Art Bell - 19950616_Art-Bell-SIT-Open-Lines-Art-Turns-50
Aired: 1995-06-16
Duration: 02:43:57


=== Cold Desert Evening (06:32) ===

[00:00:22]  Welcome to Art Bell somewhere in time.
[00:00:26]  Tonight featuring Ghost to Ghost AM from June 16th, 1995.
[00:00:31]  From the high desert and the great American Southwest, I bid you good evening at 49 years of age.
[00:00:45]  And welcome to another edition.
[00:00:48]  A Friday night, Saturday morning, stormy, strangely cold evening in the desert.
[00:00:58]  Or good evening, as the case may be.
[00:01:01]  And it is cold.
[00:01:03]  We'll talk a little bit about the weather.
[00:01:04]  Boy, it's cold here.
[00:01:05]  It's rainy, too.
[00:01:07]  Anyway, it's great to be alive and here once again.
[00:01:11]  And Friday night, Saturday morning is always a little bit different, a little bit wilder.
[00:01:16]  You never know what to expect.
[00:01:18]  I never know what to expect.
[00:01:19]  This morning surely will be certainly will be no exception.
[00:01:26]  Now, we'll get to the news in a second.
[00:01:27]  I've got a couple of things I want to say.
[00:01:29]  In less than an hour, I turn half a century.
[00:01:33]  I'll be 50.
[00:01:34]  It is my birthday.
[00:01:35]  And so it'd be a fun show to do.
[00:01:38]  And I have never in my life received such a wonderful birthday present as the one that I got today.
[00:01:49]  It's a real whizbanger.
[00:01:51]  Now, you guys, you know, I'm tied tightly to the information superhighway.
[00:01:57]  We've got a bulletin board service up.
[00:01:58]  I utilize heavily online services, the internet.
[00:02:04]  I'm just all over the place.
[00:02:06]  And these accesses require, of course, a computer.
[00:02:11]  I've also undertaken to write a book, as you know, and that process is underway.
[00:02:17]  So the demands, as you can imagine, on my one computer have been overwhelming.
[00:02:26]  Everybody wants a piece of it.
[00:02:27]  Everybody always wants to be on it.
[00:02:29]  So for some time, I have very much wanted a laptop computer.
[00:02:35]  And I went to Hong Kong, and every time I got the opportunity, when I was there, I would go into a store and I would look at these beautiful laptop computers, many of them running possibly as much as it seemed like $1,000 less than I could get them for here.
[00:02:52]  The problem was, of course, they all had names that were indecipherable.
[00:02:58]  And my thinking, and I believe I'm correct, was that do not buy a computer, no matter how good it looks, with a company name that is indecipherable.
[00:03:09]  Because when you get it back to the United States, nobody would be able to decipher it.
[00:03:13]  So if you ever had a problem with it, you would be up the proverbial creek without a paddle.
[00:03:21]  And in other words, it'd be a piece of junk if it broke.
[00:03:25]  So I didn't buy one.
[00:03:27]  So then I came back here to the States and because of the actually increased pressure on the computer time, I spent time looking for a computer back here.
[00:03:42]  And they have some buttes.
[00:03:43]  Oh, they've got some butts.
[00:03:46]  But I looked at the price tag and you know, I'm comfortable.
[00:03:52]  I'm not.
[00:03:53]  By the way, in case you're curious, I'm not rich.
[00:03:57]  I looked at the price tags and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
[00:04:02]  I mean, yes, I actually had the money and I could have done it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
[00:04:09]  I mean, that's a lot of money for a good laptop, and I wanted a good laptop.
[00:04:12]  So, my network, on the occasion of my 50th, and I need to thank Alan, of course, at the network.
[00:04:24]  I need to thank everybody who had anything to do with this at the network, how they could have known, maybe through my wife, who agonized over my watching, endlessly going down rows of laptops, shaking my head, trying to figure out what to do.
[00:04:40]  I don't know.
[00:04:42]  But Alan Corbeth and company at the network sent me a laptop computer.
[00:04:49]  Not just any laptop computer, mind you, but the laptop of one's dreams.
[00:04:58]  You know, we're talking, for those of you who know about computers, we're talking about 100 megahertz clock speed here.
[00:05:07]  We're talking about a 540-meg hard drive.
[00:05:11]  We're talking about an 11-something or another-inch screen in full blazing 640 by 480 times 256 color.
[00:05:23]  And, you know, just the top of the line, modem connections, I could go on and on and on and on.
[00:05:31]  But a top-of-the-line laptop, so there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, that is my big present, which sits in the other room presently charging, waiting for me to begin cracking the manuals open and trying to figure it out.
[00:05:45]  Of course, that's half the fun of it.
[00:05:46]  So that's my big birthday present, and it is a biggie, and I love it.
[00:05:53]  So I have been, shall we say, taken care of.
[00:05:56]  In addition, my wife has seen fish for some reason.
[00:06:00]  This will tell you something about my wife's sense of humor.
[00:06:04]  The entire studio, when I came in here, is draped in black crepe.
[00:06:12]  Black crepe.
[00:06:13]  And there's a little, normally where my picture of Shannon Dougherty would reside.
[00:06:20]  That too is hung in black crepe.
[00:06:22]  And in front of it is a little cut out of a tombstone which says appropriately, R.I.P., Arthur William Bell, June 17, 1945, dash question mark, see you on the other side.
[00:06:36]  So that's my wife for you.
[00:06:37]  Plus then, she took all the birthday cards that you have sent and has pasted them up all over the place.

=== President Roosevelt's Death (11:48) ===

[00:06:45]  Thank you all.
[00:06:47]  It's wonderful.
[00:06:47]  So I'm sitting in this black crepe studio.
[00:06:53]  Oh, boy, it's great to be alive.
[00:06:56]  And one of the postcards, or one of the postcards, very nice birthday cards was sent by, looks like the Norseman from San Diego.
[00:07:06]  But there are some facts about the year I was born that I thought would be interesting.
[00:07:11]  The history of 1945, my year.
[00:07:15]  President Roosevelt died in 1945.
[00:07:18]  Truman was sworn in as president.
[00:07:19]  Hitler committed suicide in Berlin.
[00:07:22]  Germany surrendered unconditionally.
[00:07:26]  That never happened.
[00:07:27]  Nobody surrenders unconditionally anymore.
[00:07:29]  The United Nations formed.
[00:07:32]  Whoa, there's a high point.
[00:07:33]  Japan surrendered.
[00:07:35]  Nuremberg war crimes trials began.
[00:07:39]  Truman requested national health insurance.
[00:07:42]  Another high point.
[00:07:43]  Pan Am announced route get this round-the-world flight in just 88 hours at a cost of $700.
[00:07:53]  You'd go around the world in 88 hours at a cost of $700.
[00:08:00]  Can you imagine?
[00:08:01]  Academy Award winners.
[00:08:03]  Picture.
[00:08:04]  The lost weekend.
[00:08:05]  Actress Joan Crawford.
[00:08:07]  Mildred Pierce.
[00:08:09]  Actor Ray Miland.
[00:08:10]  The Lost Weekend.
[00:08:13]  Prices.
[00:08:14]  Now, this is from the year I was born.
[00:08:17]  A postage stamp was 3 cents.
[00:08:21]  A bread pound loaf was 9 cents.
[00:08:26]  A quart of milk was 16 cents.
[00:08:31]  A gallon of gas, 21 cents.
[00:08:34]  The average price of a house?
[00:08:37]  $10,131.
[00:08:42]  And the minimum wage was $40 an hour.
[00:08:46]  So I guess all of that was in scale, wasn't it?
[00:08:50]  But yesterday's house is barely an economy.
[00:08:55]  We can squeak by with it kind of car today.
[00:08:59]  So that gives you some idea of the scale of the change since I've been born.
[00:09:07]  Actually, it's frightening.
[00:09:09]  Now the news, that's pretty frightening to Bosnia.
[00:09:14]  Bosnia.
[00:09:16]  The battle to free Sarajevo is on.
[00:09:19]  And guess what?
[00:09:21]  The Bosnian Muslim army has made some progress.
[00:09:26]  They're actually making progress.
[00:09:30]  They are cutting Serb supply lines.
[00:09:33]  The Serbs are spread thin.
[00:09:36]  As a matter of fact, most of the troops thought they had the whole war won.
[00:09:39]  About a year ago, they got 70% of the territory.
[00:09:46]  Their morale is low.
[00:09:48]  Soldiers have been deserting the Serb army.
[00:09:52]  The Serb army is threatening them and saying you will be back by July 2nd, or else.
[00:09:59]  You can imagine the or else.
[00:10:01]  Sarajevo is being shelled from the high ground surrounding the city.
[00:10:07]  Serbs still hold that and outnumber Muslim artillery very seriously, about five to one.
[00:10:15]  But I'll tell you something.
[00:10:17]  The Muslim army is making inroads.
[00:10:20]  The Serbs may be in trouble at the economic summit.
[00:10:26]  Only questions for our president, not about the economic summit, but about Bosnia, about the quick reaction force that's about to go in.
[00:10:40]  Questions about, Mr. President, isn't it really true that we're contributing to genocide by in effect not assisting one side?
[00:10:51]  And he didn't have a very good answer for that at all, kind of stumbled around a little bit and talked about our European allies and the rest.
[00:10:58]  At any rate, the quick reaction force.
[00:11:02]  Now, the president, in the strongest terms, endorsed it.
[00:11:08]  And one of his aides earlier in the day said, and furthermore, we will pay for part of it.
[00:11:14]  Now, that aide may have spoken a little bit soon.
[00:11:19]  Because while the House and Senate leadership seems to have agreed, no problem, we'll pay for it.
[00:11:28]  They told the President, see here, we may be the only guys who are going to vote this way.
[00:11:33]  In other words, Mr. President, we really don't think you've got the votes.
[00:11:38]  We pay one-third of all the cost of whatever the UN does.
[00:11:43]  Are we going to pay a third of this?
[00:11:47]  I don't think so.
[00:11:48]  So the president had to backtrack on that one and said, well, we should pay for it, and I'll do everything I can to encourage them to pay for it.
[00:11:59]  But he certainly had to backtrack.
[00:12:03]  Gingrich says the president is not consulting with him.
[00:12:08]  Mr. Gingrich says, as a matter of fact, that he had better and more substantive talks with the president of France all year long than he's ever had with President Clinton.
[00:12:21]  President Clinton does not like foreign policy.
[00:12:25]  It's obvious.
[00:12:26]  He doesn't even like to talk about it.
[00:12:30]  And we've heard that again and again.
[00:12:32]  Imagine that.
[00:12:33]  Speaker of the House says he's had better and more substantial foreign policy discussions with the President of France and the U.S. Woohoo, how embarrassing, huh, Bill?
[00:12:45]  Anyway, the U.N. is going to send in more troops, and one can only sit and ponder why.
[00:12:52]  What are they going to do when they get there?
[00:12:54]  The U.N. troops that we've got there now are what?
[00:12:57]  Peacekeepers.
[00:13:00]  The clear implication there is that there is some sort of peace to keep.
[00:13:04]  Well, there isn't.
[00:13:06]  All there is is war, more war.
[00:13:09]  Even our president yesterday was forced to admit, hey, there's nothing we can do.
[00:13:14]  Sit and watch.
[00:13:16]  So why pay good money to send good human beings into the middle of somebody else's war to watch and be in harm's way?
[00:13:28]  In other words, I guess I'm asking, what is the mission?
[00:13:36]  And if there is no mission, then why are we going?
[00:13:39]  Does that seem reasonable?
[00:14:00]  O.J. Simpson.
[00:14:02]  What a day in court yesterday.
[00:14:05]  Rarely, ladies and gentlemen, have I seen Marcia Clark.
[00:14:09]  I mean, she was at her wound-up, wounded, whining best.
[00:14:16]  Marcia Clark was absolutely beside herself yesterday.
[00:14:21]  There are actually, there were a couple of high points in the court yesterday.
[00:14:24]  That was one of them.
[00:14:27]  As a matter of fact, the president of the Allen, the president of the Allen, president of the network, Alan Corbeth, called me, and he said, are you watching this?
[00:14:34]  I said, oh, yes.
[00:14:36]  Marcia Clark was just absolutely livid.
[00:14:40]  What's occurred is the defense basically is trying to argue that if a mistrial occurs, there is a particular legal precedent that at that point takes over, they're arguing, preventing the retrial of O.J. Simpson.
[00:14:56]  In other words, if it goes to mistrial, they're arguing he walks.
[00:15:02]  Anything else would be, they say, double jeopardy.
[00:15:06]  And so you will hear them use the term jeopardy, constitutional jeopardy, at that point attaches.
[00:15:13]  So they're trying to argue that if there is a mistrial, and you know we're close, that O.J. Simpson gets to walk free.
[00:15:21]  Well, it's like somebody lit Marcia Clark's fuse, and she absolutely went crackers, and it is, frankly, kind of entertaining to watch.
[00:15:37]  Then there's the other part, the glove.
[00:15:40]  What a terrible idea.
[00:15:42]  Christopher Darden, to me, who always looks like a guy who is about to go over the edge and jump across the room and strangle somebody.
[00:15:51]  I mean, he's got this sort of gleam in his eye.
[00:15:54]  Anyway, Christopher Darden had the hot idea to have O.J. Simpson put on the much-discussed gloves.
[00:16:03]  And you'll recall from the previous day, it was probably a bad idea because the gloves, of course, didn't fit.
[00:16:11]  So O.J. Simpson has the luxury of struggling with the gloves, trying to get the gloves on his hand.
[00:16:18]  And obviously, the jury can see these gloves don't fit.
[00:16:22]  Well, this is a very bad moment, of course, for Christopher Darden, who had the bright idea.
[00:16:28]  He's sitting there kicking himself.
[00:16:30]  He came back, and first thing out of his mouth to the judge was, yes, we have something we must cover right away.
[00:16:39]  And the judge inquires, what would that be?
[00:16:42]  And he said, shrinkage.
[00:16:43]  We must talk shrinkage.
[00:16:46]  So they did.
[00:16:47]  They brought in a supposed expert, a vice president of a glove company, who seemed to say that, oh, yes, blood, and then put in a bag 10 to 15% shrinkage at least.
[00:17:00]  And, you know, they tried to do best damage control they could.
[00:17:04]  But the fact of the matter is that the remaining image and the struggle with the jury, without question, is the image of OJ trying to get these gloves, you know, the glove that would fit the hand, trying to get them on.
[00:17:23]  And like Cinderella or Cinderella's nemesis, there was no way that glove was going comfortably on that hand.
[00:17:32]  And frankly, for the prosecution, it just didn't look good at all.
[00:17:38]  So to me, that's the enduring image, and the prosecution got hurt by that one.
[00:17:43]  Tell you, Darden looks like a wild man, doesn't he?
[00:17:46]  Chechnya, the government of Russia has told the Chechen rebels, get this now, it will pay any amount of money, any amount of money, if they'll just release the hostages being held.
[00:18:01]  And by the way, now we think there may not be just hundreds, but thousands being held about 100 miles north-northeast of the Chechen border.
[00:18:11]  Any amount of money.

=== Hostages and Hostage-Taking (13:38) ===

[00:18:14]  Now, these hostages, of course, were not taken to retrieve money.
[00:18:21]  They were taken to force the government of Russia to get its soldiers the hell out of Chechen territory.
[00:18:29]  And in case you're wondering whether or not they're going to accept money, the leader of the Chechen rebels holding these hostages is the last of his family.
[00:18:44]  All other 11 members of his family were killed together in a recent Russian attack in Chechnya.
[00:18:55]  So the odds of these rebels taking any money and letting these slim none and minus, I would say.
[00:19:07]  Late news from Reuters: Russian troops reportedly have stormed the hospital where Chechen rebels are holding some 1,000 hostages.
[00:19:17]  That's what they say now.
[00:19:19]  About 200 hostages, many ill or suffering from shock, were reportedly freed from the hospital after troops moved in, and both sides were said to have agreed to a brief ceasefire Saturday to let women and children leave.
[00:19:39]  Sure wish we'd done that at Waco, huh?
[00:19:41]  Anyway, the rebels had said they were prepared to kill hostages and blow up the building if demands, including the withdrawal of Russian troops from breakaway Chechnya, weren't met.
[00:19:54]  So, there you got it.
[00:19:58]  There is reportedly smoke pouring from the building.
[00:20:02]  So, that story, ladies and gentlemen, shall continue.
[00:20:06]  This is Premier Networks.
[00:20:07]  That was Art Bell hosting Coast to Coast AM on this Somewhere in Time.
[00:20:39]  Listening to Art Bell, Somewhere in Time.
[00:20:44]  Tonight, featuring Coast to Coast AM from June 16th, 1995.
[00:20:49]  Countdown's underway.
[00:20:50]  I figure either this, I die in the next 25 minutes, or they've got to give me another 50 years.
[00:20:57]  That's the way it works, right?
[00:21:03]  Just kidding.
[00:21:05]  Oklahoma City, ABC, ABC had an explosion.
[00:21:09]  The only story they had on Oklahoma City last night was an audio recording of the explosion or what it sounded like directly across the street.
[00:21:21]  And it sounded exactly like you would think it would, a big explosion.
[00:21:25]  Big.
[00:21:26]  One.
[00:21:27]  Sustained.
[00:21:29]  At least that's the way it sounded to me.
[00:21:32]  So for whatever it's worth, they ran that and no other story.
[00:21:35]  Now, a quickening update, if you will.
[00:21:40]  You tell me there are now at least 22 people known dead in the large earthquake southwest of Athens, Greece.
[00:21:50]  Last night at this time, I think we reported about eight dead.
[00:21:54]  I saw them pulling one child out of rubble.
[00:21:58]  There was a very rare, very rare earthquake right near the Vermont-New Hampshire border, about 10 miles of St. Let's see, 10 miles south of St. Johnsbury, Vermont, or about 40 miles west-southwest of Berlin, New Hampshire, at 6:13 a.m. Mountain Daylight Time today.
[00:22:25]  Only a magnitude of 3.8.
[00:22:29]  But this is one of those rare areas in the country where you're not supposed to have earthquakes.
[00:22:36]  You're hardly ever supposed to have earthquakes.
[00:22:38]  So, who knows what's going on?
[00:22:41]  Something.
[00:22:42]  A lot of people feel it.
[00:22:44]  I'm one of them.
[00:22:45]  I've got quite a bit on the militias this morning, but I'll tell you what, it's Friday night, Saturday morning.
[00:22:51]  Let us begin.
[00:22:53]  West of the Rockies, you are on the air.
[00:22:56]  Good morning.
[00:22:58]  Hello there.
[00:22:58]  Morning.
[00:22:59]  Good morning.
[00:23:00]  Yeah, I was Art.
[00:23:02]  Well, yes, that's me.
[00:23:04]  I was wanting to wish you a happy birthday.
[00:23:06]  I think it's a little late, though, isn't it?
[00:23:08]  No, it's a little early, actually.
[00:23:11]  My birthday will be in about 21 and a half minutes.
[00:23:15]  Well, I want to say thanks for the stimulating programs that you've had over the years.
[00:23:20]  It's really got a lot of food for thought to it.
[00:23:24]  Well, that's what we're in, the intellectual food business.
[00:23:28]  Alrighty.
[00:23:28]  Fast food.
[00:23:29]  73 from a fellow ham.
[00:23:31]  Thank you, my friend.
[00:23:32]  It is kind of talk radio is kind of intellectual fast food, isn't it?
[00:23:37]  That makes it sound junky.
[00:23:39]  Sometimes it is.
[00:23:41]  I mean, it's many things.
[00:23:42]  To me, and this goes to my philosophy of talk radio.
[00:23:48]  You know, it is many, many things.
[00:23:50]  And when you tune into this program on any given night, you really never know what you're going to get.
[00:23:55]  A digest of the news, maybe a little bit of commentary on it.
[00:23:59]  But beyond that, you know, there is no direction, nor do I wish for there to be.
[00:24:07]  And it's more fun that way.
[00:24:08]  And that is my philosophy of talk radio, and it is why I take unscreened calls like this one.
[00:24:15]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[00:24:17]  Hello.
[00:24:18]  How are you doing, Art?
[00:24:19]  Okay.
[00:24:19]  Happy birthday.
[00:24:20]  Thank you.
[00:24:21]  Where are you?
[00:24:22]  McAllen, Texas again.
[00:24:23]  McAllen, Texas.
[00:24:24]  Yes, sir.
[00:24:26]  I like the show.
[00:24:28]  Well, that's good.
[00:24:30]  Yeah.
[00:24:31]  What do you think you have on Mike Markham, dude?
[00:24:34]  What am I going to have?
[00:24:35]  Well, I don't know.
[00:24:37]  I may try to contact Mad Man this weekend and see what he's up to.
[00:24:42]  I'd have him on again at the drop of a hat.
[00:24:45]  Yeah, I'd call him.
[00:24:46]  I used to call him every day.
[00:24:47]  I kept in touch with him.
[00:24:49]  Think he's going to be leaving pretty soon.
[00:24:50]  I thought you call him or something.
[00:24:53]  You say he's going to be leaving?
[00:24:55]  yeah you mean you mean for uh...
[00:24:58]  i can't say much about it but Oh?
[00:25:02]  I thought you ought to.
[00:25:04]  I'll take that as good, stern advice, and I'll do it.
[00:25:08]  Okay.
[00:25:08]  All right, thank you.
[00:25:11]  Hope he's all right.
[00:25:14]  Sounds a little ominous, though.
[00:25:16]  He's going to be leaving.
[00:25:20]  Think he's going to step in the big corona and be off?
[00:25:27]  I don't know.
[00:25:28]  It was a lot of fun.
[00:25:29]  West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[00:25:31]  Hi, Art.
[00:25:32]  Hello.
[00:25:33]  Happy birthday.
[00:25:34]  Thank you.
[00:25:34]  KSRO Radio, Sonoma County.
[00:25:37]  That's it, Santa Rosa.
[00:25:38]  Yeah, Katati, actually.
[00:25:40]  Okay.
[00:25:41]  I called to tell you something that's pathetically humorous.
[00:25:45]  I had a lady call me from South Carolina today to place an order with me for one of my products.
[00:25:52]  And we were just updating each other on news.
[00:25:56]  You know, we're 3,000 miles away.
[00:25:58]  Sure.
[00:25:59]  And she said, people in North and South Carolina are just living for the OJ trial.
[00:26:05]  I couldn't believe it.
[00:26:07]  And she thought that just virtue of me living in California, I'd have a major update on it or something.
[00:26:13]  Well, I wouldn't go as far as say I lived for the OJ trial.
[00:26:17]  But once again, today I found myself glued heavily to it.
[00:26:21]  And it's beginning to get very interesting again.
[00:26:24]  And Marcia Clark, as I said in my setup, she was really at her absolute wound-up best.
[00:26:28]  Oh, she was great.
[00:26:30]  But I have to tell you what is the tough news in South Carolina.
[00:26:33]  What?
[00:26:34]  A woman was in a car accident there two or three months ago and was in a coma for two or three months and came out of the coma and all the news wires and networks back there carried this.
[00:26:47]  Her first words upon awaking from the coma were, has OJ been set free yet?
[00:26:53]  Oh my God.
[00:26:55]  I had to share that with you.
[00:26:56]  How long had she been in a coma?
[00:26:59]  Two or three months.
[00:27:00]  Oh my God.
[00:27:01]  All right.
[00:27:02]  You just get this mental picture of this poor woman for three months in her mind going through the trial, you know.
[00:27:07]  That is an incredible story.
[00:27:09]  You think that's true, huh?
[00:27:10]  Well, this lady told me, and she was very sincere, and she said it was on all the networks back there.
[00:27:17]  Yeah, I believe her.
[00:27:18]  Real quick, is it Michael Scallion in New Hampshire?
[00:27:22]  Yes, yes.
[00:27:23]  And when I heard that earthquake, I thought, gee.
[00:27:26]  Yeah, it's true.
[00:27:27]  You know, I hadn't thought of that.
[00:27:28]  I wonder if it shook where Gordon Michael is.
[00:27:30]  Yeah, good question.
[00:27:31]  Well, I think we're saying goodbye.
[00:27:33]  Well, thank you.
[00:27:33]  See you later.
[00:27:36]  Has OJ been set free yet?
[00:27:39]  The first words out of her mouth when she would come out of a three-month coma.
[00:27:45]  Let's see, do I believe that or not?
[00:27:47]  Do I believe that or not?
[00:27:49]  Well, I might.
[00:27:52]  I might.
[00:27:53]  There it is.
[00:27:54]  I admit it is.
[00:27:56]  It's been boring at times.
[00:27:58]  You know, a lot of the coroner testimony over the last couple weeks has been boring.
[00:28:02]  But the O.J. Simpson trial, and I'll not be ashamed to admit it, is fascinating.
[00:28:09]  The twists, the turns, the emotion, the anger, the theater, the drama, every bit of it is there.
[00:28:18]  And I was reminded yesterday as I watched Marcia Clark jump around like she had been wound up, and somebody threw the switch, and the Marcia Clark doll started doing her dance.
[00:28:32]  And, oh, she was just, she's really wound up.
[00:28:35]  And I think it was Alan Dershowitz that was her main target.
[00:28:38]  And when she got done, Dershowitz simply stood up and said, Your Honor, I'm not even going to honor the ad hominem attacks by Miss Clark.
[00:28:48]  I'm going to respond only.
[00:28:49]  And then from there, he went on.
[00:28:51]  He was quite good, by the way.
[00:28:53]  And it's not, look, I want to say this because a lot of people feel I'm attacking Marcia Clark.
[00:29:00]  And I suppose it constitutes a kind of an attack on her character.
[00:29:05]  But I've got to tell you, in a lot of ways, I feel sorry for her.
[00:29:10]  You look across the aisle at the talent on that defense team, and it is the best money could buy.
[00:29:18]  I mean, if you wanted to pick the best lawyer from each category of expertise, they've got him sitting over there.
[00:29:26]  And Dershowitz was a good example yesterday.
[00:29:29]  I mean, the guy is brilliant.
[00:29:30]  You can like or hate Dershowitz, and many hate him.
[00:29:34]  But he's brilliant.
[00:29:35]  Brilliant.
[00:29:36]  And all of this talent lined up against Marcia Clark.
[00:29:42]  So in some ways, I almost feel sorry for her.
[00:29:46]  On the other hand, she really can get going.
[00:29:50]  And yesterday, she was just absolutely at her best.
[00:29:53]  It was something to behold.
[00:29:55]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[00:29:57]  Hi.
[00:29:57]  All right.
[00:29:58]  Yes.
[00:29:59]  Yeah, this is Mike with the new facts, Danielle.
[00:30:02]  Mike, the facts came through like a million dollars.
[00:30:05]  Okay, you should have seen it in color, the little birthday card, but I'm going to mail that to you.
[00:30:11]  Well, now you know your machine works.
[00:30:14]  All right.
[00:30:15]  I'll tell you, I just learned the speed dial.
[00:30:18]  That's how I got a hold of you.
[00:30:20]  You're not on here in Sacramento for another 20 minutes.
[00:30:25]  Right.
[00:30:27]  They're waiting to see if I actually will make it to 50, and if I do, they'll put me on the air.
[00:30:31]  Okay, I've been listening since you were in Vegas.
[00:30:34]  Long time.
[00:30:35]  Yeah, and I bought a lot of things, you know, antennas and stuff.
[00:30:38]  And remember, I was the one with the fancy stereo that couldn't get nothing.
[00:30:42]  Oh, yes.
[00:30:42]  And now you got me with the facts.
[00:30:44]  What are you, this stuff, this Sanyo fax is great.
[00:30:50]  All right, sir.
[00:30:51]  Thank you.
[00:30:52]  You know, he's very happy with that.
[00:30:53]  And for good reason, I keep saying it in the advertisement.
[00:30:57]  Of course, I'm right.
[00:30:58]  That Sonia machine is the best there is.
[00:31:01]  I mean, there's nothing that even comes close for the money.
[00:31:03]  And I say that about the 818 CS radio, too, and it's also true about that.
[00:31:08]  So you can get them from the Z Grane Company at 1-800-522-8863.
[00:31:17]  I think they've got some Sonya Fax machines in stock.
[00:31:21]  I certainly hope so.
[00:31:22]  They're hard to get hold of.
[00:31:23]  It's, you know, the brand new SFX 33, so hopefully it is in stock right now.
[00:31:29]  On the wildcard line, you're on the air.
[00:31:31]  Hi.
[00:31:32]  Hello, Arkad.
[00:31:33]  That's me.
[00:31:34]  This is Kate from Seattle.
[00:31:35]  Happy birthday in, what, 14 and a half minutes, it looks like.

=== Fingerprints of Controversy (07:27) ===

[00:31:39]  Yeah, yeah, let's all just count it down together.
[00:31:41]  Maybe I could get a whole group, like five lines.
[00:31:43]  We could all go five, you know, like at New Year's 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 50.
[00:31:49]  Yeah, that'll be fun.
[00:31:50]  Hey, I've got something for you.
[00:31:52]  Yes.
[00:31:52]  Talking about the quickening, a new book that just came out.
[00:31:56]  You've got to get it.
[00:31:56]  It's called Fingerprints of the Gods by Graham Hancock.
[00:32:01]  Fingerprints of the Gods.
[00:32:03]  Yes, it just came out this year.
[00:32:05]  It's well worth looking into.
[00:32:07]  You know, you would think that gods, you know, or God, wouldn't have a fingerprint.
[00:32:16]  Yeah.
[00:32:18]  I mean, it's not like God needs fingerprints to make him individual or anything.
[00:32:23]  Sorry, bad jokes.
[00:32:24]  I don't understand why this guy did this.
[00:32:25]  It's a rather big book, and it's kind of involved, but I think if you look at it, you'll, you know, you stay up late, so I hope it doesn't send you reeling.
[00:32:37]  I stay up all night, sir.
[00:32:39]  I know.
[00:32:39]  I don't stay up late.
[00:32:40]  I stay up all night.
[00:32:42]  All right, thank you.
[00:32:43]  I love to scare myself.
[00:32:45]  It doesn't bother me a bit.
[00:32:47]  There have been, actually, actually, the truth is, a couple of times it has.
[00:32:52]  There have been about two times during my own Halloween show.
[00:32:55]  That's what scares me the most.
[00:32:57]  We do the Ghost Show, the annual Ghost-to-Ghost show.
[00:33:01]  And I have people call in with real ghost stories, and actually, that scared me.
[00:33:07]  A couple of years have really freaked me out.
[00:33:11]  Otherwise, I love being scared.
[00:33:13]  I'll watch a scary movie or read a scary book.
[00:33:17]  And I'm not exactly sure why one attaches the term pleasure to horror, but there is an attachment, isn't there?
[00:33:29]  In other words, it is pleasurable to be horrified.
[00:33:34]  Hmm.
[00:33:37]  That is, no doubt, worth a little thought.
[00:33:39]  Why, for the human animal, is it a pleasure to be horrified?
[00:33:43]  Well, I do have a lot more information on the militias and the hearings, and I'm sure we'll get to that and a lot more information here, period.
[00:34:11]  But for now, I'm going to stay with the phones.
[00:34:13]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[00:34:16]  Hi.
[00:34:16]  Hi.
[00:34:17]  This is Randy in Ponka City, Oklahoma, in Yukon, Oklahoma.
[00:34:21]  How you doing?
[00:34:21]  Well, real good.
[00:34:22]  I just kind of wanted to give you an update on what's been going on with Channel 5, Channel 4, and Channel 9.
[00:34:28]  Yeah, it's like the television wars now in Oklahoma City.
[00:34:31]  In other words, Channel 4 as KFOR has theirs John Doe number 2.
[00:34:36]  Now I hear that is it ABC that's Channel 5 there?
[00:34:40]  I think that's right, yeah.
[00:34:41]  Yeah, and they claim they found Channel 4's John Doe number 2.
[00:34:47]  Yes, and of course, they're claiming also Channel 9 also.
[00:34:54]  Channel 9.
[00:34:55]  Yeah, both of them are.
[00:34:56]  Well, at least they're all getting in on it now.
[00:34:58]  Yeah, and of course, you know, supposedly they've got his time card.
[00:35:03]  He is working.
[00:35:04]  But it's kind of funny that all of a sudden all that information has been spilled over to them.
[00:35:12]  Well, what does a time card mean?
[00:35:14]  I mean, don't they have big, strict rules and worry a lot about people punching other people's time clocks and that kind of stuff?
[00:35:23]  Yeah.
[00:35:24]  Well, it just may not be to the interest of the United States that it be in Iraqi and is involved in this, too.
[00:35:31]  I have lost all track of.
[00:35:34]  I really can't say that I believe Channel 4.
[00:35:36]  Can't say that I believe ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, any of them.
[00:35:40]  I don't even know what to believe anymore.
[00:35:42]  And oh, let me throw in the FBI.
[00:35:45]  Yes, I know.
[00:35:46]  So I agree.
[00:35:47]  I mean, where are you with all of this?
[00:35:50]  Well, just about like you.
[00:35:53]  You don't know what to believe.
[00:35:55]  By the time this is all done, sir, this may make the Kennedy conspiracy look like a child's story.
[00:36:02]  Yeah.
[00:36:03]  Yeah.
[00:36:04]  Well, it almost seems, though, as if maybe possibly the FBI has joined forces with five and nine.
[00:36:11]  Of course, I'm not so sure that four actually ever claimed that this was John Doe number two, but it was a possibility, and they had essentially eyewitnesses to that effect.
[00:36:25]  Well, all we can do, I guess, is hope that time and good investigation work and all the rest of it will tell, and we'll find out the real answer.
[00:36:35]  But this is beginning to gather to it all the earmarks of a story that we will simply never know about.
[00:36:44]  As you know, John Doe number one is not saying a word.
[00:36:49]  I mean, this guy has his lips sewn together.
[00:36:52]  He's saying nothing.
[00:36:54]  We don't know about John Doe number two.
[00:36:56]  There are a million stories out there in the big city, and most of them different, including the FBI's.
[00:37:03]  The FBI had the misfortune the other day to have to admit that what they were calling John Doe number two had nothing to do with the bombing.
[00:37:11]  Moreover, was not even in that truck rental agency on the day that their other witnesses who ID'd McVeigh, supposedly there, claim both of them were there.
[00:37:22]  So the FBI kind of shot a hole in the credibility of their own witnesses.
[00:37:28]  The whole thing is a big mess.
[00:37:30]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[00:37:33]  Hello?
[00:37:34]  Hey, Art.
[00:37:34]  Hey, sir.
[00:37:35]  Turn your radio off.
[00:37:36]  I just did.
[00:37:37]  Every time I get through to you, it kind of throws me.
[00:37:41]  But I wanted to tell you, Ditto's on the birthday.
[00:37:44]  Oh, thank you.
[00:37:44]  Where are you?
[00:37:45]  I'm in Columbia, South Carolina.
[00:37:47]  Columbia, South.
[00:37:48]  Hey, A.S.F. Okay, that story.
[00:37:51]  Did you hear the lady talking about the story coming from South Carolina about the lady who came out of a coma after three months?
[00:37:58]  Yes, sir.
[00:38:00]  I hadn't been following the local news.
[00:38:02]  Oh.
[00:38:04]  Do you think that could be if you came out of a coma after three months?
[00:38:08]  How likely is it you would say?
[00:38:09]  If I had been tracking OJ, that would be like going to heck for three months.
[00:38:15]  I can't take that.
[00:38:16]  I mean, I never really had that much faith in our justice system.
[00:38:20]  And this is just, I mean, if you got the bucks, you can buy.
[00:38:25]  So in other words, it would not be the first question out of your mouth.
[00:38:28]  No.
[00:38:28]  Uh-huh.
[00:38:32]  I think I'd be asking, am I alive?
[00:38:34]  Is this Earth?
[00:38:35]  Right.
[00:38:36]  Who knows?
[00:38:38]  But when I first started listening to you, it used to I kept checking my radio to make sure it's still on.

=== The Artful Pause (15:32) ===

[00:38:49]  Because, you know, you pause.
[00:38:50]  Yes.
[00:38:51]  It took me a while to get used to you, but I thought you do a great job.
[00:38:55]  Thank you.
[00:38:55]  Well, I do that on purpose.
[00:38:58]  When you pause, it creates a certain dramatic effect.
[00:39:04]  And I think that then what you say is more likely to be actually heard instead of just sort of part of a tradle that goes on and on and on and on.
[00:39:16]  Do you follow me?
[00:39:17]  Yes.
[00:39:17]  And you just don't blur it out thought.
[00:39:22]  Well, thank you.
[00:39:23]  I try not to do that, too.
[00:39:26]  But there is a value in a pause, I have always thought.
[00:39:32]  And it is a natural thing, and it is a way of providing vocal emphasis.
[00:39:40]  And so I have always used it.
[00:39:43]  They might call it the artful pause.
[00:39:47]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[00:39:49]  Hey, Art.
[00:39:50]  Happy birthday.
[00:39:51]  Thank you.
[00:39:53]  I wanted to ask you, had you heard of a musical group called Shadow Facts?
[00:39:57]  Shadow Facts.
[00:39:58]  They kind of are similar to Cusco, but they've been around since like early 80s, I believe.
[00:40:04]  No, but I'd love to hear them.
[00:40:06]  If they're anything like Cusco, I'd love to hear them.
[00:40:08]  Because I've never heard anything quite like Cusco.
[00:40:11]  Yeah, when they started out, they were pretty much just, I guess you'd call it New Age music, but they've kind of branched out more into jazz fusion and stuff like that.
[00:40:22]  But their early work is a lot, you know, really reminiscent of Cusco.
[00:40:28]  Okay.
[00:40:29]  So it's, you know, the Shadow Facts, just like it sounds, you might want to try to check them out sometime.
[00:40:34]  I'll do it.
[00:40:34]  All right, then, and again, happy birthday, and have a good evening.
[00:40:39]  Well, thank you.
[00:40:40]  All right.
[00:40:41]  This would appear to be about it, I guess.
[00:40:44]  Just a couple of more moments.
[00:40:47]  And that's it.
[00:40:48]  One half century old.
[00:40:51]  50.
[00:40:54]  A half century.
[00:40:56]  That sounds like so much.
[00:40:59]  And yet it is so little.
[00:41:01]  Even if I make it to a century, it's still nothing but just a blink of God's eye.
[00:41:10]  And just, you know, something the earth won't even bother shrugging about.
[00:41:14]  It'll keep spinning long after all of us are gone.
[00:41:18]  Centuries, eons after we're gone.
[00:41:22]  Think about it.
[00:41:24]  We'll be back.
[00:41:25]  The trip back in time continues.
[00:41:27]  With Art Bell hosting Coast to Coast AM, more Somewhere in Time coming up.
[00:41:57]  Brain Gear Networks presents Art Bell, Somewhere in Time.
[00:42:03]  Tonight featuring Ghost to Ghost A.M. from June 16th, 1995.
[00:42:08]  Due to circumstances beyond our control, we're not going to be able to bring you Art Bell right now.
[00:42:12]  Seems he ran from the studio screaming moments ago.
[00:42:19]  Just kidding.
[00:42:20]  I seem to have made it.
[00:42:22]  I seem to be here.
[00:42:32]  This is interesting.
[00:42:35]  I just was handed a note that says, please announce us, Art and Casey.
[00:42:42]  Sign Mona.
[00:42:44]  Now, as per Alan, who is my boss.
[00:42:47]  So I guess I, oh boy.
[00:42:49]  Check it out.
[00:42:51]  Yeah.
[00:42:52]  Happy birthday to you.
[00:42:56]  Happy birthday to you.
[00:42:59]  Happy birthday, dear Art.
[00:43:04]  Happy birthday to you.
[00:43:07]  Oh, thank you all.
[00:43:09]  That's wonderful.
[00:43:11]  And there are two little cakes.
[00:43:13]  Each, well, this just really is wonderful.
[00:43:17]  And one says older than dirt.
[00:43:20]  And it has a candle, which I guess I should blow them both out at once.
[00:43:23]  And the other says 50 and fantastic.
[00:43:26]  Well, that one, that's nice.
[00:43:27]  Older than dirt.
[00:43:29]  All right, there they go.
[00:43:30]  Thank you.
[00:43:31]  That's it.
[00:43:32]  I'm 50.
[00:43:33]  And here we have a barrage of barrage of presents.
[00:43:39]  Holy mackerel.
[00:43:39]  Well, now, holy mackerel.
[00:43:41]  I just cannot open all these on the air.
[00:43:44]  No, I can't.
[00:43:44]  I can't take that much time.
[00:43:46]  I can't open them all.
[00:43:47]  I'll tell you what, I'll open them as the evening goes on.
[00:43:49]  How's that?
[00:43:50]  Well, now there's something.
[00:43:51]  It's a very long present of some kind.
[00:43:54]  And now I'm being handed cartridges.
[00:43:57]  Let's see.
[00:43:59]  Oh, no, kidding.
[00:44:04]  Oh, no, really?
[00:44:06]  This I'm going to have to check out.
[00:44:08]  So we will check out some of these cartridges.
[00:44:09]  I'll tell you what.
[00:44:10]  Let me do this first.
[00:44:12]  Let me have my son, Arthur, say good morning to everybody.
[00:44:17]  Lean over and say good morning.
[00:44:18]  Good morning, everybody.
[00:44:20]  And a friend of his staying overnight with him tonight, Casey, is here, Casey.
[00:44:26]  And here's my beautiful wife who hung my studio in black crepe.
[00:44:30]  Thank you, dear.
[00:44:31]  It's wonderful.
[00:44:32]  Oh, well, you're welcome.
[00:44:34]  I just wanted to tell you that what you have in your hand is birthday greetings that I put together myself.
[00:44:41]  It took me the better part of two days to do.
[00:44:44]  I masterminded all of this, except for the card that you're going to play in the one o'clock hour from the CBC Radio Network.
[00:44:51]  We wanted to let you know how we felt from the heart, and there's a very special birthday greeting to you that I hope you listen to it.
[00:44:58]  And remember that it's been a long time since I've been behind a studio board, so mixing wasn't my best.
[00:45:04]  No out cues, no time.
[00:45:05]  Sorry about that.
[00:45:07]  All right.
[00:45:07]  Well, thank you all.
[00:45:08]  Thank you.
[00:45:09]  And here we are.
[00:45:10]  So there you are.
[00:45:11]  See, I seem to have made it to 50.
[00:45:13]  Well, let's see.
[00:45:16]  I guess I could play one of these.
[00:45:18]  Let's see what one of these sounds like.
[00:45:19]  I've just been handed these.
[00:45:20]  I have no idea what this is.
[00:45:22]  So no idea what's coming up whatsoever.
[00:45:25]  Let's see what we've got here.
[00:45:27]  Somewhere here.
[00:45:29]  This is certainly a happy and auspicious occasion.
[00:45:33]  Your 50th birthday.
[00:45:35]  My mom.
[00:45:35]  I find it almost impossible to believe that you're 50 years old today.
[00:45:40]  Me too.
[00:45:41]  But I can't really question the fact when I was there at the launching.
[00:45:45]  Mothers have the privilege of saying it.
[00:45:48]  It seems like only yesterday, don't they?
[00:45:51]  Well, it does seem like only yesterday that I found the plug of my new toaster oven missing.
[00:45:58]  The trail led straight to you, my two-year-old.
[00:46:02]  Who had fashioned his first radio from a grocery carton and what else?
[00:46:07]  I took her appliance.
[00:46:08]  My toaster oven plug.
[00:46:10]  Your grandmother memorialized the occasion by saying, I think little art has found his calling.
[00:46:17]  How right she was.
[00:46:19]  From early on, it was ham radio, ham radio, and more ham radio.
[00:46:26]  It seems to me that the only time you emerged from your radio shack during those teenage years was to take pot shots at the neighboring mailboxes with the BB gun your father finally allowed you to have.
[00:46:40]  It's a strange but wonderful experience to awaken to the sound of your voice wafting across the airwaves from the high desert of Nevada to the eastern tip of Long Island.
[00:46:53]  Needless to say, we're all bursting with pride at your phenomenal success.
[00:46:59]  Well deserved after 30 years of hard, hard work.
[00:47:03]  Parents do tend to reminisce, and I'd like to share one anecdote with your listeners.
[00:47:10]  Remember the mountain house in Bluebridge Summit?
[00:47:13]  Oh, yes.
[00:47:14]  We bought that house with you children in mind.
[00:47:16]  A barn for Barbara Ford, a big bedroom with a closet of her own for your sister Tina, and a radio shack on the third floor for you.
[00:47:28]  After managing to talk to some fellow ham and getting him to give you a huge Japanese antenna, you climbed up on the roof of that three-story house to install it, as I watched it in abject terror from below.
[00:47:46]  Obviously, you have survived the experience and have gone on to phenomenal success in your chosen field.
[00:47:54]  I'd like you to know how much I treasure your frequent phone calls, the wonderful fax machine you sent us, those lovely flowers that arrive on special occasions, all the things so important and endearing to mothers.
[00:48:10]  I'll close by saying how much I love you and to express the hope that the next 50 years will be as exciting and rewarding as the first 50.
[00:48:20]  Again, happy birthday from both of us, honey.
[00:48:24]  Oh, that's so sweet.
[00:48:25]  That was my mom.
[00:48:27]  And my mom, my mom was right on all counts.
[00:48:31]  When I was two years old, I started taking stuff apart.
[00:48:36]  And I guess her toaster was the very first victim.
[00:48:42]  You know, two years, you could barely drag the thing along, but I did.
[00:48:46]  Then I began disassembling things and reassembling them into fashionable little electronic goodies of various sorts in it.
[00:48:54]  The bug bit, and it's always been there.
[00:48:57]  And so my mom's dead right about all that.
[00:49:01]  And yes, though it may give some weirdo gun control freaks out there some pleasure, I did pot shot a few mailboxes with a BB gun.
[00:49:11]  Thanks, mom.
[00:49:16]  Oh, God, 50.
[00:49:18]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[00:49:20]  Good morning.
[00:49:21]  Sir, how are you?
[00:49:22]  Pretty well.
[00:49:23]  Thank you.
[00:49:24]  I called.
[00:49:24]  My name is Bob.
[00:49:25]  I'm listening to KIDO in Boise, Idaho.
[00:49:27]  Hi, Bob.
[00:49:28]  I called for one reason.
[00:49:30]  I heard that message from your mother.
[00:49:33]  And how wonderful that was.
[00:49:35]  And the reason I called is to tell you that my mom, I own my own radio station, and I do a talk show that leads into yours on a competing station.
[00:49:45]  Oh, no kidding.
[00:49:46]  Yeah, and I talked about you quite a bit.
[00:49:48]  I really enjoy your show.
[00:49:50]  I bet you slammed me around a lot, huh?
[00:49:52]  No, no, it's totally complimentary.
[00:49:54]  This is a serious call.
[00:49:56]  Okay.
[00:49:56]  I called to let you know that my mom died in 1991, February of 1990, and I used the inheritance I had to buy my station.
[00:50:09]  And so I would love to have heard a message like that from her.
[00:50:13]  And I thought what your mom said was wonderful.
[00:50:17]  And so I think I can't, I'm 40, and you're 50, and I can't give you any advice because you're older than I am.
[00:50:23]  But I will say this, that you're very fortunate to have your mother there to give you a message like that because I really, sometimes I really, really miss my mom.
[00:50:34]  Oh, I understand.
[00:50:35]  And believe me, it was so good hearing it.
[00:50:38]  So, you know, I'll tell you, if this is any comfort, and it ought to be, I personally, through all my investigations and all the weird things that I look into, I am convinced there is an afterlife.
[00:50:52]  So it's not like your mom doesn't know what's going on.
[00:50:55]  I understand.
[00:50:57]  So, my friend, I thank you, competitors, as we may be, whatever.
[00:51:02]  It's a great business we're in.
[00:51:04]  I love it, and thanks for the call.
[00:51:05]  You're the best.
[00:51:06]  You take care.
[00:51:07]  That's very kind.
[00:51:12]  It's going to take me a while to get over that one from my mom.
[00:51:15]  That was incredible.
[00:51:16]  First time caller line, you're on the air.
[00:51:19]  Hi.
[00:51:19]  How are you doing, Art?
[00:51:20]  Okay.
[00:51:21]  Happy birthday, big boy.
[00:51:22]  Thank you.
[00:51:23]  This is Michael from Glendale, California.
[00:51:25]  Yes, Michael.
[00:51:26]  I just want to know if the glove fits where it.
[00:51:30]  Yeah, right.
[00:51:31]  It's getting so silly.
[00:51:33]  I just, I can't.
[00:51:34]  I have one suggestion.
[00:51:36]  The thing is, though, silly, but effective.
[00:51:39]  I'm telling you, boy, those scenes of O.J. trying to get that book on, you know, and you could see it was stretching and pulling.
[00:51:46]  And I know that's what's left in the jurors' minds.
[00:51:48]  I know.
[00:51:49]  And Darden.
[00:51:50]  Darden knows it too.
[00:51:51]  Can you imagine?
[00:51:52]  See, all this was Darden's idea, you know.
[00:51:55]  They had the receipt.
[00:51:56]  They already had the signed receipt.
[00:51:57]  That wasn't enough.
[00:51:58]  He wanted to make sure that they wanted to showboat it.
[00:52:05]  And I don't know.
[00:52:06]  And ba-boom, right in their face.
[00:52:08]  Exactly.
[00:52:08]  Exactly.
[00:52:09]  I just had one suggestion.
[00:52:10]  I live in Los Angeles County.
[00:52:12]  Yes, sir.
[00:52:12]  So I'm a taxpayer here, and this is costing me money.
[00:52:16]  Why don't we go with one network, whether it be CNN, NBC, one of the majors, to the highest bidder?
[00:52:26]  One station covers the whole thing, goes to the highest bidder, and the cost generated from that would cover the court costs.
[00:52:34]  Well, they're not saying this, but they're actually making a net profit on the OJ thing.
[00:52:41]  I mean, there is so much media there.
[00:52:43]  There is so much attention.
[00:52:44]  There's so much money being spent that the truth is they're probably making more than it's costing L.A. County, I'll bet you.
[00:52:51]  Well, I hope so.
[00:52:52]  Because it's just so silly.
[00:52:54]  I mean, being here, I know you're relatively close here, but it's like every single station, even the off stations, the 9, the 5, KTLA, all of them.
[00:53:06]  Every single one of them covers it.
[00:53:08]  And it's silly because it's just all the same shot.
[00:53:10]  So it's not like, like, I don't know.
[00:53:12]  Just I would suggest going to the highest bidder and at least pay for the damn thing.
[00:53:17]  Well, I'll tell you this.
[00:53:18]  If Marcia Clark ends up losing the case, there's a place for her in television somewhere.
[00:53:24]  Oh, yeah, with the dancing eatos on the Jay Leno show.
[00:53:29]  I appreciate your call, sir, and that we can laugh about this at all as good.
[00:53:33]  Well, I guess at this point in the ballgame, you have to.
[00:53:36]  Yeah, thank you very much for the call.
[00:53:38]  I can see this is going to be a different kind of morning.
[00:54:00]  The wild card line, you're on the air.
[00:54:03]  Hi.
[00:54:03]  Well, happy 50 yards.

=== Warm Fuzzy Friends Mention Shadow Facts (07:50) ===

[00:54:06]  Thank you.
[00:54:06]  How's it feel?
[00:54:07]  Actually, now that it's done, it feels better.
[00:54:12]  If you want to know the truth, you don't feel any older, do you?
[00:54:17]  Well, I don't know if I'd go that far.
[00:54:20]  Actually, no, no, I really don't.
[00:54:21]  Well, it's the black crepe, you know.
[00:54:23]  My wife put black crepe all over the studio, so we'll have to see.
[00:54:28]  If you're like me, I appreciate my age.
[00:54:30]  By the way, this is Greg and San Clamente.
[00:54:32]  He wants to talk to you.
[00:54:34]  Yes, Greg.
[00:54:34]  And I just want to mention that somebody had called up a little bit earlier and mentioned Shadow Facts to you.
[00:54:39]  Yes, correct.
[00:54:40]  These guys are friends of mine, by the way.
[00:54:42]  Really?
[00:54:42]  And I remember months ago, you used the Shadow Facts song for bumper music.
[00:54:48]  I did?
[00:54:49]  Yeah, because it caught my attention.
[00:54:50]  You used Dreams of Children.
[00:54:52]  No, yeah, Dreams of Children is the CD, and Another Country was the song that you played.
[00:54:57]  They used a lot of flutes and things just like Cusco does.
[00:55:00]  You know what?
[00:55:01]  I think you're right, and I'm trying to remember.
[00:55:05]  I'm going to take a guess.
[00:55:07]  This is a group that I thought sounded just like Cusco.
[00:55:10]  Right.
[00:55:11]  And yet was not Cusco.
[00:55:14]  Could this.
[00:55:16]  That's them.
[00:55:18]  Isn't that something?
[00:55:20]  So then, there you are.
[00:55:21]  I've already looked into this group.
[00:55:24]  They've just released a brand new live CD this last week.
[00:55:28]  Is that right?
[00:55:29]  Yeah, and I can have them give it to you if you're interested.
[00:55:32]  By all means.
[00:55:33]  If I've already picked some, then obviously they may be doing some of what I want.
[00:55:37]  So yes, tell them to send it off.
[00:55:40]  Just a quick note on this.
[00:55:42]  The guy that plays the wind almost died last week.
[00:55:46]  He was on a vacation in Hawaii, and the pharmacist prescribed conflicting medications for him.
[00:55:52]  And because they did a gig here in Newport Beach just last Friday.
[00:55:56]  Wow.
[00:55:57]  And, you know, to premiere their new CD and everything, and it almost didn't come off.
[00:56:01]  They canceled an interview with me as it was.
[00:56:03]  But a pharmacist does not prescribe.
[00:56:07]  Well, yeah, I said that backwards.
[00:56:09]  What happened was he was taking Salvane, and he got a little inner ear infection while he was on vacation in Hawaii.
[00:56:16]  And the doctor said, normally I prescribe with erythromycin for this, but the combination is lethal.
[00:56:22]  So he gave him an alternative prescription.
[00:56:24]  The pharmacist went ahead and gave him erythromycin anyway.
[00:56:27]  Oh.
[00:56:28]  And then he took it and almost died, killed the vacation.
[00:56:31]  He had to come home sick, and they had to really work on it to get him back together just to do the gig last time.
[00:56:35]  Almost dying will definitely ruin a vacation.
[00:56:38]  Yeah, sure will.
[00:56:39]  All right, my friend, thank you.
[00:56:41]  Wow.
[00:56:42]  I've heard a lot of stories about that lately, and you do have to be very careful about conflicting medications and about medical records.
[00:56:52]  And if you go to a couple of doctors, both doctors have to be in sync.
[00:56:56]  Or, you know, there always is the possibility that you will get a couple of prescriptions.
[00:57:01]  You might film them at different pharmacies or something.
[00:57:04]  And you'll get a couple things, and they can be lethal.
[00:57:07]  I've heard a lot of stories about that.
[00:57:09]  First-time caller line, you're on the air.
[00:57:12]  Yeah, this is Tony from Arizona.
[00:57:14]  Hi, Tony.
[00:57:15]  How are you doing?
[00:57:16]  Very well.
[00:57:17]  All right.
[00:57:18]  I just wanted to make a comment.
[00:57:19]  You know, you always say you never edit your calls or they come through, but you're real quick to cut people off and make your point with them off the air.
[00:57:30]  That's because I'm a ruthless dictator.
[00:57:33]  No, it's because I think you like the sound of your own voice.
[00:57:36]  Yeah, that too.
[00:57:38]  But, I mean, what's the point if you don't edit calls, but then you cut people off?
[00:57:42]  What's the difference?
[00:57:43]  Well, then I get to listen to the sound of my own voice, and I make myself feel all warm and fuzzy.
[00:57:49]  What else do you do when you're warm and fuzzy?
[00:57:52]  Well, I don't nearly anything.
[00:57:53]  When a person gets warm and fuzzy enough, where are you going to go?
[00:57:58]  Okay, I'll leave it at that.
[00:58:01]  All right.
[00:58:01]  Thanks very much for the call on the try.
[00:58:03]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[00:58:05]  Yeah.
[00:58:06]  Hey, happy birthday.
[00:58:07]  Thank you.
[00:58:08]  J.B. Collin from Jula Vista listening on COGO AM600.
[00:58:12]  Yes, sir.
[00:58:12]  Hey, tried to get through a lot last night because, boy, really, really good stuff going on, this discussion of militias.
[00:58:21]  Yes.
[00:58:22]  What I'm about to say, I feel kind of an urge to preface by saying that I'm not part of a militia.
[00:58:26]  I really don't.
[00:58:27]  I have a lot of trouble with a lot of what they're saying.
[00:58:30]  There's too many conspiracy theorists in there.
[00:58:33]  Having said that, you do somewhat sympathize, right?
[00:58:36]  Well, I don't so much sympathize, but allow me to play the devil's advocate for a second because I'm trying to understand them.
[00:58:41]  Go ahead.
[00:58:42]  Okay, if it is fair to characterize a government, now I know you're going to say, oh, here he goes.
[00:58:49]  He is sympathetic.
[00:58:50]  But no, I'm not.
[00:58:50]  I'm going to put this in a larger historical perspective.
[00:58:54]  That may be a little frightening.
[00:58:56]  I don't know.
[00:58:56]  But let's assume for a second.
[00:58:57]  Let's just ask, is it fair to characterize a government that hands its citizens a $5 trillion debt, and that government's on the gold standard, and the amount of gold available in the world at this time is $1 trillion.
[00:59:11]  And if that government handing its citizens a $5 trillion debt, basically throwing open its borders And fundamentally, with the debt and the push for multiculturalism.
[00:59:26]  Okay, okay, okay.
[00:59:26]  Whoa, We're at a break.
[00:59:29]  I'll put you on hold if you want to be put on hold.
[00:59:32]  I will accept that.
[00:59:33]  Stand by, because I have several things to say to you, which otherwise I would have to say, enjoying only the sound of my own voice.
[00:59:40]  We'll be right back.
[00:59:41]  This is Premier Networks.
[00:59:42]  That was Art Bell hosting Coast to Coast AM on this Somewhere in Time.
[01:00:24]  And I understand there is a birthday greeting here from the man that you just heard from, Ross Mitchell.
[01:00:31]  So if it's here, here it is.
[01:00:34]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:00:35]  This is your offstage announcer, Ross Mitchell, reminding you that old people like to give good advice and solace for no longer being able to provide bad examples.
[01:00:48]  Thanks, Ross.
[01:00:49]  That's Ross Mitchell, the voice of the numbers.
[01:00:54]  He's from one of our original affiliates, one of the early affiliates as the network began to blossom, KOH, which then became KOH, K-K-O-H, 50,000 watts on 780 and remains a very strong good affiliate in Reno.
[01:01:12]  That's voice of Ross Mitchell.
[01:01:13]  Thanks, Ross.
[01:01:15]  Back to a caller I've had on hold.
[01:01:17]  Thanks for holding, sir.
[01:01:18]  You are back on the air.
[01:01:19]  Thanks for allowing me to hold.
[01:01:21]  Well, I've got to get a Cusco tape.
[01:01:23]  I've been enjoying sitting here just listening to that.
[01:01:24]  Oh, I know.
[01:01:25]  It's great stuff.
[01:01:26]  It really is.
[01:01:27]  Anyway, as I sit here looking at the San Diego Union Tribune today, I've nearly half a page on these militias.
[01:01:33]  And again, the thought occurred to me that occurred to me last night as I listened to you, as I try to put myself in their mindset and just try to get inside their heads, and it's scary.

=== Growing Tide of Perception (06:31) ===

[01:01:42]  But what has me concerned is as they begin to perceive, there seems to be a growing tide of perception that we are somehow now a people with a government turned against us.
[01:01:54]  The reason I held you on is I want to take you back for a second.
[01:01:57]  You referred to a government that gave us a what was your figure, $7 trillion?
[01:02:03]  $5 trillion.
[01:02:05]  That's what they're kicking around.
[01:02:06]  $45 trillion.
[01:02:06]  But see, here's the way I look at it.
[01:02:09]  This thing we call the government is not some, it's really not some shadowy entity.
[01:02:15]  In other words, the government is us, so to speak.
[01:02:18]  I think that's a little idealistic, but I think it's not a problem.
[01:02:20]  Well, no, it is not.
[01:02:21]  Look, where'd the money go?
[01:02:23]  The money, for the most part, went to defense.
[01:02:26]  Granted, we were building the hell out of the armed services.
[01:02:30]  I'm not sorry we did that.
[01:02:31]  That was done on our behalf.
[01:02:34]  And at the same time, we were feeding the socialized machine that Ms. Roosevelt got started.
[01:02:42]  And we had a president who was having to agree with the Congress, and they all got to spending money, but they really are us.
[01:02:48]  I mean, this money was spent.
[01:02:52]  They weren't too financially responsible, though.
[01:02:54]  They did not balance their books.
[01:02:56]  And that's a burden for us and our children, isn't it?
[01:02:58]  Of course it is.
[01:03:00]  But, sir, it's of our creation.
[01:03:02]  I mean, you just can't blame it on some shadowy government.
[01:03:06]  Well, okay, maybe they're not so shadowy, but, you know, I mean, here's the point that I'm getting around to, though.
[01:03:10]  I began to see in this, and maybe, and this kind of scares me, the seeds of what might be a natural progression in the life expectancy of a government.
[01:03:21]  It might be.
[01:03:22]  And that kind of frightens me.
[01:03:24]  Or put another way, it might be sort of the natural cycle in the life progression of a country.
[01:03:31]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:03:32]  But what's the life expectancy of a government around 50 years?
[01:03:36]  I mean, in civilized times.
[01:03:38]  What did the Soviet Union, 1917 to 1992 or something?
[01:03:42]  Well, no, no, I don't know about that.
[01:03:44]  I mean, we're, what, a couple hundred years old.
[01:03:46]  Right, we've done well.
[01:03:47]  That's what I'm getting at.
[01:03:48]  Well, we've done okay, but that's still the blink of God's eye.
[01:03:51]  There's civilizations, sir, that lasted far, far longer.
[01:03:56]  You know, we could roll through them from the Romans.
[01:03:59]  That's true, but in modern times, I mean, I think haven't we lasted longer than the average?
[01:04:04]  This 200-year experiment has just been fabulous.
[01:04:07]  But is there a natural progression behind trends?
[01:04:10]  And maybe it's all tied into this quickening thing.
[01:04:12]  I don't know.
[01:04:12]  That may be accelerating the life expectancy.
[01:04:15]  I begin to feel like we're approaching the brink of a radical change in the way the government in this country relates to its citizens.
[01:04:23]  Well, yes, all right.
[01:04:26]  That may be so, and that may be underway right now.
[01:04:30]  That was a good call.
[01:04:31]  I enjoyed that.
[01:04:34]  There is a change, undeniably, there is a change presently underway.
[01:04:39]  All right, well, now here's a little something.
[01:04:42]  Now, some of you know that I have a thing for Maria Moldauer.
[01:04:48]  She is a gal who sings a song that is close to my heart because of the desert.
[01:04:53]  You know how I love the desert.
[01:04:55]  And a lot of times, particularly on a Friday night, Saturday morning, I will play Maria Muldauer and Midnight at the Oasis.
[01:05:04]  And this is just to remind you of what it is.
[01:05:06]  This is Maria Muldauer.
[01:05:08]  Midnight at the Oasis.
[01:05:13]  Send your camel to bed.
[01:05:17]  Shadows paint in our faces.
[01:05:21]  Dracis.
[01:05:23]  There's a romance in our heads.
[01:05:25]  Now, somehow.
[01:05:29]  Look, I have just, I found out about all of this moments ago.
[01:05:33]  All right?
[01:05:35]  When they walked in on me after the Pacific Coast midnight news break, the moment at which I became 50, see, there's the desert.
[01:05:51]  So anyway, somehow my wife got hold of Maria Moldauer, apparently.
[01:05:56]  And the button I'm going to press now, I have no idea what's going to happen when I press these buttons, has something to do with Maria Moldauer.
[01:06:05]  Hi, honey.
[01:06:07]  No, no, That's my mom.
[01:06:11]  I already did that.
[01:06:12]  Where's Maria Moldau?
[01:06:13]  Oh, here's Maria.
[01:06:17]  It's great to even hear my mom's voice again.
[01:06:19]  I'll play that one again.
[01:06:21]  So this had something to do with Maria Moldauer, I think.
[01:06:24]  Happy birthday to you.
[01:06:28]  Happy birthday to you.
[01:06:32]  Happy 50th birthday to you, Art Bell.
[01:06:39]  Happy birthday to you and many more.
[01:06:47]  All right, this is Maria Moldauer calling you from the oasis, wishing you the happiest 50th birthday.
[01:06:53]  Oh.
[01:06:55]  Meet me at midnight.
[01:07:00]  Meet me at midnight.
[01:07:02]  Oh, my.
[01:07:08]  With 50 girls to attend me, they all send him.
[01:07:15]  You know, there's got to be a hell of a story behind how they managed to get a hold of Maria Moldauer.
[01:07:28]  I truly do.
[01:07:29]  I truly do have a wife with a sense of humor, don't I?
[01:07:33]  Did you hear the end of that?
[01:07:34]  Meet me at midnight.
[01:07:39]  Oh, well, here we go.
[01:07:41]  West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[01:07:43]  Hello there.
[01:07:44]  Good morning, and what do you have?
[01:07:46]  Happy birthday in 20 minutes?
[01:07:48]  Yes, something like that.
[01:07:49]  Okay.
[01:07:50]  Two items to discuss with you.
[01:07:52]  First of all, I'm confused about this freedom of speech business.

=== Michael Jackson's Lyrics Controversy (15:24) ===

[01:07:58]  Is it liberals only who have freedom of speech?
[01:08:02]  Well, one would think so when one examines the way most conservative statements are met by the left.
[01:08:10]  Yes, uh-huh.
[01:08:11]  By the way, this is Bob in Sun City, Arizona.
[01:08:12]  Yes, Bob.
[01:08:14]  The reason I bring this up is I just heard a report on television that Michael Jackson is going to apologize for these lyrics in his new song about Jews and all this kind of stuff.
[01:08:26]  Really?
[01:08:26]  Yes, he's going to apologize because Steven Spielberg has distanced himself from Michael Jackson, and Army Archer has said he's not his friend anymore because of the lyrics.
[01:08:38]  Wow.
[01:08:39]  And I'm wondering.
[01:08:40]  I've not yet heard the lyrics, so.
[01:08:42]  Well, yeah.
[01:08:44]  This is supposed to be art.
[01:08:47]  I thought.
[01:08:47]  I thought crucifix and urine is art.
[01:08:50]  That's not offensive, apparently.
[01:08:52]  But this is a talk show host in San Francisco calling Republicans fascists, vilifying Christians.
[01:09:00]  Ah, people call me fascist all the time.
[01:09:02]  I don't even.
[01:09:03]  Well, I know that that's hate speech.
[01:09:07]  I know, but, you know, they look, it's what liberals do.
[01:09:12]  Yeah.
[01:09:12]  You know, it's what liberals do.
[01:09:13]  I'm used to it.
[01:09:14]  I'm used to being attacked.
[01:09:16]  Yeah.
[01:09:16]  Let me ask you one thing.
[01:09:18]  Let me suggest one thing about this flag-burning business.
[01:09:20]  Sure.
[01:09:21]  This amendment.
[01:09:22]  If I recall, you are against a constitutional amendment to ban flag burning.
[01:09:27]  Not really.
[01:09:28]  No, I'm not really against it.
[01:09:31]  You don't think it's a good idea?
[01:09:32]  No, I put it a different way.
[01:09:34]  I don't think it's needed.
[01:09:36]  In other words, A, I don't think there's much of it that goes on, and B, when it does, American citizens tend to take care of it themselves.
[01:09:43]  I mean, look, most people are red-blooded Americans, and there's a lot of people, as they see somebody burning flag, they're going to go up and plant their knuckles squarely in their face.
[01:09:52]  It's one of those kind of deals.
[01:09:54]  You know, so I don't know that the flag needs constitutional protection.
[01:10:00]  I agree with you.
[01:10:01]  The Constitution protects individuals.
[01:10:03]  It does not say what individuals may do or may not do.
[01:10:06]  It says what government may do and may not do.
[01:10:08]  That's right.
[01:10:10]  And it limits government, does not limit individuals.
[01:10:12]  And my suggestion is, and I've suggested this to my congressional delegation, that we just the Congress bless a few flags, those on city buildings, other government buildings, post office, whatever, and the other flags will just be representative of the official flag.
[01:10:30]  That'll take the wind out of the sails of those who would burn the flag.
[01:10:34]  I mean, after all, is a flag that comes out of a manufacturing plant any different from the flag I may draw on a napkin in a bar one night and burn that?
[01:10:42]  It isn't, because the flag being manufactured is not blessed as being official.
[01:10:49]  Let's let all that stand and see what people say.
[01:10:51]  Okey-pokie.
[01:10:52]  All right.
[01:10:52]  Bye.
[01:10:53]  I appreciate your call.
[01:10:54]  Thank you.
[01:10:55]  It's an issue to be thoughtful about.
[01:10:57]  This flag-burning amendment has now come out of committee.
[01:11:02]  On general principles, I don't object to it.
[01:11:07]  And it stinks when someone burns a flag.
[01:11:10]  I mean, it's just real.
[01:11:11]  Everybody, most people, most Americans feel the same way.
[01:11:14]  You burn the American flag.
[01:11:15]  You're a slob, you know.
[01:11:17]  You're just a total slob.
[01:11:19]  And I don't know if we need a law about it, you know, generated by a constitutional amendment.
[01:11:29]  Because as I said, and I really mean this, you know, most Americans would get so angry when they would see it that, you know, the reaction or the physical condition of the person burning the flag, I think, would be in great question if done in a crowd.
[01:11:44]  I don't know.
[01:12:04]  Is to the Rockies.
[01:12:05]  You're on the air.
[01:12:06]  Good morning.
[01:12:07]  Hi, Arthur.
[01:12:08]  This is Francis K. Ramstein.
[01:12:10]  Happy birthday.
[01:12:11]  Thank you.
[01:12:11]  Happy 50th.
[01:12:12]  Yes, yes, yes.
[01:12:13]  Yeah, and you know that black crate?
[01:12:15]  It's far for the courts.
[01:12:17]  And you need the black balloons for men.
[01:12:20]  They're pretty funny.
[01:12:21]  Black balloons.
[01:12:21]  I have black balloons.
[01:12:22]  Do you have them?
[01:12:23]  Yes, I have one, two, three, four black balloons.
[01:12:25]  The balloons?
[01:12:26]  Yes.
[01:12:26]  They're funny, aren't they?
[01:12:27]  What does all this mean?
[01:12:29]  It all means, well, it means you're going to have the dojum for about a week.
[01:12:37]  And then it means you just get on with life as usual.
[01:12:40]  Then you go back to life, right?
[01:12:41]  You go back to life.
[01:12:42]  But what I want to say is: you know, you said there's an afterlife in my little message, okay?
[01:12:49]  Oh, I think so.
[01:12:49]  Okay, God is still our Savior.
[01:12:51]  Let's turn to Him.
[01:12:52]  We don't have a moment to lose.
[01:12:55]  All right.
[01:12:55]  My message, and happy birthday again.
[01:12:58]  That's right.
[01:12:59]  Thank you.
[01:12:59]  Your next moment, always you should contemplate, might be your last.
[01:13:03]  So that's probably where the expression, you don't have a moment to lose, comes from, doesn't it?
[01:13:10]  And it always is true.
[01:13:11]  I mean, anything can happen.
[01:13:13]  A bolt of lightning.
[01:13:14]  We're all mortal.
[01:13:15]  I mean, bazoom.
[01:13:16]  An 18-wheeler zooming down the street, turning you into so much crow food.
[01:13:24]  I mean, anything could happen, right?
[01:13:26]  Life is a big crapshoot.
[01:13:27]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[01:13:29]  Well, hello, this is the conservative nightmare.
[01:13:32]  Oh, my God.
[01:13:33]  I guess if anything kills you on your 50th birthday, that's right.
[01:13:38]  Look, I figure if the ticker is going to stop, it would have done it at 49.
[01:13:42]  I'm actually feeling pretty good now.
[01:13:43]  I mean, here I am.
[01:13:45]  I've done it 50.
[01:13:46]  So top 10 questions I would ask after waking from a three-month coma.
[01:13:54]  All right.
[01:13:55]  Number 10.
[01:13:56]  Did anyone get the number of that truck?
[01:13:58]  Number 9, would someone please dust my face?
[01:14:02]  Number 8, can I have a giant pizza delivered?
[01:14:06]  Number 7, how many new bullet holes are there in the White House?
[01:14:10]  Number 6, so I'm back on Earth.
[01:14:11]  Would someone please give me a blow to the head?
[01:14:14]  Number 5, hey, nurse, can you get me a cigarette?
[01:14:17]  Number 4, where's my wallet?
[01:14:19]  Number 3, have the Serbs taken Paris yet?
[01:14:23]  Number 2, would you please shut up with this OJ thing?
[01:14:26]  And the number one question I would ask after waking from a three-month coma is: Howdy, ma'am, say, are you single?
[01:14:34]  Now, that's the most likely of all.
[01:14:36]  So you hit that one on the head.
[01:14:37]  Never will I forget such questions.
[01:14:40]  I believe you did ask many of the cruise partners we had years ago.
[01:14:44]  They went on a love boat.
[01:14:45]  Yeah, tried to make it live up to its name.
[01:14:48]  Yes.
[01:14:48]  Well, the audience will be happy to know that your photograph is going in my new book as well, is it not?
[01:14:54]  That is correct, sir.
[01:14:56]  And I am sending the materials tomorrow.
[01:14:59]  As we speak.
[01:15:00]  All right.
[01:15:01]  Listen, are you still working?
[01:15:04]  Oh, yes.
[01:15:04]  So this accounts for why we do not hear from you with nauseating frequency.
[01:15:10]  Well, yeah, I find, I really am.
[01:15:13]  I'm distressed to be away from the show, but I actually find that it's even more distressing to go to work half-dead, you know, from black asleep.
[01:15:22]  So it's easier on me, actually, even though I do occasionally cringe at the thought of you on the airwaves without my counterbalance.
[01:15:32]  I would be the last person to ever want to stand between you and work, even to get you on this program.
[01:15:38]  One of these days, no doubt, they will change your shift, and our fortunes will, with that shift, change.
[01:15:45]  Yes, your show will take on a more rock and roll quality some of these.
[01:15:49]  Hey, you made a rather caustic comment comparing the release of children and women hostages in the crisis in Russia to the situation in Waco.
[01:15:58]  Yep.
[01:15:58]  Are you saying that Koresh, by not releasing the children from that compound before he burned it down, is comparable to the hostage takers in Russia?
[01:16:05]  Hey, I do not agree necessarily that the proof exists that he burned it down.
[01:16:11]  It burned down.
[01:16:12]  Now, just when you asked, you're going to get an answer.
[01:16:15]  There were mistakes made on both sides.
[01:16:17]  What I said was, I wish to hell somebody had made some kind of deal or that Koresh had let the kids out before the assault at Waco, and I stand by that.
[01:16:26]  Yes, sir.
[01:16:26]  Well, yeah, I think we can all stand by that.
[01:16:29]  I just hope that no one got the impression there that you were taking on the U.S. government for not letting the kids out because they tried to get those kids out.
[01:16:36]  And Koresh wouldn't let them out.
[01:16:38]  Well, I realize that.
[01:16:39]  No, I realize that.
[01:16:41]  I, for one, am not fascinated with the OJ trial as you seem to be.
[01:16:45]  And I made a point of calling CNN when they dropped coverage of the trial the week after the Oklahoma bombing to thank them.
[01:16:51]  And I also made a point of berating CNN.
[01:16:54]  Yeah, but look, they did the right thing.
[01:16:56]  When they dropped it, it was boring as hell.
[01:16:59]  It was really boring.
[01:17:00]  Now it's exciting again.
[01:17:02]  Did you see the coverage yesterday?
[01:17:04]  Well, this is my point.
[01:17:05]  I'm going to get to this.
[01:17:06]  I also made a point of berating CNN.
[01:17:08]  And believe me, I can berate pretty well when they put into Crossfire to show OJ struggling with the gloves.
[01:17:14]  Now, I find myself hardly able to follow any of my programs anymore because they're all OJ dominated.
[01:17:21]  refuse to follow along with the media.
[01:17:25]  Well, I'm sorry, sir, but soon, sometime soon, you'll be able to be right back to the days of our lives and all the normal fare that I know that you...
[01:17:33]  Hey, I'm telling you, that's why I don't watch CNN, because I don't like soap opera.
[01:17:39]  All right, all right, all right, all right, already.
[01:17:41]  Goodbye.
[01:17:42]  It is a soap opera, but it is a real life going on right now, magungus kind of serious, very serious soap opera, and it's real life.
[01:17:55]  And it's a hell of a lot more exciting than anything else I've seen going on during the daytime in a long time.
[01:18:01]  So there you have it.
[01:18:03]  I think they were right to drop it for a couple of weeks.
[01:18:05]  Got real boring.
[01:18:06]  Now it's entering a very, very interesting phase once again.
[01:18:11]  Remember, the OJ trial is not a short event.
[01:18:13]  The OJ trial is going to be going on for years.
[01:18:16]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[01:18:17]  Hi.
[01:18:18]  Radio Free America.
[01:18:19]  Well, good morning.
[01:18:21]  Well, happy birthday.
[01:18:23]  Well, thank you.
[01:18:24]  Say you hadn't been coming down with the gout or Bursitis, have you?
[01:18:27]  Well, none of those things yet.
[01:18:30]  Yeah.
[01:18:31]  Okay, listen, I was wondering since you decided to write that book, I hope I'm going to hold you to your word, and you're going to have to autograph it for me once it comes out.
[01:18:42]  I'll do that.
[01:18:43]  Hey, now, you know, the...
[01:18:45]  You're another one, by the way.
[01:18:47]  It might be fun to have a photograph of.
[01:18:49]  I've got one with Buchanan.
[01:18:50]  You want me to send it to you?
[01:18:52]  Absolutely.
[01:18:53]  And also send permission to print it, okay?
[01:18:56]  All right, listen.
[01:18:57]  Now, that'd be a good one.
[01:18:58]  Actually, that would be excellent.
[01:18:59]  I will print a picture of you with Buchanan because it just exemplifies everything about you.
[01:19:05]  And so that'd be great.
[01:19:06]  Well, listen, you know, on the Daydream just said that, you know, Krash forced those kids not to come out.
[01:19:12]  Now, he granted, he released other kids that wanted to leave that compound.
[01:19:17]  And then would not let those who were actually of his own go.
[01:19:21]  Now, no, he drew the line in the sand, so to speak, and said anyone there could leave the compound of their own free will.
[01:19:31]  That's an important fact.
[01:19:32]  So, you know, those people stayed there of their own free will.
[01:19:36]  Now, Art, I wanted to bring you.
[01:19:38]  Well, I don't know.
[01:19:39]  I have an argument about a three-year-old's own free will.
[01:19:42]  Art, let me ask you this.
[01:19:43]  Don't you think that we should have had Waco hearings before we should have had militia hearings?
[01:19:48]  Yes.
[01:19:49]  And we should have had some answers.
[01:19:51]  The answer is yes.
[01:19:52]  A clear, absolute, unqualified yes.
[01:19:54]  Before this anti-terrorism bill goes through, shouldn't we get answers about Waco?
[01:19:58]  Did you hear what that militia member said about the anti-terrorism bill?
[01:20:02]  Yeah, but, you know, Art, he's got a point.
[01:20:05]  You've got to admit, you know, he's got a point.
[01:20:08]  This is ridiculous.
[01:20:08]  Well, he's got a threat.
[01:20:10]  You know, if he has a point, then we're, oh, this is so dangerous.
[01:20:14]  All right, we'll talk a little bit about that as morning wears on.
[01:20:16]  Thank you, my friend.
[01:20:17]  Bye-bye.
[01:20:17]  All right, gotta go.
[01:20:18]  Picture of him with Buchanan.
[01:20:20]  Actually, that would be ideal, wouldn't it?
[01:20:22]  All right, top of the hour, the news and all that stuff, and we'll be right back.
[01:20:27]  The trip back in time continues with Art Bell hosting Coast to Coast AM.
[01:20:33]  More Somewhere in Time coming up.
[01:20:36]  We're listening to Art Bell,
[01:21:06]  Somewhere in Time.
[01:21:08]  Tonight, featuring Coast to Coast AM from June 16th, 1995.
[01:21:13]  Good morning.
[01:21:14]  It would appear I have made it.
[01:21:16]  50, still kicking.
[01:21:20]  Going into the third hour of the show, still kicking.
[01:21:26]  I'm starting to feel better by the minute here.
[01:21:28]  Just better by the minute.
[01:21:30]  Now, this has been a very, very, very unusual day and morning for me.
[01:21:34]  Yes, it is my birthday.
[01:21:35]  And I again want to thank everybody up at the network.
[01:21:39]  They gave me this incredible computer, a laptop computer.
[01:21:42]  It is the laptop computer of my dreams.
[01:21:45]  And the network gave me that for a birthday present.
[01:21:48]  My wife has decorated my entire studio room in black crepe.
[01:21:54]  It's a little eerie.
[01:21:55]  Black crepe's hanging all over the place.
[01:21:56]  There are black balloons, black balloons in the back.
[01:21:59]  And there is a little cut-out RIP, Arthur William Bell, June 17th, 1945, dash question mark.
[01:22:08]  At least that's blank, thank God.
[01:22:09]  And says, see you on the other side.
[01:22:13]  I'm not sure about all of this, but my wife did a wonderful.
[01:22:17]  And then there are all the birthday cards up on the walls and everything.
[01:22:19]  Oh, it's great.
[01:22:21]  And then at the midnight hour, they walked in on me, handed me this group of cartridges, you know, broadcast tapes, and said, you're going to be playing these.
[01:22:32]  And so far, I have played a greeting from my mom.
[01:22:36]  You stations just joining missed it.
[01:22:38]  My mom had a lot of things to say about me, including some early things that I did that I wasn't supposed to do.
[01:22:47]  But it was great.
[01:22:48]  And then, you know, I play this song, Midnight at the Oasis.
[01:22:54]  Then I had a birthday greeting from Maria Muldauer, who sings Midnight at the Oasis.
[01:22:59]  I may play that again before the morning's over, too.
[01:23:02]  But right now, I have, and I haven't heard these, ladies and gentlemen, so I take no responsibility for whatever happens next.

=== Happy 50th, Art! (06:43) ===

[01:23:10]  I'm told to play them.
[01:23:11]  I'm doing as I'm told.
[01:23:13]  The following comes to me from the Chancellor Broadcasting Network.
[01:23:19]  And so I'm going to push the button and we'll see what happens.
[01:23:23]  Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.
[01:23:26]  I am too sexy for my love.
[01:23:28]  Too sexy for my love.
[01:23:30]  Love's going to leave.
[01:23:32]  Hey, Art.
[01:23:33]  You didn't think we were going to let the big 5-0 slide by unnoticed, did you?
[01:23:39]  Well, it ain't going on there.
[01:23:42]  This is Alan Corbett, president of Chancellor Broadcasting.
[01:23:45]  I want you to know, big guy, now that you reached the Big 5-0, and I'm speaking from someone who experienced the same sensation approximately three weeks ago.
[01:23:56]  I want you to know that all of us here are wishing you the very, very happiest of birthdays.
[01:24:03]  A very, very successful 50th year.
[01:24:06]  All the best to you.
[01:24:08]  And people are just so excited over here at the network that everybody wants to get their two cents in here.
[01:24:14]  And I've invited, oh, just several of your closest personal friends.
[01:24:19]  Well, it just wouldn't be prudent to miss this opportunity to wish you a very happy birthday from George and Barbara.
[01:24:29]  You're a great guy, Art.
[01:24:31]  Hey, Art.
[01:24:31]  I think it's just nifty that you're 50th.
[01:24:33]  This is Beth Butler in Affiliate Relations.
[01:24:35]  Hi, Art.
[01:24:36]  Happy birthday.
[01:24:36]  This is Kathy Price in Customer Service, who helps all your customers with their tape orders.
[01:24:41]  Wanted to let you know that I'm so happy you have Gordon Michael Scallion on so often.
[01:24:45]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:24:46]  This is Corky.
[01:24:47]  I hope the next 50 are as great as your first 50.
[01:24:50]  Happy birthday, Art, from Sherm Simmons at the flagship station.
[01:24:54]  Happy birthday, Art Bell, from Christine Wallace.
[01:24:56]  I'm Kathy's assistant, wishing you all the best.
[01:24:59]  From a little man with a big heart, this is Ross saying, Happy birthday, Art.
[01:25:03]  Happy 5-0, Art from Tim Caswell in Affiliate Relations.
[01:25:07]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:25:07]  Here's Brian Bright Sailor from Engineering.
[01:25:10]  We keep you on the bird.
[01:25:11]  Hi, Art.
[01:25:12]  This is Miley Reed.
[01:25:13]  You know, that gal that's supposed to fax you your logs every night.
[01:25:17]  Have a really nice 50th birthday.
[01:25:19]  Hey, Art, have a fantastic 50th birthday.
[01:25:21]  This is Steve Burgess in Affiliate Relations, keeping you coast to coast.
[01:25:25]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:25:26]  This is Jennifer with the flagship station.
[01:25:28]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:25:29]  Julian Hudson, Director of Affiliate Relations, 200 affiliates just around the corner.
[01:25:32]  Happy birthday, Art, from Berlin Beard, Bordock.
[01:25:47]  What?
[01:25:47]  What's...
[01:25:48]  What's that lights in the sky?
[01:25:49]  Hey, who are you guys?
[01:25:51]  Hey, wait.
[01:25:51]  Who you?
[01:25:52]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:25:53]  This is Jim Oakes, copywriter.
[01:25:55]  You know, you don't look a day over 49.
[01:25:58]  Yo, baby, Art.
[01:25:59]  This is Ann Fredenberg, the better half.
[01:26:01]  Hey, happy birthday from all the sales staff from the flagship station.
[01:26:06]  Happy birthday, Art Albine, from Roy Mastens.
[01:26:09]  From your flagship station, this is Kathy Perrot, Promotions Director.
[01:26:13]  Art, happy, happy birthday.
[01:26:15]  Thank you, Maddie, 50 years old.
[01:26:17]  I hope you'll get red and green with a fly on the day.
[01:26:20]  I love your sexist voice.
[01:26:23]  When are you coming to see us?
[01:26:24]  Hi Art!
[01:26:26]  It's Yuta.
[01:26:27]  Your favorite sales director.
[01:26:29]  That mint.
[01:26:30]  Happy 50 years old.
[01:26:31]  And the rest I can't tell you.
[01:26:34]  Speaking of the quickening, Art, happy 50th birthday from the morning crew here at KOP East Office Radio Network, Chancellor Broadcasting.
[01:26:40]  Yeah, we'll use your name.
[01:26:42]  We appreciate it filling in for you, even if it took all three of us to fill your shoes.
[01:26:46]  Call us anytime you need us.
[01:26:47]  Art, you are the greatest jubilant.
[01:26:51]  You have reached me in a place where others have failed to reach me.
[01:26:58]  Yes, it's true.
[01:27:00]  I listen to you from my little inner space.
[01:27:05]  Art, you're the best, man.
[01:27:07]  Happy birthday from David Masters.
[01:27:09]  Ah, yes, Artville.
[01:27:10]  Happy birthday.
[01:27:11]  50 years old, Art.
[01:27:12]  You're 50 years old.
[01:27:13]  I even talked to Ramona.
[01:27:14]  Guess what?
[01:27:15]  She told me you're not as good as you once were, but you're as good once as you ever were.
[01:27:18]  Regular guy says, Happy B-Day.
[01:27:20]  Hey, Art, 50, sexy.
[01:27:23]  Isn't that what they call an oxymoron?
[01:27:25]  Well, I guess when I'm 50, I'll look at it differently, too.
[01:27:27]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:27:28]  Stephanie Smith.
[01:27:29]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:27:31]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:27:32]  Love your show, Art.
[01:27:34]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:27:35]  I'm the guy that listens to it 9,000 times, pulls out all the commercials, so we can sell the show again.
[01:27:42]  I better love it.
[01:27:43]  Happy birthday, Art, from Roger Hogel, your unsung hero.
[01:27:46]  All right, in commemoration of your birthday, I'm doing something I would never ever do before.
[01:27:51]  Sit behind a microphone.
[01:27:53]  But because it's your birthday, happy birthday from Delaney Conrad, technical director.
[01:27:58]  Hey, Art, happy birthday.
[01:27:59]  This is Alex, KB7HCO, 73s.
[01:28:02]  And by the way, I'm glad you made it to 35.
[01:28:05]  It's okay.
[01:28:05]  50 doesn't mean anything.
[01:28:07]  It just means that you've lived an entire half of a century.
[01:28:10]  Happy 50th birthday from Daniel New Board Off.
[01:28:12]  Hi, Art.
[01:28:13]  This is Omar over at CBC.
[01:28:14]  I'm the guy who cuts all your promos.
[01:28:16]  Happy 50th birthday.
[01:28:17]  Hey, Art.
[01:28:18]  This is LTH, better known as Little Tony Howell.
[01:28:22]  If you have any problems with this production, call Alan.
[01:28:26]  It's his fault.
[01:28:27]  No, I produced it.
[01:28:28]  And, well, since you're listening to this, I'd like to play you a compilation of all of my best commercials.
[01:28:35]  Nah, just kidding.
[01:28:36]  Have a happy birthday.
[01:28:38]  Happy birthday, dear Laura.
[01:28:43]  Happy birthday to you.
[01:28:49]  Incredible.
[01:28:53]  And many more, you'll keep us employed.
[01:28:56]  Yeah, but there's something else there.
[01:28:57]  There's something else there.
[01:28:58]  The network has three cats, and the cats are Kendra, then there's the daughter, Casey, and then there's the new one, whose name is Andy.
[01:29:08]  Art, they've been in touch with your cat, Abby, and they have a little something for you, too.
[01:29:14]  Oh, boy.
[01:29:32]  Those are real cats.
[01:29:34]  Now, see, that just leaves me speechless.

=== An Astonishing Effort (03:54) ===

[01:29:52]  And I don't know what to say about all that.
[01:29:55]  I thank you all.
[01:29:57]  It gives you all some idea.
[01:29:59]  Actually, I found it staggering that there are that many people out there behind the effort.
[01:30:05]  And I guess you never know about it until you hear something like that.
[01:30:08]  That was incredible.
[01:30:09]  What an incredible production that was.
[01:30:12]  And that gave you a sense.
[01:30:14]  I guess this is my approach of all the people that are out there.
[01:30:18]  I mean, it's absolutely nothing short of astounding what it takes to do a network radio show, or I suppose a network any kind of show.
[01:30:27]  And you don't realize it until you hear something like that.
[01:30:30]  So again, thank you all.
[01:30:32]  It was the birthday present of my dreams, and it's becoming the birthday show of my dreams as well.
[01:30:39]  And I have no idea what to say after all that, so I'm not going to say anything.
[01:30:44]  I instead, I'm going to do what I do here.
[01:30:46]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[01:30:48]  Hello.
[01:30:49]  Hi, this is Mike in Wichita, Kansas.
[01:30:51]  How are you doing, Mike?
[01:30:52]  Doing good.
[01:30:52]  Happy birthday.
[01:30:53]  Thank you.
[01:30:55]  As far as this flag-bearing amendment goes, I don't think they should even be monkeying with it.
[01:31:00]  It's a victimless crime on an inanimate object, as far as I'm concerned.
[01:31:07]  A victimless crime.
[01:31:08]  Well, I don't know that it's not victimless, though.
[01:31:13]  And I would argue this.
[01:31:15]  If I was present and somebody burned the flag, there would be a victim because I'd go flatten his nose for him.
[01:31:28]  And so you can't exactly call it a victimless crime.
[01:31:31]  Well, didn't a lot of that go on during the protest of the Vietnam War?
[01:31:36]  Yes, it did, sir.
[01:31:37]  I don't really think that that made this country, you know, any worse for it.
[01:31:43]  I think, you know, it's a shame that they had to resort to protesting that the situation, you know, came out.
[01:31:48]  Well, everything else aside, yes, sir, the country was worse off for what tore it apart with Vietnam, a lot worse off.
[01:31:54]  It began a lot of things that are only now beginning to reach maturity, and they're not good things.
[01:32:00]  Right, but all I'm saying is that the people who did protest were kind of forced into, you know what I'm saying?
[01:32:08]  Yes.
[01:32:08]  Protesting.
[01:32:10]  Yes, all right, thank you.
[01:32:11]  Well, some, I suppose.
[01:32:14]  But a victimless crime, I would not call it an inanimate object.
[01:32:20]  Technically, it is.
[01:32:22]  But it does represent something.
[01:32:25]  And trust me, when I say that most Americans would not tolerate having the flag burned.
[01:32:32]  I mean, personally, wouldn't tolerate it.
[01:32:54]  Ballcard Line, you're on the air.
[01:32:56]  Hello.
[01:32:57]  Hello?
[01:32:58]  Yes.
[01:32:59]  Hi.
[01:33:00]  Hi, is this Art Bus Show?
[01:33:01]  Yes, it is.
[01:33:03]  Okay.
[01:33:04]  Turn your radio off now.
[01:33:07]  There you go.
[01:33:08]  I know.
[01:33:08]  There you go.
[01:33:10]  What's on your mind, sir?
[01:33:12]  Well, I just wanted to wish Art a happy birthday.
[01:33:15]  This is Art.
[01:33:16]  And, Art, I know your birthday blues you were having last night are about over.
[01:33:23]  You're sounding happier.
[01:33:24]  But I just thought I'd tell you that every year you make it through is a great accomplishment.
[01:33:30]  And you sound like a guy that's got a lot done in your life.

=== Hard To See (05:07) ===

[01:33:36]  You sound like you've got a beautiful wife and a good future ahead of you.
[01:33:41]  I can't ask for much more than that.
[01:33:44]  I thank you for the call, sir, and that man is absolutely right.
[01:33:48]  You really can't.
[01:33:49]  You can't ask for more than that.
[01:33:51]  I do have a good life.
[01:33:53]  It's, of course, wonderful to be doing what you want to do and what you've been striving to do for many, many, many years.
[01:34:04]  And to be doing it and enjoying some level of success doing it is, without question, fulfilling.
[01:34:12]  Now, do I want to reach the pinnacle and become a millionaire?
[01:34:17]  No, I'm not really, you know, I'm sure the network would cringe to hear me say this, but I'm more interested in just continuing to do what I do.
[01:34:29]  And if it comes, fine.
[01:34:30]  If not, that's cool, too.
[01:34:32]  That's, I'm sure, not the corporate attitude.
[01:34:34]  That's just my personal one.
[01:34:37]  Doing what I want to do.
[01:34:38]  I'm loving it.
[01:34:40]  And as long as it's like that, then maybe it will keep working, you know?
[01:34:45]  So we'll see.
[01:34:46]  But it is fun, I admit it.
[01:34:49]  Ted Turner said, though, success is kind of an empty bag.
[01:34:55]  Well, I'm not at the empty bag part yet, and I'm still having a blast.
[01:34:59]  West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[01:35:01]  Hello.
[01:35:02]  Good morning, Mr. Bell.
[01:35:03]  Good morning.
[01:35:03]  Where are you?
[01:35:04]  Caldwell, Idaho.
[01:35:06]  Good place?
[01:35:06]  Yeah, it's KIDO 6:30 AM Boise.
[01:35:10]  You bet.
[01:35:11]  For your information.
[01:35:13]  Oh, happy birthday, by the way.
[01:35:14]  That's fine.
[01:35:15]  Thank you.
[01:35:15]  And I want to tell you that old dirt is fertile.
[01:35:19]  Well said.
[01:35:20]  Yeah, on the cake over here, it does say that old as dirt.
[01:35:25]  Yeah, well, it takes eons to produce that good dirt.
[01:35:29]  This evening, or this previous evening, Friday the 16th at 18:12, I had two black helicopters fly over my house.
[01:35:39]  Oh, boy.
[01:35:40]  And I've heard all kinds of stories that this is my first experience with it.
[01:35:43]  But now you know for yourself.
[01:35:45]  Yep, they were unmarked.
[01:35:46]  They were flying about 500-foot elevation, flying east of about a 110-degree heading.
[01:35:51]  Uh-huh.
[01:35:52]  And what did they do?
[01:35:55]  They just went in a straight line, and they had a big long stinger out the front end.
[01:35:59]  Now, I don't know what that was.
[01:36:01]  You mean they just flew?
[01:36:02]  Yep.
[01:36:04]  Well, but that's harmless.
[01:36:06]  Well, yeah, but they don't exist.
[01:36:09]  It amazes me that everybody talks about it.
[01:36:12]  No, it's not true, sir.
[01:36:13]  They do exist.
[01:36:15]  There's black helicopters all over the place.
[01:36:17]  They paint them black for a good reason because they're hard to see at night.
[01:36:22]  Well, what about the markings?
[01:36:24]  Well, those are hard to see even in the daylight.
[01:36:27]  You know, in other words, I think they're trying to achieve, you know, a stealthy configuration.
[01:36:32]  Let's put it that way.
[01:36:34]  I've heard so many stories that I don't know what to think about it.
[01:36:38]  Well, until they've done something that would justify our thinking poorly of them, we should not automatically think poorly of them, in my opinion, simply because they choose to fly.
[01:36:51]  Helicopters are flying machines.
[01:36:56]  Agreed.
[01:36:57]  So, you know, I mean, until they hurt us, let them fly, is my attitude.
[01:37:03]  Thank you very much for the call.
[01:37:04]  I understand.
[01:37:05]  A lot of people think that black helicopters are particularly ominous and are here to do a job of some kind on American citizens.
[01:37:14]  God knows what.
[01:37:16]  Perhaps surveilling them.
[01:37:19]  Possibly look-down, shoot-down radar, which can look directly through your clothes and see you naked.
[01:37:27]  I'm not sure what people worry about, but so far, pretty much the black helicopters are just flying.
[01:37:33]  And to me, it makes sense that the military, our military, DEA probably, and some others, would paint the helicopters black.
[01:37:44]  Now, that's what makes sense to me, as opposed to, say, white.
[01:37:50]  Now, a white helicopter flying in a night sky makes a much nicer target than a black helicopter.
[01:37:59]  So it's not outrageous that they have done this.
[01:38:02]  Really, it isn't.
[01:38:03]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[01:38:05]  Happy birthday.
[01:38:06]  Thank you.
[01:38:07]  This is Mike from Madison, WTDY.
[01:38:10]  Hi, Mike.
[01:38:11]  I have an observation about government.
[01:38:13]  Really?
[01:38:14]  Yeah, when I was in college, I learned that in ancient China, they had a law that said that no one could work for the government for more than three years before they had to transfer to another government post.

=== Government Lifespans (04:08) ===

[01:38:25]  And they kept all their bureaucrats moving around that way.
[01:38:29]  And it was designed that way to cut down on graft and corruption with the assumption that the longer a bureaucrat's in office, the more cushy he gets with everyone.
[01:38:39]  Probably true.
[01:38:40]  You know, and so when I heard the discussion earlier this evening about The average lifespan of a government. I immediately thought of this because there have been times in Chinese history where the government was pretty much solid and unbroken for hundreds and hundreds of more years than we've been around.
[01:38:59]  That's true.
[01:39:00]  And I think that we have a situation now where there's too much specialization.
[01:39:06]  I don't think, you know, with the age of computers, I think it should be possible for someone to hold a government job for a finite period of time, say five, six, seven years, maybe, maybe a little more.
[01:39:18]  And you know, sir, it just occurred to me, I've been around now as long as a quarter as long as the country.
[01:39:25]  Yeah, well, I'm 10 years behind you.
[01:39:27]  And before you move on to your next car, I kind of wanted to know what's going to happen to me in my 40s based on what happened to you in your 40s.
[01:39:36]  How did you change between 40 and 50?
[01:39:39]  Oh, now that is a deep question.
[01:39:44]  And the answer is that I'm a much better person than I was at 40.
[01:39:51]  And a much better person than I was at 20.
[01:39:54]  And when I was 16, I was just pure hell.
[01:39:58]  So I am getting a little better in a lot of ways.
[01:40:02]  I think I was somewhat of a jerk at 30.
[01:40:05]  Really?
[01:40:06]  I hope I'm a better person at 40.
[01:40:08]  Well, or you could morph back into being a jerk again.
[01:40:12]  Yeah, I suppose so.
[01:40:13]  All right, I got to run.
[01:40:13]  Thank you very much for the call, and good luck with whatever direction you morph.
[01:40:18]  This is Premier Networks.
[01:40:20]  That was Art Bell hosting Coast to Coast AM on this Somewhere in Time.
[01:40:56]  Networks presents Art Bell, Somewhere in Time.
[01:41:01]  Tonight, featuring Coast to Coast AM from June 16th, 1995.
[01:41:06]  Happy, happy birthday, Art.
[01:41:07]  This is your off-stage announcer, Ross Mitchell, and I just hope I look as distinguished as you do when I reach your age.
[01:41:14]  By the way, the Smithsonian was wondering if you could send them some baby pictures for a display they're planning on the evolution of the talk show host.
[01:41:22]  Art, here's to many more years of stimulating talk radio, continued success, and rapid growth of the Art Bell show.
[01:41:28]  And as you paddle up the river of life in your leaky Kentucky, remember, Art, growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you did not commit.
[01:41:37]  Or as George Orwell said, at 50, every man has the face he deserves.
[01:41:44]  That's Ross Mitchell, all right.
[01:41:46]  Oh, my.
[01:41:48]  Well, it's going to be that kind of a morning.
[01:41:50]  When you hear these cards, you must understand, I swear to you, I have not heard, I have no idea what anybody's going to say on these things.
[01:41:58]  They were given, handed to me by my wife after the 12 o'clock hour, and I was simply told to play them as morning progresses.
[01:42:05]  So I have no idea what's coming.
[01:42:09]  That was wonderful, Ross, from the heart.
[01:42:12]  And that very special place in your voice box.
[01:42:17]  You must, Ross, have a misshapen voice box.

=== Billion Dollar Debts (08:38) ===

[01:42:20]  Has anybody ever asked you about that?
[01:42:21]  I mean, those tonal qualities cannot be produced by your average voice box.
[01:42:26]  They should do some examination.
[01:42:29]  Well, you would have been on the air.
[01:42:30]  Wild Cardline, you're on the air.
[01:42:31]  Good morning.
[01:42:32]  Good morning, Narta.
[01:42:33]  How are you this morning?
[01:42:34]  Very well.
[01:42:35]  Thank you.
[01:42:36]  I was just a comment on what you were talking about earlier about the government.
[01:42:41]  The government that we have in this country and the fact that our national debt's worth that in the trillions is everybody's problem.
[01:42:48]  Well, I took issue with the caller blaming it.
[01:42:51]  In other words, the government gave us this debt.
[01:42:53]  Well, come on now.
[01:42:56]  That's just not quite accurate.
[01:42:58]  We all did this.
[01:43:00]  The only comment I would have on that are, I agree with most of what you said, except that I don't think most of it had anything to do with paying for $700 toilet seats and $2 billion for a B-2 bomber and also NASA.
[01:43:14]  I read it in Time magazine.
[01:43:16]  But look, sir, the stealth technology coming, the Star Wars technology coming, I firmly believe that all of these things are what finally just caused the Soviets to say, you know, we give and basically toss their cards down on the table.
[01:43:32]  I really believe that.
[01:43:34]  So we invested, yeah, all right, so there's some toilet seats or coffee pots or ashtrays or whatever.
[01:43:39]  But if you deducted all of that, you know, little waste junk you were talking about, it'd still be a lot of money.
[01:43:48]  Okay, one thing I read in Time a while back to see what you think about this.
[01:43:51]  NASA has $12 billion worth of assets that they don't know where it's at.
[01:43:56]  Now, to me, that's just waste that I had nothing to do with.
[01:43:59]  Well, I lose ballpoint pens once in a while, frequently even, but $12 billion?
[01:44:05]  $12 billion in time.
[01:44:07]  I don't know whether to believe everything I read in Time either, but still, if it doesn't even have to be.
[01:44:11]  $12 billion.
[01:44:12]  $12 billion worth of assets, but NASA has no idea where it's at.
[01:44:16]  Lost in space, eh?
[01:44:18]  All right, sir.
[01:44:19]  Thank you very much for the call.
[01:44:21]  $12 billion.
[01:44:23]  I do.
[01:44:24]  I get upset when I lose a fountain pen.
[01:44:26]  There was once a program on it.
[01:44:28]  It was in a short-lived series, but it was wonderful.
[01:44:31]  It was called Land of the Lost.
[01:44:33]  Does anybody remember Land of the Lost?
[01:44:36]  It's where all things that are lost go, that aren't in the couch, aren't in your car seat, aren't in a forgotten pocket somewhere.
[01:44:47]  It is the land of the lost.
[01:44:48]  Things that you lose, like pencils, erasers, pens, even watches and jewelry and stuff.
[01:44:58]  Stuff that just mysteriously without explanation disappears basically from the face of the earth.
[01:45:05]  Stuff you never see again.
[01:45:07]  In this show, it went to a place called the Land of the Lost.
[01:45:11]  Lost things from all over the world.
[01:45:14]  It was really a neat program.
[01:45:16]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[01:45:17]  Hi.
[01:45:18]  Good morning, Art.
[01:45:19]  This is Jeff from Columbia, Missouri.
[01:45:21]  Yes, Jeff.
[01:45:22]  Just calling kind of on a light tide to say happy birthday.
[01:45:25]  Oh, thank you.
[01:45:26]  Now that you're over the hill, you should be picking up speed, and that wind will smack you in the face and keep you awake and all that.
[01:45:33]  Yeah, right.
[01:45:34]  I guess you need more wind the older you get, right?
[01:45:36]  Yeah, better oxygen to blow that way down the hill.
[01:45:39]  Also, congratulations on the book.
[01:45:41]  I'm real pleased that you've decided to write that.
[01:45:43]  That'll be on my list of things again or the day it finally comes out.
[01:45:47]  Well, since you've mentioned it, I'm going to say this, and it's going to terrorize a lot of people.
[01:45:54]  But in my thinking of it, I decided if I'm going to do it, I'm really going to do it, and I'm going to tell it all.
[01:46:02]  You know, I'm really going to tell it all.
[01:46:06]  Otherwise, why do it?
[01:46:07]  In other words, there are certain feet out there that are no doubt going to feel tread upon as a result of this.
[01:46:16]  I think you might have just caused some people to drop their no-does.
[01:46:19]  Yeah, I know, but by the time you get to be 50, who cares?
[01:46:23]  See, I'm starting to feel like Barry Goldwater.
[01:46:25]  That's one advantage of getting older.
[01:46:27]  I mean, who gives a damn?
[01:46:29]  At some point, if you can't say it the way you want to say it, then it's not worth doing.
[01:46:32]  So I'm going to have fun with it.
[01:46:34]  I'm going to say exactly what I want.
[01:46:35]  Well, if that's the kind of book you want to write, then that's definitely what I'd like to read.
[01:46:41]  In response to your last caller there, the waste and fraud and abuse, you are responsible for it.
[01:46:47]  You and others like you are the ones that keep electing people like Senator Bird and others.
[01:46:53]  Yeah, what a joy to watch Bird, huh?
[01:46:56]  Well, I've learned an awful lot about his little dog Billy, but you know.
[01:46:59]  Oh, the man is so good at what he does.
[01:47:01]  I mean, he really is good.
[01:47:04]  Yeah, that's true.
[01:47:05]  He's had years and years of practice, so he ought to be good at it.
[01:47:07]  That's right.
[01:47:08]  He's just the prime example.
[01:47:09]  Thank you of West Virginia.
[01:47:11]  Oh, man, that guy is a magnet for money.
[01:47:15]  For his constituents, I'm sure they love him.
[01:47:19]  And he's a good order, orator, and a good champion of West Virginia's needs.
[01:47:28]  And they have many for being such a basically small state.
[01:47:31]  He does just very well.
[01:47:32]  He's very, very good at what he does.
[01:47:35]  Trouble is, of course, what he does costs us a lot of money.
[01:47:39]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[01:47:41]  Hello.
[01:47:42]  Is this the Art Bell?
[01:47:44]  Well, there's none other.
[01:47:45]  Oh, golly.
[01:47:47]  Well, except for my son.
[01:47:48]  Oh, well, I have one that's named after me, too.
[01:47:51]  This is the old, soul, young mind.
[01:47:53]  And there still is my dad, I should acknowledge that, too.
[01:47:56]  Yes, sir.
[01:47:56]  I got one just like that, too.
[01:47:59]  Imagine that.
[01:48:00]  Well, happy anniversary of your birth.
[01:48:03]  I just wanted to remind you that the 50 years is just the chronological order of your husks aging and has nothing to do with you, which is an eternal being.
[01:48:21]  So think of it that way.
[01:48:23]  I try to think of it that way indeed.
[01:48:25]  I understand.
[01:48:25]  That was very kind, sir.
[01:48:26]  Thank you.
[01:48:27]  Bye.
[01:48:28]  Take care.
[01:48:30]  Still, you know, I mean, there's little bumps and stuff in the road as you get older.
[01:48:36]  There are little bumps, but hopefully you acquire the wisdom as you go to deal with them with some temperance.
[01:48:44]  And I think that's what you begin to acquire as you get older, some temperance.
[01:48:48]  I will admit, when I was younger, I didn't have very much temperance, as a matter of fact.
[01:48:56]  Actually, very little temperance.
[01:48:58]  I was very intemperate, very.
[01:49:03]  I have a lack of patience.
[01:49:05]  I have a very strong drive for a lot of things, and I have a very big lack of patience with those who don't share that drive with me.
[01:49:15]  And so I'm not, you know, I tended to be a very non-tolerant person.
[01:49:21]  Not exactly a Barbara Streisand, but, you know, close.
[01:49:24]  And I think that's one of the reasons her politics aside, I always admired her.
[01:49:30]  She is such a driven, focused, and I'm sure a lot of people would say very bad-tempered kind of woman, but she knows what she wants, and she goes and she gets it.
[01:49:43]  And I'm kind of that way, too.
[01:49:46]  And when you're younger, you're not very tolerant of people who get in your way.
[01:49:50]  All right, now here is yet another birthday greeting.
[01:50:12]  I have no idea what it's going to be.
[01:50:15]  We'll see.
[01:50:17]  Happy birthday, Dad.
[01:50:18]  This is your son, Art.
[01:50:19]  Just wishing you a perfect 50th birthday.
[01:50:22]  Ah, that was nice.
[01:50:25]  That was my son.
[01:50:27]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[01:50:28]  Hi.
[01:50:29]  Happy birthday, Art.
[01:50:30]  Thank you.
[01:50:31]  I'm really glad.
[01:50:32]  You know, I've got two internet pages now.
[01:50:35]  I beg your pardon.
[01:50:36]  There's two internet pages of you out there now that you're not going to be able to do it.
[01:50:39]  Oh, two internet pages for me?
[01:50:40]  Yeah.
[01:50:41]  Really?

=== Vampires in San Antonio (07:37) ===

[01:50:42]  And, you know, since you're such a prankster and everything, I like that.
[01:50:46]  What we're going to do is to put put Prump on the map.
[01:50:49]  We're going to put a map of Prump there, the winery, and your house.
[01:50:54]  Oh, that would be just ducky.
[01:50:57]  Yeah.
[01:50:57]  So everybody will know where you live.
[01:51:00]  Well, I will hunt you down and turn you into little pieces of unrecognizable chunks.
[01:51:10]  Oh, really?
[01:51:12]  Oh.
[01:51:14]  Actually, Art.
[01:51:15]  I'm not going to do that.
[01:51:16]  Yeah, the World Wide Web.
[01:51:18]  Oh, you're talking about the World Wide Web, aren't you?
[01:51:20]  I'm not going to do that, but I thought I would put a bee on your bonnet.
[01:51:23]  Happy birthday.
[01:51:24]  I enjoy your show.
[01:51:25]  Thank you, my friends.
[01:51:26]  But I, you know, remember the threats always out there, Art.
[01:51:29]  Oh, look, there's all kinds of threats out there, sir.
[01:51:32]  And there's, like I say, all kinds of threats out there, sir.
[01:51:35]  Thank you.
[01:51:36]  Life is a threat in general.
[01:51:39]  A threat you won't make it till tomorrow or whatever.
[01:51:42]  You know, the threat is always there, sir.
[01:51:44]  Remember that.
[01:51:45]  First time caller line, you're on the air.
[01:51:48]  Hello there.
[01:51:49]  Art Bell.
[01:51:50]  Yes, that's me.
[01:51:51]  Hi, Art.
[01:51:52]  My name is Robert.
[01:51:53]  Hi, Robert.
[01:51:54]  Hi, I've been listening to your show for a very long time now.
[01:51:58]  And I was wondering, do you watch the X-Files by chance?
[01:52:02]  I have watched the X-Files many times.
[01:52:04]  Yes.
[01:52:06]  What do you think about that show?
[01:52:08]  Do you believe some of their stories are true?
[01:52:12]  Or is it just, you know, publication?
[01:52:18]  Yes.
[01:52:20]  In other words, I believe both.
[01:52:21]  I think that what they do is take things that may have some original truth to them and make them into good dramas.
[01:52:33]  Now, how much artistic license is taken in that process is for us to talk about.
[01:52:40]  I would think quite some bit.
[01:52:43]  Yeah, because I watch them quite often, me and my wife.
[01:52:47]  And some of the stories I find very hard to believe, you know, that are true.
[01:52:54]  Like we're watching one tonight about vampires.
[01:52:58]  And I don't know if you believe in vampires or not.
[01:53:03]  Oh, there are vampires.
[01:53:04]  Oh, you think so?
[01:53:05]  Oh, no, I know there are.
[01:53:07]  Oh, there are real-life vampires.
[01:53:09]  Oh, yeah, after Anne Rice's last movie, was it Ann Rice?
[01:53:14]  I think it is.
[01:53:14]  Vampire Lesta, right?
[01:53:16]  There are all kinds of people out there, guys who actually went after the girlfriends and vampired them and bit their necks and all that stuff.
[01:53:23]  That's a vampire.
[01:53:25]  Now, I read the book, Vampire Lesta.
[01:53:28]  It also may be a totally crazed, out-of-the-mind person emulating what she wrote, but there you go.
[01:53:36]  There's vampires.
[01:53:38]  All right.
[01:53:39]  Well, thanks a lot, Art.
[01:53:40]  Well, thank you.
[01:53:41]  Have a good morning.
[01:53:42]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[01:53:44]  Hi.
[01:53:44]  Art Bell?
[01:53:45]  That's me.
[01:53:46]  Art Bell, this is your loyal listener, Gilbert, down in San Antonio.
[01:53:50]  Gilbert in San Antonio, Texas.
[01:53:52]  How are you doing, sir?
[01:53:53]  Okay?
[01:53:54]  San Antonio, Texas, the home of many weeks of absolute unadulterated hell on earth for me when I joined the Air Force.
[01:54:03]  Oh.
[01:54:06]  I was coming to wish you a happy birthday, sir.
[01:54:08]  Thank you.
[01:54:09]  Thank you.
[01:54:10]  Yes, and your show has been awesome as usual.
[01:54:14]  And there's so much I want to tell you about, but real quick, they're going to show game one of the cup finals between the devils in Detroit tonight on TV.
[01:54:26]  And I just wanted to say that I have a friend, my neighbor, his birthday was Thursday, and I was just bringing him up because he went through something bad here at the park that I live by.
[01:54:37]  And I guess, well, he got shot, and he only has one lung.
[01:54:40]  I was just bringing it up because his birthday was Thursday, and yours is today, you know, and I was just bringing that up.
[01:54:46]  I just wanted to bring that up.
[01:54:47]  Well, you did.
[01:54:48]  Happy birthday to the man with one lung, is it now?
[01:54:51]  Yes.
[01:54:52]  That's a hell of a way to lose one lung having shot out from under you.
[01:54:55]  Yeah, he got shot, you know, just at random, some, you know, just at random.
[01:55:00]  He got shot, and he's there, you know, and he's a neighbor of mine.
[01:55:03]  He's a good friend of mine.
[01:55:04]  All right, my friend.
[01:55:05]  Thank you.
[01:55:06]  And thank you for the birthday wishes from Down Under.
[01:55:11]  That's not Down Under.
[01:55:12]  I'm just kidding.
[01:55:14]  Actually, San Antonio.
[01:55:16]  And I, of course, went to basic training in San Antonio, Texas.
[01:55:22]  T'was the middle of the summer, it was in San Antonio.
[01:55:25]  And I'll tell you what, the middle of the summer in San Antonio gets really, really, really hot.
[01:55:33]  And to be out doing calisthenics, which we did many, many of, in that hot Texas summer sun, well, it's hard to remember the joy of it.
[01:55:44]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[01:55:46]  Hi.
[01:55:46]  Right now?
[01:55:47]  Well, yes, now.
[01:55:48]  Oh, okay, sorry.
[01:55:50]  There is no delay.
[01:55:51]  We don't screen calls, you see, so you're just thrust on the air without warning.
[01:55:56]  Okay.
[01:55:56]  Well, happy birthday.
[01:55:57]  Thank you.
[01:55:58]  Janice in Oklahoma City?
[01:56:00]  Oh, yes.
[01:56:02]  I have a little bit of news, and I was waiting.
[01:56:05]  I mean, it's kind of tough for a long time, and I wanted to see if someone else would report it.
[01:56:08]  But this is about that suspect at KFOR.
[01:56:14]  Jaina?
[01:56:15]  Jaina.
[01:56:16]  I think her name is Jaina.
[01:56:18]  Yeah.
[01:56:18]  Well, this is about, you know, when they said they found John Doe number two.
[01:56:23]  Yes.
[01:56:23]  Well, another station here, the CBS affiliate, Tale 9, they reported tonight that this guy that they had, they interviewed him, and they completely cleared him because co-workers, supervisors, and his time cards all verified.
[01:56:44]  Yes, that he was supposedly at work, right?
[01:56:47]  Yeah.
[01:56:47]  Now, what is KFOR saying about that report?
[01:56:51]  I haven't heard anything from them yet.
[01:56:53]  It's like the battle of the TV stations there, isn't it?
[01:56:55]  Uh-huh.
[01:56:57]  Well, at least I bet you everybody in Oklahoma City is just switching back and forth like crazy between Channel 4 and Channel 9 and this channel and that channel to see who's saying what and who's knocking down whose story, who's standing by theirs.
[01:57:12]  It's the battle of the newsrooms.
[01:57:14]  The first I ever heard about that it wasn't this guy was just tonight.
[01:57:19]  So I guess I was expecting to hear more about it from your callers, but I haven't yet.
[01:57:25]  All right.
[01:57:26]  All right.
[01:57:26]  Well, thank you very much.
[01:57:27]  Yes, we are aware of it.
[01:57:28]  It's hard to comment on because it all conflicts.
[01:57:33]  Happy Over the Hill, or is it Over the Mountain Day Art from one of your old K-Med Air Force buddies back in the beginning?
[01:57:40]  Lightning Lynn.
[01:57:41]  May you have 50 more happy ones, buddy.
[01:57:43]  Thank you, Lynn.
[01:57:44]  That's Lynn Whitlake, actually, who was my partner in crime, actually.
[01:57:50]  Partner in crime is actually a good way to put it.
[01:57:54]  We had a bootleg radio station on down at Admiral Air Force Base, ran that sucker for a year before they got us.

=== Last of the Mohican XLTs (15:38) ===

[01:58:04]  Many memories and many photographs from that time, too, that I'm going to be sharing with you folks.
[01:58:09]  They're a riot.
[01:58:10]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[01:58:12]  Hello.
[01:58:13]  Oh, happy, happy birthday.
[01:58:15]  Thank you, thank you.
[01:58:16]  KOH.
[01:58:17]  Reno.
[01:58:19]  Yes.
[01:58:20]  And I'm surprised That Ross Mitchell didn't play one of his happy birthday songs.
[01:58:28]  They're really a crackup when he does on his morning show.
[01:58:33]  Oh, really?
[01:58:34]  Oh, yes.
[01:58:35]  You ought to ask him about it.
[01:58:36]  It was an awfully nice message from Ross.
[01:58:40]  Well, I want to put in a plug-in.
[01:58:42]  I got one of the last of the Mohican XLTs Utidum Bearcat, and I'll tell you what, it was one of the last of the last.
[01:58:53]  They're gone.
[01:58:53]  Yeah, I know it.
[01:58:54]  I know it.
[01:58:55]  They were only two left, so I snagged one.
[01:58:58]  Yeah, I kept telling people this was it.
[01:59:00]  You know, last of it, and lucky you.
[01:59:03]  Now, I wanted to tell you a story real quick here.
[01:59:08]  You might kind of find it either it's my type of sense of humor, and it took a long time to laugh about it.
[01:59:15]  It's a birthday story.
[01:59:16]  All right.
[01:59:17]  And my cousin, when he turned about, I guess, about eight years old, he was raised by his uncle, one of his uncles.
[01:59:26]  He asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he said a chocolate cream pie in the face.
[01:59:35]  Why would somebody say that?
[01:59:38]  I have no idea.
[01:59:41]  But he was young, and he wanted a cream pie in the face.
[01:59:46]  Maybe he was a reincarnated slapstick person or something, you know?
[01:59:50]  But he did get that.
[01:59:51]  And how his uncle did it, it's like, okay, you know, he brings his brother over, and they get, you know, go outside, do whatever they do, come back, and as they're coming back, that's when he goes, he calls his uncle Mama, and he says, Hey, Mama, where are you?
[02:00:13]  And he all of a sudden, this cream pie comes at him, and he's just laughing up a storm.
[02:00:19]  His brother is standing there absolutely horrified.
[02:00:23]  Well, you know, sense of humor.
[02:00:27]  I think people should get what they want.
[02:00:30]  And apparently, it truly is what he wanted.
[02:00:33]  And so, for whatever perverted, weird, strange, undiscernible reason.
[02:00:37]  He's a young man, a young child to want that.
[02:00:40]  I have yet to figure it out.
[02:00:43]  But it took a long time to laugh about it.
[02:00:46]  And you definitely got yours.
[02:00:47]  I'm so glad.
[02:00:48]  And I can't wait for the book.
[02:00:50]  It would take a psychologist many years and I'm sure thousands and thousands of dollars to, in the end, get some answer, which probably wouldn't be true anyway, about why he wanted that pie in the face.
[02:01:04]  But that is a good story.
[02:01:06]  Thank you.
[02:01:06]  Thank you.
[02:01:07]  And hurry up with that book.
[02:01:09]  Yeah, see, that's the trouble once you start a books like hurry up with that book, hurry up with that book.
[02:01:15]  Well, you can't hurry up with the book.
[02:01:17]  It's one of those things that has to be done.
[02:01:20]  No book before it's time, right?
[02:01:22]  I've made the decision.
[02:01:23]  I'm going to do it.
[02:01:25]  And so now I'm going to try and do it right.
[02:01:28]  And I'll tell you, it's going to be something.
[02:01:32]  It will be fun.
[02:01:33]  The trip back in time continues with Art Bell hosting Coast to Coast A.M. More Somewhere in Time coming up.
[02:01:43]  Somewhere in Time with Art Bell continues.
[02:02:13]  Courtesy of Renier Networks.
[02:02:16]  It really is a wonderful birthday.
[02:02:18]  Thank you.
[02:02:18]  From Nostra Babas of San Diego, otherwise known as Bob.
[02:02:25]  This cheery little note that he says appeared in the USA today, 6-1295.
[02:02:30]  Russian generals also confess that 30 or more warheads have vanished from their nuclear arsenals.
[02:02:39]  Hmm.
[02:02:40]  Right from the USA today, huh?
[02:02:42]  30 or more.
[02:02:44]  Now, one can only sit here and wonder.
[02:02:48]  Where do you think those 30 warheads could be?
[02:02:52]  And who do you think has them?
[02:02:53]  And what do you think they're going to do with them?
[02:02:55]  And 30 warheads seems like an awful lot of warheads.
[02:02:59]  And I've never heard that before.
[02:03:01]  But he says that Russian generals have apparently somehow or another confessed this.
[02:03:07]  Can you imagine that?
[02:03:08]  30 warheads out there, you know, who knows where.
[02:03:15]  People fondling them, thinking about them, salivating over them.
[02:03:21]  Warhead.
[02:03:21]  Nuclear warhead.
[02:03:23]  I have a nuclear warhead.
[02:03:25]  And what am I going to do with it?
[02:03:28]  Can you imagine that?
[02:03:30]  I'd rather not.
[02:03:31]  If there's anything that will cause you to not quite sleep so well, it certainly would be something like that.
[02:03:38]  You can imagine all kinds of horrible possibilities.
[02:03:41]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[02:03:43]  Hi.
[02:03:43]  Hi, Art.
[02:03:44]  It's Jacqueline from the Wine Country.
[02:03:46]  Welcome to the show.
[02:03:47]  Yes.
[02:03:48]  Happy, happy birthday.
[02:03:49]  Thank you, thank you.
[02:03:50]  Listen, do you happen to know what time you were born on your birthday?
[02:03:53]  12 a.m. or p.m. P.M. P.M.
[02:03:58]  So it really isn't.
[02:03:59]  You're not actually 50 until this afternoon.
[02:04:02]  Well, look, I'm counting it this way.
[02:04:05]  It's the 17th.
[02:04:06]  It is the day of birth.
[02:04:07]  Traditionally, we celebrate our day of birth, our day of birth, whatever time.
[02:04:12]  I mean, isn't that really true?
[02:04:13]  That is.
[02:04:14]  I understand the technicality of what you're suggesting.
[02:04:17]  Well, get away from that.
[02:04:18]  I wanted you to know something that someone told me when I turned 50.
[02:04:22]  This last year, I wasn't real happy about it either.
[02:04:25]  But actually, we have now entered the teenage years of the seniors.
[02:04:31]  So you get to think of yourself as a teenager.
[02:04:33]  In other words, in my regression.
[02:04:37]  No, 70-year-old.
[02:04:39]  They all think of you as the teenager.
[02:04:41]  You're the youngster again.
[02:04:42]  All right, I'll try and think of it that way.
[02:04:44]  Love the program.
[02:04:45]  Love the cats, the songs, and the cats.
[02:04:48]  That was unbelievable, wasn't it?
[02:04:49]  My cats came running in from the other room, wanted to know what it was.
[02:04:53]  It was hysterical.
[02:04:54]  I think you ought to add that to the bumper music.
[02:04:57]  It was hysterical.
[02:04:59]  And loved the little things your wife put together.
[02:05:02]  That was wonderful.
[02:05:03]  Oh, she really did a job.
[02:05:04]  Got to spent a couple days on all this.
[02:05:07]  Well, I can imagine.
[02:05:07]  I can imagine.
[02:05:08]  One last thing.
[02:05:09]  I mentioned this to you once before, and I don't really think you understood what I was asking for.
[02:05:14]  I think that all of your listeners would love to have a tape or CD of all your bumper music.
[02:05:21]  Now, we all love Cusco, and a lot of us have that.
[02:05:24]  But you've got other bumper music, like the lady with the camel at midnight and all of that.
[02:05:29]  And it's costing me a fortune to run around and buy all these tapes.
[02:05:32]  And if you just made one tape of your bumper music...
[02:05:35]  Well, that would be some kind of...
[02:05:37]  Let me explain on the air, thank you, why that would be some kind of undertaking.
[02:05:41]  One, because I would have to have full copies of each one, and I don't.
[02:05:47]  In many cases, I only have little pieces in parts.
[02:05:50]  Two, because you would have to consult a million different artists, and it just would be a nightmare, a quagmire.
[02:06:00]  It would be horrible.
[02:06:01]  All right, I'm told that I've got to open presents on the air.
[02:06:05]  So I'm going to do that.
[02:06:06]  Fine, that's fine.
[02:06:07]  I don't mind.
[02:06:08]  I will open some presents on the air as we're talking about this and that.
[02:06:12]  You know something?
[02:06:13]  I never could understand why people make presents.
[02:06:17]  There we go.
[02:06:18]  That you can't get the wrappings off of, or where it's really hard to get the wrappings off.
[02:06:22]  I mean, this is not a radio kind of thing.
[02:06:25]  What do I have here?
[02:06:26]  I have, oh, very, very, very funny.
[02:06:29]  Very, very humorous.
[02:06:30]  Grecian Plus.
[02:06:33]  Ha ha!
[02:06:35]  It's a easy-to-use foam Grecian Plus.
[02:06:40]  Gradually, it says restores lost color to graying hair.
[02:06:47]  Extremely, extremely humorous, whoever.
[02:06:50]  Grecian Plus.
[02:06:52]  Sheesh.
[02:06:54]  And so forth.
[02:06:55]  I'll be doing this for the rest of the evening.
[02:06:57]  On the wildcard line, you're on the air.
[02:06:58]  Hello.
[02:06:59]  Hey, Art.
[02:07:00]  How are you doing?
[02:07:01]  Well, the Grecian Plus gets to me, but otherwise I'm all right.
[02:07:04]  How you doing?
[02:07:05]  Good, good.
[02:07:05]  This is Jim from Sacramento.
[02:07:07]  Yes, Jim.
[02:07:08]  Well, you know, you're talking about the missing nuclear warheads.
[02:07:13]  30 of them, I'm told.
[02:07:15]  Yeah, well, I just wanted to ask you, where do you think the next nuclear explosion is going to be?
[02:07:21]  Or where do you think the next detonation?
[02:07:25]  Well, you mean aside from it.
[02:07:27]  You mean the next nuclear device detonated in anger.
[02:07:31]  Right.
[02:07:31]  That'd be the way to put it all.
[02:07:33]  Exactly.
[02:07:34]  The Middle East.
[02:07:36]  The Middle East?
[02:07:37]  Most likely Target Tel Aviv.
[02:07:40]  Oh, Israel.
[02:07:41]  Yep.
[02:07:42]  You wanted an answer?
[02:07:43]  There it is.
[02:07:44]  Well, I appreciate that, Art.
[02:07:45]  All right.
[02:07:46]  Have a good morning.
[02:07:47]  Yeah, I would think, you know, that if I had to guess, that's what I'd guess.
[02:07:51]  Then after that, New York City, Los Angeles, who knows?
[02:07:55]  30 bombs out there.
[02:07:58]  Geritol.
[02:08:00]  Grecian Plus and Geritol.
[02:08:02]  I've now opened two presents, and I have Grecian Plus and Geritol.
[02:08:07]  You know, luckily there's no cards with these, so I could go.
[02:08:12]  West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:08:14]  Hi.
[02:08:14]  Hello, Art, old boy.
[02:08:17]  Geritol.
[02:08:18]  Good to talk to you.
[02:08:19]  Good to talk with you, too, sir.
[02:08:21]  Calling from Tacoma, I want to tell you that age is only the number of times the Earth has spun around since you've been dancing on it.
[02:08:31]  Yeah.
[02:08:32]  Isn't that a good saying?
[02:08:34]  Made that one up myself.
[02:08:36]  Very good, sir.
[02:08:37]  I got another one for you.
[02:08:39]  Okay.
[02:08:39]  Okay.
[02:08:42]  Let me think for a second.
[02:08:43]  Okay.
[02:08:44]  See, you're getting older, too.
[02:08:45]  Ha ha ha.
[02:08:46]  Yes, I am.
[02:08:47]  It's slipping away from you, sir.
[02:08:49]  One little brain cell at a time.
[02:08:51]  And I just wrote it down tonight.
[02:08:53]  You remember that commercial?
[02:08:55]  Your brain on drugs?
[02:08:56]  That's right.
[02:08:57]  I hope I'm just disconnected and not completely disconnected.
[02:09:02]  No, sir.
[02:09:02]  It's the beginning, I can tell you.
[02:09:03]  I know the science.
[02:09:05]  Yeah, you do.
[02:09:06]  Well, I see you're having a very good birthday there.
[02:09:09]  I am.
[02:09:09]  I'm having a blast.
[02:09:10]  And you deserve it, too.
[02:09:12]  I wanted to say that principle and passion, the one that we get obsessive about, indicates how we look upon the other.
[02:09:26]  It is true.
[02:09:28]  Yeah.
[02:09:29]  Yeah, that's very true.
[02:09:30]  And I think that you are a man of great principles, and I want to wish you another happy 50, as your mother did.
[02:09:37]  Thank you.
[02:09:37]  That's very kind.
[02:09:38]  And Happy Father's Day, too, by the way.
[02:09:40]  Oh, thank you.
[02:09:40]  Yes, indeed.
[02:09:41]  It's coming up.
[02:09:42]  It's all true.
[02:09:43]  Well, I mean, I just really want to dip back into this bag old presents.
[02:09:49]  Geritol and Grecian Plus.
[02:09:51]  What an auspicious start.
[02:09:53]  Well, let's try one more.
[02:09:56]  You know, I guess the best thing to do as you get older is to treat it with humor.
[02:10:05]  Humor?
[02:10:06]  Oh, I'm going to find a person who can get these.
[02:10:09]  There we go.
[02:10:11]  Oh, now, now that's a package that's wrapped inside a package.
[02:10:15]  Why would anybody fix a dent?
[02:10:23]  Open them all on the air, huh?
[02:10:24]  We'll find out who made me do this.
[02:10:27]  First-time caller line, you're on the air.
[02:10:29]  Yeah, Art.
[02:10:29]  This is Ed Niggle Rock by way of San Jose.
[02:10:33]  All right, how are you doing?
[02:10:35]  Anyway, I want to wish you a happy birthday in the 50 Plus Club.
[02:10:38]  I've been doing it for 17 times.
[02:10:42]  I just wanted to thank you for all the interesting conversation we've had and the wonderful programming that sometimes comes out.
[02:10:50]  Well, sometimes, I mean, it's one of those shows where sometimes, I mean, you just, it's like rolling the dice in Las Vegas.
[02:11:01]  Anyhow, it's been a pleasure.
[02:11:02]  Thank you, my friend.
[02:11:03]  Take care.
[02:11:04]  That was very nice.
[02:11:05]  It's always like rolling the dice.
[02:11:07]  But see, I think that accounts for its longevity.
[02:11:09]  I don't think talk radio should be any one thing.
[02:11:12]  It really does go to my philosophy of talk radio, and I feel very strongly about that.
[02:11:20]  Well, all right, here's one with a bow on it and a rubber band.
[02:11:26]  Let's see what we got here.
[02:11:29]  Ah, a cup, a coffee cup.
[02:11:31]  Now we've got a practical gift, a coffee cup.
[02:11:34]  Now, that's a thing to give a man.
[02:11:36]  Coffee cup.
[02:11:38]  It says 50.
[02:11:40]  50 and feeling fine.
[02:11:41]  Now, see, there's a good one.
[02:11:43]  But I mean, Grecian plus Geritol and Fix it then.
[02:11:46]  Come on, people.
[02:11:47]  But this coffee cup, can you hear it?
[02:11:50]  Now, there's a gift for a man, and I might add it's a man-size coffee cup, too.
[02:11:56]  You know, when you give a cup of coffee to a man, you don't give him a little wimpy cup of coffee in a little dainty saucer.
[02:12:02]  I hate that.
[02:12:03]  You've got to have, you know, a mug.
[02:12:05]  Coffee belongs in a mug of some sort, a real man's mug, and that's what this is.
[02:12:11]  So this is a good one.
[02:12:11]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:12:15]  Hello?
[02:12:16]  Happy birthday, Art Bell.
[02:12:18]  Thank you.
[02:12:19]  This has been a great day for both of us.
[02:12:21]  I've been listening to you for years, and I've been calling you from Mexico, Pedro Caneo, Keno Bay, Mexico, in Billings, Montana.
[02:12:30]  You call me from Mexico?
[02:12:31]  Yep.
[02:12:32]  All day.
[02:12:35]  Nobody knew who you were yet.
[02:12:36]  You came on after Harvey on KDWN, and I used to sit in my pickup and listen to you on our fishing village down there at Keno Bay.
[02:12:45]  Wow.
[02:12:46]  And I told you that one time, and I wrote you a letter one time.
[02:12:49]  So, happy birthday.
[02:12:51]  I can't sleep at night.
[02:12:52]  I'm up every hour and a half to the bathroom, and I'm a good old man now.
[02:12:55]  Well, I depend on people like you, sir.
[02:12:57]  Well, sir, you give me a lump in the throat to think about it.
[02:13:02]  We have a saying, sir, in all-night radio.
[02:13:05]  Yes, sir.
[02:13:05]  Weak bladders make great all-night listeners.
[02:13:10]  It only tell you one day at a time, buddy, and you'll be there, too.
[02:13:13]  That's it, but you got it.
[02:13:16]  That's right there.
[02:13:17]  Well, sir.
[02:13:17]  They're coming faster and faster.
[02:13:19]  Yes, sir.
[02:13:19]  Now I'm calling you on these 800 lines from Billings, Montana.
[02:13:23]  Billings, my home since 1938, and I'm happy to talk to you.
[02:13:27]  Thank you, my friend.

=== Middle of the Night Call (12:41) ===

[02:13:28]  Billings, Montana.
[02:13:30]  That's a long time ago.
[02:13:32]  That's right.
[02:13:33]  It's where it all began for this program a decade ago.
[02:13:37]  We're about a decade now at KDWN Las Vegas.
[02:13:41]  That's where it all began.
[02:13:44]  There will be many stories in the book about KDWN Las Vegas.
[02:13:49]  Oh, there'll be some stories.
[02:13:51]  Now, here we have another one.
[02:13:53]  This is all wrapped in blue paper, and they put it together with this tape, you know, that's not come off.
[02:13:58]  And this is absolutely unbelievable stuff.
[02:14:02]  I didn't even know they could make it.
[02:14:04]  Oh, now, this is just gone too far.
[02:14:08]  This has gone too far.
[02:14:12]  This is in Poor taste.
[02:14:16]  I'm not going to tell you what this is, but it goes with the fix-it in the geritol and the Grecian plus.
[02:14:27]  God, perverted senses of humor out there.
[02:14:30]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:14:32]  Hello.
[02:14:33]  Oh, hello, Art.
[02:14:33]  And happy birthday from your Houston audience, even though you're not on the air here right now.
[02:14:38]  This is Karen in Houston, 740 KTRH.
[02:14:40]  How are you doing?
[02:14:41]  Oh, very well.
[02:14:42]  You're holding up well?
[02:14:44]  Oh, yes.
[02:14:44]  This too shall pass.
[02:14:46]  Yeah, I'm sure it will.
[02:14:48]  Right, and I know this is a big one for you and for Mona, and she's right there with you on this one, I can tell.
[02:14:54]  You're right.
[02:14:54]  And that's wonderful.
[02:14:57]  What you were talking about earlier about the flag situation, I agree with what you're saying.
[02:15:02]  And when it comes to a message, you know, flag burning and the message and whatever it may convey, I have a thought on that.
[02:15:09]  There's a message also in these flags that are hanging tattered on the polls that are sun-bleached and kind of ragged and just are there.
[02:15:17]  I kind of pick up on a different message there.
[02:15:20]  And it's not a good thing, but you see a lot of that too.
[02:15:24]  Neglect of our flags is just as much, you know, the wrong thing.
[02:15:29]  That's exactly right.
[02:15:31]  And but I tell you what, just within the week, driving past one public building, I saw a gentleman who in our age group, I'll put it that way, an older gentleman who was holding one of the flags that's folded in a triangle shape.
[02:15:46]  Yes.
[02:15:47]  Like they do.
[02:15:47]  And he was at the flagpole, and he was just starting to very meticulously put it on the poll and string it up and all of this.
[02:15:57]  And he was very patient with it and working real hard at it, and he did it right.
[02:16:01]  And my heart went out because the flag was in good shape.
[02:16:04]  And he just, you know, seemed very concerned that he did this job right.
[02:16:10]  You're dead on.
[02:16:11]  And let me tell you all that, again, I don't, there's not a lack of support from me for the flag-burning amendment.
[02:16:20]  I just think, and this lady's story really exemplifies why I say what I'm saying.
[02:16:25]  I don't think we need it.
[02:16:27]  There are things to concentrate on.
[02:16:29]  There will always be nerds who will burn the flag.
[02:16:33]  But, you know, the American people aren't going to tolerate that.
[02:16:37]  This is one of those situations that honestly will take care of itself.
[02:16:41]  I mean, there are a lot of Americans out there that, believe me, if they see some jerk burning our flag to insult our country, believe me, fists will meet noses and the situation will take care of itself.
[02:16:57]  And frankly, if it's come to the point where we need a special law to protect the flag and the people won't do it anymore, then I'm not sure what it means anymore anyway, if you follow me.
[02:17:09]  We'll be right back.
[02:17:29]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:17:31]  Hi.
[02:17:32]  Yeah, this is Kevin from Oklahoma City.
[02:17:34]  Hello, Kevin.
[02:17:36]  How are you doing?
[02:17:37]  Well, I'm doing fine.
[02:17:39]  Well, happy birthday.
[02:17:40]  I'm almost, thank you.
[02:17:41]  I'm almost wishing I was in Oklahoma City so I could tune into all your local TV newscasts and watch it all.
[02:17:46]  Well, there are a lot of conflicting things, aren't there?
[02:17:48]  Yeah.
[02:17:50]  The other day when I called in and you had that mic on there, at the beginning of the broadcast, he said that he wanted to denounce anything said about McVay or the other guy speaking any languages.
[02:18:01]  And then he turned right around and I caught him when I sat there and said, I had witnessed it on a newscast here.
[02:18:08]  And then he goes, oh, oh, oh, I forgot about that.
[02:18:11]  But he didn't.
[02:18:11]  Yeah, but he didn't say McVay was doing the speaking.
[02:18:14]  It was what we then identified as John Doe number three in some way.
[02:18:18]  He said that the only thing that was said was that a person heard him speak, John Doe number two, speaking in an accent.
[02:18:26]  And that's correct.
[02:18:27]  That's what he said.
[02:18:29]  But then again, later on, he said when I said something about them speaking another language, he goes, oh, oh, oh.
[02:18:34]  And then he changes his story.
[02:18:37]  No, I didn't.
[02:18:38]  Thanks for the call, but I didn't think he changed his story at all.
[02:18:42]  I think that they said they thought he spoke with an accent, not necessarily a Middle Eastern is what I remember him saying, but an accent.
[02:18:51]  And then John Doe number three and somebody else speaking in what seemed to be Arabic.
[02:18:56]  At least that's my recollection of it.
[02:18:59]  On the wildcard line, you're on the air.
[02:19:01]  Hi.
[02:19:02]  Good morning, Art.
[02:19:03]  Good morning.
[02:19:04]  Where are you?
[02:19:05]  KPNW, Eugene, Oregon.
[02:19:07]  All right.
[02:19:07]  Get good and close to your phone now, honest.
[02:19:09]  Okay, happy birthday.
[02:19:10]  Thank you.
[02:19:11]  And happy Father's Day.
[02:19:13]  That's right, huh?
[02:19:14]  Yeah, close, huh?
[02:19:15]  Close.
[02:19:16]  I was actually born on Sunday, June 17th, 1945, Father's Day.
[02:19:22]  Really?
[02:19:23]  Yes.
[02:19:23]  Well, that makes it special then.
[02:19:26]  Especially for your mom, I suppose.
[02:19:28]  I suppose.
[02:19:30]  Anyway, I just wanted to say that I've been listening to you for about three years and learn a little at a time about you, and I think you should be really proud of your life.
[02:19:43]  You've got to experience so many things.
[02:19:47]  It's true.
[02:19:49]  You ran a pirate radio station in my hometown.
[02:19:52]  Amarilla.
[02:19:53]  Uh-huh.
[02:19:54]  And you visited other countries and lived on islands, and you've even seen a UFO.
[02:20:01]  And I just wanted to tell you that I feel that I really feel that God put you where you are because you're so good at it.
[02:20:09]  You're so good at reaching out to people with ideas and conversation.
[02:20:14]  And I just wanted to let you know that Oregon appreciates you a lot.
[02:20:19]  Thank you.
[02:20:20]  Thank you so very much.
[02:20:21]  I mean, that's very heartfelt, and I don't know that I'm deserving of it, but thank you.
[02:20:26]  Look, if I do have any ability, natural ability to do this, you know, for this job, then that's good.
[02:20:37]  And it may be true because I really love, truly love what I do.
[02:20:42]  And so maybe that is so.
[02:20:45]  I don't guess I regard it as the great gift.
[02:20:48]  It's just sort of what I do, you know.
[02:20:50]  But then again, I live with it all the time.
[02:20:52]  I'm sure that in a way, it is a great gift, the gift to be able to communicate.
[02:20:57]  Some have it on paper.
[02:21:00]  Some have it with their voice.
[02:21:03]  And maybe that's my gift.
[02:21:05]  Voice.
[02:21:08]  No, it's not television.
[02:21:09]  I hate television.
[02:21:10]  I'm not even sure about the book thing.
[02:21:12]  You know, we'll see.
[02:21:12]  We'll see how it turns out.
[02:21:14]  We'll see if the communication skills can be translated to paper.
[02:21:19]  Or maybe not.
[02:21:20]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:21:23]  Hi, Art.
[02:21:23]  Happy birthday from Sufon, South Dakota.
[02:21:25]  Thank you, thank you.
[02:21:26]  I just wanted to tell you, my cat loved the cat singing.
[02:21:29]  It's the first time she's ever paid any attention to your show.
[02:21:32]  Oh, really?
[02:21:33]  Yeah, usually she just lays here and listens, but doesn't get too excited.
[02:21:36]  But when they came on, you know, that's kind of well, then I'm going to start paying it.
[02:21:40]  You're not the first person to say this, and so I'm going to get the cats, and I'm going to use the cats from time to time.
[02:21:48]  My cat will jump up and run around and start yelling again.
[02:21:52]  You know, it must have taken somebody a zillion years to put all those cat meows together into a semi-tuneful presentation.
[02:22:00]  Oh, that was cute.
[02:22:02]  Incredible.
[02:22:03]  I mean, that's really hard.
[02:22:05]  Yeah.
[02:22:05]  I know.
[02:22:06]  I know a little bit about editing and such, and that must have been a nightmare.
[02:22:10]  Well, I just wanted to wish you happy birthday, and I'm glad you're writing the book, and I'm looking forward to it.
[02:22:15]  Well, you're a sweetheart.
[02:22:16]  Thank you.
[02:22:16]  Okay, bye-bye.
[02:22:17]  Bye-bye.
[02:22:19]  The book.
[02:22:20]  The book, the book, the book.
[02:22:23]  What a project.
[02:22:25]  Well, that's me.
[02:22:26]  In life, I need a project.
[02:22:28]  I've always needed one, and now I've got a real beauty.
[02:22:31]  We'll be right back.
[02:22:32]  This is Premier Networks.
[02:22:34]  That was Art Bell hosting Coast to Coast AM on this Somewhere in Time.
[02:23:07]  Listening to Art Bell, Somewhere in Time.
[02:23:11]  Tonight, featuring Coast to Coast AM from June 16th, 1995.
[02:23:17]  There is, you may have heard the big greeting the network did, which totally freaked me out.
[02:23:22]  I had no idea there were that many people behind the scenes of this program and network.
[02:23:29]  And there are.
[02:23:30]  There's a lot of people.
[02:23:32]  I mean, a lot of people.
[02:23:33]  It's just absolutely incredible.
[02:23:34]  And that gives you some idea to hear it how many there are.
[02:23:38]  But there was one left out.
[02:23:41]  One left out.
[02:23:42]  Why?
[02:23:43]  For the same reason that people who work all night always get left out because he was asleep when they did it.
[02:23:51]  And here he is.
[02:23:52]  He is the person now in Oregon operating all the switches and dials and probably like a one-armed paper hanger up there, I bet, busy.
[02:24:02]  And tell them who you are.
[02:24:04]  This is AJ.
[02:24:05]  AJ, and AJ, what is your job?
[02:24:08]  I'm the board off here at CBC.
[02:24:10]  At CBC.
[02:24:11]  So in other words, what you do is you take what I send you, you add tones, you add commercials at the breaks, you do all kinds of things for the stations that get the program out there, right?
[02:24:24]  That's right.
[02:24:25]  In a nutshell?
[02:24:27]  That's just how it is.
[02:24:29]  And you were dead asleep when they did the big production that I played just after one o'clock.
[02:24:33]  That's right.
[02:24:34]  They called me in the middle of the night.
[02:24:36]  Well, middle of the night for me, and I fell right back asleep.
[02:24:39]  Wait, wait a minute.
[02:24:40]  Wait a minute.
[02:24:41]  They called you in the middle of the night?
[02:24:43]  They called me when I was asleep.
[02:24:45]  Ha!
[02:24:47]  And you probably said something like, happy birthday, Art.
[02:24:51]  That's right.
[02:24:55]  And so this is your chance then.
[02:24:57]  Yep, this is my chance.
[02:24:58]  Happy birthday, Art.
[02:25:00]  Hope you enjoy another 50.
[02:25:02]  You weren't the one who sent the Grecian Plus.
[02:25:04]  Nope.
[02:25:05]  The Geritol?
[02:25:06]  Nope.
[02:25:06]  The Fixo Dent?
[02:25:08]  Nope.
[02:25:09]  Okay, well, listen, I really want to thank you.
[02:25:12]  It took me about two and a half hours to get through.
[02:25:15]  Really?
[02:25:15]  Yeah.
[02:25:16]  And that's with three phones.
[02:25:18]  With three phones?
[02:25:19]  Oh, my.
[02:25:20]  Well, listen, my friend, for all you do, as they say, this one's for you.
[02:25:26]  I am now filled a little glass with wine, and I'm going to be enjoying it between now and when I get off.
[02:25:33]  Well, have fun.
[02:25:34]  Here's to you and everybody else at the network.
[02:25:36]  It's been great.
[02:25:37]  Thanks, Art.
[02:25:38]  Thank you, sir.
[02:25:39]  Bye-bye.
[02:25:40]  That's AJ.
[02:25:42]  And he's the only one that was not heard from on the tape for the very reason that many of us who work these hours in previous times have been ignored, even overlooked.
[02:25:53]  Because we work these hours while the rest of the world runs around like little chickens with their heads off.

=== Salt Lake City Black Helicopter Story (02:56) ===

[02:25:58]  We get to be up here in these quiet, thoughtful, intellectual hours doing serious work.
[02:26:06]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[02:26:07]  Hello.
[02:26:08]  Happy birthday, Art.
[02:26:10]  Thank you.
[02:26:10]  Have I got a black helicopter story for you?
[02:26:14]  Oh, my God, it's just terrible.
[02:26:16]  Well, it can't be.
[02:26:17]  We all heard the black helicopter pilot who was on last hour who told the unblemished absolute truth about black helicopters.
[02:26:25]  Oh, this one's just terrible.
[02:26:27]  It involves all kinds of black helicopters.
[02:26:29]  There must be it.
[02:26:31]  Did you not believe that, man?
[02:26:33]  Yes, I did.
[02:26:34]  You did.
[02:26:36]  Let me tell you this story, though.
[02:26:38]  All right, let's hear it.
[02:26:38]  This elementary school burned down?
[02:26:41]  Yes.
[02:26:42]  And a whole squadron of these black helicopters?
[02:26:45]  Yes.
[02:26:46]  Well, they gave their armory to this school, to these schoolchildren, so they could go to school.
[02:26:56]  And they went off and practiced out in the Nevada desert in the western Utah desert so these kids could have a place to go to school.
[02:27:06]  I have no idea what you're talking about.
[02:27:08]  I'm calling from Salt Lake City.
[02:27:10]  Yes.
[02:27:10]  In our country.
[02:27:11]  I understand that.
[02:27:13]  But I don't understand what you mean by they gave their armory.
[02:27:15]  What do you mean they gave their armory?
[02:27:17]  Well, it's a National Guard helicopter unit here.
[02:27:20]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:27:21]  And, well, we had an elementary school burned down.
[02:27:24]  Oh, and so they donated the armory.
[02:27:28]  It's to be used as a school.
[02:27:29]  Oh, see, there you are.
[02:27:32]  You're really backing up the pilot.
[02:27:34]  Yes, sir.
[02:27:36]  That's what I told you.
[02:27:37]  There was a whole squadron.
[02:27:38]  There were all different types of these black helicopters.
[02:27:41]  See, Americans really need to relax out on this one.
[02:27:44]  Chill out a little bit.
[02:27:45]  This is getting ridiculous.
[02:27:46]  Yes, sir, they do.
[02:27:48]  I really appreciate your call.
[02:27:49]  That's from Salt Lake City, home of the Olympics, the Winter Olympics in 2002.
[02:27:56]  Very controversial.
[02:27:58]  There are people up, I hear, up in Salt Lake City signing petitions not wanting the Olympics, wanting to stop it.
[02:28:07]  Do you know why?
[02:28:10]  Because they feel it will change the very nature of Salt Lake City.
[02:28:15]  That more Californians, weird Californians with big money, will move in, boost up the rate of real estate, generally ruin the neighborhood, and generally ruin Utah.
[02:28:31]  And so there's a movement up there, I understand, that wants to stop the Olympics based on the fact that it'll bring unwanted growth.

=== Wouldn't Want To Be President (04:25) ===

[02:28:41]  We'll talk to him, I'm sure.
[02:28:43]  West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:28:44]  Hi.
[02:28:45]  Why, hello, Art, and happy birthday to you.
[02:28:48]  Thank you.
[02:28:49]  I remember when I was 50 also.
[02:28:51]  Well, that you can remember it is good.
[02:28:55]  Yes, I was born in 1938.
[02:28:57]  Uh-huh.
[02:28:58]  And just a thought for your audience: how about voting for Art Bell for President of the United States?
[02:29:06]  Well, that'd be a waste.
[02:29:07]  I don't think it would.
[02:29:08]  It would, too.
[02:29:09]  I think we have a very nice man to do it.
[02:29:13]  Well, it'd be a waste because I wouldn't want to be president.
[02:29:18]  You wouldn't?
[02:29:19]  No.
[02:29:20]  I really wouldn't.
[02:29:22]  Well.
[02:29:22]  Now, now, if you want to make me dictator, we might talk.
[02:29:29]  Even that would be good nowadays.
[02:29:32]  Just kidding, of course.
[02:29:33]  All right, sir, thank you.
[02:29:34]  No, I really wouldn't want to be president.
[02:29:38]  I really wouldn't.
[02:29:39]  And you know, I can actually say that honestly.
[02:29:41]  Maybe I'm one person.
[02:29:42]  I really do love what I do.
[02:29:45]  I wouldn't trade it.
[02:29:46]  I don't want to be a politician.
[02:29:48]  I frequently wonder if they're going to get Rush to run.
[02:29:51]  And I'm sure that Rush has considered it.
[02:29:54]  Rush is a politician.
[02:29:55]  I mean, the guy is pretty purely into politics.
[02:29:59]  And if there would be a talk show host that would run and could be successful, I think it might be Rush.
[02:30:07]  And he might be suited.
[02:30:09]  He'd make a hell of a boy, can you imagine?
[02:30:11]  Now, there'd be somebody who could give Mr. Clinton a run for his money plus.
[02:30:18]  So, Rush concentrates nearly entirely on the world of politics.
[02:30:23]  And he's had so much to say about Mr. Clinton over the years that maybe he'd be ideal.
[02:30:30]  I have to admit, be the battle of the century.
[02:30:33]  After all, Mr. Clinton is a good campaigner.
[02:30:36]  He's got the gift of gab, and so does Rush.
[02:30:41]  That'd be some contest, eh?
[02:30:43]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[02:30:45]  Hi.
[02:30:45]  Hello, Art.
[02:30:46]  How are you doing?
[02:30:47]  Very well.
[02:30:47]  This is Mike in San Diego.
[02:30:49]  Yes, Mike.
[02:30:50]  And you don't sound too rusty.
[02:30:52]  Well, from your trip, that is.
[02:30:54]  Well, you know what?
[02:30:56]  It was really strange.
[02:30:57]  I thought I was going to be.
[02:30:59]  But I got back from the trip and I sat down here and it was like I never left.
[02:31:03]  I mean, I really didn't, while I was gone, get rusty.
[02:31:05]  It was really weird.
[02:31:08]  It's happened before.
[02:31:08]  I've been rusty before.
[02:31:11]  And you're not supposed to be better oiled as you get older.
[02:31:14]  Yeah, that's true.
[02:31:15]  I guess it's kind of like riding a bicycle.
[02:31:16]  You know, you never really forget.
[02:31:18]  No, but a lot of times after you haven't done it for a while, you wobble around a lot before you get it back.
[02:31:23]  Yeah.
[02:31:25]  Very, very true.
[02:31:26]  Hey, Art, I was just listening to what you were saying about Rush Limbaugh.
[02:31:30]  Yes.
[02:31:30]  And, you know, I really think that just the very surge of his popularity would really sweep him in.
[02:31:36]  I mean, without a doubt.
[02:31:37]  I mean, he really would be good.
[02:31:39]  I think more than just his popularity.
[02:31:42]  Naturally, those who are fans would probably vote for him.
[02:31:46]  But Rush has the strength of his convictions.
[02:31:50]  He articulates them well.
[02:31:52]  He'd be a hell of a campaigner.
[02:31:53]  He'd be just the guy to go after Clinton.
[02:31:57]  But he may be exactly like I am in the long run.
[02:31:59]  I don't know.
[02:32:01]  He's pretty much purely a political animal.
[02:32:03]  Well, that's true.
[02:32:04]  It'd be almost like Mr. Smith goes to Washington with that old Jimmy Stewart movie.
[02:32:08]  Right, so in his own way, Rush is a policy wonk on the right as much as Mr. Clinton is wonking on the left.
[02:32:16]  Make for a hell of a fight.
[02:32:18]  Oh, it'd be worth the price of admission.
[02:32:21]  Probably even better than Newt Gingrich.
[02:32:24]  That was on the tip of my tongue.
[02:32:27]  Wonderful, sir.
[02:32:28]  Thank you.
[02:32:28]  Hey, it's good to talk to you, Art.
[02:32:29]  You take care.
[02:32:30]  will be right there is one more thing that i find absolutely irresistible not to repeat uh...

=== Midnight at the Oasis (11:11) ===

[02:32:55]  Those of you who know me know I'm a desert rap.
[02:32:58]  I like the desert.
[02:33:00]  No, I love the desert.
[02:33:01]  The song that I've been using to represent the desert, generally I play it, you know, on Saturday mornings, just about now, or near now, is that Maria Moldauer song.
[02:33:12]  And you know the one I'm talking about, about the desert, midnight at the oasis, and all that.
[02:33:18]  This is Maria Moldauer.
[02:33:21]  Midnight at the Oasis.
[02:33:25]  Sing your camel to me.
[02:33:27]  You know I like that, right?
[02:33:29]  Well, somehow, I don't know how, my ingenious woman of a wife, wife of a woman, got hold of Maria Muldauer.
[02:33:42]  And Maria Muldauer sang happy birthday to me.
[02:33:47]  I couldn't believe it.
[02:33:48]  I was so honored.
[02:33:50]  Here she is.
[02:33:52]  This is Maria Muldauer.
[02:33:53]  Check it out.
[02:33:55]  Happy birthday to you.
[02:33:58]  Happy birthday to you.
[02:34:02]  Happy 50th birthday to you, Art.
[02:34:09]  Happy birthday to you and many more.
[02:34:17]  All right, this is Maria Muldauer calling you from the Oasis, wishing you the happiest 50th birthday.
[02:34:26]  Meet me at midnight.
[02:34:35]  Wasn't that cool?
[02:34:37]  I thought that was very cool.
[02:34:39]  Meet me at midnight.
[02:34:42]  Maria Moldauer has a new album, and so I'm going to plug it for her.
[02:34:45]  It's called Meet Me at Midnight.
[02:34:51]  And it's rhythm and blues in Memphis, that kind of sound.
[02:34:56]  She's very excited.
[02:34:57]  And Maria, thank you.
[02:35:00]  You know, you just really made it for me, and so did my wife, who found you.
[02:35:06]  What a wonderful birthday present.
[02:35:08]  Unbelievable.
[02:35:09]  Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[02:35:11]  I know your dad is a song.
[02:35:14]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:35:17]  Good morning.
[02:35:19]  Hello.
[02:35:19]  Oh, no.
[02:35:21]  Wrong line.
[02:35:22]  Let's try it here.
[02:35:23]  Are you there?
[02:35:23]  Yes.
[02:35:24]  Oh, good.
[02:35:25]  East of the Rockies.
[02:35:26]  How you doing?
[02:35:27]  Cheyenne, Wyoming.
[02:35:28]  Yeah, fine.
[02:35:29]  And John and Tom and I and everybody else here in Cary Lane wants to wish you a happy birthday.
[02:35:34]  And many more.
[02:35:34]  Thanks.
[02:35:35]  We hope this is your best year yet.
[02:35:37]  Well, it sure feels like it.
[02:35:39]  You know, you get a feeling about things, and this is going to be a good year.
[02:35:45]  Now, I'm not sure that means that it's going to be good for the nation, but it feels like it's going to be a good talk radio year.
[02:35:53]  That may not be a good thing for the country.
[02:35:55]  I don't know.
[02:35:57]  I appreciate your call, my friend, and it sure is good being on in Cheyenne.
[02:36:01]  Well, we're glad you're here.
[02:36:03]  You take care.
[02:36:04]  Thanks, you too.
[02:36:05]  Good night.
[02:36:06]  I wonder about that sometimes.
[02:36:09]  It may well be that a good year for talk radio, or maybe for me personally, won't involve necessarily bad news, but a lot of times I do think that good talk, talk radio means bad news.
[02:36:24]  It's not a universal truth, but it's a partial truth.
[02:36:28]  And when there is division and there is controversy, it feeds talk radio.
[02:36:33]  Obviously, it feeds on it.
[02:36:36]  And so it is going to be a good year.
[02:36:39]  And I hope that doesn't mean that it's going to be a bad year from a difficult sense for America as a nation.
[02:36:48]  First time caller line, you're on the air.
[02:36:50]  Hi.
[02:36:51]  Good morning, Art.
[02:36:52]  This is Lola from Sarasota, Florida.
[02:36:54]  Hi, Lola.
[02:36:56]  I just want to wish you a happy birthday.
[02:36:58]  Thank you.
[02:36:59]  And I want to tell you that you've changed our whole way of life.
[02:37:02]  Oh, my.
[02:37:03]  No matter what time we go to bed, I automatically wake up at 2 a.m.
[02:37:07]  You're on from 2 to 7 here.
[02:37:09]  2 to 7.
[02:37:10]  Yes.
[02:37:12]  I love being on to 7 in the morning.
[02:37:14]  I mean, that's during the week, for example, when people are beginning to get up and they're in the shower, and we're almost a morning show there.
[02:37:20]  Right, right.
[02:37:22]  All night, all morning.
[02:37:23]  Yeah, that's neat.
[02:37:24]  Are you ever going to come to this area?
[02:37:27]  Well, you know what I'm going to do?
[02:37:28]  One of these days, I'm going to talk WKXY into inviting me out there.
[02:37:34]  Good.
[02:37:34]  And I'm going to come do the show from there, and I'm going to visit my dad at the same time, 10 miles away.
[02:37:40]  In Bradenton.
[02:37:41]  You've got it.
[02:37:42]  Well, that's great.
[02:37:43]  My dad has now completed his move and lives in Bradenton.
[02:37:47]  Good.
[02:37:48]  Well, that's not far from us.
[02:37:49]  So hunt him down and tell him you're a listener.
[02:37:52]  I sure will.
[02:37:54]  Oh, and another thing on your birthday talking about being 5-0.
[02:37:57]  Yes, yes, yes.
[02:37:58]  If you were a lizard, you'd be a watch band.
[02:38:01]  Thanks.
[02:38:02]  You're welcome.
[02:38:03]  See you later.
[02:38:05]  Wild card line, you're on the air.
[02:38:07]  Hello.
[02:38:07]  Hey, Art.
[02:38:08]  Hey.
[02:38:08]  How are you doing, buddy?
[02:38:09]  Very well, thank you.
[02:38:10]  You know who this is?
[02:38:12]  Not yet.
[02:38:12]  It's the old hound dog.
[02:38:14]  The old hound dog.
[02:38:15]  From Portland, KEX style.
[02:38:17]  You have a hounddog-ish sound to you, sir, so that fits.
[02:38:21]  Well, hey, how are you holding up anyway?
[02:38:23]  Oh, was that trip to Hong Kong?
[02:38:25]  Oh, just the trip of a lifetime.
[02:38:28]  You know what, though?
[02:38:29]  I tried calling in a few times before.
[02:38:31]  I wanted to give you the old hound dog greeting back to the US of A.
[02:38:37]  And here we go, all right?
[02:38:38]  All right, let's hear it.
[02:38:41]  Oh, my God.
[02:38:43]  Thank you.
[02:38:45]  That was not only excellent, that was a little chilling.
[02:38:48]  You know, that really did sound like a hound dog.
[02:38:51]  Now, when you listen to that man's voice, maybe it's true that people look the way they sound.
[02:38:58]  You could almost picture a sort of a human hounddog kind of face, couldn't you?
[02:39:03]  And the sound definitely completed the image.
[02:39:08]  Fascinating.
[02:39:09]  Wildcard line, you're on the air.
[02:39:11]  Hello.
[02:39:12]  Hello, Art.
[02:39:13]  I wanted to call and wish you happy birthdays.
[02:39:15]  This is Jeff from New Climate Falls, Oregon.
[02:39:17]  I'm listening to the mighty 1190 KEX Portland.
[02:39:20]  Oh, I'll tell you, it is a mighty one, too.
[02:39:22]  KEX is a big station.
[02:39:25]  Yes, it is.
[02:39:26]  Regarding the militia, there's hearings in Congress right now.
[02:39:29]  That's right.
[02:39:29]  Yeah, I think the government, the country, is safer from government tyranny and foreign invasion with the militia, contrary to some judgmental, egotistical hypocrites who say different.
[02:39:43]  Well, that would be the basis of a whole show, whether or not America is better off with the militias, and maybe we'll pick up on exactly that theme next week.
[02:39:52]  That would make a good program.
[02:39:55]  Whether they really are better, more positive, or more negative with regard to America's future.
[02:40:01]  Did you see the hearings?
[02:40:03]  No, I didn't, but I do know that they're not breaking any laws, and what I'm saying is based on that principle.
[02:40:08]  All right, sir.
[02:40:09]  Thank you.
[02:40:10]  You really need to get a copy of the hearings and see them.
[02:40:13]  I mean, you really need to do that.
[02:40:16]  If you're at all curious about the militias, please try and get some videotaped and take a look.
[02:40:23]  East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:40:24]  Hi.
[02:40:25]  Yeah, Art, this is Bob from Tuscaloosa.
[02:40:27]  Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
[02:40:29]  Yo, Bob.
[02:40:30]  Don't you think this is a nice time, especially since you're just having a birthday?
[02:40:37]  Do all of us say the Pledge of Allegiance if we can say it in good faith?
[02:40:44]  Well, I think everybody who can say it ought to go right ahead and say it, you betcha.
[02:40:50]  Absolutely.
[02:40:54]  And I know a lot of people out there remember it well.
[02:41:01]  Because, see, there was a day when you used to say it in school every morning.
[02:41:04]  Remember that?
[02:41:05]  West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
[02:41:08]  Hey, Art.
[02:41:09]  Hey, sir.
[02:41:10]  Hey, happy birthday, man.
[02:41:11]  Thank you.
[02:41:12]  Hey, I come from Texas, and I'm staying in Eugene, Oregon right now with some friends of mine.
[02:41:16]  Hearing us on KPNW.
[02:41:19]  On KPNW?
[02:41:20]  That's right.
[02:41:21]  I've caught you on some station in Texas.
[02:41:23]  I work on a ranch out there.
[02:41:25]  Well, we're in a lot of stations now in Texas.
[02:41:27]  Really?
[02:41:27]  Not a lot, yes.
[02:41:28]  Yeah, I heard about you talking about the nuclear missiles.
[02:41:31]  The people had the nuclear missiles.
[02:41:33]  Warheads, sir.
[02:41:33]  Warheads.
[02:41:34]  Oh, warheads.
[02:41:35]  Oh, and they don't have whole missiles, just warheads.
[02:41:37]  Well, yeah, but the warhead is a bad part of the missile.
[02:41:39]  Well, yeah, I realize it's business end, you know.
[02:41:43]  I got you.
[02:41:44]  Well, you know, I mean, I've worked with a lot of people in the ranch and stuff, and they've like 80% of the pornography that comes in America comes out of San Francisco.
[02:41:54]  And I figure if there's any place that deserves a nuclear warhead, I mean, it's San Francisco.
[02:42:00]  I mean, I like the Northwest and everything.
[02:42:02]  I like the trees and all.
[02:42:03]  Now, you know, I'm on the air in San Francisco.
[02:42:07]  Well, I mean, I mean, I really am.
[02:42:09]  I'm on the air in San Francisco, and you're talking about them deserving it to be blown.
[02:42:15]  Yeah, the people.
[02:42:17]  Talk about the people, too.
[02:42:18]  I mean, that's really not a nice thing to say.
[02:42:20]  Well, I know, but I mean.
[02:42:21]  I mean, I think of the tiny, tiny percentage of people in San Francisco that would be involved in anything like that.
[02:42:28]  And a nuclear bomb would destroy millions, sir.
[02:42:33]  Oh, I know, but you know, I mean.
[02:42:35]  I mean, so take it back.
[02:42:36]  I can't.
[02:42:37]  I, you know, I'm a card-carrying militia member.
[02:42:41]  Oh, God, we're in trouble.
[02:42:45]  Happy 50th.
[02:42:48]  God.
[02:42:50]  Well, all right, that's it.
[02:42:51]  I'm 50.
[02:42:52]  I don't want to hear another damn word about it.
[02:42:54]  It has been a wonderful birthday.
[02:42:56]  I want to thank everybody at the network, everybody who has anything to do with the program, and as you heard earlier, if you were listening, they are a legion.
[02:43:04]  They're really, there's a whole bunch of people who make all of this possible.
[02:43:08]  And they sent me the birthday present of a lifetime.
[02:43:11]  I love my laptop.
[02:43:12]  Thank you.
[02:43:13]  And to my mom, my dad, Lynn, just everybody, Maria Muldauer, everybody who sent greetings, thank you.
[02:43:24]  Even those perverted individuals who sent the Gration Plus Geritol and Fixident.
[02:43:31]  There was some sort of decent thought behind it, I suppose.
[02:43:35]  Well, that'll be it.
[02:43:36]  I must go.
[02:43:37]  Clock says I've got to go.
[02:43:38]  Sunday with Dreamland, the human-reptilian connection.
[02:43:44]  You definitely don't want to miss that.
[02:43:46]  And we'll be back with a regular syndicated show Monday night, Tuesday morning.
[02:43:51]  And by then, with the pace of world events, anything could happen.
[02:43:56]  And generally does.