID, nothing is really bothering me anymore.
Okay.
Are you in like post-traumatic stress disorder from COVID?
What's that?
How's that affected?
I mean, we've had a lot of comedians on because they've had not a lot to do.
Yeah, that's during the pandemic.
So we've been getting a lot of them in.
Yeah.
Yeah, praise God.
I'm booked for the next six weeks, which hasn't happened.
I mean, I was sitting home looking for stuff like that.
I'm tired of Zoom.
Oh, man.
Oh, I did one for my church.
It's a, you know, my, you know, senior, the seniors at my church.
Now, seniors, some of them, half of the seniors are amazing technology-wise, but the ones I got were not.
One guy had his eye on the camera, another one got the mouth, another person had their ear.
It was like a puzzle.
You move the things around, you get one face.
So that's you I'm talking to.
You realize how few people know where the camera is on the device they're using.
No, no.
And they talk into the camera, like, hi.
Yeah, I know.
So I'm so glad just to be physically here.
Well, Art, your camera's right here if you need to.
Yes, hi.
Can I get closer and look at it so you can hear me?
Trying to help out.
Thank you, Kyle.
So how's the COVID, the COVID, the pandemic affected your comedy, the content of your comedy?
Are you now that you're coming back?
Is it you've had a lot of time to sit there and think about what you're going to say?
All mask jokes.
Yeah, pure mask jokes.
You know what?
It's weird because a lot of people want to avoid talking about it.
And then when you write material as comedians, you write a bit and then you go on stage two, three, four times and try it.
And if it works all three times, you keep it.
Now, we were writing a lot of material, but we were not trying it out.
So you just don't get the time.
So now when you, you know, you're done with the pandemic, you're going on stage and you're trying to do your A material again just to get your timing back.
And you're trying to do your A material, but then you want to sneak in the new material and see how it works.
But what made me one thing I appreciated at the pandemic for my audience is to appreciate their noses.
I've never looked into people's noses before.
And after the pandemic, I'm like, oh, I took that for granted.
Now I look at people's noses.
I'm like, okay, here we go.
But yeah, it did the timing.
The first few minutes when you go on stage after being offstage for like six months, it really you feel, ah, you're sluggish.
You just want to get the material out.
But you don't know.
Some people don't want to talk about COVID.
They said, oh, stray away from COVID material.
Like, that's how you put it on.
But I think my favorite thing was when I heard that our church was taking reservations because they couldn't get everyone else there, so they only accept 25.
So they actually called the church and make a reservation.
And I'm going, okay, hi, yeah.
Oh, you have any seats available?
Oh, second show?
Yeah, the second show.
Yeah, I'll take that.
Do you have anything by the water?
The baptismal.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no.
Okay.
No, I don't want behind that.
That's a splash zone.
We don't want that.
Okay.
Oh, you have two seats up front.
Oh, good.
Well, oh, I have to tie 30% to sit up front.
Okay.
What else?
Do you have anything else?
Oh, oh, yeah.
Honey, they have two seats at the foot of the cross.
No, I don't think we're spiritually ready for that right now.
But it's sad that you're able to, you know, you think church, you can go to church anytime.
Yeah.
And now you have to make a reservation.
And then, but anyway, you end up with.
That's the moment we started looking for a new church.
Yeah.
My wife did that.
She started listening to great speakers and she goes, I want to go to that church.
I'm like, that's two hours from us.
We're not going there.
But yeah, you're right.
A lot of people just figured out I can sit home and watch it.
I don't have to, you know, I don't have to feel guilty when the offering plate comes and stuff like that.
We found a new church.
I've told the story in here, but we found a church where they just started, they were renting from a school and they just immediately shut down and they have to follow the strictest laws.
And so this church decided to start meeting in the pastor's driveway.
So they spit all these seats up in the driveway and they got all the lights and it looks really nice inside.
They kind of put a tent up.
They got screens with all the lyrics and stuff.
Wow.
It's fun.
It's like a little neighborhood potluck.
And how?
Oh, my neighbors would kill me for that if I do that.
Yeah, he said the neighbor's been pretty accepting.
Really?
That's nice.
You know, because the Bible said, love thy neighbor.
Come on.
Really?
Really?
Do we really love our neighbor?
Because they're the hardest.
It's not.
It's like when you buy a house.
Do you own your home?
Yeah.
You own your home, Kyle.
When you bought your house, you look like Zillow or what do you call it, Redfin or Century 21?
And you look for the price and you look for how many bedrooms.
You don't look about who your neighbor is.
Like we need a Christian Zillow where it tells you, okay, all right, here's a house.
This neighbor has dogs that like to poop in your front yard.
This neighbor, his son has a rock and roll band.
This neighbor, he thinks you're, you know, your street is his, you know, like used car lot.
And, you know, this neighbor is so friendly, he checks your mail and uses your trash.
So stuff like that, at least you know who your neighbor is.
And you go, you know what?
I don't think I'm going to be able to love these neighbors in this neighborhood.
I better move next.
I know, but that's nice.
Like a lovability rating.
Yeah.
Well, when we just checked out our neighborhood, we just, all our neighbors had Trump signs.
That's good.
So we knew they were Christians.
Yes, that's how to do it.
Yeah.
And they don't wear masks.
Yeah.
Actually, when I first moved into my house, a neighbor came up and he shook my hand and he's like, oh, we don't do masks around here.
We don't do that around these parts on the outskirts of California.
My neighbor is nice.
He's the greatest guy.
16 years living next to him.
And he's a black guy.
If I call him African American, he gets mad.
This guy is amazing.
I mean, his garage, he has every tool you need.
You can go to Pip Boys.
They can borrow tools from him.
And so, I talk about this: how when you love people, there is no political correctness, which is killing comedians now.
You know, trying to be, oh, you can't say this, you can't say that.
And so I went to my, you know, before the BC, everything I did BC before the pandemic, before coronavirus.
So I went to him and said, can I borrow a screwdriver?
And he goes, what are you making a bomb again?
I mean, I'm Middle Eastern, understandably.
So I laughed.
Of course, it's funny.
I'm like, you'll be the first to find out in 10, 9, 8.
But, you know, it's just like we joke.
I love my, I love my neighbor.
He's a great guy.
But he hates Trump, of course.
He hated Trump.
He still hates Trump.
He still blames Trump for everything.
It's like, look what Trump did.
I'm like, Trump has been gone.
One time his recycle bin was lost or someone took it and he goes, have you seen anybody?
I said, there's a guy in a black suit and red to orange hair that really, I saw him take it and he goes, don't do that to me.
I said, it's Trump.
You blame him on everything.
But yeah, I have a different neighborhood than yours.
Yeah, it sounds like it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's when everybody has to start meeting each other is when a big windstorm hits and all of the recycling bins and trash cans get blown all around and mixed up and they got to figure out which one's yours and talk to, you know, actually knock on the door.
Is this your trash can?
I can't.
I don't know.
They're all grouped up down here.
I put trims on my trash cans, wheels.
Okay.
You did well one year with comedy.
So I got those trims, you know.
So those spinners.
Yeah, even without moving the thing.
That thing is pretty.
That's a good idea.
Deck out your trash can so you know which one's yours.
Yeah nobody takes pride in their trash cans.
Not anymore.
Not these days.
Decline of our civilization.
So we usually save this question for the subscriber portion, but we're dying to know.
Have you ever met Carmen?
No, I envied his tan, but other than that, no, I have not worked with him.
I heard his bus had that tanning it.
We're trying to get more information on that.
Yeah, we were told you might know how to do it.
That's actually why we brought you here.
You brought in the code of Carmen?
Yeah, we were just trying to do the whole reason for that.
Thank you, guys.
I'm really busy.
No, I never, even though I've done TBN 11 times and they loved Carmen, but I've never envy his hair too.
I mean, I mean, he's in heaven now.
He's the Christian Hasselhoff.
Yeah, Christian Hasselhoff.
Yeah, he is.
That's funny.
I know.
What's the most major Christian celebrity that you've ever met?
Major Christian celebrity.
Let's see.
In my podcast, I had Lee Strobel and Josh McDowell.
I think they're big.
I work with everyone.
I worked with the newsboys a few months ago.
Michael W. Smith.
I worked with Casting Crowns.
I worked with Mercy Me several times.
All of them, I worked with them probably a few times.
They're all nice.
Most of them are nice.
Okay, who's the jerk?
Who's the biggest jerk?
Yes, yes.
Who's the jerk?
You can save this for me.
No, I'll tell you who's a jerk.
I'll tell you who was a jerk to me, but Danny Galky.
Danny Goki was a jerk to me, but I'll tell you how.
We were doing, and let me justify him because of that, because I'm working with him in two weeks.
Okay, all right.
We will come out right when you're about to talk about it.
Okay, we were doing this big festival.
So they had this, you know, limo company picked us up in their bus, in the bus.
So Danny Goki was sitting there.
I didn't know him.
I knew he was just out of American Idol.
So anyway, so I'm walking saying, I'm the guy that loves everybody, shake hands with the bus driver, get to know how many kids they have and talk to him.
And talking to everybody, I get to Danny Conkey and he was on the phone, like, hey, how are you, man?
And he's like, excuse me, hi, I'm Nazareth.
I'd like to meet you.
And he shook my hand and I'm sitting next to him in the chair and he's sitting here and there's a guy in front of us.
I'm like going, what a jerk.
What a jerk.
I mean, you know, people don't normally take the initiative to meet.
I didn't know who he was.
I didn't know he was a singer or something.
Like, hey, I'm there.
So and then I'm saying, what a jerk.
Then the guy in front of me found out was his drummer, one of his drummers, and he wasn't a Christian.
So Danny starts witnessing to him.
I'm an evangelist.
I started praying for Danny.
I'm like, sorry, dad, Father, this jerk, can you, can you, Holy Spirit, just give him the right words to reach that person right there.
And I just, and so that was it.
And then I did an event in Orlando for the radio stations.
And he was there, tried to say hi.
He was like, you know, who's great?
Casting Ground.
What's his name?
Mark Hall.
Okay.
Amazing.
Amazing people.
Godly people.
Jeremy Camp, my friend, him and my son just laughed so much all the way to the hotel.
Just a great, great guy.
There's a lot of great guys.
You know, you think they're, no, they're great people.
But that was it.
See, I don't have a lot of that.
Sad.
It's sad.
You want some dirt?
Mirth?
You guys want more dirt.
Let's see.
But did Danny Goki convert his drummer?
I don't know.
We prayed.
When I pray, it's worth.
Yeah, I have credits with God.
So I use some of those points.
Your name is Nazareth.
Yeah, I know.
I'm like Jesus' neighbor, baby.
You know how I got my name, right?
I was born in Nazareth.
I'm literally born in Nazareth.
Yeah.
And I have a brother, Albuquerque, Waikiki, and my sister, Buffalo.
It's just a family tradition thing.
So you're Nazareth of Nazareth.
Nazareth of Nazareth.
Okay, let's take a look.
I'm going to shorten that into some kind of rap name.
You want to take an offering now?
I don't think that would be very successful in here.
But I love what you guys do.
I read that stuff and I forget that it's fake news, but it's funny.
It's funny.
Thank you.
You want to keep, if you just want to keep saying good things about us?
Yes, and you're very handsome, Kyle.
You're married, right?
I have kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How many kids?
Three boys.
Three boys.
God bless you.
That's awesome.
Have you done comedy, Standa?
No.
No.
You should.
If you're a funny writer, I mean, come on.
You guys should try that.
I mean, you guys come up with some funny stuff, really funny stuff.
I'll do speeches, and what I do is I'll put up the Babylon B headlines on the screen and then just read them with my head down looking at the thing.
And people laugh at it because I'm very much not confident in it.
And that's what works for me is not just understanding the idea.
But they know you wrote it.
Okay.
That's a weird, because that's the thing.
Your whole comedy experience is in front of people most of the time.
I'm sure you have your private writing process that you do.
Yes.
That's the weird thing for us is like interacting with people and our comedy is such a, they're so separate.
It's actually kind of jarring when somebody knows who I am or what I do.
It's hard because you guys don't get the immediate, you know, is this funny or not.
But to me, you know, I've always, you know, I was a comedian before I was a Christian.
So I used to do the clubs and all that.
And then when I came to Christ, the first thing God sent me to is prisons.
I went to 250 prisons with Chuck Colson.
So I started doing my comedy in prisons and death row.
So instead of going to, we call it a hell gig or a bar somewhere in Joshua 3 and do comedy for three drunks and see if the joke works, now I'm in death row.
And if they laugh, it's a funny joke because they don't have to.
They don't care.
I'm serious.
So I started working on my act.
And then I started doing comedy.
And there were some comedians were like doing the Christian comedy, like the Noah jokes.
And when people laugh, they go, oh, and praise the Lord.
And people applaud.
And like, I never thought, you know, this is my job.
I want to be the best as what I do personally.
I want to be the best Nazareth telling jokes.
Even so once in a while I go like a headline the Tempe improv and all that, I still get the same big laughs.
And there's comics who do that.
You know, Christian comics who still, I mean, Tim Hawkins and these others and John Brennan and Robert G. Lee and all these guys.
These guys write for the clubs.
I mean, not for the club material, but for the quality and Jeff Allen and all these guys.
You know, you write the best you can.
There's some who think just because you're a Christian, it's okay to be mediocre.
And that's why what I like about you guys is you're not doing mediocre stuff.
You're doing funny.
I mean, we read it.
It's like, oh, that's funny.
So that's what I appreciate.
I don't appreciate someone who's just like halfway.
Yeah, they want to pass.
Yeah, they want to.
They're worth the cause.
So, hey, I'm one of the good guys.
If you don't support me, you don't support Jesus.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
We should try that.
We're not that good, but we love Jesus.
And you better think it's good because you're a Christian.
You can't judge us.
Well, you brought up a funny point about writing on the internet is so different because you don't know if it's funny.
You put it up and you don't hear the laughter.
You're kind of waiting to see if it gets shared.
When you tell a joke, you know immediately if it's funny or not.
Right away.
And you can't fake that.
So it's such a, you have such a much more of a direct connection with the audience.
Right.
It feels like.
Have you ever tried writing comedy on the internet, like that kind of written?
Well, I do a show every since the pandemic started in March, I started a show every night on Facebook called Live with NAS every night at 8.30 p.m. Pacific time.
And I wanted to do it for about two weeks.
They said the country is going to open in two weeks.
So I started doing my material.
And then, you know, it's like after six hours, six days, I'm like, I don't have that much material.
Six hours of material is alone.
So I started asking the people, hey, can you be funny?
And so they started being funny.
I asked questions like, oh, what is the worst name for a plumbing business?
And someone comes up with Farah Fawcett.
I'm like, these are normal people.
They're not comedians.
And another one said the number one in the number two business.
I'm like, this is funny.
So I started asking questions.
And the show survived 318 shows tonight, 319.
And it's people stressed out, depressed, no jobs, are being funny, trying to be funny.
But then I do my new material.
And the only way I find out, Kyle, is when the emojis come in.
I'm like, oh, okay, there's not four emojis and a little thumb up.
That doesn't mean it's that funny.
And when they get this laughing, you know, crying emoji, you go, oh, that bit has a potential.
So nowadays, I don't know if you know this, but the skull means is the funniest.
The what?
The skull.
It means you kill them with laugh.
Like, so people will post a skull and that means they're.
Oh, the skull, that means that.
Oh, I thought.
They're non-Christians.
Yeah, you think it's Satanist or something.
No, the crying, laughing is what old people use.
It's out.
That's out.
Oh, I didn't know that.
So now I put a skull.
It's a tell, depending what emojis you use.
Hey, you, are you enjoying this interview?
Oh, I know I am.
Oh, I sure am.
I'm actually probably sweating trying to think up new questions right now at this very moment.
But if you're enjoying it, you should become a Babylon B subscriber because the interviews are much longer.
Yes.
And we also have the most fun because the portion of the interview that does not go up here on YouTube publicly can be Googled.
So our guests kind of kick back a little bit and get a little looser.
They tell us what they really think.
And we always do our 10 questions, which for everybody tends to be the funnest part of the show.
Yes.
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You know, my kids were telling me, Dad, you're so old.
You know, you're old for this, for TikTok.
You're old for TikTok.
This is a true story.
I prayed.
I said, Lord, you know what?
Can you shut those little two that I gave birth to three, you know, that they think I'm not funny?
And one day I shot a six-second video on TikTok, 8.4 million, and I got 1.8 million likes.
And they're embarrassed now.
They're salty.
Yeah, but you know what?
I don't know.
I still use funny.
That's an old.
So I need to put a skull.
What about my Christian followers?
What are they going to think?
That you worship Satan.
Explain who designed the skull again.
I think it was maybe God.
Did God design the skull?
Yeah, but he put meat on it.
He didn't put meat on it.
Yeah, correct.
Yeah, he didn't put, yeah, skull without meat and no good.
Skull meat.
I don't know.
Skull meat.
Yeah.
That's what I'm going to call my face from now on.
Skull meat.
Deep down we're all metal.
Oh, you don't think I'm good looking?
Wait till you see my skull.
Got a good skull in my head.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
So you apparently you beat Kevin James in a comedy contest, I think.
I did at the Claremont Laugh Stop, Claremont.
Destroyed him.
Not destroy him.
He won the competition and knowing he was, at the time he was still, he He didn't have his show and all that.
But I mean, the guy is very funny.
The guy is clean, you know, considering all this.
He's very clean.
So, yeah, it's an honor when you when you win a competition that you have, you know, that kind of caliber.
Do you have any of those comedians that you kind of start out with that you've seen kind of rise up to anybody in your history since you've been doing comedy for what, 25 years?
30 years.
You know, if there's some, you know, I, before I, you know, I worked with Chris Rock and Adam Sandler and all these guys, but, you know, a lot of them were, you know, starting to get big.
You know, what's her name?
The South Korean comedian.
Amy Cho?
Yeah, Cho, Margaret Cho.
Oh, Margaret Cho.
Margaret Cho and all that.
So they started coming out, but I had a direct, I accepted Christ in the process and I quit.
NBC was writing a sitcom for me called Fish Out of Water, Middle East and Man in America.
And everything was great.
I was a new face at the improv, performing like, I was already, you know, I went, I did the Aladdin in Vegas.
So things were happening so fast and I was empty inside.
I was really going, you know what, if this is it, it's not doing it.
So actually a comedian, a Japanese comic, invited me to church.
And I went to church in Southern California.
I knew, I found out that God loves me.
He's not mad at me.
He doesn't hate me.
So I gave my life to Christ, called my manager on Monday morning, Chuck Harris.
I said, I'm quitting.
He goes, why?
I go, I'm a Christian now.
He goes, you've always been a Christian.
I go, yeah, I was Greek Orthodox, but never went to church.
But now I really know Jesus.
And after 250 some F words, he was convinced, truly convinced, I'm not going with different management.
And he said, you have a contract coming.
You have a sitcom coming.
I said, no, I'm done.
And I was really done until a week later and my pastor said, hey, can we do comedy at the church?
And I was a guy that says, you can't do comedy at church.
That's from the devil.
And he goes, no, God created humor.
Satan perverted it.
And that's when we started our own first show and knew right away God was calling me to use my comedy to bring people to Christ and encourage people.
Yeah, so was that, what was the question again?
Because I strayed away from it.
Oh, I was asking about people you came up with.
Yeah, that's what happened.
Kevin James.
So that's what happened.
When I accepted Christ, I had a change of direction.
I started doing events where families are in and stuff.
So I stopped doing the clubs.
Once in a while I would do a club just to make sure that I am consistent with the laughter with everybody else.
What's the distinct difference in the audience at a club and a church?
Nothing.
Laughter is laughter.
It's funny how some people go, oh, they're going to hate you if you say you're a Christian.
No.
It's when you say it.
If you get up on the stage and go, I'm a Christian, praise God, they're not going to like you.
But after 20, 30 minutes where they relate to you, oh, this guy is a husband like me, you know, a father like me, you know, he's someone, okay, oh, I can relate to him.
That's when you can say anything.
And a lot of, that's why comedy, when you think of comedy, a lot of issues in our life, I mean, was dealt with through comedy.
Look at Richard Pryor.
Richard Pryor is a, he did more for the black life movement than anybody else because he started picking on himself and he got to a point where he taught our culture like the N-word can only be used by black people.
That was Richard Pryor.
That was a comedian.
It was comedians who really started, you know, that deal with issues from racism to whatever issues it is.
You can deal with it.
Comedians are the best people who qualify to talk about it.
Why?
Because once you get the audience to like you, you can say whatever you want.
So yeah, I mean, I try when I write my material, you know, some material, like let's say I'm doing a convention for radio station people.
I'm going to do more jokes about radio stations, about, you know, about being on the radio, being, you know, in the air.
But if I'm doing a church, yeah, I'm going to do more about, you know, stuff that church people deal with.
When I'm doing a club and let's say I'm in Pittsburgh, I'm going to do more different material in Pittsburgh that I would do in Florida.
It's different audience.
So yeah, you got to, you know, when I'm doing a church, I will do more of my, you know, more freedom to share my lifestyle with them than others.
When you're in death row inmates.
When I'm in death row inmates, I'm scared for my life.
No, actually, I just do, you know, when you do prisons, you start picking, when you pick on other people, they feel they laugh.
Because you're picking on other people and it's not them.
But, you know, very polite people in prison, you know, because you're in their home, they have a government in there.
It's amazing how, you know, there's a respect.
Like, I'm a guest.
They're not going to touch me.
I'm their guest.
I came in there to entertain them.
They respect that.
But they don't.
If they shank a comedian, they probably don't get any more comedy shows.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, they stop going.
They lose that privilege for a few weeks, you would think.
Yeah.
So you're from Kuwait.
Where's that at?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
It's been a long time since the Iraqi war.
Okay.
Let's see.
I was born, actually, I'm a Christian Palestinian.
Actually, I was born in the Holy Land in Nazareth.
When I was three years old, moved to Kuwait.
Kuwait is south of Iraq.
Kuwait is a very wealthy.
So it's like Middle East.
It is Middle East, yeah.
You didn't know that?
Yeah, no, I knew that.
Okay.
You didn't know that?
That's a joke.
It's a little bit.
I'm not sure.
I found a joke, and I think you kind of committed to it.
I really committed that.
Yes.
Yeah, I grew up in Kuwait.
What's good about Kuwait is a dry country.
You can't drink alcohol.
So people drink perfume.
True story.
You should see the happy hour at Nordstrom's over there.
It's just really good.
I'm serious.
I mean, I came from Israel, you know, born in the Holy Land, lived in Kuwait.
Muslims don't eat pork.
Jews don't eat pork.
When I was 17, I snapped.
I started smoking ham.
I mean, I'm serious.
I came to this country.
I'm like, I never had bacon before.
Can you believe that?
That's like, I didn't.
And when I ate bacon the first time, I was like, oh, Lord, I was missing all this time, the bacon.
It's really the main reason to convert to Christianity, I think.
But bacon.
I mean, I think apologists, you know, when they're debating Muslims and Jews, why don't they bring that up more often?
That seems like a bacon cosmological argument.
It seems like a mic drop, really.
And I was confused once because I was watching a show in Hawaii where they bury the pork underground and go, oh, it's illegal there in Hawaii, too.
Yeah, so yeah, Kuwait was a desert.
Kuwait was a, it was a hot 145 degrees.
It gets really hot.
And we were second-class citizens because we were not natives.
So it was hard just growing.
I think that contributed to my comedy.
Trying to fit in.
Yeah, so that's.
Maybe I shouldn't get serious on the Babylon.
No, no, it's not getting more serious now.
Because most comedians don't have a story where they're like, I grew up with everything I ever wanted and I was super rich.
And I started doing comedy.
Like, usually it comes out of hardship.
Yeah, it wasn't.
I had good family.
I had good parents.
My mom was tough, though.
Like, I remember when I left Kuwait, my mom never told me she loves me.
I mean, I knew she did, but she wasn't one of those tough women.
And I remember leaving Kuwait to go to the U.S.
I mean, a whole different country.
I go, I love you, mom.
And she goes, don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't watch dirty magazines.
I'm like, okay, mom, I love you.
Don't drink, don't do drugs, don't watch dirty magazines.
Okay, I want.
So I get to Toledo, Ohio, where I go to school, you know, went to college.
And she would call me every day, every night.
Are you okay?
Are you eating good?
Oh, mom, I'm eating good.
Goodbye.
That's all she does.
She never said, I love you.
Oh, how are you feeling?
Never that.
So one time she called me in the day.
I was working in my part-time job.
And she's like, listen to me.
I'm like, is that dead?
What happened?
Why are you calling me?
It's middle of the night.
Listen to me.
Do you have any cigarettes around?
I go, yes.
Do you have any alcohol around?
I go, yeah, there's alcohol in the fridge.
Any dirty magazines?
Yes, mom.
She goes, you're a bad son.
I need your best.
I said, no, mom.
I work at 7-Eleven.
Okay.
I have to call.
But mom was tough, but we had a normal.
That's a great question, Carl.
We had a good, it wasn't, I didn't come from a, but I think trying to fit in is what made me humorous.
When I was three years old living in Kuwait, my mom didn't like our relatives.
And over there, relatives, like Jehovah's Witnesses, they don't call beforehand.
They just come and knock on your door.
And the worst thing that happened, Jehovah's Witnesses, is the ring.
That ring where you can see who's out there.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so I was like Why it was invented Yeah Yeah It tends like it's about crime.
But we get relatives over there.
They don't call.
They just come in and you have to take care of them.
So mom would go, go, go, go, tell them a joke.
I'll pay you money.
Just tell them joke, keep them entertained.
And that's how it started for me.
But yeah, I didn't have problems.
Just trying to fit in is what made my humor come out.
So, okay, so this is kind of a random out of left field question, but I've never actually talked to somebody from the Middle East about this.
Post 9-11, we heard that, I mean, what was it like being a Middle Eastern person during that time?
I've heard all these horror stories that people were very mad at Middle Eastern people.
Did you experience that kind of stuff?
Well, after September 11, I am Mexican now.
And I was Mexican for two years until I made sure all this calmed down because they were attacking Indians and seeing.
I'm like, okay, better.
And we had, you know, you know, you knew when you drove in LA, people who had those big two American flags on top of their cars over the Persians.
It's like, we're not Arabs, we're not Middle Eastern.
But it was hard.
It was in the beginning.
I mean, the people I was surrounded with were kind of educated enough to know it was not, you know.
Yeah.
It's not, you know, we didn't agree with that.
We suffered from these tourists living in Kuwait.
I mean, they bombed the American embassy in Kuwait way before 9-11.
Right.
And I was.
So you're going, are you touring at that time and going around doing shows?
I was touring, yeah.
I was.
Where was I?
I was touring with the Righteous Brothers at the time.
I think that's what happened.
But then everything stopped.
Everything stopped.
And I know I had a show canceled three days before I was supposed to be in Texas.
The pastor called me, goes, I'm sorry, I've never done this.
I don't know why, but I need to cancel the show.
I'm like, why?
He goes, I don't know.
And I'm glad he did.
Because at the airport, you know, it was the first, I think, week.
And then they opened the air, you know, airport.
I was sitting, I remember my flight.
I was needed to go to the bathroom so bad and I would not get up.
I'm like, you know, no, I'm not getting up because if I get up in the plane, everybody's going to either tackle me or something.
And I'm talking to my bladder, like, shut up, blater.
Just sit there.
Don't do that.
It's like a ticking time bomb.
Yeah, yeah.
So it was.
It was.
And I had my Bible open.
It's been to explode.
It's the reality of things.
You know, there's some people out there that's going to be, you know, stupid enough to hurt you not knowing who you are.
Right.
So yeah, I had my Bible open.
I wore my cross.
I mean, I had my American flag.
My cowboy hat.
After the sombrero, of course.
Sombrero, first two months, sombrero, and then a cowboy hat.
But yeah, you're right.
It was a hard time.
And the people, the audience, I didn't know how the audience was react, but they reacted very well.
I had an album that was out before September 11.
And one of the jokes I used to do is like, what do you guys think?
Your parents want us to make us terrorists?
Like my mom would be on I'm a baby in the little baby seat.
Like, here comes the airplane.
Oops, he's being hijacked.
That was an actual joke I did.
And I said, I used to live in a two-story tent with a two-camel garage.
And my brother would go take Ken and Barbie hostages.
I'll send G.I. Joe to get him back.
That was in my first album.
And then I had to call the distribution command and say, can you please put a sticker on this, you know, recorded in 2000?
Recorded in 2000.
Pre-9-11.
Pre-9-11.
Yes.
Yes.
Because that would have been horrible.
Wow.
Yeah.
Could have really blown up on you.
For a lack of a better word.
Yes.
All right.
Well, do we want to do this topic thing?
You want to try that?
Okay, so you're a comedian, so you can make anything funny.
So here's some topics and just make them funny.
Let's see.
Pickled eggs.
Pickled eggs.
Ow.
Don't you feel for the set, for the mom of that chick?
That's bad.
What did you do to make it?
They come from pickled chickens.
You put them in a pickle.
Pickled eggs.
Okay.
It's a very strange food item.
Pickled pig feet.
I've had pickled pig feet before.
Have you had those?
So when you started eating pork, you just went crazy.
Oh, yeah.
I would eat anything.
Everything.
Just pork guts.
We used to eat intestines of sheep.
You know, they take the intestine and stuff them with rice.
Middle Eastern people will stuff anything with rice and eat it.
So they did like those intestines.
They filled it up with rice?
Yeah.
I was telling my kids the other day, I made my daughter laugh, my 13, which normally she never laughs at my jokes.
I said, you know, why do people always go do the heart, you know, the love?
Why can't you do the kidney or the spleen or the gallbladder?
Like, I love your intestines.
And she thought that was funny.
But we'll eat anything if we can stuff it with rice.
Yeah.
How about calculus?
Calculus.
What's that?
Some kind of math.
Yeah, some kind of math.
Yeah, calculus.
Any good math to do?
You know, a lot of people say that I don't need math.
I don't need calculus.
And then they graduate, you know, get out of high school.
And you go, you're paying me, what, 12 bucks an hour?
I'm working three and a half hours.
And then I'm taking overtime and stuff.
And all they do is calculus the first year to figure out how much they're getting paid.
How about Catholics?
How about him?
Catholics, yes.
Yes.
Good people.
Lots of, you know, it's funny because when you go to a, you know, when you go to a Catholic church, I went to a church once in New Mexico, and they had nothing on the stage, in the sanctuary, you know, like you go, the pastor standing just the pulpit.
I said, you need really a gay Catholic interior designer to come and help you out.
You know, if you're bored at a Catholic church, you have stuff to look at.
Yeah.
At a Baptist church, you have nothing.
You have to look at other people and judge them, which is horrible.
That's why Catholics don't judge people.
Because they're busy looking at all the icons and the statues and everything.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
Catholics won.
Baptists zero.
Yes.
Oh, yeah, it's my turn.
How about Nosferatu, aka vampires?
Vampires.
You know, I'm saved by the blood.
I am saved by the blood.
And if they want to suck the blood of Jesus out of me, then they serve loss.
I never thought about that.
If a vampire sucks a Christian.
I don't think you have the blood of Jesus.
I don't have the blood.
No, every communion, they tell me that.
Oh, yeah.
We drink the blood of Jesus.
Well, again, are you Catholic?
No, I'm not.
I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm a Christian.
When you identified as Mexican, did you identify as Catholic?
For two years, I did.
I saved so much money on the tithe.
I didn't give anything.
But no, I attend a non-denominational.
I grew up at Calvary Chapel, you know, under the teaching.
But I'm a Christian.
I don't like, you know, the whole giving denominations and stuff.
I'm a Christian.
I love Jesus.
And, you know, I live for him and saved by grace through faith.
That's it.
See, but I think if you drank Jesus' blood, it wouldn't mean that his blood would have been in your bloodstream.
Yeah, it'd be in your stomach.
Right.
That's like the metaphysical question.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But how would the vampire know the difference between my blood and Jesus' blood?
He's not saved.
It would probably kill him.
Like, Jesus' blood would probably kill the vampire.
He just turned to husk.
Well, they don't like crosses.
I mean, garlic kills him, right?
Garlic, yeah.
Yeah.
Garlic.
Bloody garlic.
So they'd probably die from my blood because I ate a lot of garlic.
Yeah.
But then, yeah, I don't know.
I've never ran.
You know, it's funny.
Like, for a while, it was Hollywood just come up with these vampire shows.
Like, that's entertainment.
You know, it's just like, why can't you think more?
I mean, I don't want, like, you come home and go, you know, oh, I'm so tired.
I just want to see someone getting maimed right now so I can relax a little bit or someone to suck the blood out of someone else.
Well, that's the weirdest thing.
You know, I knew women were mysterious and hard to understand.
And then like all these vampire romance things came out.
Oh, yeah.
And where they're like in a love triangle with vampires and werewolves and stuff.
And then I was like, yeah, there's no figuring it out.
Because they're like into it.
Don't you feel bad for some single man sitting watching this going, oh, she would fall in love with a vampire werewolf.
But I'm here and she doesn't like me.
Yeah, I want to meet anybody or suck somebody's blood.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, poor Mike in the Twilight series, man.
Is there a normal human in the Twilight?
It's Mike.
That's Mike?
How do you know this?
I don't have cable, guys.
I'm sorry.
I don't have cable.
I can't relate to it.
You got any good jokes about corgis?
Corgi's.
Yeah.
The dog.
The dog.
The queen had them.
I watched the crown.
And she had corgis.
It's not really a joke.
I have a demonic dog.
It's a Visla.
Viesla.
It's a Visla.
It's a Hungarian.
It's a real kind of dog.
It's a, what do you call it?
It's kind of a greyhound.
And this, this stupid dog took me for a walk today.
I don't take her for a walk.
She drags me on a walk and I'm sliding behind her.
I'm just holding the ski.
And she's just, you know, she runs 40 miles an hour.
And I'm serious.
It's still a puppy, but I'm just, I'm done with this dog.
I'm really, it's demonic.
And we get her food from monster.
Monsters makes her dog food because she's like, it's always high energy.
I'm like, relax, dog.
Just shut up.
The bee or not the bee?
That is the question I ask myself every morning as I drink from my the bee or not the bee mug.
Now you too can drink from this amazing coffee cup and ask yourself the same question.
Which is better?
It's so hard to decide.
In fact, I would say it's absolutely the Babylon B, but not the bee's pretty cool too.
Enjoy this mug.
How about the impossible burger?
The impossible burger.
Yeah.
Who made that?
That Carjrunier?
What's the impossible?
Well, it's just the like beyond meat.
Yeah, it's supposed to look like made out of vegetables, but it looks all pink and bloody and stuff.
That's offensive to cows, really.
If you don't want to eat meat, don't eat burgers.
Don't look like, don't fake it.
Like some people fake cheese.
They eat like, it's not really cheese or twofold.
Have you ever had two foot?
Tufu is like.
You can cheese stuff?
Is this the worst?
One time I had two foods.
Like having two jars of Vaseline the whole day is like, ugh.
No, I mean, come on.
If you don't want to eat meat, don't eat meat.
Go take a carrot and just eat it.
You know.
Yeah, it is weird that it's, especially if you're morally against eating meat, making the vegetables look like meat, because it would be like making like, you know, cannibalism's wrong, but we can make human-looking meat if you want.
I had a guy once.
You're not really lifelike corps.
Cadaver.
Beyond human.
Beyond human.
The only time I had a problem with a vegetarian is I was in Santa Monica and they had this cafe that serve, you know, those Tufu and smoothies and health drinks.
And they also had burgers or fries.
It's like having Palestinian and Israeli food at the same place.
You know, the food is good, but the clientele is going to clash.
So I'm, so I go there, I'm sitting there enjoying my cheeseburger.
I like it pink in the middle.
I'm eating it.
And this guy, this bicycle has come and this pandex.
I'm serious.
True story.
And the guy was so skinny, his spandex were baggy.
And he walks in and he orders carrot juice.
And I'm looking.
God is my witness.
I'm looking at the guy, go, wow, that's awesome that this guy, you know, I want to be here like him one day.
And then he looks at my, what I'm doing, I'm eating and he's like, Eo.
And I look at him and say, I'm insecure.
I'm like, you know, I didn't do anything to you.
I'm looking around.
He goes, Eo, why don't you just go bite a cow?
I'm serious.
He goes, why don't you just go buy the cow if you're going to eat it?
And that's when, you know, how sometimes you say, Lord Jesus, stay out of this one?
I can handle it.
And I wanted to say, why don't you stick your head in the ground and buy the carrot?
But I didn't do that.
I just kept my mouth shut.
And God said he's going to go to the bathroom because he's on cleansers.
And, you know, those people don't argue for too long because they're on cleanser.
So, anyway, so that's what that's my only challenge with a vegetarian.
That's a bizarre challenge.
Just go buy the cow if you like it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's weird.
That's a strange.
All right.
Well, you did pretty good.
I would say that's a tough test.
C?
Wow.
Well, I didn't study.
You guys didn't tell me what somebody else did.
Probably dropped that on.
No, you did great.
We're going to move to our subscriber lounge now.
Oh, yeah.
Get to go.
For the paying people.
Yeah, for the stories, people.
Okay.
Stories from the road, stories.
We're going to get all the dirt.
Yeah.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't have a lot of dirt in this section for the cheap people here.
Yeah, this is the cheapest.
Cheapskates.
All right, here we go.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
What about your biggest bombing story?
Bombing story.
I'm Middle Eastern.
That's why I don't do any jokes about presidents.
Me neither.
Yeah, we don't do any.
Yeah.
If you want to scatter ashes at Disneyland, might as well do it at the haunted mansion.
I mean, wouldn't that be it?
You don't even have to wait to get the ashes.
You can throw the rest of the body.
I mean, enjoying this hard-hitting interview?
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