California Cancels Thanksgiving, but keeps BLM Protests/ACB Orders Handmaid's Outfits, and Democrats Propose More Coyotes News Show 10.30.2020
This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/30/2020. In this Spooky episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the Babylon Bee being mentioned at the Senate hearings and the week's top stories like another amazing Guinness World Record that Kyle gets so excited about, ACB ordering all Nation's Women to Wear Handmaid's Outfits, Democrats Proposing to stop Coyotes by distracting them with Decoy Roadrunners, and after Thanksgiving being banned, Californians turning to Turkey Barbecues in Honor of Black Lives Matter. Kyle and Ethan also share their favorite Horror Movies, TV Shows, and Books all in time for you to enjoy them before Halloween. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail. Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more. To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans. This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie. Introduction Kyle and Ethan joke about Jack Dorsey dressing as a homeless man during his remote senate hearings and being referenced at the Senate hearings. Stuff That's Good Kyle likes Geeks Under Grace Ethan likes Flor De Selva cigars Weird News World's longest gum wrapper chain created by 70 year old retired teacher He began the feat back in 1965, which is when Gum chains were quite popular Gary's record breaking chain came in at a mind boggling 106,810 ft. Gary says as someone with no special skills that he has to do a lot of hard work in order to succeed in getting a world record Woman allegedly posed as prosecutor, dropped charges against herself Lisa Landon used the state's electronic system to drop the charges and submitted fake documents in three separate criminal cases last year. A forensic examiner who was supposed to perform a competency evaluation on her, noticed the charges were dropped. Landon also falsified a judge's decision to waive a filing fee and faked an order in a child custody case involving her child and a family member Police ID pastor accused of urinating on female Delta passenger: 'He peed on me!' According to the passenger named Alicia Beverly, told police she woke up on the plane around 2:45am to find a man urinating on her. After Beverly yelled 'He peed on me,' the Pastor said "I peed on her, I thought I was going to the bathroom" 'Big Pile' of eels dumped in NYC park; impact not yet known After dumping the eels in the lake, the man walked away, explaining to bystanders that "I just want to save lives" New York has a long history of people releasing animals. In 1890, Shakespeare enthusiasts released a flock of 60 European starlings(birds) that destroyed crops and snarl jet engines California billionaire Bill Gross accused of blaring 'Gilligan's Island' theme song on loop at his neighbor Gross was frustrated that he was forced by the city to take down a series of lighting and netting that blocked the neighbors view. The neighbor told Gross to turn the music down and he responded "Peace on all fronts or we'll just have nightly concerts big boy" Prescription drugs reported in children's Halloween candy after California event At a trunk or treat where kids would get candy through their windows, Police reported that a mother called after she found a resealable plastic bag with four blue pills and a white tablet in her child's bag of candy Recommended to parents to go through their children's candy piece by piece before they eat any of it Headless horseman brings music, double-takes to Concord, MA Man rides bicycle with no hands playing guitar while in a headless horseman costume Bicyclist says he has started to play the trumpet instead of the guitar on some days He has fallen, he said, but no serious falls as the headless horseman though Story 1 Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation's Women To Wear Handmaid's Outfit Summary:WASHINGTON, D.C.—After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaid's outfits for the rest of their lives. "Execute papal order 66," she said, her eyes glowing red. "Implement the theocratic state." ACB was confirmed on a party line vote in the Senate 52-48 with only one Republican Susan Collins voting NO. 'No': Graham Shuts Down Democrats' Attempts to Delay ACB Vote Graham says that after what they did to Kavanaugh he is a changed man and didn't seem to have any tolerance for what they were trying to do. Democrat Harry Reid got rid of the rule requiring a supermajority to end debate over a nominee in 2013 so these narrow votes are able to get through. Story 2 Democrats Propose Stopping Coyotes By Distracting Them With Decoy Roadrunners Summary: After Trump brought attention to the coyote epidemic at the southern border during the debates, Democrats on Twitter are offering unique solutions to the problem, such as setting up decoy roadrunners to distract the coyotes. Trump brought up coyotes bringing immigrants over the border. Liberals freaked out on Twitter and it was hilarious. https://twitter.com/SophNar0747/status/1319524700721192967 USA Today Factcheck: Fact check: Trump did not mean actual 'coyotes' take children across the border A "coyote," also known as "el coyote" is a term for people who smuggle others across borders in exchange for payment. Story 3 After Thanksgiving Banned, Californians To Hold Turkey Barbecues In Honor Of Black Lives Matter On November 26 Summary: CALIFORNIA—Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates. Californians all announced they are complying with the plan and instead of celebrating Thanksgiving will be holding Black Lives Matter turkey barbecues scheduled, coincidentally, for November 26. Topic of the Week Scary Stuff We Like Ethan: Movies: Exorcism of Emily Rose Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness Bad Taste, Dead Alive (Braindead) The Babadook Troll 2 Birdemic the Thing (Kurt Russell) Get Out Shaun of the Dead Gremlins Spielberg's War of the Worlds The Monster Squad Riki Oh Dead Heat Books: Brave Ollie Possum! Babylon Bee Writers recommend the Cat which has a kung fu fight between a cat and dog Kyle: Movies: New Blumhouse series - The Lie, Black Box, Nocturne, Evil Eye. It Follows The Witch Misery The Shining Cabin in the Woods Happy Death Day Alien Get Out The Invisible Man A Quiet Place 2017's It Zombieland Color Out of Space 1922 Doctor Sleep Black Sheep Books: The Shining Pet Sematary Misery Salem's Lot Frankenstein Something Wicked This Way Comes Carrie Lovecraft: At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, The Rats in the Walls, The Shadow over Innsmouth, Colour out of Space Hate Mail Check out some of the best Hate Tweets that are doing their best at hurting Kyle and Ethan's feelings. Subscriber Lounge Behind the Scenes Update of the Studio being installed Updates on the Babylon Bee Book being sent out Kyle and Ethan read from the mailbag about their experiences with Christian Worship music Bonus hate mail from a reader that discourages Lebron wearing Lace to Basketball games Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to podcast@babylonbee.com
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon Bee.
Fake news you can trust.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee, and today I'm joined by a very special guest, Ethan Nicole, who's the creative director of the Babylon Bee and is also here every week.
Are you stoned?
Yeah, my eyes are like watering, and I feel.
You sound like if Keanu Reeves just went on like a DMT retreat and came home after like a nice long retweet in India or something.
Hot yoga in a teepee or something.
Yeah.
Where's our energy at?
I'm feeling energy.
I sound how like Jack Dorsey of Twitter looks right now with that like huge beard.
Yeah.
He's in some Afghanistan cave somewhere.
He looks like.
Yeah, he's converted to Islam.
They're doing these.
But with nose rings, they're doing these Senate hearings and they're all remote and he just looks like he's.
Oh, that's what it is.
It's all remote.
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
And he's got his beard.
He's like, hey, he's skyping with some hippie in the Senate.
Is he clothed?
Well, from the waist up.
The Senate, at the Senate hearings, Senator Mike Lee referenced the Babylon Bee.
Oh, yeah.
So America's paper of record.
I think that's what Michael McCain.
They listed us among all the stuff.
Pro-life groups, President Trump, the Babylon Bee.
They tried to, CNET posted about it and they tried to make it sound like he thought we were real news or something.
They were like.
Oh, somebody did?
Yeah, they said Mike Lee referenced news outlets such as blah, blah, blah and the Babylon Bee, which is a satire site.
But he didn't do that.
He'd say news outlets.
He just said a bunch of stuff that's been censored and then he just say news outlets.
Yeah, so thank you, Senator Mike Lee.
That's not the first time the Babylon Bee's been referenced in Congress.
It's true.
They read one guy went and testified in front of Congress and read at some length from one of our articles.
They actually read a copy of the article.
Nobody laughed.
Yeah.
We're staring like, what?
What is this?
I do love all the boomers in Congress grilling all these tech CEOs.
And they're like, how do I open PDF, Jack?
Like that kind of.
They don't open it.
Is that Joe Biden?
That's Joe Biden.
How do you open PDF, Jack?
man grilling him on like so i got this email saying i got this email from bill gates saying that uh that i was gonna get a thousand dollar check I haven't got it yet.
What's going on with that?
The tech guys are like, oh, no.
I have this theory by Jack Dorsey that Twitter just, there's actually just a homeless van outside Twitter, and they just need a face that just represents them that's kind of cool and hip.
And so these guys in suits come out and they're like, Jack, hey, Jack, wake him up.
Hey, we'll buy you a bubble tea if you come up here and be the face of Twitter for a bit.
Okay?
Can you wine Joe Rogan for us?
Can I get like a hookah or something?
Yeah, yeah.
We got a hookah for you.
We'll get a prep.
Get a hookah.
And they yell at their intern.
He's got a cardboard sign that says, like, we'll pretend to be big tech CEO for crap.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, well.
This is a podcast where we talk about cool stuff.
We read weird news.
We read Babylon Bee stories with Babylon Bee writers and talk about them.
And then we read hate mail.
And it's fascinating.
And it's a lot more exciting than I'm making it sound.
So here we go.
Let's jump into stuff that's good.
But now, this week's edition of stuff that's good.
Slap Kyle.
Somebody slap Kyle.
What'd you do last night?
Nothing really.
I'm in bad shape because our managing editor's off today and Joel and I have come to rely on him so much.
Joel.
I need Joel.
I need Joel.
Come on, Joel.
are you doing um i'm gonna for my stuff that's good this week i'm gonna talk about a website and facebook group called geeks under grace And I wrote some video game reviews for them and some video game and board game reviews for them a while back.
It's a Christian website that does like geek culture stuff.
So they talk about they do reviews on comics, anime, video games, board games.
And they have a Facebook group also, the Geeks Under Grace community that's, I don't know, a lot of Christian geek culture stuff is very like progressive or not like they don't have any boundaries in terms of content and all that stuff.
But what I found is the community is like very theologically sound and just really positive, good people.
You know, when they do review something, they'll mention like, hey, here's some, there's some bad stuff in here and this is weird.
In a board game?
Yeah, this is what these dice are.
There's some nudity in this.
These dice go against God's sovereign plans.
Calvinism and dice go together.
Exactly.
I only play deterministic games.
But when they reveal, when they review like TV shows or anime or stuff, they'll talk about like, you know, you got to watch out for this and that.
So I appreciate that.
And it's hard to find good coverage of like geek pop culture from a Christian perspective because that is such a like woke space and progressive space.
So it's really cool.
Geeksundergrace.com and the Facebook group Geeks Undergrace community.
So I like it a lot.
I'll be all over that.
I'm sure you will.
My cup of tea.
I'm just going to recommend a cigar.
I was smoking it this morning and it's called the Florida Selva.
It's one of my favorites, but hardly anybody carries it anywhere.
Matt?
Does Matt carry it or not?
Well, the thing is, yeah, I don't know.
Their prices are kind of crazy over there.
What I like about it is it's a cheap cigar.
But they might up the price over there at Matt's shop.
Part of it's California.
But I buy them in California.
And relatively cheap cigar and really good, consistently good Florida Selva.
And on the off chance somebody from the company is listening.
Yes, I will take some free ones.
And I will talk about them more.
We never leverage this for free stuff.
I know.
We need to do that more.
I talked about the band Scythian, and then they emailed me.
I'm excited.
They love Babylon B.
Oh, man.
And they sent me their album ahead of time.
Oh, wow.
So I'm listening to their album before it's out.
On vinyl?
On audio vinyl.
I mean, on digital vinyl.
Audio vinyl.
Audio vinyl.
Well, that's true.
There's a lot of vinyl.
It's not audio.
Like on a car or something.
Yeah.
Or seats.
Yeah.
So I think we've made it.
I don't know how long we've been doing stuff that's good.
Many months.
Maybe.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's your first cigar that you've never plugged.
I almost did an animal.
And then, yeah, because I'm getting there.
I'm getting down to like.
You almost recommended an animal?
Yeah, like, oh, I love this animal.
And I was like, oh, wait.
We're getting to that point where it's like, I like breathing.
See, I was recommending it.
We could broaden it and be like, this is just something that I like.
Because it's always a product.
Yeah.
Here's this product you can go buy or this website you can go click on.
It's just stuff.
It should just be, it's broad enough to just be.
Yeah, we'll figure it out in a meeting.
Yeah.
It's not on podcast talking.
Yeah.
Like, I like going to the beach.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, it's not something I can really recommend because people know about it and stuff.
But anyway, wasted time.
Yeah.
So go on a Christian website and call Geeks under Grace while you smoke a Florida Selva.
Let's do some weird news.
This has been stuff that's good.
This news is weird.
World's LART.
LART LART.
That worked well.
Missed it by that much.
World's longest gum wrapper chain created by a 70-year-old retired teacher.
This isn't a Guinness Book of World Records.
I sure hope not.
Dude, it's Girk GuinnessWorldRecords.com.
We picked this.
We may have told our friend here that writes the notes, Patrick, that he should put Guinness records in every week.
Just for you, Kyle.
Oh, man.
Triggered.
I mean, I'll admit, this one's a little more like, at least this takes a lot of time or something to do.
They started in 1965.
Which is when gum chains were quite popular.
Really?
Really?
That's what it says here.
That was the golden age of gum chains.
I remember back in the 60s.
We had gum chains way longer than the ones today.
Yeah.
Well, you know, people respected a good gum chain back then.
Nowadays, kids these days.
It's a gum wrapper chain.
Right.
You know, waste all that gum.
I don't know what even is a gum wrapper chain.
Maybe if you click on it, it'll show you.
I'm looking at it.
Okay.
So it's like one of the other.
It's like one of those weird things kids would do in junior high.
Like, do you like make a little loop and chain it?
Make a chain.
That's kind of what it looks like.
The pictures aren't very high-res.
Oh, there we go.
That's good.
Everybody, there's a lot of people on there, so each person needs a unique thing that makes me unique.
So this guy got this.
You're kind of pretty.
Gum chain.
It's kind of pretty.
It's like the future of Bitcoin, gum chain.
Gary says, as someone with no special skills, he has to do a lot of hard work to get a world record.
Or just do something really stupid.
This is like a big time waster thing.
I don't know.
Whatever.
Cool.
Good job, Gary.
Woman allegedly posed as prosecutor, dropped charges against herself.
So did she put a mannequin next to her of herself and then she dressed as a.
How'd she do that?
Well, the story says that she used the state's electronic system.
So she pretended online to be the prosecutor.
She's like, oh, actually, I think we should drop these charges.
Client is innocent.
She's like, the defendant is a very good-looking woman and very smart.
And we should probably drop the charges and give her some money, too.
And then they figured it out.
Yeah, and I guess she also used it to waive a filing fee, faked an order in a child custody case.
That's pretty crazy.
She's an excellent parent.
And the other parent is a complete, probably a serial killer.
Yeah, this would be a lot funnier if it was in person.
Like, she has the fake mustache.
Yeah.
She dresses looking like Groucho Marks.
Your honor, I move to Dr. Schmidt off charges.
Keeps pressing the mustache back on.
And then they call the defendant, and she's like, hang on, I have to go to the bathroom.
He likes that.
Um, police ID pastor accused of urinating on female Delta passenger.
He peed on me.
That's the quote.
That's the quote.
He peed on me.
He peed on me.
You'd think she'd say something while the peeing's happening.
He's peeing on me.
According to the passenger, she told police she woke up on the plane around 2:45 a.m. to find a man urinating on her.
And after she yelled, he peed on me, the pastor said, I peed on her.
I thought I was going to the bathroom, which he was going to the bathroom, but it was on a woman.
So this was like he was sleepwalking type thing?
Well, that could be an excuse.
Nobody knows but him.
Oh, yeah.
Sleepwalking.
So, yeah, he's into walking up to strangers on planes.
Wow.
Was Samuel Jackson there?
He was the stop it.
He was the founder of Love Winds.
I don't know.
Is that an organization?
Really?
That's what it says.
He's Rob Bell?
I don't think he wrote a book called Love Winds.
Rob Bell wrote a book called Love Winds.
And this guy hijacked it.
He's an ordained minister at Catch the Fire.
And that would be, if his story's true, that's unfortunate to be like, oh my gosh.
This is what I'm going to be remembered for?
That doesn't look good on your pastoral resume, I don't think.
He appeared to be awake, but yet walking as if he had just woke up or was dealing with the pitch of the aircraft as he sidestep momentarily.
The woman let out a blood-curdling scream.
Everybody's blood was all curdled up.
Yeah, my brother did that when I was a kid.
I'm laying in my bed, and all of a sudden the door kind of goes and creaks open, and I see his silhouette.
And all of a sudden, I just hear liquid hitting the floor.
I'm like, what are you doing?
What are you doing, idiot?
Because, you know, we're like, oh, he's fought.
Yeah.
And he finished peeing and walked away like a zombie.
He just sleepwalked into my doorway and peed.
At least, that's what he claims.
My turn?
I think so.
Big pile of eels dumped in the New York City park.
Impact not yet known.
Well, one impact is that there's a bunch of eels in New York City park.
Tons of eels now.
They went from no eels to a bunch.
A big pile.
Oh, he dumped them in the lake.
Yeah, so it's not like a lake.
It's not a pile.
It says in the park.
He just put it in the swing set or something.
How did he transport all these eels?
And where'd he get them?
This guy just got a bag, giant bag of eels.
He's like, well.
Yeah, because I was looking at this.
Oh, yeah.
So after dumping the eels in the lake, the man walked away, explaining to bystanders, I just want to save lives.
Is he talking about the eels' lives, or is he thinking the eels will heal people?
If it saves one life.
They're really good at fighting attacking muggers.
Guys, like, got a woman at gunpoint, and all of a sudden an eel jumps out.
Get it off me!
Yeah, so it sounds like people just do this because they do think, like, oh, these animals are in captivity.
Be free.
Oh, so he went to the zoo and stole them?
I don't know where he got them.
Yeah, we're going to read the stories.
We're going to read them.
New York has a long history of people releasing animals.
In 1890, well, that's the last time.
Shakespeare enthusiasts released a flock of 60 European starling birds that destroyed crops and snarl jet engines.
Snarl?
Is it snarled?
Maybe a paste?
Is that a word?
Mess it up, mess up, mess it up.
It's snarling it.
I didn't know that was the word.
To snarl.
Oh, no, the jet engine's been snarled.
Starling bird from Europe.
Not.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, to entangle.
Like, the bus got snarled up in the downtown draft.
Okay.
I like that they say, yeah.
So they have a long history of people releasing animals back in 1890 that this happened.
It has a long history, but just not a lot of stuff happening.
So, okay.
Big pile of eels.
Are you reading it?
Yeah, it's trying to figure out where they're from.
Yeah, like, where did he get them?
I'm really curious.
What is the source?
Okay.
Did anybody bystander attorney?
Where did you get those?
Eels that had escaped from one of two large plastic bags that split open as a man dragged them to the shoreline.
But where'd he get these plastic bangs?
I want to know where he's.
It's not normal to have eels.
Okay, so maybe he's stolen from a fish store or something.
I don't know.
They're from the eel store.
All right.
Hey, comments, if you guys figure out where he got them, leave us the comment.
Yeah, we need to know.
We don't have time to figure it out right now.
Because we're on a podcast.
Yeah, we're busy.
California.
California billionaire Bill Gross accused of blaring Gilligan's Island theme song on a loop at his neighbor.
This is like the ultimate.
This is like the ultimate.
Neighbors are all mad at each other.
Oh, you put up a fence I didn't like.
Well, I'm going to play Gilligan's Island non-stop.
So this guy, Gross, was frustrated.
I'm sad that he wasn't the guy that peed on the girl.
Because his name is perfect.
Yeah.
He was frustrated that he was forced by the city to take down a series of lighting and netting that blocked the neighbor's view.
There it is.
He's like, I'm going to blast you with some Gilligans.
Take down my lighting, and I play Gilligan's Island.
That makes sense.
Let the punishment fit the crown.
The neighbor told Gross to turn the music down.
He responded, peace on all fronts, or we'll just have nightly concerts, big boy.
That's a direct quote.
He called him Big Boy.
I like to imagine.
Billionaire guy.
I like to imagine he jabbed him in the stomach with a finger while he said that.
Yeah, tapping on his sternum.
Nightly concerts, big boy.
Why Gilligan's Island?
Why not like Drowning Pool or something?
Gilligan's Island isn't that.
I guess it gets stuck in your head, right?
I'm too old to remember the song.
Didn't they say that all of Emily Dickinson's poems can be read to that?
I don't know.
All of Emily Dickinson's poems can be sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island because they have the same meter.
He goes, I did not stop for death.
He kindly stopped for me.
There's another bonus weird news story for you.
Yeah.
Bonus fact.
I think your turn.
No?
Yeah, I read about Bill Gross, right?
You just talked about Bill Gross.
Oh, I read.
You did?
Hold on.
I did get one for three.
Yeah, it's your turn.
Prescription drugs reported in children's Halloween candy after a California event.
That's just.
A mother called and found a resealable plastic bag with four blue pills and a white tablet in her child's bag of candy.
Wow.
That really happens.
Why would you want to do that?
You got drugs.
That sounds like a mistake.
Yeah, is that a mistake?
Why would you do that?
People that have drugs want them.
They don't want to hand them out to kids.
So Aunt Celeste is a little bit more.
And this is like a phone number.
It's a drug dealer.
And it's like, want more?
Call me.
Aunt Celeste is sitting in her car handing out bags of candy.
She's a blind guy.
She's like, oh, where are my drug bills?
She's like, yeah, nightly.
She's got her little tray that has Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and there's like Snickers and one.
And candy corn.
Don't know.
This is the most delicious medicine I've ever had.
Headless Horseman brings music, double takes, to Concord, Maine?
Massachusetts.
Massachusetts.
Massachusetts Emmy.
Yeah, thank you.
Wait, what?
Headless Horseman brings music, double takes.
Maybe we just need to read.
He brings double takes.
A man rode a bicycle with no hands playing guitar while in a headless horseman costume.
He said he started to play the trumpet instead of the guitar on some days.
This headline's terrible.
It needs to be.
It's horrible.
What is happening?
He has fallen, he said.
Let's rewrite this headline.
But no serious falls as the headless horseman, though.
What?
Man rides through city in Massachusetts, not Maine, with no hands, playing a guitar while wearing a headless horseman costume.
How do you have play guitar with no hands?
You have fork things?
Little these things?
I don't know what you call those.
You know, you don't have hands, you get them cut off.
He has hands.
Why does it say no hands?
I'm looking at the picture.
He has hands.
Man rides.
Oh, because he doesn't have any hands on the bicycle.
He's playing the guitar.
So this guy was being silly.
That's the headline.
The headline is man is silly.
Man in Massachusetts was so silly.
He has fallen, but not seriously, he says.
He did fall.
Oh, he has fallen.
They asked him, like, how do you do that?
No hands?
Oh, I've fallen.
Oh, I fall.
But not seriously.
Okay.
I guess that was our Halloween weird news.
It was the Halloween one.
Hey, Halloween is tomorrow.
Ha ha.
We can talk about some horror movies in a little bit.
Yeah.
The first, Stories of the Week.
This episode is brought to you by Small Group the Movie.
This is a Christian movie that's a comedy that's funny.
That's right.
It's from a filmmaker.
It's about a filmmaker who infiltrates a small group while making a documentary about the dwindling influence of Christianity in America.
Yeah.
He goes like undercover.
What's this?
Small camera.
Okay.
Oh, it's undercover, so it's like a binoculars.
It's a hidden camera.
He doesn't like look with the binoculars.
He goes in and infiltrates.
Our friend Kira Davis, who's been on the podcast a few times, said in her review, Small Group isn't what I've come to expect from Christian movies.
Well, that's a relief.
It's not cheesy.
It is really well written, acted, beautifully shot.
I laughed out loud a lot, but then there were moments I actually cried.
I don't do a good Kira Davis voice, but that's what she said about it.
Yeah, you shouldn't even try.
I'm not going to try.
It's available on DVD or Blu-ray.
You can watch it at smallgroupmovie.com or digital streaming on Amazon.
Smallgroupmovie.com.
Cox Media Radio host Tim Bryant described Small Group the Movie as a hundred-proof, unfiltered reform theology that manages to hit you in the heart without hitting you over the head.
So check it out, smallgroupmovie.com.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaids outfits for the rest of their lives.
Finally, it's happening.
She said, execute Papal Order 66.
Implement the theocratic state.
Her eyes were glowing red.
What is with those outfits?
Why do they have the giant white bonnet?
I don't get how that adds to being a sex slave.
I don't know.
Right?
A giant white bonnet that makes it look like a thing that is supposed to keep them from gnawing on their itchy spots or something.
Like a dog.
That's the thing I'm going for.
Which is.
You know.
The thing is that if men took over and were like, women are our slaves now, wouldn't they not make them wear like.
Yeah, well, some must be into it because have you ever seen the FLDS?
Yeah, that's true.
They're into they all have the same dress and they have the same weight.
They call it the wave or whatever.
It's like, whoosh, whoosh.
It looks like a giant loaf of bread on their head or something.
I can't explain it.
The demon bread with demon bread on their head.
Yeah.
So I guess the leaders are really into that look or something.
Yeah, I guess if it's a theocratic thing, I mean, that's what you do.
Like Muslim countries where it's all like the, you know.
Yeah.
Wouldn't it be like, yeah, swimsuits or something.
It's so funny.
It's like this handmade steal.
It's like, what if Christians took over?
Yeah.
It's like when nations are founded on Christian ideas, it's just kind of like this classical liberal democracy.
Right.
It's like you're talking about a Muslim.
Yeah, like at the very beginning of the Bible, God gives them the opportunity to sin or not.
Like, that's f that's part of Christianity.
He says there's a tree trying to eat from that tree.
He's like, You do you.
Yeah.
Eat from the tree.
I'm not going to make you wear some crazy red dress and the weird giant hat.
Just, you know, I prefer you didn't do that.
Eat the tree.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know quite know what's going on in Handmaid Steel.
I tried to read it.
It was painful.
So I didn't keep reading it.
But it's a show, though.
You can watch that's for people who don't like to read.
Yeah.
I could watch it, but I didn't like the.
Yeah, it doesn't.
Everyone I know who's really into Handmaid's Teal isn't someone I would want to hang out with.
So I figured the show is probably not for me.
Are they barefoot?
I feel like barefoot's a bad thing.
Wait, who's barefoot?
Oh, the women.
The women?
Handmaid's Tail?
I don't think so.
Pregnant?
I think they were too.
They got special shoes made for slaves.
Two.
Women's slaves.
Shoes.
Wear these.
She's wearing brown boots.
They were brown boots.
Oh, brown boots.
Good to know.
Good to know.
Yeah, so now we know.
I like, yeah, I love this whole.
I mean, it was crazy.
ACB got through fast, right?
I mean, I was thinking it'd be a much bigger fight, but they kind of couldn't, right?
I don't know all the technical words, but the smart things in your head.
All the smart things they did.
Or the thing, like, is it Harry Reid?
They basically, like, last time with Garland, they like changed all the rules, so now they couldn't even fight it.
Yeah, because you used to need to have a super majority.
Supermajority.
That's the word I was looking for.
And I think it's like, what is that, 60?
So now it can be really tight.
Now you just need over half and you can move on to a vote.
Yeah.
So that's how they've been able to force through so many judges.
I mean, I say force through, just past judges because that's just the law.
So yeah, there was a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth.
But it wasn't as dramatic as Kavanaugh, anywhere near.
Yeah, not at all.
So smart nominating a woman because they just can't go after her as bad, right?
I kind of wonder why he didn't do it the first time.
Like why he went with Kavanaugh first and didn't go because it seemed like Barrett would just coast through.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Maybe it ended up being good because that was the big political fight.
And now we have all this stuff going on and it was just like, whoop.
Yeah, I was going to put Barrett right through.
So 52, 48 vote.
Only one Republican voter.
No, Susan Collins from Maine.
What's up with her?
Which is ME.
That's the ME, Maine.
Yeah.
You know, there's this hilarious guy there that rides around in a headless horseman costume.
Really?
Yeah.
That's what they're known for.
Oh, in Massachusetts.
Oh, that's in Massachusetts.
Dang it.
He's falling down sometimes, but not serious.
Yeah.
So.
Only hilarious.
He only falls down hilariously.
Yeah, not seriously.
So Justice Barrett, welcome to the Supreme Court, ninth member until Joe Biden gets elected and puts 500 people on the court.
Yeah.
Is there any chance they don't do that?
Is there any chance they don't pack the court?
Oh, they're going to.
You think so?
Right.
Does it become what happens then?
What if they?
That's going to be one of the main things they're worried about once if Biden wins.
And what's the recourse?
Do like Republicans keep things sue, and then it goes up to the Supreme Court who then listens to the case and says yes or no?
I don't know all the smart stuff that happens.
Smart goods stuff, smart words.
Yeah.
Government.
Civics.
Yeah.
Do you feel like because a lot of people, when I, you know, when Trump was first nominated and I was like, hey, not vote for this guy, he's crazy.
But they were like, hey, it's worth it just for the Supreme Court, man.
A lot of people said that.
That's true.
Pretty vindicated at this point.
Like, imagine if Hillary Clinton got off of one of those appointments.
Yeah.
Man.
He'd just be slam poet.
I don't know.
A nation full of slam poets.
I'm just trying to go with the Supreme Court would be if it was just pure liberal, like just nine slams.
Home circles and they're just all doing drugs and like having abortions left and right.
Yeah.
So then the plaintiff comes forward and they're like, or the defendant or whatever, and they're like, yeah, the state of Colorado is making me bake this cake.
And it's just, and they're like, and then they're like, that's fascism.
They're like, love is love.
Love is love.
You're a fascist.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Water is life.
Water is life.
Science is real.
And Black Lives Matter.
And Black Lives Matter.
I mean, everyone jazz hands.
Yeah.
Now pass me that bong.
So we're glad that the Super Corps doesn't slam poets.
Yeah, instead, they're all in handmaidstale outfits.
All right.
After Trump brought attention to the coyote epidemic at the southern border during the debates, Democrats on Twitter are offering unique solutions to the problems, such as setting up decoy roadrunners to distract the coyotes.
So if you didn't know, Trump brought up coyotes during the debate.
Right.
Like, how did all these children get here?
Which is apparently.
I didn't know this because I don't watch all your weird drug deal shows that you watch.
Breaking Bad.
Well, Breaking Bad doesn't.
Oh, El Chapa.
Did they ever mention the word coyotes in Breaking Bad?
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just remember that turtle.
I didn't know the term either, but I didn't immediately assume that he meant animals are dragging children across the border.
I went, oh, that must be a term for people.
Something I don't understand.
Smuggle.
And sure enough, a coyote, also known as El Coyote, is a term for people who smuggle others across the border in exchange for payment.
Like, couldn't you just quickly Google it?
I think they just immediately assume.
Anyway, you continue.
No, I don't.
Yeah, so like I'm admitting here that I didn't know what a coyote was, but I also didn't tweet about it.
Like I also didn't come on there and be like, oh, I can't believe this.
Coyotes.
Trump.
So we have this compilation.
This was, I think, put together by Sophia Narwitz on Twitter.
And you can click on it.
And it is just, we'll put it up on the screen.
There's tons of blue checks.
You can click on it on the little show notes.
Should we read a few off?
And here's a bunch.
We'll read the best ones.
These are all.
I don't know which ones are bad.
These are all verified accounts on Twitter.
Blue check marks.
Authorities on Bluefield or whatever.
Wow.
Please explain: children are brought here by coyotes to me.
I'm certain that's not literal.
This one's like all caps.
Oh, my word.
What children are being brought here by coyotes, you loon?
What does children are brought here by coyotes mean?
Did Trump just say children were brought to the border by coyotes?
Coyotes?
I'm just reading all these just like coyotes with exclamations.
There's so many.
Ah, children being brought to America by coyotes.
Of course.
I've seen a lot of coyotes here in SoCal, but I've never seen one carrying a kid.
I don't think the comment of these children were brought here by coyotes is the strongest argument here.
Not the coyotes being blamed now.
Everyone knows about the migrant baby-grabbing coyotes.
Oh, you read this one about SoCal.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Children are brought here by coyotes.
Yes, Leslie.
Everyone knows about the migrant baby-grabbing coyotes.
This lady says, I'm still stuck on this coyote comment, y'all.
And then a whole bunch of laughing faces to my Hispanic people by a raise of hands.
How many were carried over here by a couple of coyote or drug warlord?
And then, oh, and then there's like a shrugging lady and then a laughing face and then a flipping the bird and then effing racist idiot.
What in the heck?
Except for all.
She's cussing.
Here's one.
Hot dog.
Coyotes are so much smarter and capable than I ever give them credit for.
I apologize for underestimating you.
I like this back and forth.
This guy says, children are brought here by Codys.
WTF, Donald Trump.
Reply.
I thought I was tripping when I heard that.
Reply.
Bruh.
Reply, y'all laughing, but dude, dead serious.
He's dead serious and prepared these responses.
Unreal.
This lady says, did real Donald Trump just say 545 kids they can't find their parents for came over through cartels and coyotes?
How the heck does a coyote bring a whole human across the border?
Lord, stop talking.
Holy flowerbed.
Coyotes are bringing children to America.
He has said some crazy flowerbed.
This is beyond insane.
The night is still young.
Biden Harris to save America.
Amazing.
I need to.
Do we have the David Hogg one?
Oh, yeah, the David Hogg one.
David Hogg.
I'm going to Google it, David Hogg.
Imagine.
Here's David Hogg, a Harvard student.
Imagine calling the immigrant parents that bring their children to the United States for a better life coyotes.
The level of xenophobia is sickening.
So he thought it was a racist term for parents.
And then he tried, I think he tries to save it.
And he says, I know what a coyote is.
T has a history of generalizing anyone coming across the border.
These parents are not coyotes.
The vast majority of kids come here with parents.
He's trying to lump everyone together.
Hmm.
So save.
Good save.
Good job.
Yes.
I love USA Today did a fact check.
Fact check.
Trump did not mean actual coyotes take children across the border.
Thanks.
Thanks, USA.
Actual coyotes.
Is it worse that they did the fact check or that they had to?
I still picture this fact-checking panel at USA Today that sits there.
What could he ever do?
Yeah, first they believed it.
So did they talk to any coyote zoologist people, you know, that study coyotes?
And they're like, has there ever been any pattern of coyotes dragging children across the desert?
The scientists actually bring a coyote in.
And they take a child there.
Let's find out.
Clipboard.
They did everything they could to prove that what Trump said.
Actually, who would, I guess that wouldn't be.
I'm trying to think of who would want to prove that it actually happens.
Yeah, I guess that's a good idea.
There's going to be a conservative group that believes Trump meant actual coyotes.
Yeah.
And then they try to recreate it.
Yeah.
I guess they wouldn't want it to be true, right?
Because then it would be that Trump was right.
Yeah.
You know what Trump to be right?
So.
All right.
Well, coyotes.
Coyotes.
Good job.
All I can think of is Wily Coyote, of course.
Well, I guess that was in the joke.
Yeah, that was the joke.
That's all I can think of, too.
He's got his Acme child capturing kit.
He gave up on Roadrunners and now he's just going after small children.
These are way easier.
They're so dumb.
You just put a little toy tractor in there and you get them.
I'm just thinking he paints the photorealistic tunnel on the water wall.
There's just a kid smacked against it.
He just peels it off and puts it in the suitcase.
Oh, my gosh.
Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates for each person.
So no sharing.
Is that real?
Well, that part is true.
Okay.
There's a satire.
In order to celebrate Thanksgiving, Californians have decided they will cancel Thanksgiving and instead hold Black Lives Matter turkey protest barbecues.
Okay.
And they're just coincidentally scheduled for November 26th.
Perfect.
So make the turkey the official poultry dish of Black Lives Matter.
Before we dig in, everyone, Black Lives Matter.
Agreed?
Agreed?
All right.
Pass me the cranberry sauce.
Let's take turns reading the actual.
Yeah, so this is, I mean, it's so close to being real that's hilarious.
No more than three households, including your own, may gather.
So Aunt Celeste.
The nice part is, yeah, you can be like the cousin with the boyfriend who just got out of prison or whatever.
You can be like, sorry, we can only do three households.
Yeah, only three households this year.
Sorry about it.
So yeah, sorry, you're a weird guy, boyfriend guy that steals our silverware.
Can't come.
I like this one.
The host of the gathering.
Who's that?
Is this patriarchal?
The host.
The husband or wife.
Whoever owns the house.
Whoever is the leader.
Yeah.
They must collect all names and addresses of those attending.
Can you imagine we have to come in?
Can you just write your name and address down in this book?
We have to collect all of them.
Can you get your finger on it?
What is the point of that?
They're going to trace the virus back and be like, what are the names and addresses of everybody who's here?
They want to do this contact tracing where if you have an outbreak, then they go, hand us the list.
We'll go to each household and find out where they're going to bob your cheek and everything.
I get it from like an epidemiologist.
I said that completely correctly.
Epidemiological.
Epidemiological standpoint.
But no, I'm not doing that.
All gatherings must be held outside.
You can go to the bathroom.
Thank you.
I love that.
It's so nice that California government decided to let us know we can go to the bathroom.
They gave us permission.
I am allowing bathroom rights.
Inside, you can.
So you don't have to go to the bathroom in the bushes.
Thank you.
If the bathroom is frequently sanitized.
So you might need to hire a sanitizer person that stands there and every time.
Next.
It's like when you go to like a fancy hotel or something and they have the guy standing in there with the holding the paper towel.
Does anybody like that guy?
And they want a tip.
Yeah, they want a tip and you don't want him.
I'm like, I could just pull it out of the thing.
It's the closest that I've felt I've been to being assaulted.
Like women have been assaulted much worse, but like it feels like I'm being a thing forced on me and I have to, then he wants my money and like it's just really pushy.
That's exactly like rape.
No, it's exactly.
I distance myself from that.
I would distance.
It was a distancing.
So it's like you're but I feel like I can relate when that guy's there.
You know, it's like I'm being catcalled.
You're going to the bathroom.
It's not rape, but it is that like, you know, you're being suddenly you're an object.
You're going to the bathroom.
He slides in under the stove door.
Yeah.
Paper towel?
He's like, it's like, yeah, it's as if he kind of like slides right next to you as you're at the urinal.
He's like, nice flow, bro.
You know, he's just kind of like there.
He's got the towel right there.
Like, there's towels behind you.
If you move, I can grab a towel like a human.
Like a human.
Stupid.
Oh, my gosh.
I would hate having that job.
They must hate their job.
So thank you, Gavin Newsom, for letting us.
Can we read them all?
Use the bathroom.
You are allowed to gather in an open park, three households only, again.
But there are no concurrent gatherings with people you know in the same park.
I'm trying to figure out how they.
What does that mean?
So the same three gather people can't concurrently.
So, if you come with your three households and I go with my three households, that's not allowed.
Even if we're separate and not talking.
No.
We can't be like, oh, our other three family households over there by the swing set.
I like how he talks about being governed by science as if this is what the scientists can.
So here's what we're thinking: three households.
But then what if they have another people that they know in the same part?
Yeah, wait a minute.
Got to think of all the loopholes here.
The science says no.
All seating must be socially distanced.
All food must be in single-serve, disposable dishes.
So you can't have the turkey on the table.
The turkey has to be on a giant styrofoam platter.
You have to have individual, like, I don't even know what this looks like for Thanksgiving.
Paper plate.
All food must be in single serve.
But that's what I'm saying.
Like, you can't have a buffet table.
Single serve.
So you can't have a.
A giant pot of mashed potatoes.
Like, according to what I'm thinking is that means that's not allowed.
No seconds.
No seconds.
You can't go back up and get more.
Well, you can throw the plate away and get a new plate.
Yeah, but the way I'm reading it.
You can't you?
No, you can't.
You actually like have to be handed a dish of just and you have to have latex gloves.
I don't know.
And you have to eat it through a mask.
Well, that's our next item on the list.
You must wear a mask at all times, unless you're eating.
I like how useless that is for Thanksgiving because you're eating the entire time.
The entire time.
You can only gather for two hours maximum.
Two hours and one minute.
Pandemic!
It's like, oh no.
What time is it?
Oh, no.
I got the sniffles.
11:01.
I'm getting the fever.
Get out!
Everybody, get out!
You've got the best one.
I saved the best one for you.
Thank you.
Singing is discouraged.
But if you must sing, you must wear a mask and sing below a standard speaking voice.
So this is talking.
And then if you're going to sing the Thanksgiving song.
Thanksgiving.
I love Thanksgiving.
It is so yummy to be turkey on Thanksgiving.
And then all of a sudden, Uncle Herb is like, Thanksgiving.
Hey!
Hey!
Don't you just killed us all!
We're dead!
My favorite part about this rule is that it's below a standard speaking voice.
Yeah, like you talk.
But don't sing too loud.
It's sing quieter than you talk.
What is the creepiest singing?
Yeah, it's like the guy who's going to go murder somebody and they're sneaking up on him and they're like, time to go and murder you.
Like they sing a dumb song because they're in like a bad movie.
What other context do you sing under your speaking voice?
Or it's, you know what it is?
It's like if you're in a choir or in a group of people singing and you're not really good at it and you don't like it, you don't know the song.
Yeah, or like you don't know the words to the words.
Yeah, good, good.
Holy, holy one.
Who you are.
Like you know that one part and you sing part loud.
Yeah, you don't know because what it is, is when that second verse comes in the hymn.
Yeah.
You know the like, oh Lord, my God.
And the second one, you're like, yeah, there's the Mr. Bean skit where he's in church and he's like trying to keep losing something.
And they're singing, Hallelujah, hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
That's perfect.
So guys, we've gone to the scientist.
Gavin Newsom talked to the scientist.
Singing is okay.
We got good news.
You may sing.
It's discouraged.
It's discouraged, but if you must, it's allowed.
The science says you've got to be.
There's a guy singing and they're like, do you have to?
All right, if you have to do that.
I guess.
We need a Thanksgiving song, though.
There isn't any good Thanksgiving songs.
Jingle Bells is a Thanksgiving song.
Yeah.
I'm going to talk about this movie in our topic of the week, but there's a song on the movie Bird Demic called Hanging Out With My Family.
I think it'd be a good Thanksgiving song.
Okay.
Let's go on to speaking of scary things like Gavin Newsome telling you what you can do for Thanksgiving.
We're going to move on to topic of the week, which is scary stuff that we like.
And now, the Babylon Bees Topic of the Week.
All right, guys, this is basically a giant bonus edition of stuff that's good.
Yeah.
But specifically, horror.
Stuff that's scary and good.
Stuff that's scary.
Hey, that's a good.
Stuff that's scary.
And we still have the screaming goat.
No, it's still scary, I guess.
So, well, before we start, just assume that all of this stuff is not appropriate for children.
Yes.
And Ethan's stuff is probably really disturbing.
Yeah, any of these check ahead of time.
I tried to leave out anything that has any really bad sexual stuff or whatever, but like, still, you always forget.
You're like, oh, I've totally forgot.
I know, you watch it with your family.
You're like, ooh, oh, there's a whole sex scene here.
I forgot about that.
I toned it out because I'm so holy that I just tone them out.
Like, all your stuff that's good is like that.
Yeah.
Your cigar probably has like a naked woman on the wrapper.
The cigar you recommend today.
You're like, oh, by the way, there's some disturbing content.
It makes you swear.
I'm just kidding.
It's full of swear words.
So here's some scary stuff that we like.
I'm going to mention first, there's a new series on Amazon Prime that's called Welcome to the Bloom House.
And they released four horror movies all at once.
And it's the Bloomhouse Productions that did like paranormal activity and all that.
And they're not really horror movies as much as they are like kind of psychological thrillers.
They did The Lie, Black Box, Nocturne, and Evil Eye.
And I thought each of them was worth watching.
The best one was Black Box.
It's kind of a kind of like get out.
Really good.
nocturne was creepy a good little movie that's kind of it had an interesting message about like the the the real fear in the movie was the fear that you're not going to amount to anything in life And that was like the fear that kept pursuing this woman throughout.
Evil Eye, I'm having trouble remembering what that was about.
Oh.
The eye.
Yeah.
I think it was really evil.
It was kind of an interesting one.
It was like about the Indian reincarnation.
I guess it was set in India and they're all believing reincarnation.
They'd play it with that in the horror sense.
I thought it was going to be like an eye that rolls around and attacks people.
The evil eye is like what they use to ward off things and cultures.
Like they'll wear like an eye around.
It's like all around the world.
They'll wear this eye to like eat.
Oh, the eye curses.
It's Ronnie James Diet when he used to do this.
That was what his grandma would do to ward off curses.
Okay.
Evil Eye.
Anyway, I thought all of them were worth watching.
There's a little bit of content in them, but not that bad.
And yeah, they were just, they were all pretty decent.
It's always worth because I love trying to find PG-13 horror movies because there's actually some really good ones.
Yeah.
Not all these are PG-13, but one that's a great example of a genuinely scary horror movie, Exorcism of Emily Rose.
We've mentioned before.
We talked to Scott Derrickson.
You can look up that interview.
That's a great PG-13 horror movie.
But I also, I really like, I consider them like adult looney tunes.
Like the over-the-top, ridiculous, kind of gorefest horror movies.
Like, it's so unrealistic.
So, like, Evil Dead 2.
I mean, it's just, if you haven't seen it, it's a must-see classic of.
It's Sam Raimi who's gone on to do Spider-Man and all this stuff like that.
But it's just, it's so worth it.
And Army of Darkness, which is the other, the third one of the series, but they're just like pretty much comedies.
And then Army of Darkness is rated R, but it should be PG-13.
I don't know why it's rated R.
It's very silly and fun.
Speaking of relatively funny, I'll talk about Cabin in the Woods.
Oh, yeah, I like Cabin in the Woods.
Which is a Joss Whedon movie that really plays with all the horror movie tropes.
The whole premise is that there's like an underground corporation organization that appeases the elder gods by trapping teenagers in a cabin or in all these horror movie situations and then unleashes some random yeah, the endings are the best of that.
It just all falls apart.
Yeah, it's crazy, and so it's.
It's, it's meta humor and it's really funny.
Um, and also, Happy Death Day is another one.
It's a.
I haven't seen that one.
It's a horror movie.
It's horror movie.
Groundhog Day, oh really, and they literally say that in the movie.
They're like, when i'm sharing that, they're like, have you ever seen the Boom Murray movie Groundhog?
You know that.
So it's it's.
It's a shameless ripoff of Groundhog Day.
But Groundhog day if the mechanism for warping you back to the beginning of the day is that you get killed every day, so there's like there's like a stalker that stabs her every day, so she's trying to figure out who it is sounds pretty good, is that good?
It's quite good.
You're recommending.
I'm recommending it, so it is.
Yeah, the second one wasn't as good.
The first one was two of them and it's pg13, so there's a little bit of it's a college, so they do a little bit of like the drugs and the you know whatever, but it's.
Fairly clean for this kind of thing.
There's also these are just like, if you haven't seen them, they're lower budget but bad taste.
And Dead Alive both Peter Jackson's, like some of his first movies.
Dead Alive is just.
It's also also called Braindead.
It's.
It's just hilarious.
It's like i've never heard of that.
It's like a zombie movie.
Uh, I think it is a zombie movie.
Uh, and it's just.
It's pretty much like slapstick when there's like lawnmowers going on and we've me and my brother watched it we got stuck in a layover and we watched it in the airport and it was just.
It's so ridiculous like the visuals on the movie, like we kept looking around like could people see what we're watching?
Because we were crying laughing, because if you're watching an airport, someone could call TSA or something.
Yeah, you're like this is really dystream.
So those are fun.
I mean, get your friends together, watch Dead Alive, you'll have a blast.
Uh, another fun one, Zombie Land, Love Zombie Land.
And Zombie Land 2 was also really good.
I still never saw Zombie Land 2, but yeah, one was pretty good.
Zombie Land 2 like made fun of hippies.
There was a whole scene set in a commune where they're like we have no weapons here and they melt down weapons to get into the commune and then the zombies attack and it's like, oh no, what are we gonna do?
So I thought it was absolutely brilliant.
That's good.
So that's a fun one.
Yeah, I like when they can mix in like humor and character.
Uh, like good characters.
2017's it?
I see you have the original it on here, so maybe we can talk about that a little bit.
Did you see the 2017 it are you?
This list here is pg.
I think it's mostly.
Is that all pg13 horror movies there?
That list, the bold, the bold blade they look pg13 to me.
Yeah, so those are all pg13 ones.
There's some good ones in there.
Um yeah, I wasn't crazy about the.
I don't think i've ever seen the full original it.
That's like super long because it's a mini series.
Oh, that's not your recommendation, so that's just pg13 gotcha.
Yeah, the the the old cheesy one was cheesy.
Yeah, the new one was really good and it not just good as a horror kind of as like a fun.
It felt like a Goonies type movie.
Yeah, that's what I liked about it.
It was horror, but it wasn't, and that really captured the feel of, I think Stephen King really well.
Um, I feel like a lot of these i've mentioned in the past.
Yeah, I mean this is we're rattling things up.
Yeah, I love, I just have a love for like really bad movies that happen to be also really entertaining unintentionally for the wrong reasons.
So, Bird Demic, though, Birdemic is a slog at times.
It's really bad, but I've never seen it.
That's the so bad it's a good one.
It's so bad, it's good, and it has the song.
There's this awkward scene.
So, there's this guy, and then this girl go on a date at this restaurant, and there's nobody else there that there's a band playing, and it's this like RB black guy singing, like, hanging out, hanging out with my family, having ourselves a party.
But he's super awkward, like, you can tell like he does not want to be there singing that song, and they're dancing to it all awkwardly.
It's something you just have to see, but uh, it has like the worst bird effects, they're fighting the birds, and you can tell the actors don't know where these birds are going to be.
They're just shooting into the air, and then they just have these like bird gifts coming at them, and just like when they get shot, it just turns into like a freeze from a bird like this with like blood and just falls.
It's like literally the graphics from Duck Hunt.
Yeah, the picture.
It is.
It's like the duck hunt.
I guess it was written by a guy.
I think he's Korean, I believe.
So, that's what makes some of these great cheesy horror movies: the person doesn't really.
I don't know if he spoke great English or something, but like, I know that was the story of Troll 2.
This Italian guy wrote this script in broken English and like forced everybody to say the lines that way.
But either way, it's a sincerely made bad movie.
And I always do, I recommend it with riff tracks.
Okay, it makes it a little more bearable.
I mean, should we take the time to recommend Manos, The Hands of Fate?
With riff tracks, I would recognize riff tracks.
But it's a rough one, yeah.
That's a slow one, too.
Slow, but yeah, memorable.
Like, it sticks with you because it's so what the what were they thinking?
Yeah, you feel that it actually does give me a little bit of like a horror feel just because it's like this weird, like, filmed in the 70s.
They're in the middle of this.
The scary part of it is the thought of being on that film set and being part of that and thinking this is what I've done with my life.
Well, that's the crazy thing about Manos, is like a large number of people on the cast killed themselves or died.
I think a lot of suicides, I think.
Torgo, right?
Yeah, Torgo.
Torgo.
Yeah.
Giant knees that he had.
He had the giant knee.
He's supposed to look like a centaur or something, like on earth.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, and he's like walks around bow-legged or something.
He has giant knees.
Something like that.
It follows.
Have you seen it?
It follows?
I can't remember.
Really good.
It's kind of a heavy-handed metaphor for death chasing everybody.
But if I remember right, the whole concept is like, there's a, is it like a, have you seen it?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like a virus.
There's a guy, right?
There's like a.
You have a mic.
I think it's like a guy when you have sex with this person.
I don't remember that.
That's how it transfers to the other person.
Yeah.
Use your mic.
Go for it.
I didn't think that was the only.
Anyway, so there's like basically there's like this guy that stalks you and to kill you.
Okay.
And then you have to pass the curse on to someone else.
But the interesting thing was it's not like a guy that like runs at you.
Wait, did I see that one?
It's not like a guy who runs at you.
It's just real.
He just like slowly walks.
I did see that.
We've talked about this and I hated it.
Oh, you hated it?
Yeah.
Oh, it was excellent.
Everybody liked it.
And so I watched it.
I was like.
In the very last scene, they're like, oh, I don't want to ruin it.
But they do these great shots where the guy's just in the background, just slowly walking at you.
And I was just like, oh, it's very unsettling.
Watch it again.
You're wrong.
It could be.
And it's rated R, if I remember right.
Rated R, for sure.
I mean, there's some that are just classics.
Monster Squad.
You see the Monster Squad?
Great 90s.
Monster Squads.
Or 80s, 80s.
I always say 90s when I mean 80s.
Ricky O is like a, I think it's Japanese.
It's like anime but real, and it's like anime but real.
Like it's real people, but like he punches through people's stomachs and like he like rips their intestines out, and he's just like people are exploding.
They used a ton of gore effects in it.
It's just like so it's over-the-top gore, but it's one of the classic, like ridiculous.
He's in a prison, and he's just like there's all these, it's like kung fu, but I guess it's just horror because there's just blood everywhere the whole time.
It's like kung fu horror anime in real life.
Yeah, sounds amazing.
It's pretty amazing.
Like there's like a cop with a shield and he just punches through the shield, through the cop's chest, out of his back.
And that's PG.
No, this is a hard arc.
Okay, I got you.
The Witch.
It's a recent one that is very unsettling.
Gave me a really creepy feeling.
And almost nothing happens.
It's just like Puritans on the edge of the woods in like colonial times, kind of.
Yeah, I saw that.
It's pretty good.
Very unsettling.
Another recent one, The Invisible Man.
That's pretty good.
I like that.
More of a thriller than I think straight horror, but it was really interesting.
Made a little bit of social commentary through using this kind of invisible man thing, and it was excellent.
Dead Heat.
Emilio Estevez, and I can't remember the other guy's name.
Got a mullet, curly mullet.
Kurt Russell.
No.
No.
I can't remember.
He's in.
Yeah, it's got like an Italian-sounding name.
Guy with just look up Dead Heat.
I can't remember.
Oh, yeah, that's a better strategy.
But it's like a cop film with zombies, and it's just like Joe Piscopo.
Joe Piscopo.
Yeah, it's this crazy.
It's just fun.
It's like a fun 80s cop movie, but people are turning into zombies.
There's a scene, the best scene in the movie, where like whatever this power is that's bringing the dead to life, they're in a butcher shop.
So suddenly like ducks and pigs are just resurrecting that are like half cooked up and rotten, and they're just attacking them and they're fighting these like zombie ducks.
And then like this giant meat carcass comes out that doesn't have any legs or head or anything.
It's just like trying to attack them.
It's like a cow carcass.
So highly recommended.
That sounds amazing.
I see no downside there.
Yeah.
Let's do a couple of classics.
The Shining.
I mean, classic.
Classic Misery, another Stephen King one.
More of a thriller, but so good.
Alien.
I just re-watched Alien's good.
With my horror film, too.
Nearly a teenager's son.
We just watched Alien and Aliens.
And Alien is just such a good movie.
And it's being the thing, I would also say.
Hawkinshausen Space.
It might get categorized as sci-fi, but it's for sure a horror film.
For me, the thing is H.P. Lovecraft's out the Mountains of Madness done as a movie.
And it's so good.
I would also say I love Spielberg's War of the Worlds.
It has a rough ending, but it's an excellent ride.
And it's definitely a horror.
I'd say it's horror.
I mean, it's horrifying.
Sci-fi, yeah, sci-fi horror.
I tried to watch it with my.
I mean, he wasn't too young.
He was probably around 10, but he was too scared.
It was like the weird guy with the shotgun that they go in the basement and he's trying to take the girl over.
Well, the scariest part for him was when they got to where all the people start turning on each other.
Oh, yeah.
They're in the car and people are trying to break the car and take their stuff and take their car.
My first date with my wife.
She wasn't my wife at the time.
Was watching.
Oh, I thought you were recognized as a horror scary thing.
Yeah, the first thing I first did with my wife, there were people pounding on the doors trying to.
No, we saw War of the Worlds.
Oh, okay.
That one.
Little Shop of Horrors is one of my favorite movies.
It's underrated.
I think it bombed when it came out.
I love the songs.
One of my things I will probably never do, but I would have loved to have done at some point in my life.
I have this other side of me.
I would have loved to do theater type stuff.
I love acting and I love singing.
I would have loved to be Seymour in a little shop of horrors production and sing those songs.
But it's so funny.
It's got Steve Martin as the dentist is one of the funniest scenes ever.
He's obsessed with huffing laughing gas as he's doing his work.
And the animatronics on the plant are just crazy.
They're amazing.
I guess I don't know how many people took to animated, but it's a giant puppet.
And when you watch it, the way it moves, it's crazy.
It's very impressive, Jim Henson stuff.
A couple more recent ones.
Get out.
I like how I do all the old ones, and you're like, I'll just jump it around.
Get out in a quiet place.
Get out of this.
We've talked about it.
Amazing.
Quiet place is amazing.
I mean, Quiet Place 2 is supposed to come out at some point.
I think the pants are a quieter place.
Quiet place.
Even quieter.
Even quieter.
I don't know.
Killer Clowns in Matter Space is fun.
I watched that with my kid.
It was last.
Here's a fairly recent one.
Came out last year, I think, Color Out of Space.
This is Nicholas Cage being Nicholas Cage in an H.P. Lovecraft story.
It's a psychedelic horror thing.
It's good.
I keep hovering over it and not watching it.
I'm like, it's good, but go into it expecting campy 80s horror.
I hope for that.
And Nicholas Cage going, oh, oh, my gosh, I can't believe it.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Like that kind of stuff.
And then you'll like it.
Okay.
And if you like H.P. Lovecraft, it's H.P. Lovecraft.
Well, I would like to also recommend my book, Brave Ollie Possum.
Oh, man.
I will recommend it too.
It's just a good.
I actually just got a really great text from a comedian, Kellen Erskine, who's been on our show.
He's been reading it with his kid.
Oh, nice.
Got to have him back.
Is he coming back someday?
Yeah, I think we got him scheduled to come back.
Got to have that lounge done.
Matt, got to have that lounge done for Kellen Erskine.
I don't know.
He said, I want to let you know that me and my nine-year-old have been reading Brave Ollie Possum to each other every night.
And last night we got to the chapter where bleep that.
Flowerbed.
It was so much fun to see how much fun he was having because they're trading off reading.
He even reenacted what he imagined it looked like when spoilers happened.
Thank you for that.
Reading your book has been such a highlight of our evenings.
It's a fun, it gets funner as it goes.
The ending is very fun.
Something else you have to bleep.
I love when all the bears.
Now people are going to.
It's the best chapter, but I have to hide it because it's the best moment.
It's great.
Bleep after he says all the bears.
yeah you could you could say bears but after all the bears bleep all Bleep all the bears.
Yeah.
Okay.
1922 is one, I think it's on Netflix, which I don't have anymore.
That was me virtue signaling to conservatives that I canceled Netflix.
But 1922 is a Stephen King short story, and it's great.
Dr. Sleep, that was a recent sequel to The Shining.
The book was okay.
The movie was pretty good.
What else you got?
You got anything else?
I haven't seen this, but there's a movie called The Cat.
I think it's familiar.
It's an Asian film.
Oh, I mean, it's not familiar.
But you can look it up on YouTube, and there's a kung fu fight between a cat and a dog, and they're real, and it's not CG.
Like they like use, they like try to just make them fight.
The cat.
Cats is a 2019 musical film.
No, not the music, all the cats.
I think that's kind of a horror film.
You want to see Taylor Swift CGI'd to be a cat?
I mean, there's classics.
Sean of the Dead, I've mentioned many times.
I love Edgar Wright's movies.
Kremlins, both one and two, must-watch, so fun.
Troll 2, one of the greatest horrible.
I've talked about Troll 2.
I feel like I just I'm beating a dead horse when I keep talking about these great movies.
A lot of people jump on the podcast for the first time.
I'm going to go to the next episode and then they go back almost.
I'll rattle off some books that I like.
A lot of these are Stephen King.
The Shining, Pet Cemetery, Misery, Salem's Lot, Carrie.
Those are Stephen King, some of his best horror books, in my opinion.
And then here's some non-Steven King books, if you like reading horror.
Frankenstein is excellent.
Holds up really well.
Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury is another one that's really creepy.
And then H.P. Lovecraft.
If you like horror, you got to read H.P. Lovecraft.
At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, The Rats in the Walls, The Shadow Over Insmouth, and Color Out of Space are the ones that I would recommend to start with for Lovecraft.
And yeah, so that's what I read in terms of horror.
Also throw in, there is a HBO series called The Outsider.
I've seen it.
Stephen King, right?
Oh, it's Stephen King.
Yeah.
I read the book too.
That's a good series.
Good horror series.
Yeah, I thought they did a great job on the show.
But I haven't read a lot of horror books.
I need to find ones that are good.
To prepare for this, I googled horror novels.
It's all Stephen King.
Yeah, he just owns it.
It's like Stephen King and H.P Lovecraft.
Unless you're going to go into like really, I guess because they're always looked as like campy, cheesy, like dime store novels.
What about R.L. Stein?
See, that's what I'm saying.
It's like this cheesy.
It's never seen as this high art form, so it's not something that people really look at.
The original Frankenstein.
Yeah.
That's what I recommend.
Good read.
Oh, you did.
I did.
I did say.
Yeah, Frank.
When I was listening to you, I was trying to find that series name.
That's amazing.
Is that enough recommendations for everybody, or do you need more?
You guys should be good until next Satanic holiday.
Yeah, because you're going to have one night when you get this.
Yeah, they're like, oh, my gosh.
just flying through all these books and maybe play them all at the same time should we recommend our i don't know if our halloween special probably won't be out with the podcast but it'll be out on halloween We're putting on an animated Halloween special.
It may kill me if I get to get it done in time.
We're doing it.
Check it out.
It's a very funny cartoon.
Very scary.
Very crazy.
Very scary.
So tomorrow.
Yeah, tomorrow.
Hey, when's the RBG song coming out?
That I just can't work on it.
I can't finish it until I finish this Halloween special.
By the time I finish, no one will know who RBG is.
I'm hoping to have it.
Yeah, because I want to get it before the election happens.
Pretty much as soon as that Halloween special is done, I'm getting that song done.
Yeah.
The election is done.
I think I can get it done in one night.
I just need a night.
I don't have a night until I finish this thing.
Gotcha.
Okay, nights.
Speaking of horrifying terror, we're going to go to hate mail.
I'm Miss Adam Ford.
All right, we have two hate mails today.
These are technically not males.
Hate tweets.
Males?
Letters.
These are technically not males.
Not hate mail.
These are hate tweets.
So here's a couple of people that were upset at us on Twitter.
This guy says, he shares our article, Motorcyclist Who Identifies as a Bicyclist, Set Cycling World Record.
People always get upset when we share the identifies jokes.
So, fair enough.
And he says, don't click on the link or any of their articles because F them.
But I found the conservative onion.
And guess what?
It sucks.
All right.
All right, we got another one.
To each his own.
This lady says she shares an article.
Biden calls a lid until election day, which is no longer satire.
It's just real.
This is a conservative POS paper.
P-O-S.
Can we say P-O-S?
It's an abbreviation.
For Piece of Flowerbed.
Okay.
Yeah, I know.
I knew that.
I was going to try to find a joke, but I couldn't.
I thought you didn't actually know.
P-O-S paper that pushes Trump's lies and conspiracies.
Babylon B!
She yells it at the end.
And then it's all one word with two exclamations.
I like to picture her shaking her fist at the sky.
This paper pushes Trump's lies and conspiracies.
Babylon Bee!
Do we push Trump's lies and conspiracies?
Did Trump say that Biden called it lit until election day?
And there's like a very clearly photoshopped picture of Biden sleeping.
It looks like a child or a woman.
Oh, we're going to put his head on there.
Cool people.
His giant head.
Yeah.
It's a nice little nice drop shadow back there.
Well, keep the hate mail coming, guys.
He crushed his wrist.
You give us good content to work with every week.
Yeah.
All right, we're going to move on to our subscriber portion where we do behind the scenes stuff.
We respond to mail.
We do bonus hate mail.
And it's a good one this week.
A good bonus hate mail.
And we do some cool stories.
We tell cool stories.
I got a story.
I have a Calvin update.
Great.
Here we go.
Bye, freeloaders.
Bye, all y'all, YouTube freeloaders.
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