THE BEE WEEKLY: Weird News and Frank Turek Tackles Google's Top God Questions
In this episode of the Bee Weekly, Kyle and Ethan are joined by apologist Dr. Frank Turek, founder of CrossExamined and author of several books including Stealing From God and I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist. They talk about the weird news of the week that they can't believe is real and ask Frank all the internet's top questions about God. In the subscriber portion, Frank is subjected to the Next Ten Questions and of course salty hate mail. This episode of The Bee Weekly is brought to you by Conservative Conversations by Intercollegiate Studies Institute. Enjoy in-depth conversations with leading thinkers on the most important issues facing conservatism. Kyle and Ethan jog Frank's memory about the time Ethan couldn't help himself and basically made a hardcore Unofficial Theme Song for Frank Turek's CrossExamined show. They react to some YouTube comments on Hateful White Men Questing How Hateful They Really Are. They also talk about the weird news of the week like parrots who can't stop swearing, a hawk losing a fight with a deer, and ANTIFA attacking Christians to end fascism. Also what is happening in Kyle, TX? Frank Turek takes on the challenge of answering all of the top questions about God that the internet is asking. In an unusual change of pace, Kyle and Ethan answer some love mail about how edifying The Babylon Bee has been for someone's walk with God and then return to our more usual fare of salty hate mail. In the subscriber portion, Frank Turek answers The Next Ten Questions and the guys read the week's top subscriber headlines. Subscribers also enjoy some bonus hate mail!
Man punches cop and bites off his friend's entire nipple.
Youch.
Antifa attacks Christians in Portland to end fascism.
Parrots can't stop saying funky music.
Hawk catches rabbit and then gets destroyed by deer.
Epic.
And Frank Turek is going to answer every question Google has about God.
All this and more in the B weekly.
Conservative ideas are no longer welcome on most college campuses or anywhere else for that matter.
If you're a conservative college student or professor, then you already know what I'm talking about.
If you're hungry for great conservative ideas, look no further.
Check out the Conservative Conversations with ISI podcast today.
Presented by the Intercollegiate Studies Institute, this podcast is a series of in-depth conversations with leading thinkers of the most important issues facing conservatism.
Join Johnny Burtkutt and James Davenport and dig into the world of conservative ideas with thinkers like William F. Buckley Jr., C.S. Lewis, Yuval Levin, Ross Dauphat, and more.
To listen, go to isi.org slash podcast slash be.
That's it.
Isi.org slash podcast slash B-E-E.
Don't let them keep you from conservative ideas.
Listen today.
Should we play the cross-examined song?
Is that what we should start with?
Yeah, did we put it on there?
The one that Ethan did.
Oh, they did it!
That was pretty early on that we put that on.
We should have been ready to perform it live.
Yeah.
You know?
Get the electric guitar in here.
That was in the old office.
I recorded that in my car.
That was recorded mostly in your car, which is amazing.
That must account for the high fidelity.
Yeah.
That's why it sounded so good.
Have we started?
We're starting.
No, we're here.
We're in the show, man.
The show's going.
Well, yeah, we could either link it or play it.
It's up to you guys.
You decide.
Play a little clip.
A little click. A little click.
Come on, Triver, this is rack nonsense.
Gotting your fate to be a total unity.
basically you know i'd been a fan of frank turks for a while watching all this frank turk owns college student videos College Atheist Destroyed by Frank Turek videos.
And I noticed he had this hardcore logo, so he really, I felt like he really needed a matching theme song.
It's perfect.
So, yeah.
So, Frank, you're here in person.
Yes, sir.
We're excited.
We love when people are in person.
And we can't say where here is, can we?
Somewhere in California.
Somewhere online.
Narrow it down to the state.
The state.
The state of California.
The country, yeah.
The communist country of California.
Here we are.
Yeah, and you're way taller than I expected.
That's because your phone is only this big.
Yeah.
That's why.
I mean, even if you watch them on the big screen, I've seen problems.
Yeah, because you're always like, you're standing there on the stage, but there's nobody there to compare you to.
Yeah.
You should have like a pair on stage so we can I'd be short next to Shaq.
So size comparison.
There you go.
Yeah.
It's all relatives for reference.
Yep.
Everything's relative.
We already established that.
I know that.
All right.
Beautiful.
So this week, we have, so besides talking to Frank a bunch, and we are going to do some weird news, but we also got some comments.
A couple comments on our, we had a new video with a couple of hateful racist white guys.
Quoting Kyle.
And they're wondering, are they really that racist?
Are we really hateful?
And we had some comments on it.
So this guy says, I didn't pick this comment.
This guy says, this G, this is his name.
He says, acting of blonde-haired guy is amazing.
I assume that's Ethan.
I'm guessing that's Elizabeth.
What am I?
Chopped liver?
I mean, I like the follow-up.
This guy replied, he said, yeah, Ethan is a great actor.
Watch him as a psycho-bayou hunter, which is, you know, Trevor Garrett.
Oh, here's a nice comment.
But then he says, they're actually both good actors.
Kyle is also a great singer.
Which is funny because that was not my voice.
The John Lennon voice was not you.
Not me.
That was our cinematographer, Brandon.
Why didn't he do it then?
I asked him.
He was in it too.
He was Yoko Ono in the we needed him to be Yoko Ono because our other children.
Because we figured he would do a good because you did the bed scene with John and Yoko?
No.
You guys are too young for that.
You don't even know what you are doing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
No, you don't.
I barely know who Yoko Ono is.
Yeah.
She ruined the Beatles, maybe.
And then another guy, we had R.W. Bimby, said, I don't give two.
He quoted, I don't give two spits worth of chew what one identifies as.
And he says, wow, you boys did your research on this one.
Yes, sir.
So is that a real about Chew or something?
Are you guys out of North Carolina?
North Carolina.
So do people say that?
I assume.
I don't give two spits of chew.
Did people say that?
Billy Graham never said that.
Billy Graham never said two spits of chew.
He said, I told Franklin to come over.
No, I don't have the North Carolina accent.
If I did, everyone would be saved in North Carolina.
It's true.
It's very sad.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think, I mean, I grew up in a really small town in Oregon, and they would actually hand around a chew cup on the high school bus that I was.
I'd sit on the bus and I'd get the cup of chew spit and hand it off.
So I'm very familiar with the cha.
I didn't chew myself, but you just passed a cup.
Just passed the cup.
It's warm.
So, yeah.
Watch that video if you didn't see it because I think me and Kyle, we're learning how to act a little bit.
It's fun.
And it's funny.
This news is weird.
Hawaii man released from mental hospital where he was imprisoned for almost three years after being mistaken for a criminal.
Weird.
So this guy was asleep outside a Honolulu shelter in 2017 on the sidewalk.
And a police officer woke him up and mistook him for another man who had an arrest warrant.
I like the guy's name was Thomas Castleberry.
And he insisted, not Thomas Castleberry!
Castleberry!
And they put him in the mental state hospital.
Yeah, sure.
Sure, you're not Castleberry.
He kept saying, I'm not Castleberry in that story.
That only led to them drugging him more.
That's what it did.
It's real.
No.
So for real.
He's three years.
He's shaking on the bars.
He's still saying it.
He's still saying it hit him again.
It's like, I'm Spreisterbach.
That's his real name.
Why didn't they accept his identity?
Yeah, he said that was his identity, not as Castleburn.
Spreisterbach, his real name, and then Castleberry, that a guy's not.
They both sound like drinks.
Want a Spreisterbach or a Castleberry?
The cool, delicious taste of Castleberry.
That's the fruitier one.
And the Spreisterbach is the dark.
Dark stout ale.
Wow.
Look at this.
It looks like our government's not communicating very well.
It says, turns out Castleberry was in an Alaska prison the whole time.
And that's when Spreisterbach was quietly released from the hospital.
And he released into Alaska?
Have a nice day.
So, Sprysterbach, the real guy, now lives on his sister's 10-acre property and refuses to leave, which with good reason.
Yeah, and then you wouldn't want him really go back to society.
Especially like sleeping on the ground and people interrupting you.
I would never sleep again.
Yeah.
I wonder if he identifies as his sister's brother.
Maybe that's why he won't leave, right?
Maybe he's not really.
We can't take Frank's sister's brother.
I don't know.
He's going to get us in trouble.
Man punches off-duty police officer in the face, bites off guy's nipple in Chicago road rage incident.
Wow.
So Kyle Clark, these guys named Kyle, are the worst.
I know Kyle's are always bad.
He was driving a black Volkswagen Jeddah on Lakeshore Drive.
You guys know where that is in Chicago.
When he sideswiped another vehicle carrying an off-duty officer and his friend, the officer and his friend pulled up alongside Clark and said, hey, pull over.
So he could file a crash report.
The off-duty officer then identified himself as a police officer.
He's like, I'm a cop.
And after the three men exit their vehicles, Clark allegedly punched the off-duty officer twice in the face.
Blap, blah.
That's a gun.
Pow, pow.
That could be a gun too.
Suck, suck.
Then the friend tried to help.
Clark attacked him and completely, I like that the completely is in there.
Completely bit off his nipple.
Yeah.
So it's just a disc.
There's just a circle now.
It's gone.
Did he swallow it?
Yeah, what happened to it?
Is it missing?
He learned that from Mike Tyson.
He must have.
That's a lot of people from Tyson.
I don't know.
It seems like a nipple would come off easier than an ear.
Well, well, no, I don't know.
The ear is kind of like.
But it's got all this stuff, like hard car.
You know, that's why I give ears to dogs.
You don't go to Pet Smart and buy cow nipples for dogs.
You can buy ears because they're hard and cheap.
Chase clothes.
Chase clothes.
That's a real Mike drop artist.
They're going to just eat the nipple like a jelly bean or something.
It's not going to be any work.
I won't hear of it.
All right.
Not going to be any work, right?
All right.
Where do you get this weird news stuff?
This is from reality.
From reality.
Okay, this is really real.
Yeah.
All right.
Antifa attacks Christian prayer event in Portland.
Christians gather by the thousands to worship anyway.
And there's a video.
There is a video if you haven't seen this video.
Really?
It's pretty crazy, these Antifa guys.
They're all showing up in these fully black clad, you know, weapons.
And there's saying this, you can hear them saying they're ending fascism.
Anti-fascism.
Didn't you guys say that if they don't use the salute that they want you to use, they're going to crush you?
Right.
Right.
Special salute.
Their special salute.
And they're the anti-fascists.
Anti-fascists.
Imagine how bad fascists are.
Yeah.
Antifa is crazy.
They use a lot of tactics to stop fascism, like burning books, marching through the streets, making you do their salute.
Anything else?
Anything to end fascism?
I'm on board.
Yeah.
That's right.
Yeah.
Consolidating power in one guy.
Throwing explosives at children.
That's all valid tactics.
It's all better than fascists.
As long as it's not fascism.
Right.
Since we're all clear on the definition of fascism.
Yeah.
As long as we're all clear.
I think we are.
You have to be pro-Antifa or else you're anti-Antifa, which means you're profa.
Profa.
Yeah, you don't want to be profa.
Yeah, you don't be.
I'm not profa.
So I watch the videos of this thing, and it's insane.
It looks to me like some The Purge movie or like, and it's so hard for me to wrap my head around like this is just happening in Portland.
Yeah, it's like meets like a documentary about like Baptists or something.
Yeah, they're just a church camp movie.
Like there's one video where there's a truck driving away and they're like, that's one of them.
Go get them.
And they all run and throwing like smoke grenades at it.
They're throwing eggs and rocks.
And where were the police?
Yeah, and then that's the crazy thing.
Were they defunded?
They were defunded.
Portland.
Yeah.
There was one video of like Antifa going after a Proud Boys guy and the cops just standing there watching them, like looking off to the side.
You know, it's just, it's psycho, man.
I mean, well, anything to end fascism, though.
That must be it.
Yeah, as long as we stop fascism.
Yeah.
They didn't want to be mistaken for profa.
And look, despite the Antifa goons, the prayer and worship event continued with a large crowd gathering.
Nice.
They only made them stronger.
That's right.
Probably.
I wasn't there.
So you were suggesting that we'd summon the she-bears?
Yeah, that's where are the two she-bears when you need them?
Oh, you're right.
Yeah, where are they?
We should have Frank dissect the she-bear part.
Did we do that before?
I don't remember if we asked him about the she-bear.
Do you think it would be justified to call the she-bears?
The she-bears out of the woods?
Yeah, moral.
Were any of these guys prophets?
I don't know if we should go that far.
I think maybe funding the police might be helpful.
What do you think?
That's better than the she-bear?
I think so.
Just fund the police.
Fund the police.
We'll leave the she-bears in the zoo.
Okay.
I think it's wild that all this, this is still Oregon and a bunch of Christians meeting.
There's got to be some Second Amendment people in there.
Oh, I saw guys walking around with rifles for sure.
Yeah, they had to have guns, but I guess they just were being, you know, we didn't want things to escalate too fast.
Even if you bring a rifle, you don't want to be the guy to get the best.
Yeah, the guy who shoots first.
Yeah.
And they are throwing eggs and rocks and stuff.
But I guess there wasn't time to shoot yet, but it's the moment you watch it and you just want Batman to swoop in and just start.
Yeah.
You need a Batman.
Yeah.
We need a Christian Batman.
Bible Man.
Yeah.
Oh, Bible Man Cain.
Remember Bible Man?
That's a movie right there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bible Man.
Bible Man versus Antifa?
I'd go to that.
You would.
Let's make the movie traders.
Let's write it.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
So five parrots at a UK zoo had to be separated because they kept encouraging each other to swear at guests.
They had to separate these guys, Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade, and Elsie.
Elsie.
That just sounds like the ragtat.
Disrupting the one female parrot, too.
They kept encouraging each other to keep cursing.
Do it.
Do it again.
The zoo says they didn't get any complaints from visitors because most guests actually found it amusing.
Well, it's the UK.
Everybody cusses, right?
I'm watching Ted Lasso.
It's an awesome, hilarious, great show, but it's just full of swearing.
Yeah.
Well, and there's like swearing in front of kids there.
And they have different swear words, too.
So where these British swear words?
I don't know.
Yeah.
I'm not going to say them.
Yeah, we can't say what they were.
Do we have a family show?
Yeah.
If you say a British swear word, does Dave D'Angio's voice come over it and control?
Can we get Austin or somebody to do like a, I don't know, what would he say?
Bango's and Matt.
Trookie.
Yeah.
Tally hoe.
Is that a British thing?
I don't know.
Tell you, it's good.
So yeah, maybe that's what they needed with these birds is just take them aside and teach them to say things like flowerbed, donkey.
Yeah, really.
Dolphin.
My wife had a bird that said, birds can't talk.
That was pretty good.
That's good.
Birds can't talk.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Is it evidence of evolution that birds can talk?
Everything's evidence of evolution.
If you're an evolutionist, you know that.
Everything.
Convinced.
You're convinced now, right?
I just asserted it.
It's true.
Well, I figure an evolutionist believes every animal can talk at some point.
That's why it shouldn't be too shocking with the snake talk.
They just figure that's a highly evolved snake.
You just stole it from Chesterton, didn't you?
I don't know.
I'm so like my pores just ooze Chesterton, so I don't even know what I'm saying him.
You should get that checked out.
I'm a giant GK Chesterton rash.
Get that off.
Get that off your chest.
Am I up?
You're up.
You're up, man.
Woman drove off California Cliff after Stranger mistakenly opened her car door.
So this is kind of like a series of kind of mishaps.
So this guy opened the car door of her car thinking it was his car.
It was actually not his car.
So we've all done that, right?
You think it's your car?
You're like, oh, that's not my car.
He opened it.
It freaked her out.
She thought some guy was going to attack her.
So she slammed on the gas with the car and gear and drove off a cliff into the ocean.
That'll teach him.
And she's okay.
She hurt her foot, but she's it was purely, I mean, this is like a crazy accident with all innocent, well-meaning people involved.
Which says that a man believed he was opening his wife's car door, which was similar make and in the next spot over.
Yeah.
There you go.
Happens all the time.
See, never open the door for your wife.
That's the lesson.
Right.
Right there.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that lesson.
How far in your marriage do you stop opening the door?
I still open the door for my wife.
Every time?
No, not every time.
Not every time.
I'll do it on dates and stuff, but it gets like, you know.
On dates, yeah.
It gets like almost, they almost get annoyed with you.
Like, okay.
Come on.
Everybody's saying bless you when they sneeze.
You still say bless you?
Because my wife sneezes at least three times in a row every time she sneezes.
I wait to the end.
Do you wait till the end or do you keep three times?
I kind of just stopped because she doesn't seem to, you know, Bemino is their love language.
I don't think bless you is her love language.
But I always, when we're with new people, they'll say bless you.
I'm like, you gotta wait.
She's gonna do it again.
So you're leaving God out of that?
You don't say God bless you?
God bless you.
It's implied.
God's implied.
Oh, he's imply.
How can you bless somebody without God, Biden said?
You know the thing.
Yeah.
I say flying spaghetti monster, bless you.
Science, bless you.
Flying spaghetti monster.
MildeGrasse Tyson, bless you.
That's what I say every time.
Chance, bless you.
I think it's Frankie.
Oh, is number six me?
That's you, man.
I wanted this one.
I read this this morning.
I can't believe it.
New Oregon law allows students to graduate high school even if they cannot read, write, or do math at the high school level.
Now, why would such a governor sign such a thing?
You're from Oregon.
What's going on?
They need to fight fascism.
You've got to make sacrifices.
That's another way to fight fascism.
Is that a battle against fascism of people praying?
Yeah.
Why burn books then if people can't read?
Right.
It's an easier way.
It saves just teaching less carbon emissions.
Exactly.
Less carbon emissions.
That's what Kerry's been saying is he's been jetting all over the world in his private jet.
Less carbon emissions.
People are reading like Jordan Peterson books, Thomas Sowell books.
It's a real problem.
So if we can just stop the reading.
Even the Bible.
Yeah.
They're reading.
Definitely that.
And the Babylon B site, too.
That'll stop them from reading the far-right misinformation site, the Babylon B. That's right.
So yeah, this is great.
So now if you show your high school diploma when you're applying for a job from Oregon, and it's like, this guy's a person.
It doesn't guarantee anything that you can do.
It doesn't guarantee that you can read or write.
Look, look what it's the governor's deputy communications director said that suspending the reading, writing, and math proficiency requirements will benefit quote.
This is so cringey.
Read this.
Read it.
Go ahead.
That's so cringy.
Who is it going to benefit?
Oregon's black, Latino, Latina, Latinx, Indigenous, Asian, Pacific Islander, tribal, and students of color.
How is it going to benefit them?
So wait, I thought the Latino, Latina, and the tinks are all three different groups.
Latinx is supposed to cover covers at all.
And isn't it offensive to use Latino and Latina if you use the tinks?
That's the whole point of having the tinks.
Should we get a Latino consultant in here?
Latino consultant.
Jorge.
Get in here.
Is this, is, can he come in here?
Are you a Latino, a Latino, a Latino?
I would like to seed my time as a white man.
Okay, no, I will seed my.
Yeah, okay, okay.
So, what's the deal with this?
Latino, Latina, Latinx.
That sounds like a song.
Latinx, yeah.
Yeah, that encompasses everything.
Latinx.
That's everything right there.
Yeah.
So you'd be better off if you couldn't read, according to the Oregon.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
Well, I'm just not.
I'm better off because I'm less capable than everybody else.
Oh, that's what it is.
Okay.
I know we, you know, with a little bit more melanin, you know, they were less capable.
And that's now it's a trend.
So I guess I just ride a wave.
That's good.
I'm very happy.
I'm glad that you didn't have me before I joined the organization to write an essay because you've been left out.
Yeah, you couldn't do it.
You wouldn't be here.
Yeah.
That's right.
Well, we won't make you spell anything.
Well, I'll tell you what, we taught this guy to read just so he could read the Babylon B side.
That's why.
Thank you.
We had the official Latino Latinx.
Can we just a moment of applause for our Latinx?
Yes.
Thank you.
A brave.
That's really brave.
Thank you, everybody.
Now, then it says Indigenous Asian, which I think are different.
And then the Pacific Islander, tribal.
Wait, Indigenous.
Okay.
Pacific Islander.
They're just covering all their bases.
There's a lot of bleed over going on.
There is.
Especially the Latino Latino Latinx.
Latino Latino Latinx.
Latino Latino Latinx.
I don't know.
I can speak Spanish.
That'd be a great song.
Got anything?
Now, you had to have hurt somebody's feelings doing that, Ethan.
I mean, come on.
I'm trying to write a cultural song.
Okay.
All right.
Let's just move on.
All right.
Well, we can't.
We can't read.
That's true.
How can we move out?
I can read.
He went to public school in Oregon.
I didn't.
That's true.
I didn't.
Okay.
You read this next one then.
Craziest video ever.
A hawk swoops down and catches a rabbit, and then a deer rushes out and rescues the rabbit by stomping the hawk to death.
What in the actual heck?
I assume that's how that headline was written and intended to be read.
I think you will get the Oscar for this show.
Thank you.
Instead of Ethan.
Yeah.
It's a new live-action Bambi?
Yeah, that's I'm guessing.
It looks like, you know, Disney's remaking all their movies with real people and animals, real animals, like live-action reboot.
Yeah, because it's a baby.
It looks like Bambi and Thumper.
So the Hawk comes in, takes Thumper, Bambi jumps in.
And I love these deer because they're not meant to do anything but kind of walk around.
So when they start attacking, it's just like one of those weird, like punching dolls or whatever.
They start flapping their hooves.
And he's just, the thing just is stomping this hawk like a like a like a thing that goes like that.
Yeah.
Just like that.
Yeah.
You got to think that's pretty embarrassing for the hawk.
Like it goes back and all the other hawks are taken out by Bambi, sucker.
That's right.
Where'd you get that bruise?
Oh, I got in a real fight, you know.
But actually, just got punched by a deer.
Punched by a deer.
Is this God, Satan, or evolution?
I don't know.
That's a tough one.
That's why we have you here.
Oh, everything's evolution.
I forgot.
Everything's evolution.
No.
Because there is no God in Satan, right?
Well, you're supposed to tell us.
That's why.
Oh, okay.
Well.
Did you get the right Frank Truer?
Cross-examine.
It's me.
The imposter.
It's me.
He lost his faith on the way here.
I'm here too by an atheist on the air.
I got a hidden head outside by a deer.
Well, I guess I have to read the last one.
What's the last one?
Yeah, this is perfect.
Because I read all the Guinness World Records.
There's no more one more well-suited for Kyle here.
City of Kyle.
So I'm on the record against Guinness World Records because they're all stupid.
Like they're not, it's not running a mile in a certain amount of time.
It's like, oh, I can stackle booming in.
Seven Cheetos in some two seconds.
The city of Kyle, Texas, is attempting to gather a bunch of Kyles for Guinness World Records.
And they're going to be at Lake Kyle, I believe.
Will you be there?
I should go.
Yeah, because that's what I don't know.
Where are you going to go?
Because they're asking Kyle's to go.
You could go there and document it.
So it's trying to get as many Kyles as possible to set a Guinness record at its annual Kyle Pie in the Sky Hot Air Balloon Festival.
The city of Kyle's tendency to break the world record for gathering the most Kyles has to be spelled that way in one place at the annual Kyle Pie in the Sky Hot Air Balloon Festival Labor Day.
We're going to lake Kyle.
Got somebody Kyle's.
It almost sounds like, yeah, it's like Z Kyle.
It's scary.
Z Kyle.
Sounds bad.
Z. Kyle.
This is like a dad joke that just went too far.
That's right.
This is, yeah, this is the thing that is an outcropping of just Facebook and just the stupidity of the meme culture just too far.
Because like I said, I've been a part of an Ethan Facebook group, and it's a large group of guys.
Just a bunch of Ethan.
Yeah.
And they want to do all these meetings and stuff.
Yeah, I don't even want to meet up with people I like.
Yeah.
Why would I meet up with I've never met a good Ethan?
Same thing, actually.
I don't know.
I'm just kidding if I met you and you were an Ethan.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, let's move on to debating Frank Turek about God.
Oh, well, Kyle, your shirt just suddenly changed.
Crazy.
Yeah, I'm going to a Padres game after this.
Oh, cool.
Is that a sport?
Yeah, it is a sport.
Yeah.
They play the stick ball.
Okay, the stick and the ball.
Dance like cricket with red threads in the wall.
That's the one.
That's the one.
Okay.
But the problem is, all the good seats are in the vaccinated section.
But I don't want to get vaccinated because I don't want to grow a third arm.
So I'm going to wear my I identify as vaccinated t-shirt.
Guaranteed to work in any situation.
Guaranteed.
100% on your money back.
What I love about this shirt is that we work very hard on our jokes at Babylon Bee and our one joke.
And this is our one joke.
And it's been honed down to the next one.
This is the final form.
The final form.
Have you monetized it before?
Is this your first merchandise?
This is our first merch.
And we spend a lot of time trying to come up with a good merch.
And then our CEO was like, hey, you should just do a shirt that says identify as vaccinated.
We did it.
And it's like.
It just sold like crazy.
Nice.
Made all of our money for this month just on this shirt.
Yeah.
So they're still available.
Shop.babylonbee.com.
Check it out.
It's already being pirated by other companies.
This logo has been stolen and sold all over the place.
But buy the official one.
Yeah.
You can go anywhere you need to go.
We have ones for men, one's for women, one's eight gender.
Coffee mugs, everything.
Hats, everything you need.
And if you're a premium Babylon B subscriber, you have a discount too.
Sorry.
Dang it, Ethan.
If you're a premium Babylon B subscriber, you have a discount on your email that you can use.
Discount code.
Discount code.
So, you know.
Don't discount that.
Anyway.
Okay.
I don't believe in God.
I already told you.
Now, this is weird because you can see our questions.
Oh, all right.
Usually you shouldn't see our questions during this part.
We will randomly select these.
Okay, go ahead.
So, where do we begin, Kyle?
Frank Turek is apologist, apologeticist.
Yeah, that's literally a lot of people.
Sorry, but that's what I am.
That's right.
Is it geneticist or just?
Apologeticist?
Apologist?
I think just will do it.
Just gets the gist of the gist of it.
That's right.
Okay.
So God created mankind.
And God created Satan.
And he knew that.
Correct me if I'm wrong on any of this.
He knew that Satan would tempt Eve and Adam.
Yeah.
That it would be cast into sin.
And he knew that would one day lead to humanity creating TikTok.
Can you defend that?
I think Christian theology.
God allowed TikTok to be created because kids just don't have enough to do.
There's not enough entertainment out there.
So I guess TikTok was allowing God or allowing humans to create something that kids could be amused by and waste a lot of time.
Hold on.
Although we're starting to put some videos up there.
Yeah, I was going to ask.
No, we like did two videos on there.
We don't understand.
That's it.
Yeah, we're just starting.
Do you like wear a sideways hat and hold a skateboard?
Yeah, that's right.
It really gives me academic credibility when I do that.
Yeah, and I go through the cosmological argument with the skateboard and the sideways hat.
That's right.
Yeah.
That's all it is, is like people dancing and making arguments and like pointing at things on the screen.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
I want to see a Frank Direct TikTok dance now.
I may record one when I go down to the Kyle Gidness Book of World Records balloon festival.
Yeah, but you're not a Kyle.
Well, he'd be kicked out.
That's right.
I wouldn't make it.
But I could be your guest, Kyle.
Oh, that's true.
I'll get a plus one.
Why should someone who has never put much thought into faith reconsider and begin exploring religion?
And why even start thinking about Christianity?
It's like that's in this culture.
Yeah.
Well, they're just like, they didn't grow up around it.
They're just like, why don't we care?
What could be more important than eternity?
I mean, if Christianity is true, and it is, what could be more important than that when you think about it, right?
I mean, you're going to be dead a lot longer than you're going to be alive.
You might want to consider whether or not it's true.
And the older I get, the more I realize, man, this is so temporary, what we're doing here.
I mean, time's just flying in my life.
Right.
And seriously, I mean, why wouldn't you consider?
Why pick Christianity?
Well, because I think it's true.
I think Jesus rose from the dead, right?
There's only two facts you got to prove.
God exists and Jesus rose from the dead.
Those two things are true.
Christianity is true.
I mean, mere Christianity, you know, the essentials of it.
Would your advice be to somebody who's like, I've never really thought about faith at all.
I never thought I, it just didn't seem like a big deal.
And now I'm thinking I should start thinking about it.
Yeah.
Where should they start?
Well, I would say look into the person of Christ because there's nobody in the history of the world who has had that impact.
And when you think about how could this guy who lived for three years in an obscure part of the Roman Empire 2,000 years ago, who never traveled more than 200 miles from where he grew up, never wrote a book, never led an army, never held political office, never did any of those things that we consider, hey, this is a big deal.
How could he be the center of human history?
How does that happen?
In fact, I had a student once at the University of Maryland after I gave the I don't have enough faith to be an atheist presentation.
We're all kind of hanging out after it's over as an atheist.
And he was talking about the New Testament and he was really dissing it.
And it seemed like he didn't even know what was in it.
I said, have you ever read it?
And he was flummoxed.
He had never read it.
I said, look, man, I don't care how old you are or where you're from or what your upbringing was.
Jesus of Nazareth is undoubtedly the most influential human being in the history of the world.
If you're going to call yourself a pursuer of truth, you got to at least read what he apparently said and did.
I mean, you may read it and go, oh, I don't think it's true, but you got to at least read it.
You know, you got to look into it.
And he never did.
So I think unbelief in many cases is not so much a matter of God's existence.
It's a matter of our resistance.
We don't want it to be true, right?
We want to do our own thing.
We don't want there to be a God because we want to be God over our own lives.
And that's why I always ask people the question on the campus is, you know, if Christianity were true, would you become a Christian?
And many of them will say no, right?
They don't want it to be true.
God's getting in the way of my happiness, right?
They're on a truth quest.
They're not on a truth quest or on a happiness quest.
So they're just going to believe whatever is going to make them happy.
Follow-up question.
Do you prefer the theatrical edition or the Snyder cut of the Justice League?
Ooh, Schneider cut.
Schneider.
Schneider cut.
The Rob Schneider cut, yes.
That's right.
No, interesting you should bring that up, Ethan, because my son and I, who is also a seminary grad, Ethan, Kyle.
Yeah, sorry.
Sorry, Kyle.
Somebody just ignored my question.
Yeah, totally.
I totally went back over here.
Yeah.
No, my son and I, who's also a seminary grad, he's in the Air Force right now, but he's also graduated from Southern Evangelical Seminary.
We just completed a book called Hollywood Heroes: How Your Favorite Movies Reveal God.
It's not going to be out till March of 2022, but we spent a fair amount of time looking at the Rob Schneider cut or the Zach Schneider cut.
And because there's a lot in the superhero movies, because that's most of what we're doing, superhero movies, that point to Christianity or at least theism.
And so that's what the whole book's about.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to write a movie and be like, the whole theme of this movie is that your life is pointless.
That's right.
Yeah.
There's no meaning.
Take a compelling narrative out of that.
Is a person who believes in free will predetermined to deny the doctrines of Calvinism?
You know, I get that question so much about free will and predestination.
And the truth of the matter is, just because God knows what you're going to do doesn't mean you don't have the free will to do it.
Like, you know, mother puts down her baby to go to sleep, and she knows at some point that night that kid's going to wake up, but her knowing it doesn't cause the baby to wake up.
There's not necessarily a connection between knowledge and causation, but somehow people think, well, if God knows what I'm going to do, I don't have free will.
No, you sure do.
This is why Geisler, my co-author, wrote the book Chosen But Free.
Of course we're chosen.
He knows who's going to believe and who doesn't.
And when He creates the universe, He knows how it's going to turn out.
But that doesn't mean He's causing us against our will to either believe or not believe.
We still have the free will to believe or not to believe.
Just because He knows what we're going to do doesn't mean He's taking away our free will.
But God could have actuated a different universe.
He could have.
And if that were the case, He would have elected that universe.
But He elected this universe with the free creatures in it.
And people will say, Well, why couldn't He create everyone to believe?
Well, that might be logically possible, but not actually achievable.
Because with free creatures, there's one thing God can't do.
He can't force free creatures to believe in Him.
That would be, obviously, it would be contradiction.
He can't force them.
All He can do is provide them life and then see what they do.
He knows what they're going to do, but he gives them the freedom to do so.
Otherwise, you couldn't have love if everyone's just a moist robot, you know.
So when he like blinded Paul on the road to Damascus, Paul was just like, oh, you know, if you want, Paul, you'd be happy.
Well, Paul does say, he said, I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision.
So he could have, he could have turned away.
He could have said, I don't care who you are.
Or I'm taking a different interpretation of this.
Now I want God to come and do an altar call on the road to Damascus and like play the softly and tenderly.
Please come forward, Paul.
That's right, Paul.
That's right.
Paul, just raise your hand.
Close your eyes.
Raise your hand.
No, but the, you know, you get older, you start to lose your train of train of, you know, the thing.
The thing.
Yeah, the thing.
You know it.
The thing.
Come on, man.
It'll come back to me later.
I mean, is it, how about this just as a follow-up question?
Oh, no, no.
Here, I got it now.
Okay.
Who was it?
Some famous atheist said, you know, well, if I think it was Krauss who said, you know, if God wrote in the sky my name or in the stars, I am here, I would believe.
When it was another atheist, I think it was may have been, oh man, I'm getting old.
Who's the guy that Atkins, the guy that invited Craig to visit Craig a couple times?
No, Atkins, not Hitchens.
The diet guy?
Peter Atkins.
Peter Atkins, the diet guy.
He was overweight and he was on the Atkins diet.
He didn't believe in God.
No, he basically said if Jesus appeared to him, he would see a psychiatrist.
He wouldn't think it was a real revelation.
He would think he was mistaken somehow.
He'd gone nuts.
So I think many people who say, if God would only appear to me, I would believe.
In reality, they'd probably go, no, I need to go see a psychiatrist.
So on the free will question, how important is it to know people debate this like crazy?
And I tend to go, well, if you have to act like you have free will anyway, maybe I'm just being lazy.
But I tend to just back off and go, well, I don't know.
About free will?
About free will versus predetermination.
It's both.
Because when God elects to create the universe, why should I care so much about that question?
Well, I think you should care about it because it reflects the nature of God.
Because if we don't have free will, then God's a divine tyrant.
Like, I know where I'm leaning, but I lean more free will.
Sad.
But Kyle doesn't.
No, when people say, I don't have free will, I ask them, did you freely come to that conclusion?
And if not, why should I believe what you just said?
You know, if you're just a molecular machine, that this is physics is just pumping out this thought that I don't have free will.
Why should I trust it?
It's God's authorship, right?
That's all you'd say.
Are you arguing for me?
I'm trying.
He's arguing.
Then God's the author of evil.
He gives us the thought to sin and we go and sin.
Let me just throw another follow-up question.
Another direction.
Do midgets have night vision?
Midgets have night vision?
I found some actual questions people have asked on the internet.
I'm going to throw them in there now.
Where did that come from?
I'm sorry about my co-host.
That sounds like Larry the cable guy or something.
Do midgets have not midgets?
That's right.
You don't have to answer that.
You're a small man to bring that question up.
If someone eats himself, would he become twice as big or disappear completely?
I can't.
That's got to be a Stephen Wright joke.
I don't know.
Are Catholics going to hell?
There we go.
This is the real question.
That's right.
We're all going to hell if we don't accept Jesus, whether you claim to be Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, Muslim, atheist.
You've got to accept Jesus as your Savior.
So it's not where you go to church that determines whether or not you're saved.
People say, do you think Catholics can be saved?
I usually say, I even think some Baptists can be saved, right?
If they trust in what Christ has done.
That's how you're saved.
What about Methodists?
Can Helen Keller be?
What about them?
Well, if you're born deaf, dumb, and blind.
Yeah.
You're Tommy.
No one can ever tell you about Jesus.
But she did communicate, right?
She communicates.
Take out Helen Keller.
Forget Helen Keller?
Yeah.
Just get a guy who had his head glued into a motorcycle helmet as a baby.
He can breathe somehow.
You can't talk or hear anybody.
These are exactly the questions I get on campus.
This is very helpful, Ethan.
Thank you.
So yeah.
Could he be like, oh, yeah, maybe he might not know the name Jesus unless maybe, I don't know.
It's the same kind of question we had people prior to Christ.
They were saved by trusting in Yahweh.
They didn't know the name of Jesus.
The New Testament seems to indicate you need to know the name, but God is so loving that he wants to get everybody the name and will get people the name who want to believe.
He's the reward of those who diligently seek him.
So God wants us to be saved more than we want other people to be saved.
So I trust in the love of God on that.
Nobody in the afterlife is going to go, God, I got a raw deal.
You know, I shouldn't be where I am.
No.
No, God's perfectly just and perfectly loving.
So can you be following the wrong text and yet, no, this, I'm not saying I'm just playing devil's advocate or something.
I don't know what I'm doing.
But like the, I do have this.
I do wonder about this.
If you're following, you know, can you find if a deaf, dumb, and blind person can find Christ, they don't know that that's his name or whatever.
So they're probably coming with some concept of who this is, but they don't quite know.
Can that happen in another faith?
Can somebody who's whether they're Mormon or maybe they're in Islam or they're following a different text, is it possible that when they are it's philosophically possible, but theologically, just like because it's philosophically possible that you can, Geiser used to say, person they're praying to maybe it's Jesus.
Well, this happens at the end of the Narnia books.
Yeah, this is right.
It's kind of a thing that Lucas Lewis is kind of like that's when I burned all my Narnia books when I read when you said that was it?
Yeah.
No, I mean, it's philosophically possible that you can benefit from a sacrifice that you didn't know about.
You know, you could enjoy a steak not knowing the cow that was sacrificed for you to enjoy the steak, right?
But theologically, the New Testament makes the claim over and over again that you need to know the name.
And really, this is a moral question.
It's saying that God is somehow immoral if he doesn't accept everyone.
Well, if people truly want to know God, they will seek out and get the gospel in order to be saved.
In fact, Paul says in Acts 17, when he's talking to the Athenians, he says, God has so prearranged the world.
He said that he's appointed the times and places where people should live so that people would find him or should reach out to him and find him, though God is not far from each one of us.
So he seems to be indicating that God has so prearranged the world that those who truly want to seek him will find him.
I mean, we know people that hear the gospel and don't believe it, right?
We know our friends and relatives.
They know it, but they don't believe it.
It could be that those who never hear the gospel wouldn't have believed it anyway.
Right?
I mean, that's certainly possible.
And so, again, I rest in the love and justice of God that nobody in the end is going to go, oh, I got a raw deal.
If only this had happened, I would have become a believer.
No.
Okay, I'm going to list some animals, and I want you to tell me if you could beat them in an unarmed fight.
They surveyed men and women, and then they divided it by nationalities too, to see which people thought they could beat these animals in a fight.
And I'm curious where you land on this scale.
I'm not going to do all of them, but a house cat.
Can you beat a house cat and an unarmed cat?
A house cat.
Well, house cats are demonic.
That's true.
You have the power of mind.
I would use a crucifix on the house cat, probably.
But answer honestly, you're dropped into an arena, a house cat unarmed.
Can you beat it?
Can you kill it?
Can I kill it?
Yeah.
I'm going to get a lot of hate if I start killing house cats.
Well, I'm not saying you're actually killing them.
This is the Hitler hypothetical.
It's a fascist house cat.
Yeah, it's a voter cat.
It voted for Trump.
It voted for Trump.
Wow.
But its vote went to Biden.
I could probably take the House K.
Okay, all right.
I probably could.
Medium-sized dog.
What kind of dog?
I don't know.
What's a medium-sized dog?
Like a collie or something like that?
Collie.
I probably could.
Yeah.
Lassie, I could probably take.
Okay, large dog.
No, St. Bernard?
No.
No, no, not like a pit bull.
23% of Americans think they could beat a large dog.
Yeah.
King Cobra.
King Cobra.
No, thanks.
I'd run from that.
Okay.
Kangaroo.
Kangaroo.
Yeah.
You can't run.
You've got to fight it.
You have to fight.
You're in.
You're locked into a gun.
Oh, you're locked in.
You have like death.
Kangaroos are like boxers, aren't they?
You're handcuffed to each other.
We looked this up.
Only one person's ever been killed by a kangaroo.
Oh, okay.
I guess I could then.
Okay.
Yeah.
Two more.
Gorilla.
A gorilla, no.
And elephant.
I'm locked into an elephant.
No, he's going to squatch.
Almost 10% of Americans believe they could beat an elephant.
They could beat an elephant.
Which I believe.
I totally agree.
Yeah.
Only 2% of British people think they could beat an elephant.
And that's why we won the American Revolution.
All that?
All down the line.
That extra American people.
British people had more confidence than Americans were more confident in every single single fight.
Sometimes like five times more confident.
Because we got the Lord on our side.
You were a little less confident.
Well, if you said pig, I would have said, yeah, because I'd have gone for the bacon.
Yeah.
Right?
Because bacon makes everything delicious.
You grab them by the bacon.
Eat the bacon out of it right there while it's squealing.
Yeah, bacon could make roadkills.
I don't like eating it raw.
Bacon?
Yeah.
You got to cook it.
You're right.
Yeah.
Especially if it's pulsing.
I don't know.
Ron wriggling.
Wriggling bacon.
Kevin Bacon's brother.
I saw them open for MXPX.
Okay, what do we want to do?
Do we want to, we're getting close to the end of the day.
Yeah, we're going to have so many more questions.
Do we want to do the rapid-fire questions about God on Google?
We want to save that for the subscriber.
We're pretty deep, but we could try.
We could do the Google questions on the Google.
We still have some love mail and stuff, too.
Yeah, we looked up the top Googled questions about God.
So you can answer all the internet's questions.
Easy.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's do the rapid fire answer all the questions on Google about God.
Here are your questions, people of the internet.
Top questions about God on Google.
Number one, is God and Jesus the same person?
Well, God has three persons, right?
Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
So Jesus is a person in the Godhead, but God the Father and Jesus are two different persons.
They share the divine essence, though.
That was an easy one for you.
Yeah, it was easy.
How about this one, though?
Is God of war on PC or Xbox?
Is God of war?
That was the second is God question that comes in.
Is God of war on PC?
I think it's on PlayStation, actually.
Thank you, Kyle.
Oh, so it's asking if it's coming to the next one.
He knows.
I can answer that one.
Is God a woman?
Is God a woman?
Negative, but he's not a man either in the sense that he doesn't have man parts.
Jesus, as a human being, has man parts because he has two natures.
He has a divine nature and a human nature.
So in his human nature, he's a man.
I've heard people say that the word for Holy Spirit sometimes is feminine.
Is that fact-check true or fact-check false?
Frank check.
Frank check.
Frank check don't know.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sad.
To be frank.
Here's a new one.
Why does God allow suffering?
Why does God allow suffering?
You have 30 seconds.
30 seconds.
God allows suffering because we have free will.
And with free will, we can love, but we can also do evil.
And when we do evil, God can ultimately redeem it.
He allows suffering because if he stopped suffering every time that we exercised our free will, we truly wouldn't be free now, would we?
And of course, suffering can be redeemed.
Suffering can help us grow.
Suffering can build character in us.
Suffering can do quite a bit of good, obviously.
It can also do quite a bit of bad depending upon your attitude toward it.
And of course, the beauty of the Christian worldview is that it really is the answer to evil and suffering.
That's what Christianity is all about.
What's the solution to evil and suffering?
God comes to earth, adds humanity to his deity, and takes it on himself.
So when people ask, if God, why evil?
The answer is Christianity.
Christianity explains all that and solves it.
Why does God love us?
Because we're made in his image, meaning we're his representatives, and he's a God of love.
So he loves what he creates.
Why does God not answer prayers?
Because sometimes our prayers are stupid.
Well, not about the nonsense.
They pray for their sick child.
Right.
No, yeah, there are prayers that we don't always know why God doesn't answer the way we want them to, but we know why we don't know why, because we're stuck in time and God sees the entire end from the beginning.
And due to the ripple effect, something that we see now, like say, tragically, a child dies, and we go, why does a child die?
Well, we know why child children die in general because we live in a fallen world.
But why did that particular child die?
I don't know.
But maybe the ripple effect, which happens after any event occurs, can ultimately bring forth great good.
Maybe a child dying today ripples forward through centuries.
So 500 years from now, a great evangelist arises and saves hundreds of people, partially because of the suffering or evil event that took place here.
So God can bring good from evil, even when we can't see it.
Why do Christians call Jesus the Christ?
Because Christ means anointed one, and he is the anointed savior.
He's the Messiah.
Is Jesus more powerful than Zeus?
Than Zeus, yes.
Because Jesus is the creator, and if Zeus exists, he was created by Jesus.
But of course, he doesn't exist.
But he's got the lightning.
He does.
He does have the lightning.
Are people who claim to talk to God insane?
Only if they can't read because they went to school in Oregon.
Can God speak to me using the voice in my mind?
Can he speak to you?
And the Holy Spirit speak to you using the voice in your mind.
Am I talking to myself?
Yes.
Yes.
The one that sounds like James Earl Jones.
That's kind of Morgan Freeman.
Sounds like God right there.
Yeah, I think God can prompt you to do certain things, but if it is contrary to the scriptures, it's not from God.
It's from the other side.
My friend Greg Koco, you guys know Greg.
Oh, yeah, I'll say on that.
He does.
He's our second favorite.
Does God whisper?
Yeah, does God whisper?
Check out on his website.
I think that's really good.
Yeah.
All right, one more.
Can free will exist without the existence of God?
Can free will – nothing can exist without God because God is the ground of all being.
So there wouldn't be anybody to be free.
Well, I think there's this argument like that if the universe just spontaneously got set into motion, then there is no free will because you're just the result of the explosion.
We're still just all the particles falling down a cosmic staircase and accidentally.
Yeah, well, you'd have to come up with some sort of emergence theory for consciousness then and say somehow.
It's chemical reactions.
Yeah, that everything can't be chemical reactions because if everything is chemical reactions, then they're just chemical reactions.
They're determined.
There's no freedom.
And so one of the problems I think atheists have is that intuitively they know they have free will.
Intuitively, they know that love is a good thing.
Intuitively, they know that justice exists.
They just have no way of justifying any of those things.
Because if we're just molecular machines, how do any of those immaterial realities exist?
So what we're doing as Christians is we're saying we have this effect that we call consciousness.
We have this effect that we call justice or love.
We have these effects and what we're reasoning from is effect back to cause.
That's how we know God exists.
We take the effects and we say these effects are best explained by a cause known as God.
So we're reasoning from effect to cause.
When people say, how do you know God exists?
I say because God is explained by his effects.
You look at the effects of the creation.
That's the effect is the creation.
So the cause is a creator.
Effect is design.
You look at the cause of designer.
Moral law written on the hearts, the effect.
The cause is a moral law giver.
So we're reasoning from effect to causes, which is what scientists do.
You know, science just is a search for causes.
That's what we're doing.
We've got all these effects, so how do we explain them?
Now, I know they're going to come up with the God of the Gaps argument and all this, but there's no God of the Gaps argument for, say, the creation of the universe because there was no natural law that could have created the universe because natural laws were created with the universe.
That's the whole point.
It's got to be something outside the universe that brought it into existence.
I'm going to need you to calm down, Frank.
I can't.
We're going to move on to.
Too excited.
Now that all your answers have been questioned.
If Batman's parents are dead, how is he born?
This isn't on the internet.
This is just.
Batman's parents were killed when he was a young man.
You know?
By what's that villain's name in there?
It's in our book.
Well, that was just a mugger.
It's just a random mugger.
Yeah.
It's a random mugger.
In most animals.
Did they connect it at some point?
They can't help me.
He was 10 years old.
He saw it.
Some of the versions, it's one of the villains.
But it's actually just a mugger.
All right.
We're going to do some love mail and some hate mail.
Oh, yeah.
Love mail.
We're going to close out the show.
Beautiful.
And we just have love.
Oh, we have love and hate.
We usually do hate mail, but we decided to start with love mail in this song because we actually got our first nice message in months.
Love mail, baby.
Someone messaged our CEO, Seth, and said, The Bee has been with me as I began my walk.
I am now saved and in a church I love.
Thanks.
From the Babylon B. They're not technically saying we had anything to do with it.
They didn't say that we saved them.
Right.
But we've been with them.
We were part of it.
We're there.
I'll take it.
Sure.
We get half point, half credit.
People will ask me, like, has Babylon B ever converted anybody?
I'm like, I have no idea.
But now I can say yes.
One.
You get one half point.
If it saves one soul, it's all worth it.
It's worth doing.
Yeah.
If it destroys one fascist.
All right, let's do some hate mail now.
I really miss Adam Ford.
That's enough of the touchy-feely stuff.
This is from Shelly.
And Frank gets to read this one.
Okay.
Shelly in your best Shelly voice.
Yeah, you get to be Shelly.
Wait a minute.
Let me see if I can find Shelly.
Under all the questions.
Oh, way down.
Oh, this.
Oh, Shelly.
I see Shelly.
Oh, wow.
This is Baptist Modesty post?
Yeah.
Do we need any background on this?
I think we did a post about the Olympians having new Baptist uniforms, the floor-length denim skirt.
Oh, okay.
That's it?
Okay, here.
In regards to your Baptist Modesty post, going after Christians now, are we?
Pathetic.
It's one thing to go after politicians because they signed up for this scrutiny, but Christians get a bad rap from liberals as it is.
You're sending a terrible message out to women who feel personally convicted, like myself, that modesty is a laughable, ridiculous idea.
I would never wear a long denim skirt, but I see the message you are sending, and it is unfortunate.
I like that she's like, don't make fun of the denim skirts.
I'd never wear one.
That's it.
This is just another instance of people not getting it.
Not getting where we're coming from.
Yeah, because I don't know that we're Christians.
Everyone's going to see those posts like, oh, you went communist.
Every time we post, we joke about Christians, someone will say, why do you guys never joke about Muslims?
Yeah.
I don't know.
We're making fun of ourselves.
I also like this implication, like, well, politicians signed up for scrutiny, but not Christians.
No.
Become a Christian.
You don't see no scrutiny.
No persecution.
Nothing.
No.
Everything's supposed to be.
That's part of the deal.
It's supposed to be your best life now.
You know that.
Yeah.
Well, we love you, Shelly.
And sorry that we made fun of the denim skirt that you also hate.
We're going to move on to our subscriber lounge now where we're going to do some cool stuff.
We got the bonus 10 questions for Frank Turek and some bonus hate mail, and we're going to read some subscriber-submitted headlines.
Hey, before the subscriber thing, can I say one thing?
You ought to subscribe.
You really should.
Yes, you can subscribe to the place.
Inspirational music behind this.
Yes, because if you actually subscribe, it means the Babylon Bee is uncancelable, right?
You can't cancel the Babylon B if they have enough subscribers, right?
Keep going.
I keep going.
This is inspirational music.
Can you give like a fascist speech?
A fascist speech?
Subscribe to the Babylon Bee now.
Will you send them one of these cups if they subscribe?
I know they get a full-on book now.
They actually get a massive beautiful book.
Yeah.
The giant biblical book.
We used to send that out.
I don't think any version has that now.
Now they get the really.
See, look at this amazing book, they get you don't send that to Oregon, do you?
Hardcover.
Nobody.
Not to Oregon.
Nobody can read it.
Nobody can read it.
If you're in Oregon, we'll send you a mug and subscribe.
Well, we do within a mug.
The mailman can't even find the mailbox because he can't read.
Running around dudes over here, I guess.
No, really.
Subscribe because it's great stuff.
You get a lot of free stuff behind the scenes.
And you're helping the Babylon Bee continue despite what big tech says, despite what people who hate what they're doing says.
Well, personally, they didn't ask me to say that, but I think you shouldn't subscribe.
I think you should support CrossExamined instead.
That's right.
Cross-examined.org with Frank Turek and Cross-Examine.
All right, we're going to do our subscriber portion.
Let's go.
Let's do it.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
A runaway trolley is heading down the tracks towards the newsboys who will be killed if the trolley proceeds on a spreadlink course.
You are on a footbridge over the tracks in between the approaching trolley and the newsboy.
Next to you on this footbridge are Ethan and Kyle.
God's not dead, but the newsboys are.
What could I say?
2005.
So is it morally justified to kill Kyle and Ethan to save five?
Kill the lives of two to save the five.
Would you kill us to save the newsboy?
This makes sense.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.