On The Babylon Bee Weekly Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by guest host, Pastor Craig Hamilton of Church Two42. They find the strangest of news like the police being called on a woman afraid of a croissant and Twitter censoring James O'Keefe for doing actual reporting. Kyle and Ethan hear about Pastor Craig's fundraiser to build a church that isn't in his front yard and play the game,'Sin or Not Sin, where Pastor Craig lets you know if a well-done steak or jazzercise will be getting you in trouble with the good Lord. As always we end with our everlasting hate mail, this time coming from a YouTube commenter that was most likely wearing a mask when he made his comment. Intro Welcome Pastor Craig Hamilton of ChurchTwo42 Coming up next Tuesday is our interview with Zuby! We read YouTube comments Weird News Suspected Drunken Driver Speeds Into School's Mock DUI Demonstration Nearly Striking Students Tire Slasher Leaves Severed Finger Behind On Woman's Driveway Breakfast Taco Full Of Crystal Meth Found By TSA Agents At Houston Airport A Lord of the Rings Online Player Leveled A Hobbit To Level 130 In The Most Hobbit Way Possible: Cooking Pies Iran Censors Soccer Match Over 100 Times Due To Female Referee A Woman In Poland Called Animal Control Because Of A Croissant That She Thought Was A Dangerous Animal Iran Censors Soccer Match Over 100 Times Due To Female Referee A Woman In Poland Called Animal Control Because Of A Croissant That She Thought Was A Dangerous Animal James O'Keefe Of Project Veritas Has Been Booted Off Of Twitter, And Now He's Suing For Defamation The Oregonian Issued A Tweet Assuring Readers That It Was Only A White Guy Who Was Killed By Police So No Need To Riot And Loot Marvel At This Beast Of A Man As He Grabs A Bobcat Off His Wife, Yeets It Halfway Across His Yard, And Chases It Down With A Gun Idaho Man Reclaims Guinness Record By Catching 107 Tennis Balls In An Oversized Bucket Placed On His Head Ask Pastor Craig Pastor Craig talks about how he started doing church on his driveway. Help Fundraise Pastor Craigs Church Donate to Pastor Craig's Church Here Sin or Not a Sin with Pastor Craig Hate Mail Subscriber Portion Ask Pastor Craig Continued The Ten Questions Bonus Hate Mail
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon Bee.
Fake news you can trust.
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the Babylon Bee Weekly Podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann.
I'm Ethan Nicole.
We're joined today by Pastor Craig.
Pastor Craig Hamilton, my new pastor.
Oh, yeah.
He's here with us today.
Are you guys making it official?
We've been watching.
I know.
I didn't know, bro.
I mean, I go on Sunday, so it just counts.
I don't know.
I haven't signed it.
Is there a thing I have to do?
No membership.
No.
Is there a thing?
I don't know.
No official.
No official thing.
So I went to his church.
I've told you guys about this.
I was looking for a church.
It's the only one I could find in the area that had child care.
That's the main thing right now.
Yeah.
Because it's just impossible.
It's absolutely.
You heard my Calvin horror stories.
Yeah.
I can't sit with him.
So I go to this church and I pull up and went, well, this is a neighborhood.
And then I pull up and realize I see like a crowd of people in front of a house and there's all these like canopies up.
So he's turned his garage into a church.
I did.
Yes.
And but it's like, it's not like six people sitting there awkwardly, you know, like something that would be like an episode of the office or something.
It's like legit.
He has it all lit real nice and you go inside.
It's like the atmosphere changes.
But you are sitting on a driveway and pointed upwards.
That's right.
We'll talk more about that.
So this is a story about how Ethan joined a cult.
Thanks, guys.
So yeah, Pastor Craig Hamilton of Church.
Now we say church 242.
Yeah, it comes from Acts 242.
It's biblical.
Yeah.
It's usually, if it's 242, it's usually Acts.
Yeah, right.
There's probably some weird 242s in the Bible.
We can look them all up.
We'll go find all the 242s.
Dan, start looking up all the 242s.
Yeah, so we got an interview with Zuby coming up on the next one, Tuesday.
Tuesday's interview day.
It was awesome.
Zuby rapper.
Subscribers.
Yeah.
Oh, subscribers, what?
Oh, yeah.
Subscribers get it early day early.
So, yeah, come check out our Zuby interview.
That was fun.
Yeah, it was great.
And we've been getting some great comments on YouTube.
We see you guys.
We see you guys commenting.
We're going to read some of these.
Regina says, self-deprecating humor is great.
If you can laugh at yourself, pretty much anything anyone else says cannot hurt you.
This episode really hit home because I have come to the same conclusions.
Last year pretty much sucked.
So I decided in January to use this year not only to tell more people about Jesus, but to use my powers of humor, sarcasm, and smart, buttery to reveal the truth and defeat the powers of darkness.
That was on the John Branion interview video.
She's talking about telling people about Jesus and we have to bleep part of her.
That's borderline, though.
That's a PG source.
That's PG.
PG.
We go hardcore.
Now we had the Lego skit that just went up where I get killed by Legos.
And so this person, Moose, says, I bought these Legos to place around my house in case of invaders.
Now the mailman, three squirrels, two Mormons, and a few Girl Scouts are all dead outside.
Ben asks if you're wearing Guyliner.
I can confirm I was not.
I never sleep.
Just naturally occurring Guyliner, I guess.
Hey, you're amongst friends, bro.
Come on.
It's all good.
I have a goth persona that I live out.
And then so impressive Estri says, I love you guys dearly like you are my sons.
Sons that are significantly older and fatter than me.
You're talking about Kyle.
So it is with utmost compassion, kindness, and respect that I say to you, the plural of Lego is not Legos, you big dummies.
I'll have to go back and look at the original article, and I feel like I didn't do that in the original article.
So we're going to blame our scriptwriter.
So in the script, it says Legos.
Someone says, or the voiceover guy says Lego.
Or do I say it?
Yeah, I don't know.
Someone says it.
Wait, what?
What is the plural of Lego?
You're supposed to say Lego bricks.
Oh.
That's how Lego always describes their bricks.
Legi or something like that?
Yeah.
Legi.
That sounds like a Mormon prophet.
Legi, first and second Lego.
This person from the last Bee Weekly show, there's a few comments.
Yeah, we got a little rapid fire.
Y'all are great.
And then the boomer laughing emoji.
That's boomer now, right?
That's boomer now, yeah.
Because if you laugh, you have to be like a skull or something.
I can't say that.
Yeah, the dead skull or the flames or stuff like that.
They don't like that.
Yeah, they don't like that one.
Keep up the great work from Edward Nelson.
G-Man says, I'm not sure I'd call Adolf Hitler a secret racist.
Worst kept secret ever.
That's so true.
Did we call Hitler a secret racist?
I don't remember.
And then afterwards says, thank you for helping me rein in my enthusiastic drive to be incessantly negative and mopey about the state of things.
Be best.
I like it.
Be best.
Be best.
All right.
Hey, guys, you can subscribe to the Mammal Mb and you should do that.
Yeah, we got a new deal going on.
We have a deal, though.
And so for a limited time, you know, usually you get our copy of our smaller book that was published a few years ago, How to Be a Perfect Christian.
But for a limited time, you're going to get our new book.
If you subscribe to the book, big fancy book.
It's like basically the subscription, an annual subscription.
This is $100 for a year.
It's about $8 a month.
This book is like, if you buy it from us, it's like almost $40.
So you're almost getting half of like a free, I mean, half off.
Yeah.
And this book is so cool.
I'm going to show it to you.
$5.
Look at that.
Look.
Dude, Patrick ran.
That was awesome.
He got the look from me.
He got the look.
I'm going to show it to you and how cool it is.
Look at this guy.
Oh, this is actually the one that's a prototype.
This is the prototype before it came out.
We got this thing.
This is absolutely beautiful.
It's amazing.
It's full of color.
It's got this thing, this handcrafted by embossed cover that Ethan spent four years designing.
Yes.
And the whole book.
It is like premium coffee table status.
Glorious.
This is a great deal.
I don't know how long it's running for, but do it before Seth realizes how much money we're losing.
Yeah.
We're never going to financially recover from this.
With that, let's get into some weird news.
This news is weird.
Suspected drunken driver speeds into school's mock DUI demonstration, nearly striking students.
So they're doing a demonstration of why you shouldn't drive drunk.
And they hear this weird coming around the corner.
He almost hits them.
As a 64-year-old guy, the students smelled alcohol in his breath.
So I don't know how far away he was.
Did you guys ever do this in high school?
The DUI?
Yeah, the DUI thing.
It's done in the quad.
Okay.
So I'm trying to figure out how the dude got into the quad.
It's not done in front of the school.
And all I can imagine is like, I don't know if this is my brain how it works, but I was like, can you imagine if this guy just trying to drop off like lunch to his son or something?
And he's like, Billy, where are you at?
And he's got the lunch out the window.
Well, it says he yelled at them, but it didn't.
He rolled his window down and started yelling out of it.
Get out of there.
Another detail I liked is that they searched his vehicle and they recovered a container of homemade booze.
There it is.
There it is.
So he had like a moonshine still in the back of his car and another plastic bottle with some alcohol in it.
Yeah.
That's a drinker.
Pastor Craig, can you turn this into some kind of sermon illustration on the spot?
Are you able to?
Oh, let me think about this.
But does it have to be like good or bad?
Did he let Jesus take the wheel?
There it is, right there.
In the car of life.
In the car of life.
Yeah, I don't know.
And just keep your eye out for any gospel connections as we go through the news.
Was it a divine appointment that he appeared?
He ended up right there to DUI.
It seems like there's something there.
Holy Spirit.
There's a God thing.
There's a God thing.
It's a God thing.
I think he wanted to get caught.
That's the thing.
Okay.
Conviction.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I knew you guys would be here.
Or he wanted to.
Deep down.
He wanted to wipe them all out and then he stopped himself.
Oh, geez.
It got dark real quick.
Well, I felt that because I know.
I was laughing when I was reading the headline and it says like almost striking them.
I'm like, oh, geez, like that could have been really bad.
That could have been bad.
All right.
We got tire slasher leaves severed finger behind on woman's driveway.
So this Arizona woman, I was reading this.
So she found some guy and like, hey, I want a party or whatever.
And they hung out and then stuff.
And then I guess they got mad and he was drunk and he left.
So I guess he went and she woke up the next morning.
They had heard some screaming apparently in the night.
And she went to her car and there was a finger there.
Her two tires were slashed and there was a trail of blood leading to his apartment.
Oh my God.
So he was.
I assume in the process of trying to slash the tire, he got his finger in the way and cut his own finger off.
Oh, I'm going to say what you're all thinking.
Did they dust for fingerprints?
No.
I was going to say he left her a knee.
He left her a tip.
He left her a tip.
He really gave her the finger.
Oh, good.
Man, the dad jokes are popping right now.
That's awesome.
He didn't follow the rule of thumb.
Don't cut off your thumb.
Oh, man.
All right.
That's all I got.
Are we quite freaking?
He's too good for me.
He's tutor for these jokes.
All right.
You want to take the next one there, Pastor Craig?
Oh, yeah.
The breakfast taco full of crystal meth found at a TSA agent's from the Houston airport.
So they're trying to get it through security?
I don't know what they're trying to do.
What does the thing say?
Yeah.
They announced Friday that security offers a hobby airport in Houston discovered a breakfast taco full of eggs, cheese, and a bag of crystal meth.
Oh, oh, this isn't a problem.
It's a new PX taco that's outs to get rid of that quarantine fat that we all got.
Pretty sure that's what that's all about.
So it's in their luggage.
There's a strange lump inside the taco.
I mean, can you get a taco through security in the first place?
Yeah, you can't take food through, I don't think.
Are you allowed to take food?
I mean, you can't take drinks.
I don't know if you're allowed to like stuff a taco.
Yeah, you can bring snacks.
My wife brings snacks.
Yeah, you can bring a taco with you.
Does it say that it was found in the luggage?
So they put tacos in the luggage.
Yeah.
Who does that?
So they saw the taco and they, oh, because there's a strange lump in it.
Because I'm like, who opens it?
It's like on the carry-on and they've got the...
That'd be messed up if you just put a taco in there and they'd open your taco.
Yeah, come on, dude.
It's tacos.
That's what I'm thinking here.
Especially if Doritos Locos.
I mean, a social contract being breached.
I was thinking of the Dorito, they have those Doritos Locos burritos at Taco Bell.
There's like a secret menu and you say animal style or something.
And you drop some meth in there.
Animal methyl.
In and out.
Crazy animal style.
It's like, yeah, can you get it to me street style?
Why does it buy taco control?
12 grand.
Can I get the Heisenberg taco?
Yeah, the Heisenberg.
So this is pretty cool.
I love this story.
A Lord of the Rings online player leveled a Hobbit to level 130.
And he did it in the most Hobbit way possible just by cooking pies.
Only thing that made sense to me there is Hobbit.
Yeah.
Pies didn't make sense to you?
Pies.
Yeah.
But in a game?
Yeah.
It's a game, right?
So, Lord of the Rings Online is a massively multiplayer online RPG, like World of Warcraft or whatever.
I've heard it.
So, probably when it first launched, you could only get up to level 20.
130 is high?
130 is really high because that's like really in-game.
That's like players who have been playing since it first launched.
Because what they'll do is when they launch it, it's like it's level 20, and then they do an expansion the next year, and they go, Now you can get to level 40, and now you can get to level 60.
And so, this guy's been playing for a long time.
So, it's like a Dragon Ball Z hobbit, yes, floating in the sky, Super Saiyan Hobbits.
Yeah, but he only good with pies, but just for pies.
That's it, it's only pies.
Oh my gosh, that's fantastic!
Right, yeah, a television station controlled by the Islamic Republic of Iran censored over 100 broadcast shots of a female referee during Sunday, Sunday's British soccer match between Manchester United and how do you say the name?
Talton.
Oh, Tottenham.
Okay.
The reason that they had to censor is one of the assistant referees was a woman.
Shocking, though, as it seems, Islamic Republic leaders do not allow women with their hair uncovered and bare knees to be shown on the state-owned TV.
Wow.
So, Pastor Craig, did Paul say whether women can coach soccer?
Referee soccer?
No, no, he did not say that.
I don't know why.
Dude, the Amish have been dealing with this for years, and they just turned off all their TVs and just said, We're done.
You don't need all this hair and I know that Paul says when you're watching a game with your wife, that she's to remain silent until the game is over, and then she can ask questions about the plays later.
Yeah, but I don't know about referees.
I wish I watched sports.
Well, it applies to movies, too.
Does it?
Okay, I gotta let my wife know.
That's fine.
Actually, she's not, it's the kids that are bad.
I'm the bad one.
They constantly ask, why is he doing that?
What's his goal?
We reference your article about that all the time.
Oh, yeah, I made an article about that.
That article you wrote about wife unaware that the movie will answer all her questions if she just pays attention because I'll be like, hey, what happened?
Why is it?
And then I'm like, oh, yeah, the movie will answer your question.
We'll just dryly say to each other, like, you know how movies work, Kyle.
It's like they introduce questions and then they answer them later.
We like quote your article all the time.
A woman in Poland called animal control.
That's great.
A woman in Poland called Animal Control because of a croissant that she thought was a dangerous animal.
Now, I could see thinking a croissant was an animal.
Do you think it was a dangerous animal?
And the best part is it was stuck in a tree.
Yeah, it's up in a tree.
You saw something in a tree and go, what is that?
Did you?
Did you read like they said that it was probably somebody just trying to feed the birds?
Yeah, they'd be like, how do you feel a whole croissant toss it out the window?
It's like a millionaire feeding the birds.
Croissants for all the birds.
I know.
You're supposed to give them Wonderbread or whatever.
Yeah.
Leftovers.
Or how big is the bird?
I know.
Just hucking a croissant.
The bird was on keto, though, so I didn't want it.
For real.
I like that the inspectors came to that conclusion.
Like they're like dusting.
Oh, it must have been to feed the birds.
Oh, she thought it could be an iguana or a reptile.
An iguana is a reptile, just to be specific.
Yeah, or other reptile.
Or other reptile.
The lady said that she refused to open her windows because she was afraid the animal would get into her house.
Yeah.
I wouldn't be scared if it was a croissant.
But, you know, if it was like a Stargazer pie or something like that.
We talked about that with Zubi.
That's the piece of fish.
Yeah.
And you'd be like, what is that?
A weird spaceship?
What is that?
All right.
James O'Keefe of Project Veritas has been booted off of Twitter and now he's suing for defamation.
So he posted this footage where he had like a hidden camera footage of a CNN employee basically saying, oh, yeah, we're.
What do you say?
It's like, yeah, we're fake news.
We are fake news.
Basically, that's how I'm saying that's exactly what I'm saying.
I joined CNN to, it's in here.
He was going on about how they like the protests and oh, that's great for ratings and all this stuff.
And they're the ones that got Trump out of office.
Yeah, this is okay.
Look, what we did, we, CNN, we got Trump out.
I'm 100% going to say it and 100% believe that if it wasn't for CNN, I don't know what Trump Trump would have got voted out.
I came to CNN because I wanted to be a part of that.
Yeah.
So then I guess that's you can't post that on Twitter.
Well, Twitter just banned him and said, you operate fake accounts and manipulate, you manipulate our network to promote your content, which doesn't really make they actually suspended us for that once.
That's when they suspended us that random time.
It was like, you guys operate a bunch of fake accounts.
And we're like, what?
It was just this random.
It was kind of like their blanket excuse to get someone off without it really saying why.
Yeah.
And no evidence of that?
Just because what does that even mean?
I don't have no idea.
What is evidence nowadays?
I mean, for real.
Yeah, that's racist.
I don't know.
Or something.
Is it?
Oh, it's Craig's up again.
Sorry, we do it.
It's a circle.
Oh, it's a circle.
So I should probably just get more of a triangle.
You got number nine, the Oregonian.
The Oregonian or Oregon Onion.
There it is.
All right.
Issued a tweet assuring.
So it's a magazine or something?
Or a paper?
It's the big newspaper in Oregon paper.
Yeah.
That it was only a white guy who was killed by the police, so no one needed to write or loot.
Oh, this is a good one.
Yeah, they tweeted out the man who was killed was white.
It was a white male in his 30s, according to the source.
With knowledge of the investigation, the Oregonian or Oregon Live is identifying the man's race in light of social unrest promoted by police shootings of black people.
They then deleted their tweet later and claimed it was not intended to minimize what happened, only to provide context.
Context.
Oh, wow.
The quiet part out loud.
For real.
Wow.
Guys, guys, guys, he's white.
So a guy who was shot by police.
He was white.
He was white.
Don't smash up at Starbucks yet.
Our beloved children at NotToB.
Yeah.
Our beloved child not to be posted this.
There's this guy.
I'm trying to read this without reading it like it's BuzzFeed.
Marvel at this beast.
There is an insane video where a man grabs a bobcat off his wife, yeets it halfway across his yard, and then chases it down with a gun.
What is when did Yeet become a word?
I was wondering this.
Is that a word?
It was like three, four years ago.
Yeet was a word.
Maybe I missed it completely for three or four years.
It's gone now.
That's a boomer.
It's a boomer.
Adam's trying to relate to the kids, but Yeet is already out.
It's already out.
Yeah.
So what's the new Yeet?
Like, there's this weird noise.
What's that noise that they all make now?
Like, she's too old now.
I don't know.
Oh, man.
I can't keep up.
Comments?
Tell us what to do.
Tell us what's cool and we'll do Yeet on the podcast.
Our commenters are all boomers, too.
So my favorite part about this video is the guy, you see him on his video.
He's like, Good morning.
And he's like, and then it's like eight seconds later.
And he's like, I'm going to kill this.
Please.
Yeah, yeah.
He goes, oh, Sam Jackson on the bobcat.
Well, because the wife has like an animal cage thing, and she walks up to him.
And it looked like the first time I saw it, I thought she dumped a bobcat on him from the cage.
That was a really weird marital spat where she's like, you're getting a bobcat in the face.
But it turned out she was walking this bobcat on this side of the car.
It attacked her.
He ran over and grabbed it and he's holding it like this.
And he just tosses it.
The best part is, he looks at it.
He doesn't realize what it is.
And then he looks at it and he screams at it.
It's a bobcat.
And then he's like, oh, like a baby.
Did you see how far he threw it?
Yeah, he lobbed it.
Needs to be a new sport, y'all.
Like, for real.
The Bobcat toss.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Like the hammer throw.
Yeah, you might even say he yeeted it.
How did yeet originate?
It was unclear, and I think that it's kind of evolved into being like chucking things or launching.
It didn't mean that at first.
He didn't mean that.
It was just like, yeet.
Yeet.
People just said it.
He yeeted it.
Yeah.
Yeet.
And Frank was saying that Bob Cat is actually the CEO of Cats.
Bob Cat.
Oh, he's the inventor of the cat.
The inventor of cats.
And the inventor of cats, Bob Cat.
Yeah.
Sad.
Well, I'll take this last one because I'll get to the last one every time.
Idaho man reclaims Guinness record by catching 107 tennis balls in an oversized bucket placed on his head.
Look, it's our man David Rush again.
Oh, the same guy.
Same guy.
Are we going to get him on the podcast?
Yeah, we should get him on.
To promote STEM.
Yeah.
So Kyle hates Guinness records, especially the dumb ones.
So we always make him read one every week.
Oh, I'm with you then, Kyle.
I saw you getting offended by that.
I appreciate that.
It's just the biggest waste of time on this planet.
Thank you.
It's like, let's see how many, I can do a Guinness Burker World record.
That's what I said.
I'm going to lay down and I'm going to lick as many envelopes as I can in an hour.
Let's see this mug.
Just bam, making it happen.
This is the Lord's anointed one.
I like that he did it with his frequent collaborator, Jonathan Hollywood Hannon.
Did he give himself that middle name?
His name's Jonathan Hollywood Hannon.
You didn't give yourself a nickname.
His frequent collaborator.
So Hollywood.
Oh, that's funny.
All right.
That news was weird.
Hey, for all our Orthodox coffee drinkers, check out this mug, Decaf, Condemned as Heresy, available in our store, Babylon B. Store.
It's beautiful.
Is it BabylonB.com slash store?
I don't know.
Nobody knows.
Shop.babylonbee.com.
Oh, that you were way off.
Look at this.
Decaf condemned as heresy.
Amen.
And if you put decaf in it, it explodes.
It burns your face.
It disfigures you for life.
Oh, my gosh.
All right.
So we're going to go on to a round of everyone's favorite game.
Ask Pastor Craig.
Oh, yay.
So first I wanted to talk about, one of the reasons I had you on is because we are the church 242.
We've been meeting in your driveway.
And what's the story of like, how did you end up being a driveway church?
Yeah.
Well, it's not very funny, but it just, the pandemic hit.
We're about five years old.
And so we were meeting at a school.
And when the pandemic hit, we got a call from the school and said, you're no longer allowed to meet here.
And we just said, well, what are we going to do?
And we really felt like God didn't tell us to stop.
So did you ever do just pure online church?
We did it for the two weeks that, you know, the mandatory shutdown.
Yeah, where everybody is like, wherever you're writing.
Yeah, everybody was in a panic.
We had, you know, the TP crisis of 2020.
And like, you know, that, that whole thing going on.
And so we just, we sat back and, you know, really in prayer.
And I was just kind of like, God, what are we really supposed to do?
Like, I don't want to kill anybody, you know?
And he just said, keep going.
And I was like, where?
And he's like, you got, you got a driveway.
You got it.
You got a garage.
So we changed our whole garage into like a sound studio and we just started filming from there.
And then we, you know, let people be adults about everything.
We said, listen, if you want to come, if you want to come, come.
You have freedom to be part of this if you want or not want.
And we had the cops come a couple times and just be like, what are you guys doing?
Like, church?
Okay.
Thanks for stopping by.
Like, you know, like, do you want to stay?
I don't know what to do.
You can't miss it on the, on the, has it, has it grown since you've done it?
You know what we have?
Like, it's, it's been growing.
Our online's growing.
The people are showing up.
For Easter, we had over 200 people show up to my driveway.
They were parking like three blocks away trying to get to church.
And my neighbors are amazing because they haven't yelled at me yet.
So that's good.
Yeah.
So we're in the process right now of trying to find a building because A, we can't stay in our driveway forever.
And then B, you can't rent any place.
So the pandemic is still going.
So they're like, well, how many people do you have?
I'm like, we have like 200 people showing up.
And they're like, yeah, we can't rent to you.
So we're kind of caught in that catch-22 right now.
And so we're just trying to build up our funds to go get a building.
And we have an opportunity.
And so that's what we're doing.
We're trying to raise up enough to get that building.
So cool.
So and I, my understanding is the deadline is at the end of this month.
The end of this month.
So the people that own the property said that they would hold off all things until, well, pretty much they're going to wait to see what we can do until the end of April.
So that was really nice of them.
I mean, honestly, it was a blessing.
So yeah, this is a great property.
So we'll see what happens.
Cool.
And we're close.
We're close to raising that money.
So if anybody feels like helping throw some money in to help us get that building, there'll be a link in the show notes.
I don't know if there's a short link that we can just say.
I know if you go to church242.com.
Yeah, you can go there.
It says giving.
You can click on that.
Okay.
It's any giving to the church ends up going.
Do you want to take traditional fiat currency or do you take cryptocurrency?
Right?
Precious metals.
I'll take precious metals.
I'm good with that.
Yeah.
Just mail them.
Just mail them too.
Bitcoin.
Dogecoin.
Dogecoin.
Now that's it.
Yeah.
Goodness.
Was it ever weird and scary having church in your driveway?
Did you ever have like airdrops?
Do you ever have weirdos show up?
I mean, you have police show up.
You got 200 weirdos.
I was like, you come on.
It's got to be scary.
His family came.
They have this crazy people.
And they know where you live.
Yeah.
I think that was the biggest thing is like, well, everybody knows where you live now.
So it's like we're online.
You can see people, you know, even though when you're looking at it online, you can't tell how many people are there.
Yeah.
So that kind of, I think, has saved us.
I think if we, if we panned back and you saw everybody, I'm sure we'd have people call.
Well, it's online now.
So yeah.
I gave it.
I gave Dan that video game even over 100 people.
Yeah.
But, you know, almost no, there's some people wearing masks.
People sit on the lawn if they want to wear masks.
If you don't want to, you don't have to.
And that's something I loved about it.
I mean, it's just nice to see people smiling and sitting together and doing church.
So, yeah.
It was a blessing.
So.
Cool.
So if I show up in my triple mask and my face shield, will I be ostracized?
You can come in a hazmat suit.
I'm cool.
Okay.
Does anybody ever walk by not from the church?
It's like, put on your mask.
No, I have not had that yet.
I think there's because there's so many people there.
I think they'd be like, ah, we're outnumbered.
Let's just keep moving.
And there's a lot of older people that go and they're not wearing their masks.
They're just like, I think.
But the older people are the ones that are like pushing no masks.
They're like, I hate these things.
I'm sick of it.
Yeah.
Anyways.
Yeah.
Well, how many deaths have you had in the church?
Zero.
Thank Jesus.
It's a good thing that was zero.
Zero, yes.
Matter of fact.
Yeah.
COVID related.
Yeah.
A lot of people from our church have had COVID, but the reality, like, they never got it from us.
So, which is they can trace it back to other people.
So you're not a super spreader?
No, we're not a super spreader.
Thank God.
So we're doing our best to be, you know, like I said, guidelines and all that.
But people are people.
We have freedom in this country.
So we're going to stay with that.
When I got there, I loved it.
I was like, this is what the church should be doing.
I wanted to support it.
So now we're going to play the little game of sin or not sin.
Oh, and then if you wanted to donate, there's, we're going to have a link.
Did we see that?
Yeah, we have a link.
Yeah, so yeah, there'll be a link.
Church42.com, 242.com.
To make an offering for the church's new construction.
Please do.
Please share.
We got till the end of this month.
I think we got pretty close.
It's like you're trying to raise $450,000 and we're like $50,000 away or something.
Yes.
We were trying to raise $450,000 in two months.
And that's crazy.
And we're $50,000 short right now.
So if you're rich, if you own a satire site, you're CEO of a satire site.
Or if you're Elon Musk.
Or if you're CEO of Rocket Company or CEO of Cats, Bob Cat.
Way to bring it back.
That's good.
All right, we're going to play a game of sin or not sin.
This is called Entrapment, also, right?
Okay.
Definitive word from a pastor.
We could like to ask pastors all these questions.
So here we go.
Oh, geez.
Vaping, but vaping like a total cheesebag.
Like not just vaping, but vaping and looking like an idiot.
So is it a sin or not a sin?
Sin or not sin?
Not sin, just stupid.
Okay.
Okay.
That's been common.
Well, good.
Speaking the word of prophecy.
What is that?
I don't know.
I think they added that.
I think Dan added that.
Speaking the word of prophecy.
If it happens, then no.
And if it doesn't happen, then yes.
Right?
Then you have to stone them.
That's right.
I think that's how that works, I'm pretty sure.
Throwing up the sign of the horns while listening to Iron Maiden.
Oh, so if your tongue is sticking out, sin.
If it's not, then it could just be a lazy I love you.
Okay.
But you've been lazy.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, I just don't want to go out.
Like, you know, like, is it thumb or no?
I was just saying, I love you.
No.
Trapdoor to hell.
Yeah.
How about jazzer size?
Oh, that's straight from Satan himself.
But yeah, I'm pretty sure you invented it.
Yeah, at your church, do you have classes throughout the week where people are always coming to your house?
Yes, we do.
So you run jazzer size in the garage?
Yeah.
Yoga.
You know what the sad part is?
My wife does do like exercise.
That's her job.
So the answer to that is yes.
We still have jazzer size, but they just changed it to Zumba now, right?
Is that what it is?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's updated version.
Jazzer size.
Well, well done steak.
Oh, a well done steak.
I would say the sin is on the cook, not the consumer.
What if you request it?
And you're causing it.
You're causing this cookie sin.
It's better to tie a millstone around your neck.
There it is.
Well, yeah, to overcome the steak.
Reading on one of Doug Wilson's 9,000 books.
Who?
Doug Wilson?
He's not in that crowd.
Not in the crowd.
Not in that crowd.
All right.
I'm sure he's a great theologian.
Probably from Idaho.
What about Father?
He's literally from Idaho.
Is he really?
What can I say?
Absolutely nailed it.
I'm prophetic.
He's like, he spoke a word of prophecy.
I'm sensing.
His state starts with an I. I'm seeing potatoes.
Ends with dough.
That's really funny, actually.
What about following Beth Moore on Twitter?
Not a sin.
Not a sin.
How about following John MacArthur on Twitter?
Not a sin.
But you know what is a sin?
If John MacArthur follows Beth Moore on Twitter.
That would be a sin for him.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Converting to Catholicism.
Sin or not sin.
Oh, pass.
Let's pass on that one.
For those who don't know, the cackling laughter in the background is our resident Catholic.
We're passing on that.
Reading Relevant Magazine.
I don't know.
That was so five years ago.
I love the name relevant.
You can't name your thing relevant.
You can't do that.
Okay.
That's my journey.
Yeah.
Gosh, I can't read that one.
I think you should read it because now I'm interested.
Watching Game of Thrones.
Not a sin, but I've never seen it.
Okay, but then if you saw it and it was horrible, then you could change your answer.
I could, yeah.
Is there a TV show that is a sin to watch?
Oh, that's a good one.
Is there a TV show that is a sin to watch?
No, I don't everything goes teletubbies.
Playboy channel.
All good.
There you have it.
Rifle and password.
Wow, we went from teletubbies to playboy in one shot.
That was well, that's funny.
I'll ask it because my wife's not fat at all.
So we know this is my wife I'm talking about.
Well, nobody's wife here.
I've got to be careful, man.
Telling your pregnant wife she's fat when she's clearly fat.
Is your wife pregnant?
No, my wife's not pregnant either.
Telling your wife she's fat?
Telling your pregnant wife she's fat.
You should never think.
Wait, pregnant wife.
You're fat.
Who would say that?
I was wondering this.
Oh, this is Patrick's question.
He has no wife.
I think.
Patrick's not allowed to write the questions at all.
Can't worry.
Wife questions.
Patrick, you're not married, are you?
Like lying to your wife.
Yeah.
Oh, it's out here.
So lying to your wife.
Are you allowed to lie?
False witnesses.
I see.
I did say you need to restate the question in a better way.
That would be, you know, reworked that one.
Like, define fat, honey.
Yeah.
Oh, that's not a good answer either.
What I was.
All God's children are beautiful.
What I was shocked by when my wife was pregnant was that she got really offended when people said, man, you're huge now.
Yeah.
Like, it's not her fault.
See, that's what I'm saying.
It's the baby.
She's a victim of a baby.
I think the sad part is I've always been chubby.
So if that ever happened, she'd just be like, well, I'm not as big as you yet.
So we're good.
I just figured she looks at me and goes, I'm good.
Yeah.
Slamming the door in a Mormon missionary's face.
Come on.
Is that a sin?
I'll write sin.
We're going to go with sin on that.
You should probably invite him in, give him a Pepsi or something.
And they just keep coming.
Yeah.
Give him a Pepsi.
Trick them into drinking a Pepsi.
I know, right?
Church member calling you for counseling at 3 a.m.
Sin or not sin?
Church member calling at 3 a.m.
Yeah.
How do they get my number?
They know where you live.
They're knocking on your door.
They're knocking on my door.
I got the ring on now.
You can't come in.
I don't think it's a sin.
Actually, that happens more times than you think.
So lots and lots of those.
Doing DMT with Joe Rogan.
I can't even.
All things to offer you.
DMT.
Can you actually pronounce the D IOS E?
I don't know what it's saying.
Yeah, it's, yeah.
If you can't pronounce it, it's a sin.
It's one of those spiritual, like native Indian drug things.
Yeah.
And so you get in touch with the spirit of the wolf.
It's a machine else.
And it's in every single one of us.
It just unlocks.
I think it's what John was on when he wrote Revelation.
Yeah.
According to Joe Rogan.
Oh, so heresy's here.
So let's see.
We didn't say heresy.
What if you loot a local GameStop and get a PS5, but you're doing it for justice?
Like you say, hey, I'm taking this, but.
Well, as long as it's a peaceful protest, I mean, actually, I don't think it's stealing because they're just giving it to you now.
They support it.
Our shop is open.
You don't have to break our window.
Like, just come hang out with us.
And then you're just getting back.
It's not so good.
All right, let's get tribution.
You guys ready for some hate mail?
Let's do it.
Let's dive in some hate mail.
Let me see if I...
Uh, we...
We can't edit this.
There's sometimes bad words in our hate mail, Pastor.
I'm sorry.
Okay, I can't say most of this.
So, this was a comment on our woke zone video.
Uh-huh.
And it's been a guy named Benjamin, and he says, You homophobic and transphobic people here make me sick.
I feel like I need to wear a mask around you just so I don't catch that marshmallow.
I'm not going to say it.
And then you said he said it, but so he did.
Yeah.
We have examples of this where I'm sure he would be offended by somebody saying turnip as a pejorative term or a bad word, but he feels justified to use it.
Yeah, right.
Because it's like everybody that tries to cancel someone, if you go back through their tweets, there's always stuff.
Yeah, there's always that.
But they're justified.
It's just like it's justifiable to take a game from GameStop or whatever, some Legos from Target.
Yeah.
It's context.
I don't think that you can catch.
Never mind.
It's not airborne.
Like if someone disagrees with you and you mask it up, if you have a really stupid opinion, put on the mask.
I think it's how it works.
Didn't we do that for the whole last year, though?
Yes.
Yeah, it seems like it's increased it.
I'm sorry.
That's bad.
He's got to wear at least two masks, though.
Then he won't catch it.
All right, we're going to move on to our subscriber portion where we're going to ask Pastor Craig more questions.
We're going to ask him the 10 questions.
We've got bonus hate mail too.
And that's fun.
And it's going to be awesome.
We wanted to mention that if you love the Babylon B, you want to hang out in the subscriber lounge.
We have a couple other websites.
We have a real news site called Discern.
Actual news.
And we have NotTheB, which is another actual news site, but done in a funny way.
Yeah.
Can't believe it's not the Babylon B.
So if you want Hilary's headlines, go to NotTheB.
And we have a three-in-one bundle that gives you premium access to all three sites, including we have like a kind of a mini social network.
Yeah.
It's kind of like a forum, social network.
It's like a filter for cool people on the internet.
Yeah, if they're cool, they're on there.
Yeah.
If they're not cool, they're on Facebook still.
Users.
All right.
So check it out, BabylonB.com/slash plans.
Babylonbee.com slash plans is a little bit $15 a month for the bundle deal where you get access to all three sites and all the comments and social network there.
All righty, right?
That's really cool.
All right, well, let's go to the lounge.
All right, let's yeet ourselves over to the lounge.
Here we go.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscription.
Pastors are not products.
You know, just because you give an offering or a tithe doesn't mean that we're going to like, you know, sing and dance and do all these things for you.
You know what I mean?
Like, pastors are people.
What's the first thing you would do as president?
Oh, I'd probably get impeached.
I'd probably be the first thing that would happen.
But why are they impeaching you?
I'm sure it's probably because I've said amen to something so that a woman have you punched anyone or been punched?
Yes.
That a good story?
Nope.
Nothing to this.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to babylonbee.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.