THE BEE WEEKLY: Most Hated Bee Headlines, Christian Lyrics, and Lies From Subway
In this episode of The Bee Weekly, Kyle and Ethan are joined by voice over actress, Wendy Shapero to talk about lies from Subway, Babylon Bee headlines people absolutely hated, and some of the greatest Christian lyrics of the 1990's. This episode is brought to you by the new Christian fantasy dungeon crawler game Deliverance Kyle, Ethan, and Wendy share in our celebration for getting the silver plaque from YouTube for getting 100,000 subscribers, even though we are much higher than that now. They go on to talk about the weirdest of news like the South African woman who had 10 babies was actually lying and a new weight loss technique that locks your jaw to keep you from eating. We find several new world records that bring joy to Kyle like never before. Kyle and Ethan go back into the archive to find the Babylon Bee Headlines that brought the most hate. Afterwards, Kyle and Ethan share with Wendy lyrics from some of the big Christian artists of the 1990s like Carmen, Newsboys, and T-Bone. We end the main portion with a hate tweet toward anyone who enjoys The Babylon Bee. In the Subscriber Portion, Kyle, Ethan find out more about Wendy's career. They read subscriber headlines of the week. Then they end the show with Wendy answering the 10 questions.
And we analyze some of the greatest Christian lyrics of the 1980s and 90s.
All this and more on the B weekly.
I know a lot of our podcast listeners are into tabletop games like me, and I found a good one.
It's called Deliverance.
It's an epic Christian fantasy board game about angels battling demons and saving a town from darkness.
It literally feels like you're playing This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti on the tabletop.
The art is top quality, it's not too preachy, and it makes a really great cooperative game for game night.
If you want the extra special blinged out version, you've got to back it on Kickstarter before July 8th.
The campaign is almost over.
They've raised almost a quarter million dollars.
So if you want to support our friend Andrew and this really creative Christian board game that he made, go check it out.
And throw a little cash at his Kickstarter.
Check out Deliverance on Kickstarter right now.
It closes July 8th.
All right, well, this is special for our YouTube audience and everyone else.
But YouTube audience might care about this.
We got our silver play button from YouTube for passing 100,000 subscribers.
We did.
This has made me a celebrity among my children because they knew about these buttons.
I didn't even know what this was.
And my kids are telling me, no, all the subscribers you get.
You get this YouTube button.
So I had it mailed to my house so I could show them first.
Now they can't cancel you.
Yeah.
And it's funny because now we're like almost at a quarter million subscribers.
Yeah.
So by the time we got it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Any idea how long it takes?
Do we have to all hold it as a mirror?
You can all hold it and pass it around.
a mirror in there you can see like you're everybody must kiss it maybe Make your own thumbnail.
Yeah.
All right, here we go.
That's what it feels like.
Oh, good.
I got a last look in it.
You get to look in the mirror.
Your bangs.
So that's beautiful.
So thank you for sending that to us, YouTube.
And hopefully we won't get banned before the gold.
Yeah, what's the next one?
It's the gold.
Gold is a million, I think.
Man, so that's a high jump.
Yeah, it's a high jump.
We got it 10 times more.
Help us get there.
Help us get there.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Tell all your friends.
Hey, we've got an interview coming up.
Yeah, we do.
We went deep in the woods on this one.
Tom Woods.
That's good.
I like that.
Tom Woods, a famous libertarian podcaster.
He's like the libertarian.
Yeah, if you're in Libertarians, you're like, I know Tom Woods.
Yeah, he's like the main guy.
I was trying to think of an example.
Like, if you're thinking of rappers.
He's like the Tupac of the Libertarians.
Right?
Tom Woods.
Who's this anyway?
Oh, hey, this is Wendy Shapiro.
Wendy Shapiro joins us again.
She's been with us before.
We've been with this before.
She's guest hosting with us today.
You may recognize her voice if you watch our animation.
Yeah.
So Wendy.
Yeah.
What all the characters has Wendy played?
her main character is the mom we call her They just call her the mom.
She doesn't have a name.
It might have a name in some of the scripts.
I can't remember.
But yeah, we just released the quiet place spoof, and she's the mom who keeps voicing her opinions that the monsters don't like.
I don't understand why that's it.
We have a great whisper.
Yikes.
You guys are a good whisper.
That's awesome.
And if you haven't checked that out, go to our YouTube channel and check out that video because it's awesome.
Quiet Place animation.
All right, you guys want to do some weird news?
I do.
Sure.
Heck yeah.
This news is weird.
Thousands of pigeons vanish from pigeon races across England.
And I have questions.
I had a headphones.
So how do you make pigeons race?
Is there a track or you just throw them in the air?
What strikes me about this is that they released 250,000 birds and this is just 10% of the birds returned in the expected time.
And I'm like, isn't that what you would expect if you released a bunch of birds?
Yeah.
A quarter of a million birds.
Oh, we threw a million birds up in the air and some of them didn't come back.
Weird.
10% of them are dumb enough to not embrace their freedom.
Free.
Wait, no.
I'll come back.
Admittedly, I'm ignorant of the rules of pigeon races and how these things normally go, but I'm.
Yeah, or how deep the bond is between the pigeoner and the pigeon.
What if I was the name of a guy that works on pigeons?
A pigeon raiser.
A pigeon racer.
Pigeoner.
Pigeon husbandry.
I'm a pigeon keeper.
I keep pigeons.
I'm the keeper of the pigeons.
So, yeah, so they say most of the breeders I'm talking to are blaming the atmospheric conditions, possibly a solar storm above the clouds that created static in the atmosphere, but no one really knows.
Yeah.
That was a pigeon fancier.
Offensier.
Offense, yeah.
It could have been a giant mirror they just all ran into.
Yeah, this would be a weird story if it was like 250,000 humans went off on a race and then half of them never came back.
Well, they fly.
It's not that weird.
Yeah.
And they're dumb.
They fly and they're one of the dumbest animals.
I don't know.
They all went to the magicians.
Yeah, there's going to be one commenter who's going to be like, you guys don't know anything about pigeon races.
Your pigeon ignorance is showing.
Human privilege.
Heard of cows stampede through L.A. after escaping slaughterhouse.
One shot dead is a charged family.
So 40 cows, not 250,000.
So this is just animals running amok last week.
It's just something that's in the air.
So in Pico Rivera Tuesday night, they ran wild through the city's streets for more than an hour, destroying small businesses and overturning cars.
One cow was shot and killed by deputies after it charged at a family of four, knocking some of them to the ground.
The family was taken to a hospital with minor injuries.
Like this experienced ranchers got their lassoes and came down.
Yes.
You think there's this old retired guy that lives in LA?
They finally got the call.
He's like, no, I put that stuff behind me.
We need you.
We need you to come.
Come out of retirement.
Come back for one more roundup.
And he calls up his lasso buddies like, boys, we got a job.
They're calling us dust off their old lasso.
This feels like a movie.
Almost like Space Cowboys.
You could have Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones.
Yeah, the only guys that can save the city are the lasso guys.
These old retired lasso guys.
They've all been replaced by technology, but they're the ones who know how to lasso them.
This could be the whole movie.
Well, write it down.
Write it down, Patrick.
Take a note.
My turn.
It is.
You're up.
Oh, yay.
A female soccer star just came out as a man, but is still playing in the women's league.
Okay.
So, okay.
Sorry.
I always have to think these stories always.
Yeah, whenever I read a story and says, transgender woman, I'm like, it takes me a minute to try to figure out what that means.
Okay, so women?
Because it's going to be a very brief period of time where it's okay to say that this woman came out as a man, but from then on, you have to say, female soccer star just came out as a man.
Okay, so biologically female.
Right.
She came out as a man.
But is still playing in the women's league.
So she was Brenda and now she's Bob.
I am now Bob.
No, go move on.
Go be in the womb.
But then she won't transfer to the league where she's going to get killed.
Right.
So having her cake and eating it too.
Yeah.
So to speak.
Because it never goes that way, right?
When they transition to men, they never go like, so I will go compete against the male weightlift.
Yeah.
So it never goes that direction.
Well, we're not dumb.
How many of these have there been?
Because there's been a lot of men turning into women to be, and then go into women's sports.
Yeah.
I don't know how many popping.
Pick last for soccer now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I won't, you know, from kickball.
So this is in Jap Japan.
Japan Japan women's international soccer star and Washington Spirit Forward.
Okay.
Kumi Yokoyama came out Sunday as a transgender man.
Yokuyama uses the they, their pronoun and said they felt living in both the United States and Germany helped prompt them to come out and reveal their identity.
Yokuyama said they have undergone top surgery as opposed to bottom when they were there 20 years old, when they were 20 years old and that's when they officially retire from professional soccer.
They will pursue additional gender affirming surgeries.
So they're going to fully transform after all the soccer stuff out of the way.
Apparently so.
Yeah.
Okay.
When she whatever.
Right?
I don't know.
Did she say the wrong pronoun just canceled shoot when she I mean top surgery wrong pronoun detective.
Does that mean there's really high quality surgery is like the top surgery.
I see the top men.
Top.
The top surgeons.
We got the best surgeons.
They're the top surgeons.
They're all the best.
Top men.
Top surgery.
Why men?
That's just like I was saying, right?
The top men.
The top.
Top people.
The top they's.
Top again.
South African woman who claimed to have a record 10 babies was lying.
So we had a previous weird news segment where we talked about this.
What is her name again?
Her last name was Sithole.
Oh, her first name, Sithole.
Was that her first name?
It might be Sitholi or something, or Sitholi.
I don't know how you say that.
People corrected us and said it's not pronounced.
That's her last name.
Her name is...
Really?
Goat.
Go CMA Tamara Sithole.
Oh.
It's like Sithole.
I don't know.
I don't remember how they said that.
Letters.
Invisible letters.
Yeah.
So, but I think even when we were talking about this story, we said, is that even possible?
And we were like, we were skeptical.
She didn't look 10 times bigger than a woman, a normal pregnant woman.
And the most amazing part of this is she was not pregnant.
Not pregnant at all.
At all.
It's not like she had eight and said, I had 10.
Where did she hide them all?
Because there's a big thing in her tummy.
So what she got there?
Was she hiding pillows or something?
World record.
Did she have that?
Does the Amy McPherson disease thing where she's got a giant gut, but she's not pregnant?
She needed a clonic.
Well, you know, she's distended.
She's real backed up.
Yeah.
So the government found out that there was a horrible delivery room moment.
So the government, after she announced all this, the government came out and said, there's no records of any of these births of 10 babies.
Yeah, they're calling no idea what she's doing.
Where's the 10 baby lady?
What were you talking about?
People know how 10 babies.
They were the pigeons.
And her husband was having trouble getting a hold of her.
Officials finally reached her, and she was taken in for a psychiatric evaluation.
It was a 72-hour one that was extended by a week, so it was real long.
Like they had a lot of talking to do about this 10-baby line.
So the newspaper that spread it has apologized.
And the government was deeply concerned by their conduct.
Yeah, the reporter said he was lax because he was friends with Sithole and just trusted her.
So she's just like, I got 10 babies.
And he's like, really?
All right, I'm going to write that down and put that in the paper.
No need to investigate that wild claim.
I don't even know what to say, honestly.
It's wild.
Yeah.
10 babies, man.
I'm glad we got to talk about it again.
Yeah.
Well, and I'm happy because I'd hate to be one of the 10 babies in that brood squirming around in there.
What a horrible way to start your life.
And I'm just happy that we got to say the word Sithole again.
It's a very progressive sentiment.
So there is no aftermath.
We don't know the final, you know, what ended up happening.
We don't know yet, right?
I mean, she's still being evaluated psychiatrically.
It's going to find out.
There's no crime.
Is there a crime?
There's no crime.
Yeah, I don't know.
She's just like, is there a lawsuit?
For what?
Lying.
Well, the newspaper could be a part of the.
Well, the newspaper is in trouble for the problem.
But who is harmed?
That's what I'm saying.
Maybe the rules in South Africa are different.
I don't know.
Never been there.
The presumed, no, presumed babies.
The ones that were.
Maybe OctoMom's suing.
You stole my limelight.
I'm the king.
A queen.
Octopus paints work of art at aquarium in Florida.
Wow.
No, it did not.
If you watch the video, they hold this canvas with paint already on it up, and then they put the octopus' tentacle up onto the canvas and it just kind of smushes around the paint.
And then they hold it up and go, it's a painting.
And then they make a news story out of it.
I mean, I could do that.
Like, it literally just put its tentacle up there, like, it was like trying to be like, put me back in the water.
And so to me, this is like saying a meth addict creates a work of art at a police station using an ink pad in his thumb.
He grabs his thumb.
Yeah.
It's the same idea.
Yes.
Well, this is like when people, you know, they're toddlers like learning how to draw and you grab their hand and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You take their hand and paint and you just go, beautiful.
Great job.
Put it in the red, put it in the pink.
So good job, octopus.
Octopus.
Octopi.
My kids say octopus, even though I tried to correct them and they just will not stop.
So they call the guy on Spider-Man Dr. Octopus.
Are you homeschooling?
We are now.
I mean, isn't everybody?
Oh, that's great.
Yeah.
Say, you could be the corrector of that.
No, I constantly do, and they just, they're stuck on octopus.
Okay.
Like, it's cute.
That is cute.
That's not the worst act of rebellion.
That's the worst.
Crawling out of the window.
It's three and seven.
Yeah.
Okay.
They have time.
You're up.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
Test finds no tuna in Subway tuna sandwich.
Okay.
Okay.
So Subway claims that its tuna is 100% wild caught, which is the best kind.
But a lab test paid for by the New York Times found absolutely no tuna DNA in over 60 inches of sandwich.
Like how they measured.
That's five feet.
Sandwich by inches.
Yes.
I'll go on.
According to the lab that conducted the testing, there are two possibilities for their inability to detect tuna.
Subway's tuna is so heavily processed that there's no tuna in their sandwiches.
It couldn't be clearly identified.
Or two, there's no tuna in the sandwich.
I mean, that's easy.
It could be other meat, or it could be just no tuna, or it could be like so mixed in with all sorts of other stuff they couldn't find it.
I mean, it sure does taste like tuna.
Because isn't that like, you know, DNA, if you're at a crime scene and the DNA sample is mixed in with a bunch of onions and mayonnaise and all this other stuff.
It's contaminated.
We can't do anything.
What are they going to do?
They're going to be like, you have to contaminate.
We need a sample that's like, you know, a clear blotch on the blouse or something.
Yeah.
And so that makes sense, but I don't know.
What inspired this guy, New York Times guy is sitting there and he's like.
There was a lawsuit.
Is this tuna or not tuna?
I guess because there was a lawsuit, and so New York Times was looking at him.
Okay.
Yeah.
And that was filed.
Who lawsuited it?
I guess the story's all there.
I could read it if I wanted to.
It was filed in January.
I'll read it because it's my section.
Yes, there was an experiment on the heels of a lawsuit that was filed January in California against Subway.
The plaintiffs allege that lab testing of their own found that the sandwiches are a mixture of various concoctions that do not constitute tuna, yet have been blended together to imitate the appearance of tuna.
It's kind of like a filter fish.
Jews eat filter fish.
It's an amalgamation, kind of like what's been ground up in there.
It's just a mystery.
Yeah, it's a mystery tuna.
Yeah, so this was like attorneys that are trying to get a class action lawsuit in a big payday.
So they were like looking for someone to sue and they're like.
It is a weird question.
Is anybody harmed by this?
Well, they're allergic to tuna or something.
It'll be like the class action, like false advertisements.
Well, it was all happening in January, so they were trying to take their focus off the insurrection.
So they're like, okay, let's process for tuna.
Well, whatever it is, maybe it's still 100% wild caught because that's all they said, right?
Well, they do say the word tuna everywhere.
So the lawyers were sitting down to lunch and they were like, man, we got to find someone to sue.
Wait a minute.
There's something fishy going on here.
Smell that yesterday's tuna.
Nude sunbathers rescued from Australian woods after fleeing deer.
Processing.
I just love facing.
Ran from a deer and they got lost in the woods because this deer was chasing them.
They were nudes.
I like the story.
They were breaking coronavirus lockdown.
Yeah, the whole thing that they got in trouble for was because they're coronavirus.
You're not supposed to be out naked running away from deer in the woods.
And after they finally got rescued from the deer, they were fined $760 for breaking COVID-19 rules.
Wow.
And was it because they were naked or because just not supposed to be out at the beach?
For breaking the COVID-19 rule.
Australia has some of the strictest COVID laws.
They're still right.
They're still.
Yeah, they're so proud of themselves.
Yeah.
But it sounds miserable.
Are we allowed in Australia?
I don't know.
Did we get banned in Australia?
I don't know.
If you're an Australian listener, let us know.
I was doing some work with a guy from Australia, and he was just telling me every day, every time we talk on the Zoom call, he's just, he looked like, you know, Howard Hughes.
Like, he's just stuck in his house, like, we can't go anywhere, can't do anything.
But he'd be all proud, like, we got no COVID here.
Ha ha.
Cool.
Am I up?
Yeah.
Researchers developed the world's first weight loss device, which is basically a lock for your jaw.
This sounds like a weight loss device would have been invented already way back in like King Henry Indian Dark Ages or evil torture.
Yeah.
It's like a giant metal thing in your mouth.
But I guess it's a small magnet thing, the back of your mouth.
Dental Slim Diet Control is an intra-oral device fitted by a dental professional to the upper and lower back teeth.
It uses magnetic devices.
How do magnetic fields?
Look at Wendy's face.
With unique, custom-manufactured locking bolts.
I don't know what this is.
It allows the wearer to open their mouths only about two millimeters, restricting them to a liquid diet.
But it allows free speech and doesn't restrict breathing.
I like it.
It allows free speech.
You can say whatever you want.
Any racist things that come out.
Yeah, you can say anything.
There are no hate speech losses.
I'm trying to open my mouth just to get a little bit of a drink.
Women are not women.
You can say it, but you sound funny.
And it's, what is it?
It's this magnetic device.
So like you put it in Bluetooth or something.
It clamps your jaw.
Is there a timer that it opens out for a certain amount of time and you can chew on some hammer?
Oh, boy.
That's torture.
That'd be a great thing to have for your kids.
Your spouse.
With candy.
I still feel like you could bypass it.
If it's remote control.
You definitely can get some kinds of food in there with two millimeters.
Yeah, you could just chug some melted lard.
No, but you'd be like, like, you can't get your mouth off.
I would find a way.
It says you can talk, so you must be able to get it.
Well, your guitar right here, right here, you can talk.
Two millimeters.
How short's that?
You can't chew.
It's like nothing.
You got a real bit of straw.
What are you sipping this through like a coffee stirrer?
This one I like.
I like this one.
It would help me.
I actually am going to look into it after.
It just seems like enabling your jaw to be locked.
And you're not changing your lifestyle.
You're just changing your jawstyle.
Your jaw jaw band instead of a lap band.
There you go.
The bands keep getting higher.
They're going to have a lip band soon.
Yes.
Yeah.
You get to feel like if you took this off after trying it for a month, you would just go bananas, like eating everything you possibly could.
You would eat 60 inches of tuna subway sandwich.
I don't care that it's not tuna.
Whatever this is, I'm eating it.
It's got the texture.
It tastes like tuna texture.
Can't believe it's not tuna.
Okay, so we're going to rattle off some world records now.
Oh, man, Kyle, it's a big week for you.
Oh, Wisconsin Business has created the world's longest string cheese.
It's a Kyle?
2,800 feet.
Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
A man has recaptured the world record for wrapping wife in plastic wrap.
You know, this is David Rush, our old friend.
He covered his wife's body and puzzle wrap in only a minute and 2.44 seconds.
Oh, that's incredible.
Say how much.
What will humans do next?
Wisconsin woman nearly doubles her Smurfs collecting record.
Oh, she set the Guinness record.
She now has 11,455 Smurfs.
Oh, the creativity of humans.
Married couple awarded Guinness record for height difference.
If you look at the picture of them, it looks like this tiny guy and a very large woman, but the woman's actually only five feet, five inches tall.
So this guy's little.
He's three feet seven inches.
And the difference is a foot and ten inches.
So almost two feet.
That doesn't sound like that much.
It doesn't sound like that much, but when you look at him, it looks like a lot.
Yeah.
She looks huge at first.
So then you're like, oh, she's only five foot five.
Oh, it was a two-foot difference.
Almost two foot difference.
It's almost two.
That's what I said.
Oh, I thought you said a one-foot.
Check the tape.
I said almost two feet.
Yep, rerun.
I mean, he's a little person, right?
He's a little person, yeah.
Okay.
Or she, yeah.
Because she's not gigantic, five foot five.
That's not gigantic.
You feel like you could have really shattered this record if you just picked a taller woman.
If he married my wife, it'd be a full, at least a full two feet.
Yeah.
So, well, glad he didn't, though.
Good job, all these Guinness Records people.
I love Guinness Records, and you guys all did a great job.
Let's go on to some bee stories.
Hey, sorry to interrupt that hilarious podcast that you were just listening to, but my buddy Ethan and I here were thinking, you might not be a Babylon Bee subscriber, and we need to correct that.
Yeah, in fact, I could smell it in the room.
It smells like a non-subscriber in here.
Or is that cow farts?
Could be cow farts.
I can't tell.
Hey, if you subscribe, you get this giant, awesome, beautiful coffee table book full of beautiful images.
What?
And hilarious stories.
Premium subscribers get this for a limited time, which is crazy because this book is like half the cost of a Babylon Bee.
It's like a brick of gold.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
So you get a coupon code for cheaper merchandise.
You get to be part of the community.
The advantages are endless to be a Babylon Bee subscriber.
Literally infinite.
Oh, you get our bloopers from her.
Oh, yeah.
Those are really funny.
Those are hilarious.
So please.
Yeah.
Go to BabylonBee.com/slash plans.
Subscribe.
Become one of the elite.
The few.
The Babylon Bees.
Oh, man.
So, you know, we put out Babylon Bee headlines that people like.
Sometimes.
And then sometimes we put ones out that people really don't like.
Really don't like.
Really?
Really?
Like, one of the main things they do is write angry comments, and they don't click like.
Right.
They might click, is there a dislike button?
I can never, sometimes there is.
It depends what you're on.
Or you can do the angry face on Facebook.
I always do like.
You always do like.
You do the hugging the heart thing.
I have used almost exclusively the hugging thing.
For everything now?
For everything.
I started using it ironically, and I just care.
I just liked it.
Oh, I care.
I care.
They were introduced it during the pandemic.
Well, it's weird because when someone says, like, so-and-so died, then you click like.
It's weird.
Yeah.
Right.
Because that's all you used to be able to do.
Yeah.
Like.
Awesome.
And then you type I'm going to be able to do that.
Good job having a friend die.
Just, yeah.
But the angry face.
And then the sad one seems like too far.
Like, I didn't really know the person.
I'm not actually crying right now.
Yeah, you really did.
I feel bad for you.
In touch with yourself and your feelings about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Go on.
This has been our Facebook reaction segment.
And now we are moving on to B stories that people hated.
Absolutely hated.
Controversial B stories.
Here's the first one.
This happened in May of 2016.
We wrote this article when Jan Crouch died.
Jan Crouch, the televangelist, need a picture of her.
She looks like a dark crystal character.
She does huge pink hair.
Giant pink hair.
With more eyeshadow and eye.
What do you call the black stuff around there?
The eyeliner.
That the eyeliner.
It's like Sir Mark's a lot eyeliner.
Anyway.
I have to see her.
This has been our segment on makeup.
Maybe you click the story.
You'll see her there.
Okay.
Top prosperity theologians puzzled over death of Jan Crouch.
So this was when we were very new at the Babylon Bee.
This was published on the day of Jan Crouch's death.
And it was like, that was just a timing.
So it's too soon.
And we had no idea how, like, the reach of the bee that people.
I woke up the next morning and Fox News had covered this.
And we're like, what the heck?
Like, me and Adam were just like freaking out.
Like, how did this dumb joke that we published on the internet get this widespread?
So that's the first time we kind of realized that people are actually looking at what we're publishing out there.
Better be careful.
It's like not controversial to make fun of Jan Crouch, except for on the very day she dies.
The day she dies, it's like off-limits.
Too soon.
Too soon.
Yeah, and we were trying to do this joke that it was like, we're making fun of prosperity theology.
Like the other prosperity guys are like, how did she die?
I thought she could just name and claim health and wealth.
You know, but yeah, too soon.
Baffled.
Sorry.
Oops.
Jan.
Oops.
Well, how about this one?
Confronted with details of the Green New Deal, Ocasio-Cortez, Ocasio-Cortez, claims not to speak English.
We got a lot of hate mail for this one.
Because people thought we were like doing some Mexican joke?
The Mexican stereo job were like the video.
Oh, no English, that kind of thing.
Yeah, so past that, you made her speak like some Star Wars language.
Yeah, she's I think she's speaking Hatis or something.
Hatis?
That's not a real language.
She says Nijaba Nobada.
Is that the job of the Hutt language?
Yes.
So did she scary?
Were you the voices of the creepy ones in the quiet thing?
No, I didn't do those.
Oh, usually those creepy voices.
And there was also some context to this story because she had put up this FAQ on her website, the FAC for the Green New Deal, and it was like bizarre the stuff it was saying.
Did you say fact?
Yeah, fact.
I've never heard that.
Really?
Okay.
Sorry.
FAQ?
FAC.
I said FAQ.
And then I clarified that.
That's a dangerous word to say on a family show.
She said she had never seen this fact.
Fact.
Just round it out.
She said she had never seen it.
And so that was, I don't know anything about it.
So that was a joke.
All right.
You want to take the next one there?
This is a great joke.
Dumb AOC accidentally strangles herself tying her shoes because she's so stupid.
Do you like that?
Yeah, what do you think?
Look at all that he's doing.
I die.
I don't.
It kind of says the same thing again.
Not just a meal, yes.
So we've talked about this one before.
So if you've followed us for a while, you've heard us go on about this one.
This is our favorite, one of my personal favorite headlines because it really is a troll in a lot of ways.
The reactions it gets is the funnest part of it.
What?
Because people can't tell.
Are we seriously trying to be funny or intentionally wrote a dumb joke?
Yeah, intentionally doing the dumbest AOC joke ever because we're constantly accused of making dumb AOC jokes.
So we just went full.
We dulled it down and we made the absolute dumbest one.
If you read the article, it's gold.
Every time we post it, it gets so much hate, and it's just wonderful.
And we'll get all these things from liberal comedians saying, This is why the right can't joke.
They told the same joke twice, blah, blah, blah.
Then you'll see other comments.
Like, I remember seeing one with a professional comedian, and they said, Wait, if they're actually making fun of themselves here, then they might be better at comedy than we think they are.
Nice.
No, you guys have been on fire lately.
Here's another one: Kentucky orders all churchgoers to wear a yellow cross.
Holocaust joke, always a good idea.
We're just like the Jews and Nazi Germany as poor Christians.
That's how bad we have it.
Yeah.
What was the context of that one?
That was when Kentucky was shutting down all the churches right when COVID started, and they had all those sheriffs showing up to churches and writing down people's license plate numbers.
And if you come, we're going to force you to stay in your home for the next two weeks and all that.
Just like Nazi Germany.
Just like Nazi German.
Yeah.
My pillow guy unveils a new product for anyone still following him, my straitjacket.
This was like, this is a bold joke to make with our audience because they like Michael Linda.
We interviewed Michael Linda.
We interviewed him.
It's a nice guy.
There's a lot of big fans.
But it does feel like someone needs to say something because he's still telling everybody Trump's going to get reinstated.
He gives dates.
It's exactly like the pre-millennial guys who go and predict when Jesus is going to come back and they're like, it's happening on October 7th, 1978.
And then the date blows by, they go into hiding for like a week and they come out and they're like, my calculations were incorrect.
It must sell pillows.
That's got to be the thing because I don't know why else he'd be doing this like this.
I think he believes it, man.
He cares.
I think he believes it.
Yeah.
In six months from now, I declare.
Yeah, you're declaring right now?
Six months from now.
What day is it?
It's June 2020.
June 30th.
So December 30, 2021.
She has made the prediction.
Amen.
Trump will be a late Christmas present.
Put it on the calendar, Patrick.
That's when I'll be back.
Like, you were wrong.
Why do I keep getting the transgender thing?
What's going on here?
NFL player announces he's gay, is switching over to soccer again.
What's happening?
Because soccer's gay.
Okay.
Oh, all right.
Should add that in parentheses on the headline.
Because soccer is gay.
Because soccer is gay.
Oh, boy.
And he is also gay.
And that's not saying gay is bad.
It depends what you think of soccer, I guess, right?
So some blue check replied to this on Twitter and he was like, Can you explain this joke to me?
Is this saying that gays are bad and soccer is bad and therefore soccer is gay?
And it's like, come on, man.
That's the whole thing.
You tell the joke if people have to interpret.
It's a classic junior high joke.
We're just doing the junior high bit.
And then the NFL came out as gay right after that, right?
That was amazing.
Yeah, a few days later, the NFL says this whole thing.
We are gay.
The NFL is gay.
The NFL.
Football is gay.
Can't make this stuff up.
Parents allow a six-year-old son to begin transitioning into a teenage mutant journal for his wishes.
Aw.
This is one of those headlines that's like the joke that your uncle makes at the Thanksgiving dinner or whatever.
Yeah, I really just wanted to do it for the Photoshop of the kid that's been encased in a teenage mutant ninja.
I do know one of the ninjas, one of the turtles.
Oh, do you know which one that is?
I do.
You have the what color mask is it?
Oh, well, no, she's not looking at it.
It's the voiceover.
Oh, you know one of the guys?
Yes.
Yeah.
I might know which one, which one?
You know, probably.
Yeah.
Can we not say?
Probably not.
I'm blanking on his name right now.
Oh, I know.
I want to say Rob.
I know too, since they're just claiming they know.
I know.
Which one?
That one.
That one guy?
Downtown Colman.
Oh.
No, I know.
Gosh, I'm blanking.
No, that wasn't the one.
You know, I blank.
The guy that did Raphael, he did a bunch of voices on Veggie Tales with us.
Oh, Rob something.
Bob Raphael.
Blanked out on Rob Paulson.
Rob Paulson, yeah.
Yeah.
Superstar.
He's an amazing voice actor.
Yeah.
Super nice guy, too.
Townsend, too.
I believe it.
Voice actors are a lot of them are very nice.
Super nice guys.
Humble.
Yeah.
She's a voice actor.
Not just on the Babylon B, which is, you know.
Yeah.
On some lesser projects as well.
Such as, you know, such as, what's it called?
Adult chicken?
Adult.
Adult.
I mixed two things together.
Adult swim.
It's called robot swim.
Robot chicken.
Yeah.
Yeah, robot swim.
Yes.
Cartoon chicken.
That works.
Am I up?
You're a follower of Joseph Smith.
Oh, man.
The more the LDS did not like this one.
Follower of Joseph Smith urges nation to reject morally flawed leaders.
This one always gets us the nicest.
The kindest email from our Mormon friends.
You can't say Mormon is out.
Oh, shoot.
I'm just going to still say Mormon.
No, Mormon.
I don't know these things.
They would publish material talking about Mormons all the time.
And then a few years, a couple of years ago, they're like, no, it's now LDS.
Yeah, they changed my comment.
Anytime someone says, you can't call me that, you call me this.
I'm like, no, I'm just going to be stubborn.
I'll call you the only thing.
We're keeping it.
You made your bed, now drink it.
I'm sure most of them don't care.
But yeah, you know, sorry.
Sorry, Mormons.
We just, you know, we made fun of you one time.
Yeah, we just usually made a musical out of it.
Yeah.
We didn't.
Well, we didn't do that.
They did.
Someone did.
Mormons didn't.
I'm sure that wasn't Mormons.
That was the South Park guy.
Wasn't that the South Park guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sure the Mormons aren't a big fan of that either.
Although, didn't they take out ads in the playbill?
Oh, did they?
If you go and you open it, it's like an ad, check out.
No, check out the real thing.
That's like genius marketing.
I wonder how many converts they got from that.
Unless it was a fake Mormon ad and they were Babylonic being that.
Is there a Mormon Babylon B?
They got one?
Oh, I'm sure they do.
The Babylon Searchstone.
Give me a Google.
I'm sorry, little DS guys.
I like you guys.
I don't see anything right now.
The Colobian B. I'm sure there's something.
I do teach voiceovers as well, and I work with people in Utah.
They're the nicest people.
They are.
They're nice.
They have the nice thing down.
They really do.
Now just get the theology down.
I wish I were that nice.
Come on.
Oh, you're going.
Me.
Okay.
Is it something about transgender?
Trump, transgender.
Trump attempts to catch Hunter Biden in trap labeled free crack.
Trump attempts to catch Hunter Biden in a trap labeled free crack.
You're going to pick up more tape and say, third time.
Okay.
Okay.
Do the Shatner.
Trump.
Catch him.
Okay.
Oh, he just got some hate mail on this one because it was, oh, you're making fun of an addict.
Well, he's not in program.
So the president's son isn't.
And the idea that Trump would put a box on the watch.
It's like a box with a stick under it.
An arrow under box.
It's Looney Too.
It's great.
That's funny.
And he didn't catch him.
He attempted to catch him.
He attempted because it's Trump.
Sneaky got away.
I miss Trump.
I miss Trump.
This is one reason that I hope Michael Lindell's right is just for the jokes.
Yeah.
Just for the fun.
Trump was just a great.
I liked your kitty one.
Which was the kiddie one?
It's a little kitty poster.
Oh, your cat is Satan?
No.
Oh, the video?
No.
I'm off the bottom.
Oh, you can do it?
You can't?
Yes, All right.
One more for you.
After being kicked off social media, Trump forced to go door to door shouting, Marshmallow.
Well, we get, you might have to believe marshmallow.
Oh.
On YouTube, flag us.
Bligged black.
So anytime we made fun of Trump when Trump was in office, we'd get hit.
We need your jaw locked.
Yeah.
Yeah, we need that jawlocker.
So yeah, anytime we got a lot of, we shared a lot of it back then.
We got a lot of angry.
Anytime you make a joke that isn't a pure praise of Trump.
Or mocking the left or something.
Yeah.
You get hate mail.
But this is just, and it's just a beautiful Photoshop.
Look at that.
That's beautiful.
Trump's just right there in the door just yelling at a lady.
Door to door.
All right.
Well, these are some of the more controversial headlines.
Let us know if you like the segment and we'll do some more in the future.
Yeah, we got to write some more.
Yeah.
Some more headlines.
Yeah, to make everybody mad.
You should do a concert, a contest.
Or what are some that you hated that you think?
Tell us in the comments.
And we'll defend it with our lives.
When you scroll Facebook and you count on Facebook to give you the content that you want to read, it's like you're going up to Mark Zuckerberg every morning, knocking on his door and saying, hey, Mark Zuckerberg, what should I read this morning?
Or you could just support the Babylon Bee.
Babylon Bee.com slash plans.
You can subscribe.
You get full-length podcasts, add-free podcasts.
You get ad-free web browsing on our site, premium content.
At certain levels, you even get access to a little social network that our friends at Not the Bee have created.
Yeah, be part of the community, the in-crowd, the B crowd.
Okay, let's analyze some weird donkey Christian songs.
That wasn't the word.
So there was, yeah, so the golden age of like some of the greatest Christian lyricism is probably the 80s and 90s.
There was some weird.
I don't know that one.
What is that one?
That's usually saying I was telling her the song we're going to do.
She doesn't know any of these.
No, because I grew up Jewish.
Yeah, she came to Christ later in life, so she's going to be seeing these from the outside.
Looking in.
She didn't know about this.
Like Alice in the Looking Glass.
Yeah.
So you didn't know about any of these, huh?
Nope.
Okay, well, then you're going to have fresh eyes.
First song we're going to analyze today in our theological analysis of Christian songs is Newsboys Breakfast.
Breakfast.
So the premise of this song is...
The main theological claim is that there is no breakfast in hell.
So if you really like breakfast, but there is in heaven, I assume.
I guess that's the implication.
Let's see.
Now, these are weird lyrics.
They're very strange.
Yeah.
I'm trying to imagine a guy sitting at a desk writing these lyrics.
Yeah, so this is a guy who dies.
And it says, back when the chess club said our eggs were soft, every Monday he'd say grace and hold our juice aloft.
None of us knew his checkout time would come so soon, but before his brain stopped waving, he composed this tune.
So he composed, he sang.
When the toast has burned and all the milk has turned, and Captain Crunch is waving farewell.
May the big one when the big one finds you, may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell.
The big one is capitalized, so they're saying God is the big one.
If you're not watching the video, tune into the video just to see Wendy's face.
And I noticed that what you just read there about the toast burning and the milk turning and Captain Crunch waving farewell.
They repeat it over and over.
That's the chorus.
That's their favorite part.
That's the chorus, yeah.
Okay.
Those here without the Lord, how do you cope?
For this morning we don't mourn like those who have no hope.
Rise up, fruit loop lovers, sing out sweet and low.
With spoons held high, we bid our brother Cheerio.
So, and I love this image of a guy like falling into a trapdoor to hell.
And Captain Crunch looks over the ledge and he's like, oh, he's like waving at him.
It's bizarre.
But like, who was on what drug?
Newsboys, I guess.
If they're doing this song in some kind of jest, it's about a guy who went to hell.
And then it's like, oh, you're in hell and no breakfast.
I think I had a dream like that.
It was a hamburgler from, you know, the McDonald's day back then.
Hamburger kicking you into hell.
Yeah, it was like the hamburgler was like trying to shove me into a grate.
But I remember going, but there was happy meals.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
Probably.
It was around seven.
Were there any fry guys?
Are you sniffing those essential oils again?
Actually, I was just the other day.
Yes.
Okay.
So I'm going to say, like, theologically, I'm going to give this a thumbs up rating.
There is no mention of breakfast in hell in the Bible, and I think it's likely that there's no breakfast in hell.
A place of torture, it's the best meal of the day.
Yeah.
I think it's unlikely that there's breakfast in hell.
What's the meal you get in hell?
Yeah, what meal would you get?
Like brunch.
You get your, you get a two-millimeter lock jaw and you get a liquid diet.
In hell, you get two millimeters.
You get big red gum.
You drink flax freaks.
But there's free speech.
Here's your flax.
You can say whatever you want.
There's free speech.
That was Satan.
Yeah.
Okay.
So theologically, thumbs up.
I actually never thought about how weird this song was.
Just watching you react to it because I grew up with this song.
I had the cassette tape and everything.
And I just thought it was a fun song.
And just watching you guys react to it.
So weirdness level, very high.
Hi.
But I'm going to say theologically accurate.
Good job, Newsboys.
Good job, newspaper.
All right.
Now we're going to do audio adrenaline's big house.
So let's look at this one.
So that's not about prison, though.
The big house.
It's not about the big house.
I think it's about heaven.
I think so.
We can decipher as we read.
Should we go through?
I mean, where should I start?
I don't know where you lay your head or where you call your home.
I don't know where you eat your meal.
It's all about food again.
Where you eat your meals or where you talk on the phone.
I don't know if you got a cook, a butler, or a maid.
I don't know if you got a yard with a hammock in the shade.
I mean, this is green eggs and ham.
Keeps going with the same idea that I don't know anything about your life.
I don't know if you got some shelters.
Yeah.
Okay, go on.
Friends or good fight or family, a mom or dad.
I don't know any of that stuff about you.
But then he says, come and go with me to my father's house.
Okay, and that goes on.
That's like the pre-chorus.
And here's the.
So this is the house they're talking about.
It's a big, big house with lots and lots of room.
A big, big table with lots of food, a big, big yard where you can play football, a big, big house.
It's my father's house.
Now, they started with a house that has butlers, maids, all this stuff.
And then they're like, we got a big house with, you can play football and big yard, but they don't sell the big house.
Then they moved to bippity-boppity-boo.
Ibbity boppity.
I remember that part of the song.
Yeah, yeah.
Just some vocalizing.
It's a big old house with rooms for everyone, lots of land.
You can play and run.
I know you need love, and I got a family.
All I know is you're all alone, so why not come with me?
Okay.
You're assuming a lot about this person.
Well.
So the weird thing for me on this song, this song.
So this is sad.
When I was a senior in high school, I was voted most artistic, and they always vote for a guy and a girl.
So the girl who was voted most artistic tragically passed in a motorcycle accident.
So I knew her mom.
And so we had her funeral, and I went to the funeral, and they knew that I sang.
And so I think like her maybe stepdad, something, there's one big Christian in the family who really liked this song.
And in his mind, she would love this song sung at her funeral.
And no, she would not at all.
No way she would.
But her mom wanted to do it for him or whatever.
So like, I did it.
So like you sang big house.
So I sang big house at a funeral.
But the funny thing about it is that it was so stupid.
The mom sang it with me.
And it was like almost like I, because the song was so stupid, it uh gave us this moment of levity, and we were kind of laughing at how stupid it was together as we sang it.
And it was kind of a sweet moment once we got into it.
So, yeah, it's better than singing those boys' breakfast stuff, though.
It'd be a bad one to sing a funeral.
You get the songs mixed up.
I'm excited about the next one.
So, I don't know about the theological accuracies of this song.
There is a big old house with rooms for everyone who believes, right?
John, was John 14, too?
My father's house has many rooms.
I go to prepare a place for you.
Okay, so well done.
I don't know about football.
I don't know if football's gay.
Football's gay, so it can't be in heaven.
So, I'm going to say four out of five.
Nice job.
Audio A. Audio A.
Okay, so we got T-Bone now.
T-Bone the rapper.
I don't know anything about T-Bone.
I never heard of him until you talked about him.
So, me and my friends used to love it.
I even named my dog T-Bone after this guy.
I had a bass of ham.
I named my child T-Bone after the rapper.
Okay, so this song's called Demon Executor, which I always thought it was Executioner, but I guess Executor is a valid version.
He murders demons.
And he's very colorful.
I mean, I want to read all these lyrics, but why don't we just blast through them?
Let's blast through them.
Okay, coming out of the dirty bay area, Northern Cali, it's the demon throat slasher, lyrical wild gasher, the Bible passer, quick to blast you.
With my loaded tech rhyme, spray bullets from the top of the mind, because I'm the lyrical miracle spiritual teacher, Nicaragua street preacher, who's out to reach you.
Group of thugs who call some of the next generation through penetration of lyrical bullets of salvation.
So bring the roughest, toughest demon by screaming.
When I start dumping and jumping demons like a gang initiation, who wants to mess with the craziest of them all?
Demons bring it on.
I'll bang your heads against like tethered heads like a tetherball.
Tether ball.
And none of y'all finna stop me.
Watch me.
Gospel hip-hop until the day the casket drops.
That's just one verse.
Oh, wow.
Now the chorus goes, throw your hands way up in the air.
That's the sound of the electric chair.
That's the sound of demons screaming for their lives.
I'm the demon executor hitting switches tonight.
And in the song, you can actually hear like electrocution.
You can hear screaming like, ah!
Demons are being electrocuted.
Okay, so he's talking about better.
So he's talking about himself that is using lyrical bullets to attack demons.
He's destroying these demons with his mouth.
With his rap.
With his mouth.
The Holy Spirit-inspired rap.
And he bangs their heads like a tetherball.
Like a tetherball.
He beheads the demon, ties him up onto a rope.
Throat slashing.
Well, yeah, it's after the throat slashing because then you can't.
And then, okay, and then he puts him in an electric year.
Let's continue.
Let's see where this goes.
Let's do it.
I told you once, but I'd be the demon head choppa, the casket dropper, the glock caca, the mister ready to hit him up like Tupaka, the demon body bag zipper upa, the demon bucca, the one who got demons and beans on his plate for suppa.
I'd be the nuttiest one in the nuttiest one in the Who clan clan with MAC 10 switch blades and Bibles held in both hands.
Wait, wait, how many hands do you have?
Okay, keep going.
Yes, I am the psychoist, looniest, craziest demon killer within the California mile radius.
Chick, chick, glock, glock, glock, cock, ready to drop, drop.
Demons anywhere.
I don't care.
Pistols in the air, ready to flare.
I ain't into set tripping blood and cripping.
Instead, I'm into Mormon and satanic Bible ripping.
Mormon's coming out of nowhere.
Just blusted a cap on the Mormons right there.
Lyrically flipping lyrics like quarters in the air.
Call it heads or tail from the hood up to no good.
It's the demon body chaka, the mic stocka.
The mister Put Your Feet in Cement to Throw You Off the Bridge Dropa.
Yeah.
I'd be the man never puffing on the Buddha.
I'm the Texas chainsaw half demon executor.
That's the second verse.
Okay, I think we're done.
I think we got it.
It's so much good.
No, because he mentions Carmen.
No, we need to do more.
You want to try a verse?
Yeah, sure.
Like boys to men, I got demons on bended knees, begging please.
I kill more demons than Carmen.
A whole bunch, then Carmen got a whole bunch of those dope LPs.
Got him.
The Carmen mentions.
I'm the demon executor coming straight out of Frisco with Niner and Raider gear from head to toe, don't you know?
So he's decked out in the demon neck choker, the devil smoker, the Mr. Demon Columbia necktie provoker.
We be permanent in it.
Give me a Glock one time.
I'm ready to jack these demons.
They ain't got no hope.
Get them up on my sniper scope.
So blam, blam, blam to the fore.
Come on.
Me coming out of the west like Mr. Tupac Shakur.
Second Tupac references.
Second Tupac references.
Who wants to be sweating, wet in this ORC with that lyrical mafioso style that you can't believe?
To the day I die, I'm throwing up Jesus Christ, demon executed for life.
That's right.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Listen to this.
You're like Kyle Neminem.
He does bust rhyme, mad rhymes.
Kyle Menem is great.
There are some good rhymes.
That album is great.
It's hilarious.
Okay, so my favorite part of this song is that he's got this whole image that he's got like Uzis and Switchblades and Bibles and snipers.
He's just carrying this whole arsenal and then he's like, he sees a Mormon on the street.
I'm into Mormon and satanic Bible ripping.
Gang warfare with the Mormons.
We could at least try to talk to the Mormon a little bit first.
I don't even know where to begin with the theological analysis of this song.
Yeah, where, I mean, like, is there a sense to fight the demons?
Yeah, is there a sense in which you can fight spiritual battles with rap?
Maybe, right?
Like some lyrics that are.
But I don't know what that is.
Isn't that what Psalms is?
Death is in the power of the tongue.
See, so I would kind of agree with that.
But I don't know if the song where you're gunning down the Mormons with the Uzis is the way to do it.
Well, he just rips their Bibles.
Oh, okay.
He didn't say he gunned them down.
He just freaks them out.
He runs up with the Uzi.
He doesn't equate them to Satanic Bibles.
Yeah, he's like, ripping the Mormon Bible and the Satan Bible.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
He's ripping two Bibles at once.
Makes me want to get back to Bible study.
I don't.
And I don't know if you can.
I'm not theologically sound to know enough.
Does this frighten you back into the Bible study?
I'm not sure.
It makes me want to run in the other direction.
No, did you actually listen to this?
I used to have this album.
I don't know.
I have no idea what we're even talking about.
Yeah, he never heard it.
How much can I look at y'all demons?
That's the sound of the children.
Sound of the electric chair.
It's the sound of demons screaming for their lives.
See?
Okay.
He's got a pretty good guy.
It's good, man.
Yeah.
I would love to have him on T-Bone.
Anybody knows T-Bone?
I want T-Bone.
Let's get him.
Is he in California?
I don't know.
So anyway, yeah, I don't know if he can execute demons with the electric chair.
I'm going to give this a failing theological grade.
But bring him on here to bust a cap in you.
100% on the rhymes, though.
Oh, yeah.
Tight rhymes.
Tight rhymes, yo.
Sick rhymes.
You want to do one more?
We got time for one more.
Yeah, the only thing about this one is this is Carmen, Satan Bite the Dust, and it's another demon-killing song, but I don't know if it can shake a stick at T-Bone's lyrics.
I mean, sorry, Carmen.
You're a lyrical master, too, but I mean, I guess he was the precursor to yeah.
So this is another demon hunting thing?
But it's a wild west.
He's walking into a saloon.
I think we watched this on one of our episodes.
Oh, maybe we did.
Yeah.
Carmen was known for his crazy music videos.
Yeah.
So he would like had a full-on old west town set, and he'd come in and like dual gunslinger.
And there's all these demons in this bar sitting around drinking beer.
And he kicks the door in.
And it's great.
Party's over, shut it down.
I'm hunting for someone, y'all.
He's a lion, thief, and rattlesnake, and he's broken every law.
He's terrorized the lives of men.
He's under arrest because I've been sent with a warrant from the body of Christ.
Tell me what it says then.
I guess that's the crowd thing.
What's the warrant say?
Maybe that's Satan saying that.
And the warrant.
So he's got a warrant.
Oh, one of the guys in the bar.
Tell me what it says then.
Okay, because they're like a demon guy.
So he holds up his warrant that he has, and it says, the warrant says Satan bite the dust.
I don't think that's a legally valid warrant.
Every one of you unclean spirits, I'm running you out of town.
Depression, strife, disease, and fear.
Your posse's going down.
Boy, last Tinderfoot.
This is the demon now.
Oh, okay.
Boy, last Tinderfoot, who talked that big, we sent him home in a box.
But I know who I am through Jesus Christ, so I talk to you, demons, like dogs.
Satan, you coward, you molester of souls, I command you to appear.
You're hiding from the presence of God, but I can feel your fear from here.
You rattled my chain boy long enough.
You got something in your craw?
A praying church wants to know you.
Know what?
Your kingdom's going to fall.
There's going to be trouble here tonight.
Oh, and wants you to know.
I got that wrong.
Okay, so this is the chorus.
Because I represent a whole new breed of Christian of today, and I'm authorized and deputized to blow you clean away.
I've got a message to deliver for one who's true and just.
We'll spit in your eye, you father of lies.
Satan, bite the dust.
Yeah, yeah.
So it goes on.
I don't know.
You like to this part where he says, the demon of alcoholism, you'll be the first to go.
The first to go.
I mean, just of all the demons there are.
I mean, you got horrible demons out there.
I mean, and he's like, there's murder, there's, you know, sexual crimes.
And there's just, yeah, then alcoholism is the first to go.
You'll be the first to go.
Doubtful.
I mean, you solve a lot of problems, maybe.
Yeah.
Gluttony, take that one out for me.
So I'm going to say theologically, this comes from the kind of charismatic school of like, you can claim victory over demons with like words.
And yeah, I'm not into that.
So I'm going to give this an iffy grade.
Iffy grade?
Yeah.
You don't think that we can do that?
Are you speaking ill of the dead?
Well, they will come to pass.
Life and death is all that's.
It kind of just comes from that school of thought of like announcing like, I have victory over you, demon of alcoholism.
And then that there's a specific demon of alcoholism who is like on you and you can like get him off your back.
Right.
Yeah.
Chewing on your ear.
The last lines he says.
He says, well, how do you feel about that, devil?
And the devil says, I'm a feeling mighty low.
And then he says, good.
That's the end of the song.
That's the end of the song.
Oh, good.
You're under my foot, see.
Is he dying?
I'm feeling mighty low.
Can you kill Satan, though?
It seems like only God can do that.
Did he just kill Satan?
Is that though?
I don't know.
And he shoots him, maybe.
Two bullets that overcome all sin and crud.
One bullet is called the word of my testimony.
The other one's called the blood.
See?
It's not just words.
Yeah.
And I'm going to give his rhymes a solid grade, but not as good as he's no T-bone.
But do you have T-bone without Carmen?
That's true.
He's a stepping stone.
Yeah.
He owes everything to Carmen.
He does.
All right.
Well, that's it for weird Christian songs and our theological analysis.
Exegesis.
Exegesis.
Jesusing.
All right, let's do some hate mail.
I miss Adam Ford.
Okay, so this is a tweet.
Actually, a hate tweet.
Someone that tweeted about us, and here's what he says.
It's so weird to see someone under 40 unironically retweeting Babylon B. Imagine being, say, 34, seeing a headline like, Joe Biden's dentures announced their pronouns and falling out of your chair laughing.
How old are you, Kyle?
I'm 34.
34.
Okay.
You are 34?
I'm always amazed.
Patrick's always older than I think he's going to be, and you're always younger than I think you're going to be.
Thanks.
So you are 34.
He just nailed you here.
Yeah.
Imagine being Kyle Mann.
That's what he's saying.
And I do actually like that headline.
It's not bad.
Kind of ironically, that it would be a funny, like, really dumb headline to put out.
I don't get that at all.
Well, it's not funny, but it's like, yeah, anti-humor.
But I said we should punch it up and say his dentures identify as real teeth.
There you go.
Better, better.
Is it better?
I thought it was better.
I have no response to this other than it's funny.
So are we ready for a subscriber portion?
All right, we're going to move on to the subscriber lounge.
Wendy's going to answer the 10 questions because I think she didn't answer them last time.
Oops.
I think he had to bail early or something, if I remember right.
She told us about our Kirk Hameron experiences.
We also have a recorded listener question that she didn't want.
They didn't want their face or voice to be played, so we disguised it.
And it's creepy in hilarious.
So we have a listener question, and we're going to go through some subscriber headlines.
And let's do it.
You guys ready?
I'm ready.
If you're not a Babylon B subscriber, do it so you can join us in the lounge.
Over there in the leather chairs.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
Like the Christian David Hasselhoff.
I'm still typical.
Is David Hasselhoff a Christian?
I don't want to assume.
I don't know.
He doesn't market himself as Christian.
The hair that you put on his chest.
Yeah, he's got the fake little buttons.
The hair coming out of the free button button.
Yeah.
Okay.
Jack Flash is a guest, gas, gas.
Mounting evidence indicates critical race theory escaped from a lab in a college humanities department.
That's pretty good.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.