Doug TenNapel Guest-hosts! Christian Art In Hollywood / Mythical Riots / Gavin the Grinch - News Show 7.31.2020
In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by good friend Doug TenNapel to talk about the week's big stories like John MacArthur standing up to the real-life grinch, the government favoring Caesar's palace over Calvary Chapel, and conservatives being gaslit to believe in the riots being real. Doug TenNapel also talks about Christian art in Hollywood. This episode might be our most flower-bedded yet. In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Doug spill on behind-the-scenes stuff writing and showrunning VeggieTales, take a question from a subscriber on Christians using discernment on what media to enjoy, and have Doug undergo the ten questions!
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon Bee.
Fake news you can trust.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann, and I'm Ethan Nicole.
And with us today is a very exciting, excited guest.
Excitable.
Excitable and excited.
And exciting guest, Doug Tenapel.
I'm Doug Tanitle.
What was that?
I'm so excited, I can't even, I can't control it.
I can't hold myself in.
I need plastic surgery to wipe the smile off my face.
Speaking of plastic surgery, you just had your face sliced open.
Yeah, look at that.
Right there.
You got bit by a donkey.
Video right here.
I got this giant donkey bite all down here.
Yeah.
Made me 10 times manlier and took about 10 years off my jawline, so I'm more taut, young.
Yeah, you do look like a villain of some kind now with the scar.
Bond, like it's cancer.
It's the least manly way to die.
Skin cancer.
It's like from suntanning too much.
From suntanning too much.
From being a Southern California waif.
And you're closer to the sun than most people.
And I'm 6'8.
Yeah.
That's true.
Yeah.
So we got Doug on as a, he's a guest host today and he's going to go through the news with us.
We're going to talk about all the failures of, we're going to talk about the arts, creativity later on.
We're going to get into why are Christians so bad at art and also why is the left why do they dominate it so much?
Yeah, why are they the gist of it?
How can donkey be so dominant?
How can closed-minded people be so dominant in such an open-minded medium?
I'm just trying to find a spicy anger.
A spicy.
Can you say it?
Donkey?
No.
Was that a bleep?
Was that going to be a bleeping?
Doug promised us there would be no bleeping.
Donkey.
It's a donkey.
We're going to have to bleep him.
I actually have in our bleeps is Dave Deanna going, donkey.
Oh, there you go.
So if you say that word, he'll just say donkey over your voice.
You bleep that word with donkey?
We bleep everything.
We bleep everything.
Okay.
It's probably funny.
It's kind of funnier.
It's funny that it's like this Christian.
It's a flowerbed.
It says flowerbed.
Dan Coates.
Dan Coates.
Blake it.
It doesn't actually bleep.
It does flowerbed.
And it's especially funny that it sounds worse every time because he says something very mild and then it's like, what the flowerbed.
So anyway.
On a more somber note, we wanted to mention that a friend of the Babylon Bee, Mike Adams, passed away.
Professor at UNCW over there.
And there's still some details coming out about exactly what happened.
So we're not going to go too much into that.
But you can go back and listen to the episode where we interviewed him.
We hung out with him.
We went to the live action dinner with him.
And he's just a great guy.
His family's grieving.
His friends are grieving.
Yeah, a good guy.
I mean, didn't know him that well.
But I mean, it's kind of, you hate to see the attacks of people.
We're in this sick time where if you politically disagree with somebody and they die, it's like, oh, yeah, let's stomp on his corpse.
And so I just felt like we should at least acknowledge and say we knew Mike.
And from everything I knew about him, this great guy.
I liked him.
We mourn with those who mourn.
Yes.
Yeah, I tweeted about him and I found that the best way to find who you should block on Twitter is by tweeting about somebody that the left doesn't like when they die because it's like horrible things that people say.
Yeah, I remember when Ravi, when Ravi Zacharias died, man, that drug out some real trolls.
It's crazy.
Real sickos.
Anyway, so pray for Mike's friends and family and all of that.
Hopefully some good will come out of this.
And yeah.
Was he a Christian?
Yes.
Oh, good.
And he went home.
Yeah.
All right.
We are going to stuff that's good.
But now, this week's edition of Stuff That's Good.
I was struggling with that because it's going to be a really short segment.
Do stuff we're going to read.
We're going to go to stuff that's good.
Yeah, it's hard.
Here we go.
Kyle, what do you like?
Stuff that's good.
Where we talk about stuff, that's good.
I'm going to mention a video game this week called Gang Beasts.
You guys ever played Gang Beasts?
It sounds only the real life one of the live one.
When I was in LA.
Yeah.
So this has nothing to do with those kinds of things.
Does it have to do with gangs or beasts?
Not really.
Why is it called Gang Beasts?
I don't really know.
Anyway, if you're looking for a fun game to play with your family where you all sit on the couch, because that's how video games used to be, and you all sat on the couch and had the controllers.
Which system?
It's on like everything, I think.
So gang beasts.
You can steam, stream, steam it, or something.
People may not know that Doug Tnaple is a video game legend.
He created Earthworm Jim.
That's one thing that made him famous.
I have tons of video games under my button.
Enough to know that they're all an emasculating force.
Kyle?
Should I even continue talking about this?
Tell us about Gang Beast.
So my family has never laughed as hard as when we all sat around playing Gang Beasts because it's this game where you control the individual limbs of your character very imprecisely.
So you're like swinging and the whole, you know, you're like all on top of a building and you have to throw everybody else off.
That's the whole pitch of the game.
And that's the game.
That's the entire game.
So we'll have four of us all sitting around throwing each other off the building.
This is the thing that probably came from a foreign country and then it got that's why it's no, I forget the company that does it.
Oh, they like little blobby looking Lego men.
I've seen that.
You've seen it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gang Beasts.
Gang Beasts.
Check it out.
It's hilarious.
Throw your family into like furnaces and off building.
Yeah, throw your family into furnaces, Kyle Man, Babylon B. All right.
Well, mine's way better.
Five stars.
So I'm recommending a Twitter follow.
It's one of the best follows on Twitter.
It's kids write jokes and they have jokes written by actual kids.
So I'd like to take turns reading a few examples here.
I'll do the first one.
These are written by little kids.
What does the crocodile say to his doctor?
What's up?
What's up?
Thanks, little genius kid.
Read one.
Read the next one, somebody.
What's gray and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
A parking lot.
That's good.
That's really good.
You want to read the next one?
Yeah, yeah, me, me, me.
Why are snakes long?
Because they are old.
There's something deep.
There's something like, yeah, children.
Well crafted wisdom.
You're getting all Confucius on.
It's like Confucius says, snake that long is snake that old.
So adults need to follow this Twitter feed just to gain childish wisdom and see the world through there.
Again, this one's all caps, so I got to go kind of loud.
What did the ham say to the elephant?
You're not a ham!
I saw it more like, you're not a ham.
You're not a ham!
Yeah.
You messed up the delivery.
What did the ham say to the elephant?
You're not a ham.
There you go.
You're not a ham.
That's always.
You're not a ham.
You're not a ham.
Well, it's also the wrong you're.
This kid has bad grammar.
You're not a ham.
Okay, this one is Harry.
This is the last one.
It's a Harry Potter one.
One person is Hermione and one person is Harry, who interrupts Hermione.
So who's going to be Hermione?
I'll be Hermione.
Okay.
I wanted to be Hermione.
Okay, go.
I've got to be clear here.
I really like you, Harry, but I like your hairy butt too.
Are you going to bleep that?
Yes.
Is that bleeped?
No.
We can say but.
We can say butt.
Even though my mom listens to this book.
You can't say they're going to bleep when I say that you're donkey.
Donkey.
Which is said in like C.S. Lewis.
Like you read Narnia and he says donkey.
I didn't tell you the story when I read that book.
And then I asked my mom, I was like, C.S. Lewis said.
Donkey.
And she goes, oh, that just means donkey.
And so then I went to school the next day and I called all my friends and teachers and stuff.
Donkey, donkey, donkey.
I just used it in every conversation that I could.
It's like my friends used to call me monkey.
You monkey.
I go, you can't, that's a cuss.
Don't cuss.
They go, it's in the Bible.
They have to bleep that, right?
Oh, it's all getting bleeped.
I love that.
Hey, Dan, can we get a little bit of a word that meant fatherless son?
Can we get a bleep counter?
Like a Doug bleep counter?
Daniel's ever done one.
We'll be able to create its zero-point energy.
It's going to generate enough power for the ticker.
Well, Doug, what's some stuff that's good?
Okay, so stuff that's good that I'm excited about is I like, first of all, I love art.
I love artists, even bad artists or struggling artists, because I was, you know, every artist is kind of a madman going like, what do I make?
Why am I making this?
And then it's like, how do I make a living at this?
So I always love artists struggle.
And that's what I talk about on my YouTube shows.
I always ask them, like, what's difficult?
Because all I want to hear about is how hard it is on the way up.
I never want to hear about someone famous, how they made it.
I'm like, I don't care.
Once you made it, fine, you worked for Tom Cruise.
Okay, great.
Tell me about your sick home.
But some guy who's like just started drawing or something, they're like, I suck.
I can't do this.
I go, oh, now you're a guy I can relate to.
So my artist that I really have supported for most of my life, in fact, is Terry Taylor.
So Terry S. Taylor, he is a musician and a good friend.
And he sort of got saved in the mid-70s, right around the Jesus movement with Calvary Chapel down in Orange County.
He was always in garage bands, just loved the Beatles, just loved the Beach Boys, and brought that into his music.
And he's also a Christian.
So Daniel Amos did their first albums in the late 70s.
Right around 1979 or 80, they did an album called Horrendous Disc that Larry Norman, who's kind of the father of Christian rock and roll, agreed to produce.
And then he would not release it because he was kind of citing that he thought they had like spiritual problems.
So he kind of pulled a card on him.
So he held up that album.
So Daniel Amos goes off and writes another album.
Daniel Amos is the name of a band.
It's the band based on the two.
By the way, I was so confused by that.
Two prophetic books of the Bible, Daniel and Amos.
And so Terry Taylor's the main think tank.
He's the main lyric writer, main musician, main guy, whatever, but he always has this big, great band.
And they're very Beatles-esque is what I like about him.
Beatles, meet Steely Dan kind of stuff.
I think they would go toe-to-toe secular world, but if you're Christian at all, you're just not going to make it out there.
So they make this album called Alarma.
And the day that they release Alarma, Larry Norman released his Horrendous Disc.
The album that every Daniel Amos fan was waiting for.
Wow.
So they came on the same day?
And it just destroyed the sales on Alarma.
Everyone bought her under his desk.
So, so just this is just a musician who's just been crushed his whole life.
He has a prolific catalog of music.
The Alarma Chronicles, the first four albums, Alarma, Doppelganger, Vox Humana, and Fearful Symmetry are four of the best albums I've ever heard in my life.
He did the music on Neverhood.
Did the music on the game Doug did fully?
If you don't know about it, it's a fully claymation video game.
It's amazing.
Yeah, so this is Dreamworks.
He hired me to do this video game.
I got to pick any musician I wanted.
I picked Terry Taylor.
So he does this record that is, it's nothing like his other music.
It's just, it is the weirdest, coolest sound, legendary soundtrack.
In fact, it got like Soundtrack of the Year that year.
It influenced portal music with the Let Them Me Cake, all of his stuff that he's done.
He actually made a big dent in video game music as an artist, which I think is really cool.
So now he's just like retired up in North, up in South Washington, and he has a Patreon.
So I would love to promote his Patreon.
I just subscribed for five bucks a month.
He goes back and he plays his old songs for you, has the lyrics laid out, and then he actually explains the music.
And this is a very well-read gentleman.
Like he's read everything Chesterton, Lewis, Tolkien, McDonald, all the way back.
So he's very, very smart.
And then his music, the way that his faith informs it, is not, it's not a guy like trying to convince you of an argument.
It's just very poetic and beautiful.
The way that you'd read, you'd find like great soaring wording in like Moby Dick or Chaucer or Shakespeare is more how I would put it.
It's just he's working on such an artistic level that's so beautiful.
You'll never feel like he's preaching at you.
So even when he sings about Jesus, it is so authoritative to me.
And it really helped me through a big doubting period right in late high school, late college.
Kind of, I would, his music really helped me kind of tie a knot in the bottom of that rope and hold on.
Cool.
All right.
Doesn't sound as cool as Gang Beast, but it's almost a gang beast.
All right.
Terry Taylor on Patreon.
Terry S. Taylor.
Are you ready for some weird news, everybody?
I'm ready.
This has been stuff that's good.
This news is weird.
Well, somebody's phone's not silenced.
There's something.
Look at that.
That sounded like an iPhone.
I don't have an iPhone.
Definitely an iPhone.
Android peasant.
It was Dan Coates.
I think that was Dan Coates.
Sad.
Dan, your phone.
Dan, how could you?
Poor Dan.
It's okay.
He doesn't work in media or anything.
He doesn't know.
Goodness.
Doug's like that, Dan.
Get him a tissue.
Someone get him a tissue.
Are we ready for weird news?
Let's do it.
Weird news.
Pentagon.
That's good.
There's a goat.
We have a goat sound effect.
Pentagon has off-world vehicles not made on this earth.
So they actually have them?
He confirmed.
An astrophysicist has confirmed the government possesses materials from off-world vehicles, not made on this room.
So materials from.
So first they have off-world vehicles, but now they say they have materials from off-world vehicles.
So they, what, have a hubcap or something?
No, it's off-world.
So a hubcap would be from Earth.
It has to be something.
They'd look at it and they go, we don't even know what that's made of.
They don't know it's a hubcap, but it could be a Martian hubcap.
Okay, I heard this on Tucker Carlson.
Wow.
See, I was camping last week and I missed a bunch of news, and this is when I already came back.
He's like, aliens, that's what you missed.
They found an alien.
Tucker Carlson said, tomorrow we're going to talk about this.
It was like proof.
Tomorrow.
I'm trying to do it.
With a spittle on the side of.
He looks like an angry parakeet.
He does.
Angry parakeet and a bow tie.
So he was, he was, and he was quoting, quoting.
Is that Kyle's?
He was quoting the New York Times.
Now, when has Tucker Carlson quoted the New York Times?
Now, suddenly it's the bastion of truth when they talk about alien vehicles, off-world vehicles that they have proof of.
And the next day.
The next day, he's following.
I watched the video the next day just in curiosity going, oh, what kind of evidence?
This is going to be hard evidence.
Here comes.
And Assistophysicists goes, oh, they have all kinds of stuff.
That was it.
Like, how do they found a chunk of something and then they say, no, this is from a vehicle.
It was not that.
That was not what that's what I was hoping.
It would be an eyewitness guy saying that I saw a thing.
It was one of the guys that was tracking the tick.
They call it the Tic Tac, where they have the black and white fuzzy video of this thing going like 8,000 miles an hour.
They call it the Tic Tac.
They interviewed that guy, and it's Tucker Carlson saying, do you have, you know, have you seen this stuff?
He goes, oh, they have all kinds of that stuff.
No.
That's it?
So that's what this is based on?
So he's saying they have it.
They do not have a photo.
They do not have evidence.
I've seen nothing to back it up.
And Tucker Carlson's taking the word of the New York Times.
Thank you.
All right.
How weird is this?
From Wrigley Field Rooftops, fans, including NASCAR star Kurt Bush, get a unique view.
So that's a weird basically because there's entire stadiums with no fans in them from baseball.
They've put stands on the rooftops of the surrounding buildings.
And there's people sitting in these stands on rooftops watching baseball.
With telescopes?
Maybe.
That's going to be the worst season.
So the click on the stadium, is that what they're saying?
It kind of looks pretty silly.
It's like on top of an apartment building, and there's just like they've set up bleachers on top.
Their own private bleachers.
No masks.
Yeah.
They're all piled up.
Why can't a massive stadium social distance?
Yeah, sure, you can't pack it out, but you could at least, there's a ton of people that spend ways too much money to go to a baseball game.
So why not just sell one sixth of the seats for six times the price?
That makes too much sense.
The Florida Marlins, they're about to cancel baseball.
The Florida Marlins just canceled like two games because 14 members of the team came down with COVID.
So here they're all in isolation.
And now all the teams are saying they don't want to travel.
So they're about to shut down even the virtual baseball that they've set up.
Disappointing thousands of cardboard fans in the stadium.
Yeah, they could do virtual baseball where they just, they're at home and then like a little Nintendo Wii type thing tracks their emotions.
And it's just all we watch through.
It's just a video reality thing.
Yeah.
Just roll the dice and just say who won.
That's all they do, anyways.
It's like WWF.
They could just automate what might happen based on stats.
And we just all watched the automated 3D some of the sports channels.
They were like showing pro football players that they're playing Madden against each other.
This is what we've come down to.
I'm playing myself in the game.
It's being 3D.
Why do they make those?
Do you notice on those, the cardboard cutouts of the fans though, they're like, there's dogs.
There's like five times as big as human beings.
There's like a little tiny baseball player up at the bat.
And then behind him is this giant hydrocephalic human behind him.
It's very uncanny.
It's like a horror movie when you sit there and you see the stands with all these flat guys staring at you.
They look like that little guy in Game of Thrones.
Tearing.
Yeah.
So, Doug, read the next one.
Oh, wait.
Man's doorbell.
Okay.
Man's doorbell rings at 2 a.m.
And he checks security camera to find a creepy visitor.
It's a spider.
Is it a clickbait?
Did you just do a clickbait headline?
Yeah, if you click it, then you see what his creepy visitor is.
It's a spider.
It's a spider.
How's the spider ring a doorbell?
Maybe it's set off a motion detector?
Yeah.
Or maybe, yeah, it was just like a rammer and I just did the motion probably.
Oh, the motion over the.
So this is the news?
That's news?
Have you ever seen those video compilation of the weird stuff that happens on ring cameras?
Like someone will come out the door at 3 a.m. banging and they'll run away.
Like you think all the crazy stuff that probably happens at your door you don't see because you don't have the camera.
I'm like, I don't want to know.
I don't want to know anything.
You have a ring.
We haven't had anything weird like that now.
I just want to dress like in like an all-white outfit or something with like some happy face scrawled on it and just walk up to rings and then you probably do some good practical jokes on people.
Become famous on the internet.
And get like 10 guys around the country to do at the same time in all the different states simultaneously.
That'd be news.
That's like the happy face murders.
You hear that?
They had this theory that like guys all kind of coordinated online and committed the same kinds of murders, but they always left a happy face at the scene.
Anyway, that's a whole other thing.
That explains half my Twitter because everyone's always doing those little happy face emojis emojis.
Everybody uses those in on it.
They're all murderers.
That's the same thing, yeah.
Exact same thing.
Rude couples wedding invite blasted as they sort guests into three categories.
That's already good.
Group A, B, or C based on priority due to attendance restrictions.
So however hard the government comes down, okay, they go first.
So how would you do this in your wedding?
All family is C. That's the thing.
I'd be like, she'd probably put my family in C. At least some of them.
I think everyone puts everyone's family in C and their friends are in A.
I don't understand.
So the C people are like being told, you can come, but.
Well, they were going to have a slash list is what it sounds like.
Because they prioritized.
Yeah, they might say.
As A, people who have to come, B, on the bubble, and C, people who were obliged to invite, but we really don't want there.
And then that list got sent out.
Oh, is that what it says?
It got sent out.
Yeah, it says they blast that it was invite, was blasted.
No, it's like blasted, like criticism.
Angry criticism.
Oh, I thought blasted, then it got blasted out over the internet.
And like, all that stuff physically.
As much as we would love to have all of you join us, we are forced to split our guests into groups.
Group A, please RSVP as soon as possible.
Groups B and C, please keep a close watch on our wedding website for notice that we have space available.
Okay, that's even worse.
You are in group A.
Well, you know, that's the weird thing when you're sending out wedding invites.
There's definitely the people that you don't actually want to come, but you know that you have to send an invite.
But you also know they live far away and there's a good chance they won't come, right?
Yeah.
And it's not, it's just that when you're putting on a wedding, you know that you're going to be spending at least around $100 for each person or more.
It just costs a bunch of money.
And it's like, I don't want to spend $100 for that person to drive across the country and hang out.
I'm going to talk to them.
Yeah, we already do this A, B, and C thing.
Yeah.
Pretty much when you're writing your wedding list, you just don't send it to everybody.
It's insane.
Yeah.
So they're the only ones who told the truth and were honest, and that's why they got blasted.
That's right.
Well, yeah.
You can't do that.
You got to maintain the lie.
We also invited rich, great aunts that we knew would give significant wedding gifts or just money.
Yeah, they were group A for us, the rich people.
Also, anyone who gave us a precious moments figure, you take that thing back and cash it in.
Oh, absolutely.
Precious moments and hummels.
You can make a lot of money on those little figurines they keep giving you.
But no wedding couple.
We got like a really nice knife set and a not-nice knife set.
And we took the nice knife set back for the 200 bucks.
And just kept the bad knife.
And we kept the bad knives.
I mean, just give couples money.
Yeah.
We got some bizarre things, but mostly the money.
Money is great.
Pet cat, first animal to test positive for COVID-19 in UK.
First animal.
I thought dogs got it.
I thought Tom Hanks was the first animal.
Test positive for death.
I don't understand because cats always have coronaviruses.
Like, aren't they filled with it?
I thought they were just completely infested with coronaviruses.
Oh, they have that worm disease that makes them go crazy.
Catworms?
Yeah, it's why pregnant women can't go around cat litter.
Is there like some kind of thing that cat pee makes you crazy or something?
What's that called?
It's a little bug.
It's a little thing.
Yeah.
It's like brainworms and it makes you go crazy.
Makes men more violent, which is why they say like soccer teams.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
They all pee all over each other and they go crazy.
Wait, prone.
Soccer teams pee all over each other?
Oh, yeah, dude.
Over in Argentina, like there's so much smell of like sweat and urine.
That's why they're always having a cat pee.
They're having giant.
Well, it's the same principle.
I remember there being something I heard Joe Rogan talking about there's like some something with cat pee that like I can't remember though.
I did it in Bratfist.
He has and has a C anatomy.
It does have a C anemone.
That's from a different episode that we won't talk about.
Different awesome episode of Audio Mullet.
Of Audio Mullet, yes.
That's our show.
I don't know what's happening right now.
Okay, so the cat, how did he get it?
I don't know.
They're talking about positive.
It's a hatred from humans.
Cats in masks videos are the next big meme.
That was a joke I wrote down there.
They're going, wear your effing mask.
Why do you want to kill my grandma cat?
Yeah.
We already knew cats wanted to kill your grandma.
So they're not going to wear masks.
Plus, think of how wide it would spread if it ever was, if it was transferred through cats.
Yeah.
Yeah, those things are all over the place.
They would give it to us on purpose because they're evil.
Crazy old cat ladies, they have a double, that would be like the double, you know, two underlying death certain conditions would be age and cat owner.
Yeah.
All right.
You guys will like this last one.
I think Doug's up.
Okay.
This one is man sets up fake Chewbacca roar contest to get revenge on X. Should we play the audio on this?
It's a news cliff.
I can't remember how long it is, though.
We'll just play.
If we want to play, we can play it in the end.
And forced to block dozens of calls after her ex-partner allegedly took her phone number and plastered it on polls here around the CBD, telling people to call up and impersonate Chewbacca for a chance to win $100.
This would be the most childish breakup I've ever had.
All you had to do was be mature and go, I don't love you anymore.
I want to move on.
have been waking her and her three young children up at odd hours in the evening and they're yet to stop.
I won 500 bucks.
Well, I'm getting phone calls at strange hours of the night, about one o'clock until four o'clock.
Forced to call back the wannabe Wookies and tear down the posters.
I want to hear the Wookies.
Yeah, so there's a couple in there, but after the 40th call, wouldn't you not pick up the phone at 1 a.m.
I love that.
That is a absolute petty breakup.
Yeah, it's so petty.
And it wakes the children.
So the children are answering the phone, or they're just not siding with the guy.
The guy's a jerk, but it's hilarious.
I'm just saying, put your phone on silence like Dan Coates.
Poor Dan, man.
Rough.
Single tears rolling down his cheek.
But that's a great prank.
That's a great prank.
He was having fun.
Yeah, you can see there's little flyers all over town.
There's a picture of Chewbacca.
It says Chewbacca Roaring Contest.
There's like little tabs with her phone around.
You can rip it off and then go call her up.
No wonder why they divorced.
I see like one has a second.
It's just a breakup.
One does not.
How would he win?
How would you win the money?
I guess it said on there there's a certain date that they'll be judged and the best one will win the money.
But how would he even get the voicemails if they're being left on his exes?
Oh, because he's not going to actually give them the money.
He wanted to play.
He just wants her to get a ton of phone calls if people don't know when she offered money.
Are you playing dumb?
No, I'm not playing dumb.
Sounds like I want to know when how someone gets to the point.
You want her to sign up for this contest.
She probably got Chewbacca.
One argument they had was she hated Star Wars all that.
Yeah.
Something like that.
Even funnier.
Like a good woman should.
Who can do a good Chewbacca?
I can't do it.
Kyle?
I don't do a Chewbacca.
It's like a weird thing in the back of your throat.
He does a Hermione.
I can't do it.
I worked really hard on my Hermione.
Yeah.
All right.
Stories of the week.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
California Governor Gavin Newsom was roused from writing new laws this week when he heard a strange sound.
Was it roused?
I got to start this again.
What is this?
He was aroused.
Aroused.
Sorry, I was bad writing.
He was aroused.
He was aroused.
He's in the middle of, you know, I don't know, whatever word you want for that.
California Governor Gavin Newsom was aroused.
Not aroused.
It was Kimberly Guilfoyle and Don Trump Jr.
Interrupt because they interrupt.
Okay.
California Governor Gavin Newsom was interrupted while writing new laws this week when he heard a strange sound coming from outside his icy mountaintop dwelling.
It was those Christian singing down in Whoville.
Singing.
I guess I should have delivered this one.
You don't get to write it in this anymore.
So, man, what?
So you're not allowed to sing here.
Not allowed to sing.
Hey, you can't sing in California.
No singing in church.
Yeah.
Okay, I get it.
You can't even go to church.
I'm from Tennessee, so now you don't, you don't just have to you here.
Ex-California.
I'm surprised they let you in.
I don't know of your ways.
Yeah.
It is a foreign country.
So he doesn't let you sing in church.
There's no singing allowed in church.
No singing in church.
That's the state.
Well, you can't even go to church now or back, right?
But even when churches had opened back up, they say you can open back up and no singing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now I think you can probably meet outside or something.
You can't sing outside.
Yeah, no singing at church, I guess.
How come I see people just grinding each other on these Black Lives Matter videos?
What are you watching?
I'm watching Black Lives Matter protests.
They're all just like out in the streets.
Yeah, just pressed together.
Yeah, pressed together.
Yeah, it seems pretty dishonest to look at that and go, that's not spreading COVID, but people going to churches.
We do have a, Austin Robertson, our loyal listener who has an amazing rich voice, did a rendition, a reading.
Let's listen to it.
Atop a cold peak near California's capital.
Governor Gavin Newsom was enjoying the peace and quiet he'd earned by taking away everything fun in the state.
But then he heard something that made his blood run cold.
Singing.
According to sources, every Christian in Cali, the tall and the small, was singing without any permits at all.
The governor hadn't stopped the Lord's Day from coming.
It came.
Somehow or other, it came just the same.
What's this?
Singing in my state?
Newsome cried as he looked down at the small village of Hooville and heard the believers gathered there singing songs, hymns, and spiritual songs.
I don't understand it.
I don't.
I took away all of their joy and their hope.
I said not to sing.
I said it.
I did.
I wasn't joking or pranking.
I never kid.
Then Newsom realized something with fear.
He realized he couldn't stop Christians from worshiping here.
Maybe churches were more important than concerts or bars.
Maybe they were more than some worship with electric guitars.
Little does he know.
His heart shrank three sizes.
And he ordered the power to be cut in hopes that it would finally stop that infernal racket.
So Kyle just disappeared.
Kyle, what'd you think of that?
Yeah, he was out.
He was so offended that he left.
Cameron cut.
Actually, I think his bladder.
We've spoken many times on this show.
When he leaves the room, the podcast is about his bladder.
I thought my bladder was small.
His is like one of those coin pockets.
His is like the Grinch's heart three times too small.
Yeah, three times.
His bladder shrunk three times.
Mine's only two times too small.
That's why I'm still here and his seat's empty.
So yeah, I don't know if we're just going to cut this part, Dan, or what do you think?
No, keep going.
Let it roll.
Let the tape roll.
It's already kind of a lengthy episode.
Okay, you want me to go?
You want me to read the next one?
No, we'll wait until he gets back.
To get his response to that brilliant part out.
Well, there's more to talk about this topic because John MacArthur.
Oh, yeah.
He's back.
He's back.
What I miss.
What did you think of that Grinch?
Oh, so funny.
Killed me.
So funny.
So John MacArthur this week.
Mitt.
Braveheart.
Went all Braveheart.
Went all Braveheart.
On the Catholics again?
No, defying Grincham Newser.
Gavin Newsome's orders.
You're mixing up Grinch and Grincher.
Grinch and Newsome.
Grinchum Newsome.
Despite the orders of the governor, he said sometimes you have to obey God's laws, not man's.
And they have their giant 3,000-person church service.
I love it.
I'm awesome.
I'm with him.
It was kind of fascinating.
Yeah, they had this huge church service.
Everyone packed in.
And he was on Tucker Carlson talking about it.
He was like bragging, like, nobody was wearing masks.
We were all hugging each other.
And yeah, we're meeting.
It's just like licking doorknobs.
We're all licking doorknobs together.
We licked communion off the doorknobs.
They had one communion goblet they passed around the entire congregation.
Wipe the blood off.
He ran in about liquor stores being open.
Yeah, they had some comment about fresca.
Yeah, was it with fresca memes going around?
I guess he wanted to get a fresca and he was mad.
He couldn't go get a fresca because the stores were stores are closed.
Fresca, but the liquor stores are open.
Liquor stores are open, but he can't get a fresca.
He did not forsake the meeting of the brethren.
Yes.
Like all of you do every Sunday when you stream church.
All right.
We've been talking about it.
We got to start a home church, street church, or just go one of these churches that's open, just go there.
It's a troll church, though, if you do it now.
Yeah.
Troll church?
You're just trolling California now if you do it now.
Yeah.
I'm fine with troll church.
Okay.
Troll church.
Any church.
I'll do any church at this point.
Troll church in the parking lot this Sunday.
That is one of the amazing things about this.
I don't think I've ever missed going to church in my life until now.
Right?
Because you never have the chance to.
Like missed.
Like missed in terms of like a homesickness.
Like homesickness.
It's like he wants to hear that worship for the first time in his life.
It feels so good to get back there, even though I can't stand listening to music.
Well, I do feel like it.
I do feel like that if I miss for a couple of weeks.
You know, you start to go like, oh man, we haven't been to church in like three weeks.
You know, we had all this stuff going on.
I'm hungry for that Hill song, Spirit.
Hungry for that Joel Osteen sermon.
That Joel Osteen was definitely in.
And then there's the casinos in Nevada.
I'm not a good interviewer.
I can't even talk.
Nevada church?
This doesn't happen while I was camping.
So I'm trying to talk about it.
Oh, we didn't even talk about your camping in the intro.
Usually we talk about what happened, right?
Yeah.
You just mentioned he was in big serve for all week.
Sleeping in a camping chair by a fire, shivering.
They didn't bring enough sleeping bags for the whole family.
You mean big person?
Yeah.
It's a problematic name.
I think sir is spelled S-U-R.
That sounds kind of like some kind of college professor came up with that as a new pronoun.
They're doing big ma'am.
Sir.
Big ma'am.
Or if you don't, you're sir, but you don't want it to be the typical sir.
Anyway, yeah, the beautiful redwoods and everything there.
Yeah, so Ethan goes away for a week and he comes back and it's like, oh, yeah, Nevada banned all churches.
We can't sing aliens landed.
Cats got the virus now.
Spider at the doorbell.
Spiders at the doorbell.
Well, the rules for Nevada, like it was really interesting.
It was like, no matter how big your church is, you can't have more than 50 worshipers, even if you're like a 3,000 capacity maker.
That is no more than 50, any church.
So you have like thousands of people, this huge auditory begin to have 50 people meet.
And so their argument in front of the Supreme Court wasn't like the government can't do anything to counteract a pandemic.
The argument was, well, you're letting casinos open with thousands of people in these like grimy, you know, slot machines and people sitting on ventilators, like pumping cores in a machine all day, but we can't have 100 people in a church.
That was stupid.
And of course, the Supreme Court ruled against the church.
They can't do that because, well, okay, it only says Congress can make no law.
They didn't say anything about the Supreme Court, which makes all kinds of law.
You know, that's their charter.
I liked Gore suck.
Yeah.
Gore sucks, sucking on that gore.
Gore sucks, what do you call it?
In his dissent, right?
In his dissent, he wrote, there is no world in which the Constitution permits Nevada to favor Caesar's Palace over Calvary Chapel.
Wow.
It was like worthy of getting a tattoo on, you know.
Wow, we made it in the we made it in an actual dissent.
Are you a Calvary Chapel guy?
I went to Horizon in San Diego for about 10 years.
I dig Calvary Chapel.
Okay.
They're Bible people.
Yeah.
Hawaiian t-shirts.
Hawaiian t-shirts, flip-flops.
That was because the Jesus movement started in the early 70s.
The whole point was they were going to take the Bible out of the stodgy church and bring it to the people.
Right.
And now everyone wears flip-flops and cargo shorts to church.
Yeah.
Sad.
That's their legacy.
Ruined.
Yeah.
They destroyed everything.
Yeah.
And worship music, bringing rock, bringing drums to the church.
Throlling.
Yeah, that's a bad one.
Now it's drum machines and a DJ.
President Trump isn't going to take threats against this federal secret police lying down and has instructed his agents to dress up as rioters so the Democratic politicians will let them do whatever they want.
So Seattle Chaz collapses and what takes its place?
Portland?
Portland and Seattle have always had a sister cities, right?
So they hate each other.
It's kind of like Nazis.
They hate each other?
Oh, I thought they were like buddy-buddy.
It's buddy buddies.
They want to be the cool hip weird city.
And they're like, you know, so they're little, you know, Seattle's like, we have a wall of gums.
And Portland's like, we got a wall of moms.
We got a wall of other stuff.
You think that's what the wall of moms was?
Yeah.
To fight against the wall of gum.
To have their own.
They're always trying to outweird each other.
Portland has a giant statue of a weird onion thing in the middle of Portland.
It doesn't make any sense.
I always feel like these things are so calculated, like this wall of moms thing.
Like, like that, some strategists sat in a room somewhere and they're like, how can we make this more sympathetic?
Well, you know, women sync up.
So maybe it's related to that.
It's a naturally occurring thing to happen.
It just happened.
I'll bet none of them are actual moms.
I bet a bunch of them are.
This is a false flag.
False mom flag mom flag.
Wall of vets.
They had a wall of veterans.
Maybe some of them were the ones that inject dogs with medicine.
That's insane.
No one in all veterinarians.
They're all and they're cats with COVID.
No mom brings their baby to term in Portland.
Come on, people.
I was thinking, like, how bigoted it is to say wall of moms.
I know.
Why would they prefer them?
Is there some kind of legitimacy to moms?
Like, there's some eternal value or beauty.
Yeah, what is that?
Only in that situation, if you want to make a wall.
It's not walls are racist.
Those are the only moms they respect because it's a patriarchal system.
I was thinking if these moms did a better job raising their Antifa kids, like this whole thing.
They wouldn't have to be out there.
Locking arms.
Yeah.
They're all someone's got to do this job.
Someone's got to go out and tear this structure down.
My good-for-nothing Antifa kids laying at home playing Xbox.
I'm going to get out here with my yellow t-shirt.
So maybe these moms are trying to keep their own Antifa kids from running at the police with stuff because they're like, that's what I'm saying.
Don't come at the police.
It's the dumbest thing you can do.
So we're going to lock arms here.
And the media is just lying to us.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I didn't read.
I was asleep in a chair.
Yeah, I just assumed that these moms, like their kids were failing college or whatever, and they had to go and talk to the, come on, you know, they cried.
And they went and talked to the manager.
And now they're doing the same thing.
I think the fastest way to start a second riot in the middle of the riot that's already happening is to get a bunch of moms all grouped up.
We don't want to start too many daddy issues in Portland.
We don't want to start a war.
Bloodbath.
Yeah.
So secret police are now hauling people away in unmarked cars.
Oh, yeah.
We talked with Dan Crenshaw about that.
And hurling people into vans.
Hurling them?
Hurling.
Golong.
The clunk of the head hitting the back of the cab.
Screeching, peeling.
They need vans that have like a claw that comes out and grabs them and pulls them in.
Where are they taking them?
I assume, you know, they're re-education.
The gulags or something?
The gulags.
The gulags.
They like those.
I understand.
Yeah, I know.
They want them.
Why wouldn't they support this, really?
This is just a preview for communists.
When they get there, they have their eyes and they like open up.
It's a gulag.
I saw videos of this.
They were all shaved and blindfolded with masks on.
On there, put him on trains.
No, that was a different country.
Yeah, yeah.
No, yeah.
I just saw it on Twitter.
What do I know?
Yeah.
So, Chaz, secret police.
Though I didn't think Dan Kent had a good point.
They may not be that secret.
They're pulling up in their own daylight and greasish.
They're not trying to break cameras.
They're not doing the men in black little light thing that makes you forget everything.
You didn't see anything.
That's what the green lights are for.
It's like a men in black.
Yeah, it's for the memory white.
Yeah, but the protesters are using those, right?
Yeah.
I saw that one video from in New York where they did this.
And people were like, oh, I can't believe they threw this trans person in a van.
But I guess if you looked at the video wider, it was like they had all these NYPD officers standing around telling everybody we're arresting somebody.
It was like very clear that it was like an arrest in cooperation with the NYPD.
But they tried to just paint it as like no matter what the cops do, right?
Like, so if they're like tear gassing a whole crowd or whatever and trying to just like contain this chaos, they're bad.
But if they're also trying to sneak in and just get some of the leaders, the people that are kind of aggravating everybody and organizing, just throw them in a van and get them out of there.
They're also bad.
So like what basically they want them to just not do anything.
Yeah, what can anybody do anyways that's going to be considered good?
What can a cop do that they would say is good?
Yeah.
Is there a thing a cop could do where they would be like, we applaud the police for how they handled dismantling our protest?
Like the guy that got murdered in chaz.
They're going like, and they delayed.
They waited so long for him to get in there.
Like it was his fault.
Yeah.
When they banned cops.
When they banned cops from the cops.
I saw that one video where they were all mad that this lady tried to drive through their protest because they blocked off the streets.
Yeah.
And she's all hanging on the dummy.
Okay.
And then they're like calling for the cops.
And they're like, arrest her, arrest her.
A little note to rioters.
I'm going to go to the police signs from the Babylon B. Don't.
Wait, wait, hold on.
Doug does not officially speak to the Babylon B. Don't hang on.
Don't sit on the front of a car when it's moving.
Like that's the basic thing you teach your two, three, five-year-old.
Break the windows from the side, pound the back all you want.
Don't hang on the front hood.
What do you think's going to happen?
Riot advice for me.
I have very sting.
Yeah, there's videos going around of that in the riots.
Like there's the police, like their cars.
The people are supposed to be like, they're running over us with their vehicles.
And then you see the cop car and they're basically nudging these insane people out of the way who are throwing bottles and bricks at their car, trying to bash the windows in.
And they're supposed to sit there and be like.
Yeah, they turn to the right and the people like adjust themselves to the right.
Yeah.
And like, you don't know what maybe he's getting a call.
Like there's a fire.
This actually happened that there was a fire with a family inside the house and protesters are blocking.
It's like you don't know where the cop needs to go.
He's an emergency worker and you're blocking his car.
I have zero sympathy if I see people blocking cars and traffic in protest if they get hit by a car.
If you're standing in front of a car, you're standing middle of the car bashing bricks into like the driver's bash.
They're going to hit the gas.
Especially that.
So don't stop on the front of a car.
I mean, if you plow through them, that's a little sick, but that I kind of don't like either.
If some guy was throwing a brick in my car, I'd hit the gun.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Bricks.
Get out of the street.
It's like, I have a much larger brick.
It has wheels on it.
None of these kids have fathers.
That's why none of them were taught.
That's why we need a lot of people.
Don't stand in front of all the fathers in Portland.
And they could each go up and pick one out from the street.
Just saying, don't stand in front of a moving car.
That's just dad.
That's dad 101.
Obvious.
In the street.
Don't play in this.
Mom said, don't play in the street.
Then all the moms are locked arms playing.
They don't look both ways.
They just look to the left.
It's the failing public school standards.
They no longer teach that class.
Okay, next up.
Next up, Representative Jerry Nadler continued to insist that the violent riots across the country are a myth in a hearing today, even as Antifa rioters stormed the Capitol building and set fire to the very room where Nadler was testifying.
His hair's on fire.
There's a brick flying at his face.
Yeah, it's a myth.
Axe sticking out of his head.
Axe right in the center of his brain.
He's basically the dog that's going, this is fine.
He's the this is fine dog.
Yeah.
Persona five.
Yeah.
Do we have the interview, Dan, where he says that it's a myth?
The link's right there.
Oh, the link's in the notes if you click it.
If you want to play it right now, there's violence across the whole country.
Did you just advise the last from Antifa that's happening in Portland right now?
That's a myth that's being spread only in Washington, D.C. About Antifa in Portland?
Yes, sir.
There's videos everywhere online.
There's fires and riots.
They're throwing fireworks and federal officers.
DHS is there.
Look online.
It gets crazy, Mr. Nadler.
That's a myth only in D.C.
Yeah.
What?
The stuff about the riots, that's a myth only spread in D.C.
And it's been going, I mean, we've been getting videos out of Portland for a long time now.
I like how he's like, you know, you can Google this, Representative Nadler.
It's all over the internet.
You pull up Google.
You could search for this.
Don't know what you're talking about.
So, what are some other things that Nadler thinks is a myth?
We talked about the axe in my forehead.
It's totally made up.
Yeah.
Conspiracy by equal pay of men and women.
That's a myth.
The pay gap myth.
Well, it's true.
That is a myth, Ray.
That's true.
It is a myth.
I wonder if he could use it as a cure for hemorrhoids.
It's like he's just like, this is a myth.
Myth.
Wait, so hold on.
Let me wait.
Let's retire.
Does he use it for things that are on fire in his own body?
Oh, and he's just, you're just claiming it.
He just claimed it's a myth.
Yeah.
He's like Christian Science.
So this is like the Monty Python Black Knight gag where his arms off.
Just a flesh one.
Your arms off.
No, it's not.
That's a myth in Washington, D.C. That's a myth in D.C. Only in D.C.
I like that this is, he says, he says it with a straight face, too.
Like, he really believes it.
I believe it.
He was also the winning caller on the Wookiee thing.
Oh, yeah.
Jerry Nadler.
That's him, huh?
He's still waiting for this hundred bucks.
He's waiting for the call.
He's pranked.
Hasn't realized he got pranked yet.
Yeah, I guess he figures we live in the Matrix.
Is everything really president?
He just denies things that are actually happening.
Oh, it's a myth.
He later said, next you're going to say there's some flying spaghetti rioter out there flying around covering Portland in marinara sauce.
Yeah, flying spaghetti rioter.
So everybody seemed like he's like the atheist.
It's all the sky daddy.
Yeah, oh, that's your myth.
That's your mythical riot daddy.
Riot daddy out there somewhere.
Big riot wizard in the sky.
So a myth.
Confirmed.
If he's real, why doesn't he show himself to me right now?
If he hits me with a brick right now, I'll believe.
Life from non-war abiogenesis, another myth.
There were plenty of rioters that predated your big rioter.
It's all just the same riots.
I just don't believe in those other rioters.
I just believe in one less rioter than you.
That's the Shermer.
Yeah.
He likes that one.
Society's had bricks and Molotov cocktails long before your riot myth.
If you were born in this other country, then you'd be telling me about this other rioter.
This is this thread I can't even follow.
I wonder what the Venn diagram of people who know like what we're talking about, that crosses probably atheists are small.
Probably pretty high, though, in the Bible on the core audience here.
That's the fun of it.
The ones who read the articles, not the ones who just look at the pictures.
That's right.
The good people.
All right, are we ready to move on to our topic of the week?
Let's do.
Let's get beefy.
And now, the Babylon Bee's topic of the week.
The left is winning the culture war.
Here's how you can fight back.
Doug.
Mixed stuff.
All right.
Let's move on to hate mail.
Yeah, next topic.
Okay.
So this is my thing on because it's the idea that Christian rock is a bad form of real rock, or Christian hip-hop is a bad form of real hip-hop.
Christian art is always a bad form of real art is kind of the cultural meme that goes on.
Yeah, we actually talked about this in a recent episode.
We talked a lot about the kind of the gist of what we were saying.
We were talking about how Christians are making Christian versions of things.
The Christian knockoffs.
Yeah.
That tends to be bad.
Like the Babylon Bee and the Onion.
Yeah, Babylon B and the Onion.
So, but that's what's weird about the Babylon Bee is it's really good.
It's also really funny, like The Onion, but it's also really funny.
So why are so few, why do so few do it is to me the bigger question.
And I say this as a comic book and a TV show creator and writer and video game writer.
And almost all of my work succeeds in the secular world.
And even books like Creature Tech that have a representation, at least in some way, of the Christian worldview.
And I'm just wondering why, how did why did Christian, first of all, is Christian art bad?
Like, is fireproof in some way worse than any Wyans film?
I'm saying like, because the world obviously makes terrible stuff too, but it's not an indictment on them as a worldview.
Like they don't blame, say, secularism on how bad the Wyans Brothers movies are.
Yeah, we don't watch those and go, see, atheists make mad movies.
Yeah.
Non-believers, total.
But if a believer does it, it's automatically pinned as because of his faith that he did that.
And I would always blame it's more because of Christian culture, which is not synonymous with Christian, with the Christian faith.
It's something that it's the way that we act today, the music we like, the movies we like, or the form.
And I'm, and to that, I blame completely modernism because I think Christians have taken on a modernist way to view story.
So including the idea of you always stick that message up there top and center.
The left is far more guilty of that than the right in the way that we speak and the way that culture works.
They're always doing their identity politics in Marvel movies or in Disney programming now and children's books.
They're far more likely to do that kind of preaching than just say a normal artist that would approach it from neutrality, Christian or atheist.
So I go back to the guys who did it great, where we don't mind so much if they're putting Christianity in it because it actually serves a story.
And they were writing from a different worldview than where we're writing from.
They're writing as pre-moderns, is the word that the way that we describe Chesterton, Lewis, and Tolkien.
G.K. Chesterton.
They're pre-moderns.
And if you go all the way back, you'll see Christianity pumped into stuff that we consider classic literature now, even Shakespeare, Virgil.
When you read Moby Dick, there's the great sermon at the beginning.
This is considered the great American novel.
Bleep that.
Sorry, I cussed again.
Moby Bleep.
Did porpoises.
If you read Dickens.
You got to bleep that too.
So Dickens was a pre-modern.
And even though he's a socialist, largely non-believer, if you read a Christmas carol, you read something that is just drenched in Christian culture and language of a different culture than ours.
And no one says, oh, that's bad Christian art.
Is Christmas Carol bad Christian art?
No, it's Christian art.
So what are we doing different than what those greats are doing in the past?
And I blame modernism for that.
So modernism made everything binary.
Not only binary, but C.S. Lewis even said that he believed it would ruin our ability to tell story, that it would ruin some form of story.
And what he means by that is, if you ever deal with, and by the way, most of us, the way that we think is largely modernist.
That's why everything has become, it's either empirically proven, like they say, show your receipts or I don't believe it.
The idea that everything has to be this kind of materially true thing or I don't believe it.
It goes in the realm of, or the idea that it used to be like there was such a thing as truth, even though it was myth.
And now we use the word myth to mean something's a lie, right?
Right.
So, and even Tolkien, who would say when he converted Lewis, he said, yes, Christianity is a myth, but what if it's also true?
And to Lewis, that made perfect sense because they believed myth was likely something true because it was getting at something, but it just wasn't getting at it in a modernist way.
The idea that had to be fact, had to be empirically demonstrated.
So I think modern Christians, because they're removing the idea that we bodily serve Christ with our whole lives, with every ounce of your being, that you could be a Christian bricklayer under the Lord.
You can be a Christian storyteller under the Lord.
And things like, you'll hear the classicists always talk about truth, goodness, and beauty.
A story that is true, good, and beautiful is as godly as a complete word-for-word apologetic for the gospel.
Because it is celebrating God's beauty and God's truth and God's goodness.
Those are all true things.
So to me, Christianity's problem is we have thinned our culture out.
It's almost like we're writing as if we're writing our stories on Twitter, trying to push an argument, push this point, remove the humanity from the thing, and it thins out the artist.
But I blame modernism, not Christianity.
It's Christians thinking like modernists.
But why is it that, like, why does left-leaning people, I guess, why do they succeed so much more in the arts?
Because they don't broadcast that it's leftism.
Like, a Christian tends to do that.
They'll even label that.
They'll put it in a Christian bookstore.
We are the Christian version or whatever.
They, you know, Disney movies and stuff, DreamWorks, all that, they say we're a movie for the whole family, for everybody.
I feel like Christians really kind of shot themselves in the feet when they said that's secular.
That makes it so you can't make movies for the whole family because that's, what is that, secular?
Yeah, and I think of their definition of secular.
And this is, by the way, why I can't sell my stories into a Christian bookstore, let's say, because they're merely true, good, and beautiful, and they're not preachy enough, or they're not on the nose enough.
Same with if you're labeled as a Christian band, you have to have certain content, which again, why I'm promoting Terry S. Taylor on Patreon is because when you listen to his music, oh, that's a good song, brilliant lyrics.
And then, if you if you study it or if you tease it out and you see where his world views from, then you'll start to see Christ flower in a more full human, really deep way instead of a thin surface way that's meant to be consumed like McDonald's.
You know, food is just consumed in easy calories.
I just think it's a dumbing down of Christianity to be that on the nose about it and be that binary about it, especially on a hostile audience.
And we all live in a secular progressive culture.
And so they speak the language better than we do.
Right.
So part of my shtick, if you ever see me do what I do, all I'm doing is I'm taking the language of my culture, the exact same rudeness, vocabulary, thin arguments, tact, but I'm just changing the argument.
I'm just changing the subject matter from secularism to Christianity.
And you watch them all go completely unglued and then attack the language that I use, that they would never attack their own language intact of rudeness, no manners, straw man arguments, being blunt.
You realize they really don't believe that those things are appropriate because they attacked me for doing it.
And they only recognize it when you change the message.
It's really, they actually do believe in manners and tact and they expect a level of love.
But if you change the argument, they can see it more clearly.
And they'll call you out on it for your using the word flowerbed or whatever.
You know what I mean?
They'll use the same kind of language against things that you hold sacred, like pro-life or even love, friendship, manners, things that are true.
They actually believe, everyone believes those things deep down.
And I think it's because they're actually true that we all inherently know that they're real.
Daniel used to do a blurred layer, then mask around his mouth.
Yeah.
So they can't even read my mouth.
Because I'll just say all I said over and over is Jesus.
That's the other bad word.
But not in a bad way.
But I mean, if you think of what language they use in their storytelling, right?
For instance, the thing that I always laugh at is how they have a real hard time finding anything deep to even preach.
Like in their big action movies, what are the stakes?
The stakes are always going to be like we're fighting business or we're fighting someone militant who's fighting something or it's very pro-green, you know, like they're going to destroy the environment.
There's only a handful of things that their culture allows them to preach for and against.
And we used to have a much more common culture.
That is, when culture was more Christian influenced, I would argue, even so that guys like Dickens today read like a Bible thumper.
I think when we were speaking the Christian language, even a secularist was able to tell stories within that worldview better because we spoke that common language.
And now we're so split up, you know, on every little slice of the pie.
You can go to a Scientology channel.
You have the gay and lesbian channel on Netflix.
You have, you know, the Nature Channel or whatever, the right-leaning news, the left-leaning news.
If you have your, whatever, no matter how deviant your little pie slice is, you can go and get just that piped into you.
You can choose who to follow on Twitter so that you can just gaslight yourself all day with your own narrative.
And you literally become the believer of just that narrative.
And that's also why our skin crawls.
If I say hacksaw, your skin will crawl just a little bit.
But if I say turnip, your skin will crawl a lot because you're taking cultural cues on what they tell you is acceptable insult, even over blasphemy.
I have no idea what two words you just said.
One was the Lord's Name in Vain, and the other was a slur for effeminate or homosexual people.
Yeah.
Can I say that?
Yeah.
You can say monkey.
You can't say that you can't use an impolite conversation.
This is going to be the most bleeped episode of all time.
So what do we do?
Well, that comes back to my answer.
It really is make stuff.
I think the Christian has an obligation.
The artist who's a Christian has an obligation to produce according to the truth that you know.
That's why you're here.
That's why you have your signature.
And I just think you ought to educate yourself out of the culture that you're sitting in.
Because if you're just here to cop, photocopy your culture or just cut and paste what everyone else says, you literally have no job to do.
I don't care.
You're not helping.
You're not a big deal even.
If you're just repeating, then you become propaganda for people who could very well be enslaved in a worldview.
I'd rather see you just throw everything out and then explore, say, just tell the truth.
What do I want to make with my music?
What do I want to write in my book?
What website, you know, comedy website do I want to run?
And just go out and make it.
And if it, it might fail, right?
Because you may not find a huge audience.
And that's another thing with Terry Taylor and Daniel Amos.
Terrius Taylor.
I admire him so much because his audience has always been kind of small.
He never looked at the numbers and said, oh, we're failing.
We have to go tack over to U2 territory or we have to go into this, you know, we have to do this form of music or whatever to mainstream us to get popular because popularity only tells you, you know, culture can only tell you what's popular.
It can't tell you what's true.
And we know this in the past.
That's why we're indicting people who were slave owners going, you should have known better, but you didn't have the values then to stand up and tell the truth.
We condemn those people who own other people.
Or why did all these Christians in Germany not stop the Nazis?
They were putting Jews on trains and sending them to Auschwitz.
There's a moral expect that they would transcend their culture.
And then today, that's my same indictment of people who tolerate abortion.
They say, this happened.
We saw the Uyghurs put on trains right in front of us.
Nobody's going to do anything.
And we indict that.
I hope the artists will stand up and tell truths that transcend culture.
It's kind of our job.
And Babylon Bee is something that does, it's a great chess move.
You attack while you defend.
You're going out and you're hitting, You're hitting at your culture, holding it up and satirizing it, which is what you're supposed to do to the power of your day, which in our case is a secular culture.
So you're doing your job.
Punching up.
Punching up.
That's right.
Punch up.
Shout out to you.
And sometimes your only reward is you and your family get fed to lions.
Sometimes that's your reward.
You can't look around and say, Well, I expect to make money and keep my job and be fully prosperous and be respected at the Academy Awards or whatever.
You're basically, when you fight culture, you're going to become an enemy of culture because culture also always wants to sustain itself.
It wants to keep kind of crawling out a little bit at the edges like a coward does.
A person who's tied into the truth, this is kind of more of a Plato, like Platonism.
The ideals are out there so far beyond us.
When you aim for that North Star, you'll instantly become a radical rebel.
So you don't have to try to fight against your culture.
Just go find the truth and just start talking that.
You will be thrown to the lions.
Just be a normal person with a job and a family.
Yeah, it's radical to be that job.
To be to say one man, one woman in marriage and have children.
Ah, what's wrong with that?
Counterculture.
Radical.
Whoa.
Bro.
That's all interesting stuff.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I think my question about this is that, like, I want to know: is there a thing that besides there are creators because there's an industry around entertainment, a very locked-in entertainment industry that is very cancer culture is big.
It's hugely culturally, left-leaning.
They dominate it.
And I don't understand why.
I assume there's got to be money in the there's plenty of rich conservatives.
Why, why is there not an industry that can attract artists that aren't like that and that can give them work where they feel safe to work and make stuff that doesn't have to toe that line?
It just, to me, it seems like if you can get the right people together, but I don't know.
If you're listening to this, you know, you're a billionaire giving up.
You're a billionaire.
But that's my other thing: I'm always trying to bulletproof an artist to keep them from making excuses from pursuing what they need to do.
And if you're waiting for money, you shouldn't be waiting for it.
It's just another excuse.
But what money does is it allows you to multiply your message, right?
It can up your, the Babylon B is partially funded.
It can up your production values.
You can hire staff.
You can buy more servers.
You can get the word out.
You can do higher quality stuff.
You can make a broader, I mean, you make graphic novels that serve a very certain audience.
It's pretty niche.
But if you made a movie out of one of those, it would be huge.
But the reason why I'm in graphic novels is because it's essentially a medium I can do by myself.
So I don't get along well with others.
I'm not a great team player.
We worked on Veggie Tales.
Because I'm so clear on the truth that I just, I hate having to compromise on that thing.
So there's team-oriented art that means, like a television show, you have to hire like 100 people to animate a TV show.
Yeah.
If you worked on Veggie Tales or something, it would be a disaster.
It would be a disaster, and it was.
And it was so bland.
You know what I mean?
The content was not the kind of content that we would want to do if we had the freedom to do.
And even then, they gave us a pretty long leash.
I resented every intro.
I thought every leash was other than a tiny leash.
Well, I'm saying compared to what.
I was like, compared to what they used to operate under, it was madness what we were pulling off.
We should go off on Veggie Tales for about five minutes during the subscriber portion.
Yeah.
Let them.
Yeah, we'll go off.
For those who don't know, Doug Shouran, the Netflix Veggie Tales, I was the head writer, I guess.
Michael J. Nelson was a writer.
Our friend Erica, was a writer.
Who actually has written a couple of Babylon B articles?
Yeah.
So, yeah, we'll talk about that crazy times.
Yeah.
But my warning is, if you're waiting for money, then you're giving yourself.
It's not waiting.
I just mean there are talented people who are Christians and conservative leaning.
And those people, see, I didn't silence my phone.
What?
After I go after Dan?
That's okay.
You're new to media.
And they're the type of, you know, like Jason Brubaker.
Yeah.
There's people we know.
They're amazing.
They crank out work.
Yeah.
And they can barely pay rent.
Right.
Terry Taylor barely pays rent.
Jason Brubaker barely pays rent.
I'm here doing comic books because I can barely pay rent.
I have to crowdfund my comics.
And I've found.
You're doing pretty well.
I'm doing.
But that's the thing is I'm building my audience.
Yeah, yeah.
No, you work harder than anybody I know.
And the audience is finding me.
And so I'm giving them the best book, best art I can give them that I think they would find wonderful.
But if I was waiting for money, and I have a really big megaphone that if I was waiting for money, I would just be doing making nothing.
Yeah, I'm not talking about waiting for money.
Yeah.
You're just saying where's the billionaire?
I know that when people talk about buying like conservative media, investing conservative media, it fetches way less than it would for liberal media because of the fear of it being canceled.
Like if you were going to buy a conservative website or something, it's like it has to be marketed as conservative, too.
That's what that drives me crazy.
The only people that will invest in that are people that are going to be like, oh, are you going to make a capitalist version of the Avengers or something?
Yeah.
Where they fight for free markets.
And I'm not going to make the Bible in comic form.
And that's what they want to fund is the Bible in comic form or a pro-Trump thing or whatever.
I'm like, that's not the story I tell.
I pursue truth, goodness, and beauty.
And that's not the story they tell.
And, you know, Disney's, they may be making their arguments, and they're not doing blatant like Obama, the animated series or whatever.
Well, they might.
They might.
Actually, comic, but they did.
Cassio-Cortez comics.
Yeah.
Well, the other thing is guys with money, they didn't get that money by funding hair-brained creatives.
They only do safe stuff.
It's not a safe investment.
They invest in almonds and they invest in rubber and they invest in oil.
And then they go, now I'm a billionaire.
I'm not the kind of guy.
So we need more people to be like Seth Dylan, our owner.
Crazy old Seth.
Yeah.
Against the advice of everybody he knew and bought a Christian conservative website.
Yeah.
Good man.
That's a guy with.
And it worked out.
I would think he sleeps better knowing that he did it because he did it right.
Well, he likes being on the front of the culture war, if you will.
And it worked out great for him.
I mean, without that investment, basically everything that we're doing now, video podcasts, subscription service, everything we've done has just gone huge since the infusion of cash is great because it just does let you bring people.
We wouldn't have been able to bring Ethan.
And I was on Babylon.
I was reading Babylon B back when Adam Ford did it, back when it was way more sensitive, way better, way more funny.
And I was just thinking, I'm so glad I, it was like a sanctuary online.
I've never seen anything like it.
I go, I can't believe this exists.
Right.
Like, that's the kind of thing that you fund, right?
Yeah, exactly.
And it's so huge that I think you guys strengthen a ton of people who are against culture.
Yeah, there was a sense of like, we found our people.
Yeah.
When I read it too, it was like, this is my favorite thing is when you guys write an article where I go, oh, I wish I thought that.
I wish I thought that first.
I'm like, holy cow, they're thinking it before me.
That's the ones we get in trouble for.
Yeah.
Doug's like, I wish I thought of the ones that I retweet are the shoot Doug retweeted at Pullet.
The meanest ones.
Take it down.
This is what I'm talking about, guys.
Retweet.
Well, for people listening, I think that a good thing to, I think a lot of just regular, everyday people don't realize how powerful things like Kickstarter and Patreon are for artists you want to support.
Because that is it.
Like artists do, and the general model is these big, mostly left-leaning studios pick who succeeds unless they can find support through Kickstarters and Patreons like that from grassroots.
You should be taking your money, out of your mainstream stuff that you buy and put it into.
Let's rattle off some great names aren't it?
Yeah.
There's not a ton, but like rattle off.
I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, all three of them.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of crap out there.
So you have to shop carefully.
Yeah.
So I'm saying, but find someone who you support.
Jason Brubaker, who you brought up last week, is a great example.
Jason Brubaker, an amazing man of faith, an amazing thinker, does amazing art.
His stuff is full of Christian referencing.
And so he'd be like one of the number one guys I would fund.
So I'm just saying, and he's a good example.
I'm going to open up.
This is totally self-serving.
I'm going to open up a campaign for Earthworm Gym 2 in August on Kickstarter.
I just need like, Indeed, guys, I will send you a great book.
These are Doug sends the most awesome package out.
9x12.
They've got gold leafing on them.
They're 160 pages.
They're gorgeous.
Even the box is cool.
They're beautiful.
So I just work around the clock to tell great stories.
And it's something that your whole family can read and have and laugh together with.
That's all.
But it sounds like I'm like doing brain surgery almost.
It's like so hard to get the message out because no one can see these great talents.
Terry is about it.
Terry S. Taylor on Patreon.
If you like music, he's another example.
Ethan Nicole on Bears Want to Kill You.
There's a new hardbound version of it.
My new second edition is coming out.
So everybody's been wanting to get Bears Want to Kill You.
Finally, you can get it.
I know so many small Christian artists that just like they can barely raise $3,000 for a book.
Kickstarter and Indiegogo, they just want to make great comics and there's not, it's just almost impossible in the funding.
And I tell them, you know, you're not a victim.
Don't whine and moan.
Make your book and you just got to struggle a little bit till you find your hope you find your audience.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, all right.
Settled that.
Culture.
Culture War won in one step by flawless victory crushed.
Hate mail.
Hate mail.
I love hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
So this is kind of a funny hate mail we got from Dan.
This isn't really hate mail.
This is fake hate mail.
But a guy named Dan emailed us and he said, complain.
Complaint.
My wife, she won't let me spend the money to subscribe.
How do I deal with that?
Shalom, Dan.
Divorce.
Wow, that would be a divorceable offense.
Wow.
That's one of many choices.
What do you do?
You subscribe and go what?
You do it and you ask for forgiveness later.
Yeah, that's right.
Off top of this.
Don't ask for permission.
What do you guys think of asking your wife for permission for every little thing?
My wife has never said no.
It's very rare that she said no to me because she's, in a way, it puts the responsibility back on me.
And then I'm far less likely to buy it.
If I see some obscenely gaudy couch, like with cow hide and like gold, you know, over the top, I'm always attracted to really tacky.
I go, oh, I want that for my studio.
And she'll go, like, go ahead, get it.
Nah, it's $2,800.
So that's the jiu-jitsu move.
The wife just, if you just indulge your husband, fine, get your double-decker boat for $80,000.
And you see how that works.
You'll only do it once, then you'll never do it again.
It is funny that it never goes the other way.
Like we're never with our women.
You only eat six chocolate bars a month or something, or you only drink one glass of wine a night.
Like, but my wives will like want to micromanage you if you let them, right?
Like, really?
You went out to fast food?
Like, I never say that to my wife.
Yeah.
Yesterday.
Oh, great.
You went out to fast food?
Great.
Mr. Naples said, I want C's candies.
We're like tired on the way home from this long trip.
And she goes, I go, sure.
We go to the mall.
She gets her box of candies.
Of course, I ate a bunch of them.
I just give her whatever you want.
There's never a question if she has some crazy stuff.
Yeah, if she wants whatever she wants, go for it.
It's also because they run the house.
They tend to be more frugal.
You know what I mean?
They're looking for deals, things like that.
She never comes up to me and goes, Doug, let's get a timeshare.
It's never like something stupid.
It's always something like, I want a little, Doug, can I go buy an onion?
I'm like, I don't care if you buy an onion.
An onion.
Go buy an onion.
Don't even ask.
Don't subscribe to the onion.
No, don't subscribe to that.
That's wicked.
That is totally secular, totally satanic, totally stupid.
A lot of F-words in there, right?
You know, like secular.
When are you guys going to really get funny and start putting the F-word in your?
I was going through my onion.
I have a collection of onion stories.
I was going through it last night and laughing at some of the headlines and the other F-bombs on the headlines.
It's instant humor.
If you take something and you just throw it in there, it's like the easy joke.
They're not doing their job.
They don't work as hard.
You have to work harder on Bubble and B. That's true.
We handicap ourselves with no cussing.
With quality.
Not a problem that Doug Danapel has.
That's right.
All right.
We got our one-star review now.
Okay, these are reviews on iTunes.
I want to read this one.
Okay.
No thanks.
I always thought that the B satire news page on Facebook was exactly that satire.
But after listening to this, I realized just how backwards their beliefs are, especially the no women on the pulpit nonsense.
They actually take all scripture as direct instructions.
I'm a little worried they're going to start advocating that divorce isn't allowed and that stoning a woman or adultery is great.
I'm unsubscribing to this and the Facebook page.
So that escalated quickly.
Isn't divorce not allowed?
I mean, from divorce to stoning women?
Yeah.
Just on a scale of one to 10.
On a scale of one to 10, 10 being far-fetched.
No, 10 being stoning women and one being we're not quite there yet.
Where does Babylon Bee stand?
On stoning women.
On stoning women.
So like one is we don't support it.
And 10's like, we're right.
We're ready.
Well, it depends on the woman, doesn't it?
So two?
Solid two?
Yeah, two.
Sarah Silverman.
We're two.
Yeah.
Seven.
I think we can work those numbers up if we find the right one.
Amy Schumer.
Oh, that's a, let's get up there.
I would never allow someone to stone AOC because secretly I think she's kind of hot.
Well, all of us do.
That's why we make fun of her.
Everyone says like look at this girl.
She looks like a lunatic.
I go, she looks like a beautiful woman.
Well, we talk about that all the time is that this kind of comedy that says, like, oh, she's got buckets.
She's stupid.
It's like, have you seen politicians in Washington?
Have you seen what they typically look like?
I wish they all looked like her.
Yeah, it'd be nice.
Yeah, if you could just clone her to like 500.
So no one's stoning AOC.
I'm actually, I'm at a negative 10 on that.
I would not stone her.
Okay.
Okay.
Amy Schoener, Schumer, not to the house.
Yeah.
I like how surprised this person is about that we actually believe the Bible is instructions.
They take the Bible as instructions.
They don't think the divorce is allowed.
I don't know where you are.
The Bible kind of invented divorce, though, right?
Yeah, Jesus gave him divorce.
Well, back in Moses' time, right?
of the hardness of man's heart he said it was given to moses they created the so he insults you You can divorce, but he's insulted you.
It sounds like this person saw us making fun of Christians on Facebook and thought we were like an atheist page making fun of Christians and then got our podcast.
I was like, what?
I don't believe it.
Plus, it's the last sentence.
I'm unsubscribing to this and the Facebook page.
And you're supposed to go like, holy cow guys.
We had a big meeting.
We're going to change this whole thing.
We lost a sub.
It's like a threat.
Seth called me.
My boss called me.
He's like, hey, we lost one.
Lost one.
What happened?
What's going on?
You guys doing it?
You're treating the Bible like actual instructions, are you?
All right, you got this next one, Ethan.
Another instruction, by the way, is do not murder.
This is from Scoot.
Next thing they're going to say, you can't kill people.
Next, you're going to say you can't be killing people all the time.
Same as you.
Orphans and widows.
Headline is not great.
The headlines for the actual website are much funnier than this show, and that's why I initially subscribed.
So far, I agree.
I'm Mormon, and in two recent episodes, there were long segments belittling my faith.
I don't appreciate it, and I'm baffled by the Christian infighting in 2020.
They were a bigger fish to fry.
True.
It's true.
Bigger fish to fry.
I agree.
But we can't say anything.
It's not Christian infighting.
I remember belittling Mormon if they belong.
Like, we don't believe that Mormons are Christians, right?
I mean, that's just true.
It's not Christian infighting.
Like, maybe.
If you say we're all on the same side in the culture war or something, I respect that.
Okay, fine.
You're getting your own planet.
Why can't you just be satisfied with that?
Yeah, you're fine.
You have to organize Babylon B content also?
Well, also, other people who I consider other Christians, even if they're other denominations, they don't come to my door and try to convert me to their version, their denomination.
There aren't like Second Baptist or whatever.
I don't know.
Whatever other denominations there are coming to my door.
If a Baptist is knocking on your door and you're like, oh, I'm non-denominational.
They'll be like, oh, okay, cool.
Take that giant spectacle that the golden newt gave you and just remove the speck from your own eye.
The what?
I'm just making the main meanest Mormon jokes I can think of.
And the other thing is that we don't make fun of Mormons that much.
We've probably done three or four Mormons out of our five.
A lot of our jokes are like complimentary to him.
Yeah.
I'll say like, what was the one that's like a man?
So man is so polite and whatever friendly that people think he's a Mormon.
Yes, I'm Christian.
Everybody thinks he's a Mormon because he's all nice.
I always say Mormons are better Christians than real Christians.
Yeah.
I like how you insulted both with people.
You like that?
Attack and defend.
And my uncle, when people knock on his door and they say, you know, you want to talk about the Church of Jesus Christ, Latter-day Saints, or whatever, he's like, oh, you're Christian?
They say, yeah.
He's like, great, come to my church.
And they're like, oh, no, no, you got to come to my church.
It's like, well, maybe you're not.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, that's all our hate mail.
That is the hate mail.
So we love you people.
And the people who subscribe get some more content.
Yeah, we're going to talk about Veggie Tales Days a little bit.
Veggie Tales Days.
We have a video question from a subscriber and we're going to ask Doug Boutin questions.
The 10 questions of doom.
Scandalous.
Scandalous.
Lots of customers.
Doug will swear a lot.
You got to pay for it because there's a lot of cuss words.
It's worth it.
All right.
bye everybody the rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge If you're not a Babylon Bee subscriber, go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Access to our headline forum, 20% off the items in the Babylon Bee store, a gift, and more.
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Feedback and love mail go to podcast at Babylonbee.com.
Follow Ethan at AxeCop and Kyle at the underscore Kyle underscore man on Twitter.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dillon for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.
Until next time, this is Dave D'Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee, reminding you to go forth and remove your skeleton from your body because skeletons are satanic symbols of heavy metal music.