This week Mike, Haley, and L talk about DeSantis being a Nazi and Elon's obsession with the letter X. We also deal with Bronny having a heart attack and some goons getting convicted for selling bleach as a cure for all that ails you. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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| Thank you. | |
| Content Warning. | |
| The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. | |
| Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a. | |
| Arizona Right Wing Watch. | |
| Always. | |
| Always. | |
| You've been devoted to always. | |
| That's how this works. | |
| Sarge is stuck in the South American jungles, crushing Coca under his feet, and maybe so for forever. | |
| That's a bummer. | |
| I'm also joined by the mysterious Elle. | |
| Hey, my beautiful babies. | |
| Yeah, Sarge isn't dead. | |
| He's just dead to us. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Jesus Christ. | |
| I never fucking liked that guy. | |
| No, so I just had work commitments and unfortunately we couldn't figure out, you know, scheduling anything with adults is impossible. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's true. | |
| Yeah. | |
| We had been really just sort of like, me and El had just lucked out aggressively that he had a weekday off, and my work would let me schedule to around that weekday. | |
| And Sarge was cool too. | |
| And then Sarge got like a real big boy job. | |
| And then they were like, hey, you have to work this day. | |
| And it's like, fuck. | |
| Yeah, you can't take hump day off, I guess. | |
| Yes, you just can't take Wednesdays off arbitrarily. | |
| What kind of university you live in where Wednesday's a day off, idiot? | |
| And so that was pretty much that. | |
| So yeah, it really sucked. | |
| Retail? | |
| Everybody that works retail has got a fucked up schedule because retails open on weekends, you know? | |
| Yes. | |
| The casino industry is why I have Wednesdays open because I've got to be there on the weekends because when everyone else is off, I've got to be there making sure that they're playing blackjack incorrectly. | |
| You're the weekend entertainment. | |
| I really am. | |
| People often are just sort of like, how can people fall for QAnon? | |
| How do people? | |
| And I'm just like, work at a casino and just watch people staying on 15s against 10s all day. | |
| Literally, we solved blackjack. | |
| You know, like we deal in pretty woke circles and we're not just supposed to look somebody dead in the eye and tell them with a straight face because this is the truth. | |
| Because lots of people are stupid and easy to trick. | |
| Like, we're supposed to be a little more delicate than that. | |
| But I mean, at the end of the day, I just want to grab somebody by the shoulders and just be like, because they're stupid and or easy to trick. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And also because I know incredibly intelligent people that are easy to trick. | |
| Like, they're not they're like, you know, the two the two are not perpetually intertwined. | |
| Lots of smart people can be hoodwinked by ding dings. | |
| It's Some people are just trusting, you know? | |
| It's an incredibly weird phenomenon to watch somebody who is, in theory, so intellectually punching down on this other person, but the person down at the bottom is really just like, yes, I have hoodwinked you and you are dumb. | |
| And also, it kind of makes people Get weird when a person you consider to be of lower intelligence falls down a rabbit hole. | |
| You're just like, ah, that's where that dum-dum belongs. | |
| So be it. | |
| But then when one of your bros starts going down that rabbit hole, you're like, wait a minute. | |
| No, you're smart. | |
| This isn't supposed to happen to you. | |
| And it's like, well, Like, having intelligence on some level is still not a defense for this stuff. | |
| This stuff can still seep into you. | |
| And the trick to dealing with those people is the same across the board. | |
| You just pretend like they don't exist anymore. | |
| They're dead to you. | |
| Like, sorry, they're dead to us. | |
| Sorry, Grandma, you used to be cool, but now you're dead to me. | |
| I don't think that's the position of the show. | |
| It might not even be my real position. | |
| No, we're talking about the Bleach guy on this show, and I actually have a family member who does the Miracle Mental Health Solution. | |
| Comedy show! | |
| Comedy! | |
| It's funny. | |
| It's funny that they do that. | |
| Before we get into all of our grim, actual QAnon-related horseshit for the week, The audience can't see it, but our permanent co-host who's always been here, Hayley, has a purple and black gamer chair, which I'm going to use as a segue to talk about my Oppenheimer, Barbie, or | |
| No spoilers! | |
| I didn't get to see it. | |
| weekend. Ooh, I want to hear about it. Mostly just because like Barbie is great. I do have | |
| some criticisms about the story. Like at one point, it just sort of felt like I was just | |
| no spoilers. I figured my finger wagged at me. No, I didn't. | |
| I didn't get to see it. | |
| I went to go see the I go. I went to go do Barberheimer and our theater fucking power | |
| We're permanently broken. | |
| theaters out and I was next to a Sound of Freedom and I was like, oh god, they're freaking | |
| out right now. | |
| Did you get to see Oppenheimer? | |
| I didn't get to see anything because the theater died. | |
| The theater was permanently broken. | |
| Were you doing both back to back or were you doing... | |
| I was gonna try. | |
| See, we didn't have that in us. | |
| Anyway, so... Also, I'm not a monster. | |
| I wouldn't spoil any of these movies right now. | |
| But anyway, Barbra Hyde was great. | |
| At some point, I felt like I was being lectured to. | |
| But, you know, it's a movie about and for, like, a female demographic with a feminist message. | |
| So, fuck me. | |
| Like, you know. | |
| Aside from that, it has some minor story complaints that I think are, like, valid criticisms. | |
| But, you know, it's still like an 8.5 out of 10. | |
| Really fun. | |
| How are the outfits? | |
| Oh, it looks incredible. | |
| Talked about set design, all the outfits, tons of great performances, like the total package, like in terms of just like directing the visual presentation, like a 10 out of 10. | |
| Like, very good. | |
| Oppenheimer, I wouldn't fucking know, because we tried to do it the way that Christopher Nolan attended and go to our local IMAX theater, which I haven't been to in 15 years, and they haven't renovated it in 15 years, so it's still not as fine seating, and the seats are all terrible, and if you're not there like an hour and a half early to get one of the seats. | |
| Come on the seats, 15 year old cum. | |
| Yeah, well, I mean the cum, whatever, I can do with some cum. | |
| If you're not there an hour and a half early to get in line to get into the center of the theater where you will be packed on all sides by people in tiny seats like it like not for the claustrophobic if you're anywhere but that cherry position you have all the same claustrophobia but your viewing angle is impossible you can't see anything the like it was we were we were looking at a guy's face he looked like frankenstein because it was like a weird rectangle like from our angle it was fucking crazy So we bailed on that. | |
| We were like, bail. | |
| We were just like, fuck it. | |
| We'll just go home. | |
| We'll try to get through RRR on Netflix. | |
| Oh, awesome. | |
| We got through half of it. | |
| It's great. | |
| It's just three hours. | |
| And at that point, we did that three hours. | |
| It's based. | |
| So on Monday, we were just like, all right, we got our tickets for Oppenheimer. | |
| We're going to go do it. | |
| We're going to go do it. | |
| And then I was at work, and I got a text as I was boarding the train to make my commute to where the theater is. | |
| It was just like, hey, I'm sick. | |
| Oppenheimer is cursed. | |
| We're calling it off. | |
| So my Barbenheimer weekend turned into just Barbie weekend. | |
| And you know what? | |
| Barbie was rad, so I'm satisfied with that. | |
| I'm not sure if I'll ever see Oppenheimer now. | |
| Did you watch any of the movie at all when you first went in? | |
| No, the face we were looking at was like, you know, it's an IMAX theater. | |
| There's like a guy who shows up to just be like, isn't our IMAX theater great? | |
| IMAX totally rules. | |
| And his head was the one that was Frankenstein. | |
| I did not get to see a Frankenstein headed Cillian Murphy. | |
| You didn't get to see if he hangs stong? | |
| No, I mean, that is the same theater where I got to see Watchmen. | |
| Oh, good. | |
| The entire reason we went there, and we did go an hour and a half early to get the cherry seating, is because, look, if we're going to watch a movie where a guy is in it for like 20% of the film with his blue dick bouncing around, we're going to go to IMAX and have a fun story about the dick. | |
| We also saw Beowulf at that theater for the same reason. | |
| Beowulf was like, oh, CGI fully nude Angelina Jolie, huh? | |
| And it's just like, well, maybe she might as well be 30 feet tall. | |
| Like, you know, I'm down for that. | |
| Yeah, I didn't see either movie. | |
| My mom saw Oppenheimer and was furious about the sex scene. | |
| She was just like... Why? | |
| What happened? | |
| She was just like, it was totally uncalled for. | |
| I don't know why they did that. | |
| Nice. | |
| And I was just like, hey... I can't explain to you what the artist was going for with that, but... I can explain it. | |
| It's because we have to see Cillian Murphy's... We have to see what's packing down there. | |
| Both of them! | |
| Who does he have sex with in this movie? | |
| Or it's you! | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, I want to see both of them naked. | |
| That's why this is a movie. | |
| Yeah, I'm fine with this. | |
| I'm not complaining. | |
| You know? | |
| And obviously the actors didn't think it was out of pocket for part of the fucking experience. | |
| They did it. | |
| And they're big enough where they could have told Christopher Nolan to fucking pound sand. | |
| Yeah. | |
| In her 70s mom review was, no sir, didn't like it. | |
| That's like my grandma. | |
| She's like, there was a sex scene. | |
| I didn't like it. | |
| Yes, that's exactly it. | |
| That's literally it. | |
| Your problems are your old, old man. | |
| Or your own old man. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I don't know. | |
| I mean, I don't like... I've certainly seen movies where there are, like, sex scenes and it's like they're gratuitous. | |
| And not even on purpose. | |
| You know, you watch a stupid slasher movie and a gratuitous sex scene happens and you're just like, okay, this is part of the genre. | |
| But, like, sometimes you'll just be watching a regular drama and it'll just be like, and then they bode aggressively on the hood of a Camaro and you're like, what? | |
| Okay. | |
| And I doubt Christopher Nolan has packed one of those into his movie. | |
| I bet that there is a reason for it. | |
| And if you're offended by the sight of... | |
| I'll have to be the judge. | |
| railing Florence Pugh, it's not going to matter to you what part of the story that's connected | |
| to, but like, what does it bring to the table otherwise, you know? | |
| It's like, oh my God, I can see Killian Murphy's balls and I don't like it. | |
| I'll have to be the judge. | |
| I mean, I'll look at them. | |
| I've always been a big fan of Celebrity Nudity. | |
| It's one of my favorite things about Doja Cat. | |
| Doja Cat's just like, yeah, hey, look at my breasts. | |
| They're great. | |
| I love Doja Cat. | |
| You're the best. | |
| I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But I like her. | |
| And I like that she's kind of baiting the people that are Satan, like, like satanic | |
| panicking her right now. | |
| She's doing the Kesha, which I highly recommend. Yeah, she's kind of baiting them a bit with | |
| a like, I don't know about Kesha's career trajectory ended up with | |
| suing a highly renowned producer for rape and losing her career forever or whatever. | |
| Oh yeah, that was terrible. | |
| I haven't seen Kesha in a while, I think. | |
| I know. | |
| I think it's because Dr. Luke or whatever his name is. | |
| We are Team Kesha? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, I think Kesha's music is fiercely mediocre, but I am pro-team anyone speaking out against their fucking abuser. | |
| Do you have some party song out when I was a teenager that I thought was a bop? | |
| Because it was a party song. | |
| Yeah, I mean, any song is great if you're hammered and there's bass in it. | |
| Oh my god, it's great! | |
| Like, how do you explain every hair metal band bazinga? | |
| Okay, technically we're at QAnon Podcast, so we should probably move on. | |
| Yeah, which talk we like. | |
| Not talk about. | |
| Why would we use our podcast time to talk about things we like, but we could instead talk | |
| about QAnon, a thing that only Mike likes. | |
| It is funny. | |
| Yeah, and I truly love QAnon. | |
| It's my favorite thing in the world. | |
| I'm totally pilled. | |
| I know, but hey, it's a love-hate relationship. | |
| You know, you hate fucking QAnon. | |
| Well, let's begin that process in the Amuse-Bouche. | |
| It's time for a light sampling of insanity. | |
| Get ready for the Amuse-Bouche. | |
| Alright gang, right before we started recording, Mike Rains told me that there was some Rudy 2D breaking bushi, and I don't know what it's about, but apparently it involves our buddy friend, Rudy Giuliani, and our friend buddy, Hunter Biden, who's the Tootie and the Rudy Tootie, get it? | |
| Well, uh, yeah, well they are separate, but uh, Rudy, they're both doing a lot of work. | |
| Okay, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, That's totally my fault. | |
| Yeah, we have a breaking boosh item. | |
| It's two smashed together. | |
| Here you go. | |
| I'm serving this up to you. | |
| Write a headline for you. | |
| There you go. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| You get off on correcting me on air, motherfucker! | |
| Okay, so I guess we have two separate push items, so I'll let Mike untangle this mess for us. | |
| No problem! | |
| But no, the Hunter Biden thing is a real quick thing because Hunter was supposed to go to | |
| court today to plead guilty in the plea deal that he had been agreed to. | |
| And then there was some scuttlebutt and out of nowhere it became this thing where the | |
| plea deal was off, that Hunter Biden was going to just be, was going to be like charged for | |
| his crimes and that whatever deal he was going to get where there was going to be no jail | |
| time was going to be removed. | |
| And then the re-breaking news came out saying that the plea deal was back on, but that the | |
| only thing that was added to the plea deal was the fact that Hunter can be tried later | |
| for unrelated crimes if that is something that needs to be done. | |
| Cock too big! | |
| Which, I didn't know that you had to specify that you could be tried for other crimes when you do a plea deal for certain crimes. | |
| I didn't know you... What's the premise? | |
| What do you do? | |
| Yeah, so it's like the assumption here that like, you know, he did a bunch of coke and then didn't pay his taxes | |
| And I was catching a plea For not paying his taxes, but they're just like hey buddy. | |
| We might still get you for that coke later That could be but who knows | |
| Yeah, basically they were like, for stuff unrelated to the taxes and the gun charge, we may be able to try you for that at some ill-defined point in the future that you haven't been charged for. | |
| And basically Hunter Biden was like, fucking, I don't care. | |
| I just want to get this over with, so fuck off. | |
| You know, between the Hunter Biden thing and the way that Trump's been treated, I think that there might be a difference in our law system if you have money. | |
| It's so strange. | |
| Like, the other day, my co-worker and I were talking about how it's just like, did you hear that former president, Mr. Trump, was served a letter telling him that he was going to be, like, indicted at some point? | |
| That's insane. | |
| It's just like, yeah, I don't think we get a letter for that. | |
| I think a cop just shows up, puts his knee on our back, throws some cuffs on us. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And that's if you're white. | |
| If you're not white, they just shoot you to death. | |
| They'll kick open your door while you're sleeping, shoot you to death. | |
| They hope you did a crime. | |
| Yeah, just, man, I really hope I murdered the right non-white person, because if I didn't, I might get into a skosh of trouble. | |
| That's a lot of paperwork I'm gonna have to do. | |
| Oh, no, yeah. | |
| So, there was this fleeting, like, half hour of excitement in the right-winging QAnon that Hunter Biden was gonna go crack rocks in a Super Max, and then that vanished away. | |
| Like that, am I right? | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| Haley is wearing the Biden cocaine shirt today for the Theater of the Mind people. | |
| I think she's posted that on social media previously. | |
| It says Biden, but the I is a rolled up dollar bill and the E is three lines of cocaine. | |
| Yes. | |
| This was like a... White powder, excuse me, it could be anything. | |
| Yeah, it could be like baby Tylenol, whatever. | |
| They cut that shit with so much crap nowadays. | |
| But yeah, there was like some like far-right legislators in Arizona that were like, this should be the Biden logo. | |
| And I was like, it should be, that's the sick logo. | |
| So I took it and put it on a tie-dye shirt. | |
| Nice. | |
| I mean, that's how Dark Brandon started. | |
| It's like, hey, we lost woke in that exchange where they think is a big problem, like it's unfortunate that during the draft they got woke. | |
| But we did pick up Dark Brandon, and that's not nothing. | |
| No. | |
| I love political meme shirts. | |
| I have a Hunter Biden hookers and blow shirt, and it's a photo of him smoking crack in the bathtub. | |
| It's a photo of him just living his incredible life. | |
| Just being cool. | |
| That's only under scrutiny because he's like the son of the president, even though he's like, yeah, I don't care about that. | |
| How they try to make him sliding down the water slide naked with a bunch of like babes around him. | |
| Scandalous? | |
| And I'm like, that looks fun. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| It looks like a party. | |
| Because there are two types of people in the world. | |
| People that think controlled substances and like sex work slash just sex in general are bad. | |
| And then other people who are cool. | |
| Yeah, I'm smoking weed right now. | |
| I'm pretty cool. | |
| So like, you know, I think it's just like, is that technically illegal? | |
| Yeah, sure. | |
| I mean, all right, let's do it. | |
| That's a discussion we should have. | |
| But yes, technically, currently, yes, it's illegal. | |
| But I don't know if that's really the sort of crime we should be trying to make a big to-do about, you know? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So that was our boy Hunter's dealings with the law and plea deals. | |
| On the other side of things, our boy Rudy has decided that he is admitting that two of the things that he said about those poor women that were in doing the ballot Ruby Freeman and her daughter Shay Moss. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yes. | |
| Rudy Freeman and Shay Moss. | |
| Rudy has now admitted that two of the things he said about them were lies. | |
| He's just like, look, I was lying about those two things. | |
| I will not contest that. | |
| But I still don't think me saying those terrible things about those women was defamatory. | |
| No, their lives were ruined. | |
| Those women were serially harassed. | |
| Oh yeah, all of them. | |
| to flee their homes. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| All of Kanye's like assistant was in on that one. | |
| That was the one that was, remember how like Kanye was kind of in on the stop, | |
| the steal stuff through like an assistant. | |
| Yep. | |
| Like, uh, that was who the assistant was like targeting was Ruby Freeman. | |
| And it's like, yeah, those women, like their lives were fucking ruined. | |
| And now I've seen some people actually like the Freeman campus come out with a | |
| statement saying that this is big. | |
| We appreciate that this has happened, but this is, but a step in | |
| the right direction. | |
| The important thing about all of this is what really is coming down here is that Rudy ...has been following the Alex Jones lawsuit playbook of refusing to comply with discovery. | |
| Discovery is the process where you have to give over your information to the other side, and the other side has to do the same for you, so that both sides know what the facts are as they go into court, and then you can have a battle over those legal issues. | |
| Rudy's just been not giving the Freedmen Camp all of the documents he's supposed to be giving them. | |
| And at one point he's like, I don't have the money to search for all those accounts to find them and see what's in them. | |
| I just can't do this, Your Honor. | |
| And the court's been like, no. | |
| Fucking give us the shit. | |
| Your Honor, I do not believe I need to turn over these documents because they make me look powerful guilty. | |
| Oh Lord, how good did these documents make me look? | |
| Yeah, so Rudy is in this pickle where apparently, like he's claiming he's broke | |
| and that's why he can't find the documents. | |
| But as El just said, it's probably because the documents make him look really fucking guilty | |
| and open him up to way more criminal. | |
| Powerful guilty! | |
| Yes! | |
| Powerful guilty. | |
| And so this attempt to just declare, look, those things I said were bullshit, it's an attempt to get around discovery. | |
| To make it so that now you don't have to go looking for all those terrible things that I said in all these emails and whatever else that I refused to give the court. | |
| Because on the evidence of the case, I've already admitted I'm in the wrong. | |
| So please, for the love of God, do not make me comply with Discovery. | |
| So, to the judge in this case, please make Rudy comply with Discovery. | |
| Fuck him. | |
| All of this bullshit. | |
| I want all of his Dirty Laundry aired and hopefully it destroys him and maybe takes down his boy Trump with him. | |
| So that'd be great. | |
| So yeah. | |
| Isn't he already mostly destroyed, though? | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| I mean, he's the guy doing, like, fucking $250 cameos on that website. | |
| He's the saddest, brokest boy in the world with his fucking car oil dripping out of his hair. | |
| America's mayor. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| Man. | |
| Man, way to technically be the mayor of New York during 9-11. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Literally anybody who was in that position at that time would have turned into a temporary hero overnight. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Yeah, just the most sympathetic figure ever. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Go take a photo on the rubble and you're a fucking insta-hero. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| As if you did anything. | |
| Yeah, they even loved it when Mayor E. Newman did a what me worry on The Rumble. | |
| Oh my god, what a very specific joke. | |
| Okay, let's move on because our boots are dragging. | |
| Apparently there has been a cardiac arrest incident. | |
| Now Mike has got me gun shy. | |
| I don't want to try to delve too far into it. | |
| Mike, please tell me I'm not wrong. | |
| You are not wrong. | |
| LeBron James' son, LeBron James Jr., who is known by the world as Bronny. | |
| Bronny James had a cardiac arrest while he was practicing at USC, the college that he is playing basketball for this year. | |
| And he was taken to the hospital. | |
| He was out of ICU pretty quickly. | |
| And the James family thanked everybody for handling the situation. | |
| And getting everything taken care of, all lickety-split, no harm, everything's good. | |
| And of course... And story over, everything was good. | |
| Nobody said nothing about why a young 18-year-old man had a heart attack. | |
| There was no speculation. | |
| The owner of Twitter didn't fucking do a winky-winky naughty-naughty about The deadly COVID vaccines or anything like that? | |
| Nope. | |
| Everyone level-headed, rational, calm, cool, and collected. | |
| Everybody said, get well soon, sonny. | |
| Yep, get well soon, son. | |
| There's nothing nefarious about what happened to you. | |
| No idle speculation. | |
| LeBron Goat. | |
| That's what they said. | |
| That was their response. | |
| Okay, so on our next Boosh! | |
| topic, Mike has... Something about bleach! | |
| No, of course, obviously. | |
| Anytime anybody falls ill for any reason nowadays, there's a certain narrative that emerges and it's not too hard to... Yeah, this is the Miracle Mineral Solution guy. | |
| Oh yeah, but the one thing I really wanted to do quick about this is that myocarditis is not cardiac arrest. | |
| When you have myocarditis, you just don't have a heart attack, which is what QAnon and all these people think. | |
| You get the vaccine, you have myocarditis, you have a heart attack. | |
| Myocarditis is inflammation of the heart and it's just like a problem that you have with your heart where it's inflamed and you might have palpitations, you might have shortness of breath, things might happen but you're not guaranteed to have cardiac arrest. | |
| Edward Rodriguez, one of the pitchers of the Red Sox, got COVID, got myocarditis, had to just miss a whole season because he just couldn't exert himself because his heart was screwed up. | |
| Keith Lee, as a professional wrestler, had COVID, got myocarditis, nearly had to retire because his doctors were like, dude, you can't even jog without this being bad. | |
| You just don't get the vaccine, then do something, and then, oh, heart attack! | |
| It's dead. | |
| It's just this ridiculous... Yeah, to me, it sounds like the vaccine sometimes gives people large, passionate hearts. | |
| They should just move to Spain. | |
| It grinches them. | |
| They should just move to Spain where they could do, like, flamenco dancing or whatever, like, on a balcony with, like, an improbably big moon in the background. | |
| Also, yeah, sports people have fucking heart attacks sometimes. | |
| They put a lot of strain on their body. | |
| Remember Ziz? | |
| Never forget. | |
| I don't know who that is. | |
| You don't remember Ziz? | |
| You don't know Ziz? | |
| I'm sure they got the vaccine. | |
| Is that the name of the Olympic mascot from like 1996? | |
| No, he was like a bodybuilder online. | |
| He was like an e-boy before e-boys were a thing. | |
| He was an e-boy and a bodybuilder? | |
| Yeah, like, uh, like an e-boy bodybuilder. | |
| Like, he was incredibly ripped, um, and had, like, an online following back in, like, the early 2010s, maybe, before he died. | |
| Um, and then he was, he's, like, incredibly ripped, like, like, sculpted body. | |
| Uh, I had a lot of dude friends that were, like, Myron. | |
| On him, you know? | |
| That was a thing that he said often, Myron. | |
| R.I.P. | |
| Ziz. | |
| And he died in a sauna after his, like, workout. | |
| He had a heart attack. | |
| Way before the COVID vaccine. | |
| Way before he got his Pfizer. | |
| It was a different jab. | |
| Some jab, you know. | |
| Honestly, that guy probably would have been anti-vax. | |
| Were you gonna get you with his strong forward jab? | |
| Shout out to the listeners that remember Ziz. | |
| Yeah, I mean, even having been vividly described it by what sounded at times to be a pretty thirsty Haley, I, uh... It's not! | |
| It wasn't me. | |
| It's literally my dude friends were like, I literally want to show them. | |
| They don't know anything about QAnon stuff, but I literally want to show them this bit because this was like their man crush. | |
| Like I said, they were Myron, which is what they often said. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Like, admiring him. | |
| Because he was ripped. | |
| I mean, he was just so ripped. | |
| He was ripped. | |
| Yeah, I was like, I want to be him was their perspective on it. | |
| I think this was like a... I do get that. | |
| Online subculture back in the day. | |
| That's why I feel whenever I look at Idris Elba, I'm like, dude, I wish to God I was you. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Like, you know r slash the place? | |
| Like the little, the Reddit thing? | |
| Nevermind. | |
| What do you think of us? | |
| You know what? | |
| Nevermind. | |
| Dude, how often do you think we be Myron? | |
| Nevermind. | |
| Moving on. | |
| The guy that sells bleach. | |
| Yes, we're under the bleach now. | |
| The bleach. | |
| Okay, so even at the time, no bet, I had no idea what Mike was talking about. | |
| When it came to this Boosh topic, he said, bleach salesman sells bleach. | |
| And I was just like, okay, I don't know what the fuck we're talking about. | |
| So literally for me, again, no bet, and for the audience, Mike, what the fuck are we talking about? | |
| So a Florida federal jury in Miami found Mark Grennan and his sons, Jonathan, Jordan, and Joseph, We're convicted of promoting and selling Miracle Mineral Solution, | |
| which is literally just bleach. | |
| It's water mixed with... Okay, again, I have a family member that actually takes this. | |
| No offense to them. We all fall in the rabbit holes at some point. | |
| Yeah, comedy show, etc. | |
| Yeah, etc. | |
| Um, but yeah, it's basically just literal water and there's a little bit of bleach in there. | |
| It's nothing. | |
| It's literally like you're paying $40 for like a bottle of nothing except, uh, hurting your body. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Cause the bleach, now the big thing that the bleach drinkers will tell you is that it's not, it's, you have to take more bleach than this to be actually like lethal or damaging. | |
| Yeah, it's pretty weak. | |
| I threw it on his clothes some one time. | |
| Yeah, but you're still drinking bleach, and this has no medicinal properties. | |
| This doesn't help you. | |
| It's not a cure-all. | |
| And this Miracle Mineral Solution can lead down some dark roads, because on top of it being a COVID cure and all this other stuff, there was a big period of time where this was a quote-unquote cure for autism. | |
| So parents were giving this to their autistic children. | |
| And some kids died as a result of this because the parents were overdosing them. | |
| So, yeah, this Florida family is continuing the long tradition of Miracle Mineral Solution grifters trying to peddle this shit to people. | |
| And these guys fucked around and found out because the federal government finally came at them and were like, no, you can't sell a toxic product as a miracle cure for all that ails you. | |
| And so now these good people are hopefully going to jail for a good amount of time. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I don't know if I believe in big government stepping on those people's faith like that. | |
| You definitely have to do that situation. | |
| If you get pitched for something like snake oil that's actual poison to people for a while, | |
| you just have to be like, well, geez, I guess the federal government | |
| just doesn't have enough faith in Jesus Christ as I do. | |
| And everyone's just like, uh, no, that's, uh, boo, boo the government, let them cook. | |
| Yeah, and what Elle is saying here is actually what these people do. | |
| They have used Miracle Mineral Solution as a quote-unquote religious sacrament, and they created the Genesis 2 Church of Health and Healing. | |
| Trick the bleach of Christ! | |
| Yes! | |
| That is basically what this is. | |
| And they claim that it is a quote-unquote non-religious church. | |
| And that was how they were trying to get around the regulations of Brownberg. | |
| I beg your pardon? | |
| Yeah, non-religious church. | |
| My whole household is a non-religious church, and since I guess we get to choose it, I would like to pick the piece where I'm tax exempt and leave all the other stuff. | |
| You, that's not for me. | |
| I will take tax exemption. | |
| And because these three men, or four men, were incredibly smart, super geniuses with big, crinkly brains, they represented themselves at trial. | |
| And that went about as well as you would expect, because they were convicted for their crimes. | |
| That's awesome. | |
| Only temporarily. | |
| But before the appeal, they're going to inject their miracle solution into their brainstem and turn into the leaders. | |
| And then they're going to re-represent themselves and totally get off. | |
| I hope so. | |
| That'd be so great. | |
| I need supervillains that actually exist in our world with just giant green skulls. | |
| Yeah, and so just regular villains. | |
| Our world is filled with regular villains. | |
| Our billionaires are so boring. | |
| None of them have any animal-related pathos at all. | |
| It sucks. | |
| Okay, well, I guess a reintroduction to our permanent co-host, Hayley, who's always been here. | |
| It's time for what I'm assuming is going to be sort of a recurring segment at least somewhere on the show. | |
| We'll just throw it in whenever. | |
| It just happens to be in the boosh and that's going to be our continuing discussion about how Arizona is just like a fucked up place that's fucked up. | |
| So take it away Haley, what's fucked up about Arizona this week? | |
| It's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, the greatest battle of all time! | |
| Get your tickets now! | |
| Yeah, rock on. | |
| It's kind of Q related still. | |
| Okay, so the background is basically that there's this very explicitly Nazi student group at some of the colleges here in Arizona. | |
| They call themselves College Republicans United, but they kind of do that to make it seem like they're the official Republican organization on the campuses when it's like, there's like 10 of those guys, you know? | |
| They're like, they're gripers. | |
| They have like the Nick Fuentes flag on their table when they booth. | |
| They wear the Nick Fuentes hat. | |
| They're Nick Fuentes guys. | |
| They are having their national event and they invited Nick Fuentes to come speak. | |
| And the flyer came out and like the people on it were like a couple other fucking Nazi pieces of shits. | |
| And then the official Maricopa, Yavapai, and Pima Republican Party here were listed on it. | |
| And a few people that have- Liz Harris, the lady that recently was expelled, and a few other people. | |
| Also the Q shaman, Jacob Chansley, was listed on it. | |
| Uh, and it's, uh, like, sponsored by this man who used to be a representative here named David Stringer. | |
| David Stringer is a fucking actual pedophile who was charged for content warning, um, sexually assaulting, um, Disabled black boys. | |
| Underage. | |
| He used to, like, patrol around a park and just, like, rape kids. | |
| That was when he was, like, in Chicago or something, and then he fucked off and came to Arizona, started a new life, and decided to run for office here. | |
| When they found out he was a pedophile, he got kicked out. | |
| They expelled his ass. | |
| But he still kind of hangs around a little bit. | |
| He's a precinct committeeman and he's sponsoring this event. | |
| He also has like a news site here. | |
| Anyways, so it's like, okay, Mr. Q Shaman, you're doing this event with Nick Fuentes, who is like fully on the child bride shit right now. | |
| And David Stringer, who is, like, convicted pedophile, you know? | |
| So I added Chansley. | |
| I was just like, what the fuck you doing? | |
| Doing a event with a bunch of pedos. | |
| You know? | |
| Isn't your whole, like... Don't you pretend that QAnon is like, oh, we're fighting child trafficking. | |
| I don't know if he saw my tweet, but he... | |
| Not to give him a benefit of the doubt, it's obviously like a, you know... Cover your ass move after the fact. | |
| Yeah, so he responded pretty instantaneously. | |
| I don't know if he saw my tweet, but he was like, OK, what the heck? | |
| I didn't know I signed up for an event with a bunch of pedophiles. | |
| He's like, I didn't know Nick Fuentes said he wanted a 16-year-old wife. | |
| And then he asked the Twitter timeline, should I back out or should I do the event and blow this schmuck out of the water and expose him as a false prophet? | |
| So then a couple days passed and he said he is gonna go to the event which is at the end of this week. | |
| It's still a secret so hey listeners if you know where it is I hear it's in Prescott. | |
| I'd like to know where that hotel is. | |
| Anyways. | |
| But yeah then he like tweeted that he's gonna like go do a debate with Fuentes on The topic of child marriage. | |
| So... Wait a minute, but that would imply that one of them has to be on the wrong side of that. | |
| That's what I was like, so there's like a debate here? | |
| That you're doing a debate? | |
| Are you saying that there's like... Yeah, I think you want to be calling that one a discussion on. | |
| Also, not just like, hey, whatever hotel is hosting it, because they got kicked out of their first hotel as soon as they found out they were hosting Nick Fuentes. | |
| It's like, not only are you hosting a Nazi, you're hosting a Nazi and the fucking Q Shaman who stormed the Capitol, and they're gonna have a debate on the topic of, like, should we fuck children? | |
| Well, again, Nick Fuentes is on the side of, yes, I want to have sex with a 16-year-old. | |
| Go ahead, continue. | |
| He said, like, when I'm in my 30s, I think I want a 16 year old wife. | |
| So this isn't even in the whole Romeo and Juliet fucking thing where it's just high schoolers. | |
| No, he's just like, when I hit my 30s, I want a teenage bride and a teenage bride under the age of 18. | |
| I just want this to be totally disgusting and horrifying. | |
| Yeah, and okay, so the guy, like I said, it's David Stringer, is like the host, or he's the sponsor for the event, the former representative, Peto. | |
| He actually wrote an article through the news site that he does run with the leader of this College Republicans United group, and they literally wrote like an article like defending Nick Fuentes' comments about wanting a child bred, saying like, oh, it's totally cool in some states, like what's, you know. | |
| So yeah, this is a real cool group of people. | |
| Moving on. | |
| Yeah, sounds great. | |
| Yeah, so great. | |
| I love the idea of someone walking out of that conference hall being like, man, Nick Foy just totally crushed the QAnon shaman about child brides. | |
| Yeah, they're so cool. | |
| What? | |
| What the? | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Yeah, cool new trajectory that the Gripers are on. | |
| The Griper Nazis are just like, yeah we're Nazis and we also like kids. | |
| That's our new talking point that we're going to be regularly pushing. | |
| So anyway, moving on. | |
| Yep. | |
| Look, I mean, I'm sure that I don't have to point to these studies that I totally have that tell you how advanced and developed a 16-year-old brain is. | |
| So adult. | |
| How dare you check me on this? | |
| I get to continue to hate traffickers with a 16-year-old bride. | |
| Anyway, fuck those clowns. | |
| Again, like I said, everything's in a little hammer, you know? | |
| Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean, guys? | |
| Also, like, a bunch of the Republicans that were on the list After they found out that, like, Nick Fuentes was going to be there, they were like, we don't know how we got on here. | |
| Like, hair buds. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| I bet we're not going to talk about any Republicans and Nazis in the news segment. | |
| That'll never happen. | |
| Nope. | |
| No way. | |
| I mean, that would imply that Nazism is coming back. | |
| And that seems like a crazy thing because it's America in 2023. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So I'm going to play the news bump. | |
| And boy, howdy, absolutely no Nazi stuff after this. | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News. | |
| Leading news this week, Ron DeSantis is a Nazi, at least according to his new campaign ad. | |
| Oh no! | |
| Knocked me over with a feather! | |
| Yeah, so our boy Ron DeSantis decided to double down on internet poisoned Nazi shit. | |
| He's online as f... or his team is online as fuck. | |
| They're very channy, you know, they're on the chans. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So this ad, again, involves a woejack, and it starts with a sad woejack who's watching Trump being all totally in favor of LGBTQ stuff. | |
| And they're just like, oh man, this sucks. | |
| And then DeSantis comes in. | |
| Food door based. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And it's just like, oh man, this is great. | |
| DeSantis really hates gay people. | |
| He's awesome. | |
| He's totally alpha in chat. | |
| It's like showing rockets launch as if DeSantis launches rockets. | |
| And it also has a bunch of like weird bikini babes like just that are very subtly thrown in there. | |
| After all of this stuff, the video was not as weird and nutty as the first video, but then at the very end, and this is just what the fuck, DeSantis is shown, and then the state flag of Florida is behind him, and then the circle in the middle of the Florida state flag turns into a sonorad, a black sun, And our soldiers are seen marching towards it as DeSantis sort of melts into the background. | |
| And it holds for like eight seconds. | |
| It's not even like a flash. | |
| It's like, what up? | |
| Here you go. | |
| I timed it. | |
| It is seven seconds of the video at the end. | |
| It's just a spinning sonorad, which is again, a Nazi symbol. | |
| There's no ambiguity about this. | |
| And it's just, at the end of this video, they're like, Ron DeSantis is now leading what appears to be a Nazi army that is marching towards their Sonoran. | |
| It is just, what the fuck are you doing? | |
| The Fourth Reich, Ron DeSantis, 2024. | |
| Yeah, the Florida Fourth Reich. | |
| But yeah, this is the same meme that Paul Gosar has previously gotten kind of semi-in-trouble for. | |
| Not the AOC execution one, but this is a different one that kind of got him in trouble locally. | |
| Because he tweeted and deleted the exact same format meme. | |
| Because it's kind of known in right-wing circles. | |
| It used to have Little Dark Age on it, if you know that one. | |
| But this one had the other song, The Lady, I forget. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| I would make a deal with God. | |
| So yeah, Gosar shared this exact meme format and it's kind of like, oh, you know, life is sucks and it's gay. | |
| Oh, bass Chad comes in and then there's like the sun that comes up and like, it's supposed to have the Sonnenrad there if you're like a Nazi, but Gosar's didn't because his staffer, his grouper Nazi staffer was smart enough to leave that part off. | |
| But there was like these replies that were like, oh, no spinny wheel, no spinny wheel. | |
| So it's like, people know what it is if you're in these circles, like what you're signaling to. | |
| And DeSantis didn't even like try to do the signaling. | |
| He's just like, here's a son read or his staffer. | |
| I just love the fact that fucking Paul Gosart's smart enough to just make it a wink and a nod, whereas DeSantis' staff is like, no. | |
| No winking and nodding, just outright explicit Nazi imagery. | |
| Also, my favorite part is that the last time I checked, and maybe this is not true, because again, I'm not a political guy and this is not a political show, it's a comedy show, etc. | |
| Roger Santos is getting his ass beat. | |
| He's getting paddled by Trump still, isn't he? | |
| Is Trump just destroying him in the polls? | |
| So it's just like, what? | |
| How big of a bump do you think you're going for by just being like, oh man, we're losing. | |
| You know what? | |
| Let's come out as Nazis. | |
| We'll get the big Nazi bump. | |
| Apparently they fired the staffer. | |
| It was supposed to be a swastika. | |
| Nobody knows what the fuck that is. | |
| Because it was supposed to be a swastika. | |
| They're like, come on, guy. | |
| They're like, nobody knows what the fuck that is. | |
| Like it was supposed to be the real symbol. | |
| Like, yeah, fuck Son and Rad. | |
| Go hard or go home. | |
| Let's go all the way here. | |
| And all of the language was in English? | |
| There wasn't a lick of German in it? | |
| What is fucking wrong with you? | |
| Yeah, Nate Hochman was the quote-unquote communication staffer. | |
| Now the thing about this was, is originally it was believed that he just sort of disseminated this commercial slash meme. | |
| But then it turned out he actually created it himself. | |
| He made it, and then he used either a burner Twitter account or a Twitter account run by a third party to get them to post it, and then he retweeted it in order to get a signal boosting it and getting it out there. | |
| So he was very proud of his work, and his work is now Rhonda Sanchez is now two for two with disastrous internet ads that are fucking weird and internet poisoned. | |
| And this one is somehow worse than the first one, because again, fucking Nazi. | |
| Seven seconds of delicious Nazism at the end of this thing. | |
| I just cannot imagine Being some billionaire Republican who's just looking at Donald Trump and his soon-to-be over a hundred indictments and all of his crininess and the fact that Trump got his ass paddled by Biden four years ago and I'm just like | |
| Fuck, how do we win back the White House? | |
| I know, I'll start pumping tens of millions of dollars into this Ron DeSantis character. | |
| I like the cut of his jib. | |
| And you're like, you're three months into the DeSantis campaign, and you're just getting fucking 4chan Nazi shit day in and day out. | |
| You're just like, How? | |
| I gave you 10 million dollars! | |
| What the fuck are you doing with my money, you stupid piece of shit? | |
| Well, I mean, and his disastrous Nazi campaign is coming off of the heels of his, like, decision to just sue the nation's largest beer manufacturer after deciding to sue and fuck with the Walt Disney Corporation. | |
| It was just like a baffling series of unpopular opinions like I guess the people around him in Florida like his sycophants like really like it but he's immune to the reality of the situation that outside of that circle people like beer and Disney like they're both pretty popular things And especially because there's no legal, you don't really have a legal thing to stand on to just be like, you know what, Florida gives you guys a lot of money, and you went and you made a commercial that we don't like, so we're suing you. | |
| That's not a legal argument. | |
| Like, you don't get to sue, like, it's only poisonous to the brand because you make it poisonous to the brand. | |
| You can't be like, hey, you made a thing that we didn't like, and then we made sure that it damaged the brand, and now we're going to sue you for damaging the brand. | |
| What? | |
| That's fucking insane. | |
| He's so dumb. | |
| I, your neighbor, am going to burn your house down, and then after I burn your house down, I'm going to sue you for devaluing the property value of our neighborhood. | |
| Yeah, dude, my property value is shit now thanks to your fucking bombed out house that I burned down. | |
| It's so crazy. | |
| Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you, you piece of shit? | |
| The fucking Homeowners Association shit clearly states you can't have burned out rubble in your yard for more than 24 hours. | |
| And I just lit your house on fire like a day ago, so I know it's been too long. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| You should also do something about these duck carcasses, you know? | |
| I've got the paperwork right here. | |
| Oh man, it's so amazing that we literally spent a year with everyone being like, Ron DeSantis, the Republican hope. | |
| He's the smarter Trump. | |
| He's everything Trump was, but just better in every imaginable way. | |
| And the dude is probably going to drop out of the presidential race before New Hampshire. | |
| Truly, Ron DeSantis is the Russian army of Trump opponents. | |
| Yes! | |
| Everyone's like, oh, this guy's so burly and strong, and he's clearly going to get the job done when he goes for it. | |
| And then goes for it, it just trips over, not his own dick, but some other thing, and just fucking falls on his face. | |
| It's just so crazy. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So fuck that clown. | |
| I'm glad that coming out of the pandemic, we are all, as a society, starting to realize just how fragile and terrible everybody's perceived power is. | |
| It's just like, I mean, God, I hope it never happens to America, because that's the country I live in, but to think it happened to other countries so far is a real treat. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It'd be like really funny if China invaded Taiwan and Taiwan just fucking bodied them. | |
| Think over this naval invasion, just Taiwan just sinks all of their boats and it's just like, no, we stand strong against China. | |
| And China's like, no, we had soldiers with 12 pack abs. | |
| How could we lose? | |
| Yeah, and then it would come out that they spent too much of their fucking military budget on this incredibly rigorous training regiment to get their Chinese soldiers to look great on camera. | |
| And not enough money on actual boats and planes. | |
| Their rock-hard body gets in the way of flying a plane. | |
| They're too stiff. | |
| The G-forces just destroy them. | |
| It's like shooting pebbles down a wind tunnel. | |
| Anyway. | |
| Let's move on from Ron DeSantis being a Nazi. | |
| Thank God. | |
| I mean, I'm sure we'll come back to it. | |
| And we can say rest in power to the Commander in Chef, a joke which I am sure I'm the first person to make, because apparently President Obama's chef died tragically in an accident. | |
| I saw a headline to this effect, but I think like the headline came, like the picture that was accompanied, it was like a scenic seaside villa of some sort. | |
| So I don't know any specifics. | |
| Uh, Mike, did this guy get murdered, like, in a hair-cooled-for-a-roast-style mystery on some scenic island villa? | |
| That's what I heard. | |
| Uh, that is what QAnon's claiming, because that's, uh... Really? | |
| Yes! | |
| That's incredible. | |
| Yeah, he was Clinton-sided, except by Obama. | |
| That's the... Yeah. | |
| That's the thing. | |
| But, you know, at the, like, Obama wanted it done, but we all know that he had to kiss the Clinton ring to get it done. | |
| Obama and Clinton are the most powerful couple in the world. | |
| If someone dies within your vicinity, if you're an Obama or a Clinton, it's just like you were murdered. | |
| It's murder. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| I think what happened was Obama really wanted to kill this chef, but he was just too much of a coward to do it. | |
| And Hillary was like, fine, you big baby. | |
| And she's like, got out like her piano wire and just got to work because... My God, maybe the Clintons tried to power word kill Brani and it didn't work. | |
| Seems likely. | |
| Maybe Brani is the boy who lived. | |
| He's got a Clinton horcrux inside of him. | |
| That seems very likely. | |
| But anyways, Tafari Campbell was Obama's chef in the White House and then taking a job as an employee of the Obamas afterwards. | |
| He was discovered, he basically had fallen off of a paddle board and there was another paddle boarder in the vicinity who saw him fall off his paddle board and then submerge after struggling to stay afloat. | |
| So obviously something happened and eventually they'll get to the bottom about what, how | |
| he died, if this was an accident where he fell and hurt himself or if he suffered a | |
| medical event. | |
| Bumped his head. | |
| Yeah, he bumped his head or if this was a medical event that led to his drowning. | |
| However it worked out, but according to QAnon, he was murdered by the Clintons or the Obamas | |
| or both of them. | |
| And they had a paddle boat that was in on it. | |
| They had to stop him before he could become the leader of a mercenary group and lead a | |
| coup against us. | |
| Yeah. | |
| There are people out there who are now talking about how Obama was the second paddleboarder. | |
| That it was he who killed this guy and then paddled back and was like, oh yeah, by the way, I saw that guy totally fall off that paddleboard. | |
| That was totally what happened. | |
| This guy... Obama and a mustache and the paddleboard. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh, God, yeah. | |
| Obama wearing the Groucho Marx glasses. | |
| That'd be so great. | |
| This QAnon promoter posted a tweet saying, so Barack and Michelle are trying to flee. | |
| They're refusing to release the 911 calls. | |
| Their lawyer advised them not to speak. | |
| Chef was said to be revealing info. | |
| They always love talking about that. | |
| He was revealing recipes. | |
| Oh, he was about to fund a documentary on child trafficking. | |
| Obama's potentially second paddler. | |
| No one knows where Obama is. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Obama's on the run. | |
| Obama's on the land right now. | |
| He's in the wind. | |
| We can't locate him. | |
| It's impossible to find the former president. | |
| It's true. | |
| I heard that. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, absolutely. | |
| Absolutely. | |
| I mean, that wouldn't be like national news that a guy was found dead and the former president is now just running seriously gone. | |
| He's missing. | |
| He's in Russia. | |
| Well, you know, the Duke State's editing out all the parts about Obama being on the run. | |
| Yeah, exactly! | |
| I mean, the rest of it is making headline news, and they're just, like, censoring out the part where it's just, like, it did a, like, crazed Barack Obama, like, hopped up on the adrenaline that you can only get from killing a man, like, sprinted into the Italian countryside. | |
| Obama's just the Italian werewolf now, just hunting for more adrenochrome. | |
| He's just the Italian Bam Margera, you know? | |
| Remember when he was just fucking wildly stalking the woodlands of Pennsylvania? | |
| You know, you might be just, like, hanging out at your villa and suddenly you're just like, hey, what's that? | |
| Like, hey, like, is that somebody, like, climbing over my, like, my, like, wall? | |
| Like, trying to get into my yard? | |
| Like, you shine your flashlight over in that direction and Barak Obama just looks at you and hisses. | |
| Like a chupacabra. | |
| Get out of the way. | |
| He's like, oh my god! | |
| He's real! | |
| Oh my god! | |
| He sucked all of my goats! | |
| He's still out there. | |
| The Barakacabra. | |
| It's real. | |
| It's here. | |
| Oh god. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Yeah, I mean, rest in peace, guy. | |
| It sucks that your tragic death has stirred up a hornet's nest of stupid conspiracy theory bullshit. | |
| It's not your fault. | |
| It's just that people are stupid and easily tricked. | |
| Sorry to your family that will now have to deal with this hell after dealing with the hell of your loss. | |
| The hell of your loss is now compounded by the fact that your death is not part of a conspiracy. | |
| You now get to join the tragic ranks of the Sandvik families, Seth Rich's family, | |
| and every other mass shootings family, where people run up to them and go, | |
| your kid didn't really die. I don't know what you're talking about. I love my guns. | |
| And it's just like, why? | |
| Why are you so fucking brainwotted that you think I'm trying to take your guns from you? | |
| I don't even know you. | |
| Just, oh God. | |
| And it's well within your rights to hate Poseidon from here on out, you know? | |
| Yes. | |
| Yes. | |
| Curse his name and offer him none of your treasures. | |
| No, Poseidon's kind of a bum. | |
| I wouldn't respect that guy anyways, so. | |
| Speaking of bum losers, let's talk about Elon Musk, as we have to do every week because every week he does another stupid dipshit thing. | |
| This week has been an exceptional stupid dipshit week for Mr. Musk. | |
| It's just like a personal one-man race to the bottom. | |
| Just an impossible freefall. | |
| Wild to think about. | |
| And for the specifics, as always, I'll toss it over to Mike Rands. | |
| Mike, talk to us about everyone's favorite escapee from the Matrix, Elon Musk. | |
| Yeah, so beyond just talking about LeBron James' kid potentially being VAX-injured, Elon has decided that he's going to rebrand Twitter as quote-unquote X, and that Twitter isn't just going to be Twitter. | |
| It is going to be Twitter, but also An online bank that is going to handle all of your financial needs. | |
| I trust it. | |
| Which, I mean, Jesus Christ, how, with as smooth as Twitter's been running under Elon's steady leadership and powerful stewardship, who wouldn't want to give that man their social security number and all their banking info? | |
| Who, what fool wouldn't want to get in on X Bank and start throwing around money inside Elon's little playpen of cash? | |
| It is, this is, some people have explained in a series of posts on this thing called, that used to be called Twitter but is now allegedly X, that this has been an obsession of Elon's, literally since he was a wee boy with his daddy's apartheid emerald mine money, trying to make it in this big world, where Elon had created a company called X and Peter Thiel and some others, I believe, made a company called like Comidity or something like that. | |
| But basically the thing was, is both of these companies were the nascent form of PayPal. | |
| And Thiel and his group were like, you know what we should do? | |
| We should focus on being able to have people send money to each other via email. | |
| We should work on doing internet money transfer. | |
| That should be the plan. | |
| And Musk was like, I want some sort of internet super bank. | |
| I want this crazy financial system on the web that is just starting now. | |
| And I want to do this thing. | |
| And so Teal and Musk merged their companies and Teal was just sort of like, we're doing the PayPal thing. | |
| We're doing the money transfer thing. | |
| And Elon kept wanting to do the crazy internet bank thing the whole time. | |
| So eventually Teal and his buddies found out, Oh wait, Elon's losing us money hand over fist. | |
| His ridiculous idea cannot fucking work. | |
| So they staged a coup. | |
| They removed Elon from the company and then they established PayPal as the money | |
| transferring system we all know and love to this day. | |
| And Elon now gets the claim, oh yeah, I was part of PayPal, I totally helped make that thing. | |
| And it's like, no, you actively were working so hard to destroy PayPal, it's not even funny. | |
| And the rest of the people involved in it had to remove you from it in order to turn it into what is now known as PayPal. | |
| Literally a million years ago, Musk wanted XBank on the internet, and now, cut to a million years later, he's doing it. | |
| He is just going to fucking turn Twitter into XBank, and we all get to enjoy that. | |
| Because the social media platform that we're using is going to die a death, and then the weirdest scam bank in the history of the internet is going to be created and then destroyed and probably taken over by federal regulators, because there's no fucking way Elon can run this thing properly. | |
| It is just a disaster. | |
| It's not even a disaster waiting to happen, it's just a disaster we're watching in real time. | |
| Yeah, it's great. | |
| Only the best people will get their money siphoned because only the best people will trust that piece of shit platform to put their money in. | |
| That was the original X. That was before SpaceX. | |
| And now Twitter X and his kids all X. And he's just a boy. | |
| He's just out and proud about it. | |
| He's just like, look, I love X. You know, I'm just an X loving guy. | |
| I love the letter X. And it's like, dog, that is like a fascination that is just so cringe. | |
| I don't use that term very often, but I'm fascinated with the letter X. | |
| Isn't he naming the rooms, like, Sexy Experience? | |
| I heard that, but that can't possibly be true. | |
| I mean, it might be true, but it also can't possibly be true. | |
| Unconfirmed by me. | |
| I don't know. | |
| I don't trust anything on Twitter anymore, honestly. | |
| Yeah, I did hear that same thing. | |
| I mean, the room called Sexy, especially, like, I mean, it's just like, is he just not hemorrhaging money fast enough? | |
| Does he want to get somebody to, like, does he do, like, an HR lawsuit on his hands? | |
| Also, did you see him? | |
| Not pay to have the, like, when the sign was getting taken down to remove Twitter, you, like, didn't pay. | |
| Yeah, he didn't get the licenses. | |
| He didn't get the permits for any of that stuff. | |
| And right before we started recording the podcast, his new thing is he's going to major brand advertisers and basically telling them, if you don't pay for ads on Twitter, I can't promise that your intellectual property will be treated fairly on Twitter. | |
| He's literally trying to extort brands into fucking buying ad space on this company. | |
| Because it's like, oh, BMW doesn't want to advertise on us? | |
| I'll just make a fucking BMW parody account. | |
| They'll be like, BMWs suck, and they blow up if you drive them too fast, and fuck them. | |
| Hashtag BMW is bad, and you should not buy one. | |
| That's great. | |
| I mean, I hope to God that he's having those conversations via email, where there's a nice big paper trail for it, because it seems like he's just, he's like Groucher's Millions-ing it. | |
| Like, he just has to get rid of all of his money super fast, and for reasons that we don't know. | |
| Like, whatever deal he made with the devil for those hair plugs is running out. | |
| And so now he just has to get rid of all of his money, so he's just using Twitter as an excuse to just hemorrhage it as fast as possible. | |
| It is incredible. | |
| Everything about this is so bizarre. | |
| If you were so obsessed with XBank, you could have started that without throwing $44 billion into a fireplace to own Twitter. | |
| Twitter didn't have to be a part of your bizarre global Ponzi scheme. | |
| How fucking sad was Elon Musk the day that Bitcoin became a thing? | |
| With like fucking Satoshi, whatever his name is, like, you know, crept out of the darkness with his fake name and just did like a Bitcoin. | |
| And Elon Musk is just like, I wanted to do it. | |
| I wanted to do it on like commerce. | |
| Yeah, I was going to do a Bitcoin. | |
| It was going to be Xcoin. | |
| It was going to be so cool. | |
| It was going to come from the X chain. | |
| Yes. | |
| My phone has just alerted me that Sinead O'Connor has died. | |
| My mom's going to be devastated. | |
| Yeah, I'm sorry. | |
| I got the alert. | |
| Why is my phone buzzing? | |
| Why does my phone alert me on that? | |
| Yeah, that's a strange alert you get. | |
| Breaking news just for you. | |
| I got the weirdest alert. | |
| I got the reason why it was like, breaking news. | |
| The reason why Lisa Marie Presley died revealed. | |
| I'm like, why is this giving me this breaking news? | |
| A lot of Americans really wanted to know about that. | |
| I guess. | |
| I don't get real breaking news. | |
| Maybe my son is. | |
| Now that Sinead O'Connor is dead, we have to protect Amy Schumer because if she passes away, who else is going to post HuffPo opinions, you know? | |
| Or like, we're gonna hear straight from the word of A.B. | |
| Schubert's mouth about parenting. | |
| Thank you, Huffington Post. | |
| That happens so often. | |
| I'm just like, what is up with you guys? | |
| Is this like a paid sponsorship? | |
| And then anytime Sinead O'Connor did fucking anything. | |
| Oh my god, is your phone also alerting you about it? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh. | |
| It's like an Amber Alert, but it's the Sinead Alert. | |
| She's gone. | |
| It's the Sinead Alert. | |
| It's like, oh my God. | |
| From that somber news, we should want to hit the mailbag. | |
| I suppose so, because I can't remember Sinead O'Connor's big single. | |
| It's like nothing compares to you. | |
| I thought that's what it was, but I was not convinced enough. | |
| I had a bunch of jokes loaded up for it, but I was just like, I'm not confident, and I don't want to fuck this up, and I don't want to look it up. | |
| And then she tore that photo of the Pope because the Catholic Church is a bunch of pedophiles. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So now that I think about this, probably Q is going to think that Obama had Sinead O'Connor killed as well. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| The raving Obama did it! | |
| Preview for next week, everybody! | |
| Holy shit! | |
| Dude, nothing compares to the raving Obama! | |
| Exactly! | |
| Anyhow, off to the mailbag. | |
| Our listeners got questions, we got answers. | |
| It's time for Q and A. | |
| Here's the craziest call to action ever for our listeners. | |
| I look artistically inclined, listener. | |
| I know you're out there and I need a raving Obama logo for possible use of like a sticker or something. | |
| But the challenge is to do such a thing without it being racist. | |
| And I believe in you, the artistically inclined. | |
| So here's to hoping we can obtain such glory and such gold from you, the people with artistic talent. | |
| And if not you, then use one of those AI prompts and try to find one that's not racist. | |
| Hey, AI, I did an Obamacaba, and it has to be not racist. | |
| Yes. | |
| So Justin asks, what's up with medbeds these days? | |
| Were they a big deal overall to anons, or are they just a blip? | |
| I mean, this is a you question. | |
| I love the idea of a medbed. | |
| I mean, it's so transmetropolitan. | |
| So the medbed thing is, it depends on what sector of QAnon you're in, because the quote-unquote serious QAnon people would roll their eyes and get super mad about medbeds, and think that people promoting medbeds are trying to make them all look like kooks and idiots. | |
| Make the movement look crazy. | |
| But if you get into the more science fiction-y QAnon people, those people are like, oh MedBeds are totally real, the government's been hiding them from us for forever, blah blah blah. | |
| I think, not that this would matter to most people, but for those who are in this field, Jordan Sather is kind of like the middle ground. | |
| He's like the bridge point between the quote-unquote serious people and the MedBed people. | |
| Because he probably believes in medbeds, but if you tried to talk about Iraqi dinars or Jaseera Naseera, he'd scream at you about how those are scams. | |
| So it's just that kind of weird thing where you have people who believe in future tech That's being suppressed. | |
| But at the same time, they'll be like, oh, no, those guys are trying to sell you this revalued currency. | |
| Those are fucking bullshit artists. | |
| Fuck them. | |
| So how much medbedding have you seen in Arizona QAnon? | |
| Well, some of the Michael Protzman folks were in the medbeds. | |
| I remember them kind of talking about it a bit, too. | |
| Oh, yeah, negative 48 was super med bed. | |
| JFK was resurrected four days after his assassination via med bed, which makes it literal god science. | |
| I mean, so, yeah. | |
| It's kind of a bummer. | |
| It really explains why all of the politicians we know look the way they do, right? | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| It's just like, oh, of course they have medical beds. | |
| Look at how perfect they appear. | |
| Oh, yeah, they all look good. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Look at how absolutely dynamite they all are. | |
| Have you seen Clinton lately? | |
| Hot. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| Dude, Nancy Pelosi. | |
| Dimebeast! | |
| Putting the fight back in feinstein if you know what I mean. | |
| A little catwalk. | |
| Oh god! | |
| I'm just thinking of the irony-poison-cynical-politician-Twitter-feed-creating-a-genocracy-smash-or-pass-list going through all these horrifyingly decrepit corpses. | |
| To be fair, the one that they gave Matt Gaetz has been really successful at his forehead lengthening. | |
| Yes! | |
| I mean, it's been like a gradual process, but it does seem like it's getting to where he wants to be. | |
| One of these days he'll look like the Greys that he admires so much. | |
| DR initially says, hopefully Sarge will be able to pop in from time to time. | |
| Question, with the release and boosting of ticket sales for The Grift, er, I mean, Sound of Freedom, have you noticed more people getting into QAnon? | |
| Sarge's dead to us forever. | |
| Yes! | |
| In the Hellworld mythos, we are going to turn Sarge into the John McCain of our world. | |
| He will be forever now known as No Name. | |
| We shall never speak of him again. | |
| I prefer my co-hosts unmissing, you know what I mean? | |
| I want them to be not missing. | |
| Yes. | |
| As for The Sound of Freedom, I don't really think it pilled anybody. | |
| I think that the people who went into that movie pilled just got what they wanted out of it. | |
| I think if you saw the movie... The thing is, if you didn't stay for the Caviezel Weepfest after it was over, I don't feel like the movie really hits that hard. | |
| Because it's very boring, it's not a very well-made movie, and you're just sort of like, man, those child traffickers are bad. | |
| And then they got arrested, which was good. | |
| But the connective tissue between QAnon and The Sound of Freedom is Jim Caviezel's media appearances and the right-wing shitbags around that. | |
| So if you're not already swimming in those waters, I don't think The Sound of Freedom pulls you into it very much. | |
| And if it did... It's just a really sad movie. | |
| Right. | |
| It's just a sad, boring movie. | |
| And the thing is, even if the movie did try to lure you into that stuff, if you listen to Jim Caviezel for five minutes, you're like, wow, this guy's off his fucking rocker. | |
| Because he's going too hard. | |
| If you're a QAnon person and you're trying to suck people into the movement, you gotta go slow. | |
| You gotta lead them into it. | |
| You can't just go on TV or Steve Bannon's podcast and be like, Adrenochrome is real! | |
| And they get it by siphoning the blood out of children! | |
| And there are Ukrainian baby parts houses all over Kiev and blah blah blah. | |
| It's like, no. | |
| Now you're scaring the normies, Jim. | |
| Although a couple of my friends, I will admit this, over the weekend they had to go to a function and in that function some people tried to ensnare them in the web of going to see The Sound of Freedom. | |
| They were just like, see The Sound of Freedom? | |
| No? | |
| Oh, did you guys see The Sound of Freedom? | |
| They texted me immediately. | |
| Like, oh, this just happened. | |
| They tried to get us to do the thing. | |
| Yeah, all my friends whose parents have been going to see it, they're like, isn't this that movie you talked about? | |
| But I think it'll just mainly less, like, pill people into QAnon and more, like, just kind of feed people's paranoia about children getting kidnapped. | |
| Oh, yeah, I mentioned this before, but yeah, that was the thing is I had a bunch of like middle to older age women walking out of the theater in front of me and they were like, if I had a kid these days, I'd be terrified. | |
| Sorry, I was gonna say I don't mean to derail you, but I do mean to derail you because I want to talk about a different thing real quick. | |
| Although it's circling back on something I believe we discussed on the podcast. | |
| In the same pocket about talking about people being paranoid over baby kidnapping. | |
| That lady who allegedly went missing after finding that baby on the side of the road, didn't she just, like, turn up back at her house? | |
| Like, I saw, like, a weird headline to the fact that she just, like... She made it up. | |
| She just showed back up and was just like, yeah, I got abducted. | |
| It was just like, that seems really unlikely. | |
| She admits she made it up. | |
| That was the last update I heard. | |
| I wasn't really following that, but I was like, it was kind of like in the back of my, on my TV. | |
| And I was like, what's going on? | |
| I hadn't thought of it in a while, but it was something like, I remember I was doing fucking Bits and Goofs about it on the podcast, about people just hiding in the bushes, trying to lure people with a fake baby. | |
| And it turns out that that's essentially, that is about as realistic as what actually happened, which was nothing, apparently. | |
| It's just so funny to me. | |
| Paranoia over kids getting kidnapped is already pretty high. | |
| Which, you know, it is not helped by the fact that there are a lot of creepy weirdos out there kidnapping kids. | |
| That is a thing that does happen, unfortunately. | |
| It's a scary time for people, and then these assholes are taking advantage of people's fears of being a parent. | |
| You gotta make a sweet movie about it. | |
| Your fears are true. | |
| Your children will be kidnapped. | |
| You know, what always makes me laugh so much is these people | |
| post all these ridiculous things about, like, 200,000 kids are | |
| kidnapped every day. It's like, No, they're not in, especially | |
| not in America. Because if I, if something happens in Massachusetts | |
| where a kid goes missing, it is local news. | |
| It's like the lead story on the six o'clock news that this eight-year-old has gone missing. | |
| We have a police person talking, we have the family crying, telling people if there's any leads, please bring our child back. | |
| Imagining that happening, like, hundreds of thousands of times in a single day across this nation, it's like, no! | |
| Yeah, you just get the kids into the auditorium on the first day of school and you're just like, look to your left, look to your right. | |
| Before the end of the day, all three of you will be kidnapped. | |
| Exactly! | |
| As a matter of fact, as a matter of fact, the kidnapping happens now. | |
| They just start grabbing kids out of the attic. | |
| Rounds them up. | |
| Puts them in a container. | |
| They're all like a big cartoon net that just gets hoisted up into the sky. | |
| Tangled limbs like the Simpsons. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That'd be great. | |
| Enjoy your being kidnapped. | |
| Time to traffic you. | |
| How many is that? | |
| 200 out of our 200,000 quota? | |
| Woo! | |
| We got a lot of work to do today. | |
| Yes! | |
| We have a lot of work to do to kidnap 200,000 children. | |
| Yeah, that seems like a lot. | |
| I mean, maybe the world over? | |
| I don't know. | |
| Either way. | |
| Everybody should be on TV. | |
| Child trafficking is bad. | |
| You shouldn't need a movie to teach you that. | |
| And that's why the movie doesn't try to teach you that. | |
| It shows you how heroically against child trafficking these guys are. | |
| It uses the platform for the Jesus to sit down and go, now you know what else I don't like? | |
| The following stuff. | |
| And you're supposed to look and nod and just be like, you know, I don't like that stuff either. | |
| It makes me uneasy. | |
| And that is bad. | |
| And that is why we dunk on it. | |
| Despite the fact that it is an overwhelming smash hit. | |
| I believe the third biggest movie at the box office this week behind Barbie and Oppenheimer. | |
| Although I will mention that all the people that were like, Go Woke! | |
| Go Broke! | |
| And Barbie's made a trillion dollars. | |
| And for the record, it's like maximum woke. | |
| It's incredibly woke. | |
| What a woke movie. | |
| Although, Laura Loomer claims it's not woke. | |
| That was awesome. | |
| We actually got, like, the anti-woke commentary about Barbie from... Yeah, I saw, like, a Tepusa lady being like, it's actually the only big-budget movie I've ever seen that's pro-motherhood. | |
| Like, they're trying... They like it. | |
| It's just, you can say you like the fucking movie. | |
| It's fine. | |
| Ben Shapiro isn't gonna pop out of your bushes and hiss at you. | |
| Yeah, it's cool, man. | |
| We love burning a Barbie. | |
| The Shapiro Cabra won't come for you, it's okay. | |
| And it's like, look man, one of two things is true. | |
| Either you bought that Barbie just to burn it, in which case, Mattel does not care. | |
| They have your money. | |
| They don't care what you do with that Barbie afterwards. | |
| Or, you have already owned that Barbie. | |
| And on top of the fact that means you already gave Mattel your money, that opens a whole other host of questions. | |
| He just took his kid's Barbie and burned it, like, give me that. | |
| I guess, but like, what message did he think Barbie was sending before that he was so in favor of? | |
| Traditional femininity and curvaciousness. | |
| I like the one, Fred, because it's going to make sure that my daughter becomes scientifically provably sexy. | |
| It's just like, okay, buddy, let's move away from that. | |
| It's just like, just like the great President Trump, I want my daughter to be a total dime piece that I would love to fuck. | |
| Thank you. | |
| And it's just like, okay, nobody's asking you about that, buddy. | |
| We do not like that. | |
| Just say you bought the doll to burn it! | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Oh god. | |
| Oh man. | |
| Apparently he made a second video that's an hour long. | |
| He made like a 42 minute video and then he was like, I have not ranted about Barbie enough. | |
| I can still like outrage mine Barbie for another hour worth of video. | |
| It's just, it's, it's going to be like so weird to like, cause I mean, we, I, I, I reffed on Sound of Freedom. | |
| I went after it, but it's going to be so weird to actually just like mad at the mainstream media so much that you just literally have to hate something as banal as Barbie. | |
| You're just like, The Barbie movie! | |
| Boo! | |
| I'm really angry and I have opinions about it that are strong! | |
| Calm down, buddy. | |
| Well, the thing is that, like, I think the movie kind of intentionally wants to court that sort of outrage because the movie, it's like the movie has nothing to say. | |
| The movie has something very specific to say, and it says it in an incredibly specific way by essentially looking down the barrel of the camera and just saying it point-blank to you. | |
| On top of the regular messaging that's in the movie. | |
| I don't want to spoil anything about it, but it's just like, you know, the movie has a message, right? | |
| Ben felt personally attacked is what you're saying. | |
| They're trying to get a point across to it. | |
| You can feel him in the seat crying. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Watching the movie with like that part started to happen, there was a distinct part of the movie where I was just like, yo, Idiots are gonna be really mad about, like, idiots are gonna be so mad about this. | |
| They're gonna be big mad about this part of the movie specifically. | |
| I was like, the rest of the movie they could probably overlook, but this part right here, everyone's gonna be like, this is where they went too far! | |
| And whether or not that's true is, like, up for debate. | |
| But I knew that it was gonna make people big mad, and it sure did. | |
| So, I guess, congratulations, Greta Gerwig. | |
| I mean, there was no way she didn't know that was gonna happen. | |
| That had to be her intent. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So, it's just like, yeah, she wanted to get that fuckin' response from people. | |
| The people that loved that message were gonna be hootin' and hollerin' and jumpin' out of their seat and seein' Barbie like eight times. | |
| And the people that hated it were gonna fuckin' hate post on the internet and boost her signal. | |
| Seems like a win-win for me. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So that was our smooth segue from the Sound of Freedom conversation into the Barbenheimer talk. | |
| But anyways, thank you for the question. | |
| Pancake Peasant asks, you have been hired to consult on developing a Q-friendly AI girlfriend simulator. | |
| Nautical-themed wardrobe and conversation topics are already included. | |
| What other features do you suggest? | |
| I would suggest torturing our incel, weepy QAnon boy with the promise of intimacy down the future, so long as you just continue to buy the upgrades, continue to invest, continue to do all these other things that are super important. | |
| And that will actually get you to where you want to be because QAnon is all about the edging. | |
| QAnon is all about just being toyed with endlessly and being kept going. | |
| One thing that I'll mention is that... | |
| QAnon has, in a sort of way, abandoned the Trump presidency and Q. I read so much stuff nowadays and it's just like, the world sucks and everything's bad and everything's terrible and I'm mad about it. | |
| No one ever brings up the fact that their guy was already the president once and that that was a thing that happened. | |
| Uh, so I sort of agree with Mike in that I believe your typical cute incel would, they either want to be sort of like edged, like, you know, emotionally, or they just want to be doted on, like they want like a mother-wife, yuck. | |
| Either way, in practice, there are a bunch of greasy incels that want to jerk off and cum. | |
| So I believe that the girlfriend has to be compatible with a wide variety of open-source teledildonics applications. | |
| So, you know, whatever you have at home that helps you do the thing while you look at the stuff, like, she's there for you. | |
| Your waifu, whatever weird thing you've cobbled together, You know, they've got it. | |
| It works. | |
| It just works. | |
| My perfect AI wife would just turn the internet off for you and make you go outside. | |
| That's mad. | |
| The AIQ wife gives you, like, an hour of pilling and then tells you you have to go touch grass before you can be with her again. | |
| Ooh, yeah, see? | |
| That's exactly it. | |
| Mommy wife. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Ooh, yeah. | |
| Give me a curfew, mommy wife. | |
| Yes! | |
| Oh, man, that'd be so great, having these just weird creeps hanging around out in the real world. | |
| And you're like, hey, hey, Bob, I haven't seen you out for a while. | |
| He's like, oh, yeah, my girlfriend kicked me out of the house. | |
| I gotta be outside for a while. | |
| He's like, oh, you got a girlfriend? | |
| He's like, yeah. | |
| And you're like, what's she like? | |
| Well, we're not gonna talk about that, but... | |
| I'm like, okay, sounds terrifying. | |
| Shouldn't have opened that can of worms. | |
| My bad, Bob. | |
| I'm walking away from you now. | |
| The hope is they meet real people. | |
| Actually, no. | |
| Let me tell you about how her cobbled-together pocket pussy works. | |
| It runs on Udex, you see? | |
| Like, I coded it myself. | |
| It's pretty good. | |
| Hey, you know what? | |
| That seems pretty sweet, but I'm out of here. | |
| What's that? | |
| My wife is calling. | |
| My real wife. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| These people are already living in an altered reality, so I think creating AI friends for them is really not... It's not a bridge too far, is basically what's going on here. | |
| I, right before we started recording, I was having an argument with a guy about adrenochrome, and he was talking to me about how adrenochrome can transfer spirit, or chi, or emotions into you, and that's why they have to get babies, because they have pure emotions. | |
| Well, look, I've never seen that movie, Her, but based on what I know about Her, it seems like that's sort of like a cool thing that a cute incel guy might want, you know? | |
| Yeah, he hates to date Scarlett Johansson. | |
| If there's, like, a sweet AI out there that prevents some sensitive loser from, like, deciding to take his aggression out on the world with a gun, which you could just easily and legally obtain, like, in any number of ways in our country, then let there be sensitive loser AI chat robots, you know? | |
| Hatsune Miku can help save the world, maybe. | |
| And on top of being an incredible pop idol, Hatsune Miku is going to save the world. | |
| I'm calling it. | |
| Honestly, the AI needs to get a little better though because I interacted with my first AI job application process this week where it was like, you know how you normally have to answer a bunch of questions when you apply for a job? | |
| This was just done through an AI bot and the position was for Night Stalker. | |
| Night Stalker. | |
| And it was like, what position are you applying for? | |
| And it's like, Night Stalker. | |
| That's what it fucking says on the thing. | |
| And like, she was like, Oh, I'm not interested you. | |
| Like it gave me like a response as if I was like being creepy. | |
| And it's like, Oh, I'm not interested in that you do you have another question? | |
| Like, dog, I'm trying to apply for a position that is written Night Stalker. | |
| And this isn't even spelled the same way. | |
| Yeah, so I couldn't apply for that job because the A.I. | |
| wouldn't recognize it. | |
| Because the A.I. | |
| thought that you were going to try to murder a bunch of wolves, and it was going to be the first one. | |
| Yes, I'm here for the night stalker position. | |
| Is that your night stalker? | |
| It's like night stalking, you know, like a stalking position, like two slingies on a shelf. | |
| You have like female co-workers. | |
| I'm not like stalking a woman. | |
| You know, yeah, yeah, no, I get it. | |
| You're at like a place and you follow your coworker around. | |
| That bot sent me to put my name on the FBI list or something. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| I hate to tell you this, but you now have to go to all your neighbors and tell them that you're on the registry now. | |
| I mean, it'd be even worse if you were already in that position and you were filling out one of those AI things that was asking you for your previous employment. | |
| You'd really be on a list. | |
| I am a Night Stalker! | |
| So that brings us to our final question, which is what are you looking forward to besides | |
| being blacklisted by AI for being allowed to enter the job market in America? | |
| I actually have a secret question that was addressed to me. | |
| I think it was Pancake Peasant via Twitter. | |
| I'm not sure if it was supposed to be answered on the show, but I'd rather answer it there than on Twitter because, again, as soon as the Twitter logo changes on my phone, that's a wrap for that app. | |
| I signed up for Twitter, not for X. That sounds like a weird... I'm not interested in whatever that is. | |
| Anyway, they asked me what I thought of Simu Liu's acting chops. | |
| So, back to Barbenheimer. | |
| For the third time this week, you thought we were done. | |
| Hell no. | |
| The third barrel of Barbenheimer. | |
| Maybe a fourth one down the line if I feel like it. | |
| Simu Liu's acting chops. | |
| I think he's a perfectly charming guy. | |
| I will say that the best part about him is that it's nice to see the machine in Hollywood that will give some attractive dude an unlimited amount of chances, whether or not they necessarily deserve it, is working for somebody who's not white for once. | |
| I don't think Simu Liu's a bad actor, but I mean, I've never seen him in anything where I'm just like, wow, Simu Liu and only Simu Liu could be doing this. | |
| And, you know, I don't think that's necessarily his fault. | |
| Like, I haven't seen a ton of Kim's Convenience. | |
| The stuff I saw, like, he was perfectly fine in that role. | |
| Like, I feel the way about it that I felt about Ryan Reynolds for every role until he found Deadpool. | |
| Where it was just like, yeah, sure, he's, like, fine in this role, but this role just calls for, like, charming, handsome guy. | |
| And it's just like, OK, Hollywood is unsurprisingly filled with a bunch of charming, handsome guys. | |
| And I feel like, unfortunately for him in Barbie, he has to be in the same movie as Ryan Gosling and frequently in the same scenes as Ryan Gosling. | |
| And across the board, everybody agrees that Ryan Gosling eats every scene in that movie for lunch. | |
| Like, he just, like, every scene that he's in, he owns that shit. | |
| Uh, like, except for scenes where he's with Margot Robbie, who's also really bringing it, and they're doing great. | |
| Like, they're at, like, the same level of greatness together, but, like... | |
| Ryan Gosling's performance in Canada is incredible. | |
| He's a charming, handsome guy. | |
| He's not even the best one of those in this particular movie, and I'm not sure if he really strikes me as a big-ticket movie star. | |
| I hope I'm wrong. | |
| I do like him. | |
| He's a charming guy. | |
| I'd love to see the role where I'm just like, holy shit, oh my god. | |
| Because I want to see that role for every actor. | |
| Sometimes it's like, you know, I don't feel the same way about Margot Robbie because she's already, she's given me that performance like six times or whatever. | |
| Performances where I'm just like, Margot Robbie was perfect for this. | |
| Barbie, Harley Quinn, Tonya, all that stuff. | |
| It's just like, oh, Margot Robbie is just the perfect casting for all these roles. | |
| So I think that Simu Liu is fine. | |
| So after the secret question, we will return to what are you guys looking forward to? | |
| Disney Loricana. | |
| It's coming out, the full set. | |
| Spoiler just came out. | |
| I'm a big card game fan. | |
| I haven't really engaged in one like super heavily in a while. | |
| I dipped my toes into some One Piece because it was current. | |
| And after moving to a new location, I have like a local gaming store that has like a pretty good Uh, crowd there. | |
| Anyway, I'm just excited for a new stupid card game to play with my buddies. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| I also am interested in Lorcana, so like that'll definitely be part of like my positivity after we find out whatever. | |
| Is it going to be under 110 degrees anytime soon, Hayley? | |
| Are you looking forward to maybe not melting under the sun? | |
| Uh, it was 119 yesterday. | |
| um and we've basically so this month we is uh been the average heat is over 100 degrees so like even at night it's pretty fucking hot um it sucks that's why my thing i'm looking forward to is that i'm going to the beach We're going to California for a little bit. | |
| I'm not going to be here next week. | |
| Sorry. | |
| As the new permanent host, I'm already being bad. | |
| Classic me! | |
| I'm like, I got a new job and I need a break. | |
| Yep, yep. | |
| Classic Sarge. | |
| Same Sarge as it ever was, I guess. | |
| I normally don't do this. | |
| I haven't been on the beach in over 10 years. | |
| Also, I hope to see some of the strikes while I'm in California. | |
| You know, a lot of that's going on, so I'm gonna go. | |
| Maybe you can run into some famous people on the picket line. | |
| Vacation, you know? | |
| Gonna go film some stuff, maybe. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, cool. | |
| Yeah. | |
| If you see them, tell them the Adventures in Hellworld podcast is telling them to get the fuck back to work. | |
| That's not the official stance of this. | |
| The official stance of this podcast is that Bob Iger and all you fucks need to pay your writers and your workers and eat my ass. | |
| Not actually just like in the offensive way. | |
| No, that's a hilarious joke. | |
| We discussed it before the podcast. | |
| The official stance is that the writers need to get the fuck back to work. | |
| The actors need to stop crying. | |
| How much does Robert Downey Jr. | |
| make from them Iron Man flicks? | |
| Yeah, shut up. | |
| Yeah, but the average pay of the people who actually make it is not very high. | |
| Honestly, they make shit money. | |
| Yeah, enjoy being replaced by a robot for complaining. | |
| It will definitely, probably. | |
| I love the fact that, like, five years ago we had memes on the internet about McDonald's employees, like, fighting for pay, and these assholes would be like, $15 an hour, meet your replacement, and it was like an unordering kiosk. | |
| And now we're doing that to the, but that was the excuse back then was, oh, these are low skilled employees. | |
| Anyone could do this shit, blah, blah, blah. | |
| It's a right to take away their jobs. | |
| And now we're looking at Hollywood, like the, even the biggest stars in the world were just like, oh, we're going to take away your jobs too with technology. | |
| So fuck you. | |
| It's just like, my God. | |
| I love the the bootlickers that really are just like fucking, they're just like, what a big deal, they're not doing anything useful anyway, just writing and acting in fucking funny pictures or whatever, so dumb. | |
| Just creating all the entertainment that you love to consume constantly and form your whole identity around. | |
| And complain when it's not available or when it's bad. | |
| They're just like, first I'd like to go see one of those Marvel movies and first to complain when the CGI doesn't look good. | |
| And it's just like, okay, cool. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Go Strikers! | |
| Everybody else should strike. | |
| Everybody strike. | |
| One big strike. | |
| General labor strike. | |
| Let's do this. | |
| I am looking forward to tonight. | |
| The United States Women's National Team is playing their second World Cup group stage match against the Netherlands. | |
| So I get to watch some ladies soccer this evening, which is exciting. | |
| I get to watch all the right-wingers and QAnon people who claim they love America. | |
| Bitterly rooting for the American representatives to lose because they just hate they hate them I just that's like the funniest thing to me is that you're like, oh the flag USA And then here is your team your literal champions in an international competition Battling for your flag. | |
| You're like, oh fuck them. | |
| I hate them. | |
| They make me angry and die I thought this was love it or leave it. | |
| I thought this was respect the flag. | |
| I thought you had rules that I had to abide by, but now you don't have to abide by them? | |
| You don't have to support the people waving the stars and stripes as they enter into battle on the global stage? | |
| Okay, sounds fair. | |
| Great. | |
| Whatever you want, buddy. | |
| Yeah, Woke Soccer. | |
| Boo, Woke Soccer. | |
| It's Woke Soccer because women are playing it. | |
| Eww. | |
| Icky. | |
| I actually saw someone talking about Awakened Outlaw. | |
| Some shithead had a thing. | |
| It was like a Gateway Pundit article about how the Women's World Cup wasn't doing great in Australia, when it actually is. | |
| But he was like, you made your bed, Woke Sports. | |
| It's like, oh. | |
| I thought you guys cared deeply about women's sports. | |
| I thought the idea of trans women playing in sports with cis women was some sort of abomination because women's sports was sacrosanct to you. | |
| It was this most important thing in the world. | |
| But now that a bunch of cis women are playing soccer against each other, boo! | |
| Woke! | |
| Boo! | |
| Boo! | |
| Yeah, especially because the women's team is good and the men's team sucks butt. | |
| Yeah, it's like they're just a butt-sucking bunch of butt-suckers, and the women's team is like, you know, they're going for the unprecedented three-peat or whatever. | |
| It turns out women's soccer is fucking rad as hell. | |
| They play hard, they don't flop, and they're very good. | |
| Yeah, the American women are actually good at it, whereas American men, not so much. | |
| We're not great, so yeah. | |
| So yeah, I'm looking forward to the Women's World Cup. | |
| I have another episode of Justified that I haven't watched yet, so I get to enjoy that. | |
| And beyond that, just living my best life in a mudgier, less hot, but way more humid abyss of hell that we are currently living. | |
| But don't you dare suggest that climate change or anything like that is happening. | |
| You lying liberals with your fake science. | |
| And also, don't you dare suggest that Mike Rains play DC Duel Force. | |
| Look at that long list of things to do that isn't play DC Duel Force. | |
| But I'll grill him about that off the air because it's interesting to no one except for me. | |
| And on that note, we're going to go ahead and take our leave of Hellworld for the week. | |
| And I feel like this week we just piloted the old Tesla super truck of the future with its bad seams and its paneling that doesn't line up right and it's barely functioning. | |
| It's bulletproof glass that is not even human proof. | |
| And we're going to drive out into the sunset for the week. | |
| Thank you everybody for listening and supporting the show. | |
| If you want to continue supporting the show, you can do so for free by giving us a five star review wherever you get your podcasts from. | |
| If you have money and you want to give it to us, we will take it. | |
| You can visit us at patreon.com slash pokerpolitics and tip your dealers. | |
| Anybody who donates $5 or more per month gets access to our slate of bonus content, past, present, and future. | |
| That's over 50 hours worth of stuff at this point, including a new series where Mike Raines discusses 9-11 stuff with special guest hosts. | |
| So go ahead and check that stuff out. | |
| Thank you to all of our beautifuller babies who are already writhing sassily in their crib. | |
| If you have money and you don't want to give it to us because I might call you a beautiful baby and I might accuse you of writhing, you can go ahead and do some good with it by donating it to love146.org. | |
| They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation, and they probably won't talk about baby writhing. | |
| Thank you, as always, for the use of our intro, for our friend DJ Minimal Effort, who probably doesn't listen to the show and still has no social media, because, uh, zen, I'm gonna call Minimal Effort. | |
| They are zen. | |
| Uh, the rest of us dicks are, uh, still on social media, at least for the time being, and we always start by shouting out our buddy Frosty, who you can find on Twitter, or X, As it will soon be called before I leave it. | |
| And you can X them at FrostyVO. | |
| The show you're listening to at this moment, you can be found on X! | |
| At Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. I'm on X! | |
| At Hellworld, L spelled the same way. | |
| New permanent host, it's always been here, totally. | |
| Haley can be found on X! | |
| At AZ underscore RWW. | |
| I believe, did I get that right? | |
| Yeah, just find me anywhere. | |
| I'm usually on things now. | |
| Yeah, she always likes to bubble that. | |
| She's like, just send me a hug when you want to find me. | |
| It's not that big of a deal. | |
| And Mike Rades, ooh, triple X on the X at, of course, Poker Politics. | |
| So for another successful episode of the Avengers of the Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, the Mysterious L, joined as always by the enigmatic Hayley, and of course our expert in all things QAnon, Mr. Mike Rains, aka PokerPolitics. |