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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| You You | |
| Content Warning. | |
| The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. | |
| Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a. | |
| Arizona Right Watch. | |
| Hi. | |
| I didn't know if you were going to include the new music. | |
| That was very funny. | |
| It's like penis music. | |
| You know penis music? | |
| It's like... I... I don't know what penis music is, but I'm just gonna... Like porn music. | |
| It's penis music. | |
| Penis music. | |
| We're gonna... We're gonna move... We're gonna... There's no subtlety to that at all. | |
| You know penis music, right? | |
| It's porn. | |
| It's already talking! | |
| I don't know about beautiful babies, I mean, I was trying to talk about porn music really early into the episode, like, we didn't even really get past the intro. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| It's okay, sometimes shit happens like that. | |
| Mike was the one who sprung the new intro music. | |
| I forgot! | |
| No, she knew about the new intro music. | |
| I was springing it on you to see your reaction, but the moment she started doubling over in laughter, I'm like, wow, she hasn't gotten over it after a week, so that's really fun. | |
| I thought you... Yeah, get over it! | |
| I honestly thought you were kidding. | |
| Is it just like a button? | |
| No, it was a mistake. | |
| It was literally because last week the soundboard broke and when you go into Audacity, you have to change everything from stereo to mono to make it fit Audacity to save. | |
| So I just did that and then the music was way up pitched and I just sent it out like that. | |
| And I got like, like two or three people messaged me and were like, that techno thing was crazy. | |
| It was awesome. | |
| I loved it. | |
| And so like, that was my reaction from my audience. | |
| Whoa, wait a minute. | |
| That creation was not intentional? | |
| That was like, you, you, you goofed and actually fucked up our intro and turned it into that weird techno remix? | |
| Yes. | |
| That's exactly what happened. | |
| I honestly thought that was DJ Minimal Effort taking our intro from being an 8-bit style intro to a 16-bit style intro. | |
| No, it was literally just converting that file from stereo to mono. | |
| That's exactly, that's all I did. | |
| And also the listeners got to hear it before I did, what the fuck? | |
| No, I was trying to get a hold of you. | |
| I was trying to get a hold of you that Wednesday, but like, uh, I just, like, so much stuff was going on that I forgot that I didn't find you. | |
| And I know you don't listen back to the show, so I was just like, fuck, I'll just, you'll hear it next week. | |
| We'll just, we'll just roll with it from there. | |
| I like it. | |
| What do you think, Al? | |
| I mean, I thought it was like a real composition. | |
| I mean, because it is, but I thought like somebody intentionally did that. | |
| It's funny, I like it. | |
| It was pretty pumping. | |
| I was just like, it feels a little longer than it needed to be. | |
| But if it was like all pitched and shifted or whatever, maybe it was just like throwing off my sense of the timing of it. | |
| But yeah, I don't know. | |
| I guess it's up to the listener, right? | |
| If the listener cries out for more of the previous intro, then so be it. | |
| Did you reach out to DJ Minimal Effort? | |
| Were you just like, hey, look what I accidentally did to your song? | |
| Oh, I sent him a message, but he did not respond to me, because that is his existence. | |
| He is an incredibly hardy, incredible producer to the stars. | |
| Linux song, I like it. | |
| Yeah, it'd be great. | |
| That's why we always just claim that DJ Minimal Effort has no social media, because it turns out that DJ Minimal Effort is Timbaland. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| I met him at, like, I was smoking butts outside of a bar. | |
| He just happened to be there. | |
| We became friends. | |
| I was like, hey, I've got this podcast. | |
| As you do. | |
| As one does. | |
| Yes. | |
| Incredible. | |
| I mean, yeah, it was certainly a fun little surprise there for the beginning of the show. | |
| And again, one of the highlights of it that I get to enjoy, and Mike gets to enjoy, but the listener does not, was just watching Hayley immediately start cracking up and just silently start laughing in her chair. | |
| Dude, I was just chilling and then it was like, bang, right in my ears. | |
| And I kind of forgot about that song. | |
| Also, I thought it was an accident. | |
| I thought it was like a button, just a random button that you pushed. | |
| I didn't know you did your accidental remix, which is very funny. | |
| No, it was an accident, but I just saved the accident. | |
| That's great. | |
| I like it a lot. | |
| I have both the original and the remix on our soundboard. | |
| So yeah, it exists. | |
| Nice. | |
| I can't believe you accidentally pitch shifted so it sounds like ska or punk or something. | |
| They look great. | |
| Yeah, I don't know how I did it. | |
| I accidentally hit this button and it turned into the sky! | |
| Did you actually work really hard on that, Mike, and you don't want to tell us the truth? | |
| Absolutely not. | |
| No, Mike knows that if he ever got to the point where he'd start producing music, that I would start rapping over it. | |
| Yes, absolutely. | |
| That was the original dream, because El's got bars. | |
| El is a wordsmith. | |
| It is one of my secret talents. | |
| Yes. | |
| Listeners, please tell us if you like the new song or the old song. | |
| We value your opinion and we love you. | |
| All of these things are true. | |
| Asterisk. | |
| Yeah, unless you're a dick. | |
| We value your opinion, asterisk, and we love you. | |
| The love is unconditional because you're supporting us, but whether or not we respect your opinion, I mean, I don't know you like that. | |
| I'm going to need to know your opinions. | |
| Do you think the Office US is funny? | |
| That is where we're going to start. | |
| Our level of interaction will be determined based on your... I'm going to hit you one of those. | |
| Bam! | |
| Do you enjoy It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? | |
| Y slash N. Yeah. | |
| I was like, somebody on one of my Facebook groups was trying to bait some, you know, everybody was being real goofy and just trying to be like, the meme was going around. | |
| I'm not going to try to start any drama, but... And then they would put out one of their supposedly hot takes or whatever. | |
| There were a couple that I wanted to get in there with and I was just like, I don't know, man, this might start an actual argument. | |
| I think people might fight me over this. | |
| Because some people are really sensitive. | |
| Uh, just ask that guy who did that, like, weird, uh, Taylor Swift animation. | |
| Uh, that guy is getting, like, digitally hunted down like a dog by Swifties. | |
| And he knew it was gonna happen, too. | |
| And a bunch of other content creators knew it as soon as he dropped that. | |
| God, I wish I could remember his name right now. | |
| But a bunch of other content creators, as soon as he did it, were just like, wow, fucking bold! | |
| Bold choice there, champ! | |
| I mean, let's see how it works out for ya! | |
| And, uh, the answer was, not great. | |
| Those people are... | |
| I feel like we need to like it's cool that we've advanced our civilization to be more tolerant in general about stuff or whatever but we need to move the pendulum back to the point where we can start to criticize all these dumb fucks because it's just it's like a fucking musician man calm down what are you doing like I mean don't let Don't let your fandom of anything determine who you are as a person that's fucked up. | |
| And I think I should be able to point at you and just be like, hey, it's fucked up. | |
| Get something besides a hobby. | |
| Like, we've developed this culture where I feel like, I don't know, everyone's just like, oh, this Swiftie, this, this are crazy. | |
| They're doxxing this guy. | |
| That's, that's crazy. | |
| And even the people who are just like, that's bad are like, that's crazy. | |
| And they shouldn't be doing it. | |
| That's crazy. | |
| Well, you're attacking our fans that dedicate their entire lives to Hellworld. | |
| And you know, that's just rude. | |
| If those people exist, I feel like I should have more money than I do. | |
| Taylor Swift acts like she has a lot of money. | |
| Because she does. | |
| Oh, I've been enjoying watching people in QAnon freaking out about Taylor Swift because They don't understand that the snake iconography in her concerts is because of what happened with her and Kim Kardashian and being called a snake and all that. | |
| And they're just like, oh, look at this Luciferian Jezebel and her evil snake platform as she performs her Luciferian rituals upon her unsuspecting audience. | |
| And I just... | |
| I just want to know when these Luciferian rituals are gonna pay off and Taylor Swift can actually kill God and ascend to the Celestial Throne. | |
| And also, like, I recognize that Taylor Swift is really talented. | |
| She's got a lot of songs that I, like, am happy to bop my head to if, like, they come on when I'm in the car or whatever, but I don't feel... She's got no devil charisma powers over me. | |
| I mean, she's got, like, a demographic and she's incredibly potent in that demo, but, like, I feel like the devil, whatever the devil had going, would be hooking me as well. | |
| I feel like I would just be like, oh, I can't help but be charmed by the devil. | |
| Taylor Swift is attractive, and talented, and successful, and rich, and all of that stuff, and I'm still not devil attracted to her. | |
| Like, I'm not just like, I gotta have it. | |
| I was closer to devil attracted to, what's her face? | |
| Who played Lady Devil in that movie, Bedazzled? | |
| I can't remember her name right now. | |
| Elizabeth Hurley. | |
| Elizabeth Hurley. | |
| Dude, Elizabeth Hurley had more devil charisma. | |
| I mean, at that time, with the amount of hormones in my 12-year-old body or whatever, I was just like, yeah, devil Elizabeth Hurley. | |
| Stop drilling. | |
| You have hit oil. | |
| I'll do whatever you want. | |
| This is unconditional. | |
| I don't care. | |
| You want me to stack bodies like cordwood? | |
| I will. | |
| For like 12 to 16 months there in like 1996 to 1997, she was like the hottest woman on earth. | |
| It was crazy. | |
| 1996 to 1997. She was like the hottest woman on earth. It was great. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yes. | |
| Anyway. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I just don't get how people can get so rowdy over a thing. | |
| It's so weird. | |
| But, you know, what do I know? | |
| I'm just a guy who's a fan of a lot of stuff without being a weird dick about it. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Kind of my bonafide days. | |
| Right. | |
| Anyway, let's get into our amuse-bouche! | |
| It's time for a light sampling of insanity. | |
| Get ready for the amuse-bouche. | |
| Wow, no weird pitch shifted thuggin'. | |
| I'll 2x Frosty for next week so he just sounds like the chipmunks. | |
| Good job, baby. | |
| Boo, boo, boo. | |
| Good job. | |
| I'll 2x Frosty for next week so he just sounds like the chipmunks. | |
| We're just a little way down so it sounds like he's fucking on scissor. | |
| Anyway. | |
| First Boosh topic of the week. | |
| It's good news, actually, for once, and something that nobody could have seen coming, except for everybody. | |
| True Social is in some dire financial straits. | |
| Mike, what's going on with True Social this week? | |
| Reports have come out that Donald Trump has invested a lot, a lot of money in the True Social, and it's not working out very well. | |
| The platform is over $70 million in the hole as a result of being a colossal failure that only attracts QAnon and other right-wing shitbags. | |
| But that can't be true. | |
| Donald Trump is such a savvy businessman. | |
| He's never had a failed business in his whole life. | |
| And the platform is so good. | |
| And it works great. | |
| And it doesn't suck. | |
| I'm shocked. | |
| Just like the platforms that are lifting up Ron DeSantis and his incredibly successful presidential campaign. | |
| Yes, the platforms of Ron DeSantis, his beautiful shoes, his fucking Frankenstein-esque shoes. | |
| Yeah, I truly love the fact that so much of our media is dedicated to kneecapping Republicans who are going against Trump because our media loves Trump and wants to keep promoting him. | |
| So, like, NBC News, like, posted this video and they were like, here's Republicans talking to each other during a commercial break during the debate. | |
| And this is, like, walking off stage and he stumbles because he's walking in his elevator shoes and he can't handle steps while he's in those ridiculous boots of his. | |
| It's just... | |
| I mean, dude, you're a little short. | |
| Own it. | |
| Just be like, hey man, I'm like 5'9". | |
| What of it? | |
| What of it, bro? | |
| Come at me. | |
| I mean, when you're so aggressively self-conscious about that, that you can't help yourself and you have to wear these ridiculous, impossible-to-walk-in outfit shoes, it's just, oh my god, it's ridiculous. | |
| God, Trump's mind control works on us. | |
| We were literally mocking him for losing $70 million on Truth and we pivoted to DeSantis. | |
| Maybe Trump actually is the devil. | |
| Maybe he's got the one who has the devil power to make his will manifest. | |
| Hey, if I make a pithy little ziggur about a man's platform shoes and you decide to take that football and rub with it, who am I to stop you, you know? | |
| Unlike Ichiro Oda, I feel like it is my duty to put that sort of nonsense into the content we put out. | |
| Depriving it would be depriving our listeners of juicy content. | |
| But no, let's get back on track and talk about how Truth is going broke, because that's hilarious. | |
| It was obvious. | |
| Like, who was ever going to... How were they ever going to make money off of that? | |
| So the really funny part about all of this is that QAnon and Trump supporters are trying to spin this. | |
| And the way they spin this is the fact that Digital World Acquisition Corporation, which is like the Trump parent company for all of his grifts, Truth Social is a Subsidiary or it's a separate company called like TMTG, I guess like Trump Media Truth something. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Fuck it. | |
| Who cares what his dumb acronym stand for? | |
| But people were like, oh shit, they did this so they could merge it with the main parent company. | |
| And now we're going to have a stock merger and it's going to make truth even more powerful than it was before. | |
| And it's like, no, you're literally chasing the Iraqi dinars or you're believing in Jaseera Niasera. | |
| This is another, like, bizarre get-rich-quick thing that everyone thinks is real. | |
| It's weird that Trump peddles these get-rich-quick schemes that leave all of his supporters destitute. | |
| It's so strange that that's always the outcome of this shit, is that the thing loses a pile of money and anyone who bought in also goes broke. | |
| Big ups to Devin Nunes, who basically quit being a congressperson to become the CEO of Truth Social. | |
| So, congratulations. | |
| Great career move. | |
| You win. | |
| You're the best. | |
| What does that job entail? | |
| What are you overseeing? | |
| Just Trump posting and people responding to Trump? | |
| Well, I mean, I would think that it involves trying to get advertisers onto the site and actually doing the work of trying to make an impossibly failed site not fail. | |
| But also, I do kind of wonder in a way, because you just brought that up, How much was Devin Nunes involved in creating the Q account on Truth Social? | |
| Because that's one of my favorite little things about Truth Social, was that they were so aggressive about pandering to QAnon from the jump. | |
| When you're on Twitter, it'll just say your join month. | |
| It'll be like, joined this month, this year. | |
| It doesn't give you a day. | |
| On Truth Social, it gives you a day joined. | |
| It says you joined this month, this day, this year. | |
| So the specificity of when you made your Truth Social account is very clear. | |
| And On Truth Social, they made their fake Q account before they made Trump's account. | |
| It was more important to them to make a Q account than it was to get Donnie Two Scoops on the platform. | |
| And that has always been a very hilarious thing to me. | |
| Unless they're one and the same, friend. | |
| One. | |
| And. | |
| The. | |
| Same. | |
| Good news across the board that Truth is bleeding money. | |
| Because, you know, at some point Trump will have to do his savvy business play of declaring bankruptcy on it and washing his hands of it. | |
| And then that's one less platform to have to be screaming on. | |
| It'll be great when he has to go crawling back to Elon Musk with his tail between his legs, provided that Twitter hasn't also turned into a crater by then. | |
| That's going to be incredible. | |
| But because I know we're going to have a juicier butt of the amuse-bouche at the back end, I'm going to keep us moving right along to, apparently, it's time for the Chinese takeover of America. | |
| Are the Chinese the new Beatles? | |
| Is it happening? | |
| Oh my goodness, I feel it! | |
| I'm turning Chinese! | |
| What is this? | |
| What is this headline? | |
| I really think so. | |
| No. | |
| Damn you, Mike Rance. | |
| The worst. | |
| No. | |
| So Xi Jinping is in San Francisco to meet President Biden in what the media is describing as a quote unquote high stakes summit meeting between these two global superpowers. | |
| and uh what do we have to do to get them pandas back i got i hope that's number 100 bites itinerary | |
| Like, Xi Jinping walks in with, like, ideas for, like, trade deals, infrastructure. | |
| Yeah, he's just, like, dumb confused. | |
| He's like, what? | |
| You talking about pandas? | |
| Oh God, I just, I want that to be the situation. | |
| SNL, please do that as a skit, even though it would be bad for us and help to elect Trump, it would still make me laugh a lot. | |
| So yeah, but right-wing media and QAnon folks are currently having a stroke because there is this one video clip of a tiny section of the street where Xi Jinping, his motorcade was taking him to where he was staying, where you could see like a dozen or so Chinese flags being flown. | |
| I'm sure they were put there by like paid people trying to make trying to make Xi Jinping and the Chinese delegate look good. | |
| And these people are like, China has conquered America without even firing a shot. | |
| Oh, what the hell is this? | |
| And it's just The amount from my iPhone that I've had for 10 years. | |
| Good stuff. | |
| Again, you're pretty close to having a point. | |
| But you're not quite there. | |
| Yeah, no kidding. | |
| It's like, oh god, flags! | |
| Flags are the ultimate sign of conquest. | |
| And it's like, buddy, it's again, one city block. | |
| And they obviously set that up literally for the photo op, and you took the cheese and are now having a fit over it, which is basically what the Chinese propaganda ministry wanted you to do. | |
| I think it's fucked up that you, of all people, would be saying this. | |
| You're older than me, so you should remember better than I do when those prisoners of war who were missing in action took over the country for that long stretch of time. | |
| Those fucking flags were everywhere. | |
| You couldn't throw a rock at anyone with their damn flags. | |
| It was like being in Nazi Germany. | |
| You're like, what the fuck? | |
| Oh, that's one of my favorite things about these people is you see all these QAnon folks screaming and yelling when they see a trans flag flying under an American flag. | |
| And they're like, what the hell is this crap? | |
| You fly the American flag or no flag at all! | |
| And it's like, buddy, apparently you didn't live in the world in the 80s or early 90s where literally the POW MIA flag was everywhere, literally everywhere. | |
| And it was just this massive sort of Fuck you, the liberals. | |
| They're like, you don't care about our troops that were lost in Vietnam, you piece of shit. | |
| It's like, no, I care, but I don't need to fly a weird flag about it. | |
| Like, what's the flag about, bro? | |
| Well, we eventually came around when our heroic president said that he preferred his prisoners of war uncaptured or whatever. | |
| His war heroes uncaptured. | |
| That was it. | |
| And we were just like, oh, that makes sense. | |
| Getting captured. | |
| What a fucking beta-cuck move. | |
| Effortlessly crushing your enemies at the returning home to a hero's welcome. | |
| Chad shit, that's what we want here. | |
| Yeah, fuck you, get fucked for your effort capture. | |
| How did he lose Arizona? | |
| He was talking about McShane there. | |
| It's like it's so crazy. | |
| Yeah, it's so weird. | |
| Hey, Arizona, your favorite son, fuck him, he's a piece Shit, I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message! | |
| That may have been the actual moment, like, if I needed to put a fucking fine point on it where someone was just like, hey, when was the exact moment where you were just like, I don't know what the fuck a Republican is even supposed to be anymore. | |
| I think it was that. | |
| I think it was when a bunch of people were cheering Donald Trump saying that he hated John McCain because he was a prisoner of war. | |
| I was like, what the fuck? | |
| I was like, dude, that would just be like, it would be like if some hero cop was there. | |
| It was like a 9-11, like, you know, fucking first responder or whatever. | |
| Donald Trump was like, fuck that guy. | |
| He's gay. | |
| We hate him. | |
| And everybody was like, yeah! | |
| Fuck that guy! | |
| It's like, dude, what? | |
| This, this is like the opposite of what I thought a Republican was supposed to be. | |
| We should boo John McCain for so many reasons. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Well, I mean, the first and foremost is that now it's a lot easier. | |
| You know where the man is. | |
| You can get to him and just boo him from your heart out. | |
| Yep. | |
| That was actually the moment that Fox News called Arizona for Biden was when Trump talked shit on McCain. | |
| That just looks so funny. | |
| And then Carrie Lake doubled down on that shit, where she was just on the campaign trail against Hobbes. | |
| She was just like, if you're a McCain Republican, get the fuck out of my room! | |
| I don't want your vote, you piece of shit! | |
| And it's like, that's how you're gonna win an election, is by telling people to fuck off and not vote for you? | |
| What are you doing? | |
| Who are your campaign advisors? | |
| What are you doing? | |
| And also, when it comes to these people, it's just like, hey, it's like, all right, Miss Lake, why should I listen to what you have to say? | |
| And she's just like, well, because I was a former pageant winner, of course. | |
| Obviously, I used to be hot. | |
| And it's just like, okay, I guess. | |
| Uh, rebuttal, Mr. McCade, why should I listen to what you have to say? | |
| Yeah, I got captured by the enemy when I was fighting a war for this country for several years in one of their horrible camps being tortured and stuff. | |
| Oh! | |
| But how many patches did you perform? | |
| Exactly. | |
| Excuse me, she was a brave truth teller on the Fox 10 News here. | |
| I'm just kidding. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| I'm just kidding. | |
| That's why we have the extended platform here for you in just a moment so that you can talk about how much you like Carrie Lake. | |
| That's why the Arizona segment is listed as extra big this week is because it's just like, hey, we need to let Hayley get it out. | |
| She's like, I love Carrie Lake. | |
| I do. | |
| Okay, well, teasing over. | |
| I mean, we've already been taken over by the Chinese. | |
| What more is there to say? | |
| All hail Pooh Bear. | |
| Let's move on to the quote big AZ section for the week with our good friend Haley, aka Arizona Right Watch. | |
| Haley, what is going on in your flaming dumpster of a state this week? | |
| Well, since we're talking about Carrie, just real quick, this is literally breaking news. | |
| Her attorney that's been, you know, doing the Kraken cases for her, Arizona style, he's gonna go ahead and be facing some disbarment. | |
| Which is kind of expected. | |
| I think we all expected that, right? | |
| Yeah, I mean, at some point, if you're willing to represent some of these wackadoos, I just expect that at some point someone's going to look at you, reevaluate your ability to effectively litigate stuff. | |
| Like, just be like, you seem like you lack judgment, so let's look over your stuff. | |
| Yeah, they kept getting fined for just like, just making up shit in court. | |
| So it's like, this guy's not credible. | |
| Anyways, yeah, he's expected to be disbarred. | |
| This news actually, this story is kind of hilarious because this news kind of broke from somebody from the Cary Lake team that has been Kind of we're serving as kind of like a this just this like propagandist she she's she used to be an attorney here in Arizona but back in the Arpaio years she like was part of some hella corrupt shit where they went after like a bunch of you know political opponents and trumped up charges against them | |
| And, uh, they all got disbarred and, uh, you know, this, uh, big fines, big fines. | |
| But now she like works kind of alongside the Carrie Lake people to just like write articles for town hall and whatever bullshit that takes her shit just to, you know, write propaganda for Carrie Lake. | |
| Yeah, she's a propagandist and she's basically like a spokesperson, but unofficial in a way. | |
| Mm-hmm. | |
| Because she's kind of been, like, really writing about the Eastman trials right now. | |
| Just, like, why he's totally innocent. | |
| Of course. | |
| And why Carrie Lake is definitely gonna win and, you know, crack this whole thing open. | |
| So that's funny that she broke the news. | |
| This guy's facing, like, a bunch of ethics complaints That'll be fun. | |
| That'll be funny. | |
| Anyways, that just happened, so we'll see how that plays out. | |
| We're breaking news here, folks. | |
| We're breaking fucking news. | |
| Yeah, like the journalists that we are not, comedy journalists at best. | |
| Although, Hayley is much closer than either of us. | |
| So, Hayley, what is an Arizona Kraken? | |
| What is your cryptid of monstrous size in Arizona that this person would have been? | |
| Are you jackalope country? | |
| Um, let's see. | |
| We have this thing called the Mogollon Monster. | |
| I'm in. | |
| Yeah, so there's this part of Arizona, it's called the Mogollon Rim. | |
| It's kind of like a mountain rim, you know what I'm saying? | |
| It's like a nature shit. | |
| But there's a Bigfoot that wanders those parts, a Bigfoot type. | |
| He's a Mogollon Monster, though. | |
| Yeah, we have a lot of cryptids here. | |
| That's one of them. | |
| I did enjoy that when you got into your original description of the cryptid, you lowered your voice. | |
| So we got both cryptids and ASMR at once. | |
| We're hitting all the niche demographics. | |
| It's spooky time. | |
| This is the clip we're going to make for our non-political followers. | |
| Cryptids and whispering. | |
| It's going to be great. | |
| I'm going to start popping some backpacking bolts. | |
| That'd be great, honestly. | |
| Adventures in Hellworld over. | |
| Cryptids in Hellworld. | |
| Let's begin. | |
| I would be fully on board for that. | |
| You would get a much higher level of energy and research from Elle if we were researching cryptids. | |
| I would be like, dude, look at this fucking crazy shit I found out about the Al-Al-Algogra rimjob or whatever it was. | |
| And then... | |
| We have a slow week, I'll do a... | |
| I'll do an Arizona cryptid section. | |
| We should do that. | |
| We should do cryptids around America. | |
| We should do all 50 states cryptid. | |
| I don't think so. | |
| I don't think you guys should be tempting me with any topic that's much less of a bummer than QAnon. | |
| Anyway, so, Breaking Cary Lake News notwithstanding, that's not actually what I was setting you up for. | |
| So, what was I volleyball-style setting you up for for you to spike? | |
| What kind of crazy stuff is happening in Arizona this week, Hayley? | |
| Boop! | |
| The Q Shaman is running for office. | |
| Jake Chansley. | |
| Boop! | |
| Spiking it! | |
| Yeah. | |
| That is insane. | |
| What are his chances? | |
| Your boot's on the ground there. | |
| Is there a chance that this guy gets to make decisions? | |
| He's running as a libertarian and I think he actually filed his paperwork wrong. | |
| They didn't give him a vegan pen. | |
| Yep, it's not a shamanistic pen. | |
| Yeah, his pen wasn't fed grass-fed ink. | |
| Yeah, this race is interesting. | |
| So this is like the 8th congressional district. | |
| So the person that currently serves this seat is Debbie Lesko. | |
| She's just a You know, she's just your typical, like, Freedom Caucus, I love Trump, uh, of course the 2020 election was fake type person, but she's not as, like, loudmouthed as, like, the rest of the Freedom Caucus people. | |
| She was getting more blonde as you described her. | |
| She's incredibly blonde. | |
| Yeah, you were just like, you said her name and I was like, okay, this person appears to probably be a female. | |
| So I was just like, blank template. | |
| They start brunette. | |
| I mean, that's just the way it goes. | |
| And then as you were talking, it just got blonder and blonder. | |
| You were just like, of course, she's Freedom Caucus. | |
| And I was like, okay, we'll just switch that right over to blonde. | |
| Straight away, brown to blonde. | |
| It's like get political, guess who? | |
| Yeah. | |
| She's conservative and then just like every woman with brown or dark hair just goes away immediately. | |
| Yeah, you need to be blonde. | |
| That's all they want. | |
| They're fools. | |
| They're leaving so much on the table. | |
| So she's stepping down, you know? | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh man, what a heartbreaker. | |
| Was she part of the people that voted to remove McCarthy? | |
| I know it only took one person to start the petition to bring him down, but they've always talked about how eight Republicans were basically behind the move to unseat McCarthy and then start this whole speaker drama. | |
| I don't think so. | |
| Wow, she's really blonde. | |
| She's incredibly blonde. | |
| She's incredibly blonde, yeah. | |
| Go ahead, Mike. | |
| No, I just, I did a search to see how blonde she was and I was like, holy shit! | |
| Everybody, listeners, look how blonde she is. | |
| That is fresh out of the bottle. | |
| Just wake up in the morning, shower in hydrogen peroxide, just make sure it's poppin'. | |
| Does she look older than I was expecting in my head? | |
| That's just because for whatever reason I keep giving Republicans the credit for having developed that Logan's Run technology that just evaporates people once they hit 35. | |
| It's clear that if they could do that to the women that happen to support them, they would absolutely be doing that. | |
| They would just be like, yeah, just put this gym in your hand, no big deal. | |
| That's why she has to step down, she aged out. | |
| But she does have this hilarious quote, because she's a grandma, and she did have this hilarious quote that went viral once that was like, I would do anything for my grandchildren, you know, to stop them from, like, invaders, including shoot them. | |
| That's a common quote she has. | |
| She meant to say, like, I would shoot the, like, invaders. | |
| That's what she usually says, but it sounded like she was going to, like, annihilate her grandkids. | |
| So that's kind of what people know her from. | |
| That's kind of her legacy. | |
| If you break into my home, I'm killing my grandkids before you can. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So anyway, all the ghouls who lost in 2022 are now buzzing around this seat. | |
| It's in Phoenix. | |
| It's like middle of Phoenix, you know, like West Phoenix. | |
| So Blake Masters, who fucking lives in Tucson, is trying for the seat. | |
| The ghoul, Blake Masters, the Peter Thiel guy. | |
| The human skin guy. | |
| The guy who literally did a campaign ad about shooting a gun repeatedly and being like, German made. | |
| German made. | |
| I'm Slenderman. | |
| Blake Masters gets away with the fact that he's running for statewide or district-wide office, but he makes Ron DeSantis look like just an 18 charisma and totally human and normal by comparison. | |
| Blake Masters is such a, like, baked-in-a-lab monster that got out before the process was finished. | |
| It's, like, not even funny. | |
| It is why Peter Thiel looked at this guy was like, yeah, this guy's a guy I can put in front of cameras. | |
| This is going to work. | |
| It's like, what? | |
| Fuck, dude! | |
| I mean, you snuck J.D. | |
| Vance across the finish line, but at least J.D. | |
| Vance looks human and, like, can talk. | |
| He had that old book some people liked because they don't like good books. | |
| No. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| That's one of the things that makes me laugh so much is, like, every time I think about writing a book, I start looking online on YouTube for advice, and they're just like, all these fucking mistakes! | |
| You suck shit! | |
| And I'm just like, What the fuck? | |
| I personally know of a million books that are bad that have become maybe even trillionaires. | |
| There's not a single person alive who doesn't think Dan Brown is a fucking hack of an author. | |
| That guy's sleeping on a bed of money. | |
| Twilight, boom, infinite money. | |
| It's like, it doesn't matter if it's good or not. | |
| It matters if it hits the zeitgeist. | |
| That's just all there is to this shit. | |
| And that's what a Hillbilly... that was a Hillbilly eulogy? | |
| That was the... Elegy, I think? | |
| Yeah, yeah, elegy, yeah. | |
| But whatever, yeah. | |
| J.D. | |
| Vance made a terrible book that became a terrible movie, and then he got to be a senator, because Peter Thiel was like, here's a bag of money, Mr. Dumb Author, and here's Donald Trump's endorsement of you in the Republican primary. | |
| Boom. | |
| Nailed it. | |
| And Peter Thiel and then fucking Blake Masters tried that same formula and just got crushed. | |
| I mean, like, because we had those four Republicans that lost in Arizona. | |
| Lake, Fincham, the fourth person who I don't care about. | |
| Kamede, he's also in this race. | |
| He's trying for the Lesko seat. | |
| I told you all the losers are back. | |
| It's like a carnival shooting gallery of clowns. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I haven't even gotten to the rest. | |
| I haven't gotten to the best ones yet. | |
| These are the normals. | |
| These are just the losers. | |
| That's their quality. | |
| I love it. | |
| It's so funny to me. | |
| Hamaday is now fighting Masters. | |
| They were on the same team a minute ago. | |
| Now they're rivals. | |
| That's so funny. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Arizona politics is like the dumbest soap opera imaginable. | |
| This is so good. | |
| Masters commercial is so funny too because it's like he just recycled the shots that he used for his last campaign which is all in Tucson and it's like you're running in Phoenix now. | |
| Change the ad. | |
| Okay, so you guys will like this one. | |
| Trent Franks, he was actually in the seat before Debbie Lesko. | |
| He stepped down because he did a little no-no when he was like, hey staffers, hey ladies, you guys maybe want to like Have my kids, surrogate style, but maybe not surrogate style. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | |
| It'd be a you, ladies staffers. | |
| What a fuckbear back. | |
| Literally! | |
| It'd be an HMU if you get my drift. | |
| So his defense was he was just asking to do in vitro fertilization with his staffers, but some of them were like, that's not what he was asking. | |
| He wanted to have the sex with us and knock us out as a result of the sex. | |
| So yeah, this guy was a weird, creepy creep. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I said, yeah, I want an in vitro fertilizer. | |
| I want to be in a vitro, if you know what I mean. | |
| Ooh, calm down there, buddy. | |
| So when he stepped down, he was like, he literally said, like, you know, like, this isn't what it looked like. | |
| The political climate right now is just too toxic. | |
| I'm stepping down. | |
| So now he must think it's like good enough to come back. | |
| The heat is off from him being a monstrous sex pest to his... He's in the right party for that to just go away. | |
| I mean, look at what happened at Matt Gaetz's 17-year-old cross-state line sex trafficking investigation went fucking nowhere. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And us still having some amount of hope left in our very souls. | |
| We're just like, maybe that means he's going to flip on somebody. | |
| No, it's nothing to nobody. | |
| Everybody just fucking forgot about it. | |
| This week Adam Schiff posted a picture of him with his little brother. | |
| He was a part of the Big Brother project and he posted a photo of the little brother that he helped mentor and then he posted a photo of them both grown up and now the little brother's like doing big things and is having a great time. | |
| And the photo he used for the first photo, when they were younger, was a photo Q used to basically accuse Adam Schiff of being a pedophile. | |
| So QAnon was just like, oh shit, Adam Schiff's just admitting he's a pederast. | |
| Look, he's using the photo Q used. | |
| And it's like, why don't you guys talk about Matt Gaetz and Nestor? | |
| Why does he never bring up that? | |
| I mean, that shit was fucking creepy as fuck. | |
| But Adam Gaetz and his weird child relationship, totally off limits for QAnon. | |
| Yeah, well, I mean, that's only because the media was reporting on the Matt Gaetz thing. | |
| Just kidding, they didn't really report on it at all, they didn't care. | |
| Back to Hayley, so how many more clowns do we have to get through? | |
| Okay, well, they want, the normies all want Ben Thoma, that's kind of, he's like... | |
| The head of the, you know, he's the president of the Arizona House, you know, right now. | |
| So that's like the normie, that's the normie one. | |
| When Debbie Lesko stepped down, she's like, Ben Toma, I want Ben Toma. | |
| Alright, see you, bye. | |
| That means he'll probably lose. | |
| I think because the race is so fucking, like, huge. | |
| And there's a guy that's in the race that actually lives in the district. | |
| He has served in Arizona politics for a while. | |
| His name is Anthony Kern. | |
| This guy sucks. | |
| This guy fucking sucks. | |
| I can't, I can't describe this enough. | |
| He was actually also at January 6th, you know, it wasn't just Chansley. | |
| We got two in this race that were storming the Capitol. | |
| Did he get any like charges for what his actions in this Capitol storming? | |
| No, and there's like photos of him clearly in restricted areas. | |
| Uh, like there's an article that's like, where was Anthony Kern on January 6th? | |
| Cause it's like a bunch of photos of him just like fucking camera right in the, like staring down the barrel of a fucking camera, like behind the scaffolding, you know, area. | |
| Um, but no, he never got, Any charges related to it. | |
| He barely got any smoke here locally. | |
| He actually was also part of the fake electors scheme here. | |
| So he was one of the fake electors. | |
| And then when the Cyber Ninjas audit happened, he was down there counting ballots. | |
| So he was part of the Cyber Ninja recount. | |
| I love that that is the name of a touchstone we have to go to, to Mark, because it's a thing that happened. | |
| And then during the Cyber Ninjas audit, there's definitely some cyberpunk dystopian shit, but it couldn't be more fucking boring. | |
| There's a bunch of overworked people counting papers. | |
| It's like seven months straight. | |
| It's just seven months of people counting paper. | |
| Like a cavern in, like, a fuckin' cabin in, like, North Dakota or whatever, and they come to the... At some point, somebody came to the realization that they were like, Oh shit! | |
| The results are in! | |
| And Joe Biden clearly won! | |
| What are we going to tell them, boss? | |
| And they're like, um, I guess that? | |
| The truth? | |
| And everyone was like, what? | |
| The truth? | |
| People paid $5 million for the truth. | |
| What the fuck, dude? | |
| What are you doing? | |
| And then the truth came out and people were like, boo. | |
| And, uh, that was how that went. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The Cyber Ninjas audit will haunt us forever. | |
| Nobody cares about the end that like the they were like, well, | |
| Biden won the everybody like focuses on like all the conspiracies that they were | |
| trumping up around the audit for those seven months that it was basically | |
| happening. | |
| I like see audit conspiracies get regurgitated on the timeline basically | |
| daily at this point and like Patrick Byrne and all those people are back on | |
| the on Twitter checkmark. | |
| So they're all like continually cycling those same lies just probably for the | |
| rest of my life because time is a flat circle. | |
| So that's fun. | |
| But anyway, Anthony Kern allowed like let them get their foot in the door | |
| vis-a-vis like questioning vote counts. | |
| That that's just gonna be a thing that they do now. | |
| It doesn't matter who's counting the ballot. | |
| If they don't like the outcome, they're just like, meh, we don't believe in that. | |
| That's fake. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| What a robust way to live your life. | |
| Anyway, back to Hayley. | |
| Anthony Kern, the only other thing I got to say about him is that he was fired. | |
| He wasn't a cop, but he is on the Brady List, which tracks dirty cops, because he was working for the police department. | |
| Like, it wasn't actually a police position. | |
| But anyway, he was lying to his supervisor and like he stole tablets or a tablet or something. | |
| So he got fired and was put on the Brady List for dishonesty and misconduct. | |
| He's just like all around a piece of shit. | |
| Now he like rolls with the Turning Point USA crew just to like constantly go to school board meetings to like complain about gay people. | |
| He sucks. | |
| I don't like that guy. | |
| Also you guys have me blocked on Twitter because he's a little bitch. | |
| So what does it matter? | |
| Surely you're not using Twitter anymore. | |
| Yeah that's true. | |
| Unblock me though. | |
| Unblock me so I can fight you. | |
| I don't know who's gonna win. | |
| Chansley... Who are you voting for? | |
| Which one of these conservative lunatics are you voting for? | |
| Well that's not my district so... | |
| Wow. | |
| I don't have to worry about it. | |
| It was a joke anyway, because I assume you're not a fucking conservative ghoul. | |
| No, I'm gonna- I'm gonna vote for- I'm- I- I don't know who I would pick. | |
| Yeah, but make your illegal vote count. | |
| Out-of-district illegal voting. | |
| We support it. | |
| No, we don't. | |
| That's not true. | |
| I don't, I don't, I wouldn't vote for any of these people, personally, but if I had to pick, I think Chansley, because I think that'd be entertaining. | |
| He would introduce bills that would be like, we need to put LSD in the water supply. | |
| Organic only. | |
| But the answer we were looking for were, write and vote for Donald Trump. | |
| Oh, I'm sorry. | |
| Sorry, we're going to have to knock out that one. | |
| I want to be that person. | |
| I want to like go to the ballot bowl and just like literally write in Trump for every office and then actually vote for him for president. | |
| Just be the super pill ultimate Trump nut. | |
| That's what my grandma does, but she puts Jesus. | |
| Aww. | |
| Thanks. | |
| Well, maybe he'll win one of these days. | |
| Okay, quickly, before we get out of the boosh. | |
| So, I actually went to my 20-year high school reunion last weekend. | |
| I don't know if I talked about that. | |
| Damn. | |
| And there were a couple of funny stories that came out of it that I was going to talk about at some point during the show, but we got talking about the new intro music at the 3BFA group. | |
| So one of them is too salacious for the regular pod and is going to lead to a discussion that I'd rather have off mic, so the listeners don't get to have that one. | |
| But the other one the listeners can be around for I'm outside hanging out, waiting for a friend to exit because I am planning on leaving because I don't want to be around these drunk fucks anymore. | |
| While I'm waiting for that friend, a guy comes out who I vaguely recognize and I remember the name of, thankfully. | |
| I was about 50% on that for the night. | |
| And he is smoking a cigarette and he is complaining about things that used to be different back in the day. | |
| And I was just like, okay, well, uh, never liked this guy, still don't like him now, complaining about back in the day, I know what you mean. | |
| And I was just like, this guy is a conservative nutjob. | |
| Then, I get home, I'm hanging out, like, you know, the next day, I'm on Facebook, because I'm old, and it's like, people you may know, and because I'm being monitored, it's showing me all the people from the reunion, and that guy's on there. | |
| And his profile picture on Facebook is the same as one of his pictures from Instagram. | |
| And when you take those photos on Instagram, it shows you your Instagram handle on the bottom right-hand corner. | |
| And I'm gonna make up a random beginning part of this, but the end part of it is the most important part. | |
| So let's just say it was coming from the Instagram of Master Welder 1488. | |
| And I was just like, oh, excellent. | |
| He's an actual Nazi. | |
| What fun. | |
| What a delight. | |
| No Facebook. | |
| I don't think I will be friend requesting him. | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| So that was a fun little swerve, but not the most fun swerve of the evening. | |
| That will be for you guys if you care to hear it after the show. | |
| Because now it's time for us to get into our headline news segment, Cues in the News! | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Cues in the News! | |
| I will say that I wasn't expecting this to be the way that the GOP decided to start getting awesome again, but here it is. | |
| Nonetheless, it is time they have just gotten down to the primordial muck of it all and have decided, We should just start fighting each other to solve some of these disputes. | |
| Let's just fucking punch each other with our fists and stuff. | |
| And for more actual information on that, I'll toss it over to Mike. | |
| Mike, why are we slapboxing in the Senate? | |
| Oh, we're slapboxing in the Senate, in the House, all over the halls of Congress. | |
| It's just fighting time amongst the Republican caucus. | |
| So Kevin McCarthy, our deposed former Speaker, apparently just elbowed somebody in the kidneys. | |
| And this led to the person he hit is named Burchett. | |
| And Tim Burchett was saying that McCarthy was in a hallway walking by him with his entourage and staff | |
| and just gave him a straight shot to the lower back. | |
| Just whammo, just hit him. | |
| Now this is one of the, so I told Mike ahead of the show, | |
| this is one of the few weeks where like, I actually know all of the stuff we're talking about this. | |
| I have not heard this. | |
| So I've seen all of this. | |
| I believe the gentleman who got struck described it as quote, a solid shot straight to the kidney. | |
| Yes. | |
| Was he pissing blood? | |
| Well, we can only hope. | |
| We can only hope that Kevin McCarthy made this man's urine into blood. | |
| Yeah, I mean, the more badass the victim here, I guess, because, you know, he was assaulted or whatever, allegedly, because, again, of course, McCarthy disputes this, but in this guy's mind, like, when he's telling the story, the more vicious he describes, like, the more he just, like, Fucking is evoking, like, evoking these strong masculine blows from McCarthy. | |
| I'm picturing him giving him, like, a fucking Muay Thai-style, like, elbow shiver, like, fucking Sagat from Street Fighter, like, GYAAA! | |
| You know, the impact blows his back out, like, fucking a Dragon Ball move, just BOOM! | |
| So McCarthy hit him and then apparently, uh, Burchett said, sorry, Kevin, didn't mean to elbow. | |
| And then he realized that McCarthy was just blowing him off. | |
| And then he yelled at him. | |
| Why did you elbow me in the back, Kevin? | |
| Hey, Kevin, you got any guts? | |
| Then Burchett yelled, You've got no guts. | |
| What kind of chicken move is that? | |
| You're pathetic, man. | |
| You are so pathetic. | |
| Later on, McCarthy... Bro, tackle him. | |
| What the hell? | |
| It's free game now. | |
| Let's go. | |
| Yeah, it's on. | |
| Bro, it's on. | |
| It's on. | |
| It's on. | |
| He hit you. | |
| Like, quit yelling and drop the gloves and start throwing. | |
| And later on, when this was brought up, McCarthy told reporters, If I kidney punched him, he'd be on the ground. | |
| Let's be realistic about that. | |
| So, McCarthy's like, if I hit that guy, I would've dropped him. | |
| That's how this actually works. | |
| I'm Kevin McCarthy. | |
| I'm a very powerful man. | |
| He's like, I work out with MTG. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, dude. | |
| He's just like, my martial arts prowess is not to be fucked with. | |
| If I wanted to explode that man's kidney, his kidney would be exploded. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Wow. | |
| Unreal. | |
| That sounds like a crazy thing, but certainly there couldn't be any more Mortal Kombat happening in the GOP this week. | |
| That would be insane! | |
| Wouldn't it? | |
| Oh man! | |
| Oh wait, what's this on my phone? | |
| Holy shit! | |
| So, Senator Mark Wayne Mullen and Mark Wayne is his full first name, which Did his parents just have an argument and then they were like, fuck it, we'll compromise. | |
| He gets both names. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Whatever. | |
| But Mark Wayne Mullen, the senator from Oklahoma, basically... Oh, Oklahoma, there you go. | |
| Yeah, yeah, no shit. | |
| Multiple first names. | |
| That is a weird thing that they love doing out there, so... | |
| God bless Mark Wayne. | |
| Yeah, so Mark Wayne Mullen was interviewing the president of the Teamsters and apparently he didn't like what the president of the Teamsters was saying to him and he basically was like, you want to go outside? | |
| You want to do this right now? | |
| And he stood up like he was going to just start coming to blows. | |
| With the team's first president. | |
| And Bernie Sanders, crotchety lunatic Bernie Sanders, had to be like, bro, what the fuck are you doing? | |
| You're a U.S. | |
| Senator. | |
| Fucking sit your ass down. | |
| Relax, buddy. | |
| Fucking get off this shit. | |
| Like... | |
| And the funny part is, like, Bernie Sanders is fuckin' mad old. | |
| So those guys can't even blame their, like, you know, it's just like, this is how we would have settled things back in the day, old man. | |
| He'd be like, I'm an old man! | |
| I know how they settled things back in the day! | |
| Senators were not fighting each other back in the, like, just in the middle of the chambers back in the day! | |
| Certainly not back in the days that anybody in recent memory can remember, you know? | |
| It's been a long time since people were dueling each other and shooting each other in the guts. | |
| It's weird. | |
| The last time we did something like this was when we were arguing about slavery on the Senate floor, when a guy beat another guy almost to death with a cane. | |
| And that was over slavery. | |
| Yes. | |
| Kind of an entire people's. | |
| It's like the enslavement of an entire people. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Fucking insane shit. | |
| Yeah, I mean, so wild. | |
| Yeah, so our boy Mark Wayne decided that this wasn't, he hadn't dug himself nearly deep enough a hole here with this bullshit. | |
| Later on, this right-wing bag of shit, who goes by the handle Comfortably Smug on Twitter, offered a chance for Senator Mullen to appear on his podcast. | |
| And Mullen replied to him any place, any time with a photo of himself, like, loading a gun and holding a gun in his hand, which people kind of took to him saying that, like, yo, Mr. Comfortably Smug, I would love to go on your podcast and probably murder you with my gun that I'm seeing here, like, like, loading. | |
| Um, so that was really fucking weird. | |
| I don't know why you post that photo and tell, when you tell people, yeah, I'll be on your pod, pack in, and Then later on, he was interviewed. | |
| He said, I'm not afraid of biting. | |
| I will bite. | |
| In a fight, I'm going to bite. | |
| I'll do anything. | |
| I mean, I'm not above it. | |
| And I don't care where I bite, by the way. | |
| It is just going to be a bite. | |
| This man is basically implicitly stating, if I'm going to fight with you, I will in fact bite your dick. | |
| That will happen. | |
| If I feel threatened in a fight with you, one way or another your dick is going in my mouth. | |
| Either I say I'm going to use it as an offensive technique to try to bite it off or it's going straight in my mouth as a defensive technique and I'm just going to try to sloppy toppy you into submission. | |
| Yes! | |
| Is this guy like a former MMA fighter? | |
| Like, why is he loading a gun? | |
| Why is he talking about biting people's dicks off? | |
| What the fuck is going on? | |
| At one point he was just like, the people of Oklahoma voted me to this position, they'd be disappointed if I didn't act like this. | |
| And I'm just like, well then, all the more reason for Oklahoma to get swept up into my One Dakota policy. | |
| Congratulations Oklahoma, you've been elevated to part of One Dakota. | |
| That shit is insane. | |
| If your constituents are just like, we voted you into office so that you could threaten to fight somebody on the middle of the sitting floor in front of Bernie Sanders, and in the process of doing that, bite his dick off of his body, and failing that, shoot him to death with this gun. | |
| And if you don't do those things, we are going to be disappointed in you, sir. | |
| I really do wonder, like the good people of Oklahoma, can you not just find like a boring | |
| guy who wants to subjugate women and deny global warming and all the rest of it? | |
| I mean, like, yo, Vladimir Putin, find a better Oklahoman for your policies. | |
| Like, this guy is a little much. | |
| A little much for everything that's going on in our world. | |
| And again, I keep saying that because they're a bunch of fucking clowns, They should start solving all of their disputes or whatever in terms of leadership with a unisex pageant. | |
| It should just be a pageant. | |
| There should be several different categories where you are to be judged, including your physical attractiveness and a talent you have. | |
| And you get to speak about some of your issues. | |
| All the pageant heads. | |
| And that idea is somehow only slightly to not at all more ridiculous than this guy's idea of fight you publicly in front of Bernie Sanders. | |
| That's wild! | |
| That's not that much, like, arguably I would say that is just about as wild as my solution, because my solution is non-violent. | |
| My solution is just, we're distilling it down to what the people want. | |
| You want the person who is the best combination in your eyes of hot, says the stuff you like, and can do a thing you think is cool. | |
| That's all anybody cares about, GOP! | |
| So why are you even bothering trying to be politicians anymore? | |
| Just try to be personalities. | |
| Fuck it! | |
| I mean, you know? | |
| I mean, they basically admitted in the 2022 midterms that they don't want people that actually are going to engage in policy or do anything. | |
| They ran Herschel Walker for Senate, and the man is, like, cognitively impaired, to say the very least. | |
| They ran Dr. Oz for Senate, and I don't know that Dr. Oz has any idea how the Senate works. | |
| Tommy Tupperville was a football coach, and he's now preventing our military from promoting people because he's Just a dumb moron. | |
| I mean, this... | |
| The entire point of how our political system was supposed to work was someone who knows their shit is like, hey, I know my shit, elect me to this office, and then I will make things run smoothly. | |
| And now our politics are, you know me, elect me to office because I am popular, and once I'm in office, you'll see me on TV more. | |
| And then people are like, what are you going to do for actually getting bills passed and stuff? | |
| Fuck that shit. | |
| My staff will figure that out for me. | |
| You're just going to see me on Fox News. | |
| Isn't that going to be great? | |
| Don't I have a winning smile? | |
| I mean, it's just, oh my God, like, it's just the dumbest possible party that could ever exist. | |
| Well, that's because they want to fight culture wars. | |
| Ed, you can't fight a cultural war with a political weapon, like a lot of the times, you know what I mean? | |
| You need to get the people on your side. | |
| Ron DeSantis is finding that out right now. | |
| He was the politician elevated by the cultural war! | |
| Yeah! | |
| I'm anti-woke! | |
| I fucking hate woke! | |
| And everyone's like, yeah, we hate it too! | |
| Because we're Florida! | |
| Fucking bizarre! | |
| And then he was like, excellent, I'm gonna ride this wave to the presidency. | |
| And now everyone is like, who? | |
| Ron DeWho? | |
| That guy? | |
| Oh, from Florida! | |
| Yeah, I remember him. | |
| That's where he's at now. | |
| Because he is like a dumb, empty-suit politician. | |
| And the culture warfare people want a culture warfare champion. | |
| They want their suit to be filled with a culture lunatic. | |
| That's what Donald Trump is! | |
| He's like a big bottle of, like, weird, repressed, conservative, cultural ideas in, like, a Eminem-style candy coating of, like, made-for-TV charisma. | |
| Fucking... That's why he's so potent. | |
| That's why he sucks so hard. | |
| And that's why everybody loves him so much. | |
| DeSantis had none of that shit. | |
| He was just an empty suit filled with nothing. | |
| Yeah, he was literally Trump without the charm, and that was his whole thing. | |
| And I just remember so much astroturfing for that guy. | |
| There would be these dumb poker games that I'd watch on clips of, and there'd be one guy at the table wearing all kinds of DeSantis 2024 gear. | |
| And it was just like, buddy, man, when you look back on this in, I don't know, three months, it's going to be a real bad look. | |
| It's going to be real quick too. | |
| Like the shelf life of your 2024 DeSantis gear is going to be, it's going to expire faster than milk. | |
| Like man, man alive. | |
| There's someone down the road for me that has this huge Trump Pence sign. | |
| And it's like, pick one. | |
| They're running against each other. | |
| Well, not anymore, but. | |
| Yeah, he should literally like do what people do for their football teams when their player leaves and then another player takes the number on their jersey. | |
| You just like put a little tape on the back of the nameplate and then write the new player's name on it. | |
| It needs to be like Trump and then you just like black out the pens. | |
| I see the blacked out pens a lot, like tape. | |
| Right. | |
| Covering it on bumper stickers. | |
| You just wait for Trump to pick his new Veep, and then you just, like, fucking, like, take a stencil and spray paint the new Veep on. | |
| So, like, you can be, like, Trump Lake 2024 or whatever. | |
| I mean, just, like, however you want to do this. | |
| I actually saw some people literally tape over the second zero in 2020 and like write in a four on their Trump 2020 hats. | |
| I'm like, oh God, really? | |
| Well, they're just like, wow, I'm buying a new hat. | |
| I mean, that's just wasteful. | |
| Yeah, good stuff. | |
| And Donald Trump was like, meanwhile, failing True Social Platform. | |
| It was just fucking, like, endless legal expenses just being like, please buy a new hat! | |
| For the love of God, buy a new hat! | |
| Please for the love of God, buy a hat! | |
| God, there's nothing I want more than Trump's 2024 campaign speech to just pivot into an ad buy. | |
| Everybody, we're going to make America great again. | |
| It's going to be incredible. | |
| But you know what else is incredible? | |
| My pillow. | |
| Use the promo code Trump. | |
| NerdVPN is the best VPN. | |
| You wouldn't believe how incredible this VPN is. | |
| I can make it look like my computer's in anywhere, you know? | |
| I could be in America, or I could be in one of these other worst countries. | |
| I'm here for it. | |
| Oh man. | |
| Panhandler Trump. | |
| The best Trump. | |
| Have you heard of this HelloFresh? | |
| You're doing me undies? | |
| Yes! | |
| I was like, oh god. | |
| My goodness. | |
| Yeah, not, you know, let's just let's keep raining our blows down upon Donald Trump because he sucks and we hate him and get into our next news item. | |
| Donald Trump is having a bad legal week vis-a-vis perhaps what might say some beans having been spilt just all upon a table in front of a bunch of cameras and other people there to take statements. | |
| Mike, what did we learn about Donald Trump this week? | |
| Uh, so we got video of, uh, the big one was Jenna Ellis, but we got Jenna Ellis, Ken, uh, our boy, Kenneth cheese, bro. | |
| And, uh, the cracking lady, Sydney Powell. | |
| All had their pro offer videos, uh, leaked to the media, I believe. | |
| And ABC news was just sort of like file the request and it was granted. | |
| And they got the videos of basically what those people told prosecutors in order to get their deals. | |
| Uh, Sidney Powell stated, uh, one of the lawyers, one of the prosecuting lawyers was like, yo, Sidney Powell, how were you able to get into Trump's inner circle? | |
| Cause like, let's be honest here. | |
| You're a nut of the highest order. | |
| And her answer was basically all the other lawyers were telling Trump that it was over and he lost. | |
| There was time to go. | |
| I was telling him to keep fighting and he liked hearing that. | |
| So we just, he decided to keep me around because I was telling him what he wanted to hear. | |
| And, Kenneth, Cheese Bro's commentary was basically stating that Trump understood what the fake electors were and was helping coordinate the fake elector scam. | |
| So the idea that Trump was just out on the golf course doing whatever he was doing and he had no idea his minions were planning this phony elector scheme, that seems to be going away with his testimony. | |
| But the final one, the one that's been getting the soundbite that's been played all over the media is Ellis. | |
| When she was talking to the prosecutors, she said that she was talking to Dan Scavino, who, as listeners of this pod or followers on my Twitter feed will know, Dan Scavino is the QAnon whisperer. | |
| He's the point man for the Trump team, keeping QAnon all happy and content. | |
| Scavino told Ellis, quote, the boss isn't leaving. | |
| Just that is it. | |
| Just we are maintaining power. | |
| We do not care. | |
| And she told him that's not how this works. | |
| And then he again told her, we don't care. | |
| We don't care that quote unquote losing an election means you don't get to be president anymore. | |
| We're just gonna not abide by that. | |
| Get fucked. | |
| So the whole idea that again, Trump wasn't a part of this, didn't know what was going on. | |
| Nope. | |
| He was absolutely totally cool with it. | |
| He had sent the directive to Dan Scavino to be related to Jenna Ellis that, uh, we're staying in power. | |
| Election be damned. | |
| We're, we're doing this. | |
| So this is not great. | |
| One might go so far as to say for Trump's legal defense, um, I, one of the ways that you know, this is really bad is it's been a day since all this, all this stuff came out and I have not seen a single QAnon promoter even address it remotely. | |
| They've just gone total radio silence on these leaks. | |
| And I'm sure they're trying to cook up some sort of defense. | |
| And I'm sure that defense will be mostly just throwing all these people under the bus and claiming that they are deep state now. | |
| But it's bad times. | |
| I have not seen a lot of people coming out and going, oh, this is good for Trump. | |
| This is going to work out well for him. | |
| About the only thing I've seen on that front is people saying that maybe this is like a form of witness intimidation | |
| But now this is out. Those people will be harassed by Trumpers and MAGA chuds into trying to be silenced, but | |
| they already got their testimony. So I don't know how good that will do them. I | |
| Mean you gotta get your hope in where you can you know, yes, you have the hope you have supplies are | |
| Lessening so it's not great. No way Things are looking great. | |
| Things are looking great for Trump across the board, man. | |
| What a hopeful anti-Trump. | |
| Just getting to pummel Trump messaging this week on the show. | |
| So good. | |
| What a dick. | |
| Just getting to take a bunch of shots at him for being such a dumb-dumb. | |
| And the GOP in general. | |
| Maybe he'll be a blue shaman for VP, you know? | |
| Trump-Chansley? | |
| I mean, like, I heard a rumor I didn't like, you know, or I saw a headline that was a rumor that some people were just like, oh, he's sniffing around Tucker Carlson. | |
| And I was just like, why would Tucker Carlson ever want to hit like hitch himself to that sinking boat? | |
| I mean, like, I don't... Tucker Carlson sucks, but I don't think he's, like, stupid. | |
| Pretty sure he knows that that way lies madness, but maybe not. | |
| And, you know, again, in terms of, like, empty suit filled with, like, dumb... | |
| Because like, like GOP rhetoric and charisma, like Tucker Carlson is not a bad choice. | |
| But I don't think that, I don't think he and Trump can exist together. | |
| I think Trump would have to die before Tucker Carlson could make a run. | |
| Yeah, that's the thing is that, like, Trump would never pick Carlson for the simple fact that Carlson would upstage him. | |
| And then Trump would be incapable of dealing with that. | |
| He needs his vice president to be a loyal nut who also doesn't take any shine away from him. | |
| Because the moment the press spends, basically Trump wants to have his announcement, have his vice president give a speech, there'd be like a four hour window where people discuss the vice president and then the vice president is put in a closet never to be seen again until Trump returns to the presidency, at which point the vice president is sworn into the vice presidency and then once again put back in that closet. | |
| And that's it. | |
| Tucker would not do that. | |
| The moment Tucker became the VP, it would just be like a month of, Oh my God, Tucker. | |
| And the worst part about it for Trump would be like, Hey, you know, we've all been talking about Biden's age, but Trump ate no spring chicken. | |
| And, uh, by the way, he's kind of cuckoo for cuckoo puffs. | |
| So maybe we're getting president Tucker. | |
| And oh boy, if true social was still around by then, there'd be a lot of posting about how Tucker Carlson is only my vice president. | |
| I picked him. | |
| I have all the power. | |
| Get fucked, you pieces of shit. | |
| Make America great again. | |
| Me, Trump, right? So I mean, just, oh God. He would, he, he, it would only, it would only make | |
| his already high blood pressure even higher if he actually made Tucker his V because he couldn't | |
| handle, he couldn't handle that. Well, heaven forbid that he ever actually find anybody that | |
| can sort of vibrate at his same frequency of lunacy while also willing to be subservient to him. | |
| Um... | |
| Uh, because then he might be a dangerous fellow, but it's hard to consider him too dangerous. | |
| I mean, don't get me wrong. | |
| I know his rhetoric is dangerous and that people still love him, but every day that he's like, having to fucking just lie on the stand and have all of his, uh, former comrades betray him and stuff, it's, it's like, you know, it is helping to, to make him seem a little more and more toothless by the day. | |
| And hopefully that rings true for everybody and that we can finally be rid of him. | |
| What a world that would be. | |
| So let's keep this positivity train rolling and move on to our always wonderful listener mailbag, Sigmund. | |
| Our listeners got questions, we got answers. | |
| It's time for Q and A. | |
| Arsefacekiller asks, when are you and Hightower going to do a wrestling podcast? | |
| He's talking about Sarah Hightower, who's also a QAnon researcher and loves her rasslin' as do I. That's on her. | |
| Ball's in her court. | |
| I mean, my schedule's weird, because I work swing shift. | |
| But yeah, so talk to her. | |
| Get on her about it, and I'll be here for it. | |
| I'm here to talk all kinds of stupid stuff. | |
| Football, wrestling, darts. | |
| I'll get into darts. | |
| Darts? | |
| Darts! | |
| I love darts. | |
| I love having a British man yell, 180! | |
| I mean, it just, it's majestic. | |
| It's a beautiful noise. | |
| It does sort of suit this wall. | |
| Yes, it really does! | |
| But yeah, I'm here for all of it and any of it. | |
| Anyone who wants to do anything, I'm available. | |
| I'm a consumer whore and how, so yeah. | |
| So thank you for that. | |
| I don't think that my co-hosts have anything to say about that because they're probably not very much into wrestling. | |
| The question wasn't for me. | |
| No, it wasn't. | |
| That was a private conversation between you and the chatter. | |
| Me and Hayley were both politely ignoring you and each other, as is the covenant, when a question is addressed directly to one another. | |
| Thank you for abiding by the rules of the covenant. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, like, we could have been texting, talking shit, and you never know. | |
| Mike, what a weiner. | |
| Yeah, I was like, let's start talking about Rasslin. | |
| Is this one of these people that you kind of know that has a much bigger platform than you? | |
| That would be great. | |
| Springboard yourself if you can. | |
| I wish they were, and I have no idea. | |
| I also have no idea. | |
| I mean, that is my primary feature on the show, is the havover of no ideas. | |
| Pancake Peasant asks, when you sell out for that sweet conservative grift money, where are you buying property? | |
| I guess a safe place would be the middle of the country, right? | |
| Because then your property will become seafront property in 20 years. | |
| It'll rocket in value. | |
| I don't know. | |
| A lot of the places I'd like to move to, I don't think they would necessarily want to have me. | |
| Ooh, Amsterdam is a good choice. | |
| I'm sure that they would have me in Amsterdam. | |
| I'd just be like, you know what? | |
| America was cool, but I'm done with this. | |
| I'm just going to go retire into Amsterdam. | |
| I'm not sure how accepting the Irish are of random new people just showing up and just being like, hey, I'm here to live permanently from now on. | |
| But if they would have me, I would also love to live in Ireland. | |
| It looks like a beautiful country and the people seem really nice and funny, so I'm sure I'd get on with them. | |
| And maybe they could teach me to finally love beer. | |
| That would be a real treat. | |
| Do you like corned beef hash? | |
| I fucking love corned beef hash. | |
| Really? | |
| Yeah, oh yeah. | |
| Then it's the place for you, bud. | |
| I know, dude. | |
| I get corned beef hash pretty frequently out here. | |
| Luckily, where I live, it's an option on many of the local breakfast places' menus. | |
| Someplace near Boston that has Irish food? | |
| Holy shit! | |
| I mean, you would have no idea that there were any Irish people near me. | |
| Nor Greek people. | |
| They're all very subtle. | |
| Yeah, it's incredibly subtle. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| You, Haley, where are you moving with your sellout money? | |
| When we inevitably get to sell out because we're so talented. | |
| Well, I'm not going to move anywhere. | |
| I'm just going to accumulate more land in Arizona and just kind of become like a little lord here. | |
| You can't see me because of my lack of webcam, but my face just sunk like the Bart Simpson meme. | |
| Uh, your big plan is to just stay in Arizona? | |
| Do you truly love Arizona? | |
| Where am I supposed to go? | |
| Anywhere you want! | |
| We're talking about, like, hypothetically, where you have, like, fuck-off money. | |
| I don't know if I can handle weather anywhere else, you know? | |
| It's like a unique climate here, and I was born here, so it's like, can I handle it? | |
| Can I handle the change? | |
| I mean, you could go to Australia, which is Arizona, but, like, not in America, surrounded by American conservatives. | |
| Do I want to go to Australia? | |
| I don't know. | |
| I'm just saying, like, climate-wise, it seems like a pretty natural fit. | |
| Listeners, convince me. | |
| Where should I go? | |
| I mean, like, the funny thing is, is that as a cover of Arizona, like, you get to see much more of Arizona's seedy underbelly than I do, like, but you still have so much, like, hometown pride. | |
| It's great. | |
| You know it's just where I'm from and it's I haven't really been many other places you know there's nothing like Arizona you know you ever get get high on mushrooms in the middle of a desert on a mattress that's just sitting out there that you know people have probably fucked on but you're just like I'm gonna sit on it. | |
| No, I've never done that. | |
| I've never gotten high on mushrooms at all. | |
| But if I were to get high on mushrooms in the area I'm in, I could do it comfortably on a probably enclosed second-floor porch, like, overlooking, like, a distant but still visible view of the ocean or whatever. | |
| So, like, I feel like I don't need to be on some weird fuckmatches. | |
| I could be on a couch that people have fucked on, but they're me and or other people I know, so it's cool. | |
| And then you wake up from your drug-induced nap and there's a little javelina nibbling on your pants. | |
| I don't even know what that is. | |
| Is that a bird? | |
| You don't know what a javelina is? | |
| Nope. | |
| I don't live in the desert. | |
| You just said it's a unique climate. | |
| Wow, I thought everybody knew what a javelina was. | |
| It's just a little piggy. | |
| It's a little picarry. | |
| Is that how you say it? | |
| Is that the proper term, listeners? | |
| I don't know. | |
| You said a little piggy. | |
| It is a piggy, but I think there's a technical term. | |
| I mean, we're talking about the same thing here. | |
| Like a pig? | |
| Yeah, like a pig. | |
| It's a pig with little tusks. | |
| I don't know if you've ever been to the East Coast, but we don't just have pig. | |
| We don't have wild pigs. | |
| Up in the Northeast, you don't just get chill pigs that come and slightly nibble on you. | |
| Dude, I would be over the moon if I saw a small pig. | |
| If I was just out in the world and I saw a little pig, I would be like, what is this? | |
| I had that reaction when I saw a skink or something for the first time. | |
| I guess they're native to here. | |
| It was like this little adorable weasel running around like on the train platform. | |
| I was like this thing is incredible. | |
| I've never seen one of these before in my life. | |
| So a little pig? | |
| That'd be insane. | |
| I will send you some javelina pictures. | |
| The javelinas are currently becoming a bigger icon in Arizona than ever before because they've been kind of destroying this golf course up on like a on like tribal land that is just like it it's a ridiculous spot for a golf course to be it's like there's it's there's a reason that pigs keep destroying it because it's like right in the middle of their habitat and they're just destroying the fuck out of this golf course so they've kind of they've kind of been celebrities here the past couple months because of it we love the heavenly look there's can you see it can you see the art | |
| Can you see the art behind me? | |
| Is it clear? | |
| Is that what that's supposed to be? | |
| It's a javelina. | |
| I thought it was a cryptid or something. | |
| No, it's a little javelina. | |
| It's a little javelina I painted. | |
| So they're just little furry pigs? | |
| They're little furry pigs. | |
| And he's breaking a golf club. | |
| I love it, I love it. | |
| You freaked our minds by telling us that you just have like little furry pigs that are just like around. | |
| And then we freaked your minds by telling you that that's not a thing everywhere. | |
| Nor is it a thing that people just know about Arizona. | |
| Now do you see why I want to just accumulate more land here rather than leave? | |
| I mean, look, the pigs are fine, but you're also surrounded by carry lakes. | |
| So, I mean, that's not cool. | |
| I'll buy her house out. | |
| Get her the fuck out of here. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, although, if I was in the middle of the desert in a funk mattress and I woke up and she was nibbling on me, I may feel a little bit different about the situation, as well. | |
| That is a charming way to be introduced to a little pig, and a Gary Lake. | |
| How about you, Mike? | |
| Where are you fucking off to? | |
| I mean, if I had that kind of money, my first thought is obviously Las Vegas. | |
| I did enjoy living out there. | |
| But if I wanted to just live the life of just someone who's just totally not caring about anything and defeated capitalism, San Diego is always the dream climate place to go because it's just nice there all the time. | |
| I could just hang out, enjoy spring eternally, which would be fun. | |
| Start my beekeeping career, get into arguments with people about if flow hives are ethical or not. | |
| It'd be great. | |
| It'd be wonderful. | |
| Cause I just, I've always wondered about like, I see these people who are like, yeah, I'm doing beekeeping in this unbelievably cold region of America. | |
| And now my bees are hibernating for like four months and I got to help them. | |
| And then spring comes around and they crack open their hives and their bees are all dead because the winter killed them. | |
| And then the guy's like, oh fuck, and I'm just like, oh god, who would do this to themselves? | |
| To work so hard at this hobby, and then just, the environment is just too hostile for your tiny insect friends. | |
| That's what speedrunning is, right? | |
| You see these guys who are trying to break these like, video game speedrun world records, and like, some of these categories are like six hours long, so you'd be like four and a half hours into a run, and then fuck up and lose like a bunch of minutes, and just be like, Well, that's it. | |
| It just got reset. | |
| It's a button right away. | |
| Just get back to it. | |
| It's like, there goes four hours of my life. | |
| Never get it back. | |
| Yep. | |
| Crazy. | |
| You love, love, love people that are passionate about stuff though. | |
| As long as it's not like dangerous. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| Like that's the one thing that always blows my mind about people who are just | |
| like, I love guns, they're so cool and interesting and it's like, could you | |
| please give up your hobbies so children stop dying? | |
| And they're like, no, my hobby is so cool. | |
| And it's like, you know, if I had a hobby that was tangentially related to murder or just aggressively related to murder, I would, for the good of people, stop enjoying my hobby. | |
| I'd just sort of be like, yeah. | |
| Don't say that, Mike. | |
| You're going to dissuade all of our true crime fan listeners. | |
| Oh, I'm sorry. | |
| You're in the Q&A. | |
| Oh yeah, that's also a much better point than the one I made. | |
| Well done, Hayley. | |
| Yeah, fuck you, buddy. | |
| You're a cue without reasons. | |
| All of our life is nothing but sadness. | |
| Of the three of us, I'm the only one who can get away with having slightly clean hands. | |
| We're anti-it. | |
| We're not promoting it. | |
| He's not promoting it. | |
| He's not Q-posting on the timeline. | |
| Mike could be Q. Nobody knows who Q is. | |
| It could be Mike. | |
| I don't know what you do. | |
| That's what Jim Sturgeon doesn't know is that Michael Flynn is actually deflecting from me. | |
| He had the wrong mic. | |
| Yes, the wrong mic the whole time. | |
| Right. | |
| Oh God, that was that was the I really didn't have any place to shoehorn this into the show, but it was the absolute funniest thing on Twitter, because Mike Rothschild posted a thing where he was just like, now that this is public, I can come out and talk about this, but I was an expert witness working on behalf of CNN against Michael Flynn and the Flynn family and their lawsuits for defamation against CNN. | |
| And, like, I saw that, and I just started laughing. | |
| And I was like, how is Jay-Z gonna, like, flip this? | |
| Because, like, the whole thing Stewardson's got in his head is that Rothschild's on the Flynn payroll. | |
| And then Stewardson was like, CNN, you had a mole in your team! | |
| He was working to undermine you! | |
| Ah! | |
| And it's like, oh. | |
| God, you fucking clown. | |
| Oh, my God, you dumb clown. | |
| Just the saddest boy. | |
| Yes, Mike Rothschild was working for Mike Flynn by giving expert testimony against Mike Flynn in a lawsuit. | |
| Yes. | |
| Perfect logic. | |
| And we call that party chess. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yeah, that guy is really, really something. | |
| And finally, Leach from Buffalo asks, there seems to be a larger amount of Q-pilled posts giving out dates in late October, early November. | |
| Do you think that the amount of these predictions changes based on the time of year? | |
| If so, what might be the cause? | |
| The answer to that, what did you say? | |
| Seasonal affective disorder. | |
| Oh, yeah, absolutely. | |
| At the Daylight Savings, I fucked up QAnon. | |
| That'd be great. | |
| The actual thing is that the reason why people are freaking out right now is because we have just passed through the QAnon Holy Weeks. | |
| The first Q drop. | |
| Yes. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Well, that's the sign of the crosshailing. | |
| You got to make an air Q like Trump. | |
| You got to do the little circle, then draw the line through it. | |
| That's the holy hand gesture of... No way, I'm throwing out the fucking DDP diamond. | |
| Yes! | |
| Boom! | |
| Rockefella! | |
| Boom! | |
| Jay-Z getting sued by Doug McDowd's page. | |
| So, the first Q drop that is in the canon was written in October 28th, 2017, and the big payoff that Q was promising was supposed to happen on November 4th. | |
| In that gap of time, you basically had this week or so of Q just writing a ton of shit, doing a ton of world building, talking up all this crap that was going to happen. | |
| And so QAnon kind of works themselves into a frenzy every year because this year we hit the six-year delta on all that bullshit. | |
| Next year, we're going to hit the seven-year delta on all that bullshit. | |
| Those sounds like constraints of week. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, and this was again when Q actually gave a fuck about producing content and was putting his back into it and doing a lot of work. | |
| So there's a lot of drops in November of 2017, so there's a lot of content to mine and to look for to try to hit deltas, to try to hit deadlines, and all that kind of stuff. | |
| That's the main reason why you're seeing so much more shit about this is because this is when their their boy started all this crap and Basically, early in the year and through the summer, my favorite part about Q is that saving the world became very much a part-time job later on in the Q drops. | |
| He would just take two weeks off, come back two weeks later, post a few drops, take another five days off, come back. | |
| It was just sort of like, you know, I could help you guys understand how the People that are eating children for their fear infused blood is bad and how we can defeat them and save the world. | |
| But I got to play some pickleball. | |
| I got to go to the I got to go to bowling night. | |
| I got a painting class to attend. | |
| I got to do other stuff. | |
| Q contains multitudes. | |
| He has a lot of work to do. | |
| So saving the world, he'll get around to it when he can. | |
| I mean, so that's that's basically it. | |
| It's really because this is this is when Q was interesting because It's really funny because in these Q drops, he's like blowing up North Korean nuclear test sites. | |
| He's monitoring Barack Obama on spy satellites and ridiculing him and all this stuff. | |
| Q is incredibly powerful in these early drops. | |
| He is literally working on the right hand of Trump, crushing the deep state with an iron fist. | |
| And then you smash cut to 2020 and the Q drops are literally, watch Hannity, Trump's going to be on tonight. | |
| It's going to be a great interview. | |
| And it's like, Don't you have some Ukrainian biolab to blow up? | |
| Don't you have some deep state, like, group in China to dismantle? | |
| Nope, not really. | |
| Just telling you to watch Hannity. | |
| Gonna be a lot of fun. | |
| It's just, oh my god. | |
| It's so funny how the character's power level just absolutely drains as he runs out of story to tell and forgets that he's supposed to be a super powerful spy. | |
| The degree to which you were powerful is easy to forget. | |
| Yes. | |
| Confidence is key. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That's the secret. | |
| Yes. | |
| All right, moving on. | |
| Any further mailbag questions? | |
| Nope, that was it. | |
| That brings us to our final question, as always, is what are you guys looking forward to? | |
| Ooh, I guess Thanksgiving leftovers. | |
| Mostly because they've already started rolling in. | |
| Had a Friendsgiving, it was nice. | |
| Grubbing on some of those leftovers. | |
| Today I think it's gonna be time for like a regular, like non-leftover meal. | |
| But then we've got regular Tea Gives coming up. | |
| It's gonna be pretty nice. | |
| Uh, yeah, but we'll, we'll be recording one last time before the, the, the giving of thanks. | |
| So we'll just say that currently I'm excited for leftovers. | |
| Helps save money on the old wallet and also tastes delicious. | |
| Although I did, at Friendsgiving, I brought, there's a place nearby that has this delicious imported spicy salami and I showed up with way too much of it. | |
| I was just like, Hey, let me get two pounds of that salami. | |
| Cause I feel like when I only get the one pound, it just flies by everyone's love in the salami and it just disappears immediately. | |
| Everyone loves El Salami. | |
| He brings the best salami. | |
| Yeah, and you know what? | |
| I'm happy to feed it to my friends. | |
| and some olive spread was like $75. | |
| And I was just like, oh right, this salami is like imported meat | |
| and it's pretty high quality. | |
| So I was like, well, I hope these people enjoy the salami. | |
| And they did. | |
| And I felt like a big hero. | |
| It was great. | |
| Everyone loves El Salami. | |
| He brings the best salami. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And you know what? | |
| I'm happy to feed it to my friends. | |
| I'm just like, please eat upon my meat. | |
| My work gives us a turkey every year for Thanksgiving. | |
| So, like, literally, you just see, like, a random employee... Yeah, his name's Mike's. | |
| Ho ho ho ho ho ho! | |
| His name's Mike! | |
| Oh! | |
| Turkey! | |
| Get it? | |
| Sorry. | |
| Ha ha ha ha ha ha! | |
| No, like, so you just see an employee walking across the casino floor with a turkey in their arms, like, every, like, half hour, like, today and tomorrow. | |
| It's just Turkey Acquisition Day. | |
| It's, like, a very bizarre thing we do. | |
| Yeah, that was the day they hired you. | |
| Oh! | |
| Yes! | |
| Oh god. | |
| Got him. | |
| I doubt he listened to the show, but that joke was mostly for me and Sarge. | |
| Because at one point, I got a real good with a quick little zinger where he came in and I was like, how was your day? | |
| And he was like, oh, it was nice. | |
| I was taking pictures of turkeys. | |
| And I was like, oh, so selfies? | |
| And then he just gave me the perfect look. | |
| Oh god. | |
| So anyway, what are you looking forward to, fine folks? | |
| Did everybody cover their bases? | |
| Nobody, anything else to cover? | |
| I can't really shake your head dismissively. | |
| That's fine. | |
| She yearns only for the cold embrace of oblivion. | |
| No, she yearns only for the further warm embrace of Arizona. | |
| We found out that she wants to be some sort of baroness of the wasteland, which I can dig. | |
| Yeah, that's exactly me. | |
| She wants to be the new Cartel Katie. | |
| She wants to be Cartel Haley. | |
| Dude, after the bombs drop, you're gonna have like a big cool throat and a bunch of people Just chilling on the fuck mattress. | |
| Yes. | |
| You have a very simple ruler. | |
| I just want to chill on this grubby mattress. | |
| It's a simple life. | |
| I don't, I don't mean to overstep my boundaries, Queen, but I could simply venture out to one of the mattress founders to get you a fresh mattress. | |
| And you're just like, how dare you? | |
| All I want is my pillow, but that was where they dropped the bombs, so. | |
| That was the first place they needed to head. | |
| Michael, don't do this too much. | |
| Make sure to head to my fellow facilities. | |
| Oh, this unlocked in my brain. | |
| Oh, Hayley, did you see the Doja Cat join the Illuminati? | |
| What do you mean? | |
| She had, like, an Illuminati-themed birthday party. | |
| Really? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Her cake had the compass and square of the Freemasons on it. | |
| It had the all-seeing eye. | |
| Are they baking that? | |
| What'd you say? | |
| Is she getting baked? | |
| Oh, she's getting baked. | |
| She's getting baked so hard. | |
| Oh, Doge just totes Illuminati now. | |
| Your girl made it. | |
| I love Dogecat. | |
| Me too. | |
| She's great. | |
| I love that she did that. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, your girl's up there now. | |
| She's working her way up to Taylor Swift and Beyonce levels of being in the Illuminati. | |
| I'll have to send you photos of her cake. | |
| It's great. | |
| Yeah, I want to see. | |
| I want to see it. | |
| I'm looking forward to nothing, so that's my answer for the week. | |
| Jehovah's also, but I don't celebrate holidays, so hopefully just some trickle in. | |
| Is that from your Jehovah's Witness upbringing? | |
| Yeah, I mean, none of the family celebrates, so it's like, what am I going to do? | |
| Dude, I'll make sure to send you a text. | |
| I'll send you... it'll be like you're really there. | |
| Okay. | |
| Yeah, send me your smorgasbord. | |
| I want to see feasts. | |
| Well, Thanksgiving's a really bad one because I also don't have anything going on for Thanksgiving, so that's how food would be very sad. | |
| So I'll probably... but if I do anything for Christmas or whatever. | |
| Chinese food. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But yeah, because, you know, I only I don't have family so I only celebrate holidays with my friends really like we go out and do like friend stuff like that, that that dumb that dumb picture I sent you of me with the double sweater on that was for me and a bunch of my like 30 something friends going to Sears and doing like family Christmas photos together. | |
| I did want to go take some photos with, like, a Santa this year, but, like, dress really, like, hilarious and put, like, a balaclava on. | |
| Oh, I was like, I didn't know what sort of hilarious you were going for for these embarrassing Santa photos. | |
| Um, just a funny, just a funny photo, you know? | |
| Nice. | |
| Mike, what are you looking forward to? | |
| Uh, I am looking forward to, uh, swimming. | |
| Uh, I am just trying to not be a giant fat boy anymore, and my knees are very bad, so when I tried to, like, do working out that involved, like, moving my body around, my knees were like, buddy, buddy, you, this, this is a mistake. | |
| You really need to not be doing this. | |
| So I was like, fuck it. | |
| What can I do to not anger my body that involves movement? | |
| And the answer is going to the Y and using their swimming pool. | |
| So like a absolute moron who has no concept of the world around him, I went to Dick's Sporting Goods last week to obtain swimming trunks and goggles and earplugs and all that good stuff. | |
| And then I was like, oh right, it's fucking November. | |
| They don't have that shit on the floor. | |
| What is wrong with you? | |
| You absolute moron! | |
| So I had to order all that stuff off of Amazon and it has arrived. | |
| So, uh, I will be, like, renewing my... Because basically COVID ended my relationship with the YMCA, shockingly. | |
| It was weird. | |
| You couldn't go there anymore because people were dying from a virus. | |
| So I have to like get off my ass and get back to that stuff and just be in the pool for a little while on the days I have off that I can do that because I enjoyed swimming and I want to get back into it because it's good for you and all that fun stuff. | |
| Aquatic Mike. | |
| Aquatic Mike. | |
| Mike the Fish. | |
| Just what the world needs, another quitter. | |
| Yes! | |
| No. | |
| I mean, obviously, probably a good idea overall. | |
| And you do you, mate. | |
| But some of us are still... Don't worry, fat people. | |
| I will continue to be the vanguard for you. | |
| I'll be your flag bearer. | |
| Still just as fat as ever. | |
| I'm nowhere near defeating obesity. | |
| Don't you worry about that. | |
| You haven't yet jumped to the other side, but you're like sending them messages across the perimeter. | |
| You're just like, is it true that they say that nothing tastes as good as feeling thin feels? | |
| And they're just like, oh yeah. | |
| But meanwhile, all your friends over at our side are just like, I don't know man, this food tastes pretty fucking good to me! | |
| I like this cake. | |
| Yeah, I'm fucking dumping it over here, dude. | |
| Like, if you... Oh man, that does look like a nice cake. | |
| It's like, it's like, yeah. | |
| Have you ever had food? | |
| I don't know. | |
| Yeah. | |
| DJ Middle Leopard is in incredible shape, and he goes to sleep at 5pm. | |
| Oh yeah, that man's lifestyle is not one I would wish to emulate. | |
| Mark Wahlberg's talking about waking up at 2.30 or 3 in the morning so that he could eat a little breakfast before he exercises for an hour. | |
| And I'm like, fucking no thank you, Marky Mark. | |
| Absolutely not. | |
| Anyway, on that note, it is time for... I don't even know how we're leaving Hellworld today. | |
| I don't know, on one of those rascal scooters. | |
| Let's all take rascal scooters out of Hellworld for the week. | |
| Thank you so much, listeners, for your support with your precious ears. | |
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| Money, please, at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics. | |
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| We love all of you. | |
| If you have money and you want to do some good with it in the world, there's a ton of ways to do it. | |
| But one that we will continue to suggest is donating to love146.org. | |
| They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation. | |
| Thanks, as always, to a person we've already mentioned a couple of times this episode, DJ Minimal Effort for use of our theme song, even if it has been butchered in a cool way by Mike Rains. | |
| And thank you to Frosty for all of our bumps, voiceover work, etc. | |
| when we need that. | |
| Mike hasn't gotten the chance to chop and screw that stuff yet, but I look forward to see what sort of cavalcade of Sonic horrors he will come up with in the future. | |
| If you want to contact people via socials, you're out of luck when it comes to digital effort. | |
| But Frosty can be found on Twitter, at FrostyVO, as far as I know. | |
| Technically, I am on Twitter, or I'm on Blue Sky, but eh, whatever, ignore that. | |
| And I believe Haley, for the most part, feels the same way. | |
| But if you want to find Haley on social media, you can find her at Arizona Right Watch. | |
| Mike, still a social media whore, so you can find him on Twitter and BlueSky at PokerPolitics, and of course the show itself on Twitter at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. So for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, the Mysterious L, joined as always by our expert in all things Arizona crazy, Hayley, aka Arizona Right Watch, and our expert in all things Q-anon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains, aka Poker and Politics. |