THE BEE WEEKLY: Linkin' Pork and Very Catholic Presidents
On The Babylon Bee Weekly, Ethan is joined by guest hosts Trevor Andersen and Dr. Thaddeus Williams. They talk about the weirdest of news like an elderly couple using morse code to escape an assisted living facility and Biden being called "a very Catholic president who supports abortion rights." Thaddeus gives the best Linkin Park stories while Ethan and Trevor share little known pork facts in our newest segment: Linkin' Pork. Hate mail this week comes from a reader who found our comments on Latter Day Saints to be "tasteless and unfunny." Intro It's Mother's Day this weekend, so naturally The Babylon Bee Podcast invited Thaddeus Williams to join Trevor Andersen and Ethan Nicolle! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! Subscriber Comments Youtube Comments Subscriber Dare Weird News British Man Arrested After 4mph Police Chase Down Canal For 8 Miles Police In Canada Find Reported COVID-19 Violation In Restaurant Was Just A Mannequin Elderly Couple Uses Military Morse Code Training To Escape Tennessee Assisted Living Facility Caitlyn Jenner -- Olympic Gold Medal Winner And Now Trans Person -- Says Biological Males Should Not Be Allowed To Compete In Women's Sports The Washington Post Referred to Biden As "a very Catholic president who supports abortion rights." A City In Switzerland Is Offering Beggars One-Way Tickets Anywhere In Europe As Long As They Don't Come Back Priest 'Baptises' Baby Using A Water Pistol Gymnast Performs 36 Consecutive One-Handed Backflips To Break His Own Guinness Record Linkin' Pork Hate Mail Subscriber Portion Thaddeus stories' Bonus Hate Mail Subscriber Headlines of the Week Thaddeus 10 Questions
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth.
With your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon Bee.
Fake news you can trust.
Calm down.
A surprisingly effective phrase at preventing arguments from escalating, says millennial TikTok relationship expert.
However, one group of relationship experts disagree with the approach, claiming, this is just stupid.
And why are we even talking about this?
Relationship Radio is a podcast created by marriage and relationship experts, Dr. Joe Beam and CEO of marriage helper Kimberly Holmes.
In this educational series, they answer real relationship questions submitted by their listeners directly, giving insight to even the toughest mind benders that all husbands and wives have had before.
Questions such as, why does my wife not want to be intimate after I flatulate?
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That's Relationship Radio.
Wherever you listen to podcasts.
With an O at the end.
Why even is intimacy?
Why?
Why even is intimacy?
It's like Keanu Reeves question.
I know Kung Fu.
All right.
Well, hey, we are here on the Babylon Bee podcast.
I'm Ethan Nicole.
And, you know, it's hitting the lockdowns are ending.
It's hitting, kind of getting to summertime.
There's going to be people missing now and then.
Kyle's on a family gathering.
And so we got Travis, who's back.
Travis, I did it again.
I keep calling Trevor Travis.
It's just stuck in my brain like that.
I just do it.
Yeah, right.
You can call me Keith, Nathan, Ian, whatever you want.
I just have to interject.
Like, Travis, Trevor, Stephen, Trevin, Trake.
Travit.
Driving up here, the dude was my student at Biola University.
And as I was walking to the building, I had to like search my emails.
You forgot his name.
What is his actual name?
I know it's TR something, but it's good to be with you.
I think I've told you right now.
I had a girlfriend.
I kept forgetting her first name.
I don't know if it was a mental thing.
I kept when I was trying to find you, I kept looking up Thaddeus Russell for some reason.
That's common.
So this is Thaddeus.
Hi.
Mr. Thaddeus.
Yeah.
Williams.
It's Doctor, but whatever.
Dr. Thaddeus.
Oh, excuse me.
Spent seven years in grad school to be Mr. The Ella Jolly Bible, PhD in the Bible.
Something like that.
From Biola University.
Bible doctor.
And so you're filling in too.
You're joining us for your very first time on the podcast.
Yeah.
First time ever.
First time ever.
It is a delight.
So we're going to have some fun.
We're going to go for some weird news.
We're going to talk about you had your best friends or roommates with a guy from the band Lincoln Park.
That was like 20 years ago.
Yeah.
I apparently haven't accomplished much in my life.
So we got to dig deep.
So we're going to talk about your experience.
I knew a guy in high school who played bass from Lincoln Park and we lived together.
Okay.
Yeah, we can talk about that.
We're going to talk about that.
Unmarried, you lived together?
That seems...
It was before the Obergefell Supreme Court case.
And we're going to talk about pork, too.
That's right.
Link and pork.
Yeah.
And we'll talk a little bit about social justice stuff with Thaddeus because he's an expert.
And yeah, it's going to be fun.
So what you guys have been doing this week?
Anything cool?
It's finals for me, so just nothing, nothing great to worry about you.
So, I it's finals for me, which as a professor is awesome because I don't have to lecture.
Um, but yeah, you aced my class, didn't you?
I think so.
Yeah, this was 2019, I think 2019, one of my best and brightest right here.
Um, so for me, I don't know how it's a lecture this week.
So, I've been reading a stellar book with my children, all four the Williams kids.
Okay, and uh, my kids are on the covers of all my books.
I hide them somewhere.
It's kind of this fun family tradition, okay?
But we've been going through this gem.
Oh, look at that, make sure that's on the right.
Look at that.
That's my uh, that's my book.
It's I wrote that and I drew that bra bravi.
Does anyone believe that this doctor can't read?
Is this right?
Is this working?
He's very folly possum.
Um, yeah, you have terrified all four of my children, so thank you.
Uh, make them want lasagna soon, too.
I think in one of the plugs for it, it's like getting just the right amount of scary.
That was my goal.
Your calibration for what's the right amount is way off for your five-year-old.
Whenever I read my five-year-old, he had that look in his eye.
Yeah, my five-year-old Harry.
So, uh, but he loved it in the end because I think kids like to be scared just the right amount, right?
Just the right amount of this book is.
Does he have nightmares?
It's too scary.
We'll talk, but I need some future therapy bills that if you could flip the boat.
No, it's it's a phenomenal book.
The kids love it.
Um, it's written in such a way that like all the silly voices and everything, I'm able to like, I'm Mrs. Fuzzle Buzz, and they're having a blast with it.
So, uh, yeah, that's what we've been doing this week, just reading through some Ethan Nicole literature.
I didn't came up to that.
He wanted to mention it.
Wait, where can you get these?
You can get that on my website, ethanicole.com on the store.
I didn't have to pay for it.
You can get me to draw it.
You did.
You made me offer that.
That's maybe a nice other book.
Oh, backstory.
I didn't have a copy on hand.
So on his website, there's a section for like, oh, like special comments or requests.
And I was like, hey, since we've met and hung out, even though this is the first time we've ever done the show together ever.
Right.
I was like, can you say something for the kids?
Oh, did I?
I'm terrible at so.
Like, it shows up in the mail and it's the invoice, and you just said something.
Literally, you wrote the word something with like, you didn't even like sign it with your name.
It was just like sign or something.
No, there's nothing.
Oh, what?
Look at that.
Yeah.
There's usually going to get him to do a thing in there.
There should be a sign.
Yeah, there was one.
Wow.
Yeah.
Thanks for a busy weekend.
Appreciate it.
I think it was.
That's weird.
But if you order it, I mail my own stuff.
So I sign it.
There you go.
That's okay.
That's what I've been up to.
I think it's on Amazon too.
It's from Canon Press.
So, hey, let's do some subscriber and YouTube comments.
We like to, you know, let everybody in the comments section know that we're watching you and we like, you know, we're reading you and paying attention to you.
So this one's from our comments of our subscribers on the Jason Lyle interview.
The guy is Young Earth science guy.
And we had a ton of comments on this.
People really like to debate Young Earth and go crazy.
So what's the comment here?
I don't know.
I can't find it.
Is it the banned pilot drift?
Oh, there it is.
It's the same font and everything.
Yeah, that's.
You want to read it, Trevor?
Sure, the government.
I said Trevor, correct myself, said Travis, then correct myself again, said Trevor.
It's Trevin.
The government's UFO disclosure is next month.
I wish there was more Christian conversation about how to view this issue biblically and like Patrick's highlighting stuff.
Stop it.
You're messing me up.
Your name appears over the words I'm supposed to read.
This is so unprofessional.
I know, right?
Gosh.
I wish there were more Christian conversation about how to view this issue biblically in light of the recent revelations.
Is it demons?
Former CIA director says here, one stopped a plane still in the sky in mid-flight.
The Today Show link.
HTTPS.
Don't read that.
Why don't we get a UFO guy's comment?
I got nothing on UFO stuff.
You have anything?
Are they demons, Thaddeus?
Nothing.
Nothing.
They're nothing.
You guys are wrong.
Buy Ethan's book.
They're going to be mad.
They're going to be mad that we don't talk more about UFO people, UFO stuff.
Bring my dad on here.
He'll talk about that.
You too.
Play a song.
Okay.
He might be in the comments.
Yeah, probably.
YouTube.
YouTube.
Last week on the Be Weekly show.
We're calling it the Bee Weekly now.
You guys haven't caught on to that.
The only show, this is from Shanna S.
The only show where the statement, like a vampire eating a hamster, and no one hesitates.
Just normal conversation.
No one stops.
I remember saying that, and no one even laughed or reacted.
I didn't even hear it until after.
It was in reference to sucking the Capri sons.
Yeah, that you would have won the world record if you had just chomped into it like a vampire and sucked.
Yeah, okay.
Wow.
Let's see.
Oh, do you want to read this one?
Oh, Kev, you even found it?
Okay.
That's lost.
Nameless minion Vein Reaver.
Okay.
This is my fifth favorite podcast.
So I click the like button five times.
That'll show you.
The math on that.
Like, unlike.
Like.
Yeah.
It's an odd number.
It still works, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Don't ask me math questions.
On the Babylon B Guide to Choosing Safer Activities video, that you're on that one, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And this one's about me.
Okay, there you go.
Robert asked, How did you get Seth Rogan to agree to do this?
He's not been happy about that comment.
He's really famous and rich.
Man, when I was young and skinny, people used to say, oh, you look like fat Jude Law.
And now I'm just the fat actor.
They're just like, you look like the fat guy.
Yeah, I get Chris Farley all the time.
I have to explain to them, like, he's dead, you know?
But there's nobody fat enough for people to like to compare me to, so they'll just say fat this and that.
But it's always nice.
I guess you're going in a, in a, it's like a stair step.
Fat Chris Pratt.
Fatter is fatter than when he was fat.
Like fatter Chris Pat than ever Pratt whenever Pratt was fat.
That is turning into a nursery rhyme.
You're fatter than Pratt than ever fat was Pratt.
There's too much rhyming on this show.
I don't like it.
I won't let my kids watch Return of the Jedi because I'm afraid they'll call me Java.
Okay, we're going to jump to subscriber dare.
We're going straight to it.
We're skipping all that.
Yeah.
Okay, good.
This is subscriber day.
So we like to dance.
You know, when people say dance, monkey dance, we do it.
So people say, it's become this thing where people say, I'll subscribe if you do this.
Right.
So this is my first subscriber there, too.
All right, sweet.
So Heather Bugger.
At the best I can figure out how to pronounce her name, B-U-G-G-A-R, Buggar.
Bugger.
She says it's her birthday and Mother's Day on the same day this year.
So she's saying if Kyle anything can make up a song, but Kyle's not here today, but I made a song up to sing with you guys.
She gets three instead of one.
Daddy's pulling a guitar.
We're going to see how that goes.
And we're going to celebrate both occasions.
You don't need a capo.
There's your note.
No, no, no.
Okay, ready?
So we're going to sing this birthday song we wrote.
It's a mother and birthday song.
Her name's Ms. Heather Bugger.
So she's Mother Bugger.
All right.
It's Motherbugger's birthday.
Don't bug her because she's old.
She's bigger than a baby now.
Not that big.
Don't have a cow.
So bag her up a bag of cake.
And a bunch of gifts for goodness sake.
It's Motherbugger's Motherbugging birthday.
Yeah, Mother Bugger.
Yeah, Mother Bugger.
All right.
That's worth it.
Hey, speaking of that.
We nailed that.
We nailed that on our first take.
That's impressive.
BabylonB.com slash store.
We got, this is our anniversary of the two weeks to flatten the curve shirt.
We got.
Show off that shirt, Thaddeus.
Take out.
These ones are.
See, you come in these nice bags.
All these cool shirts you can get at.
Shop.babylonbee.com.
The links will all be in the show notes.
Yeah.
Definitely get a shirt for your mom if you forgot.
Support journalism.
We got bees all over this stuff.
Yeah.
So we got that.
And we got our glorious coffee table book for your theology, your theology shelf.
That literally resides on my coffee table.
Nice.
Yeah.
Kids love it.
All right.
So please join up, subscribe, check out all our stuff on our site.
We make great stuff.
Oh, and it's Mother's Day.
We have a great mother shirt.
The mother diagram shirt shows all the features of a mother.
And it was harder to do than a dad because dads are very generic.
Moms are a little more varied, but we tried.
Okay.
Now let's get into weird news.
This news is weird.
British man arrested after four mile per hour police chase down canal for eight miles.
Wait, let's can somebody do the math?
How long did that take then?
Three miles, four miles per hour.
I think that's three days.
Not a math guy.
That's just a long.
Isn't that like walking speed or something like that?
If you just let your car kind of just coast, that's like five miles per hour, right?
So they couldn't put out a spike strip for that?
Because like I spike strip, it's in a canal.
Like a slow running miles.
Oh, in a canal?
Oh, wait.
I think the street is canal.
It would be better if it was in an actual canal, like a boat chase.
Oh, yeah.
A slow boat chase.
Oh, it's not in the water.
Oh, narrow boat.
It is a boat.
Yeah, it's a narrow boat.
Oh, okay.
Well, then that changes everything.
Yeah.
So there's no officers patiently follow the boat on his bike along the ground.
Oh, so he's out on the he doesn't want to get wet.
It's like the most polite police chase ever.
He just yelled oi every like three hours.
It's like we have on our true TV here, we have like world's most crazy police chases.
You know, like plowing through ice cream stands and people are dying left and right.
They're still doing like the guy that's like, oh, that's three scoops of death or whatever.
But then over there, they have a show that's probably like world's most polite police chases.
And they're like, excuse me, Seth.
Please pull up with the boat.
Salsa tea.
Sorry if that offended any of our British audience people.
I love British people.
Sorry to stereotype an entire imperialistic nation.
All right.
Police in Canada find reported COVID-19 violation in restaurant was just a mannequin.
I called a Nova Scotia restaurant on a report of a COVID-19 lockdown violation and discovered the alleged illegal customer seated at a table was a mannequin.
Thursday morning, the report, individuals not following public health directives.
They were excited.
They like come in from this thing like SWAT team.
All right.
Go, go, go.
Wasn't this a movie in the 80s?
No, it's in the Will Smith like zombie movie.
Yeah.
When one of the mannequins is out, he's like, what are you doing there, man?
I'm going to take you down.
Oh, yeah.
That's a real thing, man.
Art mirrors life.
didn't actually realize that it was a mannequin until one of the cops had severed the thing's head.
They snuck up on it and removed its head.
Just kidding, I added that.
So I'm from like Podunk, Oregon, and there was a story there.
I may have told this before.
Stop me if I have, but they had set out like a styrofoam deer as bait for when it's not in season to kill deer.
So if somebody shoots it, they get caught.
Well, they caught some guy, drunk guy, went out there and snuck up on it real slow with like a giant like knife in his mouth and jumped on it and he didn't, he started slicing its neck and then all styrofoam started coming out and they caught him.
That was autobiographical by Ethan Nicole.
That could be a good way to catch bad cops.
You put mannequins out doing stuff.
Just doing this stuff and then the cops show up.
No rubber.
That's not a real bad thing.
After that, that's good.
All right.
Thaddeus, story three.
Elderly couple uses military Morse code training to escape a Tennessee assisted living facility.
That's who gave them military Morse code training?
Who is teaching old people Morse cases?
They've been around since like the whatever war they used that in.
It was a while back.
They had dementia Alzheimer's.
They escaped to an assisted living facility in Tennessee last month using military experience with Morse code to decipher and memorize the code to an electronic door lock.
So the door lock lets out beeps like Morse codes.
Yeah, how do they figure that out?
These can't be that Alzheimer's.
I have no idea how you would even go about that.
They went missing for 30 minutes on March 2nd before a stranger found them walking down a road two blocks away from a facility.
They made it two blocks in 30 minutes.
They were on the boats, right?
They were taking one of those down the canal.
Down the canal.
The narrow boat.
But we're like, they got to be headed towards a country town buffet, going for a 4.30 p.m. dinner time.
Got to make it back in time for murder, she wrote.
Sorry, that's Aegis, my bad.
So get them all in there.
Yep.
Caitlin Jenner, previously known as Bruce, Olympic gold medal winner and now trans person, says biological males should not be allowed to compete in women's sports.
That sounds self-hating.
Yeah.
Well, I think that she knows that she would still win today.
I think dominate.
She would dominate.
Kind of like Zoom.
Can you imagine Caitlin Jenner and like going up against a bunch of little volleyball play in high school girls?
So I coached my five-year-old boy's t-ball team.
And this last Sunday, we were down like, I don't know, 10 to 7 or something last inning.
So I just identified as a five-year-old male.
Grand slam.
Crushed it.
Crushed it.
All these little five-year-olds crying.
It was pretty epic.
I'm proud of myself.
It's better.
Did they get participation trophies?
They did.
Okay, did you?
And so did I.
Yeah, that solves the whole issue, right?
Because if, yeah, if you can have anybody in your team, everyone gets participation trophies anyway.
So who cares?
Who cares?
Sports aren't about competing.
Okay.
Not about who wins the competition.
Washington Post referred to Biden as a very Catholic president who supports abortion rights.
The Washington Post is the authority on Catholicism.
Right.
Right.
Right, Patrick?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They know.
Defend this tweet.
It says a rising group of right-wing U.S. Catholic bishops is colliding with a very Catholic president who supports abortion rights.
That's what they said.
That's their words.
That is very, yeah, that's very Catholic.
It's like the Hindu founder of In-N-Out Murder.
Hindus take over McDonald's franchises.
Yeah, the Very Muslim president who eats bacon.
I don't know.
What?
The very Mormon president who drinks.
They could just say it.
They just say it.
Mitt Rodney, president of Pepsi.
Can you flip that on them?
Like the very progressive president who does not support abortion children.
The very progressive president loves unborn children.
Far left extremistly supports the sanctity of marriage.
Religious freedom.
All right.
A city in Switzerland is offering beggars one-way tickets anywhere in Europe, just so long as they don't come back.
We did that in California.
And they all went, yeah, they all went to San Francisco.
They got halfway out of here.
Yeah, we closed the door behind them.
The city of Basel is now offering rail vouchers and 20 Swiss francs to any beggar requesting it.
Here.
To get the voucher, beggars must sign a written contract promising not to return to Switzerland for a certain period of time.
If they're caught returning, they risk being deported.
Wow.
So far, they got 31 tickets.
Yeah.
14 from Romania, seven from Belgium, seven from Germany, two from Italy, one from France.
Man.
So what this is telling me that is if you want a European vacation, go to Switzerland and start begging.
Just sitting in the street.
Get out of here.
What's 20 Swiss francs equal in American dollars?
I don't know.
Does that get you very far?
I don't know.
Yeah, I bet you could make more than that in a day of begging.
I don't know.
Could buy somebody.
I've never begged.
Weird Belgian beer.
It's just one.
Just one Belgian beer, but that'll do it.
That'll feed you for a week.
It'll be good.
That stuff, it's thick, man.
Yeah.
It's syrup.
The Carter Center released a very odd photo of the Bidens visiting the Carters.
For our younger listeners, the Carters were president.
Jimmy Carter was the president before Ronald Reagan, who was the president back in the 80s, like, you know, when Hulk Hogan and stuff was happening.
And after that was George Bush Sr.
Right.
And then after that was Bill Clinton.
Sure.
But who came after that?
George Bush Jr.
George W. W.
Okay.
Right.
Cool.
Thanks.
And then Barack Obama.
And here we are.
So just to go back, it's Barack Hussein Obama.
Say.
Hussein.
Like Saddam.
Obama.
Obama Nation.
We have so many of those in our comments.
We have so many calling him Obummer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, or just all those, I don't know what you call them, like boomer puns or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
Boomer puns.
The demon rats.
They do them with the demon rats and the demo, whatever.
Craps.
Craps.
Yeah, the democraps.
Or they do them with Gavin Newsome.
Like, what do they say?
Like, Gavin Gruesome or something like that.
Hey, dad jokes, monster.
They're all dads.
Keep it coming.
Yeah, do more.
I want to hear more.
Yeah, but look at this picture.
Yeah, the picture is amazing.
Nobody thinks that's real.
It's Hobbits.
Well, the weird thing is that they released it as a normal picture.
And clearly, anybody looking at it, it looks like a ventriloquist dummy show, like a puppet show.
Is this in one of those like optical marshmallow houses or something?
It's so bizarre.
It is Gandalf next to Tiny Hobby.
Let's get Zach King to figure out how they shot this.
Biola reference.
Yes.
Extra credit for that class that you almost failed in my.
I went from acing it to almost failing it in the course of however long this podcast has gone.
So either the Bidens are nine feet tall, the Carters are three feet tall, or I'm losing my mind.
I was the headline that went with this.
Somebody posted a picture of it fixed.
That's so good.
Resized.
They didn't even try very hard.
Look at the lines around.
They didn't just photo tape this in MS paint.
MS Paint.
But Jimmy Carter does look a lot like Howdy Duty.
All right.
Gymnast.
Like everybody's going to know.
Well, maybe the boomers will know who.
He's the ventriloquist dummy way back before Jeff Dunham.
He's a Ventriloquist dummy way back before.
I did see a picture of with Jeff Dunham photoshopped in the background.
And the purport is really about right.
Yeah.
You spend way too much time online.
I was on your feed.
You tweeted.
That was my bet.
Priest baptizes and quotes baby using a water pistol.
I think I saw that in like a vampire movie once.
Just the whole spray in holy water of vampires.
I want to know what Bible verse he recites as he's holding the gun up to the baby, like Samuel Jackson in Port Fiction.
What is that verse he does?
It's a made-up verse.
Oh, it's not real?
Ezekiel.
It's part fictionalized.
I think it was the Boondock Saints Prayer.
Okay.
He's like, and shepherds we shall be for thee, my lord, for thee.
Power half descended forth from thy hand.
He'd need two water pistols.
So this is actually a joke photo.
They're having fun.
You're not allowed to do that in the camp.
Yeah, actually.
It was a fun laugh.
And I like it.
It's a good picture.
I like it too.
All right.
And, you know, just in memory of Kyle not being here, let's read a Guinness record.
Go ahead, Thaddeus.
Oh, no, you read the last number eight.
No, it's gymnast performs 36 consecutive one-handed backflips to break his own Guinness record.
If Kyle was here, he could do it.
He could do it.
He could do it.
Capri's son done.
Yeah, right.
36 one-handed backflips.
By the way, after that podcast, Kyle was insistent that he broke the record.
He was like, he was insistent.
Check the tape.
Check the tape.
I know I did it.
He came dang close, even if he didn't.
Let's just put ourselves on the spot for a second.
So last night, kids are asleep.
House is peaceful.
I'm watching Portlandia.
Maybe or maybe not in my underwear on the couch.
And I think I broke the 38 record, but it was eating otter pops by myself in the dark.
38 consecutive.
You don't have cuts on the side of your mouth, though.
I would know.
Yeah, you would look like Heath Ledger.
You want to know how I got these scars?
Otter Pops.
The one sitting.
World record check.
Last thing you did 38 times.
Oh, my God.
Well, I got, I ate some, I had food poisoning.
I was going to say I got like scabies or something.
One of my teachers had it, and it was really weird because I was on the Zoom and he was like, all these dots on his like, guys, it's just scabies.
And we're like, just what?
Just scabies.
Wasn't that cured in the olden days?
No, I think last time I did 36 of anything, so I had food poisoning.
Oh, 36.
I had food poisoning.
So it might have been like 36 trips to the bathroom in a row.
Yeah.
Because as soon as you're done, you get back.
Oh, nope, not.
And then you run back.
Get down.
We might be down.
Test this segment.
So that's you guys got to hear about that because of Thaddeus Williams.
Yeah, you're welcome.
I probably just smoked 36 cigars in the last couple of days or something.
He smoked last hour all at once.
We're now going to do the stupidest segment in the history of the Babylon meeting.
Oh my gosh.
This is called Lincoln Pork.
We're going to talk about Lincoln Park and pork while we eat pork.
And we have sausages.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Look at these things from the butcher.
Now, apparently they're cooked and safe to eat.
Yeah, two of them are ice cold.
Yeah.
We're eating cold pork.
Straight out of the fridge, cold pork.
So I don't know what each one is.
It's a slim gym.
We got some nunches.
That is linked pork.
It's Lincoln.
Hey.
Cheers.
Oh, cheers, guys.
Look at that.
You do have none chucks.
Combat cold cuts.
That's from Ninja Turtles.
Yes.
That's good.
Pork?
Is it?
No.
The place is good.
It's Lincoln pork.
So good.
Oh, man.
That's good cake.
I've been fasting, too.
I haven't eaten like 22 hours.
So good right now.
You've been fasting for Ramadan.
You know, they don't eat pork.
I'm sorry for the pork eating sound.
Yeah, right now.
It's ASMR.
Okay, so pigs don't poop or they sleep.
Did you know that?
I didn't, but did you know that pigs can play video games even better than some primates?
I don't know how pigs play video games, but that's a fact from the internet.
I don't know.
So how did you, we got to interchange pigs to Lincoln Park.
So how are you linked with Lincoln Park?
So dumb.
But this is delicious.
I'll give you that.
This is the best day of my life.
So this is like a PhD and like apologetics in the Bible.
And like, you know, all this college.
We're like, So your roommate was in Lincoln Park?
Let's eat some pork.
So yes.
Apparently, I haven't achieved enough in life to be known for anything but the fact that my wife and I went to high school.
There's no way that one's cooked.
The bass player, they aren't.
Only these ones.
Don't know.
That was the red one.
No.
They said they were all cooked.
This one's this one is, you can't get this consistency.
Eat it.
Hey, if you want an A in my class at Viola, you will eat that.
So I went to high school with the bass player of Lincoln Park, Dave.
That's his name.
He had like a cool band name like Chunk or something.
As a joke, we renamed him Phoenix because Lincoln Park was up and coming.
It's like, yeah, you're Phoenix, man.
You rise from the ashes.
It's not much of a joke name, but it stuck.
And so he's Phoenix Farrell is his last name, Dave Farrell.
So yeah, I live with him out of college, and I'd come home from work.
And they were sponsored.
The band was sponsored by Xbox.
So there'd be like a black trash bag full of every Xbox game ever on the doorstep, every bass guitar ever on the doorstep.
Everybody wanted like lots of free stuff.
And I'd come home and there would be one day I got back from work.
There was a Grammy on the on the mantle.
It's like all these.
What is this apartment?
It was so dingy.
Like the, it was just a bunch of bachelors.
There was five of us dudes crammed into this like two bedroom and we would play trash can Jenga, which is you just start throwing stuff in the trash and then if you're the last guy that you throw your trash and the whole thing collapses, you got to take it out.
That's when Chester goes, it's about to break.
I was waiting for that.
But in the end, it doesn't really matter.
Do you know any of the members of Skillet?
I don't.
Well, on Tuesday, we're talking to John Cooper of Skillet.
So you tune in on Tuesday.
You know, it's already going to be recorded already.
Can he sign my Skillet?
He's not in person.
Can you sign myself?
John Cooper of Skillet.
We're going to be talking to him on the podcast coming out Tuesday.
It was a fun conversation.
Cool.
Looking forward.
We talked about a bunch of stuff.
Talk about how crazy everything is.
And about how he's a good scream singer.
Oh, yeah.
Like 90s.
He hit a note while screaming.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Like Scott Stepp.
We talked about Scott Stepp.
Yeah.
That's right.
Strike for that.
It's good.
Hey, the first pig was brought to the United States in 1539 by Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto.
Yeah, did you know that?
Did you know that in Denmark, there are twice as many pigs as people?
I know.
Do you know that Big Bill holds the world record for the biggest pig in 1933, according to the Guinness Booker World Records?
The Poland pig weighed 2,552 pounds with a height of five feet and length of nine feet.
Do you know a pig can run a seven-minute mile?
Wow, not me.
It's like next time he calls me a pig, you're saying you can really run.
Um, are we reading more of these?
No, who's the biggest crybaby in Linkin Park?
The biggest crybaby.
So I am.
So I was in the band for one night.
This was Dave's Bachelor Party in Las Vegas.
I need to go home and rethink my life.
Dave's bachelor party in Vegas.
We all dressed up like cowboys for some reason.
Okay.
And we go out into the desert by Vegas and start firing guns at each other.
Paintball guns.
I'm just the story would have been way cooler, but we'll keep it with guns.
I've reached Lincoln Park, you know.
Kind of gangsta.
And are they as gangsta as they put on?
So, so I they are okay.
100%.
So we start on two sides in the middle of the desert, and the guy's like, ready, go.
And I take off running.
I've never paintballed before.
I'm like, this is it.
This is my chance to prove myself.
Within 2.5 seconds, I trip over Tumbleweed and get shot about 30 times.
So if it was D-Day, I would have been the guy on the boat who's just like, let's do this.
Let's kill some Nazis.
And then in like two seconds, I'm like, boom.
Face gone.
So Dave, my good friend, bass player for Lincoln Park, comes up to me just point-blank execution style right to the neck.
I have this welt on the back of my neck for the next like two months.
Well, I get back to the hotel in Vegas and Chester had just shown up, Chester Bennington.
So he was in on my gunfight.
He wasn't in on the gunfight, but he was there decked out in all of his cowboy gear.
And he was just like, what the?
We'd have to beep out the entire next two minutes of this segment.
But yeah, a really good guy.
We ended up in a party bus, a bunch of dudes dressed like cowboys who went riding bulls.
And I ended up signing probably 50 autographs that night.
Wow.
Because people were like, Lincoln Park's in the thought you were there.
And so we were like, oh, that guy, hey, you know, sign my, you know, my baby's head or something.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, they have very loose age restrictions in a lot of those Vegas clubs.
So I signed a bunch of autographs for people who went home that night and were like, who's Thad Williams?
He's not even in the band.
He's just a guy who went to high school with the guy.
Yeah.
So, yeah, but pigs have more taste buds than humans.
And a pig has 15,000 taste buds while humans only have 9,000.
Imagine how bacon tastes to a pig.
It's just amazing.
Amazing.
Imagine.
It's like when a pig bites its tongue while it's eating or something.
It's like, oh, so good.
Did you know a pig can squeal louder than a Concorde jet?
How loud can a Concorde jet squeal?
It can range from 10 to 15 decibels, but a Concord jet squeals at under 12 decibels.
Wow.
That's really something.
Insulin and more than 40 other medicines are made from pigs.
Insulin.
My wife takes insulin.
She takes pig stuff.
Pig juice.
There you go.
I didn't know that.
Oh, well then.
Way to out your wife's private medical records on a nationally syndicated podcast.
Most people at meeting are not type one.
Who is the biggest Abraham Lincoln fan in the group?
The crazy thing is, they went to UCLA, which is where they except for Chester.
He came in later.
But they're all like super smart guys.
I remember sitting around and just rapping about, you know, at the time I was a major philosophy, apologetics, theology nerd, like I still rapping and singing and screaming.
Yes.
That's what they're known for.
And they, yeah, they went through the whole history of John Wilkes Booth and some of his ties to the Confederacy and what drove Confederate ideology, drawing from some of the post-Hegelianism and some of the proverbial Achilles heel of property monistic epiphenomenalism coming out of the English tradition and how that religion.
I'm just kidding.
I never talked to anybody about any of this.
You're having flashbacks to my class, aren't you?
I want to hear my shit not as rap about them.
I'm just kidding.
They're not very smart at all.
Okay.
And any of them?
Are they Christian men?
Dave is.
Okay.
The funny thing is, so Dave, sorry for chewing into the mic.
I keep trying not to.
Dave played bass for a Christian band called, speaking of what's happening right now, the Tasty Snacks.
Tasty Snacks were tons of.
I feel like I heard of them.
Orange County Christian Rock Band and my band, PAX.
We'd play shows every weekend.
Wait, took PAX to whatever?
PAX 217.
That was you?
I played guitar for them.
I hate that.
Wait, I heard of that.
I don't know.
I went to a, you know what?
I saw them spit pork in your eyeball.
Yeah, I just saw that.
I flew.
I saw them on accident.
I went to see the Supertones.
I played for the Supertones.
Did you?
I played guitar for the Supertones.
Their drummer was my mentor.
Our Guardians is way more interested in this.
Yeah.
Who cares about Lincoln Park?
Supertones.
Yeah, let's just bring out some oranges.
Oranges and Orange County.
Supertones.
Yeah, I'm in their music video.
So I played guitar for them because their drummer was my mentor.
Yeah.
And he saw me playing guitar one night and was like, hey, come play for our band.
Do you still know all 47 members of the band?
Only 39 of them.
Okay.
I lost contact with the rest of them.
Yeah.
They kind of went incognito.
So I played for them for one week and was sitting in Jason Carson, the drummer's living room.
And I'm like playing, and it was like right when Ska was really breaking into the Christian scene.
And that was it.
That was my career in the Supertones.
They were like, yeah, thanks, but no thanks.
You're not good.
You're just like the guys in different bands that are successful for like five minutes.
No, no, no.
This was before they were signed.
So I played and then I got booted and then they got a big record contract with Tooth and Nail.
Then I played for PAX.
They kicked me out of the band.
A little pork mallet.
Make little pork mallets.
I can't compete with that.
The minute John broke.
Oh.
What am I doing with my life?
That sounded like it just came back to life.
That squeal was louder than a Concord chat.
That was.
So I get kicked out of PAX.
I'm going to try to stifle my vomit and continue through the story.
And the minute I get kicked out of PAX, they get signed with a big record label.
So the word on the street, any listeners out there, you have a band, you're kind of struggling, you want a little recognition, reach out to me.
I'll play guitar for like a week, fire me, and boom, record contract.
Okay.
It's that easy.
Can this segment be over?
Can we be done?
Yeah, I guess it probably should be done.
It's the stupidest thing ever done.
Both tried to eat raw pork.
They're not raw.
That's raw.
That is not raw.
Disgusting.
I have no raw.
Yeah, no, that's, I guess.
Just eat the big slim ones.
They're fun.
It's like Lloyd.
All right.
Pork is 75% leaner today than it was in the 1950s.
Oh.
We're 75% fatter than they were.
True story.
Interesting.
All right.
I guess I can't keep eating because I can't talk and eat.
All right.
All right.
Oh, man.
I was so hungry.
I'm so glad I ate that.
Hey.
Speaking of stuff, it's great.
Yeah.
Tell us about your book.
Thaddeus has a book.
All right, man.
I wrote this book about this kid who meets this glorch, which is a glorch, which is like a witch kind of hack.
But for real, this is where we're plugging your book.
We're trying so hard to plug your book.
He becomes a possum, but not any possum.
He's a brave possum.
He's a father.
All right.
So I do have a book.
Thank you for asking.
You're welcome.
It's called Confronting Injustice Without Compromising Truth.
It looks like this right here.
And yeah, all these little protesters down here are my kids.
I had them on every book cover.
So you wrote this book as an outreach to them.
I was purely for bragging rights for them to go to school and be like, I'm on a book cover.
But no, I just, I was looking out at a lot of my Biola students, like Trevin.
Trevin?
Trevor, Travis, Trey, Trayvon.
And I noticed a trend in the last four or five years of students who were getting really swept up in sort of being offended at everything and just scratching my head, like, what is happening?
And traveling and teaching on apologetics and theology around the world and seeing that for 20 years, the number one question is, how can God be good if the universe is so messed up?
That changed in the last four to five years.
It's like, how do we think about social justice?
And so I realized there weren't a lot of theological voices speaking into the issue from like a biblical perspective and seeing all the controversies raging and a lot of Christians either like saying, oh, anything social justice is you're a commie, you're a Marxist, you're a social justice warrior, snowflake, or on the other side, like, oh, you're some alt-right neo-Nazi.
And realizing like, instead of playing that game, like the either or polarized game, let's just, let's take the whole conversation back to scripture.
So confronting injustice without compromising truth, the subtitle is 12 Questions Christians Should Ask About Social Justice, which is my feeble attempt at redirecting the whole conversation back to the text of scripture.
That's great.
So my brother is a theologian who lives in Texas.
I think he went to all that school and now he does AV for a church in Texas.
But I recommended this book to him and it was great because he's been really concerned about critical race theory and the way the direction the country is going, like really concerned, like uncomfortable to talk to him about it sometimes.
And he read that book, this book, and he said that you changed his mind.
And at first he was not on board because you were, you know, because you're telling them to people to listen to what they have to say.
And he's like, I don't want to listen to what they're saying.
What they're saying is wrong and evil.
And then, and then, but you totally changed his mind.
He was like, you know, after reading it, I was like, yeah, you know what?
The ideas may be evil, but the people are image bearers.
And that's what's, you know, and that really like hit him hard.
And I've, you know, I've been listening to the audio book on the way here today, actually, even.
And it's been, it's been great, man.
I've been convinced.
Does he do all the voices?
He does all the voices.
No, actually, no, he gets other people to do their own voices.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's the cool thing that it's collaborative with the author, but there's 12 co-authors.
And so he has.
In fact, this would be interesting to talk to you about Trevin.
Traymont?
Trev.
Trevor.
Trevor.
Trevor Andrew.
Luth Trevlor.
So he's out.
He's out storming out Prima Donna.
But around about the time that you were in my class, I had a student who ended up turning into a co-author.
When I met him in Calvary Chapel on Viola's campus, his first semester taking foundations of Christian thought, I couldn't prove it, but he just seemed like an actual Nazi.
I just got to his part of the book.
You meet those guys.
Yeah.
He just, I had no like hard evidence, but there was something about him that like, that dude is a white supremacist, like neo-Nazi.
Took me for foundations of Christian thought at Biola University, took me for Theology One, took me for Theology Two.
So I was with the dude for four years.
And by the time he graduated, he was just a different person.
Like he looked different.
He was kind, the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, all that.
That just marked him.
Whereas when I first met him, it was like hate, rage, resentment, self-righteousness, all that kind of stuff.
Out of control.
It was really powerful to see this shift.
And so I'm writing the book and I'm like, I wonder if that was true, if Jesus saved him from white supremacy, neo-Nazism, and racism.
And so I sent the hardest email I've ever sent in my entire life.
I'm like, hey, we'll call him Walt.
He actually had to use a pseudonym for the book because his ex-neo-Nazi buddies would come after him.
And he's not the only co-author who had to change their name and take a nom de plume for the publication.
So he changed his name Walt Sobchak, which is, if you've ever seen Big Lebowski, John Goodman's character, like, Shoba Shabbos.
Shut up, Donnie.
You're out of your element.
That's Walt Sobchak.
So Walter helped write the book.
And so I reached out to him.
I sent him this email.
I'm like, hey, man, Professor Thad here.
Hope you're well.
By any chance, when you took my class, were you, oh, I don't know, a Nazi?
You're just real Nazi.
You just sort of struck me as, you know, a Nazi.
Was it the tiki torch he carried around in class?
Because I think I remember he didn't ask questions raising his hand at a 45 degree angle, but I had like, I had a certain hunch.
And so, and follow-up question, like, by any chance, did Jesus set you free from that in your time at Biola?
And I'm like, trembling finger, like, do I hit send?
Because if I'm wrong, I'm super wrong.
Like, imagine getting an email from a teacher like, no, still a Nazi.
That would have been even worse.
He's like, to the first question, yes.
To the second question, that would have been the worst possible scenario.
So he relapsed.
Thank God.
That same day, he emails me back and he's like, that's exactly my story.
I came in thinking, you know, he had been in the military.
He came back and felt like everything was stacked against him.
Everything was white males or the devil.
And he was like, all right, if we're going to play the identity politics game, I'll play it in the opposite direction and I'll win.
And learning about good theology, everybody bears the image of God.
So I can't point to my lack of melanin and say I'm superior.
Learning about the crosswork of Jesus to bring every tongue, tribe, and nation into the kingdom made it impossible for him to look to his white heritage as his deepest identity.
And so it took four years, but eventually he came out the other end, saved not just from sin, but from the specific sin of actual Nazism.
So he shares his story in the book, and there's 11 other stories that are similar of people that to me, the main takeaway for hopefully readers of the book is that the gospel's better.
It's bigger and better than any of the political ideologies that are being pushed from both directions these days.
So you got Dan moaning back there.
So brought by brave Olliposum.
He's just eating a piece of pork.
Yeah, that's my point on all that is by brave Ollie Possum.
It's the longest ad for Ray Volley Possum I've ever seen.
All right, well, we're going to get into some hate mail real quick here.
All right.
I really miss Adam Ford.
All right.
This is from Michael in all caps.
Michael.
His reason is complain.
Complain.
Yeah.
Your tasteless and unfunny headline about Mitt Romney following a con artist, Joseph Smith, shows your stupidity and historical ignorance to the max.
This is especially rich considering that you born-again Christians purport to follow theological doctrine adopted by man's vote hundreds of years, Nicene Council, in direct opposition to what the early church fathers taught.
Yeah, a whole separate sentence.
This is a taught as a sentence.
Get informed about what the true doctrine is.
You wouldn't last 10 minutes in a debate between defenders of the faith.
So I think he's Mormon.
Yeah.
Mormon?
Guessing he's Mormon?
All right.
My online persona is Michael in all caps, just to be clear.
You're Mormon?
I actually was raised Mormon.
That's a whole other conversation.
Really?
I knew it.
I told you.
I told you.
Yeah.
So I was five years old.
Wow.
My only memory is five.
Yeah.
Okay.
So not raised.
Not really.
But I remember having like epic lightsaber duels in Mormon church.
Like with my hat.
That's what they do in there.
Like when actual Star Wars figurines.
So as a doctor of Jesus.
Yeah, you're a doctor of the Bible.
Do we purport to follow theological doctrine adopted by man's vote hundreds of years ago at the Council of Nicaea?
Oh, all right.
You got us.
He nailed it.
Michael, I mean, me.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
No, but truthfully, my parents met a woman when I was five who bought pork.
We're done in the single and still eating it.
It's still smelling good.
It's really good.
Sticks are good.
I can't help it.
I just, we need to make a t-shirt, a t-shirt out of the pork mallets.
Lincoln pork.
Yeah.
People north.
Pork mallets.
Pork mellet.
So I just want to wear that to like a metal concert.
Yeah, that's a good mandate.
Pork mallet.
Pork hammer.
Would you see pork mallet open up for whatever?
So this woman who studied theology and bothered to understand what scripture teaches about who Jesus is, what the crosswork of Jesus accomplished, the meaning of the empty tomb.
She befriended my parents and loved them enough to explain the differences.
And so thanks to this woman, I couldn't tell you her name.
She was just a woman who knew the Bible.
Were they Nazis before?
I can text them right now if you want me.
Send that awkward email.
Mom and dads.
By any chance.
Didn't used to be by any chance.
This woman, I don't know.
But yeah, it was that woman who was able to convince my parents that the Jesus of the Bible is not the Jesus of Joseph Smith.
And thanks to this nameless lady, my parents got saved, which led to eventually me getting saved, which led to me eventually being a bio professor, which led to me eventually helping Trevor here get straightened out theologically.
Oh, is he the white supremacist you were talking about?
I mean, Walt, don't tell my wife.
All right, well, we got more hate mail in the subscriber portion.
And apparently, Thaddeus has a story about the Oklahoma City bomber.
He had some impact on the guy's life or something, some crazy story.
And this isn't the white supremacist you just were talking about.
No, different dude.
Wow.
Apparently.
You have a James White story you're going to tell us.
And we're going to talk about our moms because it's Mother's Day.
And beat some bonus hate mail or some headlines.
And for the rest of you, I don't know.
I don't have a hammer at home right now.
You have to be worthy to lift that hammer.
I declare this podcast over.
So bad.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
I was born in 1980, so that's a kind of boomer.
Shut up, Keith.
You'd call me a boomer?
Does that make you a Zennial or something?
What do you call people?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Zennians?
Yeah, the Gen Z. Gen Z's?
Caesars?
Zazers?
My mom served the board.
I'm sitting in a Q Hefner smoking jacket eating pork.
Sorry, moms.
Sure, think your life would come to this.
That's my whole life.
Wondering what they'll say next?
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Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.