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March 31, 2022 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:31:46
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #80: Ginni Thomas is pilled, Trump, Ukraine, and lots more

Ginni Thomas believes in QAnon, Florida gets hateful, Trump hits a hole in one and Sarge gives us a bit too much information about Hunter Biden. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from cool person internet.
And the mysterious Elle.
Hello, my beautiful babies!
The babies just stay beautiful each and every week.
It's a sight to behold.
Yikes.
Out of context.
Very bad clip there.
I'm just giving QAnon clips to use against me to be like, look, listen to what Mike Raines is saying.
That monster.
We all know what these people are doing.
Margle, bargle, fargle, wargle.
Whatever you do, nobody make an out, an at, out of context, hell world Twitter account.
Post horrible clips of us to make us sound like absolute monsters.
Or absolute Muppets.
One of the two.
Either or.
Yeah, either.
Or Muppet Monsters, not unlike the Cookie Monster.
So, how about those Oscars?
This is the part where we seamlessly segue into our newest, freshest, hottest segment, the Amuse-Bouche, where we talk about stuff that isn't necessarily quite headline-worthy, but is still worth talking about.
And boy howdy, if there was a thing that fit those two categories of not technically newsworthy but also definitely worth talking about, Will Smith decided it was pretty cool for him to slap the shit out of Chris Rock at the Oscars in front of fucking a few million viewers and God and everybody on the internet afterwards.
Yeah.
And was not escorted out of the facility afterwards.
Yeah, he literally just got to claim an Oscar and be out there giving a speech a few short minutes later.
Still hopped up on the adrenaline from making his decision to slap Chris Rock in front of the universe.
He just got to go up there and accept an Oscar.
No repercussions whatsoever.
What a big, strong performance that made everybody look great all around.
It's certainly not the case that it made both of those men look incredibly weak, which it definitely did.
It's just like, ah, yes, a confrontation between two full-grown adult men in which neither of them comes out looking any stronger.
They've just been bad all around.
Chris Rock backed down on all fronts immediately.
Chris Rock made what seemed like the most logical and also most calculated move, but not necessarily the move that you want to see in that situation.
I didn't want him to hit Will Smith back, nor did I want him to go after Jada Pinkett Smith or the rest of the Will Smith family any further.
But I do think it would have been pretty neat if he had just started comedically coming after Will Smith.
Just like, oh, you want to come over here and fucking slap me and sit back in the seat like it ain't no thing?
Just be like, all right, well, how about we talk about your performance at After Earth real quick?
Or, you know, how about we talk about your long-standing, you know, suspected Scientology?
Or just anything to, like, start, like, you know... I kind of wanted to see the man come back at Will Smith in that moment, but I understand why he didn't.
And then obviously Will Smith looking like a big stupid crybaby, going from laughing like it was a fucking full-blown Chris Rock Netflix comedy special to noticing that Jada is not amused and then just being like, ooh, time for me to make a big man play.
And it's like, Will Smith, you need to calm down.
Chris Rock is small and old, like, he's just going up there and hitting this guy.
It's, like, not appropriate for several reasons, and also, like, at the end of the day, you're just beating up somebody that is way smaller than you.
It's like, fucking, keep it in your pants there, Rockstar.
Yeah, not that this is in any way, like, an apples-to-apples comparison, but we had this one incident, I remember, a few years ago where This guy who's just, like, older than dirt, and he's a known, like, just absolute dirtbag.
And he made a tasteless comment at another player, and the other guy got up in his face, and they were, like, standing nose-to-nose.
And I was like, dude, what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna punch an 85-year-old man in the head right now?
Like, yeah, he said something untasteless, but you don't get in his face, because if you breathe on this guy, you might kill him!
What good is that going to do in this situation?
Just tell the guy that he was out of line.
If it was that offensive, tell the dealer to get the manager over there, and we'll walk a grandpa tasteless comment out the building if it offended you that much.
You don't have to get in his face like, I'm a real man, and how dare you talk about my family that way?
It's like, calm down, dude.
Relax.
Ellen, our chat, when all this was going down, was just like, he would never make this joke.
Will Smith would never run up and slap The Rock if he made that joke.
And on the flip side, Chris Rock would never make this joke about Mike Tyson's significant
other.
So...
See, I absolutely think that Chris Rock would.
You think so?
That is what comedians do.
Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong.
I'm not defending the joke.
The joke was hacky and in poor taste for a lot of different reasons.
Like a G.I.
Jane reference.
That movie came out, what, 20 years ago?
Yeah, about someone's involuntary medical condition.
Like Chris Rock's never updated his bald woman Rolodex to get a more contemporary reference than G.I.
Jane.
But, I mean, at the same time, it's just like, you know, Yeah, I really understand Will Smith's desire to protect his wife, who, at the end of the day, is a millionaire, rock star, model, content producer, mother, like, very successful, just, you know, like, in half a dozen or more ways that are just really easy to list off, and it's just like,
But, she has alopecia, so, you know, at this moment I really need to just go fuck up my whole career and everyone's whole Oscar night.
Like, get fucked if you were one of the people setting a record for doing anything at the Oscars this year, because nobody gives a fuck about you anymore.
Nobody gives a fuck.
Oh yeah.
Coda, that won Best Picture, and...
Yeah.
What's that movie about?
Is that movie about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock?
Because if so, who gives a shit?
Yeah.
Will Smith ruined a very special night for a lot of people.
In addition to just setting a very bad precedent.
Like, it's just like, yeah, if somebody says a thing you don't like, you get to hit them in the face.
That's not how society works, mate.
You can't do that.
Yeah, same with Jackson giving his first Oscar.
There's a line, and that's not it.
Yeah.
Anyway, we could talk about Will Smith a lot, I could rant a lot, but I decided I didn't want to be on my soapbox for too long, but I don't know.
Sorry, go ahead.
I was just saying, I'm seeing a lot of people that I respect somehow having a hot take that puts them into Will Smith's corner on this one.
And it's like, dude, he committed an actual crime on public television to no repercussions.
The thing that was being battled over, it wasn't like Chris Rock was just like, I don't believe in transgender rights or something.
It was like an import taste to a millionaire model that happens to be Will Smith's wife.
I don't know.
I didn't get it.
But Mike, we're a QAnon podcast.
What does QAnon think about this?
QAnon's view of this is very much in the realm of, was this legitimate or was this staged?
As people who follow the pro-wrestling would say, was this a work or was it a shoot?
QAnon, for the most part, believes that it was staged.
They 100% believe that it was a work, that it was set up, that the Oscars is part of the lamestream media's failing media empire, that no one watches the Oscars, no one cares about it.
So they decide to sex it up by having this staged event where Will Smith slaps Chris Rock, and oh my god, it goes trending on Twitter, it goes viral!
That doesn't make sense for a lot of reasons, but let's just start with one.
It's hard to make a lot of hay out of something if you don't get to promote it ahead of time.
It's just like, oh shit, you should have been watching the Oscars.
You weren't, but you should have been.
Because I certainly wasn't watching the Oscars.
I just saw this clip, and it wasn't even like I saw the Japanese unedited version of this clip, because that's the one I wanted.
So the only people that got my traffic were some Japanese news outlet.
So it's just like, if this was some sort of elaborate work, it really... I mean, they're really hoping that people are going to tune into the Oscars next year, hoping that one actor is going to assault another actor live on stage again?
Seems pretty unlikely.
Just gonna throw this out there, I will also not be watching the Oscars next year, because in the event that does happen, I will just see a Japanese version of it on Twitter.
Yeah, I'll just get the unedited Australian version or Japanese version or whatever, yes.
What is funny is that that was the mainstream view of QAnon was that it was staged for the longest time.
And then there were a few brave souls that basically went down Elle's list of talking points right there and were like, Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe this wasn't staged, but those are the outliers.
Because again, in the world of QAnon, nothing can be organic and nothing can be authentic.
Of course not.
Will Smith can't have a bad reaction to a joke and then do something stupid because that involves like
Human beings actually having free will and autonomy and being able to do stuff
You like Will Smith and every other person that exists in our world is literally just a piece on a chessboard
That is moved by God or the devil badly maneuvered
Badly maneuver. Yeah, exactly this infinite chessboard where no one's making the right moves literally ever
that's all that's going on here and so like Will Smith was there to distract us from Ukraine or from?
the hunter Biden laptop that they're all ranting and raving about
Basically, like, that became, like, the new cover story once people were just sort of like, hey, they couldn't have done this for ratings for the Oscar, but I know it was staged, I know it was a work, so why did they do it?
And it was like, oh yeah, it's a distraction, because Oh yeah, so they're saying the Deep State activated Will Smith?
Yes, exactly!
We saw that meme.
But I like to think that they gave him no forewarning, and that's why his reaction flipped on a dime the way it did, because, I mean, the footage makes it look very bad for him, where he's just like, ha ha ha, hilarious, looks over, sees Jada, and then just like, it's just like, time to murder Chris Rock!
It's just like, well, uh, you know, that's like, that's sort of the online perception of it anyway, so you could totally see somebody, like, getting into his earpiece and just be like, Mr. Smith, the Illuminati thanks you for your service.
We need you to go hit Chris Ruck in the face right now.
I was actually thinking that, like, he's laughing, he looks at Jaina, and then, like, Jaina just, like, presses the button on her watch and just activates him, because she's his handler.
She's like, beep!
And he's just like, oh, shit!
And then he's like, oh, shit!
And then But even then, like, the thing is, is that a slap also feels really calculated.
Like, of all the ways to hit somebody in a quote-unquote rage, like, you know, if you're really defending your wife's honor, don't you, like, close fist it there, and you just, like, actually, like, start throwing that whip at Brock?
I saw some people saying, like, he could have killed him.
He's like, that was a slap, and not even a particularly hard one.
Yeah, I mean, I'm just saying, he didn't even go for a punch, so it's just like, that's a pretty calculated show of aggression.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, like, while he was receiving his Oscar, he's like, I had to defend my family, like, like, Venus and Sabrina's dad, or whatever.
Very stupid.
I'm all about love.
Anyway, alright, we've all done this for too long.
Let's talk about something a little goofier and a little higher energy, shall we?
Trump's hole-in-one.
What's the deal?
I only vaguely saw the headlines about this.
What's the deal with Trump's hole-in-one, Mike?
Okay, so some dumb, dumb Republican bootlicker who was golfing with Trump posted on social media that Trump just hit a hole in one!
And then people started making fun of it, and they started talking about how, like, oh, that was Trump's fifth hole in one of the day.
This isn't North Korea!
That was the joke!
They were riffing on Kim Jong Il.
They were riffing on him getting 18 holes in one in a row.
And people were making those jokes.
You jumped it.
Oh, okay.
You jumped the whole fucking joke.
Yeah, sorry.
You fucked him in.
Sorry for having it right in my head.
What the fuck are we talking about?
But I'm saying, the person who said it was his fifth one in the day,
they were making fun of the guy talking about Trump getting a hole in one.
And being like, we're going Kim Jong Il on this shit.
on this shit.
So, as people started talking about this, Trump, because he just can't fucking let anything go...
Posted one of his weird little letterhead emails to everybody, and it reads, many people are asking, so I'll give you it now, it is 100% true.
While playing with the legendary golfer Ernie Els, winner of four majors and approximately 72 other tournaments, because tournaments aren't on the record or anything, it's an approximation, we're just spitballing here, throughout the world, a bunch of other people, On the 7th hole, which was playing 181 yards of a slight wind, I hit a 5-iron, which sailed magnificently into a rather strong wind.
So literally, in two lines, he characterizes the wind as either being slight or strong.
And then the ball goes in the hole.
He hit a hole-in-one.
He did awesome.
Thank God he decided to list all the credentials for his eyewitness, though.
Yeah.
That guy seems like he'd be pretty trustworthy.
Oh, yeah.
And knowledgeable.
He seems like he'd be the right guy to know about whether or not the ball went in the cup in the first shot.
How many shots did it take?
Let's go to this guy.
Well, how should I be able to trust this guy?
Well, you have no idea how many times he's seen ball go into cup in one shot in his years.
He's won approximately 73 tournaments.
Didn't you know who this guy is?
He's Ernie L or whatever the guy's actual name is.
So this ridiculously dumb hole-in-one blathering.
Of course, in the QAnon world, a cigar can never just be a cigar.
So one QAnon promoter declared, How about a little decoding fun?
Ernie Ells equals EE, which equals 5'5", which is one of their favorite terms.
5 iron and 5 feet equals 5'5".
181 yards plus 7th hole equals 10 plus 7 equals 17.
But the best part, clank, which was the noise Trump claimed it made when it fell in the hole, clank equals prison.
Hashtag panic in DC.
Wow, that is some next-level thinking.
We'd love to see it.
Even when Trump's just talking about, yeah, I had a hole in one, it was great, it really happened, you can believe me, QAnon's just like, he's talking about putting Hillary in jail!
It's the secret message.
It's happening.
It's so subtle that when it doesn't happen, it's just because it's still subtly happening.
It's subtle and it's slow.
It's so subtle and so slow that it may as well not be happening at all.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Well, unfortunately, some things happen rapidly and out of nowhere, not suddenly or slowly at all, such as the tragic death of the Foo Fighters drummer, whose name I had called up and have now lost.
So you know who we're talking about.
One of my co-hosts will Google this for me.
Which we are unfortunately obligated to talk about in this here Amuse Bouche, because you know for sure that QAnon has a bad take on this one.
So what's QAnon's bad take on this one, Mike?
So QAnon's bad take on Taylor Hawkins' death is that he... Killed it.
Way to go.
Yes.
is that he died from the vaccine.
The Foo Fighters were one of these performers who were working the whole thing where, hey, you gotta have proof of vaccination or a negative test to get into our concerts and venues.
One QAnon promoter went so far as to declare that Dave Grohl was a tyrant about making sure that people were vaccinated and boosted, and that the drummer had recently received his fourth shot of the vaccine.
And that, of course, after he got the fourth shot, a couple days later, dead.
Because that's, this is like, again, this is the new line in the sand they draw.
The fourth, it's the fourth one that gets you.
And when that day comes when the fourth shot is readily available and people get it and it doesn't work, guess what?
The fifth one's gonna kill you.
So that was their story, completely ignoring the fact that the Colombian authorities who conducted the autopsy said that literally every drug on God's green earth was in this guy's system when he passed away.
Yeah, it's very unfortunate.
The toxicology report as presented was pretty damning.
Yes.
So yeah, like the, what actually happened, you would think that what actually happened would be like the easy, the low-hanging fruit that QAnon would pick from being like, oh look, another famous person trapped in the deep state life of crazy hedonism and just chasing the dragon, succumbing to the addictions and temptations of that lifestyle.
Nope, they can't do that.
They can't even just take what for those sick people would be considered a win.
Instead of that, they have to be like, yeah, it was the vaccine.
Cause that's all our little brains can possibly conceive of at any moment is
that our new, our new hobby horse is the vaccine kills everybody.
So it killed this guy.
And Oh yeah, by the way, it's why triple H had a heart failure.
And, um, basically any health scare or death that happens to any famous person
ever is what I'm.
That's why my foot stinks.
I've got that bad foot odor because of the vaccine.
Yes, exactly.
El's feet never smelled bad until he got vaccinated.
I can confirm this.
Yeah, definitely.
Yep.
Everybody knows this.
Everybody knows this.
Immediately.
He's just like, yeah, oh, I know.
I know the smell before and after.
Yes.
I know it.
I know it when I leave.
Yikes.
Truly, Mike Rades is the Quentin Tarantino of the QAnon debunking world.
You know it.
Oh, God.
Hey, there is no burden I won't bear for the sake of podcasting.
One of all.
Yeah, at least this shtick is better than my previous shtick that I had decades ago, so I'll be quite content with this being my place in the world.
I sure hope so.
Nobody likes anyone whose shtick is the same as it was 20 years ago.
I mean, just look at Paul Smith slap the shtick out of Chris Rock!
Bazinga!
Alright, let's try to keep this level of levity going after we play our headline and content warning bumps and truly get into the horror that exists in Hellworld.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News!
So, it turns out that the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is what we would like to call pilled to the gills.
Yup!
Yeah, this is a pretty spicy meatball to come out this week.
Yeah.
So, uh, Ginny Thomas, uh, Clarence Thomas's wife, uh, this isn't even like dime store QAnon.
This isn't other like, uh, off branches.
This is just the direct stuff, the straight mainline.
Um, I believe in QAnon.
Uh, she sent a bunch of text messages just to Mark Meadows.
One of those was a quote, Biden crime family and ballot fraud co-conspirators, uh, parentheses elected.
Officials, bureaucrats, social media censorship mongers, fake stream media reporters, etc.
are being arrested and detained for ballot fraud right now and over coming days will be living in barges off Gitmo to face military tribunals first edition.
And then she added, I hope this is true.
Ginny Thomas appeared to believe a conspiracy theory that QAnon had been preaching for a long time, that the authentic ballots for the 2020 presidential election had watermarks on them, and that the deep state's illegitimate ballots that were all filled out for Biden and Harris did not have these watermarks.
And thus, once all the ballots were rounded up and the right ballots were hit with the
searchlight, they would show the watermark, the fraudulent ones would not show the watermark,
and then the watermark ballots would be tabulated and Trump would win in a landslide.
I love the idea that the uber-powerful deep state could be bamboozled by watermarks.
Oh no, we didn't think of the most obvious way to secure a paper document.
Yeah, this bit of technology that's been in $20 bills for going on 20-odd years now.
We could never have foreseen them using that for ballots and made our own watermarks.
How could we have seen it coming?
Curses foiled again!
This was around even during the Arizona audit.
There were photos of people looking at the ballots and there was like one photo of a person holding a ballot to the light and QAnon was like, oh shit, they're checking for the watermark!
This was also right-wing lunatic and occasional InfoWars guest Steve Pchenik, a.k.a.
Stevie P's.
This was one of his favorite hobby horses, that the election was a sting operation, where they had let the Deep State bring in their fake ballots, and then they were gonna hit him with the true ballots, and then all the bad guys were gonna get cuffed and stuffed.
Sounds right.
Yeah, so Ginny Thomas reporting all of this stuff to Mark Meadows is a bit terrifying because These texts were part of the court case that was brought before the Supreme Court where Trump and company were like, hey, my communications were under executive privilege.
You have no right to see them.
The presidency is basically an elected dictator.
Fuck off all y'all.
And the Supreme Court ruling on this case was 8-1 against Trump.
The one vote in Trump's favor was Clarence Thomas's vote, which is what we would like to call an incredibly stupid attempt to cover your ass when you know you're going to lose.
8-1, why not make it unanimous and pretend like you actually were in favor of this?
Why be like, hey... I mean, basically Clarence Thomas pulled a Will Smith where he made a really dumb decision to try to defend his wife from something, and he's like, I'm gonna cast this meaningless vote in opposition, and I hope no one notices that and says, hey, wait a minute, Clarence, why did you cast that no vote?
What was your legal justification for that?
This could never come back to bite me.
Nope, never.
Never not once in a million years could this come back to bite Clarence Thomas in the ass.
Yeah, I mean it is ridiculous that this is where we're at.
So of course you're hearing all these people screaming that Clarence Thomas must resign and all this other stuff.
And impeach him.
Oh yeah.
Can you impeach a Supreme Court justice?
You can.
You absolutely can.
It's the exact same process for presidents as it is for Supreme Court justices.
You do the same thing.
You impeach him in the House and you try to convict him in the Senate and guess what?
You're never convicting him.
Republicans who held a Supreme Court seat open for a year because Scalia died are not about to suddenly find morality and hand Joe Biden another open Supreme Court seat.
Because Clarence Thomas is a little too corrupt for their taste.
Clarence Thomas or any Republican on the Supreme Court could commit murder in broad daylight, and until they were convicted of the crime, Republicans would be like, hey, gotta let the process play out.
Innocent until proven guilty.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Has a justice ever been impeached?
I don't think so.
it out until after the midterms. Don't keep it going. We're not letting Biden get another
seat unless we can't help it. I mean, it's just like, it's like, I mean, has a justice
ever been impeached? I don't think so. I know none have ever been convicted. So I don't know
if anyone ever went through the process of actually impeaching a Supreme Court justice.
I love that this is the level of scandal we're at where like, because for what it's worth,
I agree with our expert, Mike Rains, that there's no possible way he could ever be convicted,
even if he was impeached.
I love how this is the level of scandal that we're at, where jaded but correct people like you and I are just like, can't win, don't try.
What is even the point?
There's absolutely no way, at this level of scandal, only being related to that minor coup attempt?
Come on, dude, what are you talking about?
There's no way.
There's no reason to take this L. Why would you?
If you know you can't convict him, why take the L?
It's just so funny to me that this is where conservative politics are at, where this level of scandal is nothing.
And I looked it up on the internet, and Samuel Chase was a Supreme Court justice who was impeached, but also, shockingly, was not convicted.
Oh yeah, so wild to hear.
So, yeah, I mean, hey, if they wanted to impeach him, knock yourselves out, but make sure the Senate trial takes like 45 minutes, and then I'll get all the Republicans on our record.
quitting him along probably with Joe Manchin and Kristen Sinema because whatever.
I mean, but yeah, I mean, it would be a waste of time.
I have no problem with grandstanding about this.
I have no problem about fundraising on this.
I have no problem about making a stink about this.
But if you actually expect anything to happen, vis-a-vis the fact that Clarence Thomas is
married to an open and proud insurrectionist, who thinks that the people attacking the Capitol
on 1-6 had the right of it, I hate to burst your bubble.
There will be no consequences for this.
Oh, yeah.
Like, fucking the turtle from Tennessee himself is still saying he's not going to approve
or is going to vote no on the current nominee.
Oh yeah, he's like, she's great, but I'm still not voting aye for KBJ.
I have to vote against her because reasons.
Although Susan Collins came out saying that she is gonna vote aye, so.
And I think Murkowski from Alaska is gonna vote in favor also.
So she might get a whopping 52 votes from our horribly broken Senate.
So congratulations, guys.
Way to do it.
You win.
We get our first Black female Supreme Court justice via bipartisan consensus.
Because two Republicans voted in favor.
Oh man, the Joe Manchin dream, finally.
Politicians working across the aisle.
Oh we did it, we did it, oh god.
To make up the deficit that they caused because they're fucking idiots.
We finally got there.
What a bunch of clowns.
Yes!
Okay, well, so yeah, disappointing but not necessarily surprising news coming out of the Thomas camp.
Yeah.
And just the fact that we don't really see a lot of penalties coming down the pipeline in that favor.
No.
So let's talk about orgies, because that seems a lot more fun.
Apparently Vanessa Cawthorn, a person I totally know but for the benefit of our listeners I'll ask Mike Rades to describe to our listeners and not me because I know who that person is, has apparently been levying some pretty orgy-tastic accusations.
So what's the deal with this and who are we talking about?
So, so Madison Cawthorne is another member of the House who's a Republican and is a Nazi, pretty much an openly proud Nazi.
He, at one point, he talked about going to Hitler's summer home, the Eagle's Nest, and saying, oh, I can cross this one off my bucket list.
And this young, this young upstart go-getter, He got himself into Congress, and he's been doing what Marjorie Taylor Greene and Boebert and Louie Gohmert and all these other cretins do, which is just try to make it a name for yourself by being as brash, stupid, and controversial as possible.
And recently, Madison decided that he was going to come out and say, oh yeah, by the way, some senior Republican in Congress came up to me and was like, Hey, Madison, I mean, it sucks that you have your disability and all that.
But if you ever want to come to one of our one of our cocaine fueled orgies, you you have a standing invitation.
And Cough Horn then declared that the man did a key bump in front of him.
Which led to a lot of people searching the internet to find out what is a key bump, and that is when you, like, drive a key into your vial of cocaine, get some cocaine on the key, and then snort it!
I love how, of all the things we've been discussing in this headline, that is the one thing that I already knew.
Not because I've ever done cocaine, but just kind of through, I was just like, I can put two and two together here, I'm pretty sure I know how this works.
Trust me, it was a very big topic of discussion and a lot of people were like, hey, why does Madison Cawthorne know the term key bump?
That feels like one of the things that you only know that term if you've done the thing.
So it kind of feels like to me, he probably enjoys some of the Columbian marching powder now and then as well.
You don't learn that in D.A.R.E.
No!
That'd be so great!
The entire point of D.A.R.E.
is to make drugs sound super cool.
So you're like, D.A.R.E.
kids, don't do this, but you wanna know what a key bump is?
That'd be awesome.
At some point, you might see a model or an actor, somebody that you respect, do one of these things.
It's called a key bump, and you should never do it.
No, Dewey, it's amazing.
Yeah.
So, uh, so he made these allegations, which if you are a Republican or
basically anyone in Congress, that's gotta be like really kind of terrifying
because this is one of those dog whistles to QAnon that all your elected officials
are in fact, like just crazy hedonistic lunatics who are out here just doing
drugs and having crazy sex and Not abiding by the Lord and traditional Christian morality.
I mean, at the very least, it's great that Madison didn't bring up the sex dungeon under the pizza joint and all that.
But, I mean, we're only like a step or two away from that whole, like, thorny bit of shit.
Just by bringing this up.
And the Republican leadership, like, came down, uh, like a ton of bricks on Cawthorne about this.
Uh, one Republican was like, Hey, if he's going to say this shit, he needs to start naming names.
He needs to, because again, Madison was like, I'm going to tell you who did that key bump in front of me.
It's a mystery.
And that guy was like, Hey, name the guy, name the guy that did some blow in front of you, buddy.
And.
And Kevin McCarthy, the head of the house, just like an hour or so ago, Madison Cawthorne left McCarthy's office after they had a little meeting to have a little talk about what happened there.
Let Mr. Mason Cawthorne know that like, hey buddy, you can call the Democrats a bunch of cocaine-fueled, orgy-having lunatics, but you don't piss inside the tent.
You don't come after your fellow Republicans with allegations of drug-fueled sex romps.
So train your fire in the right direction, buddy.
And Kotho was just like, well then maybe next time don't do that key bump in front of me, dawg.
Put me in a weird spot, bro.
Oh man, if only that happened, because there were reporters that were waiting, and when Cawthorne left the office, he refused to answer reporter questions as he went by them.
Yeah, I bet he did.
It would have been so great if as he was going by them, he was like, oh yeah, by the way, McCarthy was the guy that did the keybomb in front of me.
FYI, just putting it out there.
Just wanted to let everybody know that it was him.
Check that man's keys.
Oh my god, Keygate.
No, I'm not gonna give you my keys.
You need a warrant for these keys.
Oh my god.
You tell him, you tell him, McCarthy, with your cocaine dust littered keys.
Yeah.
Allegedly.
Allegedly in this fantasy world.
I'm not even willing to commit to making such an accusation in this fantasy world that we've invented.
These are only alleged things that could have happened.
Oh my god.
Yeah, that's, like, the least crazy thing ever, where they're just like, you cannot accuse a standing member of Congress of a crime and then not back it up.
Like, that's not how this works.
Yeah.
At least not one of us.
Again, I mean, these people do every wink and nod possible about About Seth Rich being killed by the DNC and all this other stuff, but how dare you?
How dare you?
How dare you accuse any Republican, and especially not Matt Gaetz, of doing a key bump and then going into a sex orgy?
How dare you?
The Republican Party would never stand for such...
Crazy and depraved, uh, activities.
Yeah.
He's like, I'm not going to name any names, but after he did that key bump, he turned around and walked right back inside that Chuck E. Cheese.
So that's all I'm saying.
And his name was Mitch McConnell.
What?
Hey, I would kind of respect Mitch more if he was like, if he was like, I mean, when you look at Mitch on TV, I mean, it looks like he could go at any moment.
I mean, that is a man.
That is a man in some poor health.
I'd much rather imagine him doing a bunch of blow bragging with fuckin' Scavino or whoever about, like, the, the, uh, the, I'm sorry, Madison Cawthorne, that was it, Scavino's our next headline, uh, about, uh, about, uh, the, the, the orgies and then, uh, turning on his halo, walking into that Chuck E. Cheese in that Florida panhandle city, wherever it is, pick your poison, somewhere in the Florida panhandle, though.
Anyway, while I let the cat out of the bag here, so let's just get right into it.
Apparently, Dan Scavino and Peter Navarro are incredibly contemptuous, which is a word I wrote down and then tried to execute and kind of biffed it on my first try.
I circled back, though.
I got there.
So what's going on with the Skaveenster?
So, the 1-6 committee decided that they wanted to talk to Dan Scavino and Peter Navarro about... Wow, that's still happening?
Yes!
What a time to be alive.
Oh, the most magical time to be alive.
What better time in history to live in than this one?
Which do you think will resolve first?
The investigation into Will Smith's slap or the 1-6 committee?
Oh god, they'll get to the bottom of the Will Smith slap way faster than the 1-6 committee will finish.
That's not even possible.
That's an easy win for the Oscars investigation of what happened there.
Representative Liz Cheney gave a statement before the 1-6 committee talking about how
they wanted to talk to Dan Scavino about the fact that he seemed to be interacting with QAnon.
Bye everyone.
And they would like to ask him a few questions about that.
And what is that all about?
And of course, Dan Scavino, much like pretty much anyone in Trump's inner circle, told the 1-6 committee to go fuck themselves.
And not only did he tell them to go fuck themselves in the sense that he wasn't showing up to answer their questions, while Liz Cheney was saying these things, Scavino was posting on Truth Social Media a flag graphic that is the same JPEG that Q posts as a flag graphic, and he posted it exactly two years after Q posted his flag graphic.
So that's what we call in the QAnon community a two-year delta.
Hooray!
They must have lost their minds.
Oh, yes, they did.
QAnon calls Dan Scavino, quote, Delta Dan, because he does this a lot.
Either he himself or he has a staffer who knows this shit.
He knows to post certain shit on certain days to give QAnon Delta hits to make them feel
good about themselves.
And that Dan Scavino is reaching out and tussling their hair and pinching their little cheeks
and telling them that they're good little boys and girls and that they're one day going
to meme their way into saving the world.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
And so literally while Liz Cheney is saying, Hey, Scovino, what
are you doing with QAnon?
He's like, Oh, you know exactly what I'm doing with QAnon.
I am inciting and provoking them and making them think that like I'm totally
on their team and so is Donald Trump.
And Scovino has been doing this for years and years.
My pinned tweet for the remainder of the week probably is a long list of times that Skavino has aggressively dog whistled QAnon in efforts to make sure that they know that Trump loves them.
and that the whole storm and the Great Awakening and all that shit,
it's going to happen any day now. So you guys just keep on keeping on.
The most famous of these incitements was, Scavino himself posted a meme of Trump playing a violin
with the caption, I call my next piece, nothing can stop what is coming.
And later on, Trump's...
Jesus.
Yeah.
And later on, Trump retweeted it with the phrase, I don't know what it means, but it sounds good to me, which feels a lot like Scavino just grabbed Trump's Twitter account and was singing to himself, Hmm.
If I have Trump just post this meme totally without context, that would seem really fucking weird.
So I gotta put a little distance between POTUS and QAnon.
So I'm gonna write in this little disclaimer to try to give Trump plausible deniability if anyone... Have a little bet hedging up front.
Never hurt nobody.
Right, exactly.
So yeah, so...
You have Trump quote-tweeting the Dan Scavino QAnon meme with, again, the claim, who knows what this means but it sounds good to me.
This flipped the internet out, and everyone was saying that Trump's Nero because Nero fiddled while Rome burned, and this meme is an obvious brutal self-own, and what a dumb, dumb Trump is.
And the whole time I was watching the media do this shit, I'm like, guys, guys, he's pandering to QAnon.
While all of you were freaking out and calling him Nero, his audience, the audience that Scavino is trying to reach out to, is hearing the message loud and clear.
So this isn't what you think it is.
This isn't the own goal you think it is.
This is actually a dog whistle to Trump's most militant supporters, and they are very happy that Trump is doing it.
Or, in this case, Dan Scavino pretending to be Trump is doing it.
Well, so that's the story on Skavina.
What's the deal with Peter Navarro?
Uh, he was one of the, he's again, he was in Trump's inner circle and he's just following Scavino's lead.
He is not as, uh, tied to QAnon as Scavino is.
But, uh, again, the, the boss has laid down the edict that nobody talks to the 1-6 committee.
And at this point, the, uh, the 1-6 committee has only managed to get the, the DOJ to, um, They've only managed to go after Steve Bannon.
That's the only guy that the DOJ has been willing to indict for contempt of Congress for some reason.
Mark Meadows himself, I do believe, has had a referral for contempt of Congress before DOJ for like two months at this point, and DOJ has not acted on it.
There's a lot of people who are not happy with Merrick Garland and the DOJ not, like, expediting this process and charging these people or saying, hey, we're not going to charge them and here's why.
I think there were even members of the 1-6 committee while they were doing this who were just like, yeah, we're charging these people and we kind of hope that, you know, DOJ will fucking do something at this point because Isn't that why those guys in New York, those prosecutors in New York quit?
Because they just refused to prosecute Trump?
Well yeah, well the new Attorney General in New York was Bragg, is his name, Bragg was the guy who was like, hey guys, I don't think we got much of a case here against Trump, and the two of the lawyers resigned, and one of them, I don't know if he leaked it, but somebody leaked his resignation letter, and he was like, Trump did these fucking crimes!
And our new Attorney General of New York, Refusing to prosecute him for these crimes is fucking bullshit.
So, like, that's why I left, because I couldn't work there anymore, knowing that, like, the work I did to nail this bastard for the crimes he obviously committed, that, uh, this case got swept under the rug.
It's horseshit, and I won't stand for it.
And I've heard a bunch of, uh, legal Twitter arguments on both sides, on the one- I've heard the one side saying, it was a slam dunk, this guy was in the right of it, and then the other side is more the one- more the thing, it's like, These kinds of crimes, at least the crimes in New York that Trump was going to be charged with, they involve a lot of having defined what the criminal's state of mind was.
If he sort of just fucked up and made the mistakes he made up, that's not a criminal thing.
But if he deliberately did it, if he was intentionally trying to mislead, then it's a crime.
And that kind of gray area shit, So I mean, I would say it's probably more like I'm spitballing here, but probably like 60 40 in favor of people who are like, Oh yeah, they should have charged Trump.
They absolutely should have.
But there is a, there was a minority that was like sizable enough that was like, look, The problem with Trump is the whole, you come to the king, you best not miss.
You need to have like a one million percent airtight case against this prick.
Because if there's one maggot chud on the jury who can find a legal reason to not convict their orange god of a crime, they're going to hang that jury.
They're going to do something.
I mean, I remember when Manafort and Stone got convicted, there were like a couple of maggot chuds on those juries, but they were like, yeah, they did it.
I mean, I didn't want them to do it, but They laid it out.
It was cut and dry.
I had to do my duty, so I did it.
But it's like, up that by a factor of ten when you're going after Trump, and it's like, fuck.
I mean, it's just... I can just see where that would be, like, just not the most fun thing to have to deal with.
I would imagine, yeah.
It's not... Well, I guess the theme of this week's episode is men in positions of power not facing any repercussions for their foul deeds, which is unfortunate.
Yeah, it's not great.
One could consider it a bit suboptimal, yes.
Well, it's time for us to break another sacred covenant, because in much the same way that Sarge and I talked about Bruno in our spinoff podcast, Binge Wordy, when we discussed Encanto, it is now time for our podcast, The Avengers in Hellworld, to say gay.
We're gonna talk about the Don't Say Gay Bill that's going on in Florida.
I mean, just some truly archaic shit managing to continue to crop up in our country.
It's fucking wild.
Suddenly, abortion and gay rights are like really resurging in the zeitgeist of bigots.
It's fucking crazy.
There's some don't ask, don't tell shit right here.
Yeah, I mean, this is like so bizarre that we're doing, that we're still doing this,
that we're still in this place where bigots and homophobes are just like, hey, do we have
Is there some state in America where we can get a W?
And Florida was like, boy howdy, you can get a W right here, boys and girls.
Come on down to Bigot Town and we will pass this law that is pretty much unconstitutional because you're restricting the free speech of people in public places, schools in this case.
And we're just gonna do a thing to virtue signal to everybody that we can.
That I, Governor DeSantis, am a bigot.
And I don't like gay people.
And so, everyone come on down.
Let's have this little party.
Let's have this social culture war bullshit fan festival.
While Disney literally just couldn't stop stepping on their dicks this whole time.
Like, when the bill first came out, Disney was like, hey everybody!
Even though we actually do run the state of Florida and could stop this at a moment's notice, we're just gonna let it play out, see how it works, and see how it all shakes out.
As the bill got closer and closer to fruition, Disney was like, oh shit, we look so bad for our indifference and our standing on the sidelines was not a great look.
And when the bill actually got signed, Disney was like, we are going to do everything in our power to fight against this bill.
We respect all people from all communities and the LGBTQ+.
They're all welcome here at Disney World and please don't boycott us.
We're gonna get that rascally to Santa's if it's the last thing we do.
Guys, like, you had your chance when this thing started.
You let the snowball go down the hill about 75%, then like, don't worry everybody, we'll stop the avalanche.
Nope, too late, idiots.
So, like, again, much like Will Smith and Chris Rock, there are no winners here.
Everyone involved in this thing looks terrible, except for the people who were honestly fighting it from day one.
Because they were the ones trying to prevent this shit from becoming a now almost almost assuredly challenged in court law.
That is just awful.
I mean, there's maybe maybe maybe Disney can funnel a bunch of money into taking this thing to court or whatever.
Maybe maybe they'll stand by it.
Not that it matters if they do or not, because again, and sticking with the theme of the episode, it doesn't really matter if they do know.
Like, how are you going to how are you going to fucking give repercussions to Disney?
No one's going to boycott it.
They own everything.
Moon Knight literally just dropped its first episode today.
Doctor Vampire is coming out soon.
If you want some Moon Knight or some Doctor Vampire, you have to go to Disney.
Although Doctor Vampire is more of a Sony thing.
Oh yeah, because it's under Spider-Man's web.
Yeah, so it's sort of like, you know, knuckle deep in Marvel.
Not much, but at least one full nook.
He didn't like the way that one rolled out to Taga.
Nuck really got me.
I mean, look, sometimes to sell the bit you have to say a horrible string of words.
It's sort of like casting an evil spell.
Got me there.
Oh my god.
Well, thankfully, I don't think we have much else to say about the Don't Say Gay Bill.
It's, like, transparently bullshit, and the fact that It's even made it this far.
It's just really unfortunate and sad, and we hate it.
Yeah, the only thing I will say is that I do love the fact that, at the very least, every time DeSantis gets out of the terrarium of right-wing media and has to answer questions about anything, God does he just like fall apart.
He is like the most powerful empty suit that I've seen in quite some time Someone on Twitter like pointed out that he's kind of like Bobby Jindal if you remember that that guy was the next great hope of the Republican Party that he was gonna come in and show diversity and and Be the savior and carry the Republicans to prominence and potentially the White House.
And then he was over and gone within 15 minutes.
And DeSantis really, to me, feels the same way.
I remember when Trump was just, when Trump was just like, hey, I've been vaccinated.
I got the booster.
I think you're a coward if you don't say those things.
And he was aggressively targeting DeSantis with that message because DeSantis one day was asked, hey, Governor, have you been boosted?
And he was like, How dare you and then ran over and slapped the guy in the head was defending his own unvaccinated honor or something.
Just like DeSantis is very bad at handling questioning about anything that he stands for.
He's very good.
But did Trump go after it because Trump sees it as a threat?
I think Trump probably sees him as someone who might be gunning for the nomination in 2024.
And, and, and, I mean, Fox News has been trying to, uh, like, they, they, they, like, so much dig-dug have been, like, just pumping DeSantis full of air in this, in this desperate attempt to make him, like, the, the post-Trump, uh, standard-bearer of the Republican Party, where it's like, hey, he's Justin Sprash, and, like, Crazy and cocky is Trump, only without all the criminality and the fact that he's an overweight 75-year-old who might not make it to the starting line in 2024.
Because that's a ways away, and I don't know how much time the orange daddy has left on the clock.
Uh, well, I mean, hey, the White House doctor said that he was an Adonis.
Oh, maybe the healthiest man he had ever seen.
He had the body of Gronkowski.
Yes.
Oh, yes.
Oh, man.
He said his body was like a like a barrel of cobras.
I want that to be said of me.
I want to have the body of a barrel of cobras.
That sounds like it would be really awesome and wonderful and not at all bizarre.
Yes, that would be great.
Not great is our weekly check-in just to see if anything has moved needle-wise on the war in Ukraine.
How's it going on the Western Q front?
The Western Q Front has decided to take just absolutely whole cloth of Vladimir Putin's new explanation for what's going on, which is, I haven't fucked up and gotten a large quantity of my army slaughtered in what has been an absolute disaster of a shit show.
A massive boondoggle.
No, because we're now going back to one of the original, original justifications for the war.
Because at the start of the war, it was regime change and denazification.
And then after that, it was liberating the Donbass region and the other region that I'm currently drawing a blank on.
But it was like, hey, the separatist regions of Ukraine that want to be under Russian rule, we are just coming to merely liberate them.
And then after that, and because they were like, I don't know, trying to conquer Kiev, which is on the other side of the goddamn country.
They decided, they were like, oh yeah, by the way, this is actually the biolabs that America had in Ukraine that created COVID-19 and is going to create COVID-2022.
So we had the strike there.
So, like, the dart of the dartboard flailing that Russia had been using all this time, now Vladdy Daddy, while saying, oh, by the way, during these peace negotiations, we're going to be, in order to foster goodwill, we're going to dial back a little on Kiev while we have these discussions.
It's not, we've gotten our asses kicked and we're retreating from Kiev right now.
That's, that's, I mean, it's, yeah, it's like, so, They've now retreated to the line of, oh no, this was always about Donbassk, this has always been about separatist regions.
All the war over in Kiev, all the war over there, that was merely a cunning distraction, a deft feint into Ukraine to allow the real thrust of our army To occupy the separatist regions, and now that we have those, we can sue for peace, having achieved all of our strategic objectives.
Nailed it.
Nailed it.
Sure thing, buddy.
That was what you were going for this whole time.
Oh, those clowns in Moscow did it again.
How about those clowns?
In this case, clown, singular, because Putin runs everything, and this is his show all the way.
What a show it's been.
Really making Ukraine look like the greatest country on the face of the planet.
I mean, real plucky.
If they had any sort of air force, this would be over already.
By some reports, 16,000 Russian soldiers have died.
There are constant reports of them trading Food and fuel for ammunition.
It's just insane.
The reports keep coming and none of them are good for Russia.
In one month in Ukraine, Russia has lost more men than America lost in Iraq and Afghanistan over 20 years.
Yeah.
This is, like, there's no way you can spin this as anything other than a colossal shit show.
Oh no, at some point Putin's gonna come out and say that the plan was always to choke Ukraine with Russian dead.
Yeah.
That was always the plan.
So that way they can't use the bio-weapon that will turn anything into zombies because they will have too many zombies to contend with.
It was just like, we'll send like 50,000 Russian soldiers to die in Ukraine and then we'll pull out and it will be like, ha ha, we've done it.
We've just salted the land of Ukraine with so many dead that they can never use their zombie bioweapon.
Or they will be the ones that get overrun.
They hit him with the Zap Brannigan killbot overload strategy.
Yeah, I knew they had a very specific limit.
Yes.
I mean, hey, if Donald Trump is to be believed, Vladimir Putin is a strong, very stable genius.
Oh my god.
I mean, the friggin' New York Times just published an op-ed that was just like, hey, we're all dunking on Putin, but what if this is what he wanted the whole time?
It's like, get fucked with that, come on.
Wow, yeah, that's some big brain thinking there.
That's from the same people who brought you China Created the Coronavirus and then dropped it on themselves first for some reason.
Yeah, exactly.
That's some real big brain plays there.
Oh, God.
It's like playing a social deduction game and just immediately giving up the ghost that you're one of the bad guys.
It's a strong play.
I'm evil.
I'm a werewolf!
I'm a werewolf!
Sarge, on night two, we're gonna eat you!
You're gonna get eaten!
I don't like how this is going.
And then Smash 2, the morning of day three, the narrator's like, Sarge, you have been eaten.
Town, make your decision.
And they're like, Mike Raines is a werewolf.
And I'm like, how did they know?
How could they have foreseen this?
I was so subtle.
It's like, well, now they don't know anything about my other werewolf teammates.
Got them.
Yeah.
I drew all the fire to myself.
But there's only two werewolves left and there's eight in town left.
Don't worry.
They got this.
I trust them.
I totally trust that Elle and my buddy Frank are going to take care of business like you won't believe.
Oh, shit.
I shouldn't have said that.
Dude, Frank is a champ.
Yes, he is.
That guy's so great.
Oh my god.
Anyway, do we want to get to our bulging, writhing mailbag?
Oh, all of those things.
Yes, sir.
Our listeners got questions.
We got answers.
It's time for Q&A.
I love that in my mind, it wasn't enough for it to bolt.
It had to bolt and writhe.
It had to do both of those things.
Thank you, Sarge, for your condemnation.
Terrible bulging and writhing.
All of these things.
Uh, the mailbag gets even more grotesque with each passing moment.
Uh, the picture I get, like, is here in the corner of a dank cellar, just bulging and writhing.
Little letters peeking out of the top of it, like, tempting you to draw closer, even though the rest of it seems quite bad.
So, listeners, you know what fan art we're requesting now, so get cracking on that.
Maybe some sort of mysterious, it's like a burlap sack, maybe some mysterious fluid is causing discoloration on the bottom of it, maybe starting to seep through.
Some sort of, yeah, some sort of awful Elden Ring monster.
Some sort of black ichor is getting its way out of the bag.
I've just seen so many Elden Ring videos online.
I'm now picturing the person in their underwear walking towards the boss, and the boss is Hellworld Mailbag with this giant life tool on the bottom of the screen.
And it's just like, oh no, this one.
This is a tough fight.
So, we shall begin the battle against the mailbag.
Cleodora Silvestri is a proud no-coiner, says, we've seen conspiracies escalate with a constant spiral of crazier, more demon-infused insanity for years now.
Is there a point where the grift goes so far out that there is simply no up left to go beyond?
An infinity war of conspiration from which you can only go down?
That's an interesting question.
I feel like there is value in going down because there's a way to present yourself as like a serious, somber, concerned skeptic by going down and being like, now all that crazy stuff these people are saying on this level is a little too much for me.
But when you get down to this level here, an honest person could have some valid concerns about X, Y, and Z. Yeah.
I feel like conspiracy theories are less like a ladder and more like a wheel.
I can see that.
I mean, it just seems like they're escalating, but at some point what's old will just become new again in a different form, right?
I mean, that's sort of like how QAnon is operating currently, is that they're just dredging up a lot of the old greatest hits and just being like, it's a QAnon thing now!
And then, you know, maybe at some point some other thing comes along and they can dredge up the greatest hits and be like, it's a this thing!
And then eventually there'll be enough time behind it where it could be like, This is a QAnon thing now!
And people get like, oh man, I remember QAnon from back in the day and that was great.
I don't think there's any bottom to QAnon.
I don't think they can actually like...
Hit True Bottom.
They'll find something dumber.
Like I was saying, they're already repackaging ye old-fashioned racism, so they'll just find something else.
No, there's no real bottom to this.
Maybe at some point, like, we will actually get concrete proof that there's intelligent life on other planets.
And that will open up cosmic conspiracy theory shit that we have never dreamed of, where it's just like, okay, now that the Pandora's box is open, people could just be like, oh, yeah, well, obviously, like, it's obviously now everything is aliens.
Like, everything's always been aliens.
That much has been clear as day.
Like, I've always been on Team Blizzard, people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, the ancient alien theories are all pretty racist as it is, so there you go.
Yeah, I subscribe to what I call conspiracy theory accelerationism, where you do have to make the next iteration of the conspiracy theory crazier than the previous one.
You always have to like push that envelope.
Like 9-11 couldn't just be remote controlled planes thrown into the buildings.
You have to go to the point where you're like, there were no planes involved on 9-11 and you just have to keep ratcheting the crazy.
But at the same time, people like Jordan Sather and others want to have a quote-unquote like level of respectability where I'm not going to go to that level of crazy.
I'm going to be like, look, 9-11 was an inside job and Bush did it, but there were planes involved.
And like that, like trying to like, trying to like present yourself as someone who could actually be in the mainstream and give an interview without being outed as a total kook.
That's kind of the goal for some of these people.
The other people just want to do what Sarge just said, where they just go to the infinite possibilities of absolute madness, where you never let reality ever interfere with the shit you're fucking throwing at the wall.
Well, you take it real far, and then you wait until that doesn't work anymore, and you dial it back.
You look at Alex Jones.
He was a hardcore 9-11 truther, and he's been forced to dial that back, partially because his audience got bored of it.
But also because it's not as acceptable to do that anymore.
You know, Wolfer Goal is like Sandy Hook Woes, but I feel like, I don't know, I only feel like QAnon has probably taken some stuff and then dialed back on it.
You'd have to tell me, Mike, if they got bored with something.
I feel like it's probably more likely that it only seems like escalation, but since it's escalating relative to how, like, culture's changing so quickly, it's not actually really moving the needle.
It's just, like, sort of keeping pace, right?
Where it's just like, you know, back during the 9-11, like, the craziest Sort of the craziest shit you could be believing in is that 9-11 didn't happen, was an inside job, the planes were CG, there were never planes, like, anything related to 9-11 was probably, like, the farthest you could push it to really push people's buttons, but now that just seems so benign.
But there are ever crazier things that people believe in that have, like, taken that thing's place, but it's only relative to where culture rests around it.
You know what I mean?
So, as certain things become less generally culturally acceptable, like, you know, things are gonna have to trend downward the same way they trend upward to maintain that same status quo of being exactly this far out there.
Aside from the stuff that, again, is just, like, shotgun blast, clearly so far, like, flat earth, you know what I mean?
Nothing in culture is ever going to make Flat Earth seem, like, more respectable.
That would require some crazy shit to go down.
It would have to be like, oh yeah, the aliens showed up, and when they showed up, the first thing they told us was just like, yo, y'all know your world is flat, right?
Oh, that'd be so great, the Flat Earth people being like, yes, vindication, baby, we did it!
Then the aliens all turn us into soup, and it's like, well, great, you know.
Congratulations on being right.
Yeah.
Now become soup.
That's what aliens are about.
They travel to new planets and then they just use their super gun to turn.
I mean, that's like in the Hollywood movies, they're always coming here for our resources.
And sometimes the resource is us, like our genetic material or whatever.
And they just like goo-ify people and rock it off into space.
My joke that I'm now explaining is not that they were going to turn us into Campbell's Chunky, but that, like, we'd get melted down into... Either way, I just like the idea that aliens show up to Earth and they're just like, ah, man, even if their plan, you know, because a much more exciting movie is that they want to, like, hunt and eat humans and, like, tear them limb from limb, like Predator.
But you're surmising a very boring movie where they just show up and they just point a gun at you and it just liquefies you instantly.
and they just like absorb you into their suits or whatever.
What a bunch of clouds.
Yeah.
That is us.
Yeah, so thanks for the question that turned out to let us go to a jumping point of absolute madness.
We, much like QAnon, took that question and then accelerated it.
We went as up as we could, and we never actually went down ever in a million years there.
We were just completely out of our mind.
Spinning, always spinning.
Yes.
So Pancake Peasant asks, are all these jokes about the Hellworld crew getting killed and turning heel your way of laying the foundations for a triple cross where our beloved heroes redeem themselves and destroy the Q-Evil like Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi?
If we could do that, that would be fucking incredible.
Sounds like so much work.
I mean, yeah, take this with a grain of salt, because it's exactly what somebody who's setting up a triple cross would say.
But the answer is, nah, I just have a price.
You know how like, you know, like, you know, Elle is supposed to be hyper-liberal and like, I'm trying, like, you know, I'm trying to maintain my wokeness.
What's more woke than knowing in your heart of heart that you have a price?
It's a very high price.
I'm not going to sell my principles for just, you know, like sofa cushion money, but boy howdy.
Like if the cabal ever wanted to float me the Jeff Bezos special, which is like, Hey, do you want to, do you want to have literally an unlimited amount of currency?
Would you like to just every fucking crazy web of yours, you can make manifest with your mind.
I just like, yeah, probably.
Yeah.
Would you like Trump is legitimately my president or whatever, but yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
We're shills.
We'll sell out.
We want to sell out so bad.
Or will we?
I mean, I guess that's the real question, right?
Yes, that was an incredible jump in, and I'm just going to leave it there.
So, thank you for that question.
BigBaldBald, BigBadBaldBastard asks, Anon's love looking at Hunter Biden's big ol' schlong.
Is Hunter Biden a white hat?
If Hunter is a black hat, is his peen a white hat?
Sending coded messages to alert the patriots about cabal plots.
Hashtag dongcoms.
Hashtag trust the peen.
So, Is this a thing that I don't know about JFK Jr.'
's alive trutherism?
Do they love his huge dick?
No, Hunter Biden.
Hunter Biden.
Sorry.
I don't know why.
Maybe maybe I was just too busy thinking about and lusting over JFK Jr.' 's dead huge dick.
No, that content warning.
Yes.
Allegedly, Hunter Biden is packing, as the kids would say.
Was that confirmed by the existence of the laptop?
I don't know if it was from the laptop directly, but there were videos, and... There's videos of him, like, smoking drugs, like, naked.
Yes.
What, is that a thing?
Yep, that's a thing.
I mean, I guess Hunter Biden doesn't really rate as a celebrity to me, so I've never thought to investigate his penis.
I mean, he's not a celebrity.
He stays out, like, other than being the president's son, he has no position in the White House, like all of Trump's awful succession horde.
He's stayed out of the limelight.
I'm not interested in civilian penis.
Get out of here.
Is his peen a white hat?
Who can say?
Not us.
We haven't seen it.
Maybe Mike has.
Yeah, I'm not gonna speculate on this civilian's penis.
No.
It's political affiliation.
We're way above that.
Until we get sellout money, then I will tell you about... How many Patreons do we have now?
How many Patreons do we have?
We are at a brisk 64 Patreons right now.
If we get to a thousand Patreons, I will...
In detail, describe Hunter Biden's penis and what kind of hats would go on it.
No, that's not true.
That will not happen.
I feel like that's probably very illegal in some way.
Or at the very least, it seems incredibly uncouth.
Now you have morals!
I just feel like in the instance where I say I have my price, it's more like, in my head it's more of like a Faustian bargain.
Like it just happens to, like it's just a gradual ramp up where we're just like, for a subscriber goal we're gonna do this dumb fucked up thing!
That seems like an actual path to pilling yourself.
That seems like how Alex Jones did it, where he was just selling out, that he just sold out so hard that he started to fucking get high on his own supply.
Now he's ruined forever.
Yeah, that is basically it, yeah.
Oh, that reminds me.
He tried to buy the Sandy Hook families off for 1,200k each, and they told him to pound sand.
Yeah, no!
They're like, oh, we're gonna get so much more money out of you!
Yeah.
You think this is going to be six figures, Bob?
Low six figures?
Six figures without a crooked number at the front?
Get out of here.
You're triple defaulted.
Like, we're getting, fuck you money.
We're getting ruin you money.
Yeah.
1,200K.
You having a laugh, mate?
I mean, just like, God, you gotta be kidding me.
But, uh, the Hunter Biden being a white hat thing is something that QAnon promoters will dip a toe into every so often.
Because even the pea-brained, smooth-brained QAnon idiots will look at the origin story of Hunter Biden's laptop and they'll be like, so you're telling me that Hunter Biden having a laptop just literally full of incriminating stuff against his family, against the Democrats, against all the people that we in QAnon hate.
That Hunter Biden took this laptop full of evidence and just dropped it off at a random laptop repairman and then abandoned it.
And when the guy opened it, it wasn't password protected.
There was nothing on it.
He literally just turns the laptop on, clicks on a thing, and there's just a folder saying Deep State Crimes right there.
So there are people who've been like, hey, if you read the laptop's origin story, Hunter Biden has to be a white hat.
And unfortunately for the people that follow logic to its logical conclusion there, the logic of Hunter Biden hero is defeated by the fact that they just have to hate everybody that's their enemies.
And because Hunter Biden has Biden for a last name, he has to be a baddie.
So even when, uh, the, these QAnon promoters are like, Hey, let's connect these dots here.
And the only way this makes sense is if Hunter's a good guy, their audiences are like, nah.
I hate under Biden.
Fuck him.
He's a black cat, and I want him executed in Gitmo along with his dad, who's a pedophile.
I mean, that's just it.
The reason brain is defeated by the hatred brain every time in this situation.
A battle of two brains over one soul.
We will absolutely talk about his penis if we get 1,000 patrons.
If we get 1,000 Patreon subscribers, we could talk about your penis, bud.
We can describe it and compare it to Hunter Biden's.
If we hit a thousand patrons and this is our full-time job.
Apparently, according to what I've heard about Hunter Biden just recently is, and as we record this podcast, I'm not sure if you want that fucking problem made.
I don't want that smoke, but we'll light this fire.
If we get, fuck you, this is all three of us full-time job patron money, absolutely.
We'll compare and contrast all our penises.
I don't think a thousand Patreons is enough for that.
Yeah, probably not.
I'm already moving the goalposts here.
If we get 1 million Patreon subscribers... We go full-time, if there's enough of you supporting us, we go full-time this, we will have the Hunter Biden penis episode.
Sarge is really fired up to talk about dicks.
I know!
This is a playful side of Sarge we haven't seen before.
I'm not sure how I feel about this subtle change to the canon.
I haven't thought about it before, but I may have to start interviewing Karma for the third chair position at this point.
Sarge is going way out of pocket in this episode.
He's gone rogue.
Absolutely cock mad this episode.
So anyways, thank you for the question that apparently has taken our podcast in new and terrifying directions.
Listen, let's be honest.
We were always going to talk about penises.
Like, it was coming.
You both know it.
Speak for yourself, bub.
Reverend Xenofact asks, Russia's quote-unquote economy is shrinking, the country is isolated, and a brain drain is ongoing.
How do the crew, spelled with a Q, explain how Putin is destroying his country is part of the plan?
Right now, QAnon's... I'm sorry, I bring this up in the Ukraine section, but it fits here perfectly.
Right now, QAnon is obsessed with this idea that Putin has pegged the price of a ruble to a certain amount of gold in this bizarre thing where Russia is like, Russia is now on the gold standard and this is exactly how much our currency is worth vis-a-vis gold.
And there are people who are talking about how this stable gold-backed Russian currency will be so powerful that it will destabilize the American dollar and bring our economy to collapse.
It's like you do understand that Russia's economy is literally that of Mexico's.
They are a tiny economy.
I mean, they're a very big nation and they got a lot of nuclear weapons, but they don't produce shit.
Literally all they produce is oil and gas.
And they've managed to offend enough of the world that people are like, you know what?
Fuck your oil and gas.
We'll get it from somewhere else.
So Russia going on the gold standard is not actually a double reverse triple annihilation economy spell that will shatter America.
It will do absolutely nothing and achieve nothing for them.
But yeah, this is how they're spinning it.
And again, what I said before, they're now spinning that all they were ever going after was the separatist regions, and they're going to get Zelensky to bend on that and cede that ground to them, and they're totally winning, and this is what they were planning the whole time.
We swear.
And getting 16,000 Russians killed and having Ukraine at this stage of the war be actually
They're actually up tanks from when they started the war because they've captured so many Russian tanks.
Ukraine is plus tank for the war at this point.
That was all part of the plan.
Every last bit of it was just part of the cunning ruse of the now slightly bigger Russia with lots of dead Russians and a new, much more stable, gold-backed Ruple.
But maybe Putin's plan all along was to get the Ukrainians to claim tanks that are totally rigged to blow.
Maybe tanks aren't the best use of warfare right now, and I don't know.
No way, man, they're Trojan tanks.
Each one has got a secret compartment and it's filled with two dozen medically shrunk down to tiny size Russians that will burst forth small soldier style and wreak havoc behind enemy lines.
Small soldiers?
Wow!
Hey, what, did you think I was going to make it to the mailbag without making some obscure-ass pop culture reference?
No, I knew you would, but that's like, man, that's almost more obscure than Turbo Team.
I don't know about all that.
What's very funny is he literally had bonus TurboTeen round.
How do they expect to profit off of it?
Ruble scams, gold buggery, etc.
And we kind of accidentally covered that in the first part of the question.
Comrade Ape.
The NFTs of Comrade Ape.
Yes!
Comrade Ape.
No one take that.
That's ours.
Yes, Comrade Ape.
100% Hell World property.
We own the rights to the NFT.
And if you try to steal it from us, we'll sue you.
Yeah, right.
I'm not going to make another penis joke.
Thank you.
Oh god.
But by not doing so, you already did.
Yeah, the audience just has to wonder.
Schrodinger's penis.
Yes!
And finally from the mailbag, Nark says, I see that the owners have agreed to new overtime rules.
What are your thoughts and will it matter to sportsbooks?
And he says, talking about the NFL, to clarify.
It will not matter to sportsbooks at all.
Like, literally, like, it doesn't change anything.
It would be very funny.
It's gonna be very funny.
What the hell are the new overtime rules?
I didn't hear about this.
In the playoffs now, both teams get the ball.
The regular season is still what it was, but in the playoffs, the first team cannot win on the first possession.
The other team will receive a possession in the playoffs.
That's it.
That's the change.
Okay, I mean, I guess.
Fair enough.
Let's fucking go!
Yeah, so the only thing that's going to happen is, maybe not for many years, but there will be a game one day where the game was like 14 points under the total, and both teams are going to score a touchdown in their first possessions, and then win with another score, and the game's going to go over, and a bunch of idiots that bet the over are going to get lucky and get paid.
And the smart people who bet the under are gonna get royally fucked.
And that's basically all that's gonna happen there.
So like, you get now like .0001% more value betting the over in playoff games than you did previously.
That's about the only thing that changed.
Yeah.
So, I think that covers that.
Is this gonna be enough to satiate all the whiny babies that were clamoring for overtime rules change?
Because their team didn't win in overtime?
Well, we're gonna see.
I mean, the thing that's so funny to me about this is that people are like, ah, the offense has just run over the defenses in overtime because the defenses are so dumb, so darn plun-tuckered out.
And it's like, well, now all we've done is kicked its kid down the road because like the super-powered offense number one will score a touchdown because they can't be stopped.
Then super-powered offense number two will score a touchdown because they can't be stopped.
And then super-powered offense number one will just drive down the field, kick a field goal and win because they can't be stopped.
So like, I feel like the only way this changes that paradigm is if Unstoppable Offense No.
1 scores a touchdown, kicks the extra point, and then Unstoppable Offense No.
2 scores a touchdown, and then they have to go for 2, and they have to win it right then and there and not give the ball back to Team No.
1.
So I think that could be fun.
And that opens up the can of worms.
Does Team No.
1 go for 2 on their first score to try to make it impossible for Team No.
2 to win on the comeback or not?
Literally none of this will ever happen.
They will just always kick the PAT and just tie it forever until one team can't manage to get to the end zone.
That would be hilarious, Scott.
Or I guess get to the field goal marker for the ol' Winnaroo.
I mean, I guess it's better than nothing.
I don't know.
NFL turns out not super great when it comes to a satisfactory overtime situation.
So that brings us to our question of numerous.
What are you guys looking forward to?
Uh, they just announced a new Gundam series, and I'm always a sucker for some giant robots, so I'm kind of excited for a new good mecha series.
Fucking nerd over here.
I don't know, I'm actually not especially fired up over anything at the moment.
Not in a bad way, I'm just sort of like... I guess I've got some stuff coming down the pipeline that I'm excited for, like I'm taking a trip to visit Sarge, and Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness is coming out eventually, but I don't have a ton of especially exciting crap going on in April at the moment.
Yeah, April's just sort of like the transitional maybe maybe I'll be excited for the transition from it being like cold outside to it being spring for like the two weeks of spring we're going to get before summer just decides to show up and be here for six months.
Yeah, I was I was just like, Outraged at this week and how ridiculously cold it was.
I'm like, it's the end of March.
We're supposed to be in spring at this point.
Screw you 25 degree weather.
You're unacceptable.
So yeah, I know exactly where else coming from on that front.
Um, I'm looking forward to the fact that I have a three day weekend, uh, here this week.
And that this is going to be like the last time I have this schedule for a while because of.
The crazy stuff happening at my day job, and I'm going to be back to banker's hours for a while, just putting in that kind of work.
But it's fun.
The stuff's going on.
I like training people how to learn and how to deal the POCARS and the Blackjacks and all that fun stuff.
So I have all that good stuff to look forward to.
And when you're listening to this podcast at some ill-determined time during this week, know that this is my birthday week.
Mike Rades has made it around the sun one more time.
So yay for me on that front.
So probably have to go out and have a feast for that sometime this week and do all that happy dappy birthday stuff.
Do love a nice birthday.
Look at Mike Rades doxing himself.
Yeah, I opened up my Twitter and I saw the balloons floating and I was like, God damn it.
Oh my God.
I guess that's the thing. So, yeah.
What a cavalier lad.
That's me. That's me.
A savvy person would have just been like, yeah, I picked a random date.
But now, like, anyone who's listened to Hellworld will know that that's not the case.
Nope.
You're gonna have to edit all this out, otherwise they're gonna know, Mike.
They're gonna know.
I think I'm probably the easiest doxable person in the world, but
QAnon has yet to put two and two together to actually achieve that dream.
So, God bless them.
my feet.
I love the fact that I was on Good Morning America for 30 seconds, and even with that, QAnon was still posting photos of me wearing the mask and sunglasses, and photoshopping that on top of Jabba the Hutt, and being like, Hey, look at this fat guy we don't like!
Look at Mike Rades, we hate him!
It's like, guys, you have a headshot of me.
It's out there.
It's not hard.
Oh my god.
Very clever.
You were, we completely forgot, you were in a Vice News article recently, right?
Oh yeah, yeah.
My thread on Dan Scavino, David Gilbert grabbed that and they had an article about Dan Scavino's dog whistling in the QAnon.
So yeah, that was in there.
That was cool.
It's always nice to More juice to our claim that you're our expert.
You're definitely the beating heart of this podcast.
Can't wait.
One of you guys needs to get on Vice.
That's going to be awesome.
I hope not!
I can't imagine any positive way in which I end up on Vice News.
I'm an expert in actual nothing.
That's when the penis episode really bites me in the ass.
That's how I end up on Vice.
When cancel culture comes for Sarge because of his cavalier penis humor, then and only then, they'll just be interviewing me to just be like, what's your take on this Sarge thing?
And I was just like, if you listened to that episode, me and Mike Riggs both thought that his penis talk was ill-advised.
You could hear it.
Indeed.
I'm going to help Sarge dig himself out of this hole by pulling us out of Hellworld for the weekend.
So let's get into my highly tricked out, with extra hydraulics, low rider car, and You know, car dance our way out of Hellworld for the week.
Thank you so much, everybody, for listening and supporting the show.
If you'd like to continue to support the show, the easiest, freest way to do so is to tell a friend or give us a five-star review on whatever platform you happen to get our podcasts from.
But if you'd like to support us with some actual currency, you can do so by visiting our Patreon at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics, where anyone who joins and subscribes at a $5 and above level gets access to all of our bonus content, Which at this point is creeping up on 50 or more hours of stuff, including series such as Kabbalah and What We Do Out of Shadows.
Shout out to this week's Beautifler baby, Art L., for joining the crew.
Welcome aboard, Art L. Hopefully you are enjoying what you're paying for, because Lord knows it's gone kind of off the rails this episode.
If you have some money and you don't want to give it to us because we sound like a bunch of stupid dickheads, we totally get that.
You can do a little good with it by donating it to love146.org.
They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation, and that is in their own words.
Or, if you'd like to, you can donate your money to whatever Ukraine-facing charity of your choice.
Just help support Ukraine, and that would be a okie-dokie by us.
Shout out to TJ Minimal Effort for use of our theme song that I believe is untitled, or it's untitled enough that we've never mentioned the title before, and I don't know why I'm bringing it up now.
He remains too cool for social media, so there's no way for you to visit or shout him out, so I'm doing it on your behalf.
We're all doing it.
You can name it right now.
We can just name it.
I mean, I'm not sure that's how it works.
I'm pretty sure the artist has to be the one to name it, unless he specifically defers to us.
In which case, we're going to keep it out of your mouth.
Otherwise, it will have something to do with JFK, Judas, Peen.
So thank you, DJ Minimal Effort, for your help.
You know who you can visit on social media and be like, hey, I like what you do.
That's our good friend Frosty.
You can find him on Twitter at FrostyVO.
Frosty has provided our content warning, which again, we very much need, and does all of our bumps and is the voice of Q when we need it.
If you can't get enough of myself and Sarge somehow, and you need to listen to more of our takes on stuff, you can find us on BingeWordy, our spinoff podcast where we talk about pop media nonsense.
We are just wrapping up our month-long feature on Batman films.
So if you'd like to hear our takes on THE Batman, we'll be uploading that episode this week.
You can find us at BingeWordy.
That's on Twitter at BingeWordy.
B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y.
So for another successful, big quotation marks there, episode of The Adventures of Hellworld Podcast, I have been your host Hellworld Al, signing off for my co-host and fellow lunatic Hellworld Sarge, and our expert at all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rades.
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